wedding instant regret - REACTION
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
- wedding instant regret - REACTION
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Hey guys, it's Charlotte Dobre here and today we're talking about something that's been on my mind a lot lately - wedding instant regret.
We all dream of the perfect wedding day, but what happens when that dream turns into a nightmare? In this video, we'll be exploring the stories of couples who experienced wedding instant regret and how they dealt with it.
From the bride who realized she didn't love her husband on their wedding day, to the groom who accidentally invited his ex-girlfriend, we'll be hearing some crazy and unexpected tales. We'll also be talking to experts in the wedding industry to find out what to do if you're experiencing wedding instant regret.
We'll be covering topics like how to communicate your feelings with your partner, how to cancel or postpone a wedding, and how to deal with the financial repercussions of a cancelled wedding.
So, whether you're planning your own wedding or just love a good story, make sure to tune in to this video. You never know, it might just save you from wedding instant regret.
#wedding #instantregret #weddingfail #weddingfails #caughtoncamera #weddings #wedding #epicfail #epicfails #fails #fail #marriage #bridezillas #bride #groom #reaction #charlottedobreio #react #reactionchannel #charlottedobreio #charlottedobre
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*DISCLAIMER* Due to a high volume of submissions, there is no guarantee that we will feature your story in a video. By submitting your story, you give me, Charlotte Dobre, the right to feature it in a video.
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Hi, I'm Charlotte Dobre. I'm an actor, reactor, singer and sometimes (not really) comedian. On this channel I do reactions, commentary and occasionally I make a joke or two. I love poking fun at social media, weddings, entitled people, tiktok and OF COURSE petty people. I upload daily, usually 7 days a week, unless life gets crazy or I get lazy. Come hang out, it's a good time.
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I knew I married my soul mate when it came time to cut the cake at our wedding. His best friend had been joking for days before the wedding about how my husband was going to smash so much cake in my face. I just laughed along with him because it wasn't something I was worried about. If I got cake in the face, I'd happily return the favor and we'd all have a good laugh! But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed his friend was taking too much pleasure in his mental image of me getting caked in the face on my wedding day. So, I started to plan a little petty comeuppance for my husband's friend. Instead of feeding/smearing the cake in my new husband's face, if his friend was nearby at the time of the cake cutting (which I was sure he would be because he was a groomsman), I'd just reach past my husband and hit his friend instead. I didn't say a word to a single soul about my plan, just kept laughing and playing along. The day of our wedding, we cut the cake and got ready to feed each other. As I took the piece I had and reached in the direction of my husband, and his friend directly behind him, I noticed my husband was starting to turn away from me and looking behind himself. We BOTH nailed his friend with our pieces of cake at the same EXACT time! Turns out his friend had been getting on my husband's nerves as well with all the "haha, you're gonna get cake in your face" talk! I knew in that moment that there was nothing we couldn't face, as long as we were together. 20 years and 2 kids later, I wouldn't change a thing! 😄
Hahah😂 I love that u two are soulmates🎉 and geniuses great minds think alike ❤I love it.
Forwarding this to my fiance😂😂😂 love this story 😂❤❤
Love it
That's hilarious
@@user-himenesq
The thing that gets me most about the first story is that he pushed her into the cake AND THEN HELD HER THERE!
This isn't just crossing a boundary, that's going out of your way to abuse someone.
She paid a lot of money for hair and makeup. You still need photos of the reception after the cake cutting. And now you are covered with cake! Never mind the fact that he disrespected you, your wishes and could have hurt you! The emotional scars alone about being shoved and held into a cake!
especially when she has claustrophobia from the car accident
@@francism3805 If they're getting married, I'm betting he knows about the old car accident and her claustrophobia. And still chose to do that. After she gave him ONE hard-and-fast rule about it.
He may or may not have "held her there." It would have seemed he did to her either way. That part is largely irrelevant anyway, his utter lack of respect for her is more than enough on it's own.
Seriously, even hearing this stressed me out so much. I used to get held underwater during swimming lessons by my classmates, and I know the primal fear these things cause. Anyone doing this to me would have seen the last of me.
So, my Grandma who professionally made wedding cakes is saying that multi tier cakes do have wooden sticks in the could have gone in the bride's eye. She's also adding that she left her first husband in the 60's after the first slap and this is just the same. I'm learning so much about Grandma, I've gotta watch more Charlotte vids with her!
HELL yeah Grandma you tell 'em
you better spend every moment you can if your grandma is still here to love you. The world is a very cold place when our grandparents go. I'm so happy for you that you get more time, listen to every word she says and even write it down and keep it somewhere safe. That paper will have her love and energy to it, and every time you see it, you'll be surrounded in her love and whatever question, you'll get an answer bc love conquers all! How do I know? My grandma told me that!
💖💕🥰💯
I thought i remembered that tiered wedding cakes had those wooden sticks in them but i got married when dinosaurs roamed so i didn’t trust my memory. 😂
@@liz090833I can’t second this enough!! I’m 53 and miss my grama every day. Savor, and save, those precious moments 🩵
Oh man that first story. So glad she stood up for herself immediately. My husband has combat related PTSD and told me from the start not to do pranks or jump scares or anything like that. I would never dream of doing so because I value him and his health. It’s so crazy he would do that to his bride.
Respect for your husband. And bless you for honoring that request.
My cousin has the same condition (the 4th of July is his nightmare) and when he started dating a woman with kids, they thought it was the funniest thing to jump scare him coming out of the bathroom. He left after a month because he was so jittery and on-edge he only barely held back from knocking one of the kids through the wall when they came at him wearing a Halloween mask and playing horror sound fx on their phone.
2 years of therapy later, he's happily married to the woman who paired him with his service dog.
I completely understand the ptsd one. Jump scares are the worst
I have ptsd from an abusive childhood and when my husband and I were dating he noticed I’d flinch when he would make loud noises, so now he will deliberately… warn me any time he is going to make a loud noise, he won’t let anyone know it’s my birthday if I’m at dinner on my birthday because he knows I can’t handle people yelling/drawing attention to me, and he knows I will probably end his life and burn the house dow- I mean freak out if he throws me a surprise party. It’s free to be a decent person. He knows what makes me panic and DOESNT DO IT OR WARNS ME IF HE HAS TO DO IT. ITS NOT THAT HARD
Next he would think it's funny to watch her bounce off the wall.
Yeah, but she didn’t go to war. What are y’all talking about?
With regards to the cake smashing, I was the director of a domestic violence program in our area. One thing I learned was that if the husband felt it was okay to abuse her in public, it will only get worse behind closed doors. She will never really be able to trust him again because his word means nothing.
Been there, done that. I got the same cake smash (which I asked him not to do, CLEARLY no less) I then had 6 years of boundary-busting, cruelty that was beyond what I could possibly imagine) Thank you for speaking out!
Yup. It's a sign of worse things to come. It wasn't out of character for him, he was revealing his true character.
Correct. He physically grabbed her. Bad bad bad
I'm really not sure that it counts as abuse. I guess you'd have to see it. It would depend on the strength that he used n if he did it in a cruel way or if he truly thought he was just being funny. We're talking about a wedding tradition that goes back as far as there are weddings. I'm not saying it's good one, but just saying it IS a wedding tradition. I don't know that it technically counts as abuse. It's definitely a red flag. 😉
This absolutely hits home for me. People can't just judge based on outside appearances.
My parents would be mildly rude and hurtful at times in public. But behind closed doors it was so much worse.
People would occasionally act like I was being dramatic when I would say I was miserable at home with my parents. It didn't help that I didn't bruise easily as a kid. So I'd get kicked in the gut with a steel toed boot and not have any bruising, and I would feel like I'd be considered lying if I told anyone given the other comments people made.
So, it can be dangerous to tell someone their feelings are invalid when it comes to them feeling hurt and/or fearful of someone. It risks them staying somewhere harmful when they may otherwise try to get away.
The same thing happened to me and my husband. Almost All of our friends and family started making bets as soon as we got engaged. I am 20 years younger so in their minds I couldn’t possibly actually love him. I got married in a courthouse, still wearing a beautiful wedding dress, because I wasn’t going to waste time on people who couldn’t be happy for me. They were all so shocked and offended when they realized afterwards they hadn’t been invited. I made public posts on fb letting them all know I knew about the bets. We’ve been married for 13 years with 3 amazing kids, crushing all their estimates. I also made it clear I did not want cake smashed into my face. When it came time for the cake he sweetly asked permission to put a spot of frosting on my nose. I consented and the moment was precious and I fell more in love because I knew he respected me. His chuckle at the frosting followed by a kiss made the worry fade. I was happy to make him happy because he treated me with respect. I’m so grateful I got a good one.
A twenty year age difference is nothing. Though men die earlier than women so please cherish every moment with that wonderful man. 🥰
Nose frosting thing is a perfect and harmless compromise instead of cake smashing the whole face, is cheeky and cute, cake smashin is such a waste, of cake, of makeup, the hair, sometimes the dress even, a lil boop on the nose is superior in every way😊
I think the fact that it wasn’t even a cake smear, but he took “don’t put cake on my face” to “ok then I’ll pumel your face INTO the cake” is not only ignoring her but escalating to a higher level. That’s scary actually.
I agree
It's very disturbing!
and then he held her down, even though he KNEW that would trigger her into a panic attack ..
And the dude won't stop there. He'll constantly be ignoring her wishes. He'll just do things, like inviting people over or randomly buying a new car, because it doesn't matter what she thinks.
Yes!
Story 1 is not about cake, or dresses, or claustrophobia. It's about a fundamental lack of respect for boundaries. Bride set a VERY reasonable boundary, and husband decided to trample over it for a "prank." When you factor in makeup, dress, cost of cake, public humiliation, the bride's panic reaction due to history, not to mention the safety aspect that Charlotte mentioned (tiered cakes often ARE doweled, I didn't even think of that risk), it's quite clearly a very good reason to tell new husband to get lost. And, technically speaking, that could be assault and battery as well. Ditch the dead weight and anyone who disagrees is welcome to marry him themselves.
Exactly!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 That is scary....and who wants to be married to a person who you're now afraid of, even if it was just fear of them not respecting your boundaries?!?!
I can't believe everyone is trying to convince her to stay!!! People are sooooo uninformed regarding abusive people and abuse tactics 😢
I *completely* agree!!! Holy shit, it’s not even that hard of a request!! What is the complete and utter lack of respect for me
And make my day mimo talked about how she puts dowels/straws in her cakes, and to be careful when you do things like a cake
If I was marrying someone and they did this to me, I don’t even know if I would have a chance to kill him before my mother got her hands around his neck. The cake, the dress, the hair, and make up… They’re all super expensive!!! I’d make him pay for it all and then dump his ass
Yess!! Its not about overreacting or making drama. Seriously when you guys don't respect to what your spouse's simple request.. well its a fail. Abused just started....
Ikr?? I can't believe so many people think he's fine and want her to stay with him especially since he ENJOYED scaring her.
This. Absolutely this.
When I got married and we crossed the trust exercise of feeding cake to each other, I remember feeling my day of joy slide into the realm of anxiety and horror as I heard family and friends taunt him into smashing cake into my face. I felt myself narrow my eyes and bristle as my eyes locked on my husband's. I watched his mischievous smile melt away and he resumed his role as trusted husband. We've been married almost 25 yrs. MASTER this look. It's a laser gaze that PROMISES you WILL devour the soul of anyone who imposes upon you. No yelling required. Remember- Master the LOOK.
I dont think you should need a I will cut you stare to be happily married, im glad it worked out for you hut in my mind I can't see marking someone I had to do that to
The fact that women have to "master the look", promising death and dire retribution...Men need to grow up. What surprises me is that more women don't make good on that "promise".
@@ConstantChaos1missed the entire point
You shouldn't need to do that. That's the point.
A friend of my parents said my mother could freeze a person with her 'look'. Having been the recipient of that 'look' many times, he spoke the truth 😢
As a maker of wedding cakes I can for a fact say that we do use wooden dowels as support in a lot of tiered wedding cakes. That's why you usually only see the couple cut a small piece of the cake and then it is taken back to the kitchen to be cut by staff who know where those supports are and how to avoid them. Him literally jamming her head down into the cake was just over the line.
THIS!! EXACTLY THIS!! She could have been seriously injured or maybe even killed, if the dowel went in her eye and hit her brain!
I was at a kid's birthday party when his friends, but mainly his OWN FAMILY decided to smash his face in the cake. And it indeed had a stick through it (it was a two tiered cake) but not like a rod with a flat end, it was more like a kebbab stick, with a pointy end. When his face went in the cake, there was a scream and he stayed quiet, then started crying. The stick had missed his eye by a few centimetres
@@QuarterVonLoeweQueen Oh God. I hope his family felt horrible for injuring him on his birthday, just because they thought it would be funny to smash is face in the cake
I’ve heard of a horrible story where a kid either died or got his eye poked when someone smashed his face on his birthday cake, not sure if it’s true or not. I’m not from the US, and I’ve never understood the appeal of it at kids’ parties as I’ve never heard of this happening at any party. It is unthinkable that this would happen at a wedding, which is usually a formal event. Customized cakes are especially expensive and serves as a major party decoration, so no one touches the cake.
Yup used to work at an event center I remember that with wedding cake
I once had a wedding planner (whom had worked with many couples to plan their special day) state that EVERY couple that they she had ever seen where the couple had engaged in cake smashing, wound up divorced within a few years. EVERY. ONE.
The physical assault and wasting money aside, how dare he waste cake, someone put a damn lot of effort into that scrumptious sweet treat and he wastes it in a cruel prank?! Anyone that does this to their partner, you have lost my respect forever, DON'T WASTE CAKE!!!!!
There are very few women that like the cake Smash thing. There are of course exeptions and those women often reciprocate with the cake smashing. Those marriages will turn out ok. But those are the exeption to the rule.
I feel like this would have to be explicitly stated that you don’t mind as long as you can do it back. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if I EXPLICITLY STATED THIS TO MY HUSBAND/FIANCÉE (and our families so they don’t freak out on him, because my sister would go batshit if she thought it made me sad) but if I don’t, yeah, not going to happen and be happy about it.
I get married in May and I told my fiance if he does this I'm throwing hands on the spot. I told him I wouldn't do it to him and he will not do it to me. The act is embarrassing.
Makes sense! It shows how careless and unempathetic the spouse is who smashed it in their partners face. Stuff like that may SEEM fun in pictures, but the reality is that it's uncomfortable, humiliating, messy, and sometimes even painful. Being on the receiving end is NOT fun. Plus, I've seen too many videos of people pulling those cake support sticks OUT OF EYEBALLS or other parts of their face. Wedding cakes especially are prone to needing those sticks since they're often tall or ornate and need the extra support.
Cake smashing can be fun when it isn't the entire cake. I have only ever seen people do it with a small amount of cake and they tend to be respectful enough to not get in on someones VERY EXPENSIVE outfit or all over their face and hair. It's all about respecting your new spouse and being considerate of them-no matter how 'fun and quirky' you think you may be.
Regarding the second story, a couple of years after my husband and I married I was told about a discussion a group of our friends had (four couples) about whose marriage would not last. It was decided my husband and I would be the ones not to make it. Within a few years all of them were divorced, and we just celebrated our 48th anniversary.
Good for you! Congrats on nearing 50 years! The best revenge is success.
I knew someone whose husband's friends and cousins gave her $500 on their 10th anniversary. that was the total of the betting pool on how long their marriage would last, and the longest time bet was 'divorced before 10 years'. Her husband had not known of it. I think they must be going on about 45 years now.
My husband knew the cake thing was off the table. I grew up extremely insecure and have major anxiety so this would’ve been an immediate walk out and permanent goodbye. He just fed it to me in the boring traditional way even though half the family was encouraging the smash. I was so proud of him for the self control!
Wait … where exactly and why does this cake smear messed up thing happen?
@@irishrundstefansdottir3000 during the cutting of the cake at the reception. A lot of people think it is funny
@@irishrundstefansdottir3000 ,as a South African I also find this custom most strange . Quite unknown here .
I don't understand the cake thing. A bride pays a large amount of money for her makeup, hair, and dress. I feel like shoving cake into her face on a day she's supposed to feel pretty is flat out CRUEL.
Its such a stupid thing. Also why is it always the wife?? Look the only situation that would be okay would be if both parties did to each other and had planned and agreed to it beforehand. Otherwise is just humiliating and cruel.
I think the most disgusting part about the cake smear story is that the groom completely circumvented the request for that not to happen and turned it UP to a much worse level by taking her head and shoving her into the cake. PLUS I literally saw a post about how literally DANGEROUS that can be because people actually HAVE been injured by the stakes inside the cake that are holding it together. Absolutely DISGUSTING that everyone close to her would completely brush this off. ON TOP OF THE FACT SHE WAS HELD THERE WHEN HE KNEW SHE WOULD PANIC!!!!
I hate that her family thinks she is overreacting… what IF he has injured her? Whom would they perceive to be the a-hole then?
People have been blinded by having their faces shoved in cakes. It's not funny.
I keep imagining a stake going through her eye as she is being pushed into the cake... *shudders* No. Just no. There was no overreaction on the bride's part.
Exactly!! I didn’t t even know this tradition was still popular anymore…the last time I remember seeing it was at my cousin’s wedding in like 1992, at our small church reception hall, and they were both giggling mercilessly and kissing through their cake-filled faces….they’ve been together, very happily, ever since, and have two amazing children who are grown…I think what it comes down to is TRULY knowing your partner. If you’re both goofballs and are just with family and friends (This was before the days of social media), this can be a really fun, silly tradition, but I can’t really see it happening these days bc everything is documented and shared and judged.
Two of those stories hit close to home for me. The first one with the woman looking to divorce her husband for pushing her head down and holding her face in the cake then the one with the fiance whose SO knew about a family member having cheated on their spouse even though they "weren't married yet". My first marriage ended in divorce after I walked out on him six months into the marriage after he hit me. My cries pleading for him to stop were heard throughout the entire neighborhood, and no one came to my aide. (Took seven years of waiting, but he finally gave me a divorce even though he told me he never would). My second marriage lasted just over five years, and ended when he told me he had been cheating on me with another woman. The news caused me to have a mild heart attack. We filed on New Year's Eve, and six weeks later... ON VALENTINES DAY NO LESS!!! Our divorce was finalized. I've been divorced now for four years with no plans on ever dating again. Survived domestic violence, a heart attack, breast cancer (diagnosed in 2019 and beat it in ONE YEAR), almost bleeding to death (varicose vein ruptured while I was asleep) and a bunch of other things. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I figure by now I should be able to dead lift a nuclear air craft carrier.
Just want to tell you that you're an amazing person.
The amount of stuff you've been put through is INSANE. I trust you could really deadlift a nuclear air craft carrier too lol.
Just wanted to write that you're a really amazing and admirable person! (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧*。♥️
You're strong, no doubt about it !!! I applaud you !!!!
Life single can be pretty awesome once you shed the Ideas that we're brought up on about how to structure our lives.
Check out Horse Chestnut Extract for repairing the varicose veins. It works! ♥♥♥
My first boyfriend when I was 17 was a serial cheater (not to mention emotional and physical abuser manipulated and gas lighted) and literally every time he cheated his friends would tell me IMMEDIATELY and these were friends he had had since childhood he was 22 when I was 17 to give you an idea the power dynamic was there. I was so blinded I stayed with him for four years he would always gaslight me into thinking he did nothing wrong or would guilt trip me into forgiving him and taking him back. And literally every time his friends would tell me I deserve better I’m too good for him and he is cheating. He would get mad at them for telling me the truth and they would call him out for being a PoS.., when I finally dropped him for good all of them celebrated and threw me a party 😂😂😂 they’re all my lifelong friends now and dropped him and he’s still single and alone years later (from what a mutual friend has told me he still posts about me on his FB and tumblr and blames me for not being able to have a serious relationship with anyone) and I’ve been married for 13 years to the love of my life ❤❤❤
This is a true story-at a 9 years olds birthday party once (I was babysitting my then boss's kids and had to take them to said party) the father of the birthday boy was being playful and smashed his 9 year olds face into the cake. Everyone laughed until they realized that a spoke from the cake - the ones that hold the layers in place-had peirced the child's eye. In front of everyone there was a 9 years old with a wooden stick coming out of his eye. Poor child lost one eye and now wears a glass one. These things happen. Please don't shove faces into cakes! It's just stupid and infintile anyway.
That is horrifying.
That's so sad. Then the domino effects: harder time with depth perception which means he can't do certain careers (military, truck driver, etc. )
My stomach dropped when I read this
I would imagine there was another divorce not too long after. I can't imagine his wife wanting anything to do with him after something like that.
Oh my God ! That's worse than my cake nightmare. That poor child.... That is a story I'm telling EVERYONE I KNOW . Poor kid smh...... Somebody would have joined him in the hospital with some major injuries
People are now so used to the cake-in-yer-face thing at weddings that at mine, when my new husband and I intertwined arms and gently fed each other a bite of cake, the guests all went “Awwww. . . “. Like, they were literally touched that we hadn’t performed that ritual in a bizarre, hostile manner. I am ENTIRELY on board with the bride who decided the surprise cake smash was a marriage ender. That groom was disrespectful, untrustworthy, unempathic, aggressive, violent, cruel. She 100% made the right decision.
Yeah he didn't just pie her with the cake. He HELD HER DOWN like a method of torture. Particularly evil since I assume he knows about her claustrophobia. I don't think divorce is an overreaction because his stunt told everyone essentially "I hate this woman I've just married."
Well, if the officiant hasn't filed the paperwork yet, a quick phone call might do it.
And why are we only hearing about how her extended family is begging her to stay in the marriage? He should be the one begging on his knees every day and moving mountains to regain her trust. Sounds like this dude is not only cruel, but also doesn't care much about this relationship. She should cut it off now before they're even more entangled with finances, kids, etc.
I have no idea how or why that stupid cake smash thing was started.
I've never been to a wedding where that happened. Thank goodness.
@@kelf114 Because people are dumb ass clowns these days. And tacky! The original tradition is beautiful and symbolic of love, nurturing and commitment, but like everything else in the modern world, these clowns have turned it into a gross, tacky, violent and hostile moment. And it's so done now. It's not even original. The only thing worse than a bad joke is a bad joke that everyone has already seen/heard.
As an event and wedding planner. The cake in the face is one of my big issues. Minutes after pledging to love and honor each other…..you will show the world what you really think of each other. Some people think it’s funny. Reality is most guests don’t. It shows how long your marriage really will last. Don’t smash cake on each other!
Story 1: annulment needed under the guise of him keeping your head in the cake for longer than necessary. He basically risked killing you (especially if you actually had a panic attack) on top of wasting hundreds if not thousands of dollars on a cake no one got to eat. And also going back on his word to not do the one thing his bride asked him not to do.
Oh please…
@@freya7084 what?
@@TsukiKageTora is not that deep istg y’all have too many first world problems…
@@freya7084 physical assault is a first world problem? since when?
@@lisahuber9329 jokingly smashing a cake is not physical assault. You are all ridiculous
Story 1:
I think I’ve heard that one before (or a similar one, only minus the claustrophobic part) and a lot of ppl were calling her dramatic in the comment section. Claiming that she was just upset about messed up makeup rather than the fact that she just doesn’t want a certain thing done to them.
She isn’t being dramatic, she’s holding to her boundary.
To me, grabing me by my hair and shoving me in the cake is assault...
“Honey you’re overreacting. It’s just what? A dress, some makeup, and a hair style you spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on. And also maybe the only thing you have to wear the hole day? Yeah, relax it’s just a prank.”
Some people and their priorities. Wonder how they would feel, if someone ruined something they spend a ton of money, cause they thought it was a funny joke.
I totally agree. I have an issue with force-feeding. I hate chicken skins in a soup, I don't really like soup mind you, but the boiled skin just makes me want to hurl. My kindergarten used to cut corners so instead of chicken meat they'd boil bones and skins only, so on days we had chicken, I'd refuse to eat the soup, so it got to the point of one of the care staff holding me down and tipping my head and another sticking a spoon and twisting it to open my mouth and pouring it down my throat. They'd hold me like that to make sure I don't throw it up on the table, but myself instead. It was deemed acceptable in the end of the 90s, start of the 2000s.
If knowing all that, my SO decided to smash anything in my face, I'd be done. And if I was holding the cake knife he could be done done, if you catchy drift.😉
Not only that, the cake is expensive. The hair, the dress, and the makeup is so expensive. Hours of work and money are gone in a split second and it's so messed up!!
For me it’s the violent way he did it. Say what you want but grabbing anyone by their hair and slamming their head into anything, even a cake is very violent. And Charlotte is right, alot of those cakes have sticks and plates or cardboard in between for layering. She could have been hurt badly.
My parents decided to get married after a week of knowing each other. They were separated for couple of months (my dad was in the military home on leave when they met). The minister recommended they not get married because they hadn’t known each other long enough. They were back in their hometown for the church’s anniversary and the minister was there. They told him they’d been married 50 years lol. They’ve now been married 58 years.
I remember dating a guy who said that women who got upset over their face being smashed into their wedding cakes didn’t have a good sense of humor. He was insistent that he get to do that on our future wedding day. I told him we would be getting an immediate divorce. Safe to say I didn’t stay with him very long after that conversation. 🙃
Good riddance. "it's just a joke" is such a lame and overused way to escape responsibility.
I hope you smashed a cake on his face 😜
Yeah, nothing says true love like boundary stomping and public humiliation....😑
good for you honestly!
People bet my parent's marriage wouldn't last 6 months at their wedding. Mom was 18, Dad was 27. They dated for 2 months and then got married 2 months later (total of 4 months after they met). Mom was super naive and sheltered while Dad had been asked to join the Hell's Angels. They would have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last month, but Dad passed away late last year. He always joked that it was the longest 6 months of his life! :) They had an amazing marriage and loved each other fiercely.
That's a beautiful story and legacy!! To be quite frank though, I cant blame the people who thought it wouldn't last, it has all the ingredients for a bad relationship.
Your parents were definitely the exception, lucky them.
@@amokay746 100%! I can guarantee my father would not have been understanding if I had tried to do the same!! My mother laughs now about how naive she was and that she should never gotten married so young. But, luckily for them it worked out. They always said that respect and being willing to feel like one who is always giving more to the relationship. Dad would say you always feel like what you are giving up is worth more than what your partner gives up for you.
My mom literally said re my marriage "I give it 6 months". We celebrated our 37th anniversary last November. I think at some points in our marriage, my husband and I worked it out just to prove her wrong! She hated my husband, but, he's always been my rock. She just hated being wrong, which I made sure she knew on every anniversary we celebrated.
Cake smashing story: I saw a case once, of a woman that had her face smashed in cake on her birthday, and there were woodsticks keeping everything in place. She was BLINDED because of it.
OMG so scary I didn't even think about that. Poor woman, I'm standing by OP choice.
I have a friend who bakes cakes as a side business,. Wooden dowels are often used in multi-tiered cakes to support the structure. What you described was my first thought about the face in the cake. That woman is so lucky she wasn't injured.
Looooool
It's so aggressive and mean to do that to someone you vowed to love and honor.
@sdube001 yup, pretty much any tiered cake is going to have support dowels in it. Best case scenario you get plastic straws, but that's still going to hurt and potentially scratch eyeballs, wood solid plastic and even solid chocolate dowels could do serious damage.
Not to mention it's a needlessly aggressive thing to do. It's straight up abusive IMO
If my new husband had pushed my face into the cake at the reception, I would have told him that I wanted a divorce there and then! I would have then followed through with it!! I can’t believe someone would do that!!!
Try an Annulment first. Those are cheaper than a divorce.
Maybe it's just me - but I think doing that is soooo abusive. Nothing says physically and psychological abuse is going to be a norm in your relationship like smashing cake in someone's face on the day you have committed your heart, body, and soul to one another.
Agreed.
And the fact that he PLANNED CUPCAKES AS A BACKUP tells me he thought this through. This was not some spur of the moment bad judgement. This was a deliberate effort to not only cross the OP's boundary, but to humiliate her in the process. The fact that everyone seems to be on his side is gross.
I'm actually even more angry at the family members tbh. These people know her, and her trauma, claim to care about her, and yet are encouraging her to stay married to a guy who also knew her, claimed to care about her, and yet did something that he knew would traumatize her.
Literally wtf
@@justhearmeout3959 exactly!!! How could they think that, that was acceptable behaviour from the groom!! If this had been one of my daughters, I would 100% support her, in leaving him, without question! Today it’s the cake in public, who knows what might follow in private!
The last guy deserves the best girl in the planet and a hug. You will never be okay with something you don't want to be done to you being done to others. He dodged a bullet.
I remember my ex-husband and I planning our wedding and everything was going great, until both sides of his family and my family decided to plan the wedding for us. They completely took over. Well we already planned what we were going to do. We went along with what they wanted, and we didn't even show up. We got on a plane and we flew to Spain and did our own little thing. They all showed up with us not being there.
😆
Beautiful. They probably had a good enough time since they forgot about you and your ex, glad you got to have what you want without the ones who don't care.
Omg I love this! What did they say when you got back?
You’re my people.
@@laurencrouch764 we don't know we moved to a different state lol we had this planned good
We did not find out until a few weeks after our wedding that some of our friends were guessing as to how long our marriage would last. We did not take it seriously, but we are different people than OP. Anyhow, the friend who came closest guessed 6 months, i.e. the longest. We will be celebrating our 50th anniversary this August. I wish all the best to OP and future spouse with whatever type of wedding they choose.
congrats on 50 years, that's a beautiful thing
50 years! I've been married 30 years. I dont think I'll live long enough to be married 50 years. It's an accomplishment for sure.
I love it!! 🎉 Congrats! My husband and I, God willing, will get that one day! We're at year 18 now. Together for 20. My goal is a lifetime together. Maybe 68 or more years like my grandparents ❤
❤❤❤ Congratulations
So since everyone lost, y’all got the money right?! Even if you have a good sense of humor, that just seems like an asshole thing to bet about. I really hope they all paid up since they wanted to bet against your happiness.
I once dated someone who had a friend get engaged. We congratulated them of course, but when we got home he said he wasn’t sure about it and thought it wouldn’t last. He went so far as to actually predict how long the marriage would last (this was well before they even had the wedding). I am optimistic so I was a little surprised he would say something like that. He was very supportive throughout the entire wedding process and was in the wedding as a groomsman. I’m the only person he ever said anything to about this. Turns out he was 100% accurate in his estimate. Like- within three days- accurate.
😮
For the first story of the groom pushing the brides face into the cake: I have worked a lot of weddings in my life tiered wedding cakes have wooden pegs to hold the layers in place, there is usually 4 per layer. He absolutely could have done some serious facial damage to her depending on how hard he shoved her face into the cake. She could have lost an eye. Some wedding cakes are quite elaborate and there could be other decorations that could have hurt her. I have seen the extravagance some brides go through for the wedding day. The hair, makeup, jewelry, and dress can cost hundreds to thousands of dollars. She was right to walk away when that was the one thing she said she did not want happening. That was a major red flag.
These cakes need to come with a warning because a lot of people would not know that they're dangerous.
@@TopHatNat maybe so, but it is more about respect for the woman you’re committing to share the rest of your life with. He humiliated her not only, in front of her family and friends, but his as well on purpose because he planned this.
@@mdaly23md K
If you had to explain is it because is not so obvious right?
And not only was that one of very few things she put her foot down on, he went out of his way to do that after she blatantly stated she didn’t want that. If she doesnt want cake smeared on her face, that doesnt mean she wants her face driven into the fucking cake. And certainly not held there. Honestly this is just so many red flags all in one action
When my former son-in-law smashed wedding cake into my daughter's face (pre wedding photos) just moments after wedding ceremony, I told my daughter to annul the marriage. It embarrassed her that I said that, but a few years later, she is happily married to a different man.
She did not have it annulled, but later divorced him.
The cake smashing part is really an automatic red flag.. Thanks for sharing your story..
I thought you were gonna say that you murdered him. I know for a fact that my mother would kill him if he ruined my hair/make up/dress and the cake.
I’m glad your daughter is married to someone better now 💗💗
Every couple I know who smashed cake at the wedding is divorced now just saying
@@tealablu3759😮😂
The cake shoving story is beyond the simple act itself. He purposefully disregarded a trigger around trauma in front of everyone important in your life. And them taking his side is mind blowing
First story is actually shocking and I'm so glad she is filing for divorce. It's painful but never so painful as being always on edge because she realised her partner doesn't respect her at all, starting from the "little"things... imagine the big things. So sad
Story 1: As a chef, some cakes have wooden dowels in them for supporting the layers. OP could have gotten an eye poked out!! And as others said, total lack of respect from the start, by the groom and her family.
I found out that my ex, 6 year relationship 2 years married, had been telling his friends that we had an open relationship and that he routinely spent nights with other women when he told me he was sleeping at a friend's place (they all lived in a different town from us and he often went there to party.) The fact that I was on very good standing with some of his friends and none of them told me this was going on still hurts, and we've been divorced for 7 years.
For story 2: if your family is so worried about it being embarrassing that you're uninviting them from the wedding, too bad - they should've thought of the ramifications of what they were doing and how poorly it would reflect on them beforehand. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes 🙃
I know. What's embarrassing is getting uninvited to a wedding because you were making bets on how long the marriage would last.
Yep, they kind of gave her no choice. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration with your closest friends and family. If your family are attending for their own malice entertainment, like hoping they're right about watching a disaster unfold, then they've literally negated the whole point of the wedding. Just elope instead.
Like it's not embarrassing to have your own family betting how long your marriage will last?
I literally told my husband that if he even thought about smearing cake on my face at our wedding, I'd annul the marriage. He said he would never because of all the time I spent planning and doing my hair and makeup
Yes, honestly it's a mystery to me why this person (and so many other people) would go for divorce over annulment.
Can we have a round of thunderous applause for the man who told his fianaces cousins husband about the cheating? That is one decent human being right there. Its *unfathomable * how many people will say NOTHING to their friends, knowing those are being cheated on. Well done good Sir, you DEFINITELY deserve better than that girl you almost married.
Most definitely 👏👏👏👏👏
I told my cousin her husband was cheating with her sister. Long story short I was the bad guy !! My aunt HATED me forever. Years later I found out their brother’s wife was cheating and I said nothing. .. guess what. … when they found out I was the bad guy again for NOT telling this time. Sometimes you just can not win.
Well, there is a very understandable reason for that: you are a cheater’s friend, not their husband’s friend. Their moral choices when it comes to romantic relationships really don’t affect you and if you just tell that secret to the husband, you are taking part in essentially ruining the friend’s life. You betray them by doing so, which makes you not much better than them, as both of you are disloyal towards people that are supposedly close to you. And most importantly, you lose a close friend and meeting a person you’d form a strong, long-lasting bond is not an everyday occurrence.
It’s not moral to cheat, but it’s also not moral to share a secret someone entrusted you with and let their life fall into pieces because of something that truly isn’t your business.
Doesn’t make it any less degenerate though. Worse in fact. For something this serious on an intimate level of respect and valuing their partner, being nonconfrontational is no longer about kissing up to your asshole friend because you’re too much of a sniveling spineless coward to stand up for what’s right. Not only would you then be complicit, but it is explicitly condoning and encouraging this behavior. Worse still your motivations would be purely selfish in nature. Who benefits here? This is why no one really cares about whatever Freudian reason motivates it, all it accomplishes is making the world a worse, more toxic place. Even more so when those people who are so happy to stick knives in other folks backs scream the loudest when someone they’re in a relationship with is so much as out of their sight.
@@yzma9959 help me understand. Are you saying that a friendship with someone who cheated more important than that person’s marriage?
Last story: Dude... OP is such an awesome guy! The fact that he literally called a guy he barely knew to tell him his wife is cheating and that his fiancé hadn't told him makes me respect this man so much. I hope both him and Lars find better women! And to answer your question: yes I would cut it off if I had a boyfriend and found out he either cheated or he didn't tell someone they got cheated on.
I tried contacting this woman whose husband used me to cheat on her. The closest I could get was telling a friend. that friend's wife wrote a whole essay of insults to me about how I'm starting drama in other people's lives, and I'm immature. This lady is damn near 40 insulting a 21 year old for trying to expose a cheater, and I'm immature. These friends are terrible people, just like my ex.
@@chaosspy6723 What the hell?! She should be grateful to have friends like you... like even if the wife doesn’t care or they have an open relationship or whatever don’t blame someone for making sure they know. Also you didn’t cause any drama the husband did when he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE! This is the type of crap that pisses me of - not you but the friend’s wife.
Well, not long after, the cheater sent me a voice-mail saying I was harassing and slandering him. I was only harassing him. He tried to scare me by saying he called the sheriff. If he continues, not only will he expose himself as a cheater, but there are some questionable innuendos about girl scout badges that wouldn't look good in court for a 38 year old man. I also wrote this whole cheating thing in a nonfiction book and am currently explaining it on another one of my TH-cam channels. I told him I was a smart girl. He didn't listen.
@@chaosspy6723 Damn the book and TH-cam thing is pretty but I love it xD Like buddy I warned you how smart I am and now you get to suffer because you didn't believe it xD I see why you watch Charlotte xD
@LinaTheOne - GubbiGap Yes, he thought I would be his quiet legal little girl, but no, I'm his teenage nightmare. I will say my truth, and if he has an issue, I will expose his work affairs in detail. I remember those stories vividly. I can imagine his employment and marriage will be affected. I forgot to mention I'm writing a song about it too.
I had a friend years ago who told me if I ever found out her husband was cheating on her, she didn't want to know about it. I had to ask her to repeat her statement and then explain it to me. We eventually grew apart for other reasons, but that completely blew my mind. 🤯
Made me always wonder how many people feel this way.
I had to make an uncomfortable phone call years ago to a family member about seeing his wife cheating on social media. This family member is dear to me so it hurt so bad to tell him while I was crying myself. There's no winner in that conversation but it had to be said. That was an awful day but he's in a loving and committed relationship now and that's what matters.
You're a good friend ❤
Here is the difference. This was a dear family member to you. Was Lar's and this guy good friends. It was his fiancé's cousin's husband. Strange his fiancé never said anything to him when her cousin was cheating or at some point before they got engaged. How well does he even know his fiancé? I think he should have kept his mouth shut. Do we know if Lars had been cheating? Maybe he just didn't get caught. His life may have been going really great. Life is hard enough, why inflict more pain when you don't have to.
The second story kind of reminded me of something that happened when I got married. My husband and I didn't have a lot of money and we both don't really like big events or being around a lot of people, so we had a nice, small wedding with our parents, my sister, some of his cousins, and a couple of my closest friends (or so I thought they were). It was perfect for us. That night I get messages from one of my friends that came and she told me that our other friend (who btw missed the wedding but went to our little gathering we had after) told her "She doesn't want to get married. This is a shotgun wedding. This won't last." I was so appalled and obviously hurt. The most hurtful thing was that she was my best friend, we use to be inseparable. I did not speak to her again for MANY years. During that time, she got married. It lasted maybe a year and they divorced. 12 years later and I am still with my husband.
That sounds like a case of classic jealousy, maybe mixed in with fear of losing you. Either way, what a horrible friend to be saying that (and for missing the ceremony!).
Success is the best revenge, glad she’s out of your life and you are now thriving with your husband
HA!! Take that! So happy for you and your husband, hope you continue to prove that bitch wrong!
That first story - I feel like it's been in one of your videos before, I remember it! And it's absolutely horrifying!! And the fact everyone is telling her to forgive him or that it wasn't a big deal is so sad 😢 and it was her ONE thing she requested!!
Also, her wedding day is going to hold terrible memories for her!
The wedding lottery thing happened to us because we had a whirlwind marriage, but it was because they thought I was pregnant. As a couple, we made a bet with friends and family that if we didn't have a baby in Feb. or March (we got married in July) they would have to foot the bill for our 1st anniversary vacation. Everyone put their money into a neutral party's account and they gleefully placed their bets on the prospective due dates. As the months went by they realized they had screwed up. We ended up with a FABULOUS trip to NYC thanks to all of their silliness.
I wish my parents had thought about doing that. They married each other 3 months after they met and didn't have my oldest brother until 2 years later. I'm sure there was some talk flying at their wedding about my mother being pregnant.
This is a good way to Place bets because you as the married couple were in on it and were ok with it and it even helped you. It is all about respecting each other. Your family respects you. That is wonderful and the way it should be.
This is how you do it! The commenter who said people did that at their reception and they passed all the bet dates, I'd be like great we won the bet please pay up to us
When me and my husband told people we were getting married (after 2 years together) a lot of them suspiciously asked why, hinting at a pregnancy and some came right out and asked if I was pregnant. Fifteen years later not a kid in sight and we are very happy. Wish we’d had the lottery thing though!
The cheating story had me all emotional. I was married for 30 years, and my ex cheated, almost from the first week.
It didn’t help me that when I told my parents, after 15 years, that he was cheating, my father said that it was my own fault because I was so fat, and that I had “made my bed, and had to sleep in it”.
It ended up that he left me because, “this whole marriage thing wasn’t working” and he “couldn’t stay with anyone who didn’t appreciate his ‘poetry’”!
I didn’t have low self esteem, I had NO self esteem! Things are better now, but it’s been nearly twenty years!
Sounds like you were married to a narcissist and your family were narcissistic as well. I’m sorry :(
I'm so so sorry you had to live so much abuse and negligence.
Happy to hear you are doing better now and growing on your own.
Much love dear !
Sending you a warm hug, you didn’t deserve any of that.
your dad sounds like a real jerk. prayers for you glad you finally got away from him. you are beautiful and don't forget it
I'm so glad u got out of that situation! People love you darlin, even if it isn't biological people. You are worth so much more! Sending big hugs and prayers to you and yours!
Side note..... He's an ass
TW//: 2:59 First story, she has a phobia from a traumatic experience, she could’ve had a panic attack when he did that, she could’ve even passed out if it got that bad. The fact the everyone is saying she’s overreacting just shows how they have no empathy towards how she feels and they don’t understand it at all. Good for her for trying to get a divorce, if you call that a “hurdle” then how bad are the fights going to be?
“You’re overreacting because of your trama!”
HECK NO
The fact that she has trauma made it even worse.
She has trauma from a similar experience, and he doesn’t care and showed her face into the cake anyway.
One thing is that dress, make up, hair and such can be really expensive, which you then ruin on purpose. (Which don’t get me wrong, that is still really bad) Another is ignoring a TRAUMA TRIGGER!! For what? A prank?
You have got to be kidding.
I wouldn’t want to stay with him either.
I agree that that is the worst part. I can't even begin to imagine my partner doing something like that. Knowingly choosing to do that, it's such a blatant breach of trust. It's downright cruel. It makes me want to throw up.
The groom that shoved the bride's face into the cake and held her down...that's assault. Abuse and assault. Get rid of him.
And that's on day ONE of being married! Can you imagine what else he'd do when no one else is around?!
So many cake artists say never to do that because tiered cakes have plastic or wooden support structures in them. Could have actually gone through her brain if the angle was just slightly off
Yep.
@@NHarts3 OMG, good point, scary
Yeah right. Let's not start throwing around big words. Sure, it was a dick move but I have actually seen what abuse looks like. You clearly haven't
My cousin actually decided to do a cake smash at her wedding but they had a separate MUCH cheaper cake for it AND they made it a game where people would put money in the jar of whoever they wanted to see get a facefull of cake: the bride or the groom. All the funds went to the honeymoon (there was a sign explaining all of this so nothing shady) and it was actually really fun! Groom ended up with cake face btw lol
I can beat the “day after the wedding” story…
I was a bartender in a neighborhood bar. Everyone was a “regular”, the guy getting married was part owner of the bar, and the “Chaplain” was also a regular. So, the wedding happened, then immediately afterward was the reception. The happy couple had an argument, hit the cash envelopes, divvied up the money, and TORE UP THE MARRIAGE LICENSE as if it had NEVER happened!!
My kind of people! Straight to the point and no prisoners 👍
Was it a fake wedding for the cash?
I would have demanded my money gift back.
@@Steph-yz4tn You don't have to. Call the bank and cancel the check.
@@heidikickhouse- It was _cash_ - can't cancel cash like a check. The happy couple should've been torn to shreds by their guests. (Well, verbally, but the money definitely should've been yoinked right out of their hands.)
Finally passed my thesis defense!!! thanks charlotte for cheering me up every time i feel like giving up on my thesis
Congratulations!!!!
Congrats!
Congratulations! So proud of you!!!
CONGRATULATIONS 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Congrats🎉🎉
I'm so truly sorry for the bride of the first story, he knew about her claustrophobia and she set clear boundaries but he went above and beyond to cross them even though he knew it would make her panic. i hope she's doing well now and I hope she finds someone better❤
I gotta tell you guys something. I’m not usually a person who’s just like “yeah leave him!” Because relationships have problems and they need work and people often just give up and bail. But that is a serious problem for a few reasons. 1- she specifically asked him NOT to and he not only didn’t care, he did it to amuse himself and whomever else at his own bride’s expense. People don’t get less selfish over time- they get more selfish.
2- Usually relationships start out with people being the best versions of themselves, and then they let that go after years of marriage and that’s what creates most problems. If you already START OUT with him blatantly disrespecting you in front of people, it will only get worse behind closed doors as time goes on. People rarely ever get better; they usually get comfortable in their relationships and they tend to get worse
3- That’s an immature thing to do, but mostly it was INCREDIBLY CRUEL. If he really loves you, he’ll respect you and honor your wishes. He chose not to.
It might not be a big deal to other people, but to her it’s a HUGE deal and he seemingly knew that but decided to do it anyways. Yikes.
I told my husband that if he rubbed cake in my face our marriage was over and I would tear up the marriage certificate in front of his face. Guess what? He believed me and no cake smash!
Wow. People on my side of the family made bets on how long my marriage would last. We married exactly one year after we started seeing each other. In 3 weeks from now it’ll be our 34th wedding anniversary and 35 years together. Those who made the bet are all alone now. Life well lived and we’re still in love ❤🎉
I can't get over this absolutely amazing poetry that I hope she realised she did- 'I never cared about getting married, but I wasn't opposed to it. So when my boyfriend proposed in 2020, we decided to go for it'
You're right! It has great rhythm, and the rhyme, while simple, manages to be subtle. Love it.
Sounds like the beginning of a ballad
I never cared about getting married
But I wasn't opposed to it
So when my boyfriend proposed in 2020
We decided to go for it
The planning went ahead with 0 issues
He made me happy without even trying
So, today, why am I surrounded by tissues
And why can't I stop crying?
My baby,
Didn't get boundaries
So he went ahead and crossed the line
My husband to be
Just cared about being funny
So now, how about you find yourself a new bride?
Cake, cake, cake
You pushed me into a
Cake, cake, cake
Got the squad laughing
Got the fam clapping
Got me crying
On my "honeymoon"
'Kay, 'kay, 'kay
You did it on our day
Day, day
Got me packing my things
Got me sharing your being
A total pick, on instant regret
Get it?
You did it
So I'm leaving you
This is so underrated wth I love it
@@myheartwillstopinjoy8142 👏👏👏👏👏👏
As someone who's been there, it is a big deal. My ex-husband cheated on me and his best friend covered for him. She was married when they got together. We wound up divorcing. After she got her divorce too, they got married. But as karma would have it, they divorced after several years, too. I remarried years after all this to a wonderful man and we will celebrate 25 years this year
My bff did something to me similar to the post about the guy learning his fiancé thought that cheating before marriage was not a big deal.
No one cheated on anyone but mainly she thought it was okay to tell a complete stranger about my anxiety but she made me seem like I became a complete vegetable around new people. When that definitely isn’t the case I just get nervous and slightly jittery.
I confronted her even though I hate confrontation I knew I had to tell her and set that boundary because it had been bothering me for weeks. I just told her that she has no right to put a label on how severe my anxiety is and that my anxiety isn’t even close to being that dramatic. I also said that she shouldn’t be telling strangers my condition when clearly she herself doesn’t know the severity of it nor does she need to be telling people I don’t know about me and my personal health. Especially when parading it around as me being severely mentally ill and handicapped when I’m not.
With that last story, I can't STAND people who enable poor/unacceptable behaviors.
I firmly believe in backing your friends when they are RIGHT, and telling them when they're in the wrong. Same with relatives. If I knew she cheated on him, I would be petty enough to tell him at the wedding if I had no other options. How terrible of her.
Do not protect cheaters! Informed decisions are super important, especially with things so massive like weddings and such.
My husband-ish’s ex wife was a huge cheater. She bragged about it to me when I first met her and decided I did not want to be friends with someone like that. 10 years later, her husband and I ended up falling in love and neither of us has even thought of another since we’ve been together. Cheating is never okay. It’s disgusting, ugly, and disrespectful behavior. And what’s worse is it tells me you don’t even respect yourself. So sad.
The cheating thing is tough one. I've tried to tell good friends that they were being cheated on and then I lost my friendship because they didn't believe me. Eventually they found out the hard way by finding their person in bed with another woman in their OWN bed. That was just one example of a few, that being stated that can go either way. It really depends how close you are with the person and be aware that you can TRY and tell somebody they're being cheated on. You have to be prepared to possibly lose that relationship. Often the messenger is the one who gets jacked. That being stated, I'm always the person who's going to tell you as painful as it is, because I'm NOT going to lie to you. 😉
My cousin disowned his sister because she caught his wife cheating. Called her a liar and home-wrecker. Yeah, most people don't want to hear it.
It’s a lose lose situation. You can lose the friend if you don’t tell them and they find out that you knew and didn’t tell them or they could be mad that you were the one that told them and drop you as a friend.
I have to live on my own self. I have actually told someone not to tell me if they were ever cheating because I would tell because if you let me know you’re cheating then I become part of the cheating you make me part of the secret that’s not fair to me to take on your burden , I refuse to do it I refused to help you cheat. I refused to help you think it’s normal. I refuse to take it on myself. That’s your problem if you’re going to cheat and you’re my friend or my relative, keep it to your damn self you shouldn’t be doing it to begin with, but do not let me know about it because then it becomes my problem in my lie and I am not going to live with your lie. I have enough of my own problems.
My parents got married very quickly, (bit of a long but sweet story I love sharing.) My parents both knew that there were family members saying the marriage wouldn't last 6 months. That was back in July 1983, they are still happily married and my dad jokes saying "I haven't figured out which 6 months they are talking about. " I'm thankful my parents are secure and strong enough to take it and turn it back on those who doubted them. Will be coming up on 40 years this summer and still going strong. ❤
ah, the good ol days when women brought value and balance to the family, the literal glue of the family. The reason why young girls knew what self-respect was, family reunions happened for many generations and families played nice during the holidays.
@@missmorla1339 yeesh lol
@@missmorla1339At the same time, women couldn't divorce or leave because their husbands and because of public shaming and reputation.
Ah, yes the days where women had to tolerate disrespect and in worse case abuse from their husbands because their only role is to be their husband's property, submissive and a mommy servant. Oh! Do not forget that if the husband cheated you had to stay with him and be a good little wife. The days where women had to hold what they were feeling. Oh I definitely miss those days!(heavy sarcasm)
@TheOMGRamen yet you leave out self-respect because your generation today doesn't know what that is. Women fought to vote, to be protected from their poor choice in men, and now they are allowing men to make caricatures of them and defending men to allow them to do so. Today's feminist not only undid that, they made it so much worse because now we are costumes for men, a joke something to make fun of because women have no self-respect today.
First story - Not only did he go against her wishes; he grabbed her by the neck and pushed her into the cake. Pretty certain we call that assault.
that's the 1st thing I thought!!! If that's at the wedding (after she specifically said 'don't do this' I can't think of what 'other little thing' would be next
In some cakes that use dowels to support the layers, she could have been blinded or even killed. What he did was horrid, and she got lucky both in finding out he had no issues crossing boundaries and she wasn't injured in the process.
You guys are all waaaaaaaay too dramatic. This was a simple prank, and live does NOT stop with a mistake. What’s the point of getting married.
Jesus!
That's exactly what I was going to say. This is not about shoving her into the cake. She TOLD him not to do it, she told him why and he still did it. So what's the next thing she's going to ask him not to do and he's going to do it just so the friends and family can have a laugh at it?
@@goodrabbi7176 it wasn't a simple prank though. Many cakes, and in particular tiered wedding cakes, have dowels in them for structural support. Not only did he cross what she set as a hard "No!", he could have blinded or injured her.
Wedding cake specialist here! There are supports in every tiered cake! I always used wooden dowels! Some bakers use thick, strong plastic straws. If her face hit the right place, she absolutely would have had something poked into her face!
Been cheated on, ignored and gaslit for the most part of our 17yrs of marriage. Just recently started realising how bad the narcissistic abuse was. And I'm thinking of also going no contact with everyone who knew and said nothing and everyone trying to persuade me not to go through with the divorce. And also, might ruin a few friendships of my husband's on the way out. 😈
Do it. Go no contact. Ruin friendships. You come first. I earned my intelligence. I've had my life swept out from under me more than a few times. Things I had no control over, but no one can take my mind. If someone tried, I'd be be-YOND livid. That's who you are. I'm so glad you're able to see the toxicity and that you have no qualms saying goodbye to the past, lighting a match, throwing it behind you and walking away. Go be the epic Goddess you are. Unashamed and unapologetically you! *HUGG*
Last story... 100% agree with you Charlotte. As someone who was cheated on absolutely. Knowing who else knew and didn't tell me was devastating. I wouldn't stay with someone who thought the way this girl did.
what if your best friend your whole life was cheating on her new boyfriend? would you tell him?
If your friends don't call you out on your bs, what good are they? Friends shouldn't support every decision you make, including bad ones, just because they're your friends. If I see something wrong I'm gonna point it out, and I expect my two bffs to do the same. We hold each other accountable. That's the right thing to do.
Not saying anything and being complicit is lying by omission. That's a big betrayal if your friends are excusing cheating. It may be a hard pill to swallow to confront your friend and let them know that their partner has/had been cheating, because we all want our friends to be happy, but they will be glad that you did.
@@mishaa7263yes
@@mishaa7263 I'd confront her, and give her the ultimatum, either she stops and tells him, or I would. We've been besties for 26 yrs now.
@@mishaa7263 If I find out my best friend was cheating on her bf, I'd lose all respect for her and wouldn't want to continue being her friend anyway. So yeah, I'd tell the bf.
I’m convinced my side of the family has bets like this about my marriage. I say that because my parents constantly try to guilty me into going back to college (something I have decided I don’t want to purse anymore since I’m a mother of 2 under 2). They say I should go back because they think I’ll end up getting divorced. One of the big factors that made me and my husband get married was the fact that I was pregnant with our first child. This was not the only factor but it did cause the initial change of heart that lead us to want to get married. My parents had a similar story, the difference being when I told my husband about the pregnancy he was so happy and excited to start a family, while my dad yelled and screamed at my mom, told her to get an abortion and said she was ruining his life.
My parents were married for 24 years and then got divorced. My mom got screwed bad in the divorce because she didn’t finish college and raised 7 kids instead of working.
When she said “I dont wanna awake up next to someone who gives me major ick” I felt that. I FELT THAT. I cant wait till my papers are done and my name is changed back and I am free lol
When u set boundaries and they are not respected whatsoever. Yikes. It sucks.
Congratulations and good luck on your new future!
HUGE DEAL!!! When my husband and I got married 18 years ago (2nd for both of us) we were completely on the same page with what we wanted for our wedding. He was, is and continues to be the kindest most respectful man I know
Glad that you have a supportive husband and the two of you found happiness together. 😊
@@Just1Nora thank you! 😊
I didn't know how to set boundaries with my first marriage, and I had cake smashed on my face. I laughed and keke'd along with everyone else, but inside I hated it. We divorced three years later. My now husband, who is spectacular, didn't even think it was an option. I love him.
With her history of claustrophobia, I understand why she feels so strongly about getting her face shoved and held into a cake. I'm beyond terrified of drowning, and I go into involuntary sheer panic mode if someone tries to mess with me in water. I explained how bad it can be to my husband, and he has always respected that and never messed with me while we were in/near water. Now on occasion, he does find it amusing to act like he's going to dunk me, but he always makes sure he has a secure hold of me and never actually submerges me. He was super respectful about my fears and didn't even attempt to "mess around" until he knew I would be in a place where I could trust him without immediately panicking.
See? Respect. It's not that difficult, boys, take notes. I'm glad you found one of the good ones. 😊
I am dismayed that family members are urging her to stay with such a brute, man I’d be giving her money for that annulment! This is your Life’s Partner, who you both should be each other’s biggest protector and fan. That dude is a villain, not even a friend.
My family made the same shitty comments when I got engaged, my father even asked him “ was he sure” and “are you drunk”. 28 years later, hubby and I are the only ones of our siblings still married to the same person and have a loving, respectful and laughter filled relationship to this day. He has been my rock through everything and even current battling ovarian cancer, we still find joy being together every day. We are true partners and neither of us would EVER disrespect the other by doing something specifically requested not to be done. I wish that type of love and respect for you and Mike, Charlotte. You deserve the right person to be there for you (and you for him) through the good times and the bad. xx
The thing about grooms/ men thinking this is the height of hilarity is really simple. It is a public statement to their bro-crew that “ I married the bush, now I can do whatever I want to her. Watch me humiliate her on a day she wants to be a queen.” Such a telling move when people think this is funny.
In regards to the first story, it brought back some really bad trauma. My ex was the type that did things like that all the time, and I kept telling myself it was just immature behaviour to test boundaries. It was very deliberate, it was actually part on his entire f-ed up plan of brainwashing which left me so brainwashed that I would've jumped off the balcony if he had asked me enough. The closest thing to him I can compare with is Keith Reniere (NXIVM cult leader, and yes, including sexual coercion) and today I still have PTSD after that relationship (not metaphor, actual diagnosis). So, if your partner does this - run. Never ignore what feels like a red flag, it feels like one because your instincts are screaming louder than your emotions, so make sure you listen and stay safe. Thank you to the person who posted it, even if I know what happened in my relationship, reading this still made me feel like I'm not as insane as he pretended I was ❤️
So sorry for what happened to you, it really hit a nerve with me too. So glad you’re out of it and hope you are living your best life now ❤
I got claustrophobic in the middle of my wedding and none of my bridesmaids were around to get me out of my dress and I couldnt find anyone so I started sobbing. Finally my sister in law heard and helped me calm down and get out of it. 😅
As a woman who grew up with a Baker/Nurse as a mother. I would sit back and watch my mother make cakes of all shapes and sizes and one thing that is common among her 2-layer cakes and wedding cakes is boba/smoothie straws or even Bamboo Skewers to keep the structure of the layers in place. when I was 9 I asked my mom why she always told her clients about the skewers and straws(at the time I didn't know about the dangers of it). She proceeded to tell me that "they are highly dangerous and can cause an eye injuries, so I tell people so they can be more careful when cutting and to warn them so they won't smash the persons head into the cakes I make" to this day the idea of smashing someone face into a cake was a underline fear for me until I turned 14.😅😅😅😅😅
I wasn't even a bride and I've had wedding cake smeared on my face before when I was a teenager. My mom was the bride and was also one of the people that smeared cake on me. I started crying, its hard to put my finger on exactly what about it made me feel so hurt, but it felt like a betrayal, kinda like mild assault and I felt like they should know me well enough to know I wouldn't enjoy that. I remember walking off crying and my friends chasing after me essentially telling me they meant no harm. They were sincere and I didn't think to ask in advance for people not to smear cake on my face, so I did forgive it. I wasn't wearing anything fancy or anything, but I don't like being covered in sticky sugar icing either. So, moral of the story, NEVER EVER smear cake on people at weddings unless you obtained permission from your intended target to do it.
The feeling was humiliation. Of having someone smear food on your face just so that they can have a laugh. I'd be pissed too
@@WafflesLover95 I'm not sure humiliation is quite the right term for it, and I can't think of what the right word for it would be, there might not be one.
They weren't the sort of people that would enjoy making a kid cry, they simply didn't expect me to feel upset.
And I don't think my motive for being upset was a fear of getting laughed at or loss of social standing either.
It was more of a momentary fear that people wouldn't heed my distress combined with them having done something unpleasant to me. I guess you could kinda consider this humiliation since it does have an element of not taking me seriously, or at least the fear of that.
@@hurricanemarigolds2818 I understand that their intention wasn't to make you upset or cry, you could've taken it as a joke and not be upset, and all would be well, but that's not what i'm arguing.
Regardless of their intention towards your feelings, if you think about it, smearing cake of food in someone's face is something that puts at risk their well-being and their good mood in that moment.
I mentioned humiliation not necessarily because of the people laughing, but because at that moment, whoever did that to you had no concern with your feelings and completely disregarded your well being.
Speaking for myself even, i've realized that when i was younger i would somethimes make jokes at the expense of people that i liked just to make someone else laugh. It wasn't that i wanted to hurt that person's feelings or humiliate them, not at all, that was never my intention. But with time i realized that i was putting the entertainment of someone else above my friend's well being.
In the moment, you reacted to their actions, not their intentions. Their intention was not to humiliate you, but their action, and their disregard for your well being is something that would make me feel that way (but I have my own traumas too, so obviously my thought process may be completely off here 😅)
The most difficult conversation I've ever had was telling my mum about the thing I found in my dad's desk drawer when I was looking for a stapler. Turned out it was a prank the wives in the friend group had pulled on their husbands. But I still told her, even though it would have impacted my life as well because that's just what you do. Maybe it's an open relationship or you don't have all the cards - but that's not your issue to sort through.
And even if some people agree witht he fiancee, that just means the OP and her obviously have very different values and are not compatible.
Also, the cake thing? No. Not ever. I'm a hobby baker and even just the amount of work that goes into a wedding cake is a slap in the face to the people who made it, paid it, wanted to eat it, and the bride or groom who was probably looking forward to it as well. Not to mention the dowels. Oh, the horror stories...
The first story is unbelievably upsetting and honestly I’ve heard too many stories like this. My dad and stepmom did the whole rubbing cake in the face thing and that’s fine if it’s your cup of tea. But it’s something that needs to be cleared ahead of time.
Also I do feel like it may not have been a divorce moment if he had done like a finger dip and just like wiped it on her cheek or something. It would still be crossing a boundary yes but personally I feel like that would be something WAY more likely for them to get past. But SHOVING her face into the cake and HOLDING IT THERE?????? Absolutely NOT! AND it was a planned thing if he had cupcakes just ready to go as backup after being told probably multiple times even during his “planning” that she explicitly was NOT okay with it. That’s a whole other level of disrespect. So he not only did something she didn’t want but I guarantee you he flat out lied to her multiple times saying he wouldn’t do it.
Also a lot of tiered cakes do have wooden dowels in them as supports for the cake not to fall over. So you could have SERIOUSLY injured her and honestly got lucky.
Sorry it’s long. This had me heated
It’s hard to put myself in this conversation because fidelity is important to my husband and I. We were both married before and both of us had spouses who cheated on us causing our divorces so my husband doesn’t think cheating is ok. We are going into our 41st year of marriage so thankfully are with the right person this time who has the same values. He’s an amazing man who keeps me laughing.
I’m so glad u and your spouse have a good marriage💕 My ex knew my stance on cheating same with him. We both have been married before. His wife cheated on him and he divorced her, my split was we were not compatible. My ex had a girlfriend right before he met me. He broke up with her because she cheated on him and stated she was pregnant, which to find out the child was not his, but the guy she cheated with. My ex and I were together for over 7 years. Year and half in I became pregnant with our son . Well within that time he was cheating on me with his previous ex and hid the child from me and the affair for years until I received a letter informing me about paternity test and that it was his. I was heartbroken and hurt. Dishonesty ended it. Sad part was July of 2009 is when I found out I was pregnant and that is the month his child was born. That same year in Jan I miscarried. He knew my stance on cheating because of the hell my father did to my mom . I honestly do not trust dating people anymore.
I am glad for you ❤!
i've never been big on the cake smashing stuff, but i hadn't ever considered the danger of it. charlotte is VERY right about that, bakers use wooden dowels to support heavier cakes, especially in things like (usually extravagantly designed) wedding cakes. he could have very easily done physical harm on top of being a massive dickweed. i would have the divorce too. if they don't listen to the one thing you ask for, they're not going to listen to anything you have to say.
Our reception venue charged an extra fee if we smashed cake in each other's faces because they didn't want to have to clean up the aftermath.
We used a fork and took dainty bites, just to be on the safe side 😁
Well in their case it couldn't have been dangerous because if the baker had cupcakes ready means he told them about smashing the cake
@@bettersecret1499 that could be true, but he didn't have to explain why he also wanted cupcakes.
I would shred that marriage license and cut all ties. The cake smashing is absolutely disgusting. I get married in under three months, and my fiancé would NEVER. It is a breach of trust, and it is HUMILIATING. Why would you happily humiliate the person you just married? Breaks my heart for her.
When I got married to my ex, for months before the wedding, she was constantly asking that we not do the cake in the face thing. I had no problem with this and never even gave it a second thought. The day comes and what did she do at the first chance? Smeared cake in my face. Such a betrayal after being married for mere minutes.
She really said "rules for thee but not for me"
Omg, she's a special kind of evil
That second story reminded me of my parents. I was told there was a betting pool on both sides of the family for how long their marriage would last when they got engaged. What did they do? Had a courthouse wedding, and are still married after 45 years. They jokingly ask each other on every anniversary if the betting pool is still going. So I say to the OP, as long as your future husband is okay with it, have your courthouse wedding and have a long happy marriage on top of it. Use the money that you would have used to have a big wedding to go on an awesome honeymoon trip
(mic drop) THAT'S WHASSUP!!
But seriously, the fact that they joke about that even now is ADORABLE. Sounds like a very loving and healthy marriage!
I had this same boundary for my wedding. He totally respected that and I can't believe this other guy didn't. Not everyone enjoys having all the hard work to look beautiful ruined in a sticky mess
My hubby and I made a deal with each other...
1. No birthday songs at restaurants.
2. No cake-face-smashing at wedding
3. Our wedding would be small and with our immediate friends and family who supported us.
Our anniversary... April 28, 2006. Best hunny bunny ever!❤
I told my friend Nina her husband was cheating with his ex. She stayed with him and dropped me as a friend. Would I do it again, damn skippy I would.
Why are birthday songs at restuarants bad???
@@DrawciaGleam02 Some people don't like to be singled out like that. I always hated it.
I would drop as friend too, not your place. I always tell my friends not to tell me if they are cheating. I don't want to know and I won't cover for them. Ignorance is a bliss. If they see my boyfriend cheating don't tell me either. If they feel they need that I must know. Call me to meet where they're at so I can see them. If his friends know and they are protecting him good for them that's their friend not mine don't need them in my life.
@@heidilopez8875 Well, you would have told her not to tell you, I suppose. So she probably wouldn't have.
@@sylverscale she seems proud of telling her ex friend. Her boyfriend was cheating why would she her unless she is trying to hurt her. Tells me she's vile because if she's proud she did it to hurt her not to help her. That's why I would drop her. I would drop him too, but first her them him. Many think I am okay with cheating I am not.
*My father-in-law tried talking my hubby out of marrying me the night before the wedding!* And about a month after our wedding, his dad yelled at me about something, so I ran into the other room (because I’m not good with yelling), and he told my hubby “I give you guys 6 months.”
*We’ve been married for 6 years and my hubby and I have never had problems!!!* ❤️
My husband and I married 6 months after beginning to date. My side of the family was freaking out and telling me not to do it since it would end in divorce. This was coming from and uncle, primarily, that has had 8 marriages. My own parents divorced a year after we married. My husband and I have now been married 25 years and going strong. He is my best friend and love of my life. Jokes on them!
what Charlotte said about "what if there was a stick or something in the cake" is actually a really good point because a lot of wedding cakes are at least two tiers (usually three or more from what i've seen), and the bakers actually do put wooden dowels in the cake so that it doesn't collapse under the weight of all the higher tiers. the bride could have absolutely sustained a serious injury from the groom forcing her face down in the cake, so even if she _hadn't_ specifically asked him not rub cake in her face, even if _that_ hadn't been her one hard boundary, i think she still wouldn't be wrong to divorce him for shoving her face in the cake. potential humiliation aside, a dowel to the eye would put a serious damper on the wedding festivities.
For me I should have listened to my regret before the wedding. Took 16 years for me to give into it. Much happier now with Mr Bell. Love you 🍯🐰!! Hope y’all are happy too my Besties!!
Been there, wasted many years, but I I've been married to the right man for 30 years this time.
@@lotstodoyasss SLAYYY, we love happy healthy relationships
Mary, I'm happy you met Mr. Bell, and may you have many more happy years together!
I met the right one when I was 19, and we had 8 wonderful years. He died suddenly a few months before we were to be married in 1989.
I got married 2 years later to the first guy who asked, I knew I didn't love him and didn't want to because I never wanted to hurt like that again. It lasted about a year, ended very badly.
I got married again 10 years later, that one lasted longer than it should have, 15 years with an abusive narcissist who cheated on me the whole time.
Really don't think it's likely I'll try a third time since I don't think I'll ever meet another best friend like my first love.
@@LazyIRanch which one did you have the son with that got kidnapped? and did he ever return?
Single, but out of bad relationships. I'm actually happy about it for the first time in years.
As my counselor said, "It's not your job to fix someone else," and "You shouldn't give someone 100% of yourself if they're only willing or able to give 30%." It sounds harsh, but she's right.
Mad respect as hard as it is to stick up to the people doing you wrong it takes a lot more to stand up to the people you consider friends doing wrong to other people.
I'm really glad at our wedding, we respected our boundaries when it came to the cake. I said "No cake in the face." and got the same agreement back. All was good. Respect each other's boundaries.
My estranged grandfather showed up to my wedding. Honestly nbd. He even took video which we had not been able to afford. About a month later when the video arrived via mail I excitedly rushed to watch it. About 5 mins into the ceremony I hear my grandfather comment about my husband. "He seems like a nice guy." Immediately followed by my father saying,"He is, I don't know why he is with her." They both had a good laugh.
I went NC with my gf (I was already NC with my mother) and LC with my father. My dad and I have healed some but it's been almost 30 years and I will never be able to fully forgive him. My marriage lasted 8 years and I divorced him after finding he had cheated multiple times. Yup, he was a great guy alright.
We were young when we got married- 18 and 20- the photographer- who was a family friend of my husband’s- said to us, “I will give you a thousand dollars if you last one year.” 38 years later we are still waiting for him to pay up. 😂
Story 2 - I got married (as stated in my other post) 27 yrs. ago. My husband and I both had been married right out of high-school ( to other people, of course) and had done 'the wedding' bit. So we decided that we didn't want to go through that stress and expense. So, we went to a little wedding chapel to get married. We were alone, and so was the couple getting married in front of us, so we witnessed for them, and they witnessed for us! We then went on a three day trip around the state, visiting tourist traps. Then when we got home, we told our families. Three months later my mom and MIL threw together a family get together at my parents house (huge yard), we had my mom's stereo, a potluck, and alot of fun and good memories!
It's supposed to be about the love two people share and the bringing together of two families as one, the 'WEDDING' is just dressing!
Marry your man anywhere that sounds good to you, and let the rest of them stay home, not minding their own buisness!
That is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.
Lovely
Sounds like you had a great for you wedding and love how your families celebrated you 2 hope everything is still going happyly.
@@koriignace89-25-movielover Thank you!
Yes, we are very happy...except when he leaves his socks all over the floor!
When me and my ex started dating he was anti cheating. A while into the relationship we had a conversation about a "friends" sketchy pattern of cheating. I thought it was unacceptable. Suddenly, I was too harsh and a bad person for talking about it negatively. Very confused at the 180, however, found out even later that at this point in my life I had been cheated on by my ex. Yes, the fiance in that post probably was at it too.
Yeah, the "it's not a big deal" would have been the red flag for me. I might have been able willing to argue the cons of "staying out of it," but that attitude is irredeemable.
Dunno. I was in a similar situation with a former best friend, and I also stayed out of it. I did try to talk to her and stop her, but I was also in her corner as her friend and also not friends with her husband. They had marriage troubles and he refused to take it seriously, I tried to advice her on what else to do and drew the line when she told me she wanted to use me as a foil. I have never cheated in my life and am judgemental about it still. But telling her husband would have crossed the line of our friendship as well. If she was my cousin, even worse, you can't break up with relatives.
@@thirstwithoutborders995 I'd tell my friend, but I can understand why some people wouldn't. I've seen it happen where telling the person blows up in the face of the person trying to warn their friend. Too often the friend refuses to believe it without rock solid evidence (especially since cheaters are liars).
@@jenniferann7212 I was that friends ride-or-die friend and since she told me about the cheating under the oath of secrecy, I felt like I was just keeping my promises to her. Also, I felt no obligation to her husband, whom I didn't hang out with or anything. It all came out later and they are still married, quite happily.
I’m really proud of her for not ignoring that massive red flag. Don’t waste your time thinking things are going to change or get better. If he was willing to ignore that boundary he won’t mind ignoring all of them. Run!
For that last one, I'd call off the relationship with that person in a heartbeat. For them to think cheating is not a big deal because it wasn't during marriage says A LOT about their character, and I'd never be able to trust them. It's so gross that people think that's okay.
My so-called friends in college did that to me. Apparently, they all knew for months that my ex boyfriend was cheating on me but they said that it was my boyfriend's prerogative whether to tell me or not. They are not my friends anymore.