The product sounds interesting but the free plan only gives you 100 note cards and 10 uploads. I would likely use that up in trying to reset one project. The other prices are really high for what it is offering but I will watch to see if their structure changes because it does look very interesting.
Because transphobia exists and they get comments asking why their "son" wears dresses. The whole reason why people don't want boys in dresses is because they're afraid he'll become a trans girl. That's why it's important to feature trans girls!@@lowbrass.spirit206
Kids see the clothes as a bit more, they quickly notice when the clothes hinder movement, directly or because the adults do not want the clothes to be damaged. and they like to play pretend, so they would dress in clothing that represents the pretend, not what they are, and they know that the clothes are part of pretend play.
From my experience, the adults who say that are actually telling me "but it confuses me and I hate anything I don't understand!" Because adults aren't supposed to have feelings so obviously the toddler takes the blame 🙄
I know a guy who gives of very strong 'male vibes' who dressed his son in 'girl clothes'. This had nothing to do with any sort of so-called 'gender ideology', his first child was a girl and he saw no reason not to re-use clothing that was in good shape.
I was a child in the 60s, and my parents dressed all three of us in Buster Brown shirts and slacks that were sold as gender neutral. That way, I wore them, passed them down to my sister, who passed them down to my brother.
@@charlespentrose7834 i present as male. Other than dresses and skirt, i swear my sisters hand clothes she no long wears i.e tops, jeans etc. We never could afford designer clothes every week and i am AFAB but as a male.like feminine styles and some masc ones too like comedy tees lol. Xx
I turned 20 in 1977 and wore 70's print shirts, floral ties and flares. At 67 yrs old I get infuriated by the depressingly drab state of menswear departments. A couple of summers ago I wrote to Marks & Spencer and suggested someone wake the designers up. I feel male-bodied people are compelled to wander around in a constant state of funereal dullness.
Right!!! I'm a tailor by trade and I love looking at high fashion - men's fashion overall has gotten so freaking boring. At least in the 90s there was some remnant of that 80s camp and colour, but post 2000 all your clothing looks the same. I don't just want kids to be free to wear whatever they want without shame, I want y'all to be free to browse whatever clothing section you want and get your sense of style back! It's gotta be stifling as hell.
Not just fashion. There seems to be an increasing obsession to perceive anything too comfortable or visually interesting as too feminine for men. Sleeping with a pillow? GIRLY! Wearing a jacket when its cold? WHAT ARE YOU, A DELICATE GIRL? Your birthday is in spring or summer? YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN IS GIRL! REAL MEN ARE BORN IN THE COLD, DRAB WINTER MONTHS! These are all things I've seen with my own two eyeballs as being too "feminine"
@@pjaypender1009 Yep. I mostly look in both departments and often buy trousers and sometimes tops because of the brighter colours and softer/lighter fabrics. I'm heat intolerant and find a lot of male stuff too heavy. I feel most people don't actually notice any difference in appearance anyway.
When my littlest saw Encanto, he fell in love with Mirabel's style and we got him a skirt that he wore multiple times to school, etc. Ya know what? It was fun.
I showed him this comment, and his response was: Oh, yeah! I should wash that and wear it again! We are very fortunate to be living in an area where the schools are very intolerant of bullying. They are taught acceptance and compassion from early on, and it definitely shows. My high schooler, who is queer, has had (in his words) almost no negative repercussions from his peers from coming out. It's even more impressive when you consider that there are an almost equal number of Harris and Drumpf signs in our community, disturbingly enough.
My oldest Nephew got obsessed, like many other kids, with Frozen (Frost in swedish). So he wanted Elsas dress for christmas last year. He did indeed get one and put it on at once to run around with. And I felt so proud about him not being restricted by feminine or masculine ideas. Granted he spilled ice cream over it like ten minutes later and had to change, but he was still happy lol.
Years ago, at our pre-school, one of the students really really wanted to be Elsa at a costume party. Before the event, his mom had us to read everyone a book about a boy who wore a dress, and any of the people who laughed at him were turned into nuts. His dad came as Anna. Little sister was Olaf and mom was the reindeer. I'm so glad it eventually got easier for kids to be whoever they are, but now our culture seems to be switching back to a time where there is no respect for anyone.
I have 3 kids (Nearly 4). My oldest recently decided they're non-binary after being painfully conflicted since they were 2.5 and a book asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" Resulting in years of crisis whenever it came up. We weren't prepared for it at all but handled it as well as we could by teaching about gender identities. My daughter and my youngest (Son) are the same size, and youngest will happily wear his sisters dresses, just as daughter will happily wear her brothers construction-vehicle outfits which are apparently "Too boyish for such a delicate girl". They USUALLY opt to go for their gender stereotypes, but are very happy and confident to just opt otherwise when they feel like it. Oldest has a mix of whatever. Whenever my kids are developmentally ready for it I tend to let them pick whatever the heck they want from wherever in clothing stores until I have a good grasp of their individual choice and can get some of it online and just get their approvals before I order it so I don't have to drag everyone around. 😂 As long as my kids are dressed appropriately for the weather, I honestly couldn't care less what they wear.
You sound like a wonderful parent and I think your kids are lucky to grow up in such an accepting household. As a non-binary teen myself, I might just say that it would be more accurate to say your oldest realized they were non-binary, as saying 'decided' makes it sound like a choice. ❤
@dasha_ucko You make a fair point there. Kiddo just tends to people that they "Finally decided" what they are. So it's the way my brain tends to go about it. I'll talk to kiddo tomorrow and ask how they'd like me to go about that. 🤔 We kept it quite flexible for a few years and just waited for kiddo to find what felt right fully understanding it was clearly not birth-assigned gender. Tried to use name instead of pronouns wherever possible whilst in that unknown phase. And now we're working on trying to accommodate kiddo to have their own room as to not need to share with other gender-identities because we know it can be quite hard on NB kiddos and teens. We try, and just have to hope along the way that even if we don't get it right our littles know we've always listened to them above everything and tried our best with what we have. 😅
I did not realize that gendered toys was a thing that started/resurfaced in the 80s! That's so recent. Gendered toys bother me so much because it limits what boys/girls are "allowed" to be interested in. It also creates a lack of variety and creativity in their toys too. There's no reason why the "girls" aisle is literally pink or the "boys" aisle is black and blue.
I grew up in the 80s with gender-neutral toys and mostly gender-neutral clothes (except for pretty dresses for special occasions) and I didn't pay much attention to when toys became more and more colour-coded. When it came to shopping for toys and clothes for my own kids, I was overwhelmed by the clear divide between the gendered sections. And it's not just colours, the cuts differ as well, starting very young. Like trousers for one-year-olds: girls' trousers will have a narrower cut and tighter fit than boys' trousers. I bought boys' trousers for my daughters up to the age of 3 or so, because squeezing diaper-wearing toddlers into tight-fitting trousers is a nightmare, and the looser fit is much more comfortable for small kids. I don't know who thought that a tighter fit would be a good idea.
I'm the oldest of three girls, and fortunately no one in my family said we couldn't like/play with something because it was "for boys." Yeah I had some Polly Pockets and a few Barbie dolls, but I also had a toy fire truck that I thought was super cool, and we had toy tools so we could pretend to be like our dad (who worked in maintenance.) My parents were just as fine with my dragon and pirate phases as they were with my (very long) fairy phase. The youngest son of another family in our neighborhood had a baby doll that he absolutely LOVED, and no one ever told him he should feel any other way. We need to stop limiting kids based on our own prejudices and just give them a chance to play and explore as much as they want.
That's a consequence of what boys and girls like. Studies show that boys and girls naturally prefer those things. It's normal for toy companies to focus on things that sell well as a natural consequence of that.
I buy girls leggings for my 5 year old boy to wear at home because it is lighter and more confortable than boy pants and my boy loves purple and pink. @@kathilisi3019
I used to work at a museum with dress ups, and many of the boys wanted a fairy costume (flying! Magic!). Some parents would panic, tell them off, and find a more "masculine" costume like an animal...?
There have always been boy fairies at least in the Victorian paintings I used to be obsessed with as a kid in my fairy books. Yes technically they had little fluffy bloomers on but it's not that different.
Thank you for mentioning people with intellectual and cognitive disabilities in your discussion of infantilization-it’s so important and often gets left out of disability discussions on the internet.
When I worked in an institute for children->young adults (ages 3-21) with "heavy" disabilities (doesn't translate well) the first thing I was told was to: always speak to them as you would someone in their age group, because we have no idea how much they understand (non-verbal), and we're not going to be disrespectful Will admit I had an easier job of this because I was placed with the 3-5 year-olds, who were a lot more in line with my brain's idea of how this age behaves. That attitude was a big part of why I decided to work there
@@zigzagperson Doesn't it make far more sense to follow the people's interests or what they seem to engage with more than treating them as per any age in particular? I would imagine a non-verbal adult might get bored or frustrated if you tried to have an intellectual conversation with them the same way you might with a neurotypical person their age. I'm by no means an expert in the care of people with intellectual disabilities, but I would be inclined to talk to them more softly and slowly at first, and then gauge their reaction and meet them where they're at, more calm vs excited as they are, and follow the subjects or activities they seem to like. I don't really see how it should vary by age, but more so vary by how they interact.
@@conlon4332 this wasn't a rule for how to treat each individual, it was a reminder that we don't know what's going on in anyone's mind so we need to act as though the mind is at the same level as anyone else at that age. I.e. don't talk at people or to the caretakers when you can talk to them, and don't treat the 21 year-olds the same as you would a toddler just because their body is there in a lot of other ways (diapers, special wheelchairs that somewhat resembled strollers, bibs because of drooling...) This was an institute for individuals who needed full-time assistance, so you only got to know what interested each one after caring for that person for a while and getting to know their slight signals
The gendering of toys has always been so crazy to me. Especially the mid 2000s "girl" Legos. Drove me nuts because they didn't work with the mountain of "vintage" Legos from the 70s and 80s. I loved my grandfather's Legos. We literally had heirloom Legos 😅
Non-binary teen here, thank you, just THANK YOU! This shall be my go-to edu video for my family from now on. Thank you so increadibly much!. Like, damn! This is simply BRILLIANT!
I liked very much when you mentioned “the right of autonomy” for the kids. I absolutely hated when I was a child and my mother would dress me with a dress or a skirt. I disliked it so much that now that I can buy my own clothes, I do not own a single dress or skirt (cis straight woman here). And it’s not that I don’t find dresses gorgeous, they look stunning in many people, but they are just not for me 😊
Honestly, my experience is really similar to yours! The only exception that I do about skirts or dresses is if they are made by me❤ I like to sew (I learnt mostly because I like "fashion" and cosplay) and when I create a skirt or a dress by myself I feel more willing to wear it because I'm proud of my own work and I like to wear something that I have put energy on. But overall dresses or skirts are not for me too!
Same. I tried to wear one once because it was a special event and I thought it would be the perfect justification to at least try. The hem got stuck on stuff and I almost tripped down the stairs. Plus, it didnt feel comfortable. Sooo.....mission failed.😅
@coolchameleon21 Mm and their parents think "oh I'm doing a better job than my parents or their parents because my child is clothed, fed and isn't being beaten." They think a child needing more is just whinging, it's a lack of discipline or them being spoiled. When will people, especially parents learn, that children can become so easily messed up psychologically? It really, really doesn't take much. Just because you're doing better than your parents doesn't mean you're at your best as a parent. And admitting you don't want to be like your parents is psychologically admitting they were abusive or you had a traumatising childhood (not you as is YOU, you as in people in general) Like God. I genuinely think people should not be allowed to reproduce unless they can prove they know this shit. I know that's controversial to say but it breaks my damn heart, when parents think they're ready and they're not.
I don’t understand how this happens lmao. I’ve never met a child who could be MADE to wear something they didn’t like. They’re kids, they will take it off! Or if they don’t know how to take it off they will complain until someone else does. Like, my mom obviously knew what clothes/fabrics I found comfortable and uncomfortable before I could talk, because maybe I couldn’t say the word “uncomfortable” but I could still whine and wiggle around trying to get out of the uncomfortable thing.
At 3 years old one of my twins shouted, "I'm a birl" randomly while i was driving. I asked what's a birl, and they said, "I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl, I'm a birl..." I just thought this was so beautiful, they were creating language to be seen and to be true to themselves. Kids know who they are, it's the world that tries to tell them otherwise. Also, just cant stress more how wonderful it is to be here in likeminded space especially considering the chaos that is the internet 💜✨️
I was trying to explain to my 7 year old that I don't consider myself non-binary, but I don't feel strongly about gendered terms and don't mind however she chooses to refer to me. She now tells everyone I'm "re-genderless" (because in her logic, babies don't really have a gender identity either)
I have fraternal twins, they are both girls but I discovered when they were very young that many strangers would try and figure out "which one's the boy", I found it fascinating the cues that these people would latch on. Not just skirt/trousers, pink/blue but also pictures/stripes, blue/neon. In fact I think there is a whole stupid complexity of what colours and patterns are seen as more feminine - e.g. is pink camo culturally more feminine than blue flowers I don't know but I bet if you dressed 3yo fraternal twins in them and walked around a park you'd find out strangers are pretty consistent in which they decide "is the boy".
There is this one lady online that had 5 boys. Only two of them have long hair amd the youngest likes to have pretty bows and such put into his hair. The comments are mostly supportive but there are of course also always some assholes who have to share their unnecessary opinions. My "fave" was a person saying that long hair isn't a problem for boys but the bows just make them confused and possibly trans or at least gay. These people have clearly never been to any metal concert or goth festival where a lot of attendees have long hair and a few always wear kilts or something otherwise dress or skirt like. A lot of goth men also wear make-up and style their hair. None of these things are problematic, clothes are for whoever fits into them. I don't care who wears or doesn't wear dresses as long as they feel comfortable in them.
"Clothes are for whoever fits into them." I absolutely love this! It's such a simple phrase, direct and to the point. I wish everyone had this mindset. ❤
Unfortunately it never occurs to these people that they're the reason that gay men and/or trans women even wear dresses and bows anyway. Transgender expression often lines up with what the society of the time deems as "masculine" or "feminine." If men were expected to wear skirts and women were expected to wear three piece suits then the average trans man would likely prefer to wear skirts, and trans women would likely prefer suits. Even now you do see trans men who like wearing skirts and trans women who like suits, because no group is a perfectly synchronized organization and even within the community there are disagreements on whether or not gender conformity is a good thing or not. People who do drag tend to do so because it's theatrical and transgressive; literally because it goes against stereotypes. And not all people who do it are gay or trans, it's completely acceptable to be a straight cis person who does it too as long as you enjoy it. That's rare now because society is dumb, but in the future it could become more common, because fashion and moral values change as people become more self-aware, and change a natural part of human nature. Those who do prefer clothing that line up with the stereotypes tend to only do so because society has made it validating to do so by placing so much meaning on it. And some of us find it more validating to say "screw it, I'm gonna invent my own style where I wear hiking boots and flannel with a pretty dress and call myself a Lumberjack Princess."
@Thisisnotafrog unless you're me, who's the gayest mf on the planet, who only wears cargo pants , black hoodies, or short sleeve T's. Dresses don't seem very comfortable.
Excellent point about the infantilization of the disabled (particularly the intellectually disabled). Although not intellectually disabled myself, I am developmentally disabled (AuDHD), and the way society has conditioned people to see Autistics as eternal children is revolting. That’s why it’s important to have zero tolerance for saviorist hate groups, like Autism Speaks, which thrive by portraying Autistic people as without voice or agency. Unfortunately, those in power still (and will probably always) listen to them and not us, because of how ingrained in society that infantilization is.
As someone who's disabled physically but not cognitively I get this a lot. It was worse when I was younger. I have learned to hide my disability, make it less obviously, I can't sometimes, which is part of why it's easier now. The other component is that as a small female when I was in my twenties even if people didn't realize I was disabled still got some of that infantilization.
One very practical aspect that's always struck me about breeching, that I appreciate you discussing, is the fact that it generally occurred around the time a little one is most likely to be able to use the toilet (or historical equivalent) independently. It makes sense to introduce a bifurcated garment that isn't laundered as frequently as a white frock would be when a caregiver is confident that a child isn't going to regularly have accidents! People can stop clutching their pearls, it's practical!
@@rruthlessly So, quick note, I said that the ages for breeching (as Jessica said in the video, usually between 4 and 7) are the ages kids are most likely using the toilet *independently,* not when toilet training would begin. Different kids are able to take of basic bodily functions without needing help from an adult at different ages, so yes, I do think that achieving independence in that area was a contributing factor to determining when a child could or should be breeched. Could happen earlier, could take a little longer, just like today. Another thing to keep in mind is the way clothes were made; clothing for toddlers and preschoolers today are likely to have elastic waistbands and few closures, meaning younger children can dress themselves with relative ease. Buttons, ties, and hook closures are tricky for little kids to manage. So for me, that reinforces the idea that children would be breeched when they had not only been toilet trained, but also had the manual dexterity needed to manage their clothes' fasteners as well. Again, all of this tradition can be seen as largely practical, but also ties into this idea of "maturity" as a time of increased physical independence, the ableism of that way of thinkin Jessica addresses in the video as well.
@@rruthlesslyOne thing you may not realize is that the clothes in those eras was much harder to undo and redo yourself quickly which is something that a small child might not have the dexterity to do. So they might be toilet trained for years before they're able to be fully independent like that and be breached. This allows them to actually be independent in their little dresses versus requiring assistance every time they needed to use the bathroom.
I don't know how much people historically used potties for kids, but I have seen kids wanting to use the potty indoors (or on the porch) quite old when the other option was the outhouse😂 Where I'm from the outhouse buid is such that the seat is a bit high for me to get onto as a short woman (156cm /5ft 1.5inch). Kids definitely need steps up or someone to help. Also the outhouse is much scarier than a "Water Closet", falling into it is totally possible (I don't know if I actually scratched my back falling half-in or if it's a fake memory from a frequent childhood fear...) 🕳 💩
Seeing all those unkind comments in the video really makes me appreciative of this online community. Most people make the most insightful supportive comments. ❤️
Yes, this. I have no interest in fomenting anger and hate, nor in supporting channels that do so. Jessica is a clear example of the fact that it doesn't have to be like that, and it's one of the many things I've liked about her channel for years. We've been following her journey for a long time now, and the way that she handles life with quiet strength and how her family has grown in closeness and love has been lovely to witness. Whoever keeps track of the comments for her does a great job of keeping the discourse positive and civil.
I'm one of a pair of fraternal twins, born in the early70's. My parents bought unisex clothes because it was easier with a pair of "hyperactive" twins to just grab a shirt or pair of pants into which they'd stuff the first wiggly child they were able to catch, regardless of whether it was me or my brother. They avoided dressing us "twinny" except for family photos, but my chronically ill mom did not often waste her rare spoons on gendered clothes - again, except for special occasions.
My grandparents didn't have many photographs of their children because of the cost of a camera but I do remember them having one taken of my uncle by a photography studio, at the age he was able to sit up and toddle about. He was absolutely wearing a dress. I think he was born in the late 1930s. Also my grandad loved fashion and menswear has become so incredibly boring since he was a young, to middle aged adult. He was the one that taught me the importance of looking for a really good print, ideally silk lining on waistcoats, how to tie different knots in ties, the value of a really good pair of shoes and how to walk with a cane (for fashion, not disability). He was quite the dandy!
That's so lovely and wholesome! I love fashion in general- not necessarily high fashion, but just clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, and clothes that are, well, FUN. So I feel kind of sad when I see menswear departments these days. There never seem to be any bright colors, even for summer fashion, and everything looks so... drab. I would be depressed if I had to shop there, tbh. 😂 (My parents used to force me to wear frilly dresses that itched, and pretty shoes that hurt my feet, to school and to church. I had so much resentment over that, that I became one of those ""not like other girls"" when I was older. There was no pink or purple, or dresses or skirts, allowed in MY wardrobe! So I didn't start to feel comfortable picking out what I actually LIKED to wear until my mid 20's. Now I have FUN picking out clothes, and I pick out whatever I think looks good! I almost always wear dresses and skirts, and I have a decent collection of jewelry with which to accessorize. It makes me feel so much more... myself. 😊 )
@@jaekae13 My mother was so determined to make me act and dress "girly" that I avoided the colour pink for years and yes, same with the scratchy dresses 😬. I did find if you climb enough things even my tenacious mother would give up at least on the frilly dresses, lol.
@@minkg8178 Yeah, thankfully I was at least allowed to change into something more comfortable when I got home! I don't think my parents would've been too happy about the state those dresses would've been in if I'd worn them when I went to go play with the neighborhood kids. (And when I went to horse camp in the summer, which was somehow seen as a "girly" thing despite riding horses and mucking out stalls all day, they immediately saw the necessity of practical clothing.)
There is actually a lot of photography of young children in the late 1800s and early 1900s of boys and girls, toddlers, wearing "dresses" with curls. It was a common practice even then because it had to do with practicality and cleaning.
Loving the historical context here! And as a woman who predominantly wears trousers/shorts because I find them more practical, it's fun to hear the opposite perspective: that for some people, skirts/dresses are the more practical option. Absolutely each to their own! In my case, I tend to find that a) my preferred field of work can involve a lot of going up ladders and/or crawling around on the floor underneath desks, so trousers mean I'm not worrying about any risk of accidental flashing, and b) I really like having large, functional pockets and the only category of clothing I can generally find with those are trousers/shorts sold in the men's section (provided they're available in a small enough size for me) - while skirts with pockets absolutely exist, they're just that much more difficult to find in the first place and I rarely feel like putting in that effort for a garment I'm not going to wear often
I've found that it really depends on what kind of skirt you get, I liked skirts as a kid until I (a) started needing pockets and (b) started developing "chub rub" friction burns every time I wore something that didn't fully cover the area where my thighs rubbed together while walking or running. (I now wear athletic shorts underneath to prevent this.) I also started disliking how skirts looked on me because none of the loose ones had any structure and the tight ones made me feel like I was on display for anyone who wanted an eyeful. My current favorite skirt is a big wool one that completely obscures my lower half and has MASSIVE pockets!
This is the reason why even though I love skirts and dresses and I wear them all the time, even to do all my housework in when I am outside doing gardening or home repairs I am wearing overalls. I like them better than trousers because a trouser can actually slip down around your waist but overalls can't and they always have pockets and I don't have to buy from the mens section. My body shape does not suit the mens section.
@@TincyM-z2m Body shape does not equal femininity. And anyone can do home repairs. That's pretty regressive thinking of you to think that any task is gendered.
Ohhhh youre so right that its not just kids. Im middle aged, afab agender, and have experimented with wearing dresses and suits in professional situations, and i get treated with so much more respect in trousers, it's shocking. And yeah dresses are often more comfortable so i have to choose physical comfort v gender expression comfort v being perceived as a real human being. Sigh.
I got so annoyed when, in my LGBT chorus, I got more comments about "oh don't lift that it's so heavy" than any of the other people who moved the equipment. I wasn't the only girl on the moving crew, but I was the only one regularly wearing pretty dresses to rehearsals.
@@rishtopia I don't think it's meant to necessarily be positive or negative, it's just pointing out a fact. It reinforces the video's point that boys wearing dresses is not a new phenomenon, and used to be considered quite natural and normal. My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that it CAN be a positive thing. I think it's probably best to dress children in whatever's practical while they are infants and toddlers (meaning, clothing that makes diaper-changing easy, is generally easy to put on and take off, and is easy to clean whenever it inevitably gets dirty). And when a child is old enough to express their preferences about what they want to wear, and what they feel comfortable in, we should try to accommodate that. There's no need to shame children for wanting to wear whatever they feel comfortable in, or to shame parents for allowing their children to do so. I think that forcing children to wear certain clothing styles, against their wishes, is a lot more harmful than letting a little boy wear dresses if that's what he wants to do.
I wore heels growing up. Turned out just fine. Kids are in a developmental stage. You try whatever. It's part of the learning experience. I learned that I can run in heels, and they're painful at times. Wouldn't force them on someone that doesn't like them. You don't force your kids to do these things. You let them, and they can figure themselves out. Hopefully, they're comfortable coming to you if they can't. And if they do end up trans, they just figured it out a little sooner than they otherwise would have. Your job is to help them figure themselves out, so they can prepare for life.
I am currently reading a book about Leonardo Davinci and practically everyone in his paintings look androgynous to my uneducated eye. I have been surprised more than once to find out that someone who looked very feminine to me was actually very clearly a man actually. Although in one case in his Last Supper painting apparently there was some debate whether one of the people was actually Mary or John (turns out it was John), so even the people who study this stuff aren't always sure.
I honestly find it so sad that the men/boys "intended" clothes are so dull and boring. A great example of this is a formal ball or dance, women are in these extravagant and gorgeous gowns and yet every single man is practically wearing the same tux. It's honestly baffling how people end up giving different shapes and colors of fabric, a gender. Its neutral on its own! I would love to see a revival of colorful and flamboyant men's fashion that isn't immediately targeted as being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I mean don't get my wrong, the men in that community are killing it with their fashion and deserve to be role models but that doesn't mean every man who wants to wear something out of the norm is trans or gay or queer or whatever label you give them. It's just a man that decided to wear something different. Thats it, and it should be respected.
I've never understood why a person feels the need to police what another wears. As soon as your child is able to talk and walk, they should be allowed to make their own decisions on what to wear, be that a skirt or shorts, feminine or masculine.
I've never understood the problem. Men can wear kilts and I find it a nice look. A friend of my son's is responsible for the school handbook saying boys can't wear dresses because he wore dresses and looked smashing! He had style. If young boys, especially, want to wear dresses, let them. If my daughters wanted to wear jeans or overalls, I let them. It's just a specific group of people telling everyone else how they want us to dress, because they've always gotten away with it. Now that their apple carts are being upended, they're getting testy.
Jessica, I love how you always make videos filled with education so much fun to watch too!! As a trans person I’ve always thought the gendering of clothes was ridiculous and I’m so glad we’re breaking it down with/for the next generation. Your videos always make me feel so comforted when I’m having a flare up or not feeling good about my identity so thank you for making these amazing videos!! All three of y’all’s outfits are always absolutely on point!! Much love 💜
Interesting bit about He-Man and She-Ra. As an AMAB child (who now identifies as nonbinary as a middle-aged adult), I watched both shows and played with both toy lines. My parents even bought me both the Castle Greyskull and Crystal Castle playsets. I also watched and played with “My Little Pony” toys. I’m glad my parents were progressive in that way, although it still took me decades to realize I wasn’t cisgender.
"You know that little thing with no fur that goes around your estate making humanoid like noises. That little thing might want a biscuit and a belly rub and words of affirmation." 😂😂😂 Best quote ever!
Honestly, I've never understood the need to know every stranger you meet's genital configuration, especially for random children. And clothes don't have gender anyway, it's just fabric. I'm totally the opposite to Jessica as far as fashion goes, though, which will never not be funny. I'm a butch who almost exclusively wears "men's" black t-shirts and basketball shorts. Though I love a good pair of black khaki shorts if i can get them in my size. It's the pockets. I love having pockets. My mother has always been upset by the fact that I "dress like a boy" and don't carry a purse and I'm just like "I can, and have, fit an iPad in one pocket and a half-gallon bottle of juice in the other, why would I need a purse?" But yeah, she's still mad about my "crossdressing" and shaving my head, and I'm almost 30. There's a reason I don't talk to her if I can avoid it.
The major difference now a days is some adults have the stereotype sherly temple image in their head about girls in tutu dresses showing their diapers instead of "its just a baby, it's loud, it's messy. Put it in a long shirt they can keep using till they are 2 or 3." No, instead they have puffy annoying dresses made of the worst itchy rash induced fabrics for girls & boys get comfy soft cotton clothes.
Hey Jessica! I saw the title, and my mind was like ''My dad is an androgynous male, he wears dresses and skirts all the time'' He feels good in it, so why do (some) people make a problem about it? I'm female, and i dress in a masculine way, because that's what i like! I'm very open minded, everyone is welcome! Whatever you wear!😉💞
Back in the day both boys and girls wore dresses up to the end of infancy (that's up to age 6 btw. 7-13 you were a juvenile and 14 - 20 you were an adolescent). Way back in the day infants of both sexes were called girls; boys sometimes called 'knave girls'.
I'm an autistic woman and I have a friend who is an autistic man and we both have quite similar sensory problems with pants. He has taken to wearing jeans outside and then changing into payama pants inside whenever he comes over, but we've talked about how he would probably also feel much more physically comfortable wearing skirts like I do. I think he wears pants not just because of societal pressure but also because it suits his own gender expression better, but still it feels unfair sometimes.
I grew up in the '60s. When GI Joe came out in around "65, us kids were somewhat shocked to see a doll for boys. It was meant to be played with the same as one would with a Barbie. Years later, I thought it was really weird hearing my friend's kid ask if she'd seen his "He Man Doll".
My sister who is not a doll person used to dismissively refer to my younger brothers action man collection as his dollies, & that was half a century ago so I find all the pearl clutching by people with fragile identities both perplexing and amusing
I loved when my Brothers GI Joe dolls got passed down to me. He had the best accessories! And my Barbies needed brothers. (It never occurred to me to make couples with my Barbies and GI Joes.)
@@jennifers5560 I had older sisters. My ActionMan (UK's GI Joe doll) inherited loads of pretty accessories. Only trouble is they were quite a bit smaller in scale, so most of the clothes did not fit. I can confirm that the ActionMan accessories and clothes were generally far better made, with much more detail (usually "militarily accurate", because of course the army dad nerds would notice and might even complain if a Ka-bar or a Hussar's cartouche was not period-correct in any way).
As someone who was brought up in the 70s, all I remember is the colour brown for clothes, I don't think I thought of clothes as either boys or girls, and I'm sure my brother had my hand me downs.❤
70's child, here. Everything was either brown or dark colors mixed with brown: clothes, cars, wood paneling, furniture fabric, appliances... Good times.
There was WAY too much brown, often paired with orange, but I also remember a lot of yellow t-shirts. In fact, if ever I see a yellow t-shirt, it takes me back to my childhood. As it was my favourite colour, I had red everything, if I could get it.
As a man who has worn skirts multiple times, I can understand why we used to go into battle in miniskirts can't help but do some squats when you feel the freedom.
Just had a little boy. We're dressing him in neutral or boy clothes for now, but when he's older, he can wear what he wants. But we are also reusing his sister's old baby carrier that is pink. And some of her old blankets that are pink as well.
Thinking of children as sexless beings is reflected in language too. In German we used to widely use the words "Bube" and "Maid" for boy and girl, with respective definite articles "der Bube" for masculine and "die Maid" for feminine. But for children that were younger, they were minimized with the suffix "-chen" and had the neuter definite articles: "das Bübchen" & "das Mädchen". So there was still differentiation, but they were looked at as not being masculine or feminine right away. Instead, they were to grow into those forms with age.
As a trans person I really am always confused by how much some cis people over complicate gender. To me it is very simply "what do you feel? What word for yourself makes you happy?" The annoying 'what is a woman' question that some people think is a gotcha just makes me want to throw a heavy book at their head and tell them to read about history for once. You rarely ever see the people around you naked and yet you generally know who is what gender (generally speaking, I think we need to become more comfy with androgyny and just not knowing), so what makes them think body parts you almost never see in your day-to-day are what defines gender in people? Sometimes I just want to respond to that stupid question with "a woman is usually someone who uses the pronouns she/her" because really at the end of the day, all I care about is how to properly address someone and the language needed for that. I know they'll just pitch a hissy fit with hearing that and call it a non-answer but at that point I've answered their "question" and they can take it or leave it. Anyway, great video! Always nice to hear new perspectives on the topic of gender presentation that take a sensible and historically conscious look at the topic.
I found this definition recently when that question came up. It's the Cambridge dictionary definition. "an adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth:" There's also the old "someone who covers their drink when you walk in" 😂
@@JustAChannel_13 Oh my goodness, love the second one xD. Even as a cis passing trans man, I still cover my drink when 'alpha' weirdo dudes walk in despite knowing I am not their target demographic. Though I do love when they suddenly try to cite "science" that they have no grasp of and when you then try to play in the science court they thought they could win on by just posturing they will revert to late elementary school level as if we covered all of it then. Reminds me of trying to hold up flour and call it bread
@@JustAChannel_13 unfortunately they'll then just ask what "female" means or something. the only real answer is to just try to make them answer the same question (which they usually don't even answer cause they're just trolls) and then point out the flaws in their definition lmao
I went to high school in the 70"s and was taught by men wearing dresses and nobody thought it odd.at all. It was a private school and we had to call them, Brother Davis or Brother Kelly etc.
I did not score well on the game. I figured it was going to be a "trick question" where all of the children were boys. Reduced cost of postage, which lead to the widespread sending of Christmas cards, lead into the celebration of birthdays? I would watch a video on that topic as well!
My new plan is if my son wants to wear a dress to say yes - but only if he also carries a drum 😊 Really, though, as queer parents I worry we'll get judged a lot more harshly for letting our son dress 'feminine' than cis and straight couples do. There's a narrative of 'pushing an agenda' which puts me in a place of paranoia when it comes to letting my son do what he wants in case someone accuses us of abuse for my son having pink socks.
dam, this one hurt, you hit the nail so hard on the head i felt it 3 weeks later - You live with the judgement of your life and feel forced to control your sons choices due to another layer of judgement and all of this exist only in the small minds of someone not at involved in any of your lives. People please just mind your own biscuits
My sister's ex's Kid was very confused seeing my cousin's Kid (a Boy) in Long Hair and a Dress. Kept announcing that my Cousin is a Girl, because only Girls wear Long Hair. Granted, i mistook the Kid too, for a hot Minute, but thats because Im an adults and have been primed to See Dress = Girl. It was depressing to See a 9 year old lose His sh*t over this. Unfortunately i cant even say im surprised cuz that ex is.... Well, lets say im from a conservative area where Guys still think that every gay Guy is definetely about to Hit on tuem specifically and it Freaks them Out. So... You can Imagine what they think of dresses
I was born in the 1970'ś and of course had a lot of clothes of my older siblings. For me the "we used to be able to distinguish boys from girls" feels so ridiculous. I have pity for the kids these days - it seems difficult to find pretty colours in the midst of the excessive gender coding.
My aunt has a painting of some ancestor and his brother when they were young - both wearing dresses & i believe they have "feminine" hairstyles, one sat on a pony and the other beside it, both boys.
That is a hilarious mental image, but I can picture it so well. 😂 Honestly, most babies that young never look nearly as cute to me as they seem to look to their parents. I've always thought they look a little weird until they get older, so whenever someone proudly shows off their newborn, I always struggle to come up with an acceptable compliment. 😅
I've only just bumped into this "channel". I'm so impressed with the depth and fresh breath of Jessica's broad base of knowledge. The presentation is impeccable. Thank you for the enlightenment and the opportunity to be more educated and sensitively inclusive. I'm a lesbian but I've been isolated and working providing medical and psychiatric care in small Ntive Alaskan villages for 23 years. I feel like I've made a connection and am witnessing the massive progress of my own lesbian culture. I'm also Native American, this inclusiveness isn't dripping with unwarranted admiration and adoration for our differences but a recognition of just who we are as humans. Thank you Jessica.
Fellow Alaskan lesbian here (Southeast), lived here for most of my life. The isolation can be rough, and I just want to remind you that you aren't alone. I hope that isn't silly or trite.
I have a picture of my dad, born 1910, wearing a frilly white dress and satin slippers, (he was adorable) because that's how baby boys were dressed before WWI. And don't get me started on kilts. Not to mention the uniform of the Greek Presidential Guard which sure looks like a skirt over tights to me.
A really good video! As someone who works in childcare, I have conversations about clothes and gender fairly often. Nice to have some more historical references for reflective thought.
I just got a book for the kids at the library where I work called UPSTAGED. It is a graphic novel and the main character is non binary. It is interesting to see how they dress and what choices they make to express their gender. I love it and the kids do to. I always want to show the kids, mirrors, windows, and doors to the world.
Interesting. And i think you nailed it. I am an already somewhat older male, and i always wanted to wear skirts every now and then. But of course that was not allowed. Even thinking of wearing a skirt would make me gay or a pervert or transsexual or something similar. And indeed during my younger age i thought about this for some time ("am i a pervert?"). But i found that i was just a straight normal average man, and i still am. Connecting skirts and frills and femininity in general to some kind of inferiority is indeed the main problem. It is a big lie and sexism and it is in no way better than racism. It was a bit difficult to follow your speech, because it is extremely fast, and english is not my native tongue. But i think i got it.
by the way, if it might be helpful, you can change the speed of the video by clicking the cog (settings) at the bottom of the video and clicking "playback speed," and changing it to whatever speed works for you :)
The reason for dresses on really small children could be to easily let them potty. Same with bifurcated breches, as you called them. Easy, quick. Less accidents.
If i ever have a child I'll dress them mostly in gender neutral clothes until they're old enough to say what they like best, I'm a girl and have always presented as one but i remember HATING wearing skirts and dresses, and everytime i had to wear one I'd wear shorts underneath because i just preferred them
That's what I love about Lolita fashion, it was started in Japan by feminists reclaiming femininity ❤ Today people of all genders are welcomed by the community, whether they dress in the feminine or masculine (ouji or dandy) versions
@TincyM-z2m Lolita fashion is NOT about being a trad wife. It's about experiencing femininity on your own terms. It's about rejecting society's pressures to appeal to men. Just because you wear skirts and seem submissive doesn't mean you can't be a feminist.
Yup. I think I have a picture of my father in a dress. Or rather that picture is still at my mother's place. That would have been somewhere from 1934 - 1940.
loved it..although maybe you should look up abby cox and the real history of the corset? You can breath in corsets just fine. There are tons of clothes historians on youtube that has done a lot of great work on this.
I always loved history, so the moment I sniffed out that pink used to be unquestionably manly and saw how men used to dress, absolutely stringent gender roles never convinced me. I still had to learn a lot, but that was a damn good primer.
I have twin boys, turning 6 in a couple weeks, and they both love wearing dresses. They specifically asked to wear dresses after their preschool graduation, seeing some of the girls in their class wearing them, and they wear their dresses to school to this day. They've had no problems with this, with the exception of when they feel it necessary to correct someone on their genders.
I remember stories of my own father being, "made to wear a dress as a child," as though it were some kind of tradgic backstory. (The only genuinly tradgic part is that I never got a change to ask him personally about it or anything else because I was an infant myself when he passed away.) In reality, my paternal grandparents simply had a fixation on the aristocracy and wanted to appear upper class, so they observed the (now truly archaic) British tradition of clothing young children in dresses regardless of gender.
You can’t say you don’t care about the differences in gender, wealth etc when you find it so important for clothes to communicate which category someone is in
Yeah this is a problem with the gender community, it isn't progressive enough to abolish gendered stereotypes and sexism completely in a way that it would be at the core of their values. They aren't anti-sexist enough to stop using masculine and feminine as descriptors even though they only work as words with definitions if understood through gender stereotypes. Many do understand that this is a goal to work towards.
I find the ‘mom’ character in the playroom to have a really interesting aesthetic. She’s wearing a t-shirt (modern) with a vintage-looking skirt, which together nevertheless create a cohesive look.
Interesting and fun video. My brother was severely physically disabled and as he got older and became an adult, he absolutely hated when people (as people often do) would talk to him like he was a child. It was definitely one of his biggest irritations.
Okay, the 1:28 guess was tricky for me because it looks very similar to the childhood portrait of king Władysław IV Vasa of Poland by Marcin Kober. Only further proves the point of the video though
Something to consider with all children wearing dresses is that it was easier to change nappies. These parents that put their little ones in pants and desperately trying to hall them off because the nappy needed serious changing. Wearing them up till about 5 or 6 was also good as the child learned good toileting habits. My mother and her twin brother, both born in 1915, wore dresses. My father was born in 1926 and also wore dresses. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the practice of all children wearing dresses had stopped by the time of WW2. (Or did you say that and my mind just glossed over it.)
It really still feels today that gendering of clothing very much relies on the idea that women can dress like children do and vice versa. Little girls and adult women get away with wearing trousers because little boys wear them. "Cute" and particularly "snuggly" styles are, in the grand scheme of dress history, a relatively new invention for the young children they're targeted at, and oddly enough, while for babies and preschool children they are relatively unisex, those styles stop being available to boys relatively young, yet are sold for girls of all ages and adult women, and do not look particularly different between kindergarten and primary school aged girls and adult women. It is very much a real thing that you can see clear distinctions between clothing styles for baby boys, clothing for boy children, and clothing for men, but often in women's clothing, you see baby girl styles blend into children's styles which blend into teen and adult styles, but oddly this exists both in that you can buy a sweater in ladies sizes with a particularly immature design on it or characters from children's media, and that a lot of clothing for little girls past infant and toddler sizes will often look like tiny versions of what is sold for adult women. Little girls' clothing options tend to consist of unisex child clothing like jeans and T-shirts, oversized baby girl/unisex baby clothes such as animal onesies and various forms of wearable teddy bear fur, and undersized women's clothing, whereas boys have a sharp cuttoff of "babyish" clothing, a range of very similar unisex and little boys' clothes that tend to be very similar to men's clothing but just more colourful, and with popular children's characters and designs - but only those considered sufficiently masculine, of course, and then another sharp cutoff around or before puberty where little boys' clothing is replaced by men's clothing, which typically has duller colours, less patterns, characters are less common and tend to be from media that appeals to young men and teenage boys. The clothing tends to reveal that teenage boys are viewed as young adult men, while teenage girls are viewed as older female children... until of course it's convenient to men in power to consider them grown. It can also be very difficult to tell at times if The Fashion is to dress little girls as tiny adult women, or for adult women to dress as little girls, it seems to blur together by design. Not to mention the way that most arguments about ungendering clothing for children seems to focus on permitting very young boys to wear girls' clothes using the argument that because they are children there's no real harm in it and historically small children's clothing has been unisex and no harm ever came of it. Personally as a feminine presenting person I do enjoy that I am so socially permitted to dress in as wide a range of styles as young children are, but there is definitely a political and gendered implication of it that makes me overall very uncomfortable with the fact that about 50% of stuff I see in an average toddler section and want in my size, is also readily available in my size in the women's section, and the 50% I can't have tends to be for toddler boys, and not once have I found an item in the men's section that looks like I'd be twinning with a toddler if I wore it to the park, but I do find those a lot in the women's section. You even see this phenomenon in *underwear* - if you compare little girl panties to ladies panties, especially the more feminine cuts and fancier styles, you probably will notice they are extremely similar. If you compare boys' boxers for an equally young child to men's boxers, you'll probably notice that boys' underwear is far more different to men's than girls' is to women's. The cuts are basically the same, but you'll notice boys' tend to be more patterned and fun and men's are extremely plain. As someone who wears both genders' underwear depending on the outfit and my particular sensory preference on a given day, I never really noticed much difference between the underwear I had as a little girl and the ladies underwear I have now, but I often find myself a little bit jealous of the patterns and bold colours on little boys' underwear compared to men's underwear in my size.
I was a child in the 1960s, so I saw the fuss about women and girls wearing trousers. One would have thought the world was ending! Despite the fact that both boys and girls were playing with dolls (albeit styled differently.) At present women have choice in clothing, both in style and colour. Men are in dull coloured trousers, dark shirts with high collars, and dark outerwear (yes, even in winter when it's unsafe.) I prefer bright colours and lower necks - "women's" clothes. Oh, well. I do enjoy your particular sense of humour.
I started stealing my moms makeup and putting on her dresses for years upon years until I turned 17 and realized I am trans. But I dont think that doing that necessarily means you are trans or should warrant any responses. Kids will be kids
Would they try and stop a Roman Soldier or a Scots mercenary from wearing what they pleased? 😂 I think not. Oh for the time humanity rises above its ridiculous garbage. Let people be. And they dressed little boy like girls for certain pictures when I was a child too.
Exactly. Honestly, like just where? What makes you comfortable and if anyone has a problem with it, they can build a barge and get over it. That is exactly how things should they and my people can murder what they want, where whatever makes them countable, and if anyone has a problem with it, then get over it.
Every outfit you wear SLAPS. (Yes, I'm also paying attention to the content of your words, but it's also a pleasure to be immersed in such impeccable fashion)
As someone who has recently discovered they're trans (enby) and has also aquired their first job, I can't wait to buy whatever clothes i f#(*ing want god damn it!
I’m a trans girl but once upon a time i was a “boy wearing dresses” I stopped bc of bullying but i wish i never did and that i was freely allowed to just be myself the way i am now. Let kids discover and explore who they are organically. Don’t force them into any kind of boxes and give them the tools to construct and understand their own identities on their terms. Dresses or otherwise
The comments people give on this topic is downright concerning to be saying those things about children. It's the child's decision to wear what they want to wear!
I live near Amish country (you know, the most old-fashioned people around) and they dress their kids in tiny versions of women's clothing until they're at least old enough to walk around. It's so ignorant of history to claim that dressing children in a gender-ambiguous manner is a new thing!
The topic of 'masculine=man' and 'feminine=woman' in turns of clothes style is a difficult topic for me to navigate as a trans guy. As I like pretty/regal things, which tends to translate as feminine and therefore me being a woman. This constantly gives me imposter syndrome. This is worsened by the fact that I don't have bad dysphoria, like most of it comes from my voice rather than my body. Sorry for the weird wording, I never really explained this and am just throwing a comment into the ether.
You should realize that feminine and masculine only make sense as words if you understand them with sexist gender stereotypes. You should not use these words to describe clothes or mannerisms or body parts/types, because these words describe ideal "manliness" or "womanliness", which is something I'm sure you'll agree that no one gets to decide. I hope for a day where man and woman will be synonyms for "human" the same way soda and pop are. Sincerely Agender anti-sexist person
“I let my son wear a dress because women are worth emulating also” I love that text on screen. In general, gendering clothes is ridiculous. People should be pushing for proper sizing based on standard measurements instead.
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Lovely video! I'm a bit confused why a little trans girl is featured in your thumbnail? (themcleodfamily, Diana is openly trans)
The product sounds interesting but the free plan only gives you 100 note cards and 10 uploads. I would likely use that up in trying to reset one project. The other prices are really high for what it is offering but I will watch to see if their structure changes because it does look very interesting.
Because transphobia exists and they get comments asking why their "son" wears dresses. The whole reason why people don't want boys in dresses is because they're afraid he'll become a trans girl. That's why it's important to feature trans girls!@@lowbrass.spirit206
Adults see clothes as signifiers of race, gender, class, cultural affiliation, religion, etc, while kids just see clothes as just that: clothes.
Funny how the adult’s viewpoint is flawed this time.
Adults are just grown children who often set themselves on pretty ridiculous standards.
Kids see the clothes as a bit more, they quickly notice when the clothes hinder movement, directly or because the adults do not want the clothes to be damaged.
and they like to play pretend, so they would dress in clothing that represents the pretend, not what they are, and they know that the clothes are part of pretend play.
Someone who says "but it'll confuse the children" has never spent time with any child.
Truth!
Seriously. My daughter is 10 and I gave up trying to not be confused by her around the time she started walking.
I fucking love that kid.
frrr everything confuses children theyre like 3 ft tall and dont know how to read
They're mostly quite opinionated😂. "Not that one!"
From my experience, the adults who say that are actually telling me "but it confuses me and I hate anything I don't understand!" Because adults aren't supposed to have feelings so obviously the toddler takes the blame 🙄
Most children are really unfazed by things
I know a guy who gives of very strong 'male vibes' who dressed his son in 'girl clothes'. This had nothing to do with any sort of so-called 'gender ideology', his first child was a girl and he saw no reason not to re-use clothing that was in good shape.
I was a child in the 60s, and my parents dressed all three of us in Buster Brown shirts and slacks that were sold as gender neutral. That way, I wore them, passed them down to my sister, who passed them down to my brother.
Absolutely valid reason. 😊
I 100% did and still don't care the "gender" of hand me down clothes from freecycle for my LO.
Money saving i support
@@charlespentrose7834 i present as male. Other than dresses and skirt, i swear my sisters hand clothes she no long wears i.e tops, jeans etc.
We never could afford designer clothes every week and i am AFAB but as a male.like feminine styles and some masc ones too like comedy tees lol. Xx
I turned 20 in 1977 and wore 70's print shirts, floral ties and flares. At 67 yrs old I get infuriated by the depressingly drab state of menswear departments. A couple of summers ago I wrote to Marks & Spencer and suggested someone wake the designers up. I feel male-bodied people are compelled to wander around in a constant state of funereal dullness.
Right!!! I'm a tailor by trade and I love looking at high fashion - men's fashion overall has gotten so freaking boring. At least in the 90s there was some remnant of that 80s camp and colour, but post 2000 all your clothing looks the same. I don't just want kids to be free to wear whatever they want without shame, I want y'all to be free to browse whatever clothing section you want and get your sense of style back! It's gotta be stifling as hell.
Or you could just shop in the other department. Junior sizes (odd numbered women's sizes) are generally cut so they will fit assigned male bodies.
Not just fashion. There seems to be an increasing obsession to perceive anything too comfortable or visually interesting as too feminine for men. Sleeping with a pillow? GIRLY! Wearing a jacket when its cold? WHAT ARE YOU, A DELICATE GIRL? Your birthday is in spring or summer? YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN IS GIRL! REAL MEN ARE BORN IN THE COLD, DRAB WINTER MONTHS! These are all things I've seen with my own two eyeballs as being too "feminine"
@@pjaypender1009 Yep. I mostly look in both departments and often buy trousers and sometimes tops because of the brighter colours and softer/lighter fabrics. I'm heat intolerant and find a lot of male stuff too heavy. I feel most people don't actually notice any difference in appearance anyway.
I advocate for turning jojo's bizarre adventure fashion into reality
When my littlest saw Encanto, he fell in love with Mirabel's style and we got him a skirt that he wore multiple times to school, etc. Ya know what? It was fun.
I showed him this comment, and his response was: Oh, yeah! I should wash that and wear it again!
We are very fortunate to be living in an area where the schools are very intolerant of bullying. They are taught acceptance and compassion from early on, and it definitely shows. My high schooler, who is queer, has had (in his words) almost no negative repercussions from his peers from coming out. It's even more impressive when you consider that there are an almost equal number of Harris and Drumpf signs in our community, disturbingly enough.
Encanto went crazy with the cloth simulation. The skirts were so beautiful
dresses are pretty and fun. i wouldn't blame ANYONE for wanting to wear them.
@arsonzartz also comfortable...at least the good ones are comfortable 😂
@@EtamirTheDemiDeer the visuals in that movie were top notch, some of their best animation in my opinion.
My oldest Nephew got obsessed, like many other kids, with Frozen (Frost in swedish). So he wanted Elsas dress for christmas last year. He did indeed get one and put it on at once to run around with. And I felt so proud about him not being restricted by feminine or masculine ideas. Granted he spilled ice cream over it like ten minutes later and had to change, but he was still happy lol.
Years ago, at our pre-school, one of the students really really wanted to be Elsa at a costume party. Before the event, his mom had us to read everyone a book about a boy who wore a dress, and any of the people who laughed at him were turned into nuts. His dad came as Anna. Little sister was Olaf and mom was the reindeer. I'm so glad it eventually got easier for kids to be whoever they are, but now our culture seems to be switching back to a time where there is no respect for anyone.
@@11oranalove that story and yes unfortunately things do seem to be going in the other direction, at least here in America. It truly saddens me.
I have 3 kids (Nearly 4). My oldest recently decided they're non-binary after being painfully conflicted since they were 2.5 and a book asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" Resulting in years of crisis whenever it came up. We weren't prepared for it at all but handled it as well as we could by teaching about gender identities.
My daughter and my youngest (Son) are the same size, and youngest will happily wear his sisters dresses, just as daughter will happily wear her brothers construction-vehicle outfits which are apparently "Too boyish for such a delicate girl". They USUALLY opt to go for their gender stereotypes, but are very happy and confident to just opt otherwise when they feel like it. Oldest has a mix of whatever.
Whenever my kids are developmentally ready for it I tend to let them pick whatever the heck they want from wherever in clothing stores until I have a good grasp of their individual choice and can get some of it online and just get their approvals before I order it so I don't have to drag everyone around. 😂
As long as my kids are dressed appropriately for the weather, I honestly couldn't care less what they wear.
You sound like a wonderful parent and I think your kids are lucky to grow up in such an accepting household. As a non-binary teen myself, I might just say that it would be more accurate to say your oldest realized they were non-binary, as saying 'decided' makes it sound like a choice. ❤
@dasha_ucko You make a fair point there. Kiddo just tends to people that they "Finally decided" what they are. So it's the way my brain tends to go about it. I'll talk to kiddo tomorrow and ask how they'd like me to go about that. 🤔 We kept it quite flexible for a few years and just waited for kiddo to find what felt right fully understanding it was clearly not birth-assigned gender. Tried to use name instead of pronouns wherever possible whilst in that unknown phase. And now we're working on trying to accommodate kiddo to have their own room as to not need to share with other gender-identities because we know it can be quite hard on NB kiddos and teens. We try, and just have to hope along the way that even if we don't get it right our littles know we've always listened to them above everything and tried our best with what we have. 😅
@staceyhunt6769 That totally makes sense, and in that case I stand corrected. I wish my parents were more like you!
Amazing 🌈💖
congrats on getting one of each, bro
I did not realize that gendered toys was a thing that started/resurfaced in the 80s! That's so recent. Gendered toys bother me so much because it limits what boys/girls are "allowed" to be interested in. It also creates a lack of variety and creativity in their toys too. There's no reason why the "girls" aisle is literally pink or the "boys" aisle is black and blue.
I grew up in the 80s with gender-neutral toys and mostly gender-neutral clothes (except for pretty dresses for special occasions) and I didn't pay much attention to when toys became more and more colour-coded. When it came to shopping for toys and clothes for my own kids, I was overwhelmed by the clear divide between the gendered sections. And it's not just colours, the cuts differ as well, starting very young. Like trousers for one-year-olds: girls' trousers will have a narrower cut and tighter fit than boys' trousers. I bought boys' trousers for my daughters up to the age of 3 or so, because squeezing diaper-wearing toddlers into tight-fitting trousers is a nightmare, and the looser fit is much more comfortable for small kids. I don't know who thought that a tighter fit would be a good idea.
I'm the oldest of three girls, and fortunately no one in my family said we couldn't like/play with something because it was "for boys." Yeah I had some Polly Pockets and a few Barbie dolls, but I also had a toy fire truck that I thought was super cool, and we had toy tools so we could pretend to be like our dad (who worked in maintenance.) My parents were just as fine with my dragon and pirate phases as they were with my (very long) fairy phase. The youngest son of another family in our neighborhood had a baby doll that he absolutely LOVED, and no one ever told him he should feel any other way. We need to stop limiting kids based on our own prejudices and just give them a chance to play and explore as much as they want.
Indeed.
So sad.
That's a consequence of what boys and girls like. Studies show that boys and girls naturally prefer those things. It's normal for toy companies to focus on things that sell well as a natural consequence of that.
I buy girls leggings for my 5 year old boy to wear at home because it is lighter and more confortable than boy pants and my boy loves purple and pink. @@kathilisi3019
I used to work at a museum with dress ups, and many of the boys wanted a fairy costume (flying! Magic!). Some parents would panic, tell them off, and find a more "masculine" costume like an animal...?
There have always been boy fairies at least in the Victorian paintings I used to be obsessed with as a kid in my fairy books. Yes technically they had little fluffy bloomers on but it's not that different.
The only issue is that you didn't seem to have any dragon costumes, the best fantasy monster.
I love that you tackle ignorance and prejudice with knowledge and comedy. This is the way!
Thank you 🙌
Superb point.❤
@@jessicaoutofthecloset Indeed. It's part of what I've always liked about your channel.
Yes!! And it helps the ignorant to actually absorb the information
This is the Way!
Thank you for mentioning people with intellectual and cognitive disabilities in your discussion of infantilization-it’s so important and often gets left out of disability discussions on the internet.
When I worked in an institute for children->young adults (ages 3-21) with "heavy" disabilities (doesn't translate well) the first thing I was told was to: always speak to them as you would someone in their age group, because we have no idea how much they understand (non-verbal), and we're not going to be disrespectful
Will admit I had an easier job of this because I was placed with the 3-5 year-olds, who were a lot more in line with my brain's idea of how this age behaves.
That attitude was a big part of why I decided to work there
@@zigzagperson Doesn't it make far more sense to follow the people's interests or what they seem to engage with more than treating them as per any age in particular? I would imagine a non-verbal adult might get bored or frustrated if you tried to have an intellectual conversation with them the same way you might with a neurotypical person their age. I'm by no means an expert in the care of people with intellectual disabilities, but I would be inclined to talk to them more softly and slowly at first, and then gauge their reaction and meet them where they're at, more calm vs excited as they are, and follow the subjects or activities they seem to like. I don't really see how it should vary by age, but more so vary by how they interact.
@@conlon4332 this wasn't a rule for how to treat each individual, it was a reminder that we don't know what's going on in anyone's mind so we need to act as though the mind is at the same level as anyone else at that age. I.e. don't talk at people or to the caretakers when you can talk to them, and don't treat the 21 year-olds the same as you would a toddler just because their body is there in a lot of other ways (diapers, special wheelchairs that somewhat resembled strollers, bibs because of drooling...)
This was an institute for individuals who needed full-time assistance, so you only got to know what interested each one after caring for that person for a while and getting to know their slight signals
The gendering of toys has always been so crazy to me. Especially the mid 2000s "girl" Legos. Drove me nuts because they didn't work with the mountain of "vintage" Legos from the 70s and 80s. I loved my grandfather's Legos. We literally had heirloom Legos 😅
Wait, “girl” Lego did not fit?? They were not made the same way? Why did they do that??
Wtf? Girl Legos??
@@jennifers5560 Lego friends, I think. Their marketing department thought this would work better to also bring girls into lego. They still exist.
@@mycatistypingthis5450 why wouldn’t they make them so they work with original Lego??
@@jennifers5560 lego figures are pretty far from human proportions, which I think is the reason.
Non-binary teen here, thank you, just THANK YOU! This shall be my go-to edu video for my family from now on. Thank you so increadibly much!. Like, damn! This is simply BRILLIANT!
I liked very much when you mentioned “the right of autonomy” for the kids. I absolutely hated when I was a child and my mother would dress me with a dress or a skirt. I disliked it so much that now that I can buy my own clothes, I do not own a single dress or skirt (cis straight woman here). And it’s not that I don’t find dresses gorgeous, they look stunning in many people, but they are just not for me 😊
Honestly, my experience is really similar to yours! The only exception that I do about skirts or dresses is if they are made by me❤ I like to sew (I learnt mostly because I like "fashion" and cosplay) and when I create a skirt or a dress by myself I feel more willing to wear it because I'm proud of my own work and I like to wear something that I have put energy on. But overall dresses or skirts are not for me too!
unfortunately, a large percentage of people view their children as property. children have very few rights and very little autonomy (legally speaking)
Same. I tried to wear one once because it was a special event and I thought it would be the perfect justification to at least try. The hem got stuck on stuff and I almost tripped down the stairs. Plus, it didnt feel comfortable. Sooo.....mission failed.😅
@coolchameleon21
Mm and their parents think "oh I'm doing a better job than my parents or their parents because my child is clothed, fed and isn't being beaten." They think a child needing more is just whinging, it's a lack of discipline or them being spoiled.
When will people, especially parents learn, that children can become so easily messed up psychologically? It really, really doesn't take much. Just because you're doing better than your parents doesn't mean you're at your best as a parent. And admitting you don't want to be like your parents is psychologically admitting they were abusive or you had a traumatising childhood (not you as is YOU, you as in people in general)
Like God. I genuinely think people should not be allowed to reproduce unless they can prove they know this shit. I know that's controversial to say but it breaks my damn heart, when parents think they're ready and they're not.
I don’t understand how this happens lmao. I’ve never met a child who could be MADE to wear something they didn’t like. They’re kids, they will take it off! Or if they don’t know how to take it off they will complain until someone else does. Like, my mom obviously knew what clothes/fabrics I found comfortable and uncomfortable before I could talk, because maybe I couldn’t say the word “uncomfortable” but I could still whine and wiggle around trying to get out of the uncomfortable thing.
At 3 years old one of my twins shouted, "I'm a birl" randomly while i was driving. I asked what's a birl, and they said, "I'm not a boy, I'm not a girl, I'm a birl..." I just thought this was so beautiful, they were creating language to be seen and to be true to themselves. Kids know who they are, it's the world that tries to tell them otherwise. Also, just cant stress more how wonderful it is to be here in likeminded space especially considering the chaos that is the internet 💜✨️
That's so sweet! Love the term birl!
I love it when queer kids come up with their own terms! We should make birl official!
I was trying to explain to my 7 year old that I don't consider myself non-binary, but I don't feel strongly about gendered terms and don't mind however she chooses to refer to me. She now tells everyone I'm "re-genderless" (because in her logic, babies don't really have a gender identity either)
Yes, let's trust the self awareness of the 3 year old...
@@pielittleponyAwesome.
I have fraternal twins, they are both girls but I discovered when they were very young that many strangers would try and figure out "which one's the boy", I found it fascinating the cues that these people would latch on. Not just skirt/trousers, pink/blue but also pictures/stripes, blue/neon. In fact I think there is a whole stupid complexity of what colours and patterns are seen as more feminine - e.g. is pink camo culturally more feminine than blue flowers I don't know but I bet if you dressed 3yo fraternal twins in them and walked around a park you'd find out strangers are pretty consistent in which they decide "is the boy".
Interesting.
I would think that would be a cool experiment.
There is this one lady online that had 5 boys. Only two of them have long hair amd the youngest likes to have pretty bows and such put into his hair. The comments are mostly supportive but there are of course also always some assholes who have to share their unnecessary opinions. My "fave" was a person saying that long hair isn't a problem for boys but the bows just make them confused and possibly trans or at least gay. These people have clearly never been to any metal concert or goth festival where a lot of attendees have long hair and a few always wear kilts or something otherwise dress or skirt like. A lot of goth men also wear make-up and style their hair.
None of these things are problematic, clothes are for whoever fits into them. I don't care who wears or doesn't wear dresses as long as they feel comfortable in them.
"Clothes are for whoever fits into them." I absolutely love this! It's such a simple phrase, direct and to the point. I wish everyone had this mindset. ❤
Unfortunately it never occurs to these people that they're the reason that gay men and/or trans women even wear dresses and bows anyway. Transgender expression often lines up with what the society of the time deems as "masculine" or "feminine." If men were expected to wear skirts and women were expected to wear three piece suits then the average trans man would likely prefer to wear skirts, and trans women would likely prefer suits. Even now you do see trans men who like wearing skirts and trans women who like suits, because no group is a perfectly synchronized organization and even within the community there are disagreements on whether or not gender conformity is a good thing or not. People who do drag tend to do so because it's theatrical and transgressive; literally because it goes against stereotypes. And not all people who do it are gay or trans, it's completely acceptable to be a straight cis person who does it too as long as you enjoy it. That's rare now because society is dumb, but in the future it could become more common, because fashion and moral values change as people become more self-aware, and change a natural part of human nature. Those who do prefer clothing that line up with the stereotypes tend to only do so because society has made it validating to do so by placing so much meaning on it. And some of us find it more validating to say "screw it, I'm gonna invent my own style where I wear hiking boots and flannel with a pretty dress and call myself a Lumberjack Princess."
@Thisisnotafrog unless you're me, who's the gayest mf on the planet, who only wears cargo pants , black hoodies, or short sleeve T's. Dresses don't seem very comfortable.
Excellent point about the infantilization of the disabled (particularly the intellectually disabled). Although not intellectually disabled myself, I am developmentally disabled (AuDHD), and the way society has conditioned people to see Autistics as eternal children is revolting. That’s why it’s important to have zero tolerance for saviorist hate groups, like Autism Speaks, which thrive by portraying Autistic people as without voice or agency. Unfortunately, those in power still (and will probably always) listen to them and not us, because of how ingrained in society that infantilization is.
As someone who's disabled physically but not cognitively I get this a lot. It was worse when I was younger. I have learned to hide my disability, make it less obviously, I can't sometimes, which is part of why it's easier now. The other component is that as a small female when I was in my twenties even if people didn't realize I was disabled still got some of that infantilization.
One very practical aspect that's always struck me about breeching, that I appreciate you discussing, is the fact that it generally occurred around the time a little one is most likely to be able to use the toilet (or historical equivalent) independently. It makes sense to introduce a bifurcated garment that isn't laundered as frequently as a white frock would be when a caregiver is confident that a child isn't going to regularly have accidents! People can stop clutching their pearls, it's practical!
That makes a lot of sense actually...
Do you think that 7 was a normal age for toilet training when it was a normal age for breeching?
@@rruthlessly So, quick note, I said that the ages for breeching (as Jessica said in the video, usually between 4 and 7) are the ages kids are most likely using the toilet *independently,* not when toilet training would begin. Different kids are able to take of basic bodily functions without needing help from an adult at different ages, so yes, I do think that achieving independence in that area was a contributing factor to determining when a child could or should be breeched. Could happen earlier, could take a little longer, just like today.
Another thing to keep in mind is the way clothes were made; clothing for toddlers and preschoolers today are likely to have elastic waistbands and few closures, meaning younger children can dress themselves with relative ease. Buttons, ties, and hook closures are tricky for little kids to manage. So for me, that reinforces the idea that children would be breeched when they had not only been toilet trained, but also had the manual dexterity needed to manage their clothes' fasteners as well. Again, all of this tradition can be seen as largely practical, but also ties into this idea of "maturity" as a time of increased physical independence, the ableism of that way of thinkin Jessica addresses in the video as well.
@@rruthlesslyOne thing you may not realize is that the clothes in those eras was much harder to undo and redo yourself quickly which is something that a small child might not have the dexterity to do. So they might be toilet trained for years before they're able to be fully independent like that and be breached. This allows them to actually be independent in their little dresses versus requiring assistance every time they needed to use the bathroom.
I don't know how much people historically used potties for kids, but I have seen kids wanting to use the potty indoors (or on the porch) quite old when the other option was the outhouse😂
Where I'm from the outhouse buid is such that the seat is a bit high for me to get onto as a short woman (156cm /5ft 1.5inch). Kids definitely need steps up or someone to help. Also the outhouse is much scarier than a "Water Closet", falling into it is totally possible (I don't know if I actually scratched my back falling half-in or if it's a fake memory from a frequent childhood fear...)
🕳
💩
Seeing all those unkind comments in the video really makes me appreciative of this online community. Most people make the most insightful supportive comments. ❤️
Yes, this. I have no interest in fomenting anger and hate, nor in supporting channels that do so. Jessica is a clear example of the fact that it doesn't have to be like that, and it's one of the many things I've liked about her channel for years. We've been following her journey for a long time now, and the way that she handles life with quiet strength and how her family has grown in closeness and love has been lovely to witness. Whoever keeps track of the comments for her does a great job of keeping the discourse positive and civil.
Meanwhile in Scotland . . .
"Son, this is the day you become a man."
* Presents his boy with a kilt *
I'm one of a pair of fraternal twins, born in the early70's. My parents bought unisex clothes because it was easier with a pair of "hyperactive" twins to just grab a shirt or pair of pants into which they'd stuff the first wiggly child they were able to catch, regardless of whether it was me or my brother. They avoided dressing us "twinny" except for family photos, but my chronically ill mom did not often waste her rare spoons on gendered clothes - again, except for special occasions.
My grandparents didn't have many photographs of their children because of the cost of a camera but I do remember them having one taken of my uncle by a photography studio, at the age he was able to sit up and toddle about. He was absolutely wearing a dress. I think he was born in the late 1930s. Also my grandad loved fashion and menswear has become so incredibly boring since he was a young, to middle aged adult. He was the one that taught me the importance of looking for a really good print, ideally silk lining on waistcoats, how to tie different knots in ties, the value of a really good pair of shoes and how to walk with a cane (for fashion, not disability). He was quite the dandy!
That's so lovely and wholesome! I love fashion in general- not necessarily high fashion, but just clothes that make you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, and clothes that are, well, FUN. So I feel kind of sad when I see menswear departments these days. There never seem to be any bright colors, even for summer fashion, and everything looks so... drab. I would be depressed if I had to shop there, tbh. 😂
(My parents used to force me to wear frilly dresses that itched, and pretty shoes that hurt my feet, to school and to church. I had so much resentment over that, that I became one of those ""not like other girls"" when I was older. There was no pink or purple, or dresses or skirts, allowed in MY wardrobe! So I didn't start to feel comfortable picking out what I actually LIKED to wear until my mid 20's. Now I have FUN picking out clothes, and I pick out whatever I think looks good! I almost always wear dresses and skirts, and I have a decent collection of jewelry with which to accessorize. It makes me feel so much more... myself. 😊 )
@@jaekae13 My mother was so determined to make me act and dress "girly" that I avoided the colour pink for years and yes, same with the scratchy dresses 😬. I did find if you climb enough things even my tenacious mother would give up at least on the frilly dresses, lol.
@@minkg8178 Yeah, thankfully I was at least allowed to change into something more comfortable when I got home! I don't think my parents would've been too happy about the state those dresses would've been in if I'd worn them when I went to go play with the neighborhood kids. (And when I went to horse camp in the summer, which was somehow seen as a "girly" thing despite riding horses and mucking out stalls all day, they immediately saw the necessity of practical clothing.)
There is actually a lot of photography of young children in the late 1800s and early 1900s of boys and girls, toddlers, wearing "dresses" with curls. It was a common practice even then because it had to do with practicality and cleaning.
HELP HELP MY BRAIN READ PORNOGRAPHY INSTEAD OF PHOTOGRAPHY HELP
@@AmieMorley-st6tz OH NO
Loving the historical context here! And as a woman who predominantly wears trousers/shorts because I find them more practical, it's fun to hear the opposite perspective: that for some people, skirts/dresses are the more practical option. Absolutely each to their own! In my case, I tend to find that a) my preferred field of work can involve a lot of going up ladders and/or crawling around on the floor underneath desks, so trousers mean I'm not worrying about any risk of accidental flashing, and b) I really like having large, functional pockets and the only category of clothing I can generally find with those are trousers/shorts sold in the men's section (provided they're available in a small enough size for me) - while skirts with pockets absolutely exist, they're just that much more difficult to find in the first place and I rarely feel like putting in that effort for a garment I'm not going to wear often
I've found that it really depends on what kind of skirt you get, I liked skirts as a kid until I (a) started needing pockets and (b) started developing "chub rub" friction burns every time I wore something that didn't fully cover the area where my thighs rubbed together while walking or running. (I now wear athletic shorts underneath to prevent this.) I also started disliking how skirts looked on me because none of the loose ones had any structure and the tight ones made me feel like I was on display for anyone who wanted an eyeful. My current favorite skirt is a big wool one that completely obscures my lower half and has MASSIVE pockets!
This is the reason why even though I love skirts and dresses and I wear them all the time, even to do all my housework in when I am outside doing gardening or home repairs I am wearing overalls. I like them better than trousers because a trouser can actually slip down around your waist but overalls can't and they always have pockets and I don't have to buy from the mens section. My body shape does not suit the mens section.
@@KatjeKat86 home repairing is masculine u aren't a feminine women lol
@@TincyM-z2m Body shape does not equal femininity. And anyone can do home repairs. That's pretty regressive thinking of you to think that any task is gendered.
@@TincyM-z2m Body shape does not equal femininity. Home repairs is not a gendered role. Your binary view of people is very regressive and concerning.
Ohhhh youre so right that its not just kids. Im middle aged, afab agender, and have experimented with wearing dresses and suits in professional situations, and i get treated with so much more respect in trousers, it's shocking. And yeah dresses are often more comfortable so i have to choose physical comfort v gender expression comfort v being perceived as a real human being. Sigh.
I got so annoyed when, in my LGBT chorus, I got more comments about "oh don't lift that it's so heavy" than any of the other people who moved the equipment. I wasn't the only girl on the moving crew, but I was the only one regularly wearing pretty dresses to rehearsals.
Who knew boys AND girls enjoy freedom of movement, comfort and colours?!
Somewhere before WW2 all babies wore dresses before school days.
Even into the 50s.
My granny brought my mum white dresses for her first baby, because that’s what she said babies all wear dresses until they are older!
We have a gorgeous photo of my grandad as toddler in a dress and with long ringleted hair.
is this meant to be negative or positive? i genuinely do not understand tone...
@@rishtopia I don't think it's meant to necessarily be positive or negative, it's just pointing out a fact. It reinforces the video's point that boys wearing dresses is not a new phenomenon, and used to be considered quite natural and normal.
My personal opinion, for what it's worth, is that it CAN be a positive thing. I think it's probably best to dress children in whatever's practical while they are infants and toddlers (meaning, clothing that makes diaper-changing easy, is generally easy to put on and take off, and is easy to clean whenever it inevitably gets dirty). And when a child is old enough to express their preferences about what they want to wear, and what they feel comfortable in, we should try to accommodate that.
There's no need to shame children for wanting to wear whatever they feel comfortable in, or to shame parents for allowing their children to do so. I think that forcing children to wear certain clothing styles, against their wishes, is a lot more harmful than letting a little boy wear dresses if that's what he wants to do.
I wore heels growing up. Turned out just fine. Kids are in a developmental stage. You try whatever. It's part of the learning experience. I learned that I can run in heels, and they're painful at times. Wouldn't force them on someone that doesn't like them. You don't force your kids to do these things. You let them, and they can figure themselves out. Hopefully, they're comfortable coming to you if they can't. And if they do end up trans, they just figured it out a little sooner than they otherwise would have. Your job is to help them figure themselves out, so they can prepare for life.
First like
I am currently reading a book about Leonardo Davinci and practically everyone in his paintings look androgynous to my uneducated eye. I have been surprised more than once to find out that someone who looked very feminine to me was actually very clearly a man actually. Although in one case in his Last Supper painting apparently there was some debate whether one of the people was actually Mary or John (turns out it was John), so even the people who study this stuff aren't always sure.
“Like the sims … we spin around and are suddenly… a foot taller” - when I tell you I screamed 🤣🤣🤣 excellent video, Jessica!! (and co.!)
Same here XD I'd only just closed the Sims as well which made it all the more relevant
An example of how women are still being infantilized is the fact that most people casually refer to adult women as girls.
I refer to adult men as boys. Like if i see a an attractive male, I refer to him as a cute boy. And I'm a 20 year old dude.
The modern fashion industry has a lot to do with how we dress as it pushes the next season styles and fashions on to us
I honestly find it so sad that the men/boys "intended" clothes are so dull and boring. A great example of this is a formal ball or dance, women are in these extravagant and gorgeous gowns and yet every single man is practically wearing the same tux. It's honestly baffling how people end up giving different shapes and colors of fabric, a gender. Its neutral on its own!
I would love to see a revival of colorful and flamboyant men's fashion that isn't immediately targeted as being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I mean don't get my wrong, the men in that community are killing it with their fashion and deserve to be role models but that doesn't mean every man who wants to wear something out of the norm is trans or gay or queer or whatever label you give them. It's just a man that decided to wear something different. Thats it, and it should be respected.
I've never understood why a person feels the need to police what another wears. As soon as your child is able to talk and walk, they should be allowed to make their own decisions on what to wear, be that a skirt or shorts, feminine or masculine.
I've never understood the problem. Men can wear kilts and I find it a nice look. A friend of my son's is responsible for the school handbook saying boys can't wear dresses because he wore dresses and looked smashing! He had style. If young boys, especially, want to wear dresses, let them. If my daughters wanted to wear jeans or overalls, I let them. It's just a specific group of people telling everyone else how they want us to dress, because they've always gotten away with it. Now that their apple carts are being upended, they're getting testy.
your son's friend was not responsible for that stupid school handbook rule! I hope it gets removed.
Jessica, I love how you always make videos filled with education so much fun to watch too!! As a trans person I’ve always thought the gendering of clothes was ridiculous and I’m so glad we’re breaking it down with/for the next generation. Your videos always make me feel so comforted when I’m having a flare up or not feeling good about my identity so thank you for making these amazing videos!! All three of y’all’s outfits are always absolutely on point!! Much love 💜
Interesting bit about He-Man and She-Ra. As an AMAB child (who now identifies as nonbinary as a middle-aged adult), I watched both shows and played with both toy lines. My parents even bought me both the Castle Greyskull and Crystal Castle playsets. I also watched and played with “My Little Pony” toys. I’m glad my parents were progressive in that way, although it still took me decades to realize I wasn’t cisgender.
"You know that little thing with no fur that goes around your estate making humanoid like noises. That little thing might want a biscuit and a belly rub and words of affirmation." 😂😂😂 Best quote ever!
Honestly, I've never understood the need to know every stranger you meet's genital configuration, especially for random children. And clothes don't have gender anyway, it's just fabric.
I'm totally the opposite to Jessica as far as fashion goes, though, which will never not be funny. I'm a butch who almost exclusively wears "men's" black t-shirts and basketball shorts. Though I love a good pair of black khaki shorts if i can get them in my size. It's the pockets. I love having pockets. My mother has always been upset by the fact that I "dress like a boy" and don't carry a purse and I'm just like "I can, and have, fit an iPad in one pocket and a half-gallon bottle of juice in the other, why would I need a purse?" But yeah, she's still mad about my "crossdressing" and shaving my head, and I'm almost 30. There's a reason I don't talk to her if I can avoid it.
I rarely carry a purse, so pockets are definitely a requirement for my clothes.
The major difference now a days is some adults have the stereotype sherly temple image in their head about girls in tutu dresses showing their diapers instead of "its just a baby, it's loud, it's messy. Put it in a long shirt they can keep using till they are 2 or 3." No, instead they have puffy annoying dresses made of the worst itchy rash induced fabrics for girls & boys get comfy soft cotton clothes.
Hey Jessica!
I saw the title, and my mind was like ''My dad is an androgynous male, he wears dresses and skirts all the time'' He feels good in it, so why do (some) people make a problem about it? I'm female, and i dress in a masculine way, because that's what i like!
I'm very open minded, everyone is welcome! Whatever you wear!😉💞
Back in the day both boys and girls wore dresses up to the end of infancy (that's up to age 6 btw. 7-13 you were a juvenile and 14 - 20 you were an adolescent). Way back in the day infants of both sexes were called girls; boys sometimes called 'knave girls'.
Just found out a TH-camr I used to follow is transphobic. I needed this video after that nonsense. Hope everyone is doing well
May I ask who? I want to unsubscribe if I'm subscribed
@@snapdragonslair BlackBeltBarrister
@@Shikohon wait what he is? I’m subscribed to him and I didn’t know this, where did you find out?
@@Kirin_Giraffe He made a video a few weeks ago now about the UK Supreme Court and the Equality act
I'm an autistic woman and I have a friend who is an autistic man and we both have quite similar sensory problems with pants. He has taken to wearing jeans outside and then changing into payama pants inside whenever he comes over, but we've talked about how he would probably also feel much more physically comfortable wearing skirts like I do. I think he wears pants not just because of societal pressure but also because it suits his own gender expression better, but still it feels unfair sometimes.
I grew up in the '60s. When GI Joe came out in around "65, us kids were somewhat shocked to see a doll for boys. It was meant to be played with the same as one would with a Barbie. Years later, I thought it was really weird hearing my friend's kid ask if she'd seen his "He Man Doll".
My sister who is not a doll person used to dismissively refer to my younger brothers action man collection as his dollies, & that was half a century ago so I find all the pearl clutching by people with fragile identities both perplexing and amusing
I loved when my Brothers GI Joe dolls got passed down to me. He had the best accessories! And my Barbies needed brothers. (It never occurred to me to make couples with my Barbies and GI Joes.)
@@jennifers5560 I had older sisters. My ActionMan (UK's GI Joe doll) inherited loads of pretty accessories. Only trouble is they were quite a bit smaller in scale, so most of the clothes did not fit. I can confirm that the ActionMan accessories and clothes were generally far better made, with much more detail (usually "militarily accurate", because of course the army dad nerds would notice and might even complain if a Ka-bar or a Hussar's cartouche was not period-correct in any way).
Leaving a comment for the algorithm. Absolutely amazing video
As someone who was brought up in the 70s, all I remember is the colour brown for clothes, I don't think I thought of clothes as either boys or girls, and I'm sure my brother had my hand me downs.❤
70's child, here. Everything was either brown or dark colors mixed with brown: clothes, cars, wood paneling, furniture fabric, appliances... Good times.
There was WAY too much brown, often paired with orange, but I also remember a lot of yellow t-shirts. In fact, if ever I see a yellow t-shirt, it takes me back to my childhood.
As it was my favourite colour, I had red everything, if I could get it.
I remember lots of orange and brown striped clothing.
@@jennifers5560 And furniture.
@@justynmatlock8873and appliances. Everything was brown, orange or green in the 70s.
As a man who has worn skirts multiple times, I can understand why we used to go into battle in miniskirts can't help but do some squats when you feel the freedom.
Just had a little boy. We're dressing him in neutral or boy clothes for now, but when he's older, he can wear what he wants. But we are also reusing his sister's old baby carrier that is pink. And some of her old blankets that are pink as well.
Thinking of children as sexless beings is reflected in language too. In German we used to widely use the words "Bube" and "Maid" for boy and girl, with respective definite articles "der Bube" for masculine and "die Maid" for feminine. But for children that were younger, they were minimized with the suffix "-chen" and had the neuter definite articles: "das Bübchen" & "das Mädchen". So there was still differentiation, but they were looked at as not being masculine or feminine right away. Instead, they were to grow into those forms with age.
My art history bachelor was all for that game at the beginning of the video, full mark !
As a trans person I really am always confused by how much some cis people over complicate gender. To me it is very simply "what do you feel? What word for yourself makes you happy?" The annoying 'what is a woman' question that some people think is a gotcha just makes me want to throw a heavy book at their head and tell them to read about history for once. You rarely ever see the people around you naked and yet you generally know who is what gender (generally speaking, I think we need to become more comfy with androgyny and just not knowing), so what makes them think body parts you almost never see in your day-to-day are what defines gender in people? Sometimes I just want to respond to that stupid question with "a woman is usually someone who uses the pronouns she/her" because really at the end of the day, all I care about is how to properly address someone and the language needed for that. I know they'll just pitch a hissy fit with hearing that and call it a non-answer but at that point I've answered their "question" and they can take it or leave it.
Anyway, great video! Always nice to hear new perspectives on the topic of gender presentation that take a sensible and historically conscious look at the topic.
I found this definition recently when that question came up. It's the Cambridge dictionary definition.
"an adult who lives and identifies as female though they may have been said to have a different sex at birth:"
There's also the old "someone who covers their drink when you walk in" 😂
@@JustAChannel_13 Oh my goodness, love the second one xD. Even as a cis passing trans man, I still cover my drink when 'alpha' weirdo dudes walk in despite knowing I am not their target demographic.
Though I do love when they suddenly try to cite "science" that they have no grasp of and when you then try to play in the science court they thought they could win on by just posturing they will revert to late elementary school level as if we covered all of it then. Reminds me of trying to hold up flour and call it bread
@@JustAChannel_13 unfortunately they'll then just ask what "female" means or something. the only real answer is to just try to make them answer the same question (which they usually don't even answer cause they're just trolls) and then point out the flaws in their definition lmao
I went to high school in the 70"s and was taught by men wearing dresses and nobody thought it odd.at all. It was a private school and we had to call them, Brother Davis or Brother Kelly etc.
I did not score well on the game. I figured it was going to be a "trick question" where all of the children were boys.
Reduced cost of postage, which lead to the widespread sending of Christmas cards, lead into the celebration of birthdays? I would watch a video on that topic as well!
That was news to me that birthdays weren’t always celebrated.
My new plan is if my son wants to wear a dress to say yes - but only if he also carries a drum 😊
Really, though, as queer parents I worry we'll get judged a lot more harshly for letting our son dress 'feminine' than cis and straight couples do. There's a narrative of 'pushing an agenda' which puts me in a place of paranoia when it comes to letting my son do what he wants in case someone accuses us of abuse for my son having pink socks.
dam, this one hurt, you hit the nail so hard on the head i felt it 3 weeks later - You live with the judgement of your life and feel forced to control your sons choices due to another layer of judgement and all of this exist only in the small minds of someone not at involved in any of your lives. People please just mind your own biscuits
My sister's ex's Kid was very confused seeing my cousin's Kid (a Boy) in Long Hair and a Dress. Kept announcing that my Cousin is a Girl, because only Girls wear Long Hair.
Granted, i mistook the Kid too, for a hot Minute, but thats because Im an adults and have been primed to See Dress = Girl. It was depressing to See a 9 year old lose His sh*t over this.
Unfortunately i cant even say im surprised cuz that ex is.... Well, lets say im from a conservative area where Guys still think that every gay Guy is definetely about to Hit on tuem specifically and it Freaks them Out. So... You can Imagine what they think of dresses
I was born in the 1970'ś and of course had a lot of clothes of my older siblings. For me the "we used to be able to distinguish boys from girls" feels so ridiculous. I have pity for the kids these days - it seems difficult to find pretty colours in the midst of the excessive gender coding.
My aunt has a painting of some ancestor and his brother when they were young - both wearing dresses & i believe they have "feminine" hairstyles, one sat on a pony and the other beside it, both boys.
Tragically, all infants in my family look like Winston Churchill at birth and only begin to look like babies at about 3-4mo.
That is a hilarious mental image, but I can picture it so well. 😂 Honestly, most babies that young never look nearly as cute to me as they seem to look to their parents. I've always thought they look a little weird until they get older, so whenever someone proudly shows off their newborn, I always struggle to come up with an acceptable compliment. 😅
... we might be related.
My parents were so amused by the resemblance, they documented it quite a bit.
@@jaekae13 "Precious." No matter how weird looking, you can always say a baby is precious.
I've only just bumped into this "channel". I'm so impressed with the depth and fresh breath of Jessica's broad base of knowledge. The presentation is impeccable. Thank you for the enlightenment and the opportunity to be more educated and sensitively inclusive. I'm a lesbian but I've been isolated and working providing medical and psychiatric care in small Ntive Alaskan villages for 23 years. I feel like I've made a connection and am witnessing the massive progress of my own lesbian culture. I'm also Native American, this inclusiveness isn't dripping with unwarranted admiration and adoration for our differences but a recognition of just who we are as humans. Thank you Jessica.
Fellow Alaskan lesbian here (Southeast), lived here for most of my life. The isolation can be rough, and I just want to remind you that you aren't alone. I hope that isn't silly or trite.
I have a picture of my dad, born 1910, wearing a frilly white dress and satin slippers, (he was adorable) because that's how baby boys were dressed before WWI. And don't get me started on kilts. Not to mention the uniform of the Greek Presidential Guard which sure looks like a skirt over tights to me.
A really good video! As someone who works in childcare, I have conversations about clothes and gender fairly often. Nice to have some more historical references for reflective thought.
I just got a book for the kids at the library where I work called UPSTAGED. It is a graphic novel and the main character is non binary. It is interesting to see how they dress and what choices they make to express their gender. I love it and the kids do to. I always want to show the kids, mirrors, windows, and doors to the world.
Interesting. And i think you nailed it. I am an already somewhat older male, and i always wanted to wear skirts every now and then. But of course that was not allowed. Even thinking of wearing a skirt would make me gay or a pervert or transsexual or something similar. And indeed during my younger age i thought about this for some time ("am i a pervert?"). But i found that i was just a straight normal average man, and i still am. Connecting skirts and frills and femininity in general to some kind of inferiority is indeed the main problem. It is a big lie and sexism and it is in no way better than racism.
It was a bit difficult to follow your speech, because it is extremely fast, and english is not my native tongue. But i think i got it.
by the way, if it might be helpful, you can change the speed of the video by clicking the cog (settings) at the bottom of the video and clicking "playback speed," and changing it to whatever speed works for you :)
The reason for dresses on really small children could be to easily let them potty.
Same with bifurcated breches, as you called them. Easy, quick.
Less accidents.
1:00 only TWO genders? Cringe.
Ikr 🙄
Ngl, that's two too many
Genders ? Cringe.
💜Jessica's dress & bonnet look so lovely!
The research you did for this video is very impressive!
Excellent, Jessica!
Thank you for doing such a fabulous job translating my work into a lively and entertaining video!
If i ever have a child I'll dress them mostly in gender neutral clothes until they're old enough to say what they like best, I'm a girl and have always presented as one but i remember HATING wearing skirts and dresses, and everytime i had to wear one I'd wear shorts underneath because i just preferred them
That's what I love about Lolita fashion, it was started in Japan by feminists reclaiming femininity ❤ Today people of all genders are welcomed by the community, whether they dress in the feminine or masculine (ouji or dandy) versions
Ya being by being trad wife lol or wearing skirts or being submissive
@TincyM-z2m Lolita fashion is NOT about being a trad wife. It's about experiencing femininity on your own terms. It's about rejecting society's pressures to appeal to men. Just because you wear skirts and seem submissive doesn't mean you can't be a feminist.
Yup. I think I have a picture of my father in a dress. Or rather that picture is still at my mother's place. That would have been somewhere from 1934 - 1940.
loved it..although maybe you should look up abby cox and the real history of the corset? You can breath in corsets just fine. There are tons of clothes historians on youtube that has done a lot of great work on this.
I always loved history, so the moment I sniffed out that pink used to be unquestionably manly and saw how men used to dress, absolutely stringent gender roles never convinced me. I still had to learn a lot, but that was a damn good primer.
I have twin boys, turning 6 in a couple weeks, and they both love wearing dresses. They specifically asked to wear dresses after their preschool graduation, seeing some of the girls in their class wearing them, and they wear their dresses to school to this day. They've had no problems with this, with the exception of when they feel it necessary to correct someone on their genders.
another banger informative video from Jessica
great to watch as always :)
(this is /gen btw)
I remember stories of my own father being, "made to wear a dress as a child," as though it were some kind of tradgic backstory. (The only genuinly tradgic part is that I never got a change to ask him personally about it or anything else because I was an infant myself when he passed away.)
In reality, my paternal grandparents simply had a fixation on the aristocracy and wanted to appear upper class, so they observed the (now truly archaic) British tradition of clothing young children in dresses regardless of gender.
You can’t say you don’t care about the differences in gender, wealth etc when you find it so important for clothes to communicate which category someone is in
Yeah this is a problem with the gender community, it isn't progressive enough to abolish gendered stereotypes and sexism completely in a way that it would be at the core of their values. They aren't anti-sexist enough to stop using masculine and feminine as descriptors even though they only work as words with definitions if understood through gender stereotypes. Many do understand that this is a goal to work towards.
I find the ‘mom’ character in the playroom to have a really interesting aesthetic. She’s wearing a t-shirt (modern) with a vintage-looking skirt, which together nevertheless create a cohesive look.
Interesting and fun video. My brother was severely physically disabled and as he got older and became an adult, he absolutely hated when people (as people often do) would talk to him like he was a child. It was definitely one of his biggest irritations.
Okay, the 1:28 guess was tricky for me because it looks very similar to the childhood portrait of king Władysław IV Vasa of Poland by Marcin Kober. Only further proves the point of the video though
Something to consider with all children wearing dresses is that it was easier to change nappies. These parents that put their little ones in pants and desperately trying to hall them off because the nappy needed serious changing. Wearing them up till about 5 or 6 was also good as the child learned good toileting habits. My mother and her twin brother, both born in 1915, wore dresses. My father was born in 1926 and also wore dresses. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the practice of all children wearing dresses had stopped by the time of WW2. (Or did you say that and my mind just glossed over it.)
It really still feels today that gendering of clothing very much relies on the idea that women can dress like children do and vice versa. Little girls and adult women get away with wearing trousers because little boys wear them. "Cute" and particularly "snuggly" styles are, in the grand scheme of dress history, a relatively new invention for the young children they're targeted at, and oddly enough, while for babies and preschool children they are relatively unisex, those styles stop being available to boys relatively young, yet are sold for girls of all ages and adult women, and do not look particularly different between kindergarten and primary school aged girls and adult women. It is very much a real thing that you can see clear distinctions between clothing styles for baby boys, clothing for boy children, and clothing for men, but often in women's clothing, you see baby girl styles blend into children's styles which blend into teen and adult styles, but oddly this exists both in that you can buy a sweater in ladies sizes with a particularly immature design on it or characters from children's media, and that a lot of clothing for little girls past infant and toddler sizes will often look like tiny versions of what is sold for adult women. Little girls' clothing options tend to consist of unisex child clothing like jeans and T-shirts, oversized baby girl/unisex baby clothes such as animal onesies and various forms of wearable teddy bear fur, and undersized women's clothing, whereas boys have a sharp cuttoff of "babyish" clothing, a range of very similar unisex and little boys' clothes that tend to be very similar to men's clothing but just more colourful, and with popular children's characters and designs - but only those considered sufficiently masculine, of course, and then another sharp cutoff around or before puberty where little boys' clothing is replaced by men's clothing, which typically has duller colours, less patterns, characters are less common and tend to be from media that appeals to young men and teenage boys. The clothing tends to reveal that teenage boys are viewed as young adult men, while teenage girls are viewed as older female children... until of course it's convenient to men in power to consider them grown. It can also be very difficult to tell at times if The Fashion is to dress little girls as tiny adult women, or for adult women to dress as little girls, it seems to blur together by design. Not to mention the way that most arguments about ungendering clothing for children seems to focus on permitting very young boys to wear girls' clothes using the argument that because they are children there's no real harm in it and historically small children's clothing has been unisex and no harm ever came of it.
Personally as a feminine presenting person I do enjoy that I am so socially permitted to dress in as wide a range of styles as young children are, but there is definitely a political and gendered implication of it that makes me overall very uncomfortable with the fact that about 50% of stuff I see in an average toddler section and want in my size, is also readily available in my size in the women's section, and the 50% I can't have tends to be for toddler boys, and not once have I found an item in the men's section that looks like I'd be twinning with a toddler if I wore it to the park, but I do find those a lot in the women's section.
You even see this phenomenon in *underwear* - if you compare little girl panties to ladies panties, especially the more feminine cuts and fancier styles, you probably will notice they are extremely similar. If you compare boys' boxers for an equally young child to men's boxers, you'll probably notice that boys' underwear is far more different to men's than girls' is to women's. The cuts are basically the same, but you'll notice boys' tend to be more patterned and fun and men's are extremely plain. As someone who wears both genders' underwear depending on the outfit and my particular sensory preference on a given day, I never really noticed much difference between the underwear I had as a little girl and the ladies underwear I have now, but I often find myself a little bit jealous of the patterns and bold colours on little boys' underwear compared to men's underwear in my size.
I was a child in the 1960s, so I saw the fuss about women and girls wearing trousers. One would have thought the world was ending! Despite the fact that both boys and girls were playing with dolls (albeit styled differently.)
At present women have choice in clothing, both in style and colour. Men are in dull coloured trousers, dark shirts with high collars, and dark outerwear (yes, even in winter when it's unsafe.) I prefer bright colours and lower necks - "women's" clothes. Oh, well.
I do enjoy your particular sense of humour.
Everyone who panics over this needs to be shown that one meme where men's fashion from throughout the ages combines to create Astolfo.
This is a little off-topic but your voice is beautiful! And I feel like I've heard you narrating one of the old Disney movies.
I started stealing my moms makeup and putting on her dresses for years upon years until I turned 17 and realized I am trans. But I dont think that doing that necessarily means you are trans or should warrant any responses. Kids will be kids
I wish my mom wore dresses/makeup lol
Would they try and stop a Roman Soldier or a Scots mercenary from wearing what they pleased? 😂 I think not. Oh for the time humanity rises above its ridiculous garbage. Let people be. And they dressed little boy like girls for certain pictures when I was a child too.
Exactly.
Honestly, like just where? What makes you comfortable and if anyone has a problem with it, they can build a barge and get over it. That is exactly how things should they and my people can murder what they want, where whatever makes them countable, and if anyone has a problem with it, then get over it.
Every outfit you wear SLAPS.
(Yes, I'm also paying attention to the content of your words, but it's also a pleasure to be immersed in such impeccable fashion)
As someone who has recently discovered they're trans (enby) and has also aquired their first job, I can't wait to buy whatever clothes i f#(*ing want god damn it!
I love how your channel has grown and evolved over the years.
I’m a trans girl but once upon a time i was a “boy wearing dresses” I stopped bc of bullying but i wish i never did and that i was freely allowed to just be myself the way i am now. Let kids discover and explore who they are organically. Don’t force them into any kind of boxes and give them the tools to construct and understand their own identities on their terms. Dresses or otherwise
The comments people give on this topic is downright concerning to be saying those things about children. It's the child's decision to wear what they want to wear!
Let's not pretend that it's braking gender norms.They exist, like it or not, and people follow them.
I live near Amish country (you know, the most old-fashioned people around) and they dress their kids in tiny versions of women's clothing until they're at least old enough to walk around. It's so ignorant of history to claim that dressing children in a gender-ambiguous manner is a new thing!
Clothes are just fabric, no need for people to judge 😊
I've never heard of anyone panicking about it. But then I'm not in the US.
The topic of 'masculine=man' and 'feminine=woman' in turns of clothes style is a difficult topic for me to navigate as a trans guy. As I like pretty/regal things, which tends to translate as feminine and therefore me being a woman.
This constantly gives me imposter syndrome. This is worsened by the fact that I don't have bad dysphoria, like most of it comes from my voice rather than my body.
Sorry for the weird wording, I never really explained this and am just throwing a comment into the ether.
You should realize that feminine and masculine only make sense as words if you understand them with sexist gender stereotypes. You should not use these words to describe clothes or mannerisms or body parts/types, because these words describe ideal "manliness" or "womanliness", which is something I'm sure you'll agree that no one gets to decide. I hope for a day where man and woman will be synonyms for "human" the same way soda and pop are.
Sincerely
Agender anti-sexist person
“I let my son wear a dress because women are worth emulating also” I love that text on screen.
In general, gendering clothes is ridiculous.
People should be pushing for proper sizing based on standard measurements instead.