the challenge of finding true friends
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.พ. 2025
- 🍄My Patreon: / bythecottagefairy
🌿I hope this video brings you a moment of peace and inspires you to protect our precious wild lands - The Nature Conservancy: www.nature.org...
I have had trouble at times finding friendships that are built on respect and kindness, sometimes I have gotten caught up with relationships that are built on other things that don’t serve me as well. In my case, it feels as if the people we surround ourselves with have a big impact on our mindset, everything from the words we use to the way we think. Negative friendships are something I’ve had to learn to be careful with, because they can hinder my personal growth, especially when I feel like I’m being put down or constantly criticized. Anyway, this autumn I’ve been reflecting on the fact that I now share my heart and life with people who choose kindness and compassion, and who inspire me to be better. I’m so grateful to have found them! Hope you can share your experiences below! I hope we can try to not be simply negative towards others, but instead consider what we can change in ourselves, our lifestyles and mindsets to serve ourselves better and thrive.
✨🌿My Etsy shop! 🥰 thecottagefair...
More new listings will appear on October 4th!
My Book - The Cottage Fairy Companion
Amazon: amzn.to/3wUuaKA
Also available at my local bookstore, Trail’s End Books: www.trailsendb...
Other purchase options (including international) available on my linktree: linktr.ee/the_...
❤️No obligation whatsoever, but if you would like to donate to support this channel $8 will get a thank you postcard (my own art) from me in the mail (please note: you must include address in your note so I can send it!). It is much appreciated: www.paypal.com...
(Now and then a postcard has been returned to me or lost in the mail. If you have not received a postcard e-mail me at endymionmerrill@gmail.com! I send them out once a month, so definitely don’t be too worried if it has been a couple weeks but do contact me if you have any concerns. )
Thank you!
🍐Poached pear recipe I used! (I did add a wee bit of maple syrup lol): foodwithfeelin...
🦋Instagram: / the_cottage_fairy
📚Do you love audiobooks? If so, I would love to refer you (as a former bookseller) to an alternative to Audible that supports small local bookshops and communities! Learn more here: libro.fm/refer...
Business e-mail: endymionmerrill@gmail.com
Information and conservation efforts in the beautiful Okanogan County (my home): methowconserva...
🌎 Take action to protect our lands (no donations necessary): www.audubon.or...
🌙 My favorite charity: www.nrdc.org
☀️Take Action: www.sierraclub...
Additional music found at @
artlist.io/ref...
and
www.epidemicso...
(Get a month free with my referral code)
Sometimes I use affiliate links, allowing a purchase to give me a small commission! Thank you!🦊dgeyrnf
I’m 40 and have no close friends. It gets lonely but it’s better than being surrounded by people who don’t care about you.
🤗. Friends move away with time. I’m also close to 40 and get very lonely.
In my 30s there was a profound shift in relationships and I found less was more.
Same 🖤
Me too.
Same!
As you get older the more that will ring true.
Same here - it was very hurtful to go through a shift in friends in my 30's as well, but the friends I have in my life are truly friends.
I lost a lot of "friends" when I started asserting boundaries on my time and energy. When I walked away at any sign of disrespect. When people tried to take but never give.
You’re healing. They are not. Hard to have them go but your serenity will heal.
More quality, less quantity. I'm doing the same thing. ❤ I do count myself fortunate to have 4 good, long-term friends in my life. May you recognize true friends, too.
Yes, people take too much and you feel like a used toothpaste tube. Friends didn’t visit once when I was hospitalized for a month, not even my roommate. What an eye opener. Friends say I bore them when I talk about life. After the empathy and support I provided, I respectfully withdraw. They don’t deserve anything from me least of all friendship.
Those were not friends they were acquaintances!!! Friends will have respect for your boundaries and things that you will or will not put up with... Of course that's a two-way street but if you've always been a giver or have healing abilities those people that like to take try to latch on like you're the mama!!!!
Some people grow old and some people grow up.
When it comes to friendships, life has taught me that it’s better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies ❤❤
Love this x
That's the best way of putting it. I agree!
Things to avoid: gossip, envy, competition.
Yes. I agree. I think, and I could be wrong, but people that engage in this behavior lack the confidence to show up as they really are. And so their own self-hatred is manifested in these qualities: gossip, envy, competition.
@@MoonlitAnasadly i have a lot of competition in my head, I really want to get rid of that
I have encountered this a lot. The last 2 women I've met for potential friendship immediately started with showing off, bragging about their wealth and expensive items they buy. Why?? I didn't comment on it and changed the subject every time it occurred, but I felt that each time they would try to bring it back to that.
Another 2 women I've met would talk obsessively about their medical problems (too much info, too soon) and it was frustrating for me because no amount of changing subject worked.
Some days I just want to give up trying because clearly I'm doing something wrong and can't attract like-minded people.
@@TxAggieJen u gotta pay attention to where are u meeting them, if u want minded people u can’t expect to find it on instagram or clubs, also dont be searchin for a partner, the good ones always come to us
Agree! If people gossip about others in my presence then they will also gossip about me when I am not there. At least that's how I think about it. That's why you have to choose friends carefully.
I find friendships difficult because people have profoundly disappointed me. I love my pets they are honest. My dearest friend passed away at the beginning of Covid. Luckily I have my husband of 46 years.
My husband of 39 years is my best friend.
@@schatzishomestead8427That's beautiful. You are Blessed.
I understand and relate.
I agree with you completely!
Good or u at least u had husband some people lick me I feel so lonely I had my sister and auntie and they are so sick 😢
I relate to this video a lot. I'm 32 and I've never been able to find a loving partner and struggle to make friends. I love my job studying wildlife and love learning guitar, I just hope someday I can find more friendships and a relationship
When you are not looking or trying to “find” is when the right person will come along for you! For now keep focusing on your job that you love and things that make you happy!
I feel you… I’m on the same page and entering thirties.. would it be weird to ask if we can see if we can get along?..
@@madhusmita1243 No it wouldn't, I would be happy to chat more 😊
Sending you love, wherever you are. I feel you.
Very nice water color!
Hello everyone! I just wanted to share a bit on this topic and hopefully spark a conversation! I have a small, close-knit group of people in my life that hold my heart and are kind and loving kindred spirits, but it took time to find and cultivate these friendships. I’ve had a bumpy road with friendships throughout the years, sometimes I’ve found myself in relationships where I have not felt considered or respected. It’s not always easy to navigate relationships, but this video isn’t about being negative about people, instead - it’s about looking within and accepting that all I can do is be patient, open, kind, and keep working on myself while I seek out new people and connections ❤ I appreciate your thoughtful feedback or advice!
Hello Cottage Fairy. 😊
Hello dear fairy I absolutely love your videos n yes i also love being alone rather than having friends around who are not sincere with you or with whom you have nothing in common for a substantial friendship. Lovely serene living stay blessed n thank you for the pear recipe i will definitely give it a try with apples 😘🙏🏼♥️
It’s hard to make friends as an adult . I really loved this episode . It’s resonated with me deeply. Thank you for sharing, thank you for making yourself open and vulnerable, I appreciate it more than you know x ❤
Hello Paola! I too struggled with finding true friends. In school I definitely had experiences when people did not respect me and treated me sort of subhuman. I’ve always been quiet but I became almost mute and painfully shy once I had started having negative experiences with so-called friends. In sort of knocked the wind out of me, my confidence. But luckily my last 2 years of high school were much better and my university experience was all- around wonderful. I’m still introverted but I’ve been blessed with very nice coworkers and bosses at my job and it’s wonderful. I feel like I can breathe again when I’m in social settings now. Thanks for shedding some light on this topic that many people deal with.
P.S. I was wondering did you ever receive a package from me, Caitlyn in Colorado? I sent it back in January but wasn’t sure if you ever received it. Take care dear❤️
Poached pears with passion fruit and honey drizzled over it and a bit of ice-cream is divine 😊
A wise friend once said to me, "go where you grow." If someone is not interested in my most authentic self, then the friendship isn't meant to be. Sometimes we just outgrow relationships and friend groups and that's okay. I think it's always best to focus on quality over quantity. And as I get older, I find having a few people who I can really truly be myself with, and who I can trust with my most tender feelings, is the most important. ❤️
Go where you grow. I like that. 🌸🌸
Too anyone young reading this, if you find good friends, really nurture those relationships ❤
When I was but a girl my mother told me something that I passed onto my children that has held true in all my 60 years.. once you grow up and you were out of school if you can count on one hand five or less friends you know would come to your aid no matter what time of day or night or reason those are true friends everybody else are acquaintances... 🎉 I have found this to be true throughout my 60 years.... ❤❤❤
Amen to that!
How true, how true!
My Father always said that!!!
I'm glad you know we all had SMART PARENTS!! 😘
It's hard to make deep connections and friends. I crave depth and authentic friendships, but my social anxiety makes it hard to drop my "mask." I feel so inauthentic, rigid/stiff, mirroring, people pleasing, and overly polite when meeting new people. It's hard to let my guard down and I find myself keeping it surface level. Which is odd, because I don't like small talk and crave depth. It takes a certain energy and safety to let my "mask" off :(
I'm the same way, you're not alone. ❤
Yes this is me too
You spoke my mind 🥺 do you think.this same ground is enough to consider getting to know each other?… 🙈 I hope it doesn’t sound creepy 🫥
Hey there, appreciate your honesty. I think it's wise to keep it surface level with new people until you can get the measure of them. You are precious and unique and not everyone is worthy of your friendship. There is of course a root to social anxiety. Gabor Mate is so insightful re. I wish you the freedom to be your beautiful self and the wisdom to know how to have healthy boundaries. 😊
i feel the exact same way, you’re not alone. ♥️
I often find that friends let me down and make me feel more lonely. I’m so unique and different that it’s hard to find “my people.”
I feel exactly the same
I feel the same way
What I find interesting about some of comments is how, some not all, think you need others to feel like you belong. I think that comes with this fear of being alone. I think a sense of belonging starts with self acceptance and once that happens everything else will follow. You find that you're a lot more discerning about the company that you keep because you're a lot more aligned and aware of who you are...I think it's just a normal process. Solitude is lovely and once it's embraced and not feared it can be very comforting.
Friendship is a tricky subject. Here's a couple of examples. I recently had my 55th high school reunion. We had a great turnout for such an old group. During our time there, we were very friendly with each other. So many great memories popped up, as did a few sore spots. We are friends, but not the kind you can count on for immediate support or communication. When I think of those people, I feel warm and happy. But that will fade until we get together again I'm sure.
I'm 'friends' with many people on social media but unless there is a strong emotionally connection for some reason, they don't count as what I would consider real friends. It's just a way to communicate with similarly minded people mostly. In the big picture, they aren't going to count as true friends.
Close friends, to me, are people that you can say anything, bare your soul, ask for help, and do whatever I can to reciprocate. There's an attraction based on common beliefs, interests, activities, etc. They might have become more at one time, but moved comfortably into that safe region of friendship. These are few and far between unfortunately. Other than my wife, I have very few who I would call close. Over time, I've had a few. But most fade away or end due to time, hurt feelings, or other trauma. There are true friends who I rarely see or hear from. Yet whenever we have contact, it's like there's been no separation.
I don't know how we go from friendly to true friends. I just know that a few of those actually work out. For me, they can't be forced. I've been through that several times as they were arranged by others. In my experience, they don't work. At my age, it's unlikely that anyone like that will come into my life again. But that's okay. I've accepted that the passage of time makes many things more difficult - and permanent.
Sorry for the ramble, but thanks for the opportunity. Have a great week!!
A quick comment about your reunion. . . my class just celebrated our 50th high school reunion and I chose not to attend, though I have attended others. . . the last one was a, I'm guessing, 15 years ago and my "close" friends said they would join me there. . . out of our "close" group of 4, no one showed. Perhaps it was my sensitive nature at the time but I enjoyed myself, as I traveled in many groups in high school so I found many to speak with. Yes, that warm & happy feeling after the reunion faded and I have remained close with the other 3 girls until recently but I will write about that in my response to the topic and not just to the reunion. I'm glad you had such a nice time!
I believe that in order to cultivate true friendships of any kind -- whether or not platonic turns romantic-- one must learn how to be more than happy by oneself and enjoy one's own company. It's okay to be a hermit, and be selective about who you want within your energy. Because we're taught that not having a lot of friends is somehow bad, we can oddly feel inordinate guilt about being by ourselves and learning how we truly are, as opposed to what others think we should be.
But I contend that for those of us feeling that inordinate guilt about being hermit-like, it's the most healing thing to just be around those that truly nurture your soul, rather than feel obligated to be around those who drain your energy. In other words, quality, not quantity, is key. I wish you many blessings. 🙏🙏
I was bullied and isolated my entire high school career. I’m 30 and recently skipped my ten year reunion. Those people can absolutely s*ck it.
Such an eloquent message, it resonates truth. Thank you!
I can totally relate to what you wrote here and agree. The friends like you describe in the social media ‘friends’ I describe as “friendish”. 😊
Me as an introvert I struggle so much making friends. Your video inspired me a lot i hope i can make my own someday
Thats good👍
I never had many friends and always felt lonely as a child. At 67, I now realize that I don’t need to have people around me; in fact, I find most people irritating! I’m a lot like you. I’m very artistic, and I think artistic people tend to be more introspective; having people around interferes with that. I’m not stand-offish; in fact, I do a lot of volunteering and I interact with a lot of people, but I really only have two people I consider close friends, and one of them is my sister. It took me a long time to accept that I like it like this; this is who I am, this is how it’s supposed to be.
This describes me too. Blessings
Sad but true. At 60 I’ve also come to realize that friendships can’t be forced.
58. Same. Two and one is my sister who is super different from me, so it takes extra work.
I only have maybe two actual "friends", but even than I don't feel confident in contacting them and asking them to hang out. I don't want to be a bother. I feel lonely sometimes, but it hard to find anybody that I can relate with or to even trust.
I don't even have 2... my mom is my only friend lol.
@@RedPill77777You are Blessed you have your mom.
My mom has always been my dearest friend too but she is approaching end of life and my heart feels so sad. Have never found friends I love as I love her
@@JoyeuxGracesMy mom was my best friend, she passed away last November and life isn't the same without her. I'm a person who likes to be alone but it feels lonely without her, I was her caregiver for years and we lived together, have very view family (my dad and a cousin with her husband) and my cats. I'm a introvert (INFJ personality) and struggling with chronic disease from a young age that gave me depressions and she was a encourager. It's hard without her but trust me you will survive it to and while your mom is still alive show her as much love as you can!
I wish I could say my Mom was my best friend. It was a complicated situation. I loved her a lot and miss knowing she is gone. No best friend currently, but I have met some nice gals in a group I joined.
i lost many friends when i was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago. i don't know if my situation made them question their own mortality or that they just flat out didn't want to have to deal with changes in me. frankly, i'm better off without them. i cherish each day and have learned to enjoy peace and quiet, and discovered i'm not the extrovert i thought i was. i prefer the company of a handful of friends and my family who love and support me unconditionally. my appreciation for life and the simple joys of nature's abundance, reading a good book. cooking good food, and having a hearty laugh with those i love is really all i need now. this was a beautiful episode Paola, thank you for your insight and candor. Know you are not alone in your vision of friends.
🤗
It seems to be a habit that when you are ill with any afflictionbyou see the true colors of those around you and it does hurt.
One of the greatest challenges in life is finding people whom you can trust. That comes even before finding friends. So you see how difficult it is to find friends.
I moved to a new location six years ago and I haven't made one true friend in all that time . I have one friend but we rarely really meet up. There have been a few who came and went. These last years of living alone and being single for about eight, have taught me so much about myself, and given me the space to explore my own creativity ,and new projects.
I often feel that it is better to have no real friends than the wrong kind of friends. I have been lonely at times but have found great comfort in the outdoors, like yourself.
I really enjoy your videos and honesty.
Much love P xx
God bless you Pamela. I pray that you find a true friend :) I understand what you're going through.
I can relate to this ❤ I would also rather be alone than have the wrong kind of friends. I hope you are doing well 😊
It’s has always been very difficult for me as a deeply introverted person INFJ type to find friendships and I’m over 50 and it’s still very difficult
Infp and 43. I can relate. Wishing you well🙏🌻
INFJ here and almost 40. I relate to this very much.
Same. Introverted INFJ, age 38. You’re not alone! ❤
Me too. I realize now that people saw my softness and just used up my energy and moved on.
yeah, me toooo, I'm introverted INFJ and I'am just 16 yrs old, struggling to find my group of friends, cuz everyone in my class has one
Beautiful video, piano in background. Autumn has come. And the questions we ask are timeless. Your channel is a hidden gem.
Thank you so much, I am honored ❤
A gem...definitely. But, not so hidden. 😊
Sometimes, being your own best friend is all you need. :)
I was spending time with one of my dear friends and she asked if I had many friends. I told her I have a fair number of aquaintences, neighbors, etc. but I keep my inner circle very small, of which she is part. I don’t deal well with over bearing, toxic, gossiping, agenda driven people. I thrive in calmness, peacefulness, kindness, respect, joy and wisdom. Your content is very peaceful and uplifting, which is reflected in your art. 🍂
Y es, this is very true for me also. I do have some aquaintences that may see me as a close friend because I spend time with them after worship but, I believe showing kindness and forgiveness of small faults and personality annoyances that I find distasteful is a little cross to bear with great love. As I need the same love and forgiveness too. Paola truly expresses so many of our hearts in such wisdom as you have expressed here, thank you!
It was Nick's mom, Lori who replied. ☘
I became a mother very young, and was in a very bad relationship. 16 years ago I was able to escape with my children that ranged in age from 4 to 12. I had no friends and little to no contact with family. My children were my priority and now that they are adults I still find it hard to connect with people. My youngest lives with me due to disabilities and mental health issues and I can honestly say they are more mature than most people my age. I rescue animals and the love I receive from them is pure. I have tried to make friends but have been used and always ended up hurt. Maybe one day I'll connect with a kind soul but my children and animals are all I need. There are a lot of beautiful souls that are part of your community here on TH-cam. Thankyou for bringing everyone together 😊 xx
Brave lady
It’s nice to read your comment on here, you are so deserving.
Iv been going through the same. Losing friends. Ones have been so used to me being their shoulder. My son passed last year and it's like they passed too. Not knowing how to be a shoulder for me. So sad. Thank you for this video.
I’m sorry about your loss.. I can’t imagine how that must be for you, regardless of the time.. hugs from across the miles
~ Jeannie
I know exactly what you mean.
@@SassySue67 thank you
@@SimplyJeannie awe thank you so much!
I am so very sorry for your loss. 🙏♥️
I spoke to a dear, old friend last night and it made me question our friendship. I didn't say anything as the call has become routine for her, but this really made me think about how she always touches on the subject that she knows hurts me. My inclination is to distance myself so I think I will take a break to save my emotions from unkind or callous comments.
There are some people that are just examples of Nobility. She is absolutely one of them. Love you very much...
I love the word Nobility ❤
As I’ve gained more insight in relationships, I’ve understood that friendships or just people in your life come and go like train stops!
Some stay for one stop, some for longer and very few if any, forever ❤
The challenge of finding any friends lol
LOL😅 Ikr?
Finding bad friends isn't that hard, but that's not exactly helpful...
@@ZardoDhieldorare they really friends?
I only have two friends who live really far away
These feels
Fall is my favourite season. Lots of crunchy leaves on the ground. Everything has lots of colour.
Mine too....🍂🍁 I wish it were Autumn all year.
My husband gave me some insight about friends…we have all kinds of friends. I guess different kinds of friends meet certain needs. And not think a friend fullfill all my needs/expectations.
It really helped me to not be so disappointed. But be thankful. 💚💚💚
I'm just starting the transition from having a bunch of friends to having very few. I'm learning what my true values are, and that is what causes me and my old friends to grow further apart. Just like you, I too am getting more comfortable doing things on my own sometimes.
It is painful, but it'll all be worth it in the end.
I'm in this stage too
The first image is gorgeous, like the movie! You are so talented. Beyond being your own author, you also can be an illustrator of other authors' books. Totally agree with what you said about friendship. The older I am, the more I think nature could be anyone's best and loyal friend.
At the beginning of this week, it rained for two days in a row and I was very happy about it, but my day was very bad as I live in Syria and we were being bombed for two days. In addition, I was forced to sell my favorite ring because of the conditions. I cried and could not sleep because the ring is very dear to me and I have owned it since I was a child. Then I thought of you and decided to watch a video of yours. I can now say that I am relaxed and feel at peace. Thank you very much and I wish you all the best and success in your nice store. ❤❤
Your beautiful book arrived in my mailbox yesterday. I opened it up to the section on Autumn and found myself in heartfelt tears as your soft prose made me think of my Grandma and how much she meant to me. I look forward to exploring each chapter. Thank you Paula for this book!
finding out your “current friends” aren’t your true friends and feeling lonely despite not being alone can be hard too. realizing that you have yet to find your people is a harsh realization , and I’m still stuck in this situation sadly :(
realizing that you and your friends have nothing in common, that you’re talking about the things around you rather than sharing little bits of ourselves and building trust in the process.
i feel ashamed most of the time for keeping friendships that don’t serve anything, that are just for the purpose of not being alone. i think this is true for teenagers, since that’s when you start becoming mature and having a sense of self and awareness of the things outside of yourself. it’s easy to meet people, but it’s never easy to stay or make them stay．
I’m still 18 and i can say that I’m grateful to have had friendships that I’ve outgrown and have learned many things about myself from the friends that I’ve had. I’m still a freshman in college and have plenty of
Iife lessons to look forward to in life. I’m learning everyday, I make mistakes everyday and having a supportive family has helped me along the way. I would like to give and receive the same trust that I have with my family and I’m glad that they’ve set a standard for me when it comes to trust.
I hope that someday in the future I can finally have friendships that don’t drain me, where I don’t have to hide parts of myself just to please the other person or for the sake of not being alone 🤍
Don't worry, you are on the right path of self discovery...and so young too. You seem to be a deep thinker, and I think that will be your biggest asset on your journey through this complicated place called Earth. Good luck😊
@@jenniferjemison636 thank you for your kind words! 😊 I hope you don’t mind me saying this (as a religious person), but may God bless you in this complicated place called Earth as well :) 🤍
@@strawberriya_ Thank you. All the best .
Stumbling across videos like this and scrolling through the comments, it is moving to know that so many in this world, like myself, are also longing for close friendships while navigating loneliness. We may have trouble finding and identifying our complimentary counterparts and figuring out how to develop these connections, but I believe it is a pursuit worth exploring. We are on our own journeys, but there is an aspect of shared experience that suggests that we are, at least on some level, not alone.
I grew up not being allowed to have friends visit the home, this was difficult as they were so welcoming of me into their homes. After moving countries as a young adult I managed to make friends from college then work. Over the years they have all disappeared, due mainly through moving into different parts of our lives. I find it so hard to make new friends in my 60's. When I did make the effort to make new friends about 2 years ago, I was disappointed when I needed surgery which kept me from going out for 6 weeks, no one called me, no one texted me, despite being there for one of them after a cancer operation. I don't want to come across as a victim, but it's so hard to make new friends that are genuine and really want to spend time with you. So now I'm thinking maybe I just don't make any more effort, at least I have my husband. Sending love and light to all those in this similar situation.
I understand not being allowed to have friends over! Just know you are not alone. There are a lot of kind people that would like true friendship. And we are in your age group. It’s not easy, but it can happen if you join a few groups of like minded people. ❤
You are right. This is often the case. I find friends often only want the friendship for what they can get out of it like they need someone to go to the cinema with to save them going alone etc, but very few want to put anything into
the relationship. I’ve come to the conclusion after many years friendship can be over rated. I know this sounds negative but I’ve also been disappointed and let down quite often. Not many people seem to put as much value on the friendship as I do.
I am sending you back lots of love and light. Take care. Everyone of us is precious. ❤
When I was in difficult situations ,that's the time I noticed true friends, were not there ,then I left them also, I throw them the same energy when it was them needing me, and those who didn't need me any more, I completely left, the drama of friendship is not worth a chase.
I find the older we get the harder it is to feel the need for friends. The politics, hardships of living, and people just wanting to be mean is hard on me. And I get caught up in it all. I need to step back and find the love of my home and friendship within. Although my husband is my best friend ever. Loves
For some reason I felt like her inner beauty was glowing.
I find a true friend is someone who's not constantly present, but someone who will be quickly available if the need arises. Those are the kind of friends who you may not talk to for six months, but suddenly, they will send you a funny picture, a deep thought, or request your opinion on some abstract thought as if you were just talking yesterday:)
“Tis the gift to be simple. Tis the gift to be free. Tis the gift to come down where I ought to be.”
Always quality over quantity when it comes to friendships. Most importantly be your own best friend. x
Thank you for your encouraging message. It’s very painful to let go a friendship with a best friend of mine who decided to end our years of friendship over a misunderstanding. I’ve cried many tears over this loss and even tried to cling onto this friendship . Your visual of falling leaves 🍁 will help me let go . I need to do this for my healing. 🍁💕
It's a difficult thing. I've dealt with it recently and I've come to terms with it. Nothing stays the same and it will get better.
This happened to me as well. I loved this person so much and now they're just gone. I'm still trying to move forward but it's hard when you always thought they would be a part of your life. All the best to you 💗💗
Your videos give peace and serenity to my mind and soul ❤
I am 62. I am a mother of five grown sons, grandmother of three. I don't know if I have true friend. There are three that I think are my friends, but I am the one to always reach out and invite them to my home. I enjoy serving them brunch and tea; I message and ask how they are. However, never do they invite me out or to their homes. I enjoy this young lady's channel. It has given me confidence to be on my own. I illustrate, write, read, and enjoy crochet. I've been so sad because I am a good friend, but I think it should be two ways. Sometimes, a little sacrificial; making time for someone you care for. Sending them a card in the mail, perhaps. My husband of 41 years is my best friend. My mother also was my good friend. Always there for me and I for her. I can see I'm not alone in my feelings here. That is comforting in itself.
I feel with you, I thought I had a real good friend now. But I realize that I’m the only one that ever calls or text. No one does. I have excepted as well just to be alone and to live a live in peace.
When I take time to stop and think, I find I don't need all of the "friends" that I thought I did. I am now in my 70's and basically have two very close friends and two other good friends. Like you, I have learned to weed out the negative and condemning one's. .moving to the country several years ago has helped a lot. More time to pray, think and reflect. I am so happy that I found you! On my way now to check out your Etsy shop. Blessings to you.
Sounds wonderful to move to the country, have time to pray and reflect 😃
I find integrity, a genuine spirit, & someone who makes the time for me are qualities that I treasure.
A couple of close friends- that’s ideal and what most do not have as they age. You are blessed to have that!!
We are meant to be part of a "tribe" (group of people who are usually related), not alone. To find a friend, one must be a friend. As a kind person, I think you're probably quite good at it.
Even if we have being a good friend... Mostly people not considered it as a kind and patient but see it as a foolness... So they not respect you. So, it is really difficult to find a good one. The one who appreciated and respected
@@littlefairyland763 I understand what you are saying..The norm is that if you are kind and a good friend you will find and keep good friends because the appreciate you. I have found that many do take kindness for weakness.....I live in a MAJOR city....My mother came from the mountains of Puerto RIco at a time when people did make life long friends...I always had that small town friendliness in a big City.............I am a spiritual person and work at not being cynical or jaded....but realize now in my 60s that being a kind person and a good person are not always the same.....I have met very charming people who seemed kind but were the worst people ....and conversely I have met snarky , rude people who would help a stranger.............I believe that personally I should lead with kindess until the person shows me different then I must detach......... I read recently that energy does not lie....so perhaps how you feel around a person and they feel around you is a good indicator if the relationship is healthy.
I was too much of a friend to people who are too draining.
love this comment.
Yeah we are supposed to be in a tribe but I think most people in the tribe are mooching energy, resources, and time off the others
So important to be your own best friend. Treat yourself the way you’d like others to treat you. When I have a lunch for today prepared from last night’s meal that I cooked I say-some nice lady made that for me. She (I) thinks about me with kindness and acts in a thoughtful way. Most of the time. Thank you for your lovely videos 😊
How lovely, I shall practice doing that too😊💐
I ask my dog to make me a tea, because I know he would if he could.
My best friend has been a part of my life for most of my existence. I can't imagine not having her friendship in my life. I have a few other close friends as well, but I believe in quality over quantity.
I have always been introvert, i have a chronical illness, i spend most of my time in home ( or in hospital ) , i have not really friends but it's not been a problem for me, i like the time on my own, i always was feeling i was divired, but it seems i'm not alone. I really like your videos, thank you for sharing :) 🙏💙
One of the greatest things is when you meet someone who's oddities match your own . That happened to my husband and I this week . We liked the man who was painting our house so when it got too dark for him to paint we had him stay for apple cake . The next evening he stayed to dinner . Life can hold some nice surprises .
The older I've become, the more I value my oldest friends. Those who know where you're from, your story, and accept you just the the way you are.
YES. To quote Oliver Wendell Holmes: "There is no friend like an old friend, who has shared our morning days." At 49 years old, I recently reconnected with a childhood friend, and it has been absolutely amazing, just being known and accepted.
This topic is very timely for me, as I've noticed throughout the years that (the largest part of) socializing is about commenting and gossiping about others, as Isak says at the beginning of Wild Strawberries. This has become upsetting and plain boring to me. But this year has been even worse as I realized a very painful situation in my family, a medical problem suffered by my son, had become the object of gossip among my supposedly closest friends. I've always heard it's in times of hardship that you really get to know people; it's very painful.
I moved so much and made so many friends scattered around the world, but somehow the tendency is more of me trying to reach out to them than mutual thing. It makes me sad, as I have fond memories of times together and wonder if they were the same for them. Keeping friends is a difficult thing, but those that stay are to be cherished.
i walked away from a toxic friendship. at first, I felt the guilt gnawing at me for leaving. but then i realized, it has to be done at some point, and it was the most liberating thing I had done for myself, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Beautiful video again ! Now that I am retreat, I don t think anymore about having friends. I had two from my 7 to 24 years old and hoped that even if we had our own families being adults, friendship will continue forever in an kind way...Because we grew up together and shared so much personal things...But I was dreaming ! It turned really bad, they let me literally down without explanation, event if I encouraged them with love to continue our friendship...I have searched what I did wrong, but didn t find it, for I didn t change and was loyal and loved them...Before that I imagined our children playing together...So I had to decide to forget them but it was a hard pain. Since I have tried to make new friends but we lived too far from each other’s or they have a busy life and no time...Nowadays, my family is my best friend and I need nobody and nothing else, I don t search to have friends anymore, I let them come to me if it is my destiny, that s all and I feel very glad and confortable in that way. Be blessed and always happy. Hello from Paris France ❤❤❤
I like the theme of this video. In his De Amicitia, Cicero wrote, "True friendship is remarkable, and all remarkable things are rare." Here is the Latin text of it: "Amicitia vera est praeclara, et omnia praeclara sunt rara." The challenge of finding true friendship is universal. I think one of the main problems is that people usually put their self-interest first without realizing or perhaps they don't care that friendship is like a fragile plant that both sides have to take care of it.
"The girl went walking every day, she watched the trees and the way they swayed, she thanked the spirits along the way, as the Fox and the Badger came out to play." This is a little snippet, from one of my poems, hope you like it. It seemed appropriate along with that lovely picture you have drawn, of yourself, and the sleeping fox, it is sooo beautiful. Love and hugs to you, Jilly & Madge the black rescue greyhound, from West Devon, England. xxx
Love ❤️ Love Your “ Beautiful “
“ Sweet “
Poem 🎈🎈🎈
Would Love ❤️ to read more 🙏
Kimmie ( Santa Monica )
California 🎈🎈🎈
How beautiful ❤ thank you so much for sharing!
@@kimmiebowers5248 Thank you for your kind words. I love writing poetry, and I write it about what I see in nature, all around me, here in West Devon, England.
@@TheCottageFairy Thank you for your reply - I suppose I paint with words, and poetry, as you paint with a pencil or brush. xxx
@@darleneengebretsen1468 My goodness darleneengebretsen1468, I would sooo LOVE that! But Paola is a true artist, and it would be soo amazing to get that done! I would love to write a book, and get it published, but there are soo many books out there, what chance do I have?! xxx
Whenever i feel stressed i come and watch your videos... It makes me feel like you're talking to me...
Love you sooo much...
Im preparing for my exams by the way... i hope anyone who's reading this comment will find happiness, freedom,health and love you deserved😊
I am 22, I’ve gone through a lot of mental shifts in the past 5 years. Naturally most of my friends have fallen away for reasons you mentioned in this video. I really appreciate your honesty and ability to create in such a pure way! Thank you for your existence 🌱
I’m 70 & in all my life I think I’ve only had 3 true friends, but over the course of my life I’ve had what I call seasonal friends who come & go & change.
I feel the same way. It's the same with family too. As children, we all get along, but as we age and grow....things change. I found many of the people I love are just not interested in growing, learning, expanding our views and especially the forgiveness of others. Those things are a stretch. Letting go of friends and even family relationships that aren't working is hard.
I've had to say bye to toxic uncaring people in my life. Totally worth it for my peace of mind.
I am glad you brought this topic up today. It is so relevant to me and I see to many others. I am having great difficulty finding new friends. I have always had difficulty finding true, sincere and kind friends who want deep connections. As I grow older and heal myself, I am learning about myself, my needs, my values and my limits. Technology today has done more harm in terms of having genuine, clear and open communication with people. I am discouraged about finding friends as people seem to want superficial connections and do not have the capacity to be more available for deeper connections. It seems there is a lack of emotional maturity and intelligence. Humanity is changing and we are more emotionally distant from each other.
It has always been a challenge for me ever since childhood to make friends. The gossip, negativity has always weighed me down. I my h rather have that strong, trusted few...but that is a challenge too. Your vids are lovely and are a reminder to slow down. I am an artist too ❤
I have recently been thinking a lot about friendships, and how difficult it has been for me since I moved here 26 years ago. I had and made friends easily in California, one is still my best friend and I am so thankful for her and her faithfulness. I have reached out to many many women I have met, we have done a few things together, at my invitation, and then I wait to see if they will reach out, and they have not, and I do not understand that. Something I have been praying about. I am an introvert and live alone and like that a lot, but I need some good ongoing friendships.
Paulo your a very old beautiful soul I see my reflection. Your true friend is your inner friend. I hear you❤ when you raise your frequency thought form new friends come into your life, you resonate with on same frequency energy. Our thoughts create our reality that's for sure. Have a bright lovely day. Love & Light to you from afar ❤
It’s taken me too long to figure the friendship thing… at 50 I’ve finally learned to let go of convenience friendships even when it’s family members. Learning to love myself has been an awakening. Thank you Paola for your videos! You are making a difference in many lives including mine! Blessings and happy autumn! 🍁🍂
I'm right there with you. It took me a long time, I'm 67, to realize that I'm a bit of a recluse. I've always been popular in my community, but I find myself withdrawing from the insincerity of those who call themselves "friends." I find that I do enjoy my own company and my husband's too. However, the guilt I used to feel not answering my phone is gone now. I love me more😊😊.
How beautiful a cottage fairy cookbook would be! Please. ❤
Thank you from the bottom of my heart .
I always look forward so much to your videos . I feel so comfortable in your world, it touches my heart.
I have decorated my apartment with your paintings that I bought on Etsy and enjoy it every day ♥️ Greetings from Germany
Britta
Paola, I just wanted to say a huge thank you... Thank you for being brave enough to share your world on a very personal level. You're videos, your insights, your authentic self and mostly your "beyond your years" wisdom. I feel connected to you on a soul level. I know that sounds kooky but it's the only way I know how to say it. It just gives me joy to watch your videos , hear your peaceful voice talk about life's journey. You are a blessing and an inspiration to so many... So again, Thank you!
This topic is especially relevant to me now. I'm a senior in college, and recently broke off a friendship. It was complex, as this person had been with me through the darkest time in my life and was instrumental in prompting me to seek help. Unfortunately, once I got better, I seemed to leave that friend behind. They were often negative about others and about me, always making harsh criticisms. The final blow came when they joked about that dark time in my life. Someone who was once a salvation had now become an anchor, holding me down and reminding me of who I was before I sought help. Many small things had been said before this moment, and my fault in all of it was that I said nothing. I made no comments describing my hurt, my resentment, or my discomfort. When the final comment was made, I lashed out in response. Had I voiced my thoughts sooner, and in a more controlled manner, I might have spared myself the current discomfort of others taking sides, icy interactions, and general fear of social situations involving this person. I say all this in hopes that someone in a similar situation may know this from my experience: it is better to voice your hurt when it is "very little," rather than when it grows to be "too much." If someone wounds you by a topic they repeatedly bring up, however "insignificant" it may feel, do tell them that you are hurt. You may spare yourself AND the other person greater hurt in the long run. It is no small feat to tell someone how you really feel about something they have said to you, but if you want your relationships to last and last well, you must pursue truth above self-deception or resentment. I have always let resentment build, rather than acknowledging my hurt from the start. Many bad things in my life might not have been bad to the same degree, had I just voiced my hurt with calm and openness. Though those people may not have responded well even if I had done it better, I would have greater peace in knowing I handled it correctly. And THAT is what you should seek in any conflict: peace for yourself, and peace for others. Learn from my mistakes, please.
I did the same thing with my best friend of 10 years, who I met in college. That was 17 years ago, now, and Im 20 years into my own healing journey.
I would actually say, don’t worry about being human, we all stumble. I am much better at speaking up now too. But I did attempt to apologize, and you can always do so too.
That was for the way I ended it, not that I did. She was similar to your friend, a highly critical, and righteous person. I loved her, but ironically, she could likely not have taken in a more mindful approach, anyway. The dynamic always needed her to be one up. As I got more and mire healthy in life, I saw how toxic and one sided her behavior was. It was a beautiful healing thing to see I was such a different person, who could never be friends with someone like that now. I wish her well and glad fir the time we did share, You’ll have that too Im sure.
I wish I have even one good friend in this life! I am totaly alone in this! After all I have more then 15 years for spending Christmas all by myself... I was thinking I have friends but all just come in the past for better time not in a worst days. So I decide to stay by myself better than have such a kind of friends. Isnt easy but much silence around.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and thought.
BTW, most of the time I'd rather be content and comfortable as lone wolf without true friends among humans than surrounding by fake or/and toxic friends.
Me Too !
though these videos seem effortless, i cant imagine the camera angles and time it took you to film these. the beautiful words are an irreplacable aspect in your videos!!!
Like others have stated, I have found it difficult to make friends for the last 15 years since I moved to WA. I miss the old friends I had and all the friends we had this time of years. Autumn was so special with us. But at least you have your pets. I can not even have that much. And I have shed many a tear over the last 15 years over it all. I have learned to accept my alone time and that I may never make friends so long as I live in this state. Despite my setting, I do hope you do find those you look for. I seriously do. And remember, you do have so much more than others have. Many would give up so much for what you have. And some can not even do that much. You will be okay my friend. You will be okay. You have so much to give and share.
For those of us who are super feelers and highly sensitive, it can be hard. My best friends are my sisters. I am very blessed.
Friends are hard for me. I agree, it’s hard to hear gossip and negativity. I Hv my husband❤, my son, daughter, auntie and two daughter in laws , my 13 month old grandson. My amazing best friend dog daughter , Cali. They’re my heart and all I need or want ❤ they’re my joy, they are enough. You are always so relatable, doll…so comforting
Better to be with a few friends than with many who lack quality & thrive on gossip. Be true to yourself.
I haven't had luck with friends. I find my self happier without
In my youth I had a lot of fake friends. Now I only have 5 REAL friends but I would trust them with my life. I just realized how special this is because so many people only have these fake friends who let you down when you really need them. So thanks to my friends and thanks to the universe that made me find them and of course thank you Paola for making another lovely piece of art
Years ago I remember a dear friend insulted my weight when an attractive male friend showed interest in me over her. I forgave the dig that "someone like that would choose a heavy girl over a thin one" but the memory of the hurt stayed with me. Now that I'm nearly 40 I notice how many of my teen and 20s friendships were ripe with jealousy, rivalry and outright "mean girl" behavior. I don't have many deep friendships now because I'd rather have peace over fake friendships.
This is my first view of your channel shared from a new online friend… even though I am much older than you and also didn’t grow up with social media, all that you share resonates deeply and I appreciate that you are coming forward to present the freedom of living a life without it and the connection with self that we are loosing because of it. Bravo, my dear! Very inspiring!
👏👏👏
What I have learnt over the years to cultivate friendships is to be open , to put myself out there and atleast sometimes initiate plans , to temper expectations, to communicate with honesty , to apologise when in the wrong and to have more grace for loved ones or people in general : you may not know what they are going through always.
And sometimes you may have space or a fallow period in your friendship, but that does not mean the end of the road. You can always pick up where you left off with true friends.
Beautiful video and message, Paola. It seems one of the things that causes friendship to dissolve is when one person strives to learn, grow, and mature, and the other person stays stuck in old, unhealthy patterns of behavior. It can be a sad parting of the ways. But perhaps some people are only meant to be in our lives for 'a season.' Those of us who seek to learn can move forward to greater fulfillment in life, in many ways. To anyone reading this, hang in there. Life can bring wonderful surprises along the way, often when least expected.
I find making friends so draining! I'm mum to 3 young children and have recently moved back to my hometown after 15 years away and struggling to find the energy to even try. I value good friendships and do hope to have those kinds of relationships in the future, but also give myself some grace that that time will come and doesn't need to be rushed.
sending you love! People who are meant to be around and close to you will find you
I’m an identical twin with an older sister so I’ve always felt like I didn’t really need friends as God had already given me the two best friends I could ever need/want. My husband, daughter, and parents are also my “best friends”. It’s a struggle to keep in touch with old friends because they can drain my energy and sap my joy. I enjoy being an oddball and crave alone time. I work in a cubicle for the majority of my week and that also saps my energy and joy. I hung up a felt pumpkins garland yesterday to make it a little more inviting. Your postcards also add a little whimsy and make me smile when I view them. Thank you for continuing to share your gifts with the world. I’ll go check out your Etsy shop now. ❤️
I just realised you get more and more beautiful as the years go on, radiating love, truth and goodness. Thank you for sharing yourself with us - watching your videos is so good for the soul ❤️🙏
thanks for sharing! I also feel like losing friends and even my family on my way being myself... and not necesserily finding any new ones... well, I'm glad to "have" at least some youtubers like yourself, it's calming to know that somewhere out in the world there still are nice, kind, authentic and inspirational people
I understand,i only have one friend which I‘m not really close to,no matter what I do,i just fail to make us ‚best friends’.
And I mostly spend the time with my cousins or sisters,seeing all of them getting more busy because of their royal work and Duties broke my heart(note:this was many years ago,during middle 1940s)and now,I can’t find something to make me stop thinking about how lonely I am,I read,I Write about in my diary,or just write any Writing,I walk through our Royal Garden,and it’s still in my mind,the ideas of the challenge of making friends that aren’t only my friends because of their ideas that being a friend to a royal is cool.
What made that worse,is the overwhelming Royal Duty,I am not saying that i hate being a working royal,but when there’s something overwhelming affecting me,The Royal Duty makes it worse.
I tried to use mental therapy to solve my broken heart,but all what I understood is that I only needed someone that truly loved me,and would give a hug in my sad and happy times.
When i found myself getting less interested in friendships and relationships,it really broke my inner self,the girl that would be friends with everyone,now isn’t interested,i got healed afterwards,now i support my emotional soul with hobbies,i also like Writing my negative thoughts in my Diary,it’s really helping,it doesn’t help fully,but it heals so much,it really made my heart to feel less heavy,i got my first diary when i was 11 (1937),when i started writing down my negative thoughts was in 1939,although the negative thoughts and feelings affected me way before,but it took me time to realise that Writing down the feelings,the negative ones helps to approve them,and it’s not only at telling it,but it can be at Writing it too!
‘Till this day,and i still Write in my Diary!(I am 98 years old lady now)but being old didn’t stop me!
When i found myself getting less interested in friendships and relationships,it really broke my inner self,the girl that would be friends with everyone,now isn’t interested,i got healed afterwards,now i support my emotional soul with hobbies,i also like Writing my negative thoughts in my Diary,it’s really helping,it doesn’t help fully,but it heals so much,it really made my heart to feel less heavy,i got my first diary when i was 11 (1937),when i started writing down my negative thoughts was in 1939,although the negative thoughts and feelings affected me way before,but it took me time to realise that Writing down the feelings,the negative ones helps to approve them,and it’s not only at telling it,but it can be at Writing it too!
‘Till this day,and i still Write in my Diary!(I am 98 years old lady now)but being old didn’t stop me!
I don’t have any close Friends at all. I thought I had. But I realize the Friendship is very superficial and can so easily be deleted. One wrong word unintentionally and without a word one gets deleted or ghosted 😢 it’s so very sad. In this digital world it seems like no is really important anymore. As the writer said in an earlier reply, my very best friend is the Lord Jesus. I feel content and I no longer need to prove anything to anyone anymore. I still have times where I miss someone in my life especially after my Husband passed away five years ago. I realized who my true Friends are. If you find one it’s a treasure. I guess it’s because I’m a highly sensitive person and a lot of people think I’m a weirdo 😢
@@tinawilliams3337 I feel you,dear,you're not alone;I relate and understand you.
The timing of this vlog aligns with the last few days. I prefer quality friendships over quantity. I have a couple of good friends. We had a very hard conversation this weekend. I'm the negative one. We discussed how we all want to be better friends, better listeners - and have clear, direct communication so there is no room for misunderstandings. Speaking of art - after my father passed in 2017 I dried up creatively speaking. I've been a self supporting artist for over 20 years. It's been exciting and fresh to begin to paint again - and reopen my Etsy shop. Autumn is good. I went to all the farms that are local here in Portland, on Sauvies Island - and I bought a bunch of pears. I need to eat them soon. I'd like to try what you made, but I'm confused as to what you put on it at the end. Was that honey? Thank you.
Definitely quality over quantity.
Sherry, Paola posted the source of the syrup she put on at the end, in one of her introductory comments above. After cooking the pears, she boiled down the water left in the pot, added some maple syrup, and caramelized it.
I hope your pears bring you the same ecstasy we saw on Paola's face when she ate hers! Now I need to go find some Colorado pears! Sadly, I live on the wrong side of the state!
@@tedpreston4155 Thank you so much for the reply. You are appreciated!! Yes, that pear looked like pure heaven!
Beautiful video Paola, watched it twice!
Biggest issue of my entire life. I’m now 65. I’ve given up. I’ve always felt women just don’t like me. I used to care, now I don’t. I know I’m a great woman, their loss.
I’ve struggled finding true friends and finding any friends at all lately. You’re not alone. ❤ a lot of people think I’m weird. I think it’s because I’m very nostalgic, affectionate, sentimental and old fashioned.
I find making friends difficult. At primary school, I would lose friends over silly arguments that shouldn't have happened, or you just drift away from each other when you lose touch with them. There were one or two who were 'friends' with you for a short time if there was a birthday party or something that you invited them to, and then for some strange reason you would get the cold shoulder afterwards... And then of course there is the battle of overcoming shyness when you are naturally introverted and the reluctance and anxiety brought on to you because of bullies that make you afraid to approach people. I had a friend in secondary school and we remained close friends until she moved away (this was before social media was a thing and internet access wasn't that common. There were mobile phones, but I don't really bother with them because I don't like them that much and they cost money to keep, so we couldn't keep in touch that way.) In my early teens my mum passed away and when there are holes in your life where your family should be, friends need to fill it, but friends can't always do that and you feel like you are asking too much of friends to fill that hole. Combine that with shyness and introversion, and money problems making friends in the first place is difficult. I've gotten used to being alone and it's become so much of a habit that I don't think I can make friends even if I want to.
I'm 57 and love chatting to people out in public, but love retreating to my reclusive lifestyle. It takes a lot of time to develop close friendships only for people to drift off as though my time and effort never mattered. I just don't want to be someone's useful idiot anymore. No more being gullible.
Awwww, yes you can. 😊 Friends are good for sure and they can be made. Even if just occasionally, a little walk and talk is uplifting.