Personally I think she does love this child, but she's clearly being taken advantage of by the dad of the child and she's frustrated and overwhelmed. I hope she has someone in her corner to help her navigate this complicated relationship she's in.
With all of that you didn't read part of one of those posts that read that they wondered if the father is an older guy who found a young woman to "baby dump" the kid on. This is not her responsibility. They are not married. She needs to sit down and talk to the father and tell him he needs to make arrangements with the bio mom that the "stepdaughter" spends more time there at least till she can handle the kid coming back. If anything happens to the kid she is going to be blamed, she has no legal ground to stand on. Time for the bio parents to take responsibility of their child.
As a step mom who struggled in the early years with my 2 stepdaughters, (although they did still live with their mom) it was absolutely critical to get my husband on board with the ability to set and enforce rules around the house. Having to split their time between parents was hard on the girls and there were some behavioral issues as a result, and my husband was extra lenient because he wanted their time at our house to be easy for them. But it was finally too much and I had to get him to understand that they needed to respect me and our home. It did come together eventually. During the tough times, he told me "just keep doing what you're doing. One day they'll appreciate what you've done for them". Fast forward, and after my husband died, his older daughter said to me "Thank you for being my extra mom." My heart was full.
It is completely false that you need to "accept" someone else's children. While you need to be respectful, and fair no one should ever feel pressured or forced to love another person and that applies whether the person is a child or not. Its OK to feel detached from your step children and someone able to voice their resentments is a far more stable, well adjusted person than someone who demands their partner feel a specific way about ANYTHING especially love for their child.
My thoughts are that you shouldn't have made your babies with a single dad of another child if you were not willing to accept her completely. Accepting her completely doesn't mean quitting on her when she gets to be what you perceive to be as too bad.
It's not that simple. Accepting the child does not require accepting bad behavior and disrespect. And it's really tricky to discipline a child that isn't your own. Dad has to make it very clear to his daughter that she is expected to be a full part of the family, including respecting and minding his wife. Unless he makes the commitment as a full partner to his wife, she is in a nearly impossible situation that could tear them apart and the the kids will pay a heavier price.
We cant solve these problems because we are supposed to persevere and change ourselves to be the change we want to see. Yes she needs to make sacrifices and seek support for both her and her daughters and not give her problems to someone who probably can't look after her own daughter and is why the step daughter is in her care. The hubby needs to see his wife and daughter thrive in his home. I would give up Facebook and seek better advice and support. I had a two teared plate that was both full and i had to let go of heaps of things i was dealing with now that i have a special needs child and i lost my self identity and friends and i feel like it was meant to be. My 3 children now have me full time untill they all are independent enough to allow me the space and respite. I was beyond exhausted and burnt out but after years of wanting Change and a better standard of parenting, Jesus got me there. Now i can have a blessed home with kids that know love. That mum should not give up just yet.
Incorrect. Totally incorrect. You can love someone and not accept everything about them and in fact you shouldn't just delude yourself into an ideology that emphasizes "love everything about your partner" that type of thinking is delusional and entirely unhealthy. We all have things and relationships with other people, people themselves as well that our loved ones may not accept or like. Acknowledging that and dealing with it maturely is what you should do instead of forcing yourself or being forced by someone else to act and feel a way that you really aren't capable of. That's completely toxic and will only derail your relationships.
But that goes for the dad too. He owes it to his "wife" to back her up with his daughter to respect and obey the house rules. Leaving all the child rearing - of all of his children - to the step/mom is an abdication of his own parental responsibility. "He works a lot" is no excuse. Either you're a team or you're not.
A 23 year old raising a 7 year old is insanity. This girl should have turned the other way and run without looking back. Of course the kid is going to be defiant.
I’m in the same boat I love my sd dearly but I cannot do more than her parents. Like I cannot care more than her bio parents. They shouldn’t expect you to either but they do. It’s exhausting and very stressful bc then the kids mad at you bc you’re doing what their parents should be doing. It’s a terrible situation to be put into.
if you dont like their kids just leave. dont put yourself inbetween someone and their kid. "i want her to go live with her mother" i want you to grow up and leave that family alone.
Personally I think she does love this child, but she's clearly being taken advantage of by the dad of the child and she's frustrated and overwhelmed. I hope she has someone in her corner to help her navigate this complicated relationship she's in.
The person she needs in her corner is her husband.
I got married at 18, had 3 kids at 25. I took the "wine mom" right to alcoholism. Been sober now a decade, but yeah, its not easy
Congratulations 🎉🐐
With all of that you didn't read part of one of those posts that read that they wondered if the father is an older guy who found a young woman to "baby dump" the kid on. This is not her responsibility. They are not married. She needs to sit down and talk to the father and tell him he needs to make arrangements with the bio mom that the "stepdaughter" spends more time there at least till she can handle the kid coming back. If anything happens to the kid she is going to be blamed, she has no legal ground to stand on. Time for the bio parents to take responsibility of their child.
As a step mom who struggled in the early years with my 2 stepdaughters, (although they did still live with their mom) it was absolutely critical to get my husband on board with the ability to set and enforce rules around the house. Having to split their time between parents was hard on the girls and there were some behavioral issues as a result, and my husband was extra lenient because he wanted their time at our house to be easy for them. But it was finally too much and I had to get him to understand that they needed to respect me and our home. It did come together eventually. During the tough times, he told me "just keep doing what you're doing. One day they'll appreciate what you've done for them". Fast forward, and after my husband died, his older daughter said to me "Thank you for being my extra mom." My heart was full.
It is completely false that you need to "accept" someone else's children. While you need to be respectful, and fair no one should ever feel pressured or forced to love another person and that applies whether the person is a child or not. Its OK to feel detached from your step children and someone able to voice their resentments is a far more stable, well adjusted person than someone who demands their partner feel a specific way about ANYTHING especially love for their child.
My thoughts are that you shouldn't have made your babies with a single dad of another child if you were not willing to accept her completely. Accepting her completely doesn't mean quitting on her when she gets to be what you perceive to be as too bad.
Exactly. His daughter got there first.
It's not that simple. Accepting the child does not require accepting bad behavior and disrespect. And it's really tricky to discipline a child that isn't your own. Dad has to make it very clear to his daughter that she is expected to be a full part of the family, including respecting and minding his wife. Unless he makes the commitment as a full partner to his wife, she is in a nearly impossible situation that could tear them apart and the the kids will pay a heavier price.
We cant solve these problems because we are supposed to persevere and change ourselves to be the change we want to see. Yes she needs to make sacrifices and seek support for both her and her daughters and not give her problems to someone who probably can't look after her own daughter and is why the step daughter is in her care. The hubby needs to see his wife and daughter thrive in his home. I would give up Facebook and seek better advice and support. I had a two teared plate that was both full and i had to let go of heaps of things i was dealing with now that i have a special needs child and i lost my self identity and friends and i feel like it was meant to be. My 3 children now have me full time untill they all are independent enough to allow me the space and respite. I was beyond exhausted and burnt out but after years of wanting Change and a better standard of parenting, Jesus got me there. Now i can have a blessed home with kids that know love. That mum should not give up just yet.
Way to much on her plate ,,,,,,she is voiced her thoughts ,,,,,send kid to the bio mom,,,!!!!!!
Except dad was awarded custody of this child apparently. Courts don't give custody to Dad's unless there's a some kind of problem with Mom
@dawnmathis3915 sad situation
When you meet someone you love you take everything that comes with it...
Incorrect. Totally incorrect. You can love someone and not accept everything about them and in fact you shouldn't just delude yourself into an ideology that emphasizes "love everything about your partner" that type of thinking is delusional and entirely unhealthy. We all have things and relationships with other people, people themselves as well that our loved ones may not accept or like. Acknowledging that and dealing with it maturely is what you should do instead of forcing yourself or being forced by someone else to act and feel a way that you really aren't capable of. That's completely toxic and will only derail your relationships.
But that goes for the dad too. He owes it to his "wife" to back her up with his daughter to respect and obey the house rules. Leaving all the child rearing - of all of his children - to the step/mom is an abdication of his own parental responsibility. "He works a lot" is no excuse. Either you're a team or you're not.
A 23 year old raising a 7 year old is insanity. This girl should have turned the other way and run without looking back. Of course the kid is going to be defiant.
I’m in the same boat I love my sd dearly but I cannot do more than her parents. Like I cannot care more than her bio parents. They shouldn’t expect you to either but they do. It’s exhausting and very stressful bc then the kids mad at you bc you’re doing what their parents should be doing. It’s a terrible situation to be put into.
Paragraphs. Please use paragraph breaks. It's not hard. Hit the return arrow twice.
Bingo!
New paragraph.
Makes things so much easier to read.
I agree 😂 I’m in a few so many people judge
if you dont like their kids just leave. dont put yourself inbetween someone and their kid. "i want her to go live with her mother" i want you to grow up and leave that family alone.