I don't know your story but I believe that sometimes people are non-conforming to the gender their they were physically born into for different reasons. There women who are butch lesbian and dress and look like males, and feminine gay men who look like women and feel more themselves wearing men's clothes, makeup, etc. That does not mean they are transgender. I am supportive of the LGBT community and don't judge others. Compared with decades past, the world, at that younger generations and more liberal and open-minded, tolerant people accept others for being themselves and not traditional and conformists. Watch others on TH-cam addressing being androgynous / gender fluid and other topics. There are trolls and haters out there but most commenters are not.
I'm only 17, and just recently came out as transgender. The moment I started questioning, I never felt valid whatsoever, because a friend of mine, he knew from a young age. All of my other friends did as well. I felt horrible, because I thought that if I came out then I would be struck down, that I would be told that I decided this. Around middle school I started to feel something different, no matter what I wore I never felt good about myself. I met someone my sophomore year of high school and he changed everything because like you were, I wore feminine clothing because I didn't know that it was okay to wear masculine clothes. I completely changed my look and now I'm a happy trans male. So seeing this, brought tears to my eyes. I don't feel as bad. I feel even better about my situation, knowing I'm not the only person who feels this way. Thank you so much.
I'm about to cry holy crap... This is so amazing that i found someone that is similar to me with the whole journey thing. Right now I'm stuck because my mother will not buy me a chest binder and if I even think about getting T (even though I want to really bad) I'd probably be hit a few times and I'm just.... I love seeing transgender people feeling comfortable in their skin after their journey... I feel so emotionally drained that my family doesn't approve of me. I feel like in some way Im messed up in the head or something like that. Its just great to see others that are able to be accepted and feel positive about themselves. And feel accepted. I'm so glad you don't need to hide anything and that you feel like its okay to be transgender ..... Thank you for uploading and being yourself and just breathing.. Thank you for existing.
i've whatched pretty much every gender video on youtube and never related so much to any of them as i do to this one! thankyou so much taylor, this reallyyy helped !
holy shit.. your story about how you were in early to mid-highschool fit mine perfectly. i've never had that feeling of "i've always been a man," or "i'm stuck in the wrong body," as i often waver between being more masuline and being more feminine in my appearence. just recently, within the past few months, have i come to realize i might be a trans guy, but i was really discouraged by the fact i never related to most trans guys on that aespect. i was always aware of trans people, but i never thought that'd be me. hearing your experience, though, has helped me realize that’s not a requirement of being trans. i'm coming to terms with the fact that i can be somewhat feminine, but more comfortably masculine and as a male. every trans person's experience is different.
Dude. Your story resonated so much with me, I went from perfectly fine to crying in like two seconds. A lot of the stuff you went through, a lot of the thoughts you had and decisions you took, I did the same. And it's so good to see someone talk about it. It doesn't happen a lot that I can related to someone's story this much and it's honestly validating as hell. Thank you for sharing.
This video is so important for those of us who didn’t know from a super young age, who tried to fit in and guessed these thoughts were a “normal” part of existence and nobody talked about it, who lived life as was expected of us because we didn’t have figures like you to talk about these hidden truths. Thank you
Thank you so much. It never clicked even when my mom came and gave me a long explanation about the term transgender. I still remember it. I was weirded out even. And every time I see a video where a transguy says he didn't know, even though he always hated dresses and always hated girly things. even when he felt like a boy. I just want to make it clear that he doesn't understand what it's like to find something out about yourself that you'd never expected. My mom is fully supportive but as the feminine girl I was, she never would have guessed. Nor would I. Every time I hear a transguy say how he always hated feminine things... It still makes me feel invalid. Then again, I feel like a lot of transguys lie too. Thank you so much. And there. A really long comment that no one will read.
Same, sometimes I wish I was a girl but I’m not, it would be easier to be a girl, I have a feminine personality as a trans guy it’s really hard because people question if I really am trans, I am I just have a feminine personality and it’s hard because it’s either “ur gay” or “you’re a girl” and neither of those are true I just wish I could escape
I absolutely love this video. I've been subscribed to you for two years and just... seeing how much you've grown has inspired me. I used to go back and forth a lot with my gender identity too. So I completely can related to you. I love watching your videos because you progressively become happier and it's really wonderful to witness :) (Also I think we're mutuals on tumblr so that's pretty cool aha!)
Says "I'm bad with words" but tells a really well structured story. I think I'm mtf, and I am beginning to feel more comfortable with this, and your video has been a big beat in that comfort happening. Thank you for sharing :)
I teared up watching this because I haven't been able to relate to anyone elses trans stories and instantly thought that I can't be trans because I don't feel the way these people do, but I've been confused about it for a few years now but watching this it's so similar to my experiences and honestly dude u don't understand how much this has helped me, or maybe u do, either way thank u so, so much!!!
Hey, I just wanted you to know that right now I feel just like you did. I'm a gay girl and something isn't right about my gender identidy. I try to be all feminine and it's ok to me, but when I dress like a boy, I feel more like who I am inside. I don't struggle with dysphoria though. I'm really confused, but your video helped me to realize that it's ok to feel confused and that everything's gonna be alright. Thanks.
Hey, I do struggle with my gender identity I watched some of your vids and thought about all Maybe its just a phase Maybe im trans Maybe im bigender Maybe im just stupid I don't get help from anybody and I just don't know what to do people think someone don't knowig theyr gender is not so hard but it is im just tired of not knowig what i am how can I find out?
Thank you for making this video, I really really needed to hear this. I compare myself to other trans guys and I start to doubt myself because I grew up soooo feminine and I was never a “tomboy”. I feel like I didn’t have a clue except that I always felt so awkward and uncomfortable being girly was what I was supposed to do all my life and I wanted to fit in. I’ve been struggling really hard with this, trying to accept myself.
My amazing friend just sent me this video and honestly, i've never watched something that has put me more at ease with myself. I worry so much that because i felt comfortable as a girl growing up, that wanting to transition now makes me invalid as hell. but it doesn't and this video has really helped me to understand that. thank you so much for sharing this story. it has helped me an inconceivable amount tonight and i'm sure it's helped so many others as well
Your clothing journey sounds a lot like mine lol. Something interesting about my childhood is that when I was young my parents were super religious. I was never allowed to cut my hair and I always had to wear skirts and dresses. I remember feeling uncomfortable a lot. The funny things is that I never complained about it, but when my mom was a kid she was a tomboy and freaked when my grandma tried to put her in a dress lol. In middle school my parents kinda stopped going to church and I was allowed to wear pants for the first time. I was so happy. I bought men's clothing for the first time in high school. I started out with T-shirts and jackets, but eventually bought everything from the boys section. I never threw away my girls clothes though and was always going back and forth.
It helped me. Thanks so much! I am coming out to my parents, and I know they are going to look at me and say, "but there were lots of times you weren't a tomboy." Thank you for giving me confidence in facing this and other confusion. :)
Taylor, you ARE amazing. I have taken 24 years to come to my conclusion that i am a transman, your words have given me so much more strength to move forward and be happy. Thank you
Ive never been comfortable being a girl, I always had short hair and wore boy clothes, i always changed to tomboy to girly, cause I was judged by girls cause I looked like a "man" and having anxiety and depression it bothered me alone, but honestly I believe I'm not meant to be a girl
Hey, I really wanted to thank you for telling your story. You're the first transguy who I finally have a connection, that I feel who can help me understand what's going on. Even though you have said that you're not good to express yourself, just know that you were a really really really deep helpful for me. Sorry if there's any mistake on my English, I'm from Brazil and I don't practice in a long time. But, yeah, thanks Taylor!
wow man!!! l love you!! just stummbled on your vid after watching tyler....so glad it linked to you after. i am a 50 year old woman and i totally relate to what you are saying! i wish i had been aware of this when i was your age....your story really relates to my story........awesome! thank you for your honesty!
Thank you. Honestly, I am still in the closet, but it scares the shit out of me, the thought of coming out to everyone because I did the same. I dressed feminine, I didn't hide my cleavage, I enjoyed doing my makeup, and I enjoyed getting dressed up really feminine. I look back at it now, and even in the last year while I have been questioning, I was still doing that, but I see now I was just in denial. When I first heard about trans, I never thought that was me, until the end of 2018, when I began questioning. In saying that I dressed feminine, I have still done so over the last year, but only during my easy moments. Every few months the feeling that I'm trans keeps coming back, and each time it does come back, the feeling gets stronger and stronger, until now, a year later, when I am crying almost daily over my dysphoria. Over the last few days my dysphoria has been worse over the social stuff, like hearing people call me she/her, or when my aunty called myself and my sisters her girls, that all triggered me. However, tonight, I began to feel voice dysphoria, too, hearing one of my friends friends voices, and hearing how deep his voice is. Watching this has given me the confidence I need to begin to tell more people how I am feeling. So, thank you. :)
thank you very much for publishing your story, finally I could relate my story with someone else's and think that I might really be trans, just like you I had never thought of being trans but I did go back and forth from wearing feminine clothes and masculine clothes, and now I start understanding the reason why I prefer wearing man's clothes over woman's. I just don't feel comfortable with being a girl. thanks a bunch really 😀😀
Watching this video has made me smile. I feel as though i can relate to your story and that has helped me a lot. I admire how confident you are and it makes me more excited to start my life as transgender. You do you.
you are amazing! watching this video has turned on a light in my head... I just want to tell you thank you for everything you are and for telling us this... I'm crying right now.. OMG... Just thank you
omg it's like you read from my life I've been struggling with the exact same thing .I just turned 30 and watching videos like this is making me realize that I am not who I'm supposed to be very back and forth like you said feminine to masculine for as long as I can remember just trying to fit In
Thank you for this video. I'm trying to figure things out right now and it's really helpful and nice to hear your experience and also to see where you are today. This really struck a chord with me and I'm grateful to have found it!
This is almost a mirror of my own life, the only difference being the time line. I dealt with the flip flopping through high school and college. I am still flip flopping now because I am terrified of changing so much so quickly. I am glad to have found this video, I don't feel so alone with my own experiences
Fuck dude, same? I realized about two days ago I really might be a transgender and I repressed the hell out of it bc I had an honest talk with one of my friends who is trans. I thought Im nonbinary/agender but it didn't really fit? It felt better to be androgynous and you know, not female... Anyway I was talking with this friend and god HOW I CRIED AND SHAKED. I never was so stressed about a talk in my life and thats when I realized, I didn't care and have strong feelings about telling people Im agender, I wasn't scared of it because probably Im not? I don't have strong feelings about it? Long story short, my blessed friend took me shopping for some male clothes and perfume and shit and Ive got shitton of validation, bless. Still wont go through transition in years (no money, living with parents hh Im not that crazy) but it felt good.
Thank you so much for this video. I'm going through pretty much the exact same thing, where I never knew I was trans until recently, and seeing other trans guys say they've known since they were young makes me feel really invalid and all that bad stuff lol. Yeah, I used to dress feminine to fit in, and for a while, I liked looking female, but now, I can't imagine myself being anything but male. So again, thank you for making me feel better
Thank you so much Taylor. This is probably the closest story I've found to mine on youtube, and I'm a heavily questioning MTF. You said you weren't good at getting you're words out but I thought you were articulate but shy, like me.
Thank you so so much! This has caused me so much doubt before, I completely the same in my teens and when I look back at it now it really make me question myself. I'm glad to know someone has the same history and made it through :)
Wow this sounds like my story. I'm still struggling a bit even though I've come out as ftm now and I'm old, 44 and just at the start of my journey. Happiness is the most important thing in the world and I am so happy that you are now comfortable.
I relate to this. I thought I had to wear everything feminine. I thought that I had to act like that. I always felt uncomfortable with myself and I didn’t know why. I thought it was because I was fat and nothing worked. But even if I found something that I really liked, I never ever liked it on me. Then I wore guys clothes for the first time and it felt right but also wrong because stereotypes. But then I just stopped caring. And now I’m almost on t. 😊
I have the same thing happening in my life. I’m still young but I have switched between both sides more than once. And I heard of the word transgender and didn’t think much about it either. A couple years later I started watching films and interviews with transgender people and their joournies to finding their trues self. And the more I watched them, the more I asked myself about it. You have helped me find out that I may have been a girl who wore makeup a bunch and was insecure, but can now be that fun confident boy that I have had inside me. I can now wear my brothers clothes, without questioning if they describe me or not. All I can say if thank you.
Omg my scene phase was 10th grade!! Lol and 9th kinda. You're like telling me my life story...I also changed my clothes 1000 times d a day but as soon as I dress like a guy I automatically feel 100% better. I've done big chops twice
I feel like this could be me. But I have no clue. I am born female. But I've always hated girl clothes. I love guys clothes. I don't think I want to identify as a male. I don't know. I'd rather have a flat chest. I just don't know
Thanks for sharing, man. It is nice to know that we are not alone in this world. That's what I struggled with the most..thinking that I was the only one with these feelings.
I super relate to all of this. I went back and forth on my gender presentation in school, mainly because of peer pressure to look a certain way. It wasn't until I left for college that I felt free to present in an authentic way and to really start exploring my gender identity. I love your honesty in this video - there's nothing wrong with being like us
I'm in high school. I've been struggling with my gender identity and sexuality. I honestly just don't know. I chopped all of my hair off recently. I love it short. I wear pretty masculine clothes considering I live in a conservative household. And they don't like how I "dress like a guy". I think I may try him/he pronouns soon but I'm gonna wait until I'm 18. I'm just not sure. I just figure that as I've grown up, I've always hated being a girl. A masculine body is something I've always wanted. I hate my curves. I just don't know though. I have a feeling I know the answer to my own question. I'm just too scared to show the true me. Any help?
I love this.... everyone I've known before this have been the kind of trans ppl who have always known. It didn't occur to me that some trans ppl didn't know, struggle to fit in, and then transitioned. Cool to see it from another perspective! Thanks, definitely sharing!
thank you for making this video! I relate so much, and it's great to see that I'm not alone. I've always went between being a tomboy and girly girl, and it's been so confusing because of that, but I'm starting to understand myself better, and it really is an excellent thing to know I'm not alone in my story. Thank you
This helped me so so much I had an extremely similar experience and I felt like it almost invalidated me to be a trans male so I was thinking I might just be genderfluid but I wanted to be masculine and being feminine made me upset and uncomfortable but that's what I thought would make more sense for other people because of comments like, "Well what about that time when you were somewhat feminine?" And it scared me because I was uncertain of myself and this just completely validated all of my feelings up to now, thank you!
This video is so on point thank you! I've been trying to find the words to explain how I feel and this is perfect! by the way you're looking fucking great
I had been so back n fourth myself. But when I learned what transgender was, I knew I fit the category more than I thought I would. You're so inspirational, Taylor. Thanks for sharing tour message
Thank you so much, I was 14 or 15 when I first started questioning. It's been very hard for me to feel valid as a trans boy, and it's caused a lot of self doubt even though I know I am a boy. This helped so so much
This does help a lot. I often start getting worried about really being a trans man because I really didnt have the 'im a boy' thoughts until very recently in my mid/late 20s. I feel my childhood was a lot more 'nonbinary' than anything. I liked boy and girl stuff. I never really desired to cut my hair or look like a boy in any way, but I also didn't really consider it to be an option either, I was a 'girl' so why would I even consider that? But I was never really 'girly' either and a lot of my female friends tended to be queer or tomboys and I didnt really get along with 'girly girls', but I never had many guy friends either. In my early 20s when I learnt about nonbinary I thought I could be that but I didnt really understand it or gender identity very well. I just thought all girls felt that way, doesnt make them trans. When I was 25 I read up on gender dysphoria and gender identity and realised that I was trans. I identified as nonbinary until I started to consider the possibility I could be a trans man. I didn't really want to be nonbinary, I leant more towards the masculine spectrum until eventually I just thought 'I think I just want to be a man'. So now I identify as a trans man. Its a very different journey from most trans men I think so I don't feel as valid sometimes and I worry about transitioning and not liking being a man because of it.
Hey man...I know you posted this like 4yrs ago but bro...this hit my core. Exactly the experience I needed to hear. It’s so hard to get out of my head and stop pushing the thought of being trans to the side...constantly doubting and saying “I’m just different.” That’s no way to live, you know? I guess I’ve got a 30 yr habit to break. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for the comfort it brought me. I sometimes just think I’m crazy...which, logically you would think that’s a sign of “hey...chill out, you’re transgender.” Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. And as a fellow redhead, I dig the style. Stay chill man.
I relate to you. I was just like you only I didn’t go back and forth, I went extreme with feminine and didn’t like it but I felt I had to, I wanted a kid and I wanted to be married so I went with it and now I’m struggling. I want T but I fear the changes because I have a scrawny and very masculine face already. I have huge facial bones and I don’t know what T would do to that. I’m not sure about a beard, but I want the body hair and I want to be a boy (I’m 26) I’m signing up to a gender specialist next month after coming out 6 months ago. I’m terrified but excited
So important!🎉❤🎉❤ You got the words put perfectly and did a stellar job of articulating a little spoken about trans experience that many of us do share. Thank you
This helped me so so much. Like u said. I dress in feminine clothes because my mom wants me to. Its not that I don't feel comfort in those clothes it's that I have more comfort in masculine clothes. I never consider myself as trans but I consider it. I just feel my mom and dad would be so disapointed in me. I kinda came out to my mom as bi. She didn't take it well. She would hate if I would be trans. I just don't get her. What do I do if my mom won't get me a binder. I scared to even ask her
I didn't understand for a long time. One of my problems was that I don't mind feminine clothes, makeup, or hair. My problems were with other things, like serious dysphoria over my chest. I kept thinking I'd grow to like it... and never did.
Exactly what I'm going through right now. I have no idea who I am anymore. I came out to my family as transgender, went through it all. I got harassed by a lot of people, including some "family members". I got to the point where I just needed a break.. I had no one to talk to. No one who could understand me or relate to what I was going through. So believe it or not, after all that hate I started to think that.. Maybe something was wrong with me? I started dressing feminine again (as well as identifying as female) and now my dysphoria is coming on strong, but I try so hard to ignore it. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm pretty much lost and feel like I just won't fit with whatever choice I do make. There's a lot holding me back.
I never questioned my gender. And now I think I'm a trans guy. And it's a good feeling to know that you are not a female but a shitty feeling because you know you have dysphoria.
I literally relate to this so much im going to cry. I always thought i was kind of odd myself. BUT THANK GOD AT LEAST ONE MORE GUY THAT DID THE SAME FUCKING THING! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I feel you, except im even further away from that stereotypical story... I was a super feminine kid. Basically didnt show any signs AT ALL until puberty hit and i started questioning everything at 13... Im still scared that maybe im getting it all wrong.
Thank you so much for this video. I think it's very needed to see other "trans narratives" than the ones you always see when they knew from a very young age etcetera. I am non binary but I struggled a lot in the beginning with feelings about being trans and not being trans back and forth. Now many years later I am sure of my identity and have finally started t (actually just got my first shot two days ago)! :) Love from Sweden!
that's how I was. I hated dresses and makeup but I did it cause I thought that's what I had to do cause everyone was doing it and to this day it's hard walking into school as a guy. and posting videos here I'm still that "girl" cause my family watches my videos. and so scared to say who I am
Hey dude. Thank you thank you thank you for making this video. I'm 17. I was born female and never felt masculine as a kid. I loved dresses and Barbie and makeup. Loooved makeup and I still do. I think this is mostly from what society and my friends and family showed me and told me what was expected. I always tried to fit in and be a pretty girl. I have always hated my body though, but not for the reasons that most non cis people do. I always wanted bigger boobs, bigger butt. I was and am skinny as a twig. And I hated my face. I wore tons of makeup. But no matter what I did or how I dressed I never felt pretty enough. It wasn't until I cut off my hair and got grounded from makeup by my dad that I stated to understand my discomfort with myself. I didn't hate my body bc I wasn't pretty enough, it was bc I was not being myself. Finally I started to secretly wear men's clothing and try to act like a guy as much as possible. My confidence went way up and so did my self esteem and body image. I like to be called Alex now as opposed to my girly birth name. Though I wouldn't call myself a man. And I think I'm still comfortable being called a girl, it was really comforting to know that I'm not the only person who didn't "always know" that I'm not cisgendered. Sometimes I still feel girly and I feel my best in winged eyeliner and stilettos. But more often than not I want to wear a vest and tie. Thanks for boosting my confidence to be the queerdo that I am today. Peace.
I've had this in my favorites for over a year I came out last year still struggling alot with everything but I feel like everything he says is word for word my life and I watch this video when I start feeling invalid and it helps so much
Good for you for coming out. Proud of you. And I hope things start to get a little easier for you as time passes. If you ever need to talk about anything or just need someone to listen, shoot me a message. Anytime
I didn't know either. I could have, but somehow I refused to see. As a kid I even sometimes said 'I should have been the boy and my brother should have been a girl' (now turns out I'm ftm trans and my brother feels like both female and male - he is like I don't care if I'm a guy or a girl). Throughout my whole life it was like this back and forth (although I had long hair for the longest time) but I never thought about me being trans. I even met a transman and thought 'I don't want to be like him' or sometimes as a child would think 'I don't want to be a boy' (I think if I were cis I would never had thoughts like that... because I wouldn't have compared myself with male figures). I somewhat figured that I was trans when I was 21 but still didn't really want to go this journey but now at 25 I think it might be worth it so I started to out myself (a friend and my brother know, next one is my mom and I'll show her this 'cause she thinks you have to know since a young age or latest in your early teens - I know she'd be cool with it as soon she understands this and that you can be trans and gay..)
im 16, and i think i have a similar story as you) and the same about the ending) how did your parents react? i'm really scared of coming out and all this stuff.. they don't even let me cut my hair short :/
Thank you, I'm so glad I found this video. Your story sounds very similar to mine, and it's so validating to hear. I keep trying to abandon this "male part of me" and just be a girl and fit in but it keeps coming back and I want to wear boys clothes again. But I can't ever believe I'm actually trans because I'm just not SURE, and every other trans guy always seems so sure of himself, like he always knew, and it just clicked when he found out what transgender was. But it was never like that for me at all, and I wasn't always uncomfortable being a girl. It's really really helpful to hear a story that sounds similar to mine, and it makes me feel like maybe I'm not just crazy. Thank you.
![how i knew i was transgender [and some advice on coming out]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5JzQ2TXHSn8/mqdefault.jpg)
this helps me so much you don't even know. I just really don't know if I'm trans and it's exhausting.
+ohmalord thecableturnedoff why did you click on this video?
+ohmalord thecableturnedoff well it has the word transgender in the title. No excuse there lol
Same here :s It so annoying...
I don't know your story but I believe that sometimes people are non-conforming to the gender their they were physically born into for different reasons. There women who are butch lesbian and dress and look like males, and feminine gay men who look like women and feel more themselves wearing men's clothes, makeup, etc. That does not mean they are transgender. I am supportive of the LGBT community and don't judge others. Compared with decades past, the world, at that younger generations and more liberal and open-minded, tolerant people accept others for being themselves and not traditional and conformists. Watch others on TH-cam addressing being androgynous / gender fluid and other topics. There are trolls and haters out there but most commenters are not.
I'm struggling right now with this myself and it's driving me insane.
I'm only 17, and just recently came out as transgender. The moment I started questioning, I never felt valid whatsoever, because a friend of mine, he knew from a young age. All of my other friends did as well. I felt horrible, because I thought that if I came out then I would be struck down, that I would be told that I decided this. Around middle school I started to feel something different, no matter what I wore I never felt good about myself. I met someone my sophomore year of high school and he changed everything because like you were, I wore feminine clothing because I didn't know that it was okay to wear masculine clothes. I completely changed my look and now I'm a happy trans male. So seeing this, brought tears to my eyes. I don't feel as bad. I feel even better about my situation, knowing I'm not the only person who feels this way. Thank you so much.
I'm about to cry holy crap... This is so amazing that i found someone that is similar to me with the whole journey thing. Right now I'm stuck because my mother will not buy me a chest binder and if I even think about getting T (even though I want to really bad) I'd probably be hit a few times and I'm just.... I love seeing transgender people feeling comfortable in their skin after their journey... I feel so emotionally drained that my family doesn't approve of me. I feel like in some way Im messed up in the head or something like that. Its just great to see others that are able to be accepted and feel positive about themselves. And feel accepted. I'm so glad you don't need to hide anything and that you feel like its okay to be transgender ..... Thank you for uploading and being yourself and just breathing.. Thank you for existing.
you hurt my heart i love you, how are you now?
i've whatched pretty much every gender video on youtube and never related so much to any of them as i do to this one! thankyou so much taylor, this reallyyy helped !
Almost 5 years later... and this video is still helping people. Thank you, I needed this.
holy shit.. your story about how you were in early to mid-highschool fit mine perfectly. i've never had that feeling of "i've always been a man," or "i'm stuck in the wrong body," as i often waver between being more masuline and being more feminine in my appearence. just recently, within the past few months, have i come to realize i might be a trans guy, but i was really discouraged by the fact i never related to most trans guys on that aespect. i was always aware of trans people, but i never thought that'd be me. hearing your experience, though, has helped me realize that’s not a requirement of being trans. i'm coming to terms with the fact that i can be somewhat feminine, but more comfortably masculine and as a male. every trans person's experience is different.
"And everything in between" 😊
Dude. Your story resonated so much with me, I went from perfectly fine to crying in like two seconds. A lot of the stuff you went through, a lot of the thoughts you had and decisions you took, I did the same. And it's so good to see someone talk about it. It doesn't happen a lot that I can related to someone's story this much and it's honestly validating as hell. Thank you for sharing.
This video is so important for those of us who didn’t know from a super young age, who tried to fit in and guessed these thoughts were a “normal” part of existence and nobody talked about it, who lived life as was expected of us because we didn’t have figures like you to talk about these hidden truths. Thank you
Thank you so much. It never clicked even when my mom came and gave me a long explanation about the term transgender. I still remember it. I was weirded out even. And every time I see a video where a transguy says he didn't know, even though he always hated dresses and always hated girly things. even when he felt like a boy. I just want to make it clear that he doesn't understand what it's like to find something out about yourself that you'd never expected. My mom is fully supportive but as the feminine girl I was, she never would have guessed. Nor would I. Every time I hear a transguy say how he always hated feminine things... It still makes me feel invalid. Then again, I feel like a lot of transguys lie too. Thank you so much. And there. A really long comment that no one will read.
I read it and it helped me so thank you for commenting this
Same, sometimes I wish I was a girl but I’m not, it would be easier to be a girl, I have a feminine personality as a trans guy it’s really hard because people question if I really am trans, I am I just have a feminine personality and it’s hard because it’s either “ur gay” or “you’re a girl” and neither of those are true I just wish I could escape
I absolutely love this video. I've been subscribed to you for two years and just... seeing how much you've grown has inspired me. I used to go back and forth a lot with my gender identity too. So I completely can related to you. I love watching your videos because you progressively become happier and it's really wonderful to witness :) (Also I think we're mutuals on tumblr so that's pretty cool aha!)
Says "I'm bad with words" but tells a really well structured story.
I think I'm mtf, and I am beginning to feel more comfortable with this, and your video has been a big beat in that comfort happening. Thank you for sharing :)
I teared up watching this because I haven't been able to relate to anyone elses trans stories and instantly thought that I can't be trans because I don't feel the way these people do, but I've been confused about it for a few years now but watching this it's so similar to my experiences and honestly dude u don't understand how much this has helped me, or maybe u do, either way thank u so, so much!!!
Hey, I just wanted you to know that right now I feel just like you did. I'm a gay girl and something isn't right about my gender identidy. I try to be all feminine and it's ok to me, but when I dress like a boy, I feel more like who I am inside. I don't struggle with dysphoria though. I'm really confused, but your video helped me to realize that it's ok to feel confused and that everything's gonna be alright. Thanks.
I feel the exact same, I hope you're ok after five years
@@ghostb613 5 months on T hahahah
@@user-rr9tr6wy2z Wow haha, that's great! You give me hope for the future, thank you. :)
@@ghostb613 Yeah, a butch lesbian ruining her life totally is something that gives hope...
Hey, I do struggle with my gender identity I watched some of your vids and thought about all
Maybe its just a phase
Maybe im trans
Maybe im bigender
Maybe im just stupid
I don't get help from anybody and I just don't know what to do people think someone don't knowig theyr gender is not so hard but it is im just tired of not knowig what i am how can I find out?
Zombie Superhero Bigender? What's the difference between that and genderfluid?
hey, I don't think you're stupid. this comment is two years old, I hope you're doing OK now love
Noah Bedard bigender is experiencing only 2 genders. Genderfluid is all or several genders
You're not stupid, I promise. It's so complicated.
Have you ever considered having OCD?
Thank you for making this video, I really really needed to hear this. I compare myself to other trans guys and I start to doubt myself because I grew up soooo feminine and I was never a “tomboy”. I feel like I didn’t have a clue except that I always felt so awkward and uncomfortable being girly was what I was supposed to do all my life and I wanted to fit in. I’ve been struggling really hard with this, trying to accept myself.
My amazing friend just sent me this video and honestly, i've never watched something that has put me more at ease with myself. I worry so much that because i felt comfortable as a girl growing up, that wanting to transition now makes me invalid as hell. but it doesn't and this video has really helped me to understand that. thank you so much for sharing this story. it has helped me an inconceivable amount tonight and i'm sure it's helped so many others as well
I feel like he did know. He just didn’t exactly think “I’m a boy.” He knew he was uncomfortable.
Your clothing journey sounds a lot like mine lol. Something interesting about my childhood is that when I was young my parents were super religious. I was never allowed to cut my hair and I always had to wear skirts and dresses. I remember feeling uncomfortable a lot. The funny things is that I never complained about it, but when my mom was a kid she was a tomboy and freaked when my grandma tried to put her in a dress lol. In middle school my parents kinda stopped going to church and I was allowed to wear pants for the first time. I was so happy. I bought men's clothing for the first time in high school. I started out with T-shirts and jackets, but eventually bought everything from the boys section. I never threw away my girls clothes though and was always going back and forth.
It helped me. Thanks so much! I am coming out to my parents, and I know they are going to look at me and say, "but there were lots of times you weren't a tomboy." Thank you for giving me confidence in facing this and other confusion. :)
Taylor, you ARE amazing. I have taken 24 years to come to my conclusion that i am a transman, your words have given me so much more strength to move forward and be happy. Thank you
Ive never been comfortable being a girl, I always had short hair and wore boy clothes, i always changed to tomboy to girly, cause I was judged by girls cause I looked like a "man" and having anxiety and depression it bothered me alone, but honestly I believe I'm not meant to be a girl
I'm in tears, I can totally relate and you're a huge help this has truly impacted me greatly, thank you so much
Hey, I really wanted to thank you for telling your story. You're the first transguy who I finally have a connection, that I feel who can help me understand what's going on. Even though you have said that you're not good to express yourself, just know that you were a really really really deep helpful for me. Sorry if there's any mistake on my English, I'm from Brazil and I don't practice in a long time. But, yeah, thanks Taylor!
wow man!!! l love you!! just stummbled on your vid after watching tyler....so glad it linked to you after.
i am a 50 year old woman and i totally relate to what you are saying! i wish i had been aware of this when i was your age....your story really relates to my story........awesome!
thank you for your honesty!
Thank you. Honestly, I am still in the closet, but it scares the shit out of me, the thought of coming out to everyone because I did the same. I dressed feminine, I didn't hide my cleavage, I enjoyed doing my makeup, and I enjoyed getting dressed up really feminine. I look back at it now, and even in the last year while I have been questioning, I was still doing that, but I see now I was just in denial. When I first heard about trans, I never thought that was me, until the end of 2018, when I began questioning. In saying that I dressed feminine, I have still done so over the last year, but only during my easy moments. Every few months the feeling that I'm trans keeps coming back, and each time it does come back, the feeling gets stronger and stronger, until now, a year later, when I am crying almost daily over my dysphoria. Over the last few days my dysphoria has been worse over the social stuff, like hearing people call me she/her, or when my aunty called myself and my sisters her girls, that all triggered me. However, tonight, I began to feel voice dysphoria, too, hearing one of my friends friends voices, and hearing how deep his voice is. Watching this has given me the confidence I need to begin to tell more people how I am feeling. So, thank you. :)
thank you very much for publishing your story, finally I could relate my story with someone else's and think that I might really be trans, just like you I had never thought of being trans but I did go back and forth from wearing feminine clothes and masculine clothes, and now I start understanding the reason why I prefer wearing man's clothes over woman's. I just don't feel comfortable with being a girl. thanks a bunch really 😀😀
I have never related to something so much :)
Watching this video has made me smile. I feel as though i can relate to your story and that has helped me a lot. I admire how confident you are and it makes me more excited to start my life as transgender. You do you.
you are amazing! watching this video has turned on a light in my head... I just want to tell you thank you for everything you are and for telling us this... I'm crying right now.. OMG... Just thank you
omg it's like you read from my life I've been struggling with the exact same thing .I just turned 30 and watching videos like this is making me realize that I am not who I'm supposed to be very back and forth like you said feminine to masculine for as long as I can remember just trying to fit In
Thank you for this video. I'm trying to figure things out right now and it's really helpful and nice to hear your experience and also to see where you are today. This really struck a chord with me and I'm grateful to have found it!
This is almost a mirror of my own life, the only difference being the time line. I dealt with the flip flopping through high school and college. I am still flip flopping now because I am terrified of changing so much so quickly. I am glad to have found this video, I don't feel so alone with my own experiences
Fuck dude, same? I realized about two days ago I really might be a transgender and I repressed the hell out of it bc I had an honest talk with one of my friends who is trans. I thought Im nonbinary/agender but it didn't really fit? It felt better to be androgynous and you know, not female... Anyway I was talking with this friend and god HOW I CRIED AND SHAKED. I never was so stressed about a talk in my life and thats when I realized, I didn't care and have strong feelings about telling people Im agender, I wasn't scared of it because probably Im not? I don't have strong feelings about it?
Long story short, my blessed friend took me shopping for some male clothes and perfume and shit and Ive got shitton of validation, bless.
Still wont go through transition in years (no money, living with parents hh Im not that crazy) but it felt good.
I love your hair color and I really relate to your life experience thank you so much!
likin' all the vance joy playing in the background of your videos lately
Thank you so much for this video. I'm going through pretty much the exact same thing, where I never knew I was trans until recently, and seeing other trans guys say they've known since they were young makes me feel really invalid and all that bad stuff lol. Yeah, I used to dress feminine to fit in, and for a while, I liked looking female, but now, I can't imagine myself being anything but male. So again, thank you for making me feel better
At least I'm not the only one. Thank you. I didn't know I was different until very recently.
I related to this so much I didn't know there were other trans men like me
Thank you so much Taylor. This is probably the closest story I've found to mine on youtube, and I'm a heavily questioning MTF. You said you weren't good at getting you're words out but I thought you were articulate but shy, like me.
Thank you so so much! This has caused me so much doubt before, I completely the same in my teens and when I look back at it now it really make me question myself. I'm glad to know someone has the same history and made it through :)
Wow this sounds like my story. I'm still struggling a bit even though I've come out as ftm now and I'm old, 44 and just at the start of my journey. Happiness is the most important thing in the world and I am so happy that you are now comfortable.
great video! can really feel the struggle from just the way you talked about your past
I relate to this. I thought I had to wear everything feminine. I thought that I had to act like that. I always felt uncomfortable with myself and I didn’t know why. I thought it was because I was fat and nothing worked. But even if I found something that I really liked, I never ever liked it on me. Then I wore guys clothes for the first time and it felt right but also wrong because stereotypes. But then I just stopped caring. And now I’m almost on t. 😊
I seriously can't express how much this video has helped me. Thank you so much for making it!
You made me cry...I feel very similar to you...Thank you for sharing your story, I feel like there's finally someone I can relate to ...🖤
I have the same thing happening in my life. I’m still young but I have switched between both sides more than once. And I heard of the word transgender and didn’t think much about it either. A couple years later I started watching films and interviews with transgender people and their joournies to finding their trues self. And the more I watched them, the more I asked myself about it. You have helped me find out that I may have been a girl who wore makeup a bunch and was insecure, but can now be that fun confident boy that I have had inside me. I can now wear my brothers clothes, without questioning if they describe me or not. All I can say if thank you.
This is extremely helpful, I just don't know what to say now that you've just said exactly everything I feel. Thank you so much, honestly thank you.
wow... exactly how I've been. I couldn't even begin to express to my therapist. its so hard to explain.
Omg my scene phase was 10th grade!! Lol and 9th kinda. You're like telling me my life story...I also changed my clothes 1000 times d a day but as soon as I dress like a guy I automatically feel 100% better. I've done big chops twice
I feel like this could be me. But I have no clue. I am born female. But I've always hated girl clothes. I love guys clothes. I don't think I want to identify as a male. I don't know. I'd rather have a flat chest. I just don't know
It sounds like you're nonbinary
idk you could just be a female that isn't very feminine, or maybe you're some kind of non binary 💕
thank you all
Holly Akins
I'm in the same boat! I'm clueless, I think I'll cut my hair to boy length this upcoming week and see how it feels.
Thanks for sharing, man. It is nice to know that we are not alone in this world. That's what I struggled with the most..thinking that I was the only one with these feelings.
Thank you for making this video. I was struggling today and this helped a lot
I super relate to all of this. I went back and forth on my gender presentation in school, mainly because of peer pressure to look a certain way. It wasn't until I left for college that I felt free to present in an authentic way and to really start exploring my gender identity. I love your honesty in this video - there's nothing wrong with being like us
The realization you had and running to ur mom about a new haircut made me relate so hard even tho for me it was in 7th grade.
Thank you for this! Youre such a wonderful person. Youre not bad at expressing yourself; youre transitioning in any way IS expressing yourself.
I'm in high school. I've been struggling with my gender identity and sexuality. I honestly just don't know. I chopped all of my hair off recently. I love it short. I wear pretty masculine clothes considering I live in a conservative household. And they don't like how I "dress like a guy". I think I may try him/he pronouns soon but I'm gonna wait until I'm 18. I'm just not sure. I just figure that as I've grown up, I've always hated being a girl. A masculine body is something I've always wanted. I hate my curves. I just don't know though. I have a feeling I know the answer to my own question. I'm just too scared to show the true me. Any help?
or rather, support? :P
so im 20 and ive been questioning since I was 19. yea, a whole flippin year. I really want to thank you for making this video. it really helped me.
I love this.... everyone I've known before this have been the kind of trans ppl who have always known. It didn't occur to me that some trans ppl didn't know, struggle to fit in, and then transitioned. Cool to see it from another perspective! Thanks, definitely sharing!
thank you for making this video! I relate so much, and it's great to see that I'm not alone. I've always went between being a tomboy and girly girl, and it's been so confusing because of that, but I'm starting to understand myself better, and it really is an excellent thing to know I'm not alone in my story. Thank you
This helped me so so much I had an extremely similar experience and I felt like it almost invalidated me to be a trans male so I was thinking I might just be genderfluid but I wanted to be masculine and being feminine made me upset and uncomfortable but that's what I thought would make more sense for other people because of comments like, "Well what about that time when you were somewhat feminine?" And it scared me because I was uncertain of myself and this just completely validated all of my feelings up to now, thank you!
This video is so on point thank you! I've been trying to find the words to explain how I feel and this is perfect! by the way you're looking fucking great
I'm 5 years late to the party, but I wanted to let you know that this video is THE video I needed. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Thank you for sharing!! I'm struggling with my identity and it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this..
I had been so back n fourth myself. But when I learned what transgender was, I knew I fit the category more than I thought I would. You're so inspirational, Taylor. Thanks for sharing tour message
this video touched me so much ;u; thank you so much for sharing in such a personal way
Thanks man, this video made me feel a lot better about how I'm feeling
Idk how long ago this was made but it does help my thought process! Thanks for sharing, you are amazing :)
This helped me so much you're just like how I am right now and I needed this right now. Thank you
Thank you so much, I was 14 or 15 when I first started questioning. It's been very hard for me to feel valid as a trans boy, and it's caused a lot of self doubt even though I know I am a boy. This helped so so much
fuck i found this video by searching "didn't know you were trans when young" and this makes me feel so much better
This does help a lot. I often start getting worried about really being a trans man because I really didnt have the 'im a boy' thoughts until very recently in my mid/late 20s.
I feel my childhood was a lot more 'nonbinary' than anything. I liked boy and girl stuff. I never really desired to cut my hair or look like a boy in any way, but I also didn't really consider it to be an option either, I was a 'girl' so why would I even consider that? But I was never really 'girly' either and a lot of my female friends tended to be queer or tomboys and I didnt really get along with 'girly girls', but I never had many guy friends either. In my early 20s when I learnt about nonbinary I thought I could be that but I didnt really understand it or gender identity very well. I just thought all girls felt that way, doesnt make them trans. When I was 25 I read up on gender dysphoria and gender identity and realised that I was trans. I identified as nonbinary until I started to consider the possibility I could be a trans man. I didn't really want to be nonbinary, I leant more towards the masculine spectrum until eventually I just thought 'I think I just want to be a man'. So now I identify as a trans man. Its a very different journey from most trans men I think so I don't feel as valid sometimes and I worry about transitioning and not liking being a man because of it.
I relate to this a lot. I'm 16, and I'm currently going through a lot with gender identity. This helps tremendously.
Hey man...I know you posted this like 4yrs ago but bro...this hit my core. Exactly the experience I needed to hear. It’s so hard to get out of my head and stop pushing the thought of being trans to the side...constantly doubting and saying “I’m just different.” That’s no way to live, you know? I guess I’ve got a 30 yr habit to break. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for the comfort it brought me. I sometimes just think I’m crazy...which, logically you would think that’s a sign of “hey...chill out, you’re transgender.” Anyway, thanks for the encouragement. And as a fellow redhead, I dig the style. Stay chill man.
this video is so meaningful. I'm in the middle of questioning, and thid video is so validating.
I relate to you. I was just like you only I didn’t go back and forth, I went extreme with feminine and didn’t like it but I felt I had to, I wanted a kid and I wanted to be married so I went with it and now I’m struggling. I want T but I fear the changes because I have a scrawny and very masculine face already. I have huge facial bones and I don’t know what T would do to that. I’m not sure about a beard, but I want the body hair and I want to be a boy (I’m 26) I’m signing up to a gender specialist next month after coming out 6 months ago. I’m terrified but excited
So important!🎉❤🎉❤ You got the words put perfectly and did a stellar job of articulating a little spoken about trans experience that many of us do share. Thank you
I needed this so much. Thank you for this.
This helped me so so much. Like u said. I dress in feminine clothes because my mom wants me to. Its not that I don't feel comfort in those clothes it's that I have more comfort in masculine clothes. I never consider myself as trans but I consider it. I just feel my mom and dad would be so disapointed in me. I kinda came out to my mom as bi. She didn't take it well. She would hate if I would be trans. I just don't get her. What do I do if my mom won't get me a binder. I scared to even ask her
I didn't understand for a long time. One of my problems was that I don't mind feminine clothes, makeup, or hair. My problems were with other things, like serious dysphoria over my chest. I kept thinking I'd grow to like it... and never did.
Exactly what I'm going through right now. I have no idea who I am anymore. I came out to my family as transgender, went through it all. I got harassed by a lot of people, including some "family members". I got to the point where I just needed a break.. I had no one to talk to. No one who could understand me or relate to what I was going through. So believe it or not, after all that hate I started to think that.. Maybe something was wrong with me? I started dressing feminine again (as well as identifying as female) and now my dysphoria is coming on strong, but I try so hard to ignore it. I just don't know what to do anymore, and I'm pretty much lost and feel like I just won't fit with whatever choice I do make. There's a lot holding me back.
Thank you, this was extremely helpful and it is nice to see other transman who didn't know from the beginning.
Hi, first you’re adorable. Second, this helped me so much so thank you for posting this.
I never questioned my gender.
And now I think I'm a trans guy.
And it's a good feeling to know that you are not a female but a shitty feeling because you know you have dysphoria.
Oml Taylor, you're amazing! This helped me so much..
I literally relate to this so much im going to cry. I always thought i was kind of odd myself. BUT THANK GOD AT LEAST ONE MORE GUY THAT DID THE SAME FUCKING THING! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I feel you, except im even further away from that stereotypical story... I was a super feminine kid. Basically didnt show any signs AT ALL until puberty hit and i started questioning everything at 13... Im still scared that maybe im getting it all wrong.
thank god a guy i can relate to, thank you so much for this video
I love your smile and you laugh. I love your voice. I also love how you are so open. and stuff
I feel like you just described my life to a T. I needed to hear this so bad, thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for this video. I think it's very needed to see other "trans narratives" than the ones you always see when they knew from a very young age etcetera. I am non binary but I struggled a lot in the beginning with feelings about being trans and not being trans back and forth. Now many years later I am sure of my identity and have finally started t (actually just got my first shot two days ago)! :)
Love from Sweden!
Thank you so much for this video, it’s exactly what I needed to hear right now 💕
that's how I was. I hated dresses and makeup but I did it cause I thought that's what I had to do cause everyone was doing it and to this day it's hard walking into school as a guy. and posting videos here I'm still that "girl" cause my family watches my videos. and so scared to say who I am
Oh my gosh. Thank you.. I'm so glad you made this video!
Hey dude. Thank you thank you thank you for making this video. I'm 17. I was born female and never felt masculine as a kid. I loved dresses and Barbie and makeup. Loooved makeup and I still do. I think this is mostly from what society and my friends and family showed me and told me what was expected. I always tried to fit in and be a pretty girl. I have always hated my body though, but not for the reasons that most non cis people do. I always wanted bigger boobs, bigger butt. I was and am skinny as a twig. And I hated my face. I wore tons of makeup. But no matter what I did or how I dressed I never felt pretty enough. It wasn't until I cut off my hair and got grounded from makeup by my dad that I stated to understand my discomfort with myself. I didn't hate my body bc I wasn't pretty enough, it was bc I was not being myself. Finally I started to secretly wear men's clothing and try to act like a guy as much as possible. My confidence went way up and so did my self esteem and body image. I like to be called Alex now as opposed to my girly birth name. Though I wouldn't call myself a man. And I think I'm still comfortable being called a girl, it was really comforting to know that I'm not the only person who didn't "always know" that I'm not cisgendered. Sometimes I still feel girly and I feel my best in winged eyeliner and stilettos. But more often than not I want to wear a vest and tie. Thanks for boosting my confidence to be the queerdo that I am today. Peace.
I've had this in my favorites for over a year I came out last year still struggling alot with everything but I feel like everything he says is word for word my life and I watch this video when I start feeling invalid and it helps so much
Good for you for coming out. Proud of you. And I hope things start to get a little easier for you as time passes.
If you ever need to talk about anything or just need someone to listen, shoot me a message. Anytime
I'm so thankful that I found this video, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who was confused and didn't know from a super young age:/
I didn't know either. I could have, but somehow I refused to see. As a kid I even sometimes said 'I should have been the boy and my brother should have been a girl' (now turns out I'm ftm trans and my brother feels like both female and male - he is like I don't care if I'm a guy or a girl).
Throughout my whole life it was like this back and forth (although I had long hair for the longest time) but I never thought about me being trans. I even met a transman and thought 'I don't want to be like him' or sometimes as a child would think 'I don't want to be a boy' (I think if I were cis I would never had thoughts like that... because I wouldn't have compared myself with male figures).
I somewhat figured that I was trans when I was 21 but still didn't really want to go this journey but now at 25 I think it might be worth it so I started to out myself (a friend and my brother know, next one is my mom and I'll show her this 'cause she thinks you have to know since a young age or latest in your early teens - I know she'd be cool with it as soon she understands this and that you can be trans and gay..)
im 16, and i think i have a similar story as you) and the same about the ending) how did your parents react? i'm really scared of coming out and all this stuff.. they don't even let me cut my hair short :/
Thank you, I'm so glad I found this video. Your story sounds very similar to mine, and it's so validating to hear. I keep trying to abandon this "male part of me" and just be a girl and fit in but it keeps coming back and I want to wear boys clothes again. But I can't ever believe I'm actually trans because I'm just not SURE, and every other trans guy always seems so sure of himself, like he always knew, and it just clicked when he found out what transgender was. But it was never like that for me at all, and I wasn't always uncomfortable being a girl. It's really really helpful to hear a story that sounds similar to mine, and it makes me feel like maybe I'm not just crazy. Thank you.