Schizophrenia - How it Feels
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.พ. 2010
- Woman with schizo-affective disorder (simultaneous schizophrenic and mood disorder symptoms) tells how it feels to have this illness. This is an excerpt from an episode of Mental Health Matters, a program about mental health. The full length 30 minute show can be watched at www.mpuuc.org/mentalhealth/men....
You can choose to watch many different mental health videos at www.mpuuc.org/mentalhealth/men....
shes so good at describing what is going on with herself
She's probably had a bit of practice with it.
I was bullied all through school.
But my mental health problems didn't start until 9th grade and wasn't treated until my mid 20's.
Medication isn't a cure it's a bandaid.
And the voices in my head were 3 different versions of me. It's like there is a war going on inside my head.
I cannot concentrate, i have fears, worries, doubts , i end up staring at people, i'm slow, cant respond fast enough. There is no peace, no joy, no happiness. But i do have a job and that is what keeps me going. My advice to sufferers is try to get a job and stick to it.
It was a pleasure to hear such an intelligent description of how it feels to have her type of schizophrenia - sadly there are many different types of this crippling disease and still so much to be learned.
Very lucky girl. It appears she found the right meds and has proper support from family. Too often people with severe mental illness are neglected by those who should be loving them and never get the opportunity to get better. Either being born into an unsupportive family or falling into the depths of social stigma will often lead people towards a life of despair, without any chance of recovery.
***** Your assumption was correct, and don't let others convince you otherwise. Nobody knows you better than you, Your subconscious thoughts create those so called voices you hear. How do you think the voices people hear are created? The more disturbing life an individual had growing up such as, domestic violence, physical/mental abuse, family death, bullying, etc.. will impact or distort the thought process. So if you had some messed up stuff happen, then your gonna a have messed up (distorted) thought process. Look into your past and whatever you find troubling (things you don’t want to talk about) and get assistance or help to cope with the trauma. Cope with it emotionally with proper coping technics, I don’t mean going to CVS to fill a prescription, you will just be altering something that is already distorted. Do that then see what happens. Those voices that don't feel like they are normal will start to
Darren Brown
Many untreated with little or no support network end up homeless.
Death is permanent and you can't change your mind.
I connect with this a lot. She basically described my childhood.
I have an empathy for all kinds of illness but this one must be difficult.
Shane Kaka
It's like a war going on inside your head 24/7.
Shane Kaka It's like being on a spotlight. In the dark, the crowd keeps whispering, sneering and saying things about you trying to lead a pathetic life.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know this must have been difficult to share,but what you are doing is making a difference. My mother had schizoeffective disorder. She was diagnosed young as well. She spent most of her days in and out of a mental hospital in Maryland. I was not close to her because she was very manic and could not take care of herself much less a child. I spoke with her over the years( I am 36.) but only saw her once after she left. (She left when I was 2.) In June of last year she had a massive heart attack along with other serious complications. Ultimately it was because she had refused her meds( all of them) for an entire year. I visited her for the first time in 29 years. Oh how I longed for the time we didn't get to spend. We kept in touch every week until November when she passed away. I am currently looking for anything to help understand who she was and the illness she suffered. She also had some other mood disorders as well. She was not motivated to have a happy life. I think she was stuck in a time where she was happy...with me. Anyways thank you. You are a beautiful young woman. What you are doing (sharing your story) is what mote people need to do. Let's help shine a light so we can help those in the dark, like Chris who commented below. Chris dig deep brother. Mental illness is real, it is a beast and what this young lady is doing is honorable and gutsy. I pray your life is never effected by this monster,and if so, I pray you ARE strong enough to ask for help.
Thank you Tiffany for this response. My heart aches for what you have been through, yet you seem to have come out of it with a realistic and resilient outlook. Thanks for reaching out so that others might understand.
This was fascinating! Great Interview..really intelligent woman
i think that is the most likely explanation, these people are gifted, sensitive individuals, they are not crazy!
She is very smart, as well, she is brave to share this with others. Schizophrenia is a terrifying and upsetting illness that needs a lot of understanding and compassion toward those who it affects.
It's instructive to see how these symptoms can manifest in someone who is otherwise completely intelligent, lucid, and articulate. Clearly, there are not always outward signs. As a P.A. student, I'm thankful that this patient was so forthright and sharing.
Thank you for sharing this. I am a medical student and i understood every single word she was saying, it was like she was talking to me, telling my own experience! and i feel the same right now. I don't know if anyone ever will read this, but if you do, thank you.
Thank you for your courage!
You seem to be one of the very few where medication seems to work and the positive effects outweigh the negative side effects. I hope for you that this will last.
I can relate to everything she said...it seemed to be an exact replica of my own illness. I think I see a young woman who has it pretty much under control and am inspired by the fact she talks of peace and happiness now in her life. I have the same in my life now, 20 years after my episodes. The illness does go away and I now work on filling my life with truth, justice and love for people. I find my peace from this is the strongest defence I have I have against my illness.
her ability to describe the illness.. is very insightful..my father has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.. he was incredibly hard person to deal with growing up.. i couldn't even get a point across to him as a teenager or young adult..flew off the handle..paced floors..once medicated properly what a difference.. i actually enjoy sitting with him..
Being depressed as a child is not always a psychological problem. I should know, it happened to me. It was not normal to want to die at 7 years old. It was not normal to be preoccupied with thoughts of death, of life being painful and unfair, sobbing. It wasn't rational, but neither were the episodes of auditory hallucination I periodically had. I felt strange and different because I WAS STRANGE & DIFFERENT. Now, at age 31, targeted nutritional therapy has put all of my symptoms into remission.
Thank you so very much for letting us share how Schizo-affective feels from the inside! This helps me understand my son so much better! Sam tried to tell me so often. So much more often he kept it all in. His depression was so severe. His voices caused him so much pain. He did not tell us very often about his voices because he felt that he was just crazy. He had doctors at some points that made him feel that way (he also had epilepsy but some doctors told him,no, he did not.) Your words help.
yes, we all experience these things on some level. but when that level becomes EXTREME it debilitates a person in their daily life, sometimes to a point where they simply cannot function in society. and that is the sign that it is not normal, but a mental illness. what you described happening in the grocery store sounds like mild paranoia. i get that sometimes too. =P i suffer from an anxiety disorder and extreme PMDD. not fun!
has anyone ever thought that maybe schizophrenia is not an illness and that the people who suffer from it are actually special people that can connect with the paranormal world and the voices they hear and people they see are actually there and normal people can see or hear them?
very well described, i think everyone experiences these feelings, just on different levels. i can relate to everything she said in some capacity. the chaos and out of control feeling and frustration, the self loathing and thinking others don't approve, the voices that are really you trying to sort out the complexities of life. i can (used to happen more often) feel the negativity of those around me, someone in the grocery line behind me, i turn around and they're giving me a dirty look.
ive looked at how meny "mental illnesses" there were,
and realized that i, nor anyone else was free because someway someone was catorgrized in there.
then it made me realize, is this a illness, or a way of saying: "your diffrent and wrong"?
when i was diagnosed it was a weight off my shoulders,you fight an invisible way of life,i dont now how to put it,but the point is with me that explained the confusion in my mind, but more importantly let me more free and driven to search in my heart and soul even more than ever,and will never stop,whatsoever.
Thanks for the idea for a possible new show about being in a relationship with someone living with schizophrenia or schizo-affective disorder.
very wells-spoken lady. the last part about experiencing peace of mind for the first time was really moving.
At least she can describe it, some schizophrenic individuals can't
I believe they may be conecting to some metaphysical aspects of this universe, not all people afected wit schizophrenia hear negative or scary voices, I actualy met some people that were guests in my sociology clas that had it and one said that some days he would see space aliens that would help him plan his day,for example, going to the beach, visiting siblings, shopping etc. And yes maybe the positively and or negatively effected people with schizophrenia are connecting to other realities
Ever since I got my concussion 2 months ago I am constantly feeling watched and I'm always paranoid and my parents just say I'm overreacting and I don't know what to do or who to go to I feel like there is something wrong. please respond
+Andrew Robson You may want to have an evaluation by a psychiatrist to see if this is something that sometimes happens with concussions, and to get an idea of whether/when it will lessen, or maybe some meds to take for a while to lessen the paranoia.
Well said.
You'll be okay, Nich. Don't worry about what other people feel about you. Their opinions can only affect you if you let them. It's all how your mind perceives it. People aren't that bad. Most of them just want to be understood and feel important, just like you and I do.
It's like people with schizo confuse the I and the Me.
If you let yourself over analyze body language and facial features in a conversation, the part of your brain that is working on conceptualizing will lag behind.
This sometimes happens to me, but I use a modern ethics viewpoint to decide which "voice" (or mind "state") to go to.
The line between Enlightenment and Psychosis is VERY thin.
My struggle at the moment is that I'm trying to be okay with, to own the fact that my life expectancy with this disease is somewhere in the fifty plus region.
I have a relative who is very angry with me at the moment.They tell me that I'm hurting them with my behaviour, that it's killing them...it's killing them that I have to go through this difficult mental process of accepting that I'm living a shorter life due to illness.
I guess I can deal with them acting out in this deliberately malicious way.
Yeah, I guess my inactivity is offensive to some but I have to contemplate this gnarly nugget of fate in depth.
At the moment it's the only option open to me ( I think :P).
I'm going to go easy on myself that I'm not the life of the party because my brain doesn't function so well and I have to use that brain to construct a thought model that will help me face up to my own mortality.
I'm not searching for meaning, I just want to find a way of accepting my lot without feeling sorry for myself and lashing out.
It is amazing that she understood she was hallucinating... Schizophrenia goes through my family, and all of them believe they have nothing wrong with them. This gives me hope for my family
that's so beautiful. that just melts me, I am thinking I am arbnormally, i don't know if i am shizophrenic, but i do know i went through psychosis. it's great that there are actually people who truly love them.
Interesting. I recommend the mad in america blog for a different perspective on the matter. The major question here is this.. if she had grown up in a different environment, had someone help her with her insecurity, voicing her concerns about others openly and helped her train her apparent sensitivity to other people's moods and behaviour.. would she have HAD to suppress her anger and rage up to the point it became a "mental disorder"? Everyone can break or go nuts sooner or later, depending on his or her own resilience and biography, when in less than perfect (e.g. traumatising or destabilising) conditions. And, yes, she is a very interesting person. :)
I have schizophrenia and I find it very easy to relate to this woman.
I have schizoaffective disorder too. I hate having to explain the difference all the time. Nobody has heard of schizoaffective disorder. Hell, I never had heard of it until I was diagnosed with it.
Wow. What she says exactly matches what happened to me a few years ago..I also had been kind of 'hiding' from people all my life, and in high school I had some problems at some point and boom the entire school hated me. That couple years was the worst in my life so far :P But I think she's not really schizo-affective, rather nervous and anxious. I felt like what people were saying sounded like hate-talking about me, just like her, but it's the same way with normal people-you hear what you want to hear. If someone just exclaimed 'sheesh' and someone named Smith passed by, he'd probably look around.
my family constantly denies my disorder, I am lucid and my cognition is good but I have always been paranoid, I just didn't realize it....this is not a pathological illness and there are no tests that can be administered that can show any abnormalities in either chemical levels (serotonin) or brain function, more people suffer from this than most will ever know.
I'm schizo. honestly it varies person to person. Me personally i have paranoia so if someone gets silent with no reason i slowly freak out and break down. Self loathing and knowing I did something wrong. So you just have to work with whatever it is. for me all it takes is a text that says not now and everything is fine and the same as with anybody else.
This was a nice video.
Good explanation.
Now i truly know what schizophrenia is all about thankyou you are truely very helpful!!!
it's good this woman learn't to talk about how she feels. I don't talk about bad feelings even if I do I just say I'm a bit sensitive so please don't take me the wrong way and be patient with me, 2day I went out to the store and felt so ancious and it was a horrible feeling,
Having it and not understanding it at first was the torment and struggle - until the psychiatrist told her it is schizophrenia. I believe she started improving from then on. Or at least getting better then before.
Thank you for this illuminating explanation. Take good care of yourself Kathryn.
I agree with john martin, i do tai chi and there are other worlds just do astral projection i got scz and ignorice is bliss best not too know in my book what is going on, my advice with dealing with it is ignore it go to an experienced meditation practitioner Buddhist or tai chi quit smoking routine yourself to get emotional strength, stay centered, get off the drugs, don't hurt anyone and don't hurt yourself, listen to those alpha waves on you tube awesome, bathe in positiveness & love daily!
I'm learning this in my psychology class at the moment. Very helpful, thank you.
I'm watching it from Brasil. I'm a psychology student and it is good to hear some experiences about what I'm studying at the university. Thank you very much for sharing.
... I'm exactly like her, I felt the same way during my childhood. I need to get some help.
@cdee12120 Yes, I agree, she explains her past behavior symptoms well. Plus she is aware of what she is doing and thinking now. She seems incredibly insightful. I understand about the stuffing anger bit, so well. But when I got off valium and ativan it all came bubbling to the top. I hated myself for my emotions I could not control, nor could I stuff them any longer.
Thank you for the vid. This is enlightening and you let somebody talk openly and in an accepting environment about a difficult subject. This is, for me, what a good interviewer does.
Great interview, very insightful.
good point.
Awesome video, im proud to have heard her story
Thanks for sharing, you are very brave.
I can relate to this, although not sure what is considered 'normal' about the general human population anymore. We all have issues these days, some worse than others. I used to 'hate' people I thought were prettier than me or were more loved/understood, then learned some of it was merely an act to mask their pains. But yea I guess there are more level-headed people who have managed to deal with what life throws at them. I do not want them judging me so I try to avoid as much as possible.
Her description of her childhood is no different than anyone childhood really.
For the past 3-4 months my thought process and my view on everything changed. I look back on my life as if it was all a dream, and now im here and I can never get back to how I used to live. Im scared of people I feel as though people are out to get me. Even ny own family. I feel like my family is all talking about me behind my back and they are secretely planning an intervention to me. I used to live my life normally now I live my life in all in my head. I hear people have conversation
Also, medications do help some people with their positive symptoms (like hallucinations), typically not their negative symptoms. Plus, she never said she doesn't hear voices anymore, she just said her stress level was reduced because she realized people weren't actually saying the cruel things she thought they were saying & that there was a name & treatment for her condition. People get schiz. to varying degrees. Some rejoin society & live productive lives, some never get better.
That was my story exactly..interesting..thank you
thank u for uploading
I have panic disorder and I think and act like a child like I am not quite mature of being 30 years old...and I like to think I will go crazy completely because my family and friends think and mock me that I am like crazy person because I am very grown up now and does not think and act very maturely. I feel too good and too honest to others. I don't go out and always stay in the house for over 10 years. Will it develop extreme psychosis or schizophrenia?
@Io2793 I agree, but for me it is that I get other peoples emotion not their actual thoughts. It can be quite disturbing!
My thoughts exactly! What a beautifully spoken, poised young woman. I am so happy she has found and created peace with support of family, friends & field experts who are able to provide necessary RX to transform the torturous illness into peace. I would love for her to write her story and to realize how loved & admired she is in this world. Peace.
i used clozapine for 9 years. I stopped last year 9 months and got a supersensitivity psychosis. Doctors didn't know what to do, and stuffed me again with 300 mg. Now i stopped again for a month and it remains very hard. I now know the truth. It's very hard to stop with, causes insomnia, hormonal inbalance, delusional feeling, super sensitive after quitting, spasms, nervous system damage, muscle weakness etc. It's said by researchers to be a pharmaceutical hard drug, that's what it is. Avoid it
I have schizoaffective disorder. It's not that bad.
Every day schizophrenia get worser just like my dad 6 years untreated,he starting to saying about cheated,everyone on this earth can hear him whispering and all weird thing including planning to kill someone.He already hurt 2 person,my cousin and our just moved neighbour.Everytime he treat to kill our next neighbour (he's holding a knife,machate and every dangerous object )my mom will order me to lock and chain the door while we were inside(what a stupid move)i learnt something from dad about schizophrenia,they can't get stressed or they will do something bad.I think depression caused schizophrenia.He keep asking my cousin what age is she even she already said too many times.it kinda weird he just fine at our grandma house but not here.I can't sleep currently why doing this comment because he's shouting at our neighbour about spying him and telling the world about how bad he is in everything. (Sorry if there's grammar mistakes or spelling,english is my second language I'm not good in it.)OHh my parent always fight at home,every singleday.My brother is a luckyone he grew up before my father got schizophrenia.
*****
im not a psychiatrist but try this: focus on yourself, let go of what other people think about you. sounds like an impossible thing to do? its called withdrawing, isolating, and typically theyre labeled as bad things, but I'm of the opinion that they help, withdraw and letr yourself rest stop worrying about what others think and just focus on the things you want to do
You know, I had almost the exact same experience. Except that my parents are divorced, though. I never really knew my dad before he got the illness because he started getting the symptoms when I was 1. When I was around 9 he started to act really weird too, so my older brother told my mother about it, but my mother was told by my dad's doctor that she "had no right" to talk about my dad with him, due to that she was his ex wife. Weird. But yeah, she contacted my aunt (my dad's sister) so she could help deal with the matter, and it ended up with the police finding him wandering in the middle of the night on a deserted island in a fjord. Next day he called me from his ward and told me that my mother and aunt were responsible for the world trade center attack and much more, and that he didn't want me and my brother to stay with my mother for that and... well, yeah, I heard a lot of things that my memory cannot erase.
He was never violent, though, so I suppose I was a lot luckier than you are.
Since these comments are all so "let me tell you about my story", I thought I should contribute.
Let's just say that I study psychology for a reason.
***** Let's hope that you're just "imagining" the "imaginations" lol. But if you aren't, it CAN be of a serious matter, and it might not. I'm not very adept in the psychology subject yet, but there's a dozen theories I've read about that can explain why people have little trust in the world around them. Because I think that's what's making you kind of trapped in your own head. You might have gone through some crucial experience in an early stage of life, and from then been less trusting to the world around you. That can happen with a person if they, as a baby, doesn't get answered when crying by their parents, for example (not saying that this is the case for you, but it's a potential possibility if you have those symptoms). And for people to change the view they have on the world they've had their entire life is hard, but can be achieved in small steps. Like for a person who's had a traumatic experiences with a dog, and are pissing scared at the sight of other dogs can lose their phobia if they, in small steps, gets to know that their fear for dogs were all for no reason. And that is only cured by meeting new dogs that are harmless (and preferably cute and funny), even though actually MEETING new dogs will be the last step in that phobia-curing session. The first steps are always to let the person know why they have the fear they have, to explain it to them exactly how fear works etc.
I don't know how reliable my advice will be(if this was a therapy session, I'd ask a lot more questions lol), but I think that if you slowly, but surely, show your trust to the world, you won't be as trapped in your head as you feel now. Hallucinations are created by your mind. Created fiction, that makes a false reality picture for you, made by unconscious thoughts that are completely biased, and often based on your biggest dreams and fears. Being more open with the world gives you new impressions, and might push back fears when you feel that you can trust the world you live in. Because the REAL world gives you honest reality pictures. Your head never does.
*****
If you are truly experiencing auditory hallucinations (you swear that the voices are real), this could be a symptom of schizophrenia or other similar disorders. You should consider seeking out a mental health professional.
-Take care
sandy mandy woodorn I agree, normally people are admitted for psychiatric help from a family member. I hope Venus girl is in a state where she still has enough contact with reality to seek help.
I have schizophrenia and meds AND prayer help
agreed - while everyone would like everything to fit into its own category there is more grey area than that, every person lives their own experience and that is just as normal as someone else.
good idea, i'd like to see it
very interesting
I feel the same way, but I have never been told I have Schizophrenia.
Sad her counselor didn't refer to a psychiatrist for evaluation...this is basic knowledge in our program.
I'm the same , but i hear voice's from time to time and my paranoia is that bad i can barely leave the house lately it sucks huh ?
well wish i knew what medication she got prescribed cuz the ones my psychiatrist gave me were shit. and never helped. would be nice to know that peace of mind and happiness.
how about how it feels to have deal with a schizo in a relationship
what is a underlying problem?
She is very articulate and brave to talk about her condition - I commend her on agreeing to being filmed to share her story. I wish her all the best.
I've used some parts of her speakingin my music. vimeo.com/54121950
This is incredible
is schizophrenia like thinking everyone is after you, i dont have halluciantions or imaginary freinds or anything freaky like that but i feel as if people are after me, i cant tell whats reality and what my head makes up, i usually feel at war witht the world and my demeanor is unhappy and combative, people think im weird. could i have schizophrenia??
Schizophrenia is evidently not your specialty (let the painfully obvious prevail).
This lady seems to be well-adjusted, I agree...the right treatment WILL enable many schizophrenics and schizo-affectives to function this well or better.
In addition, one could have the most logical, rational mind, but the delusions and hallucinations don't go away by "rationalizing" them away.
Does it sound like I might speak from experience? Whether or not you want to believe it, I do.
Well people generally do hate people with mental illness. Don't necessarily hate them, but--would rather not be with them if they could help it. Would rather make fun of them than try to understand them. That is why sometimes I think it is worse to have a diagnosis, because then you can be LABELED. But of course people do that anyway...We label people, and then we stab at them.
ive always dont that where you dont tell people how you feel and dont express emotions :/
You can get with me if you want to know my story anytime. I just got out of a relationship with a girl I've been seeing on and off for 11 years that has this illness. Let me tell you, it's maddening. Constantly telling me that I'm cheating with people that can teleport through the walls and stuff like that. Saying to the police that I killed people with various weapons so I had to get interviewed a few times. I broke down mentally from it all a few times myself.
schizo girl I'm really sorry that you are going through delusions.I have been diagnosed with Bipolar after 3 months of Mania and some scary delusions.
Now,my meds are helping me sleep and temper my anger when I'm stressed.I'm scared to get a job now in case of relapse but I'm going to try.
Again I so much wish I could take your discomfort away but maybe the right meds will do the trick for you.
I'm glad she's found effective treatment & that she's happy now. I know what it's like to feel that ya not good enough & that the whole world will hate you when they get to know 'the real me', altho for me it was causd by years of bullying & abuse, it did cause me to hav severe depression & anxiety for several years. I got to the point where even my positive outlook cudn't protect me from the psychological harm the bullying & abuse did to me. But thankfully, I've recovered. I'm glad she has too.
@Io2793 Yes, I think so too, but also we're supposed to develop ourselves to be able to ignore that, because most of it is actually useless :0
@asisorfree Where'd you get the idea that bullies "don't know the actual damage they can cause to others"? Malice is part of the definition of bullying. The bullies in my life, whether in the workplace or in school, most definitely intended to cause me harm.
does haloperidol help?
@madmanatsea everyone is different and every DISORDER is different, you cannot generalise them all...and she is on meds... she explains how she feels better. however, most people with mental illness may not appear ill.
Schizoaffective disorder is not as simple as "schizophrenia plus depression," as you stated in your description. As this video is coming up in searches for educational purposes, I thought I'd make the clarification. Do the research on your own, but schizoaffective is a combination of psychosis (not necessarily schizophrenia) and abnormal mood (can be either elevated, depressed, or mixed). I think that it is important that these clarifications be made. check out wikipedia's articles for more info
god bless her and bring her happiness for the rest of her life
About me in public. Last week I went to a movie by myself and I heard this couple carry on a conversation about me. I would say to myself this is crazy why would they be talking about me. When I pull up to a stop light I feel people are starring at me and judging me. I go to college and can barely sit in a classroom without getting anxiety. Then I begin to twitch when I get extreme anxiety. Ive become very paranoid and scared of life and people. I used to not have these thoughts
No. There's too much that goes with it. Not to mention, being someone who as a child was told by my parents that I was possessed and given gifts from the devil, that mindset is EXTREMELY damaging. Please be more considerate and knowledgeable about the subject.
hello, i' 34 y/o female, an "episode" triggered by the stress from my job as a teacher then triggered my condition, labeled schizo-affective, which is a type of schizophrenia. i have been able to capture some of the "delusions," so you can see kind of what it looks like to have many different patterns floating in the same brain space i cant post URLs on here, but the vids are under my account la0elsa. my beings are loving, beautiful beings, because of the "dakini" situation, i think
check out the movie children of dune look at Alia's behavior clearly she is totally schizo paranoid, also something interesting that you should pay attention to is what leto the second says "I HAVE SILENCED THE VOICES WITHIN WHO WOULD'VE POSSESSED ME ...."
Vladimir Harkonen says to Alia (he is the main voice possessing her ) :"I'M ONLY THE MANIFESTATION OF YOURSELF..."(in other words the voices are directly connected to the subject mental state).
how did u first figure out u had it and how do u cope with it dude i really need some help