Being critical here, just pointing out some issues I had with the story. I understand there was an attempt at suspense through mystery. But, it resulted in a lot of unanswered questions? Why was the friend killed? What was the purpose of the cult? What are the cultists, human or something else? Also, the implied "intimacy" scene at the end, why? Yes, the two characters had tension. But, it wasn't sexual at all. It was just frustration and animosity. Plus, they were just friends. Nothing beyond a platonic past was even hinted at. The fact that they just decided to do it three times in a row on the side of the road didn't really add up. Maybe because of the adrenaline rush from not dying. But, even than that thrill was long past between talking to the Mom and dropping off the teens at the train station. To be clear, I get what the intention was. But the story lacked structure. There was a beginning and a climax, but not a logical path from point A to B and a cop out ending. I feel the biggest issue was that no back story or explanation was given. Nothing tied together. Again, just the things I noticed with this one compared to your previous stories.
Thank you for your feedback. I think where I lacked a strong structure was where I became obsessed with time. My videos keep getting longer so to keep this one at around 3000 words/18 mins I got very cut throat about removing a lot of the middle. One of my weaknesses as a writer has always been forgetting that the reader/viewer isn't in my head and doesn't know the details I know. Tonight I'm working on Saturdays video and I'm not going to cut as much as before.
@gAyIstrange Ah, fair. And completely understandable. Your other stories have been wonderful and consistent. I was surprised by the shift. While I can't speak for others (more importantly, it's your channel. Do as you see fit). A 20 to 30minute short story is very acceptable, especially if it allows for better immersion. But, that is just my opinion.
I really enjoyed this story and the crazy twist.
Scary. Your scariest story, yet. I think it’s the first time a story had any violence.
And SEX! 😊😊
Well done.
Thank you!
Being critical here, just pointing out some issues I had with the story.
I understand there was an attempt at suspense through mystery. But, it resulted in a lot of unanswered questions?
Why was the friend killed?
What was the purpose of the cult?
What are the cultists, human or something else?
Also, the implied "intimacy" scene at the end, why?
Yes, the two characters had tension. But, it wasn't sexual at all. It was just frustration and animosity. Plus, they were just friends. Nothing beyond a platonic past was even hinted at.
The fact that they just decided to do it three times in a row on the side of the road didn't really add up.
Maybe because of the adrenaline rush from not dying. But, even than that thrill was long past between talking to the Mom and dropping off the teens at the train station.
To be clear, I get what the intention was. But the story lacked structure. There was a beginning and a climax, but not a logical path from point A to B and a cop out ending.
I feel the biggest issue was that no back story or explanation was given. Nothing tied together.
Again, just the things I noticed with this one compared to your previous stories.
Thank you for your feedback. I think where I lacked a strong structure was where I became obsessed with time. My videos keep getting longer so to keep this one at around 3000 words/18 mins I got very cut throat about removing a lot of the middle. One of my weaknesses as a writer has always been forgetting that the reader/viewer isn't in my head and doesn't know the details I know. Tonight I'm working on Saturdays video and I'm not going to cut as much as before.
@gAyIstrange Ah, fair. And completely understandable.
Your other stories have been wonderful and consistent. I was surprised by the shift. While I can't speak for others (more importantly, it's your channel. Do as you see fit). A 20 to 30minute short story is very acceptable, especially if it allows for better immersion.
But, that is just my opinion.
nice veggies.
Every story has scene break images in rainbow order.. My favorite are the Easter eggs in "empty" and the fake ads in "that smell".