Spoken like a True Aquarius! I've been socially selective all my life! Ppl are so quick to say I'm mean or quiet or funny acting. No I just choose not to give you access to my life or pretend like you're a friend when you're not!
Xem it is always a pleasure to see you on my screen and to hear your VALID thoughts. People need to know the difference between being shady and being socially selective especially in THIS day and age... Message completely heard and received. Thank your for putting yourself out there to share. Its really inspiring in more ways than you know!
Yesss! I felt every word of this! And it’s so heartbreaking that most people don’t grasp this concept! Thankfully, I learned this kind of stuff as a child and I carry it still til this day! Everybody that appears to be your friend isn’t; nor does everyone you think wants friendship does! That’s why we say, “Pick your friends wisely! Associates are a given!” Companionship takes time (trust has to be built & I have to know you), cordiality is a no-brainer! Brother, you are a blessing and thank you for sharing this! It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this one! I’ve dealt with some shady people and trust…I know the difference between someone that doesn’t want to be bothered with another and just pure shadiness! Loved this! Every bit of it! Blessings brother! 🙏🙏🙏
I don't ever comment on videos but, this was just what I needed to hear at this point in time! There is no obligation to "be friends" with people. Can't keep allowing just anyone into your life. Preach my man!!☺️🙌🏾
I completely agree with you Xem. When you're honest to someone's face they have something to say about it. I personally think you handled the situation maturely.
The God's honest-aint-no-lie-in-it TRUTH! I really needed this video today because I have cut off most of my "friends" and my life is now footloose and fancy free and I will NOT be putting myself through that hell again. You just reaffirmed that for me. Please continue to make videos. We need you!
A big NOPE! I had a friend do this, which is part of the reason our friendship started, and has fell apart. We shared a mutual friend, that never really was my friend because I didn't like his character, but we went to high school together. And me being who I am, I feel like if I've told you I don't want to hang with you or be your friend, and you're not listening, I'm not gonna fight you for it. So, I kinda dealt with him. Kinda like "If you can't beat them, join them", but not really. I never got on any close level with him, he'd call, I'd be dry with him, VERY. I would never call him. I did not associate with him out of school. I told my "friend", that I really don't care to be around him. One time I was talking to her, he was over there, and pop on the phone. I was irritated. That was strike one. Strike 2, one time she was coming over to hang out with ME, and she has invited the "third-party" when I had already told her how I felt. So, I continue on the little event, but I was very lite with him. After that, my relationship and interactions with that friend were very minimal. I could not trust her because I never knew if I was talking to her, if he was around to listen to the conversation on the phone, or if I wanted to hang out with her, would he be there or would she invite him or "allow" him to invite himself. But let me continue on with this video. lol. I'm like almost half way in, just had to share that.
II'm glad that you broke this down, I just walk around and let people call me shady because I really don't give a damn what they say. But now I can be more polite about it and be like no I'm not being shady, I'm being socially selective. Welcome back. I missed your videos....
There is a difference between friends and associates/acquaintances...People need to recognize! You can really eliminate the drama in your life, when you act accordingly. Thank you for addressing this topic in your post. It was 100% on point! :-)
Omg you gave me chills because I am just like you when it comes to knowing the difference between the two. I am at that same space in my life where I just don't have time to be around anything that don't genuinely bring me joy and I refuse to change presently or in the future. I too feel it's my grown man years and I take them very seriously. There are even family members who I don't feel deserve to be in my life and I'm fine with it I just love them from a distance but even they will not waste one second of my joy. Thank you for this video Zem, I loved it bro!
Man I am so glad you made this video, I can't you how many times I have had this very type of conversation about the difference between forgiveness and trust. And we train the people in our lives on how we would like to be treated. I think this video is a beautiful example of good self-care , healthy boundaries and forgiveness can be given but trust must be earned and not everyone will be able to earn that trust. You are so amazing man please keep making post, your message is an important one!
I love your videos. You speak so well & so effortlessly. Also you probably get this all the time but your eyes are amazing. Hope all is well. Thanks for sharing bits of your life with TH-cam.
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES...YES....This is so me....Once you grow up and mature, people can't handle it, then you are considered acting funny or whatever! Words can't express how much I agree with this video! This so me!
Did you ever put your friend in check for inviting the third-party to brunch without advising you in advance? If not, you should have. And did your friend know of your shaky history with the third-party?
Bro! Thank you. Man, some of these people (especially guys in this community) need to be less shady instead of acting like they're being socially selective. Also, thank you for breaking down the difference between the two. lol Yeah, mr. 3rd party was the one who was shady. I try my best not to be shady myself, but socially selective.
When it comes to preserving your peace of mind, you have to take whatever steps necessary. You owe it to yourself to trust your gut instinct. There may come a time when you both can talk about whatever happened and squash it. In the meantime cordiality, being congenial and socially selective seem to be the order of the day.
BIG LIKE Xem, I can so relate to what you are saying. I guess social media have changed a lot of our prospective specially when in comes to respecting each others privacy and how we interact. I dont have a facebook, and I keep repeating myself to my friends by saying that I really dont have anything to prove u know - If you get something new , enjoyed a nice outing , or even had some negative down feelings, why does ppl who are not that close to me or even if they are should know abt it, what are you trying to prove by sharing every single small thing in our lives !!
Whoa! The beard threw me off hahaha. Good video. You handled the third wheel quite well. He was super shady and didn't deserve the time of day. As he was driving home, he was probably singing that Whitney Houston anthem "Didn't we almost have it aaalllllll?" hahaha Dude deserved an umbrella. Be blessed!
This I something that I definitely need to hear, I know I need to work on being socially selective with people.. Like omg xemvanadams you said the truth.
XemVanAdams really good vid sir. I agree with everything you said, which I don't always do. (grin) The differentiation between "shady" and "socially selective" was really well illustrated here. Thank you for this, and thanks for all you do.
first off xem its good to see a video. and i completely understand where you were coming from. i had to separate myself from these people and i havent looked back.
Wow.. I realized that at 7:06 he definitely told the truth.. Being shady is like being fake and socially selective is being grown and telling the truth I love it.
Xem, the beard looking good on you and you are so right. Now that third party feels he has changed and made progress in his life does not give him a ticket back in your life.
I definitely agree. Prepare me before you surprise me with new personalities. As get older and continually interact with different personalities you should also understand details of interacting socially. Protect your peace
I can understand being selective but you can really miss out on some good people with that "Hi and Bye" type attitude with everyone. Sometimes I feel you take being this "social media celebrity" thing to the extreme, everyone is not always that starstruck over an Internet celebrity or socialite, and is out to get you. It's people out here with real fulfilling lives and happy with who they are that they probably just see you as a cool friend or someone they want in THEIR company. Don't let your ego block your blessings. Also it is totally understandable that some people you just don't want in your life, you are entitled to that!
Its hard to get trust back once its gone, in any type of relationship (friendship, family, partner, spouse). You should definitely trust your own instincts and inner voice about people and situations. You can forgive the past, but completely forgetting it is so hard to do.
I truely wish more people would understand this concept .... I'm called Shadey and Mean because I DONT invite just anybody into my area. People talk to much and do yo many things to make it seem like they know you.... I felt everything you just said in this video man
There is some serious knowledge being kicked in this video. I would hope folks listen to the message and take to the very good advice that is being given.
I have a relative invited about 10 family members to a restaurant on her, just before Christmas . Her younger brother came and brought five people with him without asking or offering to help pay for their meal. Go figure!
Life isn’t better for him. He is putting on a false mask. He wanted to get a reaction from you for his energy supply. It’s what narcissist always do and they can’t be cured! God bless you man!
It seems to me that the Third Party was being petty. I applaud you for being the adult in the situation. If that person couldn't understand why then obviously they aren't as mature as they claim to be
And you know what else? The friend who invited this "third party" was being messy .... You should have walked in..looked at the other guy, and walked right out....
THIS SITUATION SOUNDS LIKE A BIT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING.IF DUDE WANTS TO RECONNECT WITH YOU,WHY NOT?YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT THE ISSUES WITH HIM YOU HAVE OR HAD WITH HIM AND HATCH IT OUT.GAY DUDES JUST LOVE HOLDING ON TO SHIT INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE ISSUES OUT ON THE TABLE AND ADDRESSING THEM.
Spoken like a True Aquarius! I've been socially selective all my life! Ppl are so quick to say I'm mean or quiet or funny acting. No I just choose not to give you access to my life or pretend like you're a friend when you're not!
Amen! "Not everyone deserves to sit in the front seat of your life." You better preach!
Xem it is always a pleasure to see you on my screen and to hear your VALID thoughts. People need to know the difference between being shady and being socially selective especially in THIS day and age... Message completely heard and received. Thank your for putting yourself out there to share. Its really inspiring in more ways than you know!
Yesss! I felt every word of this! And it’s so heartbreaking that most people don’t grasp this concept! Thankfully, I learned this kind of stuff as a child and I carry it still til this day! Everybody that appears to be your friend isn’t; nor does everyone you think wants friendship does! That’s why we say, “Pick your friends wisely! Associates are a given!” Companionship takes time (trust has to be built & I have to know you), cordiality is a no-brainer! Brother, you are a blessing and thank you for sharing this! It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this one! I’ve dealt with some shady people and trust…I know the difference between someone that doesn’t want to be bothered with another and just pure shadiness! Loved this! Every bit of it! Blessings brother! 🙏🙏🙏
I don't ever comment on videos but, this was just what I needed to hear at this point in time! There is no obligation to "be friends" with people. Can't keep allowing just anyone into your life. Preach my man!!☺️🙌🏾
Exactly how I live my life...my circle is small but it's secure.
I completely agree with you Xem. When you're honest to someone's face they have something to say about it. I personally think you handled the situation maturely.
Thank you. May this message spread far and wide.
The God's honest-aint-no-lie-in-it TRUTH! I really needed this video today because I have cut off most of my "friends" and my life is now footloose and fancy free and I will NOT be putting myself through that hell again. You just reaffirmed that for me. Please continue to make videos. We need you!
A big NOPE! I had a friend do this, which is part of the reason our friendship started, and has fell apart. We shared a mutual friend, that never really was my friend because I didn't like his character, but we went to high school together. And me being who I am, I feel like if I've told you I don't want to hang with you or be your friend, and you're not listening, I'm not gonna fight you for it. So, I kinda dealt with him. Kinda like "If you can't beat them, join them", but not really. I never got on any close level with him, he'd call, I'd be dry with him, VERY. I would never call him. I did not associate with him out of school. I told my "friend", that I really don't care to be around him. One time I was talking to her, he was over there, and pop on the phone. I was irritated. That was strike one. Strike 2, one time she was coming over to hang out with ME, and she has invited the "third-party" when I had already told her how I felt. So, I continue on the little event, but I was very lite with him. After that, my relationship and interactions with that friend were very minimal. I could not trust her because I never knew if I was talking to her, if he was around to listen to the conversation on the phone, or if I wanted to hang out with her, would he be there or would she invite him or "allow" him to invite himself. But let me continue on with this video. lol. I'm like almost half way in, just had to share that.
After 1 minute into this video, I agreed completely with your feelings. Love your confident attitude and integrity.
II'm glad that you broke this down, I just walk around and let people call me shady because I really don't give a damn what they say. But now I can be more polite about it and be like no I'm not being shady, I'm being socially selective. Welcome back. I missed your videos....
There is a difference between friends and associates/acquaintances...People need to recognize! You can really eliminate the drama in your life, when you act accordingly. Thank you for addressing this topic in your post. It was 100% on point! :-)
'socially selective' I like that, thank you, now I have a verbal concept behind how I personally feel
'Third Party' did exactly what you said he did years ago. Tried to disturb the peace! #Boybye There is PEACE in being selective!
Omg you gave me chills because I am just like you when it comes to knowing the difference between the two. I am at that same space in my life where I just don't have time to be around anything that don't genuinely bring me joy and I refuse to change presently or in the future. I too feel it's my grown man years and I take them very seriously. There are even family members who I don't feel deserve to be in my life and I'm fine with it I just love them from a distance but even they will not waste one second of my joy. Thank you for this video Zem, I loved it bro!
This is a true classic.
Man I am so glad you made this video, I can't you how many times I have had this very type of conversation about the difference between forgiveness and trust. And we train the people in our lives on how we would like to be treated. I think this video is a beautiful example of good self-care , healthy boundaries and forgiveness can be given but trust must be earned and not everyone will be able to earn that trust. You are so amazing man please keep making post, your message is an important one!
Awwww man, I HATE when people invite unsolicited parties without my authorization first!!!! You've just landed a new subscriber!!!
Amen Xemmy...I don't have and don't allow chaos and foolishness in my life. I love having peace in my life.
Xem you were preaching up and down in this video! So many pieces of wisdom in this vid! Great seeing and hearing your commentary as usual.
Love the beard xemvanadams.. You look good, great to see you back!!!
He was speaking the truth
Glad to see you with another video, which was a great topic. I had to deal with this issue with one of friends.
I love your videos. You speak so well & so effortlessly. Also you probably get this all the time but your eyes are amazing. Hope all is well. Thanks for sharing bits of your life with TH-cam.
YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES...YES....This is so me....Once you grow up and mature, people can't handle it, then you are considered acting funny or whatever! Words can't express how much I agree with this video! This so me!
Did you ever put your friend in check for inviting the third-party to brunch without advising you in advance? If not, you should have. And did your friend know of your shaky history with the third-party?
Bro! Thank you. Man, some of these people (especially guys in this community) need to be less shady instead of acting like they're being socially selective. Also, thank you for breaking down the difference between the two. lol Yeah, mr. 3rd party was the one who was shady. I try my best not to be shady myself, but socially selective.
When it comes to preserving your peace of mind, you have to take whatever steps necessary. You owe it to yourself to trust your gut instinct. There may come a time when you both can talk about whatever happened and squash it. In the meantime cordiality, being congenial and socially selective seem to be the order of the day.
BIG LIKE Xem, I can so relate to what you are saying. I guess social media have changed a lot of our prospective specially when in comes to respecting each others privacy and how we interact. I dont have a facebook, and I keep repeating myself to my friends by saying that I really dont have anything to prove u know - If you get something new , enjoyed a nice outing , or even had some negative down feelings, why does ppl who are not that close to me or even if they are should know abt it, what are you trying to prove by sharing every single small thing in our lives !!
Whoa! The beard threw me off hahaha. Good video. You handled the third wheel quite well. He was super shady and didn't deserve the time of day. As he was driving home, he was probably singing that Whitney Houston anthem "Didn't we almost have it aaalllllll?" hahaha Dude deserved an umbrella. Be blessed!
This I something that I definitely need to hear, I know I need to work on being socially selective with people.. Like omg xemvanadams you said the truth.
How dare you not make a video for six months. Haha, great video as usual.
Omg he's I agree, like where has his azz been, omg.. But good video tho.
XemVanAdams really good vid sir. I agree with everything you said, which I don't always do. (grin) The differentiation between "shady" and "socially selective" was really well illustrated here. Thank you for this, and thanks for all you do.
first off xem its good to see a video. and i completely understand where you were coming from. i had to separate myself from these people and i havent looked back.
7:06 to the end is everything. I totally agree! Lord.
Wow.. I realized that at 7:06 he definitely told the truth.. Being shady is like being fake and socially selective is being grown and telling the truth I love it.
Xem, the beard looking good on you and you are so right. Now that third party feels he has changed and made progress in his life does not give him a ticket back in your life.
Miss you Xem!
I definitely agree. Prepare me before you surprise me with new personalities. As get older and continually interact with different personalities you should also understand details of interacting socially. Protect your peace
You preached a good word in those few minutes.
I can understand being selective but you can really miss out on some good people with that "Hi and Bye" type attitude with everyone. Sometimes I feel you take being this "social media celebrity" thing to the extreme, everyone is not always that starstruck over an Internet celebrity or socialite, and is out to get you. It's people out here with real fulfilling lives and happy with who they are that they probably just see you as a cool friend or someone they want in THEIR company. Don't let your ego block your blessings. Also it is totally understandable that some people you just don't want in your life, you are entitled to that!
I love you Xem. So much truth in this.
I really needed to hear this.
Baby, I had to come back here 3 years later to get this word!
Its hard to get trust back once its gone, in any type of relationship (friendship, family, partner, spouse). You should definitely trust your own instincts and inner voice about people and situations. You can forgive the past, but completely forgetting it is so hard to do.
XemVanAdams you are a class act. I LOVE IT!
Love this video Xem!!!
I truely wish more people would understand this concept .... I'm called Shadey and Mean because I DONT invite just anybody into my area. People talk to much and do yo many things to make it seem like they know you.... I felt everything you just said in this video man
There is some serious knowledge being kicked in this video. I would hope folks listen to the message and take to the very good advice that is being given.
Right on baby!!! Love ya.all the way from new orleans louisiana.
Excellent and honest logic.
And let the Church say, Amen!
It sounds like 3rd party wanted you in the past and couldn't have you, and still wants you now but can't have you.
This guy is speaking nothing but facts. 💯
I have a relative invited about 10 family members to a restaurant on her, just before Christmas . Her younger brother came and brought five people with him without asking or offering to help pay for their meal. Go figure!
Come on now, Xem!!!!!! YOU BETTER SAY THAT, BOY!!!!!!
Amen! I couldn't agree more!
I'M loving the beard!!!
I love you so much! Your such a smart intelligent man. I totally get it. Luckily for Me, I have very few friends whom I see every now and then.
I wish, with every part of me, I could have SEEN YOUR FACE walking to that table!!! #realtears
Damn he'll be a great father, significant other, etc.
Omg I've Missed Your Videos So Much! &&& I Love This Video Xem! ❤️
Awesome
Thanks for the video!
Third party sounds like the guy from a previous video: Misery Loves Company.
Xem you better preach that shit!!
I agree with you Xem.👏
Xem I need you to upload more often!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are telling the truth.
I forgot about you, but good video man. Yeah that's the truth, that's a mistake only youngsters do.
Life isn’t better for him. He is putting on a false mask. He wanted to get a reaction from you for his energy supply. It’s what narcissist always do and they can’t be cured! God bless you man!
Yes God for being Socially Selective. Chiile these gurls be so quick to call you friend, like we not friends!
everything ur saying I TOTALLY agree
Xem why does the third party seem immature?????
SAY IT MAN
DAMN. I LOVE IT. THATS WHERE IM AT IN MY LIFE.
It seems to me that the Third Party was being petty. I applaud you for being the adult in the situation. If that person couldn't understand why then obviously they aren't as mature as they claim to be
good job!
Good points
Hell yea you right
Exactly!
Preach!!!!
3rd party thought he was Wendy Williams for a minute
And you know what else? The friend who invited this "third party" was being messy .... You should have walked in..looked at the other guy, and walked right out....
True true
Just caught this video I'm in 200% in agreement I cut everyone off in 2011 and never looked back
THIS SITUATION SOUNDS LIKE A BIT OF A MISUNDERSTANDING.IF DUDE WANTS TO RECONNECT WITH YOU,WHY NOT?YOU SHOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT THE ISSUES WITH HIM YOU HAVE OR HAD WITH HIM AND HATCH IT OUT.GAY DUDES JUST LOVE HOLDING ON TO SHIT INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE ISSUES OUT ON THE TABLE AND ADDRESSING THEM.
Dude shouldn't have been there uninvited, but if your there you should sit small and relax ... Shade is real
Right!!!!!!
Nice video
I agree with everything you said here on this vid. I feel ya! lol :-)
Amen
I cn honestly say i learned some shit
I mean maybe he’s bi or pan also macho men aren’t all they are cracked up to be and tend to be very dangerous especially for Black women
beard- no
I play that game, no phone, no gossip. Its called , 'Lips'!