I love the idea of celebrating black mediocrity, why do black people have to be excellent to be visible, why do we have to be other worldly to be valued ? Celebrating normal black people living their average lives is important for representation.
This is also why I believe in body normalcy rather than body positivity. Body positivity is “every body is a beautiful/perfect body” while body normalcy = “no body is perfect and your body doesn’t have to be beautiful for you to have value. beauty doesn’t matter.”
I feel like one of the reasons why historically "averageness" has been seen as bad is because if we are made to feel content with what we have, we will stop buying things and thus stop fuelling the capitalist machine. Getting off the hedonistic treadmill and embracing averageness through being more grateful for what we have and what we have achieved in our lives will bring us much more inner peace. But as you say, that doesn't mean we can't still aspire to do certain things, I feel it just means we will try and avoid burnout to try and achieve certain things that may be outside of our control.
Love the idea of "destigmatizing" average. Because most people are average or below average just numbers wise. When I realized I was mostly average it took a lot of pressure off. We aren't all above average because that is impossible. I also love the discussion about internal vs external averageness and the social issues that come along with that. I find arguments like "you aren't average, you are special" to be pretty silly and honestly damaging because implicit in that argument is that you need to be above average to be worthy.
Roughly 50% of people are average or below if we follow a normal distribution. People that think they are "above average" all you do is just shift the mean(average) . But 50% is still at mean or below. So most people are average (or below) but there's so much ego every has a main character complex and thinks they're above average.
exactly, and when the kid realises that he is not exceptional but just average, it can be really dangerous. It can lead to self esteem issues, depression because of the disappointment of realising that he can’t be the person he was told to be. Parents don’t realise how harmful it can be (sorry for my English)
@@kamcat2901 nothing is wrong in *believing* Go ahead and believe it. It's a great affirmation and can make you more confident. It becomes a problem when ego makes you hyper competitive to the point you bring people down, or you have to feel like the best in the room to feel good. Most people are average by definition. But of course most people won't SAY it. It's not a normal thing to say.
@@kamcat2901 what I'm also saying is that one can believe it but it's most likely isn't the case. It's literally 50/50. Fifty percent of the population literally MUST be below average for the concept to even exist.
I see this most in who is funded in the arts. I'm learning to accept that black films, literature doesn't have to be exceptionally amazing to deserve it's platform, when mediocre white women get published and casted everyday.
I agree but I think we are capable of producing more “exceptional” films. Black movies are kind of ‘average’ in general IMO. There’s few that are really exceptional especially nowadays. And the quality is starting to get less than average and leaning towards mediocre but still expects our support regardless of quality…. It’s kind of sad
@@Sarah-kv3qs yes I was talking about movies in all genres but especially comedy. There are some greats but most are below average. Tyler perry is a great example of that. We’re always guilt tripped into supporting regardless of mediocre quality. Plus a large majority of them are not positive or show us in a positive light especially as black women. It’s honestly getting worse by the year, I know you see all those Amazon prime movies lmao
@@shesarrived7690 true, and that’s all by design. there are so many talented black producers, writers, and directors who simply do not get the funding and attention needed to garner them their well deserved admiration :(
You’re right. I’m starting praise Black Mediocrity more. Though I still do love our Black Excellence because personally I’ve always been an excellence type of person.
As someone who has been considered “exceptional” since highschool, it’s a burden at times. I was seen, and still am seen, as gifted in art and science. I was pushed to get national titles in art, pushed to do competitions and get awards in art… though I achieved them, I didn’t want to do it. Now in college, im studying physics and this semester I got really sick (and am still fighting my health issues) and it’s caused me to not focus on my research as much. I get SO many comments now about how I am not doing enough, I am not going to get into grad school if I do this, I shouldn’t waste my time… when I have been busting my butt off for 3 years in college… the second I am “average,” I am failing. I truly wish exceptionalism wasn’t seen as this crowning achievement. I am finally starting to make friends 3 years into college because I was encouraged to focus on research above all and had no time to make friends until now. It is okay to want to do things other than succeed.
This reminds me of the For Harriet's video with the originator of the #BlackGirlMagic. She meant it celebrate black women as they are, where they are in life. But now it's moved away from that, towards celebrating the extraordinary black women, and shutting out the very women and girls it was supposed to uplift and celebrate.
This is so important because we've been making average white women famous as "influencers" when they are offering nothing as experts or even as talented (or even culturally appropriating others' cultures) 😖😖😖 but at the same time expecting black women to be literal godessess who are always perfect and better than everyone at everything in order to praise them? Yeah, sounds racist to me.
Maybe people won’t agree but for me, the protagonist from she’s gotta have it (film) was the beginning of the end of low self esteem as it related to my racialisation/ethnicity. It was the first time I saw a BW in media who was not exceptionally beautiful by universal standard. She looked kinda normal, her hair was standard 4c and worn as it came Out of her head…and she had an amazing life. It was so liberating.
I think this is why originally, I was attracted to the show Insecure and the character Issa, a black woman working with school kids in the 'We Got Ya'll' after school engagement program. So many women can relate to doing that type of work in their communities and it's not a perspective often show in media.
I’m a black guy who can relate to this. Not the beauty part, obviously, but the concept of being average. Like how there is a stereotype/expectation that black men are outgoing, athletic, good at dancing (lol) and I’m not really any of those things so it’s a bit dissatisfying. And on the other hand in a college/work setting where I may be the only black person there, I kind of get the urge to prove my worth in some way or at least not screw up. But there’s nothing wrong with just being a normal person that isn’t some sort of role model. That’s the majority of people.
My husband is the same. He is also not very “swaggy” or charismatic stereotype that people like to put on our black men. But that is the very thing I LOVE about him. There is a space for everyone and a value that each persons authenticity adds to this world.
@@rosasellers1813 Your husband DOES have "swag" and charisma, he's just not your mainstream media portrayal of what society considers "swag" to look like. Swag is merely a notable way about a man that attracts you to him. It could be the way he speaks, it could be his confidence, it could be the way he moves when he walks, etc. You love him for your own personal reasons, and became his wife, therefore he has swag.
There's nothing wrong with being a normal or average person. There is a problem with being a normal or average person (particularly a man) who doesn't atleast strive for excellence in something important in your life. If you strive for excellence, and then in your later years end up in an average place in life, then that's where you belong. Nothing wrong with that, because atleast you tried you best. There's nothing more pathetic than a man who strives to be average. Being average is the easiest thing on Earth to do, and if you have to strive to attain something so mediocre, then you have issues. This has nothing to do with you being Black. This has everything to do with your lack of ambition, and lack of confidence. You sound like you lack hunger as man. You need to reevaluate what being a MAN and adult is to you.
A lot of what you describe as averageness is being content with where you are in life, and I think that's one of the healthiest mindsets to have. A lot of people who are constantly striving for "greatness" are stressed and unfulfilled, and might find out that even when the achieve what they want they don't feel any better for it. Being able to enjoy yourself no matter where you're at in life is key.
Wow literally had me in tears because I always felt like I wasn’t a real “black girl” because I didn’t have weave down my back and I’m not “thick” I’m a skinny, nerdy, girly, Kpop loving black girl lol. The “baddie” movement is so heavily pushed on black girls. I used to get offended when people think I’m like 12, when I’m actually 18. But that’s because so many young black girls are trying to be baddies at 14 like huh 🤔 media influence is something !
Girl you are a “real” black girl! None of your cute quirky personality features will ever take away from that. I was told the same thing growing up and learned to become more black culture orientated but reverted back to my nerdy factory setting when I became adult lol
@V King Sounds like you are holding yourself back a bit. What's stopping you from being the version of yourself you see in your mind? You are capable of so much you just have to go for it at some point
lol not you desribing you life and it being literally me KPOP lover , girly , skinny and nerdy. I also feel the pressure alot especially being skinny even in my family etc ( but recently ive actually been loving it soo much ) . The media really does portray a certain way black girls are "supposed " to look , act , behave and things they're supposed to like and i honestly hate it . Normally when i meet non - black people its always " i didnt expect you to act like that " or " you seem so different " .
So true! This explains why I had to do away with twitter and cut back my time on instagram, it's even more interesting to know that half of that stuff isn't real and is just a show for engagement. Growing up, I was the golden child. Everything I did was judged and I couldn't step foot out of my house without being "put together" for fear of being scrutinized. Now, I just don't care because I don't have the energy to do so. I don't have everything together and it would be unfair to treat myself like I do. I embrace black woman who reject fitting into this gaze (can we call it that?) Like, we can just exist. I don't need to ohh and ahh folks all the time.
I’m probably paraphrasing… “I feel like there is something wrong with me that I don’t want more. But that is the fetishization of exceptionalism and the belief that that is the only way to achieve happiness.” O.M.G. That is the most amazing viewpoint! Thank you so much for sharing!
At 25 I am finally accepting that I'm just not gonna fit in or have my own circle. I'm awkward, skinny, type A, corny with a mix of clever wit, and with a southern dash of mental illness. I most likely will walk alone in this life.
I think much of it comes from the fact that for so long, as POC, we have had to work twice as hard (sometimes 3x as hard) at whatever we do to be taken seriously. For our own survival, most of us don't have the privilege or luxury to be "average" in the way that other races do. I think that Black girl Magic is a way of celebrating ourselves as black women without using the bar that society puts on us; we are fabulous regardless of what other people may think of us.
We don't have the room to be average. We can't afford it. But being above average is also relative. For some people that could be breaking a cycle of homelessness or broken homes, for others it's getting an education, for many it's reaching a form of stability via income or success in their field/sport. When you compare across our different realities, even across the classes, Afro-American people must work so much harder just to be seen. And the same can be said for Black people worldwide. Just look at the innovation that comes out of the African Continent, compared to the $$$ of overfunded startups in the West that just flop. Silicon Valley bros can pitch to their friends and get funds, but these brilliant African creatives are literally building cars and windmills or advanced tech (from scratch!) and they're barely getting recognized. This all goes to say, Black people are not generally afforded the privilege of being mediocre. But when it comes to things like beauty, we can rewrite that narrative by celebrating Afrocentric beauty in ALL its natural forms.
@@israeliana You expressed my feelings on this perfectly thank you! Her points have validity, but are missing some nuances that could have rounded out her POV better.
I loved this video! Most of us are average - by definition. If being average is a bad thing then our expectations are too high. I want a society where the majority of people are happy about themselves.
I can really empathize with this line of thinking. It made me think of when Evelyn from the Internets talked by "the GT kid syndrome". As children, a lot of us are taught that when we are good at something we should stick to what comes to us "naturally" and not really branch out and try new endeavors because we might not be as exceptional at them. It's such a stifling way to go about life. Accepting averageness doesn't mean not trying your best, it just means that your best might look different than someone else's.
I’ve always been pretty natural when it comes to my “looks”. I usually have in box braids or cornrows, (if not that then I twist or braid my regular hair), I don’t wear makeup (I have some but I don’t put it on because I forget) I get my nails done like four times a year, I get acne, I wear glasses, and I don’t wear any jewelry besides a necklace. To me, this “look” doesn’t feel like a problem because I’m still getting my hair done, brushing my teeth everyday, showering, eating well etc. Those are the things that I think are most important, but if people want to dazzle up themselves more I won’t knock them. They look good, but for me it’s too much.
I love averageness. I've always been deemed the Neo Soul girl since HS. As an adult (in my 20s) Infelt this enermous pressure to learn how to do makeup like Jackie Aina, get a close to hourglass figure, own a zillion businesses and be hella charitable. Now I'm at 30... I care more for peace and comfort. I'm not overextending myself for notoriety, the male gaze nor going to be mule for anyone anymore. Me, when I wake up in the morning is average and enough. I don't have to go full glam everyday. Peace is the best skincare, rest is the best medicine and time is the most important commodity. Average living a glamorous inner life!
This video was so heartwarming, as a south Asian watching this it was so interesting in a domestic sphere how much of it was relatable, where we are pressured to be doctors, lawyers,etc, in order to be considered worthy and there is literally no leg room to just be ‘good’ or ‘okay’, and I really wish growing up someone did tell me that growing up because it really feels like an endless competition amongst your Asian relatives and cousins who are your age!!
This pressure to be better is what I believe fuels the trend of being the main character and reaching your higher self. It's okay and essential to grow but it's also okay (more so I'd argue) to be content where you're at and with who you are. 13:49 when you said you'd feel like you could be doing x or y, I dealt with (and still do) a lot of this mental and external pressure since graduating from college. I'd get so many pressures from a family member and then online about how I could be doing so much, especially in my 20s and I could and should be doing the most!" It's okay to be ordinary for crying out loud. Yes, do more, grow outside your comfort zone, but the well-known fact that we can only know so much and do so much is enough to get us to just be content with the amount of growth we've been able to achieve in our own timing and at our own pace.
I think this is one of those things in which you spend your whole life searching for balance. How do I practice self care while still surviving in a capitalist society that requires way too much from me? How do I find peace and contentment with where and who I am while still recognizing my potential for improvement? Especially in a society that teaches me complacency is death? I’ve been struggling with these questions for years and I still don’t have a definitive answer.
I just started doing what I do and it was enough for me so I let it be enough. I leave well enough alone. And I don't try to overcompensate anymore. Nope. And don't care how people feel. Oh, you wanted something extra, well you can add it. Im learning to leave good enough alone.
08:19 that is hilarious because i go to a pwi and whenever i am uncomfortable when having a bad hair day, i always joke with my friends that most of the people on campus won't even notice anything because they don't know anything about a black woman's hair. so glad you said this
this! starting to feel bad about myself for not wanting to start my own business, or be doing something extraordinary. like i am perfectly content and happy, why stress myself to do something extra just for the confirmation of others
Yea external validation from strangers who don’t give a damn about you and gone talk about you either way and STILL not support you …. yea u definitely ain’t missing nothing and can do without
Great vid! I kinda took Black Girl Magic another way: finding the majesty/whimsy in black girls/women. I love this idea bc as someone growing up watching Sailor Moon, Winx Club and a number of magical/superhero girl content, I wanted to feel part of that. I personally love all the new visibility of black fanart/cosplayers in this area. I think the meaning/significance of BGM has been appropriated into something different (only attainable under certain visual and education standards). But the heart of it is still there for me.
Black girl magic....I never used the term personally because I never kept focusing on race tbh. I read alot so im always in my own world and when i come out of it, race is just not at the forefront. Sorry. Not sorry. But when ppl refer to my black girl magic I take it as I use what I have to make the best use of it to do what I need in the most creative ways....and honestly, that's where the best innovation comes from, not having it and needing it and figuring out a creative solution to get it or make it or change it. That's magic. How I couldn't afford a macbook so I ended up taking a raspberry pi and building my own laptop. Somebody saw me using it one day and said that was black girl magic. I said, naw that was this black girl on a budget and need a computer lol ever since I built that computer it has skyrocketed my career prospects lol black girl magic is like alchemy. We have been known to take nothing and make something.
I appreciate this as a 30-something black woman living a pretty mundane existence in a pretty mundane black lower-middle class suburb (a lot people can't conceptualize those places existing). I only just now got my life slightly in order: pretty comfortable with my career path (just got an MA and work at a super small museum); I have lots of creative hobbies but at this point in my life I just want them to be hobbies and not a business (so the black entrepreneurship has sailed and I'm not on); I go on an adventure every so often (which is usually just to Ohio, coming from metro-Detroit); on the fashion scene I do actually invest in my appearance and while I do have the privilege of being more light-skinned/racially mixed I'm still not really popular IRL or online (which is probably the result of me still not having the "right" fashion philosophy, not quite fitting the "IG face" trend of racial ambiguity or having a "slim-thick" body, and just being more introverted and esoteric in nature); basically I hang out at home with my cat 80% of the time. Not everyday is a struggle for me, but I'm not really doing anything that can be tagged as #blackexcellence either - and I'm okay with that. Less pressure as I accomplish those small goals at the pace I'm going.
Now that I’m 24, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of why we act and think the way we do. Nothing wrong with being average which I don’t understand why people have such a bad taste with it. Not everyone wants to be exceptional at things. Being in the arts has showed me that sometimes most of things happen by luck but most ppl still choose to be average. Not every black woman can be thick goddesses, have the best beat face, etc. Some of us just honestly want to live the way we do in the way we enjoy without feeling we are at the bottom or less because we don’t do the magical aspects of what people deem we should be. Love your video
I didn't watch the whole video yet (I will) but that tweet on the thumbnail summarize my whole 32 years life experience and struggle. Thank you for that, now I don't feel so alone/crazy for wishing this lol
Striving to be “exceptional” is so bad on mental health. I’m almost 30 and I am just now embracing being a normal, ordinary person and I love it. I hate that I spent my teens and early 20s trying to be “important” and i spent many years being depressed for no reason.
You're not average. Each an every one of us are unique. Remember that there is only one you in this universe. You are unique which make you special. 🦆 what society says, they only profit off of women's insecurities anyway. You are beautiful and I truly mean that.
I’ve started to accept that being average is perfectly fine. It’s a lot less stressful to just get by than always trying to be on top of your game and outdoing others ALL of the time. We can’t all be most beautiful, or smart, or wealthy, and that’s ok.
I needed to hear this so bad, and I know I can't be alone. It's crazy that I was just trying to explain this phenomenon to the white people in my life. Black excellence is like a treadmill- once you are perceived as exceptional and in proximity to whiteness, it becomes a marathon to maintain this status, charged by internalized fear and guilt. It's a striving for something you will never attain- perfectionism in the eyes of a white supremacist society. I hope all of the Black girls here in the comments can reach a point where they are comfortable with just BEING ❤❤❤ it's what you deserve
I love that you spoke on this, this is very important. Unfortunately the average black girl will be made unworthy unless she strives to this exceptional standard and I just think it’s so unhealthy and sadly we’re the only ones who have such a ridiculous standard imposed on them
I think everyone's understanding of "average" is different. So people will take the phrase "average is ok" negatively or positively, depending on what they associate with that word. Some people might feel like they are below average and they strive to become average. Some people think average is below them and for them it's like average is where the losers are. Some people see themselves as average but in other people's eyes are either below or above average. Also, it's like when privileged people like celebrities say "oh I'm just average" they may come across either out of touch or more relatable, depending on the tone. It depends on who says it, to whom and how.
I like the idea of just being. Not everything has to be grand or lige shifting because we are black. Im done with the need to be more because i am black
It seems like unless you are constantly excelling or striving for more, you're viewed as complacent and lazy. It's frustrating because that mindset is constantly pushed on us from a very early age from parents, school, the media, etc. It's hard to free your mind from those 'ideals'.
Thank you so much for talking about this!! This is definitely a bit of a personal tangent, but I was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and now that I'm being medicated for it, I've had this pervasive subconscious mindset of "becoming my optimal self" or "catching up" that I didn't realize I was pressuring myself with until watching this video. Just because I'm not being held back as much by my mental health compared to a few months ago doesn't mean I have to go out and achieve all my dreams at once to make up for lost time. I can just have an easier time living my average life and enjoy that! What a fantastic and important video; thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and I wish you all the best!!
The Marley twist 😍 And yes I can relate sooooo much, a lot of people expect black girls be baddies. Which don't get me wrong a lot of us are however we aren't like that all the time😊
I translate average as natural. There is so much with glowing up or gaining access to eurocentricness. I think of excellence and majick as reminders that we running things and need to start acting like it. There is also so much emphasis on beauty (face, hair, body, access to money) instead of mental health, processing trauma, expressing our full range of emotions, demanding respect, developing family cohesion, nature skills. I also think of average as a pursuit of those aspects
Contentment is the highest form of peace. Not having a desire to want more to feel more. Accepting who you are even if u live in the world that tells u everyday u r not enough.
I've never heard the term "politics of respectability" before, but it makes so much sense! Even as a kid, my mom would tell me that I "wasn't like other black girls" because I like to read and was more academically inclined and awkward
I think we should all strive to be who we want to be, happiness is a feeling not a goal, and content is success. If you love being average, then be. If you want to put pressure on yourself and be exceptional, please do.
You’re pretty, sheesh. On a serious note, i believe social media has made everyone feel like they should be more than average but the reality of things is if everyone starts making millions, we’re all going to be average, in my case, I haven’t had the easiest life as of far but I’ve never thought of living in a mansion, travelling every week, driving a 100k car with a "baddie", nah, I want to have a nice but small house, a beautiful wife, most likely black, a reliable nice car, work in the career I am currently grinding for and keep reading my damn Spider-Man comic books and stuff, making a million isn’t bad but I’d do something useful with it than buy a big house for myself to dwell in.
Hearing you talk about being content and not wanting more just sounds like being present.. like a lot of ‘averageness’ is just chilling and being present where you are I suppose. Which is a much more positive view, whereas being ordinary is often deemed as boring or negative (except for when people need you to be normal to make themselves comfortable, which is a whole other conversation..)
I don't know if anyone can defined as average. Everyone is unique. Why do we even have to put labels on people? Good labels, bad labels are social constructs. We would all be happier without any.
I think a balance is necessary. We don't always need to be excellent especially since that's setting us up for failure (perfectionism). To complete that balance is to also be okay with being average. It's important or at least imo to somehow find balance between the two.
It’s so annoying. Like people expect me to be accommodating, funny, or blindly supportive/loyal. like when you’re not either of these things, they get bored with you in a sense. They get disappointed when you don’t exist to entertain them or be a shoulder for them to cry on. Let me “Pam” in peace. the boundaries they cross with us is ridiculous. I hate when they pressure me into taking up space in things they assume I’m comfortable with or good at because of who I am if that makes sense.
I hope this spreads. I'm tired of people thinking I'm uppity just because I do Love myself and vaule my peace. Being content with oneself is not a danger to anyone, unless it's someone their trying to control. Manipulators work on your fears and self doubt.
i think what you said at 13:30 definitely reflects the times we live in now and what the older generation expects of us. when we see so many young entrepreneurs and influencers doing so much (and performing extremely well) at only 18 or 19 years old, i can totally empathize with you in feeling inadequate because those ppl and i are the same age, and yet they *seem* to be doing so much more than i am. while i can’t speak for you, i definitely relate to that point you made 🤧👌🏽
I’m so glad you posted this! I’ve been thinking about it lately but haven’t been able to put it into words. I felt kind of weird for being satisfied with the way my life is even though I don’t do many exciting things or have anything extremely unique about myself, but that’s okay. Most people are going to be average, so it’s not like I’m the only one.
just wanna say i love your videos because you give your thoughtful, long-form take while also leaving space for other perspectives and discussion. it’s really refreshing and interesting, great video as always 💕
i needed to hear that, we dont "have" to be anything, we feel that because of the amount of pressure society puts on us to be considered "worthy" as somenthing we have to earn, they don't want us to be happy with ourselves
i relate to what you said especially with hair. I cut my hair last year and I intend to keep it short for a long time because honestly I'm lazy to take care of it and people tell me that I should grow it out all the time. And the number of black people who've assumed that I cut my hair for some profound reason, or because it was severely damaged and I'm some hair care journey. Like no, I just don't really care about my hair and I'll do anything to make it easier to look presentable.
I’m not a big fan of this “average” sentiment. I don’t beat my face or any of the other ridiculous stuff but that doesn’t make me average. I think it makes more sense to redefine/ reshape what excellence is because it comes from inside. Whether you accomplish something “excellent” or not, are you an excellent person? Don’t let anyone decide that for you. For example, is a mom who drops out of school to raise their kid and give them the best life possible “average”? To that kid, their mom is a hero, and who is anyone else to say otherwise?
I'm glad to hear this for a change being a black girl is hard these females be stepping everyday with a new fit and hair i just be feeling like less and hearing you say its ok to be average helps a lot with my overall appearance. I'm learning to embrace myself everyday thanks.
At least averageness teach self accepting and being better but opposite from that is just people act like they better than others while deep down they are insecure like celebrities
Constantly bring forced to strive for black Excellency as a little girl by parents, family, peers and teachers really gave me anxiety and depression for years...Because i could never fulfill or reach their expectations, i would always seem to drop or "fail" at reaching it. Watching this video really helped me a lot, thank you so much🦄🍓
But I think it is also important to establish what standard we are measuring ourselves to in order to conclude that one is average and whether that standard is serving us.
Wow! Thanks so much for this video, i was so unaware of how my celebrating these amazing black people was ignoring the majority of the black population who is just as worthy… thanks for making me check myself, really an interesting point of view
This video was absolutely lovely! It feels like my entire life I've been switching between being thankful for an average, peaceful life or striving for a more than average life that makes me feel more special and recognized. I thought that I was just being petty, but I'm very grateful that you've made this video. Now I know that other people have felt the same way, and now I can feel less like a walking contradiction so much of the time. 👍
I've thought about this too but have a bit of a different perspective. I've never really liked the term "black girl magic" and being exorcized for my appearance has only ever attracted the completely wrong kind of attention. For me this emphasis on magical black femininity has only ever meant further dehumanization. I don't think this topic is merely about celebrating "averageness" so much as it is about celebrating a black woman's right to merely exist. To not need some kind of status quo that makes my blackness more 'socially acceptable.'
I'm with you on feeling less for not wanting more. I don't have dreams of mansions and fancy cars, but it seems like that makes me an outlier. I want a nice house and health and the ability to travel and so on, but not wanting to go back to school, be a CEO or start business makes me feel like a slacker. Thing is though I'm not a slacker. I just want to feel ok being ok. Is that too much to ask?
8:30 this reminds me of when I'd get box braiids in and my friends would think It was overnight or when I tell them it isn't my hair that I should do pink hair the next day as if i can change it daily
this! it’s essential to celebrate mediocrity! bc in this capitalist social structure we’re often taught if you aren’t exceptional you aren’t worthy…which couldn’t be further from the truth. and often times for whiteness: what’s deemed as exceptionality is really just mediocrity disguised bc of privilege.
I feel like you can be content with how you are right now and at the same time not having to stand still. I think being okay with being the way you are at that moment is very very important and helpful when it comes to your mental health
Several things in this video made me cackle. 1. Lashes that look like they are ready to take flight at any moment 2. White people noticing a wig and assuming your hair grew 7 inches overnight. Girl your delivery is on point. You’re so funny and still great at getting your point across. I hadn’t heard of the average black girl movement but as someone who really grew tired of upholding so many beauty standards for myself. I. Can. Relate. Thanks for this one.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to go to the ends of the earth to feel special or accepted. Can black women just exist as average and not a bombshell or extraordinary and a genius…smh
@@withlovetumi I embrace my naturalness at this point. I try to follow on social media only people that are also on the journey of just being natural and not worrying about looking like a movie star all everyday. We are humans not dollars and celebrities make us feel too bad about that watching them everyday..
“To have evidence of effort, is to fail” such a freaking bar my dude😭😭😭I think since the most popular and common trend for the past couple of years was to fit into an aesthetic/character, we also have to accept that being average is just to be a real life human being. Because at the end of the day the girl next door, or even the goth or alternative girl with tsundere antics is just a character no matter how complex it might be. To be a human being is to understand there is beauty in our complexity and our simplicity
This is interesting. I love your take. Also, CaShawn Thompson wanted that phrase to be inclusive and it’s been morphed into a term for exceptionalism… I thrive on my being average, I sleep better.
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I love the idea of celebrating black mediocrity, why do black people have to be excellent to be visible, why do we have to be other worldly to be valued ?
Celebrating normal black people living their average lives is important for representation.
Yes! I feel this way about people’s expectations of Normani. It’s like they expect her to be a supernova.
Average is not good enough, we need to be great.
@@Samuel115s oui c’est toujours comme ça
Yessssss 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
@@Samuel115s why are other r@ces allowed to be average, but we have to be great and above and beyond?
This is also why I believe in body normalcy rather than body positivity. Body positivity is “every body is a beautiful/perfect body” while body normalcy = “no body is perfect and your body doesn’t have to be beautiful for you to have value. beauty doesn’t matter.”
Yes! Not everyone has an hour glass shape and that’s great and normal
yes ❤
Yesss
I fit between this and body neutrality.
@@naishasdiary2137 that IS body neutrality.
I feel like one of the reasons why historically "averageness" has been seen as bad is because if we are made to feel content with what we have, we will stop buying things and thus stop fuelling the capitalist machine. Getting off the hedonistic treadmill and embracing averageness through being more grateful for what we have and what we have achieved in our lives will bring us much more inner peace. But as you say, that doesn't mean we can't still aspire to do certain things, I feel it just means we will try and avoid burnout to try and achieve certain things that may be outside of our control.
Whew!!! A word!
BINGO ✨
good point!
Said perfectly! ✨
Great observation.
Can we also normalize saying “Black Woman” instead of “Black Girl”, I’m 30 years old and people still call me girl.
Average Black Women 🔥
not all of us are over the age of 20 🌚 '
i mean i'm pretty sure black girl is just used to refer to the younger girls, like my age...girls in their teens or early adulthood
Love the idea of "destigmatizing" average. Because most people are average or below average just numbers wise. When I realized I was mostly average it took a lot of pressure off. We aren't all above average because that is impossible. I also love the discussion about internal vs external averageness and the social issues that come along with that. I find arguments like "you aren't average, you are special" to be pretty silly and honestly damaging because implicit in that argument is that you need to be above average to be worthy.
Roughly 50% of people are average or below if we follow a normal distribution. People that think they are "above average" all you do is just shift the mean(average) . But 50% is still at mean or below.
So most people are average (or below) but there's so much ego every has a main character complex and thinks they're above average.
exactly, and when the kid realises that he is not exceptional but just average, it can be really dangerous. It can lead to self esteem issues, depression because of the disappointment of realising that he can’t be the person he was told to be. Parents don’t realise how harmful it can be (sorry for my English)
@@Atlas92936 What's wrong with believing you're above average?
@@kamcat2901 nothing is wrong in *believing*
Go ahead and believe it. It's a great affirmation and can make you more confident. It becomes a problem when ego makes you hyper competitive to the point you bring people down, or you have to feel like the best in the room to feel good. Most people are average by definition. But of course most people won't SAY it. It's not a normal thing to say.
@@kamcat2901 what I'm also saying is that one can believe it but it's most likely isn't the case. It's literally 50/50. Fifty percent of the population literally MUST be below average for the concept to even exist.
I see this most in who is funded in the arts. I'm learning to accept that black films, literature doesn't have to be exceptionally amazing to deserve it's platform, when mediocre white women get published and casted everyday.
I agree but I think we are capable of producing more “exceptional” films. Black movies are kind of ‘average’ in general IMO. There’s few that are really exceptional especially nowadays. And the quality is starting to get less than average and leaning towards mediocre but still expects our support regardless of quality…. It’s kind of sad
@@shesarrived7690 I am guessing you are talking about the comedy genre and the movies being pushed to us to support nowadays..
@@Sarah-kv3qs yes I was talking about movies in all genres but especially comedy. There are some greats but most are below average. Tyler perry is a great example of that. We’re always guilt tripped into supporting regardless of mediocre quality. Plus a large majority of them are not positive or show us in a positive light especially as black women. It’s honestly getting worse by the year, I know you see all those Amazon prime movies lmao
@@shesarrived7690 true, and that’s all by design. there are so many talented black producers, writers, and directors who simply do not get the funding and attention needed to garner them their well deserved admiration :(
You’re right. I’m starting praise Black Mediocrity more. Though I still do love our Black Excellence because personally I’ve always been an excellence type of person.
As someone who has been considered “exceptional” since highschool, it’s a burden at times. I was seen, and still am seen, as gifted in art and science. I was pushed to get national titles in art, pushed to do competitions and get awards in art… though I achieved them, I didn’t want to do it. Now in college, im studying physics and this semester I got really sick (and am still fighting my health issues) and it’s caused me to not focus on my research as much. I get SO many comments now about how I am not doing enough, I am not going to get into grad school if I do this, I shouldn’t waste my time… when I have been busting my butt off for 3 years in college… the second I am “average,” I am failing.
I truly wish exceptionalism wasn’t seen as this crowning achievement. I am finally starting to make friends 3 years into college because I was encouraged to focus on research above all and had no time to make friends until now. It is okay to want to do things other than succeed.
you’re amazing regardless!🙌🏽💗
I wish you the absolute best moving forward. Please continue to live your life in accordance with your needs, your wants and values.
It is important to want to do things other than succeed- I agree with this
this is making me cry. i feel everything you said. i wish you the very best
Won't even cap as an AP student this comment is very scary but imma still like it
This reminds me of the For Harriet's video with the originator of the #BlackGirlMagic. She meant it celebrate black women as they are, where they are in life. But now it's moved away from that, towards celebrating the extraordinary black women, and shutting out the very women and girls it was supposed to uplift and celebrate.
This is so important because we've been making average white women famous as "influencers" when they are offering nothing as experts or even as talented (or even culturally appropriating others' cultures) 😖😖😖 but at the same time expecting black women to be literal godessess who are always perfect and better than everyone at everything in order to praise them? Yeah, sounds racist to me.
All of this
@V King yeah and it wasn’t even her dance. She stole it from a black creator. This is Amerikkka.
Totally agree 100%!!
Spilled!
Maybe people won’t agree but for me, the protagonist from she’s gotta have it (film) was the beginning of the end of low self esteem as it related to my racialisation/ethnicity. It was the first time I saw a BW in media who was not exceptionally beautiful by universal standard. She looked kinda normal, her hair was standard 4c and worn as it came
Out of her head…and she had an amazing life. It was so liberating.
if there’s one thing i appreciate about that movie it’s this
Average is okay because meritocracy isn’t real, got it (great video dude)
Meritocracy exists but not always. It's kinda fickle.
@@tamarleahh.2150 exceptions do not make the norm.
@@EA-rt3pi I didn't say it was. I just don't think it's not real as the above suggests.
@@shesarrived7690 I don’t think you know what meritocracy means
I think this is why originally, I was attracted to the show Insecure and the character Issa, a black woman working with school kids in the 'We Got Ya'll' after school engagement program. So many women can relate to doing that type of work in their communities and it's not a perspective often show in media.
Same !!!
I’m a black guy who can relate to this. Not the beauty part, obviously, but the concept of being average.
Like how there is a stereotype/expectation that black men are outgoing, athletic, good at dancing (lol) and I’m not really any of those things so it’s a bit dissatisfying. And on the other hand in a college/work setting where I may be the only black person there, I kind of get the urge to prove my worth in some way or at least not screw up. But there’s nothing wrong with just being a normal person that isn’t some sort of role model. That’s the majority of people.
did you realise that you were a champion in their eyes
You seem awesome
My husband is the same. He is also not very “swaggy” or charismatic stereotype that people like to put on our black men. But that is the very thing I LOVE about him. There is a space for everyone and a value that each persons authenticity adds to this world.
@@rosasellers1813 Your husband DOES have "swag" and charisma, he's just not your mainstream media portrayal of what society considers "swag" to look like. Swag is merely a notable way about a man that attracts you to him. It could be the way he speaks, it could be his confidence, it could be the way he moves when he walks, etc. You love him for your own personal reasons, and became his wife, therefore he has swag.
There's nothing wrong with being a normal or average person. There is a problem with being a normal or average person (particularly a man) who doesn't atleast strive for excellence in something important in your life. If you strive for excellence, and then in your later years end up in an average place in life, then that's where you belong. Nothing wrong with that, because atleast you tried you best.
There's nothing more pathetic than a man who strives to be average. Being average is the easiest thing on Earth to do, and if you have to strive to attain something so mediocre, then you have issues. This has nothing to do with you being Black. This has everything to do with your lack of ambition, and lack of confidence.
You sound like you lack hunger as man. You need to reevaluate what being a MAN and adult is to you.
A lot of what you describe as averageness is being content with where you are in life, and I think that's one of the healthiest mindsets to have. A lot of people who are constantly striving for "greatness" are stressed and unfulfilled, and might find out that even when the achieve what they want they don't feel any better for it. Being able to enjoy yourself no matter where you're at in life is key.
Wow literally had me in tears because I always felt like I wasn’t a real “black girl” because I didn’t have weave down my back and I’m not “thick” I’m a skinny, nerdy, girly, Kpop loving black girl lol. The “baddie” movement is so heavily pushed on black girls. I used to get offended when people think I’m like 12, when I’m actually 18. But that’s because so many young black girls are trying to be baddies at 14 like huh 🤔 media influence is something !
This happens to me too. People think I’m 16 when I’m actually 21
Girl you are a “real” black girl! None of your cute quirky personality features will ever take away from that. I was told the same thing growing up and learned to become more black culture orientated but reverted back to my nerdy factory setting when I became adult lol
Oh god same. I’m 19 and people are always looking at me like I’m so lost little girl when I go out.
@V King Sounds like you are holding yourself back a bit. What's stopping you from being the version of yourself you see in your mind? You are capable of so much you just have to go for it at some point
lol not you desribing you life and it being literally me KPOP lover , girly , skinny and nerdy. I also feel the pressure alot especially being skinny even in my family etc ( but recently ive actually been loving it soo much ) . The media really does portray a certain way black girls are "supposed " to look , act , behave and things they're supposed to like and i honestly hate it . Normally when i meet non - black people its always " i didnt expect you to act like that " or " you seem so different " .
So true! This explains why I had to do away with twitter and cut back my time on instagram, it's even more interesting to know that half of that stuff isn't real and is just a show for engagement. Growing up, I was the golden child. Everything I did was judged and I couldn't step foot out of my house without being "put together" for fear of being scrutinized. Now, I just don't care because I don't have the energy to do so. I don't have everything together and it would be unfair to treat myself like I do. I embrace black woman who reject fitting into this gaze (can we call it that?) Like, we can just exist. I don't need to ohh and ahh folks all the time.
I’m probably paraphrasing… “I feel like there is something wrong with me that I don’t want more. But that is the fetishization of exceptionalism and the belief that that is the only way to achieve happiness.” O.M.G. That is the most amazing viewpoint! Thank you so much for sharing!
At 25 I am finally accepting that I'm just not gonna fit in or have my own circle. I'm awkward, skinny, type A, corny with a mix of clever wit, and with a southern dash of mental illness. I most likely will walk alone in this life.
I think much of it comes from the fact that for so long, as POC, we have had to work twice as hard (sometimes 3x as hard) at whatever we do to be taken seriously. For our own survival, most of us don't have the privilege or luxury to be "average" in the way that other races do.
I think that Black girl Magic is a way of celebrating ourselves as black women without using the bar that society puts on us; we are fabulous regardless of what other people may think of us.
Right there's also a slight privilege amongst black people to have these thoughts too. Class comes into play.
We don't have the room to be average. We can't afford it. But being above average is also relative. For some people that could be breaking a cycle of homelessness or broken homes, for others it's getting an education, for many it's reaching a form of stability via income or success in their field/sport.
When you compare across our different realities, even across the classes, Afro-American people must work so much harder just to be seen.
And the same can be said for Black people worldwide. Just look at the innovation that comes out of the African Continent, compared to the $$$ of overfunded startups in the West that just flop. Silicon Valley bros can pitch to their friends and get funds, but these brilliant African creatives are literally building cars and windmills or advanced tech (from scratch!) and they're barely getting recognized.
This all goes to say, Black people are not generally afforded the privilege of being mediocre. But when it comes to things like beauty, we can rewrite that narrative by celebrating Afrocentric beauty in ALL its natural forms.
@@israeliana You expressed my feelings on this perfectly thank you! Her points have validity, but are missing some nuances that could have rounded out her POV better.
I loved this video! Most of us are average - by definition. If being average is a bad thing then our expectations are too high. I want a society where the majority of people are happy about themselves.
I can really empathize with this line of thinking. It made me think of when Evelyn from the Internets talked by "the GT kid syndrome". As children, a lot of us are taught that when we are good at something we should stick to what comes to us "naturally" and not really branch out and try new endeavors because we might not be as exceptional at them. It's such a stifling way to go about life. Accepting averageness doesn't mean not trying your best, it just means that your best might look different than someone else's.
I’ve never thought about it from this angle & I’m shook by how on point these thoughts are 💯
I’ve always been pretty natural when it comes to my “looks”. I usually have in box braids or cornrows, (if not that then I twist or braid my regular hair), I don’t wear makeup (I have some but I don’t put it on because I forget) I get my nails done like four times a year, I get acne, I wear glasses, and I don’t wear any jewelry besides a necklace. To me, this “look” doesn’t feel like a problem because I’m still getting my hair done, brushing my teeth everyday, showering, eating well etc. Those are the things that I think are most important, but if people want to dazzle up themselves more I won’t knock them. They look good, but for me it’s too much.
Same. It just turns me off generally.
I love this comment!!!
That is exactly my approach!
lol this is me, except i always consider myself a bit plain because of it
I love averageness. I've always been deemed the Neo Soul girl since HS. As an adult (in my 20s) Infelt this enermous pressure to learn how to do makeup like Jackie Aina, get a close to hourglass figure, own a zillion businesses and be hella charitable. Now I'm at 30... I care more for peace and comfort. I'm not overextending myself for notoriety, the male gaze nor going to be mule for anyone anymore. Me, when I wake up in the morning is average and enough. I don't have to go full glam everyday. Peace is the best skincare, rest is the best medicine and time is the most important commodity. Average living a glamorous inner life!
This! Even though I just want financial stability of being able to get paid doing what I enjoy doing!
This video was so heartwarming, as a south Asian watching this it was so interesting in a domestic sphere how much of it was relatable, where we are pressured to be doctors, lawyers,etc, in order to be considered worthy and there is literally no leg room to just be ‘good’ or ‘okay’, and I really wish growing up someone did tell me that growing up because it really feels like an endless competition amongst your Asian relatives and cousins who are your age!!
This pressure to be better is what I believe fuels the trend of being the main character and reaching your higher self. It's okay and essential to grow but it's also okay (more so I'd argue) to be content where you're at and with who you are. 13:49 when you said you'd feel like you could be doing x or y, I dealt with (and still do) a lot of this mental and external pressure since graduating from college. I'd get so many pressures from a family member and then online about how I could be doing so much, especially in my 20s and I could and should be doing the most!" It's okay to be ordinary for crying out loud. Yes, do more, grow outside your comfort zone, but the well-known fact that we can only know so much and do so much is enough to get us to just be content with the amount of growth we've been able to achieve in our own timing and at our own pace.
BLACK GIRLS- All you have to be is YOU ❤❤❤
I think this is one of those things in which you spend your whole life searching for balance. How do I practice self care while still surviving in a capitalist society that requires way too much from me? How do I find peace and contentment with where and who I am while still recognizing my potential for improvement? Especially in a society that teaches me complacency is death?
I’ve been struggling with these questions for years and I still don’t have a definitive answer.
😌
I just started doing what I do and it was enough for me so I let it be enough. I leave well enough alone. And I don't try to overcompensate anymore. Nope. And don't care how people feel. Oh, you wanted something extra, well you can add it. Im learning to leave good enough alone.
Well said
08:19 that is hilarious because i go to a pwi and whenever i am uncomfortable when having a bad hair day, i always joke with my friends that most of the people on campus won't even notice anything because they don't know anything about a black woman's hair. so glad you said this
this! starting to feel bad about myself for not wanting to start my own business, or be doing something extraordinary. like i am perfectly content and happy, why stress myself to do something extra just for the confirmation of others
Yea external validation from strangers who don’t give a damn about you and gone talk about you either way and STILL not support you …. yea u definitely ain’t missing nothing and can do without
Great vid! I kinda took Black Girl Magic another way: finding the majesty/whimsy in black girls/women. I love this idea bc as someone growing up watching Sailor Moon, Winx Club and a number of magical/superhero girl content, I wanted to feel part of that. I personally love all the new visibility of black fanart/cosplayers in this area.
I think the meaning/significance of BGM has been appropriated into something different (only attainable under certain visual and education standards). But the heart of it is still there for me.
i always imagine bgm as little girls playing hand games with barrettes in their hair lol idk why
Black girl magic....I never used the term personally because I never kept focusing on race tbh. I read alot so im always in my own world and when i come out of it, race is just not at the forefront. Sorry. Not sorry. But when ppl refer to my black girl magic I take it as I use what I have to make the best use of it to do what I need in the most creative ways....and honestly, that's where the best innovation comes from, not having it and needing it and figuring out a creative solution to get it or make it or change it. That's magic. How I couldn't afford a macbook so I ended up taking a raspberry pi and building my own laptop. Somebody saw me using it one day and said that was black girl magic. I said, naw that was this black girl on a budget and need a computer lol ever since I built that computer it has skyrocketed my career prospects lol black girl magic is like alchemy. We have been known to take nothing and make something.
I appreciate this as a 30-something black woman living a pretty mundane existence in a pretty mundane black lower-middle class suburb (a lot people can't conceptualize those places existing). I only just now got my life slightly in order: pretty comfortable with my career path (just got an MA and work at a super small museum); I have lots of creative hobbies but at this point in my life I just want them to be hobbies and not a business (so the black entrepreneurship has sailed and I'm not on); I go on an adventure every so often (which is usually just to Ohio, coming from metro-Detroit); on the fashion scene I do actually invest in my appearance and while I do have the privilege of being more light-skinned/racially mixed I'm still not really popular IRL or online (which is probably the result of me still not having the "right" fashion philosophy, not quite fitting the "IG face" trend of racial ambiguity or having a "slim-thick" body, and just being more introverted and esoteric in nature); basically I hang out at home with my cat 80% of the time. Not everyday is a struggle for me, but I'm not really doing anything that can be tagged as #blackexcellence either - and I'm okay with that. Less pressure as I accomplish those small goals at the pace I'm going.
Now that I’m 24, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of why we act and think the way we do. Nothing wrong with being average which I don’t understand why people have such a bad taste with it. Not everyone wants to be exceptional at things. Being in the arts has showed me that sometimes most of things happen by luck but most ppl still choose to be average. Not every black woman can be thick goddesses, have the best beat face, etc. Some of us just honestly want to live the way we do in the way we enjoy without feeling we are at the bottom or less because we don’t do the magical aspects of what people deem we should be. Love your video
I didn't watch the whole video yet (I will) but that tweet on the thumbnail summarize my whole 32 years life experience and struggle. Thank you for that, now I don't feel so alone/crazy for wishing this lol
Striving to be “exceptional” is so bad on mental health. I’m almost 30 and I am just now embracing being a normal, ordinary person and I love it. I hate that I spent my teens and early 20s trying to be “important” and i spent many years being depressed for no reason.
You're not average. Each an every one of us are unique. Remember that there is only one you in this universe. You are unique which make you special. 🦆 what society says, they only profit off of women's insecurities anyway. You are beautiful and I truly mean that.
I’ve started to accept that being average is perfectly fine. It’s a lot less stressful to just get by than always trying to be on top of your game and outdoing others ALL of the time. We can’t all be most beautiful, or smart, or wealthy, and that’s ok.
I needed to hear this so bad, and I know I can't be alone. It's crazy that I was just trying to explain this phenomenon to the white people in my life. Black excellence is like a treadmill- once you are perceived as exceptional and in proximity to whiteness, it becomes a marathon to maintain this status, charged by internalized fear and guilt. It's a striving for something you will never attain- perfectionism in the eyes of a white supremacist society. I hope all of the Black girls here in the comments can reach a point where they are comfortable with just BEING ❤❤❤ it's what you deserve
❤️
There is no "white supremacy" holding you back. Black people can just be as hostile to white people.
I love that you spoke on this, this is very important. Unfortunately the average black girl will be made unworthy unless she strives to this exceptional standard and I just think it’s so unhealthy and sadly we’re the only ones who have such a ridiculous standard imposed on them
I think everyone's understanding of "average" is different. So people will take the phrase "average is ok" negatively or positively, depending on what they associate with that word. Some people might feel like they are below average and they strive to become average. Some people think average is below them and for them it's like average is where the losers are. Some people see themselves as average but in other people's eyes are either below or above average. Also, it's like when privileged people like celebrities say "oh I'm just average" they may come across either out of touch or more relatable, depending on the tone. It depends on who says it, to whom and how.
I like the idea of just being. Not everything has to be grand or lige shifting because we are black. Im done with the need to be more because i am black
It seems like unless you are constantly excelling or striving for more, you're viewed as complacent and lazy. It's frustrating because that mindset is constantly pushed on us from a very early age from parents, school, the media, etc.
It's hard to free your mind from those 'ideals'.
Thank you so much for talking about this!! This is definitely a bit of a personal tangent, but I was recently diagnosed with severe adhd and now that I'm being medicated for it, I've had this pervasive subconscious mindset of "becoming my optimal self" or "catching up" that I didn't realize I was pressuring myself with until watching this video. Just because I'm not being held back as much by my mental health compared to a few months ago doesn't mean I have to go out and achieve all my dreams at once to make up for lost time. I can just have an easier time living my average life and enjoy that! What a fantastic and important video; thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and I wish you all the best!!
I feel this!!! Sending love your way 💓
treat yourself gently(:
big mood. I am tired of having to be an exceptional glowing nubian goddess😭
The Marley twist 😍 And yes I can relate sooooo much, a lot of people expect black girls be baddies. Which don't get me wrong a lot of us are however we aren't like that all the time😊
Average is NOT a negative word. Everyone should keep this at heart. Great video
Tee Noir did a video on this as well! I hate that I feel pressure to wear wigs and makeup
Glad I'm not alone in the microphone ting. I still keep mine outta frame cause🥴
You’re everywhere😂😂
@@BolanleJenny and he’s cute too lol 😂 🥰
I translate average as natural. There is so much with glowing up or gaining access to eurocentricness. I think of excellence and majick as reminders that we running things and need to start acting like it. There is also so much emphasis on beauty (face, hair, body, access to money) instead of mental health, processing trauma, expressing our full range of emotions, demanding respect, developing family cohesion, nature skills. I also think of average as a pursuit of those aspects
Contentment is the highest form of peace. Not having a desire to want more to feel more. Accepting who you are even if u live in the world that tells u everyday u r not enough.
Uuuuuum. In what world is she average??? You are what I’d consider to be exceptionally beautiful.
I've always wanted to have black friends that relate to me or are like me. And I'm okay with average.
I've never heard the term "politics of respectability" before, but it makes so much sense! Even as a kid, my mom would tell me that I "wasn't like other black girls" because I like to read and was more academically inclined and awkward
I think we should all strive to be who we want to be, happiness is a feeling not a goal, and content is success. If you love being average, then be. If you want to put pressure on yourself and be exceptional, please do.
I remember making a tiktok about this and folks from the LLC community ripped me to shreds 😂
Not the LLC community 😭😂
Jas !!!! Are you serious? No way 😳😳😳 sounds like you may have triggered some of their insecurities if they did all that.
You’re pretty, sheesh. On a serious note, i believe social media has made everyone feel like they should be more than average but the reality of things is if everyone starts making millions, we’re all going to be average, in my case, I haven’t had the easiest life as of far but I’ve never thought of living in a mansion, travelling every week, driving a 100k car with a "baddie", nah, I want to have a nice but small house, a beautiful wife, most likely black, a reliable nice car, work in the career I am currently grinding for and keep reading my damn Spider-Man comic books and stuff, making a million isn’t bad but I’d do something useful with it than buy a big house for myself to dwell in.
Hearing you talk about being content and not wanting more just sounds like being present.. like a lot of ‘averageness’ is just chilling and being present where you are I suppose. Which is a much more positive view, whereas being ordinary is often deemed as boring or negative (except for when people need you to be normal to make themselves comfortable, which is a whole other conversation..)
theres anxiety in being average because the way our society is it could be taken away any time
I don't know if anyone can defined as average. Everyone is unique. Why do we even have to put labels on people? Good labels, bad labels are social constructs. We would all be happier without any.
I think a balance is necessary. We don't always need to be excellent especially since that's setting us up for failure (perfectionism). To complete that balance is to also be okay with being average. It's important or at least imo to somehow find balance between the two.
Watching and relating to this feels like finally giving myself permission to breathe and just be. Thank you 🤍
and be human
I enjoy being an average Black woman. Good for you for accepting yourself as you are!
It’s so annoying. Like people expect me to be accommodating, funny, or blindly supportive/loyal. like when you’re not either of these things, they get bored with you in a sense. They get disappointed when you don’t exist to entertain them or be a shoulder for them to cry on.
Let me “Pam” in peace. the boundaries they cross with us is ridiculous.
I hate when they pressure me into taking up space in things they assume I’m comfortable with or good at because of who I am if that makes sense.
I hope this spreads. I'm tired of people thinking I'm uppity just because I do Love myself and vaule my peace. Being content with oneself is not a danger to anyone, unless it's someone their trying to control. Manipulators work on your fears and self doubt.
🙌🏽 Black excellence is exhausting.
i think what you said at 13:30 definitely reflects the times we live in now and what the older generation expects of us. when we see so many young entrepreneurs and influencers doing so much (and performing extremely well) at only 18 or 19 years old, i can totally empathize with you in feeling inadequate because those ppl and i are the same age, and yet they *seem* to be doing so much more than i am. while i can’t speak for you, i definitely relate to that point you made 🤧👌🏽
It’s worse for me at 31 cause I can identify with this and it’s so intense
I’m so glad you posted this! I’ve been thinking about it lately but haven’t been able to put it into words. I felt kind of weird for being satisfied with the way my life is even though I don’t do many exciting things or have anything extremely unique about myself, but that’s okay. Most people are going to be average, so it’s not like I’m the only one.
just wanna say i love your videos because you give your thoughtful, long-form take while also leaving space for other perspectives and discussion. it’s really refreshing and interesting, great video as always 💕
Yes I would just like to exist and be cute in my own way without having to be super ambitious or "FIERCE" all the times.
i needed to hear that, we dont "have" to be anything, we feel that because of the amount of pressure society puts on us to be considered "worthy" as somenthing we have to earn, they don't want us to be happy with ourselves
i relate to what you said especially with hair. I cut my hair last year and I intend to keep it short for a long time because honestly I'm lazy to take care of it and people tell me that I should grow it out all the time. And the number of black people who've assumed that I cut my hair for some profound reason, or because it was severely damaged and I'm some hair care journey. Like no, I just don't really care about my hair and I'll do anything to make it easier to look presentable.
@k r men weren’t going to take me seriously anyways lol i don’t think my hair ever played a part in it
I feel seen
amazing
Normal Girl - Sza is the way to go
I’m not a big fan of this “average” sentiment. I don’t beat my face or any of the other ridiculous stuff but that doesn’t make me average. I think it makes more sense to redefine/ reshape what excellence is because it comes from inside. Whether you accomplish something “excellent” or not, are you an excellent person? Don’t let anyone decide that for you. For example, is a mom who drops out of school to raise their kid and give them the best life possible “average”? To that kid, their mom is a hero, and who is anyone else to say otherwise?
Saving a seat👏🏾
I'll come back after I take this nap😭
In conclusion: your hair grew seven inches over night 😂😂that is not _all_ I learned here but that gave me a chuckle
I'm glad to hear this for a change being a black girl is hard these females be stepping everyday with a new fit and hair i just be feeling like less and hearing you say its ok to be average helps a lot with my overall appearance. I'm learning to embrace myself everyday thanks.
At least averageness teach self accepting and being better but opposite from that is just people act like they better than others while deep down they are insecure like celebrities
Constantly bring forced to strive for black Excellency as a little girl by parents, family, peers and teachers really gave me anxiety and depression for years...Because i could never fulfill or reach their expectations, i would always seem to drop or "fail" at reaching it. Watching this video really helped me a lot, thank you so much🦄🍓
But I think it is also important to establish what standard we are measuring ourselves to in order to conclude that one is average and whether that standard is serving us.
Wow! Thanks so much for this video, i was so unaware of how my celebrating these amazing black people was ignoring the majority of the black population who is just as worthy… thanks for making me check myself, really an interesting point of view
As a man, it does feel kinda sad when a girl get nervous & scared at the thought of me seeing her without her makeup on.
This video was absolutely lovely! It feels like my entire life I've been switching between being thankful for an average, peaceful life or striving for a more than average life that makes me feel more special and recognized. I thought that I was just being petty, but I'm very grateful that you've made this video. Now I know that other people have felt the same way, and now I can feel less like a walking contradiction so much of the time. 👍
I've thought about this too but have a bit of a different perspective. I've never really liked the term "black girl magic" and being exorcized for my appearance has only ever attracted the completely wrong kind of attention. For me this emphasis on magical black femininity has only ever meant further dehumanization. I don't think this topic is merely about celebrating "averageness" so much as it is about celebrating a black woman's right to merely exist. To not need some kind of status quo that makes my blackness more 'socially acceptable.'
I'm with you on feeling less for not wanting more. I don't have dreams of mansions and fancy cars, but it seems like that makes me an outlier. I want a nice house and health and the ability to travel and so on, but not wanting to go back to school, be a CEO or start business makes me feel like a slacker. Thing is though I'm not a slacker. I just want to feel ok being ok. Is that too much to ask?
oppressed people have to be at 100% to be successful, while the oppressors can get by in the world with mediocrity.
8:30 this reminds me of when I'd get box braiids in and my friends would think It was overnight or when I tell them it isn't my hair that I should do pink hair the next day as if i can change it daily
love your hair!
this! it’s essential to celebrate mediocrity! bc in this capitalist social structure we’re often taught if you aren’t exceptional you aren’t worthy…which couldn’t be further from the truth. and often times for whiteness: what’s deemed as exceptionality is really just mediocrity disguised bc of privilege.
This video cured my depression. Thank you. I wish it was longer I love listening to u talk
You are beautiful in your own skin. I support your movement, Amanda. Just be confident. I think being black is the best. 💓💓💓
You hit the nail on the head!! 😭🙌🏾
I feel like you can be content with how you are right now and at the same time not having to stand still. I think being okay with being the way you are at that moment is very very important and helpful when it comes to your mental health
This is wild. I was like "I wanna watch an Amanda video" and you just uploaded. Thanks :)
Such a refreshing video. I have always been okay with begin an average black girl, and I am okay being a regular black woman. It's okay.
Several things in this video made me cackle. 1. Lashes that look like they are ready to take flight at any moment
2. White people noticing a wig and assuming your hair grew 7 inches overnight.
Girl your delivery is on point. You’re so funny and still great at getting your point across. I hadn’t heard of the average black girl movement but as someone who really grew tired of upholding so many beauty standards for myself. I. Can. Relate. Thanks for this one.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to go to the ends of the earth to feel special or accepted. Can black women just exist as average and not a bombshell or extraordinary and a genius…smh
Same. Catering to these standards is exhausting. I want to embrace my averageness, but it's so hard in this day and age.
@@withlovetumi I embrace my naturalness at this point. I try to follow on social media only people that are also on the journey of just being natural and not worrying about looking like a movie star all everyday. We are humans not dollars and celebrities make us feel too bad about that watching them everyday..
“To have evidence of effort, is to fail” such a freaking bar my dude😭😭😭I think since the most popular and common trend for the past couple of years was to fit into an aesthetic/character, we also have to accept that being average is just to be a real life human being. Because at the end of the day the girl next door, or even the goth or alternative girl with tsundere antics is just a character no matter how complex it might be. To be a human being is to understand there is beauty in our complexity and our simplicity
This is interesting. I love your take. Also, CaShawn Thompson wanted that phrase to be inclusive and it’s been morphed into a term for exceptionalism… I thrive on my being average, I sleep better.
I have a dream that black peoples can just be regular and no other black person has a problem.
"always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect, they are much more interesting.”
I love average black women. All natural and humble that fear Yah