The Dutch way of parenting is respecting your child as an individual and preparing them for the real world. They need to learn boundaries and make their own mistakes. I am Dutch and don't have children yet. But for me and my own parents as well it was always the most important thing that we felt happy and safe. We were never pushed.
The Dutch way of parenting is dumping your children to be raised by strangers. When they are babies you have the babysitter. Toddlers go to the creche. Then you have buitenschoolse opvang. Parents only see their children for a short while after they come home after work, pick up their children, eat, maybe play for half and hour to an hour and then it's bed time for the children. Dump children.
As a Dutch child in the early seventies, I was ordered to be home for meals on time and be home when the street lighting switched on. Of course I had to make my (little) homework from school. But apart from that, I cannot remember having oversight from the age of 6 y/o. And no, there were no bicycle paths in abundance yet, and a lot of cars already. But still, I think my parents subconsciously told me "explore your world on your own or with friends from the street and make it bigger if you dare". At secondary school (from 12 y/o) I was even allowed to be out after dark deep into the night as long as my parents knew where I was (no mobile phones yet!) and my school grades were adequate. I never ran into any trouble and ended up with a masters degree. So it all worked out fine. Morally, however, my parents were rather strict. Lying was a death sentence and cheating was punished quite hard.
I became a dad recently, quite late compared to my friends. The law recently got changed for dads - I now also have many many weeks of leave. It's amazing and lovely. 5 weeks when the baby got here, 10 weeks against 70% of salary for the first year. I'm getting 2 days a week off now, and was able to be there for my gf who was a wreck for months after giving birth.
I am a guy that only work 32 hrs.. best choice I made. Why? Because I see my daughter growing up. Ok less money true… but I don’t need luxury etc. And time with my family that is true wealth.
For the mother there is maternity leave, which is 16 weeks total. 4-6 weeks before labour and then 10-12 weeks after. For father's there is emergency leave for the labour itself. Then 1 week partner leave and 5 weeks extended partner leave. This leave has to be taken within 6 months after birth of the child. Lastly, there is parental leave for both parents. 26 weeks total, of which 9 weeks paid if taken before the child's first birthday. The rest is unpaid. It can be taken any time before the child's 8 birthday. The parent is either paid 100% or 70% of their salary depending on the type of leave. With a maximum of a daily gross wage of €282,50 at the moment.
In the second half of the sixties, I was in primary school and I was told to be in time at home for lunch and breakfast, no more. We played unattended and most dutch children still do (if the child is ready for it). We were told to behave, and be careful. When a dutch child learns to ride a bike, age 4-6, it’s the start of increasing freedom and independence. We cycled everywhere, also to and through the forests, fields etc. We were completely free.
Nice video. I am Dutch, my children are 26 and 25 now and I really enjoyed the maternety leave when they were born. My boyfriend did not get many days, I do believe that is better now. My workplaces have always been very accomodating for me, to combine work with motherhood. I could start later if I had to, or leave early, there was a lot of understanding and willingness to help me juggle being a working mother. Nowadays with my younger colleages it is the same I think, being a parent is something that is just more important than your job.
As I understood, listening to an American podcast, it's all about the US being the land of opportunities. In the US kids are told that if you put in the work, you can become anything you want. Even president. The sky is the limit. While here in the Netherlands kids usually get told that some jobs are out of reach, like becoming an artist or starting your own company. You could say the Dutch are a bit more realistic. But I also think it could hold some people back from living their dream.
We’re not so much told that some jobs are out of reach, but that we have to consider whether those jobs are worth the effort and offers that you would have to make. That the high flying job might seem great, but what if that means you wouldn’t see your children as much as you would like?
I have 2 kids now adults but i got 16 weeks leave when they were born. Afther that my work payed 80% of the bill for daycare. I cut my hours to be home when the kids got out of scool. So i worked from 9 to 2. Brought the kids to scool and picked them up at 3. when scool was done. The rest of the day had all the time for the kids. Worked out great. No stress at all. Not for me not for the kids.
A mother has 16 weeks total of maternity leave, they need to take at least 4 weeks ahead of the scheduled delivery date. Leaves 3 months after childbirth. It is allowed to extend this by using your pto/free days. Also most people work at maximum 36 hours in the week so this leaves some room. Often grandparents don’t mind taking care of a child once a week, parents can get state funding (not sure how much) for day care and just because you have a child. Most families will choose one parent to work one or two days less a week. Fathers have about 2 weeks? Maybe more not sure for paternity leave but not too sure about how long this is as this changes every now and then. 😊
45 Years ago I had 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after birth. If the baby comes early you lose the rest of the days of the first 6 weeks. My hushand had 1 day. This was in the Netherlands. It is way better now.
I think another factor that plays into less stress is that Dutch people tend to be very realistic about how we view family life. We have a saying "ieder huisje heeft zijn kruisje" which roughly means that every household experiences good and bad things and no family is perfect. We don't expect from ourselves nor others that everything goes smoothly, that the house is always tidy, and that every meal is up to the latest health standards. We AIM for the best, but also are aware we won't always be able to GIVE our best and that is okay.
As long as in the USA big companies "own" the two political parties and so practically rule the country, things there won't change. Profit is everything and more profit than other big companies have is better. Workers don't matter at all. There are many more where they came from. Here (in the Netherlands) things are totally different.
@@evastapaard2462 Then you're not a real Dutchie...complaining is part of the culture. Also, if we don't complain enough, we will end up on a slippery slope downwards and it will become like the usa here. You know it will.
@@Widdekuu91 hahaha, i'ts even worse. I'm a Dutch Frisian. but you are right, complaining is part of our culture. And perhaps I should start complaning because I really don't want us to end up like the USA!
Hard, strict, short leach, but justifiable.... But also loving, involved and look to his forseeable needs! ❤🤗 But since i am house father and wife is the main income, the load is somewhat diff here. Our son goes 4days to day care for socialization and learning. We do have pregnency dayoff for the weman, however, my wife didnt stop working allmost till birth and was working with in an month or 2 after birth. For the everyday midweeks we have some kind of babysitting since the start to discover gramps and the world of learning and socializing.
A colleague of mine is upcoming second time father and get 6 weeks paternity leave. They are flexible, so if he wants, he can work in between. (The Netherlands).
Parents here let their children fail and learn. From the age of 8 I was allowed to just go on the street to a neighbor or my best friend on my own. We would go skating or waveboarding all day and we'd be back for dinner on time. One time I was walking on a fence with barbed wire and I fell, thats the only time ive ever been hurt being without my parents. I didnt have to go to the hospital, dont worry. Ive still got a cool scar tho XD. At a later age when I went to high school my parents obvously cared about my grades but they always told me I could be what I wanted to be. They never pushed me (although my dad REALLY didnt like it that I didnt understand a thing about maths. Hes like a maths genius) I never knew what i wanted to be but i knew I didnt want to spend years learning something I didnt know I liked so I never really cared to be good at school except for the subjects I liked which were languages and creative subjects. I have a degree in floristry.. is that what you call it? Well anyway, I'm a florist, officially but i cant stand for too long and florists stand all day so I now work in a callcenter talking to people on the phone in English and Dutch so i guess it all worked out, I love helping people :) My parents never told me to do something, they let me make my own choices. (not counting being told you cant eat sand and stuff, you know what I mean)
The 3 R's are not complete... Nowadays we think they have to be comlemented with the 3 L's : Liefde (love), Lucht (air) and Licht (light). If we take care that way we are "modern" ;) (Although the 3 R's are good, they are considered a little bit outdated)
I'm very progressive, and progressiveness is about looking at issues and solving them to make a better future. Applying old tactics or technologies is the best thing to do. So it fits very well within the progressive mindset
Non of these problems existed when you still had stay at home mothers. Father went out to earn money. Mother ran the household. Women did it to themselves.
This documentary is almost just about motherhood. Fathers get leave when a child is born too, in the Netherlands. Do you know that a majority of birth's in the Netherlands are at their own home, assisted by only a midwife in stead of in a hospital and almost always take place without anesthetics. That helps mothers bonding with their children from the moment they are born. A rather new phenomenon in the Netherlands are what we call "Curling parents" Parent's that see their children a a curling-stone en trying to 'broom' every obstacle out of the way, forgetting that people learn from failure and disappointment as wel as from succes. Since the '60s of the last century respect for parents isn't guaranteed but parents need to earn that respect by being good parents. In the Netherlands parents always have to realize the child did nog choose to have parents, the parents did choose to have a child and that comes with responsibility.
Maybe that's something in your family, it definitely wasn't in mine or my partner's, never heard about it from my friends. And it definitely won't be something for my child.
The Dutch way of parenting is respecting your child as an individual and preparing them for the real world. They need to learn boundaries and make their own mistakes.
I am Dutch and don't have children yet. But for me and my own parents as well it was always the most important thing that we felt happy and safe. We were never pushed.
The Dutch way of parenting is dumping your children to be raised by strangers.
When they are babies you have the babysitter.
Toddlers go to the creche.
Then you have buitenschoolse opvang.
Parents only see their children for a short while after they come home after work, pick up their children, eat, maybe play for half and hour to an hour and then it's bed time for the children.
Dump children.
As a Dutch child in the early seventies, I was ordered to be home for meals on time and be home when the street lighting switched on. Of course I had to make my (little) homework from school. But apart from that, I cannot remember having oversight from the age of 6 y/o. And no, there were no bicycle paths in abundance yet, and a lot of cars already. But still, I think my parents subconsciously told me "explore your world on your own or with friends from the street and make it bigger if you dare". At secondary school (from 12 y/o) I was even allowed to be out after dark deep into the night as long as my parents knew where I was (no mobile phones yet!) and my school grades were adequate. I never ran into any trouble and ended up with a masters degree. So it all worked out fine. Morally, however, my parents were rather strict. Lying was a death sentence and cheating was punished quite hard.
Same ..
I became a dad recently, quite late compared to my friends. The law recently got changed for dads - I now also have many many weeks of leave. It's amazing and lovely. 5 weeks when the baby got here, 10 weeks against 70% of salary for the first year. I'm getting 2 days a week off now, and was able to be there for my gf who was a wreck for months after giving birth.
I am a guy that only work 32 hrs.. best choice I made. Why? Because I see my daughter growing up. Ok less money true… but I don’t need luxury etc. And time with my family that is true wealth.
For the mother there is maternity leave, which is 16 weeks total. 4-6 weeks before labour and then 10-12 weeks after.
For father's there is emergency leave for the labour itself. Then 1 week partner leave and 5 weeks extended partner leave. This leave has to be taken within 6 months after birth of the child.
Lastly, there is parental leave for both parents. 26 weeks total, of which 9 weeks paid if taken before the child's first birthday. The rest is unpaid. It can be taken any time before the child's 8 birthday.
The parent is either paid 100% or 70% of their salary depending on the type of leave. With a maximum of a daily gross wage of €282,50 at the moment.
Happiest children in the world. Enough said.
In the second half of the sixties, I was in primary school and I was told to be in time at home for lunch and breakfast, no more. We played unattended and most dutch children still do (if the child is ready for it). We were told to behave, and be careful.
When a dutch child learns to ride a bike, age 4-6, it’s the start of increasing freedom and independence. We cycled everywhere, also to and through the forests, fields etc. We were completely free.
Nice video. I am Dutch, my children are 26 and 25 now and I really enjoyed the maternety leave when they were born. My boyfriend did not get many days, I do believe that is better now. My workplaces have always been very accomodating for me, to combine work with motherhood. I could start later if I had to, or leave early, there was a lot of understanding and willingness to help me juggle being a working mother. Nowadays with my younger colleages it is the same I think, being a parent is something that is just more important than your job.
Why should your children exel? They need to be happy, grow up and stay themselves. But doing your best is always good and sbould be encouraged.
As I understood, listening to an American podcast, it's all about the US being the land of opportunities. In the US kids are told that if you put in the work, you can become anything you want. Even president. The sky is the limit. While here in the Netherlands kids usually get told that some jobs are out of reach, like becoming an artist or starting your own company. You could say the Dutch are a bit more realistic. But I also think it could hold some people back from living their dream.
We’re not so much told that some jobs are out of reach, but that we have to consider whether those jobs are worth the effort and offers that you would have to make. That the high flying job might seem great, but what if that means you wouldn’t see your children as much as you would like?
In my experience the 3 r' s are like an instructionmanual for parenting. 👍😊 Worked out well for us the last 17 years... 🧡
I have 2 kids now adults but i got 16 weeks leave when they were born. Afther that my work payed 80% of the bill for daycare. I cut my hours to be home when the kids got out of scool. So i worked from 9 to 2. Brought the kids to scool and picked them up at 3. when scool was done. The rest of the day had all the time for the kids. Worked out great. No stress at all. Not for me not for the kids.
A mother has 16 weeks total of maternity leave, they need to take at least 4 weeks ahead of the scheduled delivery date. Leaves 3 months after childbirth. It is allowed to extend this by using your pto/free days. Also most people work at maximum 36 hours in the week so this leaves some room. Often grandparents don’t mind taking care of a child once a week, parents can get state funding (not sure how much) for day care and just because you have a child. Most families will choose one parent to work one or two days less a week. Fathers have about 2 weeks? Maybe more not sure for paternity leave but not too sure about how long this is as this changes every now and then. 😊
45 Years ago I had 6 weeks before and 6 weeks after birth. If the baby comes early you lose the rest of the days of the first 6 weeks. My hushand had 1 day. This was in the Netherlands. It is way better now.
The US doesn't seem like an enjoyable place, period.
I think another factor that plays into less stress is that Dutch people tend to be very realistic about how we view family life. We have a saying "ieder huisje heeft zijn kruisje" which roughly means that every household experiences good and bad things and no family is perfect. We don't expect from ourselves nor others that everything goes smoothly, that the house is always tidy, and that every meal is up to the latest health standards. We AIM for the best, but also are aware we won't always be able to GIVE our best and that is okay.
As long as in the USA big companies "own" the two political parties and so practically rule the country, things there won't change. Profit is everything and more profit than other big companies have is better. Workers don't matter at all. There are many more where they came from.
Here (in the Netherlands) things are totally different.
I'm so thankfull I've been born in the Netherlands. although not perfect, I'll never complain.
@@evastapaard2462 Then you're not a real Dutchie...complaining is part of the culture.
Also, if we don't complain enough, we will end up on a slippery slope downwards and it will become like the usa here. You know it will.
@@Widdekuu91 hahaha, i'ts even worse. I'm a Dutch Frisian. but you are right, complaining is part of our culture. And perhaps I should start complaning because I really don't want us to end up like the USA!
Hard, strict, short leach, but justifiable.... But also loving, involved and look to his forseeable needs! ❤🤗
But since i am house father and wife is the main income, the load is somewhat diff here. Our son goes 4days to day care for socialization and learning. We do have pregnency dayoff for the weman, however, my wife didnt stop working allmost till birth and was working with in an month or 2 after birth. For the everyday midweeks we have some kind of babysitting since the start to discover gramps and the world of learning and socializing.
A colleague of mine is upcoming second time father and get 6 weeks paternity leave. They are flexible, so if he wants, he can work in between. (The Netherlands).
I’m shocked to see in the USA: where are the fathers in the care picture?
Parents here let their children fail and learn. From the age of 8 I was allowed to just go on the street to a neighbor or my best friend on my own. We would go skating or waveboarding all day and we'd be back for dinner on time. One time I was walking on a fence with barbed wire and I fell, thats the only time ive ever been hurt being without my parents. I didnt have to go to the hospital, dont worry. Ive still got a cool scar tho XD.
At a later age when I went to high school my parents obvously cared about my grades but they always told me I could be what I wanted to be. They never pushed me (although my dad REALLY didnt like it that I didnt understand a thing about maths. Hes like a maths genius) I never knew what i wanted to be but i knew I didnt want to spend years learning something I didnt know I liked so I never really cared to be good at school except for the subjects I liked which were languages and creative subjects.
I have a degree in floristry.. is that what you call it? Well anyway, I'm a florist, officially but i cant stand for too long and florists stand all day so I now work in a callcenter talking to people on the phone in English and Dutch so i guess it all worked out, I love helping people :)
My parents never told me to do something, they let me make my own choices. (not counting being told you cant eat sand and stuff, you know what I mean)
The 3 R's are not complete...
Nowadays we think they have to be comlemented with the 3 L's : Liefde (love), Lucht (air) and Licht (light).
If we take care that way we are "modern" ;)
(Although the 3 R's are good, they are considered a little bit outdated)
Paid paternity leave in Holland used to be 2 days. Since 2019 is has been 5 days.
Unrelated to hours, but the thing about "it could be better" is longer maternity leave, and especially paternity leave..
I'm very progressive, and progressiveness is about looking at issues and solving them to make a better future. Applying old tactics or technologies is the best thing to do. So it fits very well within the progressive mindset
work and privacy balance in the us ..... there is none.
there are new labor laws for pregnant and just new mothers
Non of these problems existed when you still had stay at home mothers.
Father went out to earn money.
Mother ran the household.
Women did it to themselves.
Nope, that is just 35% of parents that choose home birth...
Dutch woman no longer have children
Given your obsession with comparing America to other countries across all your channels, why did you stop doing videos on your American channel?
This documentary is almost just about motherhood. Fathers get leave when a child is born too, in the Netherlands. Do you know that a majority of birth's in the Netherlands are at their own home, assisted by only a midwife in stead of in a hospital and almost always take place without anesthetics. That helps mothers bonding with their children from the moment they are born. A rather new phenomenon in the Netherlands are what we call "Curling parents" Parent's that see their children a a curling-stone en trying to 'broom' every obstacle out of the way, forgetting that people learn from failure and disappointment as wel as from succes. Since the '60s of the last century respect for parents isn't guaranteed but parents need to earn that respect by being good parents. In the Netherlands parents always have to realize the child did nog choose to have parents, the parents did choose to have a child and that comes with responsibility.
The most classic thing in dutch parenting is when you get your ass beat when you didnt eat everything off your plate
Maybe that's something in your family, it definitely wasn't in mine or my partner's, never heard about it from my friends. And it definitely won't be something for my child.