She is right! About suicide - "No one asks why." Same goes for going through ptsd. Everyone tells you WHAT to do and HOW to feel, but they almost NEVER ask WHY you feel the way you do. Being empathetic and understanding leads to less suicidal people than if you point the finger at them. That's just real talk.
I have major depression and some complex PTSD. I have had several therapists. I did not improve and get in touch with any of my core trauma and beliefs until I finally felt safe with an ATTUNED therapist that could empathize with and VALIDATE my experience. Attunement and validation are crucial in a therapist. If this is not happening, please allow yourself to keep looking.
I have been incredibly fortunate to have spent time at Heal for Life and have Liz help me heal from my childhood sex and physical abuse. I doubt if I would still be here had I not found this amazing place, u see seeing a counsellor opens up a wound then after maybe an hour u r sent out on the street again with a gaping wound and no healing done, how crazy is that!! We as a maturing society need to get behind this amazing Foundation, I thank you Liz from the bottom of my healing heart xx
Excellent speech by Liz Mullinar who echoes my sentiments 100%. Childhood Trauma happens in families behind closed doors where a dependent vulnerable child often has no voice nowhere to run. In adult life is the trauma was not conscious and amnesic barriers keep it compartmentalised then a person is operating and behaving in ways and does not know why. Then it starts. GP appointments, referrals to psychologists, waiting for therapy for months or years, cant afford private therapy. Its an exhausting journey to know what happened. Families of origin deny anything happened. Oh we were happy they say. No one is telling you. You wait for appointments and then finally you get a letter that says you can now see a therapist on the NHS. You think this is it my moment and all will be revealed, I will now know what is wrong with me. ? But sadly it does not work like that. Memories are buried deep, trauma is held behind amnesic barriers so deep its in lockdown. No one is telling you anything. Its an endless cycle of frustration and desperate sadness. Childhood trauma is in my view at the ROOT of it all. Adolf Hitler was brutalised in his childhood if only he could have spoken about that horror and healed that horror then things may have took another turn in a whole different direction?
Oh wow!! I’m sitting listening to your speech with tears in my eyes as I have never heard such true powerful words ever spoken about the cause of most cases of mental illness. I am a survivor of childhood trauma. I live in Tasmania and for most of my life (over 50 years) I have searched for help. Every psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers, faith healers and so on. After listening to your mind blowing talk I will still keep searching. Thankyou so much. ❤
Open yourself to self-exploration & just watch what happens! Simply describing it, discussing it & examining it.. changes it! The question is not 'what facts do you recall?' .. but 'what feelings do you feel when you think deep down into your core?' And remember.. trauma can simply mean an earthquake or hurricane, but more often, sadly, is all in the parent's hands.
WARNING!! IF YOU ARE A KID BEING ABUSED PLEASE TELL YOUR TEACHER OR CALL THE POLICE. I scream SAVE ME in my mind, my whole childhood. I wish I said it out loud, maybe I would be different. I think about that most of the days of my young adult life. I regret not telling my teachers that I was mentally and physically abused. It's so hard to heal I dont know what to do.
I don't know if you will receive this post, but I also was abused splitting into many personalities. Drugs were a problem when young. Someone told me about the Lord at age 23. I went to church with her and asked Him to come into my life. Since then he has taken me thru many memories with healing happening throughout my life. I am older now and have come to rely on Him. There are still issues, but I believe and have found the help I needed.
Carol Smith I so agree with you Carol. God has been my salvation. God made me start Heal For Life Foundation so there would be a place of healing which was affordable for all people.I hope with Gods help you are connecting with and understanding your different personalities. warmest regards
Thank you, Liz, for helping us to shatter the silence surrounding childhood abuse. I love your voice and the way you are using it to empower others. I am committed to helping you with your Big Idea.
I see public service announcements telling children to tell their parents or another adult if the are being abused. I did that when I was a child and no one did anything. I get disgusted hearing people talk about the mystery of brain chemistry and pinpointing the cause of mental illness. Ignorance is bliss.
+mallory I also see those PSA's and remember all the ppl who told me they did speak up about what was being done to them and the backlash they received. Like saying "just say no" it isn't the answer if the adults who could save you won't help you. Personally I like the videos people are producing and putting up here on TH-cam with the placards that tell their story, silently. I think they are brilliant and will make a bigger impact over time.
I so agree many many children tell and nothing happens which is devastating and many other children do not dare to tell and feel further disempowered by these announcements . We have the same problem in Australia, mandatory reporting but no real follow up. However , let's be optimistic, it is a lot better than it was ten years ago and if we all keep pestering change will continue to happen for the betterment of the next generation of children. We all have to fight for the right to heal, we deserve it and did not deserve to be abused.
Getting to know and love yourself can be most helpful for healing from any type of abuse. Abuse affects our sense of self, it causes self doubt and often self hatred that sometimes we aren't even aware of. Visualization, meditation, The Courage to Heal workbook that others have mentioned, energy work, positive affirmations and mindfulness can all aide in coming to know and love yourself. Many find healing through religion because coming to know your relationship to your creator, knowing you are loved by a perfect, all-knowing being can do wonders for helping you to see your value and love yourself. We think we have to find a way to trust others but we really need to find a way to trust ourselves. We think we need others to love and validate us to heal but we really need to love and validate ourselves. See yourself through God's eyes as someone of value, someone who is loved, someone with unlimited potential, someone who is a survivor, someone with incredible strength, someone who deserves all the good life has to offer, someone who deserves to heal and be happy. You are all those things and more.
I didn't even make it 2 minutes into the video without tears running down my face... it's almost 2 am in the morning and here I am... on my computer, trying to find a solution to my insomnia as well as my inability to keep up with day to day life or my inner exhaustion. I know once you enter school and sure enough once you have left school and wonder out into the world - nobody cares about your story anymore. The past is in the past, they say - but the pain... oh the pain... the pain is always there. And if I get lucky it's my choice to feel it. But there are days where I am that 4 year old girl... that just wanted to exsist and then became a 14 year old that wanted to die. Now - another 10 years later - I am still here. So I guess I found some way of dealing with it...
@@mariemonroe5172 I am good. I‘m turning 33 this month and yet - mentally and emotionally - I am still not fully healed. But it‘s better. Far better. I don’t think I would ever allow myself to idealize suicide again. I am married, I have two beautiful daughters who are an absolute joy and I have the privilege of being their mother. Life is good.
@@xylo7951 My father did. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. He finally passed away in 2019. I visited him on what turned out to be his final day. A shadow of a man, weak, shivering, devoured by cancer, unable to speak… but with eyes wide open. It was the most eerie feeling to see him, because finally, he looked every bit the monster, I always knew he was. As I sat down next to him, I felt that same old fear, creeping up on me, lurking over my shoulder like a demon, preparing to wrap her cold hands around my neck, but then something - in the context of dying absolutely ordinary- happened: my father started coughing, gasping for air inbetween, shaken by the pain of what sounded like aspirational pneumonia. I can’t really describe what happened in that moment but it felt as though all of my inner turmoil, all of my anguish and despair returned to their source - the origin of my suffering. I was free. He eventually threw up a little bit, so his girlfriend came and cleaned him. After that I brought my face down next to his, the same way he had done so many times and whispered: „You deserve all of this.“ I got up and left. He died slowly… screaming for hours and hours until 5 in the morning, when he finally passed, just before sunrise. It was a Sunday, the first of December. I am glad I went to see him. It was the final page in a chapter I would’ve kept re-Reading otherwise. I am in a good place.I am married. I have two beautiful children. Both were born on a Sunday.
What an excellent presentation by Liz Mullinar. Her knowledge of childhood trauma is remarkable. It is wonderful that presenters are given a platform to present pertinent issues that affects the lives of many individuals.
I fully recommend Pete Walker's book, unlimited verbal ventilation, and trying everyday to love yourself unconditionally. It has helped me tremendously. I cannot even begin to imagine how much pain childhood abuse has and is causing, having experienced myself how helpless you are when it happened to you. This cruel world couldn't care less about it, because it is a slightly uncomfortable topic, so it is just ignored.
Humor is some of the best medicine. i went through quite intense childhood trauma with my parents, and sometimes the best way to make sense of it all is too make it funny. This may sound quite difficult to do, and it often can be, but it can also work wonders. Make your life happy with laughter even when concerning your traumatic past. It helps, it really does.
Very true. We can't joke about many aspects of our trauma, but we do have DID and try to make multiplicity jokes on a regular basis. And our narcissistic, psychotic mother with whom we no longer speak is an endless source of painful laughs if we can muster the strength. You are right that it is difficult but it is also so healing when done with grace and in understanding company.
Watching such videos makes me feel hopeless even more. Basically she's saying we should talk about it, a problem shared is a problem halved. I don't really need to talk about it. I've been to several counselors and just sitting in that dingy room and reliving all the horrible stuff that happened in my childhood doesn't make me feel better. What we need is strategies. What to actually DO NOW. Just talking about it doesn't change anything. We need to DO something about it.
I agree - counselors have been useless at helping people with childhood trauma. In fact, they make it worse by dragging us through all of it again. It's called retraumatizing. Yes, there's even a word for what is done by making us live through it again. You might want to look at a book by Pete Walker called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. You can also look at videos here on TH-cam about Bessel van der Kolk, who wrote The Body Keeps the Score.
I'm not sure what trauma your talking about, but this "FREE" 68 page online book is designed to help adults overcome the effects of childhood abuse. www.scribd.com/doc/312201013/Elephants-Are-Pink It healed me. Peace.
You could also do some readings about the inner child. When you can connect to the inner child, it becomes easier to understand what you need to do for healing. Best of luck to you my friend.
wow only watched this after attending her treatment program. I have expierenced peace in my heart at least , iv been able to associate triggers to my trauma with skills used to detrigger . Was more caring and compassionate than i expected. thankyou to the team
Trauma can often disrupt the way the brain works, neural pathways and memory- dissociation etc. I agree many people can be helped by simply talking and being honest and connecting with others, but not all.
My personal belief is that Trauma caused in childhood should be referred to as an Emotional Illness as apposed to a Mental Illness. Trauma, which is the root cause of many personality disorders has and is destroying the mental health of so many lives, and then passing the same or similar traumas down through our generations. However, I do agree that Childhood Trauma or Trauma at any age IS the Root Cause of Emotional Illness leading to many addictions, and this must be in the forefront of the conversation regarding Mental Health before the cure can be discussed and implemented as a standard - vs a prescription that is Not a Cure.. The answers for these cures are already known but not taken seriously enough by the Mental Heath establishments who mostly rely on prescription drugs that in many cases can cause even more Mental Health Issues. On another note (as one example) regarding medication for emotional illness - how can we not question a drug for depression, which can cause one to be suicidal?
I prefer to use the term "psychological injuries" to describe it and avoid any reference to metaphorical illness, but I get what you're saying. We are all free to refine the words we use to convey the ideas we care about. I think it's obvious world wide that lab created chemicals given to us as pills controls brain function but does not resolve a person's inner distress about life events. Thomas Szasz understood this clearly and called out the psych. profession for it.
Excellent - Liz Mullinar makes you think! She also brings up why is it so wrong to talk about childhood trauma? The statistics are overwhelming that childhood trauma is the cause of all the problems adults have: alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, and the list goes on. It is just "not socially acceptable" for people to openly talk about this so it remains hidden and the cure for all these problems remains hidden. Instead they go to rehab, take anti-depressants, etc. That is such a shame. I mean Mullinar says herself: "It's not their fault" that the trauma occured - so there is no reason to be ashamed!
Not one fucking person ever asked me why I was depressed, childhood trauma, carried it in depression for 17 years and my life is now completely fucked as a result.
Rain Andfog I wasn't abused or anything just lost my mom really young and never went through the grieving process at the time, seriously though I couldn't have made it more obvious to everyone around me that I just needed someone to talk to about things, no one ever did and Iv literally lost 17 years of my life as a result, depression that lasts that long gets really dark and really ugly, I'm finally now only coming out of it at 32 and have to start life from scratch, theres a movie about a guy who went through the same thing called the mortician www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_mortician/ , there's also a great Korean movie on child hood trauma and how it then goes on to effect them as adults, www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ddongpari/ , everyone on this page should watch this movie Iv learned a lot from it and its a great flick.
+Bob James ok, I've got the picture. Im going to try to check out those films. I wish someone would've taken you to a caring therapist as a child. Makes me angry. That's tough losing your Mom so young; a nightmare for a child. But go now, Bob. I'm nearly old enough to be your Mom and I insist you go to a therapist. I hear you saying you're coming out of it. Go anyway. At 32 you are just starting out; you're a colt. You can have everything and I know you deserve it. You make the appt, go, then tell me how it went. I'll be waiting.
+Bob James Me either I was compliant, quiet, and I got good grades in school, so I didn't make waves or "act out" partly because I knew those who did still did not get the attention they needed, just punishment. It is one of the aspects of my childhood that I am still angry about , all these years later, and even the counselors I have been to see don't really want to understand. BUT I know why you were depressed all those year s and probably still are. I hope that helps.
Coming right out and asking about childhood trauma might seem abrupt. Open the doors for communication and be in the conversation. Empathy, sympathy or just a concerned friend is worth it's weight in gold when dealing with childhood trauma.
Agreed. and i'm sure there are many more. I wonder if Liz had a longer time to talk if she would go into more of these reasons and how to work with them? I am so grateful for the work that Liz is doing. What a woman.
Heal for Life~ this is SO important and so good! For us all. I am so fed up and so sick of being or living in or with SHAME that is not mine! Not my fault! I am NOT ashamed. It's not shameful to suffer so deeply and not have love to soften the blow. I need love to heal these wounds and there is no shame in reaching out and asking for or to be LOVED the very gentle thing that was needed all along. Yes I suffered tremendously but I will not hide in the dark licking my wounds alone for the rest of my life. I know I am better than any pain and that I, you, we can all overcome our pain and our past. I love you all and don't be ashamed anymore to talk about it and receive the love you have ALWAYS deserved. Peace be with your spirit.
Wow. Good for you. Deny what is denying YOU. This is a great policy and great advise. When you say out loud what you are "I am not ashamed"," I am proud of me." This reverses your inner view and your world view.
Its beautiful and well said... It is beautiful way to help children recover their behavior and attitudes on their way of looking forward in their future relationships. It is balancing life from awareness and spirituality. Childhood trauma needs a positive outlook in their life as they need positive people surrounds them to help them build a brighter way of living and to value their life too.
I watch all of these videos on subconscious/buried trauma or childhood trauma and they talk about healing but never explain how it is done. How is it done? Especially if you don't remember the trauma. Surely just looking deeper and talking about it isn't enough, especially if you cant recall what the actual trauma is. I suffer with anxiety and depression and struggle everyday. I live in the hope that maybe my issues are somehow caused by underlying trauma and that somehow I can heal this through therapy or by some means. I am in counselling / psychotherapy but don't feel I am getting anywhere and never feel I see way of healing myself. I know its probably a spiritual therapeutic process that is hard to explain but can someone give me any idea on what I should be doing? Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
Who Knows Dear Who Knows, thank you for being courageous enough to talk about your frustration. I feel it too. I spent over a decade in therapy with extremely skilled and empathetic clinicians. I talked about the abuse I could remember, and I attempted to articulate my fear regarding what I couldn't remember. Twenty years later, I felt as though all the talking didn't really change anything. I'm still experiencing anxiety and depression, as well as being appalled at the depth of my rage. It wasn't until very recently that I began to have some real hope. I would like to share it with you. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has written a book (The Body Keeps the Score) that explains why 'talk therapy' is only a portion of the puzzle. He and his colleagues have studied trauma in all its various guises for decades, and what they have discovered is that the body/brain is actually modified by Developmental Trauma Disorder. You and I can heal, even if we don't remember what we experienced. It will take hard work and dedication from us and from our support system, but there are therapies that address the non-verbal/non-cognitive aspects of our distress. The trauma did not just happen to the parts of us that are capable of describing/remembering what happened. It happened to the entire organism, and there are ways to address that. Hang in there, and check out the growing literature on Developmental Trauma Recovery. All the best, Heather
One new--and very important--research study along these lines (Adverse Childhood Experience or ACE by the CDC)--shows definitively that childhood abuse is very strongly correlated to nearly all forms of mental illness, and also to certain physical diseases later in life, due to the physiology of chronic stress. (And of course these "illnesses" are actually normal human responses to chronic abuse.) I see great reading recommendations already posted, but I'd also highly recommend The Courage to Heal, long considered the "bible" of sexual abuse. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes dissociated memories are quite real, are often validated externally, as were mine.) www.amazon.com/dp/0061284335/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=80907668585&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17097662884655756998&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_62pttb3ui_b
+Who Knows Dr. Henslin, Dr. Amen: Most mental illnesses can be reversed through the right natural supplements. TH-cam them and book: This Is Your Brain On Joy. Also Read Alice Miller on the hidden cruelty in childrearing practices--she explains the dynamics & mechanics on why children are "sacrificed". Then learn about the Religious abuse through either cults, the Catholic church & any Fundamentalist indoctrination. See Dr. Lenore Kerr on the 6 types of memories.--Some traumas can be remembered. Another book: Scream Louder. Certain breathing techniques help. There ARE other books and methods.
It`s very difficult, but what I find a great (and the only real) solution to the problem is turning the "trauma" into something to be grateful for. Make your life a good life, celebrate life....and convince yourself that if you hadn't had that "negative" experience you would not be the amazing person you are today. There are other "techniques" where psychiatrists teach you to think: "I`m not a victim...but a survivor"....yet everytime I said that to myself I felt "pathetic"....and deep inside I still felt like a victim. Thanks TEDx for all the informative uploads, and I wish everybody a happy, healthy, and magical life 🙏 🌏☮
Beautiful speech. Almost all mental disorders can be understood in terms of trauma. And frankly, we should shift our understanding, change the DSM, because the science shows the same underlying causality: trauma. "Social anxiety disorder" is really just a confusing way to say "interpersonal trauma". People get abused enough in a social context and their bodies begin to enact trauma responses when in a social setting. Generalized anxiety is another type of trauma that can regulated via regulating muscle and body tone so as to keep thought from running towards dysregulating emotions. BPD, PTSD (obviously), etc. Honestly, fuck the pharmaceutical companies and the placebo/numbing effects of their drugs. They are mostly worthless. Seriously. This isn't because the brain doesn't function neurochemically, but because our understanding of WHAT and HOW occurs within the brain during any particular state is extremely limited. Big Pharma is keeping psychology from having a bigger impact on helping people who are suffering. Somatic mindfulness should be taught in schools. But will this happen? One could argue that Big Pharma would lose out big if people learn how to regulate their body states so as to change their emotional and cognitive states. Most of all, though, the brain is plastic. This means, the brain synthesizes chemicals. Which means, the brain, or areas in the medial orbitofrontal cortex, by virtue of simply placing its "attention" on its body state, can induce epigenetic changes in the cell, which over time leads to the production of proteins. Psychopharmacology of course has a place in psychiatry, but its place should be deemphasized so as to utilize the transformative powers of the mind in mindfully directing its own healing.
I took psilocybin mushrooms 2 days ago, after doing lots of research on the substance, and its proper use. The mushrooms revealed to me suppressed memories and emotions from my childhood and early teenage-hood that I haven’t dealt with before and buried them in my subconscious. Little did I realize before the effect that these emotions had on my behavior and personality development. But now I’m aware of the problem, and I know that fixing it won’t be easy, but now at least I know there’s hope. I had many suicidal thoughts in the past few years (I’m 24 now). P.S: I’m not encouraging the use of mushrooms, they are dangerous if you’re depressed and uninformed about the substance, I’m just sharing my experience and I hope people start taking the subject seriously.
We need to process through childhood trauma by talking about it, and forgiving those who were part of it. God has healed me so that I can now focus on ways to help children so that we can break this cycle.
That is awesome to hear. How did He do that? I wasn't raised in a christian home but came to faith in my late twenties. However, it didn't take long until God took over the role of my parents, of whom I've always been scared. To this day I have experienced no healing despite a number of therapists, christian books on healing from emotional wounds etc etc. I also want to heal so that I can help others!
I've read some other comments to the effect of "just remembering it doesn't help, what is it exactly that helps us heal?" Perhaps I can offer some insight. I wrote a book about my difficult relationship with my father and in doing so, discovered a lot of interesting things about his life in WW2 and cold war era. By learning what he went through, I began to understand what led to his behaviors, and that he wasn't actually so different from me. He went through many of the same things, and sometimes much, much worse as well. Totally opened my eyes and taught me to have more empathy for other people.
H. A. Ryosa That's called compassion. Compassion will not heal your childhood trauma and the negative subconscious beliefs and perceptions, as well as issues like a lack of trust for this world, addiction, PTSD etc., that stem from it.
Lil Jaded-Bunny - Compassion will not heal your trauma? What then, will? I have been healing deeply from childhood trauma for four years, using compassion as my base.
Wow. Amazing point. Why is that? In my case there is this need to protect my parents -- fear other people will unfairly judge them. And in my present home it's fear -- of what might happen to my daughter if we dealt with it properly. There is a risk to raising your hand -- even as I type this I get afraid -- judgement, reporting...but you are so right.
+Dylan Colbert Of course some can, but not always. It can still exist if not remembered. Trauma in the womb can be severe, eg with drug and alcohol use or violence, and it doesn't take much to traumatize an infant. Again, check out KidCareCanada for the latest info on what small things make a difference to an infant. Now imagine those missing. Trauma, but not memorable.
Marsh Wetland Infancy trauma can't be remembered. For example, birth on its own is trauma. However, not many can remember their birth, thus no flashbacks are evident. However, for example, if a mature twelve year old adolescent were to witness a domestic violence in the family, they would probably make the decision to call emergency services. This example is my example, by the way, and I have had multiple flashbacks to that day, sometimes keeping me up at night. This was recent, and all conflicts were resolved. Although, it is too recent to judge on whether or not I have PTSD. The point, however, lies in the fact that trauma CAN be remembered, but as you said, not if the memory isn't developed enough. What I was referring to though, is when she said, "Trauma is not remembered," as if she were referring to all types of childhood trauma. Your statements, though valid, do not apply to mine. I do admit, however, that I should have phrased my statement differently.
+Dylan Colbert We remember abuse and we remember stuff which happened repeatedly.So if a little boy remembers being beaten by his father all the time. The amygdala will only retain the very first time it happened because that time it was life threatening and more emotion than he could deal with. The very first time will be the impact, just as although you remember so much of your trauma , the moments which were too overwhelming are forgotten and those are the bits that will or were holding you back in the "now"
Very true. We must address the root of the problem rather than the manifestations of child abuse. Thought-provoking talk. I only wish now that I could heal from my own childhood pain.
Liz, you say at the 5:10 mark, “Trauma cannot be remembered.” I’ve heard people say that countless times in my life. However, that’s not an absolute truth. My father, (Silas Duane Boston), was abusive, he murdered my mother when I was two, he murdered a British couple in front of me ten years later and nearly murdered me several times. I remember the trauma. I’ve been beaten bloody by my father, by a foster mother, by my grandmother and others. Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember, but I do. I learned to cope, not by forgetting, but by understanding that bad things happen sometimes, and afterwards it is up to us on how we file that trauma. It takes work, but I was able to do so.
One of the reason 12 step programs such as AA help so many is that the people share their childhood traumas and other secrets without fear of judgment.
12 step programs are also known to help less people than doing absolutely nothing at all. The God base 12 step program is just a tool for religious cults to expand their members.
@@Skinnymarks I agree with you. My brief involvement with them (against my better judgement) verified what I suspected. The groups I attended seemed to avoid experiencing feelings of any kind. Even back then my ideas about it focused on being free to feel what was going on, that it was more important than just describing it verbally. I did not sense that I could benefit from embracing their philosophy.
She did not mention inadequate diet which is a BIG factor in some peoples depression. Other then the fact of my father being killed in WW2 in an RCAF Bomber I had a great childhood. My Grandfather became "My Father". I suffered from some depression as a teenager and a 20er. I got over it. Eat right, drink plenty of water, get enough regular sleep. Look yourself square in the eye in a mirror at least twice a day and think "You are a fine and useful person".
You could have thought about the people you were helping instead of just yourself. People at call centers HELP people who have a problem. Grow up and stop being so self centered.
Easier said than done. I am vegan, i only eat Whole Foods with a lot of broccoli. I am currently suffering from depression and cannot get enough sleep nor eat because of it. Diet has nothing to do with mental illness.
I suffer in silence, because I am afraid to tell anyone the whole story with the many graphic details. I often spill my emotions out at school in my work when it comes to acting, writing, and reading. I'm so secretive now because of the ridicule I faced online and in real life that, when I get abused by the other children at school, it takes months for me to open up to another person about what the bully/bullies did to me. My question is, how can one help someone like me? Someone who is too secretive now in fear of being ridiculed, outed by others, or worse, taken away?
Blake Geometrio It's very important that you find a SAFE place to discuss your trauma. This is challenging even for adults with lots of resources, so try to be compassionate with yourself about your previous efforts. If no one listened, then that just means that they weren't able to - not that you should be quiet. Try to write in a private journal, look up youtube videos on Trauma Sensitive Yoga. There are things you can do privately to begin to soothe yourself. If the adults in your life can't help you find a therapist, please consider contacting the Heal For Life Foundation for some support and guidance. You aren't alone, even though it feels that way. Take Care, Heather
People accused me as a bad person because I can't forgive my abuser, our family member. Until now I am still in pain can't feel and I can't find pity on his death bed, I verbally say I forgive him but the anger still lingers on.
Childhood trauma defines crime, self harm , addiction, vast array of medical problems, work problems etc. The cost to the world and society is in the trillion each year. The cost of promoting this great gentle idea would in the billions over a decade and then less once established as a social norm for all to contribute to,
Recently I have just realized that all my problems seem to come from my childhood. I think that childhood trauma also comes from ridicule and little support from others.I'm still in trouble and don't know what to do.
This is good and one part of recovering is acknowledging. There is excellent information on the effects of growing up with a Narcissistic parent, and more, and the trauma it causes in your life! What has been a Huge eye opener for me is how “ Spot on their description is of a Narcissistic parent, friend, partner, coworker! “ Their description”, in the TH-cam search, type in recovering from Narcissistic parent, partner etc.. you will find excellent information that you are most likely going to identify with!! There is a great deal of information on how to deal with those in your life!! I have no affiliation with any of them and have yet to comment on any of their videos- I’m taking it all in and can identify with 90% of what I have heard so far!!! The Best to You in your quest for understanding and building a better life for yourself!
I had been abused and ignored in my family before my memory ever registered events properly, , mental dysfunction and slow developments of various aspects followed me for years
because you can't take a pill for childhood trauma. But you can take a serotonin blocker for anxiety. the best thing that I can say for the medication I took was that it enabled me to talk things out with my mom. But that only works for someone who is 1) still in contact with their parents and 2) when the reason for the trauma was a genuine mistake. But what the doctor won't tell you is that those pills screw up your libido and other functions. The whole time I was on it, I basically was acting like I was grieving. I couldn't find anything interesting, and couldn't connect with people. The medication did control the symptoms but it caused a whole bunch of other problems. I'm not entirely sure it was worth it.
While her heart is in the right place, I don't think it’s as simple as asking someone who has experienced trauma to just “talk about it.” There is a very real risk of re-traumatizing the person. One should seek out a trauma therapist, someone who specializes in working with people who have experienced trauma.
Yes that is true. There are ways to address childhood trauma that doesn't retruamatise. Though it is more specialized and needs some expertise. Though most things just need to be acknowledged first. If we just acknowledge that everything is about childhood trauma then it will be easier to direct people to appropreate services. Note, mental illness is due to extreme childhood trauma. Most of not all people suffer from childhood trauma to some degree. Sometimes it's pretty mild. And just having a general discussion can help people understand how to treat each other better. Even simple stuff like a parent being affectionate when the child is happy and ignoring them when the child is upset can lead to some traumatisation. It may not cause mental illness but it's likely to make it more difficult for someone to be honest about their emotions and bottle up every negitive emotion which is terribly isolating and lonely. And that can interfear with good relationship skills.
As a counselling student working on trauma issue therapy right now, and a survivor of childhood trauma, I fully agree. Accessing trauma of any kind is complicated and has a high risk of retraumatizing the person without a lot of care and understanding the process. Offer to listen if the person wants to talk, be supportive and believe them - and then help them get professional help, someone who specializes in trauma work because it needs a lot of understanding and is not your 'average' psychological therapy.
"Talking about it" alone does not heal trauma. Talking about it however can help stop the malignant secrecy and can reduce stigma. Talking about it can reduce the shame of trauma. Victims often feel guilty although it was not their fault. Trauma therapy is much more than talking about it but it would take a while to explain it.
i think a big issue is that people dont know or feel like what happened was even a big deal. i dont know if the things that happened to me then were not normal. the fact it didnt effect me then but it down now makes me feel like im wrong for thinking it was wrong
Excellent talk, yes - but you surely can't just say to someone in pain, tell me about your childhood - you have to be prepared if not trained to do so.
I had a suicide attempt in June. Nobody asked me why either they just assumed I was a mental case! I am deeply wounded by the fact that nobody wants to know. That hurts me more and isolates me more than the abuse itself! My friends and family want me to pretend im ok and happy because that serves them. They want the happy "Yes" girl back instead of this broken mess that keeps trying to "bring up the past". NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT..... Fact.
Can't keep a dang relationship. Seems to go good then boom I switch. Sucks!! Sick of fighting these demons. Praise God he helps our kind. Bless you all.
None ever asked me why have been I feeling like this for more than 20 years. I'm a 30 years old woman. I've depression, anxiety, PTSD nd I've discalculia. Childhood traumas haunt me till now. I was bullied for being a thin girl by my classmates in highschool, nd still some of my family members nd relatives bodyshame me for being thin. I was not good in studies nd that's why I had to suffer a lot. Now I'm in under treatment. Plz pray for me nd all the people who are suffering.
I work in mental health, specifically with patients who've had a psychotic break serious enough to require arrest and hospitalizatin and I cannot name one single patient I've seen who hasn't experienced childhood trauma. Not. Even. One.
I just don't know what to say here. She's 100% CORRECT. I had a HORRIFIC childhood, decades later feeling awful not knowing why - I couldn't remember. EMDR THERAPY helped me process this. It saved my life. Beautiful reference to Alice Miller here too. Watch homecoming by John Bradshaw on here - this is where I started to understand what happened to me. Love from Australia!
Many children are blamed for their having been abused, especially if the abuse was perpetrated by a family member, a friend or a neighbor. Some mothers don't want to confront another family member because of the difficulties it will cause; they would rather, if they suspect abuse, avoid it; or, if the child tells them about the abuse accuse the child of lying which further traumatizes the child. Many young children learn that the parent they depend on for their well being cannot be trusted. It is a deeply lonely feeling, leaving many children feeling that they are at fault for being abused. These feelings follow them through life in all they do and in all their relationships, leaving them at a grave disadvantage, their chances for health and happiness stolen from them.
And don't kill yourself, it's not the answer to this life.....you have intrinsic value, and you will be missed by all of us if you go...just wait....you are loved
I do not understand why these videos and lectures are so short. It gets frustrating because the person just starts getting into the subject and you are left hanging. Are there places like "Netflix" where you can watch the entire lecture? I personally feel like we recreate circumstances lifetime after lifetime based on different spiritual frequencies or issues until we become aware enough to let them go and replace them with more positive in put. It means we have to make it a quiet, mindful inner journey hopefully with support from others who are able to guide us. We can not be afraid to feel. Yet that is what our entire society is based on is escape through TV. or video games, etc. We need other people who recognize that all of us are on this journey of healing together.
Debbie I went through alot of trauma in my past and now I help people deal with their pain. I was molested by a church leader right in the building of a church for 4 years. I want to help not pry. you can contact me at facebook.com/atlanticfreedomministries
So true. I found a book by Barry Grosskopf, Forgive Your Parents, Heal Yourself which goes past your own childhood trauma and to the Parents childhood. Here is a review written by a reader of the book "A profoundly moving guide to personal and family growth that teaches us it is healthier to forgive than to blame." For a generation, pop psychology and psychotherapy have promised healing and self-fulfillment through examination of our own childhood stories. We have been encouraged to indulge our interest in ourselves, to embrace our victimhood, and to reclaim and nurture the wounded inner child. But psychiatrist Barry Grosskopf has found a different path. Drawing on the ancient biblical tradition of the Fifth Commandment, "Forgive Your Parents, Heal Yourself" asks adult children to reframe their family's painful legacy as a way to free themselves from childhood hurt and trauma. In this exceptionally wise and refreshing departure from standard recovery and relationship books, Grosskopf emphasizes the healing power and benefits of forgiveness and shows how adult children can approach their parents with open hearts -- without recrimination or blame -- to hear the stories of their family's past. Informed by both his experiences with patients and his command of issues in psychology and neuroscience, Grosskopf has developed a sophisticated and powerful plan through which children can repair their own character and relationships by respecting and understanding even hurtful caregivers. He suggests the questions to ask our parents and grandparents about their childhoods, how and when to ask them, and how to use the information to change self-destructive patterns. Drawing upon a range of case studies and personal stories, including his own family experiences, Grosskopf leads us through a series of chapters that provide insight into the most difficult problems that can arise in atroubled childhood, from untimely loss to depression to food and drug addictions. We discover a novel approach that is particularly effective with survivors of the Holocaust, sexual abuse, and abandonment, for whom traditional self-help techniques rarely work. "Forgive Your Parents, Heat Yourself" encourages us to restore relationships with our parents, siblings, partners, and children and gain greater health, happiness, and emotional wholeness along the way.
"It wasn't my fault, and I deserve love and support"
I needed to hear this.
But doesn’t stop trauma from being there. It keeps on happening everyday.
@@iamsam87vtrauma can never fully go away, but you don’t let it control you. it will leave scars
She is right! About suicide - "No one asks why." Same goes for going through ptsd. Everyone tells you WHAT to do and HOW to feel, but they almost NEVER ask WHY you feel the way you do. Being empathetic and understanding leads to less suicidal people than if you point the finger at them. That's just real talk.
Childhood trauma indeed was the root cause of the years of anxiety that was very debilitating for me throughout my teens and early 20s.
Me too horrible anxiety attacks for years
me too
@@lauraubrey7830 me too. debilitating.
It’s affecting me now at 37
I'm trying my best to fix this. I pray I win
"It wasn't my fault" - That's a strong said sentence, really came in handy, at least for me and my mind. What a beautiful speech! Thank you, thank you
I have major depression and some complex PTSD. I have had several therapists. I did not improve and get in touch with any of my core trauma and beliefs until I finally felt safe with an ATTUNED therapist that could empathize with and VALIDATE my experience. Attunement and validation are crucial in a therapist. If this is not happening, please allow yourself to keep looking.
I have been incredibly fortunate to have spent time at Heal for Life and have Liz help me heal from my childhood sex and physical abuse. I doubt if I would still be here had I not found this amazing place, u see seeing a counsellor opens up a wound then after maybe an hour u r sent out on the street again with a gaping wound and no healing done, how crazy is that!! We as a maturing society need to get behind this amazing Foundation, I thank you Liz from the bottom of my healing heart xx
Excellent speech by Liz Mullinar who echoes my sentiments 100%. Childhood Trauma happens in families behind closed doors where a dependent vulnerable child often has no voice nowhere to run. In adult life is the trauma was not conscious and amnesic barriers keep it compartmentalised then a person is operating and behaving in ways and does not know why. Then it starts. GP appointments, referrals to psychologists, waiting for therapy for months or years, cant afford private therapy. Its an exhausting journey to know what happened. Families of origin deny anything happened. Oh we were happy they say. No one is telling you. You wait for appointments and then finally you get a letter that says you can now see a therapist on the NHS. You think this is it my moment and all will be revealed, I will now know what is wrong with me. ? But sadly it does not work like that. Memories are buried deep, trauma is held behind amnesic barriers so deep its in lockdown. No one is telling you anything. Its an endless cycle of frustration and desperate sadness. Childhood trauma is in my view at the ROOT of it all. Adolf Hitler was brutalised in his childhood if only he could have spoken about that horror and healed that horror then things may have took another turn in a whole different direction?
Oh wow!! I’m sitting listening to your speech with tears in my eyes as I have never heard such true powerful words ever spoken about the cause of most cases of mental illness. I am a survivor of childhood trauma. I live in Tasmania and for most of my life (over 50 years) I have searched for help. Every psychologist, psychiatrist, social workers, faith healers and so on. After listening to your mind blowing talk I will still keep searching.
Thankyou so much. ❤
Open yourself to self-exploration & just watch what happens! Simply describing it, discussing it & examining it.. changes it! The question is not 'what facts do you recall?' .. but 'what feelings do you feel when you think deep down into your core?'
And remember.. trauma can simply mean an earthquake or hurricane, but more often, sadly, is all in the parent's hands.
Well said! We need to allow ourselves to reconnect with our inner child and let ourselves feel everything he/she felt.. Only then can we truly heal.
I am an Aussie with complex PTSD & your speech is inspirational. Thank you
Ajay Lack don’t give up!!!!!!!
WARNING!! IF YOU ARE A KID BEING ABUSED PLEASE TELL YOUR TEACHER OR CALL THE POLICE.
I scream SAVE ME in my mind, my whole childhood.
I wish I said it out loud, maybe I would be different. I think about that most of the days of my young adult life. I regret not telling my teachers that I was mentally and physically abused. It's so hard to heal I dont know what to do.
I don't know if you will receive this post, but I also was abused splitting into many personalities. Drugs were a problem when young. Someone told me about the Lord at age 23. I went to church with her and asked Him to come into my life. Since then he has taken me thru many memories with healing happening throughout my life. I am older now and have come to rely on Him. There are still issues, but I believe and have found the help I needed.
Carol Smith Thanks for sharing.
Carol Smith I so agree with you Carol. God has been my salvation. God made me start Heal For Life Foundation so there would be a place of healing which was affordable for all people.I hope with Gods help you are connecting with and understanding your different personalities. warmest regards
.
I feel ur pain. people who have never went through our suffering will never know.
Thank you, Liz, for helping us to shatter the silence surrounding childhood abuse. I love your voice and the way you are using it to empower others. I am committed to helping you with your Big Idea.
I see public service announcements telling children to tell their parents or another adult if the are being abused. I did that when I was a child and no one did anything. I get disgusted hearing people talk about the mystery of brain chemistry and pinpointing the cause of mental illness.
Ignorance is bliss.
+mallory I also see those PSA's and remember all the ppl who told me they did speak up about what was being done to them and the backlash they received. Like saying "just say no" it isn't the answer if the adults who could save you won't help you. Personally I like the videos people are producing and putting up here on TH-cam with the placards that tell their story, silently. I think they are brilliant and will make a bigger impact over time.
I so agree many many children tell and nothing happens which is devastating and many other children do not dare to tell and feel further disempowered by these announcements . We have the same problem in Australia, mandatory reporting but no real follow up. However , let's be optimistic, it is a lot better than it was ten years ago and if we all keep pestering change will continue to happen for the betterment of the next generation of children. We all have to fight for the right to heal, we deserve it and did not deserve to be abused.
Getting to know and love yourself can be most helpful for healing from any type of abuse. Abuse affects our sense of self, it causes self doubt and often self hatred that sometimes we aren't even aware of. Visualization, meditation, The Courage to Heal workbook that others have mentioned, energy work, positive affirmations and mindfulness can all aide in coming to know and love yourself. Many find healing through religion because coming to know your relationship to your creator, knowing you are loved by a perfect, all-knowing being can do wonders for helping you to see your value and love yourself. We think we have to find a way to trust others but we really need to find a way to trust ourselves. We think we need others to love and validate us to heal but we really need to love and validate ourselves. See yourself through God's eyes as someone of value, someone who is loved, someone with unlimited potential, someone who is a survivor, someone with incredible strength, someone who deserves all the good life has to offer, someone who deserves to heal and be happy. You are all those things and more.
I didn't even make it 2 minutes into the video without tears running down my face... it's almost 2 am in the morning and here I am... on my computer, trying to find a solution to my insomnia as well as my inability to keep up with day to day life or my inner exhaustion. I know once you enter school and sure enough once you have left school and wonder out into the world - nobody cares about your story anymore. The past is in the past, they say - but the pain... oh the pain... the pain is always there. And if I get lucky it's my choice to feel it. But there are days where I am that 4 year old girl... that just wanted to exsist and then became a 14 year old that wanted to die. Now - another 10 years later - I am still here. So I guess I found some way of dealing with it...
How are you now?
Who abused you?
@@mariemonroe5172 I am good. I‘m turning 33 this month and yet - mentally and emotionally - I am still not fully healed. But it‘s better. Far better. I don’t think I would ever allow myself to idealize suicide again. I am married, I have two beautiful daughters who are an absolute joy and I have the privilege of being their mother. Life is good.
@@xylo7951 My father did. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. He finally passed away in 2019. I visited him on what turned out to be his final day. A shadow of a man, weak, shivering, devoured by cancer, unable to speak… but with eyes wide open. It was the most eerie feeling to see him, because finally, he looked every bit the monster, I always knew he was. As I sat down next to him, I felt that same old fear, creeping up on me, lurking over my shoulder like a demon, preparing to wrap her cold hands around my neck, but then something - in the context of dying absolutely ordinary- happened: my father started coughing, gasping for air inbetween, shaken by the pain of what sounded like aspirational pneumonia. I can’t really describe what happened in that moment but it felt as though all of my inner turmoil, all of my anguish and despair returned to their source - the origin of my suffering. I was free. He eventually threw up a little bit, so his girlfriend came and cleaned him. After that I brought my face down next to his, the same way he had done so many times and whispered: „You deserve all of this.“ I got up and left. He died slowly… screaming for hours and hours until 5 in the morning, when he finally passed, just before sunrise. It was a Sunday, the first of December.
I am glad I went to see him. It was the final page in a chapter I would’ve kept re-Reading otherwise. I am in a good place.I am married. I have two beautiful children. Both were born on a Sunday.
❤❤❤
What an excellent presentation by Liz Mullinar. Her knowledge of childhood trauma is remarkable. It is wonderful that presenters are given a platform to present pertinent issues that affects the lives of many individuals.
I fully recommend Pete Walker's book, unlimited verbal ventilation, and trying everyday to love yourself unconditionally. It has helped me tremendously. I cannot even begin to imagine how much pain childhood abuse has and is causing, having experienced myself how helpless you are when it happened to you. This cruel world couldn't care less about it, because it is a slightly uncomfortable topic, so it is just ignored.
Humor is some of the best medicine. i went through quite intense childhood trauma with my parents, and sometimes the best way to make sense of it all is too make it funny. This may sound quite difficult to do, and it often can be, but it can also work wonders. Make your life happy with laughter even when concerning your traumatic past. It helps, it really does.
Very true. We can't joke about many aspects of our trauma, but we do have DID and try to make multiplicity jokes on a regular basis. And our narcissistic, psychotic mother with whom we no longer speak is an endless source of painful laughs if we can muster the strength. You are right that it is difficult but it is also so healing when done with grace and in understanding company.
Watching such videos makes me feel hopeless even more. Basically she's saying we should talk about it, a problem shared is a problem halved.
I don't really need to talk about it. I've been to several counselors and just sitting in that dingy room and reliving all the horrible stuff that happened in my childhood doesn't make me feel better.
What we need is strategies. What to actually DO NOW. Just talking about it doesn't change anything. We need to DO something about it.
I agree - counselors have been useless at helping people with childhood trauma. In fact, they make it worse by dragging us through all of it again. It's called retraumatizing. Yes, there's even a word for what is done by making us live through it again. You might want to look at a book by Pete Walker called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. You can also look at videos here on TH-cam about Bessel van der Kolk, who wrote The Body Keeps the Score.
I'm not sure what trauma your talking about, but this "FREE" 68 page online book is designed to help adults overcome the effects of childhood abuse.
www.scribd.com/doc/312201013/Elephants-Are-Pink
It healed me. Peace.
Ctwo First and Robert Bailey Thank you! I'll look into everything that you suggested.
You could also do some readings about the inner child. When you can connect to the inner child, it becomes easier to understand what you need to do for healing. Best of luck to you my friend.
Also check out Peter Levine's books on Trauma and Somatic Experiencing
it is not only the brain---it is also the psyche that feels the pain---thank you, Liz, for a much needed voice
The psyche is part of the brain,there is nothing outside the brain.
@@scarred10 got it----thanks
wow only watched this after attending her treatment program. I have expierenced peace in my heart at least , iv been able to associate triggers to my trauma with skills used to detrigger . Was more caring and compassionate than i expected. thankyou to the team
I am happy for you, friend!
Thank you Liz Mullinar from speaking up about this and so passionately.
Trauma can often disrupt the way the brain works, neural pathways and memory- dissociation etc. I agree many people can be helped by simply talking and being honest and connecting with others, but not all.
My personal belief is that Trauma caused in childhood should be referred to as an Emotional Illness as apposed to a Mental Illness. Trauma, which is the root cause of many personality disorders has and is destroying the mental health of so many lives, and then passing the same or similar traumas down through our generations. However, I do agree that Childhood Trauma or Trauma at any age IS the Root Cause of Emotional Illness leading to many addictions, and this must be in the forefront of the conversation regarding Mental Health before the cure can be discussed and implemented as a standard - vs a prescription that is Not a Cure.. The answers for these cures are already known but not taken seriously enough by the Mental Heath establishments who mostly rely on prescription drugs that in many cases can cause even more Mental Health Issues. On another note (as one example) regarding medication for emotional illness - how can we not question a drug for depression, which can cause one to be suicidal?
I prefer to use the term "psychological injuries" to describe it and avoid any reference to metaphorical illness, but I get what you're saying. We are all free to refine the words we use to convey the ideas we care about. I think it's obvious world wide that lab created chemicals given to us as pills controls brain function but does not resolve a person's inner distress about life events. Thomas Szasz understood this clearly and called out the psych. profession for it.
this is heartbreaking. I've had depression for 30 years and I knew it was childhood related.
Excellent - Liz Mullinar makes you think! She also brings up why is it so wrong to talk about childhood trauma? The statistics are overwhelming that childhood trauma is the cause of all the problems adults have: alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, and the list goes on. It is just "not socially acceptable" for people to openly talk about this so it remains hidden and the cure for all these problems remains hidden. Instead they go to rehab, take anti-depressants, etc. That is such a shame. I mean Mullinar says herself: "It's not their fault" that the trauma occured - so there is no reason to be ashamed!
Not one fucking person ever asked me why I was depressed, childhood trauma, carried it in depression for 17 years and my life is now completely fucked as a result.
Bob, see my post/ response to Steven Perez a few posts above.
Rain Andfog I wasn't abused or anything just lost my mom really young and never went through the grieving process at the time, seriously though I couldn't have made it more obvious to everyone around me that I just needed someone to talk to about things, no one ever did and Iv literally lost 17 years of my life as a result, depression that lasts that long gets really dark and really ugly, I'm finally now only coming out of it at 32 and have to start life from scratch, theres a movie about a guy who went through the same thing called the mortician www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_mortician/ , there's also a great Korean movie on child hood trauma and how it then goes on to effect them as adults, www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ddongpari/ , everyone on this page should watch this movie Iv learned a lot from it and its a great flick.
+Bob James ok, I've got the picture. Im going to try to check out those films. I wish someone would've taken you to a caring therapist as a child. Makes me angry. That's tough losing your
Mom so young; a nightmare for a child. But go now, Bob. I'm nearly old enough to be your Mom and I insist you go to a therapist. I hear you saying you're coming out of it. Go anyway. At 32 you are just starting out; you're a colt. You can have everything and I know you deserve it. You make the appt, go, then tell me how it went. I'll be waiting.
I am seeing a therapist :)
+Bob James Me either I was compliant, quiet, and I got good grades in school, so I didn't make waves or "act out" partly because I knew those who did still did not get the attention they needed, just punishment. It is one of the aspects of my childhood that I am still angry about , all these years later, and even the counselors I have been to see don't really want to understand. BUT I know why you were depressed all those year s and probably still are. I hope that helps.
Coming right out and asking about childhood trauma might seem abrupt. Open the doors for communication and be in the conversation. Empathy, sympathy or just a concerned friend is worth it's weight in gold when dealing with childhood trauma.
Agreed. and i'm sure there are many more. I wonder if Liz had a longer time to talk if she would go into more of these reasons and how to work with them? I am so grateful for the work that Liz is doing. What a woman.
Thank you for these kinds of videos. When people feel alone it’s helpful to hear words to help kick start our journey to heal
THANK YOU LIZ FOR THIS POWERFUL AND IMPACTFUL TALK TO RAISE AWARENESS FOR POSITIVE CHANGE
Heal for Life~ this is SO important and so good! For us all. I am so fed up and so sick of being or living in or with SHAME that is not mine! Not my fault! I am NOT ashamed. It's not shameful to suffer so deeply and not have love to soften the blow. I need love to heal these wounds and there is no shame in reaching out and asking for or to be LOVED the very gentle thing that was needed all along. Yes I suffered tremendously but I will not hide in the dark licking my wounds alone for the rest of my life. I know I am better than any pain and that I, you, we can all overcome our pain and our past. I love you all and don't be ashamed anymore to talk about it and receive the love you have ALWAYS deserved. Peace be with your spirit.
Wow. Good for you. Deny what is denying YOU. This is a great policy and great advise. When you say out loud what you are "I am not ashamed"," I am proud of me." This reverses your inner view and your world view.
+3877michael "Deny what is denying you". Love this.
the problem it's the same as a i was a child and now
Ayesha Windsong that was quite lovely and you have a beautiful name
Thank you.
Liz Mullinar really hit the nail on the head here someone had to say it and she had perfectly, I wish I saw this video sooner
Its beautiful and well said... It is beautiful way to help children recover their behavior and attitudes on their way of looking forward in their future relationships. It is balancing life from awareness and spirituality. Childhood trauma needs a positive outlook in their life as they need positive people surrounds them to help them build a brighter way of living and to value their life too.
I watch all of these videos on subconscious/buried trauma or childhood trauma and they talk about healing but never explain how it is done. How is it done? Especially if you don't remember the trauma. Surely just looking deeper and talking about it isn't enough, especially if you cant recall what the actual trauma is.
I suffer with anxiety and depression and struggle everyday. I live in the hope that maybe my issues are somehow caused by underlying trauma and that somehow I can heal this through therapy or by some means. I am in counselling / psychotherapy but don't feel I am getting anywhere and never feel I see way of healing myself. I know its probably a spiritual therapeutic process that is hard to explain but can someone give me any idea on what I should be doing?
Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
Who Knows Dear Who Knows, thank you for being courageous enough to talk about your frustration. I feel it too. I spent over a decade in therapy with extremely skilled and empathetic clinicians. I talked about the abuse I could remember, and I attempted to articulate my fear regarding what I couldn't remember. Twenty years later, I felt as though all the talking didn't really change anything. I'm still experiencing anxiety and depression, as well as being appalled at the depth of my rage. It wasn't until very recently that I began to have some real hope. I would like to share it with you.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has written a book (The Body Keeps the Score) that explains why 'talk therapy' is only a portion of the puzzle. He and his colleagues have studied trauma in all its various guises for decades, and what they have discovered is that the body/brain is actually modified by Developmental Trauma Disorder. You and I can heal, even if we don't remember what we experienced. It will take hard work and dedication from us and from our support system, but there are therapies that address the non-verbal/non-cognitive aspects of our distress. The trauma did not just happen to the parts of us that are capable of describing/remembering what happened. It happened to the entire organism, and there are ways to address that. Hang in there, and check out the growing literature on Developmental Trauma Recovery.
All the best,
Heather
Who Knows Maybe this will help:
www.alice-miller.com/index_en.php
All best!
Who Knows Also, the therapy ITSDP seems to be working very well
One new--and very important--research study along these lines (Adverse Childhood Experience or ACE by the CDC)--shows definitively that childhood abuse is very strongly correlated to nearly all forms of mental illness, and also to certain physical diseases later in life, due to the physiology of chronic stress. (And of course these "illnesses" are actually normal human responses to chronic abuse.) I see great reading recommendations already posted, but I'd also highly recommend The Courage to Heal, long considered the "bible" of sexual abuse. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes dissociated memories are quite real, are often validated externally, as were mine.) www.amazon.com/dp/0061284335/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=80907668585&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17097662884655756998&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_62pttb3ui_b
+Who Knows
Dr. Henslin, Dr. Amen: Most mental illnesses can be reversed through the right natural supplements. TH-cam them and book: This Is Your Brain On Joy.
Also Read Alice Miller on the hidden cruelty in childrearing practices--she explains the dynamics & mechanics on why children are "sacrificed". Then learn about the Religious abuse through either cults, the Catholic church & any Fundamentalist indoctrination. See Dr. Lenore Kerr on the 6 types of memories.--Some traumas can be remembered. Another book: Scream Louder. Certain breathing techniques help. There ARE other books and methods.
Music to my ears. We MUST start addressing this
Very true what you say, I’m a therapist but families are untouchable in our society ☹️
It`s very difficult, but what I find a great (and the only real) solution to the problem is turning the "trauma" into something to be grateful for. Make your life a good life, celebrate life....and convince yourself that if you hadn't had that "negative" experience you would not be the amazing person you are today. There are other "techniques" where psychiatrists teach you to think: "I`m not a victim...but a survivor"....yet everytime I said that to myself I felt "pathetic"....and deep inside I still felt like a victim. Thanks TEDx for all the informative uploads, and I wish everybody a happy, healthy, and magical life 🙏 🌏☮
We who experienced childhood trauma also developed some strengths that others haven't had to.
Beautiful speech.
Almost all mental disorders can be understood in terms of trauma. And frankly, we should shift our understanding, change the DSM, because the science shows the same underlying causality: trauma. "Social anxiety disorder" is really just a confusing way to say "interpersonal trauma". People get abused enough in a social context and their bodies begin to enact trauma responses when in a social setting. Generalized anxiety is another type of trauma that can regulated via regulating muscle and body tone so as to keep thought from running towards dysregulating emotions. BPD, PTSD (obviously), etc.
Honestly, fuck the pharmaceutical companies and the placebo/numbing effects of their drugs. They are mostly worthless. Seriously. This isn't because the brain doesn't function neurochemically, but because our understanding of WHAT and HOW occurs within the brain during any particular state is extremely limited. Big Pharma is keeping psychology from having a bigger impact on helping people who are suffering. Somatic mindfulness should be taught in schools. But will this happen? One could argue that Big Pharma would lose out big if people learn how to regulate their body states so as to change their emotional and cognitive states.
Most of all, though, the brain is plastic. This means, the brain synthesizes chemicals. Which means, the brain, or areas in the medial orbitofrontal cortex, by virtue of simply placing its "attention" on its body state, can induce epigenetic changes in the cell, which over time leads to the production of proteins.
Psychopharmacology of course has a place in psychiatry, but its place should be deemphasized so as to utilize the transformative powers of the mind in mindfully directing its own healing.
grow a pair
I took psilocybin mushrooms 2 days ago, after doing lots of research on the substance, and its proper use. The mushrooms revealed to me suppressed memories and emotions from my childhood and early teenage-hood that I haven’t dealt with before and buried them in my subconscious. Little did I realize before the effect that these emotions had on my behavior and personality development. But now I’m aware of the problem, and I know that fixing it won’t be easy, but now at least I know there’s hope. I had many suicidal thoughts in the past few years (I’m 24 now). P.S: I’m not encouraging the use of mushrooms, they are dangerous if you’re depressed and uninformed about the substance, I’m just sharing my experience and I hope people start taking the subject seriously.
She makes some great points. Directs our attention to what is right in front of us but is invisible ....
wow...nailed it!! I'm so so happy to hear this. there's nothing truer about drugs
Amazing, and spot on. People in comments saying don't talk about it, have pain that's to scary to talk about. So then they point fingers
EMDR has been shown to have very good results. I had a few sessions and it was incredible. I thoroughly recommend it.
We need to process through childhood trauma by talking about it, and forgiving those who were part of it. God has healed me so that I can now focus on ways to help children so that we can break this cycle.
That is awesome to hear. How did He do that? I wasn't raised in a christian home but came to faith in my late twenties. However, it didn't take long until God took over the role of my parents, of whom I've always been scared. To this day I have experienced no healing despite a number of therapists, christian books on healing from emotional wounds etc etc. I also want to heal so that I can help others!
Thank you so much for this talk
Brilliant work Liz Mullinar Bless you
Wow. Outstanding conclusion.
I've read some other comments to the effect of "just remembering it doesn't help, what is it exactly that helps us heal?" Perhaps I can offer some insight. I wrote a book about my difficult relationship with my father and in doing so, discovered a lot of interesting things about his life in WW2 and cold war era. By learning what he went through, I began to understand what led to his behaviors, and that he wasn't actually so different from me. He went through many of the same things, and sometimes much, much worse as well. Totally opened my eyes and taught me to have more empathy for other people.
H. A. Ryosa That's called compassion. Compassion will not heal your childhood trauma and the negative subconscious beliefs and perceptions, as well as issues like a lack of trust for this world, addiction, PTSD etc., that stem from it.
Lil Jaded-Bunny - Compassion will not heal your trauma? What then, will? I have been healing deeply from childhood trauma for four years, using compassion as my base.
So glad this topic is now out in the open!!!
Wow. Amazing point. Why is that? In my case there is this need to protect my parents -- fear other people will unfairly judge them. And in my present home it's fear -- of what might happen to my daughter if we dealt with it properly. There is a risk to raising your hand -- even as I type this I get afraid -- judgement, reporting...but you are so right.
Trauma actually can be remembered! I should know. I too am a victim of childhood trauma.
+Dylan Colbert Of course some can, but not always. It can still exist if not remembered. Trauma in the womb can be severe, eg with drug and alcohol use or violence, and it doesn't take much to traumatize an infant. Again, check out KidCareCanada for the latest info on what small things make a difference to an infant. Now imagine those missing. Trauma, but not memorable.
Marsh Wetland Infancy trauma can't be remembered. For example, birth on its own is trauma. However, not many can remember their birth, thus no flashbacks are evident. However, for example, if a mature twelve year old adolescent were to witness a domestic violence in the family, they would probably make the decision to call emergency services. This example is my example, by the way, and I have had multiple flashbacks to that day, sometimes keeping me up at night. This was recent, and all conflicts were resolved. Although, it is too recent to judge on whether or not I have PTSD. The point, however, lies in the fact that trauma CAN be remembered, but as you said, not if the memory isn't developed enough. What I was referring to though, is when she said, "Trauma is not remembered," as if she were referring to all types of childhood trauma. Your statements, though valid, do not apply to mine. I do admit, however, that I should have phrased my statement differently.
+Dylan Colbert I remember some of it too. But pain is still there.
***** That's what I'm trying to say. PTSD is a thing, people!
+Dylan Colbert We remember abuse and we remember stuff which happened repeatedly.So if a little boy remembers being beaten by his father all the time. The amygdala will only retain the very first time it happened because that time it was life threatening and more emotion than he could deal with. The very first time will be the impact, just as although you remember so much of your trauma , the moments which were too overwhelming are forgotten and those are the bits that will or were holding you back in the "now"
Very true. We must address the root of the problem rather than the manifestations of child abuse. Thought-provoking talk. I only wish now that I could heal from my own childhood pain.
Liz, you say at the 5:10 mark, “Trauma cannot be remembered.” I’ve heard people say that countless times in my life. However, that’s not an absolute truth. My father, (Silas Duane Boston), was abusive, he murdered my mother when I was two, he murdered a British couple in front of me ten years later and nearly murdered me several times. I remember the trauma. I’ve been beaten bloody by my father, by a foster mother, by my grandmother and others. Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember, but I do. I learned to cope, not by forgetting, but by understanding that bad things happen sometimes, and afterwards it is up to us on how we file that trauma. It takes work, but I was able to do so.
One of the reason 12 step programs such as AA help so many is that the people share their childhood traumas and other secrets without fear of judgment.
12 step programs are also known to help less people than doing absolutely nothing at all.
The God base 12 step program is just a tool for religious cults to expand their members.
@@Skinnymarks I agree with you. My brief involvement with them (against my better judgement) verified what I suspected. The groups I attended seemed to avoid experiencing feelings of any kind. Even back then my ideas about it focused on being free to feel what was going on, that it was more important than just describing it verbally. I did not sense that I could benefit from embracing their philosophy.
Thank you, this is beautiful
Truth, let’s help each other to get strong! Eating disorders are the top of the list, don’t feel alone share and help each other
She did not mention inadequate diet which is a BIG factor in some peoples depression. Other then the fact of my father being killed in WW2 in an RCAF Bomber I had a great childhood. My Grandfather became "My Father". I suffered from some depression as a teenager and a 20er. I got over it. Eat right, drink plenty of water, get enough regular sleep. Look yourself square in the eye in a mirror at least twice a day and think "You are a fine and useful person".
You could have thought about the people you were helping instead of just yourself. People at call centers HELP people who have a problem. Grow up and stop being so self centered.
Easier said than done. I am vegan, i only eat Whole Foods with a lot of broccoli. I am currently suffering from depression and cannot get enough sleep nor eat because of it. Diet has nothing to do with mental illness.
Takichiiii - Diet has a lot to do with mental illness but not all mental illnesses can be cured with dietary changes alone.
Thank you
I suffer in silence, because I am afraid to tell anyone the whole story with the many graphic details. I often spill my emotions out at school in my work when it comes to acting, writing, and reading. I'm so secretive now because of the ridicule I faced online and in real life that, when I get abused by the other children at school, it takes months for me to open up to another person about what the bully/bullies did to me. My question is, how can one help someone like me? Someone who is too secretive now in fear of being ridiculed, outed by others, or worse, taken away?
Blake Geometrio
It's very important that you find a SAFE place to discuss your trauma. This is challenging even for adults with lots of resources, so try to be compassionate with yourself about your previous efforts. If no one listened, then that just means that they weren't able to - not that you should be quiet. Try to write in a private journal, look up youtube videos on Trauma Sensitive Yoga. There are things you can do privately to begin to soothe yourself. If the adults in your life can't help you find a therapist, please consider contacting the Heal For Life Foundation for some support and guidance. You aren't alone, even though it feels that way.
Take Care,
Heather
Thank you so much!
Unfortunately this is the exsact disease our society has. We attack the victims and not the abusers.
Talk to a professional. And realize that you might have to meet a few until you find the one
People accused me as a bad person because I can't forgive my abuser, our family member. Until now I am still in pain can't feel and I can't find pity on his death bed, I verbally say I forgive him but the anger still lingers on.
Childhood trauma defines crime, self harm , addiction, vast array of medical problems, work problems etc. The cost to the world and society is in the trillion each year. The cost of promoting this great gentle idea would in the billions over a decade and then less once established as a social norm for all to contribute to,
What an excellent talk!
crying this is incredible
Recently I have just realized that all my problems seem to come from my childhood. I think that childhood trauma also comes from ridicule and little support from others.I'm still in trouble and don't know what to do.
its a complex, dialectic answer: if it were inflicted upon us by them, we often, so want to love our abusive caregivers.
Thank you. ❤
This is good and one part of recovering is acknowledging. There is excellent information on the effects of growing up with a Narcissistic parent, and more, and the trauma it causes in your life! What has been a Huge eye opener for me is how “ Spot on their description is of a Narcissistic parent, friend, partner, coworker! “ Their description”, in the TH-cam search, type in recovering from Narcissistic parent, partner etc.. you will find excellent information that you are most likely going to identify with!! There is a great deal of information on how to deal with those in your life!! I have no affiliation with any of them and have yet to comment on any of their videos- I’m taking it all in and can identify with 90% of what I have heard so far!!! The Best to You in your quest for understanding and building a better life for yourself!
I remember back in the 70s Liz cast me in Crawford's The Sullivans I was only 15 and cast as a POW .She is an amazing woman
amazing, thank you liz
I had been abused and ignored in my family before my memory ever registered events properly, , mental dysfunction and slow developments of various aspects followed me for years
it wasn't my fault for the imperfect childhood and I deserve love and support.
great speech
What is the time frame we discuss when talking "childhood" trauma? Under 6? 12?
because you can't take a pill for childhood trauma. But you can take a serotonin blocker for anxiety.
the best thing that I can say for the medication I took was that it enabled me to talk things out with my mom. But that only works for someone who is 1) still in contact with their parents and 2) when the reason for the trauma was a genuine mistake. But what the doctor won't tell you is that those pills screw up your libido and other functions. The whole time I was on it, I basically was acting like I was grieving. I couldn't find anything interesting, and couldn't connect with people. The medication did control the symptoms but it caused a whole bunch of other problems. I'm not entirely sure it was worth it.
While her heart is in the right place, I don't think it’s as simple as asking someone who has experienced trauma to just “talk about it.” There is a very real risk of re-traumatizing the person. One should seek out a trauma therapist, someone who specializes in working with people who have experienced trauma.
well said!
Yes that is true. There are ways to address childhood trauma that doesn't retruamatise. Though it is more specialized and needs some expertise.
Though most things just need to be acknowledged first. If we just acknowledge that everything is about childhood trauma then it will be easier to direct people to appropreate services.
Note, mental illness is due to extreme childhood trauma. Most of not all people suffer from childhood trauma to some degree. Sometimes it's pretty mild. And just having a general discussion can help people understand how to treat each other better.
Even simple stuff like a parent being affectionate when the child is happy and ignoring them when the child is upset can lead to some traumatisation. It may not cause mental illness but it's likely to make it more difficult for someone to be honest about their emotions and bottle up every negitive emotion which is terribly isolating and lonely. And that can interfear with good relationship skills.
As a counselling student working on trauma issue therapy right now, and a survivor of childhood trauma, I fully agree. Accessing trauma of any kind is complicated and has a high risk of retraumatizing the person without a lot of care and understanding the process. Offer to listen if the person wants to talk, be supportive and believe them - and then help them get professional help, someone who specializes in trauma work because it needs a lot of understanding and is not your 'average' psychological therapy.
"Talking about it" alone does not heal trauma. Talking about it however can help stop the malignant secrecy and can reduce stigma. Talking about it can reduce the shame of trauma. Victims often feel guilty although it was not their fault. Trauma therapy is much more than talking about it but it would take a while to explain it.
well telling people to shut up about it isn't helpful and it is what most people do. people that supposedly care about you tell you to stop whining.
You are enough!
Brilliant. Thankyou
Amazing.. Thank you LIz. I would love to speak with you on this topic. C. Meagan Michael
i think a big issue is that people dont know or feel like what happened was even a big deal. i dont know if the things that happened to me then were not normal. the fact it didnt effect me then but it down now makes me feel like im wrong for thinking it was wrong
Wait actually this was a great talk thank you
@2:20 What is this "5-day program"?
ism schism Have a look at the Heal for life website
kiwigenz123 I must've thought it was healthforlife.com.au (oops) (they should put some caps in there - "www.HealForLife.com.au"). Thanks.
Excellent talk, yes - but you surely can't just say to someone in pain, tell me about your childhood - you have to be prepared if not trained to do so.
I had a suicide attempt in June. Nobody asked me why either they just assumed I was a mental case! I am deeply wounded by the fact that nobody wants to know. That hurts me more and isolates me more than the abuse itself! My friends and family want me to pretend im ok and happy because that serves them. They want the happy "Yes" girl back instead of this broken mess that keeps trying to "bring up the past". NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT..... Fact.
Can't keep a dang relationship. Seems to go good then boom I switch. Sucks!! Sick of fighting these demons. Praise God he helps our kind. Bless you all.
None ever asked me why have been I feeling like this for more than 20 years. I'm a 30 years old woman. I've depression, anxiety, PTSD nd I've discalculia. Childhood traumas haunt me till now. I was bullied for being a thin girl by my classmates in highschool, nd still some of my family members nd relatives bodyshame me for being thin. I was not good in studies nd that's why I had to suffer a lot. Now I'm in under treatment. Plz pray for me nd all the people who are suffering.
Yes yes yes! Please ASK ! Please let us know we are not alone!
I work in mental health, specifically with patients who've had a psychotic break serious enough to require arrest and hospitalizatin and I cannot name one single patient I've seen who hasn't experienced childhood trauma. Not. Even. One.
please break the silence and let people remember to talk about childhood no matter how old as life is always impt in home
absolutely brilliant she has it dot on
Words of truth.
Powerful ending
I just don't know what to say here. She's 100% CORRECT. I had a HORRIFIC childhood, decades later feeling awful not knowing why - I couldn't remember. EMDR THERAPY helped me process this. It saved my life. Beautiful reference to Alice Miller here too. Watch homecoming by John Bradshaw on here - this is where I started to understand what happened to me. Love from Australia!
As a society we are bent on treating symptoms as opposed to the root in the medical community.
Ask why, when & what....
This has nothing to do with the video but I love her shirt.
Theresa Dove
It's kinda like a rainbow tiger in a fun house mirror.
Haha thanks for pointing it out. I wouldn't have noticed.
Many children are blamed for their having been abused, especially if the abuse was perpetrated by a family member, a friend or a neighbor. Some mothers don't want to confront another family member because of the difficulties it will cause; they would rather, if they suspect abuse, avoid it; or, if the child tells them about the abuse accuse the child of lying which further traumatizes the child. Many young children learn that the parent they depend on for their well being cannot be trusted. It is a deeply lonely feeling, leaving many children feeling that they are at fault for being abused. These feelings follow them through life in all they do and in all their relationships, leaving them at a grave disadvantage, their chances for health and happiness stolen from them.
Amazing woman...
And don't kill yourself, it's not the answer to this life.....you have intrinsic value, and you will be missed by all of us if you go...just wait....you are loved
I do not understand why these videos and lectures are so short. It gets frustrating because the person just starts getting into the subject and you are left hanging. Are there places like "Netflix" where you can watch the entire lecture? I personally feel like we recreate circumstances lifetime after lifetime based on different spiritual frequencies or issues until we become aware enough to let them go and replace them with more positive in put. It means we have to make it a quiet, mindful inner journey hopefully with support from others who are able to guide us. We can not be afraid to feel. Yet that is what our entire society is based on is escape through TV. or video games, etc. We need other people who recognize that all of us are on this journey of healing together.
Debbie I went through alot of trauma in my past and now I help people deal with their pain. I was molested by a church leader right in the building of a church for 4 years. I want to help not pry. you can contact me at facebook.com/atlanticfreedomministries
Looking up The Presence Process by Michael Brown could help a lot !
So true. I found a book by Barry Grosskopf, Forgive Your Parents, Heal Yourself which goes past your own childhood trauma and to the Parents childhood. Here is a review written by a reader of the book "A profoundly moving guide to personal and family growth that teaches us it is healthier to forgive than to blame."
For a generation, pop psychology and psychotherapy have promised healing and self-fulfillment through examination of our own childhood stories. We have been encouraged to indulge our interest in ourselves, to embrace our victimhood, and to reclaim and nurture the wounded inner child. But psychiatrist Barry Grosskopf has found a different path. Drawing on the ancient biblical tradition of the Fifth Commandment, "Forgive Your Parents, Heal Yourself" asks adult children to reframe their family's painful legacy as a way to free themselves from childhood hurt and trauma.
In this exceptionally wise and refreshing departure from standard recovery and relationship books, Grosskopf emphasizes the healing power and benefits of forgiveness and shows how adult children can approach their parents with open hearts -- without recrimination or blame -- to hear the stories of their family's past. Informed by both his experiences with patients and his command of issues in psychology and neuroscience, Grosskopf has developed a sophisticated and powerful plan through which children can repair their own character and relationships by respecting and understanding even hurtful caregivers. He suggests the questions to ask our parents and grandparents about their childhoods, how and when to ask them, and how to use the information to change self-destructive patterns.
Drawing upon a range of case studies and personal stories, including his own family experiences, Grosskopf leads us through a series of chapters that provide insight into the most difficult problems that can arise in atroubled childhood, from untimely loss to depression to food and drug addictions. We discover a novel approach that is particularly effective with survivors of the Holocaust, sexual abuse, and abandonment, for whom traditional self-help techniques rarely work. "Forgive Your Parents, Heat Yourself" encourages us to restore relationships with our parents, siblings, partners, and children and gain greater health, happiness, and emotional wholeness along the way.
Thank you so much for this profound reply