Having kids you don't want is extremely selfish. You're bringing a child into this world, fully realising you don't have even the desire to provide everything they will need, to sacrifice your entire lifestyle for them, all for the sake of appeasing other adults, for looking good in their eyes and not invoking their judgement. If you value your time, money, energy, don't have kids because they need a lot more than you might think. Kids are not a hobby or an accessory
Dolly Parton is a great positive example of a childfree person because of how much good she's done for *so many* children- her Imagination Library provides a free book a month to every child in Tennessee (and now in other states too). It greatly boosted the literacy rates in TN across socio-economic strata. She also provides a heck of a lot of funding for hospitals, both pediatric and not. She's childfree and also a positive influence in the lives of millions of kids.
Exactly There are plenty of people (men and woman, famous and not famous) who are child free by choice, and don't want their own kids, but still love kids and help kids through whatever means
I love how Abby assumes that everybody who doesn’t become a mother is just “traveling, partying, and living it up”, and not that the majority of us are working full-time jobs to just make a stable living. Really shows how out of touch she is…
Ignorance at its best. To make her argument more convincing and true she would just verbal vomit whatever comes in her mind than actually searching whether it's true or not.
i loved my husband and every single pet i ever had. i love my friends and family. i would have loved my children if i'd had them, but i would not have enjoyed being a parent so i didn't become one.
Well, it is a different love though. While I disagree with 90% of what classically Abby says, I know what she meant by that. It's just that the love for a child is different and you can't imagine it beforehand.
I understand where you're coming from and I respect that. But you do simply not know how my love for my stepson feels for me. Or anybody else's love for whomever. So, while this statement might be true for you and any other number of people, or not, that does not an universal fact make. So no, I don't think you have a valid point here.
‘I don’t like the idea that motherhood is a choice’ Wow, almost like she doesn’t believe women should have autonomy and freedom. Almost like she wants women and our bodies to be controlled by others. Also, I dare her to go to a foster home full of children whose parents couldn’t take care of them or maybe even didn’t want them and spout this bullshit.
motherhood is so important to these conservatives until the kid is being raised by lesbians. it's the most amount of motherhood possible and I'd love to hear classically abby's thrillingly poor argument against it
@@jomaq9233 Never mind that there are boys raised by lesbians who grow up to be exactly the sort of good men that conservatives always pretend to want (while in reality mocking folks who have an actual heroic bent, and doubling that mockery if said person with a heroic bent happens to be female, because how dare they).
Saying having children iss the right choice for everyone is insane. Drowning in debt? Have a child! Abusive Relationship? Have a child! Homeless?Have a child! Suffering from terminal cancer? Have a child!
Me who would 100% die if I get pregnant: have a child! I guess Abby's only pro life of fetuses Fuck the life of adults I guess I'm not respectable because I want to live I wish she would say that to my face, like have it up with your God Abby, he made me like this.
Facts don't care about your feelings. If you do notice a contradiction in conservative arguments, then you're just denying reality. My ego dictates that my statements are factual.
I'm not trying to say that this is all it is, but surely some of it comes from "Well this is what I was told and now I'm suffering from not realizing there were other options, so now I need you to suffer with me!" Because misery loves company.
@@kaelin_cheriseI agree. If having children is what all people are “supposed” to do, then that validates these people’s choices, hardships, and concessions. People usually develop belief systems to justify their choices and desires.
Yes and also why do they care??? (I think they’re jealous of CFBC and want everyone to suffer with them. They’re also mad when women choose to wait, and then choose to have kids later in life… “how dare you have it all!”)
I once heard a someone turn the phrase “every child is a blessing” around and said “but are you a blessing to that child?”. I am a parent, and I had to recognize that regardless of my own wants, I only have the finances and mental/emotional capacity for one child. Fundies have children regardless of whether than can give them a good life, and that’s SELFISH
Fundies make their older children care for and raise the younger children. Fundies don’t even intend to _parent_ their own children, so they certainly aren’t considering whether or not they can give their child a _good_ life.
@@rowanlavellan9755 Exactly. My good friend is the eldest of a fundie family and-for a long time-she was not interested in having children because she raised all her siblings. However, she’s now happily a mother of two and it’s been so cool to watch her be such a kick ass mom.
Calling child-free people selfish is so ridiculous when fundies want to have kids because god tells them to rather than because they actually want or are prepared for kids.
It's even more ridiculous when you realize they often have kids for purely selfish reasons, like to have somebody to take care of them when they get old, or to live vicariously through the kid by forcing them to do a bunch of shit they don't want to
It sometimes seems as if the convervative idea of a grown up is NOT someone who is able to make informed decisions and take responsibiliy for them, but just someone who has now successfully learned all the rules and can follow them without needing a parent to force them.
I didn't think about that, do they think it's selfish to not give God kids then? I know a lot use this to blame childfree people because others can't have kids, but usually completely unrelated to adoption arguments. I don't get who it's unfair for ... maybe that's the point? Just more undirected shame for you to fill in the blanks with whatever works to make women feel bad enough to have them?
Especially cuz selfishness need somebody for it to be directed towards and there's nobody that this action is being directed towards so it cannot possibly be selfishness.
I have two adult children. I wouldn’t trade them for a billion bucks but those two pregnancies nearly killed me and effectively ruined my health for the rest of my life. I paid a HUGE price for my choices. Most people underestimate the risks associated with pregnancy. It makes me so angry.
I live in a "third world" country where women are judged just a little bit for not having children. I do have to disagree with you that women know what they're getting into. In my experience, the risks are not well known and downplayed (unless it's a bunch of moms complaining to each other lol)
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so important that voices like your are included in the conversation so that people capable of getting pregnant can consider the costs of pregnancy & birth and make an informed decision on their future.
@@chrisz7494 you’re right. Women who planning on having children are not usually aware of the risks either. It’s not a part of the fantasy world that patriarchy has created and wants to keep.
Maaaaan, pregnancy did a number on me too. I have two kids and two completely different issues with each. First pregnancy almost put me in the past tense with blood loss and the second pregnancy went without a hitch, but my body has been never gone back to being the same. My stamina is caput, every period feels like a mini labor, and my chart is all over the place. Would walk through hell and back for my kids.... But the physical, mental, and financial toll it has taken can not be ignored.
It just suddenly hit me... what if part of what drives Dolly to do all the things she does for children, is the same ancient "women who don't have children are lacking" crap that Abbey is now selling? 😮😮😮
@@Kitkat_004 I don't mean to detract from Dolly's goodness at all.... she's a TREASURE and I admire her so much. What I mean is that even the greatest of us aren't immune to the shitty ideas we grew up with and are surrounded by. It's hard to even imagine a human sun like Dolly being affected that way, but the truth is we're all vulnerable. That's what therapy is all about. It just suddenly hit me what a plot twist that would be, if someone who had done so much for so many children, had a little kernel of bad feeling for not having had children herself. I'm not even saying I think she feels that way. I'm just saying that stuff happens.
She told Miley Cyrus never to change her unnatural blonde hair which is really unhealthy to put on a young woman. Sounds like the words of someone forcing an attachment onto a child not biologically hers because she didn't have any!
@@suzboneI don’t want children of my own, but I’ve dedicated my life to helping children living in low income, teaching children with learning disabilities and giving children in hard situations opportunities and resources. None of that stems from me thinking without children I have no worth. It mostly stems from knowing how much they need loving adults and wanting to be that for them
Remember: Child marriage is legal in a lot of the United States, but those same children can't get divorced because they aren't legal adults. They have to wait until they're legal adults. It's fucked.
What!! I knew about the underage marriage loopholes (marry your abuser and the law says it is not abuse, or something that ends up looking that way) but had not clocked the divorce impact. Can they have a marriage annulled??
NC had a bad history of people coming here to get child brides since it was 14 with parents permission. Now Ohio and Arkansas have lowered their age to just 12 years old and the working age to 14. The party that pushed these bills through, the Republicans in those states, still claim to be "pro life" and want to protect kids...while forcing them to marry and work before the are of 16. I am so sickened by my own country
@@fallenking578 at age 12.... WTH. Like the worst of contexts across the world. I was shocked by the BBC documentary about 14 plus cases.... But 12.....
India is said to be a 3rd world country and even here a kid , if forcibly married, can get the husband arrested, and the marriage annulled. I'm not saying child marriage doesn't happen at all , but it's totally illegal... The limit is 18 .
That argument that "motherhood deserves more respect than other vocations" is WILD coming from a fundamentalist: a culture notorious for not supporting or respecting mothers' labor
I think it’s significant that Abby said “motherhood” not “parenthood.” So much of what she said in that video excludes fathers and cisgender men. Dudes in the manosphere like to whine that feminism doesn’t include or benefit men (even though it does). However, the reality is that misogynists, including Abby, conduct themselves in such a way that excludes and harms men in demonstrable, tangible ways.
because the respect she's talking about is a pacifying lie she needs herself and others to believe to uphold and perpetuate the system she's living in.
@@alexwyatt2911 I wonder if she thinks all men need to be parents as well. If so we better start colonizing other planets because we’re gonna run outta room.
The only thing is that in other vocations you get a paycheck ( compensation)for what you do well a mother rarely gets a thank you unless it Mother’s Day
Ok so let’s stand up for financial support for mothers in poverty, better housing support, better education for kids, better wages for working mothers… oh wait, this isn’t about respecting motherhood, it’s about controlling women and having more wage slaves to exploit right?
At 23 years of age, I have a few attempted suicides under my belt already, so I can confidently say, yeah, Abby, I AM living for myself. I’m living for the kid who didn’t think he was going to make it past 15 years old. I’m also living for my cats, my boyfriend, my friends, and my family, but I’m mostly living because I deserve to be alive. DO live for yourself. Live and love yourself, especially if you once believed you didn’t deserve to live and love yourself. You are not obligated to live for any other reason than because you deserve to.
I'm so happy you're here!❤ Loving ourselves are so important and can be so damn hard sometimes. Some are fortunate to never know how much of a struggle it can be to hold on to life✨️
Literally this. I now want to LIVE for myself, because I either wasn’t allowed to, or was in too much of a dark place to think I could. I was being abused by my own parent from 8-18, and attempted my life twice at 13 years old, once at 14, and three more times between 15 & 16. I battled addiction from 18-20. I’m lucky to have made it out alive; but now deal with a lot of mental illness. On top of that, I had undiagnosed or treated ADHD, which made it so much harder. I’m finally learning who I am in the past couple years, and I’m 24. I relate to you a lot.
“You can’t describe how important another person’s life is until you have children….” Big yikes. I think this says more about Abby than anything. Did she really have no capacity for empathy prior to motherhood?? I feel intense empathy (at times to problematic degrees, yay therapy), and yet I have zero inclination to procreate. I truly see no correlation whatsoever.
@@sharamusica if you didn't consider life important until you had children... something is lacking in your brain And I don't mean that as an insult Your brain lacks empathy and awareness of others If the only life you see as important is the one you see as an extension of yourself Maybe go to therapy Because that's truly a dangerous mindset to have
I seriously wonder if they don't realize that abusive parents that hurt and k*ill their children exist Like having a child does not automatically make you an empathetic and good individual who values your children's life The absolute lack of awareness they have is astonishing
I'm a 25yo Australian and spent 2-3 years trying to get sterilised. 3 different GPs told me "but what about your future husband" and "you'll change your mind". Only the final doctor I mentioned it to, a gastroenterologist of all things, explained to me WHAT a hysterectomy would actually do to my body (i.e early menopause) and pushed me to looking at my other options. That had been my main choice due to debilitating endometriosis, but realising that my symptoms would likely get worse than better made me rethink that pursuit. But no other doctor had ever looked at me as a person in pain, I'd just been viewed over and over again as a potential incubator.
But you wouldn't go through menopause if you removed your uterus but kept your ovaries? There are many sorts of hysterectomies, and most of them leave your hormonal function intact. I think your gastro wasn't quite right about that. But I know what you're going through - I tried to get sterilised since I was 18 and only succeeded when I was 31. Have a look into the private system, email a whole bunch of gynaecological surgeons (if you're in Melbourne, Latika Cilly is amazing), and don't give up.
@@theentirepopulationofaustr6046 The thing is to get the symptom relief I would need I would need everything taken out, so he was right in being concerned. And going private unfortunately isn’t an option for me, especially now in the cost of living crisis - it’s way, way too expensive 😅 Thank you though
Gentle hugs. I was one of the lucky people who DID get significant symptom relief when I got a hysterectomy last year at 26 in New Zealand - however, my symptoms were mostly caused by adenomyosis, and I'd already had all of my endo excised. My doctor agreed to do it because 1. my combination of comorbid disabilities made the level of pain I was in life-threatening through fatigue shutting down organs, 2. carrying a pregnancy would be extremely dangerous with my mix of disabilities, many of which are genetic as well, and 3. I'm queer, so if I wanted children, my partner could carry. There was still quite a lag between getting diagnosed and getting surgery, even private (thank god for insurance), but my surgeon is one of the leading specialists in endo/adeno so is up on all the current recommended medications. He first put me on Primolut-N, and then Zoladex when that eventually failed. I still had to do a psych eval and get signed off by a psychologist, because the clinic did actually have a patient come after them when she changed her mind after her hysterectomy. Me, though? Best decision ever. I still have my ovaries since my endo is currently under control, but if it ever becomes a problem again, I can go back on medication.
I got a total hysterectomy a few months back (I'm intersex so my periods were rough). Luckily that got it approved in insurance for me so I didn't have to get a gender referral, my doc knew the loopholes and was eager to help. The lack of period pain/fatigue/emotional outbursts has been life-changing. I'm on testosterone which is keeping me from going through menopause but to my understanding you can also take estrogen for the same effect. Hope you can find relief ❤
As someone who can’t have kids and yet is told all the time how I should still have kids, even though I PHYSICALLY can’t; I can’t stand people like Abby.
Folks who say that are so insensitive to other people. You don’t know what a person is going through and people shouldn’t be putting their privileges onto others like everyone equal.
That completely sucks that people subject you to such invasive, cruel commentary. You’ve likely learned to cope and navigate these people’s indiscretions, but you shouldn’t have to :(
I was actually engaged when I found out and my step grandmother fully told my now husband he still had time to leave me for someone who can have kids. I don’t think people like Abby ever think about how lucky she is to have two kids back to back.
I’m so sorry. My husband and I have been trying for a while without success, and I get these comments a lot and it hurts so much every time. They have no clue the struggles I’m going through and I don’t need a reminder that I need to have the thing that I want the most.
Andrea Yates had severe postpartum psychosis. They were fundamentalists, and her husband didn’t help her (notoriously conservative fundamentalists don’t respect a woman’s labor & vocation). As a result of no support, and continuing to have children, her condition worsened leading to that horrific outcome. Abby’s view contributes to this whether or not she knows or cares
@@gjohn338 You’ve essentially reiterated what I’ve said, but yes- you’re right. Many are just sick & disregard others, or simply don’t believe in mental illness or medical advice.
19:00 Stevie Nicks is 75 and child-free by choice, and she has said, “I was not put on this earth to be a wife and mother. I was put on this earth to create music that makes wives and mothers happy.” My very first memory is of my mother (one of those wives and mothers Stevie was talking about) playing the Rumors album and memorizing the lyrics to “Dreams”. She did exactly what she set out to do. I am 46 and very confident in my decision not to have children, and I know I have done a better job here as a citizen, a teacher and a human being because of my choice. 👍🏻
Considering I spent my entire life as the eldest kid caring for and raising my siblings in a Quiverfull family, I think I owe it to myself to be 'selfish'
I’ve definitely seen that in a ton of families with a bunch of kids. I’d think you could even argue at that point that parents having more children only to put the burden on the older children IS way more selfish than not having more kids. But I’m sure Abby wants us all to pop out as many babies as possible 🙄 oh wait, not all of us. Just people like her. I probably didn’t have it as bad as you, but as the eldest of 6 I definitely have a different take on parenthood and familial roles as well. It’s irritating to be told growing up that you’re to live for your siblings and for the responsibilities set upon you by your parents and to never be encouraged w your own dreams just to watch everybody else be encouraged w theirs. And while I love my younger siblings I doubt they’ll have any idea what it was like for me and the pressure that was put on me to be the perfect little kid and do everything the family wanted. Having kids eventually was a part of that and I’m starting to open my mind more to what I personally want and what I need
People who think it's okay to guilt others into having kids have never been parentified, abused, and/or neglected, or they are deluding themselves into thinking their childhoods were fine and need therapy. It was painfully obvious my mom did not want kids but did since it was expected of her. The values Abby expresses have arguably never worked because it doesn't acknowledge the core to parenting: sacrifice. If these values did acknowledge sacrifice, they would also have to acknowledge that some people make a sacrifice by not having kids. They chose to break a cycle of issues and/or to prioritize other things. Not every child-free person is just doing it purely out of what she considers vapid reasons. She should bother to learn about people who have valuable life stories like you. Sorry you dealt with that as a child.
One of my many bugbears with the Quiverful Movement, aside from the physical strain on the mother, being consecutively pregnant over many years, is, though I am Christian myself, the thought of basically dragging the older siblings into not just co-depedent relationships, but effectively, are made to become co-parents, themselves, meaning, especially for girls, a rather truncated childhood, and lost opportunities. I can even imagine the elder sons being roped in just as much as literally their brothers' (and sisters' ...) keepers ... especially when the dad goes on long buisness trips, the eldest so is declared as 'temporary head of the family' and 'man of the house ', both of which is just plain wring on oh so many levels ... There's little I can say that will help with what you went through, save I am glad that you are now free to be your own person in/on your own stead ...
Right? She absolutely would go "Now, grape is horrible and the kid shouldnt have to be pregnant right now... BUT I still believe I'd rather traumatize a kid through having to carry her grapist's baby than to abort. Maybe this will benefit the kid 🤡"
I developed Type 1 Diabetes the first time I got pregnant. I did not keep the pregnancy. It took 6 weeks for me to go from fine to dizzy, passing out in my vomit, random bouts of falling, sleeping all day, foul smelling and frequent urine, and extreme depression and migraines. I thought I deserved this, because I had heard that pregnancy changes your body. I was 19, confused, and had no insurance. Uneducated as I was, it was months before I dragged myself to my doctor and they were appalled at my condition. I was pregnant for only 7 weeks, and now have a lifetime disability. The rest of my life, I will be insulin dependent. My body has changed significantly. I am not who I was just 2 years ago. I had a preexisting immune condition that saw my pregnancy as a threat, and attacked my pancreas as a result. I did not know this was a risk I had at all. Pregnancy is dangerous! Pregnancy is hard on the body from day one. The idea we should force women to go through these risks against their will is disgusting to me.
The idea of pregnancy gives me body horror so powerful I get nauseated just thinking about it. If not wanting to experience that makes me selfish or a terrible person, I'm okay with that.
This is a quote i will always bring up whenever people tey to babble me up in their own little world. Really, i have been judged and mistreated in my early years enough to not care about others' opinions pretty soon (despite propending to be a people pleaser). These people never grew up of their "classroom age", clearly just strive for status and can't see people beyond that. Luckily, i found people who are as unapologetic in their life choices, interests and passions such as artists, and to imagine them oppressed by Abby's system makes my blood boil.
I’m a woman but my body certainly doesn’t like having babies. I had gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies and then learned that my body is incapable of dilation during labor so I had c-sections with both. Then I learned that the milk producing glands in my breasts never fully developed so I can only make about 1/6 of what my baby needs. And to top it off, I had SEVERE postpartum anxiety that made me feel constantly like I was going to die for 9 months. I had full on meltdowns everyday for almost a YEAR. I absolutely LOVE being a mom, but getting here was the hardest thing I have ever done and I cannot imagine how horrific it would have been if my children hadn’t been my choice.
There needs to be a lot more acceptance of divvying up parenting roles so that they are all satisfied for the kids in ways that suit the parents. Somewhere out there, there are women who ARE all set for pregnancy and ARE NOT suited to raising kids and we can certainly match them up with people with the opposite circumstances and accept good conditions for children.
@@jeffengel2607 Even if those women who have easy pregnancies shouldn’t be made to carry them to term if they don’t want to be pregnant. Women are not to be “bred” so infertile couples can have children.
@@theoriginalpandanon Well no. Obviously. It's a matter of their choices and preferences too. I shouldn't have to say this, but yikes, I guess when the conversation includes forced birther sorts like Abby one may have to be unusually clear that way.
@@jeffengel2607 do you mean something like the surrogate situations in the US? There's also the consideration that non-privileged AFAB people might sell their bodies and health to carry these babies
I have 5 kids, I love them, I chose them, and watching them become their own unique people is the coolest thing I’ve been a part of. My oldest never wants to have kids. She loves babies, but only wants to be an auntie. And I love that for her. Anyone who tells her she needs to sacrifice her understanding of herself to the “altar of motherhood” so she’ll meet their ideal of womanhood, well, they can get bent. Abby does sound bitter. Terribly bitter.
I'm with your eldest. I love kids, I love babies, they make me smile and laugh and I'm excited to be a bonus pibling/zizi to my brother's stepdaughter, but I have no desire to raise my own kids. Period.
As someone with a child, I have immense respect for those who decide not to have children for what ever reason. It takes a lot of maturity and self-awareness to come to that decision while living in a culture which fetishizes parenthood.
And you’re the kind of parent that I’m grateful to and respectful of. I think kids are great; they’re people that don’t suck yet. However, I’m currently unwilling to be a parent. I could change my mind tomorrow, but it won’t be because someone else tells me I _should_ be a parent.
They treat it as a fetish but they also hate mothers and children.. it is the damed no matter what you do women have always faced.. they want to force women to have kids and then punish women who have kids for being unmarried or needing support.
Sadly, it really is a fetish for some. There are who categories on porn hub for it. That's why they want to force people to do it, to get off, because women only exist for their pleasure. Real parents, like you are the diamonds in the rough we need. People who see us as people, who truely care
"Why is it lesser because it's a different species?" This hits SO hard. My dad's kitten disappeared 17 years ago and I remember watching my dad absolutely fall apart over the next few months. He was beyond devastated. I think there's still a part of him that never recovered. He cannot speak about it without breaking down. It was like losing a child for him. And that's so real and so valid. I hate the world for putting him through that trauma and agony. He spent countless nights walking around looking for the kitty and watching him slowly realise and try to accept that he was surely dead somewhere and he'd never have closure really shaped me. My heart breaks for him. Humans are capable of so much love and to tell them that their love of an adorable, perfect little creature that is uncapable of doing wrong or ever hurting you in any way, that just loves you unconditionally forever, is somehow not valid? Those people can rot.
- You cannot fully understand your mortality until you've swam with white sharks or bungee-jumped in the Grand Canyon - You cannot fully understand the universe until you've experienced weightlessness in space - You cannot fully understand human morality until you've been stranded in the mountains after a plane crash, came to the brink of starvation and contemplated cannibalism ....should I continue?
I am confused by the idea of childfree woman on the beach just looking hot 24/7. I am 30 and married with no desire to have children. But my husband and I work hard to maintain a household and make our life as decent as it can be. Abbey sounds very jealous of this elusive hot woman with no life responsibilities.
She does sound bitter a times. Wouldn’t be surprising if deep down she resents having to start a family so soon in life (if at all), she lives in a very sexist environment after all and was likely told all her life that birthing children was her main goal in life at the expense of any other personal goals she might have had.
I always found the idea of a legacy strange. I'm a child free married woman in my early 30s, and there has never been in a moment in my life where I've wanted to 'leave a legacy' or 'continue my bloodline'. Just trying to live for me and end that generational trauma in my family 😂
noooOOOOOooooo, you must BREED for the futherance of the bloodline! If you don't, the duchy will be inherited by someone with a different last name! AHHHH
I want to become a mother, but not through pregnancy. I want to have children through adoption. I cant fathom HOW even people like Abby Shapiro could take issue with that. Pregnancy scares me, and i don’t have much of a s*x drive anyway. I also have Ehlers Dahlos Syndrome and i deal with enough painful flare ups without conception. But i do still want to get married and i want a family-just through adopting kids, not getting pregnant. Plain and simple right? Apparently not. WHY do these people think they need to berate me and pressure me into getting pregnant for some moral point? Being Pro-Life is one thing, but Imagine straight up PRESSURING a human being into carrying a baby in their body for 9 months. That’s straight up barbaric. And for what??? AM I NOT DOING “Enough” for these people by adopting children in NEED? Do I have to literally go through a pregnancy i don’t WANT for them to respect me? That is disgusting and I don’t think i’ve ever felt so appalled by a take before.
First of all, that sounds tough, I hope your condition doesn't give you too much trouble and you always find good doctors who will take you seriously and that your desire for a family is fulfilled the way you want it to be. Second of all, wow /s, is almost like this ideology isn't about children, but about controlling women through reproduction!
Hear hear! No uterus here, just plain ol' testes, so biological parenthood wouldn't put me in the hard role. It's not happening for me, and I am maybe a little wistful about that. But I do have a stepson and being his father is the most rewarding role in my life. I'm not sure if he'd've been better off with my genes but what his paternal genes are really is just a medical detail, with damn-all to do with our relationship.
@@enravotaboyadjiev7466Ding, ding, ding! Pro-lifers are solely acting out of a-conscious or subconscious-misogynistic desire to control women’s lives as well as punish women for having consensual sex. Pro-lifers spin a lot of narratives about their beliefs, because those fluffy, false narratives insulate and (from their perspective) protect their pro-life stance. Pro-lifers have never done the emotional labor of turning inward to critically analyze and earnestly challenge how and why they came to form their current beliefs. Again, this is an examination of _why_ (not what) they believe this; Pro-lifers have never tried to root out their own biases/prejudices and seek to understand how their own biases/prejudices shape their current beliefs. That’s why no matter how much data, reason, and practicalities with which they’re presented, pro-lifers won’t accept that reproductive freedom is an essential human right.
same here, i want to be a foster parent and hopefully adopt, pregnancy and childbirth sound awful, and i don't want to risk my child getting depression or anxiety like i do, and even if i were completely healthy and not scared of pregnancy, why wouldn't you want to help kids who are already out there? will never understand why it's treated as the "lesser option" by those kinds of people, something that's only ever an absolute last resort when you can't have your own biological kids.
As a mom and a Christian, I think the reason someone decides to have kids or not is irrelevant. It is a personal choice, period. Ppl need to stop forcing their beliefs on others. Do what's best for you.
The reason someone chooses to have kids is absolutely relevant. Most people are bringing children into the world to meet their own emotional needs and in some cases their own financial needs and are in no way prepared to actual be a loving and stable parent. It's not ok to do that. Having a kid means you have total control over someone else's life. Understanding why you want to and are or are not fit to do that should be a legal prerequisite.
@PLD.608 My point of it being irrelevant is that it isn't anyone else business why or why not you decide to have or not have children. As long as you aren't harming those children.
@@alexanderkobylarz46and you’re wrong 😊 you really should look up the stats of mother mortality and what happens to unwanted kids when abortion isn’t available. I live in a country where we respect woman’s rights to life and society hasn’t crumbled over here. Actually do the most basic amount of research and it’s the only logical moral option.
I'm 36. Chidless, had a hysterectomy, so I will never be pregnant. I guess I'm not a woman, and I will never know real love or life in its truest sense. Abbey is such a miserable, bitter person. It's clear she's not happy with her life and is trying to project those feelings on other people.
Hey im a girl in mid 20s and planning to be childless too and i kinda have a question regarding hysterectomy, is there anything happens, or changing in like physically or mentally after you get hysterectomy? cuz there's an extremely highly chance i would do hysterectomy too in the future, btw thx in advance xo
@@homeland1128 It depends on the exact procedure. Of course, you will have a surgical scar or a few small scars, depending on whether it's keyhole surgery or not. If they only take out your uterus, nothing really changes. Your cycle will remain the same because you will still be ovulating, so your hormones will not change either. The only difference would be lack of blood flow during the cycle. Should they for whatever reason need to take your ovaries, you would need to start hormone treatments to prevent an early menopause. But this they only do if there's a specific reason, such as some medical issue with the ovaries. Neither of these options affect sexual sctivity. I also hadn't noticed any changes in my mental health, except relief from not needing to deal with menstruation or risk of unwanted pregnancy.
@@daughterofyith5393 Whoahhh what an insight, thank you! All this time i didn't even know about all that uterus and ovaries things heck i thought hysterectomy would just stopped my menstruation at all and i need to take hormones forever gosh, once again Thank You for this ♥
The way she said she didn’t understand loving other people until she had children… she’s telling us she didn’t understand basic empathy until she had children… that’s scary.
There are SO many people who have kids because “that’s what you do” without factoring in the gravity of raising a human, instilling good morals, and the unimaginable sacrifice it takes. Not everyone wants to be or should be a parent. Far too many people have children because they want a cute baby or an extension of themselves. Raising a human being who will have their own thoughts and opinions should NOT be taken lightly and is simply not for everyone.
@@alexwyatt2911Exactly!!! I have a childhood friend who sadly comes from a religious fundie family and holds these values. The other day she was lamenting how two of her nephews are “already old, even though it’s not too bad at times because they can now hold a conversation”. The kids in question are 7 and 9 ¿? You would think they were teenagers starting to date or something judging by her comments, lol. Like so many other people, she fawns over babies and small children because they consider them cute, but also because they are dependent and makes them feel needed/wanted. More complex concepts such as personhood and guiding a child into adulthood escapes them completely.
@@DoritoBot9000 Bingo! As a child matures becoming more independent with a more complex personality, parents like that are devastated (and sometimes, resentful) about “losing” the simplicity and devotion of a baby/toddler. I have so much respect for a parent who actively embraces the challenge of shaping a child into adulthood, so that their child may be a happy, healthy, and independent adult.
Just saw a mom on Tik Tok who was calling parenthood a trap and was complaining that all of her children were individual and unique humans with their own thoughts and feelings (how dare they!). Like she had truly never considered that when she had children, they would all be their own individuals and not just mini-mes or dolls. The disillusionment is real.
I'm childfree and ace, but I have nine (9) nieces and nephews whom I love more than I love myself. When I held my first nephew in my arms for the first time (he was 2 days old), I felt a rush of love and protectiveness that was overwhelming. In that moment, I knew that I had to move to be closer to him and be in his life. Now, 5 years and 8 more nieblings later, I am the happiest queer auntie to these kids. I am the fun, young auntie whose name they excitedly chant when I come in, and they trust me enough to confide in me. My influence on my nieblings' lives is a great thing, and being able to see them as much as I do is something I would not trade for the world. Children need a responsible, loving adult in their lives who do not have any other obligations because those adults generally have the emotional bandwidth to handle much more than parents.
I’m so happy that you and your family are enjoying their loving auntie. You’re living my dream. I wasn’t quite 10 years old when my first nephew was born, so I unfortunately didn’t have the opportunity to move in order to be part of his life. I’m now in pretty regular contact with one of my nieces, who’s 22 years old, but I can’t tell you how often and long I’ve mourned the loss of not being a significant part of the lives-or even childhoods-of any one of my nine nieces and nephews (and one grand-niece!). So, I took a moment to live vicariously through you-I hope you don’t mind. I’m genuinely so happy for you and your family. And you’re such a badass for prioritizing being an auntie :)
I'm the same, childfree and ace. I'd much rather take care of my neices and nephews than have my own kids. when I get settled and stabilize, I'd like to host weekends where I have one over and have fun.
I'm currently pregnant for the second (and last!) time. Being pregnant has only ever made me more pro-choice because IT SUCKS. My mental health and fatigue levels are all over the place, my eyes go blurry at random, and I have spent hundreds of hours debilitated by acid reflux or nausea. WHY WOULD I WANT ANYONE ELSE TO DO THIS?? If youre not crazy about the idea having kids, you absolutely shouldnt suffer all this on behalf of someone that doesnt even exist yet.
Have both of your pregnancies been this awful, or was one worse than another? Or, perish the thought, were they both awful in different ways!? Can I tell you a secret? Hearing stories like this makes me happy I'm a man who can't get pregnant because it sounds FUCKING HORRIFIC. Just trying to imagine what it feels like to have a whole ass human moving around inside me makes me gag. I mean, us AMAB people die quicker, but honestly, that's a trade-off I'm okay with in my life. 😂
Same! I haven’t even had that difficult of a pregnancy compared to many women I’ve met and I’m still struggling a lot we had a family friend that died a week after giving birth from pregnancy complications I will fight for the rest of my life for a persons right to choose because no one should be forced to go through anything that could harm their body or kill them I haven’t even given birth yet and I’m already so drained and I’ve had so much joint and pelvic pain (I have hyper mobility and pregnancy also loosens your joints so my pains been unbearable) my husband has been having to fight to take days off of work just to stay home and help me because I can’t get out of bed by myself when he is forced to go into work I have to wear diapers and have nothing to eat and hardly anything to drink for 9 hours
Currently purposely gestating my second child. Absolutely nobody should be doing this unless they're sure it's what they want. Pregnancy and childbirth are brutal. Parenting is thankless and hard. Raising a whole-ass human to be a decent person while trying to break harmful cycles is work you have to choose every day, and that's not even considering the financial burden. It's too much to take on unless you know you're equipped. And I hate the idea that people who haven't had children don't truly understand love. That's a messed up thing to say. In my experience, the birth of my daughter opened a new, terrifyingly deep and strong, and completely visceral and instinctual type of love. It didn't change my understanding of how I love the other people in my life. It was just a new and different experience of love.
Motherhood should be a choice because children should be born into situations where their parents love them and they are in a stable environment that gives them everything they need to succeed. Abortions happen because it's unfair to bring a child into this world who is unwanted, in unstable environments, and who will struggle Because they never had the choice of life, and the person who gave birth never had the choice to prevent this outcome. If Abby feels happy having kids, that's good for her. Some people just don't. I thought that people like her supported freedom in the United States, and that means the freedom of choice for all (Not to mention how saying this shit is harmful to the people who are infertile but want kids, but that's another topic)
The thing I hate about motherhood being seen as women’s only ‘true’ purpose (aside from it being against choice) is the shame and hurt it brings to people who cannot have children but want to. Due to the fact that it is socially acceptable to question the choice of people who don’t want to have kids, people who go through the pain and trauma that is infertility are also finding themselves constantly having to explain their situation. And, are also being told their lives are meaningless due to something that is not their fault or their choice
Frankly, I'd argue that people who base their entire fucking personality on having children like that have meaningless lives if that's all they care about, making them seem no better than mere beasts roaming out there.
@@crowdemon_archivesI agree and tend to believe that it's those who really don't have much to contribute to the world other than a child who may or may not even turn out to be a decent person that try to make it seem like being a mother is "the way"
Her brother is such a toxic symptom of a hateful society. He literally makes his living manufacturing outrage, and I believe he’s able to do so because he’s a sociopath with a law degree.
As someone who wants to be a SAHM one day, I would argue that having kids is selfish. You’re literally bringing life into this world because it’s what YOU want. Imo, having kids is selfish, but being a parent takes a lot of selflessness.
So true. As a child of people who took every opportunity to throw it in my face how much of a burden I was, and how I’m lucky to be cared for… which is debatable tbh…. it’s like folks, I didn’t ask to be here! Presumably, you wanted this! Moving from the default being kids regardless of your desire, or ability is a good thing! Kids are beautiful and deserve to be treasured by people who truly deeply want them and understand what it will take to raise them.
She really said “ I believe, though that motherhood is what life is for” Really Abby? Will you educate your daughter? Teach her to read and write? If so, why? Why not just keep her locked away in a room until she reaches child bearing age if that’s all you think she’s good for. Imagine being her daughter and hearing your mom say that?! My God that’s awful.
Great comment! I was thinking something similar myself. Babies are adults in the making. Alll the horrid bs Abby believes would ruin her daughter’s life.
Even when you survive a pregnancy, your body and bones are alternated. Some mothers suddenly gain an autoimmune disease. No thanks, I'd rather be selfish with my current body than sacrificing it.
I needed 14 cavities filled after my first. And now after my second I need 20 more filled. My bones are brittle and so much more. Pregnancy truly killed my body.
@@caitlinmarie49I’ve known several women who have suffered poor dental outcomes after their pregnancy. The physical damage that pregnancy and birth causes is absolutely wild.
Wait she is Ben Shapiro’s sister?? That makes sense, I remember when her videos first started getting advertised to me, I was so confused because she went from making shitty videos about her awful opera singing to making high-quality image videos about conservative values. I knew that she was MAGA funded but didn’t understand how she got the hook up.
@@janel.8921no I don't think that is Ben. Ben has some really shity takes but I'm fairly certain that's not one of them. I'm pretty sure you are thinking about Matt Walsh because he has definitely stated that
I come from a long line of teen mothers and I'm the first woman in my family to reach the age of 24 without being married and/or having a baby. It truly blows my mind. My life has only just begun, I can't imagine giving it all up to be a mom right now. The way all the moms in my family talk about giving up their dreams, quitting school/jobs, dealing with unsupportive partners, and probably PPD & other mental health struggles, not that they would ever talk about that stuff out loud. No thank you! I can deal with their judgment. I'm not going to make a huge life decision just because it's what I'm "supposed" to do.
One small edit: Abby did have complications in her first pregnancy; she experienced a miscarriage. Which should be all the more reason for her to support a person’s right to choose whether to be a mother/father, because although it isn’t anyones fault when it happens, not everyone has the mental strength to risk a miscarriage. It takes a toll on the mind. It’s a reason I’ve decided I never want to be pregnant and have the child-I don’t think I have the mental fortitude to handle that tragedy, let alone the pain and problems it causes in the body.
Her ideas of women are really creepy. Why does she want to force us to give our bodies and lives to everyone other than ourselves? I'm my own person. I'm not just a product that people can use and take from until I am gone.
I wonder if she envisions her own baby daughter having to give up her own life and body for a lifestyle and imaginary non-existent offspring as well. What is the point of life if we aren’t allowed to live for ourselves to some degree?
My body did NOT handle pregnancy well. I had hyperemesis and almost died, I was left with chronic back pain and developed endometriosis, suffered horrible PPD, etc etc. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I will never, ever be pregnant again. I cannot even fathom holding the beliefs that Abby does. She is so blinded by her privilege. I was always pro-choice, but actually becoming a mother myself made me even more so.
I was extremely terrified to lose my teeth……. My teeth are weaker than they were before but I HATED being pregnant… and I had a super normal pregnancy. I love my son, though he was unplanned. But just the experience of being pregnant was enough to make me think more children just aren’t for me.
I used to think this kind of ideology hadn't made it over here in the UK and that it was more common in the US. But then I heard about the National Conservative (or Nat C conference) here earlier this year and what I heard horrified me. Especially from the MP Miriam Cates who is being touted by the more extreme wing of the Tories as 'the future of the party'. She claimed that the biggest threat to Britain right now was that we aren't breeding enough. She is also part of this attempt to bring anti-abortion and anti-sex ed measures over here in the UK where they are MOST DEFINITELY NOT WELCOME! I hope she loses her seat and quits her political career.
It's definitely an argument in the UK and not even far right, it's just phrased very very differently. Mumsnet is probably a hive for this kind of thing. Also we tend to see "you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them" arguments more but the pressure and knowledge of our pensions being usless and older people being forced to go back from retirement because there aren't enough young people to support them has been widely talked about for decades now. It's probably just passed you by especially if they talk about it in facts and figures on the news but it's seeping in more and more to everyday discorse. I definitely hear people being called selfish or that it's a "shame" that they don't have kids - but it gets aggressive when they mention it's selfish because some women or parents can't have kids. I also personally feel the internalised pressure of this, and it's at least something my grandmother has brought up to me before, so it's already a passed down idea generally. My gran only brought it up because of lies that my mum was saying about me and she was saying that I was immature and at her age she was married with kids etc Here you also get a lot of shit put onto couples who like "childish" things like gaming and collecting memorabilia which is common but they make a pass "power couples" and women high up in their careers - until it comes to low fertility again and theyre "selfish" for not having frozen eggs or thought about their future enough etc
Also, it's not the vocal ones you need to be worried about, it's the policy that slips under the radar. Probably you can ignore this one person, but you can look up websites thst show a lot of MPs regularly vote against sex education and abortion rights. It just makes bad arguements seem less bad in comparison if you have someone like this.
I thought it was only the British National Party and UKIP that were like this. I didn’t know the Tories had gone this far-right. I’m not from the UK btw.
@@marianatheschizoid5912 well it seems like many of them were like this but they have been more open about it lately and giving the top jobs to the more right-leaning members. If you look at their current stance on immigration, it's up there as one of the most extreme immigration policies in the world, I'm not even kidding it is only a short way from 'shoot asylum seekers on site' at this point.
as an asexual queer person i find it very comforting to see someone who isn't ace but still doesnt want to get married and have that traditional relationship and have kids. truly, it is hard to put into words but it is a great comfort. so thank you so much for talking openly about it!!
I will never understand the concept of " you'll change your mind" I'm 30 years old, how long till it changes? In regards to kids, I personally turn the question around a bit and ask, " how is it that I'm mature enough to choose to have kids, but not mature enough to decide not to have them? If ones a mistake, I'll live with the regret of not having kids over risking bringing a kid into a home of Regret and resentment"
I’m 16 and my parents said that to me, and said “would yoy rather have a family by your side or regret not having a family and die alone” like why?! And ny dad would say “Once you guys have kids, we can take care of them, we can do this and that and have a loving family!” Ok, that’s cool, but that’s what you want not what I want They said someday I’ll change my mind when I don’t think I ever will
I changed my mind, but from wanting children to not wanting children. I'm 100% aro-ace, I don't want a relationship or sex because (for me personally) the idea stresses me. I don't want to be pregnant because it's not for me. I'm not the right person to be a parent, even if I were to adopt (maybe when I'm a bit older, but definitely not now). I _am_ good with children and I don't wanna brag too much but I think that I'd make a great aunt. I just can't take care of another human being 24/7, it wouldn't be healthy for me or the child. People don't seem to realize that we're not talking about toys, we're talking about actual human beings that didn't have a say in being born. It's your choice to have a child (usually anyways, not always of course), it's your responsibility to teach a human being how to human and saying that people are selfish for not wanting to have children is surreal. I'm not selfish for realizing that bringing a child into this world would only end up harming me, the child and our near surroundings. I'm not selfish for realizing that babies are people and not a doll I get to dress up and put away whenever I want. Just wanting a child (I personally already hate words like 'want', 'have' and 'get', it feels very possessive) for the sake of having a child is selfish. Just like using a human being to fix a relationship or to get out of one is.
Also wouldn't the most unselfish thing to do would be for everyone to adopt already existing children who are facing incredible hardships instead of birthing a kid for what reason other than the selfish desire to continue your own bloodline?
Yuuuup. It infuriates me when anyone is against abortion and says everyone can choose to put their child up for adoption. My first question is, oh, so you are on a wait list for an unwanted child? They always always tell me they know people who are and they have been waiting forever. I always say, oh right, because they are waiting for an infant that looks like them huh? They always having nothing to say because I’m 100% right. I say, maybe they should foster in the mean time to make sure they can love any baby they are fortunate enough to receive.
"We have a responsibility to live our lives for more than just ourselves." The fuck I do! If everyone lives for other people and not for themselves, who is reaping the fruits of all our lives? Everyone should live with their own happiness in mind, within the context of trying not to harm others and the context of certain societal rules that we are all subject to
Not just that, but also there are so many people who "live their lives for more than just themselves" without ever having kids! I'm childfree and I work in mental health care, I've had multiple coworkers (counselors, techs, nurses, psychiatrists, etc) who dedicated their life to their work, and most of the therapists I've seen myself don't have kids. Plenty of people who spend most of their time volunteering, doing philanthropic work like assisting homeless people or disabled people, they're childfree. I cannot comprehend how someone can look at a childfree person who dedicates their life to helping people and say "they're just living their whole life for themselves, how selfish." If anything, having kids gets in the way of being able to help people who really need it. Which is sometimes yourself and that's okay.
I personally fail to see how having a child is living for other people…. It would seem to me that paying my taxes and having a social safety net to ensure a minimum quality of live for society qualifies much more than choosing to make a baby.
I can confirm that living for everyone else is totally unhealthy and it really fucks you up later in life. I'm talking from experience here; just don't do it. Put your health and safety first, and set clearly defined and hard boundaries with everyone. You'll be WAY better off. Just ignore the guilt trips everyone will try to pull on you.
I think some people have this idea that living for yourself looks like taking a bunch of meth and punching all your neighbors for fun, and the only way to stop yourself is through a life of constant service. I worry about these people. Most people I know who live for themselves still benefit the people around them. They make friends while out doing things just for fun, and then do favors for those friends. They volunteer or do important jobs, because it makes them feel good about themselves, or even just because helping others for a living is where the beer & gaming money comes from. And they are simply more uplifting to spend time around than some self-hating trad. And tbh you know what stops you from having the time or money to be helpful to anyone? Kids. As mentioned in the video.
In Abby's world, all childfree people are wild hedonistic party animals. I wish. Also, she doesn't realize how privileged she is to have the option to be a full-time mom. And also, if she thinks once you have a child you miraculously become a responsible adult, she should watch an episode of 16 and pregnant or teenage moms. I don't have children, but it's not 100% by choice. In other circumstances maybe I would have a child or two, I don't know.
I'm a dad, and I'd like to have more kids. I love my daughter, and I firmly believe that ALL children deserve a loving home. I understand not all get this, but demanding that MORE kids be born into homes that don't really want them is just disgusting to me. The problem isn't that not enough people are having kids. We just crossed the 8 billion mark. With just natural ways of living (meaning not even farming), Earth can sustain like half a billion humans. We have MORE than enough people for centuries to come. What we also have way too many of is parents who have kids simply because they feel they have to, resulting in those children growing up in unloving homes or sometimes even families that downright resent them. THAT is what people like Abby are calling for. And it is frankly evil.
Actually, a population collapse is coming, and it is going to be a bit of a challenge. The tides have turned in countries like Türkiye and Iran in my lifetime from 4 kids per woman to below replacement (1.9). India is a heavyweight now reaching this point. It's not just China anymore. People should not feel pressured to have kids, but they certainly should not restrain themselves for the good of the planet.
It is wild to me how many times Abbey used the word ‘I’ in this piece based on NOT BEING SELFISH. Also, she doesn’t seem to know way ‘I’m sorry’ means. Instead of being convinced to have kids, I’m more convinced she has little or no empathy, lives a very egocentric life, and will be a classically over involved helicopter parent that babies her adult son and bullies any daughter, continues to cross boundaries when her children are adults, and I am legitimately concerned for her if her entire identity is being a mom. Because guess what- kids grow up and leave, generally. And she won’t be a conventionally attractive women by the time that happens, so society will treat her MUCH differently. What will she do then, spend her days barging into her kid’s lives and demanding marriage and grandkids? Will she be on the internet whining that her kids don’t visit her? Or will she be in cold storage until she is needed as a grandma, since a woman doesn’t have any other purpose that mothering apparently.
God the self-importance these people feel is outrageous. I wish I thought so highly of myself that I assumed I was the sole authority over all women in the world!
So in order to not be selfish I need to make new human beings that I already know won't be well cared for because I was made to feel guilty for not having kids. That's the UNselfish option.
One of the most important adults in my life growing up was a childless woman by choice. She was like a grandmother for me and i always fiercely admired that she chose not to have kids (especially since she was a young adult in the 50s/60s.) Despite never being a biological mother, she was a stepmom/grandma, my chosen grandma, and a dear friend to so many. She connected with so many people and always looked for an opportunity to learn and grow. She didnt need to birth kids to be deserving of respect.
I’m a woman who really wants the “traditional” marriage and kids and I think Abby’s takes are stupid. It’s ridiculous to try and tell people how to live their lives. The last thing our society needs is more parents who produce children just because it’s what everyone’s doing. I want to be a mom because I genuinely think I will be good at it and I want to raise kids to be kind, caring, and compassionate people, not because I think it will fulfill my life. I can find fulfillment from my career, my special interests, my social justice efforts, my friendships, and in my romantic partnership. I don’t think my kids should be responsible for meeting that need. Their only job will be to be kids. I want to provide the space for them to do that.
And that’s a more normal way to view having a family! They’re extra people to love and a big responsibility. Which is different than making them your sole purpose for existing. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a little person!
Thank you for bringing up the inherent ableism of Abby’s worldview. I have multiple psychiatric disabilities. It took me several years to learn how to live with my conditions. I *know* for a fact I won’t be able to handle kids. I get easily overstimulated. When I hang out with my friends they know that at some point I’ll leave to decompress for half an hour. Just so I can recharge. I physically cannot deal with children. Just the stress of getting my bachelors sent me to a mental hospital for a few months. What kids?! Why? Abby’s arrogance and ignorance are baffling
I know she's focusing on women, but what about father hood? Also, I bet she's the type who will contradict herself and say the 'poor' mothers are bad mothers and shouldn't have kids. So like, mother hood isn't always good. If someone knows they'll be a 'toxic' mother (myself for example) that's why I choose to not be a mother. If I was ever a mother, it will not be by my choice. I love kids, just not being a mother
This! Why does no one sh*t on men who don’t want children, or say that fathers are superior to non-fathers? I’m assuming Abby isn’t wild about forms of motherhood that don’t involve fathers, such as lesbian couples or single mothers who use donors.
@@francescad6626 man gets shit for not wanting kids too but it doesn't happen nearly as much. My husband would get s*** in the workplace with everyone telling him he just has to have kids.
Because being a father only means that you had sex and it worked. Nothing more is required of you, so there really isn't much to congratulate you about other than you have functional sperm.
She doesn't like that motherhood is a choice?! Does she believe that women have the right to choose who they get pregnant by? Or is it random. Just that statement has so many problems. I need her to actually explain herself
Other things that are probably choices: Slavery getting gRaped and/or moidured Being gay Being trans Having whatever else sexual inclination Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
I'm a parent of two and I thoroughly believe people need to do what's right for their life. I had my oldest at 17, did not get the support I really needed, and had endless court with her abusive father. I love my oldest to pieces but everything has had a toll on her and me. She is an adult that doesn't want children and I support whatever she wants. Abby is an awful human. If everyone had babies, she'd be arguing about how you feed them, how they sleep etc.
wholeheartedly agree. i was thankfully able to terminate mine at 9 weeks, many years ago. i am autistic with a very sensitive GI tract and low pain tolerance. throughout those 9 weeks i was a zombie, miserable. i couldn't hold down food and all of my nutrients were being taken from me for this clump of cells i never wanted (at the time i thought i wanted to adopt but i now know i don't have the capacities to be a parent). anyways, my spiritual self and autistic body and brain was sending VERY CLEAR signals to me that this process is wrong for and violent to my body, and should never, ever happen to my body again. my spirituality is earth-based but i know that jesus would understand and comfort anyone going through the same. saying that someone with a working uterus should be forced to give birth is extremely dehumanizing and terrifying. the UN states that forced pregnancy is a war crime. this is what abby wants. fucking unreal.
one of my least favourite things as a child-free person is that whenever you tell people about your decision not to have kids they immediately say 'oh you'll change your mind one day!' as if making the decision to have or not have children is as simple as choosing between ice cream flavours! it just shows a total lack or respect for MY decision to live my life as I want to, when literally every other child-free person I've met and spoken to admire and completely respect those who choose to be parents wholeheartedly!
It is absolutely mind boggling how someone can have such a harmful and overly priviliged view and think it is a good idea to spread it like it's the answer to the universe to have children. I'm 34 and i knew since I was a little that I NEVER wanted to have kids. I don't like them, I don't know how to deal or interact with them, it makes me highly uncomfortable, crying babies turn on my fight or flight response immediatly and I just want to run away. Pregnancy and childbirth is nightmare inducing to me. I have SO many health issues and risks that make me unable to work. Let alone the other risks of imparting tons of these issues to my hypothetical child. I can barely take care of myself. And she thinks I should just have a baby and all my problems will be fixed and I completed my reason for being alive. lmao. How delusional is this woman?
Privilege lets someone be safely ignorant. And when you're dogmatic too, you can just stay that way without your own curiosity or empathy disrupting the happy ignorance.
I relate so much to your comment! I'm 35 and also have so many health issues and disabilities physically as well as mentally. Mind boggling is right! And also totally agree Abby is utterly delulu! I got so riled up by the things she said, I cannot in any way understand how anyone can think like that. How egocentric do u have to be to dare to say the absolute BS coming out of her mouth! It's... Just disgusting honestly isn't it!
34 and I consider myself mentally unfit to be a Dad. I also think we should have tests to check if people are competent enough to be parents, if only to prevent any potential, unessescary damage.
@@optiquemusic6204 Ooof. That competency “test” for parenthood is begging for misuse and a decided disadvantage for marginalized groups. I know we want competent, loving parents, but prohibiting people from becoming parents is not okay.
A horrible, but relevant, worst case scenario here is Casey Anthony, mother of Caylee Anthony, the daughter she murdered. When she originally got pregnant, she wanted an abortion, but was forbidden. Years later she would murder her daughter. i always wonder how much suffering could have been prevented if she had been allowed to have an abortion, and never had a daughter she didn’t want. obviously it’s no excuse, i just wish she had never had a daughter in the first place if she didn’t want one
Yes! I remember taking the time once to actually learn about that case and it just infuriated me how much could've been prevented if her parents hadn't basically forced her to have the kid. Or had at least let her place the child for adoption. Children should never be a punishment for their own sakes, but also because a resentful parent is more likely to be an abusive one.
Yep....I'm pretty sure her parents told her not too. So then her parents always ended up watching Caylee and I think they got upset with Casey not being a present mother, so Casey tried to be a mom but keep up her lifestyle which led to her killing her. It didn't need to happen.
I know what you mean. Pregnancy can be dangerous when you take certain meds. I have bipolar disorder and i'm schizoaffective. If i got pregnant i'd have to come of my medication, which would be very risky. I hate when people ignore how much illness/ medication affects pregnancy. Carrying a child and giving birth is not for everyone.
As someone who is postponing motherhood because my partner and I can't afford children right now, I find everything she says so frivolous and detached from reality.
I 100% agree. And I hope you know, technically it costs like 1 million dollars per child to pay for the best school best doctors best college etc… so just know, you can choose to rely a little bit on faith that you can do it if you really want to. I really respect your choice to wait on your finances to be good enough, but just know, them being barely good enough is okay. You should have what you want in this world.
I was an unwanted pregnancy that resulted in a bad marriage and four other children who lost their mother by the time I was ten. She did everything in the house and my father was a slob. After that I was abused. And now I am about to be homeless due to disabilities being ignored, no support system, and despite my best efforts, I can’t take care of myself alone. I don’t plan on having children of my own.
But also they get BIG MAD at the trans men who do desire that! Like they say they want anyone who can to do so, but we all know only people who look like them, and espouse their values deep down. I also think it ties into their prolife beliefs that for those who do get pregnant, it justifies their stance on well this is happening to you, it’s not a choice, it’s destined to happen, no backing out now.
You’re right, she sounds jealous. This comes off like sour grapes, and it seems to be a common theme with the fundies that, since they’re miserable, living under their unnecessary burden, we all deserve the same misery.
If I heard some dude say “I wish fatherhood wasn’t a choice” I’d lose my mind. So this is so understandable….. Stuff like this is so sad, Abby just doesn’t want to see people have free will… Motherhood NEEDS to be a choice, that way the mother is ready/wants to be a mother…..
A little bit of an asshole thing to say to people who suffered injuries or illnesses resulting in non-functional testes now or just somehow lose parts of their genitalia, isn't it?
@@crowdemon_archives what? In that hyper specific scenario I would recommend adoption. Same goes for any same sex couples, adopting, artificial insemination, and birth mothers can easily fix this problem….. Are your testies okay bro? You took this oddly personally….
you speaking out about how you and your partner don’t want to get married and that being OK really impacted me, because to me it relates to arguably a completely opposite issue i have. i don’t want to get married, i don’t want to be pregnant, i’m aroace so i can’t have a partner nor do i want one… but i want kids. i want to adopt kids so badly, i really want to raise kids, and put in the effort to learn how and to have a family that involves kids, but i know due to the fair and good intentioned way the adoption system works, you can’t adopt children as a single parent. i cant raise kids with my family or close and valued friends because that’s not the socially acceptable way to go about things, and you just talking about how you’re living your life in a not socially acceptable way because of your needs and wants and are fine with it? it makes me feel less bad about my own needs and wants even if your needs at achievable and mine might not be. so thanks for sharing your perspective.
I've never been more convinced that Abby hates her life then I am after watching her try so desperately to convince us (herself) that she is having fun!
Natalists don't advocate for SA and forced pregnancy challenge (impossible). Aside from natalism being dangerous on its own, videos like Abby's are trying to normalize forced pregnancies. This is the policy position of the religious and of natalists.
When I was a kid in the 90s, and a teen in the early 2000s, I was always telling people that I didn't want to be a mom. They always insisted that I would change my mind. For a brief time in my early 20s I would say "I'll maybe adopt" just to get them to shut up. I'm glad we've finally reached a point where being childfree is more widely accepted... but yeah, with that comes backlash from traditionalists like Abby. Thanks for making this video!
I'm not a mother, I teach, educate and care for 460 children every week, know them by name, know each and every single personality, home lives, pets names, and support them everyday. I don't need to be a mother to be fulfilled. Xxxx
I’m a new mom and I have never understood when people say oh did you ever know you could love something so much? Like yes lol. I do love my child so much but I also have felt lots of love like that for my pets and my husband. It’s always a little strange to me when people say that?
I used to have nightmares about being pregnant or giving birth. The way my body was suddenly not under my control was absolutely horrible! I am not saying I would never want to be a mother, I might want to adopt or foster in the future, but i would never want my body to be out of my own control. I do not ever want to be pregnant or give birth, and I can't imagine how it must feel for people in places where they do not have a choice if they become pregnant. There should always be a choice!
My parents wanted to have a child together, and here I am. She wanted me to be someone I'm not. I dislike wearing makeup, chose clothes via consignment shopping years later, etc. I've watched nephews and nieces in my family when they were younger, and it wasn't something I was sold on. My mother being an alcoholic made me turn into her parent. I'm in my late 20's with a career job I love. Not having kids doesn't break me. Pregnancy terries me, and I learned to like how I look two years ago. Even wanted kids can be abused, so Abby's arguments don't always work.
No doubt. I haven’t spoken to my mother for years. And last month, my niece went no contact with her father (my brother). My parents as well as my niece’s parents planned for and wanted a baby when each of us were conceived. Neither my mother, nor my brother wanted to mistreat their children. However, those desires and choices didn’t shield me or my niece from experiencing shitty parenting.
Indeed. My mother took fertility treatments to get pregnant with me and then a few years later proceeded to abuse drugs and alcohol and run wild for the next two decades. I was heavily parentified as a child.
Not for anything, but she has emphasized that she lives in an “amazing” (her words) Jewish community. I’m happy she feels at home with her community….but what does that have to do with me? 😐 What does my choices in life have to do with her? We don’t share the same beliefs, we don’t live in the same area, let alone the same community, and will probably, most likely NEVER meet in person. And I know for damn sure she will NEVER choose to visit my community. So, how am I being selfish when our lives don’t revolve around each other? 🤨 just curious…
@@stevesayers2471 Hah "society" and "community". There are people in the same country as me who would not spit on me if I was on fire. So miss me with that crap. Plus, there are 7-8 BILLION people on this earth. We are far from "dying out". And if we were...who cares? Is everyone helping you survive?
I still remember my freshman year biology teacher in high school tell us that "the purpose of life is to reproduce". I remember thinking that I was broken because from a very young age, I knew I didn't want kids. And it was weird growing up cause I was praised for not ever being in a romantic relationship and focusing on schoolwork, but as soon as I hit 18, I was shamed for not being in a relationship. And my mother would always say that she wanted grandchildren but me and my sisters have decided to be child free and I think that's an appropriate consequence for all the emotional abuse she inflicted upon us. Just to be clear, we don't do it out of spite but we really have thought about it and it's just not worth it. Especially since we're just now starting to learn and understand who we are ourselves.
As someone who’s aroace, hearing someone who isn’t apart of the asexual or aromatic communities essentially speak about their experience with amatonormativity and how it negatively impacts them too was really comforting and reassuring. It sometimes feels like we’re on this little island of people who see an issue that nobody else does (that issue of course being the pressure and expectations about what relationships are and should look like) it is really nice to see that some allo people also see this problem
Having children isn't for everybody. As a teacher I see parents who love it and others who aren't suited to it. Abby's point about the strong love between mother and child is a thing for most of us moms. Right when my kids were born the emotions and hormones worked together to make me just want to cuddle my babies.
I think my sister explained her position quite well once (she’s autistic and has ADHD). She told me that “kids are noisy, smelly and sticky. They also need a lot of attention and guidance. It’s hard enough to take care of myself, or even remembering to make dinner for family when I have promised to do so. How could I ever raise a kid? No, it’s better to be the weird and hopefully cool aunt than to be the mother who accidentally traumatised her kids because she lacked what was needed to take care of them”. I kinda admire her for being able to say that to our family, especially considering how the older generations have gotten more and more pushy during the past few years. I do want kids of my own, but not right now… my body is currently not in a state that would support a pregnancy that well (anemia due to my body not taking up nutrients, we’re trying to figure out why… but medication has made me way better during the last month). Still… our wishes are equal. I would actually argue that my sister has made the more selfless decision for her life, due to her reasons… I actually can’t come up with any reasons (to have kids) that can match that level of selflessness…
Can't say Abby is at all convincing, her arguments are all rooted in opinion and she's effectively just saying 'if you're a woman, be a mother or I won't like you very much'. Doesn't win me over to her side just makes me think less of her as person.
I passed up my last chance to have kids because I had been diagnosed with hormone-responsive stage III breast cancer and my getting pregnant would have made the cancer grow faster. So bite me, Abby. Classically~~ Edited to add: what kind of bizarre pseudo-milkmaid outfit is Abby wearing?!
the first gyno i saw as a teenager i asked about a hysterectomy and was told i had to be over 25 with kids and married. i finally found an amazing doctor who didn’t judge and was so upset that so many women have that experience when talking about sterilization. i finally got my hysterectomy, two years later i don’t regret it and wish i would’ve gotten sooner. im in colorado usa
"i dont like that motherhood is a choice" is one of THE scariest statements ever made. sent chills down my spine
Yup
It gives fundie "you should just have sex with him whenever he wants" "you can't rape your spouse" vibes and its so gross
Handmaids tale
@@KaylaidoscopeASMR exactly. It's so creepy
Its very "Blessed be the fruit".
"You don't want to be selfish do you?" Actually I do. I want to be selfish because my needs and wants are important to me.
Not following commands that a random stranger gave in a video isn't selfish.
@@irene2958 exactly!
Selfishness has to be directed towards somebody and there's nobody else on the receiving end so it's not selfishness
Having kids you don't want is extremely selfish. You're bringing a child into this world, fully realising you don't have even the desire to provide everything they will need, to sacrifice your entire lifestyle for them, all for the sake of appeasing other adults, for looking good in their eyes and not invoking their judgement. If you value your time, money, energy, don't have kids because they need a lot more than you might think. Kids are not a hobby or an accessory
And that’s not even being selfish, it’s a basic human right to make your own choices.
When she says "Motherhood is what life is for." I can only imagine how damaging that is to someone who wants children but isn't capable.
Literally, why tf would anyone think that
She has nothing else going on for her, so she is going to vicariously live through her children…. Yikes.
You can adopt. That’s motherhood.
@@evaphillips2102 but she also said "you can't describe what love feels until you're carrying your own child"
@evaphillips2102 you're technically correct but wow DAMB I hope you don't pull that take on a friend who is struggling to have a baby.
Dolly Parton is a great positive example of a childfree person because of how much good she's done for *so many* children- her Imagination Library provides a free book a month to every child in Tennessee (and now in other states too). It greatly boosted the literacy rates in TN across socio-economic strata. She also provides a heck of a lot of funding for hospitals, both pediatric and not. She's childfree and also a positive influence in the lives of millions of kids.
Here in NC, everyone loves her. She's a southern darling and the only thing all polital parties agree on. She is a national treasure
She's like a mom or aunt to children who are complete strangers to her. THAT'S a legacy Abby. God she's such a condescending witch.
I am in awe every time I hear a new fact about this woman.
@@generatoralignmentdevalueshe really is amazing
Exactly
There are plenty of people (men and woman, famous and not famous) who are child free by choice, and don't want their own kids, but still love kids and help kids through whatever means
I love how Abby assumes that everybody who doesn’t become a mother is just “traveling, partying, and living it up”, and not that the majority of us are working full-time jobs to just make a stable living. Really shows how out of touch she is…
Speaks to her own privilege. Maybe her own desires.
Ignorance at its best. To make her argument more convincing and true she would just verbal vomit whatever comes in her mind than actually searching whether it's true or not.
She’s indoctrinated w oppressors agenda (brother)
I WISH I CAN TRAVEL LMAO but i cant
Yeah I’m sure it’s easy to pop out a billion kids when you’re rich as fuck
"you can't describe what love feels until you're carrying your own child" does she not *love* her partner? Or parents, siblings, any other family?
Well, her brother is Ben Shapiro, so it's entirely possible that's a 'no', at least on the family front.
i loved my husband and every single pet i ever had. i love my friends and family. i would have loved my children if i'd had them, but i would not have enjoyed being a parent so i didn't become one.
Well, it is a different love though. While I disagree with 90% of what classically Abby says, I know what she meant by that. It's just that the love for a child is different and you can't imagine it beforehand.
I understand where you're coming from and I respect that. But you do simply not know how my love for my stepson feels for me. Or anybody else's love for whomever. So, while this statement might be true for you and any other number of people, or not, that does not an universal fact make. So no, I don't think you have a valid point here.
@EnaGoba that is. Above there.
‘I don’t like the idea that motherhood is a choice’
Wow, almost like she doesn’t believe women should have autonomy and freedom. Almost like she wants women and our bodies to be controlled by others.
Also, I dare her to go to a foster home full of children whose parents couldn’t take care of them or maybe even didn’t want them and spout this bullshit.
Knowing the pains that my parents went through raising me, I could never want to raise a child like myself.
Yeah that is absolutely disgusting
@NotVille_ cry harder incel
she is the sort of person who would make an SA survivor carry their abusers parasite to term.
That's just a more subtle form of "consent doesn't matter"
motherhood is so important to these conservatives until the kid is being raised by lesbians. it's the most amount of motherhood possible and I'd love to hear classically abby's thrillingly poor argument against it
Wait until she finds out that two gay men having a kid means no motherhood…
Because kids “need both a masculine and feminine influence” or smth
@@jomaq9233 Never mind that there are boys raised by lesbians who grow up to be exactly the sort of good men that conservatives always pretend to want (while in reality mocking folks who have an actual heroic bent, and doubling that mockery if said person with a heroic bent happens to be female, because how dare they).
I love the description of having two moms as "the most amount of motherhood possible". It's true.
@@JeddtheJedi Similar to "If you want the thing to be as manly as possible, just have 2 men involved instead of 1!" 😂
Saying having children iss the right choice for everyone is insane.
Drowning in debt? Have a child!
Abusive Relationship? Have a child!
Homeless?Have a child! Suffering from terminal cancer? Have a child!
This should not have made me laugh 😅
Me who would 100% die if I get pregnant: have a child!
I guess Abby's only pro life of fetuses
Fuck the life of adults
I guess I'm not respectable because I want to live
I wish she would say that to my face, like have it up with your God Abby, he made me like this.
Parents died? Have a child!
Abusing Chidren to be groomed and raised as conservative? Have a child
Addicted to heroin you say? Have a child!
It's crazy how Abby can fat-shame women and then criticize them for being anxious about what their bodies look like in the same sentence.
Facts don't care about your feelings.
If you do notice a contradiction in conservative arguments, then you're just denying reality. My ego dictates that my statements are factual.
I don't know how people wake up and think its a good idea to force people who dont want kids to have kids.
years of indoctrination
BREED DAMMIT
I'm not trying to say that this is all it is, but surely some of it comes from "Well this is what I was told and now I'm suffering from not realizing there were other options, so now I need you to suffer with me!" Because misery loves company.
@@kaelin_cheriseI agree. If having children is what all people are “supposed” to do, then that validates these people’s choices, hardships, and concessions. People usually develop belief systems to justify their choices and desires.
Yes and also why do they care???
(I think they’re jealous of CFBC and want everyone to suffer with them. They’re also mad when women choose to wait, and then choose to have kids later in life… “how dare you have it all!”)
I once heard a someone turn the phrase “every child is a blessing” around and said “but are you a blessing to that child?”. I am a parent, and I had to recognize that regardless of my own wants, I only have the finances and mental/emotional capacity for one child. Fundies have children regardless of whether than can give them a good life, and that’s SELFISH
Fundies make their older children care for and raise the younger children. Fundies don’t even intend to _parent_ their own children, so they certainly aren’t considering whether or not they can give their child a _good_ life.
I like that twist.
@@alexwyatt2911As the eldest of a fundie family...yep. Also like, why would someone like me WANT kids if we've already raised our siblings?
@@rowanlavellan9755 Exactly. My good friend is the eldest of a fundie family and-for a long time-she was not interested in having children because she raised all her siblings. However, she’s now happily a mother of two and it’s been so cool to watch her be such a kick ass mom.
Calling child-free people selfish is so ridiculous when fundies want to have kids because god tells them to rather than because they actually want or are prepared for kids.
It's even more ridiculous when you realize they often have kids for purely selfish reasons, like to have somebody to take care of them when they get old, or to live vicariously through the kid by forcing them to do a bunch of shit they don't want to
It sometimes seems as if the convervative idea of a grown up is NOT someone who is able to make informed decisions and take responsibiliy for them, but just someone who has now successfully learned all the rules and can follow them without needing a parent to force them.
I didn't think about that, do they think it's selfish to not give God kids then? I know a lot use this to blame childfree people because others can't have kids, but usually completely unrelated to adoption arguments.
I don't get who it's unfair for ... maybe that's the point? Just more undirected shame for you to fill in the blanks with whatever works to make women feel bad enough to have them?
Especially cuz selfishness need somebody for it to be directed towards and there's nobody that this action is being directed towards so it cannot possibly be selfishness.
@@RexxyRobinpretty much Sky Daddy Panopticon. That's also the school system in the UK, but also I know a lot of fundies homeschool in the US as well.
I have two adult children. I wouldn’t trade them for a billion bucks but those two pregnancies nearly killed me and effectively ruined my health for the rest of my life. I paid a HUGE price for my choices. Most people underestimate the risks associated with pregnancy. It makes me so angry.
Sending you lots of love, I can't imagine how that must have felt. I hear you, see you, and appreciate your perspective
I live in a "third world" country where women are judged just a little bit for not having children. I do have to disagree with you that women know what they're getting into. In my experience, the risks are not well known and downplayed (unless it's a bunch of moms complaining to each other lol)
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is so important that voices like your are included in the conversation so that people capable of getting pregnant can consider the costs of pregnancy & birth and make an informed decision on their future.
@@chrisz7494 you’re right. Women who planning on having children are not usually aware of the risks either. It’s not a part of the fantasy world that patriarchy has created and wants to keep.
Maaaaan, pregnancy did a number on me too. I have two kids and two completely different issues with each. First pregnancy almost put me in the past tense with blood loss and the second pregnancy went without a hitch, but my body has been never gone back to being the same. My stamina is caput, every period feels like a mini labor, and my chart is all over the place.
Would walk through hell and back for my kids.... But the physical, mental, and financial toll it has taken can not be ignored.
imagine thinking DOLLY PARTON is selfish just because she doesn't have kids
It just suddenly hit me... what if part of what drives Dolly to do all the things she does for children, is the same ancient "women who don't have children are lacking" crap that Abbey is now selling? 😮😮😮
@@suzboneOr maybe she’s just a good person? Idk maybe that’s a stretch
@@Kitkat_004 I don't mean to detract from Dolly's goodness at all.... she's a TREASURE and I admire her so much.
What I mean is that even the greatest of us aren't immune to the shitty ideas we grew up with and are surrounded by. It's hard to even imagine a human sun like Dolly being affected that way, but the truth is we're all vulnerable. That's what therapy is all about. It just suddenly hit me what a plot twist that would be, if someone who had done so much for so many children, had a little kernel of bad feeling for not having had children herself.
I'm not even saying I think she feels that way. I'm just saying that stuff happens.
She told Miley Cyrus never to change her unnatural blonde hair which is really unhealthy to put on a young woman. Sounds like the words of someone forcing an attachment onto a child not biologically hers because she didn't have any!
@@suzboneI don’t want children of my own, but I’ve dedicated my life to helping children living in low income, teaching children with learning disabilities and giving children in hard situations opportunities and resources. None of that stems from me thinking without children I have no worth. It mostly stems from knowing how much they need loving adults and wanting to be that for them
Remember: Child marriage is legal in a lot of the United States, but those same children can't get divorced because they aren't legal adults. They have to wait until they're legal adults. It's fucked.
What!! I knew about the underage marriage loopholes (marry your abuser and the law says it is not abuse, or something that ends up looking that way) but had not clocked the divorce impact. Can they have a marriage annulled??
now they are going after no fault divorce.. they want to go back to women being trapped in marriages they hate.
NC had a bad history of people coming here to get child brides since it was 14 with parents permission. Now Ohio and Arkansas have lowered their age to just 12 years old and the working age to 14. The party that pushed these bills through, the Republicans in those states, still claim to be "pro life" and want to protect kids...while forcing them to marry and work before the are of 16. I am so sickened by my own country
@@fallenking578 at age 12.... WTH. Like the worst of contexts across the world. I was shocked by the BBC documentary about 14 plus cases.... But 12.....
India is said to be a 3rd world country and even here a kid , if forcibly married, can get the husband arrested, and the marriage annulled. I'm not saying child marriage doesn't happen at all , but it's totally illegal... The limit is 18 .
That argument that "motherhood deserves more respect than other vocations" is WILD coming from a fundamentalist: a culture notorious for not supporting or respecting mothers' labor
I think it’s significant that Abby said “motherhood” not “parenthood.” So much of what she said in that video excludes fathers and cisgender men. Dudes in the manosphere like to whine that feminism doesn’t include or benefit men (even though it does). However, the reality is that misogynists, including Abby, conduct themselves in such a way that excludes and harms men in demonstrable, tangible ways.
because the respect she's talking about is a pacifying lie she needs herself and others to believe to uphold and perpetuate the system she's living in.
@@alexwyatt2911 I wonder if she thinks all men need to be parents as well. If so we better start colonizing other planets because we’re gonna run outta room.
The only thing is that in other vocations you get a paycheck ( compensation)for what you do well a mother rarely gets a thank you unless it Mother’s Day
Ok so let’s stand up for financial support for mothers in poverty, better housing support, better education for kids, better wages for working mothers… oh wait, this isn’t about respecting motherhood, it’s about controlling women and having more wage slaves to exploit right?
At 23 years of age, I have a few attempted suicides under my belt already, so I can confidently say, yeah, Abby, I AM living for myself. I’m living for the kid who didn’t think he was going to make it past 15 years old. I’m also living for my cats, my boyfriend, my friends, and my family, but I’m mostly living because I deserve to be alive. DO live for yourself. Live and love yourself, especially if you once believed you didn’t deserve to live and love yourself. You are not obligated to live for any other reason than because you deserve to.
Yeah!! Thanks for putting this incredible wisdom into the world. I really appreciated your comment. ❤
Hey stranger, I’m really glad you’re still here.
I'm so happy you're here!❤ Loving ourselves are so important and can be so damn hard sometimes. Some are fortunate to never know how much of a struggle it can be to hold on to life✨️
All the virtual hugs for you!!
Literally this. I now want to LIVE for myself, because I either wasn’t allowed to, or was in too much of a dark place to think I could. I was being abused by my own parent from 8-18, and attempted my life twice at 13 years old, once at 14, and three more times between 15 & 16. I battled addiction from 18-20. I’m lucky to have made it out alive; but now deal with a lot of mental illness. On top of that, I had undiagnosed or treated ADHD, which made it so much harder. I’m finally learning who I am in the past couple years, and I’m 24. I relate to you a lot.
There is no life without regret.
I'd much rather regret not having kids, than regretting having them
Agreed. At least the former only affects yourself. The latter affects you AND others.
Exactly one person being "miserable " is much better than 2 or more persons being miserable together
That part. And I agree with all the comments.
This is the perfect tidbit I’ve read on this topic, putting in my memory bank, thank you ❤️
I don't believe I will ever regret not having kids, but on the off chance I do, it will be my burden to bear, not anyone else's.
“You can’t describe how important another person’s life is until you have children….” Big yikes. I think this says more about Abby than anything. Did she really have no capacity for empathy prior to motherhood?? I feel intense empathy (at times to problematic degrees, yay therapy), and yet I have zero inclination to procreate. I truly see no correlation whatsoever.
Because you don’t have kids…
@@sharamusica if you need to have unprotected sex in order to be able to see other people as important and worth protecting... you have issues
It's not like she has empathy now either
@@sharamusica if you didn't consider life important until you had children... something is lacking in your brain
And I don't mean that as an insult
Your brain lacks empathy and awareness of others
If the only life you see as important is the one you see as an extension of yourself
Maybe go to therapy
Because that's truly a dangerous mindset to have
I seriously wonder if they don't realize that abusive parents that hurt and k*ill their children exist
Like having a child does not automatically make you an empathetic and good individual who values your children's life
The absolute lack of awareness they have is astonishing
I'm a 25yo Australian and spent 2-3 years trying to get sterilised. 3 different GPs told me "but what about your future husband" and "you'll change your mind". Only the final doctor I mentioned it to, a gastroenterologist of all things, explained to me WHAT a hysterectomy would actually do to my body (i.e early menopause) and pushed me to looking at my other options. That had been my main choice due to debilitating endometriosis, but realising that my symptoms would likely get worse than better made me rethink that pursuit. But no other doctor had ever looked at me as a person in pain, I'd just been viewed over and over again as a potential incubator.
But you wouldn't go through menopause if you removed your uterus but kept your ovaries? There are many sorts of hysterectomies, and most of them leave your hormonal function intact. I think your gastro wasn't quite right about that. But I know what you're going through - I tried to get sterilised since I was 18 and only succeeded when I was 31. Have a look into the private system, email a whole bunch of gynaecological surgeons (if you're in Melbourne, Latika Cilly is amazing), and don't give up.
@@theentirepopulationofaustr6046 The thing is to get the symptom relief I would need I would need everything taken out, so he was right in being concerned. And going private unfortunately isn’t an option for me, especially now in the cost of living crisis - it’s way, way too expensive 😅 Thank you though
Gentle hugs. I was one of the lucky people who DID get significant symptom relief when I got a hysterectomy last year at 26 in New Zealand - however, my symptoms were mostly caused by adenomyosis, and I'd already had all of my endo excised. My doctor agreed to do it because 1. my combination of comorbid disabilities made the level of pain I was in life-threatening through fatigue shutting down organs, 2. carrying a pregnancy would be extremely dangerous with my mix of disabilities, many of which are genetic as well, and 3. I'm queer, so if I wanted children, my partner could carry.
There was still quite a lag between getting diagnosed and getting surgery, even private (thank god for insurance), but my surgeon is one of the leading specialists in endo/adeno so is up on all the current recommended medications. He first put me on Primolut-N, and then Zoladex when that eventually failed.
I still had to do a psych eval and get signed off by a psychologist, because the clinic did actually have a patient come after them when she changed her mind after her hysterectomy. Me, though? Best decision ever. I still have my ovaries since my endo is currently under control, but if it ever becomes a problem again, I can go back on medication.
I got a total hysterectomy a few months back (I'm intersex so my periods were rough). Luckily that got it approved in insurance for me so I didn't have to get a gender referral, my doc knew the loopholes and was eager to help. The lack of period pain/fatigue/emotional outbursts has been life-changing. I'm on testosterone which is keeping me from going through menopause but to my understanding you can also take estrogen for the same effect. Hope you can find relief ❤
As someone who can’t have kids and yet is told all the time how I should still have kids, even though I PHYSICALLY can’t; I can’t stand people like Abby.
Folks who say that are so insensitive to other people. You don’t know what a person is going through and people shouldn’t be putting their privileges onto others like everyone equal.
That completely sucks that people subject you to such invasive, cruel commentary. You’ve likely learned to cope and navigate these people’s indiscretions, but you shouldn’t have to :(
I was actually engaged when I found out and my step grandmother fully told my now husband he still had time to leave me for someone who can have kids. I don’t think people like Abby ever think about how lucky she is to have two kids back to back.
I’m so sorry. My husband and I have been trying for a while without success, and I get these comments a lot and it hurts so much every time. They have no clue the struggles I’m going through and I don’t need a reminder that I need to have the thing that I want the most.
My friend had a historectomy due to cancer, and actually had someone tell her if she focused on her health she could GROW a new uterus.
I’d love to ask Abby if fatherhood is also mandatory? 🙄
This!
As a mom , it just sounds like Abby is just trying to convince herself how wonderful being a mom is...
She genuinely sounds envious of people who have chosen not to have children
exactly. she seems to regret it
I think she's surrounded by people that don't really value motherhood
Andrea Yates had severe postpartum psychosis. They were fundamentalists, and her husband didn’t help her (notoriously conservative fundamentalists don’t respect a woman’s labor & vocation). As a result of no support, and continuing to have children, her condition worsened leading to that horrific outcome. Abby’s view contributes to this whether or not she knows or cares
@@gjohn338 You’ve essentially reiterated what I’ve said, but yes- you’re right. Many are just sick & disregard others, or simply don’t believe in mental illness or medical advice.
True.
19:00 Stevie Nicks is 75 and child-free by choice, and she has said, “I was not put on this earth to be a wife and mother. I was put on this earth to create music that makes wives and mothers happy.” My very first memory is of my mother (one of those wives and mothers Stevie was talking about) playing the Rumors album and memorizing the lyrics to “Dreams”. She did exactly what she set out to do. I am 46 and very confident in my decision not to have children, and I know I have done a better job here as a citizen, a teacher and a human being because of my choice. 👍🏻
this is such a sweet quote
I love Stevie Nicks.
Stevie is magic
Considering I spent my entire life as the eldest kid caring for and raising my siblings in a Quiverfull family, I think I owe it to myself to be 'selfish'
You absolutely do!
I’ve definitely seen that in a ton of families with a bunch of kids. I’d think you could even argue at that point that parents having more children only to put the burden on the older children IS way more selfish than not having more kids. But I’m sure Abby wants us all to pop out as many babies as possible 🙄 oh wait, not all of us. Just people like her.
I probably didn’t have it as bad as you, but as the eldest of 6 I definitely have a different take on parenthood and familial roles as well. It’s irritating to be told growing up that you’re to live for your siblings and for the responsibilities set upon you by your parents and to never be encouraged w your own dreams just to watch everybody else be encouraged w theirs. And while I love my younger siblings I doubt they’ll have any idea what it was like for me and the pressure that was put on me to be the perfect little kid and do everything the family wanted. Having kids eventually was a part of that and I’m starting to open my mind more to what I personally want and what I need
Hell yeah! I’m in the same boat, it’s about time I CARE ABOUT MYSELF ❤
People who think it's okay to guilt others into having kids have never been parentified, abused, and/or neglected, or they are deluding themselves into thinking their childhoods were fine and need therapy. It was painfully obvious my mom did not want kids but did since it was expected of her. The values Abby expresses have arguably never worked because it doesn't acknowledge the core to parenting: sacrifice. If these values did acknowledge sacrifice, they would also have to acknowledge that some people make a sacrifice by not having kids. They chose to break a cycle of issues and/or to prioritize other things. Not every child-free person is just doing it purely out of what she considers vapid reasons. She should bother to learn about people who have valuable life stories like you. Sorry you dealt with that as a child.
One of my many bugbears with the Quiverful Movement, aside from the physical strain on the mother, being consecutively pregnant over many years, is, though I am Christian myself, the thought of basically dragging the older siblings into not just co-depedent relationships, but effectively, are made to become co-parents, themselves, meaning, especially for girls, a rather truncated childhood, and lost opportunities. I can even imagine the elder sons being roped in just as much as literally their brothers' (and sisters' ...) keepers ... especially when the dad goes on long buisness trips, the eldest so is declared as 'temporary head of the family' and 'man of the house ', both of which is just plain wring on oh so many levels ...
There's little I can say that will help with what you went through, save I am glad that you are now free to be your own person in/on your own stead ...
She really does strike me as the kind of person who would blame her child for being sexually assaulted by their parent
Right? She absolutely would go "Now, grape is horrible and the kid shouldnt have to be pregnant right now... BUT I still believe I'd rather traumatize a kid through having to carry her grapist's baby than to abort. Maybe this will benefit the kid 🤡"
I developed Type 1 Diabetes the first time I got pregnant. I did not keep the pregnancy. It took 6 weeks for me to go from fine to dizzy, passing out in my vomit, random bouts of falling, sleeping all day, foul smelling and frequent urine, and extreme depression and migraines. I thought I deserved this, because I had heard that pregnancy changes your body.
I was 19, confused, and had no insurance. Uneducated as I was, it was months before I dragged myself to my doctor and they were appalled at my condition. I was pregnant for only 7 weeks, and now have a lifetime disability. The rest of my life, I will be insulin dependent. My body has changed significantly. I am not who I was just 2 years ago.
I had a preexisting immune condition that saw my pregnancy as a threat, and attacked my pancreas as a result. I did not know this was a risk I had at all.
Pregnancy is dangerous! Pregnancy is hard on the body from day one. The idea we should force women to go through these risks against their will is disgusting to me.
The idea of pregnancy gives me body horror so powerful I get nauseated just thinking about it. If not wanting to experience that makes me selfish or a terrible person, I'm okay with that.
I feel the same way!
This is a quote i will always bring up whenever people tey to babble me up in their own little world.
Really, i have been judged and mistreated in my early years enough to not care about others' opinions pretty soon (despite propending to be a people pleaser).
These people never grew up of their "classroom age", clearly just strive for status and can't see people beyond that.
Luckily, i found people who are as unapologetic in their life choices, interests and passions such as artists, and to imagine them oppressed by Abby's system makes my blood boil.
I’m a woman but my body certainly doesn’t like having babies. I had gestational diabetes with both of my pregnancies and then learned that my body is incapable of dilation during labor so I had c-sections with both. Then I learned that the milk producing glands in my breasts never fully developed so I can only make about 1/6 of what my baby needs. And to top it off, I had SEVERE postpartum anxiety that made me feel constantly like I was going to die for 9 months. I had full on meltdowns everyday for almost a YEAR. I absolutely LOVE being a mom, but getting here was the hardest thing I have ever done and I cannot imagine how horrific it would have been if my children hadn’t been my choice.
There needs to be a lot more acceptance of divvying up parenting roles so that they are all satisfied for the kids in ways that suit the parents. Somewhere out there, there are women who ARE all set for pregnancy and ARE NOT suited to raising kids and we can certainly match them up with people with the opposite circumstances and accept good conditions for children.
@@jeffengel2607 Even if those women who have easy pregnancies shouldn’t be made to carry them to term if they don’t want to be pregnant. Women are not to be “bred” so infertile couples can have children.
Yeah I also had that realization when my son was born. "Imagine not wanting this and having to do it????" 😵💫
@@theoriginalpandanon Well no. Obviously. It's a matter of their choices and preferences too. I shouldn't have to say this, but yikes, I guess when the conversation includes forced birther sorts like Abby one may have to be unusually clear that way.
@@jeffengel2607 do you mean something like the surrogate situations in the US? There's also the consideration that non-privileged AFAB people might sell their bodies and health to carry these babies
I have 5 kids, I love them, I chose them, and watching them become their own unique people is the coolest thing I’ve been a part of.
My oldest never wants to have kids. She loves babies, but only wants to be an auntie. And I love that for her. Anyone who tells her she needs to sacrifice her understanding of herself to the “altar of motherhood” so she’ll meet their ideal of womanhood, well, they can get bent.
Abby does sound bitter. Terribly bitter.
I'm with your eldest. I love kids, I love babies, they make me smile and laugh and I'm excited to be a bonus pibling/zizi to my brother's stepdaughter, but I have no desire to raise my own kids. Period.
As someone with a child, I have immense respect for those who decide not to have children for what ever reason. It takes a lot of maturity and self-awareness to come to that decision while living in a culture which fetishizes parenthood.
And you’re the kind of parent that I’m grateful to and respectful of. I think kids are great; they’re people that don’t suck yet. However, I’m currently unwilling to be a parent. I could change my mind tomorrow, but it won’t be because someone else tells me I _should_ be a parent.
Those weirdos do fetishizes parenthood and it's freaking creepy.
You have my respect.
They treat it as a fetish but they also hate mothers and children.. it is the damed no matter what you do women have always faced.. they want to force women to have kids and then punish women who have kids for being unmarried or needing support.
Sadly, it really is a fetish for some. There are who categories on porn hub for it. That's why they want to force people to do it, to get off, because women only exist for their pleasure. Real parents, like you are the diamonds in the rough we need. People who see us as people, who truely care
"Why is it lesser because it's a different species?"
This hits SO hard. My dad's kitten disappeared 17 years ago and I remember watching my dad absolutely fall apart over the next few months. He was beyond devastated. I think there's still a part of him that never recovered. He cannot speak about it without breaking down. It was like losing a child for him. And that's so real and so valid. I hate the world for putting him through that trauma and agony. He spent countless nights walking around looking for the kitty and watching him slowly realise and try to accept that he was surely dead somewhere and he'd never have closure really shaped me. My heart breaks for him.
Humans are capable of so much love and to tell them that their love of an adorable, perfect little creature that is uncapable of doing wrong or ever hurting you in any way, that just loves you unconditionally forever, is somehow not valid? Those people can rot.
Feel this so much.
I've sadly witnessed two different occasions of a loved one losing a beloved pet. It is heartbreaking and it stays with people.
- You cannot fully understand your mortality until you've swam with white sharks or bungee-jumped in the Grand Canyon
- You cannot fully understand the universe until you've experienced weightlessness in space
- You cannot fully understand human morality until you've been stranded in the mountains after a plane crash, came to the brink of starvation and contemplated cannibalism
....should I continue?
I am confused by the idea of childfree woman on the beach just looking hot 24/7. I am 30 and married with no desire to have children. But my husband and I work hard to maintain a household and make our life as decent as it can be. Abbey sounds very jealous of this elusive hot woman with no life responsibilities.
She does sound bitter a times. Wouldn’t be surprising if deep down she resents having to start a family so soon in life (if at all), she lives in a very sexist environment after all and was likely told all her life that birthing children was her main goal in life at the expense of any other personal goals she might have had.
Exactly, there's still this idea that childfree equals partying it up
I always found the idea of a legacy strange. I'm a child free married woman in my early 30s, and there has never been in a moment in my life where I've wanted to 'leave a legacy' or 'continue my bloodline'. Just trying to live for me and end that generational trauma in my family 😂
Why would I want to pass on to my kids a s*** ton of cancer and thyroid problems? No one needs those genetics
Word. I might not be able to start any blood lines but sure as hell can end them 😆
noooOOOOOooooo, you must BREED for the futherance of the bloodline! If you don't, the duchy will be inherited by someone with a different last name! AHHHH
@@warlordofbritannia that had me laughing out loud 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yeah, but the *woman's* legacy has never been the focus of people who care about legacies...
I want to become a mother, but not through pregnancy. I want to have children through adoption. I cant fathom HOW even people like Abby Shapiro could take issue with that.
Pregnancy scares me, and i don’t have much of a s*x drive anyway. I also have Ehlers Dahlos Syndrome and i deal with enough painful flare ups without conception. But i do still want to get married and i want a family-just through adopting kids, not getting pregnant. Plain and simple right? Apparently not. WHY do these people think they need to berate me and pressure me into getting pregnant for some moral point? Being Pro-Life is one thing, but Imagine straight up PRESSURING a human being into carrying a baby in their body for 9 months. That’s straight up barbaric.
And for what??? AM I NOT DOING “Enough” for these people by adopting children in NEED? Do I have to literally go through a pregnancy i don’t WANT for them to respect me?
That is disgusting and I don’t think i’ve ever felt so appalled by a take before.
First of all, that sounds tough, I hope your condition doesn't give you too much trouble and you always find good doctors who will take you seriously and that your desire for a family is fulfilled the way you want it to be. Second of all, wow /s, is almost like this ideology isn't about children, but about controlling women through reproduction!
Hear hear! No uterus here, just plain ol' testes, so biological parenthood wouldn't put me in the hard role. It's not happening for me, and I am maybe a little wistful about that. But I do have a stepson and being his father is the most rewarding role in my life. I'm not sure if he'd've been better off with my genes but what his paternal genes are really is just a medical detail, with damn-all to do with our relationship.
@@enravotaboyadjiev7466 thank you so much 🫶 and yes you’re right
@@enravotaboyadjiev7466Ding, ding, ding! Pro-lifers are solely acting out of a-conscious or subconscious-misogynistic desire to control women’s lives as well as punish women for having consensual sex. Pro-lifers spin a lot of narratives about their beliefs, because those fluffy, false narratives insulate and (from their perspective) protect their pro-life stance.
Pro-lifers have never done the emotional labor of turning inward to critically analyze and earnestly challenge how and why they came to form their current beliefs. Again, this is an examination of _why_ (not what) they believe this; Pro-lifers have never tried to root out their own biases/prejudices and seek to understand how their own biases/prejudices shape their current beliefs. That’s why no matter how much data, reason, and practicalities with which they’re presented, pro-lifers won’t accept that reproductive freedom is an essential human right.
same here, i want to be a foster parent and hopefully adopt, pregnancy and childbirth sound awful, and i don't want to risk my child getting depression or anxiety like i do, and even if i were completely healthy and not scared of pregnancy, why wouldn't you want to help kids who are already out there?
will never understand why it's treated as the "lesser option" by those kinds of people, something that's only ever an absolute last resort when you can't have your own biological kids.
As a mom and a Christian, I think the reason someone decides to have kids or not is irrelevant. It is a personal choice, period. Ppl need to stop forcing their beliefs on others. Do what's best for you.
I do think it matters why someone does have kids.
The reason someone chooses to have kids is absolutely relevant. Most people are bringing children into the world to meet their own emotional needs and in some cases their own financial needs and are in no way prepared to actual be a loving and stable parent. It's not ok to do that. Having a kid means you have total control over someone else's life. Understanding why you want to and are or are not fit to do that should be a legal prerequisite.
@PLD.608 My point of it being irrelevant is that it isn't anyone else business why or why not you decide to have or not have children. As long as you aren't harming those children.
Iam proudly pro life no exceptions there is no right to kill an unborn child.
@@alexanderkobylarz46and you’re wrong 😊 you really should look up the stats of mother mortality and what happens to unwanted kids when abortion isn’t available. I live in a country where we respect woman’s rights to life and society hasn’t crumbled over here. Actually do the most basic amount of research and it’s the only logical moral option.
I'm 36. Chidless, had a hysterectomy, so I will never be pregnant.
I guess I'm not a woman, and I will never know real love or life in its truest sense.
Abbey is such a miserable, bitter person. It's clear she's not happy with her life and is trying to project those feelings on other people.
Hey im a girl in mid 20s and planning to be childless too and i kinda have a question regarding hysterectomy, is there anything happens, or changing in like physically or mentally after you get hysterectomy? cuz there's an extremely highly chance i would do hysterectomy too in the future, btw thx in advance xo
@@homeland1128
It depends on the exact procedure. Of course, you will have a surgical scar or a few small scars, depending on whether it's keyhole surgery or not.
If they only take out your uterus, nothing really changes. Your cycle will remain the same because you will still be ovulating, so your hormones will not change either. The only difference would be lack of blood flow during the cycle.
Should they for whatever reason need to take your ovaries, you would need to start hormone treatments to prevent an early menopause. But this they only do if there's a specific reason, such as some medical issue with the ovaries.
Neither of these options affect sexual sctivity. I also hadn't noticed any changes in my mental health, except relief from not needing to deal with menstruation or risk of unwanted pregnancy.
@@daughterofyith5393 Whoahhh what an insight, thank you! All this time i didn't even know about all that uterus and ovaries things heck i thought hysterectomy would just stopped my menstruation at all and i need to take hormones forever gosh, once again Thank You for this ♥
The way she said she didn’t understand loving other people until she had children… she’s telling us she didn’t understand basic empathy until she had children… that’s scary.
Did you have trouble finding a doctor who would give you a hysterectomy without having had children? I have heard it can be difficult
There are SO many people who have kids because “that’s what you do” without factoring in the gravity of raising a human, instilling good morals, and the unimaginable sacrifice it takes. Not everyone wants to be or should be a parent. Far too many people have children because they want a cute baby or an extension of themselves. Raising a human being who will have their own thoughts and opinions should NOT be taken lightly and is simply not for everyone.
The world would be a better place now if reproductive freedom and family planning had always been prioritized rather than stigmatized.
THIS. Plenty of people want _babies_ not _children_
@@alexwyatt2911Exactly!!! I have a childhood friend who sadly comes from a religious fundie family and holds these values. The other day she was lamenting how two of her nephews are “already old, even though it’s not too bad at times because they can now hold a conversation”. The kids in question are 7 and 9 ¿? You would think they were teenagers starting to date or something judging by her comments, lol. Like so many other people, she fawns over babies and small children because they consider them cute, but also because they are dependent and makes them feel needed/wanted. More complex concepts such as personhood and guiding a child into adulthood escapes them completely.
@@DoritoBot9000 Bingo! As a child matures becoming more independent with a more complex personality, parents like that are devastated (and sometimes, resentful) about “losing” the simplicity and devotion of a baby/toddler. I have so much respect for a parent who actively embraces the challenge of shaping a child into adulthood, so that their child may be a happy, healthy, and independent adult.
Just saw a mom on Tik Tok who was calling parenthood a trap and was complaining that all of her children were individual and unique humans with their own thoughts and feelings (how dare they!). Like she had truly never considered that when she had children, they would all be their own individuals and not just mini-mes or dolls. The disillusionment is real.
I'm childfree and ace, but I have nine (9) nieces and nephews whom I love more than I love myself.
When I held my first nephew in my arms for the first time (he was 2 days old), I felt a rush of love and protectiveness that was overwhelming. In that moment, I knew that I had to move to be closer to him and be in his life. Now, 5 years and 8 more nieblings later, I am the happiest queer auntie to these kids. I am the fun, young auntie whose name they excitedly chant when I come in, and they trust me enough to confide in me.
My influence on my nieblings' lives is a great thing, and being able to see them as much as I do is something I would not trade for the world. Children need a responsible, loving adult in their lives who do not have any other obligations because those adults generally have the emotional bandwidth to handle much more than parents.
I’m so happy that you and your family are enjoying their loving auntie. You’re living my dream. I wasn’t quite 10 years old when my first nephew was born, so I unfortunately didn’t have the opportunity to move in order to be part of his life.
I’m now in pretty regular contact with one of my nieces, who’s 22 years old, but I can’t tell you how often and long I’ve mourned the loss of not being a significant part of the lives-or even childhoods-of any one of my nine nieces and nephews (and one grand-niece!). So, I took a moment to live vicariously through you-I hope you don’t mind. I’m genuinely so happy for you and your family. And you’re such a badass for prioritizing being an auntie :)
This. All this.
So much of families has been just focusing on the parents and the children, but much love to the aunts and uncles who show love to the Niblings
I'm the same, childfree and ace. I'd much rather take care of my neices and nephews than have my own kids. when I get settled and stabilize, I'd like to host weekends where I have one over and have fun.
@@adrianghandtchi1562i absolutely adore the word nibling (neibling? niebling?) lol it's just so darn cute
I'm currently pregnant for the second (and last!) time. Being pregnant has only ever made me more pro-choice because IT SUCKS. My mental health and fatigue levels are all over the place, my eyes go blurry at random, and I have spent hundreds of hours debilitated by acid reflux or nausea. WHY WOULD I WANT ANYONE ELSE TO DO THIS?? If youre not crazy about the idea having kids, you absolutely shouldnt suffer all this on behalf of someone that doesnt even exist yet.
I wish you the very best for your pregnancy!
Thank you for providing us with that insight
Have both of your pregnancies been this awful, or was one worse than another? Or, perish the thought, were they both awful in different ways!?
Can I tell you a secret? Hearing stories like this makes me happy I'm a man who can't get pregnant because it sounds FUCKING HORRIFIC. Just trying to imagine what it feels like to have a whole ass human moving around inside me makes me gag. I mean, us AMAB people die quicker, but honestly, that's a trade-off I'm okay with in my life. 😂
I relate a lot to this. Wishing you a healthy birth!
Same! I haven’t even had that difficult of a pregnancy compared to many women I’ve met and I’m still struggling a lot we had a family friend that died a week after giving birth from pregnancy complications I will fight for the rest of my life for a persons right to choose because no one should be forced to go through anything that could harm their body or kill them I haven’t even given birth yet and I’m already so drained and I’ve had so much joint and pelvic pain (I have hyper mobility and pregnancy also loosens your joints so my pains been unbearable) my husband has been having to fight to take days off of work just to stay home and help me because I can’t get out of bed by myself when he is forced to go into work I have to wear diapers and have nothing to eat and hardly anything to drink for 9 hours
THANK YOU.
even abbys wording "i believe", "i think", "in my opinion" in reference to other peoples lives, is so insane
Currently purposely gestating my second child. Absolutely nobody should be doing this unless they're sure it's what they want. Pregnancy and childbirth are brutal. Parenting is thankless and hard. Raising a whole-ass human to be a decent person while trying to break harmful cycles is work you have to choose every day, and that's not even considering the financial burden. It's too much to take on unless you know you're equipped. And I hate the idea that people who haven't had children don't truly understand love. That's a messed up thing to say. In my experience, the birth of my daughter opened a new, terrifyingly deep and strong, and completely visceral and instinctual type of love. It didn't change my understanding of how I love the other people in my life. It was just a new and different experience of love.
Motherhood should be a choice because children should be born into situations where their parents love them and they are in a stable environment that gives them everything they need to succeed. Abortions happen because it's unfair to bring a child into this world who is unwanted, in unstable environments, and who will struggle Because they never had the choice of life, and the person who gave birth never had the choice to prevent this outcome.
If Abby feels happy having kids, that's good for her. Some people just don't. I thought that people like her supported freedom in the United States, and that means the freedom of choice for all
(Not to mention how saying this shit is harmful to the people who are infertile but want kids, but that's another topic)
Right? People might have health issues
The thing I hate about motherhood being seen as women’s only ‘true’ purpose (aside from it being against choice) is the shame and hurt it brings to people who cannot have children but want to. Due to the fact that it is socially acceptable to question the choice of people who don’t want to have kids, people who go through the pain and trauma that is infertility are also finding themselves constantly having to explain their situation. And, are also being told their lives are meaningless due to something that is not their fault or their choice
Frankly, I'd argue that people who base their entire fucking personality on having children like that have meaningless lives if that's all they care about, making them seem no better than mere beasts roaming out there.
@@crowdemon_archivesI agree and tend to believe that it's those who really don't have much to contribute to the world other than a child who may or may not even turn out to be a decent person that try to make it seem like being a mother is "the way"
@@RepentImmediatelyI agree. The women in my life with kids but have healthy other hobbies don't look at it so ignorantly.
Her brother is such a toxic symptom of a hateful society. He literally makes his living manufacturing outrage, and I believe he’s able to do so because he’s a sociopath with a law degree.
As someone who wants to be a SAHM one day, I would argue that having kids is selfish. You’re literally bringing life into this world because it’s what YOU want. Imo, having kids is selfish, but being a parent takes a lot of selflessness.
So true. As a child of people who took every opportunity to throw it in my face how much of a burden I was, and how I’m lucky to be cared for… which is debatable tbh…. it’s like folks, I didn’t ask to be here! Presumably, you wanted this! Moving from the default being kids regardless of your desire, or ability is a good thing! Kids are beautiful and deserve to be treasured by people who truly deeply want them and understand what it will take to raise them.
No-one will ever make me feel bad for being child free because I'm 100% sure no love can compare to the love I feel for my weekend lie-ins lmaooo
😂
She really said “ I believe, though that motherhood is what life is for” Really Abby? Will you educate your daughter? Teach her to read and write? If so, why? Why not just keep her locked away in a room until she reaches child bearing age if that’s all you think she’s good for. Imagine being her daughter and hearing your mom say that?! My God that’s awful.
Great comment! I was thinking something similar myself. Babies are adults in the making. Alll the horrid bs Abby believes would ruin her daughter’s life.
Even when you survive a pregnancy, your body and bones are alternated. Some mothers suddenly gain an autoimmune disease.
No thanks, I'd rather be selfish with my current body than sacrificing it.
I needed 14 cavities filled after my first. And now after my second I need 20 more filled. My bones are brittle and so much more. Pregnancy truly killed my body.
@@caitlinmarie49damn u shouldve looked for an alternative way to have a child.
I got Celiac after my first! No more bread is a hell of a punishment for bringing life into the world 😢😅
@@caitlinmarie49I’ve known several women who have suffered poor dental outcomes after their pregnancy. The physical damage that pregnancy and birth causes is absolutely wild.
@@alexwyatt2911 yup it’s crazy. The fetus sucks the calcium from teeth and bones. Even when taking prenatals.
Wait she is Ben Shapiro’s sister?? That makes sense, I remember when her videos first started getting advertised to me, I was so confused because she went from making shitty videos about her awful opera singing to making high-quality image videos about conservative values. I knew that she was MAGA funded but didn’t understand how she got the hook up.
Doesn’t Shapiro want to marry a 16 year old? Isn’t he 30 years old?
@@janel.8921 That's nick fuentes, ben shapiro is the "I've never made my wife wet" guy
@@janel.8921no I don't think that is Ben. Ben has some really shity takes but I'm fairly certain that's not one of them. I'm pretty sure you are thinking about Matt Walsh because he has definitely stated that
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite Nick Fuentes has been more explicit about it recently. He's one setting less coy about his right wing vices than Walsh is.
oh yeah, ben astroturfed the FUCK out of her career
I come from a long line of teen mothers and I'm the first woman in my family to reach the age of 24 without being married and/or having a baby. It truly blows my mind. My life has only just begun, I can't imagine giving it all up to be a mom right now. The way all the moms in my family talk about giving up their dreams, quitting school/jobs, dealing with unsupportive partners, and probably PPD & other mental health struggles, not that they would ever talk about that stuff out loud. No thank you! I can deal with their judgment. I'm not going to make a huge life decision just because it's what I'm "supposed" to do.
One small edit: Abby did have complications in her first pregnancy; she experienced a miscarriage. Which should be all the more reason for her to support a person’s right to choose whether to be a mother/father, because although it isn’t anyones fault when it happens, not everyone has the mental strength to risk a miscarriage. It takes a toll on the mind. It’s a reason I’ve decided I never want to be pregnant and have the child-I don’t think I have the mental fortitude to handle that tragedy, let alone the pain and problems it causes in the body.
Her ideas of women are really creepy. Why does she want to force us to give our bodies and lives to everyone other than ourselves? I'm my own person. I'm not just a product that people can use and take from until I am gone.
I wonder if she envisions her own baby daughter having to give up her own life and body for a lifestyle and imaginary non-existent offspring as well. What is the point of life if we aren’t allowed to live for ourselves to some degree?
My body did NOT handle pregnancy well. I had hyperemesis and almost died, I was left with chronic back pain and developed endometriosis, suffered horrible PPD, etc etc. I love my daughter more than life itself, but I will never, ever be pregnant again. I cannot even fathom holding the beliefs that Abby does. She is so blinded by her privilege. I was always pro-choice, but actually becoming a mother myself made me even more so.
I was extremely terrified to lose my teeth……. My teeth are weaker than they were before but I HATED being pregnant… and I had a super normal pregnancy. I love my son, though he was unplanned. But just the experience of being pregnant was enough to make me think more children just aren’t for me.
I used to think this kind of ideology hadn't made it over here in the UK and that it was more common in the US. But then I heard about the National Conservative (or Nat C conference) here earlier this year and what I heard horrified me. Especially from the MP Miriam Cates who is being touted by the more extreme wing of the Tories as 'the future of the party'. She claimed that the biggest threat to Britain right now was that we aren't breeding enough. She is also part of this attempt to bring anti-abortion and anti-sex ed measures over here in the UK where they are MOST DEFINITELY NOT WELCOME! I hope she loses her seat and quits her political career.
It's definitely an argument in the UK and not even far right, it's just phrased very very differently. Mumsnet is probably a hive for this kind of thing.
Also we tend to see "you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them" arguments more but the pressure and knowledge of our pensions being usless and older people being forced to go back from retirement because there aren't enough young people to support them has been widely talked about for decades now. It's probably just passed you by especially if they talk about it in facts and figures on the news but it's seeping in more and more to everyday discorse.
I definitely hear people being called selfish or that it's a "shame" that they don't have kids - but it gets aggressive when they mention it's selfish because some women or parents can't have kids.
I also personally feel the internalised pressure of this, and it's at least something my grandmother has brought up to me before, so it's already a passed down idea generally. My gran only brought it up because of lies that my mum was saying about me and she was saying that I was immature and at her age she was married with kids etc
Here you also get a lot of shit put onto couples who like "childish" things like gaming and collecting memorabilia which is common but they make a pass "power couples" and women high up in their careers - until it comes to low fertility again and theyre "selfish" for not having frozen eggs or thought about their future enough etc
Also, it's not the vocal ones you need to be worried about, it's the policy that slips under the radar. Probably you can ignore this one person, but you can look up websites thst show a lot of MPs regularly vote against sex education and abortion rights.
It just makes bad arguements seem less bad in comparison if you have someone like this.
I thought it was only the British National Party and UKIP that were like this. I didn’t know the Tories had gone this far-right. I’m not from the UK btw.
@@marianatheschizoid5912 well it seems like many of them were like this but they have been more open about it lately and giving the top jobs to the more right-leaning members.
If you look at their current stance on immigration, it's up there as one of the most extreme immigration policies in the world, I'm not even kidding it is only a short way from 'shoot asylum seekers on site' at this point.
as an asexual queer person i find it very comforting to see someone who isn't ace but still doesnt want to get married and have that traditional relationship and have kids. truly, it is hard to put into words but it is a great comfort. so thank you so much for talking openly about it!!
I'm also asexual
I will never understand the concept of " you'll change your mind" I'm 30 years old, how long till it changes?
In regards to kids, I personally turn the question around a bit and ask, " how is it that I'm mature enough to choose to have kids, but not mature enough to decide not to have them? If ones a mistake, I'll live with the regret of not having kids over risking bringing a kid into a home of Regret and resentment"
I’m 16 and my parents said that to me, and said “would yoy rather have a family by your side or regret not having a family and die alone” like why?!
And ny dad would say “Once you guys have kids, we can take care of them, we can do this and that and have a loving family!”
Ok, that’s cool, but that’s what you want not what I want
They said someday I’ll change my mind when I don’t think I ever will
I knew when I was 13 that I didn't want kids.
I turned 38 this week and I still don't want them.
I changed my mind, but from wanting children to not wanting children. I'm 100% aro-ace, I don't want a relationship or sex because (for me personally) the idea stresses me. I don't want to be pregnant because it's not for me. I'm not the right person to be a parent, even if I were to adopt (maybe when I'm a bit older, but definitely not now). I _am_ good with children and I don't wanna brag too much but I think that I'd make a great aunt. I just can't take care of another human being 24/7, it wouldn't be healthy for me or the child.
People don't seem to realize that we're not talking about toys, we're talking about actual human beings that didn't have a say in being born. It's your choice to have a child (usually anyways, not always of course), it's your responsibility to teach a human being how to human and saying that people are selfish for not wanting to have children is surreal. I'm not selfish for realizing that bringing a child into this world would only end up harming me, the child and our near surroundings. I'm not selfish for realizing that babies are people and not a doll I get to dress up and put away whenever I want. Just wanting a child (I personally already hate words like 'want', 'have' and 'get', it feels very possessive) for the sake of having a child is selfish. Just like using a human being to fix a relationship or to get out of one is.
Also wouldn't the most unselfish thing to do would be for everyone to adopt already existing children who are facing incredible hardships instead of birthing a kid for what reason other than the selfish desire to continue your own bloodline?
Yuuuup. It infuriates me when anyone is against abortion and says everyone can choose to put their child up for adoption. My first question is, oh, so you are on a wait list for an unwanted child? They always always tell me they know people who are and they have been waiting forever. I always say, oh right, because they are waiting for an infant that looks like them huh? They always having nothing to say because I’m 100% right. I say, maybe they should foster in the mean time to make sure they can love any baby they are fortunate enough to receive.
"We have a responsibility to live our lives for more than just ourselves."
The fuck I do! If everyone lives for other people and not for themselves, who is reaping the fruits of all our lives? Everyone should live with their own happiness in mind, within the context of trying not to harm others and the context of certain societal rules that we are all subject to
Not just that, but also there are so many people who "live their lives for more than just themselves" without ever having kids!
I'm childfree and I work in mental health care, I've had multiple coworkers (counselors, techs, nurses, psychiatrists, etc) who dedicated their life to their work, and most of the therapists I've seen myself don't have kids. Plenty of people who spend most of their time volunteering, doing philanthropic work like assisting homeless people or disabled people, they're childfree.
I cannot comprehend how someone can look at a childfree person who dedicates their life to helping people and say "they're just living their whole life for themselves, how selfish." If anything, having kids gets in the way of being able to help people who really need it. Which is sometimes yourself and that's okay.
I personally fail to see how having a child is living for other people…. It would seem to me that paying my taxes and having a social safety net to ensure a minimum quality of live for society qualifies much more than choosing to make a baby.
I can confirm that living for everyone else is totally unhealthy and it really fucks you up later in life. I'm talking from experience here; just don't do it. Put your health and safety first, and set clearly defined and hard boundaries with everyone. You'll be WAY better off. Just ignore the guilt trips everyone will try to pull on you.
I think some people have this idea that living for yourself looks like taking a bunch of meth and punching all your neighbors for fun, and the only way to stop yourself is through a life of constant service. I worry about these people.
Most people I know who live for themselves still benefit the people around them. They make friends while out doing things just for fun, and then do favors for those friends. They volunteer or do important jobs, because it makes them feel good about themselves, or even just because helping others for a living is where the beer & gaming money comes from. And they are simply more uplifting to spend time around than some self-hating trad.
And tbh you know what stops you from having the time or money to be helpful to anyone? Kids. As mentioned in the video.
In Abby's world, all childfree people are wild hedonistic party animals. I wish. Also, she doesn't realize how privileged she is to have the option to be a full-time mom. And also, if she thinks once you have a child you miraculously become a responsible adult, she should watch an episode of 16 and pregnant or teenage moms.
I don't have children, but it's not 100% by choice. In other circumstances maybe I would have a child or two, I don't know.
I'm a dad, and I'd like to have more kids.
I love my daughter, and I firmly believe that ALL children deserve a loving home.
I understand not all get this, but demanding that MORE kids be born into homes that don't really want them is just disgusting to me.
The problem isn't that not enough people are having kids.
We just crossed the 8 billion mark. With just natural ways of living (meaning not even farming), Earth can sustain like half a billion humans.
We have MORE than enough people for centuries to come. What we also have way too many of is parents who have kids simply because they feel they have to, resulting in those children growing up in unloving homes or sometimes even families that downright resent them.
THAT is what people like Abby are calling for.
And it is frankly evil.
Well said!
Actually, a population collapse is coming, and it is going to be a bit of a challenge. The tides have turned in countries like Türkiye and Iran in my lifetime from 4 kids per woman to below replacement (1.9). India is a heavyweight now reaching this point. It's not just China anymore.
People should not feel pressured to have kids, but they certainly should not restrain themselves for the good of the planet.
It is wild to me how many times Abbey used the word ‘I’ in this piece based on NOT BEING SELFISH. Also, she doesn’t seem to know way ‘I’m sorry’ means. Instead of being convinced to have kids, I’m more convinced she has little or no empathy, lives a very egocentric life, and will be a classically over involved helicopter parent that babies her adult son and bullies any daughter, continues to cross boundaries when her children are adults, and I am legitimately concerned for her if her entire identity is being a mom. Because guess what- kids grow up and leave, generally. And she won’t be a conventionally attractive women by the time that happens, so society will treat her MUCH differently. What will she do then, spend her days barging into her kid’s lives and demanding marriage and grandkids? Will she be on the internet whining that her kids don’t visit her? Or will she be in cold storage until she is needed as a grandma, since a woman doesn’t have any other purpose that mothering apparently.
Honestly, I see both the Shapiros having children who choose to go no contact with them as adults
God the self-importance these people feel is outrageous. I wish I thought so highly of myself that I assumed I was the sole authority over all women in the world!
It’s probably best that you don’t. You’re better off without that much ego.
So in order to not be selfish I need to make new human beings that I already know won't be well cared for because I was made to feel guilty for not having kids. That's the UNselfish option.
One of the most important adults in my life growing up was a childless woman by choice. She was like a grandmother for me and i always fiercely admired that she chose not to have kids (especially since she was a young adult in the 50s/60s.) Despite never being a biological mother, she was a stepmom/grandma, my chosen grandma, and a dear friend to so many. She connected with so many people and always looked for an opportunity to learn and grow. She didnt need to birth kids to be deserving of respect.
I’m a woman who really wants the “traditional” marriage and kids and I think Abby’s takes are stupid. It’s ridiculous to try and tell people how to live their lives. The last thing our society needs is more parents who produce children just because it’s what everyone’s doing. I want to be a mom because I genuinely think I will be good at it and I want to raise kids to be kind, caring, and compassionate people, not because I think it will fulfill my life. I can find fulfillment from my career, my special interests, my social justice efforts, my friendships, and in my romantic partnership. I don’t think my kids should be responsible for meeting that need. Their only job will be to be kids. I want to provide the space for them to do that.
And that’s a more normal way to view having a family! They’re extra people to love and a big responsibility. Which is different than making them your sole purpose for existing. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a little person!
Thank you for bringing up the inherent ableism of Abby’s worldview. I have multiple psychiatric disabilities. It took me several years to learn how to live with my conditions. I *know* for a fact I won’t be able to handle kids. I get easily overstimulated. When I hang out with my friends they know that at some point I’ll leave to decompress for half an hour. Just so I can recharge. I physically cannot deal with children. Just the stress of getting my bachelors sent me to a mental hospital for a few months. What kids?! Why? Abby’s arrogance and ignorance are baffling
I know she's focusing on women, but what about father hood? Also, I bet she's the type who will contradict herself and say the 'poor' mothers are bad mothers and shouldn't have kids. So like, mother hood isn't always good. If someone knows they'll be a 'toxic' mother (myself for example) that's why I choose to not be a mother. If I was ever a mother, it will not be by my choice. I love kids, just not being a mother
She means White women have to have kids. She def would be against any other women having them.
She doesn't give a s*** about men men are just there to make money. Men are just there to labor away and pay for everybody in the household.
This! Why does no one sh*t on men who don’t want children, or say that fathers are superior to non-fathers? I’m assuming Abby isn’t wild about forms of motherhood that don’t involve fathers, such as lesbian couples or single mothers who use donors.
@@francescad6626 man gets shit for not wanting kids too but it doesn't happen nearly as much. My husband would get s*** in the workplace with everyone telling him he just has to have kids.
Because being a father only means that you had sex and it worked. Nothing more is required of you, so there really isn't much to congratulate you about other than you have functional sperm.
She doesn't like that motherhood is a choice?! Does she believe that women have the right to choose who they get pregnant by? Or is it random. Just that statement has so many problems. I need her to actually explain herself
Other things that are probably choices:
Slavery
getting gRaped and/or moidured
Being gay
Being trans
Having whatever else sexual inclination
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
I'm a parent of two and I thoroughly believe people need to do what's right for their life. I had my oldest at 17, did not get the support I really needed, and had endless court with her abusive father. I love my oldest to pieces but everything has had a toll on her and me. She is an adult that doesn't want children and I support whatever she wants.
Abby is an awful human. If everyone had babies, she'd be arguing about how you feed them, how they sleep etc.
wholeheartedly agree. i was thankfully able to terminate mine at 9 weeks, many years ago. i am autistic with a very sensitive GI tract and low pain tolerance.
throughout those 9 weeks i was a zombie, miserable. i couldn't hold down food and all of my nutrients were being taken from me for this clump of cells i never wanted (at the time i thought i wanted to adopt but i now know i don't have the capacities to be a parent).
anyways, my spiritual self and autistic body and brain was sending VERY CLEAR signals to me that this process is wrong for and violent to my body, and should never, ever happen to my body again. my spirituality is earth-based but i know that jesus would understand and comfort anyone going through the same.
saying that someone with a working uterus should be forced to give birth is extremely dehumanizing and terrifying.
the UN states that forced pregnancy is a war crime. this is what abby wants. fucking unreal.
one of my least favourite things as a child-free person is that whenever you tell people about your decision not to have kids they immediately say 'oh you'll change your mind one day!' as if making the decision to have or not have children is as simple as choosing between ice cream flavours! it just shows a total lack or respect for MY decision to live my life as I want to, when literally every other child-free person I've met and spoken to admire and completely respect those who choose to be parents wholeheartedly!
It is absolutely mind boggling how someone can have such a harmful and overly priviliged view and think it is a good idea to spread it like it's the answer to the universe to have children.
I'm 34 and i knew since I was a little that I NEVER wanted to have kids. I don't like them, I don't know how to deal or interact with them, it makes me highly uncomfortable, crying babies turn on my fight or flight response immediatly and I just want to run away.
Pregnancy and childbirth is nightmare inducing to me.
I have SO many health issues and risks that make me unable to work. Let alone the other risks of imparting tons of these issues to my hypothetical child.
I can barely take care of myself.
And she thinks I should just have a baby and all my problems will be fixed and I completed my reason for being alive. lmao. How delusional is this woman?
Privilege lets someone be safely ignorant. And when you're dogmatic too, you can just stay that way without your own curiosity or empathy disrupting the happy ignorance.
I relate so much to your comment! I'm 35 and also have so many health issues and disabilities physically as well as mentally. Mind boggling is right! And also totally agree Abby is utterly delulu! I got so riled up by the things she said, I cannot in any way understand how anyone can think like that. How egocentric do u have to be to dare to say the absolute BS coming out of her mouth! It's... Just disgusting honestly isn't it!
@@jeffengel2607Beautifully and succinctly phrased!
34 and I consider myself mentally unfit to be a Dad. I also think we should have tests to check if people are competent enough to be parents, if only to prevent any potential, unessescary damage.
@@optiquemusic6204 Ooof. That competency “test” for parenthood is begging for misuse and a decided disadvantage for marginalized groups. I know we want competent, loving parents, but prohibiting people from becoming parents is not okay.
A horrible, but relevant, worst case scenario here is Casey Anthony, mother of Caylee Anthony, the daughter she murdered. When she originally got pregnant, she wanted an abortion, but was forbidden. Years later she would murder her daughter. i always wonder how much suffering could have been prevented if she had been allowed to have an abortion, and never had a daughter she didn’t want. obviously it’s no excuse, i just wish she had never had a daughter in the first place if she didn’t want one
Yes! I remember taking the time once to actually learn about that case and it just infuriated me how much could've been prevented if her parents hadn't basically forced her to have the kid. Or had at least let her place the child for adoption. Children should never be a punishment for their own sakes, but also because a resentful parent is more likely to be an abusive one.
Yep....I'm pretty sure her parents told her not too. So then her parents always ended up watching Caylee and I think they got upset with Casey not being a present mother, so Casey tried to be a mom but keep up her lifestyle which led to her killing her. It didn't need to happen.
If I were to try and carry a child, I'd have to change/come of meds which could compromise my seizure-free status and give me brain damage.
I know what you mean. Pregnancy can be dangerous when you take certain meds. I have bipolar disorder and i'm schizoaffective. If i got pregnant i'd have to come of my medication, which would be very risky. I hate when people ignore how much illness/ medication affects pregnancy. Carrying a child and giving birth is not for everyone.
As someone who is postponing motherhood because my partner and I can't afford children right now, I find everything she says so frivolous and detached from reality.
I 100% agree. And I hope you know, technically it costs like 1 million dollars per child to pay for the best school best doctors best college etc… so just know, you can choose to rely a little bit on faith that you can do it if you really want to. I really respect your choice to wait on your finances to be good enough, but just know, them being barely good enough is okay. You should have what you want in this world.
@@laurynholling2309 Thank you for your kind words. We actually started trying for a baby a few months ago but haven't been lucky yet.
@ congratulations!! And I’m wishing you all the luck in the world!!
I was an unwanted pregnancy that resulted in a bad marriage and four other children who lost their mother by the time I was ten. She did everything in the house and my father was a slob. After that I was abused. And now I am about to be homeless due to disabilities being ignored, no support system, and despite my best efforts, I can’t take care of myself alone. I don’t plan on having children of my own.
🫶
Conservatives: if you can bear children you should!!!
Me, a trans man: ...i'd rather die, thank u.
But also they get BIG MAD at the trans men who do desire that! Like they say they want anyone who can to do so, but we all know only people who look like them, and espouse their values deep down. I also think it ties into their prolife beliefs that for those who do get pregnant, it justifies their stance on well this is happening to you, it’s not a choice, it’s destined to happen, no backing out now.
You’re right, she sounds jealous. This comes off like sour grapes, and it seems to be a common theme with the fundies that, since they’re miserable, living under their unnecessary burden, we all deserve the same misery.
If I heard some dude say “I wish fatherhood wasn’t a choice” I’d lose my mind. So this is so understandable…..
Stuff like this is so sad, Abby just doesn’t want to see people have free will…
Motherhood NEEDS to be a choice, that way the mother is ready/wants to be a mother…..
A little bit of an asshole thing to say to people who suffered injuries or illnesses resulting in non-functional testes now or just somehow lose parts of their genitalia, isn't it?
@@crowdemon_archives what? In that hyper specific scenario I would recommend adoption.
Same goes for any same sex couples, adopting, artificial insemination, and birth mothers can easily fix this problem…..
Are your testies okay bro? You took this oddly personally….
you speaking out about how you and your partner don’t want to get married and that being OK really impacted me, because to me it relates to arguably a completely opposite issue i have. i don’t want to get married, i don’t want to be pregnant, i’m aroace so i can’t have a partner nor do i want one… but i want kids. i want to adopt kids so badly, i really want to raise kids, and put in the effort to learn how and to have a family that involves kids, but i know due to the fair and good intentioned way the adoption system works, you can’t adopt children as a single parent. i cant raise kids with my family or close and valued friends because that’s not the socially acceptable way to go about things, and you just talking about how you’re living your life in a not socially acceptable way because of your needs and wants and are fine with it? it makes me feel less bad about my own needs and wants even if your needs at achievable and mine might not be. so thanks for sharing your perspective.
If everyone was "meant" to have a child, then there's wouldn't be things like "child abuse" in the world
I've never been more convinced that Abby hates her life then I am after watching her try so desperately to convince us (herself) that she is having fun!
Natalists don't advocate for SA and forced pregnancy challenge (impossible).
Aside from natalism being dangerous on its own, videos like Abby's are trying to normalize forced pregnancies. This is the policy position of the religious and of natalists.
When I was a kid in the 90s, and a teen in the early 2000s, I was always telling people that I didn't want to be a mom. They always insisted that I would change my mind. For a brief time in my early 20s I would say "I'll maybe adopt" just to get them to shut up. I'm glad we've finally reached a point where being childfree is more widely accepted... but yeah, with that comes backlash from traditionalists like Abby. Thanks for making this video!
I'm not a mother, I teach, educate and care for 460 children every week, know them by name, know each and every single personality, home lives, pets names, and support them everyday. I don't need to be a mother to be fulfilled. Xxxx
I’m a new mom and I have never understood when people say oh did you ever know you could love something so much? Like yes lol. I do love my child so much but I also have felt lots of love like that for my pets and my husband. It’s always a little strange to me when people say that?
I used to have nightmares about being pregnant or giving birth. The way my body was suddenly not under my control was absolutely horrible!
I am not saying I would never want to be a mother, I might want to adopt or foster in the future, but i would never want my body to be out of my own control.
I do not ever want to be pregnant or give birth, and I can't imagine how it must feel for people in places where they do not have a choice if they become pregnant. There should always be a choice!
My parents wanted to have a child together, and here I am. She wanted me to be someone I'm not. I dislike wearing makeup, chose clothes via consignment shopping years later, etc. I've watched nephews and nieces in my family when they were younger, and it wasn't something I was sold on. My mother being an alcoholic made me turn into her parent. I'm in my late 20's with a career job I love. Not having kids doesn't break me. Pregnancy terries me, and I learned to like how I look two years ago. Even wanted kids can be abused, so Abby's arguments don't always work.
No doubt. I haven’t spoken to my mother for years. And last month, my niece went no contact with her father (my brother). My parents as well as my niece’s parents planned for and wanted a baby when each of us were conceived. Neither my mother, nor my brother wanted to mistreat their children. However, those desires and choices didn’t shield me or my niece from experiencing shitty parenting.
Indeed. My mother took fertility treatments to get pregnant with me and then a few years later proceeded to abuse drugs and alcohol and run wild for the next two decades. I was heavily parentified as a child.
Not for anything, but she has emphasized that she lives in an “amazing” (her words) Jewish community. I’m happy she feels at home with her community….but what does that have to do with me? 😐 What does my choices in life have to do with her? We don’t share the same beliefs, we don’t live in the same area, let alone the same community, and will probably, most likely NEVER meet in person. And I know for damn sure she will NEVER choose to visit my community. So, how am I being selfish when our lives don’t revolve around each other? 🤨 just curious…
Society and community and our actions are all very connected,
Else we die out!!!!!!
@@stevesayers2471 Hah "society" and "community". There are people in the same country as me who would not spit on me if I was on fire. So miss me with that crap. Plus, there are 7-8 BILLION people on this earth. We are far from "dying out". And if we were...who cares? Is everyone helping you survive?
I still remember my freshman year biology teacher in high school tell us that "the purpose of life is to reproduce". I remember thinking that I was broken because from a very young age, I knew I didn't want kids. And it was weird growing up cause I was praised for not ever being in a romantic relationship and focusing on schoolwork, but as soon as I hit 18, I was shamed for not being in a relationship. And my mother would always say that she wanted grandchildren but me and my sisters have decided to be child free and I think that's an appropriate consequence for all the emotional abuse she inflicted upon us. Just to be clear, we don't do it out of spite but we really have thought about it and it's just not worth it. Especially since we're just now starting to learn and understand who we are ourselves.
As someone who’s aroace, hearing someone who isn’t apart of the asexual or aromatic communities essentially speak about their experience with amatonormativity and how it negatively impacts them too was really comforting and reassuring. It sometimes feels like we’re on this little island of people who see an issue that nobody else does (that issue of course being the pressure and expectations about what relationships are and should look like) it is really nice to see that some allo people also see this problem
Having children isn't for everybody. As a teacher I see parents who love it and others who aren't suited to it.
Abby's point about the strong love between mother and child is a thing for most of us moms. Right when my kids were born the emotions and hormones worked together to make me just want to cuddle my babies.
I think my sister explained her position quite well once (she’s autistic and has ADHD). She told me that “kids are noisy, smelly and sticky. They also need a lot of attention and guidance. It’s hard enough to take care of myself, or even remembering to make dinner for family when I have promised to do so. How could I ever raise a kid? No, it’s better to be the weird and hopefully cool aunt than to be the mother who accidentally traumatised her kids because she lacked what was needed to take care of them”. I kinda admire her for being able to say that to our family, especially considering how the older generations have gotten more and more pushy during the past few years. I do want kids of my own, but not right now… my body is currently not in a state that would support a pregnancy that well (anemia due to my body not taking up nutrients, we’re trying to figure out why… but medication has made me way better during the last month). Still… our wishes are equal. I would actually argue that my sister has made the more selfless decision for her life, due to her reasons… I actually can’t come up with any reasons (to have kids) that can match that level of selflessness…
Can't say Abby is at all convincing, her arguments are all rooted in opinion and she's effectively just saying 'if you're a woman, be a mother or I won't like you very much'. Doesn't win me over to her side just makes me think less of her as person.
I passed up my last chance to have kids because I had been diagnosed with hormone-responsive stage III breast cancer and my getting pregnant would have made the cancer grow faster.
So bite me, Abby. Classically~~
Edited to add: what kind of bizarre pseudo-milkmaid outfit is Abby wearing?!
the first gyno i saw as a teenager i asked about a hysterectomy and was told i had to be over 25 with kids and married. i finally found an amazing doctor who didn’t judge and was so upset that so many women have that experience when talking about sterilization. i finally got my hysterectomy, two years later i don’t regret it and wish i would’ve gotten sooner.
im in colorado usa