How to Get Unstuck, Do “The Work,” Take Radical Responsibility, and Reduce Drama in Your Life
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2024
- Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing Wealthfront.com/Tim
Show notes: tim.blog/2021/10/06/diana-cha...
Diana Chapman is a co-founder of the Conscious Leadership Group and a co-author of the book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership. Her passion is to help organizational leaders and their teams eliminate drama in the workplace and beyond. She has worked with more than 1,000 CEOs and is a well-respected facilitator for the Young Presidents Organization (YPO), working with their forums and chapters worldwide.
She has been a speaker at TEDx, Mindful Leadership Summit, Wisdom 2.0, Stanford Graduate School of Business, and more.
When Diana is not with her clients, she can often be found gardening at her suburban homestead in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California. She lives there with her husband of over 30 years.
Please enjoy!
Intro [00:00]
From scrapbooking stay-at-home mom to someone who inspires billionaires [03:02]
What is the Drama Triangle, and how might someone use it? [06:08]
What is the whole-body yes (or no), and how can it serve us? [13:06]
How to pay better attention to your whole-body yes (or no) [15:39]
Muting the desire to celebrate as a way to protect against disappointment (and the antidote) [30:19]
A “black belt in practicing candor” [35:57]
Loving pressure and how to apply it [37:28]
Guiding someone through introspection and Byron Katie’s “turnarounds” [44:49]
Diana guides me through a turnaround. [45:33]
An aside: A turnaround isn’t designed to invalidate the inspected belief (because parts of it might serve a purpose), but to identify and embrace alternatives. [53:50]
The importance of introducing the somatic into the picture [55:24]
Who is the witness, and how do they figure into this process? [1:00:59]
Walking the line [1:02:55]
What if you’re dysregulated? [1:07:14]
Growing in marriage [1:08:48]
Navigating marital decision points [1:17:05]
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership-examples [1:19:48]
The Mind Jogger app and how to use it with the commitments [1:23:46]
Assessing self-awareness in a hiring interview [1:26:28]
Books most gifted [1:28:44]
Where to find Diana and parting thoughts [1:30:29]
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LINK TO ALL SHOW TRANSCRIPTS: tim.blog/2018/09/20/all-trans...
About Tim Ferriss:
Tim Ferriss is one of Fast Company’s “Most Innovative Business People” and an early-stage tech investor/advisor in Uber, Facebook, Twitter, Shopify, Duolingo, Alibaba, and 50+ other companies. He is also the author of five #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestsellers: The 4-Hour Workweek, The 4-Hour Body, The 4-Hour Chef, Tools of Titans and Tribe of Mentors. The Observer and other media have named him “the Oprah of audio” due to the influence of his podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show, which has exceeded 700 million downloads and been selected for “Best of Apple Podcasts” three years running.
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Brought to you by Wealthfront automated investing Wealthfront.com/Tim
Tim, thank you for modeling touching our deepest fear and allowing new energy in there. As I was healing from extreme trauma i also had depths of depression that were terrifying. For me, I had to go beyond witnessing and instead create internal unconditional love for that part of myself still holding despair.
That love brings actual healing. So each depression then became an opportunity to heal the places in myself I can't reach in any other way.
I also found acceptance for the fact that the more beautiful my life is, the more those heartbroken parts of myself come forward to heal. So instead of being angry for feeling depressed in the face of abundance, I embraced those parts as if they were lost children coming home because life is finally safe enough for them to trust that they can heal now.
I don't know if you will ever read this, but perhaps it will speak to someone else. ❤️
It has spoken to me
Thank you so much 💓
Incredible comment. Your analogy of crossing beyond the witness resonated a lot. Typically supramundane insights are structured in such a way that people describe them as awakening, waking up, or growing up but I liked how you expressed the psychological resurfacing and healing that arises (supramundane psychological insights).
I really wish you the best. You've done great.
This beautifully articulates something so many people can identify with and gain inspiration from. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
“Fear, when we’re present, is an intelligence that says, 'something needs to get learned.'"
Powerful 🙏🏽
"Your fear is an Intelligence saying, 'something needs to be learned.' " Holy freaking Yes. Thank you. All of this is exactly what I needed to hear right now, apparently.
so when you have that bad gut feeling by meeting someone or just feel insecure - means you need to learn how to be more confident and loving towards yourself... kind of, right?
If you are triggered by abuse, you may not be able to drop into your body like she's coaching at 56 minutes. I've worked with people who have taught me not to teach breath meditation and going deeply inside a body that has a lot of trauma. Might be why The Body Keeps Score is on a bestseller book list for years. I like Dick Schwartz IFS for this part of the slow down and sit with the parts that are not going to just unfold on the spot, or ever. The witness is the center without needing to do anything.
Spot on. Very important for people to understand this aspect. it's not so simple as she is saying. it's much more nuanced depending on where someone is in their state as you point out. thank you for speaking up!!
Hi Tim, and Diana, thank you this was fabulous. Tim, may i encourage you to lift your screen up so you speak into it as if you were with me in the room, I had a bodily response to Diana which was open and receptive. With you looking down at the screen, your looking down, leaning forward, struggling to connect. Love to see you level with the screen, seeing into your eyes in a different way. I spend hours zooming clients and it creates a playful, open, receptive sacred type of presence, like lookinginto your heart space. Thank you again for your honesty and vulnerability.
This conversation was a pure bliss, deep, clear and so beautiful. It made me cry. Thank you so much :)
Much Love and peace for you Brother Tim. Exactly the same for you Sister Diana, thank for you. Steve, Wales, UK
Thanks Tim. It looked like some of this was challenging for you. Thanks for being open.
Wow Diana, I am inspired to play more, and challenge myself and others playfully more. Thanks for being real. Love you, and how you are changing the world
Just bought your book in Amazon Diana, after listening to your words I am sure I am gonna love it. Thanks to Tim for bringing her!
Wow. Thank you both for your vulnerability. Your courage to ask "what needs to be learned?" in the face of fear feels inspiring. I see it in both of you.
Thank you for this conversation and the whole body yes check.
Yes - Circles, whirlpool, and swirls of energy everywhere especially in my chest. Feeling excited.
No - Stiff, breathing feels too loud, I'm thinking my breathing is too loud, I'm regulating my breathing because I think it's too loud.
Settle No- fidgety.
Im on such a similar journey. In great contrast to how I am normally, to learn to feel my body and my sensations has helped a great deal in avoiding shutting down, shutting other people out while trying to deal with my own emotions alone. Has also helped me experience life with greater joy and presence
What an awesome interview. What a wonderful, wonderful person. I didn't know Diana Chapman. After what I've heard, I want to dive deep into her work. Thank you so much!
Life changing interview again Tim. Thank you for mixing this stuff into your output!
Fabulous episode. More than eliminating drama. Basis is great relationships.
Thank you for the live therapy session. 💙
58:30ish IMHO, Tim, the difficulty of dropping in to you body and out of your head is about your relationship to receiving.
With that being said, I wonder if you can acknowledge how extraordinary it is that you allow yourself to be seen by millions of people doing your deep work and revealing some of your icky, ugly, unsightly thoughts/feelings/experiences and that there may be a part in you that hasn’t been asked or granted permission for this public display in the name of being available for helping others.
I’ve been guilty of over riding that inner voice and resistance of my little one inside who is not ready to share and needs big adult me to have her back and keep her feeling safe and protected.
Perhaps before the show you could check in with that voice within you and feel for your yesses and no’s on what feels empowering to share without sacrificing yourself?
My own practice is learning to “ honor myself first and then others or all is lost”. When I am doing that and have all of me on board there is a natural ease and flow to giving and receiving. My body feels lit up and is a YES.
Loving this interview!
She reminds me deeply of someone who I used to practice under. Different wording same mechanisms. Identity intelligence is something few can master because inside each of us lives a sleeping dragon that can't be analysed until awoken and rather than confronting it we would use external progress to mask the fear of getting real. "How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him". Frank Herbert
I literally loved every minute of this. Definitely what I needed to hear today. Thank you both for all that you share and do!
Yes. 💯 Tim's passion in uplifting and helping others is really inspiring. I'm glad you found Tim as your guide. ❤
WoW!....That was excellent! Thank you both, very much!
Tim is such a Damn Delight! And Diana as well!
I did ayahuasca ceremony and I felt very strongly and clearly that we do not know our subconscious language at all. For example we want to relax and try to talk ourselves into it.
Instead I now visualize a beautiful beach, wind breezing through my hair, sun shining brightly, relaxing music on the background. now I used my inner senses.
Thank you for yet another great session Tim. Itsumo arigato :)
I appreciate the lesson and used this for relaxation during one of my prescribed epsom salt baths - thank you! ❤
What an Amazing episode 🙌
Really looking forward to this episode, I'm sure it won't disappoint!
Perfect Intro !
Very powerful. “Coach Corey Wayne” ‘s channel talks a lot about this kind of stuff. Sounds like we’re talking about the polarity of masculine vs feminine energy in relationships. For women, “Matthew Hussey” is good on this topic about how to show up.
For God didn't give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.
I can really recommend yoga to get more connected with your body and out of your head. Also put your phone away more often. Great interview, listened to it on a podcast App and then flipped through the video. Loved listening without image because it felt more intimate.
I'm 30 minutes in and already my life is changed. The body 'yes / no' exercise is powerful. Remember the Tony Robbins exercise for finding the answer to a difficult decision? This is that on steroids, imo. Though both are high impacting.
I'm not familiar with the Tony Robbins exercise you mentioned...could you tell it in a nutshell?
a really good interview.
Tim did you learn anything from Gabor Mate ie internal family systems
I wish I could feel like Diana describes she feels. I wish I could just do it like she says she does it. Unfortunately it is a very sensitive issue and I do not think it works for me. Using the word “ just…let go. Just feel the body…” might sound very challenging to those of us who wish to be able to do JUST that most of our life, after dangers did happen. Trauma is something that cannot “just” be bypassed trying to TELL others to JUST to do it.
I am happy to share a more natural technique for body awareness if you'd like to learn about it.
Some thoughts around minute 59.
Tim, I don’t think you felt that support. No one was there…. I feel that deeply.
I think I already do what Diana is saying about play, and a whole body yes. But now I feel permission to let that part of me grow. Verification I'm on the right track. Invaluable.
Tim, you are the best! I relate to your mindset so much! Love it😁🔥🙌🏻🌎
This talk has been great. I must admit i find this difficult because I'm conditioned to use intellect to resolve everything. I must go practice.....
The pods are just awesome! So much quality information.
I so relate. 🎈
Already like it
Love your videos and long term fan, have you considered doing short clips if your videos. I am so busy and I am so much more likely to watch a subject specific 10 minute video
Thank you algorithm
I've been reading the upanishads and I'm all for having more awareness in our body. I've never tried having my body make my choices, at least my brain has no conscious logs of it, but I wonder if this would be helpful for people whose bodies have cultivated lots of bad habits. I can see how that may be distractive. It's possible I missed a part of that message
The power of "I Don't Know"
Essential that people' buy into the following beliefs: 'Feel-Think-Do-Persit & Become' and then tap into the 'Power of Me-We-Us & Our'.
Whole body YES guided meditation (or whatever that is) starts at 16:51 (so I can find it again).
can someone tell the name of the app mentioned in the interview, which shows you a reminder throughout the day of the questions to ask yourself?
Mind Jogger
Not going to lie the instruction to stop thinking of depression as a dangerous thing didn’t land with me. Depression IS dangerous. I think its more helpful for me at least to remind myself of how much faith I have in myself to navigate those dangerous times. Its like driving a car in bad weather. It may be dangerous but I am a careful skilled driver who has proven to be able to handle it, and there is no reason for fear to stop me.
Timoteo: as you get older you're going to be more and more present. If you're still doing podcasts in your 50's the full body tuning is exactly right for you. Like this teacher says at 29 minutes. That's enough.
omg... I am the drama triangle
😄I appreciate that
I always thought Harville Hendrix was creepy. I trusted my gut on that one many years ago.
Tim is potentially a talented Blues singer/musician. He has the emotional disposition and those grainy vccals could really work.
wow starts at 0, I was looking for the starts at x comment
Can someone give me 5 grand to go to the Hendricks Institute, too? 🥺
Oh, but now you can Zoom with them in their “playground” for $79/ month x 12 = 948/ year. Do you think you’ll be fixed by then?
Maybe you could work for the 5 grand 🙏
But once it is all over, it wasn’t that bad.
What might Goggins think of this? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
…who’s Dustin?
Most of the world: Gosh, I hope I have enough money to feed my family again this month.
Americans: I don't want to do anything I don't feel a whole-body-yes about, in a sexual way.
Byron Katie copy?
I think it is dangerous for me to get drunk and then drive because I might run over a pedestrian. Is that true? It might be. Okay, let's pretend the opposite is true, that doing that activity is not dangerous, do you feel better now? Yes, thank you. All set.
You totally missed the point....
Lost me at Santa Cruz mountains… alternate universe. Aka 1% with any privilege in the world
Do You think women are better at reading thier body feeling on the Yes and No sensations?
I do, and I am a Man
Too frigging complicated, overly analytical and halfway through the interview, the mention of Byron Katie’s, “Is it true?” exercise, solidifies this as “mental masturbation”. Just meditate! It’s easy and uncomplicated (TM, that is.)
Different strokes for different folks,we are all different and for some, just meditating is not possible when the head is spinning with thoughts that you are not able to detache from, the work can be a good tool and an aid to see through thoughts.
🔥🔥 45:51 🔥🔥
Omg FORTY FIVE MIN FIFTY ONE SEC
This spoke to me
She takes Tim through a real life example of a limiting belief around depression. Horrified to hear him refer to multiple rounds of depression, my nightmare. That just gut checked me.
When I hit that black wall and got knocked flat on my back at 21 (after a decade of what I finally learned from a quick professional diagnosis was long-term, low-grade chronic depression) I researched and saw all the experts say it is cyclical, for life, and was double devastated. 20 some years later, the only remaining lingering ill effects are exactly as he describes here. I think of it as PTSD, light weight, resulting from depression. No severe symptoms but the memory of that living death is seared across my neurons; the prospect of it returning is unbearable. Brightside, my default baseline reset so that now, every single day free from mental illness is a good effing day.
It reminds me of the apt metaphor shared by Letterman, post medication: after seeing the world your whole life in gray-scale, he put on glasses that allow him to see the same world, in color. But, for me, feels like I navigate life in the blinding white of a photograph negative. I see the same exact picture most others see (alongside those still seeing in sepia or black and white) only I make out the scenes by carving figures out of the absence, the forms only visible when thrown into stark relief against that black of all the bad that could have been but isn't.
Anyway, love her insistence on opening space for not being "right" (as those experts were not, thank God) and for the incredible idea that depression could be safe or welcome ... or shouldn't NOT happen ... amazing. Might have saved a life with that one. Ty.
I’m curious how to you distinguish between anxiety/fear and a no.
Or maybe for me, that thing that I’m calling anxiety/fear is really just a no. Hmm. This is where it gets tricky for me.