How Do I Deal With Regrets After A Loved One Has Passed?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- In this episode, Dr. Betters answers the question, "What do we do with regrets when we can’t resolve a relationship because they have died?"
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My father passed away at the age of 74 . I regret alot for not spending much time with him. I kept visiting him, but i used to leave because my mind is occupied with my family at my home, my housework. My children. I regret alot. I wish if i made a decision to spent more time and took care of my father
Thanks Dr. Better, I just recently lost my mom and until now I'm still suffering from my regrets.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom! I hope this video helped! In His Grip!
Yeah, my mom also. Try to live with her in mind and imagine her right beside you in the right moments.
I understand what you are saying and same experience here. I am always thinking that I could have done this I should have done that. But this teaching by Dr. Betters has helped me to settle my mind.
My friend just died...I have regrets about not reaching out over the last few weeks...I truly meant to... we only became close over the last year but I regret not doing certain things...I hope he knows I cared more than I showed...
My mother died last August. I feel like you and wish that I had done more for her. But this video's message helps me to forgive myself. I hope that it helps you too.
I heard exactly what God needed me to hear. Thank you for carrying His message to me. God bless you
This was so comforting. Thank you. I needed to hear this.
my mom passed away yesterday in the hospital, she was 50 and died of liver damage, i'm 30 and feel so lost and scared, i never told my mom i loved her , i never managed to buy her a birthday present, i never even took a picture with her, all these regrets are just killing me inside
I'm feeling exactly like you. I'm 33 and my mom just died 2 weeks ago. Her birthday was 2 weeks before that and I didn't get her a birthday gift, now I feel like a piece of shit because she always got me one. The last conversation we had was her asking me to pick up her medicine and it turned into a argument about how she needs to go to the hospital.. and then her phone died and she died within a half hour after that because I showed up to her house and she didn't answer the door. I almost feel I helped her have a heart attack from the argument.. the feeling of guilt doesn't even begin to explain how I'm feeling.... she was my best friend and I let her down 😪
Be kind to yourself , sorry for your loss you are not alone.
Hi, I don’t have father since i was 3. Now l lost my mom , I didn’t even wish her Happy Birthday and there are so many other things. I am 35 now , I don’t have parents. Mother was the only parent , she was working very hard all her life with her daughter in laws as well.
I regret so many things , i live in uk , she was in India , I didn’t even see her since 2 years not even now.
6 months has passed and I'm crying even more today
Love you 💪🏼
Amen 🙏 I’m struggling to this big regret of loosing my daughter and your message touch my ❤️ I pray and pray to God and believes his on my back
What a great friend we have in Jesus, Praise God.thank you Dr. BETTERS GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY 💯🙏❤
Mollie, thank you so much for your regular comments. They really mean a lot to our team here at MARKINC.org. Thank you for the encouragement!
It's been 4 years since my mother passed away. My regrets still live with me and haunt me every single day. I've tried so many self help books, advice, therapy, and medication and I can't shake it.
She had Parkinson's disease with dementia and I wasn't around enough to help care for her. She became very angry with me and accused me of things that weren't true. My mother spoke badly about me and I can only associate it with her disease. I was angry with my mother for a very long time and felt hurt that my mother spoke that way about me. It shocked me because we always had a very close, loving relationship. I really believe the disease messed up her mind.
Because of my anger, I stayed away and didn't call her as much. My sister took it all on, and cared for my mother, as she lived with her. I felt afraid to help care for her and to see my mother that way. I should have done more. I should have understood, but I didn't. My sister should have never been her sole caregiver, it was wrong and unfair.
To this day my regrets stay with me, I feel like I'm going crazy and am no longer myself with no way how to get out of this. I do appreciate your video and am doing my best to try to understand all of this and move forward.
We are so sorry to hear about your mom. We will keep you in our prayers! Please visit helpandhopenow.org. Many free resources are available for you that will provide you with the help and hope you need! We also have a free APP where you can find all these videos and more. Just type Help & Hope into your app store to download. On our website, you will see a link for our biblical counseling, Anchored Hope. We have affordable counselors ready to assist in any way you need. God bless and stay with you!
Dr., I just lost my beautiful wife of 25 years, together 26 1/2 total, just 3 weeks ago. I am so heartbroken and miss her so, sooo much. I know Jesus said in the Book of Matthew, that there is no marriage in Heaven like here on earth, but I just have to know, will I get to be with her and serve God together side by side. I know of all that God says, but I just have to be with her again..... if that makes sense???? I miss her so bad 😭 God Bless, Eric.
I prayed that you will continue to receive the Lord's comfort, strength and direction, as you grieve your wife... and that He will provide you people in your life to support your daily walk with Him and give you words of encouragement. This was a helpful read about your question to confirm without a doubt. Believe, He loves you and has planned more than we can ever imagine, all that will fill your heart, for His glory, purposes and our rewards, for believing who He is and what He has already accomplished, with His finished work on the cross. In this fallen world, we will experience, loss, pain, grief, tears. Thank God almighty, that this is not our eternal home and Jesus is coming for the believers, to come home. You will not only see her again, but worshipping togethger, the King of Kings and Lord of Lord's! As you continue your journey, continue to be fully open to whatever the Lord has planned for you. He is ckise to the broken hearted and will give you strength. I hope you will find the following article helpful to you. I usually don't leave responses in comment sections, unless God puts it on my heart to do so. Toward the end if this article, will be even more related to your concerns. Press on as all believers look forward to that glorious day to come. Peace be with you. Artucle: Will we know each other in heaven?
Let’s cut to the chase with a one-word answer: Yes!
The two-word answer would be, “For sure!”
And the five-word answer would be, “You can count on it!”
But being a wise and discerning reader, you will want more than the word of a pastor on this. You will want to see it in your Bible.
So let me offer seven Scriptures that I have used to help people who wonder if they will be reunited with their believing loved ones in heaven. All of these point to our knowing one another in the resurrection, and some of them point to believers knowing one another immediately after death.
1. David and his son
King David had a son who died in infancy. When the little boy died, David said, “I’ll go to him” (2 Samuel 12:23).
David knew that he would see his son again in the presence of the Lord, and knowing that he would be reunited with the son he loved brought him comfort in his bereavement.
2. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob
Our Lord said that many will come from the east and the west and recline at table “with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 8:11).
Abraham was the father of Isaac and the grandfather of Jacob, and in heaven he enjoys the company of his son and his grandson, while Jacob enjoys the company of his father and his grandfather.
3. Jesus and the disciples
Jesus told his disciples, “I will not drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in a new way in my Father’s kingdom with you” (Matthew 26:29, emphasis mine).
The eleven, who shared the Last Supper with Jesus on earth, will eat and drink with him in heaven. Peter, James, John, and the others will be named and known in heaven as clearly as they were named and known on earth.
4. Moses and Elijah
When the glory of Jesus was revealed in the transfiguration, we are told that “Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with him” (Matthew 17:3).
This is fascinating because when Moses and Elijah appeared, they did not have the resurrection body. They were souls made visible as the angels were made visible to the shepherds, and as the souls under the altar were made visible to John (Revelation 6:9). Although they were still waiting to be clothed with the resurrection body, Moses and Elijah were known. They were recognizable, and they were able to engage in conversation. That tells us a lot about the conscious joy of fellowship that believers share immediately after death in the presence of the Lord.
5. The gathered souls in heaven
The writer to the Hebrews speaks of “the spirits of righteous people made perfect,” that is, the souls of believers in the presence of Jesus. These souls, he tells us, are gathered in “the assembly of the firstborn” (Hebrews 12:23). Right now, in heaven, the spirits of the righteous made perfect are gathered. Gathered means community, and community means relationship.
6. Paul and the Thessalonians
Paul makes it clear that the believers he loved on earth will be his joy in heaven. “For who is our hope or joy or crown of boasting in the presence of our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you?” (1 Thessalonians 2:19). When Paul says this, he clearly anticipates that relationships forged on earth will continue in heaven.
7. The reunion of believing loved ones
When Paul writes to believers who grieve the loss of a loved one, he offers them this comfort: “We who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air” (1 Thessalonians 4:17, emphasis mine).
“Them” refers to believing loved ones who are now in the presence of the Lord. A wife who grieves the loss of her believing husband has the comfort of knowing that when the Lord comes, she will meet her husband again. Sons and daughters who grieve the loss of a believing father or mother can find comfort in the prospect of this happy reunion when we will be reunited with those who have gone before us into the presence of the Lord.
That’s more than enough to settle the issue for me, and I hope that it is for you as well. Christians who know and love each other on earth will know and love each other in heaven.
[This article is adapted from Pastor Colin’s February 2017 column in Mature Living Magazine.]
Topics: Heaven and Hell Relationships
THE AUTHOR
Colin Smith
Colin Smith is the Senior Pastor of The Orchard Evangelical Free Church in the northwest suburbs of Chicago. He has authored a number of books, including Heaven, How I Got Here and Heaven, So Near - So Far. Colin is the President and Teacher for Unlocking the Bible. Follow him on Twitter.
DeadlyUSMC I just lost my husband Jimmy after 50 years of marriage. I too want to be with him so badly! I just read the reply from the lady that answered your question! She makes me feel so much better! I’m praying for you and me tonight!
We are so very sorry to hear about the loss of your wife and are praying the Lord has brought you comfort over these past few months as you grieve. We will be reunited with our loved ones in heaven. God bless
@@connieroberson3814 I pray you are doing Ok also Connie. Things are/are not getting easier. I still miss her deeply. The circumstances dont make it any easier how it happened, and I and our kids are gearing up to go head to head with the hospital. BUT, if I may share with you some things that have made it ALOT easier, even though I catch myself just thinking about her constantly and (wish we could just talk on the phone to make it easier to explain LOL) I just start bawling again. What I'm about to tell you is NOT made up, NOT a figment of my imagination, they WERE NOT dreams, and I dont make stuff up when it comes to talking about God. But, FOR SOME REASON, DONT KNOW WHY GOD HAS CHOSEN ME (thank you God!!!) but, I SAW Angel's when I was a teenager. REAL ANGEL'S!!! When I was 25, I saw a demon and it was NOTHING like the movies portray. Disgusting black billowing smoke with bright red fiery eyes. I NEVER want to see that again. I have heard God's voice several times. When we were down and out with no money and waiting on unemployment and starving, He told me to stop worrying and that the money would be there the next day at the EXACT TIME, DOWN TO THE EXACT CENT!! When my father passed away, I hadn't seen him in almost 8 years because of the military. It crushed me. That night I was a mess and just kept praying and telling God I needed Him NOW. While praying everything went pitch black like movie curtains being drawn, then God told me I have 5 minutes. Then everything opened up in a bright misty white looking fog. I saw a figure walking forward, but not of actual human form, more like a spiritual form. It was skinny looking and young. It was my father and he told me to stop worrying, that he was not in pain anymore and was young again. Well, ME AND MY BONEHEADNESS 🤣🤣, the only thing I could respond with was, "what do you mean you're young again???" He said, I'M YOUNG AGAIN!! Then I remember hearing my grandfathers talking and coming in. I remember we all sat down as if sitting down at a table. It was me, my dad, my grandfather's and God. We talked and were just laughing our heads off. The thing is, I have NO CLUE what we were saying because it was like, I dont know, speaking like in tongues, or who knows, maybe ancient Hebrew????? But after that, God said your time is done. And POOF, I was back. BUT HERE IS THE THING, I was back at the same point in the song I was listening to!! Lastly, it was about a week after my original post on here. I had been PRAYING AND PRAYING asking God about seeing my wife again. I told God one night, GOD CAN WE JUST TALK ON A PERSONAL LEVEL HERE.... I told God that I wasn't trying to say He was not enough for me, and that I hope He wasnt offended, but I told Him that I just HAVE to be with her, even if it only meant a hug, or holding her hand for the rest of eternity worshiping Him together. I told God I just HAVE to be with her. NOW, RIGHT AFTER THAT, AND WHILE STILL PRAYING, it was like my eyes started zooming and flying through clouds. It opened into this MASSIVELY HUGE place, with GIANT STONE PILLARS!!!! I saw myself from about 10ft away and kinda looking down like looking at a movie scene. BUT, I SAW HER, YOUNG AGAIN AND WALKING UP TO ME. She looked up at me, smiled at me, grabbed my hand and we both turned towards this MASSIVE BRIGHT LIGHT, bowed our heads and POOF, I WAS BACK, ALL WHILE STILL PRAYING!!!!! And mind you, YES, SHE WAS YOUNG AGAIN LIKE WHEN WE FIRST MET. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen besides the Angel's I saw. Aaaaand now I'm bawling again 🤣🤣😭😭 Ohhh I just miss her so badly......But, I know for sure that we'll all be together again!!!! Hope this helps you as well and who knows, maybe I have seen the things I have, so that I can keep sharing and maybe help someone else, or maybe even you!!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU CONNIE!!!! Love you my sister in Christ!!!!!!! 😘😘😘
@@erterrill Hello! Thank you so much for sharing! There are many ways God will show us His glory and peace. Wow! There are many things, this side side of heaven, that we may not have an answer to. Until we go home to heaven and be with our Lord and experience the joy of being with our loved ones, we will have to trust God knows what He is doing. If you will, ...ask God to show you how you may best serve Him, with the gifts He has imparted to you and how to share your testimony also. Ask Him, what His will is for your life. Sometimes, I find myself asking that, several times, when things get so overwhelming and I'm struggling for answers, when I should be exercising faith and rest. To be still and know, He is God. To be still... peace, assurance, rest, trust, exhale... He gives us no more than we can bear, are sometimes words, that can be hard to fathom, when we're hurting so bad. I believe those words point out, more so, that He gives us no more than we can bear, because He knows we have Him to turn to, for He knows just what he can give to ease our pain, when we ask and cry out to Him. We live in a fallen world... Natural causes happen, injustices happen, corruption happens, it wracks the strongest of people all around the world. I pray that you will have the answes you are seeking. He is positioning you for all He has planned for you. He will continue to equip you along the way. Some things, He knows we are capable of comprehending, about Himself and how He works in our lives. Some things, require faith and the firm belief that He is God our creator and knows what He's doing and we learn along the way. Some things He knows are hard to comprehend and that we're human. He knows He made us to rely upon Him for all of our needs We may not like it all, but He refines us in the fire, to come about as pure gold, on the other side. Jesus stands with us, just as He did, with the 3 in the firery furnace, written in the Bible. He never leaves nor foresakes us. Sometimes, God's justice is the best justice. There are some injustices I've gone through and wasn't able to see the outcome I so much wanted, after working so hard to get it. But, I had to believe, He holds people accountable for their actions, even if I don't personally get to experience seeing it. Rest in the promises of God. Keep storing His word in your heart. If we knew all the details of why life happens in certain ways and had full control over everything, we wouldn't be relying on our sovereign God and would be relying on ourselves. Jesus has conqured death and rose again, to not only forgive our sins, but also show us how wonderful it will be, when He comes back for us, that we will have transformed bodies too and a new home forever with Him. And, showing us, who was with Him at His transfiguration, shows us a glimpse into heaven as our home, with others. Rejoice and live, brother in Christ. :) When grief sets in, keep turning it over to God and tell him how you feel. His ways are higher than our ways. He wants us to leave our anxieties and sadness to Him, to care for us. He knows how limited we are and by His design, we depend on Him, who can do all things. All things! :) "He collects our tears in a bottle". By Jesus' strioes, we are healed. There's nothing He can't do. All we have to do is ask. We won't know all the answers right now, but lean on Him. Finding the things in your life that God is blessing you with, that is comforting and warms your heart. Go for a drive, watch the sunset, enjoy moments of taking care of yourself, even if it's one thing a day. He knows your grief and tears and He still has a divine purpose for you to carry out, so that you may be a blessing to other.... so He can show you joy, peace and strength, even in the midst of whatever you are facing. We're not going to be feeling our best everyday, as we are human, but we are His work in progress, and He has the best plans for us. He knows the desires of our hearts. I have been through more than a lot of people in my life's journey and I'm blessed to say, He gave me the courage and safety to still be alive. Sometimes I thought I would never make it through grief. I can't say the remeberence of events, ever leaves my memory, but His grace has softened the sharp edges of pain and confusion. The tighter I held onto wanting answers, the worse I felt. The more I let it go into His hands, I was more able to be aware and accepting of His love and care and let Him take care of me. We continue to fixate our eyes upon Jesus and count it all joy, that He is coming soon. We have a crazy world with so much going on. We can be certain, we are going home, to ultimately to be with our Lord and to be with our loved ones, He knows, we miss our loved ones so much... but the abundant joy He has planned, will be nothing ever experienced before. Take joy in knowing your wife, is experiencing the full wonder of God and soon you will be there,... with her. You have some more to do for God. I wish God would call all of us believers home, so I could just not experience pain anymore, but it's not my timing it's His and we still have work to do, to further His kingdom. In a twinkling of an eye, all believers will be caught up in the clouds and we are on our way!..., as if no time has passed, no tears, no pain. There are many who need believers with a helping hand these days, a listening ear, etc. When asking God where and who you can serve, for His glory, it does help to ease grief, when you help others and when you do things that you used to enjoy or still enjoy. He will position you and others in His perfect timing, to come alongside you as you come along others. I hope this is of some encouragement and doesn't sound like I'm telling you what to do. I just know for myself, all the grief and pain, struggle, persecution, being fed up with the nonsense in the world, that there are going to be times God is going to reveal His wonders to you... Tears of sadness will be tears of thankfulness and praise in His blessings. He is for you, not against you. The world is getting pretty tough, but we can do all things in Christ. Claim His strength and ask for His wisdom. Believe He will give you rest. Believe He will give you strength. Believe He loves you and will heal your brokenness. For everything there is a season and we just don't know why certain things happen, but He never abandons us. He is walking with you through every moment storm or no storm....and is giving us more time to discover Him more and grow closer to Him while here on earth. Talking out loud into the atmosphere, whether at home or in the car, really makes a difference too. There's just something about the power of hearing your own voice as a child of God, claiming Hi promises and believing in them, that carries a spiritual weight that is incomparable to anything else. No weapon formed against me shall prosper... I am a child of the Most High. I will live my days to the fullest, as you have the perfect plan for my life. I will trust in you Lord, from where my help comes from. Protect me from evil. Help me!, etc. Doesn't matter how long or short it is, He is right there. The devil's way of doing things is to isolate, cause doub, fear,.... trying to keep our eyes off the very God, and Son who defeated death... satan's power is not equal to god's no matter what he may portray. If I may say, try not to let thoughts consume your mind. I'm not saying at all, how you feel is something you can ignore... What I mean is, when we think about anything too much, it's a sure fire way for the devil to get a foothold, tangling us up tighter, in our thoughts, into feeling there is no hope or peace and just leaves us feeling so spiritually and physically drained. As you know, spiritual powers are at battle everyday, but we as Christians are saved by the blood of Christ! We must stand in the authority, that our God, is mighty and loves us and will restore us, even when our hearts are broken. Take one day at a time, one moment at a time if you have to. It's ok. More than ok. God is working on your behalf and He knows the time you need. Claim His favor upon your life and tell that devil in Jesus name, to be gone! lol! I have had my own experiences with angels and yes, even seeing demons. Absolutley, unforgettabl... never want to see a demin again. Most awful thing I ever saw or could imagine. Angels and visions of heaven.... beautiful. God gives us dreams and visions, to accomplish His purposes, revealing His ways, messages and glory to us... they're never fearful. The closer we are with the Lord, that devil will still try and wreak havoc anyway. Don't let Him. Tell that devil to flee, in Jesus name. The devil has no power over you and no one can steal your joy in the Lord....and all He has in store for you. I'm sorry to hear you are hurting. You shared your lives together... you will share your heavenly lives together as well! Press on brother! May the King of glory bring you peace and comfort and may His blessings continue to reveal His infinite love for you. He has some very favored plans for your life. Sorry, this may have sounded long winded. Working 7 days a week at a job, is too much, but I wanted to respond back, when I had some time.
These regrets are torturing me.
Thank you, I needed to hear that.
Th Dr betters when an informative and eye open video god bless you sir
Glad you like them! God Bless
Please pray for me and my family. Life became very bitter after my sister passed away before 3 months. Still we can't come out from that shock and pain. She died all of sudden due to brain dead. What is there in this world only pain....but god should lead us.. instead....because her responsibility was very great who will look after....pls. Pray for us.
We are so very sorry to hear about your loss and praying the Lord has brought you comfort over these past few months as you grieve. We hope and pray you are ok. If you are still struggling, we encourage you to speak up and ask for help. We have a team of professional counselors at Anchored Hope Biblical Counseling, an online counseling service that may be able to help as you walk through this painful journey. Please visit BiblicalCounseling.online to find out more!
@@AskDrBetters_MARKINCMinistries Thank you very much for the heartful reply sir.
This was awesome; thank you!
That was wonderful and makes stop and remember what Christ has done on the cross.
Thank you Dr. Betters for explaining this through scripture and what the word of God says. What you have to tell us or answering these questions has indeed helped everyone who is struggling.
Thank you for the Word and the help.
Ultimately, we confess our sin, ask God's forgiveness, accept His cleansing and move on.
Thank you...
My Son passed away at almost 30yrs old.... I found him in his bed gone. He believed in God but what if he wasn't saved???
I am so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your sone. If he believed in God and accepted Jesus Christ as his one and only savior then we was saved. John 3:16-18
I too worry about this
read through the Psalms and learn about God's unfailing love. Nothing will outdo his love for his people, not even our love for our kids. There is so much more to his love, compassion and mercy than our minds can comprehend and he wants no one to perish. I know He was ministering to your son and loving him at the moment he passed. How could we reject such love when we are faced with it in that moment? The people in the old testament were counted as righteous because of their faith, before there was Jesus revealed as saviour. As I have struggled with this question after my son left in March 22, I have to have hope in the fact that there is more to suggest he is saved than he is not, because even though he was only little when he believed in God, and was less sure about God as he got older, God doesn't lie, doesn't change and no one can snatch us out of His hand.
🙏😭😭