ไม่สามารถเล่นวิดีโอนี้
ขออภัยในความไม่สะดวก
The One Strategy That Will Never Work with a Narcissistic Partner
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ส.ค. 2024
- 0:00 Intro
0:59 What is Triple P?
3:25 What happens in the cycle of Triple P?
6:30 How to break the cycle of Triple P-for yourself or others
The One Strategy That Will Never Work with a Narcissistic Partner
When faced with the inevitable reactions of a narcissistic partner during times of stress or struggle, people often resort to Triple P for self-preservation. In this video I explain how to break this cycle and begin using effective strategies to deal with your relationship in a healthier way.
AMAZON: www.amazon.com...
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.co...
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandn...
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound...
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamill...
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercoll...
Thank you, love your book and find your information and advice very helpful. I also find your delivery very calm and soothing.
Doctor, you really hit the nail on the head! I watched this and thought, "Yes, that's exactly it. I feel alone in this relationship. They want, they take, they devalue, they treat me like I'm just a service to them, and when I set a boundary, they go silent. It's just that, isolating. I feel used and manipulated. I don't feel welcomed or loved. I'm merely around to be of service to their own needs and made to feel guilty when I can't or won't give into their needs. I just can't do this anymore.
Same here. I loved him, but he is crazy. I was the "aggressive" one, while I was gashlighted, manipulated, fooled, he made triangulation, smashing on social, he is just an envious bully. Yesterday I blocked him definitely after he spamned the Telegram chat sending me pics of sexworkers and porn stuff he has in his mobile. Yeah: I met a Nobel prize I know.... I wish him to meet an alligator. I said him: "Date that kind of woman. I am done with an arrogant selfish snob porn addicted liar like you are".
It roughs, but they live in their Matrix and I don't want live in his absurd planet of nonsense and madness and bs. It won't be easy, but with him was the worst I have ever thought iy could happen in my life, ( and lucky me I had no phisicsl abuse), but I have been suffering since May of Stress Postraumatic Syndrone Time to recover, and healing. I am not in therapy, maybe I have to, but in this period, thanks to this doctor I learnt a lot about this person. And I am able to say to myself that I am just having enough. They are evil. You can do it. Everything will be fine.
You just described exactly how I have felt for 31 years of a very sad and lonely marriage.
I so agree with the loneliness in the relationship. I’m so glad to be out. After 24 yrs I’m now feeling more positive about what I can do.
Isolation was horrid for me. I did the discard, I gave myself validation I could no longer be devalued,disrespected or dismissed.
Deep sense of loneliness? Such a selfish person. Triple P for sure. This person is someone that is nothing about who I am, grateful to learn this,
most important I learned the lesson.
My experience is that it was never predictable
Hence the stuckness :-(
By the time I figured out the patterns, it was time to get out. They kept moving the goal posts and I decided I was done playing their games.
@@LibertyB356 This. Trying to understand the logic nearly drives me insane, and consumed most my time. The goal post changes in an instant when needed, as if that has been the reality at all times, emotions changes as quickly. In the end it was only by not engaging in their world view that I could stay sane.
My mother, who was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive was the perfect set up for a lifetime of choosing narcissists for partners. The first husband, an overt n, the second a malignant n, both became her allies. She recognized in them what I could not see and tutored them in my vulnerabilities. All this seen in the rear view mirror without benefit of my rose colored glasses. The devil has a playbook.
Thank you for that perspective of what would you say to a friend. Seems so simple to think of it that way, but still struggling with "what did I do wrong, what could I have done differently", that was really helpful.
Your gentle voice is so soothing. The teachings are very critical and validate my experiences. I wish there were gatherings .
For those of us brought up in a triple E household, in which triple P was the sensible learned response, breaking out from it is easier said than done. For me, it still seems necessary in the workplace where there are multiple triple Es in positions of power and simply walking away during a recession would be financially very difficult.
So true. This is where allies in the workplace come in handy at least for support. I hope you have them
After all these years finnaly Im reading your book.
Listened twice. Thank you for the kindness of your explanation.
This is extraordinarily helpful. I've seen quite a few therapists, and none of them have helped me understand my unconscious, unhealthy coping strategies and, more importantly change them, like this has. Thank you so much!
So thought provoking. Thank you. I discovered you when I was at my lowest point this past summer. Your videos and book have helped me put the narc in my past and it's not an exaggeration to say you've helped me save my own life. Thank you.
Wow! So glad my work helped you and thank you for telling me. So moving to hear.
# courageinhealing
..... Oh. This kind of a thing has become so entrenched in my interaction with people that I do it constantly, with all the people I'm in contact with. Although I think in my case it's partly because of being autistic, too. I have learnt in countless ways during my life that people can't be trusted and I have to prepare and predict everything and act super consciously all the time to not be horribly misunderstood and left alone. Or so it feels like. Tbh the thought/possibility of this having roots in my mother perhaps being narcissistic is quite a plot twist.
Although to me understanding does give a lot of security and safety, because living in a fully unpredictable world is too scary. But perhaps there could be some line to be drawn between striving to understand & act accordingly and pure hypervigilance...
Amazed at the amount of information. Really -wow.
Thank you!
Wow… thanks Dr Malkin. I wish I’d known about PPP a couple years earlier. Still, better late than never and it helps with I find myself questioning if my ex was actually a narcissist and was I overreacting
I have spent three years in therapy and have read books and books and books. I feel I should attend "preparers anonymous" although the education has been valuable, you are right. It takes the focus off yourself "I don't like how I am being treated"
I NEED HELP PLZ!
I am a narcissist. Never said it before. Been realizing it for 4 yrs.. It was when I met her. She is genuine. Loyal. Beautiful. Empathic. She's everything. My mom left when I was a kid. Lot of background story. I first decided on her because she was stunning and I immediately knew she was extremely empathic and giving. I did my usual I think you are my soul mate stuff and it didn't work. She was kind. Definitely was feeling me too. But not open for anything. It has been 4years. I got with another chick she was unbothered. I've thought many times over the 4 years that she has to be playing me. Every single time I try to hold onto that, almost hoping for it, I witness how pure she is. She loves me. We started to get close. The emotions for her are ones I've never experienced. She's never even let me kiss her. We did get very close once and I thought she was going to bounce so i ghosted her and got a new chick. She said nothing for a few months. Then randomly said that she thinks I have childhood wounds to heal surrounding my mom. She said she knew I'd be triggered and she'd be happy cuz it would force me to at least glance there. And then instead of saying anything cruel, she said you are a good man. You pretend to not have emotions but thats because your emotions are so strong that you avoid them. Then again, you're a good man. I ended that other relationship (I still hit her up to come through) but something made me want to avoid other women, because of the special one. She has never let me get too close. Her boundaries are strong. She is not deceptive whatsoever. I spent months alone then a lot outdoors. I knew I wanted to change for her. I'd admitted to myself that my kids mom had become mentally unwell because of me 7 years back. Harsh truths. Some say that isn't narcissism but no doubt that I am. So I decided to heal so I could get this girl because for the first time I wanted someone because I felt like i wanted to keep her safe. I wanted to be good to her. I want another kid and I want it with her. And she loves me. I went within for a while. Hit an alcoholic spiral after someone publicly said a bunch of stuff about me rotten shit and this girl, my special one, this petite little beauty who wouldn't hurt a fly, got firey and defended my honor. Video wentnon the city's fb page someone of course captured it. I thanked her and she said I know what they said is true. I see you. But that means the good too. So I'm telling you in private, I know why you set your sights on me. Been a pattern in my life. I've always known. But I feel what i feel anyway. I felt pissed and like she could expose me. So I went cold turkey on her. She didn't chase. In that time I realized I was in love with her. I didn't think that was possible. But I was. Still am. It's been 3 months that I've ignored anything and everything from her. I decided to make her hate me to escape me. I truly don't want to destroy this woman. They don't make em like that. I even imagine having intimate sex with her kissing her being gentle with her. All things I don't do. And that's why I need to stay away. Does this ever happen? Is there a way I could pursue her without being afraid of destroying her? I've never cared about that. I actually wanted to destroy other females. And ya i guess i do want to destroy her so that she's mine forever. And I stay away because conversely I want to protect that heart of hers from me. Do I stay away forever? Or is there anything I can do to not be a danger to her?
Do most psychologist have a strong education of narcissism? What happens in therapy when the psychologist protects the narcissist in couples therapy?
Most do yes. When a couples therapist enables the narcissism in a couple the results are disastrous
I was working with trauma specialist, schema and emdr also, she knew very little, thanks god I learn about this before therapy, she insisted that I just was not compatabile with that person (narcissist), that we are all responsible in relationship, that thats only mine reallity (narc. abuse), that she (ex narc) can change with someone else… all fundamental mistakes, also there was victim blaming. Be very careful when chosing therapist.
Dr Malkin, with all do respect, I think your response needs clarification. As part of their education, therapists are absolutely exposed to education about narcissism. That said, although they may have understanding of concepts, models and theory, most lack real-life exposure and experience to narcissists, putting them at a distinct disadvantage when attempting to recognize either the abuser or the abused. How many narcissists actually seek therapy unless there is an ulterior motive? I am a therapist. I have had all of the book based knowledge and theory as a part of that education, but what makes a therapist truly qualified to recognize and deal with narcissism and all of its nuances and narcissistic abuse and all of its nuances, sadly enough, is actual exposure to it. There are many of my clients who have been hurt by albeit well meaning and well educated therapists who have told me stories of the family/couples therapist who has been taken in by the narcissist, fooled by them. It is a sad commentary, absolutely, but true nonetheless.
I’ve been studying narcissism the past year and had never heard of the ppp pattern. It is what I do to protect myself. Or
“try” to protect myself.
❤Prepare predict prevent ❤
Patterns 👀
They have patterns
Just discovered you, I will buy the book, If possible I have a question :How t o react to a malignant narcissist that uses a family member and little children to punish a grand ma, (not bowing to his non stop negative comments and belittling comments for 5 years). He uses little children and their ma m as a tool to insult me, and not to see me especially at Christmas. How he reduced my family member to a parrot ,remote controlling her non stop to change love into hate, while exploiting her to the max.
Do you have the self righteous narc in your scale? These are people with narc traits but they may not hit or cheat or brag or steal because their persona is perhaps "godly". Insults aren't insults, they are biblically sound advice.
Thank you !