Sadly, the alienating child rejects the parent who demonstrates unconditional love BECAUSE the other parent's love is conditional on the child rejecting the targeted parent. The generational damage done to families by this abuse is like a hereditary disease. It is usually passed down from one generation to the next because the example of the unconditional love every child deserves is replaced by a "love" conditioned on hate. When I look at you, I see my own daughter. Every time you put out a video you give me hope that today will be the day Katherine or Jefferson realize what has happened to them. Thanks for your great work Madi.
you are SO right on about this!! I made it "easy" for my daughter to shun me because she knows I never put any pressure on her and that I'll always be there for her. I had to be her soft place because I could tell how hard her mom was being on her. I'm paying the price now (it's been a year since I heard from my daughter) but that price is the cost of her sanity. So, as much as it breaks my heart, no matter how much I cry, I think I did the right thing.
@@drumsnbassinyoface7276 Five years and three months for me. I hope your daughter comes back. I know that my sisters and brother never recovered their relationship with our dad and I could not truly forgive my mother for what she did to our family until after she died. I have found some peace knowing that any other decisions I could have made would only damage the children I raised even further.
One of the sad things is how many people never question this stuff, and become unknowingly co-alienators by the role they play. Alienators are very good at raising an Army to weaponize against the targeted parent.
It can start before the divorce...You won't recognize it until after the fact, but it starts then. Therapists white knighting solidify it and the court system further builds the wall. How do we correct this in society?
Thank you Madison for exposing parental alienation for what it is. As a targeted dad it is so frustrating and painful that other people just seem to have no idea what is really happening, and you are doing a lot to change that. Great work.
Your contribution to 'reality' - or the 'spot light on disfunction' is absolutely astonishing. More power to you. The DSM knows about cluster-b types. How the hell could the question be "does alienation exist" .... when we know about, sociopaths, narcisstics, borderlines, psychopaths...? The question should be, "How could it not exist...?"
Madison . . . . Your posts are far more helpful to me (alienated dad of adult daughter) than all of the various "professionals". Keep up your excellent work . . . I wish you the very best!
Just wanted to drop a comment on the recent suspension/reporting of your social media...if they're trying to cancel you, you're doing it right 💪 Thank you SO much for your videos, resources & tireless work on yourself & to help others 🙏 I've commented before & explained I'm the partner of an alienated father & you're a beacon of light in such a dark situation ❤
@@ChantalArnesen She's not "ACCUSING" anyone. She's raising much needed awareness as to the warning signs an alienated child may exhibit. SIGNS, SIGNS, SIGNS! SMH!
@@Giovannis-inshe has no qualifications to do so and this is extremely damaging information that she thinks is right when she has no psychological training
You will see your child being very distant after they switch houses. It will take them a few hours to warm up to the alienated parent before things return to normal. You will see them making phone calls to the alienator and spending a lot of time talking with them during the other parent's time. You will see a lot of paranoia around things the alienated parent want to do. They will be scared of getting hurt or sick.
@Cro-mos this describes my stepson. His mom manipulates him by making him believe he is ill and needs extra medical care and that our household doesn't care about his 'needs' regarding whatever ailment she is focusing on at the time.
Two things stand out for me; the child would talk about very personal adult relationship issues, which no 7 year old should know, and was clearly dragged into and coached by the alienator. Second, as she became a teen the alienator would tacitly approve of the child skipping school, and eventually she dropped out. I believe the alienator was so afraid of being alone that she wanted her child to fail, in order to be sure she never left. It was SO SICK.
@@HaggisIsGross I have watched my husband, (now 40) come to realize who his mom really is (the alineator) what his dad went thru as the targeted parent, and adjust his relationships with those parents accordingly. It has been a LONG road and one I struggle to watch him still emotionally deal with regularly as he has stepped up to the challenge of limiting our small childrens exposure to his mother. Part of this growth in him was triggered by watching his sister allow their mother to basically raise his niece (she's now graduated from H.S.). That niece is a spitting image of her grandmother in all the worst ways and has almost nothing to do with the rest of the family. His sisters youngest daughter is now a teenager and his sister is basically letting her drop out. I think it's because his sister is so damaged from their mother and is petrified of being alone....even tho she is married. It's a sick cycle that breaks my heart for all who are in even the farthest ripples of its effects.
This sounds exactly like my fiancés 7 year old daughter. Her mom seems to be a major narcissist. His daughter is only 7 and she’s missed 35+ days in school just between kindergarten and first grade because she needed “mommy time” and had to stay home. I think her mom has a fear of abandonment too
You are doing gods work, everything you have spoken is how my daughter is from calling me by my first name, to saying i treat her bad over 1 thing ignoring allllll the other good stuff I’ve done doesn’t add up and etc. thank you so much please keep doing what you do!
Absolutely agree that some children of PA become perfectionists and high achievers. It is an effect of trying to be "good enough" or accepted by the alienator, as often they can't do anything right or good enough in the alienator's eyes.
@@mariekiraly100 I hope you realize this isn't true. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It is the absolute worst to have to grieve a living child.
Your descriptions are on point! As a targetted mum, I witnessed all of the behaviours you described. It would break my heart to watch my son cower around his alienator father and watch his darting eyes looking for cues from his dad.
Excellent insight to point out that therapy should focus more on the unhealthy relationship between the child and alienator, rather than the dynamics going on between the child and targeted parent. I have watched numerous of your videos, Madi, and am simply baffled that so many mental health professionals are effectively CLUELESS about PA and seem to do more harm than good. Thank you for your considerable efforts in helping all of us by clearly explaining what's really going on!
This is very triggering because my situation is the exact opposite. My grandsons father is in fact truly evil to the core and did do all those despicable things I heard you say were false allegations against your father to my daughter and worse things to my grandson // so I needed to speak for those of us who are trying to do the right thing by pursuing protection for our children from their abusive parent/s. It’s important to understand that even tho it may be more common for both parents to be beneficial to the child’s life there are many situations where one or both parents are actually dangerous to a child because they are dangerously selfish and corrupt people and not capable willing or able of providing the child what they need and deserve to be happy healthy stable and safe. Any parent who implements psychological abuse to alienate a child from a loving family member especially a loving devoted self sacrificial parent IS EVIL. Therefore this video in and of itself proves its more common than we realize that a child can have one good parent and one bad parent even if the good parent isn’t perfect. It’s also important understand that it is possible to have a perfect parent because we do exist. Being a perfect parent does not mean you’re perfect person who doesn’t make mistakes because that doesn’t exist it means you parent with perfect intentions for your children and you are willing able capable and healthy enough to know how to provide your child with everything they need to be happy safe and healthy. And if and when you do make mistakes you do everything in your power to fix it even if you have to spend the rest of your life doing it. The unfortunate reality is that it’s usually the bad/evil one that gets away with winning custody and obstructing love because the parent who’s being abused becomes so traumatized and injured it makes it impossible for them to fight the battle necessary to win back their child! I’m only a few minutes in but .. I am so sorry for your experience especially if your birth father is a loving devoted father because what happened to the two of you was nothing short of inhumane cruelty which makes your mother and step father evil. I truly hope your father spent his entire life trying to save you from them because that would prove that he is in fact a good father.
Understand, this also grows into adulthood. Until the adult child starts investigating and asking serious questions, that they couldn't ask as a minor and vulnerable
This is SO good. You are helping me to put this heartbreak into perspective. Those of us who are targeted, have turned ourselves inside out trying to love and reach out to our children. We can't stop. I have literally excavated my life, trying to figure out why this has happened. The alienator in my life is so clever, and operates so under the radar that I've spent wasted years examining myself trying to figure out what I've done wrong. But every one of your points hits home and applies in my situation. Thank you for pointing out that indifference to how cruelly the alienated child treats the targeted parent is a huge sign. My child regularly speaks to me with harsh and callous indifference. She doesn't do that with anyone else. Because there is a grain of truth sometimes to these accusations, you spend years trying to "fix" that mistake or flaw. After "fixing" that flaw, you find out that it doesn't make any difference. You are ready to apologize for whatever it is you've done to hurt the child, and realize that they can't articulate what it is that they are so angry about. It is treatment all out of proportion to your "sins". It is irrational. God please give me the patience to endure.
I believe I was alienated from my mom by my dad, while they were married. It has taken years for me to rebuild my relationship with my mom after my father passed. So, this is not isolated to divorced parents. Signs include, subtle put downs in front of the children and taking you aside to apologize for the other parent.
Thank you for writing your story. This happened to me. My adult kids 38 & 35 won't speak to me. Their father discarded me 3 yrs ago and made it look like everything is my fault. They have never heard my side. My son won't let me see my grandson. This pain is worst than death.😢💔
@spilledit Yes, their dad has been alienating them from me all along. They stopped talking to me after he discarded me (40 yr marriage). I was in shock for quite some time. I knew things were off, but had no idea. Then I studied psychopathy- bingo, he checked all the boxes. He is quite clever and convincing. He literally brainwashed them against me. They have no compassion. It's really hard for me to understand. In his eyes I was just the unpaid maid. I love my kids and built my life around them? 💔
@@mickeysammy5169 yep, it happened to my mom while she was married and to me with my children. I was the unpaid maid and was replaced after the divorce by someone who didn’t mind being the maid. I still have one child who is speaking to me, but the loss of my youngest son breaks my heart every day.
Splitting is a huge sign: one good parent, one bad parent. False allegations: things that are easily proven false, yet because the child says them, people listen. Crushing anxiety and depression. Fighting with peers.
I am currently suffering from PA from my son and it’s so painful to be rejected, dismissed, ignored by a child I had a great relationship with until I got away from her abuse and left his mom. Everything she does is correct according to him He trusts her absolutely but me as his father he doesn’t. I saw the changes over about a year when I left and got an apartment about 5 minutes away she told him i abandoned him at the same time not allowing him to stay over in my apartment which is illegal. And the courts failed my son and gave her more time with him including afc who said off tge record that she sees alienation but just said your son sides with her. Of course he’s going to side with her!!! He’s being alienated!!! What world is this!!! No penalty for the alienators!!? The judges and lawyers don’t care, they get paid regardless. It’s disgusting. The kids suffer. They are the true victims. Generational trauma/wounds unhealed- absolutely Narcissism -absolutely Independent thinker syndrome- absolutely I’m living this and God I just want my son to know I love him I always loved him. That never changed.
I wish my kids could watch this. I can't suggest it to them because even though they are young adults now, they will still see this as an attempt to call their mother a liar. They are still so protective of her even though they now understand what she was doing.
I have 4 children that have been forced to alienate me. It is extremely difficult to understand the situation and how this affects them. You give me hope. ❤
My daughters have been out of my life for almost 20 years now but it amazes me how much this resonates in my world. I have forgiven all parties involved including myself to reclaim my peace and happiness. ❤ Never hold such dark negative energy. I took many lessons from all the events.
Thank you for sharing this! As a targeted parent I see a lot of this behavior in my teen boys. Their father texted them during mediation and showed them all of the documents. I was trying to get a parenting coordinator in place to help prevent the alienating behaviors and protect them. My boys turned on me and said I was trying to put their dad in jail and why was I suing them? Despite giving up and dropping the case, they have not been back to live with me. It’s good to know the signs of an alienated child, I just wish there was more that could be done to protect those children.
Thanks Madi, everything you say hits the nail on the head for what I went through as an alienated parent. I have thankfully been able to maintain contact, but our relationship is damaged… I am always trying to learn how to better connect with my daughter. It’s criminal that she has been abused in this way. I’ll never give up on restoring her & us. Thank you again, I’m so grateful to you.
When I was 10 i remember coming home from school and these social workers were at the house and wanted to interview me about my dad and if he had s a 'd me. I said no my dad has never done anything to me and I overheard them tell my mother and grandmother they had no concerns and they left. Straight after, my mum screamed and shook me and slapped me calling me a liar and that I am going to ruin the lives of all raped and abused children because i didn't tell the truth about my dad. After that, they convinced me my dad was dangerous and I was traumatized from the s a and that is why I couldn't remember.This went on for years. I didnt see my dad again . I never did well in school after that. I started self harming . I got bullied at school and always seemed to get put down by people. I stopped going to school and started running away from home. Then I married someone who abused me. I really had to do a lot of inner work on myself.
Wow. I'm a dad in a similar position to your dad. I hope you can love your dad now as much as my kids love me. There's still damage there but we are all going so well now. I hope you can somehow move past it all and realize that you are deserving of a wonderful life. And try not to hate your mother. That only punishes you.
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. It sounds so difficult. I hope you will find happiness and peace and love for yourself and your father. May you be blessed!
Excellent, Madi!! These are all great points! I would love to see you create a video about how a targeted parent can reach their child during the alienation time. Also, when comparing abuse, may I suggest saying "as compared to other forms of abuse? Because parental alienation abuse (PAA, as I call it) is severe abuse, too. It might help clarify that we feel it is equally as harmful as other forms of abuse. Great job as always!! I share all of your videos!!! THANK YOU!!
OMG Madi, this video is a God send. You hit on so many points that are absolutely huge tells that a targeted parent stands little chance of explaining with any effectiveness. There is so much here, and really brings out how counter intuitive pathogenic parenting/parental alienation truly is. Your point mentioning school results is fantastic. Who wouldn't judge that a child is doing great because their grades are good? Everyone, and I mean everyone can learn from this video. Much appreciation and love to you. 🙂
So accurate and so sad. The alienated child has no guilt or empathy toward the targeted parent. The alienator says “I am exhausted trying to get my children to go with their Dad.”
I’m actually an alienated child I was alienated from my father. My mom never brought them up. I did ask her who my father was as I was a child and she never the information to me till this day. I do not know who my father is. I’ve never known of him. I don’t know nothing about him. I don’t know his name, but my mother never talked about him either, so it’s still considered alienated from my father and I do take care of my mom. I do love her, but I do have a certain feeling about being alienated from my father.
You hit a raw nerve. Nothing should separate my children and I. But so much does now. Thank you. Your character is so commendable, the exactitude and compassion for truth, venerated. So much love to you and your family wise of the vultures x
Thank you for sharing this, it’s the missing perspective that helps me as the targeted parent to understand the dynamic and make it easier to talk with professional about it.
It’s not much I can say because you are SPOT on!!! Being an adult who was alienated as a child and now a targeted parent, I would also add that it does affect you in your romantic relationships. In my situation, my mother’s bi-polar disposition along with her alienating me from my father, conditioned me to fall for a man that was EXACTLY like my mom. I fear that I missed the red flags because I was conditioned to just accept the warning signs and fix things for myself. You even hit points that, as an adult alienated child, I now understand and recollect (sperm donor was my word of choice). I also, sadly, see these same points in my own alienated children. As others have commented, I hope and pray my children, as well other children see these. Thank you and bless you!!!!
Thank you for this video, Madi ❤️🔥 Every point you made in this one resonated with me. I am an adult survivor and I have a stepdaughter who is currently going through this. I hope to have the opportunity to introduce her to your work so she can see the truth and eventually live a full life and experience all the love she deserves. Keep up the amazing work!🫶🏻
I have been fighting for almost 5 years. It started when I left him. It continued to get worse when I filed a motion for show cause for keeping them from me. 4 years in court system and 1 year of DSS being involved. I am so tired.
11:28 To me this is at the core of the brainwashing. Very well said Madison. After years of conditioning, how can a targeted parent ever break through this Stockholm syndrome! ❤
I like the line you mentioned how your mom encourag you a front of the professionals (only..) to have a relationship with your father. I see this type of tactics with my kids mom.. for little kids it's so confusing.. very good point!! Thank you Madi
Excellent work Madi, keep it up. Your experience is so transcending since, as you express and expose it, it can and needs to resonate with so many others, for the good. May God bless you and this community as we work for the betterment of our families and community, including the digital one.
From this message to god's ears. I hope my child eventually looks into the work you do and may she find herself. I bet in the first 5 minutes she could relate to everything!
In my experience, a child was diagnosed with high-functioning autism and the parent wanted to put the child into a school for autistic children while also using anti-psychotic and anti-depressant drugs the parent if successful would have earned disability allowance. How many children are in such situations? The drugs were given by a psychiatrist who had almost no contact with the child and was only influenced by the parent the drugs and a judge enforced their use without allowing the father to get a second opinion. The psychiatrist is under investigation and parental alienation is also being investigated.
James, I was removed as a father and the Abuser worked over the children till they had mental illnesses and taking meds. Now in their 30's they can't leave the house or function at daily tasks and collect $1,000/month to live on with the Abuser using the funds. Nothing can be done to stop this behaviour in the Abusers. The Courts said I had no rights as a father when I tried to fight back. It's so SAD!
I recognise much of this, as it was happening even when I was in the relationship with the mother. I am interested if anyone has noticed infantilisation in this sort if dynamic. Infantilisation and parentification can co exist.
I lost one of my most precious daughters after she was indoctrinated by her mother. Her mother told her that when she turned 13 she never had to speak to me or see me again and she hasn’t. It’s been 13 years now since I’ve seen her or heard her voice. She refers to me as mike when speaking of me.
Thank you for your courage, honesty and desire to help others this has impacted it is very important. You are precious and I’m glad to find your channel. Your perspective means a lot to those of us in this we and to see a reunification and repair. ❤
This is such a tragic situation for all concerned.. sadly PA is not recognised as a form of abuse( in Australia at least). The damage these monsters cause is incalculable.. thanks for shining a light in this rabbit hole. Prayers to those suffering.
This was very good and for the time I'm seeing or realizing how my mom tried to alienate me from my dad but on the complete flip side, I left my abusive husband and I can say, some of these signs are how kids act from abusive parents too. My kids are thankfully teenagers and he raged, put them down, belittled them also, so they saw it first hand. My oldest who is 18 wants nothing to do with his dad. I tried many times to get him to spend more time with him and he finally looked me in the eyes and said, "mom, I'm 18 I DO not want to spend time with him, I don't want to see him, I just don't ". It broke my heart but I also fully understood why. He sees him from time to time and will call him occasionally but he doesn't want to spend time with him. My other two teens, love him because he's their dad but every weekend it's world War 3 trying to get them ready to go see their dad. They have hurts and bad memories of how he's treated them and he wounded them deeply. On the flip side, I told their dad when he separated that he could see them anytime he wanted. I told him if he's in town and wants to take them to go run errands with him he can, or if he just wants to take them out to dinner or do something fun with them he can. My parents had an open door policy with us, and I always appreciated that, and that's what I wanted to do, it's more important that they have a relationship with their dad BUT in the 9 months we have been separated he has not attempted to see them, even one extra day. It's heartbreaking, but I guarantee he is going around telling people I'm keeping them from him, thankfully I have all the text messages as proof.
@e23779 Oh, I absolutely have. My mom had a rough childhood, and she had some mental issues, not sure if she had BPD etc but despite her issues, she really tried to give her kids a good life. She did the best she could with what she knew and with the tools she had.
This was a brilliant video Madi, thank you for all you do. I have a 12 year old daughter, a 14 year old son and a 16 year old son, that are going through all of that and more. Like others have already said, I pray that they come accross your videos and that their eyes are opened.
This also happens with parents versus extended family. There is one person in my family who has become the scapegoat for everything dysfunctional in a subset of the family. There is obvious triangulation. The child is grilled by both parents after any visits (in the rare instances they’re allowed) & then it turns into a laundry list of the parents’ projections using the child as the delivery system. It is so distressing, but we continue to try to help the child & demonstrate appropriate emotional processing & behaviors.
This is great information - I'm currently going through this. Nearly 4 months no contact with my children, saying that they "don't feel safe with me" for no reason whatsoever. Your channel is amazing, informative, and life-changing. It's one thing to read about the alienated parent, but it's another entirely to hear it from the child's (or former alienated child's) perspective. I appreciate you and your videos.
Thanks so much! I haven't seen my oldest daughter (16) in 2.5 years my middle daughter (14) in over a year. Trying to explain to the kids therapists, doctors and lawyers what is happening I feel like I get looked at like I am crazy and myself starting to think I am. There is so much that you are saying that is spot on what is happening or happened with my kids. Thank you for telling your story and helping me realize that parenting alienation indeed is a thing
This information and your entire channel is very helpful to my husband and I and what we can do for the best interest of his daughter, which is displaying many symptoms that she is being manipulated by her mother. They are in a court custody case right now after having a decently successful 3 years in a parenting agreement.
Omg! This is my daughter, exactly. And everyone believes her. Waiting for my next court date. So frustrating. I wish you were the Judge. Btw, I think you should consider offering your services as an expert witness
This is happening to me with the ex and our 4 year old. Fighting for custody and he took her from me 2 years ago, he bad mouths me to our girl. I will not lower myself to his level. I let her know she's the most important person in my life. She won't have anything said against dad or his family. She's being aggressive with me, she's started wetting her bed, she's got chronic chest infections, all these things she never had before he took and warped her. He's a very damaged human. He's hurting our child. Now, I'm apparently teaching her how to vape, build and use bongs, I'm waiting on an accusation of abuse. I see her 22 hours a week, I hate it. Im terrified for her future.
17 Parental Alienation Strategies Strategy 1: Badmouthing Strategy 2: Limiting Contact Strategy 3: Interfering with Communication Strategy 4: Interfering with Symbolic Communication Strategy 5: Withdrawal of Love Strategy 6: Telling Child Targeted Parent Does Not Love Him or Her Strategy 7: Forcing Child to Choose Strategy 8: Creating the Impression that the Targeted Parent is Dangerous Strategy 9: Confiding in Child Strategy 10: Forcing Child to Reject Targeted Parent Strategy 11: Asking Child to Spy on Targeted Parent Strategy 12: Asking Child to Keep Secrets from Targeted Parent Strategy 13: Referring to Targeted Parent by First Name Strategy 14: Referring to a Stepparent as “Mom” or “Dad” and Encouraging Childto Do the Same Strategy 15: Withholding Medical, Academic, and Other Important Information from Targeted Parent/ Keeping Targeted Parent’s Name off of Medical, Academic, and Other Relevant Documents Strategy 16: Changing Child’s Name to Remove Association with Targeted Parent Strategy 17: Cultivating Dependency
In #2 you mentioned some of the 'stories' only have a nugget of truth, if any. In my opinion, the most dangerous lie is one that's 10%-20% truth. Another great video! Thank you!
The part about academic ability is spot on. My partners ex is constantly telling him the children are doing well at school. As if to say 'I can't be alienating them because look how well they're doing'. Here in the UK it is even mentioned on the domestic abuse bill 2021 that children may even do extracurricular activities so they can escape the abuse. Also it looks good for the alientor to have bright children. I also feel there's an aspect that the children have something they can control in their lives.
This is really great stuff. I wish information like this would have been available so easily 20 years ago. Thankfully, it is now, and can help someone I'm sure.
I don’t idolize anyone in life but I do respect the ones that deserve it. I have to admit though, I’m a huge fan of Madi. I have two girls that I’m alienated from for 30 years and it’s incredibly painful for me. I watch Madi’s videos for hope. When I watch Madi’s videos, I generally end up in tears. She is inspiring.
This is exactly what i went through with my daughters dad. . Its broken ny heart & no one helped me to stop what was being done 😭 I involved every service i could and none 9f tgem spotted what was blatantly obvious. The incest comment had me in floods of tears .. i tried so hard to protect my kids
💔💔 Unfortunately everything Madi said has and is still happening. My son is pushing back some to the alienator . But still under control of the “good parent.” My daughter has remained enmeshed with the “ good parent.” My children are mentally suffering and the alienator doesn’t care. Everyday , every second is torture for me and my children. Alienator has zero guilt, zero accountability for his behavior while raising my kids. To include the “ good mom-the step-mom” is still an alienator even so after she left my X for another man. New husband -Wedding day for step mom flew my kids to see her marry another man. It’s so confusing for me and my kids( i know they are suffering) God help my children, break free from the bondage of evil. Amen
hi madison, your story is very accurate, I was separated from my daughter in 2019 due to a FALSE report of violence made by the mother, she wanted more money off the food quota and i told her that i couldn't give more at htat time, ,so I told her that i wanted my daughter to live with me, after saying that i was reported inmediatly to the gender violence with false acusations , and they gave me without even contacting me a perimeter restriccion made by the judge of 180 days , saying that i was dangerous for my daugther. This actions was taken by the mother because of money, who lives with the child gets the house, and if she left she didnt had anywhere to go, she never worked so she couldnt rent anything and also will be loosing the food quota, here in argentina is very common this action, and the judges with accomplices, i havent seen my only daughter for at least 5 years, i tried to reach her several times , but she doesnt want to see me , only she contacts me throuh the mother asking for more money and has all the symtons that she was manipulated, as you described in your video
This also exists in 2 parent homes also my husband’s mother who I believe was a covert narcissist & his father worked out of town (actually out of the country) when my husband was a child & the 3 things you stated are exactly what my husband believes: 1. Mommy is perfect, dad is no good, he never did anything good all of his entire existence was not right, only mommy did everything right & she was the one who was there & my dad was away. So many conflicting stories that the mother told him as a child first he supposedly never sent any money & his mother struggled sewing little girls dresses at night & she made tortillas in the morning by hand to sell them to specific customers. Then he always says when he was a child & asked for things like toys his mother would say no son we have to save the money that his father sent back home so your father will come back home & stay. So it’s very strange that she was saving money his father sent that he never sent according to the contradictory story. Very strange. 2. Definitely correct hearsay, he was always told horrible things about his father & yes he was a strict man he didn’t like the children jumping on beds, running through the house & etc. & so he would discipline them & his mother would even tell the father that they did things so he would spank them & later she would cry & say how she wanted to protect them but you know how the dad is. 3. Yes, very transactional, not a close relationship it’s basically based on guilt!
The parent comments that the child's anxiety has dropped because they no longer want s ee their targeted parent. The alienating will affirmed if to day "see it was emotionally harming my child to seehim" when in reality the childs anxiety was caused by fearing what the alienating parent would say to them or how they would act if they had fun.. so their anxiety shuts down becausethey don't have the pressure to see their targeted parent. Often times when you ask you'll get the answer " I don't know why I don't want to see my mom or dad, I just don't "
This video is spot on! I was going through a separation about 2 years ago and my children were doing and saying EVERYTHING you said here… I thought I was crazy! They even called me crazy and a narcissist…I couldn’t figure out where this was coming from. Fast forward, I can’t do anything with my kids alone, they look to mom for approval, and reject me as if I had beaten them or something. Now I just stay quiet…humble, but secretly I’m dying inside? My question to you is, What do I do??? Suggestions????
I got to spend time with my kiddo for the first time in a while and although many things came up I just thought I'd mention this one and see if anyone has anything to say to help me understand. I will keep it kinda vague and non specific but hopefully convey the idea. They were talking about something they had been told and it sounded a bit like complaining and I was trying very hard not to get into anything to deep and just enjoy the time but this just popped out of my mouth. "That's inappropriate for you to bee told and talked to about". They immediately said exactly, that's what I'm saying. Idk, it's like they are right there at the edge of seeing it but not able to put it all together. I just thought maybe somebody might have a thought, maybe something I didn't think about or realize mysel that could help me feel less helpless. Edit. Just adding a little they also said they wish it would stop.
I was married to and was absolutely head over heels for someone you are describing for 17 years, to a “T”. I tried to tell her this in a different/blunt way and it didn’t work I am now five years divorced because her Mother made her. And now she is so desensitized to everything I worry about our children. Oh by the way, just found out that her mother and stepfather, who she calls “Dad” are on PCP!!!
Your videos are so spot on. Refreshing to hear from someone who truly understands. The alienated child is actually my great Neice. I raised her mother. Any suggestions on HOW to get through to her? She is now 19, but mom has her completely cut off from everyone, all relatives and her father. ANY help would be appreciated. We have tried so many avenues.
I don't know this for certain as I am NC with my father, but based on behaiviors I have observed in him (inclusive of turning my siblings against me by implying to them that I am "an addict" and a "theif") I believe now as an adult that I never heard from my mother growing up because he PREVENTED her from contacting us. He never said a word about her and pretended like she didn't even exist. I assumed it was because she 'didn't care". He didn't say anything bad about her, but never suggested that I should communicate with or see her either. He left me to imagine/ make up bad things about her, which to me is even worse because it allowed him to appear "innocent". When she passed away, I went to her funeral, but my younger sister did not as she felt "abandoned" by our mother. Meanwhile our Dad let her (a teenager with no sense of how she might feel about it later) skip the funeral and did not encourage her to go. When she sought out our mother's grave a few years later as an adult, she was heartbroken whem she couldn't locate it (it was unmarked). I don't know which is worse, manipulating your children to despise one parent or treating that parent like they do not even exist.
I’m 54. My mom and grandparents alienated my brother and me from my dad. It worked on my brother but for some reason I chose not to believe them. I was 4 when they split. I reconnected with him at 13 and ended up moving 1500 miles to live with him at 16. We both had a lot of healing to do but I feel that we saved each others lives. My brother on the other hand chose to believe all the lies. He and I are not close. It’s really sad.
Be careful as the language used by the little girl works both ways - unalienated children - those who experienced true abuse by the toxic parent say very similar things about the abusive parent - and this lady needs to show data as to abused children not rejecting their other parent in the same way - this needs to be explored deeper - as again this can be the case- it’s a very fine line
My grandchildren are in this situation now. I haven't seen one in two years and the other in a year. Their mom blocks my access to them as well and is slowly turning them against me. I'm 77 and realizing that I may never see them again. I connect with the oldest through chat occasionally, but their mom controls my youngest's text, phone and email, The courts need training in order to recognize this terrible abuse. This pain is unbelievable.
None of the examples that you gave of parental alienation are concrete enough to prove parental alienation definitely. It's hard to know who the guilty party is. Maybe they're both guilty. Maybe There is only one guilty party, and the other parent is trying to protect the child from them. Which is very very common. My mother tried to protect us from our father as much as possible. He was neglectful and selfish and so was his extended family. That behavior was consistent all our lives. But she started protecting us very young. What she was doing was not parental alienation. It was maternal protection. And sometimes it's very necessary for one parent to protect children from the other parent. That is very common. This would have to be determined on a case-by-case basis.
I sign to the targeted parent is a complete flip in the way the child treats you suddenly. To others the child looking at the alienator parent when speaking and continually turning conversation about "good" parent back to good parent
Sadly, the alienating child rejects the parent who demonstrates unconditional love BECAUSE the other parent's love is conditional on the child rejecting the targeted parent.
The generational damage done to families by this abuse is like a hereditary disease. It is usually passed down from one generation to the next because the example of the unconditional love every child deserves is replaced by a "love" conditioned on hate.
When I look at you, I see my own daughter. Every time you put out a video you give me hope that today will be the day Katherine or Jefferson realize what has happened to them.
Thanks for your great work Madi.
Heartbreaking!! 💔❤️🩹
you are SO right on about this!! I made it "easy" for my daughter to shun me because she knows I never put any pressure on her and that I'll always be there for her. I had to be her soft place because I could tell how hard her mom was being on her. I'm paying the price now (it's been a year since I heard from my daughter) but that price is the cost of her sanity. So, as much as it breaks my heart, no matter how much I cry, I think I did the right thing.
@@drumsnbassinyoface7276 Five years and three months for me. I hope your daughter comes back. I know that my sisters and brother never recovered their relationship with our dad and I could not truly forgive my mother for what she did to our family until after she died.
I have found some peace knowing that any other decisions I could have made would only damage the children I raised even further.
One of the sad things is how many people never question this stuff, and become unknowingly co-alienators by the role they play. Alienators are very good at raising an Army to weaponize against the targeted parent.
Flying monkeys; people who believe the lies and justify being an abuser because they are protecting the child😢
It can start before the divorce...You won't recognize it until after the fact, but it starts then. Therapists white knighting solidify it and the court system further builds the wall. How do we correct this in society?
Thank you Madison for exposing parental alienation for what it is. As a targeted dad it is so frustrating and painful that other people just seem to have no idea what is really happening, and you are doing a lot to change that. Great work.
I pray my daughter watches and reads everything you post, Madi. Y'all are around the same age. ❤
Yes and Amen
Here here !
Agree
Same
Same here, Maddie! God bless you!
Your contribution to 'reality' - or the 'spot light on disfunction' is absolutely astonishing. More power to you. The DSM knows about cluster-b types. How the hell could the question be "does alienation exist" .... when we know about, sociopaths, narcisstics, borderlines, psychopaths...? The question should be, "How could it not exist...?"
Madison . . . . Your posts are far more helpful to me (alienated dad of adult daughter) than all of the various "professionals". Keep up your excellent work . . . I wish you the very best!
Just wanted to drop a comment on the recent suspension/reporting of your social media...if they're trying to cancel you, you're doing it right 💪
Thank you SO much for your videos, resources & tireless work on yourself & to help others 🙏 I've commented before & explained I'm the partner of an alienated father & you're a beacon of light in such a dark situation ❤
Amen!! 🙏
@@dekkersmama9060 yeah, or she's going around accusing good parents of being abusive just because she had a personal experience.
@@ChantalArnesen She's not "ACCUSING" anyone. She's raising much needed awareness as to the warning signs an alienated child may exhibit. SIGNS, SIGNS, SIGNS! SMH!
They are deleting her for spreading false information, she protects abusers
@@Giovannis-inshe has no qualifications to do so and this is extremely damaging information that she thinks is right when she has no psychological training
You will see your child being very distant after they switch houses. It will take them a few hours to warm up to the alienated parent before things return to normal. You will see them making phone calls to the alienator and spending a lot of time talking with them during the other parent's time. You will see a lot of paranoia around things the alienated parent want to do. They will be scared of getting hurt or sick.
Yep, just based on something the ex said to demonize a good parent.
@Cro-mos this describes my stepson. His mom manipulates him by making him believe he is ill and needs extra medical care and that our household doesn't care about his 'needs' regarding whatever ailment she is focusing on at the time.
Agree
Two things stand out for me; the child would talk about very personal adult relationship issues, which no 7 year old should know, and was clearly dragged into and coached by the alienator. Second, as she became a teen the alienator would tacitly approve of the child skipping school, and eventually she dropped out. I believe the alienator was so afraid of being alone that she wanted her child to fail, in order to be sure she never left. It was SO SICK.
Yep seen that in our younger step daughter
@@HaggisIsGross I have watched my husband, (now 40) come to realize who his mom really is (the alineator) what his dad went thru as the targeted parent, and adjust his relationships with those parents accordingly. It has been a LONG road and one I struggle to watch him still emotionally deal with regularly as he has stepped up to the challenge of limiting our small childrens exposure to his mother. Part of this growth in him was triggered by watching his sister allow their mother to basically raise his niece (she's now graduated from H.S.). That niece is a spitting image of her grandmother in all the worst ways and has almost nothing to do with the rest of the family. His sisters youngest daughter is now a teenager and his sister is basically letting her drop out. I think it's because his sister is so damaged from their mother and is petrified of being alone....even tho she is married. It's a sick cycle that breaks my heart for all who are in even the farthest ripples of its effects.
This sounds exactly like my fiancés 7 year old daughter. Her mom seems to be a major narcissist. His daughter is only 7 and she’s missed 35+ days in school just between kindergarten and first grade because she needed “mommy time” and had to stay home. I think her mom has a fear of abandonment too
Enmeshment or emotional incest… VERY SICK! They set up the kid to fail so they wouldn’t leave
The black and white mentality is a key factor
You are doing gods work, everything you have spoken is how my daughter is from calling me by my first name, to saying i treat her bad over 1 thing ignoring allllll the other good stuff I’ve done doesn’t add up and etc. thank you so much please keep doing what you do!
Absolutely agree that some children of PA become perfectionists and high achievers. It is an effect of trying to be "good enough" or accepted by the alienator, as often they can't do anything right or good enough in the alienator's eyes.
that's exactly what my daughter's doing. She has straight 100's in high school and has said she's doing much better because I left.
@@mariekiraly100 I hope you realize this isn't true. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It is the absolute worst to have to grieve a living child.
Thank you for creating this channel. This is one of the most important channels on TH-cam !!!!!!!!
Madi, thank you for shining light into this darkness. I pray my granddaughter finds you❤🙏
I hope so too!!!
Your descriptions are on point! As a targetted mum, I witnessed all of the behaviours you described. It would break my heart to watch my son cower around his alienator father and watch his darting eyes looking for cues from his dad.
Excellent insight to point out that therapy should focus more on the unhealthy relationship between the child and alienator, rather than the dynamics going on between the child and targeted parent. I have watched numerous of your videos, Madi, and am simply baffled that so many mental health professionals are effectively CLUELESS about PA and seem to do more harm than good. Thank you for your considerable efforts in helping all of us by clearly explaining what's really going on!
@@christopherkeller5564 yes this!
This is very triggering because my situation is the exact opposite.
My grandsons father is in fact truly evil to the core and did do all those despicable things I heard you say were false allegations against your father to my daughter and worse things to my grandson // so I needed to speak for those of us who are trying to do the right thing by pursuing protection for our children from their abusive parent/s.
It’s important to understand that even tho it may be more common for both parents to be beneficial to the child’s life there are many situations where one or both parents are actually dangerous to a child because they are dangerously selfish and corrupt people and not capable willing or able of providing the child what they need and deserve to be happy healthy stable and safe.
Any parent who implements psychological abuse to alienate a child from a loving family member especially a loving devoted self sacrificial parent IS EVIL. Therefore this video in and of itself proves its more common than we realize that a child can have one good parent and one bad parent even if the good parent isn’t perfect.
It’s also important understand that it is possible to have a perfect parent because we do exist. Being a perfect parent does not mean you’re perfect person who doesn’t make mistakes because that doesn’t exist it means you parent with perfect intentions for your children and you are willing able capable and healthy enough to know how to provide your child with everything they need to be happy safe and healthy. And if and when you do make mistakes you do everything in your power to fix it even if you have to spend the rest of your life doing it.
The unfortunate reality is that it’s usually the bad/evil one that gets away with winning custody and obstructing love because the parent who’s being abused becomes so traumatized and injured it makes it impossible for them to fight the battle necessary to win back their child!
I’m only a few minutes in but ..
I am so sorry for your experience especially if your birth father is a loving devoted father because what happened to the two of you was nothing short of inhumane cruelty which makes your mother and step father evil. I truly hope your father spent his entire life trying to save you from them because that would prove that he is in fact a good father.
Madi, your content just gets better and better. This is SO good for people to know how to spot the signs of an alienated child. ❤
Thank you so much!
This is SO accurate!!! You are literally saving children by talking about it and defining it. Thank you!
ALL of this resonated with me SO deeply. I can’t tell you the comfort this gives me as a targeted dad. You’re amazing.
Understand, this also grows into adulthood. Until the adult child starts investigating and asking serious questions, that they couldn't ask as a minor and vulnerable
This is SO good. You are helping me to put this heartbreak into perspective. Those of us who are targeted, have turned ourselves inside out trying to love and reach out to our children. We can't stop. I have literally excavated my life, trying to figure out why this has happened. The alienator in my life is so clever, and operates so under the radar that I've spent wasted years examining myself trying to figure out what I've done wrong. But every one of your points hits home and applies in my situation. Thank you for pointing out that indifference to how cruelly the alienated child treats the targeted parent is a huge sign. My child regularly speaks to me with harsh and callous indifference. She doesn't do that with anyone else. Because there is a grain of truth sometimes to these accusations, you spend years trying to "fix" that mistake or flaw. After "fixing" that flaw, you find out that it doesn't make any difference. You are ready to apologize for whatever it is you've done to hurt the child, and realize that they can't articulate what it is that they are so angry about. It is treatment all out of proportion to your "sins". It is irrational. God please give me the patience to endure.
I believe I was alienated from my mom by my dad, while they were married. It has taken years for me to rebuild my relationship with my mom after my father passed. So, this is not isolated to divorced parents. Signs include, subtle put downs in front of the children and taking you aside to apologize for the other parent.
Thank you for writing your story. This happened to me. My adult kids 38 & 35 won't speak to me. Their father discarded me 3 yrs ago and made it look like everything is my fault. They have never heard my side. My son won't let me see my grandson. This pain is worst than death.😢💔
@mickeysammy5169 your kids are adults when this occurred. Something seems off
@spilledit Yes, their dad has been alienating them from me all along. They stopped talking to me after he discarded me (40 yr marriage). I was in shock for quite some time. I knew things were off, but had no idea. Then I studied psychopathy- bingo, he checked all the boxes. He is quite clever and convincing. He literally brainwashed them against me. They have no compassion. It's really hard for me to understand. In his eyes I was just the unpaid maid.
I love my kids and built my life around them? 💔
@@mickeysammy5169 yep, it happened to my mom while she was married and to me with my children. I was the unpaid maid and was replaced after the divorce by someone who didn’t mind being the maid. I still have one child who is speaking to me, but the loss of my youngest son breaks my heart every day.
@user-sm8id4eo9n I am so sorry,
Keep praying and NEVER give up!
😘❤️🙏🙏🙏
Everything you've said is spot on in my experience as a targeted Mom.
Kerry Lynn Uhles
This is your best video yet ❤
I'm sending it to my lawyer! And sharing it to the parenting groups I'm in.
Splitting is a huge sign: one good parent, one bad parent.
False allegations: things that are easily proven false, yet because the child says them, people listen.
Crushing anxiety and depression.
Fighting with peers.
Job security is the why. If they fix it, they have no job in their eyes. Healthcare is a business as sick as that is.
I am currently suffering from PA from my son and it’s so painful to be rejected, dismissed, ignored by a child I had a great relationship with until I got away from her abuse and left his mom.
Everything she does is correct according to him
He trusts her absolutely but me as his father he doesn’t.
I saw the changes over about a year when I left and got an apartment about 5 minutes away she told him i abandoned him at the same time not allowing him to stay over in my apartment which is illegal.
And the courts failed my son and gave her more time with him including afc who said off tge record that she sees alienation but just said your son sides with her.
Of course he’s going to side with her!!! He’s being alienated!!!
What world is this!!!
No penalty for the alienators!!?
The judges and lawyers don’t care, they get paid regardless. It’s disgusting.
The kids suffer. They are the true victims.
Generational trauma/wounds unhealed- absolutely
Narcissism -absolutely
Independent thinker syndrome- absolutely
I’m living this and God I just want my son to know I love him
I always loved him. That never changed.
I wish my kids could watch this. I can't suggest it to them because even though they are young adults now, they will still see this as an attempt to call their mother a liar. They are still so protective of her even though they now understand what she was doing.
I think honesty is still best policy. Maybe sharing it and not saying much. if anything they become informed.
I have 4 children that have been forced to alienate me. It is extremely difficult to understand the situation and how this affects them. You give me hope. ❤
My daughters have been out of my life for almost 20 years now but it amazes me how much this resonates in my world.
I have forgiven all parties involved including myself to reclaim my peace and happiness. ❤
Never hold such dark negative energy.
I took many lessons from all the events.
Thank you for sharing this! As a targeted parent I see a lot of this behavior in my teen boys. Their father texted them during mediation and showed them all of the documents. I was trying to get a parenting coordinator in place to help prevent the alienating behaviors and protect them. My boys turned on me and said I was trying to put their dad in jail and why was I suing them? Despite giving up and dropping the case, they have not been back to live with me. It’s good to know the signs of an alienated child, I just wish there was more that could be done to protect those children.
Madi, as both an adult child survivor and a severely targeted mom of Parental Alienation, I thank you for this video highlighting the common signs. 💕
Thanks Madi, everything you say hits the nail on the head for what I went through as an alienated parent. I have thankfully been able to maintain contact, but our relationship is damaged… I am always trying to learn how to better connect with my daughter. It’s criminal that she has been abused in this way. I’ll never give up on restoring her & us. Thank you again, I’m so grateful to you.
When I was 10 i remember coming home from school and these social workers were at the house and wanted to interview me about my dad and if he had s a 'd me. I said no my dad has never done anything to me and I overheard them tell my mother and grandmother they had no concerns and they left. Straight after, my mum screamed and shook me and slapped me calling me a liar and that I am going to ruin the lives of all raped and abused children because i didn't tell the truth about my dad. After that, they convinced me my dad was dangerous and I was traumatized from the s a and that is why I couldn't remember.This went on for years. I didnt see my dad again . I never did well in school after that. I started self harming . I got bullied at school and always seemed to get put down by people. I stopped going to school and started running away from home. Then I married someone who abused me. I really had to do a lot of inner work on myself.
Wow. I'm a dad in a similar position to your dad. I hope you can love your dad now as much as my kids love me. There's still damage there but we are all going so well now.
I hope you can somehow move past it all and realize that you are deserving of a wonderful life. And try not to hate your mother. That only punishes you.
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. It sounds so difficult. I hope you will find happiness and peace and love for yourself and your father. May you be blessed!
Excellent, Madi!! These are all great points! I would love to see you create a video about how a targeted parent can reach their child during the alienation time. Also, when comparing abuse, may I suggest saying "as compared to other forms of abuse? Because parental alienation abuse (PAA, as I call it) is severe abuse, too. It might help clarify that we feel it is equally as harmful as other forms of abuse. Great job as always!! I share all of your videos!!! THANK YOU!!
She has done that before. You might have to go through some oldies
OMG Madi, this video is a God send. You hit on so many points that are absolutely huge tells that a targeted parent stands little chance of explaining with any effectiveness. There is so much here, and really brings out how counter intuitive pathogenic parenting/parental alienation truly is. Your point mentioning school results is fantastic. Who wouldn't judge that a child is doing great because their grades are good? Everyone, and I mean everyone can learn from this video. Much appreciation and love to you. 🙂
Thank you so much! Praying my son comes across your videos 🤲🏻
So accurate and so sad. The alienated child has no guilt or empathy toward the targeted parent. The alienator says “I am exhausted trying to get my children to go with their Dad.”
I’m actually an alienated child I was alienated from my father. My mom never brought them up. I did ask her who my father was as I was a child and she never the information to me till this day. I do not know who my father is. I’ve never known of him. I don’t know nothing about him. I don’t know his name, but my mother never talked about him either, so it’s still considered alienated from my father and I do take care of my mom. I do love her, but I do have a certain feeling about being alienated from my father.
I’d love to hear you talk more about parental alienation on a teenager versus the alienation part
You hit a raw nerve. Nothing should separate my children and I. But so much does now. Thank you. Your character is so commendable, the exactitude and compassion for truth, venerated. So much love to you and your family wise of the vultures x
Thank you so much
What you’re doing is so important and needed!! You are an angel. Thank you for speaking for the silenced. ❤
Thank you for sharing this, it’s the missing perspective that helps me as the targeted parent to understand the dynamic and make it easier to talk with professional about it.
It’s not much I can say because you are SPOT on!!! Being an adult who was alienated as a child and now a targeted parent, I would also add that it does affect you in your romantic relationships. In my situation, my mother’s bi-polar disposition along with her alienating me from my father, conditioned me to fall for a man that was EXACTLY like my mom. I fear that I missed the red flags because I was conditioned to just accept the warning signs and fix things for myself. You even hit points that, as an adult alienated child, I now understand and recollect (sperm donor was my word of choice). I also, sadly, see these same points in my own alienated children. As others have commented, I hope and pray my children, as well other children see these. Thank you and bless you!!!!
Thank you for this video, Madi ❤️🔥 Every point you made in this one resonated with me. I am an adult survivor and I have a stepdaughter who is currently going through this. I hope to have the opportunity to introduce her to your work so she can see the truth and eventually live a full life and experience all the love she deserves. Keep up the amazing work!🫶🏻
I have been fighting for almost 5 years. It started when I left him. It continued to get worse when I filed a motion for show cause for keeping them from me.
4 years in court system and 1 year of DSS being involved. I am so tired.
11:28 To me this is at the core of the brainwashing. Very well said Madison. After years of conditioning, how can a targeted parent ever break through this Stockholm syndrome! ❤
I like the line you mentioned how your mom encourag you a front of the professionals (only..) to have a relationship with your father. I see this type of tactics with my kids mom.. for little kids it's so confusing.. very good point!! Thank you Madi
Excellent work Madi, keep it up. Your experience is so transcending since, as you express and expose it, it can and needs to resonate with so many others, for the good. May God bless you and this community as we work for the betterment of our families and community, including the digital one.
Thank you so much!
Thx for adding your voice to the this conversation 😊
From this message to god's ears. I hope my child eventually looks into the work you do and may she find herself. I bet in the first 5 minutes she could relate to everything!
This is so helpful. Thank you for making this video. 🙏
Glad it was helpful!
This is the best video you have made.
Yay!!! I’m glad you think so!
In my experience, a child was diagnosed with high-functioning autism and the parent wanted to put the child into a school for autistic children while also using anti-psychotic and anti-depressant drugs the parent if successful would have earned disability allowance. How many children are in such situations? The drugs were given by a psychiatrist who had almost no contact with the child and was only influenced by the parent the drugs and a judge enforced their use without allowing the father to get a second opinion. The psychiatrist is under investigation and parental alienation is also being investigated.
James, I was removed as a father and the Abuser worked over the children till they had mental illnesses and taking meds. Now in their 30's they can't leave the house or function at daily tasks and collect $1,000/month to live on with the Abuser using the funds. Nothing can be done to stop this behaviour in the Abusers. The Courts said I had no rights as a father when I tried to fight back. It's so SAD!
❣️ !! Luv u Madi. You Are Awesome !! ❣️
I recognise much of this, as it was happening even when I was in the relationship with the mother. I am interested if anyone has noticed infantilisation in this sort if dynamic. Infantilisation and parentification can co exist.
I lost one of my most precious daughters after she was indoctrinated by her mother. Her mother told her that when she turned 13 she never had to speak to me or see me again and she hasn’t. It’s been 13 years now since I’ve seen her or heard her voice. She refers to me as mike when speaking of me.
Thank you for your courage, honesty and desire to help others this has impacted it is very important. You are precious and I’m glad to find your channel. Your perspective means a lot to those of us in this we and to see a reunification and repair. ❤
This is such a tragic situation for all concerned.. sadly PA is not recognised as a form of abuse( in Australia at least). The damage these monsters cause is incalculable.. thanks for shining a light in this rabbit hole. Prayers to those suffering.
You are so wonderful, Maddie. Always so appreciative of the work you do
This was very good and for the time I'm seeing or realizing how my mom tried to alienate me from my dad but on the complete flip side, I left my abusive husband and I can say, some of these signs are how kids act from abusive parents too. My kids are thankfully teenagers and he raged, put them down, belittled them also, so they saw it first hand. My oldest who is 18 wants nothing to do with his dad. I tried many times to get him to spend more time with him and he finally looked me in the eyes and said, "mom, I'm 18 I DO not want to spend time with him, I don't want to see him, I just don't ". It broke my heart but I also fully understood why. He sees him from time to time and will call him occasionally but he doesn't want to spend time with him. My other two teens, love him because he's their dad but every weekend it's world War 3 trying to get them ready to go see their dad. They have hurts and bad memories of how he's treated them and he wounded them deeply. On the flip side, I told their dad when he separated that he could see them anytime he wanted. I told him if he's in town and wants to take them to go run errands with him he can, or if he just wants to take them out to dinner or do something fun with them he can. My parents had an open door policy with us, and I always appreciated that, and that's what I wanted to do, it's more important that they have a relationship with their dad BUT in the 9 months we have been separated he has not attempted to see them, even one extra day. It's heartbreaking, but I guarantee he is going around telling people I'm keeping them from him, thankfully I have all the text messages as proof.
Maybe give your mom the benefit of the doubt you want for yourself?
@e23779 Oh, I absolutely have. My mom had a rough childhood, and she had some mental issues, not sure if she had BPD etc but despite her issues, she really tried to give her kids a good life. She did the best she could with what she knew and with the tools she had.
This was a brilliant video Madi, thank you for all you do. I have a 12 year old daughter, a 14 year old son and a 16 year old son, that are going through all of that and more. Like others have already said, I pray that they come accross your videos and that their eyes are opened.
Madi, you are 💯 right!
This also happens with parents versus extended family. There is one person in my family who has become the scapegoat for everything dysfunctional in a subset of the family. There is obvious triangulation.
The child is grilled by both parents after any visits (in the rare instances they’re allowed) & then it turns into a laundry list of the parents’ projections using the child as the delivery system.
It is so distressing, but we continue to try to help the child & demonstrate appropriate emotional processing & behaviors.
This is great information - I'm currently going through this. Nearly 4 months no contact with my children, saying that they "don't feel safe with me" for no reason whatsoever. Your channel is amazing, informative, and life-changing. It's one thing to read about the alienated parent, but it's another entirely to hear it from the child's (or former alienated child's) perspective. I appreciate you and your videos.
Thanks so much! I haven't seen my oldest daughter (16) in 2.5 years my middle daughter (14) in over a year. Trying to explain to the kids therapists, doctors and lawyers what is happening I feel like I get looked at like I am crazy and myself starting to think I am. There is so much that you are saying that is spot on what is happening or happened with my kids. Thank you for telling your story and helping me realize that parenting alienation indeed is a thing
This information and your entire channel is very helpful to my husband and I and what we can do for the best interest of his daughter, which is displaying many symptoms that she is being manipulated by her mother. They are in a court custody case right now after having a decently successful 3 years in a parenting agreement.
Good work!! My mother did this to my father.
Omg! This is my daughter, exactly. And everyone believes her. Waiting for my next court date. So frustrating. I wish you were the Judge. Btw, I think you should consider offering your services as an expert witness
This is happening to me with the ex and our 4 year old. Fighting for custody and he took her from me 2 years ago, he bad mouths me to our girl. I will not lower myself to his level. I let her know she's the most important person in my life. She won't have anything said against dad or his family. She's being aggressive with me, she's started wetting her bed, she's got chronic chest infections, all these things she never had before he took and warped her. He's a very damaged human. He's hurting our child. Now, I'm apparently teaching her how to vape, build and use bongs, I'm waiting on an accusation of abuse. I see her 22 hours a week, I hate it. Im terrified for her future.
17 Parental Alienation Strategies
Strategy 1: Badmouthing
Strategy 2: Limiting Contact
Strategy 3: Interfering with Communication
Strategy 4: Interfering with Symbolic Communication
Strategy 5: Withdrawal of Love
Strategy 6: Telling Child Targeted Parent Does Not Love Him or Her
Strategy 7: Forcing Child to Choose
Strategy 8: Creating the Impression that the Targeted Parent is Dangerous
Strategy 9: Confiding in Child
Strategy 10: Forcing Child to Reject Targeted Parent
Strategy 11: Asking Child to Spy on Targeted Parent
Strategy 12: Asking Child to Keep Secrets from Targeted Parent
Strategy 13: Referring to Targeted Parent by First Name
Strategy 14: Referring to a Stepparent as “Mom” or “Dad” and Encouraging Childto Do the Same
Strategy 15: Withholding Medical, Academic, and Other Important Information from Targeted Parent/ Keeping Targeted Parent’s Name off of Medical, Academic, and Other Relevant Documents
Strategy 16: Changing Child’s Name to Remove Association with Targeted Parent
Strategy 17: Cultivating Dependency
Great explanation Madi, Your such a important instrument to the issue! Much thanks to you, Excellent
In #2 you mentioned some of the 'stories' only have a nugget of truth, if any. In my opinion, the most dangerous lie is one that's 10%-20% truth.
Another great video! Thank you!
The part about academic ability is spot on. My partners ex is constantly telling him the children are doing well at school. As if to say 'I can't be alienating them because look how well they're doing'.
Here in the UK it is even mentioned on the domestic abuse bill 2021 that children may even do extracurricular activities so they can escape the abuse. Also it looks good for the alientor to have bright children. I also feel there's an aspect that the children have something they can control in their lives.
Thankyou for what you are doing. I wish I could share this with my daughters, but I know it would backfire if I did.
Same :(
Perfectly describes my daughters, 1000% Haven't seen them in 3 years, and they just return to sender anything that I mail to them.
Cash too!
This is really great stuff. I wish information like this would have been available so easily 20 years ago. Thankfully, it is now, and can help someone I'm sure.
KEEP GOING MADISON ❤A+
Thank you so much for this video. Everything you said was so accurate that it was unnerving.
I don’t idolize anyone in life but I do respect the ones that deserve it. I have to admit though, I’m a huge fan of Madi. I have two girls that I’m alienated from for 30 years and it’s incredibly painful for me. I watch Madi’s videos for hope. When I watch Madi’s videos, I generally end up in tears. She is inspiring.
This is exactly what i went through with my daughters dad. . Its broken ny heart & no one helped me to stop what was being done 😭
I involved every service i could and none 9f tgem spotted what was blatantly obvious.
The incest comment had me in floods of tears .. i tried so hard to protect my kids
💔💔
Unfortunately everything Madi said has and is still happening. My son is pushing back some to the alienator . But still under control of the “good parent.” My daughter has remained enmeshed with the “ good parent.”
My children are mentally suffering and the alienator doesn’t care.
Everyday , every second is torture for me and my children.
Alienator has zero guilt, zero accountability for his behavior while raising my kids. To include the “ good mom-the step-mom” is still an alienator even so after she left my X for another man. New husband -Wedding day for step mom flew my kids to see her marry another man.
It’s so confusing for me and my kids( i know they are suffering)
God help my children, break free from the bondage of evil.
Amen
hi madison, your story is very accurate, I was separated from my daughter in 2019 due to a FALSE report of violence made by the mother, she wanted more money off the food quota and i told her that i couldn't give more at htat time, ,so I told her that i wanted my daughter to live with me, after saying that i was reported inmediatly to the gender violence with false acusations , and they gave me without even contacting me a perimeter restriccion made by the judge of 180 days , saying that i was dangerous for my daugther. This actions was taken by the mother because of money, who lives with the child gets the house, and if she left she didnt had anywhere to go, she never worked so she couldnt rent anything and also will be loosing the food quota,
here in argentina is very common this action, and the judges with accomplices, i havent seen my only daughter for at least 5 years, i tried to reach her several times , but she doesnt want to see me , only she contacts me throuh the mother asking for more money and has all the symtons that she was manipulated, as you described in your video
So glad you were able to heal the relationship with your dad! ❤
Courage 🙏🏻
This also exists in 2 parent homes also my husband’s mother who I believe was a covert narcissist & his father worked out of town (actually out of the country) when my husband was a child & the 3 things you stated are exactly what my husband believes:
1. Mommy is perfect, dad is no good, he never did anything good all of his entire existence was not right, only mommy did everything right & she was the one who was there & my dad was away.
So many conflicting stories that the mother told him as a child first he supposedly never sent any money & his mother struggled sewing little girls dresses at night & she made tortillas in the morning by hand to sell them to specific customers. Then he always says when he was a child & asked for things like toys his mother would say no son we have to save the money that his father sent back home so your father will come back home & stay. So it’s very strange that she was saving money his father sent that he never sent according to the contradictory story. Very strange.
2. Definitely correct hearsay, he was always told horrible things about his father & yes he was a strict man he didn’t like the children jumping on beds, running through the house & etc. & so he would discipline them & his mother would even tell the father that they did things so he would spank them & later she would cry & say how she wanted to protect them but you know how the dad is.
3. Yes, very transactional, not a close relationship it’s basically based on guilt!
The parent comments that the child's anxiety has dropped because they no longer want s ee their targeted parent. The alienating will affirmed if to day "see it was emotionally harming my child to seehim" when in reality the childs anxiety was caused by fearing what the alienating parent would say to them or how they would act if they had fun.. so their anxiety shuts down becausethey don't have the pressure to see their targeted parent. Often times when you ask you'll get the answer " I don't know why I don't want to see my mom or dad, I just don't "
This video is spot on! I was going through a separation about 2 years ago and my children were doing and saying EVERYTHING you said here… I thought I was crazy! They even called me crazy and a narcissist…I couldn’t figure out where this was coming from. Fast forward, I can’t do anything with my kids alone, they look to mom for approval, and reject me as if I had beaten them or something. Now I just stay quiet…humble, but secretly I’m dying inside? My question to you is, What do I do??? Suggestions????
I got to spend time with my kiddo for the first time in a while and although many things came up I just thought I'd mention this one and see if anyone has anything to say to help me understand. I will keep it kinda vague and non specific but hopefully convey the idea. They were talking about something they had been told and it sounded a bit like complaining and I was trying very hard not to get into anything to deep and just enjoy the time but this just popped out of my mouth. "That's inappropriate for you to bee told and talked to about". They immediately said exactly, that's what I'm saying. Idk, it's like they are right there at the edge of seeing it but not able to put it all together. I just thought maybe somebody might have a thought, maybe something I didn't think about or realize mysel that could help me feel less helpless.
Edit.
Just adding a little they also said they wish it would stop.
I was married to and was absolutely head over heels for someone you are describing for 17 years, to a “T”. I tried to tell her this in a different/blunt way and it didn’t work I am now five years divorced because her Mother made her. And now she is so desensitized to everything I worry about our children. Oh by the way, just found out that her mother and stepfather, who she calls “Dad” are on PCP!!!
Your videos are so spot on. Refreshing to hear from someone who truly understands. The alienated child is actually my great Neice. I raised her mother. Any suggestions on HOW to get through to her? She is now 19, but mom has her completely cut off from everyone, all relatives and her father. ANY help would be appreciated. We have tried so many avenues.
Thanks for sharing!! This is a great question. I’ll work on a video about this
shared on facebook because we need to know
Me too 😊
Such a painful thing to live through 😢
Me too. On facebook and twitter X.
I don't know this for certain as I am NC with my father, but based on behaiviors I have observed in him (inclusive of turning my siblings against me by implying to them that I am "an addict" and a "theif") I believe now as an adult that I never heard from my mother growing up because he PREVENTED her from contacting us. He never said a word about her and pretended like she didn't even exist. I assumed it was because she 'didn't care". He didn't say anything bad about her, but never suggested that I should communicate with or see her either. He left me to imagine/ make up bad things about her, which to me is even worse because it allowed him to appear "innocent". When she passed away, I went to her funeral, but my younger sister did not as she felt "abandoned" by our mother. Meanwhile our Dad let her (a teenager with no sense of how she might feel about it later) skip the funeral and did not encourage her to go. When she sought out our mother's grave a few years later as an adult, she was heartbroken whem she couldn't locate it (it was unmarked). I don't know which is worse, manipulating your children to despise one parent or treating that parent like they do not even exist.
I’m 54. My mom and grandparents alienated my brother and me from my dad. It worked on my brother but for some reason I chose not to believe them. I was 4 when they split. I reconnected with him at 13 and ended up moving 1500 miles to live with him at 16. We both had a lot of healing to do but I feel that we saved each others lives. My brother on the other hand chose to believe all the lies. He and I are not close. It’s really sad.
Be careful as the language used by the little girl works both ways - unalienated children - those who experienced true abuse by the toxic parent say very similar things about the abusive parent - and this lady needs to show data as to abused children not rejecting their other parent in the same way - this needs to be explored deeper - as again this can be the case- it’s a very fine line
My grandchildren are in this situation now. I haven't seen one in two years and the other in a year. Their mom blocks my access to them as well and is slowly turning them against me. I'm 77 and realizing that I may never see them again. I connect with the oldest through chat occasionally, but their mom controls my youngest's text, phone and email, The courts need training in order to recognize this terrible abuse. This pain is unbelievable.
None of the examples that you gave of parental alienation are concrete enough to prove parental alienation definitely. It's hard to know who the guilty party is. Maybe they're both guilty. Maybe There is only one guilty party, and the other parent is trying to protect the child from them. Which is very very common.
My mother tried to protect us from our father as much as possible. He was neglectful and selfish and so was his extended family. That behavior was consistent all our lives. But she started protecting us very young. What she was doing was not parental alienation. It was maternal protection. And sometimes it's very necessary for one parent to protect children from the other parent. That is very common.
This would have to be determined on a case-by-case basis.
I sign to the targeted parent is a complete flip in the way the child treats you suddenly. To others the child looking at the alienator parent when speaking and continually turning conversation about "good" parent back to good parent
Sounds extremely the same as my daughter too.
Enmeshed!
Sad!
It sounds like it, yes.