Retired therapist here - you’re doing great! When you talk about working in issues “surrounding” the main ones; yes, that’s exactly how it works. Improving one area improves all of them a bit, and gives you the strength to look at harder ones. Inner child work is amazingly helpful, all through the day. Are you going to feed your child a healthy meal or a candy bar? Are you going to give your child adequate sleep or scroll TikTok until 3am? It’s a way of caring for yourself - the vulnerable, innocent, deepest part - while examining ways we don’t give ourselves the grace we would give a loved one. Most of us need some re-parenting (no fault to our parents, most of whom we’re doing the best they could). Anytime you’re a harsh critic to yourself, or self-sabotage, or neglect yourself - that needs re-parenting. Big hugs, love your introspection and openness and willingness to go deep!
Wow, what a simple and effective question format to guide yourself to the choices that match your priorities. Are you going to feed your feed your child a healthy meal or a candy bar. Where were you an hour ago. At least a proper bedtime is still in reach today. Thank you!
Probably inappropriate and off the table with this being your off time, but, genuinely if you take clients in the south east US, likely over some call, this message and tone sounded like a therapist that would bell
"I don't think I trust myself. Why would I?" Hit me right in the gut. You talking through this isn't just helping yourself, although that's the most important thing. It touches other people. Thank you.
TH-cam shorts of "Complimenting myself for 30 days or until I believe it" is something I would definitely watch lmao. Love you Bea! Happy Holidays! Everything will be alright. ❤
Love this Bea please do it and understand that the “cringe” you feel is your own judgment; not ours! We would love to see it and you deserve the hype :)
It was crazy to hear you describe all my issues. But then reading all the comments about all these women feeling the same way. Crazy to me to see so many. Thank you all for sharing. It is a relief not to feel so alone for a change. ❤
It's so hard to watch you talk about yourself this way because to me you are a fucking delight! Wish you could see in yourself what we do. Hope your holidays are happy and 2025 is amazing. 🥰
It was like listening to myself as I watched this video. I was in your same shoes to start 2023. I found a book called, "The Kindness Method" and got into therapy to deal with the inner child issues. Both steps were necessary for me. However, I cannot recommend "The Kindness Method" enough! There are assignments you have to do and, for me, they were eye opening. The negative self talk stopped. I turned 50 years old last year and they finally stopped thanks to that book and therapy. Best of luck to you as you go on this journey. It's a hard one but it's so, so worth it!
Bea when you started this channel we were the same weight. I have since had a nutritionist, gone to the gym, got on SSRI for my panic disorder, bought/ used a treadmill, been diagnosed with PCOS, MTHFR polymorphism, Fatty Liver, been on Metformin, been on Ozempic, and now I'm 285 pounds and climbing. No matter what other people may think, the mystery of our weight issues is incredibly difficult to solve because they are a combination of subconscious causality and genes being switched on and off unpredictably. Which is to say, fuck this shit, but keep going.
I’m on a similar journey as well! I have anxiety disorder and just got onto SSRI the past few months and waiting on diagnoses for other things. Keep at it :) I will too :)
Get a continuous glucose monitor. A lot of stuff that is healthy spikes the shit outta my blood sugar.... and once I learned this, and figured out how to eat stuff to keep blood sugar from spiking, and letting my body have a break and go to baseline between meals ... I've lost a ton of weight from not having big spikes. Some Healthy stuff spikes it intensely... now I know. Avoiding sugar spikes makes you lose weight... sugar spikes make your cells take that up from blood stream, excess sugar is stored as fat
Sounds Iike we’ve had very similar journeys with nearly identical issues! Sending you so much love and solidarity. It’s hard when you try everything and your body seems to still nope out on you.
Something that's helped me cringe less surrounding growth in this area is focusing on self-compassion instead of "self-esteem." Self-esteem feels out of reach, but self-compassion computes in a way that nothing has for me before. There are a few TedTalks about self-compassion that I liked.
“What if for one day I weren’t a problem to be fixed?” That’s a quote I have posted in my bathroom. It gets me through the days of self doubt & days where I don’t feel like I’m enough. You’re doing great Miss Bea. Keep being the wonderful, fabulous you that we all love. ❤
My therapist literally told me to stop thinking I was broken and needed fixing. Do I need to grow? Sure, everyone does. But am I broken, no, I'm still a fully functioning thinking individual that has made it to the other side of shit, that's not broken. I just learned coping mechanism that no longer serve me, so now I just learn new ones and move forward. That was like a light switch.
It is obvious to most people what you need to do to not blow up your life, but those of us with childhood trauma, we really struggle. I read in Suzanne Sommers book Keeping Secrets that we create our own chaos. We are comfortable there, we know how to handle chaos. We don’t understand a smooth easy life and how to navigate it.
I practiced this several years ago with my negative thoughts about my body. I started noticing when I’d get into a negative spiral, I’d stop, say in my head, “No. That’s my body that moves me around this world, it’s the vessel I live in, and it serves me well.” I didn’t tell myself NO I love that flaw about myself! I just stopped the negative thought spiral with truth, tried to maybe add a little gratitude for what my body does for me and MOVE ON. It really worked for me. Now I have health issues that bring me down (POTS) and now it’s harder for me mentally because I feel like my body is NOT serving me well and not working properly. It’s been a harder negative thought pattern to break, but I’m working on it. You’re amazing Bea. I hope some of what you’re trying helps you overcome this!
Oh man I totally get this... I gotta work on it for sure. One thing that occured to me that might be a good way of looking at it is your body is still doing the best it can with what it's given, what it was given in life and how you were formed. Could be something that's been with you since you came to exist but didn't show until later. You're doing the best you can with what you're given. We strive for better all the time but not always able to do so. ❤
As someone with multiple chronic illnesses, I like to view my body is separate from those illnesses so I can say in my head that my body is working so hard and doing such a good job despite all the challenges it has. The only one of my issues that I think of as innately part of me is my neurodivergence, my physical illnesses to me are separate from myself. I hope that makes sense and you can find a way to still appreciate your body despite feeling betrayed by the pots you're dealing with.
What helped me the most is the thought of "would I tell my friend that?". When I'm judging myself or telling myself something mean in my mind, I stop that thought and ask myself would I tell my friend that same sentence and most times it's "no I wouldn't" that would be terrible. It helped a lot ❤
4 minutes in and you are describing me! And many of us here. Perfectionist to others but ourselves… and the weight creeps back… ADD and or ADHD. Need to please, hard to stay focused on my goals, wanting to do lots, but obsessed with doing the one thing we are into at the moment, and the house and everything around us falls apart… one room immaculate and tidy, and I can’t walk through my other rooms… thx Bea! Know you are not alone! ❤❤❤🎉
I've lost almost 100 of a 150 goal. But I have also spent years in similar shoes to yours. The more we get to know ourselves and our wounds the better we can deal with it. I truly believe that we can design our perfect weight loss system. I have done/doing it twice. I have faith in you!
I suffered from and currently manage exactly what you're describing. My therapist recommended the book "Regardless of what you were taught to believe, There is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It's a really easy read with a straight-forward message. Reading this somehow, some way, I don't know why, gets me to get up and answer those emails I've been anxious about. Or to start the project I've been meaning to start. It's one of those that sits on my nightstand now.
Totally relatable, Bea. I understand every single word you are saying. No advice to share, because I am certain you will find your way. You are intelligent, self-reflective, and capable of bringing it all together. I just know you will help yourself to remember that you are valued, loved and appreciated…you are absolutely worth it, just truly believe it. You DO deserve it! 💚
This is hitting me hard today. I'm in such a bad place right now and just feeling sad. I don't even feel like Christmas this year. I can't feel like i can get myself into a good place. I feel shame, guilt, loss of feeling. Like you i feel like i have a really perfect for me husband, somehow he puts up with me putting myself down on a daily basis for 15 years now and still loves me and finds me attractive. I wish i could see myself through other people's eyes (that like me) Thank you for sharing these feelings and being vulnerable.
I'm stuck here too. I noticed just this past week, every time I try to get healthier, I screw it up by saving "well I deserve a treat, or I deserve to eat whatever I want because it's the only thing I do for myself" 🤦🏼♀️ soOo every time my mind starts to go that way, I have been trying to say instead "I deserve to be healthy" "I deserve to take care of myself" and "I deserve to be happy". Hopefully the repetition helps reform some of my thoughts eventually!
Everything you describe is due to ADHD. No matter how much therapy I've done, no matter how much awareness, the problem is maintaining the habits. I can't stick to anything for more than 2 weeks. Until I accepted that it’s not about willpower and that this is how my brain works, my anxiety was at alarming levels. What helps me the most is medication. But it takes patience until you find the right medication/combination and dosage. I recommend following Dr. Russell Barkley. 🤷😘
Yes! I was thinking that I never trusted myself until I got treatment for ADHD (at age 52). What helped me finally get diagnosed was reading about how ADHD is different in women and doing all that other work for decades helped but getting ADHD treatment has done miracles for me.
I legit came here to say the exact thing. Also, binge eating is a huge red flag for ADHD. Girls present so differently because we aren’t always outward with symptoms. I’m no DR Bea, but women to women I would explore it.
@@claudiacanales2662 I can share what works for me (everyone is different ) but I take 10mg Ritalin LA in the morning and it lasts about 8 hrs and 5 mg Instant Release in the later part of the afternoon. Hope that helps.
Definitely worth getting checked. Doesn't have to be due to ADHD but certainly could be. After pleading with doctors for years just to get a referral I still had to wait a full year for the first appointment with a specialist and then it was another several weeks of appointments and tests until I got my diagnosis. When I first got my medication it was like, oh so this is how normal people feel. My quality of life has improved so much. It's also been nice to realize I'm not actually lazy, unmotivated and have no will power, my brain is just different.
I'm really glad you started this journey at a younger (than me) age. I started my progress about the same time as you then found your videos. I lost the weight, got fit, and then it all went down hill. After a couple massive panic attacks, I gained back most of the weight, discovered a covert brain structure (mental health condition), and now I am experiencing the very early signs of perimenopause. It's this last one I want to stress here: I've only begun this new metamorphosis, and it is ROCKY! Thankfully I started my mental health journey, so I've become more aware of things. I wish I had the ability to start earlier in life though. A lot of my dietary health is strongly influenced by my mental health already, and now the drops of progesterone makes it tougher. You are doing great. Researching is our biggest ally and coming to understand and knowing who you are is the most valuable thing we have.
I wish I had your knowledge at your age. Hell I'm 62 almost 63 and still havnt figured shit out !😂 Your doing great! Love u and your posts! Hope u and your beautiful family hav a great Xmas and happy new year!❤️
Girl be CAREFUL with affirmations. They can cause harm. For me, combining them with self compassion, curiosity and understanding is the key. But they also have to be customized. Generic ones on blast will do no good. You need ones that dig gently at your insecurities, and in a supportive way. For example, congratulating and truly (internally) celebrating things you accomplished that day, with no room for those things that you did NOT accomplish, not in that conversation. Or telling your younger self that you are loved, as you are at that age. Stuff like that, over time, really does make a difference!!
I'm 64 & you just described me 100% 😂 I'm the queen of self sabotage, the caregiver to all. Dammit! Thought you were gonna have the answer! Sometimes I wonder if I take on caring for others, animals included, just to have the excuse of no time for me🤷♀️ Hugs to you.
Thank you for always being so real. I know I am struggling in some areas but also haven’t felt motivated to make any positive changes. This helped and inspired me to try to be kind to myself. Thank you!
I feel like I was just listening to myself a few months ago. First, thank you for sharing your heart. Everything said is so incredibly relatable. I think I'll be working on this for the rest of my life, however, I feel like I've grown leaps and bounds from where I was even after twice-daily meditations for 9 years, therapy, books, exercises, and ACA meetings. LOL. One thing that really seemed to change things bigly for me was I wrote a journal entry (in my phone's notes section so I can access easily when I'm down) where I listed all of the things about me that I would really like in a friend/partner/mentor. Sounds cheesy, but bear with me. Some of the things I wrote were: I'm a person of my word and have integrity, I'm diverse in art (photography, painting, sculpting, writing), I'm kind to others (animals and plants included), able to build or fix pretty much anything by watching a few videos, I'm full of new ideas, I am excited to help others when I can. Pretty simple things but when I realized I would respect and cherish others with these traits, I realized "I'm the one I've been looking for." It broke some kind of barrier, likely the abandonment one (being abandoned as a kid by a parent, therefore only understanding and finding comfort in abandoning myself). Not sure if this will help and I feel super vulnerable now (lol) but I appreciate you so much and hope I can help with my own experience. Be kind to you, gurl! You're a freaking rockstar.
I often relate to you, but this is the most I’ve related to anything you’ve said. I remember one time seeing this thing where you look at yourself in the mirror and tell you that you love you and compliment you. I was physically and mentally unable to do it.
This hit me so hard! I used to be so mean to myself, and it took me YEARS to stop the negative self-talk. To this day, I still have some of those negative thoughts, but now I can recognize them and stop myself. Especially because I would never say those things to anyone else, and it’s not fair for me to treat myself that way. The point here is... change is possible, but it takes time. You’ll have to be very vigilant to catch those thoughts, especially in the beginning. But you’ve got this!
Yes I agree, it is so hard to break that cycle but you can do it. What works for me the best is to reframe all of those negative self-talk I used to deal with. Instead of saying negative things about myself when I'm unable to do something (multiple disabilities that complicate my life) I reframe it as I am frustrated because I'm unable to do the things I need to do. Taking the hate out of the self-talk but still acknowledging the real emotion which is the frustration.
A gentle encouragement to remember this change in self perception will take years, not weeks or months. You have 32 years of others degrading your worth and of yourself degrading your worth. Change will happen slowly and unevenly. I think my own journey to silencing my inner abusive self talk took 10 years of dedicated work. This undoing is really, really difficult and painful, but is totally worth it.
I have been practicing talking to myself kindly for a couple of years now, and I FINALLY am making more progress than backsliding. You've got this. You are worth it.
Being self aware is so important Bea. I'm currently going through the roughest time of my life and I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately, hearing you being open and honest about yourself is helping me do the same and I thank you for that. You got this, I got this, there are better days ahead 🧡 love you girl
I've been reading this book titled "feel the fear and do it anyway". It was written in 80s so some aspects are a bit dated lol but she does go into how positive thinking requires constant practice, and how our fear is powered by self doubt. So I could relate so much! I haven't finished the book yet but it's definitely a helpful read so far!
I think I've mentioned it before on an earlier video of yours, but I do think that most issues we're struggling with come down to attachment issues. You're talking yourself this way because this is what your caregivers either talked to you or made you feel. Reprogramming your core wounds and beliefs is helpful. Tackle a core belief, like 'I'm not enough', think of instances when you were enough and and tie that to what feeling enough feels like. Having healthier relationships also helps healing, which is evidenced by you noticing these unhelpful habits you have. Personal growth is hard. Best of luck and happy Christmas!
A book I will recommend and have recommended to many because of how much it changed my perspective: Radical Forgiveness. I listened to the audiobook - it’s not too long. Honestly it was difficult- I shut it down about 45 minutes into it because the first actual attempt to do the work was so hard. It challenged some truth and I refused to give into it and had a visceral reaction at that moment. But I went back to it after 3 months knowing I wanted to learn HOW to radically forgive and it changed my life. I hope this helps anyone reading this. It was hard work but I’m grateful for going through it bc it stops me in place when I’m ready to go down a rabbit hole. Forgiveness is a gift ❤
Not sure if you will read this but I have just been working through this exact thing with someone I love. Took a lot to burrow beneath the self sabotage and the shame and fear but beneath it all was anger. Anger at what had happened to this person. Anger that had never been expressed or released. If you can identify the underlying feeling that drives the negative patterns you can start to heal and give yourself grace. Love you x
Reaching with one hand, while slapping said hand with the other.... such a beautiful analogy to what we all do to keep from reaching / obtaining the beautiful blessings before us. We'll said. Slap less & reach more. ❤
So relatable. I felt validated by this video tbh. You described honestly how I have been feeling lately. Then you add stress from all the things in life that happen that are out of your control that you have to navigate and it honestly gets so hard to care about yourself. Makes you completely unmotivated. Life goes on and you have to keep going regardless of how you're feeling. We just have to keep trying and keep going to break this mentally/physically exhausting cycle of self sabotage. We deserve to treat ourselves with the same care and kindness we show others. Thanks for posting and always being so open and honest with us. You're an inspiration truly!
You’re already further along then you thinking just by recognizing you need to adjust your inner dialogue! I noticed a big change when I realized my negative self thought in the moment and redirected my thought to something I’m grateful for, and then move onto the next thought. It’s so little but makes a huge impact when you recognize it more frequently. Our brains only believe and know what we’re telling it, so if we redirect our thoughts then you slowly change your brain wiring. Proud of you for where you’ve come and where you’re going!
This is why I watch your channel. You are so relatable I have been gaining and losing the same weight for years. Just the other day I was down to a weight I hadn’t been at in a long time and then what did I do?? Started eating crap again. Sabotaging myself again. Just hearing your story makes me feel better. It’s nice to know that others have the same struggles. I’m going to try some of the things you mentioned for self improvement and forgiveness. Thanks for being real.
I can relate SOO much! I know what I need to do to feel great. I know what I do that makes me miserable. Whyyy do I keep doing those things when I KNOW how bad they make me feel, physically and mentally. It's like my subcouncious wants to keep me miserable, because change is harder than the comfort of usuality.
i think you hit it on the head. when you started your channel, we were the same weight (and then I gain a few more pounds), but now I'm down 80 lbs! the biggest change I made was learning to love myself and be kind to myself. I went to a therapy center last year, and it helped so much. something just clicked when I went there. I think the 'click' was that I'm not as bad as people told me I was and I deserved love, so I treated myself as such. since then, I've had no desire to binge. (i still have days where I overindulge, but it's nothing like it was before.) my BED was a form of self-hatred, and the moment I learned self-love, it dissipated. everyone's journey is different, and there are days when I struggle too. I'm nowhere close to where I'd like to be as person, but I'm constantly evolving and I know I'll get there. recovery isn't linear; progress isn't linear. as long as you keep going, you'll get there too!
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Good Boundaries and Good Byes and The Angry Mom’s Guide to Self Regulation were books that I was recommended on my journey by my CBT therapist. All were helpful but the Angry Moms one was the most helpful- my therapist said the title is very misleading. It focuses heavily on Inner Child and Teenager. Eye opening, very quick read. Good luck!
Love you, Bea! I’ve been following you for years now and with this video I understand why I liked you so much from the beginning :). It’s because your character resonates so much with mine. We have a lot of the same internal struggles. Finding self worth is an ongoing process, for sure; one that I am also actively working on. You are sooo strong and I see your resilience and determination for self improvement. I commend you for it!
Bea, thanks so much for this. I have been realising some similar things, too. I have a great life but there are behaviours and patterns I am noticing with myself and when I dig deeper I've realised that wow, there are some really deep-seated bad self worth things going on there. Some of the things I believe about myself...it's really sad to acknowledge it.
Hey Bea and everyone else in the comments - I think this has resonated with so many people, myself included. I started doing inner child focused therapy this year as the child of an alcoholic in recovery and it has been one of the most difficult and rewarding things I’ve done for myself. Having a second perspective to pull you out of that shame cycle when you think about your younger self is invaluable. I’ve been watching your videos for a few years. They always brighten my day. I’m around your age and see so much of myself in you, and maybe loving your content helps me like myself a little bit more too. And that’s valuable.
This is so amazing that you are figuring this out! I have gone throught a very similar process in the past...went all in with positivity, affirmations and self help books and I can gladly say that it worked! Trying to switch your judgemental thoughts to more encouraging and loving ones is really like a muscle, it becomes a habit and it's life-changing. For me it helped to think:what would I tell a friend in this situation, instead of what i am telling to myself? Therapy can also help a great deal, obviously, but you know this. I'm rooting for you, I know what it's like! It's such an amazing insight and a point of complete change, once you start implementing a more loving attitude towards yourself! You could start by doing a new years review of the past year and listing all of the hard things you've done, all of the struggles, all of the successes and think of what you would tell a friend about the same things! Or what you would tell a 5 yo you! ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Girl I relate with this! I swear we would be great friends! We have so much I'm common! You are doing great! Realizing this is truly the first step! I still have negative thoughts but have been feeling better over the last few months. ❤
U’ve put words to some of the feelings I’ve been having for a long time. I do all the things you said, treat others so highly and yet don’t think highly of myself, I self sabotage my weight loss and really any self help I do. Thanks Bea! I hope you know in voicing how you’re going to help urself also helps others… Hope you and all your lovely followers have a safe and happy Christmas and New Year!
Beatrice, I want to tell you that this helped me so, so much! I am stuck in a similar circle. This makes me feel less alone if that makes sense, because sometimes I feel alone with it. I also figured out that it might be my own attitude towards myself and this "I would never treat someone else this harsh" thing is something I tell myself constantly. I realized that I have to be nicer to myself and treat myself like a friend, not someone I hate. I hope I manage to love myself one day. I wish you all the very best and happy holidays!! Big hugs from Germany!
A beautiful video, full of introspective thoughts, realizations, and exploration of one's existence. I'm a psychologist and have been working with clients using CBT for years, but recently, I've delved into the world of CFT (Compassion Focused Therapy), a therapeutic approach that emphasizes developing a compassionate mind, both towards others and oneself. It's particularly effective for those who struggle with excessive self-criticism and helps heal the inner child. Of course, like any therapy, it's not magical, but it can provide depth, a new perspective, and very practical tools. By the way, I’ve been following you for a long time, and the progress you’ve made is incredible. Despite all the ups and downs, you’re still here, and that’s truly inspiring. It’s good to continue with therapy and explore new approaches (like CFT) while staying committed to yourself. Keep it up! Greetings from Croatia!
You're incredible for voicing this. Self-worth is something I also have totally been challenged with and learning how to like myself again over the last several years with the help of a therapist and medication and community. Im in your corner.
I’ve been subscribed to you for a while, although I haven’t been keeping up with your (or anyone’s) videos lately. But when I saw this in my feed I clicked it so fast. I’ve never been on a big weight loss journey, although I am still about 20-30(?) lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and my baby is 2.5 now. I would love to lose some weight but it just seems so hard, but I also haven’t put forth that much effort if I’m being honest. Anyway… I subscribed because I just love watching your videos. I feel like we could be good friends. This video really resonated with me. It’s something I’ve realized about myself lately too, that I don’t trust myself. I constantly let myself down by not following through with things I say I’m going to do. I always make excuses, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone else. I’m realizing how damaging it is to my sense of self worth to keep doing that to myself, but I keep doing it because I had such low self worth to begin with. It’s a vicious cycle. Anyway, thank you for this video, for your honesty and introspection. I’m wishing you well on your healing journey.
Ive been watching you for a while and I feel like you always put out videos that I, 100% relate to at the exact time I am struggling with the same issues. I wish I was as articulate as you are in explaining things. This video was incredibly helpful for me! Thank you for putting my thoughts into words!! Keep being you and improving. You are doing great!! and thank you for your content you help so many others.
I struggled with a lot of the same. A LOT. For over 50 years. And I tried a lot of the same "routines." But it never stuck for too long. I couldn't figure out wtf was wrong with me. I felt like suck a screw up and failure. Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and it all started to make sense. I didn't realize just how much my ADHD affected my everyday life. My brain. I still struggle. I still have other issues. But I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I'm learning how to work with my ADHD brain and not against it. Which makes the process a little easier. I'm not saying you have ADHD. ( I have no idea if you do). But I am encouraging you to be kinder to your (current) self. Too often we beat ourselves up and blame ourselves. Its not that there is something WRONG with us. Our brains-which can be affected by trauma- just work a little differently. 💜
When you speak, you say EXACTLY what I feel, I just can't put words to it as well as you can. I've followed you from the very beginning and so wish I was a few hours north and could be friends with you in real life because you are such a great person and you inspire me.
Hi Bea... I am going through your same exact struggle. Started on Wegovy (low dose) and it is finally giving me hope and I have been able to keep the weight off (consisently losing 1lb per week. No more no less)
I'm on the same thing I started in September and I dropped 20 lb so far. I still have about 60 to go. What I like about it is that taking it every week it's almost like it gives me a mental boost. Because I know it's working for me so it's very easy to go downstairs and do my workout and just have a really good mental feeling about yourself. Glad it's working for you also!! 🎉
Bea, you just said word for word exactly what i've been feeling and going through. You put to word and directly to my face what i've been unable to actually figure out why i'm stuck in this cycle that *i* put myself in and why i can't get myself out of it, even though i can do all that and more for my job and for others. Like this just clicked something in my baffling little brain. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Self sabotage is my biggest problem and I do not know how to stop. The "I don't deserve the things that I have and I don't deserve the things that I want' was wild. Literally me 100 percent.
Oh Bea! That resonated so much with me! I feel like my life has been on hold for so long until "I get my shit together"......Yet the shit keeps on shitting....and I haven't got anything remotely "together" yet! Please Please allow us to follow along on this (trying to think of another word than 'journey')....with you. It would mean a lot to so many people....and would probably help a good few of us too! Sending lots of love and positivity your way!...We are unique...and we ARE f***ing Amazing! 🙌
I have the same struggles with food & lifestyle - I even read the book Good Energy which gave me a lot of good info and ideas about how I wish I would eat and live life, but I never stick to it and I know it is all my fault. I always feel stuck, and it leads back to me being my own worst enemy every time. So frustrating. I get it. I related to everything you said. 😭 Best wishes to you, girl!
This is the exact approach that worked for me. Literally writing a list of my worst thoughts and then writing a more logical/generous version opposite. I don't know why but just seeing it down on paper really helped me with anxiety and trusting myself.
I’ve been working on this with therapy for a few years now. It gets better, but always a work in progress. Sometimes, I go back to it without thinking and have to refocus. 🖤
I have some of the same issues I am working through. I watched another TH-cam video in which the woman said "May you have the remembrance of the light, the spark, the divine that is you. You have nothing to prove, no worthiness to seek because it is always a part of who you are." That quote is now on my computer monitor at work and the bathroom mirror at home. I find it so beautifully true and hope it encourages you and possibly others. Take heart! You are not alone. Learning to allow yourself grace is incredibly difficult but important work. ❤
‘How do you undo decades of damage’ 😂 you are funny without even trying 😅 Loved this video, it made me really think about myself as I am so similar to you with regards to self sabotage. Hoping you can make the changes you need to feel happier in yourself x
Just the other day, I had a similar realization that I don’t appreciate myself or see value in myself. My dad was talking about my cousin and how she’s on the university sports team winning these tournaments and also traveling and doing study abroad. I kept being like “omg she’s so much better than me” my dad was like “i told her you recently did a half marathon” to which I said “but it’s not like I won anything”. I always shut down compliments and whenever I do accomplish something, such as getting into a competitive doctorate program, in my head I’m like “this wasn’t actually that hard and anyone can do this”. I would love to see you do challenges for building your self worth because I would love to try them too
You literally took all the words from my brain. I dont think ive ever come across someone online who has perfectly described what i experience as you have here. Youre inspiring me along with so many others. And gave me that aha moment watching this ❤
The things that make the most impact for me are whatever I listen to while I'm asleep. I have a playlist of Reiki masters that do 20 minute or so videos about specific topics, like addressing negative thoughts, addictions, sleep, pain. I set up a list on my phone, ending with a 12 hour video of rain and thunder, which I love sleeping to. I get about three hours of whatever I've set up for my daily fix for issues, fall asleep pretty quickly, and wake up to rain sounds. It helps most of all with sleep as I've trained my brain that certain sounds mean sleep, such as rain, or the sound of a bell from one practitioner or just the voice of another. Also Day 9 the gamer guy from about 12 years ago has a video about being relentlessly positive. My son recommended it to me during a particularly stressful time I was going through. I didn't think it really applied by my son is very wise. So I listened to it every morning while getting ready. With that, I did notice a change in how I approach things. I started a new job shortly after -- one of the benefits of manifestation, which is one topic I sleep to -- and that whole relentlessly positive attitude thing kept me going through the first weeks of a very high pressure, very stressful job that I absolutely love and now and extremely comfortable with. It all starts in the mind. And my belief is the part of the mind we need to reach is only accessible while we sleep.
I relate to you soooo much!!! No motivation when it comes to improving myself, but I’m there for everyone else. I’m learning to think of myself as the main character ❤
Hey Bea! I’ve been watching your channel pretty much since the beginning back in 2020, and I just wanna say: give yourself some more credit! 💜 Seeing how far you’ve come in so many different aspects of your life since the start of your channel (buying two houses, starting a YT career and building a really awesome online community, finding a supportive partner, and doing a TON of internal self-work) is honestly inspiring. Obviously, I don’t doubt that there are many parts of your life that probably don’t make it onto TH-cam, but seriously… You deserve to be proud of yourself, and not beat yourself up so much. Yes, it’s important for everyone to be working on themselves and moving towards goals; but at the same time, make sure to appreciate where you are/how far you’ve come, as opposed to spending all your energy focused on what you haven’t achieved yet.
Girl, this is what it took me my whole 20s and 30s to learn. Good job stopping the cycle. After a few years of treatment, I noticed a profound shift, but it was slow and felt very dumb at first. Eventually I realized that I defined my self worth on how well I took care of others-- but there was none left for me. I can't say that it's translated to instantly better health. But it has helped me build healthful habits that always felt like my least favorite chores, and helped the harder self care stuff (like diet and exercise) to be more consistent and less wrapped up in the burnout and perfectionsim.
Hey Bea! I’ve been following you since the beginning and I literally only watch like 2-3 people on here consistently. Everything you say totally makes sense and I’ve always appreciated your transparency and process of learning! All that to say, I’m a DBT therapist and would highly recommend looking into DBT if you haven’t! It’s all about the things you’re talking about (acceptance and making change, non judgmental observation, self compassion, etc)!! I could go on and on but I won’t! Always wishing you the best!! Loved: “Yeah, introspection!” 😂
Thank you for sharing. I'm going through it all. I'm learning being selfish when it come to me isn't bad. I'm a giver in life . I'm learning to set boundaries and time for myself. I give my kids the world and put them before me. I have to remind myself I need to give me some love and care too. You got this!
I'm trying to find my right words here... because I'm SO overwhelmed with emotion. You have just described me almost down to the very last detail. And I needed this so much! Thank you for your honesty because it is also MY honesty that I could not say to my own self. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense... but I think maybe you get what I'm trying to say. Thank you 💜💜💜
I feel you girl! After 43 years of guilt, anxiety, overeating, depression, I got diagnosed with ptsd, and I was told that all the other stuff was just symptoms/ coping mechanisms on my part. I’m now going on a new route, trying to figure a way with it, in stead of trough it. Best wishes ❤
I know this is the most personal of journeys, but I really hope you share some more of it. Pretty much everything you said I relate to. When you gave the slapping hand analogy I was like “I’m going to share this with my therapist.” Thanks for being vulnerable in such a scary space as TH-cam. You’re brave and you are helping people ❤
This is so relatable to me right now. I feel a lot of the same feels and also recognizing I self sabotage constantly. I’ve been working on myself as well, journaling and writing letters, meditation has been huge for me and I feel that I am finally seeing clarity in some aspects. My heart is with you girl! It’s a struggle but I’m feeling hopeful for this upcoming year.
Your struggles are very relateable and as many others in the comments I too work through those exact struggles. You're not alone, that doesn't make it any less exhausting or painful, but it takes a bit of the helplessness maybe. My overbearing inner therapist wants to chime in, but I'm aware that comments like that can feel invasive. So; What you describe has a lot of overlap with cPTSD. I know you are in therapy already (or you used to be?), but maybe it would make seense to seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. It focuses a lot on working with your inner parts (children, critics and so on) and on stabilizing your overall mental health to reduce negative-self-image, invasive thoughts and other symptoms. Regardless, I wish you all the best whichever path you take and send love to you and your struggling inner parts
Retired therapist here - you’re doing great! When you talk about working in issues “surrounding” the main ones; yes, that’s exactly how it works. Improving one area improves all of them a bit, and gives you the strength to look at harder ones. Inner child work is amazingly helpful, all through the day. Are you going to feed your child a healthy meal or a candy bar? Are you going to give your child adequate sleep or scroll TikTok until 3am? It’s a way of caring for yourself - the vulnerable, innocent, deepest part - while examining ways we don’t give ourselves the grace we would give a loved one. Most of us need some re-parenting (no fault to our parents, most of whom we’re doing the best they could). Anytime you’re a harsh critic to yourself, or self-sabotage, or neglect yourself - that needs re-parenting. Big hugs, love your introspection and openness and willingness to go deep!
Thank you for this! ❤
Thank you!!!❤
Wow, that was very helpful. Thank you!
Wow, what a simple and effective question format to guide yourself to the choices that match your priorities. Are you going to feed your feed your child a healthy meal or a candy bar. Where were you an hour ago. At least a proper bedtime is still in reach today. Thank you!
Probably inappropriate and off the table with this being your off time, but, genuinely if you take clients in the south east US, likely over some call, this message and tone sounded like a therapist that would bell
"I don't think I trust myself. Why would I?" Hit me right in the gut. You talking through this isn't just helping yourself, although that's the most important thing. It touches other people. Thank you.
This is THE most honest mental health video I've ever seen. It's inspiring and important!
TH-cam shorts of "Complimenting myself for 30 days or until I believe it" is something I would definitely watch lmao. Love you Bea! Happy Holidays! Everything will be alright. ❤
Love this Bea please do it and understand that the “cringe” you feel is your own judgment; not ours! We would love to see it and you deserve the hype :)
Me too! ❤❤
Yes I agree! We love you Bea!❤❤😊
Yasss. Please.
Here for it!!!!!
It was crazy to hear you describe all my issues. But then reading all the comments about all these women feeling the same way. Crazy to me to see so many. Thank you all for sharing. It is a relief not to feel so alone for a change. ❤
It's so hard to watch you talk about yourself this way because to me you are a fucking delight! Wish you could see in yourself what we do. Hope your holidays are happy and 2025 is amazing. 🥰
I agree! I love her so much and wish we could be friends lol ❤
Couldn’t have said it better myself ❤ if you see this - love you, Bea!!!!!!!
I totally agree!
💯
Yes you are adorable and kind I could see having a friend like you, you're such a joy to be in the presence of
It was like listening to myself as I watched this video. I was in your same shoes to start 2023. I found a book called, "The Kindness Method" and got into therapy to deal with the inner child issues. Both steps were necessary for me. However, I cannot recommend "The Kindness Method" enough! There are assignments you have to do and, for me, they were eye opening. The negative self talk stopped. I turned 50 years old last year and they finally stopped thanks to that book and therapy.
Best of luck to you as you go on this journey. It's a hard one but it's so, so worth it!
I second The Kindness Method! Fantastic book, very helpful
I second the Kindness Method. It's a great book, especially if you feel yourself caught in repeating patterns.
🙏
Bea when you started this channel we were the same weight. I have since had a nutritionist, gone to the gym, got on SSRI for my panic disorder, bought/ used a treadmill, been diagnosed with PCOS, MTHFR polymorphism, Fatty Liver, been on Metformin, been on Ozempic, and now I'm 285 pounds and climbing. No matter what other people may think, the mystery of our weight issues is incredibly difficult to solve because they are a combination of subconscious causality and genes being switched on and off unpredictably. Which is to say, fuck this shit, but keep going.
I’m on a similar journey as well!
I have anxiety disorder and just got onto SSRI the past few months and waiting on diagnoses for other things.
Keep at it :) I will too :)
Fuck this shit but keep going. Love it. Bea's followers are the best.
Get a continuous glucose monitor. A lot of stuff that is healthy spikes the shit outta my blood sugar.... and once I learned this, and figured out how to eat stuff to keep blood sugar from spiking, and letting my body have a break and go to baseline between meals
... I've lost a ton of weight from not having big spikes.
Some Healthy stuff spikes it intensely... now I know.
Avoiding sugar spikes makes you lose weight... sugar spikes make your cells take that up from blood stream, excess sugar is stored as fat
Bruh! These SSRis are putting weight on me and my friends that’s all I know. Never have I been this size.
Sounds Iike we’ve had very similar journeys with nearly identical issues! Sending you so much love and solidarity. It’s hard when you try everything and your body seems to still nope out on you.
Something that's helped me cringe less surrounding growth in this area is focusing on self-compassion instead of "self-esteem." Self-esteem feels out of reach, but self-compassion computes in a way that nothing has for me before. There are a few TedTalks about self-compassion that I liked.
Thank you!
This. 💛
I agree with this!
“What if for one day I weren’t a problem to be fixed?” That’s a quote I have posted in my bathroom. It gets me through the days of self doubt & days where I don’t feel like I’m enough. You’re doing great Miss Bea. Keep being the wonderful, fabulous you that we all love. ❤
My therapist literally told me to stop thinking I was broken and needed fixing. Do I need to grow? Sure, everyone does. But am I broken, no, I'm still a fully functioning thinking individual that has made it to the other side of shit, that's not broken. I just learned coping mechanism that no longer serve me, so now I just learn new ones and move forward. That was like a light switch.
It is obvious to most people what you need to do to not blow up your life, but those of us with childhood trauma, we really struggle. I read in Suzanne Sommers book Keeping Secrets that we create our own chaos. We are comfortable there, we know how to handle chaos. We don’t understand a smooth easy life and how to navigate it.
This. I admit that when things are going to smoothly it makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I don't know how to live in it. ☹️
I love these "ramble" videos because they're always so deep! Thank you for being so real and open with us.
I practiced this several years ago with my negative thoughts about my body. I started noticing when I’d get into a negative spiral, I’d stop, say in my head, “No. That’s my body that moves me around this world, it’s the vessel I live in, and it serves me well.” I didn’t tell myself NO I love that flaw about myself! I just stopped the negative thought spiral with truth, tried to maybe add a little gratitude for what my body does for me and MOVE ON. It really worked for me.
Now I have health issues that bring me down (POTS) and now it’s harder for me mentally because I feel like my body is NOT serving me well and not working properly. It’s been a harder negative thought pattern to break, but I’m working on it.
You’re amazing Bea. I hope some of what you’re trying helps you overcome this!
i have POTS too, felt and I love this idea thank you for sharing
Oh man I totally get this... I gotta work on it for sure. One thing that occured to me that might be a good way of looking at it is your body is still doing the best it can with what it's given, what it was given in life and how you were formed. Could be something that's been with you since you came to exist but didn't show until later. You're doing the best you can with what you're given. We strive for better all the time but not always able to do so. ❤
As someone with multiple chronic illnesses, I like to view my body is separate from those illnesses so I can say in my head that my body is working so hard and doing such a good job despite all the challenges it has. The only one of my issues that I think of as innately part of me is my neurodivergence, my physical illnesses to me are separate from myself. I hope that makes sense and you can find a way to still appreciate your body despite feeling betrayed by the pots you're dealing with.
What helped me the most is the thought of "would I tell my friend that?". When I'm judging myself or telling myself something mean in my mind, I stop that thought and ask myself would I tell my friend that same sentence and most times it's "no I wouldn't" that would be terrible. It helped a lot ❤
Yes!! Absolutely.
Exactly! 💯
4 minutes in and you are describing me! And many of us here. Perfectionist to others but ourselves… and the weight creeps back… ADD and or ADHD. Need to please, hard to stay focused on my goals, wanting to do lots, but obsessed with doing the one thing we are into at the moment, and the house and everything around us falls apart… one room immaculate and tidy, and I can’t walk through my other rooms… thx Bea! Know you are not alone! ❤❤❤🎉
I've lost almost 100 of a 150 goal. But I have also spent years in similar shoes to yours. The more we get to know ourselves and our wounds the better we can deal with it. I truly believe that we can design our perfect weight loss system. I have done/doing it twice. I have faith in you!
I suffered from and currently manage exactly what you're describing. My therapist recommended the book "Regardless of what you were taught to believe, There is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It's a really easy read with a straight-forward message. Reading this somehow, some way, I don't know why, gets me to get up and answer those emails I've been anxious about. Or to start the project I've been meaning to start. It's one of those that sits on my nightstand now.
Thank you! I'm ordering that book.
@@Ima-Diamondme too!!
Me too!
I was listening to this book last night because of your comment. I did fall asleep lol and I’m not done but I love it! Thank you for the suggestion.
Oh wow! I’m glad this might help so many people 😊
Totally relatable, Bea.
I understand every single word you are saying.
No advice to share, because I am certain you will find your way.
You are intelligent, self-reflective, and capable of bringing it all together.
I just know you will help yourself to remember that you are valued, loved and appreciated…you are absolutely worth it,
just truly believe it.
You DO deserve it! 💚
This is hitting me hard today. I'm in such a bad place right now and just feeling sad. I don't even feel like Christmas this year. I can't feel like i can get myself into a good place. I feel shame, guilt, loss of feeling. Like you i feel like i have a really perfect for me husband, somehow he puts up with me putting myself down on a daily basis for 15 years now and still loves me and finds me attractive. I wish i could see myself through other people's eyes (that like me) Thank you for sharing these feelings and being vulnerable.
If I don’t t have someone that needs me to do something, I won’t do it for myself. Totally relate! ❤
So relatable girl. I’m exactly the same. One step forward and seven back. Since birth. Sending you compassionate vibes.
I'm stuck here too. I noticed just this past week, every time I try to get healthier, I screw it up by saving "well I deserve a treat, or I deserve to eat whatever I want because it's the only thing I do for myself" 🤦🏼♀️ soOo every time my mind starts to go that way, I have been trying to say instead "I deserve to be healthy" "I deserve to take care of myself" and "I deserve to be happy". Hopefully the repetition helps reform some of my thoughts eventually!
Everything you describe is due to ADHD. No matter how much therapy I've done, no matter how much awareness, the problem is maintaining the habits. I can't stick to anything for more than 2 weeks. Until I accepted that it’s not about willpower and that this is how my brain works, my anxiety was at alarming levels.
What helps me the most is medication. But it takes patience until you find the right medication/combination and dosage.
I recommend following Dr. Russell Barkley.
🤷😘
Yes! I was thinking that I never trusted myself until I got treatment for ADHD (at age 52). What helped me finally get diagnosed was reading about how ADHD is different in women and doing all that other work for decades helped but getting ADHD treatment has done miracles for me.
I legit came here to say the exact thing. Also, binge eating is a huge red flag for ADHD. Girls present so differently because we aren’t always outward with symptoms. I’m no DR Bea, but women to women I would explore it.
Can you share what medication combo worked for you?
@@claudiacanales2662 I can share what works for me (everyone is different ) but I take 10mg Ritalin LA in the morning and it lasts about 8 hrs and 5 mg Instant Release in the later part of the afternoon. Hope that helps.
Definitely worth getting checked. Doesn't have to be due to ADHD but certainly could be. After pleading with doctors for years just to get a referral I still had to wait a full year for the first appointment with a specialist and then it was another several weeks of appointments and tests until I got my diagnosis. When I first got my medication it was like, oh so this is how normal people feel. My quality of life has improved so much. It's also been nice to realize I'm not actually lazy, unmotivated and have no will power, my brain is just different.
I'm really glad you started this journey at a younger (than me) age. I started my progress about the same time as you then found your videos. I lost the weight, got fit, and then it all went down hill. After a couple massive panic attacks, I gained back most of the weight, discovered a covert brain structure (mental health condition), and now I am experiencing the very early signs of perimenopause. It's this last one I want to stress here: I've only begun this new metamorphosis, and it is ROCKY!
Thankfully I started my mental health journey, so I've become more aware of things. I wish I had the ability to start earlier in life though. A lot of my dietary health is strongly influenced by my mental health already, and now the drops of progesterone makes it tougher.
You are doing great. Researching is our biggest ally and coming to understand and knowing who you are is the most valuable thing we have.
I wish I had your knowledge at your age. Hell I'm 62 almost 63 and still havnt figured shit out !😂 Your doing great! Love u and your posts! Hope u and your beautiful family hav a great Xmas and happy new year!❤️
Girl be CAREFUL with affirmations. They can cause harm. For me, combining them with self compassion, curiosity and understanding is the key. But they also have to be customized. Generic ones on blast will do no good. You need ones that dig gently at your insecurities, and in a supportive way. For example, congratulating and truly (internally) celebrating things you accomplished that day, with no room for those things that you did NOT accomplish, not in that conversation. Or telling your younger self that you are loved, as you are at that age. Stuff like that, over time, really does make a difference!!
I'm 64 & you just described me 100% 😂 I'm the queen of self sabotage, the caregiver to all. Dammit! Thought you were gonna have the answer! Sometimes I wonder if I take on caring for others, animals included, just to have the excuse of no time for me🤷♀️ Hugs to you.
Deep thoughts because I wonder the same about myself
Thank you for always being so real. I know I am struggling in some areas but also haven’t felt motivated to make any positive changes. This helped and inspired me to try to be kind to myself. Thank you!
I feel like I was just listening to myself a few months ago. First, thank you for sharing your heart. Everything said is so incredibly relatable. I think I'll be working on this for the rest of my life, however, I feel like I've grown leaps and bounds from where I was even after twice-daily meditations for 9 years, therapy, books, exercises, and ACA meetings. LOL. One thing that really seemed to change things bigly for me was I wrote a journal entry (in my phone's notes section so I can access easily when I'm down) where I listed all of the things about me that I would really like in a friend/partner/mentor. Sounds cheesy, but bear with me. Some of the things I wrote were: I'm a person of my word and have integrity, I'm diverse in art (photography, painting, sculpting, writing), I'm kind to others (animals and plants included), able to build or fix pretty much anything by watching a few videos, I'm full of new ideas, I am excited to help others when I can. Pretty simple things but when I realized I would respect and cherish others with these traits, I realized "I'm the one I've been looking for." It broke some kind of barrier, likely the abandonment one (being abandoned as a kid by a parent, therefore only understanding and finding comfort in abandoning myself). Not sure if this will help and I feel super vulnerable now (lol) but I appreciate you so much and hope I can help with my own experience. Be kind to you, gurl! You're a freaking rockstar.
Bea. GET OUT OF MY BRAIN!! So freaking relatable. Can't wait to hear how it goes 🌹
I often relate to you, but this is the most I’ve related to anything you’ve said. I remember one time seeing this thing where you look at yourself in the mirror and tell you that you love you and compliment you. I was physically and mentally unable to do it.
This hit me so hard! I used to be so mean to myself, and it took me YEARS to stop the negative self-talk. To this day, I still have some of those negative thoughts, but now I can recognize them and stop myself. Especially because I would never say those things to anyone else, and it’s not fair for me to treat myself that way.
The point here is... change is possible, but it takes time. You’ll have to be very vigilant to catch those thoughts, especially in the beginning. But you’ve got this!
Yes I agree, it is so hard to break that cycle but you can do it. What works for me the best is to reframe all of those negative self-talk I used to deal with. Instead of saying negative things about myself when I'm unable to do something (multiple disabilities that complicate my life) I reframe it as I am frustrated because I'm unable to do the things I need to do. Taking the hate out of the self-talk but still acknowledging the real emotion which is the frustration.
A gentle encouragement to remember this change in self perception will take years, not weeks or months. You have 32 years of others degrading your worth and of yourself degrading your worth. Change will happen slowly and unevenly. I think my own journey to silencing my inner abusive self talk took 10 years of dedicated work. This undoing is really, really difficult and painful, but is totally worth it.
I named my inner monolog "Susan" and whenever she pipes up with mean comments, I say out loud "Okay, Shut up Susan" and she does!
😂
I have been practicing talking to myself kindly for a couple of years now, and I FINALLY am making more progress than backsliding. You've got this. You are worth it.
Being self aware is so important Bea. I'm currently going through the roughest time of my life and I've been doing a lot of self reflection lately, hearing you being open and honest about yourself is helping me do the same and I thank you for that. You got this, I got this, there are better days ahead 🧡 love you girl
I found EMDR therapy super helpful to breakthrough some of these root beliefs and noticed the web unweaved itself.
I've been reading this book titled "feel the fear and do it anyway". It was written in 80s so some aspects are a bit dated lol but she does go into how positive thinking requires constant practice, and how our fear is powered by self doubt. So I could relate so much! I haven't finished the book yet but it's definitely a helpful read so far!
Why are you always so god damn relatable….You got this, Bea, if you can, we will! ❤
I think I've mentioned it before on an earlier video of yours, but I do think that most issues we're struggling with come down to attachment issues. You're talking yourself this way because this is what your caregivers either talked to you or made you feel. Reprogramming your core wounds and beliefs is helpful. Tackle a core belief, like 'I'm not enough', think of instances when you were enough and and tie that to what feeling enough feels like. Having healthier relationships also helps healing, which is evidenced by you noticing these unhelpful habits you have. Personal growth is hard. Best of luck and happy Christmas!
A book I will recommend and have recommended to many because of how much it changed my perspective: Radical Forgiveness. I listened to the audiobook - it’s not too long. Honestly it was difficult- I shut it down about 45 minutes into it because the first actual attempt to do the work was so hard. It challenged some truth and I refused to give into it and had a visceral reaction at that moment. But I went back to it after 3 months knowing I wanted to learn HOW to radically forgive and it changed my life. I hope this helps anyone reading this. It was hard work but I’m grateful for going through it bc it stops me in place when I’m ready to go down a rabbit hole. Forgiveness is a gift ❤
Not sure if you will read this but I have just been working through this exact thing with someone I love. Took a lot to burrow beneath the self sabotage and the shame and fear but beneath it all was anger. Anger at what had happened to this person. Anger that had never been expressed or released. If you can identify the underlying feeling that drives the negative patterns you can start to heal and give yourself grace. Love you x
Reaching with one hand, while slapping said hand with the other.... such a beautiful analogy to what we all do to keep from reaching / obtaining the beautiful blessings before us. We'll said. Slap less & reach more. ❤
So relatable. I felt validated by this video tbh. You described honestly how I have been feeling lately. Then you add stress from all the things in life that happen that are out of your control that you have to navigate and it honestly gets so hard to care about yourself. Makes you completely unmotivated. Life goes on and you have to keep going regardless of how you're feeling. We just have to keep trying and keep going to break this mentally/physically exhausting cycle of self sabotage. We deserve to treat ourselves with the same care and kindness we show others. Thanks for posting and always being so open and honest with us. You're an inspiration truly!
Girl you are not alone I am the same way and I feel so overwhelmed to deal and love myself.
You’re already further along then you thinking just by recognizing you need to adjust your inner dialogue! I noticed a big change when I realized my negative self thought in the moment and redirected my thought to something I’m grateful for, and then move onto the next thought. It’s so little but makes a huge impact when you recognize it more frequently. Our brains only believe and know what we’re telling it, so if we redirect our thoughts then you slowly change your brain wiring. Proud of you for where you’ve come and where you’re going!
I’ve never heard of healing your inner child. But the way you’ve described makes total sense and opened my eyes to my issues! Thank you girl 🙏
This is why I watch your channel. You are so relatable I have been gaining and losing the same weight for years. Just the other day I was down to a weight I hadn’t been at in a long time and then what did I do?? Started eating crap again. Sabotaging myself again. Just hearing your story makes me feel better. It’s nice to know that others have the same struggles. I’m going to try some of the things you mentioned for self improvement and forgiveness. Thanks for being real.
I can relate SOO much! I know what I need to do to feel great. I know what I do that makes me miserable. Whyyy do I keep doing those things when I KNOW how bad they make me feel, physically and mentally. It's like my subcouncious wants to keep me miserable, because change is harder than the comfort of usuality.
i think you hit it on the head. when you started your channel, we were the same weight (and then I gain a few more pounds), but now I'm down 80 lbs! the biggest change I made was learning to love myself and be kind to myself. I went to a therapy center last year, and it helped so much. something just clicked when I went there. I think the 'click' was that I'm not as bad as people told me I was and I deserved love, so I treated myself as such. since then, I've had no desire to binge. (i still have days where I overindulge, but it's nothing like it was before.)
my BED was a form of self-hatred, and the moment I learned self-love, it dissipated. everyone's journey is different, and there are days when I struggle too. I'm nowhere close to where I'd like to be as person, but I'm constantly evolving and I know I'll get there. recovery isn't linear; progress isn't linear. as long as you keep going, you'll get there too!
Whoa. This speaks directly to my head and heart ❤
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Good Boundaries and Good Byes and The Angry Mom’s Guide to Self Regulation were books that I was recommended on my journey by my CBT therapist. All were helpful but the Angry Moms one was the most helpful- my therapist said the title is very misleading. It focuses heavily on Inner Child and Teenager. Eye opening, very quick read. Good luck!
Love you, Bea! I’ve been following you for years now and with this video I understand why I liked you so much from the beginning :). It’s because your character resonates so much with mine. We have a lot of the same internal struggles. Finding self worth is an ongoing process, for sure; one that I am also actively working on. You are sooo strong and I see your resilience and determination for self improvement. I commend you for it!
Thank you so so much for sharing your journey!
Bea, thanks so much for this. I have been realising some similar things, too. I have a great life but there are behaviours and patterns I am noticing with myself and when I dig deeper I've realised that wow, there are some really deep-seated bad self worth things going on there. Some of the things I believe about myself...it's really sad to acknowledge it.
I can relate to this too much.. I hope you’ll find the way and start living a great peaceful and happy life.
Hey Bea and everyone else in the comments - I think this has resonated with so many people, myself included. I started doing inner child focused therapy this year as the child of an alcoholic in recovery and it has been one of the most difficult and rewarding things I’ve done for myself. Having a second perspective to pull you out of that shame cycle when you think about your younger self is invaluable.
I’ve been watching your videos for a few years. They always brighten my day. I’m around your age and see so much of myself in you, and maybe loving your content helps me like myself a little bit more too. And that’s valuable.
This is so amazing that you are figuring this out! I have gone throught a very similar process in the past...went all in with positivity, affirmations and self help books and I can gladly say that it worked! Trying to switch your judgemental thoughts to more encouraging and loving ones is really like a muscle, it becomes a habit and it's life-changing. For me it helped to think:what would I tell a friend in this situation, instead of what i am telling to myself?
Therapy can also help a great deal, obviously, but you know this.
I'm rooting for you, I know what it's like! It's such an amazing insight and a point of complete change, once you start implementing a more loving attitude towards yourself!
You could start by doing a new years review of the past year and listing all of the hard things you've done, all of the struggles, all of the successes and think of what you would tell a friend about the same things! Or what you would tell a 5 yo you!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Girl I relate with this! I swear we would be great friends! We have so much I'm common! You are doing great! Realizing this is truly the first step! I still have negative thoughts but have been feeling better over the last few months. ❤
U’ve put words to some of the feelings I’ve been having for a long time. I do all the things you said, treat others so highly and yet don’t think highly of myself, I self sabotage my weight loss and really any self help I do. Thanks Bea! I hope you know in voicing how you’re going to help urself also helps others… Hope you and all your lovely followers have a safe and happy Christmas and New Year!
Merry Christmas Bea❤
It's like you were listening to my last therapy session 😅
“Don’t do counterproductive actions…” This really hit me hard. Thanks for recognizing & sharing this.
Beatrice, I want to tell you that this helped me so, so much! I am stuck in a similar circle. This makes me feel less alone if that makes sense, because sometimes I feel alone with it. I also figured out that it might be my own attitude towards myself and this "I would never treat someone else this harsh" thing is something I tell myself constantly. I realized that I have to be nicer to myself and treat myself like a friend, not someone I hate. I hope I manage to love myself one day. I wish you all the very best and happy holidays!! Big hugs from Germany!
A beautiful video, full of introspective thoughts, realizations, and exploration of one's existence.
I'm a psychologist and have been working with clients using CBT for years, but recently, I've delved into the world of CFT (Compassion Focused Therapy), a therapeutic approach that emphasizes developing a compassionate mind, both towards others and oneself. It's particularly effective for those who struggle with excessive self-criticism and helps heal the inner child. Of course, like any therapy, it's not magical, but it can provide depth, a new perspective, and very practical tools.
By the way, I’ve been following you for a long time, and the progress you’ve made is incredible. Despite all the ups and downs, you’re still here, and that’s truly inspiring.
It’s good to continue with therapy and explore new approaches (like CFT) while staying committed to yourself. Keep it up!
Greetings from Croatia!
I really appreciate your honesty. I am definitely there. Having a great life but not loving self and having negative thoughts. Thank you!
You're incredible for voicing this. Self-worth is something I also have totally been challenged with and learning how to like myself again over the last several years with the help of a therapist and medication and community. Im in your corner.
I’ve been subscribed to you for a while, although I haven’t been keeping up with your (or anyone’s) videos lately. But when I saw this in my feed I clicked it so fast.
I’ve never been on a big weight loss journey, although I am still about 20-30(?) lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight and my baby is 2.5 now. I would love to lose some weight but it just seems so hard, but I also haven’t put forth that much effort if I’m being honest. Anyway…
I subscribed because I just love watching your videos. I feel like we could be good friends.
This video really resonated with me. It’s something I’ve realized about myself lately too, that I don’t trust myself. I constantly let myself down by not following through with things I say I’m going to do. I always make excuses, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone else. I’m realizing how damaging it is to my sense of self worth to keep doing that to myself, but I keep doing it because I had such low self worth to begin with. It’s a vicious cycle.
Anyway, thank you for this video, for your honesty and introspection. I’m wishing you well on your healing journey.
Ive been watching you for a while and I feel like you always put out videos that I, 100% relate to at the exact time I am struggling with the same issues. I wish I was as articulate as you are in explaining things. This video was incredibly helpful for me! Thank you for putting my thoughts into words!! Keep being you and improving. You are doing great!! and thank you for your content you help so many others.
I struggled with a lot of the same. A LOT. For over 50 years. And I tried a lot of the same "routines." But it never stuck for too long. I couldn't figure out wtf was wrong with me. I felt like suck a screw up and failure.
Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and it all started to make sense. I didn't realize just how much my ADHD affected my everyday life. My brain. I still struggle. I still have other issues. But I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I'm learning how to work with my ADHD brain and not against it. Which makes the process a little easier.
I'm not saying you have ADHD. ( I have no idea if you do). But I am encouraging you to be kinder to your (current) self. Too often we beat ourselves up and blame ourselves. Its not that there is something WRONG with us. Our brains-which can be affected by trauma- just work a little differently. 💜
thank you for this
When you speak, you say EXACTLY what I feel, I just can't put words to it as well as you can. I've followed you from the very beginning and so wish I was a few hours north and could be friends with you in real life because you are such a great person and you inspire me.
Listening to you explain how you talk about the younger you just hit home sooo much! Everything you said I resonated with personally so much.
Hi Bea... I am going through your same exact struggle. Started on Wegovy (low dose) and it is finally giving me hope and I have been able to keep the weight off (consisently losing 1lb per week. No more no less)
Literally me with mounjaro, best decision ive ever made 😄
I'm on the same thing I started in September and I dropped 20 lb so far. I still have about 60 to go. What I like about it is that taking it every week it's almost like it gives me a mental boost. Because I know it's working for me so it's very easy to go downstairs and do my workout and just have a really good mental feeling about yourself. Glad it's working for you also!! 🎉
Bea, you just said word for word exactly what i've been feeling and going through. You put to word and directly to my face what i've been unable to actually figure out why i'm stuck in this cycle that *i* put myself in and why i can't get myself out of it, even though i can do all that and more for my job and for others. Like this just clicked something in my baffling little brain.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Self sabotage is my biggest problem and I do not know how to stop. The "I don't deserve the things that I have and I don't deserve the things that I want' was wild. Literally me 100 percent.
Oh Bea! That resonated so much with me! I feel like my life has been on hold for so long until "I get my shit together"......Yet the shit keeps on shitting....and I haven't got anything remotely "together" yet! Please Please allow us to follow along on this (trying to think of another word than 'journey')....with you. It would mean a lot to so many people....and would probably help a good few of us too! Sending lots of love and positivity your way!...We are unique...and we ARE f***ing Amazing! 🙌
you’re incredible. i feel like this is me speaking to me. every single thing you mention is EXACTLY what i have struggled with. thank you.
I have the same struggles with food & lifestyle - I even read the book Good Energy which gave me a lot of good info and ideas about how I wish I would eat and live life, but I never stick to it and I know it is all my fault. I always feel stuck, and it leads back to me being my own worst enemy every time. So frustrating. I get it. I related to everything you said. 😭 Best wishes to you, girl!
felt so hard
This is the exact approach that worked for me. Literally writing a list of my worst thoughts and then writing a more logical/generous version opposite. I don't know why but just seeing it down on paper really helped me with anxiety and trusting myself.
I’ve been working on this with therapy for a few years now. It gets better, but always a work in progress. Sometimes, I go back to it without thinking and have to refocus. 🖤
I have some of the same issues I am working through. I watched another TH-cam video in which the woman said "May you have the remembrance of the light, the spark, the divine that is you. You have nothing to prove, no worthiness to seek because it is always a part of who you are." That quote is now on my computer monitor at work and the bathroom mirror at home. I find it so beautifully true and hope it encourages you and possibly others. Take heart! You are not alone. Learning to allow yourself grace is incredibly difficult but important work. ❤
Such real words. We love you and wow I needed to hear you today.
‘How do you undo decades of damage’ 😂 you are funny without even trying 😅
Loved this video, it made me really think about myself as I am so similar to you with regards to self sabotage. Hoping you can make the changes you need to feel happier in yourself x
Just the other day, I had a similar realization that I don’t appreciate myself or see value in myself. My dad was talking about my cousin and how she’s on the university sports team winning these tournaments and also traveling and doing study abroad. I kept being like “omg she’s so much better than me” my dad was like “i told her you recently did a half marathon” to which I said “but it’s not like I won anything”. I always shut down compliments and whenever I do accomplish something, such as getting into a competitive doctorate program, in my head I’m like “this wasn’t actually that hard and anyone can do this”. I would love to see you do challenges for building your self worth because I would love to try them too
You literally took all the words from my brain. I dont think ive ever come across someone online who has perfectly described what i experience as you have here. Youre inspiring me along with so many others. And gave me that aha moment watching this ❤
The things that make the most impact for me are whatever I listen to while I'm asleep. I have a playlist of Reiki masters that do 20 minute or so videos about specific topics, like addressing negative thoughts, addictions, sleep, pain. I set up a list on my phone, ending with a 12 hour video of rain and thunder, which I love sleeping to. I get about three hours of whatever I've set up for my daily fix for issues, fall asleep pretty quickly, and wake up to rain sounds. It helps most of all with sleep as I've trained my brain that certain sounds mean sleep, such as rain, or the sound of a bell from one practitioner or just the voice of another.
Also Day 9 the gamer guy from about 12 years ago has a video about being relentlessly positive. My son recommended it to me during a particularly stressful time I was going through. I didn't think it really applied by my son is very wise. So I listened to it every morning while getting ready. With that, I did notice a change in how I approach things.
I started a new job shortly after -- one of the benefits of manifestation, which is one topic I sleep to -- and that whole relentlessly positive attitude thing kept me going through the first weeks of a very high pressure, very stressful job that I absolutely love and now and extremely comfortable with.
It all starts in the mind. And my belief is the part of the mind we need to reach is only accessible while we sleep.
I relate to you soooo much!!! No motivation when it comes to improving myself, but I’m there for everyone else. I’m learning to think of myself as the main character ❤
Hey Bea! I’ve been watching your channel pretty much since the beginning back in 2020, and I just wanna say: give yourself some more credit! 💜
Seeing how far you’ve come in so many different aspects of your life since the start of your channel (buying two houses, starting a YT career and building a really awesome online community, finding a supportive partner, and doing a TON of internal self-work) is honestly inspiring. Obviously, I don’t doubt that there are many parts of your life that probably don’t make it onto TH-cam, but seriously… You deserve to be proud of yourself, and not beat yourself up so much. Yes, it’s important for everyone to be working on themselves and moving towards goals; but at the same time, make sure to appreciate where you are/how far you’ve come, as opposed to spending all your energy focused on what you haven’t achieved yet.
Girl, this is what it took me my whole 20s and 30s to learn. Good job stopping the cycle. After a few years of treatment, I noticed a profound shift, but it was slow and felt very dumb at first. Eventually I realized that I defined my self worth on how well I took care of others-- but there was none left for me. I can't say that it's translated to instantly better health. But it has helped me build healthful habits that always felt like my least favorite chores, and helped the harder self care stuff (like diet and exercise) to be more consistent and less wrapped up in the burnout and perfectionsim.
Hey Bea! I’ve been following you since the beginning and I literally only watch like 2-3 people on here consistently. Everything you say totally makes sense and I’ve always appreciated your transparency and process of learning! All that to say, I’m a DBT therapist and would highly recommend looking into DBT if you haven’t! It’s all about the things you’re talking about (acceptance and making change, non judgmental observation, self compassion, etc)!! I could go on and on but I won’t!
Always wishing you the best!!
Loved: “Yeah, introspection!” 😂
Thank you for sharing. I'm going through it all. I'm learning being selfish when it come to me isn't bad. I'm a giver in life . I'm learning to set boundaries and time for myself. I give my kids the world and put them before me. I have to remind myself I need to give me some love and care too.
You got this!
I'm trying to find my right words here... because I'm SO overwhelmed with emotion. You have just described me almost down to the very last detail. And I needed this so much! Thank you for your honesty because it is also MY honesty that I could not say to my own self. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense... but I think maybe you get what I'm trying to say. Thank you 💜💜💜
❤ Thank you so much for being so brave to share with us. There are so many of us who are raising our hands feeling the same. ❤️
I feel you girl! After 43 years of guilt, anxiety, overeating, depression, I got diagnosed with ptsd, and I was told that all the other stuff was just symptoms/ coping mechanisms on my part. I’m now going on a new route, trying to figure a way with it, in stead of trough it. Best wishes ❤
I know this is the most personal of journeys, but I really hope you share some more of it. Pretty much everything you said I relate to. When you gave the slapping hand analogy I was like “I’m going to share this with my therapist.” Thanks for being vulnerable in such a scary space as TH-cam. You’re brave and you are helping people ❤
Oh Bea ❤ as per usual, I feel ya! Needing to do the exact same work myself. You are such a gem and I believe in you.
This is so relatable to me right now. I feel a lot of the same feels and also recognizing I self sabotage constantly. I’ve been working on myself as well, journaling and writing letters, meditation has been huge for me and I feel that I am finally seeing clarity in some aspects. My heart is with you girl! It’s a struggle but I’m feeling hopeful for this upcoming year.
Your struggles are very relateable and as many others in the comments I too work through those exact struggles. You're not alone, that doesn't make it any less exhausting or painful, but it takes a bit of the helplessness maybe.
My overbearing inner therapist wants to chime in, but I'm aware that comments like that can feel invasive. So;
What you describe has a lot of overlap with cPTSD. I know you are in therapy already (or you used to be?), but maybe it would make seense to seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. It focuses a lot on working with your inner parts (children, critics and so on) and on stabilizing your overall mental health to reduce negative-self-image, invasive thoughts and other symptoms. Regardless, I wish you all the best whichever path you take and send love to you and your struggling inner parts
I heard a quote a few years back that really stuck with me 'If hating myself into being better worked, it would have worked by now.'