I'm not sure how to trust myself - trying to find self-confidence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ย. 2024
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I'm not sure how to trust myself - trying to gain self-confidence
In this video I wanted to talk about self-trust, and how I've realized I need to practice more self-confidence and strengthen my belief in my ability to make decisions and move through life with a more self-assured attitude. It's not an easy thing to develop, but one I have realized I need to do this year. If you struggle with believing in yourself, I understand, and I hope this video brings you some encouragement.
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Hope you are all well ❤ this is a very personal challenge I'm working on this year, I hope you can share your insights and advice! I will be open to US and International Etsy orders for the next two weeks, and then I will only be doing US orders starting in February! I hope to find a better longer term solution and hope this is just temporary, but I am not sure at this time - I appreciate your understanding!
U cannot please everyone...on trying to be a people pleaser u will be di most unhappy...let toxic people go...at di end of da day it's just a handful of people who really care...u r a light worker I hope u realise dat...lord loves u...take care...bye❤❤❤
Dear Paola, I notice that you often leave your damp hair down to dry naturally, I'll get headache if I do that so it's better to at least dry your scalp to keep warm❤! I can easily relate to how you feel, just remember that we are often our worst critic and our awareness of it will silence the relentless inner critic! ❤
Your videos bring comfort to my soul, this year I want to start looking at the positives in life and not wishing for something different or more. Though one thing I will never stop wanting once I move out is to be able to find a nice little cottage surrounded by a beautiful forest and meadows of flowers.
I have a similar situation with a friend. It’s scary and sad but I just have to be brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I don’t feel so alone. You are a lovely person Paola. Your videos are very soothing and beautiful. Thank you. ❤️
Do what is good for you and you can manage. Only you count.
"The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none." ~Unknown
Amen!
A great reminder! Thank you
Wow! This is so true!
Yes! I came to look for this comment because I was also going to quote this same unknown person. This quote has been a valuable resource for me to hold my hand when I set my own boundaries. Thank you for sharing.
Well said
Paola, I am a 77 year old man who has followed your channel for several years. I watch and listen to your videos because I can always count on you to deliver a few minutes of beauty, peace, calm reflection, tranquil music, and thoughtful words about living a fulfilling, mindful life. In addition, I very much enjoy the presence of your dog, cat, and bunnies in your daily life. Our animal companions give us so much in return for the care and attention we give them. Thank you for all you give to us as we follow your life adventure.
62 y/o and same!!!
@@deeb8733 so true. We can add or subtract from our lives - meaning we can decide to be kind, etc or the opposite each new day. All about choice. Costs nothing to be a decent person. Blessings to all.
Good for you for telling that person how you truly felt. If they are hurt by it, maybe they need to think of how they have hurt you over the years and how you felt. They don't deserve your friendship if they aren't kind. Kindness matters & people's feelings matter. Move on from this and trust your heart & intuition. You are so kind and talented. Don't let anything or anyone change those qualities in you. Best of luck on your new journey of Motherhood. 🥰
68 yr old Female & Same!
She is living the kind of life i've been trying to live since the 70's. Only just succeeded in FINALLY carving it out 6 years ago, and never been more happy.
Lets adopt her, shall we?
Could be fun to have a cyber grand daughter!
I’m almost 72….amazing how us seniors have gravitated towards her page. She’s pretty amazing !❣️❣️❣️❣️
Even if the result of talking to your acquaintance wasn’t what you hoped for, I’m cheering for your decision to express yourself authentically, in a compassionate and loving manner. ❤️
I’m happy for you for expressing how you really feel with your acquaintance. If this person is making you unhappy and is unwilling to work with you, you’re just better off without this person. Move on with your own happy life. You deserve better.
Awaiting you to get them shipped internationally to India. Sending you lots of courage, love and blessings.. You are a beautiful soul ❤❤❤
Agreed. In a manner, this acquaintance has been bullying you, and by requesting they stop being snarky to you, you took their power away. It is hard when you thought the person was closer to you than they were, but you really are better off without them, even if it hurts.
We plant seeds not knowing if they will or will not sprout
Thank you❤
"How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you" -Rupi Kaur
Amen to that🙏🏻
Paola, you truly are the most beautiful individual. Sensitive, kind, honest, and compassionate. Your little baby will be just so blessed having such a wonderful mum 💕
A beautiful example for her baby and her intuition will become even stronger after becoming a Mother.
So true. Sometimes, we have to let people know. Other times, depending on your energy level, best to walk away and try not to let people provoke and irritate. When some people are not satisfied with own lives, they tend to be somewhat envious. This may be what is going on. A baby is on the way, so best not to dwell on such behavior. Blessings.
@@Katem, completely agree!! ❤
Yes! When I became a mother I held a lot more boundaries for myself and for my children. It comes so naturally!@@kismet333
Only people who loved your lack of boundaries get upset when you finally set one. It's a lesson for them on how to treat people better.
My own sister had this unpleasant habit of making fun of people, 😢
We’re apart now, boundaries are necessary for all of us…even family members.
Sometimes we can be born into the same family yet be on completely, different pages. Everyone is at different levels of vibrational frequency. Some are lesser, advanced than others but will eventually, get there.. back to source all in there own good time. Because of this our “tribe” members so to speak are very often not even biologically, related. Find yours 😁🙏🏼
@@meloniestewart2940 absolutely true, thanks so much 🤗
I have a younger sister that always came to me for rescue, and I was always there for her. She had mistrust and abandonment issues. Her moods and behavior were in conflict with each other every hour of the day. One moment she loved me, one moment she hated me. It was exhausting. It was like being trapped in a Bipolar relationship. Toxic & insane. I had to block her out of my life to rescue my own sanity.
I found myself having to step away from my family last March. It was the hardest thing I have ever done and I still find myself feeling guilty over it. Almost in a paralyzed state. Not really moving on from it.
@@illuminata8097 you have to do what you have to do. I know it’s not easy 🙏🏼
Wow 6:01 ‘I may say I’m afraid of failure, but I’m not, I’m afraid of how I may treat myself if I fail’. Profound, probably life changing - thank you 🙏🏻
reminds me of a thing my teacher used to tell me...: "No one needs to punish you because no one could punish you more than you punish yourself."
Used to be equally hard (in my thoughts) on others, but eventually i realised Not My place to judge anyone.. so..i don't.
i'm Still struggling with the self kindness thing though..forget all that self love stuff..lol..i take just making friends with self as good enough.
"Recieve the same kindness I wanted to give." Such a perfect way to sum it up.
Paola, your gift of expressing your vulnerability is truly a blessing to us all. ❤
I am honored ❤ thank you
The wondrous miracle of synchronicity! Here I am, an Elder, and have struggled recently with the self-knowledge that I have spent my life afraid to speak up for myself in a kind yet firm way. Afraid that I’ll upset the person I’m interacting with. It is something I will be working on this year. And aren’t you smart at your young age to have become aware of this form of “lack of respect” for yourself and your feelings! I am wishing us both good thoughts as we walk this path in 2024!
I too am an elder but have suffered my whole life with these same feelings.
I am 71 and am beginning to truly know and respect myself. Aren’t we blessed that we’re still growing? : )
There is a difference between laughing with you and laughing at you. If your “friend” was doing the latter, best to let them go because they aren’t going to change. Stay with those who love you and can laugh with you.
Well said. This person, was likely threatened by Paola's many talents. Not a true friend. This is a sad realization but so good to finally accept. Paola will be able to share this situation with her little one, one day, helping her child set boundaries and accept reality earlier in life. Great life lesson.
Being around narcissism my whole childhood and since then, because we draw them to us, caused this feeling in me. I find as I age, I trust myself much more and am more happy, confident, and content because I do not allow those people power over me. 🥰🤗
Taking delight in someone's embarrassment and emotional distress is a hallmark of narcissism. I had a friend who was fine when we were alone together, but in a group, I would be the butt of her jokes and/or she would put me on the spot or be condescending towards me. I stopped being around her, because who needs friends like that? No regrets.
Good on you!! It may or not have been a karmic journey. Also, it may not seem like it but amongst, the rough of it all there is a gift, a gem. That gem is “soul growth.” Please, if you feel inclined, do take some alone time to sit in nature to acknowledge and merely, “observe” any negative feelings that arise but do “not” identify or engage with them. In other words, do not get sucked into living them. There will be years and years of pain and suffering to “acknowledge, heal and release” through this process. Tears may come and when a feeling arises just watch it. It is Self inquiry eg. “Oh, where is this feeling coming from, what happened to me to cause this?” Acknowledging,observing and releasing it will Heal it. You will begin to feel lighter. Hope this helps. Caroline Myss has some great archetype insights you may find useful. Much love and light. Go well 🙏🏼
I’m the scapegoat in my family so I can relate. It’s quite sad. My best to you.
The HSP’s worst nightmare: summoning all your courage to address something with an insensitive person-and them not caring at all, even making excuses and being unkind about it. This is hard, yes, but it is also important for us to go ahead and do it anyway so we can be true to ourselves. I am so proud of you! In the words of Bob Ross, I always tell myself “This is your bravery test” whenever I have to confront issues like this and set boundaries with people. Interestingly enough, the word for myself this year is “BRAVE”. And it has already been tested many times. Getting braver and stronger with practice, one challenge at a time ❤ keep up the good work! Beautiful video as always!!
Love this! Bob Ross another treasure. I believe I will see him in Heaven one day; I think he was a Christ follower. I hope our dear Paola is. 🤎
Becoming a parent makes one want to be our best because we are one of our child’s most powerful examples. Children model us and sometimes that will show a weakness in ourselves. It’s such a gift they give us and there is time to grow and it’s a wonderful thing to do together.
I surprised myself last month by standing up to a relative on behalf of my dear cousin. I have been trying to get better at trusting my own judgment, but still find it so hard! Apparently it’s easier when it’s on behalf of someone else, but the fact that I was able to at all made me realize I was making progress. Recognizing the unfairness in real time AND saying something was a huge win! Let’s celebrate the baby steps. ❤
Hi how are you ❤️
@ima.ekenes I'm proud of you and celebrating with you! 🤗
You absolutely did the right thing as regards confronting your friend. A true friend would totally understand how you were upset and discuss how you were feeling about the situation. She may not have realised how upsetting her ridiculing was making you feel. But her reaction doesn’t sound like she feels in the wrong. She should have apologised and discussed how it was affecting you and not take a defensive stance. Nobody should feel ridiculed and hurt by anyone, never mind to someone you’ve known for years.
My thoughts on this _exactly!!_ ❤
My self confidence has come from self love. It's been a hard road learning this. I've spent 38 years of my life _hating_ who I was.
I've had to re-parent myself ❤
I hope you all learn this too: you matter and are deeply lovable.
🤗 Here's to your healing journey!! Congrats on being on it and reparenting yourself!
Sometimes it's harder not getting an apology than losing a historical relationship.
Yes,yes,yes what a right choice of words😊
People who will not respect your boundaries are not worth your regret. Their distancing themselves from you only serves to show you the shallowness of their affection. It is a reflection on them rather than you. I have struggled with self confidence most of my life and it has only been in the last few years that I have begun to learn how to respectfully set boundaries for myself and not allow myself to back away from them or feel as though I need someone else's approval to set these boundaries. I heard a wonderful quote that I remind myself of very often. "I would rather adjust my life to your absence than to adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect." I will no longer allow my self worth to be tied to other people's opinion of me. It is hard in the beginning but the more you practice doing this the easier it will become. Boundaries are not cruel, they are critical...because without them there cannot be healthy relationships. And how important to be able to model this for your child!! Be brave!!! You are worth it!!!!
Hi how are you ❤
Thank you for sharing this, so true❤
💖 Thank You for sharing that Great quote!
I can relate so much to this unusual feeling of protecting your own boundaries. All my life before I started therapy at 23 y.o. I spent tremendous amount of time and energy overthinking everything I do or say in order not to hurt others, yet it seemed no one was bothered how their words and actions affect me. After I started implementing these psychologically healthy patterns in my daily communication, the quality of my social life has significantly improved.
I wish everyone strength on this journey 🙏🏼
I wonder how these patterns in your daily communication looks now? Thank you!
You might now be ready for Eckhart Tolle’s teachings or his book The Power of Now OR the pointings of Mooji 🙏🏼
As a recently retired lady, I still worry overmuch about things I have said to family friends and acquaintances. I think your sentiment about learning to trust and be kind to yourself will help you on your journey as it has done mine. Thank you for your beautiful meditation on life. ❤
As we age, we learn what's important. In this season of your life, motherhood, you will truly become strong and enlightened on people who show up and truly care . Motherhood = empowerment!
I so agree! I found so much strength in motherhood. I became much bolder and decisive once my sons came along. Somehow I felt that if the universe allowed that I was good enough to be my sons' mother, then I was just plain good enough period.
Some can't become mothers of human babies, but I found becoming the Kitty Mom of a kitten brought out a mother identity in me that I had never known: I was protective and strong for this fragile little, innocent being. And knowing she totally depended on me showing up for her shifted my focus off my insecurities and more into "Mother Bear Mode." It has been this way for years with every kitten I've been privileged to raise into confident, healthy-personality, communicative, intelligent cats. One kitten grew up to save the lives of two kitties, and also saved my life. Paola, this is the success I wish you with your baby and all the joy of having this new sense of purpose. Being responsible for two: you will blossom into strength automatically: I see it in you and with all you do. You are open to growth. Trust you will grow now, too.🌱🍄🦢
@@Tara-g7c Awesome!!!!
Self-confidence will always fail you. Seek God-confidence
It's hard to speak up to people to let them know they've been hurting you and even harder for them to accept and change after such long time of having it their way. Go forward with no regret, don't give up, keep communicating and advocating for yourself. Good luck.
I have also struggled with loving and trusting myself especially since my husband passed away almost 4 years ago! I have also chosen to be my own best friend This is definitely a journey into the unknown but I can do it! You are such an inspiration to me!! Thank you for opening up your life to people like me!! Hang in there!! The best is yet to come! ❤️
This is one of your best ones! What you said... "So I can know I have value even if someone is upset with me." That is a really kind way of putting it not just for you, but the person you set a boundary with. There is a lot of stuff on the internet these days that talk about cut-off culture and boundaries going hand-in-hand, but sometimes I feel they lack also having patience for certain people. I am not saying people should put up with disrespect by any means... but I also had to set boundaries with several people over the last year and some of them left because I did that (some of them called me things that still haunts me). Yet I still hold love for them. I don't hate them. I acknowledge that they may be acting immaturely and now is not the right time for us to be connecting, but for some of them the love is so unconditional that I can hold both the fact that I love them and the fact that I don't like their behavior in the same heart. I'm trying not to let resentment take of my heart.
This is beautiful!! ❤
WOW, what an advanced soul are you 🙏🏼
Paola, I came across your channel last month as I was just starting my new job. A few years ago I went back to school (remotely), so this felt like a big step back into the "real world." When I find it really hard to get up and face the day, I encourage myself by playing one of your videos as I'm getting ready. You might not ever see this, but please know how grateful I am; and that even if you don't see yourself as brave or confident or courageous, your openness and wonderment have given me courage time and time again--so thank you :)
Definitely share that feeling too
Same. ❤
WoW! There is no greater compliment than this 💖
Keep that chin up, berryapple..even on the days that are three steps forward & two steps back..chin up in defiance means You Got This...you Know those days too shall pass
Remember the lyrics to that one old song.... "you can't please everyone so you have to please yourself" its so true. Just be yourself, no matter what. Don't try to change for anyone. Your own unique personality will attract the right friends and thos who you're meant to be with. And you will be a great mom!
My sister once shared with me a thought that her therapist shared with her, and that is that "you teach people how to treat you". I used to let people's bullying tactics go on, sometimes for years. Now, I nip it in the bud so that they can decide if they want to continue to treat me that way or not. I have a courageous friend who spoke up to me about my habit of always being late when meeting her for dinner out or for coffee. I was never on time and she waited for me up to half an hour sometimes. She was angry and fortunately, it hurt me that she was hurting from my behavior. I had to take a close look at my behavior and I discovered that I had never been taught how to be on time. I didn't know to think through the steps it would take to be on time. After I figured out my problem, then I looked at what I did to prepare myself to meet a deadline like meeting a friend when I said I would. I worked back through all the steps it would take to get there, like showering, getting dressed, doing my hair and makeup, feeding my pets, running other errands on the way, etc. Then, I budgeted a realistic amount of time to do each thing and wrote it down. I added all the times together for a total amount of time needed and added 10 minutes for good measure. If I said that I would meet her at 3 pm, and it would take me 90 minutes to get ready, I would start getting ready at or before 1:30. This was hard for me at first because it was a new habit and a new way of thinking about things. But my whole relationship with time and with myself changed for the better. And so did my relationship with my courageous friend. We are still close friends after 50 years. It took courage on my part too, to want to change and to figure out how to change. It takes discipline and a desire to better myself. I am so glad I did it!
I’m proud of you for finally saying something to your friend. It’s tough believe me, I know. Sometimes I feel like some of my friends treat me like a pushover as well and when I say some thing they get mad. And it’s absolutely ridiculous because I’m telling them that they’re hurting my feelings, but yet they are gaslighting and turning it around on me. And I know it was your biggest fear that this was going to happen between you and your friend but as hard as it is, and how sad as it is, honestly, this person to me doesn’t value you, because if they did, they wouldn’t be so upset. Especially if you were trying to say it in a kind away that they were hurting your feelings. I know it sucks but I don’t know if this person really even cares or is going to change so unfortunately, the best thing to do is maybe try to stay away from this person. Besides, you have a new adventure coming up with your husband and raising a child so I know it’s hard but try to just focus on that happiness and your other friends and family that actually care about you and value what you say and how you feel.
"Friends" acting that way towards you are no friends at all. They are no loss.
@@flybywire5866 Exactly
That can be called dishing it out but can’t take it. Also you reap what you sow.
Perfectly said.
Hello Everyone 😇😇😇😇😇😇
Thank you for Your honesty ❤
I’m taking water color class on zoom 🖼️ I notice last week 20 minute’s into class my picture looked nothing like the teacher. I was so beat up by myself I was ready to excuse myself
from class 🥲 I was so anxious from my own inner - critic I started to feel sick 🤢
I stopped my self put my brush down ….. And spoke to my inner critic ( who is really my mothers voice )
And literally said 🛑 Stop It !!!
We’re knew at this …..
Freddy the teach has been painting 70 years …..
We’re just starting ….
Let’s give ourselves a break
We were able to continue or 2 1/2 hour class ❤️🙏❤️🙏
My mother’s voice is am critical 🥲 I’m working on the same thing …….
Trusting myself ❤️
And pushing my mothers critical thinking out of days, hours and minutes of my life 🙏
Biggest hugs. Even though we are not in your physical world, we are here in a caring, up lifting community you have created. I think everyone here has the same intention. What a safe supportive place you have created. You are not alone in all your thoughts, empaths carry heavy loads.
Someone who humiliates you or attempts to diminish you in front of others, is not a friend. Their own feelings of inadequacies, keeps them from hearing what you have to say. Until this person is willing to own their behavior, they do not have the capability of being a friend. They aren't even a friend to themselves. Sending loving and peace-filled thoughts to everyone.
It'll be a year of setting boundaries for me as well, more so keeping them actually as I started doing it a couple of months ago and I feel much calmer and freer. Sometimes loneliness can kick in, or even guilt, but it is important we stick to them. Sending love to everyone who is trying to step away from toxic situations and people 💚🌷
Paola you were very brave!! I know exactly what you mean and it can be so hard to set boundaries and losing friends. But you were true to yourself!! That is gorgeous!
Paola, when I see your pets, your dog, bunnies, cat, I think how lucky all creatures are that are in your care. You give them all such gentle love. What a good mother you are going to be!
Aw thank you! I try very much to do that ❤ sending warm wishes
I can definitely relate. As I get older I am learning to trust myself and the decisions I make. You are a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing🤗
Gentle kind souls get treated two ways loves cherished and worth seen Or manipulated and controlled. You are worthy of respect and kindness . Self compassion.
One has to be authentic with themself to allow self confidence to build. It is all part of the journey, not just to self-awareness, but to self-expression. Strive to be the best you.
I really needed to watch this today to remind myself to work on myself, to focus on myself, and to feel like I’m worth something after being in a narcissist marriage for 46 years and finally he left me for another woman. I am free to travel a new path of loving myself in my older age. Thank you for your special video that affected me and many others I’m sure
I have struggled with the same thing. I am slowly learning to trust myself.
Getting the bullies and toxic types out of your life goes a long way in the journey of getting out of negative self talk, doubt and all of those things. Oftentimes those individuals are the ones you created that inner voice from. It's not always you but someone else.
YES!
I have let go of friends who just didn't deserve my friendship. It is hard and sad, but better for us. Hugs ❤️
Paola, Dear, thank you. I am very. much like you.. I have worked consciously since about the age you are now and continue to grow in self love at 67.
I have always second guessed myself, I found doing this I wasn’t happy. Please just be yourself and be true to yourself. Your friend wasn’t being a friend and in a short time you will be a Mom to a precious baby and you will no longer second guess your instincts will take over.
Hello how are you ❤
You were right to tell your friend to stop making fun if you when you made mistakes - if they got upset then it's on them as they should have been nicer to you in the first place.
The person you confronted is only mad, cuz you spoke the truth and made them face it. Do not back down or apologize. That person is not a true friend, if their words hurt you. Give the person time, maybe an apology is on the horizon. If not, it's that person's loss.
I feel sorry for the acquaintance, they obviously need to love themselves more as well.
Having a child will bring out your inner strength and you will be able to say what’s needed. You will be a mother tiger, because you have to protect your child at all cost.
Love from Florida. It was 76 here today. I don’t think I could deal with the snow. It’s very beautiful though. You should get a car cover if you can. It would make your life easier honey. On another note, Intuition and boundaries are very powerful. It’s okay to use them. We all outgrow relationships. The art you were doing was beautiful. ❤
Good idea about the car cover. Maybe a warm long coat too.
Oh Paola, I can so relate to what you say in this! I too tend to rely on others too much for my decision making. And I empathise re your friend. My brothers use the type of ‘humour’ that belittles and pushes people down; most of the time I find it rude and disrespectful, and I’ve recently started voicing this. I’m met with defensiveness and phrases like ‘You take things too personally’, and ‘It’s just banter’, and while it’s true that I’m more sensitive than a regular person, I find it hurtful that they don’t take my feelings seriously. Even my parents will say ‘They are your brothers, they’re just teasing/they don’t mean to upset you!’, and it’s frustrating because I do find certain teasing funny, but they often go beyond this into sheer rudeness. It’s hard to explain to these types of people what is appropriate and what isn’t!
It may be that your friend will reflect on this over time and decide to be more considerate of you, but if she doesn’t, this will have been a blessing in disguise. You don’t need people like that in your life, as much as I’m sure you’ve treasured the positive side of your friendship. Well done for finding the courage to speak to her about this 💕
From my experience, feeling responsible for everyone or everything does not originate with yourself, but is a torch that we carry proudly, because it gives us purpose even when we feel small or insignificant. You are of great significance and your instincts were born just like the rest of ours. I like to think of myself like a creature. An animal born to do what it was made to do, and likewise, equipped for the life it would be given. You are accountable for everything you do, not responsible for every outcome for everyone who feels impactes by your decisions.
Dear Paola, you are such a beautiful tender soul, a true artist. To me, being an artist means being open to impressions and your Muse. I am similar and have to be careful about who I let into my world. Because I move from a deep inner space, critical thoughts and people do sometimes affect me. Finding ways to clear their energies and be selective in what I let myself see and pick up on is a learning curve for me. I recently had a similar experience with a long time friend and didn't realize that I was afraid of her on some level. I am remaining distant, allowing the relationship to change and myself to change..feels really good. May you and all of us know our true worth from the inside out 💗
You have basically described me with topic of self confidence..i am slowly learning how to speak up but a lot of times I'm still to afraid to cause waves. I look at how some others can just say what they need to and I'm envious. People who can just stand up for themselves intimidate me because they seem so strong. I'm more quiet and childlike at times..i watch a lot of cartoons because it calms me in such a rough world but I'm okay with that. I am sensitive and that's ok to. You did the right thing deciding to bring it up with your friend..noone should make fun of you and the fact that you set a healthy boundary and they couldn't say I'm sorry and I won't do that again says a lot about that person. You didn't do anything wrong. Those issues belong to them not u.
“In the world but not of the world”.. gentle, beautiful soul. Never, apologise for who you are. Much love, light and blessings to you 🙏🏼
When your soul purpose is kindness, it is the other person that has misinterpreted the situation x
Paola ❤. Your videos have brought me so much peace and calm in my life. I’ve been following you for a while and I can always count on your videos to ground me THANK YOU 🙏
This is exactly what I'm working on this year. Building boundaries and showing up authentically instead of wearing a mask
Dearest Paola - you are enough! Please always know that. You are a superb person. So inspirational, loving and kind. There really is not one single thing that you need to change. The little fairy prince is very blessed to have you and Luke as his parents. He too, will grow up being a superb person xxx Francesca ❤❤❤❤
Your comment was perfectly worded, kind & true! ❤🙏🏻❄️
@@rrhines3151 thank you so much . I always just speak from the heart ❤️
I totally relate to this issue. Self confidence is something I struggle with a lot. It’s very difficult for me to say no or set a boundary. I feel like whenever I have in the past, my feelings are invalidated and I’m told I’m being too sensitive. Now it’s just hard for me to be open, I feel like I’ve been burned too many times.
In December I did the same thing with two of my friends….. I now stopped talking completely with one and with the other it’s just hi hello….. I still get anxious but regret is not there…. Now I don’t have a single friend but I don’t feel that bad….. talking to them made me sick for years but then I never had the courage to do that…. I sometimes feel lonely but don’t want to go back to the same loop of shame and humiliation…. I can tell you, you did 100% right thing….
What a beautiful artist whose energy shows through her life as well❤!
If there is anything you should not do is lie to yourself. That will come back to haunt you. Resentment will build up and that is not something you want. Life is about teaching and learning even if it is hard. It's how you learn what is the best way to work through problems. True friends will understand things and help you. Good luck on your journey.
I watch your video's wishing i could be like you. You're such a beautiful old soul. So wise, so much so, beyond your years. TY for yet another beautiful video 😊❤
When you become a parent, you will have to trust your intuition. You have good insight,trust it. My generation put the children before ourselves... not the best idea. God is not finished with you yet, you will slowly become who you want to be or learn to love who you are.
I envy your ability to express your thoughts and feelings. The same thing just happened to me. I have decided to let go of the relationship, as it is obviously not healthy . Bless you Paola ❤️
When we base our happiness on another person's opinion of us,we are subject to the seesaw of ambivalence, rejection, injustice and adoration and other types of things that tips this wsy or that way depending on who likes us and who doesn't in any given situation or moment. It is very random and can be totally a result of what that person is either enjoying or enduring in their own personal feelings.
Don't let the people get you to make concessions on your own spirit, knowing and the ability to live independently with integrity and dignity.
What we see in the eyes of another is no way to define ourselves,
The shifting winds of blame and praise always exist. Regardless of how we act or how we are in our own hearts and minds.
Be present in life with love and harmony in a place of peace and learning to be true to your heart and mind with strength and joy. Release the people who are not going to return the favor of sharing and maintaining a healthy relationship with you and everyone. Bless and release. It is a process of decernment and boundaries that are made to provide sanity and safety in the reciprocity of our relationships between us.
Enjoying the time to share with love and harmony in respectfully and joyously living in a place of kindness and compassion. ❤
Thank you, Paola, many of us can relate.
And it’s sad when we find out that someone we called ‘friend’ doesn’t value our needs (which shows more about them than us). A true friend wants us to have a voice & to know if they’re negatively affecting us so that they don’t do it again. They want to respect us & vice versa.
Btw, I recommend a program called Dressing Your Truth. You already live & dress according to what is taught in the program, but the validation & extra understanding are helpful. You’re the type 2, which is the “oxygen/water element”, & people who lead with this element have the tendencies you described. They’re gentle, healing, sensitive, heart centered people who have a tendency to worry & really care about how they affect others (it’s my second element. There are 4 & we each have them in specific orders, which affects how we move through life with different gifts). The basic program is free online & there are books like “The Child Whisperer” that teach the concepts.
Sounds interesting and beneficial ❤ Thank you for sharing such an insightful resource! 😊🕊️
I think when someone makes fun of you in public, and then gets offended when you tell them not to, he/she is not really worthy of your friendship, and you are better off without that person in your life. That will be a wear on your confidence. I think you are a very sensitive person, and an empath. Your videos are beautiful and peaceful.
Paola, in my experience, being brave enough to stand up for yourself takes maturity and experience. You have to understand that you have value as a person just for being human, then you have to learn what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t, then you have to experience being treated kindly and poorly, and then you need to be aware that you don’t want to be treated poorly and realize that you have the power to speak to someone about it, then be brave enough to do it and accept the consequences. That’s a lot to go through, and many of us struggle with all or part of that process, but it’s what makes us mature people - to be so aware of all of that in ourselves also makes us aware that others have struggles, too. We all have to decide how we are going to balance kindness with firmness in our relationships. Some learn that lesson from harsh beginnings; others later on in life. Some never become self-aware or contemplative enough to think it all through and blunder endlessly through life wondering why their interactions with others are so difficult. You are learning at the perfect time to protect yourself; soon you will be looking out for you son or daughter, and you will need to have faith in and be able to act upon your instincts as a mother. I’m so happy that you are blossoming in this way - it’s a rite of passage in a way, and will make you a more self-assured woman. I love your gentle videos and your art (I possess some of it!) and am so excited for you and your husband. 💗
Hello how are you ❤
If you change your worldview to encompass the notion that failure is a _required_ element of living a full life, meaning, without failure you can't learn to know, live, grow, etc., then that fear simply vanishes. I've long supported the notion to 'fail fast,' as failure teaches way better than success. So 'fail fast, learn fast' is a bit of a mantra for me.
I’m sorry that happened to you with your acquaintance. I’ve found from my own personal experience with a family member who made fun of me in public that they did so as a way to build themselves up. It sounds like you let them know how you felt in an honest and kind manner & if they couldn’t accept it you are better off cutting those ties. Focus on those who love you and lift you up and give yourself some grace.❤
Yes, our time is so precious so spend it with those who truly bring you joy!
Love how you northerners are so ready and will drive in snow and ice while us Texans close down cities with a little ice 😂. Love all your work Paola, you soothe my soul after a hard day
Also as you begin this journey of loving yourself like a best friend, PLEASE remember this and give yourself grace as a Mother. I have a 5 year, 3 year old, and 2 year old and the Mom guilt is real. I have to remind myself all the time that I am the best Mother for my children and I am doing my best everyday. Don't succumb to mom guilt.
Mom needs to love and take care of herself so Mom can take care of the kids. I don’t know if you have what we call a sand pit where I live but basically, it’s a wooden frame on the ground with clean sand the kids can play in with some toys eg, truck, shovel spade, water jug etc. It’ll entertain them for hours. Cover, when not in use to keep animals out or maybe you have a space indoors for a plastic pool you could pour some sand in. That way you can put your feet up and oversee them at the same time 🙏🏼
Your worst fear should be you say nothing and the abuse continues. If they were an empathetic friend, they would be horrified that they were doing that to you and not realizing it. The truth is we are all damaged somewhere along our life, but to realize what you need and ask for those things, or being able to set boundaries is the gift of growing and becoming strong. Good tools to have as you step up to being a parent soon. Your child will need that strength and tools from you, so they can be a more whole individual. If only we were taught those things from our parents or teachers. All the best on your growth journey! Sending 💕
Hi❤ how are you?
This was so confirming for me in this time!! Being my own best friend, and not making excuses for people when they treat me poorly. I really resonated with this. It’s nice to know we are in this together, even if miles apart!! Thank you for sharing 😊✨ love your videos!
Я не знаю английского языка, и у меня не всегда получается смотреть видео с субтитрами. Но, ваши видео, картинка и звук, действуют так успокаивающе, у вас очень приятный голос, включая ваши видео я ощущаю раслабленость и уют. Благодарю 🙌🏼💜
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I completely resonated with everything you said. I wish we could just be friends.❤
Me too. I always question if what I am doing is right, scared to take a step or to plan. I have always been that way 😢
I related to your experience very much. I am 67 years old, and in my adult life, a lot of people have made fun of me, because I am different from them. I have always been a creative, and also been into yoga and meditation. And people often thought that I was "woo woo" and felt compelled to comment on it. I went along with it for a long time, and did not speak up, but it did hurt my feelings. And this summer, for different reasons, I had to end a friendship. This was the first time in my 67 years that I had the courage to do this. I had been making my boundaries stronger with my friend, and she reacted very defensively, but also with ugly, hurtful and aggressive language. Throughout these last exchanges, I kept my words consciously clear and kind, but she continued with the aggression. I finally said that our relationship had worked in the past, but no longer did. She responded as one would expect, and I have not reacted or responded after that. It was so freeing, that I have changed as a person in so many ways as a result. I have been much more confident, a life long struggle, and also I am much clearer and direct in responding to people right away. I have greatly enjoyed this video,, as well as all of the comments made by others. Your followers are amazing. But you, Paola, are a gem among us. You inspire me and encourage me always. I am a lover of beauty, and the things that you do in your life, outdoors and in your cottage are beautiful. As you always say, i wish for you lots of love!
Hola Paola,
Good for you. Gods rejection is Gods protection. If people react negatively to your courage to stand your ground and stand up for yourself, it’s clear they had put you in a pigeon hole or where you fit in their life rather than enjoying what you are to their life xo
Gods rejection is Gods protection ❤❤
I am just like you with regard to self confidence. I have a very dominant neighbor, and I would rather keep the peace, than stand up for myself when she starts to criticize something about my home or my little front garden, which belongs to me. It really upsets me at times, but I bite my tongue, as I can not stand conflict. But I am the one who suffers in the end, and gets myself into such a state about things, that it affects my life and my health. She can be so kind at times, bringing me Christmas Dinner, and just when I feel relaxed, she will upset me in some way again! So I do my best to avoid her really, which is hard, as I have to walk past her home to go in and out with my rescue greyhound Madge every day. I love your silk painting, it is beautiful. I shop on Etsy as much as I can. I am a pottery painter, but have not painted any pottery for about I just two years, I have not felt like doing any. I seem stuck withing myself, and have not been out into the world since January 2020, only going out to walk Madge and take the rubbish to the end of our private lane. You are an intelligent, beautiful young mother, and so many folk could learn from you to be kind and caring. Your heart is full of love, and that person who made fun of you is just a bully, and is insecure themselves, which is why they have to hurt others. You did the right thing standing up to them, and telling them how you felt, and I know that you were very brave to do that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this beautiful video, and I only wish there were more folk in this world who were like you, as you are a beautiful soul. Love, and warm hugs and Blessings, from Jilly & Madge, in West Devon, England. xxx
WOW I'm going through very similar experience except it was like ALL of my friendships. I appreciate the reflection and how gentle you're being with yourself around this topic that can make us feel so abandoned, and rejected. Triggering our childhood memories I'm sure. Thank you for your loving kindness and art.
Paola, It was so nice to come home from TOWN & find your video. Going to town is about an hour drive one way & so exhausting for me. I was able to let myself sit right down & enjoy a few relaxing moments with your soft voice & lovely scenery & soothing music. I, too, have had difficulty standing up for myself. Thought I'd share a little experience I had several years ago when I was a single mom raising 5 children alone. The paint on my car had started randomly peeling off. I had seen several other cars (same make) & thought it must be a factory defect. So, I plucked up my courage & went to the dealer. They said that sure they could fix it ... & then told me how much it would cost & I said, NO, I've seen other cars like mine - it's a factory defect & I want you to make it right! ... & they did!!!
Aloha, Sue 🌺💜🦋😊
I think the key is to accept and love oneself exactly as we are.....unconditionally
Paola, remember you are the navigator. If that person hurt you and made fun of you, trust she is not a genuine person. There are other person in this life that appreciates and loves you very much. In my opinion that person is in need of help. Please do not fear anyone, or any mistakes you make...this is a part of life. I have learned from my many mistakes. Trust in God, God will never let you down. God loves you and promise yourself that you are a child of God. Love Yolanda (your Puerto Rican fan).
I very much enjoyed this video and I totally relate to what you shared in regard to your talking to your friend.
I recently released a 60 year friendship because it was no longer a healthy relationship. (I am 81). Occasionally, I second guess myself, wondering if I made a mistake but I know this was something that needed to be done to show honor and respect to me.
Thank you for all you do to make the world a better place! 💖
I am 67 and recently released a 25 plus year relationship. It was also to respect and honor myself, and though it was a challenge to do, I grew from the experience. Best of luck.
“Good Boundaries And Goodbyes” is one of the best books I’ve ever read. It helps those who are sweet and people pleasing to take care of themselves in tangible ways and understand why boundaries promote confidence. Highly recommend for anyone. It changed my life ❤
It’s always a good decision to tell someone how their actions have made your relationship uncomfortable. If those people know you truly, they will understand and work on that relationship. If they are all about themselves, they will move on…let them. They aren’t good for us! ❤
We all fail at times but that is how we learn and grow for the better. I’m 67 and I don’t always speak my mind because of others feelings. I’ll disregard my own feelings to save someone else’s. They say as we age we speak our minds, still working on that. But I don’t let people use me as a doormat, that’s for sure. Maybe that’s a happy medium.😘❤🙏🏻✨
Lovely wintry video, the part with the candles toward the end was especially beautiful. What you said about trusting yourself to speak up and be assertive was very relatable.
Some people are in your life for a SEASON, some are in your life for a REASON....and some people are in your life for your lifetime.
I can relate so much to all you shared. I also have a friend like that, although we haven’t communicated in a very long time. She just doesn’t seem to be able to put effort into any relationship. I decided the last time I initiated contact to step back and just wait and see. It’s been years. I feel sad for her as she is this way with everyone. Thank you for the encouragement to work on these struggles.
Paola, I am 75, and just a couple of weeks ago I allowed someone in a small group conversation to persist in discussing a topic I knew would be deeply emotionally harmful to another member of the group who struggles with bipolar disorder. Once the incredibly insensitive subject was introduced, I went into shock and didn't see any value in changing the subject because it would remain at the back of everyone's mind regardless. I even participated in the discussion, knowing it was not the right thing to do. When my emotional paralysis eased, I guided the topic into a different direction and tried to end it; it was the best I could do. Shortly after the group parted, I called the injured person, apologized, with her help explored why I behaved the way I did, asked for her forgiveness, and gave my word that I would do what it took to do better in the future. I have discovered two tools already (box breathing and stating that I need a moment or two to reflect before responding) - things I've used in other contexts, but hadn't made the connection to this particular circumstance. I still struggle with difficulty calling out bad behavior and being able to identify it in words when I am feeling stressed, but I'm hoping these two tools will give me the grace period I need to center myself and be effective. What the perpetrator does with my response to their actions is their path in life, not mine. If they are lacking empathy and the ability for introspection and the courage to take responsibility for their actions, that relationship may not survive. That may be a good thing. Life is a journey, and I'm still walking the path forward. I honor your courage to stand up for yourself to a friend you've had for a long time. You are decades younger than I, and you are rocking it!
Thankyou Paola, for helping to remind us, to be kinder....not only to those around us, but to ourselves...I love and appreciate you...xxxxx
"Be careful what you're willing to tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you"
I loved this video for many reasons, it was beautiful and vulnerable. i also have committed to compassionate courage this year and your video was perfect timing for me today, thank you Paola 💜
Honey, I'm 68 years old and it took me until I was in my 60's to understand that I needed to call people out for doing things that was out of boundaries. My hesitation was as you said. I knew it would change our relationship. But, when I realized that I needed to stop it for my health I did it. I have only had one person that I have addressed over a situation that was bothering me. My friend (I want to emphasize that word) was emphatically apologetic and was very thankful that I let her know. If the issue comes out some other way people will say, "I wish you would have told me instead of holding it in." Sadly we know the results of not holding it in usually changes the dynamics of the relationship. It's just a fact, but our health is so important it is what we have to accept and move on. I pray your pregnancy is still going well. I have 4 grandchildren myself. Ranging in ages 4 to 17. They are the joy of my life. I know you and your husband's family are so excited too. Blessings and well wishes being sent your way.
Such a very beautiful video. It’s brought me tears. I’m thinking that for empathic people, being one’s own best friend is a struggle because our nature puts others’ needs before our own. I don’t know if we can ever fully change something so intrinsic to our being, but after many hurts, we become more aware & guard our own feelings. For me, this has resulted in an arm’s distance relationship or none at all with those who have have been reckless with me. It has taken years and years for me to come to this point. If your friend was able to acknowledge the hurt she inflicted & make an effort to abide your nature as you had hers, you could both move forward. Since she is unable (or unwilling) to do so, your paths will go separately but bittersweetly. You, like me, may wonder what could have been, but also learn you’ve taken the first steps in finding a new, better friend…yourself.♥️
Never regret establishing your boundaries. Some people are still maturing in other areas. That person should take this opportunity to self reflect as you have done nothing wrong.
Hi Paola! For years I felt responsible for another's reaction. Then I learned that we're not responsible for how another reacts to something we've said or done. We are are personally RESPONSIBLE for ourselves. So, try and remember this when another individual chooses how to react to our words, our actions. Paola, I am proud of you in your desire to mature. Tis beautiful, dear Lady! God bless & guide you.
All truth wisdom and strength come from our creator. When my son was born I had to make a choice to take flesh or leave him the way he was born...I was so torn with no real direction from family or friends. When I heard, ask yourself what if either option was taken away. Suddenly when I took away each option from myself, it was very clear which one I had to make. God gives us choice, direction, and wisdom. God bless!🌱🌾