the patreon gives me my life! if you enjoyed this do check it out..writing, stories, reading lists, my literal diary entries, a lot more: www.patreon.com/savbrown i'm relearning how to do most everything which includes making videos. a long time ago communicating with you here was the easiest thing in the world. as i got older it became scary. i was sensitive to your comments. i was afraid of judgement aimed at my mind and my ideas and my appearance. i'm not so afraid of this judgement anymore and so i can start to relax. the more i learn the more even 'well-intentioned' performance seems to be missing the point. while filming this one i experimented with saying everything only once..letting myself freely check my notes..decoupling myself from the perfection impulse..understanding that the most authentic manifestation is what is actually 'perfect'. i will!! be!!! the myself thing (light ball..ancient frisson..you get it)!! even though filming these videos has historically caused me enormous anxiety..i find myself back here again and again. the response surprises me every time. there does seem to be, for whatever reason, something special and sacred about this format. i want to learn how to make it as sweet and easy as possible for myself. you keep coming to listen!! i will keep up the confession. sav
I've always been an introspective guy, but ever since I found this channel your videos and your style of self-examination and documentation has really inspired me to redouble my efforts to get to know myself. Through journalling, through podcasting, through poetry. Thank you for sharing.
TH-cam means a lot to me-in my short time on the planet so far, it's taught me more than I could summarize in a thousand comments. And within the galaxy of TH-cam, your videos are a space for nonjudgmental reflection and warmth. I always smile when I see something new from you, whether it's been two months or two years.
it was like i was talking to future me and it gave me so much hope and optimism for the future. You made me smile with tears in my eyes in such a warm, heartfelt way. Personally i think it is your best video so far so keep doing whatever the fuck your mystical 'feeling' shit does
why should i even watch any other content creator who sits in front of a camera & talks at this point - this isn't content for the algorithm, this is content for the soul and it always will be, indefinitely
I see Sav come up among the other talking heads on my feed and know that whatever the others have to say, it's not gonna hit like what Sav's got to say; won't force me to sit with it for awhile and try to understand myself deeper quite the same
This is literally what religions and spiritual masters have tried explaining for all of eternity, and she just nailed it with her words without making it even sound anything like those things. Very incredible indeed 💖
Savannah, the rawness and truth of your videos hit close to my core in a way that no one else's do. They're part poetry, part story, and utterly sincere- I bawl like a baby watching every single one, which manages to articulate an aspect of my experience of personhood. I haven't lived the same life as you obviously, but different experiences can create similar warpings in people and their outlooks on the world. Somehow, every video of yours resonates deeply with the certain ways I've been warped from my childhood, teen years, and earliest years of adulthood. You're one of the most talented video creators and writers I've come across, and I want to thank you so much for what you've created/are creating, and for being vulnerable and open with your life to anyone who may see your content. It's always a happy surprise to see a new upload from you 🫶 Thank you
"I said exactly what I wanted to, and I was exactly what I am" I think I've felt that only a few times in my adult life, but the trend seems to be upward so thats good!
Shame is a symptom of the self being divided into parts, and some of those parts having been deemed long ago to be too (.....) for the conscious experience of the world and deeply repressed. We are both the perpetrators of the shame- as we continually attempt to deny and hide portions of who we are- and the experiencers of the shame- felt through the awareness of the shamed and repressed part of the self. This whole experience is so hard to parse out and heal because the experience of the shamed part of the self is hidden behind the ]curtain of subconsciousness.
Which is to say that shame is absolutely a feature of narcissism, which we are all trapped within until we are able to begin reconciling the whole of who we are.
@@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765 I'm also put off by this phrase, but I think it's only because I think of shame as something victims experience and narcissism as a quality only abusers have. But in reality, most people with NPD were abused themselves. So both shame and narcissism are neutral concepts that could be experienced by abusers or victims. Idk if this relates to what you were thinking but that's what it was for me.
@@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765 i think a more straightforward way to put it is that self loathing is a form of self obsession. if you find yourself entirely and purposelessly preoccupied with how ashamed you are... well at the end of it you're the kind of person who just spent all day thinking about yourself.
I don't really comment on any videos, but I've never heard someone talk about growing up with shame in a way that mirrors my own experience with it. It's such a difficult and lonely life. This was very cathartic. Thank you so much for making it.
"The world...became fluorescent with meaning. The shape dissolved into fluorescence." This is one of the most beautiful descriptions of spiritual awakening I've heard. Indeed, love lights the world.
I don’t know how to write comments. My thoughts overflow. But: (1) “I was only a surviving thing” broke me first, (2) then the story about unmasking and “bothering” strangers with who you are (“I hadn’t betrayed myself!”) had me laugh-crying so wholesomely! (3) then Lispector finished me off… (“I am the mistress of my inevitability”) In perfect timing, I’m trying to tread through the Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, which I’d say reads like a Bible (-I’ve never read the Bible), if it wasn’t so dense, and what good is that for the masses or our shrinking attention spans. I wish I could watch this video for the first time again.
"The new rebels might be artists willing to risk the yawn, the rolled eyes, the cool smile, the nudged ribs, the parody of gifted ironists, the “Oh how banal.” To risk accusations of sentimentality, melodrama. Of overcredulity. Of softness. Of willingness to be suckered by a world of lurkers and starers who fear gaze and ridicule above imprisonment without law"
As an autistic person who has also been through the psychedelic experience, healing my inner child and releasing myself from my past. I find your videos incredibly relatable :) You are loved more than you know. It's people like you who are willing to share their experience that encourage others to do the same. One day we'll all find our wings
Autistic individuals are able to connect to/communicate with the higher self, and do it naturally. I often find myself more connected to my spirit than to my body. Magic is possible and you clearly demonstrate that
I am exactly the same. I have never seen a video from this girl, been sort of cautious of my feed lately. But I kinda threw up because of how relatable what she is saying is. About the trauma and being a pain reaction. Literally the other day I had the thought in my head "everything I do is a trauma response. It feels like I'm living in survival" It's heavy stuff to process...
I don’t know what to comment yet because I will be chewing on this for months. but thank you for forging a path through our confusing minds and lighting the parts you’ve uncovered (like in minecraft when you’re stuck in a cave system but then you find a trail of torches and it becomes less scary). the words you share help me make sense of my own labyrinth and it feels a little less lonely in here
You have no idea how much I NEEDED this to snap me out of my "dream". I've been dissociating so much lately, letting the wounded parts of me lead my life and shutting everything out. It's doesn't even feel like much of a choice at this point because I'm in so much pain, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing your beautiful story. It gives me so much hope that I can face my pain too, and heal myself. It is such a gift to be able to resonate and connect with people and I'm really happy that I subscribed to your channel all those years ago and this video popped up today. And right before my therapy appointment tomorrow... oh boy it's gonna be a deep one.
its crazy how your videos go along with the lives of so many. feels almost like they mark certain chapters of my life & especially emotional growth. thank you for opening up to us. your words are very important for quite a few people, so thank you for that.
I'm coming to the realization that if I had to explain myself to someone at this point in my life it would be more effective to just send them a playlist of your videos and say "watch this and then we can talk" beautiful video, will be rewatching this for the foreseeable future
Over the past 18 months I've felt very similar emotions - scarily similar - but in a completely different context. The human experience sure is something.
shame kills vulnerability and if you’re not even vulnerable with yourself (you probably don’t know how oh no) and now you’re stuck trying so hard to be understood when you don’t ever listen to yourself. listening and just…allowing yourself, there’s the tender spot where care and affection grows, towards everything, everyone. i have come to find out when you don’t question twice the fact that you are and that’s okay, great, lovely things start occurring, the current is open
I haven't seen long form content where every single word was so important, in sooo long. I've watched it twice back to back and more was revealed to me, and I'll be revisiting this video often. This is such a gift.
I've felt very alone and like an alien for many years of my life. But you and a few others I have come across let me know I really am not alone. Thank you for being brave enough to make videos like you make.
i found you through your disco elysium playthrough a couple of months before you moved, and since then your whole history with self discovery and acceptance made some pretty big waves in my life (i too was diagnosed with autism as an adult, funsies), and this video seems to be the perfect end of chapter. i'm glad i can catch a glimpse of your mind sav.
Savannah... on that first bit... Why must you so perfectly describe my experience? My psychologist suspects that I do indeed have autism, and looking back through my childhood that does seem to hold a lot of water. I feel so much shame today due to not having understood the world around me, people in particular, at a young age. I must've been around 3 when I noticed kids my age used a limited range of vocabulary, and that adults used different tones of voice with each other than with me. I always wondered why, and what it all meant-and of course how I was supposed to fit into all of it. I didn't comprehend it, and it made me somewhat anxious from an early age. That was probably when the mask began to form...albeit, I couldn't really bring myself to copy the things that I was supposed to to fit in. I despised the glib way the adults spoke, and I equally hated the way the other kids acted, seemingly without an ounce of self-awareness. Both looked equally fake and wrong to me. This all led to a terrible sense of shame and a negative spiral of hiding my true way of being. Savannah, I watch your videos and I listen to you and I see myself reflected on the screen. Every movement, every thought, every mannerism outward and inward. It's eerie. I'm sorry for going on and on about myself, but I needed to get this out somehow. I still struggle with the pain of just not fitting in anywhere with anyone on account of approaching basic human interaction too differently from everyone else. I'm a bit of an alien, hehe... But the great news is that very much like you, I've sort of awakened to this higher plane of existence. Maybe it's because I got older, maybe it's becausd I'm tired of living locked up in my own fortress of shame with the key thrown away, but I've learnt to just...demolish it. I don't care anymore. I've learnt that I'm a strong person, stronger than I ever thought possible. I'm incredibly tough, ironclad. Shame isn't even a thing anymore for me. I am steadfast in my beliefs, in my way of being, in my presentation, everything. I don't hide from myself anymore, I welcome them with open arms like an old friend. This makes me feel great even if the world around me unapologetically ostracises me. I hope that at least one person reads this-you don't have to reply. I just want my fight to be known, I guess, because it's invisible to everyone. And, I'll let it be known: it's not a losing fight in the slightest, I've got the high ground in this. Cheers.
This is my favorite video of yours yet. You have a new glow to you that shines in your vulnerabulity, like the cloak of shame has gone. Its fascinating to hear another artist going through a parallel experience of losing and then finding themselves in the past year. I think some quiet universal spark is catching on the heart of all of us. Thank you for sharing your story, it truly resonates.
"I felt for the first time like I hadn't betrayed myself." | need, like, a bit... to process that 10,000 megaton bomb. As always, you nailed it on this one. Thanks for taking the energy putting words to thoughts im scared to admit i have
Recently I started to say "It's just a bad dream" when a toxic train of thought starts to loop in my mind. It helps to distance from these thoughts and not stew in them.
Don't make it a habit to lie to yourself. You'll disassociate later. You can still dismiss the memory when it isn't needed, but also take time to explore them sometimes constructively. You may not be ready to be constructive and that's okay, but do be ready one day and make it a goal to be ready. Take care of yourself.
i've oftentimes found myself resonating with your videos but with this one i do in a different way, in a way that hurts because you are uncovering something i have only been aware of for the past year (i am 29 years old) and it is that my main source of guidance in life has been shame. it's the reason i've done and not done most things. it's the reason i've felt fear, relief, disgust, pleasure... and i have been trying so hard since then to just BE, to catch myself when i am acting (or restraining myself from acting) in embarrassment and in shame. and it's just like you said. there comes a moment where i step out of my shame-dream and force myself in different ways to realise that it isn't real, and that there's a whole me somewhere underneath it. this video made me cry so hard and i felt ashamed about that for a second because why would a grown ass man be brought to tears by the experience of a person he doesn't even know? but goddamn it hit so close to home and it felt so good to allow myself to feel the healing pain your video is making me feel. thank you Savannah
I really resonate with you saying you felt the sensation of the emotions in your body for the first time - I had to go on an extremely similar journey with my own shame late last year. I was raised in a cult and had adopted some pretty extreme emotional suppression early in life to protect myself from pain, and it wasn't until years of therapy and self-discovery that I had a breakthrough. For anyone taking the time to confront your own shame, I'm proud of you - it's one of the most important things you can ever do. Also, "I feel like I can finally start" is really a terrific encapsulation of what I experienced coming out the other side of this journey. Thank you for your art
I've recently come to the realization that something about my life is completely wrong, and I don't know what it is! It's comforting to hear tales from a person who's gotten past this realization and found some kind of answer. I hope I'm lucky enough to experience the same. Thanks for sharing❤
I'm an autistic person who had a painful and lonely childhood, and so many parts of your journey resonate with me that I find it almost Impossible to focus on any one point. But I really want to just say that above all else, you sharing what you do makes me feel less alone. While I'm here with you, I feel like I'm really here with you. I feel like I really exist. Sharing some experience with you validates my experience. And I think you're like, extraordinarily beautiful. The kind of beauty that shows when you glimpse a part of someone's soul, as I am so privileged to have been allowed. I have seen the thing you are and it is a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing with me, with so many of us strangers. You give us hope. I can only afford to repay with my gratitude and I hope that it is worth something to you.
Ever since I found this channel I feel like there's so much I want to say but anything I write feels wrong. I need to convey this, "thank you for sharing your journey." Yet thank you just doesn't feel sufficient to cover how much your videos have meant to me, and still the only thing I can think to say is thank you. ❤ From one traumatized human to another truly thank you ❤
this is just what i needed, as I climb & claw my way out of 11 months of depression.... there is NO sarcasm, if my typing-tone hadn't properly conveyed my feelings. 3:20 we ASD folk are indeed highly-sensitive-people. It's therapeutic to go over the woe, we'd experienced. Ever since high school sociology, and the incorporation of power-dynamics and struggles-of-control, are now the lens through which I see EVERY relationship and interaction. The truth is sad, but philosophy is all about sitting with the truth, and coming to terms and peace with it.
Probably one of your best videos until now, this thing about unmasking and finally getting to know yourself and staring into your biggest insecurities is something people need to do. also the fact that you were able to describe entirely this period of your life show that the biggest gift you got is the ability to narrate these feelings and experiences in a beautiful and meaningful way. this is my favorite video by far, i could relate to everything 100%.
A single video giving me a month's worth of food for thought is really something special, and the fact that this applies to every video you release is just exceptional. brililant vid as always Sav
Narcisissm is a coping mechanism rooted in shame (If you're not ASPD), and narcissims seems to be a reocurring characteristic shared by autistic people, so this is an intersting insight into such minds performing internal introspection.
I’m curious about the connection you’re making here. Self-focus in autism and clinical narcissism can seem similar, but they’re pretty different. What makes you think they overlap? Is this based on research or more personal observation?
@@particle0 I made my distinction clear by referencing ASPD. And this observation is based on research, personal experience and the growing opinions of everyone not autistic.
@@particle0 It would take too long to break down all the variables and contributing factors, but a long story short, for the sake of a comment section - Autistic people may look to narcissism as a coping mechanism when recognizing they are not neural typical. This recognition of being different can led to insecurities that compound the sense of shame, eventually leading to a narcissistic feedback loop. This narcissism takes many forms like subscribing to ideas of being a "Superior mode of human" and next step in evolution, to becoming a social bully. Instead of learning to read social nuances and cues, or understanding social norms, autistic people may bulldoze their way through all forms of communication and debate with an unflinching narcissistic confidence - eg; see the Podcaster DESTINY for malignant tendencies. - Austistic people tend to be mimics to a point, learning to emulate what they perceive to be socially acceptable behaviour. One of the most powerful mediums for conveying popular consensus was MSM and Hollywood. And those industries fascination and obsession for people with ASPD is beyond apparent. I say ASPD because when I say "Antisocial" people who are "Asocial" tend to mislabel themselves. So newer generations of autistic youth raised by media, in a working world, may be groomed to exhibit these unhealthy triats out of mimicry in order to assimilate and fit in.
Got me good. Crying because that’s the haircut I wanted in high-school and never had. Also, I related so hard. Still waiting for the carbonization of my nervous system to subside but there is always more work to be done. Thank you for sharing, it means something 🧡
you have no idea how great it feels to see you on my recommended again. i have been enthralled by your content for the past few months now. the rawness of your commentary is so endearing and the way you can poetically articulate the human experience into something so pretty but digestible is seriously beautiful and such a gift. you have really helped me process my thoughts and as someone who has recently come of age and naturally feels more uncertain and unaware of themselves as each day passes, you have been a big help. yea anyway i could ramble on forever about this stuff but yea, i genuinely believe this is your best video yet. i selfishly hope you continue to have these crazy painful emotional revelations as i think it is the soul of what makes your work so special. thank you for being you and thank you for sharing your experiences.
I'm a 47 year old German male. I go to therapy now. I'm in the middle of SOMETHING and I'm always so unsure I will make it through ALIVE. Your videos resonate so much with my own story and they make me cry, and laugh. Thank you!
I'm so proud of you Sav. Been watching you for a few years now. I'm 36 and it's always so awe inspiring to me to see younger folks think and speak like you do. As I'm watching this all I can think is "wow, what? She didn't know this stuff yet? She is gonna be unstoppable now." You have been doing such hard work on yourself. At 17:59 there's a tiny HONEST smile after you say that you're the most you you or something to that effect. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you for letting us all bear witness. 💞
"Endless is the beauty that arises from the perfection of the genuine moment, to be yourself is all we were ever asked to of been, the purpose of our lives. Is that the shape of our predestination?"
Wow. I really needed to hear this rn. Somehow i fell off my own path, and allowed fear and doubt and shane to take control. Maybe all i needed was for someone else to talk about it for me to feel okay again. Thank you so much for this video.
The amount of woah moments i had watching this. Revelation upon revelation. You have shared sacred wisdom which even though is entirely unique to you; is vividly reflected in its own way within our lives.
Not finished with the video but I did this once. I discovered that I was a very angry, and very neglected individual, who covered narcissism by lying to myself that I was "just trying to make people happy" by making jokes constantly, never stating my true opinion. Eventually, I exploded. Ruined all my relationships, turned hateful and bitter and none of these feelings could reach my mind because I had never truly lived. Eventually, luckily, I discovered I was the same person I had always been, but was just self-obsessed. It's been freeing, but there are still trappings of addiction, temporary mania, permanent sadness. At least I'm free from "the cage" to experience it all. I get concerned whenever I see overwhelming amounts of ego in other people.
Will forever be grateful for your videos and your words. I'm 25 now and have been watching since I was a teen. It has always been a pleasure to discover and learn and feel alongside you. Struggling to find the words, I just appreciate this little corner of TH-cam so much and feel a release of tension whenever you share.
Long story short, 'alchemized' is a great way to put it. We are (or simply become) the orb we ponder. After all the learning, after all the catharsis, after all the repairing and recombobulation; we improve, as Humans, as Beings, in some small way.
I feel like you are my little soul sister. I just emerged from the woods with the exact same revelations. Having the anger falling away more and more is really freeing. I'm so proud of you, us!!! ❤
You have grown. Now keep a balance and once you´re ready, take another chomp of the subconscious shadow and grow some more. Thanks for sharing in a complex creative wayyay.
17:48 "they're what people will love me for, because they sit at the core of the most honest me" the way you got those words out... you truly understand. I had to pause to feel the chill in my spine before i could listen to the rest. Thank you
I came in here, sensing something profound yet uncomfortable I needed to hear. Now that I watched, I have a glimmer of hope I can do what you do. Thanks, much love
17:10 yes. very relatable. despising people for falling for what you perceive as lies in the way you act and behave. I can imagine it can be stressful or infuriating to get all of these comments praising you for being a profound poetic genius (you are) and at the same time feel like its all a show you put on to make people see you that way. And then directing the anger towards the stupid poopy babies falling for the alleged lie.
I just wanna say thank you sav for genuinely being the person you are , watching you has really reawakened the dreamer and passionate person in me in a rally difficult times of war in my country, it made my inner child shed the tears of joy and remember the dreams stuck in my throat, ohh for so long i thought i was an empty shell and a passionless emotionless shell of a human but watching has had a contribution in me realizing otherwise , SO THANK YOU , I'll forever hold the idea of you in my mind.
Thank you for sharing with us. Love you Savannah, hope you can build whatever you want cause I can see your honesty about the things and curiosity. Keep on living, keep on feeling, keep on seein.
I've glimpsed that light that you talk about at the end, but I still feel distant from being able to live in it. To live in communion with a higher power, which is what I think you're describing. If I'm honest I feel a lot of envy, because I always wanted to write. I still do, but now I'm afraid there's nothing there, or that my writing is shit, and I know that's shame talking but I'm definitely not healed yet, and I think I'm healing but god it's taking way too long. I've been on this journey for over a year now and I constantly feel like I'm getting in my own way. I can see the shame seeping out of me in this comment but I'm not able to feel it because I constantly destroy myself in unproductive ways. I'm trapped in the same cycles that my family have been trapped in since before I was born. I have been experimenting with being more vulnerable, but I have to work with some of the most miserable people in the world, and to them I'm already a calcified cynic. Even when I try to be genuine it's like they pull the mic away. I'd love to know what you feel was the true turning point, but I think I'm maybe just desperate to skip past these feelings I'm having right now and get to that reified orb state you describe. I simultaneously feel like a fraud and that I have achieved nothing anyway. I think we all feel this way because our self-obsession dictates so, but that in itself is more shame I'm projecting out. My parents were catholic too. Coincidence? I'll leave it there. I never leave comments but I think that's another shame response
just finished watching. i realised that i am not able to express myself because of my shame. i was so afraid to even talk to people. but something changed and in the last 3 months i started not feeling shame as much as I did earlier. I started talking to people more. i felt more confident. i haven't talked to this many people in 20 years as i did in the last few months. and i feel like I finally can express myself. also the thing you said about being an militant atheist since teenager is so relatable. i will be looking forward to your next videos.
Very timely video since I've been going through an existential crisis of my own where my reality of the world is created by my pain and other lenses which I'm not fully aware of. I also never thought I'd see a video where Goosebumps and philosophy would be talked about in the same breath. I hope you're doing better now.
Thank you so much Savannah. I think I can understand my girl now a bit better while simultaneously growing by myself. Thank you so much and wish you the best
You are by far my favourite person on this site. The way you can describe such confusing feelings with such eloquence, blows my mind. Your channel always feels like my own personal cozy corner of the internet. Watching your videos feels like being wrapped in a blanket in a warmly lit room on a cold winters night and I can’t thank you enough for that x
on waking up from the dream, to me it always feels like turning on the lights and your sleep paralysis demon is illuminated to be revealed as two now very embarrassed children standing on top of the other in a trench coat like they're trying to buy a ticket to an R rated movie. really tho this one was special dude, the bar story kinda broke my heart in the best way possible. cheers
This comment maybe a bit tone deaf under one of your very nice personal video. But can you start streaming again, As your twitch vods are my comfort videos❤
I've been going through tough times and rewatching a lot of your videos - there is this weird sense of home that lies in finding an expression of yourself from someone else's mouth. I needed this video. I really needed this video..
Well this was sent into my recommended by that “something” you mentioned. They’ve been unravelling exactly what you described for me these last few months. You are a total mirror. You won’t find much answer in church, but a few of us understand this presence. Most don’t. Because of their pain. Literally everything you’ve said is like a version of what “they” have been saying to me. Not exactly the same experience but the parallels are uncanny. And you posted this today. Today has been I sense a very important day in sending the shame away for me. Of uniting with my actual self. So yeah. Nothing is accidental. Of that I am increasingly sure. Thank you. And thank them for enabling this message. The meaning of life is connection. And connection is you. And me. And all of us. If we can just see through the pain. And embrace this being. Yeah that was “dramatic” and I’m not going to retract it damn it!
Depression is the only language your body knows how to use in order to communicate to you that something is wrong in your life trajectory. Your job is to figure out what needs to change in your life and hopefully not suppress it with pharmaceutical grade blockers.
You truly are a lovely individual, Sav. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, especially the more difficult and vulnerable moments in your life. They are potent, and they are beautiful. Rooting for you.
This is giving tiny manticore vibes "I am the true coward. Hiding from sincere expressions like a vampire in the nude hides from the light ... I was freed from bottle jail, but my new prison is shame" I miss copasetic drone, but good to see you're well. I love you're videos, they're generally very relatable and get me to reflect on my own life
“I was purposefully entering doomed relationship after doomed relationship to force myself to not think about my childhood while still invoking it by playing out the dynamics of it” IT’S SO REAL!!!!!!!!!!
From the bottom of my heart I thank you. Your honesty, reflection and way with words makes me understand myself and all of humanity better than any psychologist, movie, song, poem or piece of art ever could.
In your newer videos I always pulled away multiple things that mean something to me. It gives me a thought I hadn't had before, helps me answer a question I've had, or showed me others are like this too. I can "modify" myself. I took a second to think about specific things I want to change. I'll be on the lookout for them when they pop up. Thanks Sav
Really excited to hear more of your thoughts on spirit. As a scientist who loves to dissect everything logically but also is a naive believer in the unknown, it’s crucial to me understanding the povs from people with a close approach
"to fully accept my nature, it needed to be embodied by choice". oof. thank you. i feel so privileged to have been consuming your content for years. you're really special. thanks for talking about autism, and psychedelics, and all these topics that so deeply resonate with my experience, for the past years. you create beauty, and that's wonderful to witness.
Happy for u sav :) I also have healed my shame and am moving soon. Despite all the evil in the world I am excited. Shame sucks. It's an evil thing. Glad you healed it.
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the patreon gives me my life! if you enjoyed this do check it out..writing, stories, reading lists, my literal diary entries, a lot more: www.patreon.com/savbrown
i'm relearning how to do most everything which includes making videos. a long time ago communicating with you here was the easiest thing in the world. as i got older it became scary. i was sensitive to your comments. i was afraid of judgement aimed at my mind and my ideas and my appearance. i'm not so afraid of this judgement anymore and so i can start to relax. the more i learn the more even 'well-intentioned' performance seems to be missing the point. while filming this one i experimented with saying everything only once..letting myself freely check my notes..decoupling myself from the perfection impulse..understanding that the most authentic manifestation is what is actually 'perfect'. i will!! be!!! the myself thing (light ball..ancient frisson..you get it)!! even though filming these videos has historically caused me enormous anxiety..i find myself back here again and again. the response surprises me every time. there does seem to be, for whatever reason, something special and sacred about this format. i want to learn how to make it as sweet and easy as possible for myself. you keep coming to listen!! i will keep up the confession.
sav
I've always been an introspective guy, but ever since I found this channel your videos and your style of self-examination and documentation has really inspired me to redouble my efforts to get to know myself. Through journalling, through podcasting, through poetry. Thank you for sharing.
You are fearless and eloquent in these deep dives! Thanks so much for keeping up with us---we love hearing from you!:)
TH-cam means a lot to me-in my short time on the planet so far, it's taught me more than I could summarize in a thousand comments. And within the galaxy of TH-cam, your videos are a space for nonjudgmental reflection and warmth. I always smile when I see something new from you, whether it's been two months or two years.
69 posts on your patreon. Nice. I just started the monthly membership. Keep on rockin.
it was like i was talking to future me and it gave me so much hope and optimism for the future. You made me smile with tears in my eyes in such a warm, heartfelt way. Personally i think it is your best video so far so keep doing whatever the fuck your mystical 'feeling' shit does
why should i even watch any other content creator who sits in front of a camera & talks at this point - this isn't content for the algorithm, this is content for the soul and it always will be, indefinitely
Reading❓
This isn't "talking". Why do you think the video is cut every 20 seconds. This is performing.
I see Sav come up among the other talking heads on my feed and know that whatever the others have to say, it's not gonna hit like what Sav's got to say; won't force me to sit with it for awhile and try to understand myself deeper quite the same
Your gift is you can somehow articulate what so many of us feel. Most of us just lock up.
that's what I wanted to write but couldn't quite find the words, thanks
I feel this so hard. Her video is the most valuable piece of content on TH-cam today.
This is literally what religions and spiritual masters have tried explaining for all of eternity, and she just nailed it with her words without making it even sound anything like those things. Very incredible indeed 💖
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung
smart
Savannah, the rawness and truth of your videos hit close to my core in a way that no one else's do. They're part poetry, part story, and utterly sincere- I bawl like a baby watching every single one, which manages to articulate an aspect of my experience of personhood. I haven't lived the same life as you obviously, but different experiences can create similar warpings in people and their outlooks on the world. Somehow, every video of yours resonates deeply with the certain ways I've been warped from my childhood, teen years, and earliest years of adulthood. You're one of the most talented video creators and writers I've come across, and I want to thank you so much for what you've created/are creating, and for being vulnerable and open with your life to anyone who may see your content. It's always a happy surprise to see a new upload from you 🫶 Thank you
Amen
"none of our transgressions were or are related to the quality of our souls” I am taking this with me
lmao i'm sure it'll help you in the real world. all these phrases and affirmations don't mean anything.
@@housemana go enjoy the real world and stop leaving condescending replies
"I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD" - Psalm 32:5
lol your shame will haunt you until you’ve suffered enough for it to relinquish its hold on your soul
there's a spinozian idea behind it, not just word salad imo
"I said exactly what I wanted to, and I was exactly what I am" I think I've felt that only a few times in my adult life, but the trend seems to be upward so thats good!
shame as "a kind of narcissism"…beautifully put!
I'm not sure. narcissism is a kind of sahame for sure. not 100% certain it maps the other way so well. something to ponder on for sure tho
Shame is a symptom of the self being divided into parts, and some of those parts having been deemed long ago to be too (.....) for the conscious experience of the world and deeply repressed. We are both the perpetrators of the shame- as we continually attempt to deny and hide portions of who we are- and the experiencers of the shame- felt through the awareness of the shamed and repressed part of the self. This whole experience is so hard to parse out and heal because the experience of the shamed part of the self is hidden behind the ]curtain of subconsciousness.
Which is to say that shame is absolutely a feature of narcissism, which we are all trapped within until we are able to begin reconciling the whole of who we are.
@@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765 I'm also put off by this phrase, but I think it's only because I think of shame as something victims experience and narcissism as a quality only abusers have. But in reality, most people with NPD were abused themselves. So both shame and narcissism are neutral concepts that could be experienced by abusers or victims. Idk if this relates to what you were thinking but that's what it was for me.
@@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765 i think a more straightforward way to put it is that self loathing is a form of self obsession. if you find yourself entirely and purposelessly preoccupied with how ashamed you are... well at the end of it you're the kind of person who just spent all day thinking about yourself.
I don't really comment on any videos, but I've never heard someone talk about growing up with shame in a way that mirrors my own experience with it. It's such a difficult and lonely life. This was very cathartic. Thank you so much for making it.
"The world...became fluorescent with meaning. The shape dissolved into fluorescence." This is one of the most beautiful descriptions of spiritual awakening I've heard. Indeed, love lights the world.
I don’t know how to write comments. My thoughts overflow. But:
(1) “I was only a surviving thing” broke me first,
(2) then the story about unmasking and “bothering” strangers with who you are (“I hadn’t betrayed myself!”) had me laugh-crying so wholesomely!
(3) then Lispector finished me off… (“I am the mistress of my inevitability”)
In perfect timing, I’m trying to tread through the Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, which I’d say reads like a Bible (-I’ve never read the Bible), if it wasn’t so dense, and what good is that for the masses or our shrinking attention spans.
I wish I could watch this video for the first time again.
1. Is fire! Would wear on my skin
"The new rebels might be artists willing to risk the yawn, the rolled eyes, the cool smile, the nudged ribs, the parody of gifted ironists, the “Oh how banal.” To risk accusations of sentimentality, melodrama. Of overcredulity. Of softness. Of willingness to be suckered by a world of lurkers and starers who fear gaze and ridicule above imprisonment without law"
Rings a bell, is this DFW?
@@MitchellM929 Yes. From E Unibus Pluram
@@MitchellM929 Yes. It seems he is a right man to consult to when it comes to uncontrollable fixation on self-image.
The knell for my Ego Death
As an autistic person who has also been through the psychedelic experience, healing my inner child and releasing myself from my past. I find your videos incredibly relatable :) You are loved more than you know. It's people like you who are willing to share their experience that encourage others to do the same. One day we'll all find our wings
Autistic individuals are able to connect to/communicate with the higher self, and do it naturally. I often find myself more connected to my spirit than to my body. Magic is possible and you clearly demonstrate that
Everything is connected, "a drop of water in the ocean becomes the ocean"
psychedelic like mushrooms or lsd?
I am exactly the same. I have never seen a video from this girl, been sort of cautious of my feed lately. But I kinda threw up because of how relatable what she is saying is. About the trauma and being a pain reaction. Literally the other day I had the thought in my head "everything I do is a trauma response. It feels like I'm living in survival"
It's heavy stuff to process...
Wow, there are more of us 😁where are you guys hiding?
i’m gonna journal so hard tonight, thank you for being the catalyst
I don’t know what to comment yet because I will be chewing on this for months. but thank you for forging a path through our confusing minds and lighting the parts you’ve uncovered (like in minecraft when you’re stuck in a cave system but then you find a trail of torches and it becomes less scary). the words you share help me make sense of my own labyrinth and it feels a little less lonely in here
You have no idea how much I NEEDED this to snap me out of my "dream". I've been dissociating so much lately, letting the wounded parts of me lead my life and shutting everything out. It's doesn't even feel like much of a choice at this point because I'm in so much pain, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing your beautiful story. It gives me so much hope that I can face my pain too, and heal myself. It is such a gift to be able to resonate and connect with people and I'm really happy that I subscribed to your channel all those years ago and this video popped up today. And right before my therapy appointment tomorrow... oh boy it's gonna be a deep one.
its crazy how your videos go along with the lives of so many. feels almost like they mark certain chapters of my life & especially emotional growth. thank you for opening up to us. your words are very important for quite a few people, so thank you for that.
can see the sense of connection to yourself in your eyes brother
I'm coming to the realization that if I had to explain myself to someone at this point in my life it would be more effective to just send them a playlist of your videos and say "watch this and then we can talk"
beautiful video, will be rewatching this for the foreseeable future
"I'm just so happy we found each other here."
+1
NEW UPLOAD, I KNEW I FELT A DISTURBANCE IN THE AIR
Over the past 18 months I've felt very similar emotions - scarily similar - but in a completely different context. The human experience sure is something.
Same, during pretty much the same period. I don’t think coincidence is a thing
shame kills vulnerability and if you’re not even vulnerable with yourself (you probably don’t know how oh no) and now you’re stuck trying so hard to be understood when you don’t ever listen to yourself. listening and just…allowing yourself, there’s the tender spot where care and affection grows, towards everything, everyone. i have come to find out when you don’t question twice the fact that you are and that’s okay, great, lovely things start occurring, the current is open
I haven't seen long form content where every single word was so important, in sooo long. I've watched it twice back to back and more was revealed to me, and I'll be revisiting this video often. This is such a gift.
"Waking up in the dream of my shame" is such a powerful mantra
I've felt very alone and like an alien for many years of my life. But you and a few others I have come across let me know I really am not alone. Thank you for being brave enough to make videos like you make.
i found you through your disco elysium playthrough a couple of months before you moved, and since then your whole history with self discovery and acceptance made some pretty big waves in my life (i too was diagnosed with autism as an adult, funsies), and this video seems to be the perfect end of chapter. i'm glad i can catch a glimpse of your mind sav.
as someone who feels like my shame is rooted to my bones and below, it's nice to hear a happy ending exists somewhere for someone.
Savannah... on that first bit...
Why must you so perfectly describe my experience? My psychologist suspects that I do indeed have autism, and looking back through my childhood that does seem to hold a lot of water.
I feel so much shame today due to not having understood the world around me, people in particular, at a young age. I must've been around 3 when I noticed kids my age used a limited range of vocabulary, and that adults used different tones of voice with each other than with me. I always wondered why, and what it all meant-and of course how I was supposed to fit into all of it. I didn't comprehend it, and it made me somewhat anxious from an early age. That was probably when the mask began to form...albeit, I couldn't really bring myself to copy the things that I was supposed to to fit in. I despised the glib way the adults spoke, and I equally hated the way the other kids acted, seemingly without an ounce of self-awareness. Both looked equally fake and wrong to me.
This all led to a terrible sense of shame and a negative spiral of hiding my true way of being. Savannah, I watch your videos and I listen to you and I see myself reflected on the screen. Every movement, every thought, every mannerism outward and inward. It's eerie.
I'm sorry for going on and on about myself, but I needed to get this out somehow. I still struggle with the pain of just not fitting in anywhere with anyone on account of approaching basic human interaction too differently from everyone else. I'm a bit of an alien, hehe...
But the great news is that very much like you, I've sort of awakened to this higher plane of existence. Maybe it's because I got older, maybe it's becausd I'm tired of living locked up in my own fortress of shame with the key thrown away, but I've learnt to just...demolish it. I don't care anymore. I've learnt that I'm a strong person, stronger than I ever thought possible. I'm incredibly tough, ironclad. Shame isn't even a thing anymore for me. I am steadfast in my beliefs, in my way of being, in my presentation, everything. I don't hide from myself anymore, I welcome them with open arms like an old friend. This makes me feel great even if the world around me unapologetically ostracises me.
I hope that at least one person reads this-you don't have to reply. I just want my fight to be known, I guess, because it's invisible to everyone. And, I'll let it be known: it's not a losing fight in the slightest, I've got the high ground in this. Cheers.
This is my favorite video of yours yet. You have a new glow to you that shines in your vulnerabulity, like the cloak of shame has gone. Its fascinating to hear another artist going through a parallel experience of losing and then finding themselves in the past year. I think some quiet universal spark is catching on the heart of all of us. Thank you for sharing your story, it truly resonates.
"I felt for the first time like I hadn't betrayed myself." | need, like, a bit... to process that 10,000 megaton bomb. As always, you nailed it on this one.
Thanks for taking the energy putting words to thoughts im scared to admit i have
Recently I started to say "It's just a bad dream" when a toxic train of thought starts to loop in my mind. It helps to distance from these thoughts and not stew in them.
Don't make it a habit to lie to yourself. You'll disassociate later. You can still dismiss the memory when it isn't needed, but also take time to explore them sometimes constructively. You may not be ready to be constructive and that's okay, but do be ready one day and make it a goal to be ready. Take care of yourself.
"my pain was a point on a matrix that existed in a dimension my mind couldn't hold" god damn i feel that
i've oftentimes found myself resonating with your videos but with this one i do in a different way, in a way that hurts because you are uncovering something i have only been aware of for the past year (i am 29 years old) and it is that my main source of guidance in life has been shame. it's the reason i've done and not done most things. it's the reason i've felt fear, relief, disgust, pleasure... and i have been trying so hard since then to just BE, to catch myself when i am acting (or restraining myself from acting) in embarrassment and in shame. and it's just like you said. there comes a moment where i step out of my shame-dream and force myself in different ways to realise that it isn't real, and that there's a whole me somewhere underneath it. this video made me cry so hard and i felt ashamed about that for a second because why would a grown ass man be brought to tears by the experience of a person he doesn't even know? but goddamn it hit so close to home and it felt so good to allow myself to feel the healing pain your video is making me feel. thank you Savannah
I really resonate with you saying you felt the sensation of the emotions in your body for the first time - I had to go on an extremely similar journey with my own shame late last year. I was raised in a cult and had adopted some pretty extreme emotional suppression early in life to protect myself from pain, and it wasn't until years of therapy and self-discovery that I had a breakthrough. For anyone taking the time to confront your own shame, I'm proud of you - it's one of the most important things you can ever do. Also, "I feel like I can finally start" is really a terrific encapsulation of what I experienced coming out the other side of this journey. Thank you for your art
I've recently come to the realization that something about my life is completely wrong, and I don't know what it is! It's comforting to hear tales from a person who's gotten past this realization and found some kind of answer. I hope I'm lucky enough to experience the same. Thanks for sharing❤
thank you thank you thank you for sharing and making again
This maybe wouldn't be the first thing on the list of things to listen to while wrapping Christmas presents, but I personally found it to be a vibe.
I'm an autistic person who had a painful and lonely childhood, and so many parts of your journey resonate with me that I find it almost Impossible to focus on any one point. But I really want to just say that above all else, you sharing what you do makes me feel less alone. While I'm here with you, I feel like I'm really here with you. I feel like I really exist. Sharing some experience with you validates my experience. And I think you're like, extraordinarily beautiful. The kind of beauty that shows when you glimpse a part of someone's soul, as I am so privileged to have been allowed. I have seen the thing you are and it is a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing with me, with so many of us strangers. You give us hope. I can only afford to repay with my gratitude and I hope that it is worth something to you.
Ever since I found this channel I feel like there's so much I want to say but anything I write feels wrong. I need to convey this, "thank you for sharing your journey." Yet thank you just doesn't feel sufficient to cover how much your videos have meant to me, and still the only thing I can think to say is thank you. ❤ From one traumatized human to another truly thank you ❤
this is just what i needed, as I climb & claw my way out of 11 months of depression.... there is NO sarcasm, if my typing-tone hadn't properly conveyed my feelings. 3:20 we ASD folk are indeed highly-sensitive-people. It's therapeutic to go over the woe, we'd experienced. Ever since high school sociology, and the incorporation of power-dynamics and struggles-of-control, are now the lens through which I see EVERY relationship and interaction. The truth is sad, but philosophy is all about sitting with the truth, and coming to terms and peace with it.
Probably one of your best videos until now, this thing about unmasking and finally getting to know yourself and staring into your biggest insecurities is something people need to do.
also the fact that you were able to describe entirely this period of your life show that the biggest gift you got is the ability to narrate these feelings and experiences in a beautiful and meaningful way.
this is my favorite video by far, i could relate to everything 100%.
A single video giving me a month's worth of food for thought is really something special, and the fact that this applies to every video you release is just exceptional. brililant vid as always Sav
Narcisissm is a coping mechanism rooted in shame (If you're not ASPD), and narcissims seems to be a reocurring characteristic shared by autistic people, so this is an intersting insight into such minds performing internal introspection.
I’m curious about the connection you’re making here. Self-focus in autism and clinical narcissism can seem similar, but they’re pretty different. What makes you think they overlap? Is this based on research or more personal observation?
@@particle0 I made my distinction clear by referencing ASPD.
And this observation is based on research, personal experience and the growing opinions of everyone not autistic.
@@particle0 It would take too long to break down all the variables and contributing factors, but a long story short, for the sake of a comment section
- Autistic people may look to narcissism as a coping mechanism when recognizing they are not neural typical. This recognition of being different can led to insecurities that compound the sense of shame, eventually leading to a narcissistic feedback loop.
This narcissism takes many forms like subscribing to ideas of being a "Superior mode of human" and next step in evolution, to becoming a social bully.
Instead of learning to read social nuances and cues, or understanding social norms, autistic people may bulldoze their way through all forms of communication and debate with an unflinching narcissistic confidence - eg; see the Podcaster DESTINY for malignant tendencies.
- Austistic people tend to be mimics to a point, learning to emulate what they perceive to be socially acceptable behaviour.
One of the most powerful mediums for conveying popular consensus was MSM and Hollywood. And those industries fascination and obsession for people with ASPD is beyond apparent.
I say ASPD because when I say "Antisocial" people who are "Asocial" tend to mislabel themselves.
So newer generations of autistic youth raised by media, in a working world, may be groomed to exhibit these unhealthy triats out of mimicry in order to assimilate and fit in.
@@particle0YT censored my comment to protect MSM
Got me good. Crying because that’s the haircut I wanted in high-school and never had. Also, I related so hard. Still waiting for the carbonization of my nervous system to subside but there is always more work to be done. Thank you for sharing, it means something 🧡
you have no idea how great it feels to see you on my recommended again. i have been enthralled by your content for the past few months now. the rawness of your commentary is so endearing and the way you can poetically articulate the human experience into something so pretty but digestible is seriously beautiful and such a gift. you have really helped me process my thoughts and as someone who has recently come of age and naturally feels more uncertain and unaware of themselves as each day passes, you have been a big help.
yea anyway i could ramble on forever about this stuff but yea, i genuinely believe this is your best video yet. i selfishly hope you continue to have these crazy painful emotional revelations as i think it is the soul of what makes your work so special. thank you for being you and thank you for sharing your experiences.
Great to see you, savhanna. Love your your channel. You were never a bad person. You are an amazing, strong woman. I am so proud of you
I'm a 47 year old German male. I go to therapy now. I'm in the middle of SOMETHING and I'm always so unsure I will make it through ALIVE. Your videos resonate so much with my own story and they make me cry, and laugh. Thank you!
people are so beautifully complex
I'm so proud of you Sav. Been watching you for a few years now. I'm 36 and it's always so awe inspiring to me to see younger folks think and speak like you do. As I'm watching this all I can think is "wow, what? She didn't know this stuff yet? She is gonna be unstoppable now." You have been doing such hard work on yourself. At 17:59 there's a tiny HONEST smile after you say that you're the most you you or something to that effect. Keep doing what you're doing. Thank you for letting us all bear witness. 💞
"Endless is the beauty that arises from the perfection of the genuine moment, to be yourself is all we were ever asked to of been, the purpose of our lives. Is that the shape of our predestination?"
Wow. I really needed to hear this rn. Somehow i fell off my own path, and allowed fear and doubt and shane to take control. Maybe all i needed was for someone else to talk about it for me to feel okay again. Thank you so much for this video.
Even your normal speech is like poetry 🔥
The amount of woah moments i had watching this. Revelation upon revelation. You have shared sacred wisdom which even though is entirely unique to you; is vividly reflected in its own way within our lives.
Not finished with the video but I did this once.
I discovered that I was a very angry, and very neglected individual, who covered narcissism by lying to myself that I was "just trying to make people happy" by making jokes constantly, never stating my true opinion.
Eventually, I exploded. Ruined all my relationships, turned hateful and bitter and none of these feelings could reach my mind because I had never truly lived. Eventually, luckily, I discovered I was the same person I had always been, but was just self-obsessed.
It's been freeing, but there are still trappings of addiction, temporary mania, permanent sadness. At least I'm free from "the cage" to experience it all. I get concerned whenever I see overwhelming amounts of ego in other people.
Will forever be grateful for your videos and your words. I'm 25 now and have been watching since I was a teen. It has always been a pleasure to discover and learn and feel alongside you. Struggling to find the words, I just appreciate this little corner of TH-cam so much and feel a release of tension whenever you share.
Long story short, 'alchemized' is a great way to put it.
We are (or simply become) the orb we ponder. After all the learning, after all the catharsis, after all the repairing and recombobulation; we improve, as Humans, as Beings, in some small way.
I feel like you are my little soul sister. I just emerged from the woods with the exact same revelations. Having the anger falling away more and more is really freeing. I'm so proud of you, us!!! ❤
You have grown. Now keep a balance and once you´re ready, take another chomp of the subconscious shadow and grow some more. Thanks for sharing in a complex creative wayyay.
17:48 "they're what people will love me for, because they sit at the core of the most honest me" the way you got those words out... you truly understand. I had to pause to feel the chill in my spine before i could listen to the rest. Thank you
I came in here, sensing something profound yet uncomfortable I needed to hear. Now that I watched, I have a glimmer of hope I can do what you do. Thanks, much love
I’ve always appreciated how authentic your videos are and how open you are to telling your story. Hope to see more videos in the near future
17:10 yes. very relatable. despising people for falling for what you perceive as lies in the way you act and behave. I can imagine it can be stressful or infuriating to get all of these comments praising you for being a profound poetic genius (you are) and at the same time feel like its all a show you put on to make people see you that way. And then directing the anger towards the stupid poopy babies falling for the alleged lie.
I just wanna say thank you sav for genuinely being the person you are , watching you has really reawakened the dreamer and passionate person in me in a rally difficult times of war in my country, it made my inner child shed the tears of joy and remember the dreams stuck in my throat, ohh for so long i thought i was an empty shell and a passionless emotionless shell of a human but watching has had a contribution in me realizing otherwise , SO THANK YOU , I'll forever hold the idea of you in my mind.
Ill take this as an early Holiday gift! thank u sav!
Thank you for sharing with us. Love you Savannah, hope you can build whatever you want cause I can see your honesty about the things and curiosity. Keep on living, keep on feeling, keep on seein.
I've glimpsed that light that you talk about at the end, but I still feel distant from being able to live in it. To live in communion with a higher power, which is what I think you're describing. If I'm honest I feel a lot of envy, because I always wanted to write. I still do, but now I'm afraid there's nothing there, or that my writing is shit, and I know that's shame talking but I'm definitely not healed yet, and I think I'm healing but god it's taking way too long.
I've been on this journey for over a year now and I constantly feel like I'm getting in my own way. I can see the shame seeping out of me in this comment but I'm not able to feel it because I constantly destroy myself in unproductive ways. I'm trapped in the same cycles that my family have been trapped in since before I was born.
I have been experimenting with being more vulnerable, but I have to work with some of the most miserable people in the world, and to them I'm already a calcified cynic. Even when I try to be genuine it's like they pull the mic away.
I'd love to know what you feel was the true turning point, but I think I'm maybe just desperate to skip past these feelings I'm having right now and get to that reified orb state you describe. I simultaneously feel like a fraud and that I have achieved nothing anyway. I think we all feel this way because our self-obsession dictates so, but that in itself is more shame I'm projecting out. My parents were catholic too. Coincidence?
I'll leave it there. I never leave comments but I think that's another shame response
Have missed the smudgy lens and watched old vods on repeat. I'm happy you're back and healing :)
just finished watching. i realised that i am not able to express myself because of my shame. i was so afraid to even talk to people. but something changed and in the last 3 months i started not feeling shame as much as I did earlier. I started talking to people more. i felt more confident. i haven't talked to this many people in 20 years as i did in the last few months. and i feel like I finally can express myself. also the thing you said about being an militant atheist since teenager is so relatable. i will be looking forward to your next videos.
Very timely video since I've been going through an existential crisis of my own where my reality of the world is created by my pain and other lenses which I'm not fully aware of. I also never thought I'd see a video where Goosebumps and philosophy would be talked about in the same breath. I hope you're doing better now.
Bruh i genuinely missed her
This is a fantastic video. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable about your experiences. It has helped me a great deal.
Genuinely spectacular
Thank you so much Savannah. I think I can understand my girl now a bit better while simultaneously growing by myself. Thank you so much and wish you the best
you're the cure to my writer's block.
You are by far my favourite person on this site. The way you can describe such confusing feelings with such eloquence, blows my mind. Your channel always feels like my own personal cozy corner of the internet. Watching your videos feels like being wrapped in a blanket in a warmly lit room on a cold winters night and I can’t thank you enough for that x
me & the boys when new savannah drops
on waking up from the dream, to me it always feels like turning on the lights and your sleep paralysis demon is illuminated to be revealed as two now very embarrassed children standing on top of the other in a trench coat like they're trying to buy a ticket to an R rated movie.
really tho this one was special dude, the bar story kinda broke my heart in the best way possible. cheers
This comment maybe a bit tone deaf under one of your very nice personal video. But can you start streaming again, As your twitch vods are my comfort videos❤
I've been going through tough times and rewatching a lot of your videos - there is this weird sense of home that lies in finding an expression of yourself from someone else's mouth. I needed this video. I really needed this video..
ain't that a shame? ~ Fats Domino (1955)
Im real real real happy to see you back
16:58 as a twitch viewer I think we all knew this lol
sav has all my respect forever and ever
Well this was sent into my recommended by that “something” you mentioned. They’ve been unravelling exactly what you described for me these last few months. You are a total mirror. You won’t find much answer in church, but a few of us understand this presence. Most don’t. Because of their pain. Literally everything you’ve said is like a version of what “they” have been saying to me. Not exactly the same experience but the parallels are uncanny. And you posted this today. Today has been I sense a very important day in sending the shame away for me. Of uniting with my actual self. So yeah. Nothing is accidental. Of that I am increasingly sure. Thank you. And thank them for enabling this message.
The meaning of life is connection. And connection is you. And me. And all of us. If we can just see through the pain. And embrace this being.
Yeah that was “dramatic” and I’m not going to retract it damn it!
The stuttering display of strength and closure to get the words of “How could I keep this anger?” out. Immaculate.
Depression is the only language your body knows how to use in order to communicate to you that something is wrong in your life trajectory. Your job is to figure out what needs to change in your life and hopefully not suppress it with pharmaceutical grade blockers.
You truly are a lovely individual, Sav. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, especially the more difficult and vulnerable moments in your life. They are potent, and they are beautiful. Rooting for you.
EDINBRUH
Wow incredible how the universe sent me here. I needed this. Thank you time traveler
EVERY TIME I SEE YOUR VIDEOS ON MY FEED IT IS INSTANTANEOUSLY BETTER
ABSOLUTELY NEVER STOP MAKING VIDEOS
This is giving tiny manticore vibes
"I am the true coward. Hiding from sincere expressions like a vampire in the nude hides from the light ... I was freed from bottle jail, but my new prison is shame"
I miss copasetic drone, but good to see you're well. I love you're videos, they're generally very relatable and get me to reflect on my own life
“I was purposefully entering doomed relationship after doomed relationship to force myself to not think about my childhood while still invoking it by playing out the dynamics of it”
IT’S SO REAL!!!!!!!!!!
“I was being puppeted around by a diseased subconscious and a deathwish” God it’s just so real
"To be good i needed to suppress sadness and anger and fear and discomfort" Man that so relatable i am glad i found your channel
From the bottom of my heart I thank you. Your honesty, reflection and way with words makes me understand myself and all of humanity better than any psychologist, movie, song, poem or piece of art ever could.
In your newer videos I always pulled away multiple things that mean something to me. It gives me a thought I hadn't had before, helps me answer a question I've had, or showed me others are like this too. I can "modify" myself. I took a second to think about specific things I want to change. I'll be on the lookout for them when they pop up. Thanks Sav
Really excited to hear more of your thoughts on spirit. As a scientist who loves to dissect everything logically but also is a naive believer in the unknown, it’s crucial to me understanding the povs from people with a close approach
"to fully accept my nature, it needed to be embodied by choice". oof. thank you.
i feel so privileged to have been consuming your content for years. you're really special. thanks for talking about autism, and psychedelics, and all these topics that so deeply resonate with my experience, for the past years. you create beauty, and that's wonderful to witness.
Truly beautiful, thank you.
Happy for u sav :) I also have healed my shame and am moving soon. Despite all the evil in the world I am excited. Shame sucks. It's an evil thing. Glad you healed it.