1st story: The thing that sticks out is that the dad says his ex wife left him because of his son's disability. so imo the dad holds some resentment for his son, and is probably wanting to put him in a care home because he's afraid of it happening again.
Teething Baby Story: OP honey, you are not "confusing" your sister. The baby is very clear on who takes care of her when she's upset or in pain. You are caring for her when your mother neglects her.
My son is severely autistic. I am his only care giver. He requires 24 hour care. I will never put him in a home. I love him. When he turned 21 and finished his special needs class at 21, so many agencies that we deal with asked if I was going to put him in a home. I was so upset. No I told them. OP better hope she doesn't end up in a wheelchair.
Last story: I mean it wouldn’t have killed mom to give her son time to process the break up. And while she’s not actively excluding him, she is clearly not trying to include him or compromise. Yet she will scream at all of her children for not treating her like she’s their sister. And that was after she lied about OP to the entire family. Did she think OP was going to forget all that and be buddy buddy?
Story 3, literally this is just basic psychology. A child will grow more attached to whoever is there more frequently, it’s why kids in rich families who are raised by nannies end up closer with the nanny opposed to their actual parents.
Bad enough that the boyfriend breaks up with no explanation but it’s worse that the cousin and her friends keep quiet about the break up against their own friend
Story 1: to me the question is is he just putting him in a Home that’s better equipped to take care of his son, and possibly able to teach him how to manage more independently. Or is he going to abandon his son like it’s nothing? Don’t get me wrong 15 years of taking care of him sounds hard, and it’s nobody’s fault this happened but I can understand if this has finally gotten to fiancé and it’s only getting harder. Plus, he does have two other kids he had to take care of too, we lost heard stories where other kids can often feel neglected or our force to help and take care of their sibling. With that say, I agree with the last two comments about more open communication. I get the father he gets the bottom line, and OP is only done this for one year while dad has been there from the beginning. But at the same time, OP clearly cares about this boy, her concern comes from genuine love for this kid. I think it’s fair that her future husband at least keeps her in the loop to why he’s made that decision instead of just dismissing her.
if he said something like 'it's getting too heavy and I want him to get better help get independent and he can still come here for weekends/holidays but it just sounds like he wants to drop him off and not look back. But 'i want a normal family' sounds like let's dump him and run into the sunset with the other two kids.
@@jimdob6528 that may be so but what does that say for the future? if op gives birth to a disabled kid will he leave? will he pressure abortion if it is detected early? will he want to dump in a care home right after birth? If the son is an adult or the issues become too difficult professional care is necessary then it's logical but at 15? kids still need their parents then.
First story OP NTA . If he’s willing to put his child in a home what about those for better or worse , sickness and health? Some of those comments . SMH. If he can afford a care home he can afford a nurse for bathing and dressing. I would not marry a man who could give his child over to a home. He’s mentally fine damnit, it’s going to crush him.
Story 1 Sometimes, if the disabilities are severe, a care facility is the best option for a young person. I have worked in several group homes for young adults with various disabilities and the staff are trained to deal with any disability. People who are criticising the father for wanting to put his son into a facilty need to back off. Have they thought if how hard it would be to care for him when he is an adult?
Story 2: half of the family’s full of crap. It’s always you have to forgive for the family yet no one says anything to the person that betrayed family. The cosine knew what she were doing, which is why she didn’t say anything because she knew she was wrong, and she’s only sorry now that the cats out of the bag. Meanwhile, Tina who saw how hurt OP was kept her mouth shut because she thought it would hurt OP when she was already heartbroken from the break up. I know it sucks to be the person to tell your friend about their dirty dog SO, but they need to know. They’re both terrible people, and it’s sad that an acquaintance treats OP better than their own friend and family.
Bad parents take the ‘cry it out’ advice to such a toxic extreme jeez! Crying it out is the only way to get my daughter to nap or go to sleep, she just gets so excited when I’m in the room with her and keeps trying to play. But you’re suppose to go in incrementally, assure them they are safe, comfort them and make sure there isn’t any real pain if they are really screaming. My daughter cry’s for maybe a minute then plays with her stuffies, giggles a bit, then drops to sleep like a magic spell hit her. Idk bugs me when people use ‘cry it out’ but use it as an excuse to abuse their kids instead of just using it as a strategy that you’re supposed to implement with flexibility as it applies!
Story 3: mom’s inability to take care of her child when needed leaving OP to pick up the slack, resulting in in the two of them being close. Is not OP’s fault, and forcing OP to take a step back won’t change that. In fact, it’s very pathetic of this grown woman to be jealous of a teenager and not see this other sign she needs to do better.
"Its mostly physical but not mental." Okay, then Carer Burnout is less justified. "Struggles with hygiene care" Get a nurse to come and help. If you can afford a group home I assume a nurse who comes a few hours every other day or so is affordable. Edit: I want to make it clear I said less justified. That doesn't mean he can't feel Caregiver Burnout. But the fact he won't share or articulate with his fiance, someone who's going to be a legal guardian of this same child, is the issue. Then you mix with his comment about Normal Family, and my sympathy is strained. And let's not forget, that if this kid doesn't have mental development issues, then he's going to be aware of the fact his dad left him in a group home and played happy family with his new wife and other siblings. There IS a timeline where he is not the AH. But right now that's not where the facts point to.
The burn out is still justified. The child is growing and he’s getting older he may not be able to handle it anymore. An a nurse? Do you how hard it is to find a nurse who is coming z( if they do come on time )
@ghostdragon5735 yea my mom was a scheduler for at home nursing care. It's doable. Also dad is still a pos for the normal family comment and colors his other actions and words.
I’m so glad it last here in the first story people realizing that the problem is the communication or more than the father’s desire to put the child in a home
Cutting the people who hurt you out of your life is too harsh? But cheating with your cousin’s boyfriend or not telling your best friend that it’s happening, isn’t? Ummmm…. I would say OP wasn’t harsh enough.
Story 2: the dude really wasn't into the relationship like OP was--else he would not have cheated. And he didn't tell her either--yet she's still not ignoring his red flags & blaming everyone else. OP, heal & learn. Use that energy from anger to do good for yourself.
This is so stupid, story one. Why put him in a care home when he has a stepmother who is willing to continue caring for him which means he has helped? He could spend that money on hiring a nurse to come in
My Dad ended up in a home. It was NOT something we ever thought would happen. But, my oldest brother lives overseas. He couldn't stay with him more than a couple of months. My older brother is a widower and between work and his one daughter had no time for anything else. My older sister lives quite far away. And while she came and stayed with him a few times, she couldn't stay. Additionally, her husband wasn't in the best health. So she needed to be there for him. I was already caring for a husband who had, what turned out to be, terminal cancer. Dad needed care 24/7. Having a full time caregiver in the house is super expensive. We ALL felt guilty about him going in a home. But, it was the best thing for him.
1-YMBTA 15 years of taking care of his son may have taken a toll that you can't see yet. If your fiance can afford to put his son in a home he can afford home care. The real issue is that you fiance isn't talking to you like a future spouse, that is concerning. If he is unwilling to talk with you about this issue what happens if something serious happens to you? The other kids? 2-NTA But you need to consider therapy to get yourself right. 3-NTA but you need to know that babies cry. Some of them cry a lot. You need to learn the limits(?) difference or your sis's crying may become a manipulative practice. I do agree that your mom is terrible to both you and your sister. 4-ESH If I understand it correctly mom now considers your brothers ex and HER baby as family and your bro isn't? The alcohol story has nothing to do with the issue and detracted from the story. Your mom sucks. Where does your younger sister fit in if mom was so desperate for a daughter? Grand children? Is David gay now? What the commenter said about Why did it take you so long to acknowledge the issue between David and your mom? All of you are 30ish and you're now taking sides? This should have been settled 14 years ago.
Typical 15yo dating pattern. Your Mom should not be inviting her over. Tell that girl to stay away. Tell her to her face, in front of family. Mom is an enabler. Shes not your sister. Discuss w Dad. David has been EXCLUDED. psycho
Often, there are many group home/carehome type situations are better for the disabled person - but it is odd to be acting so unilaterally if he is truly wanting a partner in his life.
First story: NTA. The ones saying she is hasnt been affected by disability yet. It will cone for us all sooner or later. What if OP ends up in an accident, will he have to find a new wife to replace her for the "family dynamic"?
S1- it’s weird how judgmental these comments are here. Yall don’t know what ops fiancé goes through. He’s not going to be young forever and be able to take care of his son. Yall would be PO if he passed that care to his younger children. If op feels like she can take over his care than she is more than welcome to, but he’s a boy and boys can still potentially respond in a bad way if you catch my drift. Idk. I think the fiancé has more of a say vs op. Op is more than justified to leave tho.
All children are a burden. You obviously have NEVER had to deal with a disabled human being. Majority of the ones that qualify for a care centre will never be more than a burden to everyone around them.
You have obviously never been the disabled child in question. The isolation, the hate. And all you can think of is poor dad??? What about his kid that he is so willing to place somewhere else?? The kid will remember it too its not like he isnt there! Why is dad and what he wants and needs more important than his own childs needs and wants??? Dont have kids if you arent prepared to take care of them if they end up disabled
@@lorilancaster5917 also the disability is physical, not mental, which means the whole 'teenager can get aggressive' reason is mostly out of the window. even if it's necessary he does not even wanna talk about the possibility of having him home for the weekend or something from the sound of it.
@@jimdob6528 you’re dïśgüšting. There’s nothing wrong with him, he just needs extra help. People who don’t even think about keeping their mentally there child there with the help of a nurse should not rêprødüce.
THAT was a stupid reason to call off a wedding ?!! The first story proves why some people should not be allowed to have kids. Ew. I got the ick immediately.
St 1 YTA. Someone of y’all clearly have never delt with a disabled person. We don’t know how and it is, but bad enought that the son needs helps bathing. The son can get storngest and the father may not be able to handle it. He did it for 15 years , he could be burnt out to the point he needed to put him a home. He’s not leaving him liek the mother did
Op is NTA. The son is still a minor and his father is going to abandon him. It's worse, since the son isn't even mentally disabled. He's wheelchair bound! Op was bonding with the son and has been faced with the fact that her fiance is willing to abandon his children if they're disabled.
But he is leaving him. What else would you call it when he sends his kid somewhere else and leaves him there forever?? Lets not sugar coat it, he doesnt want to do it anymore and doesnt even wanna try to get a nurse to take care of him. Dude wants his son gone, lets be honest.
well saying 'i cannot do this anymore, he needs more professional help than I can give' sounds very different from 'i wanna put him in a home because I want a normal family' though. Not saying he could not be burned out but if it really is because he cannot handle it anymore it was a weird way to put it.
as someone who worked in people's homes, in healthcare, for almost 50 years, putting a disabled loved one in a facility (group home, halfway house, etc.) is not a bad thing. They are trained to care for them, they are trained to protect them. Caretaker burnout is a very real thing, and the fact that OP's fiance has done this for 15 years (and no where did she state they were getting outside help) I can understand the fiance's motives. Making the transition sooner, than later, is a good thing. OP, and her fiance, are not going to live forever and who is going to take over the disabled son's care when they are no longer around. Putting someone in a facility due to a caregiver dying would be much more traumatic than doing it now and letting everyone adjust to the new "normal". It is not fair to expect other children to take on the responsibility of a disabled sibling, they have a right to their own lives. If OP is planning on having her own children how does she think she is going to manage a disabled man (which a 15 year old is physically a man) and a baby at the same time. Her fiance's reticence to discuss it with her indicates he is not comfortable with his decision and is having his own issues coming to terms with it. They are not married yet, he is not her child, she has no say in the matter.
story 1 i love how reddit allows women to have unexplainable feels and she has every right to but a guy. No, he need to tell them everything or he untrustworthy
Story 1. YTA but here's a compromise. Tell your fiance you will be the sole person to care for your stepson for the next 15 years and see how you are then.
St 1 YTA. Someone of y’all clearly have never delt with a disabled person. We don’t know how and it is, but bad enought that the son needs helps bathing. The son can get storngest and the father may not be able to handle it. He did it for 15 years , he could be burnt out to the point he needed to put him a home. He’s not leaving him liek the mother did
So you ignored how he wants a "normal" family. He doesn't want children with mental or physical disabilities because they're a burden on him. Dude's son is going to feel abandoned by his family because I doubt his Dad will visit him.
Last comment: FOUND THE MOM!
1st story: The thing that sticks out is that the dad says his ex wife left him because of his son's disability. so imo the dad holds some resentment for his son, and is probably wanting to put him in a care home because he's afraid of it happening again.
Teething Baby Story: OP honey, you are not "confusing" your sister. The baby is very clear on who takes care of her when she's upset or in pain. You are caring for her when your mother neglects her.
My son is severely autistic. I am his only care giver. He requires 24 hour care. I will never put him in a home. I love him. When he turned 21 and finished his special needs class at 21, so many agencies that we deal with asked if I was going to put him in a home. I was so upset. No I told them. OP better hope she doesn't end up in a wheelchair.
Last story: I mean it wouldn’t have killed mom to give her son time to process the break up. And while she’s not actively excluding him, she is clearly not trying to include him or compromise. Yet she will scream at all of her children for not treating her like she’s their sister. And that was after she lied about OP to the entire family. Did she think OP was going to forget all that and be buddy buddy?
Story 3, literally this is just basic psychology. A child will grow more attached to whoever is there more frequently, it’s why kids in rich families who are raised by nannies end up closer with the nanny opposed to their actual parents.
Story 4: NTA. OP is not obligated to continue on with her. She is NOT his sister, she is NOT his daughter.
Last Story: NTA!! My brother would come first!!
OP's mother neglected that baby. Of course the little one clings to who cares. I've never let one of my babies "cry it out" while they were in pain.
Wait your Mom is okay with calling Maria ( former son’s gf) her daughter and cutting off both her bio sons? 🤔
Bad enough that the boyfriend breaks up with no explanation but it’s worse that the cousin and her friends keep quiet about the break up against their own friend
Story 1: to me the question is is he just putting him in a Home that’s better equipped to take care of his son, and possibly able to teach him how to manage more independently. Or is he going to abandon his son like it’s nothing? Don’t get me wrong 15 years of taking care of him sounds hard, and it’s nobody’s fault this happened but I can understand if this has finally gotten to fiancé and it’s only getting harder. Plus, he does have two other kids he had to take care of too, we lost heard stories where other kids can often feel neglected or our force to help and take care of their sibling.
With that say, I agree with the last two comments about more open communication. I get the father he gets the bottom line, and OP is only done this for one year while dad has been there from the beginning. But at the same time, OP clearly cares about this boy, her concern comes from genuine love for this kid. I think it’s fair that her future husband at least keeps her in the loop to why he’s made that decision instead of just dismissing her.
He doesn’t even think about getting a nurse to help with a few things. He just wants to dump him, he’s grøśs.
if he said something like 'it's getting too heavy and I want him to get better help get independent and he can still come here for weekends/holidays but it just sounds like he wants to drop him off and not look back. But 'i want a normal family' sounds like let's dump him and run into the sunset with the other two kids.
Huh, never thought about it like that
But yeah, you brought up good points
Story 3: So she's an awful neglectful mother and she wants her daughter to suffer instead of soneone else picking up her slack.
Last story- NTA. The mom chose the ex over her son. She is a horrif mom
The first story did the guy really say he wants to live as a normal family
No he didn’t
So what if he did? Disabled people are hard to deal with and most people cannot handle dealing with it.
@@jimdob6528 that may be so but what does that say for the future? if op gives birth to a disabled kid will he leave? will he pressure abortion if it is detected early? will he want to dump in a care home right after birth? If the son is an adult or the issues become too difficult professional care is necessary then it's logical but at 15? kids still need their parents then.
@@jimdob6528so are we not human then? Are we not worth loving?
Wanting us to live a "normal family life".
Yup. He did say that.
What if OP and this guy have a baby and it's disabled? Would he want to send that child away too? But, if the kid
This part. Say it louder.
Yes. Or they abort the child since the majority of disabilities can be detected at birth.
First story OP NTA . If he’s willing to put his child in a home what about those for better or worse , sickness and health? Some of those comments . SMH. If he can afford a care home he can afford a nurse for bathing and dressing. I would not marry a man who could give his child over to a home. He’s mentally fine damnit, it’s going to crush him.
Story 1 Sometimes, if the disabilities are severe, a care facility is the best option for a young person. I have worked in several group homes for young adults with various disabilities and the staff are trained to deal with any disability. People who are criticising the father for wanting to put his son into a facilty need to back off. Have they thought if how hard it would be to care for him when he is an adult?
Story 2: half of the family’s full of crap. It’s always you have to forgive for the family yet no one says anything to the person that betrayed family. The cosine knew what she were doing, which is why she didn’t say anything because she knew she was wrong, and she’s only sorry now that the cats out of the bag. Meanwhile, Tina who saw how hurt OP was kept her mouth shut because she thought it would hurt OP when she was already heartbroken from the break up. I know it sucks to be the person to tell your friend about their dirty dog SO, but they need to know.
They’re both terrible people, and it’s sad that an acquaintance treats OP better than their own friend and family.
Bad parents take the ‘cry it out’ advice to such a toxic extreme jeez! Crying it out is the only way to get my daughter to nap or go to sleep, she just gets so excited when I’m in the room with her and keeps trying to play. But you’re suppose to go in incrementally, assure them they are safe, comfort them and make sure there isn’t any real pain if they are really screaming. My daughter cry’s for maybe a minute then plays with her stuffies, giggles a bit, then drops to sleep like a magic spell hit her. Idk bugs me when people use ‘cry it out’ but use it as an excuse to abuse their kids instead of just using it as a strategy that you’re supposed to implement with flexibility as it applies!
Story 3: mom’s inability to take care of her child when needed leaving OP to pick up the slack, resulting in in the two of them being close. Is not OP’s fault, and forcing OP to take a step back won’t change that. In fact, it’s very pathetic of this grown woman to be jealous of a teenager and not see this other sign she needs to do better.
"Its mostly physical but not mental."
Okay, then Carer Burnout is less justified.
"Struggles with hygiene care"
Get a nurse to come and help. If you can afford a group home I assume a nurse who comes a few hours every other day or so is affordable.
Edit:
I want to make it clear I said less justified.
That doesn't mean he can't feel Caregiver Burnout. But the fact he won't share or articulate with his fiance, someone who's going to be a legal guardian of this same child, is the issue.
Then you mix with his comment about Normal Family, and my sympathy is strained.
And let's not forget, that if this kid doesn't have mental development issues, then he's going to be aware of the fact his dad left him in a group home and played happy family with his new wife and other siblings.
There IS a timeline where he is not the AH. But right now that's not where the facts point to.
Yea these are just shitty people.
The burn out is still justified. The child is growing and he’s getting older he may not be able to handle it anymore.
An a nurse? Do you how hard it is to find a nurse who is coming z( if they do come on time )
yea this doesn't sit well with me either, on several levels. there are other options, a care home should be the last one.
@ghostdragon5735 then he should articulate it rather than say "normal family"
@ghostdragon5735 yea my mom was a scheduler for at home nursing care. It's doable. Also dad is still a pos for the normal family comment and colors his other actions and words.
Lucy and Jett are perfect for each other. Girl dodged a bullet. 😅
None of op business she’s about to marry him . If he can’t respect her enough to talk properly then no future .
I’m so glad it last here in the first story people realizing that the problem is the communication or more than the father’s desire to put the child in a home
Cutting the people who hurt you out of your life is too harsh? But cheating with your cousin’s boyfriend or not telling your best friend that it’s happening, isn’t? Ummmm…. I would say OP wasn’t harsh enough.
Story 2: the dude really wasn't into the relationship like OP was--else he would not have cheated. And he didn't tell her either--yet she's still not ignoring his red flags & blaming everyone else. OP, heal & learn. Use that energy from anger to do good for yourself.
If he's mentally fine, how is that boy going to feel? Thats awful. Just hire a home care nurse.
This is so stupid, story one. Why put him in a care home when he has a stepmother who is willing to continue caring for him which means he has helped? He could spend that money on hiring a nurse to come in
Op you now see what your partner will do to any possible kids you might have. The kid is 15. Why doesn't he hire a in house caregiver. Id leave.
S1 So what happens if OP gets disabled? Or if they have a disabled child? I’d run so fast I’d leave burn marks.
You get them the care they need? Which may include inpatient or inhouse care
My Dad ended up in a home. It was NOT something we ever thought would happen.
But, my oldest brother lives overseas. He couldn't stay with him more than a couple of months.
My older brother is a widower and between work and his one daughter had no time for anything else.
My older sister lives quite far away. And while she came and stayed with him a few times, she couldn't stay. Additionally, her husband wasn't in the best health. So she needed to be there for him.
I was already caring for a husband who had, what turned out to be, terminal cancer.
Dad needed care 24/7. Having a full time caregiver in the house is super expensive. We ALL felt guilty about him going in a home. But, it was the best thing for him.
S1. The problem is what will he do if you give birth to a severely disabled child after you get married
1-YMBTA 15 years of taking care of his son may have taken a toll that you can't see yet. If your fiance can afford to put his son in a home he can afford home care. The real issue is that you fiance isn't talking to you like a future spouse, that is concerning. If he is unwilling to talk with you about this issue what happens if something serious happens to you? The other kids? 2-NTA But you need to consider therapy to get yourself right. 3-NTA but you need to know that babies cry. Some of them cry a lot. You need to learn the limits(?) difference or your sis's crying may become a manipulative practice. I do agree that your mom is terrible to both you and your sister. 4-ESH If I understand it correctly mom now considers your brothers ex and HER baby as family and your bro isn't? The alcohol story has nothing to do with the issue and detracted from the story. Your mom sucks. Where does your younger sister fit in if mom was so desperate for a daughter? Grand children? Is David gay now? What the commenter said about Why did it take you so long to acknowledge the issue between David and your mom? All of you are 30ish and you're now taking sides? This should have been settled 14 years ago.
1) biggest problem is COMMUNICATION. Make him tell you why & accept it.
No, Mom has been neglectful & is now recognizing its effect, as well as the rest of your family.
Typical 15yo dating pattern. Your Mom should not be inviting her over. Tell that girl to stay away. Tell her to her face, in front of family. Mom is an enabler. Shes not your sister. Discuss w Dad. David has been EXCLUDED. psycho
Often, there are many group home/carehome type situations are better for the disabled person - but it is odd to be acting so unilaterally if he is truly wanting a partner in his life.
First story: NTA. The ones saying she is hasnt been affected by disability yet. It will cone for us all sooner or later. What if OP ends up in an accident, will he have to find a new wife to replace her for the "family dynamic"?
S1- it’s weird how judgmental these comments are here. Yall don’t know what ops fiancé goes through. He’s not going to be young forever and be able to take care of his son. Yall would be PO if he passed that care to his younger children. If op feels like she can take over his care than she is more than welcome to, but he’s a boy and boys can still potentially respond in a bad way if you catch my drift. Idk. I think the fiancé has more of a say vs op. Op is more than justified to leave tho.
Hi XO
Story 1: Nope. This is a sign that he throws away people when they become a burden.
And doesn’t care what his son or rest of the family wants. His son will remember this.
All children are a burden. You obviously have NEVER had to deal with a disabled human being. Majority of the ones that qualify for a care centre will never be more than a burden to everyone around them.
You have obviously never been the disabled child in question. The isolation, the hate. And all you can think of is poor dad??? What about his kid that he is so willing to place somewhere else?? The kid will remember it too its not like he isnt there! Why is dad and what he wants and needs more important than his own childs needs and wants??? Dont have kids if you arent prepared to take care of them if they end up disabled
@@lorilancaster5917 also the disability is physical, not mental, which means the whole 'teenager can get aggressive' reason is mostly out of the window. even if it's necessary he does not even wanna talk about the possibility of having him home for the weekend or something from the sound of it.
@@jimdob6528 you’re dïśgüšting. There’s nothing wrong with him, he just needs extra help. People who don’t even think about keeping their mentally there child there with the help of a nurse should not rêprødüce.
THAT was a stupid reason to call off a wedding ?!! The first story proves why some people should not be allowed to have kids. Ew. I got the ick immediately.
Agreed
Words
St 1 YTA. Someone of y’all clearly have never delt with a disabled person. We don’t know how and it is, but bad enought that the son needs helps bathing. The son can get storngest and the father may not be able to handle it. He did it for 15 years , he could be burnt out to the point he needed to put him a home.
He’s not leaving him liek the mother did
Op is NTA. The son is still a minor and his father is going to abandon him. It's worse, since the son isn't even mentally disabled. He's wheelchair bound! Op was bonding with the son and has been faced with the fact that her fiance is willing to abandon his children if they're disabled.
But he is leaving him. What else would you call it when he sends his kid somewhere else and leaves him there forever??
Lets not sugar coat it, he doesnt want to do it anymore and doesnt even wanna try to get a nurse to take care of him. Dude wants his son gone, lets be honest.
well saying 'i cannot do this anymore, he needs more professional help than I can give' sounds very different from 'i wanna put him in a home because I want a normal family' though. Not saying he could not be burned out but if it really is because he cannot handle it anymore it was a weird way to put it.
Nta in the rehoming disabled child. Last comment is silly AF
Yeah ruined by the mom
as someone who worked in people's homes, in healthcare, for almost 50 years, putting a disabled loved one in a facility (group home, halfway house, etc.) is not a bad thing. They are trained to care for them, they are trained to protect them. Caretaker burnout is a very real thing, and the fact that OP's fiance has done this for 15 years (and no where did she state they were getting outside help) I can understand the fiance's motives. Making the transition sooner, than later, is a good thing. OP, and her fiance, are not going to live forever and who is going to take over the disabled son's care when they are no longer around. Putting someone in a facility due to a caregiver dying would be much more traumatic than doing it now and letting everyone adjust to the new "normal". It is not fair to expect other children to take on the responsibility of a disabled sibling, they have a right to their own lives. If OP is planning on having her own children how does she think she is going to manage a disabled man (which a 15 year old is physically a man) and a baby at the same time. Her fiance's reticence to discuss it with her indicates he is not comfortable with his decision and is having his own issues coming to terms with it. They are not married yet, he is not her child, she has no say in the matter.
story 1 i love how reddit allows women to have unexplainable feels and she has every right to but a guy. No, he need to tell them everything or he untrustworthy
Story 1. YTA but here's a compromise. Tell your fiance you will be the sole person to care for your stepson for the next 15 years and see how you are then.
La mia capacità di flirtare è pari a quella di uno scoiattolo che cerca di nascondere le sue noci: casuale e occasionalmente di successo💚
St 1 YTA. Someone of y’all clearly have never delt with a disabled person. We don’t know how and it is, but bad enought that the son needs helps bathing. The son can get storngest and the father may not be able to handle it. He did it for 15 years , he could be burnt out to the point he needed to put him a home.
He’s not leaving him liek the mother did
So you ignored how he wants a "normal" family. He doesn't want children with mental or physical disabilities because they're a burden on him. Dude's son is going to feel abandoned by his family because I doubt his Dad will visit him.
@@BigBadWolfParty And doesn't care to share a reason with fiancée so that maybe she could understand and they could look into options together.