We see you. We feel you. We're with you. Stay the course. This show is worth it. in the words of Matt Mercer, "There's still more of this story to tell."
No spoilers. You're in good company with the people who have been betrayed by their own mind. I see you. "And for the record, I think you're damned worthy."
As another reactor said, and i will not stop repeating this everywhere because of how insanely hard this line hits - "You just shot the only person who would bother to grieve you".
In the original campaign, Percy did die here, but he wasn't quite so merciful towards Ripley. He had a great quote that sadly got cut from the show: "No matter what...today, I forgive you. But I cannot let you leave."
Hi there Kyra, I work in mental health and I wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience with your struggles. I myself experience my own mental illness, with PTSD. I spent majority of my childhood homeless, and in my teens I was homeless from 14-20 by myself. I left home to escape abuse. I know what its like to have your mind turn against you. It trapped me in the worst part of my life for 15 years, similar to you. Im 35 now. I got my job solely because of my lived experience. I share this because I wanted to express that there are places we can exist and prosper, and dont fear being judged for our struggles. Im sorry that you felt like you needed to hide it, and I wanted to thank you for the courage to share with us. I hope things are better. Thanks for making content for us
My theory is that Ripley sees so much of herself in Percy and she feels like if she can convince him to follow in her footsteps, it will validate her giving in to her grief and rage instead of confronting how her father would feel about the person she’s become. There’s also something so subtle about Grog’s biggest insecurity being that he can’t read.
Ms. Kyra, thank you so much for talking about the struggles you've faced. You're still a person, still a human being, still worthy of respect and consideration. For the record, I am autistic. I have my own emotional problems, and I also struggle with work and relationships. Love your reactions, Ms. Kyra. I hope you're doing okay. 💛
I respect and value your honesty in sharing those personal insights with us. "Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.' ’" Don't feel you have to put yourself in a compromised position just to explain things to us, you don't owe us anything, please just share what you are safe and comfortable to share.
Thank you for sharing your story and your reaction to this difficult episode. We’re here for you - a lot of us have been down this path already and we’re happy to virtually hold your hand. I enjoy your commentary; you’re my favorite Vox Machina reactor 😊
Ouch... This death hit us all hard. But watching you go through it *twice* was tough. You're definitely one of my favorite reactors, and it is hard to watch anyone you care about grieve. "What is grief, if not love persevering"
First, thank you for your introduction, and explaining why you feel so connected to Percy. I have no explanation for why I find him so compelling, but I feel just as strongly about as you do about him. Second, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. If we've been too spoilery, it was out of concern. Nobody wanted to detract from your full experience of this story, but I think anyone could see that it would hit you very hard. If it helps, it hit everyone hard. Even the critters. Finally, I know this is awful, but please keep going. I promise you that it's worth it to see the season through to the end. We are here with you, heart and spirit.
Kyra, thank you for sharing some of your struggle with us. It takes courage to share such a personal battle with strangers. We love you! Further, your love of Percy is every bit as valid as your hate of Ripley. Don't let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong. Kelly Hu, the voice of Ripley, did a magnificent acting job. I'm sure you would agree. And THAT scene...I watched it myself and have watched probably 10 reactors watching it and it turns me inside out EVERY TIME! We all feel the same way. Big hugs, Kyra. I wish you hadn't done that to yourself, watching the start of the next episode. It's a double hit to the heart. Lean on us if you need to, Kyra. We got you!
You are so strong for talking about your struggles. I know I’m just a random person on the internet but you mean so much and are loved and appreciated. Love your videos.
Kyra… I know this hurts. It hurt on my pass through, and I saw it coming from the campaign. I’m not going to say what happens. You deserve the honest reaction. I’m going to say three things. 1) Let it hurt. That hurt is there to tell you that it matters, and you’re absolutely right that it does. 2) Trust the process. Curse Matt and Taliesin and all if you have to, but follow them through the darkness. In the cave you fear to enter lay the treasure that you seek. 3) Through all of this, you have been Percy all the way through falling for Vex and confronting the struggles with Orthax. For the rest of the season, let yourself be Vex confronting grief. In as high a regard as you hold her, you deserve the chance to walk with her through this. I’d hug you if I could. I’m here if you want to talk. I’m glad I found your channel, and I’m so often humbled by your insights. Stay the course.
Now that I've had a chance to watch your reaction, I am giving ALL OF THE HUGS. Thank you for sharing your story and why you relate so much with Percy. His story, the literal demon inside of his head, is so incredibly relatable for anyone who has struggled with mental health. Whether it's PTSD, depression, bipolar, psychosis, autism, ADHD-- all of it can feel like your brain betraying you, like there is something else in there that is dictating our actions. And Percy did defeat that-- with the help of his friends, with the help of his family. He got to be happy, to imagine a future outside of the darkness that had consumed him. He got to a place where he was able to see this person who had hurt him so deeply and so personally that when he's exposed to a gas that makes him see his deepest fears its her that he sees-- and to also see that she's been struggling with the exact same things he has, and to forgive her, and to hold out that hand for her to climb out of that pit as well. But as you've mentioned previous, if Ripley and Percy are foils then the big difference between them is that Ripley is alone. She has henchmen, she has dragons she can manipulate, she has benefactors who fund her research, but she doesn't have a family to love her. And in the end she has her choice to make, and she made it. I do think it's very special when we find a character who resonates with us and reflects our struggles. It's why Vex'ahlia is one of my favorite characters of all time, probably because of a lifelong difficulty opening up to people and a complicated relationship with my parents. This is why we tell stories, because they reflect truths about ourselves. The animation in this episode was gorgeous. I do think that this season has featured some of the best animation from this show-- a result of the extra production time. This episode especially. The shot of Percy throwing the black powder at Ripley is so clean and beautiful. Also I think I've mentioned the sunlight in the scenes with Percy and Vex-- this episode bring that motif to the forefront, with the light literally symbolizing their love and Vex backing away from it out of fear. Also, if you notice, Percy is haloed by the sun here-- the animation foreshadowing his death. In The Sunken Tomb there was a similar shot with Vex haloed by the moon. Anyways, postemptive hugs. I hope that if you need time to process and grieve, that you are able to take it. Maybe watch something else. I do hope that you come back, because the story isn't over yet and there IS light at the end of this tunnel.
First of all, so proud of you for talking about all the stuff you´ve been through, you are an amazing person and deserve all the love in the world, never feel bad for who you are!❤ That being said, I was kinda dreading how you´d react to this episode, knowing whats to come, and during that not-intro with you talking about Percy I was like "oh nonononono" the entire time😅 but yeah, this is the magic fictional people have, when they reflect very real problems... Also, another thing: in season 2, Vex died because Percy didn´t watch out and triggered a trap. Now Percy died because Vex didn´t watch out and triggered a trap. It´s like poetry, it rhymes 🥲
Thank you for sharing and know that most critters won't judge you for who you are, lot of us know what it is to struggle with visible or not struggles. Knew it would be a hard one but I do hope you continue, it's worth it.
I really like the fact that you're able to be so vulnerable. It's really brave and admirable, Kyra. Struggled with it myself, which is why sometimes I feel like Vex, almost afraid to be too vulnerable for fear of trusting the wrong person and getting hurt. Took me a while to get past it, but eventually I did. Makes a lot of how strongly you feel for Percy make so much sense. Seeing you go through it ripped my heart to shreds. But the rough moments, as well as the humorous ones are all a part of the journey. One step a time, little one. Season ain't over yet....keep at it. *gives you all the hugs, and a blanket and a hot mug of tea* Journey on, Kyra. Bravely. As a de Rolo would. 😏😎❤️
The best description of the two is “two sides of the same coin”. One escaped vengeance and moved to the light and learned to love, the other consumed by the darkness and surrendered to their demons. Good will always suffer losses, but evil will never truly win. Keep strong Kyra, the love of your audience for you will always help you win out. We knew this day would come after we saw it, and we knew you’d need us. Love and Good always wins.
From the moment I started watching your reactions to this series I've known that THIS was gonna be the episode that hit you the hardest!!! You're in good company my dear, we're all sending you virtual hugs cause we've all been there at one time or another!!! Stay strong and know that when good stories hit us hard, and I mean REALLY hard it just shows that we're not alone... the person that wrote this has also passed through fire and come our stronger on the other side!!! I know that's a Keyleth reference, but the concept still applies!!! You're so strong for sharing and you have earned my utmost respect for trusting us!!
As hard as this episode was, it's the next one that I think is going to be the toughest. Laura's reaction gets me the way Liam's does after Vex's death.
Also, I don't know if by "wrote this", you're talking about your comment, or the episode. If you didn't mean the episode, then it's a great coincidence because the writer for this episode was Marisha (Keyleth, for those who don't know).
As someone who fairly recently(about a year ago, almost the same age as you did) got diagnosed with ASD(and is looking into a possible ADHD diagnosis as well) it hit really hard to hear you talk about feeling betrayed by your brain, obviously this is a bit of an apples to oranges situation but i'm very thankful you decided to share this with us. Stigma is hell and i think it's incredibly brave of you to open up about this experience and allow yourself to be vulnerable in such a way. I wish you nothing but the best.
It's insightful that you brought up it being a complete arc for Percy, because I believe Taliesin said that he would be fine with ending the character there for exactly the reasons you stated. Please stick with the series, it may be an emotional ride but it is SO worth it in the end.
Percy became the man Vex believed he was. I thought I would have more to say about this episode, but it just kicks me directly in the chest every time, so I'll just offer my empathy. These might be fictional characters, but the emotion they invoke is real, be gentle with yourself.
@@InkyPetrel I've seen the campaign so i knew it was coming, and they still almost got me with the way they did it. But the aftermath is what really got to me. That somehow was a lot tougher. It's not the first time in critical role that a character dies and the initial sense of loss is hard, but them returning to it again soon after hits a lot harder.
Sometimes when I am watching a reaction if the person talks a lot I tend to skip around because they don't have anything meaningful to say you however I watch start to finish because your insight and intelligence is awesome hope you're doing incredible! Can't wait for your remaining reactions!
I promise you that finishing this season will be a very satisfying experience, but right now it hurts. I think it's a very Taliesin-esque story, he often creates characters that are about identity and healing from trauma, and seeing you connect with that is very likely why he tells stories like these. For now, remember that the story isn't over yet, and that you are seen, understood and valued. You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you've felt betrayed by your own mind i cannot even comprehend how unfair it must've felt to you. Reactions are almost a secondary thing rn but i love how authentic and astute observant you are. Sending virtual hugs your way and Hydrate yoself hehe.
I've been waiting for your reaction to this, but then after your honesty in the opening I was dreading it more and more. Know that a bunch of us are here because we care! Hugs!!
theres a difference between a show trying to make you feel sorry for a character and them just showing you where they came from. even if you dont like something, perspective is always good to have
My grandmother was bipolar. It was never officially diagnosed, but in hindsight it was obvious. I didn’t understand when I was young, a good bit of the reason was that people just didn’t talk about mental health. I think it helps to have these conversations, so thank you for opening up.
Hey Kyra, been a while since I commented, I love how honest and expressive you are in every video, and how good you are in picking details other youtuber seem to left behind, you are such a sweetheart. That said, please, please hang in there, there is still 5 more episodes, and this may be a little bit of a spoiler, but Percy's story is not over! despite what is to come, please, just keep watching, I promise you it will all be worth it at the end ❤❤❤ On another note, my theory about why Ripley is so obsessed with Percy is because she saw herself on him (a young but gifted kid that was going to lose his whole family and home in a very brutal way just like her), so she tried to mold him to think like her, to hate the world like her so she could finally have somebody who could understand her and be an intelectual equal because she is so very lonely that deep down, she just wanted a friend, but she is so consumed by her hate and wish for revenge that she genuinely can't understand that what she did to Percy only made him despise her even more. If you notice when Ripley was escaping in the boat, she doesn't look happy either, she didn't want to kill Percy but had to because he would never, ever be part of her dream. Ripley is Percy's dark mirror, had Vox Machina not found and rescued him from that prison, both literally and symbolically, he would have turned exactly like her. She is a fascinating villain, made to be despised, and that flashback of her past at the begining of the episode serves not to empathize with her, but as a way for us to understand her motivation and objectives, she's far to gone to be saved or redeemed, she needs to be stopped by any way neccesary. God, I love this episode so much, this is like that scene at the end of the movie The Titanic, where no matter how many times you watch it, it always makes you tear up, and that song at the end, ugh, so good! wish there was a longer version of it, Matt Mercer deserves more praise for his singing voice Hang in there Kyra! The pain wont last forever, you can do this! 💖💖💖
I really appreciate you opening up, I also have bipolar and truly it's a struggle I don't wish on anyone. The stigma is very real and it's a hard condition to live with. I've really enjoyed your reactions - one of my friends actually recommended you and I'm very glad she did. No spoilers but there's stuff remaining this season you're going to be very glad you stuck it out for, and I can't wait for you to see it. Hang in there ❤
As a lot of people have said before me, I heard you explain why you related so strongly to Percy and dreaded your reaction to this episode and, since you’ve seen it, his funeral. I knew it was coming, I don’t relate strongly to Percy and it still hit me like a train. I don’t want to get into spoilers but bring tissues for the next few episodes. It’s going to hurt, probably often, but you’ve said that you analyse storytelling too, I think you might appreciate some of that through the pain too. We’re all here and supporting you hugs
I haven't finished watching this video yet, but I just need to say I see you, I appreciate the courage it took to speak your truth. I was late diagnosed with ADHD and Autism (the latter only a few years ago, I'm in my 40s.). I have also dealt with depression and cyclothymia throughout my life. ( This is SO much shorter than it was, and there will probably be another comment once I've watched the actual reaction 😅 As always, read if and when you have time and spell slots, I just wanted to pause and say thank you for sharing. :) ) I was also "the smartest kid in the room" for most of my childhood and young adulthood, until the probverbial wheels fell off my brain under pressure at university, and then everything went into a spiral that lasted a long while, and that I honestly never really recovered fully from. I think I commented on an earlier episode about Percy also resonating with those times where my mind, which used to be My Thing, being unreliable now. But in case that was one of my overshare moments I ended up editing out, yeah, I feel that. Not saying any of this to be like, comparing, this is how I empathize, by sharing anecdotes/stuff about myself. But in case the tone is misinterpreted and it sounds like I'm trying to "one up" you, that absolutely isn't the case
The looks of horror, hope and horror again on your face at the end are so relatable. I know it must've been extremely tough for you and I'm glad you decided to continue the series after that point. Lots of love!
Yes girl, stay away from comment section until you get through 3 to 4 episodes ahead, that's my recommendation. Yes i know what Bi polar is, i have ADD, and struggle with work sometimes, but i manage. I also have very bad and broken knees, i can still walk but i live in alot of pain, especially with my job which i'm on my knees constantly and walk for miles at my job. I'm currently on vacation for a week, but will return tomorrow. As for this episode, the scene with Percy saying "I'm in love with ya" and the lighting was amazing. Though i had a bad feeling in my stomach that things weren't going to go well this episode. But i get it Percy is a changed man, so i get his decision. But if only he finished her, he'd be alive. This episode hit us all hard, but so does 8 as well.
It's an honor to be among the people you feel you can trust with such a personal struggle. Thank you for being your authentic self. Echoing the other comments, we're here for you and with you through the highs and lows.
Just imagine how we Critters felt during the original campaign, and in Campaign One all episodes were live on Twitch, With D&D there's always a risk of ANYONE getting killed and that player having to roll up a new PC.
Kyra, thank you for sharing. The mind can be a strange & dangerous place, but you're definitely one of the good ones. Sending a giant Critter hug your way.
The awesome thing about this community, and when I say this I mean a community of people who have existed long before Vox Machina was even a thing, is that we get it. Broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts. Grief and loss. Rejection and loneliness. Pain. We all have our stories. And Percy I think speaks to us in a way few others can. Anna too, in her own way- its what makes her a great villain. We have all felt the rage at a world that is cruel and unfair, felt powerless in the face of it, been betrayed by it. Percy inspires us to rise above it, forge it into strength, to forgive. Anna shows us what lies at then end of Orthax's call. Point is, we got you, girl. We understand. Dawn always comes after the dark.
Kyra, I hope you're doing well. Thank you for opening up about your struggles with bipolar. As someone who struggles with mental health issues, I empathize. Feeling like your brain is the enemy...it's cruel that we must endure that. That having been said, I hope you will permit me one minor spoiler: the story of Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III is not one that's forgotten by the members of Vox Machina. I believe you will find the resolution to his story this season satisfying and poignant. In this dark moment, take heart in knowing his legacy endures. Also know that you've got the whole of Critterdom behind you
the song at the end wrecks me every time, along with the softest "Vex..." delivery. They did wonderfully with the buildup of this episode, only seeing the death flags too late
My best friend has bipolar too, so I’m familiar with it. There’s nothing wrong with you, your wiring is just different. I enjoy how deep you get into and understand these characters. I enjoy your reactions to these episodes, and though they may be rough - this one especially - I am… proud isn’t really the word since that comes across as parasocial. I admire your ability to push through anxiety and keep watching, with all the real world context associated with it. If you need a break I understand. But as much as I - as a stranger on the internet - can recommend, I ask for you to see it through to the end. You don’t owe it to us, or to yourself or anyone else. But a story left half done is… a daunting thing to pick up again, for fear of what might be found when the page is turned. Someday that page will need to be turned, at your own pace, and the story will someday be completed whenever you feel ready to see it through. Boiling it all down; please never apologize for feeling the way you do. Do what’s necessary for your own health, and I’ll keep watching once you return.
My wife has bi-polar disorder; stigma sucks. Invisible struggles are hard to deal with. People teach us to be ashamed of things beyond our control. Thank you for sharing your story, I relate to large amounts of your story, and your analysis and unfiltered thoughts are a gift 🫂
I have both been looking forward to and also dreading this reaction video. Thanks for letting us know you'll keep going. I was seriously worried you'd rage-quit at this point. RIP Merciful Percival. That's the thing about this being an adaptation from a live-play game in which permanent death is a real possibility, this is a story that wouldn't have happened in a show that was written for animation from scratch. But as you said, at least they did complete his character's personal journey. Fun fact, the dead "cult leader" in Percy's cell at the start of S3E08 is the image of Percy's VA/creator, Taliesin Jaffe. Kind of how like they've been showing us "dead Matts" from the start, they gave us a dead Taliesin.
Ripley's obsession with Percy is their similarities. Both geniuses. Both lost their family at a young age (her participation in that notwithstanding, as she saw it as a necessary evil). It's Batman and Joker. Equal and opposite.
The Joker: "Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be."
Sending you all the hugs, Kyra. You just have to remember that there are 5 episodes left, and although there will be more tears (these guys are masters at pulling on those heartstrings), things will get better.
Part of what I think makes the Percy and Ripley contrast so compelling is that she serves as a foil for him. She represents what Percy's life might have looked like on the worst possible timeline, if he had made worse choices and let himself be consumed by his vengeance and ambition. Like, the Chroma Conclave could be slotted into just about any fantasy story and still work, but Ripley only really works insofar as she can contrast one of our heroes. While yes, losing Percy hurts, stay the course. He is lots of people's favorite character, and we owe it to him to see the rest of this season through to see how we deal with the rest of the dragons. It's what Percy would want.
Hope you're doing okay. This was a hard narrative knock to take even for those who knew it was coming. And yes, you called it! 2 episodes exactly to the declaration of love. Alas, quickly followed by Critical Role breaking all our hearts. 😢
No one deserves redemption. Redemptions just the act of making better, kinder choices and anyone can do that regardless of what anyone else thinks. Redemption is internal.
@@caffeinedelusions That doesn't make any sense. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone needs forgiveness from time to time. Obviously, hopefully, not at the same level as Ripley lol. But life is growth. We make mistakes, we hurt someone, and maybe it takes a while to we realize what we've done, but we then take steps to make things right. At that point we both need and are trying to deserve forgiveness. In context of the show though, no, Ripley deserves neither.
@@brewdaly1873That’s the thing. If you deserve forgiveness or redemption, it means you’re the sort of person that never would have done the sort of things requiring forgiveness or redemption. It means you’re beyond the missteps and mistakes. It means you’re already pure, and already in the light. You’re at the point where forgiveness and redemption are performative recognition that you were never false to begin with. That’s the ‘deserving’ element of it. You don’t get these things because you deserve them. If you deserved them, there wouldn’t be a point to them. You get these things because you need them, and because someone else has seen your need, that you can’t move forward without recognition that you have tried to move beyond your past, and recognizes that change as sincere. The grace isn’t deserved, it isn’t earned, it’s given because without it, who you are is stuck in the past because the world can’t let go of the old self to see the new self that has replaced it. There is no one specific deed that one can do to buy redemption. If there were, it would be meaningless because if it were that transactional one could never be certain that the change was sincere. In the times of history when forgiveness could be bought, it was used as nothing more than a mechanism for profiting from sins and misdeeds. That’s why these things have to be reckoned as non-transactional… if it’s as simple as ‘I do this, you do that’ it becomes a mechanistic process rather than an empathic one.
@@brewdaly1873If there’s one thing we can agree on in this parlance, it’s that Ripley has not changed from the person that decided to torture children. She showed definitively that she wouldn’t know what do to with forgiveness or redemption if it were offered to her, because she’s still fundamentally in the headspace that comfortably rationalizes and justifies torturing children as ‘the right thing to do’.
I have been waiting for this since you started s3, now I implore you to continue. The journey is still well worth it. May you ever walk in the light of the dawnfather. Also in delicious emotional vamprism.
Kyra, you are so brave and strong. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I can't imagine how difficult that was. My heart broke for you as you went through this episode. I know others have already said some of the things that happened at the table, but I wanted to make sure to say this at least. You're appreciated. You are loved. You matter!
I was actually watching another video but then the mysterious TH-cam algorithm told me this video has appeared. Yup, time to grab some snacks and coffee and just sit back... 😅 36:30 ...yup, made the same face when I saw this episode.
just finished, my fears were confirmed lmao. this episode is NOT for the sensitive of soul, nor is the rest of the season tbh 😭 i was so devastated, and matt mercer serving vocals at the end did NOT help! when i get him...
I think I've been through three major mental breakdowns where I was just like full-on depression for months. But I honestly believe that if you're a student of your own mind it gets a little bit easier each time to claw your way out.. I'm not going to lie I've been like I've done this before I know the answer why can't I find it.
Usually when I watch reaction of emotional scenes, I do it with a bit of sadistic enjoyment. But I've been dreading this one and rewatching this now with you hurt.
Kyra, my closest aunt suffer Bipolar disorder so i can just speak as an spectator but so you know i apreciate you open up about it, an just as a fan of your content i gotta say: fuck anybody who say you cant relate your story with a fictional character, i tell on how empathic you are and to me fiction in general is a great help us deal with stuff in our even if it just a little bit. and the other thing, and this go for you as a person and for the whole Percy thing, i can only say thing are gonna be better, as hard as this moment are it make us appreciate the good one. Quoting Doctor Who about depression: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” i just want you to know that your videos give me alot of my good pile.
Welp since you watched the start of ep. 8 here's a fun fact to hopefully put a little light in the face of things. The "cult leader" in the cell with Percy is Talisen Jaffe, Percy's voice actor.
Percy has what I would call a righteous anger toward Anna Ripley and the Chroma Conclave after the decimation of Whitestone. He's angry, of course, as anyone would be at someone who attacked their home, but he wants justice for Whitestone, and redemption for Ripley. But Ripley is long past saving at this point. Percy was able to beat Orthax, whereas Anna welcomed the occupation/possession, so she's also weaker than Percy internally. Percy is already redeemed. If he was really after vengeance instead of justice, he would have killed her instead of doing the right thing and forgiving her. Justice will get served, though. 😎
Hey Kyra. I don't comment on people's videos... much. I mostly tend to just watch, moreover I don't answer to personal topics because this is the internet. I feel you. I am not bipolar, I knew people who are so I have a baseline (very very basic) understanding of it, I know alot of people who carry heavy burdens through their lives, some treatable, some not. I myself am a broken person, I always kinda knew but never knew for sure until I got diagnosed with a boring diagonse of rare condition, but the bottom line is: Some time during my childhood my mind had to shatter my personality in order for the being to survive. What was left was a child that would never feel joy or happiness. Not "oh no it's so bad he can't" more like "it's impossible". Upside, I also almost never feel anything else so I am not that sad or angry and if I am that's over with in record time. I griefed for my very beloved grandma for about 5 minutes. I was done feeling sad before the phonecall of my very sad mom informing me was over. Anyways, of course this whole thing comes with bonus things so I basically failed (academically for the first time ever) at university. I was... I don't know exactly how you'd describe me socially. I am very much awkward, but on the other hand finding friends feels easy to me, I just don't have many. I don't need to tho. I was kinda well liked for my positive qualities (above average intellect and education, calm attitude and being a problemsolver at heart) so especially other burdened people took a liking to me. Yet I was also the target of relentless ridicule and ostracism during many years of my childhood and adolescence. Now I am somewhere around your age and there are many things I never got to experience. From basic stuff like joy, to a partnership, to romance, to success in my job of choice (wanted to become a teacher). And I know there are things that will never happen to me, although I'd like to. I have no illusions of what the future holds for me, I'll continue, as I always have and endure life as I always have. This is not about me. This is about me telling you: You are not alone in this feeling of carrying a heavy burden. You are not alone in feeling betrayed by your own mind. You are not the only one grieving some potential future that never had a chance of happening. I know how it is to hide your scars and being mortally afraid of anyone learning about them. Of losing the few things you might enjoy, or in my case, make the burden of life endurable. This is about you. And what you do and why I watch that type of content you do. You, in a way, are a conduit for me. I am almost entirely devoid of emotion (or the capability to feel them, they're there... I've been told) and well, you help me reach some of these parts that are lost to me otherwise. Basically, you make me feel, to some extend. Don't know if this sounds creepy, it's not supposed to be. It's not meant that way but I lack the linguistic skills to make it sound any different. Hang in there. And thank you
Knowing that you dropped S1 the first time through because of Percy, I was really looking forward to your reaction while still dreading how it would affect you.
I know what you mean. When you find a character that resonates with you, everything is even more intense. And I totlally get you with Ripley. Of all the CR villains, she is the one that I hate the most (great character though). Much like Kai Wynn from Star Trek: DS9, or a certain pink-outfitted character in the franchise that shall not be named.
Looking forward to your episode 8 reaction, you just have to keep pushing through, these are very emotional episodes, but this show gets better trust me.
The intro about how you connect with Percy just kept going…
ANYONE who’s seen the episode: *exhales slowly*
More like "Oh damn..."😢
me too, I was like "Oh damn, this is going to hit Kyra harder than I thought..."
@@fobbles_ My thought was "I don't think this is the best episode to have this conversation..."
We see you. We feel you. We're with you. Stay the course. This show is worth it. in the words of Matt Mercer, "There's still more of this story to tell."
No spoilers. You're in good company with the people who have been betrayed by their own mind. I see you. "And for the record, I think you're damned worthy."
Very well said. Couldn't agree more.
As another reactor said, and i will not stop repeating this everywhere because of how insanely hard this line hits - "You just shot the only person who would bother to grieve you".
doing a disservice by not naming the reactor that said it since your saying it everywhere.
who?
@Ziaotic It's SkyMcSparkle.
@@Spherrum That makes sense. 😊
I read this in Taliesin’s voice, because it would be him who would say something like that.
@@Miner49er201he basically did say that to someone in Champaign 2
In the original campaign, Percy did die here, but he wasn't quite so merciful towards Ripley. He had a great quote that sadly got cut from the show: "No matter what...today, I forgive you. But I cannot let you leave."
Hi there Kyra, I work in mental health and I wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience with your struggles. I myself experience my own mental illness, with PTSD. I spent majority of my childhood homeless, and in my teens I was homeless from 14-20 by myself. I left home to escape abuse. I know what its like to have your mind turn against you. It trapped me in the worst part of my life for 15 years, similar to you. Im 35 now.
I got my job solely because of my lived experience. I share this because I wanted to express that there are places we can exist and prosper, and dont fear being judged for our struggles. Im sorry that you felt like you needed to hide it, and I wanted to thank you for the courage to share with us. I hope things are better. Thanks for making content for us
My theory is that Ripley sees so much of herself in Percy and she feels like if she can convince him to follow in her footsteps, it will validate her giving in to her grief and rage instead of confronting how her father would feel about the person she’s become.
There’s also something so subtle about Grog’s biggest insecurity being that he can’t read.
Ms. Kyra, thank you so much for talking about the struggles you've faced. You're still a person, still a human being, still worthy of respect and consideration.
For the record, I am autistic. I have my own emotional problems, and I also struggle with work and relationships.
Love your reactions, Ms. Kyra. I hope you're doing okay. 💛
I respect and value your honesty in sharing those personal insights with us. "Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.' ’" Don't feel you have to put yourself in a compromised position just to explain things to us, you don't owe us anything, please just share what you are safe and comfortable to share.
Y'all, I think Kyra is going to need a Critter Hug after this one...
@@michaelbryant3640 100% biggest critical hug
Bring it in, y'all! *opens arms for Kyra*
May she be protected at all costs, she is now Critter Baby Girl!
*leaves a blanket and mug of tea*
😊❤️
I’ll join in on that. 🫂🫂🫂
We got her - bring it in, Critters.
Big hugs Kyra
Thank you for sharing your story and your reaction to this difficult episode. We’re here for you - a lot of us have been down this path already and we’re happy to virtually hold your hand.
I enjoy your commentary; you’re my favorite Vox Machina reactor 😊
Ouch... This death hit us all hard. But watching you go through it *twice* was tough. You're definitely one of my favorite reactors, and it is hard to watch anyone you care about grieve. "What is grief, if not love persevering"
First, thank you for your introduction, and explaining why you feel so connected to Percy. I have no explanation for why I find him so compelling, but I feel just as strongly about as you do about him.
Second, I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. If we've been too spoilery, it was out of concern. Nobody wanted to detract from your full experience of this story, but I think anyone could see that it would hit you very hard. If it helps, it hit everyone hard. Even the critters.
Finally, I know this is awful, but please keep going. I promise you that it's worth it to see the season through to the end. We are here with you, heart and spirit.
Kyra, thank you for sharing some of your struggle with us. It takes courage to share such a personal battle with strangers. We love you! Further, your love of Percy is every bit as valid as your hate of Ripley. Don't let anyone tell you that your feelings are wrong. Kelly Hu, the voice of Ripley, did a magnificent acting job. I'm sure you would agree. And THAT scene...I watched it myself and have watched probably 10 reactors watching it and it turns me inside out EVERY TIME! We all feel the same way. Big hugs, Kyra. I wish you hadn't done that to yourself, watching the start of the next episode. It's a double hit to the heart. Lean on us if you need to, Kyra. We got you!
You are so strong for talking about your struggles. I know I’m just a random person on the internet but you mean so much and are loved and appreciated. Love your videos.
Kyra… I know this hurts. It hurt on my pass through, and I saw it coming from the campaign.
I’m not going to say what happens. You deserve the honest reaction.
I’m going to say three things.
1) Let it hurt. That hurt is there to tell you that it matters, and you’re absolutely right that it does.
2) Trust the process. Curse Matt and Taliesin and all if you have to, but follow them through the darkness. In the cave you fear to enter lay the treasure that you seek.
3) Through all of this, you have been Percy all the way through falling for Vex and confronting the struggles with Orthax. For the rest of the season, let yourself be Vex confronting grief. In as high a regard as you hold her, you deserve the chance to walk with her through this.
I’d hug you if I could. I’m here if you want to talk. I’m glad I found your channel, and I’m so often humbled by your insights. Stay the course.
Preemptive hugs.
Now that I've had a chance to watch your reaction, I am giving ALL OF THE HUGS.
Thank you for sharing your story and why you relate so much with Percy. His story, the literal demon inside of his head, is so incredibly relatable for anyone who has struggled with mental health. Whether it's PTSD, depression, bipolar, psychosis, autism, ADHD-- all of it can feel like your brain betraying you, like there is something else in there that is dictating our actions. And Percy did defeat that-- with the help of his friends, with the help of his family. He got to be happy, to imagine a future outside of the darkness that had consumed him. He got to a place where he was able to see this person who had hurt him so deeply and so personally that when he's exposed to a gas that makes him see his deepest fears its her that he sees-- and to also see that she's been struggling with the exact same things he has, and to forgive her, and to hold out that hand for her to climb out of that pit as well. But as you've mentioned previous, if Ripley and Percy are foils then the big difference between them is that Ripley is alone. She has henchmen, she has dragons she can manipulate, she has benefactors who fund her research, but she doesn't have a family to love her. And in the end she has her choice to make, and she made it.
I do think it's very special when we find a character who resonates with us and reflects our struggles. It's why Vex'ahlia is one of my favorite characters of all time, probably because of a lifelong difficulty opening up to people and a complicated relationship with my parents. This is why we tell stories, because they reflect truths about ourselves.
The animation in this episode was gorgeous. I do think that this season has featured some of the best animation from this show-- a result of the extra production time. This episode especially. The shot of Percy throwing the black powder at Ripley is so clean and beautiful. Also I think I've mentioned the sunlight in the scenes with Percy and Vex-- this episode bring that motif to the forefront, with the light literally symbolizing their love and Vex backing away from it out of fear. Also, if you notice, Percy is haloed by the sun here-- the animation foreshadowing his death. In The Sunken Tomb there was a similar shot with Vex haloed by the moon.
Anyways, postemptive hugs. I hope that if you need time to process and grieve, that you are able to take it. Maybe watch something else. I do hope that you come back, because the story isn't over yet and there IS light at the end of this tunnel.
"Why do we tell stories? To try to make sense of a world that can be terrifying and enormous."
First of all, so proud of you for talking about all the stuff you´ve been through, you are an amazing person and deserve all the love in the world, never feel bad for who you are!❤
That being said, I was kinda dreading how you´d react to this episode, knowing whats to come, and during that not-intro with you talking about Percy I was like "oh nonononono" the entire time😅 but yeah, this is the magic fictional people have, when they reflect very real problems...
Also, another thing: in season 2, Vex died because Percy didn´t watch out and triggered a trap. Now Percy died because Vex didn´t watch out and triggered a trap. It´s like poetry, it rhymes 🥲
"You're not going to make me like Ana Ripley". Oh after this episode there will be no risk of that.
I saw this in another reactor's comment section.
"We had no mercy Percy, then mercy Percy....
Now there's No mercy Percy..."
😢
RIP Merciful Percival.
Thank you for sharing and know that most critters won't judge you for who you are, lot of us know what it is to struggle with visible or not struggles.
Knew it would be a hard one but I do hope you continue, it's worth it.
I really like the fact that you're able to be so vulnerable. It's really brave and admirable, Kyra.
Struggled with it myself, which is why sometimes I feel like Vex, almost afraid to be too vulnerable for fear of trusting the wrong person and getting hurt.
Took me a while to get past it, but eventually I did.
Makes a lot of how strongly you feel for Percy make so much sense.
Seeing you go through it ripped my heart to shreds.
But the rough moments, as well as the humorous ones are all a part of the journey.
One step a time, little one.
Season ain't over yet....keep at it.
*gives you all the hugs, and a blanket and a hot mug of tea*
Journey on, Kyra.
Bravely.
As a de Rolo would. 😏😎❤️
The best description of the two is “two sides of the same coin”. One escaped vengeance and moved to the light and learned to love, the other consumed by the darkness and surrendered to their demons.
Good will always suffer losses, but evil will never truly win.
Keep strong Kyra, the love of your audience for you will always help you win out. We knew this day would come after we saw it, and we knew you’d need us.
Love and Good always wins.
From the moment I started watching your reactions to this series I've known that THIS was gonna be the episode that hit you the hardest!!! You're in good company my dear, we're all sending you virtual hugs cause we've all been there at one time or another!!! Stay strong and know that when good stories hit us hard, and I mean REALLY hard it just shows that we're not alone... the person that wrote this has also passed through fire and come our stronger on the other side!!! I know that's a Keyleth reference, but the concept still applies!!! You're so strong for sharing and you have earned my utmost respect for trusting us!!
As hard as this episode was, it's the next one that I think is going to be the toughest. Laura's reaction gets me the way Liam's does after Vex's death.
Also, I don't know if by "wrote this", you're talking about your comment, or the episode. If you didn't mean the episode, then it's a great coincidence because the writer for this episode was Marisha (Keyleth, for those who don't know).
As someone who fairly recently(about a year ago, almost the same age as you did) got diagnosed with ASD(and is looking into a possible ADHD diagnosis as well) it hit really hard to hear you talk about feeling betrayed by your brain, obviously this is a bit of an apples to oranges situation but i'm very thankful you decided to share this with us.
Stigma is hell and i think it's incredibly brave of you to open up about this experience and allow yourself to be vulnerable in such a way. I wish you nothing but the best.
Been dreading watching you watch this, sending hugs!!! I myself was taotally destroyed.
It's insightful that you brought up it being a complete arc for Percy, because I believe Taliesin said that he would be fine with ending the character there for exactly the reasons you stated. Please stick with the series, it may be an emotional ride but it is SO worth it in the end.
40:46 The “raving mystic” is modeled after Taliesin Jaffe (Percy’s voice actor). 😊
Percy became the man Vex believed he was.
I thought I would have more to say about this episode, but it just kicks me directly in the chest every time, so I'll just offer my empathy. These might be fictional characters, but the emotion they invoke is real, be gentle with yourself.
@@InkyPetrel I've seen the campaign so i knew it was coming, and they still almost got me with the way they did it. But the aftermath is what really got to me. That somehow was a lot tougher. It's not the first time in critical role that a character dies and the initial sense of loss is hard, but them returning to it again soon after hits a lot harder.
Sometimes when I am watching a reaction if the person talks a lot I tend to skip around because they don't have anything meaningful to say you however I watch start to finish because your insight and intelligence is awesome hope you're doing incredible! Can't wait for your remaining reactions!
I promise you that finishing this season will be a very satisfying experience, but right now it hurts. I think it's a very Taliesin-esque story, he often creates characters that are about identity and healing from trauma, and seeing you connect with that is very likely why he tells stories like these. For now, remember that the story isn't over yet, and that you are seen, understood and valued. You are not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you've felt betrayed by your own mind i cannot even comprehend how unfair it must've felt to you.
Reactions are almost a secondary thing rn but i love how authentic and astute observant you are.
Sending virtual hugs your way and Hydrate yoself hehe.
I've been waiting for your reaction to this, but then after your honesty in the opening I was dreading it more and more. Know that a bunch of us are here because we care! Hugs!!
ah yes episode 7, as i like to call it a natural 20 on "emotional damage".
theres a difference between a show trying to make you feel sorry for a character and them just showing you where they came from. even if you dont like something, perspective is always good to have
Just keep watching, please, if nothing else than to see Ripley get her comeuppance. He may be dead, but hes not gone and forgotten.
My grandmother was bipolar. It was never officially diagnosed, but in hindsight it was obvious. I didn’t understand when I was young, a good bit of the reason was that people just didn’t talk about mental health. I think it helps to have these conversations, so thank you for opening up.
Hey Kyra, been a while since I commented, I love how honest and expressive you are in every video, and how good you are in picking details other youtuber seem to left behind, you are such a sweetheart.
That said, please, please hang in there, there is still 5 more episodes, and this may be a little bit of a spoiler, but Percy's story is not over! despite what is to come, please, just keep watching, I promise you it will all be worth it at the end ❤❤❤
On another note, my theory about why Ripley is so obsessed with Percy is because she saw herself on him (a young but gifted kid that was going to lose his whole family and home in a very brutal way just like her), so she tried to mold him to think like her, to hate the world like her so she could finally have somebody who could understand her and be an intelectual equal because she is so very lonely that deep down, she just wanted a friend, but she is so consumed by her hate and wish for revenge that she genuinely can't understand that what she did to Percy only made him despise her even more. If you notice when Ripley was escaping in the boat, she doesn't look happy either, she didn't want to kill Percy but had to because he would never, ever be part of her dream.
Ripley is Percy's dark mirror, had Vox Machina not found and rescued him from that prison, both literally and symbolically, he would have turned exactly like her.
She is a fascinating villain, made to be despised, and that flashback of her past at the begining of the episode serves not to empathize with her, but as a way for us to understand her motivation and objectives, she's far to gone to be saved or redeemed, she needs to be stopped by any way neccesary.
God, I love this episode so much, this is like that scene at the end of the movie The Titanic, where no matter how many times you watch it, it always makes you tear up, and that song at the end, ugh, so good! wish there was a longer version of it, Matt Mercer deserves more praise for his singing voice
Hang in there Kyra! The pain wont last forever, you can do this! 💖💖💖
I really appreciate you opening up, I also have bipolar and truly it's a struggle I don't wish on anyone. The stigma is very real and it's a hard condition to live with. I've really enjoyed your reactions - one of my friends actually recommended you and I'm very glad she did. No spoilers but there's stuff remaining this season you're going to be very glad you stuck it out for, and I can't wait for you to see it. Hang in there ❤
As a lot of people have said before me, I heard you explain why you related so strongly to Percy and dreaded your reaction to this episode and, since you’ve seen it, his funeral. I knew it was coming, I don’t relate strongly to Percy and it still hit me like a train. I don’t want to get into spoilers but bring tissues for the next few episodes. It’s going to hurt, probably often, but you’ve said that you analyse storytelling too, I think you might appreciate some of that through the pain too.
We’re all here and supporting you hugs
I haven't finished watching this video yet, but I just need to say I see you, I appreciate the courage it took to speak your truth. I was late diagnosed with ADHD and Autism (the latter only a few years ago, I'm in my 40s.). I have also dealt with depression and cyclothymia throughout my life.
( This is SO much shorter than it was, and there will probably be another comment once I've watched the actual reaction 😅 As always, read if and when you have time and spell slots, I just wanted to pause and say thank you for sharing. :) )
I was also "the smartest kid in the room" for most of my childhood and young adulthood, until the probverbial wheels fell off my brain under pressure at university, and then everything went into a spiral that lasted a long while, and that I honestly never really recovered fully from. I think I commented on an earlier episode about Percy also resonating with those times where my mind, which used to be My Thing, being unreliable now. But in case that was one of my overshare moments I ended up editing out, yeah, I feel that.
Not saying any of this to be like, comparing, this is how I empathize, by sharing anecdotes/stuff about myself. But in case the tone is misinterpreted and it sounds like I'm trying to "one up" you, that absolutely isn't the case
The looks of horror, hope and horror again on your face at the end are so relatable. I know it must've been extremely tough for you and I'm glad you decided to continue the series after that point. Lots of love!
Yes girl, stay away from comment section until you get through 3 to 4 episodes ahead, that's my recommendation. Yes i know what Bi polar is, i have ADD, and struggle with work sometimes, but i manage. I also have very bad and broken knees, i can still walk but i live in alot of pain, especially with my job which i'm on my knees constantly and walk for miles at my job. I'm currently on vacation for a week, but will return tomorrow.
As for this episode, the scene with Percy saying "I'm in love with ya" and the lighting was amazing. Though i had a bad feeling in my stomach that things weren't going to go well this episode. But i get it Percy is a changed man, so i get his decision. But if only he finished her, he'd be alive. This episode hit us all hard, but so does 8 as well.
Yeah the comments are getting increasingly spoilery :/
::big virtual hug if you need it::
Don't give up, Kyra! Keep going!!
It's an honor to be among the people you feel you can trust with such a personal struggle. Thank you for being your authentic self. Echoing the other comments, we're here for you and with you through the highs and lows.
Just imagine how we Critters felt during the original campaign,
and in Campaign One all episodes were live on Twitch,
With D&D there's always a risk of ANYONE getting killed
and that player having to roll up a new PC.
Kyra, thank you for sharing. The mind can be a strange & dangerous place, but you're definitely one of the good ones. Sending a giant Critter hug your way.
Easter egg: the body in the cell with Percy at the beginning is based on Percy's voice actor, Taliesin Jaffee.
The awesome thing about this community, and when I say this I mean a community of people who have existed long before Vox Machina was even a thing, is that we get it. Broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts. Grief and loss. Rejection and loneliness. Pain. We all have our stories. And Percy I think speaks to us in a way few others can. Anna too, in her own way- its what makes her a great villain. We have all felt the rage at a world that is cruel and unfair, felt powerless in the face of it, been betrayed by it. Percy inspires us to rise above it, forge it into strength, to forgive. Anna shows us what lies at then end of Orthax's call. Point is, we got you, girl. We understand. Dawn always comes after the dark.
No need to apologize. Sending lots of hugs.
Kyra, I hope you're doing well. Thank you for opening up about your struggles with bipolar. As someone who struggles with mental health issues, I empathize. Feeling like your brain is the enemy...it's cruel that we must endure that.
That having been said, I hope you will permit me one minor spoiler: the story of Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III is not one that's forgotten by the members of Vox Machina. I believe you will find the resolution to his story this season satisfying and poignant. In this dark moment, take heart in knowing his legacy endures.
Also know that you've got the whole of Critterdom behind you
the song at the end wrecks me every time, along with the softest "Vex..." delivery. They did wonderfully with the buildup of this episode, only seeing the death flags too late
Stay strong, you can do this season! As you can see with all these comments - we got your back! ❤
My best friend has bipolar too, so I’m familiar with it. There’s nothing wrong with you, your wiring is just different. I enjoy how deep you get into and understand these characters.
I enjoy your reactions to these episodes, and though they may be rough - this one especially - I am… proud isn’t really the word since that comes across as parasocial. I admire your ability to push through anxiety and keep watching, with all the real world context associated with it.
If you need a break I understand. But as much as I - as a stranger on the internet - can recommend, I ask for you to see it through to the end. You don’t owe it to us, or to yourself or anyone else. But a story left half done is… a daunting thing to pick up again, for fear of what might be found when the page is turned. Someday that page will need to be turned, at your own pace, and the story will someday be completed whenever you feel ready to see it through.
Boiling it all down; please never apologize for feeling the way you do. Do what’s necessary for your own health, and I’ll keep watching once you return.
My wife has bi-polar disorder; stigma sucks. Invisible struggles are hard to deal with. People teach us to be ashamed of things beyond our control.
Thank you for sharing your story, I relate to large amounts of your story, and your analysis and unfiltered thoughts are a gift 🫂
I have both been looking forward to and also dreading this reaction video. Thanks for letting us know you'll keep going. I was seriously worried you'd rage-quit at this point.
RIP Merciful Percival. That's the thing about this being an adaptation from a live-play game in which permanent death is a real possibility, this is a story that wouldn't have happened in a show that was written for animation from scratch. But as you said, at least they did complete his character's personal journey.
Fun fact, the dead "cult leader" in Percy's cell at the start of S3E08 is the image of Percy's VA/creator, Taliesin Jaffe. Kind of how like they've been showing us "dead Matts" from the start, they gave us a dead Taliesin.
Ripley's obsession with Percy is their similarities. Both geniuses. Both lost their family at a young age (her participation in that notwithstanding, as she saw it as a necessary evil). It's Batman and Joker. Equal and opposite.
Like Talisen said, Anna is Percy if Percy didn't have people to stand by and help him.
The Joker: "Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be."
Yeaaaaah... this went pretty much as well as I expected.
Sending you all the hugs, Kyra. You just have to remember that there are 5 episodes left, and although there will be more tears (these guys are masters at pulling on those heartstrings), things will get better.
Part of what I think makes the Percy and Ripley contrast so compelling is that she serves as a foil for him. She represents what Percy's life might have looked like on the worst possible timeline, if he had made worse choices and let himself be consumed by his vengeance and ambition. Like, the Chroma Conclave could be slotted into just about any fantasy story and still work, but Ripley only really works insofar as she can contrast one of our heroes.
While yes, losing Percy hurts, stay the course. He is lots of people's favorite character, and we owe it to him to see the rest of this season through to see how we deal with the rest of the dragons. It's what Percy would want.
Hope you're doing okay. This was a hard narrative knock to take even for those who knew it was coming. And yes, you called it! 2 episodes exactly to the declaration of love. Alas, quickly followed by Critical Role breaking all our hearts. 😢
No one deserves redemption. Redemptions just the act of making better, kinder choices and anyone can do that regardless of what anyone else thinks. Redemption is internal.
The thing about redemption and forgiveness is that if you deserved them, you wouldn’t need them.
@@caffeinedelusions That doesn't make any sense. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone needs forgiveness from time to time. Obviously, hopefully, not at the same level as Ripley lol. But life is growth. We make mistakes, we hurt someone, and maybe it takes a while to we realize what we've done, but we then take steps to make things right. At that point we both need and are trying to deserve forgiveness.
In context of the show though, no, Ripley deserves neither.
@@brewdaly1873That’s the thing.
If you deserve forgiveness or redemption, it means you’re the sort of person that never would have done the sort of things requiring forgiveness or redemption. It means you’re beyond the missteps and mistakes. It means you’re already pure, and already in the light. You’re at the point where forgiveness and redemption are performative recognition that you were never false to begin with. That’s the ‘deserving’ element of it.
You don’t get these things because you deserve them. If you deserved them, there wouldn’t be a point to them.
You get these things because you need them, and because someone else has seen your need, that you can’t move forward without recognition that you have tried to move beyond your past, and recognizes that change as sincere. The grace isn’t deserved, it isn’t earned, it’s given because without it, who you are is stuck in the past because the world can’t let go of the old self to see the new self that has replaced it.
There is no one specific deed that one can do to buy redemption. If there were, it would be meaningless because if it were that transactional one could never be certain that the change was sincere. In the times of history when forgiveness could be bought, it was used as nothing more than a mechanism for profiting from sins and misdeeds. That’s why these things have to be reckoned as non-transactional… if it’s as simple as ‘I do this, you do that’ it becomes a mechanistic process rather than an empathic one.
@@brewdaly1873If there’s one thing we can agree on in this parlance, it’s that Ripley has not changed from the person that decided to torture children. She showed definitively that she wouldn’t know what do to with forgiveness or redemption if it were offered to her, because she’s still fundamentally in the headspace that comfortably rationalizes and justifies torturing children as ‘the right thing to do’.
Big critter hug for you. Please don't give up, it's worth it in the end.
"I'm gonna watch just a little bit of episode 8" ohhh boy... Yeah, that went as well as i thought it would...
😢💔😭 we feel you. There is still a lot of story, but dont neglect your self care, this was a blow.😢
I have been waiting for this since you started s3, now I implore you to continue. The journey is still well worth it. May you ever walk in the light of the dawnfather. Also in delicious emotional vamprism.
The one where we knew KyraTries --> Kyra cries 😥
Kyra, you are so brave and strong. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I can't imagine how difficult that was. My heart broke for you as you went through this episode. I know others have already said some of the things that happened at the table, but I wanted to make sure to say this at least. You're appreciated. You are loved. You matter!
I was actually watching another video but then the mysterious TH-cam algorithm told me this video has appeared. Yup, time to grab some snacks and coffee and just sit back... 😅
36:30 ...yup, made the same face when I saw this episode.
it's finally here! i fear how this is going to go after your sunken tomb reaction 😭 godspeed soldier
just finished, my fears were confirmed lmao. this episode is NOT for the sensitive of soul, nor is the rest of the season tbh 😭 i was so devastated, and matt mercer serving vocals at the end did NOT help! when i get him...
I think I've been through three major mental breakdowns where I was just like full-on depression for months. But I honestly believe that if you're a student of your own mind it gets a little bit easier each time to claw your way out.. I'm not going to lie I've been like I've done this before I know the answer why can't I find it.
The lyrics of the song, “ She ran to him, but he was Gone…”
What an episode to start with a "Why I love Percy" discussion!
This episode was rough for everybody, but especially for the Percy lovers (myself included). Take care of yourself and know you're not alone.
Usually when I watch reaction of emotional scenes, I do it with a bit of sadistic enjoyment. But I've been dreading this one and rewatching this now with you hurt.
Ditto. There was no schadenfreude here.
Thank you so much for sharing all of that upfront. Sending hugs
Kyra, my closest aunt suffer Bipolar disorder so i can just speak as an spectator but so you know i apreciate you open up about it, an just as a fan of your content i gotta say: fuck anybody who say you cant relate your story with a fictional character, i tell on how empathic you are and to me fiction in general is a great help us deal with stuff in our even if it just a little bit. and the other thing, and this go for you as a person and for the whole Percy thing, i can only say thing are gonna be better, as hard as this moment are it make us appreciate the good one. Quoting Doctor Who about depression: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” i just want you to know that your videos give me alot of my good pile.
Welp since you watched the start of ep. 8 here's a fun fact to hopefully put a little light in the face of things. The "cult leader" in the cell with Percy is Talisen Jaffe, Percy's voice actor.
When you started saying how much you love Percy at the beginning of the vid I think all of us though, “oh… this episode is going to break her…”
Now Vex and Percy have gotten each other killed; truly they're perfect for each other.
The audacity of the song lyrics "that's not how it's supposed to end"
I feel like the kid from The Princess Bride yelling at the screen, "YOU'RE TELLING THE STORY WRONG GRANDPA! GET IT RIGHT!"
Percy has what I would call a righteous anger toward Anna Ripley and the Chroma Conclave after the decimation of Whitestone.
He's angry, of course, as anyone would be at someone who attacked their home, but he wants justice for Whitestone, and redemption for Ripley.
But Ripley is long past saving at this point. Percy was able to beat Orthax, whereas Anna welcomed the occupation/possession, so she's also weaker than Percy internally.
Percy is already redeemed. If he was really after vengeance instead of justice, he would have killed her instead of doing the right thing and forgiving her.
Justice will get served, though.
😎
Hey Kyra. I don't comment on people's videos... much. I mostly tend to just watch, moreover I don't answer to personal topics because this is the internet.
I feel you. I am not bipolar, I knew people who are so I have a baseline (very very basic) understanding of it, I know alot of people who carry heavy burdens through their lives, some treatable, some not.
I myself am a broken person, I always kinda knew but never knew for sure until I got diagnosed with a boring diagonse of rare condition, but the bottom line is: Some time during my childhood my mind had to shatter my personality in order for the being to survive. What was left was a child that would never feel joy or happiness. Not "oh no it's so bad he can't" more like "it's impossible". Upside, I also almost never feel anything else so I am not that sad or angry and if I am that's over with in record time. I griefed for my very beloved grandma for about 5 minutes. I was done feeling sad before the phonecall of my very sad mom informing me was over. Anyways, of course this whole thing comes with bonus things so I basically failed (academically for the first time ever) at university. I was... I don't know exactly how you'd describe me socially. I am very much awkward, but on the other hand finding friends feels easy to me, I just don't have many. I don't need to tho. I was kinda well liked for my positive qualities (above average intellect and education, calm attitude and being a problemsolver at heart) so especially other burdened people took a liking to me. Yet I was also the target of relentless ridicule and ostracism during many years of my childhood and adolescence. Now I am somewhere around your age and there are many things I never got to experience. From basic stuff like joy, to a partnership, to romance, to success in my job of choice (wanted to become a teacher). And I know there are things that will never happen to me, although I'd like to. I have no illusions of what the future holds for me, I'll continue, as I always have and endure life as I always have.
This is not about me. This is about me telling you: You are not alone in this feeling of carrying a heavy burden. You are not alone in feeling betrayed by your own mind. You are not the only one grieving some potential future that never had a chance of happening. I know how it is to hide your scars and being mortally afraid of anyone learning about them. Of losing the few things you might enjoy, or in my case, make the burden of life endurable.
This is about you. And what you do and why I watch that type of content you do. You, in a way, are a conduit for me. I am almost entirely devoid of emotion (or the capability to feel them, they're there... I've been told) and well, you help me reach some of these parts that are lost to me otherwise. Basically, you make me feel, to some extend.
Don't know if this sounds creepy, it's not supposed to be. It's not meant that way but I lack the linguistic skills to make it sound any different.
Hang in there. And thank you
Thank you for being who you are.
Sending a BIG critter hug for you. We feel you Kyra
Keep that ox within hugging distance.
10:12 I could NEVER skip your intro, especially one this important. ❤
When we first met him, we called him No Mercy Percy.
When we lost him, he was Mercy Percy.
Full arc indeed.
PS: Hang in there buddy
Next time.. check for traps... they never listened..
Just a little something, have all the love and hugs in the world❤☺(esp. after this episode 😅)
Knowing that you dropped S1 the first time through because of Percy, I was really looking forward to your reaction while still dreading how it would affect you.
I know what you mean. When you find a character that resonates with you, everything is even more intense.
And I totlally get you with Ripley. Of all the CR villains, she is the one that I hate the most (great character though). Much like Kai Wynn from Star Trek: DS9, or a certain pink-outfitted character in the franchise that shall not be named.
Yeah Percy's death is a real hard one to watch. Proud of you.
I have watched this episode so many times 💔
I still cry my eyes out every time
😭😭😭
Emotional damage 🫂
Looking forward to your episode 8 reaction, you just have to keep pushing through, these are very emotional episodes, but this show gets better trust me.
43:36 Critical Role: causing severe emotional damage since 2015. 💔
Big big big big hugs!!! ❤ Don't give up, you are supposed to be here!
There is a happy ending, so keep going!
40:40 That's how Percy's voice actor and character creator looks irl btw.