Rebecca is so good! I would love to have her as my editor. She's insightful with what she sees and thoughtful with her feedback. I do hope this series continues!
I have done so much editing to my novel since finding this “first light frenzy” series. The knowledge you share here is indispensable and much appreciated. I feel like if my novel ever does see the light of day, it will be better for having seen your insight. Thank you so much, sending you so much love. Please keep doing what you’re doing.
This was the third one read I think, "The swirling dust and noise of the moving cattle increased as Millie and the cowboys neared the branding corral." I would rewrite it to be something like this... The swirling dust thickened, and the cacophony of the anxious cattle rose to a crescendo as Millie and the cowboys approached the corral.
The cattle kicked up a dust-devil and cowbells chimed in unanimous protest as Millie, with an entourage of hollerin' cowboys, neared the branding corral. The boys spooked the poor heifers with shouts of 'seared steak!', and a, 'sizzled rump of beef!', and hell was it making things difficult. Millie spun to her younger brother, Joseph, leading the gaggle of loud-mouthed idiots across a scorched dust-bowl. 'Tell 'em to simmer down would ya? They're puttin' out the longhorns to no end.' All the boys fell silent in that moment, and gawked at Joseph like he was facing off against a mountain lion or something. Great, just peachy, Millie thought. How's that? An edit for 8:08
As a spanish I cannot avoid to notice the huge load of adjectives used in English literature. Not standar adjetives but invented adjetives (I am pretty sure there is a name for those) like weather-beaten. Is it normal? Is it correct grammatically? Is it good in Literature? I do apologise if any there are mistakes. My english is not very good-looking.
Will there be another of these events for which you'll take more submissions? Or, going forward, are you guys just doing the extras that were submitted months ago?
The time before the Duchess’s fever began felt a distant memory, undiscernible between the cold-sweat nightmares that had her waking up hours before dawn in a fit of breathless wheezing and one or two whines of self-pity. -This is a historical fiction short story I'm working on for an English homework ;) The theme is about Coronavirus and the black plague
Rebecca is so good! I would love to have her as my editor. She's insightful with what she sees and thoughtful with her feedback. I do hope this series continues!
The Freddy Milton one could be done like this:
No matter how much it tore him apart, Freddy Milton had to kill his son.
I really enjoy these videos. I wonder if you’d ever do it for an entire first paragraph or the last sentence of a story.
I have done so much editing to my novel since finding this “first light frenzy” series. The knowledge you share here is indispensable and much appreciated. I feel like if my novel ever does see the light of day, it will be better for having seen your insight. Thank you so much, sending you so much love. Please keep doing what you’re doing.
Love these! Rebecca is authoritative and precise, sensitive and very witty!
This was the third one read I think, "The swirling dust and noise of the moving cattle increased as Millie and the cowboys neared the branding corral." I would rewrite it to be something like this...
The swirling dust thickened, and the cacophony of the anxious cattle rose to a crescendo as Millie and the cowboys approached the corral.
I like your edit!
Wow, Rebecca is on fire today (sans marmalade)!
"Hot marmalade, Batman! That was close!"
The cattle kicked up a dust-devil and cowbells chimed in unanimous protest as Millie, with an entourage of hollerin' cowboys, neared the branding corral. The boys spooked the poor heifers with shouts of 'seared steak!', and a, 'sizzled rump of beef!', and hell was it making things difficult.
Millie spun to her younger brother, Joseph, leading the gaggle of loud-mouthed idiots across a scorched dust-bowl. 'Tell 'em to simmer down would ya? They're puttin' out the longhorns to no end.' All the boys fell silent in that moment, and gawked at Joseph like he was facing off against a mountain lion or something. Great, just peachy, Millie thought.
How's that? An edit for 8:08
As a spanish I cannot avoid to notice the huge load of adjectives used in English literature. Not standar adjetives but invented adjetives (I am pretty sure there is a name for those) like weather-beaten.
Is it normal? Is it correct grammatically? Is it good in Literature?
I do apologise if any there are mistakes.
My english is not very good-looking.
Will there be another of these events for which you'll take more submissions? Or, going forward, are you guys just doing the extras that were submitted months ago?
The time before the Duchess’s fever began felt a distant memory, undiscernible between the cold-sweat nightmares that had her waking up hours before dawn in a fit of breathless wheezing and one or two whines of self-pity. -This is a historical fiction short story I'm working on for an English homework ;) The theme is about Coronavirus and the black plague
I like to keep my first sentences short without becoming fragments. simple is best.
the fire that tastes delicious made me lol