Let Family Pay For Our Vacation When We're Paying Off Debt?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 เม.ย. 2021
- Let Family Pay For Our Vacation When We're Paying Off Debt?
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I never take financial help from others because some manipulative people like to use money as a tool to hold against you
YEP
I’ll take the gifts. No one can force me to them back though.
YUP!
@@chrisreynolds6391 As long as you can endure the BS that goes with it.
Agreed. There’s also something unsettling about accepting financial support/gifts for something that is not a necessity.
GURL.....DO NOT GO...you will be hearing about this "gift" the rest of your life
Sure will. They just want to sit them down, at a place they can't escape from and bring up old sh**. Nothing but a trick!
@@marciawade9101 unfortunately family can be like that
Don’t go!!! Sounds like you’re not ready to spend that much time (trapped on a family vacation) together. Your relationship isn’t there yet. Let them down gently and invite them to a family bbq when they come back.
Yep.
"My husband and brother-in-law got into a fight over a 4-Wheeler". Had to check if caller was from West Virginia... Nope! Denver. Lol
@The Ramsey Show - Highlights wow scammer using Ramsey Show identity.
I could never accept such a high monetary gift unless I knew they were super wealthy and the money meant nothing to them.
Unless you know where their heart is...
It's NEVER about the money. I say steer clear.
There's always a expectation of pay back. Go to the family reunions and holidays skip the resorts and gifts, if it was a 4-wheeler that created the first rift imagine when a vacation isn't reciprocated.
BINGO!
Yep.
Free vacation! (Maybe they want to show and sell them their timeshare)
Could be but she said it was a hotel!
Check Wyndham. Hotels all over the world book it with points... one of the worst crooks around
😂😂😂
That’s brilliant 🤣😂
No vacation is free. There are always some sort of increase in costs.
Also, broke people don’t go on vacation. Period.
Okay people, I am only going to say this once so listen up - FAMILY AND MONEY DON'T EVER EVER MIX!!
Thank you, this has been a PSA from the Association for Sanity
@Joe Owens Sure and some people fall off 10 story buildings and live.
@Joe Owens Not yet, but it will. NEVER lend money to family. Do gifts, but never loans.
Lol! 😂
Not the "Association"? You silly! 😂
Go with your gut. My brother in law has done very well financially and enjoys inviting the entire family on a luxury vacation every year, no strings attached. Some years we go, some we don't and there are no hard feelings.
Nice. I hope one day I can do the same for my family
Every family is different.
Duh. That family will throw that back in their face during the next fight. I wouldn’t trust them fully after only one year of reestablished relationship.
I personally would never allow someone to pay my way.
Its pride and also not wanting to be owned for a trip.
For some, generosity is a way of controlling others! Not all, but I’ve seen it !!
Sounds like a sweet deal! But family gets weird.
Hopefully it works out.
Been there done that especially when they want to “borrow money” dinner can be pretty weird lol 😂 I didn’t want to but once I was paid back well it was okay don’t do it
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That sounds like a good thing as long as no strings are attached. But be very careful. If you have doubts, don't do it.
Dr. John gave a great answer. Wait a year and see what develops.
This reminds me of a saying my aunt tells me because I’m independent and don’t like people doing stuff for me she tells me never block someone else’s blessing
Until you find out when it's too late that it's NOT a blessing.
They can "bless" someone else. You don't have to be the receiver.
I'd like to know how you fight for six years over a 4-wheeler 🤣🤣
Never take favors even from a family if you can't repay it back in the future.
And never give to family expecting something back.
@Austin Duke This situation is not normal. They are just patching up a six year feud.
@Austin Duke Always strings.
@@stellarocquie7957 Always. Probably wants them in a tight spot on vacation, where they can't just up and leave, only to find out they want to keep on bringing up old sh**.
Yep, a trap!
Trust your gut. It's a setup. Something smells fishy.
I'm just on my way to the beach.
Yep.
It's sounds free, but in back of his head, he would want you to pay on something, it's NOT completely free.
I say invite them over for informal get together and see where their head is and you can get a feel for what's on their mind. Talk about their plans and itinerary and what their expectations are. Then you can make an informed decision with more information. Don't rule it out because of past discretions! God forbid if something bad happened and then you might have regrets for not trying to mend this relationship! Life can change at any moment and anytime... remember that! Good luck!
Sounds like an Amway set up!
Terrible advice from John, this shows he really is no Doctor. It has nothing to do with pride or "fanciness". Dave is correct, she's worried about future confrontations or even relationship break-down whilst on Holiday. It's much too early for a trip like this, as others have said. Invite them over for a meal/BBQ and forgive by all means. Place boundaries! "First we try, then we trust" xx
I wouldn't say it's terrible advice from John's perspective. I've seen relationships ruined because one tried to genuinely mend fences while the other just wouldn't accept it and kept slapping their hand away or constantly avoiding them. Sometimes peace offerings are genuine and Dave acknowledged that and wanted to convey the need to be discerning about the other sides intentions.
@@nova31337 Hi Lance, I completely agree with everything you've said apart from where John's advice came in. We have found John to be incorrect or just way off the mark about 85% of the time. Sadly, we've found ourselves in the exact situation you described and Large/extravagant "Peace offerings" are usually traps in disguise from our experience. This was what we were trying to communicate - that both parties should start small and build mutual trust and respect through shared experiences of give and take xx
@@kaelaleedaley right, I'm not saying that those things can't happen. But people on this channel seems to forget John's background. It's part of his training to explore all areas no matter how silly or wrong it may seem. The "pride" angle didn't apply to the caller, but he had to explore just to make sure it wasn't a possible area of contention. He's there to cover ground Dave may not think of or want to tread on because he doesn't have that background. John's allowed to go "into the weeds" because Dave can pull John back in when he's ready to move forward and it gives Dave time to formulate responses if he needs it.
Also be very suspicious if they ask
you to sign a life insurance policy with them being
the beneficiary.
Lol
Everyone pray for Dave, I think he has a lot going on right now
Why?
Edit: I mean I'll pray for him but why you think he's struggling
@@fleskenialation GREAT question. Dave looks like he is having more and more difficulty concentrating. I dont know if its because of the lawsuit he is facing or if he is just getting older.
@@keenanmaxwell3746 I haven't heard of this lawsuit. What is this about?
@@keenanmaxwell3746 Older? He's 60, LOL!
@@fleskenialationthe lawsuit is easily found on google
Good advice John
I like how John asks a question then answers it himself without letting her talk....
Right! Goofy!
I don’t want to be negative, but accepting the offer when you can’t pick up a few of dinners for the group (as a Thankyou) at restaurants,
Sounds like a minefield, that they might want to bring up later to the rest the family,
“We paid for everything, and they couldn’t even spring for a few dinners, to thank us”.
Make sure the vacation is at an all-inclusive resort then? That way there are no dinner tabs to pick up. ✌🏻
"Why is it strange?" Of course it's strange, I don't like handouts either. I've earned pretty much everything I've gotten and it feels great.
People who know the value of compounding and helping each other read this and 🤦♂️. So much pride, so much waste.
@@jejoko I help others, but nope, don't want any help from anyone else. I don't even like getting gifts at birthdays or Christmas, just never have.
@@realChewky It's ok to receive gifts Adam. Your not weak or dependent if you do. It's a sign of love from who is giving.
NOW, if when YOU help others, YOU feel superior to those that YOU help or hold them to it, then I can understand why YOU don't accept ANY gifts and consider them strage.
And if you do feel superior when you help others, then you are helping for all the wrong reasons pal. 🥂
Merry Christmas 🙂🤗
@@jejoko Lol, ok kinda long response here but, I think why I hate receiving anything is because I had to do everything myself. I've seen friends with elaborate mansions and sometimes they finally admit that, well, they didn't pay for any of it. The richest people I know got enormous handouts from family. I just paid off 300k of med school debt and live in a place no doctor would live. I live way below anyone I went to high school with and until now I had no choice. But I'm happy, I did it on my own, and no, I don't want help. I think a big house and nice cars is ridiculous to have if someone else paid for it all. These people are no happier than me. Now that I can afford to move up, guess what, I don't want to. I'm accustomed to a simple life, and I love it.
@@realChewky
You are on your way to be a modest millionaire. The best kind there is.
But if I was your friend I would stil surprise you with a gift and hug.
👊🤗
Trust my heart....
Money it's not everything!!
Family it's Everything!!
God Bless
Take the trip!!! And if they ever throw it at you just know you got a free vacation
I see what she’s saying. Try to get along and be good again. Just say thank you.
You need weekly phone calls for a year before to take vacation money from this person.
No way and it doesn't sound like they offered to outright pay either. I would take it small steps with people like that.
Live a no string life! Stay away from drama!
Great advise! No drama!
can't let that "hey bro" slip
Trust your intuition. If letting them take you on vacation feels like an emotional or unspoken debt, pass up on it.
Agree. Should listen to your intuition!
What if you did accept this gift. If they throw it back in your face one day, what does that say about them? If someone offers me a gift of any kind, I always accept it and test the waters. In a way, you put the ball back in their court. And no, they don't own you. People offer gifts to be kind, and actually it's better to accept them, that's what god would want to happen.
Wise man.🥂
People don’t always offer gifts to be kind. Gifts can be used as manipulation. It’s called “love bombing” a tactic used by narcissists.
Just getting a couple to a vacation spot is half the battle, imagine saying, you need to pay for everything, we assumed you were paying the entire nut cause we are broke.
Family & money don’t mix. Pay off BS2 then have a mini debt free holiday paid by you❤️
Also what about time off work.
Absolutely yes. And then pay for theirs once you are debt free. (If you and your family are trustworthy)
This is how families from other countries help each other here in the US. The first generation helps the next and then they help each other.
Two or three families will live in one house, get it paid off QUICK and then help the next next family in line move out and pay off their house and then the next. Very smart!
The US culture of spending money instead of USING money, is very wasteful. And everybody wants to sue everyone and their grandmother, so so wasteful in time and resources and only the lawyers win. Right Dave? Or are we STUPID?! 🤦♂️
You can get together other than vaycay and then vacay possibly. Good to rebuild bridges.
The old bait and switch trick.
I’m starting to wonder if Dr. Deloney is familiar with narcissism and families dealing with narcissistic tendencies. I understand getting the callers to self reflect but I had to quit following his channel because it seemed that he has a pattern of somewhat siding with the person the caller is having difficulty with. He needs to watch some of Doctor Ramani’s videos.
I can't watch him.
He has the same problem as Ken Coleman. They both live to speak and hate to listen. Both turn into shy children around Dave, Chris was the only one man enough to give his opinion freely. It's a shame that Chris has chosen to do what he has but I do miss his good advice, I just wish he would have listened to himself and stayed close to God
Sure, why not
Ah man. I hate no updates lol
Fill the schedule. Don’t go.
Sounds kind of fishy....doesn’t matter if its family or not.
And if you’re not ok or up to par on your personal financial situation, it might be best to sit this one out.
I'm with Dave, too many red flags... Just say no. If they get drama about it oh well, just shows their hearts weren't really in it anyways. Keep chugging on paying off the debt.
Over a four-wheeler? lol
Don’t do it. Your instincts are right, there’s strings attached.
Yes! Use your intuition!
John D just caves with Dave. John D tries to act like "oh, that is what I meant..."
Gotta keep that paycheck.
He has to or Dave will tell him that he is....... STUPID!!
There is this YT channel that does remixes, I'm going to suggest they do a Dave Stupid remix. 🤣🤣🥂
Yeah I wish the Ramsey personalities would disagree with Dave more, especially when it’s obvious that they aren’t in agreement. The only one that does is Rachael and that’s just because she’s his daughter 😂
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Wonder if it was something liek they won tickets or something and just trying to find somebody to go with them?
Possible but why would they not just come out and say it?
I have crazy family like this. My sister is rich and nuts. I would NEVER take a free cookie from her! Nothing to do with pride, but I know her tactics and she is not a trustworthy person! I would kindly refuse...don't let them buy you anything! Keep them at a distance it's ok to set boundaries.
Perfectly stated! Narcissists use this tactic, love bombing often.
She doesn’t want to ow any to those people
Dave's face when she said joint owned father son four wheeler
I thought that was only a southern thing 😂
Honestly I will go but I will tell them I must go half and half with them.and contribute if I can afford it.I wouldn’t feel comfortable someone giving me a free vacation unless it’s my parents.
Pay your own way or do not go. With years of bad blood over the repair of a 4 wheeler, expect this to go bad too. Be cordial, meet them, but do not accept large gifts like this.
How do u call in?
Dial a number on your phone.
The other question is “is the brother in law going to go into debt to pay for your vacation”? I could also never accept a gift if it means someone else is going into debt.
Hum, I’m calling that wouldn’t be my business. Just me.
If an enemy offers a free vacation, take it. If there are strings later, cut ties.
Why doesn’t this happen to me
The whole family cut him off...something tells me it just might be HIM that was in the wrong...have you considered that?? As for the vacation probably best to beg off...it won't be 100% free unless he is supposed to pay for every soda you want, best bet is to beg off and find another way to get together that doesn't cost money. As others have mentioned only way I do it is if you knw they he is worth a couple million and the vacation is literally pocket change for him.
Nope: sorry but sometimes people that can afford more just want to share the time and experiences. No strings just able to do it and have everyone together.
The 48 Laws of Power: Despise the free lunch…don’t be obligated to anyone.
Sounds stuck either way, accept and they hold it against you, don't accept and they hold it against you. Not easy.
Brock Lesnar stole stone cold's 4wheeler once
I hope she doesn’t take it
Seems the brother liked to have something to hold over ur heads. I wouldn’t take anything from them. They value money over relationships… don’t add any aspect of money into future encounters
🙄
It's sounds free, but in back of his head, he would want you to pay on something, it's NOT completely free.
hmmmm.... I think if the caller goes on that trip, they might never be heard from again. You don't talk to someone for years because you hate them and then out of the blue say... hey let's go on a trip, I'll pay.
Of course I'm just being silly.
In the Chinese Culture, refusing a gift is a great insult.
Maybe the brother has some news he needs to share with his family. He could be dying and want to spend time with family. You just never know!
In the Latino family people stop talking to each other for land, not a stupid $1500 four wheeler 😂😅🤣
Invite them over for beans & rice, rice & beans. No fleeced cars.
seems like she doesn’t want to reconcile with in laws... take the free trip
Personally I think she’s being cautious and using wisdom.
Go. But let them know that they are going to be paid back. when you are debt free.
Always look a gift horse in the mouth.
😁✌👍🖖👌😎
First
Dang barely beat me!
Congrats!
Is this actually a thing? Do you win anything? Or is it just to demonstrate that you are guled to your phone and have become a turbo texting message master?? LOL! 🤦♂️
@@jejoko lol we need the small victories through the day
@@isaaccarrasco5821 🤣👌👊