As someone in similar circumstances, I absolutely second this. Like, if anything sister was lucky fiancée didn't slap her. And, honestly, it's wild to me that OP's family are trying to pull the, "She's just a kid that didn't know any better!" card when the sister's 20 not, you know, 16 or something.
So agreed! My dad lost his older sis (10 months older) when she was 17 in a house fire & she was pregnant 🙏 she was going to marry her HS sweetheart 🙏 They never told my sweet Grams she was expecting ❣️ 🪺 ✝️ I have 2 other aunts that were her younger sisters along with my dad & my mom was induced so I’d be born on 11/02 just to avoid being born on the day my beautiful Aunt Patricia died on 11/04 💐 my dad died at 50 😢 & his nickname was daddio/ skull (lmao) 💀 & even I would be offended if someone rolled in a skeleton saying it’s my dad walking me down the aisle! 20 years old is old enough to know better- you might drink too much- but your true character just shines on through!! ✨
Agreed! I haven't personally had this experience but my ex boyfriend lost his dad when he was 13 and even though he himself made jokes about it I never did even though he told me multiple times that I'm free to make those jokes too. We're still friends (although mostly online) and I still don't make jokes about it. If he wants to joke about it I have no issues with it but I'm not gonna risk saying something at the wrong time and make him sad.
Completely correct !! I lost my entire family. There are those @ssholes who thinks that it's "FUNNY" to make jokes about my loss. I equate this type of language with someone trying to shame someone who is in a wheelchair or blind or whatever. I react when people say those things to me or behind my back with a face to face b!tch slap or a swift kick to the crotch.
First story: the fact that she hasn’t readily and immediately offered an apology from her own heart, but needs to be coerced to apologize is absolutely disgusting and illustrates that she doesn’t think what she did was wrong.
I am guessing that she has gotten a free pass over the years in the name of 'oh, she's just being EDGY!' and has never been held to account for her actions. I think it is fair to tell her and the rest of the family 'It makes me sad that you all will not be at the wedding, but I do not trust sister to not pull some other distasteful joke and end up spoiling the day for wife-to-be and her family. Your casual attitude towards her deeply tasteless and hurtful prank tells me that you do not have the best interests of my wife's happiness in mind, so I find it odd that you would even WANT to attend the wedding of someone whose feelings are of so little matter to you.'
Maybe she has psychopathy. Psychopathic people use cognitive empathy (they know when someone is sad, happy, scared etc) but they lack emotional empathy (they don't feel sadness, happiness, fear...when they are talking to a person who is feeling sadness, happiness, fear etc).
Yeah that's what I'm stuck on. It was cruel, tacky, bad humor, totally inappropriate but knowing how her stunt hurt others and she still hasn't apologized, then NO! I don't care if the fiancee said it's ok, personally if I was her I may say that not wanting to put him in that position. However, I'd respect him a lot more knowing he stood his ground.
Is it REALLY the bridesmaid’s fault? The boyfriend is the one who chose THAT PLACE AND TIME to propose. Had I been the bridesmaid, I would have vehemently chastised the boyfriend, IMMEDIATELY apologized to the bride, and left the venue!!!!
I’m getting my PhD in Counseling Psychology and this is one of my favorite phrases to say to clients. “If someone pushed back on you setting a boundary, it means they benefited from the boundary not being there in the first place.” Love you Charlotte!
Thank you for this. I've been having a hard time with standing my ground. I'm almost 30 and still trying to draw boundaries with my narcissistic parents. They always end up making me feel like the bad guy and I end up backing down. Now I have something that'll spell out my concerns and hopefully respect me.
I’ve never heard it phrased this way, and I love it. Thanks for sharing. I wish you the best in your career. Don’t forget to put your mental health first and find a therapist who you can trust. Being a counselor is difficult and sometimes your patients’ stories are heartbreaking. So take good care of yourself. I’ve heard it said that you can’t pour into other people’s cups when yours is empty.
@@haz.fellieif you can afford a few sessions with a counselor or maybe get one of those therapy app subscriptions, they can really help you. I saw my first therapist after my dad died suddenly. On top of being a grief therapist she was nurse practitioner who handled my depression meds and gave me great life advice on dealing with my narc mom. The most important thing she told me was that it was mentally healthy for me to take a step back in my relationship with my mom when our relationship was hurting me. My dad had always begged me to continue a relationship with her and love her how she was when she was acting toxic after they separated and divorced, but even he couldn’t have imagined how she’d act after he died. (She sued my stepmom over my dad’s estate instead of accepting what my dad left for everyone.) Having permission to put up boundaries helped me so much. Your mental and physical health are the most important. It’s ok and actually an act of self care to take some time off from your parents if being around your parents is causing you mental and physical pain (mental health issues can cause chronic stress that snowballs into illness and even chronic pain). The r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit on Reddit is also for mothers and has a lot of great resources for people who are dealing with toxicity in their parental relationships. I’ve found some really good advice from the users, but there is also a lot of drama. For the most part there’s a lot of good advice. Also it’s never advised to go to therapy with narcissists or family members who have been abusive. It only gives them more ammo to use against you, and they won’t change. If they want to change they’d volunteer to go to individual therapy and continue to go regularly while showing you how they’ve changed.
Still can't get over the skeleton story. I vaguely remember getting upset at it before, the guy is an absolute gem for sticking up for his fiancée and her family - and he's being gaslit into thinking he might be in the wrong. It's really sad and disappointing. The horror I would feel if someone did it to make fun of someone I know who's died, I can't even imagine...
especially saying that "it was JuSt a JoKe dUh" when there's no actual punchline in the first place besides "i wanted to hurt you", which is rather trying to get away with being a mean girl than "it's just my edgy humour get over it hee, hee" URCHH this sort of thing makes me really mad.
This story has most definitely been discussed before and I assume it was on this channel cause I don't really watch this type of content elsewhere. It's not the type of story you easily forget. I remember commenting that this is psychopathic behaviour.
Yeah, I was thinking he could’ve talked to the parents of the bride. Like ask them how they personally feel about the bridesmaid being at the wedding. Since it was their daughter who died so they should get a vote in deciding if she could attend or not.
If someone proposes during your wedding, you can go to their wedding and announce your pregnancy. Even if you're not pregnant and questioned later, tell them it was a false positive.
That would be petty, but this channel is all about petty sometimes. But, I must admit that it would be karma, so proclaim away and show them how it feels.
@Linda Patton yeah! I'm sure Charlotte showed on where the maid of honour proposed at OPs wedding so during her "friends" wedding she was maid of honour, she switched the flowers of the flower girl to blue and showef a sideshow about the bride but on the last few slides announced her pregnancy! 😭
I was 21 not that long ago, and can attest that 21 year olds do a LOT of stupid shit, however, they are 100% capable of thinking things through, are not children, and shouldn't be treated as such. Being an asshole is being an asshole, and that's exactly what that sister did.
I just turned 22; I still do silly, dumb things, make mistakes, but I would NEVER IN MY LIFE make theatrics over someone I openly dislikes’ dead sister. I love edgy humor but holy crap, that’s messed up
Exactly! People who use "Oh it was 'just' a prank" are pathetic. They want to get away with doing something disrespectful and stupid under the guise of it being a so-called joke. They need a mouthful of their own medicine.
That’s what narcissists say when they get busted, that it was a joke and you have no sense of humour. I just pray to God the bride’s mother wasn’t there to see that. I can’t think of anything more cruel to do to someone who lost a sister. That’s just not right in any way, and there was NOTHING FUNNY about it.
My heart shattered hearing about the skeleton. That's never a joke. A good coworker of mine once said you can lose your parents, and you can lose your grandparents. You can even lose your spouse, but nothing will never hurt more than having to burry a child in the ground. I lost my daughter April 1st years ago and due to ppl always making death jokes and say I need to get over it is why I disappear for the day to a point no one can find me. I remember that story on this channel.shoved it back of my mind and now my heart hurts once again.
It’s been thirty years and I can say there will be a hole inside you filled with pain and grief, forever. You can learn to live with it, to go on. For yourself and for the others in your life who you love and who love you and that’s as it should be. But the pain never leaves, there is no other like it, it’s depth and severity cannot be imagined by anyone who hasn’t been there. I am so sorry you had to bear it, I wish you peace, and joy in your life.
@Jill every year on her bday I'd go to her grave and decorate it and celebrate like she's still here. And every year I'll always say oh my daughter turning so and so instead of oh she would have. Like his year she's a pretty teen and I am.not.looking forward to her being an offical teenager
I screamed at that first story in horror. That's the kinda thing you joke with your nearest and dearest friends who share your dark humor, but you never actually go through with it! Absolutely evil.
She knew exactly what she was doing as OP even said she never liked his fiancée. She’s exhibiting textbook narcissist behavior because now the attention is back on her. Their family are her flying monkeys, minimizing her responsibility and not even pressuring her to apologize but rather gaslighting OP.
1st story, there is something wrong with his sister and family. The fact they really don't see anything wrong with what she did and even said that it's not like it was the actual skeleton is just mind blowing.
Probably the golden child, it sounds like she had to make that day about her. EVERYONE was talking about her and would be talking about her on the wedding day if she attended so she got what she wanted and clearly expects no consequences.
That's a family that has been repeating the cycle of having an abuser and forgiving their bad behavior. Fortunately, it sounds like OP has broken the cycle and if they have children won't allow that behavior. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to a whole family colored by abuse. I commend OP for their behavior.
I know! Congratulations to them! Hopefully they're reading the comments!! Also Ive been wondering if there was another Lauren who was also dating a guy named Brett who thought the proposal was for her and then said yes and caused chaos in the relationship 😅 Lauren and Brett are pretty common names I actually know a Lauren dating a guy named Brett irl! Not this couple but completely different people.
Often when someone is called out, they try to deflect blame to justify their actions. They are trying to take the negative attention off themselves and it sucks.
i agree but it also depends on the situation. i personally deflect, but it's because i'm trying to show my parents how theyre being hypocritical. my parents have a habit of letting my younger sister (trans, currently still a "boy", but she identifies as a girl) do whatever she pleases, but if GOD FORBID i forget to clean the dishes, do the litterboxes, etc they always get on my ass and call me lazy and claim i'm not compassionate, my stepdad sometimes even blocks my internet. i deflect and try to explain my sister literally does nothing around the apartment (doesnt often do the garbage/recycling and never does the litter because "it smells", rarely does the dishes, doesnt clean the bathrooms, doesnt vacuum the house, etc etc), but they let her stay up all hours of the night whereas my wifi is blocked at 1am despite not "contributing" like they claim i do not. they always snap that i need to stop deflecting and "i'm only mad because they speak the truth". it's really, REALLY annoying at this point...i'm so sick of arguing and complaining about the wifi because it's so obvious theres some favoritism involved. most of my other side of the family and my friends agree theyre being unreasonable and unfair, though agree i should help out around the house more and help pay bills (both of which i do every chance i get)
usually when they react like that its because your intuition and fearlessness is intimidating...don't back down and don't be rude. setting boundaries is about consistency
Yes, we shouldn’t assume everyone is on the exact same page when it comes to these things due to cultural differences, social development, etc. When someone makes a serious faux pas (a term I think needs to come back into use) they should be told what they’ve done and most of the judgement should be on how they respond to determine if was ignorance, self-centeredness, or outright malevolence. This sister sounds like the last and merits a harsher response.
I called someone out for lying a few days ago. The response was explosive, the name calling was epic, the denial was on another level. I've never been more sure I'm right about anything or more emotionally hurt.
I know a young couple where drama started happening almost as soon as they announced their engagement. They decided to turn their engagement party into a surprise wedding. People wore what they wanted. They had the food they wanted to have served. She wore the gown she wanted. No arguments and no compromises. The bride told me it was so much fun. Not to mention less expensive and way less complicated. They rented a restaurant/ bar for the evening.
I read a story similar to this except the couple told the guests it was a costume party and one guest went as a zombie bride (or something like that, either way she was unknowingly wearing a wedding dress to a wedding). Basically long story short it all came down to the groom trying to put a wedge between this guest and the bride and I don’t think the couple is together anymore.
As soon as Charlotte said "she wheeled in the special guest" I remembered that first awful story. Evil sister and family. I hope the OP is living happily with their wife now.
That’s awesome you done the proposal for Brett and Lauren. That’s really cool and I think shows your character which has always struck me as a person who only wants to see people happy. And you bring so much happiness and laughter into my life and I so appreciate it.
For the call out, I had a friend who was supposed to be the maid of honor, she didn't do any of it. I chalked it up to her struggling with me (which she was), but she called me a bridezilla after I told her I didn't want her to wear sneakers to the wedding. I was a pretty chill bride. I only chose the color and told everyone to choose a dress that fit their style and figure. I just requested dressy shoes with whatever they were comfortable in. We aren't friends anymore because she kept gaslighting me saying that bachelorette parties were something of the past and I shouldn't have one (more than likely she didn't want to plan it). She got pissed that my aunts declared I needed to have one and took me to a piano bar, where we had a great time!
I kind of wondered if that one where the bridesmaid didn’t show up or call or anything wanted to be more important than just being a bridesmaid…like maybe she wanted to be the maid/matron on honor and since she wasn’t decided to try to sabotage the wedding. Either that or had a major crush on the future husband and was jealous…
As someone who let people walk all over me, it shocked them when I decided to stand up for myself or set boundaries. And it threw them off because they were so used to crossing the line. And they didn’t want to admit to being wrong so they thought I was the bad friend. I do admit my fault in letting them believe treating me that way was okay, but I didn’t really have much self confidence and thought it was normal and maybe I deserved it.
You do not deserve it. Ever. Thats just their mind games to justify them being pieces of shit. Shit people don't like it when you set boundaries. You never deserved it.
This has happened to me too. Fortunately, now it's easier to let people go when they disrespect me and their actions don't change when they get called out.
Reacting to being called out starts YOUNG with a lot of people. My 11yo called out her two friends for ditching and befriending again a mutual little girl, following the decisions of their apparent ringleader. Neither one of them is speaking to her right now, but I'm SO proud of her!!
I had a bridesmaid like Sarah and it broke my heart that our friendship end was catalysed by the best day of my life. Nothing like a wedding to show you who actually loves and supports you.
every friendship I have had to personally end has gone this way. However I will say getting to see them freak out is a great way to not feel guilty or miss the friendship anymore. It's basically a crazy test.
I lost my dad when I was 16 and now I'm 34 and it still somewhat hurts. I have a dark sense of humor so I might even laugh if a skeleton dressed as "father of the bride" was brought to me, BUT.. MASSIVE BUT... I could only accept that from a friend SO close to me that such jokes would be expected from, you know that kind of friend who has the sick sense of humour as you? not from a random guest. Still... I don't know if that would make me sad tbh, instead of making me smile, grief is such a delicate and intimate thing that really should be treated with the utmost respect. And most importantly, the lack of apologies told everything we need to know, absolutely disgusting.
First of I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you have friends or family you can talk to if you need it! I haven't personally had this experience but my ex boyfriend lost his dad when he was 13 and even though he himself made jokes about it I never did even though he told me multiple times that I'm free to make those jokes too. We're still friends (although mostly online) and I still don't make jokes about it. If he wants to joke about it I have no issues with it but I'm not gonna risk saying something at the wrong time and make him sad.
I lost my dad young too. I also have dark humor coping skills. I personally think I would still be sad because it’s a reminder that my dad isn’t there to walk me down the aisle and share the special moment.
I lost my father in my early 30s. Like you I have a dark (sometimes twisted) sense of humour, but I'd hesitate to say I'd find it funny. As you said, It depends on who is doing it (a really good friend who "gets" you vs. someone you know is not fond of you), but also in how it's done. The way this was presented just felt malicious.
@@lokicooper4690 The thing is let’s just say your best friend did the skeleton thing and you did end up being upset then that friend would appologize right? The girl who did the prank in the story refused to do so and that’s just wrong :/
She wasn't a bridesmaid but I 100% called out my ex bestie when she told me she was trying to find a random sperm donor to get her pregnant so she could have a baby and not feel "left out" because "all her friends were getting pregnantor married". The kicker to this conversation was I was on day 4 or 5 of a 10 day work week before I would take maternity leave (I actually ended up giving birth like 3 days after that conversation) She also tried to make my entire pregnancy about her and got mad at me because I didn't want to have a babysitter during a covid spike. Her exact words were "How am I supposed to live vicariously through you if you won't do anything I want to plan." I told her how stupid she was to even consider being a single mom when I've had to help her out with rent and food numerous times over our friendship especially the last year of our friendship and last time I helped her with rent was a week before because she gave her last $200 to a guy for commersary while he was in jail and she couldn't even confirm if he was in jail or lying about it. I reminded her the reality of everything I went through in my pregnancy and how much work I had to miss over 9 months from being so sick and that if she were to be a single mother she'd be setting herself and her child up for failure. Especially because she knew her family would disown her for being a single mom. Instead of hearing out my concerns she said I didn't know what I was talking about, said she didn't need my negativity and left the conversation as it was. When my son was born she stalked my stories everyday but never responded or asked how me or the baby were doing. Blocked her on everything when my son was 4 months and she hasn't tried to contact me since. It's been over a year.
When it comes boundaries, the only people who will be upset over you setting them, are the ones who willingly cross them. Learned that a long time ago.
This video inspired me to share my own terrible bridesmaird/groomsman story. For my wedding, myself, all three of my bridesmaids, and a groomsman were tasked with helping me put together decorations and party favors. The groomsman focused on party favors while the bridesmaids made pastel paper roses (because i'm allergic to flowers) made of sheet music (from my husband's favorite musicals). The girls were to make their own bouquets and the boutonnieres for the guys they were walking down the isle with. Now, I'm not a picky person, but I wanted some semblance of uniformity, so I showed the girls how I had made my bouquet, as it was a little tricky to make them look like roses and not cone flowers of some kind. We all took a day off work to get this done, since it was a tedious task. An hour and a half in, two of the girls basically gave up because it was "too hard", and my third bridesmaid (we'll call her the helpful bridesmaid) ended up taking the whole day to make All of the flower arrangements. Fast forward to the day before. I let the three bridesmaids and three groomsman know that we can't get into the event hall until 9am the day of, and the wedding started at 4, so i would need them all, including groomsmen, to show up at 9am to help put everything up and together. We decided that since one of the bridesmaids and the groomsman that helped with the party favors were dating, so they lived together, that they would hold on to the decorations, and the helpful bridesmaid would stay the night at their house so she could get to the hall on time in the morning, as she didn't have a car. Everyone agreed on that plan. Day of the wedding. My husband, my mother (who was catering), and I arrive at the hall just to find that only the lone bridesmaid has shown up on time. No group with the decorations. No lone groomsmen. Okay, no problem. We still have hours, and we could help my mom in the kitchen until they all showed up. 10am rolls around. The two lone groomsmen have shown up, but have nothing to do as the kitchen is full and my husband and I had moved all the tables and chairs where they needed to go already. Still no group with the decorations, still no word from them at all. Noon comes around and some close family members start showing up to help in any way they can because they're nice like that. Unfortunately, no one has anything to do and everyone is just sitting around trying to get ahold of the two bridesmaids and the groomsman. No one is picking up their phones. I try to stay cool, but I'm starting to panic. They never end up answering their phones, but end up showing up at the hall at 2pm, two measley hours before the wedding is supposed to start. As soon as they pull up, the helpful bridesmaid starts grabbing everythiing she can from the car and hauling it into the hall to distribute to waiting guests to put up. The other two meander their way into the hall, talking and laughing, like they aren't 5 hours late. I confronted the lazy bridesmaid and her groomsman, as they were in charge of driving and getting themselves and the helpful bridesmaid to the hall on time. Their story was that over night, their cat had chewed up the bra that the girl was going to wear and they had to run to the store to get a new one. At that point i was fuming. She could have dropped off the decorations, the groomsman, and the helpful bridesmaid before going to get a new bra. They all could have answered their phones. And regardless of any of that, it does Not take 5 hours to find a bra. In the two hours we had, we got a quarter of the decorations up, a tenth of the balloons blown up that I wanted (we had pumps, I wasn't suffocating anyone), and the party favors out. That's it.That pushed us all the way until 4 o'clock when the wedding was supposed to be starting. That's when we all finally went to get ready. Because of the delays and my dress being heavy with a long corset, I walked down the isle wearing only eye liner and lipstick, with a makeshift hair do (nothing like what i wanted), and nothing on my nails. Luckily, even though the party wouldn't go as planned, my husband couldn't care less if I was wearing a dress and makeup, or a potato sack and mud, he still cried at the alter when he saw me, and the wedding ceramony went off without any problems. BUT I haven't spoken to the braless bridesmade since, and I regret nothing. The helpful bridesmaid has been my best friend since my wedding day, my husband and I have been happily married for 8 years now, and we both view the whole day as a bad dream, except when we looked into each other's eyes and forgot the rest of the world. :) Be careful who you trust on your wedding day people!!!
🤔. I feel like you had high expectations. That’s way too much to expect wedding party to do. Not everyone is good at crafts. And why did your mom do the catering? How could she enjoy herself at her daughter’s wedding if she was working? It wasn’t nice of them to ghost you and they should’ve at least had a better excuse because I agree it wasn’t true about the bra. That makes no sense. But come on. They were probably overwhelmed and I feel like you were overbearing with all the tasks you expected everyone surrounding you to accomplish.
@@Mama_Bear524 I understand how I could have been asking too much of my wedding party. We were on very very small budget and I had planned on doing everything myself, but they all volunteered to help me with everything. I should have kept the decorations with me to avoid the unfortunate situation, but who could have foresaw what happened? And in hindsight, I shouldn't have let them take on so many of my responsibilities, it's my job to plan and set up because I was the bride. And to address why my mom was catering, we had family and friends picking up various jobs for the wedding (as I said, practically no budget) and my mom used to run a catering company, and she loves feeding people, so she rather cater our events herself then spend the money on a caterer she doesn't trust. I didn't make her do it by any means. She told me she had a blast in the kitchen, and she was done with everything by 3pm, so she was able to enjoy the ceremony and reception. She made sure the food was buffet style so she wouldn't have to be distracted. Thank you for your insight!
I don't feel like you asked too much, either - calling or texting when you can't make it on time for whatever reason is common courtesy no matter what the occasion is (excused only by really bad circumstances), so yeah. Good you cut them off and good that your marriage is more successful than your wedding 😊
@@Mama_Bear524 I agree with you. A wedding is a party not an unpaid job for your loved ones. That doesn't mean that if you commit to do something you should do it being responsible... Otherwise don't compromise yourself
Omg I was in that exact position. I called out a group of girls in my past who were supposed to be my ride or dies over how they hurt me and I ended up being labeled as the bad guy. Thinking back now I was always the timid and submissive one of the group but things started to change when I finally started standing up for myself. All I can say now is good riddance!
I went through a nightmare many years ago when I was about 18 years old. I went to a wedding wearing a knee long creme/golden dress (more towards gold than creme, it was just a ordinary little cocktail dress). I asked my mom if it was too close to white, and she said it was not. So I went to the wedding. The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding dress. Ceremony was beautiful and then it was time for the wedding reception, and horror struck me when the bride returned... IN THE SAME DRESS I WAS WEARING! She no longer had her white wedding dress, she had the exact same dress as me, and I was HORRID! I was so ashamed the whole evening even if people close to me said it was not my fault, because how could I or anyone know she would change to a cocktail dress and wear the same dress like the one I was wearing after the wedding ceremony. Horrid memory, and not one I recommend to anyone. Since then, I've never worn gold at a wedding again. (I was so ashamed all evening I don't even remember the brides reaction. I think she smiled about it, but I really don't remember. Let's just say I stayed FAR AWAY from the bride all evening so the two dresses would not be seen together in the same area.)
Oh man I can imagine the embaressment. You didnt mean it. And you stayed away from her. And you learned from it. Never cream, light grey, eggwhite light gold. Rule of thumb: if you wonder if its too close too white-dont wear it to a wedding 😊
Aww... Please do NOT be hard on yourself! You absolutely could *NOT* have known... And since the dress was more Gold in color, there's no reason why you couldn't wear it! I'm sure you looked beautiful! You definitely are not a bad person for doing that!
Wow Charlotte, what you said about setting boundaries really hit me. I am a textbook "pleaser". My whole life I've been told "you're too nice! You should be tougher!" But then when I do stand up for myself, I get huge backlash! "You're not nice!" I am 48 and slowly starting to realize that "nice" isn't something you should always aspire to being. People take advantage, it's in their nature. They will always try to walk over you to get what they want. And if you guard your boundaries and stand in the way of that, they will get angry. Because you don't matter to them. They want something and you're denying them that, whatever it is. That's why it's so hard to stand up for yourself. You get shit when you do. But that's ok! You don't have to be nice and polite and accommodating at your own expense. I gave myself permission to be a bitch sometimes to guard myself, my children and my animals. It's fine! 😂
The sad truth is that People actually can be friends with not-so-nice people, they can respect boundaries and accommodate to their feelings, it’s just that people around nice people got used to have everything they want at their expense, so the moment nice people start to stand up for themselves, they suddenly become bad people and “no one will love you if you behave like that”
The most beautiful proposal during a wedding I have seen is when the bride brought her bouquet to a bridesmade instead of throwing it to them all and let her man propose, it was so touching and so humble to see ❤️
A freind is a twin and this is what they did at her wedding. Her sisters boyfriend asked and the bride and groom came up with the set up and wanted it. So it can be beautiful.
This was so sweet! I was in a wedding for a close friend, and her boyfriend was the best man. The wedding was on the beach by a hotel and then we went inside the hotel for the reception. The boyfriend had cleared the proposal with the bride and groom, and we all knew it was going to happen. He did take her out to beach to propose semi-privately, but all of us were peering out the windows to watch. They’ve now been married for almost 20 years and have 3 kids. The original couple have been married for over 21 years and have 2 kids of their own. We’re still all really close friends!
I recognized the first story right away. You don't forget something that cruel, and just....ew. I hope her and her fiancé (hopefully now husband) are living life wonderfully without that horrible "sister" and the rest of the messed up family for taking her side. 😑
I like when Charlotte shares bits of her own life and lessons she has learned. She is an entertaining comedian but also can be deep and share her heart, like good friend do.
When I was in high school, my close female "friend" would always find ways to act helpless and need my boyfriend's help with random things all the time - driving her around, going over to her place to move the furniture, etc. She went as far as to invite herself on a weekend trip with his family, which I was too shy and uncomfortable to raise objection to. She overstepped boundaries so many times I called her out, she responded with insults, name-calling, and, ironically, shaming my morals. Safe to say we were never friends since, lol
Was friends with someone for 20yrs. Called her out on some BS. She still holds a grudge another 20yrs later. Saw her about 5 yrs ago and she gave me the ultimate side eye. If someone is going to be that way.. #1 wasn't that good of a friend in the first place. #2 I don't need that negativity in my life. #3 Bye bye-bye
I had a friend who when they were going through tough times I was there to listen and support, was up all night when them on the phone once even though I had work the next day. And when I was going through a tough time I was “a bad friend” because I could not be there for every little thing anymore. Lots more happened but she texted me “delete this number we’re done!” I went alright cool and did just that. Months later she emails me, I blocked her on everything else, and said she wanted to talk about what happened. I replied that I only feel comfortable communicating through emails, and asked what exactly it is you want to talk about. Nothing back, honestly when people only appear when it benefits them or you can do things for them they are not friends, cut those people out of your life. And people who react horribly when you express that they have crossed a boundary rather than, I am so sorry I will not do so again, same thing.
Congrats Brett and Lauren! So excited to see the response. Totally fantastic of you, Charlotte, for doing this. So many wouldn't. You're truly a blessing to so many.
One of mine decided 45 minutes before the wedding that she didn’t want to wear the gloves I had chosen. She also recommended the photographer who took horrible photos, and the cake maker who completely disregarded everything we said about the icing. I really can’t help but feel like she did it deliberately. No, my bridesmaids weren’t out any money. We paid for everything from shoes to flights.
I’ve been watching Charlotte’s videos for a good while now, “to keep perspective” as I’ve been planning my own wedding for the past few years. I got married on Saturday and it was just wonderful. The bridesmaids were my sisters and some of my closest friends, the cake and food were delightful, the weather was gorgeous… there were a few mishaps but nothing we couldn’t laugh off! So I’m sorry I can’t add to your content but I want you to know how much you’ve helped me appreciate how smoothly my day went 😂❤
on the subject of calling out hurtful behavior; yes, people are hyper-touchy and unable to admit/accept they might have offended. A neighbor of mine had become a dear friend and so I felt comfortable telling her that I had been hurt by a comment she had made at a social gathering earlier in the week. My goal was to keep our relationship open, compassionate and respectful. Well, she exploded like Vesuvius! It's good to know where you stand, but it never feels good in the moment.
I called out my birth giver for always coddling my brother and she started listing all the things she 'sacrificed' for me when I was born. Then asked how I thought I wasn't coddled since I wasn't forced to drop out of high school and start working (we live in the US). One of those things I'd heard since I was eight; she always complained that me being born was why she couldn't ever finish nursing school and that's why we never had money.
I called out a friend's maid of honor because I'd had enough. She didn't show up to help, she was "sick", but was able to make it to the reception and get wasted. Plus many other things. I finally told her a few days later to either apologize to the bride or I'm done with her. We are not friends to this day.
I recently called out a friend for constantly saying she was coming to events and at last minute cancelling because she exhausted herself doing other things. I asked her to please thing about managing her time better, or offering a maybe, but when you're cancelling over and over again for the same reason, it kind of sucks. I though we'd sorted it out, but then I found out a week later that she was bitching to multiple friends behind my back, that I was mad at her for being sick. She constantly plays the victim card and this was the last straw both for me and the friends she was bitching to. This same friend is someone who I went out of my way to help her with her wedding, that was very soon after mine. It was hurtful to find out that she was turn on me like that, but I'd rather confront someone and know the truth of who they are than to stay 'friends' and have them constantly disrespect your boundaries.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten is that whenever you choose to address something with someone you have to do it for yourself, to get it off your chest, to find closure, to be able to know you said something important to you but you should never do it with the expectation of the other person responding a certain way because you can’t control how others react and you’d just be setting yourself up for disappointment most times anyway and letting them hurt you more. So bottom line, you should only call other people out if you think it’ll make you feel better.
That's kinda the reason why, most of the time when I call someone out for how they treated me, I'll block them immediately after and burn all bridges after that. I don't need to hear the bs they're gonna say to "justify" their actions
I love this. I recently called out a few family members (which is something Ive never done) and it went about as I expected and they have now declared that Im the villian of the family but Im ok with that cos at least I let them know Im not going to sit back and be walked all over and lied about anymore
People who get mad at you for setting boundaries, are the ones who benefited from you having none. 👏🏾 ALWAYS call out people when they overstep. It helps you weed out the people who are acting in their own self interest.
If Charlotte was my besty and she was getting married today (April fool's day) I would wear a tear away brides gown. Just to see that "THE AUDACITY!!!" look for a split second.😂🎉❤
I actually had something like this happen to within the last year. I had a group of friends I had know & been friends with for almost 10 years. Long story short they decided I wasn’t worth having around when I started having some financial troubles, I got kicked out of a bridal party & shunned for three months. I decided to send them a text explaining my feelings. I did my best to word it so that I wasn’t blaming them just explaining how I felt. I wasn’t expecting a response & I didn’t have any desire to try to mend the friendship. Once you are out of a bad situation you start to see the things that you overlooked before. Anyway, the response I got back was one of the nastiest things anyone had ever said to me. Calling my mental illness a pity party, and other things like that. When I read that message it was extremely validating. It proved to me that they genuinely didn’t care & that no matter what I did they were going to make drama. Point is, I do think it is worth calling someone out even if you don’t care about the relationship anymore. I thought maybe we could calmly agree to part ways, but it showed me that they never really cared about my feelings, which helped remove a lot of guilt I was feeling.
I am sorry you had to deal with those types of “friends” who definitely weren’t true friends. I am glad you are no longer in their group and good for you in for standing up for yourself! I’m glad you found out what they were truly like, but I’m sorry you had to go through that ordeal to find out.
The only ones I called out and learned to get better are my parents. They are working on themselves, and yeah, sometimes they fall back into bad habits, but they always tries again quicker and better each times. I'm sincerely proud of them as we are all working hard to make this relationship work after years and years of mistrust, and it is really reassuring to know we got to that point before the birth of my kid. ... Well, my husband is still not totally buying it and watch them closely, but to be fair, I'm doing the same with his own parents. We both didn’t have an easy childhood, so we kind to get very defensive to the ones we love more than for ourselves. But with how things goes, I'm sure in a couple of years, things will only gets better and better. After all, people who truly don't want to change wouldn't put on that much work like my parents do right now.
My former sister-in-law was from China and wore an extremely fancy white dress ( beading lace the works) to my sister's wedding. In their traditions the bride wore red and white was mourning. May or not been on purpose. My brother, her husband, is usually clueless. They did not last long and a nasty divorce for brother.
You call someone out for you... your closure... your final proof that you were right about them all along. It won't change them but it'll give you what you need to be okay with moving on. 🙂💖
for the first story: as someone who older sister has died when i was young and likes making jokes about my own personal trauma and lets their friends make a few jokes to make me laugh. i can confirm what his sister did is not funny. if someone did that to me i would be devastated. there’s a time and place for trauma jokes and that’s not it, you also need to know the person would be okay with it (which a lot of people are not)
That situation you were talking about where you set a boundary and someone totally turns the tables on you, just happened this week with a breakup. It was so mind boggling/shocking for this person's reaction and it was just incredibly defensive and a super lash out. Honestly, I am glad that I brought it up because while it did hit a nerve for them and result in a very unsavory response, I am glad I said something. It helped me redefine my own boundary going forward. Thank you for talking through this, it definitely felt supportive.
I had to un-bridesmaid a friend of mine because she planned a trip on the one day I needed the wedding party for a rehearsal. I never expected her to be anywhere but always made the offer and asked if she was free…she never was because her brother was also engaged around the same time. I told the entire party six months in advance that I needed everyone to be available just this one day. I reminded them all in a group chat every month leading up to that day. Two weeks before, she texted me that she was going to see her boyfriend in Colorado that day…she also didn’t buy her dress. I did. Every single other person in the wedding party was able to attend the rehearsal day with ease and was responsible for their own attire. She also didn’t go dress shopping with me but all my other bridesmaids were there. But when I was upset with her that she planned a trip on the only day I needed her besides the wedding day, she called me a bridezilla. I told her she could still come to the wedding but I don’t want her in the wedding party anymore. It’s been probably about 6 years since I’ve spoken to her.
The way I see it is that I'm single so clearly I'm not getting married any time soon but I do take notes in these videos and read as many comments as I can to gather opinions and whatnot. I'm not planning a wedding but I'm taking notes on how NOT to ever plan a wedding xD
never planned on getting married (not my thing.) I have never been married. I still have a beautiful child, two awesome defacto "step" kids, and an amazing partner who does want to get married but is understanding enough to not push the subject (although I'm considering that in the far future.) If I do end up getting married, it will be in a courthouse with 2 people to count as witnesses. I can't deal with the bells and whistles but I love my dude and we share everything, so maybe?
Don’t let all these videos sway you. My wedding was so much fun!!! I couldn’t stop smiling all day and we have such great memories. If you are a chill bride and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the silly little items, you will enjoy your day.
Calling someone out is for yourself! Not for them to change or any other reason. A true friend would respond differently to a boundary. They would empathize and take it into consideration, because they know there is love. But you setting boundaries and calling someone out that reacts poorly, is so that you can stand in your power and your values. It is 100 percent for you!
I'm afraid I have to disagree. For me, if people never called me out, I wouldn't know when I'm overstepping boundaries half the time and some of the people I respect the most are the people who have the courage and conscience to tell me when I'm doing something wrong or hurt their feelings.
I've been invited to a fancy wedding in May, i haven't been to a fancy one before and i'm anxious. These bride videos are useful for deciding what i should wear and what not to do.
I normally don't respond, or comment, but personally I think you did the right by addressing them. You never know who's going to apologize, and actually take your feelings into consideration, ghosting them is never the answer. Finding out and getting closure and finding out if they care or not. Real friends care and want to do better if they hurt you. What you did, that was perfect.
Every time I get in my feelings about eloping, I remember how awful people are surrounding weddings. Mom and mil are psychos. My sister is an attention seeking golden child. Husband's family is awful (we both have narcissistic parents, and are the family scapegoats). There's no one (save for a few people) I would invite. These videos serve as examples of what we could have expected. I feel bad for all these couples. This kind of toxic behavior is exactly why we eloped and didn't tell anyone we got married.
My husband and I eloped, best decision we ever made! We were able to focus on planning our honeymoon and married life and weren't at all stressed about the wedding.
Ooooof, boundaries. I love you, Charlotte! I tried for a full year to salvage a friendship while trampling my own boundaries. This included walking on eggshells so I wouldn’t offend my “bestie,” trying to call out her substance abuse in the gentlest way possible, and continuously ignoring her blatant red flags and emotional abuse. All I got for it was her calling me from a mental hospital telling me that I had made her suicidal. And that was before I started distancing myself and she became vicious. Moral of the story is: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Lauren, congratulations girl!! Now if you have wedding drama (which I really hope you don’t but) let us know so we can help you through it! We are all here for you!
I ate a Cornish Pasty (veggie, by Niles, for other people from Kernow) before my wedding. There was so much boning in my dress bodice that I still looked fine in the photos. Eat what you want in your day. If you starve you risk fainting because it can be a long time between the ceremony and the wedding "breakfast". As it was, after the ceremony we had to drive across Cornwall to Newquay for our reception with a bottle of champagne in the car. We were merry when we arrived. Very merry. It was fab.
That reeks of "you're too sensitive" or "you're overreacting" I sweatergawd, so many conflicts could be easily solved by an apology, but people just don't want to admit they were wrong (sigh)
My whole family is like that. I've seen through a lot of the bs they were doing and saying then I got treated like the black sheep for not following along with their toxic behavior. It's narcissistic behavior tbh very manipulative stuff. It messes with my head to this day. Thankfully lots of therapy has helped. Plus a very healthy relationship helps too 😊 shows you what love and support really should look like and feel like. ❤
My brother and mother's love language is arguing he does itvwith his daughter too. They all have to be right. About everything even just how you would remove hot dog buns from a bag(yup it was stupid) its like they're not having a good time till someone leaves in tears. After his cancer he was kinda doubling down on this type of behavior. Hes cancer free now 5 years later. However after my cancer diagnosis I almost died several times was in and out of hospitals for months. I put my foot down and said I was no longer putting up with this kind of "im always right even if you Google and prove me wrong " bullshit. This is not how family should be cuz id get pulled in. Usually tho if I insisted I was right it was because I kinda was and would back it up with information lol. But I told them they are fine to do this to one another but myself my hubs and both kiddos and their family would start going no contact if they didn't rein in the petty bullshit. My attitude has completely changed since my dance with the devil(I stepped on his DAMN toes! 🤣) I'm four years clear and still suffer off and on from all the cure side effects. They all know ill stick to my word. I know I made sound like my family sucks but quite frankly we all love one another a great deal. I even lived with my mom while recovering as she had a better floor plan with extra bedroom bath that was easier to use as hub worked all day and my kids have their own homes and I needed 24/7 care. But the argument thing is/was always around family dinner/holidays. Its been about 2 years since I popped my cork and verbally toss them all under the bus at Christmas but its much better now. Its like they just couldn't see how destructive this was heading and yes we do argue a bit but its more light hearted and less "throw someone under the bus" I hope everyone can have these good family moments.
omg congrats to the happy couple, gotta love Charlotte, not only is she making our days brighter by being incredibly funny, she's also helping couples to the next stage of their relationship, absolutely adorable
On the second to last story: yes, it's narcissism. It's better to call them out because narcissists CAN recognize and change their behavior just like anyone else with a disorder. However, they have to CHOOSE to work on changing their behavior, again just like anyone else. Being a narcissist is not an excuse to abuse people.
Bruh, I defended myself from my sister-in-law over her lies and she FLIPPED and kept sending HUGE hateful messages, most of it made up, for MONTHS. I didn't reply to ANY of them. Then on my birthday, she tells brother-in-law (her and hubby's brother) that she'll be suing us at the end of the month if my husband doesn't talk to her 👀🤣 that was February and we haven't heard or received shit 😂 she delusional AF It is complicated though of course 🙄
I live for your videos 😅 the good, the bad, the petty - all of the wedding videos are my favs. My husband and I got married last year in our living room, with both sets of parents. We haven’t gotten to experience the true wedding experience yet and all these videos are teaching me all of the things I need to avoid and look out for when we’re finally able to afford to have ours in the future 😂 Thank you for this important and crucial duty you provide to the world. Consider this your official invite to my wedding for helping me more than a maid of honour ever could 😂🎉❤
When I was about 13, I confronted my best friend at the time about something that happened earlier that day. I tried to be mature and just told her how much her actions hurt me. Only to be laughed at by her and another "friend" who yelled at me to grow up. (I don't emeber exactly what she did but it was probably a mean prank)
I've never been married or even engaged, but my first serious relationship ended my friendship with my best friend at the time. So as context (I'll call her Jess); Jess had been trying to set me up with a bunch of sketchy guys for a long time. We were not around the best people all the time so a lot of these guys were a lot older and tweeked out on something. I'm not going to force myself into a relationship I know will not even start good. Our first week of our Senior year of highschool I ran into an old fling from Jr high (I'll call him Brad). When we started dating and I was spending a lot more time with Brad, Jess started talking all kinds of shit on me and how I'm "dickmatized". She never once talked to me about it and when I asked what she thought about him, she lied to me with a smile on her face. I know everything she's said about me because her little sister told me every single day. I finally confronted Jess about everything she's said, word for word and she couldn't deny it anymore. She showed her true colors by telling me that she'd been stuck at home for 2 weeks because I had been with him everyday. Basically she's was just mad that Brad pulled me out from under her thumb and I wasn't her free taxi anymore. After I told her I was done id realized everything she's done to me is wrong and goes against what a friendship means. She pushed away every guy I chose and made sure I would rely on her and bend over at her will. In the end I broke up with Brad because he got too controlling and was on the verge of abuse. But I am greatful that he helped me cut ties with her because she's just not a good friend or partner.
Ok - listening to Charlotte’s all too on point rant about people claiming they’re “victims” with happy, jazzy background music playing …. Perfection! 😂😂😂
The proposal bit was the best! 🎉🎉🎉❤ She is glowing and he looks so proud of himself. Nicely done Charlotte, or shall we call you Ms. Charlotte Cupid from now on. So sweet and how special for you as well my Queen. Xoxo
For calling a person out and having said person lash out, I'm reminded of something a former CIA operative in an interview once said. "Everyone believes they are the good guy." When someone points out that your doing something stupid, they get defensive because they feel what they did is moral and correct, and don't want to admit they did something wrong. And while some people can see that they're moral compass is broken, they don't want to be embarrassed, and will continue to convince them that it's facing north.
I think you even had the same reaction to the skeleton story as you did the first time you reacted to it. I still watched the whole thing anyways. I've watched many of your videos over and over. Thank You for all the very entertaining and enjoyable videos.
I had a friend that lashed out the moment she got called out for her toxic and abusive behavior and she couldn’t take any responsibility for it, tried to pin the blame on me and then played the victim. I said my part and then blocked her everywhere and told her to never approach me again. 😂
As someone who had called someone out and ghosted someone, I would agree that ghosting is the better option. I called someone out for not committing to a promise and they acted like the promise was never a thing. That day I wound up in tears over what happened because it was clear they didn’t care about me or my feelings. Later I wound up working with someone who didn’t put effort into the project we were working on, and while I did give her a warning (as well as some negative feedback on an evaluation we had to do) I just decided to make no effort to talk to her much following the conclusion of the project. Don’t waste energy calling out negative people because they don’t care and won’t change (unless they actually do seem to care and just made a mistake, obviously).
The bride with the late sister is such a good fiance. She's got such a big heart. I hope they're together and thriving. Because they both care more about each other's happiness over their own.
If they are a true narcissist, calling them out will do absolutely nothing and may actually make them lash out harder. If they just have narcissistic tendencies, calling them out may help appeal to their better nature. So it really depends on the person.
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Congratulations to Brett and Lauren! Thank you for involving me in your engagement! We wish you a lifetime of happiness!
Congrats, Brett and Lauren!
YAY! Congrats!
Yay! Super exciting news 🎉
Yes!!!! ❤❤❤
Congrats guys!! ❤️ 🥳
As a person who lost my 18yr old brother at the age of 6, no joke about a lost sibling or any loved one is funny or cute. Period.
As someone in similar circumstances, I absolutely second this. Like, if anything sister was lucky fiancée didn't slap her. And, honestly, it's wild to me that OP's family are trying to pull the, "She's just a kid that didn't know any better!" card when the sister's 20 not, you know, 16 or something.
@@Redluna32 and even 16 is way older to be that big of a prick
So agreed! My dad lost his older sis (10 months older) when she was 17 in a house fire & she was pregnant 🙏 she was going to marry her HS sweetheart 🙏 They never told my sweet Grams she was expecting ❣️ 🪺 ✝️
I have 2 other aunts that were her younger sisters along with my dad & my mom was induced so I’d be born on 11/02 just to avoid being born on the day my beautiful Aunt Patricia died on 11/04 💐 my dad died at 50 😢 & his nickname was daddio/ skull (lmao) 💀 & even I would be offended if someone rolled in a skeleton saying it’s my dad walking me down the aisle! 20 years old is old enough to know better- you might drink too much- but your true character just shines on through!! ✨
Agreed! I haven't personally had this experience but my ex boyfriend lost his dad when he was 13 and even though he himself made jokes about it I never did even though he told me multiple times that I'm free to make those jokes too. We're still friends (although mostly online) and I still don't make jokes about it. If he wants to joke about it I have no issues with it but I'm not gonna risk saying something at the wrong time and make him sad.
Completely correct !! I lost my entire family. There are those @ssholes who thinks that it's "FUNNY" to make jokes about my loss. I equate this type of language with someone trying to shame someone who is in a wheelchair or blind or whatever. I react when people say those things to me or behind my back with a face to face b!tch slap or a swift kick to the crotch.
First story: the fact that she hasn’t readily and immediately offered an apology from her own heart, but needs to be coerced to apologize is absolutely disgusting and illustrates that she doesn’t think what she did was wrong.
I am guessing that she has gotten a free pass over the years in the name of 'oh, she's just being EDGY!' and has never been held to account for her actions. I think it is fair to tell her and the rest of the family 'It makes me sad that you all will not be at the wedding, but I do not trust sister to not pull some other distasteful joke and end up spoiling the day for wife-to-be and her family. Your casual attitude towards her deeply tasteless and hurtful prank tells me that you do not have the best interests of my wife's happiness in mind, so I find it odd that you would even WANT to attend the wedding of someone whose feelings are of so little matter to you.'
Maybe she has psychopathy. Psychopathic people use cognitive empathy (they know when someone is sad, happy, scared etc) but they lack emotional empathy (they don't feel sadness, happiness, fear...when they are talking to a person who is feeling sadness, happiness, fear etc).
I want an update on this lol
Yeah that's what I'm stuck on. It was cruel, tacky, bad humor, totally inappropriate but knowing how her stunt hurt others and she still hasn't apologized, then NO! I don't care if the fiancee said it's ok, personally if I was her I may say that not wanting to put him in that position. However, I'd respect him a lot more knowing he stood his ground.
Is it REALLY the bridesmaid’s fault? The boyfriend is the one who chose THAT PLACE AND TIME to propose. Had I been the bridesmaid, I would have vehemently chastised the boyfriend, IMMEDIATELY apologized to the bride, and left the venue!!!!
I’m getting my PhD in Counseling Psychology and this is one of my favorite phrases to say to clients. “If someone pushed back on you setting a boundary, it means they benefited from the boundary not being there in the first place.” Love you Charlotte!
That’s so good, I’m going to remember that!
I even made a screenshot of this 😁!!!
Thank you for this. I've been having a hard time with standing my ground. I'm almost 30 and still trying to draw boundaries with my narcissistic parents. They always end up making me feel like the bad guy and I end up backing down. Now I have something that'll spell out my concerns and hopefully respect me.
I’ve never heard it phrased this way, and I love it. Thanks for sharing. I wish you the best in your career. Don’t forget to put your mental health first and find a therapist who you can trust. Being a counselor is difficult and sometimes your patients’ stories are heartbreaking. So take good care of yourself. I’ve heard it said that you can’t pour into other people’s cups when yours is empty.
@@haz.fellieif you can afford a few sessions with a counselor or maybe get one of those therapy app subscriptions, they can really help you. I saw my first therapist after my dad died suddenly. On top of being a grief therapist she was nurse practitioner who handled my depression meds and gave me great life advice on dealing with my narc mom. The most important thing she told me was that it was mentally healthy for me to take a step back in my relationship with my mom when our relationship was hurting me. My dad had always begged me to continue a relationship with her and love her how she was when she was acting toxic after they separated and divorced, but even he couldn’t have imagined how she’d act after he died. (She sued my stepmom over my dad’s estate instead of accepting what my dad left for everyone.) Having permission to put up boundaries helped me so much. Your mental and physical health are the most important. It’s ok and actually an act of self care to take some time off from your parents if being around your parents is causing you mental and physical pain (mental health issues can cause chronic stress that snowballs into illness and even chronic pain). The r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit on Reddit is also for mothers and has a lot of great resources for people who are dealing with toxicity in their parental relationships. I’ve found some really good advice from the users, but there is also a lot of drama. For the most part there’s a lot of good advice.
Also it’s never advised to go to therapy with narcissists or family members who have been abusive. It only gives them more ammo to use against you, and they won’t change. If they want to change they’d volunteer to go to individual therapy and continue to go regularly while showing you how they’ve changed.
Still can't get over the skeleton story. I vaguely remember getting upset at it before, the guy is an absolute gem for sticking up for his fiancée and her family - and he's being gaslit into thinking he might be in the wrong. It's really sad and disappointing. The horror I would feel if someone did it to make fun of someone I know who's died, I can't even imagine...
especially saying that "it was JuSt a JoKe dUh" when there's no actual punchline in the first place besides "i wanted to hurt you", which is rather trying to get away with being a mean girl than "it's just my edgy humour get over it hee, hee" URCHH this sort of thing makes me really mad.
This story has most definitely been discussed before and I assume it was on this channel cause I don't really watch this type of content elsewhere. It's not the type of story you easily forget. I remember commenting that this is psychopathic behaviour.
@@elliest55 yeah, it was on this channel, there's even a flashback in the video to the other video where she read that story.
Yes, there is totally gaslighting from the family.
Yeah, I was thinking he could’ve talked to the parents of the bride. Like ask them how they personally feel about the bridesmaid being at the wedding. Since it was their daughter who died so they should get a vote in deciding if she could attend or not.
If someone proposes during your wedding, you can go to their wedding and announce your pregnancy. Even if you're not pregnant and questioned later, tell them it was a false positive.
I think I read a story where someone did exactly that.
That would be petty, but this channel is all about petty sometimes. But, I must admit that it would be karma, so proclaim away and show them how it feels.
@Linda Patton yeah! I'm sure Charlotte showed on where the maid of honour proposed at OPs wedding so during her "friends" wedding she was maid of honour, she switched the flowers of the flower girl to blue and showef a sideshow about the bride but on the last few slides announced her pregnancy! 😭
good idea
If you're mentally 2 years old, this is a great idea.
as someone who’s 21, i can say she’s not a dumb kid anymore, she knew what she was doing
I was thinking the same! She knew exactly the reaction, fallout & consequences.
As a former 21 year old, I did many dumb things still and didn't always know what I was doing. But this wasn't dumb, it was cruel. Horrible person.
As someone that was 21 some time ago I can confirm that they are, in fact, still dumb kids.
I was 21 not that long ago, and can attest that 21 year olds do a LOT of stupid shit, however, they are 100% capable of thinking things through, are not children, and shouldn't be treated as such. Being an asshole is being an asshole, and that's exactly what that sister did.
I just turned 22; I still do silly, dumb things, make mistakes, but I would NEVER IN MY LIFE make theatrics over someone I openly dislikes’ dead sister. I love edgy humor but holy crap, that’s messed up
If there are no consequences for that sister’s actions, imagine what she will continue to do all under the guise of “it was a joke”
Exactly! People who use "Oh it was 'just' a prank" are pathetic. They want to get away with doing something disrespectful and stupid under the guise of it being a so-called joke. They need a mouthful of their own medicine.
💯
That B needs to be swung on
Bullies always make their cruel actions as "jokes." Manipulative shit. Been the receptacle of that.
That’s what narcissists say when they get busted, that it was a joke and you have no sense of humour. I just pray to God the bride’s mother wasn’t there to see that. I can’t think of anything more cruel to do to someone who lost a sister. That’s just not right in any way, and there was NOTHING FUNNY about it.
My heart shattered hearing about the skeleton. That's never a joke. A good coworker of mine once said you can lose your parents, and you can lose your grandparents. You can even lose your spouse, but nothing will never hurt more than having to burry a child in the ground. I lost my daughter April 1st years ago and due to ppl always making death jokes and say I need to get over it is why I disappear for the day to a point no one can find me. I remember that story on this channel.shoved it back of my mind and now my heart hurts once again.
I am so sorry for your loss and send you so much love, healing, and hugs.
It’s been thirty years and I can say there will be a hole inside you filled with pain and grief, forever. You can learn to live with it, to go on. For yourself and for the others in your life who you love and who love you and that’s as it should be. But the pain never leaves, there is no other like it, it’s depth and severity cannot be imagined by anyone who hasn’t been there. I am so sorry you had to bear it, I wish you peace, and joy in your life.
@Jill every year on her bday I'd go to her grave and decorate it and celebrate like she's still here. And every year I'll always say oh my daughter turning so and so instead of oh she would have. Like his year she's a pretty teen and I am.not.looking forward to her being an offical teenager
@@samauraipc16thats so sweet even though shes not there with you she will always be there in heart
The skeleton story just floored me! I think the groom needs to consider that his sister may be a psychopath. Not even kidding.
I screamed at that first story in horror. That's the kinda thing you joke with your nearest and dearest friends who share your dark humor, but you never actually go through with it! Absolutely evil.
I screamed and I was thinking the same thing! This is truly horrifying! Probably the most diabolical thing you could ever do!
She knew exactly what she was doing as OP even said she never liked his fiancée. She’s exhibiting textbook narcissist behavior because now the attention is back on her. Their family are her flying monkeys, minimizing her responsibility and not even pressuring her to apologize but rather gaslighting OP.
That's comedically evil. Like what the fuck.
1st story, there is something wrong with his sister and family. The fact they really don't see anything wrong with what she did and even said that it's not like it was the actual skeleton is just mind blowing.
Probably the golden child, it sounds like she had to make that day about her. EVERYONE was talking about her and would be talking about her on the wedding day if she attended so she got what she wanted and clearly expects no consequences.
The sister's a sociopath... only personality that would do something like that without regret
That's a family that has been repeating the cycle of having an abuser and forgiving their bad behavior. Fortunately, it sounds like OP has broken the cycle and if they have children won't allow that behavior. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to a whole family colored by abuse. I commend OP for their behavior.
I don’t know……did they check? Wouldn’t put it past that psycho
Sounds like he's the only normal one in that family...
Yay! she said YES! Thank you both for sharing this moment with us all, and Thank you Charlotte for being Awesome!
I know! Congratulations to them! Hopefully they're reading the comments!! Also Ive been wondering if there was another Lauren who was also dating a guy named Brett who thought the proposal was for her and then said yes and caused chaos in the relationship 😅 Lauren and Brett are pretty common names I actually know a Lauren dating a guy named Brett irl! Not this couple but completely different people.
*gasp*
Oh my God! That's so amazing! Congradulations! I'm happy for you both!
Often when someone is called out, they try to deflect blame to justify their actions. They are trying to take the negative attention off themselves and it sucks.
Right? Totally blows.
i agree but it also depends on the situation. i personally deflect, but it's because i'm trying to show my parents how theyre being hypocritical. my parents have a habit of letting my younger sister (trans, currently still a "boy", but she identifies as a girl) do whatever she pleases, but if GOD FORBID i forget to clean the dishes, do the litterboxes, etc they always get on my ass and call me lazy and claim i'm not compassionate, my stepdad sometimes even blocks my internet. i deflect and try to explain my sister literally does nothing around the apartment (doesnt often do the garbage/recycling and never does the litter because "it smells", rarely does the dishes, doesnt clean the bathrooms, doesnt vacuum the house, etc etc), but they let her stay up all hours of the night whereas my wifi is blocked at 1am despite not "contributing" like they claim i do not. they always snap that i need to stop deflecting and "i'm only mad because they speak the truth". it's really, REALLY annoying at this point...i'm so sick of arguing and complaining about the wifi because it's so obvious theres some favoritism involved. most of my other side of the family and my friends agree theyre being unreasonable and unfair, though agree i should help out around the house more and help pay bills (both of which i do every chance i get)
It's called gas lighting..
usually when they react like that its because your intuition and fearlessness is intimidating...don't back down and don't be rude. setting boundaries is about consistency
As someone who does cross boundaries alot without realizing it, i appreciate ppl calling me out if done with care.
Yes, we shouldn’t assume everyone is on the exact same page when it comes to these things due to cultural differences, social development, etc. When someone makes a serious faux pas (a term I think needs to come back into use) they should be told what they’ve done and most of the judgement should be on how they respond to determine if was ignorance, self-centeredness, or outright malevolence. This sister sounds like the last and merits a harsher response.
I called someone out for lying a few days ago. The response was explosive, the name calling was epic, the denial was on another level. I've never been more sure I'm right about anything or more emotionally hurt.
I know a young couple where drama started happening almost as soon as they announced their engagement. They decided to turn their engagement party into a surprise wedding. People wore what they wanted. They had the food they wanted to have served. She wore the gown she wanted. No arguments and no compromises. The bride told me it was so much fun. Not to mention less expensive and way less complicated. They rented a restaurant/ bar for the evening.
That's kinda cool tbh, I wish I was there
That's pretty genius.
I read a story similar to this except the couple told the guests it was a costume party and one guest went as a zombie bride (or something like that, either way she was unknowingly wearing a wedding dress to a wedding). Basically long story short it all came down to the groom trying to put a wedge between this guest and the bride and I don’t think the couple is together anymore.
As soon as Charlotte said "she wheeled in the special guest" I remembered that first awful story. Evil sister and family. I hope the OP is living happily with their wife now.
Ya same. That was awful. That sister is awful.
I remember that one too I definitely wouldn’t have her in my wedding party…I’m not even sure I’d want someone like that as a guest.
That’s awesome you done the proposal for Brett and Lauren. That’s really cool and I think shows your character which has always struck me as a person who only wants to see people happy. And you bring so much happiness and laughter into my life and I so appreciate it.
🥹❤️
"she's just a bumb kid!" SHE'S EFFING *TWENTY YEARS OLD* SHE KNOWS BETTER AT THAT POINT.
For the call out, I had a friend who was supposed to be the maid of honor, she didn't do any of it. I chalked it up to her struggling with me (which she was), but she called me a bridezilla after I told her I didn't want her to wear sneakers to the wedding. I was a pretty chill bride. I only chose the color and told everyone to choose a dress that fit their style and figure. I just requested dressy shoes with whatever they were comfortable in. We aren't friends anymore because she kept gaslighting me saying that bachelorette parties were something of the past and I shouldn't have one (more than likely she didn't want to plan it). She got pissed that my aunts declared I needed to have one and took me to a piano bar, where we had a great time!
I kind of wondered if that one where the bridesmaid didn’t show up or call or anything wanted to be more important than just being a bridesmaid…like maybe she wanted to be the maid/matron on honor and since she wasn’t decided to try to sabotage the wedding. Either that or had a major crush on the future husband and was jealous…
Good job aunts!!
When you call someone out for hurting you and they lash out at you, they are blaming you for not letting them walk all over you anymore. 💯
🎯
yep
Exactly!!
Just told my kid that last night
Yup my sister, but when I do the shoo shoo hand motion to her so I Dont want her toxicity she got defensive. Oh oh now ur feeling hurts eh.. 😂😂
This community is best, and thank you Brett and Lauren for including us in your special moment. Congratulations 🎉🎉❤
As someone who let people walk all over me, it shocked them when I decided to stand up for myself or set boundaries. And it threw them off because they were so used to crossing the line. And they didn’t want to admit to being wrong so they thought I was the bad friend.
I do admit my fault in letting them believe treating me that way was okay, but I didn’t really have much self confidence and thought it was normal and maybe I deserved it.
But also it's not your fault that people take advantage of you - you can't be held responsible for other people's "a-holery"
Good for you for finally standing up for yourself and making boundaries. That takes a lot of courage!
You do not deserve it. Ever. Thats just their mind games to justify them being pieces of shit. Shit people don't like it when you set boundaries. You never deserved it.
This has happened to me too. Fortunately, now it's easier to let people go when they disrespect me and their actions don't change when they get called out.
@@CaseyBear87 exactly. People who disrespect you don't care. So lately I don't waste time calling them out
Reacting to being called out starts YOUNG with a lot of people. My 11yo called out her two friends for ditching and befriending again a mutual little girl, following the decisions of their apparent ringleader. Neither one of them is speaking to her right now, but I'm SO proud of her!!
I had a bridesmaid like Sarah and it broke my heart that our friendship end was catalysed by the best day of my life. Nothing like a wedding to show you who actually loves and supports you.
every friendship I have had to personally end has gone this way. However I will say getting to see them freak out is a great way to not feel guilty or miss the friendship anymore. It's basically a crazy test.
I lost my dad when I was 16 and now I'm 34 and it still somewhat hurts. I have a dark sense of humor so I might even laugh if a skeleton dressed as "father of the bride" was brought to me, BUT.. MASSIVE BUT... I could only accept that from a friend SO close to me that such jokes would be expected from, you know that kind of friend who has the sick sense of humour as you? not from a random guest. Still... I don't know if that would make me sad tbh, instead of making me smile, grief is such a delicate and intimate thing that really should be treated with the utmost respect. And most importantly, the lack of apologies told everything we need to know, absolutely disgusting.
First of I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you have friends or family you can talk to if you need it!
I haven't personally had this experience but my ex boyfriend lost his dad when he was 13 and even though he himself made jokes about it I never did even though he told me multiple times that I'm free to make those jokes too. We're still friends (although mostly online) and I still don't make jokes about it. If he wants to joke about it I have no issues with it but I'm not gonna risk saying something at the wrong time and make him sad.
I lost my dad young too. I also have dark humor coping skills.
I personally think I would still be sad because it’s a reminder that my dad isn’t there to walk me down the aisle and share the special moment.
I lost my father in my early 30s. Like you I have a dark (sometimes twisted) sense of humour, but I'd hesitate to say I'd find it funny. As you said, It depends on who is doing it (a really good friend who "gets" you vs. someone you know is not fond of you), but also in how it's done. The way this was presented just felt malicious.
@@bryannacloutier4018 I’m sorry 😢. And ya it’s really dependent on the person and the event. And best just not to do. Lost my mom and I’d be so mad.
@@lokicooper4690 The thing is let’s just say your best friend did the skeleton thing and you did end up being upset then that friend would appologize right? The girl who did the prank in the story refused to do so and that’s just wrong :/
Most times when you call others out they only snap back at you because you’ve hit a raw nerve with the truth 🇦🇺💜🇮🇹
Absolutely 💯 nailed it
As Mother Aughra from the Dark Crystal series once said : "Some dress to conceal their body. Others to reveal their nature."
She wasn't a bridesmaid but I 100% called out my ex bestie when she told me she was trying to find a random sperm donor to get her pregnant so she could have a baby and not feel "left out" because "all her friends were getting pregnantor married". The kicker to this conversation was I was on day 4 or 5 of a 10 day work week before I would take maternity leave (I actually ended up giving birth like 3 days after that conversation) She also tried to make my entire pregnancy about her and got mad at me because I didn't want to have a babysitter during a covid spike. Her exact words were "How am I supposed to live vicariously through you if you won't do anything I want to plan."
I told her how stupid she was to even consider being a single mom when I've had to help her out with rent and food numerous times over our friendship especially the last year of our friendship and last time I helped her with rent was a week before because she gave her last $200 to a guy for commersary while he was in jail and she couldn't even confirm if he was in jail or lying about it. I reminded her the reality of everything I went through in my pregnancy and how much work I had to miss over 9 months from being so sick and that if she were to be a single mother she'd be setting herself and her child up for failure. Especially because she knew her family would disown her for being a single mom.
Instead of hearing out my concerns she said I didn't know what I was talking about, said she didn't need my negativity and left the conversation as it was.
When my son was born she stalked my stories everyday but never responded or asked how me or the baby were doing. Blocked her on everything when my son was 4 months and she hasn't tried to contact me since. It's been over a year.
This women is does not want to be just friends she wants to be you.
You’re better off
When it comes boundaries, the only people who will be upset over you setting them, are the ones who willingly cross them.
Learned that a long time ago.
So true!
yup
Wise words
True. That's why now I only talk to my friends from my old state and cut off my friend here cus she would only call me when no one else was around.
This hit home too well. Currently dealing with that. Thank you for your perspective.
This video inspired me to share my own terrible bridesmaird/groomsman story. For my wedding, myself, all three of my bridesmaids, and a groomsman were tasked with helping me put together decorations and party favors. The groomsman focused on party favors while the bridesmaids made pastel paper roses (because i'm allergic to flowers) made of sheet music (from my husband's favorite musicals). The girls were to make their own bouquets and the boutonnieres for the guys they were walking down the isle with. Now, I'm not a picky person, but I wanted some semblance of uniformity, so I showed the girls how I had made my bouquet, as it was a little tricky to make them look like roses and not cone flowers of some kind. We all took a day off work to get this done, since it was a tedious task. An hour and a half in, two of the girls basically gave up because it was "too hard", and my third bridesmaid (we'll call her the helpful bridesmaid) ended up taking the whole day to make All of the flower arrangements. Fast forward to the day before. I let the three bridesmaids and three groomsman know that we can't get into the event hall until 9am the day of, and the wedding started at 4, so i would need them all, including groomsmen, to show up at 9am to help put everything up and together. We decided that since one of the bridesmaids and the groomsman that helped with the party favors were dating, so they lived together, that they would hold on to the decorations, and the helpful bridesmaid would stay the night at their house so she could get to the hall on time in the morning, as she didn't have a car. Everyone agreed on that plan.
Day of the wedding. My husband, my mother (who was catering), and I arrive at the hall just to find that only the lone bridesmaid has shown up on time. No group with the decorations. No lone groomsmen. Okay, no problem. We still have hours, and we could help my mom in the kitchen until they all showed up. 10am rolls around. The two lone groomsmen have shown up, but have nothing to do as the kitchen is full and my husband and I had moved all the tables and chairs where they needed to go already. Still no group with the decorations, still no word from them at all. Noon comes around and some close family members start showing up to help in any way they can because they're nice like that. Unfortunately, no one has anything to do and everyone is just sitting around trying to get ahold of the two bridesmaids and the groomsman. No one is picking up their phones. I try to stay cool, but I'm starting to panic.
They never end up answering their phones, but end up showing up at the hall at 2pm, two measley hours before the wedding is supposed to start. As soon as they pull up, the helpful bridesmaid starts grabbing everythiing she can from the car and hauling it into the hall to distribute to waiting guests to put up. The other two meander their way into the hall, talking and laughing, like they aren't 5 hours late. I confronted the lazy bridesmaid and her groomsman, as they were in charge of driving and getting themselves and the helpful bridesmaid to the hall on time. Their story was that over night, their cat had chewed up the bra that the girl was going to wear and they had to run to the store to get a new one. At that point i was fuming. She could have dropped off the decorations, the groomsman, and the helpful bridesmaid before going to get a new bra. They all could have answered their phones. And regardless of any of that, it does Not take 5 hours to find a bra.
In the two hours we had, we got a quarter of the decorations up, a tenth of the balloons blown up that I wanted (we had pumps, I wasn't suffocating anyone), and the party favors out. That's it.That pushed us all the way until 4 o'clock when the wedding was supposed to be starting. That's when we all finally went to get ready. Because of the delays and my dress being heavy with a long corset, I walked down the isle wearing only eye liner and lipstick, with a makeshift hair do (nothing like what i wanted), and nothing on my nails. Luckily, even though the party wouldn't go as planned, my husband couldn't care less if I was wearing a dress and makeup, or a potato sack and mud, he still cried at the alter when he saw me, and the wedding ceramony went off without any problems. BUT I haven't spoken to the braless bridesmade since, and I regret nothing. The helpful bridesmaid has been my best friend since my wedding day, my husband and I have been happily married for 8 years now, and we both view the whole day as a bad dream, except when we looked into each other's eyes and forgot the rest of the world. :)
Be careful who you trust on your wedding day people!!!
🤔. I feel like you had high expectations. That’s way too much to expect wedding party to do. Not everyone is good at crafts. And why did your mom do the catering? How could she enjoy herself at her daughter’s wedding if she was working?
It wasn’t nice of them to ghost you and they should’ve at least had a better excuse because I agree it wasn’t true about the bra. That makes no sense. But come on. They were probably overwhelmed and I feel like you were overbearing with all the tasks you expected everyone surrounding you to accomplish.
@@Mama_Bear524 I understand how I could have been asking too much of my wedding party. We were on very very small budget and I had planned on doing everything myself, but they all volunteered to help me with everything. I should have kept the decorations with me to avoid the unfortunate situation, but who could have foresaw what happened? And in hindsight, I shouldn't have let them take on so many of my responsibilities, it's my job to plan and set up because I was the bride.
And to address why my mom was catering, we had family and friends picking up various jobs for the wedding (as I said, practically no budget) and my mom used to run a catering company, and she loves feeding people, so she rather cater our events herself then spend the money on a caterer she doesn't trust. I didn't make her do it by any means. She told me she had a blast in the kitchen, and she was done with everything by 3pm, so she was able to enjoy the ceremony and reception. She made sure the food was buffet style so she wouldn't have to be distracted.
Thank you for your insight!
I don’t feel like you were asking too much. The decorations were already done. All they had to do was have them to you by 10am. That’s it. Not hard.
I don't feel like you asked too much, either - calling or texting when you can't make it on time for whatever reason is common courtesy no matter what the occasion is (excused only by really bad circumstances), so yeah. Good you cut them off and good that your marriage is more successful than your wedding 😊
@@Mama_Bear524 I agree with you. A wedding is a party not an unpaid job for your loved ones. That doesn't mean that if you commit to do something you should do it being responsible... Otherwise don't compromise yourself
Omg I was in that exact position. I called out a group of girls in my past who were supposed to be my ride or dies over how they hurt me and I ended up being labeled as the bad guy. Thinking back now I was always the timid and submissive one of the group but things started to change when I finally started standing up for myself. All I can say now is good riddance!
I went through a nightmare many years ago when I was about 18 years old. I went to a wedding wearing a knee long creme/golden dress (more towards gold than creme, it was just a ordinary little cocktail dress). I asked my mom if it was too close to white, and she said it was not. So I went to the wedding. The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding dress. Ceremony was beautiful and then it was time for the wedding reception, and horror struck me when the bride returned... IN THE SAME DRESS I WAS WEARING! She no longer had her white wedding dress, she had the exact same dress as me, and I was HORRID! I was so ashamed the whole evening even if people close to me said it was not my fault, because how could I or anyone know she would change to a cocktail dress and wear the same dress like the one I was wearing after the wedding ceremony. Horrid memory, and not one I recommend to anyone. Since then, I've never worn gold at a wedding again.
(I was so ashamed all evening I don't even remember the brides reaction. I think she smiled about it, but I really don't remember. Let's just say I stayed FAR AWAY from the bride all evening so the two dresses would not be seen together in the same area.)
Oh man I can imagine the embaressment. You didnt mean it. And you stayed away from her. And you learned from it.
Never cream, light grey, eggwhite light gold. Rule of thumb: if you wonder if its too close too white-dont wear it to a wedding 😊
Aww...
Please do NOT be hard on yourself!
You absolutely could *NOT* have known... And since the dress was more Gold in color, there's no reason why you couldn't wear it!
I'm sure you looked beautiful! You definitely are not a bad person for doing that!
Wow Charlotte, what you said about setting boundaries really hit me. I am a textbook "pleaser". My whole life I've been told "you're too nice! You should be tougher!" But then when I do stand up for myself, I get huge backlash! "You're not nice!" I am 48 and slowly starting to realize that "nice" isn't something you should always aspire to being. People take advantage, it's in their nature. They will always try to walk over you to get what they want. And if you guard your boundaries and stand in the way of that, they will get angry. Because you don't matter to them. They want something and you're denying them that, whatever it is. That's why it's so hard to stand up for yourself. You get shit when you do. But that's ok! You don't have to be nice and polite and accommodating at your own expense. I gave myself permission to be a bitch sometimes to guard myself, my children and my animals. It's fine! 😂
Go you!
It’s never too late to learn boundaries.
The sad truth is that People actually can be friends with not-so-nice people, they can respect boundaries and accommodate to their feelings, it’s just that people around nice people got used to have everything they want at their expense, so the moment nice people start to stand up for themselves, they suddenly become bad people and “no one will love you if you behave like that”
Congratulations to Brett and Lauren ❤🎉
The most beautiful proposal during a wedding I have seen is when the bride brought her bouquet to a bridesmade instead of throwing it to them all and let her man propose, it was so touching and so humble to see ❤️
A freind is a twin and this is what they did at her wedding.
Her sisters boyfriend asked and the bride and groom came up with the set up and wanted it. So it can be beautiful.
And THAT'S how it's done! Love that ❤
This was so sweet! I was in a wedding for a close friend, and her boyfriend was the best man. The wedding was on the beach by a hotel and then we went inside the hotel for the reception. The boyfriend had cleared the proposal with the bride and groom, and we all knew it was going to happen. He did take her out to beach to propose semi-privately, but all of us were peering out the windows to watch. They’ve now been married for almost 20 years and have 3 kids. The original couple have been married for over 21 years and have 2 kids of their own. We’re still all really close friends!
Yes, approved by the bride, no attention was stolen.
@@karencotlar2023, I am officially confused.
You were in a wedding for a close friend and the best man was her BF?
I recognized the first story right away. You don't forget something that cruel, and just....ew. I hope her and her fiancé (hopefully now husband) are living life wonderfully without that horrible "sister" and the rest of the messed up family for taking her side. 😑
I like when Charlotte shares bits of her own life and lessons she has learned. She is an entertaining comedian but also can be deep and share her heart, like good friend do.
When I was in high school, my close female "friend" would always find ways to act helpless and need my boyfriend's help with random things all the time - driving her around, going over to her place to move the furniture, etc. She went as far as to invite herself on a weekend trip with his family, which I was too shy and uncomfortable to raise objection to. She overstepped boundaries so many times I called her out, she responded with insults, name-calling, and, ironically, shaming my morals. Safe to say we were never friends since, lol
Was friends with someone for 20yrs. Called her out on some BS. She still holds a grudge another 20yrs later. Saw her about 5 yrs ago and she gave me the ultimate side eye. If someone is going to be that way.. #1 wasn't that good of a friend in the first place. #2 I don't need that negativity in my life. #3 Bye bye-bye
I had a friend who when they were going through tough times I was there to listen and support, was up all night when them on the phone once even though I had work the next day. And when I was going through a tough time I was “a bad friend” because I could not be there for every little thing anymore. Lots more happened but she texted me “delete this number we’re done!” I went alright cool and did just that. Months later she emails me, I blocked her on everything else, and said she wanted to talk about what happened. I replied that I only feel comfortable communicating through emails, and asked what exactly it is you want to talk about. Nothing back, honestly when people only appear when it benefits them or you can do things for them they are not friends, cut those people out of your life. And people who react horribly when you express that they have crossed a boundary rather than, I am so sorry I will not do so again, same thing.
Congrats Brett and Lauren! So excited to see the response. Totally fantastic of you, Charlotte, for doing this. So many wouldn't. You're truly a blessing to so many.
One of mine decided 45 minutes before the wedding that she didn’t want to wear the gloves I had chosen. She also recommended the photographer who took horrible photos, and the cake maker who completely disregarded everything we said about the icing. I really can’t help but feel like she did it deliberately. No, my bridesmaids weren’t out any money. We paid for everything from shoes to flights.
I’ve been watching Charlotte’s videos for a good while now, “to keep perspective” as I’ve been planning my own wedding for the past few years. I got married on Saturday and it was just wonderful. The bridesmaids were my sisters and some of my closest friends, the cake and food were delightful, the weather was gorgeous… there were a few mishaps but nothing we couldn’t laugh off! So I’m sorry I can’t add to your content but I want you to know how much you’ve helped me appreciate how smoothly my day went 😂❤
One thing I learned is that weddings and funerals can often bring out the "wacky" in people.
on the subject of calling out hurtful behavior; yes, people are hyper-touchy and unable to admit/accept they might have offended. A neighbor of mine had become a dear friend and so I felt comfortable telling her that I had been hurt by a comment she had made at a social gathering earlier in the week. My goal was to keep our relationship open, compassionate and respectful. Well, she exploded like Vesuvius! It's good to know where you stand, but it never feels good in the moment.
Why are people like this?! If I ever found out that I made someone uncomfortable with a comment I made, I would be so upset with myself.
@@kaybadberg534 Exactly! I’d be horrified, and my name is Karen!
I love how this video is basically, "Congrats on your upcoming wedding Brett and Lauren, here’s several ways it could go wrong!"
When you call someone out, their reaction is the most clear expression of how they really feel about you.
I called out my birth giver for always coddling my brother and she started listing all the things she 'sacrificed' for me when I was born. Then asked how I thought I wasn't coddled since I wasn't forced to drop out of high school and start working (we live in the US).
One of those things I'd heard since I was eight; she always complained that me being born was why she couldn't ever finish nursing school and that's why we never had money.
That sister needs to apologize to both of you together with sincerity. Because I don’t think she’ll ever truly be sorry for what she did.
It probably won't ever happen to me, but if it did, I'd go No Contact immediately.
I called out a friend's maid of honor because I'd had enough. She didn't show up to help, she was "sick", but was able to make it to the reception and get wasted. Plus many other things. I finally told her a few days later to either apologize to the bride or I'm done with her. We are not friends to this day.
People hate being called out because that means that there actions have consequences and they now have to listen to your boundaries.
I recently called out a friend for constantly saying she was coming to events and at last minute cancelling because she exhausted herself doing other things. I asked her to please thing about managing her time better, or offering a maybe, but when you're cancelling over and over again for the same reason, it kind of sucks. I though we'd sorted it out, but then I found out a week later that she was bitching to multiple friends behind my back, that I was mad at her for being sick. She constantly plays the victim card and this was the last straw both for me and the friends she was bitching to.
This same friend is someone who I went out of my way to help her with her wedding, that was very soon after mine. It was hurtful to find out that she was turn on me like that, but I'd rather confront someone and know the truth of who they are than to stay 'friends' and have them constantly disrespect your boundaries.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten is that whenever you choose to address something with someone you have to do it for yourself, to get it off your chest, to find closure, to be able to know you said something important to you but you should never do it with the expectation of the other person responding a certain way because you can’t control how others react and you’d just be setting yourself up for disappointment most times anyway and letting them hurt you more. So bottom line, you should only call other people out if you think it’ll make you feel better.
Solid advice. Thanks for sharing
That's kinda the reason why, most of the time when I call someone out for how they treated me, I'll block them immediately after and burn all bridges after that. I don't need to hear the bs they're gonna say to "justify" their actions
I love this. I recently called out a few family members (which is something Ive never done) and it went about as I expected and they have now declared that Im the villian of the family but Im ok with that cos at least I let them know Im not going to sit back and be walked all over and lied about anymore
People who get mad at you for setting boundaries, are the ones who benefited from you having none. 👏🏾
ALWAYS call out people when they overstep. It helps you weed out the people who are acting in their own self interest.
👏Say it louder for the people in the back!
If Charlotte was my besty and she was getting married today (April fool's day) I would wear a tear away brides gown. Just to see that "THE AUDACITY!!!" look for a split second.😂🎉❤
I actually had something like this happen to within the last year. I had a group of friends I had know & been friends with for almost 10 years. Long story short they decided I wasn’t worth having around when I started having some financial troubles, I got kicked out of a bridal party & shunned for three months. I decided to send them a text explaining my feelings. I did my best to word it so that I wasn’t blaming them just explaining how I felt. I wasn’t expecting a response & I didn’t have any desire to try to mend the friendship. Once you are out of a bad situation you start to see the things that you overlooked before. Anyway, the response I got back was one of the nastiest things anyone had ever said to me. Calling my mental illness a pity party, and other things like that. When I read that message it was extremely validating. It proved to me that they genuinely didn’t care & that no matter what I did they were going to make drama. Point is, I do think it is worth calling someone out even if you don’t care about the relationship anymore. I thought maybe we could calmly agree to part ways, but it showed me that they never really cared about my feelings, which helped remove a lot of guilt I was feeling.
I am sorry you had to deal with those types of “friends” who definitely weren’t true friends. I am glad you are no longer in their group and good for you in for standing up for yourself! I’m glad you found out what they were truly like, but I’m sorry you had to go through that ordeal to find out.
The only ones I called out and learned to get better are my parents. They are working on themselves, and yeah, sometimes they fall back into bad habits, but they always tries again quicker and better each times. I'm sincerely proud of them as we are all working hard to make this relationship work after years and years of mistrust, and it is really reassuring to know we got to that point before the birth of my kid.
... Well, my husband is still not totally buying it and watch them closely, but to be fair, I'm doing the same with his own parents. We both didn’t have an easy childhood, so we kind to get very defensive to the ones we love more than for ourselves. But with how things goes, I'm sure in a couple of years, things will only gets better and better. After all, people who truly don't want to change wouldn't put on that much work like my parents do right now.
My former sister-in-law was from China and wore an extremely fancy white dress ( beading lace the works) to my sister's wedding. In their traditions the bride wore red and white was mourning. May or not been on purpose. My brother, her husband, is usually clueless. They did not last long and a nasty divorce for brother.
wow thats sister-in-law is ultra rude.
even by their traditions that dress is not great choice. "mourning" dress at a wedding?
You call someone out for you... your closure... your final proof that you were right about them all along. It won't change them but it'll give you what you need to be okay with moving on. 🙂💖
Good point
for the first story: as someone who older sister has died when i was young and likes making jokes about my own personal trauma and lets their friends make a few jokes to make me laugh. i can confirm what his sister did is not funny. if someone did that to me i would be devastated. there’s a time and place for trauma jokes and that’s not it, you also need to know the person would be okay with it (which a lot of people are not)
That situation you were talking about where you set a boundary and someone totally turns the tables on you, just happened this week with a breakup. It was so mind boggling/shocking for this person's reaction and it was just incredibly defensive and a super lash out. Honestly, I am glad that I brought it up because while it did hit a nerve for them and result in a very unsavory response, I am glad I said something. It helped me redefine my own boundary going forward. Thank you for talking through this, it definitely felt supportive.
I had to un-bridesmaid a friend of mine because she planned a trip on the one day I needed the wedding party for a rehearsal. I never expected her to be anywhere but always made the offer and asked if she was free…she never was because her brother was also engaged around the same time. I told the entire party six months in advance that I needed everyone to be available just this one day. I reminded them all in a group chat every month leading up to that day. Two weeks before, she texted me that she was going to see her boyfriend in Colorado that day…she also didn’t buy her dress. I did. Every single other person in the wedding party was able to attend the rehearsal day with ease and was responsible for their own attire. She also didn’t go dress shopping with me but all my other bridesmaids were there. But when I was upset with her that she planned a trip on the only day I needed her besides the wedding day, she called me a bridezilla. I told her she could still come to the wedding but I don’t want her in the wedding party anymore. It’s been probably about 6 years since I’ve spoken to her.
I don't plan on getting married, but all of these crazy bridesmaids and bride videos just reinforce my decision.
X 2
Elope! You just need 2 witnesses. My brother and his now wife did❤
The way I see it is that I'm single so clearly I'm not getting married any time soon but I do take notes in these videos and read as many comments as I can to gather opinions and whatnot. I'm not planning a wedding but I'm taking notes on how NOT to ever plan a wedding xD
never planned on getting married (not my thing.) I have never been married. I still have a beautiful child, two awesome defacto "step" kids, and an amazing partner who does want to get married but is understanding enough to not push the subject (although I'm considering that in the far future.) If I do end up getting married, it will be in a courthouse with 2 people to count as witnesses. I can't deal with the bells and whistles but I love my dude and we share everything, so maybe?
Don’t let all these videos sway you. My wedding was so much fun!!! I couldn’t stop smiling all day and we have such great memories. If you are a chill bride and don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the silly little items, you will enjoy your day.
I'm so happy she said yes! Maybe they'll send you a shirt video of the wedding to share. That would be awesome!
Calling someone out is for yourself! Not for them to change or any other reason. A true friend would respond differently to a boundary. They would empathize and take it into consideration, because they know there is love. But you setting boundaries and calling someone out that reacts poorly, is so that you can stand in your power and your values. It is 100 percent for you!
I'm afraid I have to disagree. For me, if people never called me out, I wouldn't know when I'm overstepping boundaries half the time and some of the people I respect the most are the people who have the courage and conscience to tell me when I'm doing something wrong or hurt their feelings.
I've been invited to a fancy wedding in May, i haven't been to a fancy one before and i'm anxious. These bride videos are useful for deciding what i should wear and what not to do.
@1:37. Not only would I uninvite, I would literally never ever ever speak to her again. EVER.
Am I the only one noticing the explosive growth in Charlotte’s channel over the past couple of months. Love it for you queen 🥔
I normally don't respond, or comment, but personally I think you did the right by addressing them. You never know who's going to apologize, and actually take your feelings into consideration, ghosting them is never the answer. Finding out and getting closure and finding out if they care or not. Real friends care and want to do better if they hurt you. What you did, that was perfect.
Every time I get in my feelings about eloping, I remember how awful people are surrounding weddings. Mom and mil are psychos. My sister is an attention seeking golden child. Husband's family is awful (we both have narcissistic parents, and are the family scapegoats). There's no one (save for a few people) I would invite. These videos serve as examples of what we could have expected. I feel bad for all these couples. This kind of toxic behavior is exactly why we eloped and didn't tell anyone we got married.
I've decided to elope!
@@boogermaiden congrats on your engagement 🥳
Aww! You can invite me! 💕 I will give you a hug , gifts, love, and some moves on the dance floor 😅
My husband and I eloped, best decision we ever made! We were able to focus on planning our honeymoon and married life and weren't at all stressed about the wedding.
Ooooof, boundaries. I love you, Charlotte! I tried for a full year to salvage a friendship while trampling my own boundaries. This included walking on eggshells so I wouldn’t offend my “bestie,” trying to call out her substance abuse in the gentlest way possible, and continuously ignoring her blatant red flags and emotional abuse. All I got for it was her calling me from a mental hospital telling me that I had made her suicidal. And that was before I started distancing myself and she became vicious.
Moral of the story is: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Lauren, congratulations girl!! Now if you have wedding drama (which I really hope you don’t but) let us know so we can help you through it! We are all here for you!
I ate a Cornish Pasty (veggie, by Niles, for other people from Kernow) before my wedding. There was so much boning in my dress bodice that I still looked fine in the photos. Eat what you want in your day. If you starve you risk fainting because it can be a long time between the ceremony and the wedding "breakfast". As it was, after the ceremony we had to drive across Cornwall to Newquay for our reception with a bottle of champagne in the car. We were merry when we arrived. Very merry. It was fab.
That reeks of "you're too sensitive" or "you're overreacting"
I sweatergawd, so many conflicts could be easily solved by an apology, but people just don't want to admit they were wrong (sigh)
My whole family is like that. I've seen through a lot of the bs they were doing and saying then I got treated like the black sheep for not following along with their toxic behavior. It's narcissistic behavior tbh very manipulative stuff. It messes with my head to this day. Thankfully lots of therapy has helped. Plus a very healthy relationship helps too 😊 shows you what love and support really should look like and feel like. ❤
My brother and mother's love language is arguing he does itvwith his daughter too. They all have to be right. About everything even just how you would remove hot dog buns from a bag(yup it was stupid) its like they're not having a good time till someone leaves in tears.
After his cancer he was kinda doubling down on this type of behavior.
Hes cancer free now 5 years later.
However after my cancer diagnosis I almost died several times was in and out of hospitals for months.
I put my foot down and said I was no longer putting up with this kind of "im always right even if you Google and prove me wrong " bullshit.
This is not how family should be cuz id get pulled in. Usually tho if I insisted I was right it was because I kinda was and would back it up with information lol.
But I told them they are fine to do this to one another but myself my hubs and both kiddos and their family would start going no contact if they didn't rein in the petty bullshit.
My attitude has completely changed since my dance with the devil(I stepped on his DAMN toes! 🤣) I'm four years clear and still suffer off and on from all the cure side effects. They all know ill stick to my word.
I know I made sound like my family sucks but quite frankly we all love one another a great deal. I even lived with my mom while recovering as she had a better floor plan with extra bedroom bath that was easier to use as hub worked all day and my kids have their own homes and I needed 24/7 care.
But the argument thing is/was always around family dinner/holidays.
Its been about 2 years since I popped my cork and verbally toss them all under the bus at Christmas but its much better now.
Its like they just couldn't see how destructive this was heading and yes we do argue a bit but its more light hearted and less "throw someone under the bus"
I hope everyone can have these good family moments.
I'm living for this update!!! I waited ages!!
omg congrats to the happy couple, gotta love Charlotte, not only is she making our days brighter by being incredibly funny, she's also helping couples to the next stage of their relationship, absolutely adorable
On the second to last story: yes, it's narcissism. It's better to call them out because narcissists CAN recognize and change their behavior just like anyone else with a disorder. However, they have to CHOOSE to work on changing their behavior, again just like anyone else. Being a narcissist is not an excuse to abuse people.
CONGRATULATIONS BRETT & LAUREN!!!🎉 hope y'all have an amazing wedding!
You get me through the week, thank you for all the hard work you and your team do!! Have a wonderful day babes 🎉😊
Bruh, I defended myself from my sister-in-law over her lies and she FLIPPED and kept sending HUGE hateful messages, most of it made up, for MONTHS. I didn't reply to ANY of them. Then on my birthday, she tells brother-in-law (her and hubby's brother) that she'll be suing us at the end of the month if my husband doesn't talk to her 👀🤣 that was February and we haven't heard or received shit 😂 she delusional AF
It is complicated though of course 🙄
I live for your videos 😅 the good, the bad, the petty - all of the wedding videos are my favs. My husband and I got married last year in our living room, with both sets of parents. We haven’t gotten to experience the true wedding experience yet and all these videos are teaching me all of the things I need to avoid and look out for when we’re finally able to afford to have ours in the future 😂 Thank you for this important and crucial duty you provide to the world. Consider this your official invite to my wedding for helping me more than a maid of honour ever could 😂🎉❤
Exactly! I feel so much knowledgeable about human interaction during the wedding process with Charlotte's videos.
Congratulations!! 💕💕💕
Congrats to Brett and Lauren!! That’s so awesome. Appreciate you have videos for us all the time. Hope your having a great weekend Charlotte! ❤.
When I was about 13, I confronted my best friend at the time about something that happened earlier that day. I tried to be mature and just told her how much her actions hurt me. Only to be laughed at by her and another "friend" who yelled at me to grow up. (I don't emeber exactly what she did but it was probably a mean prank)
Congratulations Brett and Lauren!! May your wedding be beautiful and drama-free!
...and any petty drama be shared with all of us!
CONGRATULATIONS BRETT and LAUREN 🎉❤ So happy for you guys!
I've never been married or even engaged, but my first serious relationship ended my friendship with my best friend at the time.
So as context (I'll call her Jess); Jess had been trying to set me up with a bunch of sketchy guys for a long time. We were not around the best people all the time so a lot of these guys were a lot older and tweeked out on something. I'm not going to force myself into a relationship I know will not even start good. Our first week of our Senior year of highschool I ran into an old fling from Jr high (I'll call him Brad). When we started dating and I was spending a lot more time with Brad, Jess started talking all kinds of shit on me and how I'm "dickmatized". She never once talked to me about it and when I asked what she thought about him, she lied to me with a smile on her face. I know everything she's said about me because her little sister told me every single day. I finally confronted Jess about everything she's said, word for word and she couldn't deny it anymore. She showed her true colors by telling me that she'd been stuck at home for 2 weeks because I had been with him everyday. Basically she's was just mad that Brad pulled me out from under her thumb and I wasn't her free taxi anymore. After I told her I was done id realized everything she's done to me is wrong and goes against what a friendship means. She pushed away every guy I chose and made sure I would rely on her and bend over at her will. In the end I broke up with Brad because he got too controlling and was on the verge of abuse. But I am greatful that he helped me cut ties with her because she's just not a good friend or partner.
Charlotte definitely reacted to this story before. Can't believe I remembered the first story as there are so many of her reaction videos 😂
😂 I knew I heard it before!
I definitely remember the 1st story. Lol. So I've been watching Charlotte for so long already hahhaa.
Ok - listening to Charlotte’s all too on point rant about people claiming they’re “victims” with happy, jazzy background music playing …. Perfection! 😂😂😂
🎉 YAY! I just knew she’d say yes! What a thoughtful guy to be so creative and knows Lauren so well he knew this was a winner!!
The proposal bit was the best! 🎉🎉🎉❤ She is glowing and he looks so proud of himself. Nicely done Charlotte, or shall we call you Ms. Charlotte Cupid from now on. So sweet and how special for you as well my Queen. Xoxo
For calling a person out and having said person lash out, I'm reminded of something a former CIA operative in an interview once said. "Everyone believes they are the good guy." When someone points out that your doing something stupid, they get defensive because they feel what they did is moral and correct, and don't want to admit they did something wrong. And while some people can see that they're moral compass is broken, they don't want to be embarrassed, and will continue to convince them that it's facing north.
I can't stop smiling 🥲 Brett and Lauren congratulations!! ❤❤❤
I think you even had the same reaction to the skeleton story as you did the first time you reacted to it. I still watched the whole thing anyways. I've watched many of your videos over and over. Thank You for all the very entertaining and enjoyable videos.
I had a friend that lashed out the moment she got called out for her toxic and abusive behavior and she couldn’t take any responsibility for it, tried to pin the blame on me and then played the victim. I said my part and then blocked her everywhere and told her to never approach me again. 😂
As someone who had called someone out and ghosted someone, I would agree that ghosting is the better option. I called someone out for not committing to a promise and they acted like the promise was never a thing. That day I wound up in tears over what happened because it was clear they didn’t care about me or my feelings. Later I wound up working with someone who didn’t put effort into the project we were working on, and while I did give her a warning (as well as some negative feedback on an evaluation we had to do) I just decided to make no effort to talk to her much following the conclusion of the project. Don’t waste energy calling out negative people because they don’t care and won’t change (unless they actually do seem to care and just made a mistake, obviously).
The bride with the late sister is such a good fiance. She's got such a big heart. I hope they're together and thriving. Because they both care more about each other's happiness over their own.
If they are a true narcissist, calling them out will do absolutely nothing and may actually make them lash out harder. If they just have narcissistic tendencies, calling them out may help appeal to their better nature. So it really depends on the person.