How to Get Over Someone
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ธ.ค. 2016
- Getting over someone begins with the need to realise that there are curious pleasures available from NOT getting over them.
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FURTHER READING
“We tend to be generous towards people who can’t get over someone. It sounds Romantic, if a little sad. The love affair happened a year ago now, but still the ex’s thoughts remain loyal to every detail of the story. Maybe they’ve moved to another country, perhaps they’ve married someone else, maybe they’re dead…”
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When you’re trying to get over someone you never even dated 😭💀
sammeee
Same
same
Yep. 2 years now
My life
The worst part is when they’ve had such an impact on your life but you had none in their life and don’t even think about you anymore.
THIS!!! Going through this right now.
That they meant so much to you, while you supposedly meant nothing to them. Basically, a distant memory in their mind while they occupy yours 24*7. How heartbreaking to be feeling this way, I know 💔😓
Compatibility is often one-sided, unfortunately. So, they likely met most or all of your needs, but you did not meet enough of theirs for their liking. You were a circle fitting into their square.
And they even treat you like a stranger, feels bad man.
Sigh
Its funny how one day you meet someone that both of you fall in love with each other, share your secrets, share intimacy, be best friend and a lover, fight for it, build trust and make memories, get to know everything for the other significant, make plans for the future, spend years together until one day everything disappears in a second....
why does it happen? how can those who loved each other so much suddenly break up?
p.s. i literally know nothing about relationships, so that's incomprehensible to me
Vlada Ivanova One day they just decided they stopped loving you, that’s it, no explanation was given at all.
It happened to me recently. I cant understand it but i have to learn to live with it because she made her choice. Problem is...if things fall apart so quickly without warning it then makes me really hard to trust someone and let myself fall in love with them (start afresh). I dont know what to do and wish i knew.
Yep... always looking for fault to justify their inactions to themselves.
I moved from Australia to start a marriage that was the envy of Texas couples everywhere we went. 3 years of bliss intertwined with avoiding any criticism or responsibility for her increasing narcissistic behavior. I'm positive that she catfished me from the beginning and didn't expect me to be intelligent enough to see her and her manipulating, isolating, neglecting abuses before I tired of her bullshit and left, like the last two sources of supply, .... big mistake to underestimate an Aussie's ability to see through the lies and deception. I'm still stuck here atm and existing no contact if possible until I can begin divorce proceedings.
She won't answer my questions and I'm done wasting another second on a spoilt, disagreeable, disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate soul sucking vampire.
Good luck with your futures folks.
san san yup
Feel the pain until it hurts no more. But first, you must accept the fact that it is over.
Acceptance is the final but most difficult stage. Sometimes I feel like I'm 'there', other times that progress slips away 😕
@@MikeJackson690 I thought I was almost there... Then she sent me a text. Now I'm back to longing for what was again. It's good to go into "no contact" and remain there, not to get her back, but to get yourself back. To forget about the object of your obsession and realize there's many good potential partners for you out there. But most of all, that you don't need any of them. You're worth so much on your own!
I've been divorced from my ex-wife and mother of my son for about 8 years. For 8 years I've pretty much isolated myself romantically. I've dated here and there but have pretty much refused to let anyone into my heart. I've never introduced my son to anyone I've dated and have never wanted to. About 3 months ago on my birthday I met the most amazing woman I've ever met. It sounds cliche but it was love at first sight. She's the best. We connect on every level. We feel the same about each other in that for us this is the best emotional and sexual connection either of us have had and we're both 33 and 34 years old. The problem is I met her one month after she had just separated from her asshole husband of 12 years. We tried being casual but things got really serious and the feelings just kept getting stronger between us. She loves me, and confessed that she wants to have a life with me just like I do with her, even telling me she sees herself carrying my next child, something she never felt for her ex. She even loves the idea of being a stepmom to my son and she would make an amazing mother. Unfortunately she isn't ready to commit herself to me fully. I'm having a hard time with this but for 2 and a half months we had been getting by. The thought of her being with other guys during this time was killing me inside but I fought through that because I truly love this woman. 2 weeks ago she asked for a break, so she can grieve her marriage dying because she's been avoiding feeling the pain since it happened. I understand this and have given her the space, and I'm willing to give her more if she needs it. But on my end I've been a mess. It's been 2 weeks and I can't stop thinking about her. I've been running every morning and I find myself crying at dawn at the race track hoping the tears pass off as sweat, having crying fits at work. This is horrible. I watched a bunch of divorce vids online to see if I could understand her better, and it's scary thinking some people take years to get over it. I don't know what to do. I closed myself off for 8 years, and I'm afraid if this doesn't work out, I'm going to die alone before I'm able to trust someone enough to love them.
@@DARTHSTR1FE Just read your post. Sorry to say but it's best for both of you if she has time to work things out. It may be too soon for her at this point. If she's not grieved and worked on herself (as cliché) as it sounds then you're going to be hurt further down the line when she realises she needed time alone to adjust. Her having time now could well be great time invested for you both if you do have such a great spark. It's hard, but give her space. Sounds like you're a good person and she's attracted to you, so give her time and it could work out : ) Did she leave the door open?
Just remember, you've spent 8 years solo, so you know you're strong enough by yourself. I am just learning this myself spending the longest time single as an adult, which is 10 months (I'm 32). I have realised I have so much to learn about myself before I can even attempt to be with someone new. I feel this is what your (if I may call her that) lady needs. Maybe not even that many months, but it's so important to figure things out first before you can have a clear mind and heart with someone else. Otherwise, the baggage will drag the other person (which is you) down. I ruined two relationships because of that.
In short: time is so important. Give her and yourself that, as much as it hurts. Don't beg and plead, whatever you do, as that'll drive her away. Good luck!
@@MikeJackson690 thanks so much for the response. I know it was extremely difficult for her to have to tell me she needed a break. The look on her face when I knew she was in pain will probably always be in my memory. I ultimately want what's best for her, and I think you're right, that means time to heal. After that we can pick up where we left off. I just hope it isn't too much time. When I met her I wasn't expecting to fall in love. I was just casually dating and ended up meeting my soulmate. She not only left that door open, but she made a promise that she was going to take this time to get her head on straight and get through her grief, so she can giver us a real chance. It's what we both want. Thanks again so much for the advice. I needed it.
I think I'm sort of in love with my ex but I'm more in love with the memories we had together and how many more we could've made
Memories will always stay but then You also have to remember why you are not together anymore
@@Ktvanada guess so...
Yeah, for me it’s less the individual the self but more the feelings and emotions around that person. Like love and happiness.
here here
The biggest way I got over this. When you look back at photos of holidays and things all you can do is be happy about the good memories. When we miss someone we miss the memories we made with them, so why do we get sad? Shouldn’t we be happy about them. Wanting more memories if you really think about it is just greedy. It’s just something you want.
For some reason i always get lost in my thoughts at some point of the video.
Cireztualp omg same. I keep rewinding back only for it to happen again
Same! Always.
This time I repeated some part about 5 times
Cireztualp same
dude fucking same
SAME
I hate thinking "what if I had done this instead of that?" Trying to fix the past never helped.
Fix the present and it may fix the future.
Same I feel this. REGRETS 😫😫😫
Right?! I’m doing the same thing. I annoy the shit out of myself LOL
Thank you
yeah fck
The most comforting part is that there are others we will eventually meet with the same qualities, but not the same problems. It's almost been a year since my boyfriend of 6 yrs and I split. Yes I still cry, yes I still dream of him, yes it still hurts, but I've learned that working on my insecurities and improving my life financially, physically and mentally have all helped me move on and meet others not just romantically but also helped me make more friendships along the way and reconnect with the things I used to love doing before I met Him. I'm happy i DID meet him because he set a standard of how i want to be treated, and I learned a lot from that relationship. If we stayed together I dont think I would've gone through as much personal growth as I am right now.
I'm glad you're seeing this positively and sharing your wisdom here. All the best to you! :)
Same to you. That was a while back now and we have reconnected, but I feel like I have the closure I need. If anything, I will be there for him from a far until he moves on and ill continue to live my life the way I want to. I never meant him hurt or harm, and that is how I want to end it.
I m just surprised that people like you exist who can forget about their ex's without hating them, here I thought it was impossible to do so.
@@rashpalsingh1228 you are so sweet! I know he is not all bad and that I am not all good. We were in a financial rut, and both of us were lost in our decision for our futures. It was a lot to deal with, much less tending to each others insecurities when we had our own issues weighing on our shoulders.
@@jordanibr i contacted my gf that i ve known for 6 years as well, after 5 months of nc and 7 months of breakup. And we're both very nice people but do terrible things when we're not with each other. Its over now but she hurt me day before yesterday by telling me she's moved on. At the same time, she told me that I was the best person in her life and she will miss me forever
How did i get over my last girlfriend? I told myself, "look, life is going to suck really bad for the next few months, just ride out the storm and the day will come when you feel better."
Music Power,
Your words to yourself and to us all are incredibly wise and time proven.
Congratulations to you for being so wise even in the face of pain.
Yea, for a couple of days there I had totally shut down. Not good when you have to go to work. I couldn't process anything. However, over time it hurt less and less.
Dear Music Power,
I am healing with your antidote of "time". I am using time to improve my health by working out and working towards an extreme athletic adventure, volunteering at a local high school as a coach about 15 hours per week, and trying to focus on all the positive aspects of my life and trying to minimize the amount of time ruminating about feeling heartbroken. It is hurting less and less. My students remind me every day how fortunate I am in so many ways. My son makes me laugh and enjoys hanging out with me.
Thank you Music Power and Angel (and everyone here that shows empathy) for all of your warm hearted kindnesses.
That's a very wise attitude. So true. Hope you're doing well right now.
Its been 6 years for me.
As my therapist once said “it’s easier to hang onto someone and not give yourself other opportunities than to put yourself out there and risk failure.” That’s a paraphrase but like damn. Too real.
Aww I wish I can say that to myself
@@sylvialankai4269 you can!
But the thing is the risk is too great for men. They had to start whole process again, I mean girls generally don't say yes in 1 day it takes weeks months and when it is over no wonder men feel devastated and don't want to go through the process again .
Could you please explain?
@@Mr_Steak358 it’s easier to trick yourself into a false sense of relative comfort rather than accept the pain and go forth with failure / putting in the time and effort to start again
Your mom spent 9 months making your heart, dont let someone break it in one day.
heart doesn’t take 9 months to make
Elytro Lmao. Your heart is what YOU make it out of.
@@jocelynemndz don’t take this so literal. it has a cute message bruh.
That was extremely cuuuute TT-TT, thanks
Damn. Never heard that before. That was deep. Thank you for this comment
Who else tryna get over someone they’ve never dated?
Jonas Kopstad Me 😭😭😭
Already moved on
Been 4 years with a good female friend of mine
Me
Me. Its hard to get over..
Just fall in love with youself first
Hm, i think i won't be able to get over that break up. :/
you sure can
Boris Nikolic yeah it's hard when the person who disappoints you most is yourself.
How can one love themselves? o.O
Tony Tan Google Narcissism...
If you can't be happy by yourself then, you will not be happy with someone else. And no human is worth such adoration.
Thank you!
Spot on!
Dear God all the thirsty asswipes on Instagram would beg to differ lmao
But I was very happy by myself for years, until I met her.
@@johnsmith1375 same, i hate what I've become...
It’s very hard to get over someone as we all over-romanticise the past and are often in love with being in love rather than in love with the real person we lost.
I also thinks it’s really hard to draw the line between all these, and to discern a ‘pure love’ (i don’t have any definition).
Damn! Thanks for these words! I think it is a nuance a lot of us miss out
1.Stay busy.
2. Stay off social media
3. Stay away from clubs or lounges you went to together.
4. Join groups and meet new people
5. Make a weekly planner and weekly goals that has you moving.
What to do if we study in same tution classes?
Stay of social media - I wish I had read this ages ago
join groups? What groups?
@@alr12 Anything ( Arts & Craft, Glass blowing, Bird watching, Row club etc...) Anything that takes your mind off current things mingle with new people.
This is the way.
It's so hard when you're alone at night, i feel so down..
How are you now? I’m where you were when you wrote this comment. I want to feel better
@@brookem659 hey there, it's funny I forgot I wrote this but now that I'm reminded about it I can still remember this feeling it was real.
I can only say this, It's true time will heal you but it's going to be a painful and hard time before it pass, it's going to take countless sleepless nights, it's not easy but slowly you'll learn to accept things, see it from another perspective see things clearer..
I loved her so much, i felt sad, angry, betrayed..
As I said it's a long and tortuous road then suddenly when I checked her social media I saw how happy she was.. And I felt happy for her.. that's when I realized I got over her.. But she'll always be someone dear to me. You'll never be the same as before, it took me one year.. and I haven't been the same since, she took a part me of with her but now after 2 years I'm happy and I have no regrets.
I hope you get thru this too goodluck!
@@RuS95Cc thanks for sharing
@@RuS95Cc hey Conrad, thank you for sharing. I hope it doesn’t hurt you to keep getting notifications on this comment but I had to let you know I appreciate it! You’re really kind to take the time to write so much for a total stranger
@@brookem659 how are you now?
I have found that at least for me, unrequited love stemmed from my need for validation from the person. 'If I can only get him to want me, then I'll be happy.' But really, think about it. There's a reason, and often a very good one, for why it didn't work out. If they don't feel it in return, they're saving you the angst of more heartache by saying no. Stop idealizing them and don't look at their social media if it hurts. Block them if you need to. You'll recover and find someone better for you.
Damn wise words.
Jessica S I don't understand though. If all you needed from the person was validation, then what does it matter that the relationship wouldn't work out. I was with a guy I 100% knew I wasn't going to marry because we were too different yet I placed so much of my self-worth on how attracted he was to me that once the attention from him stopped I was devastated. I get compliments from people a lot (especially now since they know I just went through a breakup) but their opinions don't mean anything to me because it's HIS validation I want.
Rejection is that loss of validation. I learned I had to find it from within and not rely on someone else for it. Don't hand over your self worth to someone. Only you should have authority over it.
Jessica S Totally. And I'm definitely working on it. But I keep thinking of that scene in Clueless after that guy dumps Ty and she says, "But if I'm too good for him then why aren't I WITH him?" I guess I'm saying that it's hard to think I'm so great when the "evidence" of someone not liking me is right there
Holy shit the validation thing you mentioned is true
When you realize all these videos are totally impracticable and you will just have to suffer it all the way through until it burns itself out. Again.
🔥🔥💯💯💯💯
Video doesn't address shit lol
Yeah this channel just stretches basic psychological concepts that may or may not apply to everyone and may or may not even be accurate (they never seem to include research that supports what they say) into these overlong videos. The message "pining over someone who is unavailable is somewhat self destructive and also there are plenty of other people with the same positive qualities as that person" literally takes 3 seconds and they somehow made it 3 minutes.
@@anonymousfox7219 Profit
its true
I don't know how to describe it... I wish I had never met this person but somehow that thought terrifies me. I know I need to let go and move on, this person doesn't feel the same way and that's that.
Sade Metsävirta I feel ya
😭😭😭💔
Take your time....let the process take its course...love yourself and your family...
Hope you are great now, but think like this "at least you know now what you don't like, what to improve for yourself and is the lost of the other person not yours" take care
I feel youu , ur not alone
The problem is I can’t find another person to put my mind on so I keep going back to fixating on the same person
SAME! anyone have any solutions to this? I constantly do this with my exes or past crushes until I find someone else, but this way of thinking is so unhealthy and draining.
Maybe it’s your chance to improve yourself. You’re thinking that there’s someone who can solve your heartbreak. But infact they’re just helping you to make you realize what you should’ve realize in order to move on. But sometimes having rebound when you’re not really healed is bad. It will just make you compare yourself to your exloved one’s and just keep looking back to the past.
Same is happening to me . It's a shame 😔
I went back to school taking part-time course, kept myself busy with my sch assignment and empowered myself to excel in my course. This has helped me get over my ex.
Yeah same i would've already gotten over them if they're was someone else i fell for...Im just waiting till a new person comes along
The reason why it's so hard to let go is because of the fear that no-one else will love us. I mean, looking at the size of the population and the various unique qualities that each person possesses, it's impossible in practice. There will be others. The problem is that they are not immediate, and perhaps too much like past lovers that we get scared away. We feel that it would be too much energy to build a relationship with someone when it might not last. Getting over someone in theory is easy, but in practice not so much. From what I've seen with friends and family, the darkness that's left after a lover leaves makes the person question themselves and their lives without the person they've spent so much time with. They've worked on themselves for the person and find it hard to return to their original selves in order to look for others and start again. Questions about whether they will find someone else who understands and whether or not they fit will fit their preference pop up. And many possibilities are often destroyed by distance, age or culture.
Messy stuff, break ups.
Tears of Lethe yep
thank you
Yes I agree it’s the fear of never finding anyone to connect with again
So long so true
ur comment made more.sense than d video
it hurts, when ur in love with someone. then they dont love u back
Yeah it does hurt
It hurts alot. No one understands until they expirience it
•Wonder• it hurts even more when you stay friend, and then learn about his/her hot dates
th-cam.com/video/QYtkaPHjX2Y/w-d-xo.html
Watch this
@@godzillaman850 ok
I think what we often miss is more of the way the person made us feel, rather than the actual person themselves. If they were the right one, then you would still be together. The sooner you let go of that false hope, the sooner you will find the real one.
You don’t have to worry yourself, I can recommend you to man who helped me restore my ex back, he offers the best solution in fixing broken relationships, you can text me via whtsap messenger on +1 (204) 819-7613🇨🇦🇨🇦♣️♣️ for more info on how the man works♣️📞📞📞
What is they blame us for everything. I’m not saying that I’m perfect but I didn’t blame her or tell her that she’s the worst
What if i know i was the reason we are not together?
Exactly... you mostly miss how they make you feel
True, I tend to go for the guy who doesn't even know I exist but later realised that I really didn't want to be in a relationship so that's why I get attracted to this certain elusive type who either likes someone else, has a gf or basically doesn't know I exist.
But that's okay, I'm a happy single who doesn't want to invest in love, and since I came to terms with the fact that I sabotage my own love life, I switched my focus to more productive things.
Sara S. perhaps deep down inside you just want to be alone. I'm the same way lololololl.
devis ago Very true, my dog is the best source of love along with my nephew (although I'd never even consider having kids of my own). And I do find a lot of fulfillment from my hobbies such as painting and reading.
More and more I feel like the traditional love is such a scam and something people do because they're afraid of being alone, but I feel pretty good on my own.
devis ago Fear of being alone is what causes many people to get into toxic relationships with bad people. My sister is a prime example of that.
devis ago Nobody is demonising anyone who doesn't deserve it. He leeches off her because he has no job and she's the one who works to raise their kid. She wanted to abort but he and his family insisted and said they'd help. 8 years later and he does shit to raise the kid, had a daughter with another woman and my mom is the one who's been helping my sister financially with their son.
This isn't a matter of incompatibility, spare me that bs.
why don't you just go for the guy in your friend zone ?
I wish I would never had a crush
Lmao, but don't you remember how good it felt when it first started out?
then you missed the point of the video duuhhhdde
It's a crush because you are thinking just of their good qualities and what they can give you! What about you?! What can you give yourself? Love yourself and take good (if not great care) of yourself physically and emotionally and you'll see things will look up in no time! GL!
Well my friend managed to do that by drawing or watching anime
Having a crush who does not return your feelings is 10000000 times worse than a break up
I lost the love of my life over 35 years ago and I still think of her. The pain is still there, but it's a bittersweet ache now, even though I will be in love with her until my last breath.
Lost? As in died? Otherwise, I am in exactly the same time frame/feelings. Did you ever establish another loving relationship?
Only men are capable of such love. Wonderful.
wwbenee for sure! Males are wired by nature to be super whipped simps. Y’all have no standards and get whipped by one vag for life 😂 As a woman, although I’ve been through one terrible heartbreak (5 years later still going through it) I’d never be able to be stuck on one man for 35 years!!! And love him until my last breath?! 🤣 I don’t think so, honey! After 5 years I’m already slowly but surely (FINALLY!) starting to get over him and moving on. I’ll find my next love soon, I feel it. I feel bad for the way males are wired....good luck to the OP!
@@Lalala-fz2ci You don't sound bitter at all.
wwbenee first of all, you’re come makes zero sense. Secondly, you’re a triggered male aren’t ya? I must’ve hit a nerve 🙃 it’s ok, I’d get triggered too if my entire gender/sex was read like a book to filth 🤷♀️🤣
I feel that sometimes we are so familiar with the pain of the one we lost that we don’t want to lose that pain, cause in some cases it’s better to have pain then to have nothing.
You don’t have to worry yourself, I can recommend you to man who helped me restore my ex back, he offers the best solution in fixing broken relationships, you can text me via whtsap messenger on +1 (204) 819-7613🇨🇦🇨🇦♣️♣️ for more info on how the man works♣️♣️♣️♣️♣️
Michelle Reeves I appreciate the gesture but I’m currently married and I invited my ex back into my life as a friend but feelings got developed and I had to disassemble the friendship. It’s been months and it still hurts, so time will be the main factor for healing.....again.
Thank you and glad to hear you are in a better state with your ex🙂
Man, this video hits so close to home...
What are you doin here jsr 😂😂😂?
JSR Devon 😞
I agree in principal but... sometimes, the thing that is difficult to get over is not the person but the way that they treated you... In relationships with people who have personality disorders, their behavior not only undermines your self-esteem, it can permanently damage your ability to trust anyone else... ever again. This kind of reaction is often misunderstood and as such trivialized in that people do not validate the feelings brought about by having been manipulated and betrayed... Other people just imagine that you are pining for the loss of someone who didn't care for you, when in fact your understanding of reality has been fundamentally broken...
I just think it is worth a mention... it's not always so straightforward...
Curiously enough... one way of identifying whether it is simple pining or something more serious is by determining how sympathetic others are... if they are sympathetic then it is likely that it is not so serious... if they are not at all sympathetic then you may find that you are being victimized... Weird huh?! True though...
Yes, it's incredibly difficult to deal with, made even more difficult by the fact that almost no one can relate. Everyone around you just pretends that you're going through a normal breakup. You know how people with BPD idealize then devalue people? I lived with my ex for 10 years, from 19 to 29, and she pretty much idealized me the entire time, only to devalue me over the course of like a month. In fact, when I asked her for how long she had stopped having feelings for me, she said "I don't know, about a month." Well, that month was all it took for her to decide that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Here's an excerpt from a note she had written to me about three months before that month:
"I move away, turn over, as do you, and we are no longer touching, except your hair on my face, a rare circumstance that I long for every day. That is where I can really smell you, that holy fragrance that somehow represents your essence. It feels like with every inhalation I am feeling you - every part of who you are. It is too much for me to handle.
The concept of you has always been sacred to me. My knowledge of your existence, your true existence, everything that you are, is one of my most prized possessions."
Imagine being in a relationship like that for ten years, only to have the person leave because they stopped having feelings for you for a period of time that they aren't even sure about. (It was probably more like two weeks.) One morning she started treating me like a complete stranger, and I haven't seen her or spoken to her since. She made sure to leave me with the knowledge that she didn't think we had anything special and that the only reason we were together is because we were too stubborn to break up eight years earlier. Also, she ran off with one of my friends. Time heals nothing.
Graham Loines Yeah I think I dealt with someone who was mentally ill. It's broken me five years later I am incapable of love and I still pine after them. It left me broken and weak..
I believe experiences are unique but emotions are universal. I think it's worth reaching out to friends and family. You'll be surprised how many people will understand your pain.
Noah Forman I can only offer my sympathy and suggest some research into NPD and Narcissistic Abuse... There is a good book called, 'the empathy trap: understanding antisocial personalities' which describes the way that apathetic third parties become recruited and show no sympathy or understanding towards victims...
It is a truly mind-blowing experience. Also, I would suggest the 'Spartan Life Coach' channel on youtube... He understands.
Wishing you well for the future...
Study
Find a hobby
Work out
Hang out with family and friends
Just find a way to keep busy that's it!
Don't go on dates or get under someone to get over someone.. SERIOUSLY! Worst thing ever. You or the other person will feel used or one will catch feelings. You want to feel validated then become the best version of yourself! Work on yourself. Don't try to feel the void with someone else.
Grow! Be the bigger person.
Orlando Cabrera I always try to distract myself from not always to think about my dead dad but it’s hard, tips?
@@aliza_sophia it's horrible losing someone you love so much and that has been in your life for so long. It's okay to cry sometimes and feel everything! But don't stay in that stage.
Think about the happy memories you had with him. Celebrate his life ! Im sure he wouldn't want you to be sad for him.
If you need to talk to someone if you are having a bad day then talk to your family but talk about the good times. It's alright to be sad and miss him. We are humans, we are not perfect.
Keep yourself busy and let time do its thing.
Orlando Cabrera yeah, you’re right. My dad died when i was 12, and i’m 15 now, and when i trying to distract myself, from these “negative” thoughts, i just can’t, BUT, I DONT GIVE UP!!
I just allow myself to feel the pain for about 2-3 weeks and then I’m good. During that time, I tell myself this is normal and I’m going to be okay. I cry, get angry, and then shower myself in positive affirmations. I find this works very well for me
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im going through that right now. It's been like 6 days since he broke up with me. This week consist mostly of not eating and crying in the mornings and having periods of time when I think I'm over it. Maybe next week will be better
(one month post breakup): it's gotten a lot easier, I've been eating again, but I still love him. I'm not over him, I'll safely say that. I miss him. But at least now I can smile.
@@ieisha1976 I am glad for you! I hope soon you never will ever think about him and find someone better I am right now feel like my feelings are hurt :(
You forgive them and you forgive yourself if you place any blame on yourself for the relationship ending. I've discovered this recently and I have changed my mindset.
forgive a cheater? I think not.
exactly
yes.. you forgive them. you don't need to keep someone in your life in order to forgive them. forgiveness has nothing to do with others, it's just a way to make peace with the past and realise it doesn't have a hold on you anymore.
I never thought that she was the culprit, but I still cannot get over her for 3 years already... She tried so much to help me but I totally f***d up everything each time, so she eventually gave up. I could not blame her for anything. All was my fault... but I still cannot get over her. I still compare other women to her, I still have those stupid thoughts "Hah, I cannot wait till I tell her this funny story...".
But hey, thinking that you may find the very same/similar set of qualities in other persons is nice and rational, but only in case you are a "generic person" compatible with lots of other women. I look for something much much different, and I also that other someone must be looking for something very unusual to be attracted to my mind.
...but I am trying... :)
Preeti K spot on
Love or insanity... to most people love becomes an addicted like heroine ,you't cant ever attain something u don't already have.
We're born with nothing... We don't have anything permanent except maybe the soul we came with, or our matter. But we attain certain impermanent things while we're here. How can that logic make sense? You're saying we can't ever have anything we don't already have? Seems like an idiosyncrasy in my opinion
EJ obtuse ass, silence
Areté what do you mean...? can u please elaborate a bit
EJ insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting a different result. You can’t love someone else if you can’t find love with in. It’s being able to love someone while letting go from attachment. It’s not avoidance, it’s allowing the other person to be imperfect, to understand the other person has their own life.
You can’t love if you can’t let go may be another way of explaining.
I liked that girl too much I wish I never met her
fell ya bro
i know it hurts sometimes but youll get over it...
i was quiet a lot lovesick in my life... but never as intence as now i just feel like to commit suicide
I DONT WANT UR BODY BUT ID HATE TO SEE U LEAVING WITH SOMEBODY ELSE
THIS
I wanna die of the thought
Somebody else by the 1976
1975*
💔💔
My grandma always said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone
Wise woman
lisvender bye bye 69 likes
No offense. Your grams wrong. I waited awhile after my break up slept with a new person it did. Nothing still want the ex back
Lmao
lisvender I always find that this is the reason most people can't get over their ex. Because they didn't allow themselves to be sad, to cry, to think about the good times. To think about the comfort they had with the person. To truly appreciate traits they were oblivious to beforehand. To cherish the lesson they learned.
And to think of the bad times, too. The times they felt unappreciated, ignored, lied to. To realize that it's ok to be sad, and it's ok to move on.
If you numb yourself by seeking others instead of listening to yourself, there will always be this underlying dependence of external help in order to feel good.
Just something I noticed in myself and others.
Keep yourself occupied and talk to other people. The loneliness keeps your mind on the person who you cared about before. Be with friends in real life or online and block your ex via all means of contact.
"We should gently recognize that being dissappointed and abandoned has its curious satisfactions."
This was what i was looking for during my theraphy sessions from my doctor rather than silence.
Seeing this video before would ve saved me some money.
@Eray Erdoğan What an interesting way to put it. Have you discovered any "curious satisfactions"? I've been disappointed amd abandoned in the past and all that it left was insecurity and lack of trust 😅
I cant even grasp the idea of finding satisfaction from dissapointments and being abandoned? Does theraphy sessions teach how to be masochist?
Maybe its the expectation then you find you were right all along. Could also be a familiar state you've been in.
It's important also to find the value that you yourself have. Loving yourself, truly and deeply. Believing that you are worth your own love, so that when you love someone else you can show up for them realistically and honestly and not be too enamored with the ideal version of them or you. Seeing in your self what sort of things you need from others and being able to provide it for yourself. Not being so self defeating that you project your self hatred, or insecurities onto the rejections of others. You will be rejected, people will not always be infatuated with you. Your relationships will end, but that doesn't necessarily mean you can't be loved or that they hate you. It might mean that you've abandoned yourself long before anyone has abandoned you. That you've seen someone's abandonment of you as a signal of your value, an attack on your ego, rather than a reason to reflect on what you got from the relationship that causes you so much distress at their leaving and what you can do to provide that for yourself. When you find that, you'll start to notice the people around you who have found it too.
Beautifully said!
Thank you so much for posting this. Indeed the person leaving me made me feel that I was not worthy of love. I have bigger issues to deal with here. The relationship ending is a huge sign.
I dated this girl early this year for almost 2 months. She ended our relationship solely on the fact that she had been lying to herself about being ready for a relationship. It just sucks, because I’ve developed serious feelings for her already. The fact that I cared for her so much, without getting the same in return is what caused me to be hurt this bad. Yeah 2 months doesn’t sound like a long time compared to other relationships, but I felt something different when I was with her. It just sucks that she didn’t have the same feelings for me. There are plenty of other girls out there I’m aware, I just haven’t moved on yet. One-sided love is fucking painful man.
I feel your pain Justinn. Hopefully you are feeling better now.
I think breaking up after 2 months is more painful than after 2 years. It's like being a vulnerable baby verses a stronger adult. Very sad. Hope you're feeling better.
@@heidimunro2685I can tell you that is not the case
Duudeeee this is exactly what happened to me aswelll. I do not know what to feell
I feel you man...😪
I feel dead
Hey! I know it's been two years, but I hope you're feeling better!
Same
@@smoothlettuce what about you?
I actually smiled watching this because I've slowly started to make that same pros and cons chart and be disciplined enough to really write down the truth and here it is: the things we ignored in the beginning of the relationship and didn't address or act preemptively, ended up causing our demise. I hope this can help anyone feeling pain right now. I know it's helped me tremendously
Pro tip. Make yourself so busy and set social plans every single day, even if it's meeting someone from tinder and talking for coffee. 1. You're in public and distracted so you won't be crying. 2. You'll be meeting new people, being with friends and remember they're not the center of the world and you can be happy again and there's other cute people. You might just meet someone new. And it'll help you get through the depression self wallowing phase by being productive.
Agreed. Very helpful advice
This is the most helpful advice. I wish I had taken it years ago tbh but I couldn't because of circumstances. But wow being busy, specially with work related stuff too, helps so much
I think you're just avoiding the problem if you do this. Yes, you should do things you love, but you should work on being fine by yourself, alone. Cry if you need to, don't bottle it up. And don't go out with other people if you're not ready. If you don't heal, you will end up bleeding over people that have nothing to do with your wound
av3ngers Yes, I agree with you on this! It all depends on the person or the break up :< I know when I met a really cute guy who treated me 100x better than my ex and the new guy was a lot more stable, he was like a dream bf but I just trembled and cried after the date. I don’t know why. I was still hurting over the breakup and I missed certain things. Ahh..
dassah clayton Just distracting yourself. Not healthy. Using outside world things to fulfill inside never really heals you. Sit in that pain and fill it.
I understand the safety net that is provided by loving someone who doesn't love you back; however, it's remarkable when you meet someone that hits all the right notes, and the despair that comes in thinking that there's no one like her.
It's hard to get over someone but sometimes we tend to feel the pleasure of not getting over them. People now a days are so ironic just like me because I don't like to get hurt but I enjoyed reminiscing the past with someone who hurt me so much. I just don't know why but crying at night makes me feel satisfied. I really don't know what's the psychology behind it.
Cyring can heal because tears are healing, but dwelling in the past can't
Feels
You’re taking yourself too seriously. Relationships come and go. It isn’t that deep. You will miss people who played an impactful role in your life but you also must accept that in the future you will find a partner who has the same qualities and you will be able to do better with the next relationship. You could also be stuck on the what if’s which honestly is a waste of time. It’s over. And you can have an even more amazing relationship in the future. Now focus on your life.
@@indiajoseph4292 Minimizing.. I think you failed to realize that you clicked on the same exact video that she did and are projecting the same negative & pessimistic internal dialog that you use on yourself to get over your own ex. Keep that crap to yourself & let her fully enjoy love.. and all the feels, tears, heartbreak & nostalgic memories that come with it. TH-cam has already got the advice bit covered. Thnx
@LoveMe,com Its because reminiscing releases feel good chemicals and crying is a physical release that's meant to make you feel some sort of relief afterwards. You're completely normal but unique in that your fixation also shows that your love is Real. Opposed to ppl who say it just bc, your continued adoration shows that you Actually love deeply & your loyalty of heart & mind are exclusive to one person without you even trying. Ppl like you Deserve to have a marriage that lasts for 50+ years.. its heartbreaking to realize how many frogs your gonna have to kiss before you find someone who knows what to do with a love like that.. but keep searching anyway. If you find someone just like you, the connection would be Explosive & Completely worth the wait.💝
Confessed my feelings after being in a casual relationship with him. He said he didn’t want anything serious. I think I might have loved him. It feels like a huge blow. I wanted to know what being with him would feel like.
Just like me. We had a long distance relationship for one year and when I said why couldn't I be his special someone he said that once he had feelings for me but not anymore.
It was a huge punch in my guts. What is worse is that what for him was maintaining a friendship, for me now is torture. Torture to see his affections being directed to someone else while I still struggle everyday. Each happy emoji I send is a tear in my eyes. It's incredible tiresome to pretend I'm ok.
Just had this exact rejection yesterday. I didn’t love him but I felt affection and care towards him which I hoped could be more. But he is still getting over an ex and now im trying to get over a thing which was never a thing
"A devotion to an unrequited situation is, in truth, a clever way of ensuring that we won't end up in a relationship at all ... that we won't ever need to suffer the realities of love."
Hmm, not sure I’d trade the daily search for something interesting to do with my gf with an eternity of weeping for someone who doesn’t want me. Is this really what is meant by the realities of love? I enjoy being in love, it’s a massive dose of good stuff which is what it’s supposed to be so you have the energy to build something with someone. And keep it going. Who would walk away from someone who gives you such a fucking massive thrill? Not me.
The founder of this channel Alain de Botton has an excellent book called " How To Think More About Sex". Here is a great idea from that book:
"In almost all primitive societies, people began by interpreting bad storms ( which ruined crops and flooded settlements and dwellings) as punishments from above, signs that the gods were angry and human beings culpable. Gradually, the science of meteorology has helped to free our race from such inaccurate and pernicious superstitions. We are not to blame for the relentless rain, we now know: it is just the end result of a random interplay of atmospheric conditions over the ocean or behind the mountain range. Freakish bad luck, not something of our own doing, has caused our fields to be drenched and our bridges to be swept away like matchsticks by swollen brown waters. We'd be adding paranoia to misery to take the rain "personally".
Alain later explains that just like the weather, sexual rejection is also something that should not be taken personally. For more details on this issue you must read the book!
But I thought we can also use this idea when we think of why we come together with someone and why we leave one another.
In his book " Cara a Cara", Argentinian psychoanalyst Gabriel Rolon says:
" Every encounter is indeed a re-encounter."
( "Todo encuentro es un reencuentro". En el libro hay un capitulo entero bajo este titulo. )
So when we fall in love, we indeed look for some qualities in this person that we have seen in other people in our lives, way back in our past.
That explains the most romantic sensations like:
" It feels like as if I knew you all my life."
"I have been waiting for you all these years. Where have you been?"
Well, this has its very dark side too. Because, in order to feel " at home" you may well be, subconsciously, looking for the character traits of those who tortured you in the past. We must be extremely careful with this.
So my point is that we fall in and out of love for reasons that are mostly unknown to us. Buried deep in our personal history, mainly in our childhood. We can name many reasons "consciously" , but the real reasons lay elsewhere and there is always much more to everything than we can ever know...
That's why I wouldn't take it very "personally" when someone falls in love with me, and I wouldn't take it "personally" either when he leaves me.
It is important to find a " serene" place inside yourself, to watch these things happen, acknowledge them and let them go when the time comes, while being always kind and generous.
Lua Veli Coincido total y absolutamente
Lua Veli Wow! So many great insights in this comments section.
Hola Tobías! Muchas gracias por leer y por tu mensaje. Te deseo un feliz ano nuevo!
Hello there Hipnhappenin! I am very glad if you have found some helpful insights. Thanks a lot for your message. I wish you a happy and healthy 2017!
+ Black Knight
I am deeply impressed by your kindness and by the civility of your response.
about a month ago my 2 yr relationship ended. i treated her like a queen, never disrespected her buti wasnt whipped either i just treat every woman, especially my girl like i would treat my own mother . Never texted any girls, liked no girls pictures you know just thinking about her before all those decisions i make. Stayed with her after she was a bit unfaithful but i forgived and looked passed it cause i had genuine love for the girl,But in the end not even loyalty, Respect, and looks would keep someone now a days. its fucking crazy im 19 turning 20 in a couple days and trust me after seeing this i wanna work on my self, focus on this money,my momma and my brothers. And would be a long time from now until i find someone that deserves what i put up to the table. Im a fighter coming out of miami also so i need to focus on my shit.. sometimes its just better if you part ways sadly
Luis Rosario I can tell you what you did wrong. You put her on a pedestal. You should of made her suffer a bit for being unfaithful and I mean dumped her and waited for her to come to you. Also you have to be shity and mean to women from time to time. Be dominating if she flirts with another man call her on it. Shout at then swear at them.
Please stop the nice guy act it will get you dumped again and again women are messed up mate.
JWSoul you're an idiot that treats woman like shit if they don't wanna do what they were asked.. I just learned if they don't wanna get with the program then they can go kick rocks .
JWSoul like i said i wasnt whipped either and i didnt just take her back right when she did unfaithful shit. i had made her suffer a bit a realize what she did and she didnt after that . i know what you mean bruh but theres better ways than just yelling and them and treating them like shit.
Luis Rosario feel you
I'm kinda the nice guy...also the brutally honest one. And I'm starting to see how this doesn't really work unfortunately. I hate playing games and acting, but I've seen it work. Also that when you're too much into a girl/woman, it puts you on a waiting list. Because she knows, you'll be waiting for her for a long time, while she may find someone even more suited to her.. If she's a real playa, she'll even play the game of treating you from time to time just to keep you waiting, until she either decides who she wants, if she'll settle with you. Women if average looking ,or above, are not having a problem with the number of guys trying to hit on them. So it's natural for them to choose from several. You have to make them want you, but not be too much into them in the beginning. While keeping them entertained and making them feel attractive but not really wanted. I've seen these work for a few times..pretty much everytime.. Wasn't acting these, but I just liked a girl, flirted with her a bit, but had no intent to get them. They were starting to chase me.. Which is kind of cute from a girl you like ..also What I learned is that easy come, easy go..sadly. So If she gets you easily.. she won't be nearly as attached to you, and value you, than if she had to fight for you a bit.
I admire people who can grieve for a couple of months then get yourself together and start anew. It’s been years since my drama and I’m still lonely and miserable, and I cling to the memories, sorrow, and regrets. I think I need a therapist))))
Go to a therapist. It will help. If you get along with the therapist. If not, find another, until you find someone you can really talk from your heart. It will help teust me.
"Get serious and specific about what the attraction was based on. Then come to see that the qualities we admired in the ex must necessarily exist in other people who don't have the set of problems that made the original relationship impossible."
Yeah man. I'm nearly 2 months broken up from an ex who moved away and isn't coming back. I've started dating but the first woman I dated didn't display enough of the qualities I admired in my ex. It's a numbers game at the end of the day. Date people and try not to take it personally when you don't match.
But how did you even start dating again?
4 years later and I finally move on 💯💯💯🙏🙏🙏
Did you really? Then why were you watching this video?
@@arpitabiswas2884 maybe they’ve watched the video before and came back?
This video legit came out on the perfect time... It doesnt help tho
Yeah, right? School of Life posts relevant videos just in time
What has always helped me move on from the end of relationships is recognizing that it was good. Even though it has ended, you will always have those positive experiences because your experiences are a part of you. Acknowledge that nothing lasts forever and that's what makes things so special.
Lemur Licker thats not me ;(
Same, it certainly doesn't help me get over my first love.
helped me a fuckload dude. Tell yourself that there's other people out there. It still hurts I know, but it can get better faster.
Getting over someone has produced some of the best love songs ever...
Thank you The School of Life. I watched a lot of your videos during the lowest point of my life.
It's during the "downtime" where I can't even grasp what's going on with me.
But this channel had saved my life by making me understand more about myself.
I can't thank you enough! God bless you The School of Life!
This is quite literally what is going on with my life right now.
Same
wastagwaga same
wastagwaga same here
wastagwaga same. My heart is bleeding
wastagwaga same
A friendship I had with a guy and then lost it now I can’t listen to the songs he listened to or I’ll cry my eyes out
For the first time in my 19 years, someone fell in love with me. And then I fell in love with them. We had a serious conversation about these feelings and for personal reasons, decided not to pursue them. I’ve never been in love like this and had them actually like me back. It’s been really difficult trying to sever myself from the feeling so I came here out of desperation
I‘m in a similar situation and it just feels like the universe plays against me.
-There are two person, a boy and a girl?
-yep.
-both aren‘t in a relationship currently?
-yep.
-and both feel in a similar way about each other?
-exactly.
-So they could easily be together and just be happy, couldn’t they?
-Nah, it‘s not that easy.
Oh of course it isn‘t, instead we try to get rid of our feelings, because she is too afraid that she might hurt me one day, because it was too early or she wasn‘t ready.
How am I supposed to just throw everything I fought so hard for the last months away?
@@salt6291 Hey, I'm back and the person I was trying to get over two years ago, I've gotten over, and now, the very situation you are describing is my actual life. I fell in love with someone else who is actually incredible and I'm so, so incredibly lucky to have this kind and compassionate and patient man in my life, but also I don't feel like I'm in a place in my life to be in a relationship because I still have some maturing left to go.
My advice: Don't let go. If she's something truly special and worth fighting for, if she's changed the whole way you've viewed your life, if she makes you a better person, then by god, don't let go of her. If she needs time to become a more stable person, give her that time, but also keep on supporting her. Show her you care for her. It'll be worth it in the end, I promise. The man I love currently is so incredible because every day he helps me towards my goals, he reminds me that he's there for me. He's so incredible because of his patience. I know that this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with because if he's like this now, I can't imagine what it'd be like to be with him every day. Just give it time, my friend. It'll all work itself out.
@@mostfrozenburrito Well, what you‘re saying makes sense, and I think I understand what you mean. But a few days passed and now I have a whole different view on this. So, let me explain, I‘m still not 100% sure if she really feels about me the way I do about her and that scared and still scares me, but in the past days I realized something. While I was so busy thinking about her, fighting for her, no matter how bad my chances were, I somehow lost a part of myself, and I think it‘s a part that not just I loved about myself but she did too. And now I think that it‘s best to just focus a bit on myself, besides we decided to take a break from each other anyway, and to just stay open for everything. I lost not just my muscles because of the gym closing, I lost a huge part of my self-confidence, which lead in combination with the weather being to cold for my favorite thing to do, motorcycling to me becoming the sad, unfit loser I swore to never let through again after the last time I met a girl I liked. If she really has feelings for me, they won‘t just disappear that easy and if something between us is meant to be there, it will find its way through, when we are ready for it. Also I‘m at a point, where I am glad we didn‘t come together yet, because I feel like I know her a lot better than she knows me and I know that I have a lot to offer to someone I like... or love. The Coronavirus obviously didn‘t make things easier for us in the past but for now it is most important that I give us some time, that I get my self-confidence back and that I show her who I really am: someone she really can rely on, someone, who will support her, someone, who will do everything to make our time spend together as great as possible, for both of us!
I feel like that’s pretty much for a relation between two 16-year-olds. I really hope she‘s the one I can not just call first real crush, but my first girlfriend.
@@salt6291 How are things now, friend, one year later?
@@dietrichrosiers8184 well interesting someone asks me that. Back then the weeks pasted by I succeeded in focusing on myself, I lost 20kg of fat and build up muscles too and when the restrictions got looser and we met again things started to repeat themselves, we got really close together again and right before the start of summer she even told me that she is now ready to be with me. Although we weren’t really together yet I felt happier than ever before. But Three days later I received a call from her, telling me that she can‘t do this any longer and that she doesn‘t want to hurt me. That is only a short part of the story of course but someone, who literally told you that he or she wants to be with you suddenly telling you that somehow they only had feelings for you when they were drunk is probably one of the most painful things to hear. So much to that. Time passed, I got over it, focused on my career and were able to buy my dream first car from the money I earned with minijobs during the holydays. And recently my life is great and my future is looking bright, but I still didn’t find anyone giving a shit about me.
I know I shouldn’t have fell for him, it was all my fault, I knew everything and still let myself fall deeper, I knew I could never EVER! Have him, his heart, his soul! I’m an Idiot!
It's not your fault. We don't choose who we fall for.
Fuck 😭💔
I felt this 💔 but I did it to myself and it hurts so much that I made a decision and it back fired.
I’m done with love forever it’s too painful.
Attempting to forget something is a sign of arrogance.Having memories will reflect your past and how you can shape a better future.
keep in mind that just because you are "over" somebody doesnt mean you will stop loving them
Amen to that!
I need to stop loving this person
Fuck
Yes, I'm in love with him but I've accepted that he doesn't want me and I can't have him. I'll find someone better, there's a million other wonderful men out there somewhere but right now I still love him.
You have every power to control how you feel about someone. You simply need to assess what are you drawn to about then and then confirm if that is a quality that someone else could have. In the end you’re romanticizing the special place you have given someone. You gave them that place. Now please realise you chose to see them in that sense and you can choose to see them as a very normal person. Someone who you did love but now is a very mediocre person to love. And also someone who chose to put you in that normal place and left you.
I swear these videos have given me such an amount of insight and knowledge! I'd probably be suffering from depression and a higher amount of anxiety if it weren't for these videos. Thank you!
Hey school of life!
I wanna say thank you guys for these videos and all the books.
You have no idea how you have influenced, matured and helped me grow as a person.
Your videos have given me direction in everything from confidence to empathy in others to even up holding my integrity in the craft I'm passionate about, comedy. You've made me feel like I have a purpose but I do request thing of you. I struggle with letting go, in all aspects of my life, I didnt realize it until my therapist pointed it out. From letting go dumb comments online to letting go past relationships, mistakes, I even still linger on things I did wrong in high school. I have idea of what the issue is rooted in but if there was anything you guys put in a video on the subject I'd appreciate it. Thank you again for everything.
I think a huge issue is that people don't understand what "love" is.
Yup.
People treat relationships like distractions from their life and don't seem to expect actual connections to develop.
Some confuse lust with love.
That's very true. Few truly understand it.
If you only ever fall in love with people who don't care for you it just gets boring after a while. It becomes less of a problem when you are dead to the world
I feel like it’s especially hard because you’re just so used to being in their home, the smell of them, the feel of being in their arms, or the feeling of kissing them that the thought of having to go through all the awkwardness of discovering a new person is scary and you just want to go back to what you’re used to. Like I know I will eventually find someone again who will make me feel this way, but I was just SO comfortable. I think that’s a big part of life though: getting out of your comfort zone. That’s when you really grow and become wise.
It is hard getting over someone who dumps you out of the blue, even though it felt like the two of you were very happy. What helped me is that I try to think of the memory of this person as something you cannot get back. The person who hurt you and made you feel very bad about yourself and put you in a dark place, replaces this good memory. You do not miss the person, you miss the memories. In order to get over this, you need to accept that those were good times and you could never experience them in the same way again.. It is now a month and I still have some tough moments where I break down and cry like a baby, but it gets better. These mental break downs become less and time really is the best healer..
How u doing now?
@@felipesaavedra89 Honestly, regarding this breakup I commented about, I am doing really good. I have no feelings towards this person anymore. It took a long time to get over the broken relationship, but I really don't care about it anymore :) I found my peace and realized we really didn't belong together, and that is was for the best.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
Sounds like something Gandalf would say.
fool of the took
Are you referring to some lyrics? Because that song is great!
Elvis sang, "Wise men say, only fools rush in..." if that's what you meant.
this sounds like it is related to twist and shout
i cried last night thinking about a guy i used i be with... thank you for this video
Alessandra Santamaría total stranger here, but I feel you.
Modest Mind25 same
I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Thats been me many a night.
Red Rebel hahaha i never got a chance to find out
Haha well sucks for him. 💁🏻
This really helped beyond words. So beautifully put. You spend so much time pining for someone who isn't available that you overlook the ones that are probably better in every way.
No matter how hard time you are having right now, trust me time will always heal.
Cry a lot, remember them and cry again a lot and one day it will be over..
I say this specifically in the context of unrequited love - for a friend or someone else. When that person has never seen you and probably never will see you in the light you see them. Such love, yearning and hope in the face of such bleak prospects points to our inability to feel fulfilled on our own. We expect that person to be a saviour. They are supposed to save us from ourselves, and from the brutal truth that we and we alone can fill that void inside of us. Often, genuine self love heals the pain caused by unrequited feelings, although it might take time. Once you're over the idea that someone is not a missing half or the missing piece 8n your jigsaw puzzle, you will get over the person too.
I have a friend who has ruined all his friendships because he can't get over some girl who clearly doesn't reciprocate. He believes that he will never find anyone in life and she is his only hope. It seems that people aren't terrified of the realities of actual love, but of the idea of loving themselves before anyone else does.
How is your friend now?
I only came here to read the comments
Me too!!! And to ask for 74 more subscribers to my sawesome sauce channel!!
Just broke up, have important exams in a month, no clear college prospects, only one friend left... I hope I get through this somehow.
Wow man....same here.
Do your best
Same here🥲
I ruined something special I felt for the first time the other day, and I have exams coming up, first one of which is today... I hope I don't ruin those, too, but a part of me cannot forget how special that felt and how stupidly I squandered it... I hope I find a way to get over it at least.
"A self-hatred which makes someone else's love feel eerie." This is in huge part the reason I start to dislike anyone who likes me back and prefer to romanticize and idealize from afar, and only chase those who don't love me. The School Of Life has convinced me to give it another go with the 'boring' person who actually loves me back and whom I was charmed by _until_ he did so. The person who has my same ideas of a good time and who promised to work with me on our flaws together, whom I had sadly turned down as we were just getting closer.
I recommend you to a man who can help you manifest whatever and whoever you want to manifest within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯 💯💯
Whtsaap him**
___+ 2::3::4::81::40::79::93::23...
I was desperate for my crush once, did lots of things and even confessed 3 times. Bad ending, but we reconciled. Now I just take it easy and try to be a better person, and the bestest friend instead of chasing. I still can't stop thinking about her, so I just accept that I love her, friend or no friend. It makes me sleep at night.
gustinex she turned you down three times? she doesn't sound so nice.
You don't dream about her getting drilled by some other dude?
i think if you are her friend you are dishonest to both her and yourself when you want her as a lover.
P Romich nope, not a common thing here in my country
yeah..that would do the trick
one month later and I'm missing the way they made me feel more than the actual person. keeps me hopeful that there will be someone out there one day to make me feel the same way.
was just getting over her, until my cousin's profile picture updated...
I AM DEAD. NO WAY THIS IS REAL. SERIOUSLY????
I really hope this isn’t real
Thank you you don’t understand how much hearing this again helps me
Agreed. You're challenging your own maturity by being with someone who actually wants to be around you as opposed to living in your head and thinking someone is perfect. The best ability is availability. I can get down with this.
I fell in love with a fictional character and when he died I cried
Same, but he's in love with a girl. Even in a cartoon I can't have the guy I want. It sucks man
@@av3ngers17 ur comment is the perfect combination of dumb and cute (no offense)
@@hn6498 lmao why dumb?
Even if he wasnt in love with that girl howre u supposed to have the cartoon guy lmao (too lazy to punctuate)
@@hn6498 oh I know I won't have him, but the fact that he loves someone else just hurts more. Like, even the guy that I can't ever have loves someone else. It just hurts
The pain of a breakup is inevitabile.There is no manual to make it disappear. There is nothing you can do except maintaining your dignity and taking care of yourself and with time it will get better. This video talks about people who have clinged on for too long to people from their past
My ex boyfriend came to look for advice from the School of Life on how to break up with me. And I think he did well in being brutally honest, although he was suffering himself as well. It's very recent still, but I think we will be able to remain friends. And it does hurt, but I'm also excited about my future as a single person. Thanks School for Life for making things a bit more tolerable!
and how do you feel now after 4 years?
@@peligraso Having the time of my life and so happy that they are in my past!
I needed this today, School of Life. from the bottom of what's left of my heart, thank you.
About a year ago, I really needed this. Though it has been long, and most definitely tough, time passes on, and it gets easier.
The narrator's voice is so soothing i needed this
I’m watching this a lot later than it was posted but I was able to take something from it about some old, very close friends that are no longer in my life. Taking out the romantic aspect of the message has helped me with mourning the loss of my platonic relationships, too. Thank you, SoL
What I hate the most is when u talk to a person every single day and then one day neither of u talk to each other at all. It’s like questioning urself ‘do they care for me as much as I do for them? ‘. The fact that uk u r better off without them hurts like hell and u do WANNA GET OVER THEM!!... But the fact that this person, WHO gave u so many memories, becomes a memory !?!frightens u and breaks u....
A good question to ask: is it truly better to love and lose than never to love at all?
Not love at all. Save yourself the trouble.
Anthony Fantano's father I was a lot happier not having loved and getting my heart broken.
how original you stupid fuck
No. As it leaves you holding the baby without a father.
from the philosophy of soren kierkegaard, ....... you'll regret both.
this is such a good video, thanks for the words of wisdom.
It’s Valentine’s Day tonight, I’m still struggling with getting over her, god how does anyone do this
How do you feel now?
Only time can heal us. I'm still waiting
Worst part for me is her bday is on Valentine’s Day
Dafuq well I’ve gone no contact and it’s probably for the best. Still doing my best to get through days
Thawtoy Inc. I’m sorry to hear that mate, keep pushing through. Her loss.
But how do I get someone over?
ScrimHyphen You don't.
Easy! Get schiwfty yeaaaaaaaaaa!
sorry i know this doesn't help :(
Get rickety rickety wrecked, son!
You don't. You simply learn to move on with your life.
Azmo .R But most are not receptive or cannot logistically be in a relationship with you or will never cross paths with you in your lifetime. That's why I hate that saying.
I wish my last ex could have gotten over her last ex...see ya...
ahah so true!
Hahahaah
This video... actually helped me move on, from a crush that lasted more than 6 months, within a few weeks of taking the advice on board. Thank you very much
Its sad how after a mutual breakup you wait for the person to return when in reality they never even think about you
it's through realizing one's emotion can someone truly overcome one's suffering.
imran hilal no
You can fall in love all over again... You just have to find the qualities you seek in a person!
2:15 Mind blown & penny dropped! Thank you. It's still a long road ahead but this provides me with a positive spin on what is otherwise currently a desperately sad situation. Thank you.
when you fall in love with souls and not qualities so this doesn’t work for you😟
Same