The Funniest Joke Ever Told in HIstory
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ก.ค. 2024
- There is one joke that is acknowledged to be the funniest ever told.
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I couldn't find my how to make coffee video to link it!
If its the moka pot one, this is where I learned it. One of your best videos today, just the right amount of exercise and coffee to prepare LOL.
This isn't the one I learned from, but its called "Perfect Coffee" from 5 years ago. th-cam.com/video/BX8WIXWkw7I/w-d-xo.htmlsi=Nvr_fUpuAe35YHzv
Its called "Perfect Coffee" from 5 years ago, I can't post a link.
@@FatBikeRacer I found it and linked it!
This funniest joke is from Frasier.
Nora: [v.o.] Listen to me, you have a child! You think you have the right to get divorced just because you're tired of your husband?
Jill: [v.o.] But he's gay!
Nora: You picked him. You made a baby with him. Maybe you got him drunk, maybe you dressed up as Antonio Banderas, I don't care! Just make it work!
Daphne turns off the radio.
Niles: Well, that's a bit harsh!
Frasier: Oh, please. This is a woman who believes the Spanish Inquisition was just tough love for heretics!
"Spanish Inquisition was just tough love for heretics" gets me every time.
Germany here with a joke:
Angry boss: Mr. Müller, this is the third time you've been late for work this week! What does that tell us?
Müller: That it's Wednesday.
German joke; I just deleted all the German contacts off of my phone, now it's a hans free device. 😅
Sorry Claus; the funniest joke in the world - the one that won the war for the allies - was this, "My dog has no nose." "How does he smell?" "Terrible!" Monty Python taught me that! :-)
lol, you beat me to it 😁 sorry for the repeat post above
@@DCG-dg5sd I was going to say the same thing!!!
The german counterjoke was not that effective: "Drei Erdnüsse gehen die Straße herunter. Eine davon ist salzig!"
A Father Crow and a son crow were sitting on the fence overlooking the runway when Concorde takes off.
Son crow turns to father crow and asks "Dad, why can't I fly as fast as that?"
Father crow responds, "Son, if you had 4 arseholes and they were all on fire - you'd fly that fast!"
How do you separate the men from the boys in the Italian navy.......with a crowbar.😂😂👍🇬🇧
A white horse walks into a pub and the barman says, 'Hey, we've got a whiskey named after you', and the horse says'What? Eric?'...
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. Bear looks at the rabbit and says “you ever have a problem with shit sticking to ur fur?” Rabbit says… “ no, not really.” So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Man walks into a pub with a bag and orders a pint. The bar tender asks what's in the bag and the man says it's an Octopus and he can play any musical instrument in the world to perfection.
The bartender hands over a violin and says "Prove it!"
The man puts the violin in the bag and in a few moments, the most beautiful violin music can be heard.
Another man hands over a flute. The owner puts the flute in the bag and the most wonderful flute music can be heard.
A Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes and suggests that the Octopus "Cannae play the pipes!"
The man places the bagpipes in the sack.
Nothing is heard.
The Scotmans said "What did I tell ye?!"
The owner looks in the bag for a second, then says "Give him a minute, when he's finished fucking it, he'll play it!"
AWESOME!!!
Bwahahahahaha
/chefs kiss
Hey Claus! Italian guy here.
It's not "cambiamento", it's "combattimento" that means combat.
So the tank name translated is: combat tank.
Whoo ha!
My Italian is not the best and even I noticed that...."changes" my ass
Whoo ha indeed!
A buddy of mine asked me if I wanted to buy an Italian army rifle. He said it was never fired, and only dropped once.
Does your buddy confuse the Italians and French often?
Greetings from Full Metal Jacket, they want theire Joke back ..😂
A termite walks into pub, hops up on a stool and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"
Claus! Don't ever change! 😀 I still sing "He's stunned again!" from time to time 😀
:))))))))))) same here. Also the lalalala song :D
Any time i play the kv2 i start ranting “no fun for you!”
When playing jeffs I often find myself thinking "That was Claus!" 🙄
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic Priest? When a boy walks into the room, Woody goes limp! 🤣
🤣🤣🤣 LAUGH WITH YOU 3 TIMES HEARING YOU TELLING THE JOKE OF CHICKEN IN (GOOD) ITALIAN 🤣🤣 GREETINGS CLAUS AND A LOT OF LOVE FROM ITALY 💚🤍❤
A Catholic Priest, a Protestant Pastor and a Jewish Rabbi are playing a round of golf when they find a jar full of gold coins. They consider what to do with the find and feel that some of the gold should go to charity.
The Catholic Priest says, lets draw a circle on the ground and then toss the coins up and whichever lands in the circle, we give to charity and share the rest between us.
The Protestant Pastor suggests that instead they give all the coins that land outside the circle to charity and share the rest.
The Jewish Rabbi says, "Let's toss the coins up in the air and what God wants us to give to charity, he'll take!"
Situational humor is my favorite kind of humor....but if I had to pick one that makes me smile all the time it would be; 'a horse walks into a bar...the bartender says, 'what's with the long face?' Classic.
The oldest written joke on a piece of papyrus goes as follows:
A dimwitted slave is about to become a eunuk, but his isn't to happy about it, so he ask:
How long will I be a eunuk? The rest of your life is the answer...
The slave then ask: Will my children also be eunuks? Well you can't have children, so they won't be eunuks...
The slave let that sink in, and then he ask:...
The papyrus edge is broken here, so nobody knows the punch line, but QI have a suggestion...
What about my grandchildren?
Funniest joke ever... "Two women were sitting at the table quietly..."
As a soldier I have this joke: It's terrible weather out with heavy rain and sleet. You have a sole infantry soldier soaked through, cold and standing ankle deep in the water say; "This sucks!" Next, a little distance from him you have an army ranger up to his waist in putrid water with his teeth gritted saying: "I like the way this sucks!" Another mile away you have a Marine up to his neck in freezing water barely able to keep his weapon up saying: "I wish this would suck even more!" In the sky overhead you have an army helicopter pilot looking down at the battlefield saying: "It looks like it sucks down there!" And finally you have an Air Force Airman sitting in an easy chair in front of a TV with a remote saying: "What! The cables out. This sucks!"
I was a warehouseman in the AF; I always laugh at these:)
Four candles
"no, handles for forks!" 😂
heres a Yugo joke:
man goes to t he square and sees black flags all around, he asks the policeman: "why are there so many black flags?" he answers: "Well, Tito died"... the man shrugs it off and goes to the store. He comes back to the square and asks the policeman: "but why are there so many black flags on the square?" he again answers that Tito died, the man then does a walk around the square in sight of the policeman and asks for the 3rd time! the policeman then answers him: "hey, stupid! i already told you 2 times, Tito died!" and the man then says: "Yes, but I just like to hear it again!" :)
I gave away my hoover, it was just collecting dust...
From Spain
The civil guard stops three gypsies and begins to search them.
- What do you have in the pocket?
- A knife, Mr. Agent.
- Well... wham!! (slaps him)
He approaches the second gypsy:
- And you? What are you wearing?
- Another knife, Mr. Agent.
He slaps him . And the third says:
- I only have 3 euros, Mr. Agent.
He sees him and slaps him anyway.
- But why do you hit me if I don't have a knife?
- For saving to buy one!
My wife, who is a driving school instructor, left me last night................ she gave no indication.........I don't know which way to turn........
A giraffe walks into a bar and says I'll have a bottle of Bud". The bartender says "Longneck?", and the giraffe says "Yeah, well you're fat."
Thanks Claus - I came for "the funniest joke ever" and I got "the Italians are famous for being perfectionists"..... "or at least 2 of them were"...
One of the funniest jokes I've ever heard, was told by an Canadian. Norm Macdonald's moth joke 😂😂😂
Canadian John Candy was one of my favorite comedians and comedic actors.
Robin Williams was once asked by a German, "Why doesn't Germany have comedy like yours?"
Williams replied, "Maybe because you killed all the funny people?"
The Italians in ww2 just got duped by Mussolini. They woke up earlier than the Germans.
As every American should do today…
As an American, Canadian comedians are some of the best. Experts at satire and absurdity. Norm, Kids in the Hall crew, Aykroyd, Candy, Phil Hartman, the Second City.
Thanks for discussion today Claus, cheers!
A joke that stuck with me from my childhood in Romania: one day two kids are playing in the mud, a policeman comes and asks: what are you doing? The kids say they are making a policeman. The cop asks: what are you making him out of? The kids say : water,mud and cow dung. The policeman gets mad and runs to catch them. Another day comes and the same kids and playing in the mid and the same cop comes over.What are you two rascals building now? They say, "a fiireman". The smug policeman asks: what are you making him out of? The kids say : water and mud,of course. The intrigued policeman asks: aren't you putting cow dung? The kids say: no because then we would be making a policeman 😊( no offense to the police,this was an old joke from rhe communit era when the police was very seldom working in people's interest)
2 fish in a tank, 1 says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?". Thank you I'm here all week 😂
What did the Roman's ever do for us eh?
... apart from the aqueducts ...
@@johncodmore Well... yeah. But apart from the aqueducts, what did they ever do for us?
and the sanitation...
Not a joke, just some advice learned through life’s lesson. “If there is an opportunity to choose, always have the fat girl make your ice cream sundae.”
Claus, you described Parissiennes. In central and southern France, the people are more like Italians. They aren't as animated, but they were friendly and fun. I could walk into a bar and drink all night without spending any money. It was a great place to be an exchange student.
I am Romanian, never studied Italian, but I understand a lot of italian because a lot of words are similar. I was laughing a lot when you said the punchline 😅
I think the chicken joke works better because you have a visual memory of seeing the sketch performed? The little everyman railing against pompous authority? If there was a German version of it, the border guard would respond to the punchline by snapping on a surgical glove while the horrified face of our chocolate smuggler fades to black. In the UK I would say that two comedians at opposite ends of the spectrum stand out. One is Bob Monkhouse, the other Benny Hill. However I'd like to give a shout out to the unsung heroes of comedy, the writers and especially Barry Cryer.
Ironically ... chocolate is toxic to chickens.
They'd probably spit it out then - if there are Italian chickens.
Joke. What’s the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?
You can’t make a vitamin.
@clauskellerman. I'm not sure who told you that Snow White is an Italien story, that is plain wrong. Snow White and Cinderella, along with numerous other tales, were writen by the Brothers Grimm, who were German, not Italien! Baron Munchausen is another of many amusing German children's stories. And here a German joke:
An american farmer visits Germany
In a rural area he comes across a small village bar. He goes in and orders himself a drink, when he notices the man next to him also looks like a farmer.
"Are you a farmer?" he asks the man.
"Ja, I am a farmer" the man replies.
"How big is your farm?" the american enquires.
"Well, roughly 20 square miles" the german answers, not knowing where this is going.
"Haha, 20 square miles" the american laughs, "Thats cute, do you want to know how big my farm is? When I want to tour my whole farm and get into my car to drive around, it takes me 2 days to come back home"
The german looks up from his beer and replies:
"Ah yes, I had an american car once aswell"
Italy gave us the Renaissance but then gave us FIAT. I would say it is about even now lol!
I think you will find it was Scotland that invented the world, Claus
in Italy we don't like half measures: we either make things perfect or we do shit
And then there's China.
70's ... a german at the customs before entering France is asked among other things by the customs officer: Occupation? The German answers: No, just visiting!
The story of Hansel and Gretchen is from before even Canada or USA even got to call itself a country. It’s about making sure your kids are staying home at night. We here in Sweden have similar scary stories for kids to tell them from getting lost or drowning in the rivers. It’s just for keeping children safe. In an awkward way but obviously good enough.
A lad phoned his buddy crying and saying "it's a boy! It's a boy! ".
Everyone warned him not to go to Thailand.
I enjoyed my visit to Rome. When I went to the Sistine Chapel, though crowded, there was a silence as you gazed upwards at the ceiling. Truly a wonder of the world is the only way to describe it. The Italian language, in my opinion is the most beautiful in the world. I tried to speak it, the locals laughed at my bad pronunciation, but I think they appreciated me trying.
The French are indeed very different. There are Parisians and the French.
ANYWAY I HEARD A FUNNY QUOTE STATING THAT THE FRENCH ARE JUST ANGRY ITALIANS
I AM NOT ITALIAN BUT MY CAPSLOCK KEY IS STUCK.
On bedtime stories...Someone has to tell Claus about the famous children book "Struwwelpeter". Rude children get bitten by dogs, children not eating their soup starve to death, children sucking on their thumb get a visit from the tailor that cuts their thumbs off, burning children...
It was meant as a "wholesome education" for the younger...
In times of war and other times of severe potentially overwhelming stress, the dark humor that presents itself is sometimes the only thing that allows us humans to persevere thru a period that would otherwise destroy our souls, our minds.
"I'm gonna try, if they don't like it, they can spit it out."
I'm Dutch.
I also don't often laugh out loud when I find things funny.
I laughed.
As a German American who doesn't speak fluent Italian, I can say that t joke is hilarious!
I thought your joke was going to be something along the lines of "where do you think chocolate eggs come from?"
Snoop Dogg opened a new restaurant it's half Thai half German it's called Pho schnitzel😂
The joke is hilarious due to the human appropriate and chicken inappropriate behaviour, firstly the chickens usually don't pick what's inappropriate to them and secondly they can't spit so imagining such human behaviour from a chicken or pretending a chicken would perform it, renders it that hilarious. Who would've guessed 😃
Claus, my dad told me once, "the French have perfected making white flags".
i thought the punch line would have been "i know its chocolate but you try and tell the chickens that"
We Germans are masters of satire. And that stereotype of Germans having no humour is one of the least accurate ever. I mean, just look at our current government... if that's not the greatest joke in all of history, I don't know what is...
lol you are 100% right with that
my step dad used to make HOBO coffee...the water gets close to boiling but doesn't boil...the hobos would keep the fire low to avoid being seen...the coffee was amazing...honestly the best i have ever had...now tea...yes...boil the water...
Like Valentino Rossi said in his last championship, "GALLINA VELLA FA BON CALDO" Old chichen makes good stew.
The funniest joke ever told was by Norm Macdonald on Conan O'Brien❤
Ok. The chicken home is funny in English too. It cracked me up anyway.
MY GREAT GRANDMA WAS ITALIAN SO I GET IT EVEN IN ENGLISH, I JUST SHOWED THIS MY WIFE AND SHE DIDN'T LAUGH SO I SAID IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE CHICKENS CAN'T SPIT. SHE SAID YOU DON'T KNOW THAT. SO I SAID OK GIVE THEM SOME CHOCOLATE HAHAHAHAHA CRYING
I’m Italian from my mother’s side, her most frequent saying was it’s much funnier in Italian.
I don't have any jokes in german like the italian joke, but I have heard a german make a joke about their language.
A german businessman met a businessman from another country and brought his translator along to translate.
All was going well and fine until the german gave a particularly long sentence. The translator was silent for awhile, and the other businessman asked him what was taking so long.
"I'm waiting for the verb" 😂
HO FINITO INCHIOSTRO PER IL MAIUSCOLO!
Totó : < Lei é un cretino! S' informi! > (You are a jerk. Get informed!)
Totó: < Ho paura, quello é un deputato> ( I'm afraid that's a congressman! )
Totó:
----------------------Totó used to play with words a lot, so it is difficult to translate the meaning into other languages.
If he had been an English speaker he would have achieved the same popularity as Charlie Chaplin. A genius!
I don't speak Italian, but the chicken joke is still funny in English.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux:
One morning Thibodeaux was sitting on his dock enjoying the sunrise when Boudreaux pulls up in his boat filled with duct tape. Thibodeaux looks at him, and asks "what you doing with a boat full of duct tape?" Boudreaux replies "I'm going duck hunting! You wanna come?" "You can't hunt ducks with duct tape, and no I ain't coming" replied Thibodeaux. So Boudreaux leaves. Later in the day Thibodeaux sees Boudreaux fly by in his boat, and low and behold its full of ducks. "Well i'll be damned!" says Thibodeaux.
The next morning as Thibodeaux is enjoying the sunrise, Boudreaux pulls up in his boat again, this time with a boat full of gatorade. Sarcastically Thibodeaux says "Let me guess, you gonna catch gators with gatorade?" "Yep, you wanna come?" says Boudreaux. "You can't catch gators with gatorade...No I ain't coming!" So Boudreaux leaves. Later that day Thibodeaux sees Boudreaux fly by in his boat, and it was filled with gators. "Well i'll be damned!" says Thibodeaux.
The next morning as Thibodeaux is enjoying the sunrise, Boudreaux pulls up in his boat again....this time with a boat full of pussy willows. Thibodeaux thinks for a second and says..."Hold on let me get my hat"
From Spain :The accident
A special commission of Deputies from all parties was traveling on a bus to analyze the country's agrarian problems.
In one of the many curves, the bus driver loses control and falls down a ravine.
After a few hours, ambulances, the Civil Guard, and the Army arrive at the scene to try to help the injured, but they realize that there is no person among the remains of the bus.
Therefore the investigations begin.
The Civil Guard locates a house near where the accident occurred, and they go there to request information.
A peasant comes out of the house to receive them, and they ask him:
- Hey you! Did you see politicians who had an accident?
- Yes, yes I saw them! And I already gave them a Christian burial!
- Don't tell me they were all dead?
- Well... some said no, but you know how liars those people are!
GREATEST COMMENTARY HEARD SO FAR IN ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS, ALONG WITH THE FINEST DESCRIPTION OF THE DIFFERENCE IN SURRENDERING BETWEEN US AND QUEI MANGIA BAGUETTE CHE NON SI LAVANO IL CULO. 😂❤
22:29 S.Conqueror in the city calling out the AMX...lol
Perfection huh? You never worked on an 80's Fiat Claus.
WW2 humor?
"Nuts!"
German humor?
Bob Newhart on Carson.
I AM DIED from laughter!
That was a funny joke. Even funnier is Claus makes himself laugh. One of the funniest jokes was Peter Sellers, "Does your dog bite?" Catch you on the next one, buddy!
living in italy, trying to understand the humour. chicken & chocolate hilarious!
Someone's having a good hair day, enjoying your content.
Italian industrial stuff is famous for stylish, really nice looking crap. Even high-speed trains made by AnsaldoBreda (now Hitachi) were so bad we (the Dutch) had to send them back.
Exception for traditional hand-made goods, those are indeed very high quality.
I thought it was "Carro de Combatimento" (Combat Vehicle)
Hey Claus - Salvete, Clausius Romanicus - SPQR! So, you bring up THE MASTER: Well, first, the character of Figaro comes from the French polymath Beaumarchais. Second, there are TWO operas titled "The Barber of Seville" using the character of Figaro - one by Rossini (an Italian) and the other by Mozart, an Austrian. Then, of course, comes "The Marriage of Figaro," also by Mozart. All three operas are in Italian, but strangely, all three take place in or near Seville, Spain, so one wonders why all those Spaniards are taking and singing in Italian. The fix may have been in.
While the modern Italian army may have been questionable, consider the Roman Empire and compare it to the "empire" created by Alexander the Great. His empire was created in only a few years, lasted about 11 years until his death, and then crumbled as his generals fought among themselves. If you look at the entire span of the original and later versions of the Roman Empire it lasted upwards of 1700 years! It appears those ancient Roman Legionary went where they were told to go.
I want to buy some chocolate now and eat it. :)
German joke: Claus Kellerman is the one
You’re forgetting the French master comedian Jacques Tati
I think the joke is Hans Gruber, as played by a Canadian, explaining the difference between the Italians and the French. So that's what you look like with combed hair. Yippie-ki-yay!
I remember watching Victor Borge's sketches when I was little.
21 now and still enjoy them
My late fathers' favourite.
No much available back in the day, I only managed to buy a double VCD for him some 20 years ago, but it seems Borge didn't write a whole lot of material and simply toured with what he had already.
@@diatonicdelirium1743 I was pretty happy to discover that there are some of his sketches on Spotify as well and not just TH-cam. (When I was a teenager I didn't have access to TH-cam and so I listened to the ones on Spotify many times).
German military joke about the French and Italians: They don't need rear-view mirrors on tanks because that's the direction they're traveling in, lil tip to german humor, watch Loriot sketches.
Snow White is a German fairy tale.
A Hessian origin may be due to the strong influence of the Kassel storyteller Marie Hassenpflug on the Brothers Grimm. The Hessian local historian Eckhard Sander sees the fate of the Waldeck count's daughter Margaretha von Waldeck (1533-1554) as the basis for the fairy tale material and the young princess.[73] According to documents in the Bad Wildungen city archives, she was widely known for her great beauty and had a strict stepmother. When she was about 16 years old, her father, Count Philip IV of Waldeck, sent her to the Imperial Court of Brabant in Brussels. In this way she was to be married to a prince. Margaretha traveled over the Siebengebirge. But difficulties arose when several high-ranking personalities such as Count Lamoral von Egmond and the heir to the throne Philip tried to get Margaretha. Her health became noticeably worse. She finally died on March 13, 1554 at the age of 21.However, I think Wilhelm Busch's stories about Max and Moriz are much funnier than the Brothers Grimm's bloody tales. Greetings from Germany.
for to say, thanks for the video Claus!
The movie "Catch 22" has some good perspective on the way Italians think, but It's just a movie, based on a book....
Based on a war.
Don't know where this is going.
How do Germans tie their shoes?
Little knotsies.
Excellent plumbers too
Carro da Combattimento means "fighting tank".
the English translation made me laugh.
Claus, have you started drinking early in the morning?
Stay cool dude..
Irish joke: Only coffee may be served in restaurants in Gaeltacht areas. Apparently there’s a ban on tea.
Fun fact: i was involved in the first industry scale "fresh" pasta production in Denmark, was a huge success, still is, 😂
Mamma mia Claus them’s a spicy a meat balls - good vid your Italian jokes way better than any WOT game.
That was hilarious😂😂😂 at least to my german sense of humor