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If your whole point of arguing is to win, you already lost. The point is to listen and to see if you can learn anything new and always be open to the idea that you can be wrong.
@@mattjohnson8492 Your projecting (Projection, ( Projection identification ) to a NYS board certified Psychiatrist, PhD. Brooklyn Hospital Department of Emergency psychiatric care. Thank you for sharing
This is why I love Jocko Podcast. You dont only "give advice" but you explain it with examples and why you do it. Especially how to deal with confrontational people or "difficult" people in the job environment. Those episodes in particular helped me out a LOT at work. In the past few years I was able to change things in my life and work on myself and interact with other people in a better way. I wouldn't say "oh you changed my life" but you helped me find ways and the confidence to do it myself and I am truly grateful that you put out so much great content.
I have read (Studied really) Jocko's book on Extreme Ownership and this guy is a genius and giant, who really has the ability to connect with his audience.
So you knowingly manipulate people in your care into taking medication and/or operations that they otherwise would not agree to; that's kinda fucked up.
@@ivomirrikerpro3805 we ask their goals of care and then listen to them carefully before developing a plan with them. Another term we use is shared decision making. Basically avoiding paternalistic medicine where we tell people what to do and expect them to agree, andinstead are more transparent about what the facts are and listen to patients more about what they want. Kind of like Jocko said ^ about really listening to the other person genuinely (you should try it!)
I won't step off my path to look for devils. But I certainly won't let any to pass me by. Was looking for fights until my mid 20's, but now, I don't argue, I'm making a point. In this day of age, most of the people are stuck in emotionalism. I value gathering knowledge way more than sharing it. As you said, the best way to win argument is to not engage in one. Good points though, I wasn't even aware I do so many of those little nuances until you laid them out. Seems I'm more meticulous than I've gave myself credit for. Even in argument, I'm rather allowing opponent to throw at me what they have. Internet isn't street, no body language, no eye contact. People will choose to insult you, because it comes with no consequences. That was tough one for me to adapt. But if you let them talk, their insults will tell you everything about them. So I've learned to listen.
This is gold. And it ties well with the importance of discipline. When someone throws an excuse upon excuse on you about why sth can't be done, and you know for a fact that the excuses are all false... it takes extra discipline to stay calm and find a common ground.
It’s wild listening to a man with so much useful knowledge and simultaneously knowing how much damage he could do with that knife in his hand if it were necessary. Thanks for the video gents. 🇺🇸✌🏽
Reframing is a great approach! And it's also important to realize when you are engaging with an individual who is not working with you in "good faith". Sometimes recognizing a toxic relationship and distancing yourself is the best way to insure that you do not get poisoned as well. Do not ignore red flags, they exist for a reason!
This is great advice for a variety of situations. The indirect approach works well with sincere people, who truly believe in the things they profess. Sincere people are generally more interested in finding the truth than winning arguments. However, this approach will not work with insincere people, or bad actors. For example, consider politicians. Most politicians are insincere. Most politicians will do anything to retain or increase their power, regardless of whether their words or actions are consistent with their campaign. Their priority is to gain power, not pursue truth, because they believe the only truth IS power. Trying to build a relationship with insincere people is like trying to win an argument with an intoxicated person - it’s impossible, and a waste of time. No matter how right you are, and how much evidence you present, you will never win them over. The only relationship you can build with insincere people is a toxic relationship. Once you know who they are, don’t engage, just avoid them.
What about, as my friend calls them: "bad faith actors" like a higher up abusing you for their own benefit with the attitude "they will because they can"? This escalated to a fight because the higher up attacked them for not accepting their position as everyone's slave basically.. Abuse of power and strict "food chain" kind of hierarchies are a big issue nowadays.. Even on a world stage as we know.. Authoritarian behaviors are reviving..
This clip has tremendous wisdom in it. I believe we debate/argue naturally this way when we are coming from a place of love and truly do not want to offend.
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel. Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to. We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them. All the best to you!
I used arguments to clarify for myself who I am because I am not rooted within myself. So if I'm against someone it gives me inner peace because I know "ah good! At least now I clearly know what I'm NOT!".
I understand where this is coming from. Jocko like me is a military vet. When I was in the marines, I was in charge of muscle bound dudes used to bullying their way through life. I forced these yuge ass guys into compliance with orders not by beating each one of them or pulling rank (but I did have to put hands on a few 😅 ) but by using his technique here. Made them believe and understand the mission.
Jocko, I tried this with someone whom I'm always getting in arguments and disagreements with. I did as you said to do by looking for common grounds, I even agreed with everything, that I would normally not give in on too. I even looked at how the argument was being framed against me, and then reconfigured the attack, into a positive by using the argument into being able to show a deficiency that can be improved on. But even after all of that......my wife still told me to shut up, quit my complaining and arguing with her, and just get up, be a man, and to go take the dogs out to go potty, even though it was 0327 hours, and cold outside. I guess what I'm trying to really say is.....would you try and argue with her next time? I need to get some shut eye before going to work each day. 😉😄😆😅😂🤣
I believe the arguing between both of you could already be a "habit". You know what I mean? She EXPECTS you to feel in opposition to her. We are very habitual animals. So try it consistently over a period of 3 months because that's the time it takes the brain to form a habit. Neuroplacticity is the key word here. Also, I want to add, set clear boundaries for YOURSELF what you are willing and are not willing to do. It is not against her. It is for YOU! Good luck! Easier said than done..
Wise advice for all times. Could this lesson be taught in Public Schools? Wish this principle of human relations had been hammered into my head earlier in life!.
I think Jocko's method is a good one. Sometimes you just need to convince people, because they are wrong and you are right. In these cases you are the expert / the detached observer and they are laymen / too invested. This surely has its place. Most of the time you both are somewhat right and somewhat wrong. So winning an argument is a very special case that should be handled with due care. If you regularly try to "win the argument", you probably try to tackle an ego problem instead of a real one. Sometimes you just need to bridge the gap, before people even try to listen to you. I think talking about "winning the argument" is a very unfortunate framing for this technique, because it is actually better than that. It is a helper to open up ears that are usually shut. It is a helper for dialogue and therefore an enabler for progress. “The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory but progress.” ― Karl Popper
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel. Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to. We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them. All the best to you!
So become Agreeable which is a fine strategy until someone sees thru this and realizes you are just agreeing with everything they say. You have to be careful with that, I think it's better to stand firm on somethings but not on everything 💯
This would've saved me years with my stepson 😂. Too bad I figured it out before you posted this. Thank you for the advice though. Those are solid steps to take to find a resolution without creating unnecessary brutality.
The best way to win am argument is to ask questions.. instead of fircingyour beliefs onto them..force them to clarify their OWN beliefs...watch the studdering begin
I’m curious Jocko. Is there any occasion where you wouldn’t want to find common ground? A topic that you feel so strongly about, you think it’s best to be hard headed as opposed to open minded?
I saw people arguing to the point of suing each other. Noone told them, that they were both correct. They just didn't see things from each others points of view... "Argument" escalated & where 2 fight, 3rd one wins. (some call it) "criminal" justice system won (won their money) Those insecure targets are often the strongest people on the planet. And kindest, "people diamonds". Just traumatized.
I strongly advise taking this tac. I am deployed 10 weeks at a time then home for 5 weeks. That's 8 months a year , living and working with people that you don't exactly want to be with but you have to. I always find myself sitting there and thinking "just shut the fuck up". The occasional time I'm asked my opinion I just bluntly say "I'm not interested. To be honest, the conversation is fucking boring". Won.
Jocko is one of the few "influencers" who actually gives good, solid advice
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
@@mattjohnson8492 Can you explain what you mean by this?
@@mattjohnson8492 tf are you even on about? Go back to reddit mate
✔
Amen
If your whole point of arguing is to win, you already lost. The point is to listen and to see if you can learn anything new and always be open to the idea that you can be wrong.
That sounds like loser talk
@@lnu2372 Pursuing truth does not make someone a loser. Someone who tries to "win" regardless of the truth however...
@@lnu2372I see what you did there
@@spikey288 I think his comment was a bit crass, but the statement did sound a bit kumbaya. It rarely works that way.
@@spikey288 sounds like Im winning
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. ~Proverbs 15:1
1000% spot on assessment. I own my issues. Self reflection = Self growth for me
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
@@mattjohnson8492 Your projecting (Projection, ( Projection identification ) to a NYS board certified Psychiatrist, PhD. Brooklyn Hospital Department of Emergency psychiatric care.
Thank you for sharing
How to win an argument, be Jocko
This is why I love Jocko Podcast.
You dont only "give advice" but you explain it with examples and why you do it.
Especially how to deal with confrontational people or "difficult" people in the job environment. Those episodes in particular helped me out a LOT at work.
In the past few years I was able to change things in my life and work on myself and interact with other people in a better way.
I wouldn't say "oh you changed my life" but you helped me find ways and the confidence to do it myself and I am truly grateful that you put out so much great content.
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
Intelligent people try to grow.
It sounds like you are an intelligent person.
Best Wishes! M.H
I have read (Studied really) Jocko's book on Extreme Ownership and this guy is a genius and giant, who really has the ability to connect with his audience.
If you have an open mind, there are no winners and losers, just students and teachers.
Been watching Ren?
@@AlexHennessy89 Ren? I don't believe so who is that??
I've been using these for life lessons with my high school students. These talks help both them and me. Thank you for making them.
We need more men like Jocko
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
You be that Man.
The World needs you.
THERE ARE....U S MARINES
I knew this was going to be an excellent snippet when it’s shot in color because normally when he talks, it’s in grayscale. Leadership gold!
I always need this Friday videos from Jocko. Starts the day and workout right
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
As a physician I can say that this is similar to our protocol when we discuss or negotiate next steps for patient's various conditions
So you knowingly manipulate people in your care into taking medication and/or operations that they otherwise would not agree to; that's kinda fucked up.
@@ivomirrikerpro3805 we ask their goals of care and then listen to them carefully before developing a plan with them. Another term we use is shared decision making. Basically avoiding paternalistic medicine where we tell people what to do and expect them to agree, andinstead are more transparent about what the facts are and listen to patients more about what they want. Kind of like Jocko said ^ about really listening to the other person genuinely (you should try it!)
My wife says I like to argue, I told her "no I don't....."
I won't step off my path to look for devils. But I certainly won't let any to pass me by. Was looking for fights until my mid 20's, but now, I don't argue, I'm making a point. In this day of age, most of the people are stuck in emotionalism. I value gathering knowledge way more than sharing it. As you said, the best way to win argument is to not engage in one. Good points though, I wasn't even aware I do so many of those little nuances until you laid them out. Seems I'm more meticulous than I've gave myself credit for. Even in argument, I'm rather allowing opponent to throw at me what they have. Internet isn't street, no body language, no eye contact. People will choose to insult you, because it comes with no consequences. That was tough one for me to adapt. But if you let them talk, their insults will tell you everything about them. So I've learned to listen.
This is gold. And it ties well with the importance of discipline. When someone throws an excuse upon excuse on you about why sth can't be done, and you know for a fact that the excuses are all false... it takes extra discipline to stay calm and find a common ground.
It’s wild listening to a man with so much useful knowledge and simultaneously knowing how much damage he could do with that knife in his hand if it were necessary. Thanks for the video gents. 🇺🇸✌🏽
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
@@mattjohnson8492 theil/putin? what are you talking about?
Reframing is a great approach! And it's also important to realize when you are engaging with an individual who is not working with you in "good faith". Sometimes recognizing a toxic relationship and distancing yourself is the best way to insure that you do not get poisoned as well. Do not ignore red flags, they exist for a reason!
Jocko needs to keep writing books that encompass more psychological jiu jitsu like this.
Thank for pointing that out. I agree. You’ve changed my life.
jocko is such a blessing
Nailed it brother! Pick your battles!
The strong rule over the weak, but the SMART rule over the strong.
Winning an argument doesn't equal solving problem.
This is great advice for a variety of situations. The indirect approach works well with sincere people, who truly believe in the things they profess. Sincere people are generally more interested in finding the truth than winning arguments.
However, this approach will not work with insincere people, or bad actors. For example, consider politicians. Most politicians are insincere. Most politicians will do anything to retain or increase their power, regardless of whether their words or actions are consistent with their campaign. Their priority is to gain power, not pursue truth, because they believe the only truth IS power.
Trying to build a relationship with insincere people is like trying to win an argument with an intoxicated person - it’s impossible, and a waste of time. No matter how right you are, and how much evidence you present, you will never win them over. The only relationship you can build with insincere people is a toxic relationship. Once you know who they are, don’t engage, just avoid them.
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
TRUTH.
Interesting that you say this because I just came from a video that talked about being able to detect toxic people and avoiding them
thank you!
Agree and amplify is an excellent tactic. Good video.
+1 for the mention of 'common ground', having common language is a bonus too ;)
Good one indeed! 100% agree
What about, as my friend calls them: "bad faith actors" like a higher up abusing you for their own benefit with the attitude "they will because they can"?
This escalated to a fight because the higher up attacked them for not accepting their position as everyone's slave basically.. Abuse of power and strict "food chain" kind of hierarchies are a big issue nowadays.. Even on a world stage as we know.. Authoritarian behaviors are reviving..
Agree and amplify..
Law of Non-Resistance is basically what he said. Agree with the person. Nobody remains receptive in arguments unless by conscious effort.
This clip has tremendous wisdom in it. I believe we debate/argue naturally this way when we are coming from a place of love and truly do not want to offend.
This really changed my perspective on how i interact with people and how i engage in arguments
thats the smart approach for sure.
Getting after it
Very engaging!!!
👍❤️
Be honorable, honest, and fair in your dealings
Truth!
On your Twitter anequedote, I have done exactly that and truthfuly.
and I was like FUCK IT chaaaaaaaaarge..THEY ALL broke and bailed
Embrace and amplify
Jocko is the man, right in so many ways. So many negative people out there.
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel.
Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to.
We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them.
All the best to you!
NAVY SEAL Jocko... This is Gold Also thank God for echo Charles
Jocko for President........ This man would make a great President........
He right
A color excelente 👍👍👍
cant exactly argue with jocko while hes wielding a shank lol
I used arguments to clarify for myself who I am because I am not rooted within myself. So if I'm against someone it gives me inner peace because I know "ah good! At least now I clearly know what I'm NOT!".
I understand where this is coming from. Jocko like me is a military vet. When I was in the marines, I was in charge of muscle bound dudes used to bullying their way through life. I forced these yuge ass guys into compliance with orders not by beating each one of them or pulling rank (but I did have to put hands on a few 😅 ) but by using his technique here. Made them believe and understand the mission.
Awesome video Jocko! Thank you. Completely changes my perspective on these things.
Buena estrategia.
Jocko, I tried this with someone whom I'm always getting in arguments and disagreements with. I did as you said to do by looking for common grounds, I even agreed with everything, that I would normally not give in on too. I even looked at how the argument was being framed against me, and then reconfigured the attack, into a positive by using the argument into being able to show a deficiency that can be improved on. But even after all of that......my wife still told me to shut up, quit my complaining and arguing with her, and just get up, be a man, and to go take the dogs out to go potty, even though it was 0327 hours, and cold outside. I guess what I'm trying to really say is.....would you try and argue with her next time? I need to get some shut eye before going to work each day. 😉😄😆😅😂🤣
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
I believe the arguing between both of you could already be a "habit". You know what I mean? She EXPECTS you to feel in opposition to her. We are very habitual animals. So try it consistently over a period of 3 months because that's the time it takes the brain to form a habit. Neuroplacticity is the key word here. Also, I want to add, set clear boundaries for YOURSELF what you are willing and are not willing to do. It is not against her. It is for YOU!
Good luck! Easier said than done..
You shouldn't win every argument, sometimes your just dead ass wrong.
😂🤣😆
@@Yetipfote: We've been married for over 34 years now....and it was like this, since we first met. 😅😂🤣
The whole point should be to learn something, not to win.
The best way to win an argument is to be the most violent person around. Works for me.
Agree, one shouldn't seek to win a arguments. The thing is you might live somewhere that you have to deal with crazy people.
Wise advice for all times. Could this lesson be taught in Public Schools?
Wish this principle of human relations had been hammered into my head earlier in life!.
I'd like to know more about gaining thoes skills to be confident and secure in yourself to verbally defend yourself
I think Jocko's method is a good one. Sometimes you just need to convince people, because they are wrong and you are right. In these cases you are the expert / the detached observer and they are laymen / too invested. This surely has its place.
Most of the time you both are somewhat right and somewhat wrong. So winning an argument is a very special case that should be handled with due care. If you regularly try to "win the argument", you probably try to tackle an ego problem instead of a real one.
Sometimes you just need to bridge the gap, before people even try to listen to you. I think talking about "winning the argument" is a very unfortunate framing for this technique, because it is actually better than that. It is a helper to open up ears that are usually shut. It is a helper for dialogue and therefore an enabler for progress.
“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory but progress.”
― Karl Popper
It's just like arguing with a delulu vice principal
Reminds me of when he said "ask people why they made the decision" instead of accusing them of making the wrong decision.
f you enjoy topics about mastery and masculinity, I invite you to explore the videos on the Mastery Order Channel.
Challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood, explore your masculine potential to the maximum and become the kind of man you would respect and look up to.
We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own thoughts so that others can also benefit from them.
All the best to you!
Jocko just shows up and automatically wins.
Brings a new meaning to “knife hand”… haha
So become Agreeable which is a fine strategy until someone sees thru this and realizes you are just agreeing with everything they say. You have to be careful with that, I think it's better to stand firm on somethings but not on everything 💯
Yep 👍
Did anyone else notice that Jocko talks about avoiding arguments while casually waving around that knife?
And that's how you write an essay
Old Jocko, got the knife out again.
“Always have a pocket knife in your hands.”
A house divided.
Chris Voss details this well in his book. Refers to it as an accusation audit - before the other side can state these claims.
This would've saved me years with my stepson 😂. Too bad I figured it out before you posted this. Thank you for the advice though. Those are solid steps to take to find a resolution without creating unnecessary brutality.
does he share any of the thiel/putin podcast money with the guys he served with who aren't traitors?
@@mattjohnson8492 I'll share these hands with ya tho if you feel like sharing your time
i saw that coming lol
The best way to win am argument is to ask questions.. instead of fircingyour beliefs onto them..force them to clarify their OWN beliefs...watch the studdering begin
As long as you are waving that knife I have NO arguments! :-)
I hope you can help the young kids of today with your podcasts and books.
he holds a knife lol
Risa framework at is finest
How to win fights, dont fight.
"The only way to win is not to play."
- War Games -
Somewhat ironic as he waves a knife around. Lol. You get along a lot better with a weapon and a kind word, than a kind word alone.
I’m curious Jocko. Is there any occasion where you wouldn’t want to find common ground? A topic that you feel so strongly about, you think it’s best to be hard headed as opposed to open minded?
Listen.
You can win by losing if you’ve learned something.
ALL who engage in arguments LOSE!
I saw people arguing to the point of suing each other. Noone told them, that they were both correct. They just didn't see things from each others points of view... "Argument" escalated & where 2 fight, 3rd one wins. (some call it) "criminal" justice system won (won their money)
Those insecure targets are often the strongest people on the planet. And kindest, "people diamonds". Just traumatized.
This some Sun Tzu shit!
I imagine Jocko isn't going to turn into a second Gorgias.
I strongly advise taking this tac.
I am deployed 10 weeks at a time then home for 5 weeks. That's 8 months a year , living and working with people that you don't exactly want to be with but you have to.
I always find myself sitting there and thinking "just shut the fuck up". The occasional time I'm asked my opinion I just bluntly say "I'm not interested. To be honest, the conversation is fucking boring". Won.
The last time I won an argument I lost the argument
And what is the advice for dealing with anti-social personality disorders? like Narcissists. I mostly ghost them.
why is he always pointing that knife at Echo 😂
Agree On Disagreeing
Or end up like "north/ south facing zaks" by Dr Zeus
The point of arguing isn't to win
If you watch the Ted Talk on Daryl Davis, that's exactly how he did what he did and the results are amazing.
I don’t argue with people, I just explain to them how I’m right and they’re wrong
ZT 0562 G10 Elmax?
Echo better stay in line
whats this "method" called?
🏆
No word beats fist, Jock-O.