I feel like infj crushes are primarily a result of intense lonliness. Whenever someone does connect with an infj in a semi-deep way it unleashes a lifetime of lonliness into the potential realm of feeling understood, seen, and heard....which infj's are starving for. I feel a significant amount if compassion for infj's, as their personality is very difficult to comprehend for the vast majority of people, so authentic connections are very rare for them. It's understandable that they would desire some camaraderie.
It is because of curiosity. More than being accepted or feeling lonely, the INFJ is driven by curiosity. It fascinates us; it is like a drug...and if it is someone we find attractive, this is even more addictive!
INFJ coming from a narc background need to be very analytical about what feels "right" or "familiar" since our default mode has been damaged and we need to reset our value settings.
Crazy finding out there's a connection between my personality type and limerence. My last limerent object kicked me out of a limerence cycle with her and I think that was the most scared I've ever been
As an Infp I confirm It's so true 🙂 When we love someone we love them the most and if we start hating someone whom we loved intensely at some point then no one can beat our level 🙃 but obviously we are never gonna admit this to that person because doesn't matter how hurt we are we can't think of hurting anyone 🤕
I know riiiiiight, me too. I'm currently in this exact situation and the worst part is we just started getting to know each other recently. It can be excruciating and intoxicating.
Oh God if I have a crush. I want to suffocate them. I know it can be to much. I feel obsessed about them. I'm a mess too. I really over think my actions around them. What I say. I analyze every word I say. I want it to be perfect. Like you said essence of them. It can drive me crazy. Im glad you explained all of this. I was always worried something is wrong with me. It is never their looks either. It is just something I can never explain. I don't even care about looks so much. Their energy. I become some little helpless puppy lol. Also the fear of abandonment is insanely high. I over think everything. Always afraid I will lose them. I want to know everything about them. God this describes me perfectly. Wow.
Am I the only one who thinks this is a strength? I've seen people struggle with love so much, and because of my exteme INFP approach, I managed to find the right person without going through a million painful breakups and awkward dating situations. Also, INFPs and INFJs feel so deeply. And isn't that what idealised romantic love is about? We're doing the full thing with no reservations. Might not be for everyone, but I wouldn't have it any other way 🤷♀️
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way. I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them. I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way. I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them. I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
@@ShizuruNakatsu Yeah, it's difficult. Not sure if that's any comfort but my experience is that sometimes the other person might match your intensity, but express it very differently. They might only ever want interaction once in a blue moon with a person they love to the maximum of their capacity because that's just who they are. This can be very difficult to notice and the consequences of misreading that can be miserable, but it's worth a try. Also, you still need to respect your needs, so if their ways of expressing love don't work for you, that's still not the solution. Same with time. Sometimes another person might need longer to get where you are, and once they do it won't look like what you expect. But the longer you know the person, the easier it will be to recognise. We are fundamentally different, and it's a bit like learning a foreign language. The key thing is not to expect that they will mirror you, because most of the time they absolutely won't. And many people struggle with expressing themselves/their emotions. So yeah, they might not do 'anything' for you, but they also wouldn't do 'anything' for anyone, but they might do the things that matter.
I remember recently having this feeling for a girl but when I got closer I found out she was everything I thought she wasn't and goddamn I got crushed haha
I have a crush on my coworker and he knows since I am just way too obvious. Now he is flirting with me and I have no idea what to do 😭😭 and because he is flirting it gives me a new thing to obsess over 😭😭 HALP!! Need some advice 😖😖
When you're not around the person, you want to be with the person, and when you're around them you just cant think of what to say 😅🥴 Who else can relate on this?
I have had a problem with this my entire life. And yes oddly for a man I can't be completely attracted to a woman just because of her looks. She has to have something inside that hooks me. So I need both essentially in order to be attracted to a woman
I am an INFJ-A male .Recently I have been chatting over messages with an INTP girl and we connect on so many levels, it was mind boggling for me, there probably wasn't a single minute the whole day where I would not have thought about her. I don't know if she felt the same way, but I think she did. Mind you, I have not even seen her. And neither has she seen me ,lol She told me she is going to take a break for about 2 months from social media and might chat/talk with me again. Well I was really excited perplexed and obsessed but ,what can I do, I don't want to disturb her again. I am waiting for her to respond, maybe after two months. I thought it was love, lol.
Bro, this hits home for me, I was you and I get this so much. The best advice I could give you right now is to just calm down and don't think about it. You are clearly overthinking it. Focus on your life and try to forget about it until they come to you. If you continue obsessing and things don't work out, you will most likely go full depression mode after. I'm telling you this as an infj guy, I've been where you are, and yeah you feel great rn, but I'm also guessing you might doubt it will work out sometimes, that's ok, just don't let your thoughts and emotions cause you to do something really dumb. Just don't think about it, and remember that you are always the one finding it the most deep, most other people are shallow compared to what you feeling, or they will lie abt it. Whatever you do, do not watch TH-cam videos on what to say, or research everything about it, you will only further feed the fantasy you are painting in your mind. Just try to be as realistic as possible and remember that the more time you put into thinking about it and obsessing, the more time it's gonna take to get over it. Keep in mind you wil most likely be delusional about it and not realize because it sounds so good and right in your head. Just remember, if its meant to be, its meant to be. Best wishes 🙏
Being really into aloneness and all it's benefits, crushes can be intense. But the attraction to one's essence makes good sense, and gets amplifies when there's a physical attraction as well. I'm blow away by one's eyes and smile which emanate from within. I try not to get carried away with infatuation when that person is not available though, as I feel this borders into unhealthy fantasy and obsession.
It doesn’t have to be a relationship or person… it can also be with a job or potential “good” or “ideal” situation. I experienced this when I was married and I met someone that “fit” me in a deeper more ideal way. Also, a job too. The less information we have the more insecure Ti is. If we feel we are missing information that really intensifies the information gathering process. The only way I see it different is the mundane details don’t matter… only the relevant details, especially stemming from their insecurities and wounds. I’m not going to care about their favorite toothpaste but I do care if they didn’t brush their teeth (Did you sleep at someone’s house last night and didn’t have time to go home and brush your teeth? Hmm, let me check if your toothbrush is wet…) I once called my ex out on a lie. I said, “C’mon, you know I know.” He said, “I know”. So I then said, “Stop pretending I don’t know that you know that I know. Just confess.” He laughed and did. Haha
Yes we can really idealize just about anything. I have done this with every job I have ever had. Truly like she is describing a relationship crush. Ultimately I get my heart broken when the object of my affection (job, love, friend) either leaves me or I become disillusioned and leave it/them!
I'm an older ENTP who's reconnected with an INFJ. She's aware of her vulnerabilities. I am cognizant of her traits and meet her where she's at. We both crave independence.
Fascinating. I checked every box except "wanting to know every little detail about (her). Which is good because, unless it's anything she told me herself, it's not for me to know. She was a part time co-worker that I had no idea I would fall for when we first met and she made a good impression. 2+ months later I hadn't seen her, looked up her social media profile, apologized in DM for showing up suddenly. I told her everything, wrote poems, told her how much I missed her. She allowed the messages, and put hearts on certain ones although we were strictly platonic with separate lives. When I did see her again, she understood perfectly although we didn't discuss mention my disclosures of affection to her, she wasn't put off or offended, age difference and all. (She was 35 and I've turned 30 twice.) Of course I loved her more for being so understanding. But, she got another side job late last year, I never saw her again, and I was zombiefied. I'm back to my regular self, now, although I do still think about her every day in a more logical way. Like you said, I'm more interested in a person's core personality then somebody shallow with just looks. I can look back and smile, now, but at the time, I was obsessed because of her contrast with the abrasive attitudes of Seattle women. (She's from somewhere else.) She still cared about how was I doing the last 2 times I saw her, although I was a bit over the top about my attention towards her, by which time she was this mythical person to me
Wow that speaks to me! Also your video was suggested at the right time. Been obsessively crushing over a guy (Entp) since two years. He knows it, he also had (has?) a crush on me but I am also really happily married wtf?! He was in my friend group and we now go sepperate ways (the 2nd time now). But I recently again started thinking and dreaming of him it drives me crazy! I also have this fear of abondenment because of my intense feelings I have for crushes, I'm afraid that it will chase them away, since most people can't handle or understand it. I decided to stay away from him in the end because my feelings were so intense and overwhelming I didn't even feel like myself anymore, started loosing control over myself (couldn't stop crying in public a few times and so on), I lost a friendship because she couldn't handle it anymore and he also started pulling back and went into "cold mode" whenever I acted to intense, which again drove me insane because it fed my anxiety of abandonment and made everything even more intense and worse for me so at some point I couldn't handle it anymore, it was starting to affect my job and my mental health so I ended the contact. All that even though we never even kissed or anything. It was just conversations, a hug here and there that's it.... I also was always honest to my husband (Enfj) about my feelings and what's happening. Well, we had a rough time but we are still together, I love him so much and I still want to get old with him together, have a family with him, he is the love of my life and my soulmate. So it is really hard for me that I have this obsession over another guy and for some it might seem completely crazy 😂. Luckily I have a real good Infp friend, she understands and helps and supports me, always has good advice and words for me! I'm not fighting the feelings anymore (although I have to fight the instinct to write him), I will definitely see him again sooner or later (he likes the same small music festivals in my town), I try to have faith that with time the crush will be gone and he probably also will since he always wanted to go abroad (which also frightens me a lot to know I'll maybe never see him again 😢). If some of you really read this to the end maybe you could send me some positive energy 😅 - anonymous internet oversharing end-
At least you can get away, imagine it was someone who was always in your life and you just have to never let your mind become too seduced into ruining your marriage.
I'm here to tell you you are not alone with the experience of a situation Like this...🥲 follow the advices of your friend, accept the feelings but don't let them controll your actions like texting him, because you know we would regret afterwards..🫣😅 You can so this! We feel deep, but IT IS a gift that can bei used wisely and not in a way that destructs ourselfs❤️ Take actions that show love to your husband even though you just woke up from a dream about this other man because your husband is worth it. Thats what I'm basically telling myself everyday😅 Also time will help a liiiittle Bit🫣 Love and support from Germany❤️😁
What the heck??You mean I'm not crazy?? Yoo,I have been trying to figure myself out this entire time. Thank you and you're awesome 👌🏽. INFJ for life ❤️
Thank you so much for this! I got divorced this year and I'm currently working through my fourth intense crush since being separated. I really felt like something was seriously wrong with me, and your explanation makes me feel validated and understood. It actually brought tears to my eyes before the end.
This is so true. I have a crush. It is my neighbor which is weird because he is not gay, well he said he isn't. One day we went out for drinks at 4pm then pick up more drinks to come back to my place and just chat. We ended up going to his place and chatted until am. I really like his soul which is why I have a crush on him. I really don't want to like him at all but I can't help but to.
I understand in my own way. I am married to my ISFJ husband. My friend is married to her husband. I've had a type of crush on her (because of her soul) for almost a year. I've confessed to her many times. Our husbands know. Our kids know. It's all transparent and soulmate-like. It's weird when it's the same gender. But, hey Chris Martin and Johnny (Coldplay band members) have that kind of friendship.
Have liked this intj guy for 4years now. I confessed once and got friend zoned. we're close friends and we chat everyday. I get the feeling that he rejected me cuz he was scared of losing me as a friend. Whenever we meet the vibe makes me feel like I'm high.
I definitely recognise myself in this fear of being a stalker, although I agree with you, ultimately, I'm NOT. It's hard, though to reconcile this irresistible need to know everything about the person, with the respect I have for their boundaries. I have been stalked before (by real stalkers who blatantly disregarded my boundaries and ignored what I told them very plainly). I would never, ever do that do someone I love/have a crush on, because the last thing I want is to be a nuisance. I'm not sure about the "wound" and "fear of abandonment" part, though... I don't look for people to "fix". I do agree that I may connect with people who I feel have known some struggles that were similar to mine (in particular, being unconventional, and having been ostracised/bullied for it). But initially, I don't get attracted by the feeling that I can "fix" the person. It's more that I know someone who is also a bit "weird" will connect with me much better, and I just like this type of person. What often happens is that it later surfaces that the person has a wound, and then, YES, it is very frustrating if I feel I am way ahead of them and I have all the keys and I could help them (but often, this is an illusion, and they cannot be helped). As for "fear of abandonment"... Honestly, as a child, I was always very secure in my life, especially in my bond with my parents and family. I never feared they'd abandon me, or that their love was conditional. If I do have this fear, then I suppose it must be rooted more in failed friendships, later in life. But I see a lot of theorizing about "attachment" (meaning the early years of childhood) and I never recognise my experience in them.
Your videos are SO on point for me…INFJ-A here. Only found out about MBTI 3 months ago and I’m 34. Been down the rabbit hole of books and TH-cam research since then and YOU are the most relevant and solid connection to who I am I’ve found so far! Thank you!!!!
Thank you Lauren for this video, I’m infj and I’m currently recovering from long term relationship ( narcissistic abuse specifically) and I’m targeted by another narcissist but unfortunately hearing all the sweet talks, embracing the personality differences, lovely gestures and other love bombing tactics and I finding irresistible again! And I’m screaming at myself- no more narcissist! haven’t you learn the hard way already? What is wrong with me? I probably deserve it! I’m thinking this person is wounded and I will be able to help him and show support and compassion- please smack me across the face, I think I lost my mind. I don’t want to be walking and looking if I see my shadow so to know that I really exist, or killing my self as I believed that only death will free me out from that relationship I got trapped in., worrying that I completely lost my sanity and asking the doctors if is reversible? Why I’m so stupid? Were can I meet infj’s people? I’m so lonely in life. Sorry but I’m new here, till recently I did not know what I’m but I knew that I was different and misunderstood in life and thank you for your kindness so I don’t feel that I’m the only one. Ivana
That’s completely normal sometimes you feel like you’re trapped and can’t get out but you have to let go it’s hard really hard but you have to, to save yourself sometimes we get so obsessed and think we are the wrong people but you’re completely fine you’re loved I don’t know you but I care about you I believe you’re a strong beautiful soul for speaking up you’re truly brave and you inspire me you’re not in this alone we’re all here for you we love and care for you ❤😊❤
I don't agree with the deep wound at all as an INFP. I'd rather be with someone who also knows them selves and have more confidence or assertion than me. I think that is an INFJ thing, not INFP so much.
I’m an INFP and I am subconsciously attracted to emotionally unheathy partners (hence their “wounds”). This is probably more suited for INFP-T INFJ-T both turbulent personalities.❤
I haven't felt a fear of abandonment; it has never been on my mind. I'm so focused on loyalty, I would probably door slam them if they abandoned me. lol! I do certainly struggle with wanting to be accepted, wanting someone to tell me I'm ok (I've got that one covered now), and wanting someone who understands me and I understand them, deeply.
Yes! This is so hard to express in person but having it all laid out in front of me I can really relate to just about all of this, sometimes it can feel really uncomfortable to feel so strongly about a crush like I don’t even really know this person very well and yet I’m trying to analyze every little detail about our interactions to get any information on if they like me or not and I sort of feel creepy for doing that but it’s really comforting to know that this sort of thing is something that a lot of other people experience too
Just happened to me again. I know now what makes him uncomfortable anf that he was overwhelmed too…. And he pulled back, but while telling me nicely the reason snd I can understand. There id a weird feeling he will be around though… either way, I am glad to have my thoughts back on me now and can accept his choice, last thing I want is to make the man I like feel uncomfortable… he has to get through this, as do I.
In other words, us INFJs are creepers. Lovely! I know you SAY we are not stalkers, but why the hell does it feel that way? I'm in the middle of something like this right now, and it royally sucks as I feel like I'm playing the fool. In fact I would give just about anything to be able to push this person out of my head so I can get back to normalcy and not have to concern myself with it anymore. I don't normally act this way... I'm in my late 50's and I find myself acting like some school kid who is just discovering girls for the first time. It's stupid, it's embarrassing, I creep myself out etc...
This is me too. I’m a 68 year old widow who runs my own business and had no interest in relationships since my husbands death. Recently a single business man in his 70s offered his help with an aspect of my business. Our conversation started out about the business but slowly personal questions and answers were shared. I was blown away by his question about whether I would want to remarry. Hell that has never occurred to me - been there done that. But I found I actually like talking and being with- you know - men. It’s like a frozen part of me has come to life again. And it’s scary. Our business dealings will come to an end soon and I’m obsessing over whether to try to ‘keep him’ in some capacity or dip my feet into dating someone else but it’s sooo hard as an infj to even consider. Overthinking much?
Oh man, I am a 50yo INFP and have just fallen deep for a 19yo co-worker. This video is 1000% accurate. I need this obsession to stop. Major relief that I am normal.
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way. I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them. I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
I suffered from limerence badly. I didn't realize it. I just thought everyone had these sort of feelings. Understanding this has helped me somewhat. Though as a INFJ I can't just dump it off. .... so easy to live in a fantasy world.
6:54 i was just googling can a infj be in a relationship and still flirt with me? Lol and you said this… this girl stares and flirts as if I’m a snickers bar lol but she said she has a boyfriend! 😂 I’m so lost!
What if this happens between friends of the same gender? I'm telling you, it's intense. And I am constantly protecting myself from her because she has the ability to hurt me with rejection (of friendship). Imagine having to protect yourself from a person you think about often. I've even found myself telling myself she's no longer special and I don't have to care so deeply for her...because I'll just be disappointed by her lack of availability for quality time. Then, she merely turns her head and smiles at me to acknowledge I'm in the same church building and I know I will keep liking her. She offers the tiniest gestures to me to show we're still friends even if I don't get to see her for several days at a time. She's not pretty, but it doesn't matter. It bothers me how much I like her because she's busy with her family and can't always offer quality time for our friendship.
I have a long term crush on my guy friend, to the point it's now almost turning sour and I'm blaming him for giving mixed signals :( like every time he talks about something personal and romantic it gets my hopes up and I smile like a fool, it's addictive and crushing that he doesn't see me that way at all. I've talked to him about how he's generally flirty with everyone, because he gets confused when his friends become interested in him lmao, it's me I'm the problem it's me 🎶
wohhh that was very very well explained! 👏❤ While watching this video I laughed a little because I felt really "understood" by someone 😆 I didn't expect that infjs feel the same way as infp when they like someone. can you make a video about the difference between infp vs infj when they secretly like someone? Thx u for sharing! GBU
I don't know if this will make any sense but I have noticed that when I have had these intense crushes (I'm going through one now-this has been going on for some time with a long story) I'll know just how intense it is and I will think "there is no way you could have these deep feelings for me the same as I do for you because mine is off the charts even though I am trying to play it cool". It's like we hurt our own feelings. Maybe I just manifested this now that I am with you, like am I tricking you and you and I don't even know it? And yes, you just mentioned about them leaving and mine did for another job but has said he has the goal of coming back to town (also going through his midlife crisis) so there has not been a complete "end". A very UGGG feeling. And since we do not feel this about just anyone it hits us hard when it does.
Thank you for this video!!! I needed to hear all of these things so very badly. I have had a crush on someone for three years now. It is excruciating and stupid, simultaneously. The person lives 1,000 miles from me and probably doesn't know I exist. I'm grateful I found your video and will be looking into your classes, etc.
Im an enfp and all of this is also true for me...well 90% and Ive felt znd been (in practice) very alone in all this (aside from this video/online articles,books, youtube etc)
This is so crazy! I am glad it is just not me, but crushing has crushed me to a pulp!😢 I wish I could stop it, it keeps happening and is soul crushing because I usually feel abandoned every time
the first step to healing is.. 1) admit you are a stalker no more denial 2) yes i am a stalker :D They should have meeting instead of alcholics or drugs addict, a room full of stalkers who finally admit they got a problem :D
This is too freaky. It started around sixteen years ago and it hasn't gone yet. There was a period a few years ago when I would feel a sudden, powerful sense of her presence - and it was physical! I would double up from the shock to my system even though she was miles away at the time. Very briefly: I never pressured her. I never 'stalked' her. I never told her how strongly I felt but the sun came out every time I saw her. She confessed one day that she suffered from anorexia and, as you say, I wanted to heal the wound. he told me I was the only person who really understood her. Eventually she moved away from the area. I saw her with a man who I assumed was a boyfriend. I dealt with that OK. She got married and I felt devastated because I felt she had left my orbit forever. And then she became pregnant and eventually had three children. That was the turning point because I realised that she had made the big archetype shift from maiden to queen and I was so pleased for her. I knew then that I simply loved her and nothing else mattered. It was one of my life's better moments. Now I just want to meet her kids and be their friend. End of story. Thanks for listening.
Oh my gosh. When you got to the part about knowing all the details, I had to pause. My partner can not understand my need to know details. He misjudges me and thinks I want some kind of power over him, but honestly, I just need to know for my OWN welfare and state of mind.
Thanks for saying it's normal. I've literally going to why I put on my on a sleeve and let this person, to seriously you say all these deep things then you forget you said them, to I'm not OK this wrong, to shameful, guilt if I see other people, etc. Throw on top adhd amd ptsd I can't gather my thoughts. I can function somewhat, but these repetitive thoughts are crippling. I wish I could be cold as her(intj) and not recepricate, appreciate the little nuances infp do to show love. I want to move on but it's more difficult then ever, as she literally saved my life and stuck by me. But these lovely comments said so loosely from her, changing to complete ghosting arguing over something so petty as stocks, and her texting me when is depressed is insanity.
Oh my. Definitely a wake up video. I knew I wasn’t crazy. When you know what the wound is, you feel more attracted to them. A warm hearted person who was romantically stabbed in the heart and the back. Describe someone he was dating. I thought it sounded too familiar. Blurted out and inappropriate comment. “If she’s pushing her authenticity that fast, she’s got a hidden agenda.” Once a vacation she gets it. Then runs off with someone else. He goes back home analyzes after a few days of rest. Looks things up find covert narcissism. Next time I saw him he asked what do you know about a covert narcissist? It has to be someone you know. You never would’ve said that. I said you’re right and it was never relevant to mention this in the past. My mother is a covert narcissist, and she’s pulled those stunts on people before all the time. Now that we found the covert narcissism connection this feels even deeper. Nonetheless, someone discussing this with a person they should not.
I thought we made it really obvious. We will want to know everything about u, want to be around them, want to hear from them. Literally what you’d imagine is obsession 😂. But we can also feel too much and do the opposite by avoiding that person till we can handle ourselves around them.
I find myself completely ignoring my crush because if I let my feelings out in any capacity, I’d creep them out. I probably seem hot & cold which sucks, but it’s better than being a creep to an unsuspecting person.
INFJ here I have crush on one of my cowoker I tought I was the only one that this happen to I asked her out 2 times and got shut down both times and I can't move on and its really frustrating soo I found better job and I am just gona ask her one last time before I leave
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I feel like infj crushes are primarily a result of intense lonliness. Whenever someone does connect with an infj in a semi-deep way it unleashes a lifetime of lonliness into the potential realm of feeling understood, seen, and heard....which infj's are starving for.
I feel a significant amount if compassion for infj's, as their personality is very difficult to comprehend for the vast majority of people, so authentic connections are very rare for them.
It's understandable that they would desire some camaraderie.
It is because of curiosity. More than being accepted or feeling lonely, the INFJ is driven by curiosity. It fascinates us; it is like a drug...and if it is someone we find attractive, this is even more addictive!
Fact
@@talonthornno "us" please
This is true.
Haven't seen the attention, haven't felt the connection before so it's obsessive
INFJ coming from a narc background need to be very analytical about what feels "right" or "familiar" since our default mode has been damaged and we need to reset our value settings.
Check out the term "limerence." Terrifying for those of us wired that way.
yes. "Love and Limerence" by Dorothy Tennov. A great book on the subject. Every crush of mine has been a limerent episode since I was young.
@@kenzaplenty Yes. That book is great, and a little scary.
Yep
My dumb son confuses love with limerence which has led him down the relationship hell rabbit hole several times.
Crazy finding out there's a connection between my personality type and limerence. My last limerent object kicked me out of a limerence cycle with her and I think that was the most scared I've ever been
I can't imagine this is such a thing, I've been struggling with limerence for YEARS and I thought I was crazy or something. Thank you soooo muchhhh
join the nut club 😅
We may have intense attraction to others. However, when it comes to being hurt by those we love. We won’t think twice about shutting the door.
As an Infp I confirm It's so true 🙂
When we love someone we love them the most and if we start hating someone whom we loved intensely at some point then no one can beat our level 🙃 but obviously we are never gonna admit this to that person because doesn't matter how hurt we are we can't think of hurting anyone 🤕
Which is not always good…
Sometimes I think I’m the only INFJ who hasn’t ever door slammed someone.
Probably because I’ve been door slammed myself and know how much it hurts
Every second of this video shocked me because I was like "THAT'S ME!" and "OH MY GOD, YEEES!"...:))
I'm with you, it's scary real fantasy.
I know riiiiiight, me too. I'm currently in this exact situation and the worst part is we just started getting to know each other recently. It can be excruciating and intoxicating.
Oh God if I have a crush. I want to suffocate them. I know it can be to much. I feel obsessed about them. I'm a mess too. I really over think my actions around them. What I say. I analyze every word I say. I want it to be perfect. Like you said essence of them. It can drive me crazy. Im glad you explained all of this. I was always worried something is wrong with me. It is never their looks either. It is just something I can never explain. I don't even care about looks so much. Their energy. I become some little helpless puppy lol. Also the fear of abandonment is insanely high. I over think everything. Always afraid I will lose them. I want to know everything about them. God this describes me perfectly. Wow.
I am exactly the same way!
Am I the only one who thinks this is a strength? I've seen people struggle with love so much, and because of my exteme INFP approach, I managed to find the right person without going through a million painful breakups and awkward dating situations. Also, INFPs and INFJs feel so deeply. And isn't that what idealised romantic love is about? We're doing the full thing with no reservations. Might not be for everyone, but I wouldn't have it any other way 🤷♀️
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way.
I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them.
I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way.
I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them.
I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
@@ShizuruNakatsu Yeah, it's difficult. Not sure if that's any comfort but my experience is that sometimes the other person might match your intensity, but express it very differently. They might only ever want interaction once in a blue moon with a person they love to the maximum of their capacity because that's just who they are. This can be very difficult to notice and the consequences of misreading that can be miserable, but it's worth a try. Also, you still need to respect your needs, so if their ways of expressing love don't work for you, that's still not the solution. Same with time. Sometimes another person might need longer to get where you are, and once they do it won't look like what you expect. But the longer you know the person, the easier it will be to recognise. We are fundamentally different, and it's a bit like learning a foreign language. The key thing is not to expect that they will mirror you, because most of the time they absolutely won't. And many people struggle with expressing themselves/their emotions. So yeah, they might not do 'anything' for you, but they also wouldn't do 'anything' for anyone, but they might do the things that matter.
I remember recently having this feeling for a girl but when I got closer I found out she was everything I thought she wasn't and goddamn I got crushed haha
Same here and that too very very recently 😬
I have a crush on my coworker and he knows since I am just way too obvious. Now he is flirting with me and I have no idea what to do 😭😭 and because he is flirting it gives me a new thing to obsess over 😭😭 HALP!! Need some advice 😖😖
Jesus h Christ… you literally just described every crush I’ve ever had….
Man, you do not miss 👌🏾
When you're not around the person, you want to be with the person, and when you're around them you just cant think of what to say 😅🥴
Who else can relate on this?
exactly
What if you marry this person, maybe normal for daily life?
@@woodwater9882Not having actual common grounds means it's mere crush or limerence thus no foundation for marriage at all! Asking for trouble.
100%
whoever coined this term was on the money. crushes are CRUSHING
Soul crushing 😢
Just met a girl who everything she says reminds me of my fav band
Can't stop thinking of her
I have had a problem with this my entire life. And yes oddly for a man I can't be completely attracted to a woman just because of her looks. She has to have something inside that hooks me. So I need both essentially in order to be attracted to a woman
I am an INFJ-A male .Recently I have been chatting over messages with an INTP girl and we connect on so many levels, it was mind boggling for me, there probably wasn't a single minute the whole day where I would not have thought about her. I don't know if she felt the same way, but I think she did. Mind you, I have not even seen her. And neither has she seen me ,lol She told me she is going to take a break for about 2 months from social media and might chat/talk with me again. Well I was really excited perplexed and obsessed but ,what can I do, I don't want to disturb her again. I am waiting for her to respond, maybe after two months. I thought it was love, lol.
Bro, this hits home for me, I was you and I get this so much. The best advice I could give you right now is to just calm down and don't think about it. You are clearly overthinking it. Focus on your life and try to forget about it until they come to you. If you continue obsessing and things don't work out, you will most likely go full depression mode after. I'm telling you this as an infj guy, I've been where you are, and yeah you feel great rn, but I'm also guessing you might doubt it will work out sometimes, that's ok, just don't let your thoughts and emotions cause you to do something really dumb. Just don't think about it, and remember that you are always the one finding it the most deep, most other people are shallow compared to what you feeling, or they will lie abt it. Whatever you do, do not watch TH-cam videos on what to say, or research everything about it, you will only further feed the fantasy you are painting in your mind. Just try to be as realistic as possible and remember that the more time you put into thinking about it and obsessing, the more time it's gonna take to get over it. Keep in mind you wil most likely be delusional about it and not realize because it sounds so good and right in your head. Just remember, if its meant to be, its meant to be. Best wishes 🙏
@eldoroo, your comment is very insightful. Nice one
Being really into aloneness and all it's benefits, crushes can be intense. But the attraction to one's essence makes good sense, and gets amplifies when there's a physical attraction as well. I'm blow away by one's eyes and smile which emanate from within. I try not to get carried away with infatuation when that person is not available though, as I feel this borders into unhealthy fantasy and obsession.
It doesn’t have to be a relationship or person… it can also be with a job or potential “good” or “ideal” situation. I experienced this when I was married and I met someone that “fit” me in a deeper more ideal way. Also, a job too. The less information we have the more insecure Ti is. If we feel we are missing information that really intensifies the information gathering process. The only way I see it different is the mundane details don’t matter… only the relevant details, especially stemming from their insecurities and wounds. I’m not going to care about their favorite toothpaste but I do care if they didn’t brush their teeth (Did you sleep at someone’s house last night and didn’t have time to go home and brush your teeth? Hmm, let me check if your toothbrush is wet…)
I once called my ex out on a lie. I said, “C’mon, you know I know.” He said, “I know”. So I then said, “Stop pretending I don’t know that you know that I know. Just confess.” He laughed and did. Haha
Yes we can really idealize just about anything. I have done this with every job I have ever had. Truly like she is describing a relationship crush. Ultimately I get my heart broken when the object of my affection (job, love, friend) either leaves me or I become disillusioned and leave it/them!
I'm crying thank, i was really tired, now i'm feeling bettre
I'm an older ENTP who's reconnected with an INFJ. She's aware of her vulnerabilities. I am cognizant of her traits and meet her where she's at. We both crave independence.
Fascinating.
I checked every box except "wanting to know every little detail about (her).
Which is good because, unless it's anything she told me herself, it's not for me to know.
She was a part time co-worker that I had no idea I would fall for when we first met and she made a good impression.
2+ months later I hadn't seen her, looked up her social media profile, apologized in DM for showing up suddenly.
I told her everything, wrote poems, told her how much I missed her.
She allowed the messages, and put hearts on certain ones although we were strictly platonic with separate lives.
When I did see her again, she understood perfectly although we didn't discuss mention my disclosures of affection to her, she wasn't put off or offended, age difference and all.
(She was 35 and I've turned 30 twice.)
Of course I loved her more for being so understanding.
But, she got another side job late last year, I never saw her again, and I was zombiefied.
I'm back to my regular self, now, although I do still think about her every day in a more logical way.
Like you said, I'm more interested in a person's core personality then somebody shallow with just looks.
I can look back and smile, now, but at the time, I was obsessed because of her contrast with the abrasive attitudes of Seattle women. (She's from somewhere else.)
She still cared about how was I doing the last 2 times I saw her, although I was a bit over the top about my attention towards her, by which time she was this mythical person to me
Thank you SO much, you make me feel less crazy and stalkery in a creepy way - INFP
This is the most.validating thing I've heard in my whole fucking life
Wow that speaks to me! Also your video was suggested at the right time. Been obsessively crushing over a guy (Entp) since two years. He knows it, he also had (has?) a crush on me but I am also really happily married wtf?! He was in my friend group and we now go sepperate ways (the 2nd time now). But I recently again started thinking and dreaming of him it drives me crazy! I also have this fear of abondenment because of my intense feelings I have for crushes, I'm afraid that it will chase them away, since most people can't handle or understand it. I decided to stay away from him in the end because my feelings were so intense and overwhelming I didn't even feel like myself anymore, started loosing control over myself (couldn't stop crying in public a few times and so on), I lost a friendship because she couldn't handle it anymore and he also started pulling back and went into "cold mode" whenever I acted to intense, which again drove me insane because it fed my anxiety of abandonment and made everything even more intense and worse for me so at some point I couldn't handle it anymore, it was starting to affect my job and my mental health so I ended the contact. All that even though we never even kissed or anything. It was just conversations, a hug here and there that's it.... I also was always honest to my husband (Enfj) about my feelings and what's happening. Well, we had a rough time but we are still together, I love him so much and I still want to get old with him together, have a family with him, he is the love of my life and my soulmate. So it is really hard for me that I have this obsession over another guy and for some it might seem completely crazy 😂. Luckily I have a real good Infp friend, she understands and helps and supports me, always has good advice and words for me! I'm not fighting the feelings anymore (although I have to fight the instinct to write him), I will definitely see him again sooner or later (he likes the same small music festivals in my town), I try to have faith that with time the crush will be gone and he probably also will since he always wanted to go abroad (which also frightens me a lot to know I'll maybe never see him again 😢). If some of you really read this to the end maybe you could send me some positive energy 😅 - anonymous internet oversharing end-
At least you can get away, imagine it was someone who was always in your life and you just have to never let your mind become too seduced into ruining your marriage.
I'm here to tell you you are not alone with the experience of a situation Like this...🥲 follow the advices of your friend, accept the feelings but don't let them controll your actions like texting him, because you know we would regret afterwards..🫣😅 You can so this! We feel deep, but IT IS a gift that can bei used wisely and not in a way that destructs ourselfs❤️
Take actions that show love to your husband even though you just woke up from a dream about this other man because your husband is worth it. Thats what I'm basically telling myself everyday😅 Also time will help a liiiittle Bit🫣 Love and support from Germany❤️😁
What the heck??You mean I'm not crazy?? Yoo,I have been trying to figure myself out this entire time. Thank you and you're awesome 👌🏽. INFJ for life ❤️
This explains so much about my inner life, things that I share with no one.
Thank you so much for this! I got divorced this year and I'm currently working through my fourth intense crush since being separated. I really felt like something was seriously wrong with me, and your explanation makes me feel validated and understood. It actually brought tears to my eyes before the end.
This is all so true 😢, I don't understand why the synchronicities and coincidences it's like a cruel joke. 😢
Oh my nailed it, Im tired of the feelings I feel like a teenager, and it is slowing my daily productivity
This is so true. I have a crush. It is my neighbor which is weird because he is not gay, well he said he isn't. One day we went out for drinks at 4pm then pick up more drinks to come back to my place and just chat. We ended up going to his place and chatted until am. I really like his soul which is why I have a crush on him. I really don't want to like him at all but I can't help but to.
I understand in my own way.
I am married to my ISFJ husband.
My friend is married to her husband. I've had a type of crush on her (because of her soul) for almost a year. I've confessed to her many times. Our husbands know. Our kids know. It's all transparent and soulmate-like. It's weird when it's the same gender. But, hey Chris Martin and Johnny (Coldplay band members) have that kind of friendship.
Have liked this intj guy for 4years now. I confessed once and got friend zoned. we're close friends and we chat everyday. I get the feeling that he rejected me cuz he was scared of losing me as a friend. Whenever we meet the vibe makes me feel like I'm high.
I definitely recognise myself in this fear of being a stalker, although I agree with you, ultimately, I'm NOT. It's hard, though to reconcile this irresistible need to know everything about the person, with the respect I have for their boundaries. I have been stalked before (by real stalkers who blatantly disregarded my boundaries and ignored what I told them very plainly). I would never, ever do that do someone I love/have a crush on, because the last thing I want is to be a nuisance.
I'm not sure about the "wound" and "fear of abandonment" part, though... I don't look for people to "fix". I do agree that I may connect with people who I feel have known some struggles that were similar to mine (in particular, being unconventional, and having been ostracised/bullied for it). But initially, I don't get attracted by the feeling that I can "fix" the person. It's more that I know someone who is also a bit "weird" will connect with me much better, and I just like this type of person. What often happens is that it later surfaces that the person has a wound, and then, YES, it is very frustrating if I feel I am way ahead of them and I have all the keys and I could help them (but often, this is an illusion, and they cannot be helped).
As for "fear of abandonment"... Honestly, as a child, I was always very secure in my life, especially in my bond with my parents and family. I never feared they'd abandon me, or that their love was conditional. If I do have this fear, then I suppose it must be rooted more in failed friendships, later in life. But I see a lot of theorizing about "attachment" (meaning the early years of childhood) and I never recognise my experience in them.
i’ve never felt so called out before. i’m both embarrassed and thankful to be understood!
Your videos are SO on point for me…INFJ-A here. Only found out about MBTI 3 months ago and I’m 34. Been down the rabbit hole of books and TH-cam research since then and YOU are the most relevant and solid connection to who I am I’ve found so far! Thank you!!!!
Thank you Lauren for this video, I’m infj and I’m currently recovering from long term relationship ( narcissistic abuse specifically) and I’m targeted by another narcissist but unfortunately hearing all the sweet talks, embracing the personality differences, lovely gestures and other love bombing tactics and I finding irresistible again! And I’m screaming at myself- no more narcissist! haven’t you learn the hard way already? What is wrong with me? I probably deserve it! I’m thinking this person is wounded and I will be able to help him and show support and compassion- please smack me across the face, I think I lost my mind. I don’t want to be walking and looking if I see my shadow so to know that I really exist, or killing my self as I believed that only death will free me out from that relationship I got trapped in., worrying that I completely lost my sanity and asking the doctors if is reversible? Why I’m so stupid? Were can I meet infj’s people? I’m so lonely in life. Sorry but I’m new here, till recently I did not know what I’m but I knew that I was different and misunderstood in life and thank you for your kindness so I don’t feel that I’m the only one. Ivana
Love to you Ivana xoxo
Mommy issues
That’s completely normal sometimes you feel like you’re trapped and can’t get out but you have to let go it’s hard really hard but you have to, to save yourself sometimes we get so obsessed and think we are the wrong people but you’re completely fine you’re loved I don’t know you but I care about you I believe you’re a strong beautiful soul for speaking up you’re truly brave and you inspire me you’re not in this alone we’re all here for you we love and care for you ❤😊❤
@@a7mad3dl56 you are such a beautiful soul, thank you for being so kind and compassionate towards me! Happy New Year 2024 soon!
@@aprilcozad7971 very true, now looking back!
I don't agree with the deep wound at all as an INFP. I'd rather be with someone who also knows them selves and have more confidence or assertion than me. I think that is an INFJ thing, not INFP so much.
That's not an INFJ thing, lol what?
I’m an INFP and I am subconsciously attracted to emotionally unheathy partners (hence their “wounds”). This is probably more suited for INFP-T INFJ-T both turbulent personalities.❤
I haven't felt a fear of abandonment; it has never been on my mind. I'm so focused on loyalty, I would probably door slam them if they abandoned me. lol!
I do certainly struggle with wanting to be accepted, wanting someone to tell me I'm ok (I've got that one covered now), and wanting someone who understands me and I understand them, deeply.
I feel so weird credibly validated
Yes! This is so hard to express in person but having it all laid out in front of me I can really relate to just about all of this, sometimes it can feel really uncomfortable to feel so strongly about a crush like I don’t even really know this person very well and yet I’m trying to analyze every little detail about our interactions to get any information on if they like me or not and I sort of feel creepy for doing that but it’s really comforting to know that this sort of thing is something that a lot of other people experience too
lovely top - thank you for sharing - my first love was an INFP, twenty years ago - we had a lovely connection
Thank you so much for this! I've always been wondering where this obsession is coming from. But now I learned it's an INFJ tendency.
Just happened to me again. I know now what makes him uncomfortable anf that he was overwhelmed too…. And he pulled back, but while telling me nicely the reason snd I can understand. There id a weird feeling he will be around though… either way, I am glad to have my thoughts back on me now and can accept his choice, last thing I want is to make the man I like feel uncomfortable… he has to get through this, as do I.
In other words, us INFJs are creepers. Lovely! I know you SAY we are not stalkers, but why the hell does it feel that way? I'm in the middle of something like this right now, and it royally sucks as I feel like I'm playing the fool. In fact I would give just about anything to be able to push this person out of my head so I can get back to normalcy and not have to concern myself with it anymore. I don't normally act this way... I'm in my late 50's and I find myself acting like some school kid who is just discovering girls for the first time. It's stupid, it's embarrassing, I creep myself out etc...
This is me too. I’m a 68 year old widow who runs my own business and had no interest in relationships since my husbands death. Recently a single business man in his 70s offered his help with an aspect of my business. Our conversation started out about the business but slowly personal questions and answers were shared. I was blown away by his question about whether I would want to remarry. Hell that has never occurred to me - been there done that. But I found I actually like talking and being with- you know - men. It’s like a frozen part of me has come to life again. And it’s scary. Our business dealings will come to an end soon and I’m obsessing over whether to try to ‘keep him’ in some capacity or dip my feet into dating someone else but it’s sooo hard as an infj to even consider. Overthinking much?
@@rosewright786Very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I like learning about INFJs and hearing what anyone of them go through. I'm an INFP.
We deeply love that's why? So true excellent analysis indeed.
Omg!! This is so spot on😮
Oh man, I am a 50yo INFP and have just fallen deep for a 19yo co-worker. This video is 1000% accurate. I need this obsession to stop. Major relief that I am normal.
Dude I'm an infp too i thought all infp are understanding but seriously???? 19 is too young for 50 yo like u, plz stop 😭 for ur own good and her too.
Loving "too much" is not the problem. The problem is that other people don't. I fall *very* deep and hard in love, and I would literally do anything for that person. I'd go to the ends of the universe and back to make them happy. They're on my mind 24/7 and they're all I dream of. My life revolves around them and they just mean everything to me. It hurts me when the person I love doesn't give me the same intense love, like they only want to be around me "sometimes" while I want to spend every second of every day with them. But if the person I fell in love with was able to love me with the same passion and intensity, I would be extremely happy. That would mean the world to me. I could never see it as a bad thing. They are my world, my universe, my life. Everything about them matters to me, and being with them forever is all I want to do. I wish I could be loved the same way.
I have deep abandonment issues, I overthink, I over feel. I notice everything, I notice every tiny detail and every change in energy. I can see when something is wrong, I can tell when something has changed... but I can't accept it, my heart ignores those signs because I can't live without them, and I just love them even harder, hoping they'll love and appreciate all the effort and love I give them.
I would never force a person to stay with me, because it wouldn't even mean anything if they were only staying with me out of obligation... I need to know that I mean everything to them too, that they want to be with me 24/7, that they're always thinking of me, dreaming me, missing me, and wishing they were with me too. I need to know that I am their happiness, and that they are with me because being with me makes them happy, and they can't imagine any life without me, just as I can't without them. If we both feel this way, there is no problem.
I suffered from limerence badly. I didn't realize it. I just thought everyone had these sort of feelings. Understanding this has helped me somewhat. Though as a INFJ I can't just dump it off. .... so easy to live in a fantasy world.
6:54 i was just googling can a infj be in a relationship and still flirt with me? Lol and you said this… this girl stares and flirts as if I’m a snickers bar lol but she said she has a boyfriend! 😂 I’m so lost!
Oh boy that's so true.
Oh Lauren! I love your content so, but i wish i could afford your workshops! Sadly, i cannot :(
What if this happens between friends of the same gender? I'm telling you, it's intense. And I am constantly protecting myself from her because she has the ability to hurt me with rejection (of friendship).
Imagine having to protect yourself from a person you think about often.
I've even found myself telling myself she's no longer special and I don't have to care so deeply for her...because I'll just be disappointed by her lack of availability for quality time. Then, she merely turns her head and smiles at me to acknowledge I'm in the same church building and I know I will keep liking her.
She offers the tiniest gestures to me to show we're still friends even if I don't get to see her for several days at a time.
She's not pretty, but it doesn't matter.
It bothers me how much I like her because she's busy with her family and can't always offer quality time for our friendship.
I have a long term crush on my guy friend, to the point it's now almost turning sour and I'm blaming him for giving mixed signals :( like every time he talks about something personal and romantic it gets my hopes up and I smile like a fool, it's addictive and crushing that he doesn't see me that way at all. I've talked to him about how he's generally flirty with everyone, because he gets confused when his friends become interested in him lmao, it's me I'm the problem it's me 🎶
OMG! Finally someone explains this! Thank you sooo much
wohhh that was very very well explained! 👏❤ While watching this video I laughed a little because I felt really "understood" by someone 😆 I didn't expect that infjs feel the same way as infp when they like someone. can you make a video about the difference between infp vs infj when they secretly like someone? Thx u for sharing! GBU
This has caused me so much pain in my life.
Just found your channel and binge-watched your videos. This one hits so hard! Thank you for your content!
What you say is exactly what I’m facing thru …. so accurately about INFJ personality😢
I don't know if this will make any sense but I have noticed that when I have had these intense crushes (I'm going through one now-this has been going on for some time with a long story) I'll know just how intense it is and I will think "there is no way you could have these deep feelings for me the same as I do for you because mine is off the charts even though I am trying to play it cool". It's like we hurt our own feelings. Maybe I just manifested this now that I am with you, like am I tricking you and you and I don't even know it? And yes, you just mentioned about them leaving and mine did for another job but has said he has the goal of coming back to town (also going through his midlife crisis) so there has not been a complete "end". A very UGGG feeling. And since we do not feel this about just anyone it hits us hard when it does.
Thank you for this video!!! I needed to hear all of these things so very badly. I have had a crush on someone for three years now. It is excruciating and stupid, simultaneously. The person lives 1,000 miles from me and probably doesn't know I exist. I'm grateful I found your video and will be looking into your classes, etc.
Im an enfp and all of this is also true for me...well 90% and Ive felt znd been (in practice) very alone in all this (aside from this video/online articles,books, youtube etc)
This is so crazy! I am glad it is just not me, but crushing has crushed me to a pulp!😢 I wish I could stop it, it keeps happening and is soul crushing because I usually feel abandoned every time
This is so spot on I'm amazed 👏 😊
God I love your channel. This particular issue haunted me for years.
the first step to healing is..
1) admit you are a stalker no more denial
2) yes i am a stalker
:D
They should have meeting instead of alcholics or drugs addict, a room full of stalkers who finally admit they got a problem :D
THANKS FOR THIS VIDEO !!! More videos on this issue please !😊
Damn, I really felt this video.
This is too freaky. It started around sixteen years ago and it hasn't gone yet. There was a period a few years ago when I would feel a sudden, powerful sense of her presence - and it was physical! I would double up from the shock to my system even though she was miles away at the time. Very briefly:
I never pressured her. I never 'stalked' her. I never told her how strongly I felt but the sun came out every time I saw her. She confessed one day that she suffered from anorexia and, as you say, I wanted to heal the wound. he told me I was the only person who really understood her. Eventually she moved away from the area. I saw her with a man who I assumed was a boyfriend. I dealt with that OK. She got married and I felt devastated because I felt she had left my orbit forever. And then she became pregnant and eventually had three children. That was the turning point because I realised that she had made the big archetype shift from maiden to queen and I was so pleased for her. I knew then that I simply loved her and nothing else mattered. It was one of my life's better moments. Now I just want to meet her kids and be their friend.
End of story. Thanks for listening.
It is MUCH more comforting to relate to THIS Video, than to Joe on You, lol.
I really appreciated the video, it really captured my INFJ experience, thanks!
This helps me understand myself and finaly I know why I felt so weird during my college days..
Thx so much, really released me~~
Oh my gosh. When you got to the part about knowing all the details, I had to pause. My partner can not understand my need to know details. He misjudges me and thinks I want some kind of power over him, but honestly, I just need to know for my OWN welfare and state of mind.
Wow. You're not wrong. I really didn't know that was normal for us. Explains alot. ❤
Very very helpful.❤
Holy Shit
This is exactly where I’m at right now hahaha. #feelingsoseen
Thanks for saying it's normal. I've literally going to why I put on my on a sleeve and let this person, to seriously you say all these deep things then you forget you said them, to I'm not OK this wrong, to shameful, guilt if I see other people, etc. Throw on top adhd amd ptsd I can't gather my thoughts. I can function somewhat, but these repetitive thoughts are crippling. I wish I could be cold as her(intj) and not recepricate, appreciate the little nuances infp do to show love. I want to move on but it's more difficult then ever, as she literally saved my life and stuck by me. But these lovely comments said so loosely from her, changing to complete ghosting arguing over something so petty as stocks, and her texting me when is depressed is insanity.
Omg, I feel so called out 😅
Oh my. Definitely a wake up video. I knew I wasn’t crazy. When you know what the wound is, you feel more attracted to them. A warm hearted person who was romantically stabbed in the heart and the back. Describe someone he was dating. I thought it sounded too familiar. Blurted out and inappropriate comment. “If she’s pushing her authenticity that fast, she’s got a hidden agenda.” Once a vacation she gets it. Then runs off with someone else. He goes back home analyzes after a few days of rest. Looks things up find covert narcissism. Next time I saw him he asked what do you know about a covert narcissist? It has to be someone you know. You never would’ve said that. I said you’re right and it was never relevant to mention this in the past. My mother is a covert narcissist, and she’s pulled those stunts on people before all the time. Now that we found the covert narcissism connection this feels even deeper. Nonetheless, someone discussing this with a person they should not.
Great vidéo 😊❤ 11:04
Thank you for sharing!!
INFPs please tell me how do you guys act around your crush and what happens outside and inside your mind please, I'm curious you guys is hard to read.
I thought we made it really obvious. We will want to know everything about u, want to be around them, want to hear from them. Literally what you’d imagine is obsession 😂. But we can also feel too much and do the opposite by avoiding that person till we can handle ourselves around them.
I find myself completely ignoring my crush because if I let my feelings out in any capacity, I’d creep them
out. I probably seem hot & cold which sucks, but it’s better than being a creep to an unsuspecting person.
Thank you so much
INFJ here I have crush on one of my cowoker I tought I was the only one that this happen to I asked her out 2 times and got shut down both times and I can't move on and its really frustrating soo I found better job and I am just gona ask her one last time before I leave
Yep exactly 💯 😢
WHY IS LAUREN READING MY MAIL she described me to a T!!!!!!
I saw that title and immediately "Do not recommend channel."
Thank you 👍
cant watch this just want to cry no am crying LOL
I hate that because some people might think ur very immature
wait so I am not crazy? and there are entire categories of people with the same patterns and experience as me?
it is a big bleeding wound. even after 15 years
Im subconsciously attracted to ppls wounds yes :///
I hate this about myself lol
This is me to a T!
What a nightmare
So true🫣
How do I get over my crush? lol
Billie