Well the brother of op was the asshole since the beginning and emily is too for being that clueless, op doesn't have to spend or get to know his niece if he doesn't want to, if op was a girl she wouldn't get an asshole score
It's awesome that you are willing to admit when you might be wrong. Love your videos. Also there seems to be someone in the comments pretending to be you and saying people won a prize. I left a comment and this guy left a "you one a prize" comment. Even has you rslash icon.
Yeah. It was weird to me that you have said in the past people are not required to have relationships with their nieces and nephews, and then ream OP for it.
On story 1, the bro isn’t a pervert. Based on the reaction he had at the end, he was actively trying to cause his brother to get a divorce, probably to feel better about his own. He’s a sociopath
There is a smaller update that rslash didn't read: So before I provide an update on this situation. It's worth noting that my BIL used to do this with the bedroom too but at least I'm not always exposed in the bedroom.
I'm gonna be honest. If that was my brother, sleeping with the girl I had a crush on, after I told him that in confidence, I would not or could not be a part of their lives. It sucks for the niece. It sucks for the girl. But this is not just a blatant violation of the bro code, but a massive violation of trust between us, potentially irreparable damage. Not saying OP isn't the Asshole, but this is way too complex for a simple AITA post. Honestly sounds like he and his brother need therapy.
Yeah it’s a sucky situation and I don’t blame op for being uncomfortable and wanting to wash his hands of them both. The weird thing about the post for me and why I’m not as sympathetic toward OP is that he never really said one word against his brother. It was all about wanting Emily to go away and avoiding them to avoid Emily etc etc. When she didn’t actually do anything wrong. Like you said, it was the BROTHER who betrayed him and who I would actually be upset with in that situation. He should be madder at his bro instead of bitter over her, and the first half of the post did sound hella nice guy/incel lmao. They need therapyyyyyyyyyyy
@@holyfreakinBLEACH it's basically like the brother cheated on him. It also sounds as though the brother never said anything to him, or that they never talked afterwards.
His brother's action is betrayal. I have had a girl friend who claimed to be a best friend go after a guy who showed interest in me who i was really interested in. I felt like her behavior was a gut punch I had thought she was my friend. I couldn't stand being in the presence of their onenof them after that.
@@holyfreakinBLEACH I agreed. It stinks of sexism and incel-like thought processes. She never knew he liked her. She didn't do anything but fall in love with the perso who actually expressed romantic feelings. His brother on the other hands was a jerk. But he decides to take it out on HER while she is grieving. And then he says "she sent" people to harass him, while she probably only told people what happened and they came to the right conclusion that he was being an asshole and decided to speak up. He sucks. He sucks for thinking he deserved Emily's love. He sucks for taking it out on his niece and Emily. And he sucks for telling a grieving friend, who has no idea of how he felt all those years that she doesn't matter to him like before because she married his brother. He sucks.
Out of all the rooms in the house, I think the bathroom needs a lock. Also why didn't the brother in law knock on the door first? I feel like the brother in law did it on purpose because he doesn't like op and wanted the marriage ruined.
Every bathroom I've had has had a lock. The only thing I could see as a reason for *not* having a lock is if someone in the house is known for doing things like drugs or... Ahem, self no heart beat attempts.
My bathroom door doesn’t have a lock bc the door is broken and I haven’t been able to replace it yet. In two years with three ppl in the house there has NEVRR been an issue with a human barging in (cats are rude as hell though). Brother was being rude on purpose.
All the bathrooms in this house have a lock. Anybody who uses the bathroom is welcome to use the lock, without judgement, for any reason. There are any number of activities that occur in the bathroom I don't want to walk in on as they occur. They're entirely natural, normal, and reasonable things. I just don't wish to see them when others are doing them.
Story 3 - so, you're just gonna completely ignore that "Emily" 1) went to someone that she hasn't had any connection with in a decade, 2) who actively distanced themself from her life, 3) used them as an emotional crutch (instead of talking to, y'know, her *HUSBAND* who presumably vowed to be there "in sickness and in health", blah blah), 4) springs the whole "why aren't we still friends" question on them right after unloading all her emotional baggage onto them for an hour, and 5) gets a whole buncha people to hound OP when they don't give her the answer she wants to hear? Really? Like, bruh. Don't call OP incel-y if you're gonna ignore her pretty clear sense of entitlement to a friendship that doesn't exist anymore.
It may be incel behavior to end a friendship because she gets with someone else, but it’s better to do that than feel entitled and cause drama. He’s not being entitled and causing drama, she is.
@@RealCoolstriker64 L take. He set no clear boundaries that the friendship ended. No real defining event happened that would communicate their friendship ended. She had a reasonable expectation that they were still friends. He ran away like a coward to avoid dealing with reality. She probably just thought they grew apart. He is definitely the issues here. He didn't give her what she wanted so he IS holdling a grudge and is NOT over it or her or else he would have responded with empathy like a normal human being. A random stranger would have provided more empathy than he did.
@Blackwind_Legacy, would you be happy if your brother got with the girl you loved, and then you distanced yourself. It's not his job to talk to her, but if she can not see that him trying not to talk to them three right after they got together is a clue, then she deserves it.
3rd story. Op cuts out the backstabbing brother and his ex-crush out of his life. I don't know what she expected from someone who clearly wasn't her friend afterwards. Honestly if she had dated anyone else I could see op getting over it but nah that's an atomic bomb to the heart.
I'm just puzzled is how easily the husband allowed the BIL to ruin his marriage so easily. On the first incident I would have warned him, on the second one I would have punched him the face and threw him out. Job done. Something is going on between the BIL and Husband like they're planned this together or something
It's exactly what he was doing. That BiL is an incel who but hurt that his ex wife wouldn't tolerate his crap and is salty that OP's (stbex) husband isn't suffering like him.
BIL gets to ruin his brothers marriage and perv at the same time. Sounds like it was planned. Poor OP needs to see that she was never going to be accepted and safe in her own home.
Never said emily owed him shit. Yall prolly forgot that the man who went for Emily was his fucking brother. WHO KNEW that he wanted to be with Emily. Is his distance from his niece wrong? Definitely. Is his coldness towards Emily right. Probably not. The problem is Is brothers betrayal here
Emily is a terrible person for sleeping op's brother and op's brother is a terrible person for sleeping with his brothers crush after op confided in him on what to do. Op made it obvious he want nothing to do with them and yet op is the ass hole? Op was betrayed by his 2 closest people as a kid and as a result ended up with major emotional damage and probably trust issues that further set him back in his ability to socialize. How is that incel like when it is literally what causes people to become incels lol wtf
He does not owe her a friendship, but that doesn’t make him any less of an AH in this situation. He could have brought this up years ago, and he could maybe get therapy for this long-term grudge he’s got going on.
@@Tustin2121? You'd be cool with your friend fucking your sister/brother without saying a word to you? You'd be cool with your sister/brother fucking your crush after you confided in them. OP doesn't seem to be holding an unreasonable grudge, I wouldn't trust them completely again either.
"You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." He already broke two of the ten commandments. He stole the passport and lied about it and he still has the audacity to "ask god for guidance"???? "My husband loves everyone" my ass. OP is stupid if she continues to stay with such a tool.
Story 3: I have to disagree with that. She doesn’t owe him a relationship but suddenly he owes her friendship? He doesn’t owe her anything so I don’t get why he should give a shit about her
The story with Emily and OP is fairly relatable to me. I say that because my brother not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES has successfully found out who I had a crush on, gotten close to them, and then dated them. A couple months and he'd get rid of them, usually harshly or ghosting entirely, and it physically hurts me to this day to think of each of my close friends whose mental health was ruined because of his lack of actual care for them. And each time it wrenched me and that friend apart from one another, even when we'd seemed inseparable. That story was just so saddening and all too relatable for me.
@@Djkenna1d eventually I somewhat forgave him, learned to mostly forget as it's really in the past as of now. Though I still remember how it hurt, I've come to realize he genuinely had no clue what he was doing.
honestly? if family members demand i let them watch me pee, malicious compliance time, piss in front of them out in the open, make it awkward for everyone
I suspect the ‘discomfort’ comes from the perspective of being locked out of someone else’s affairs rather than the locks themselves. Unless hubby has some undisclosed childhood trauma around them, seems like a control/mistrust thing.
Same. Don't people usually have locks on the bedroom door? I don't know how common it is to have a lock on the bathroom door, but It's not out of the ordinary. Might be wrong here, but I wonder if people who are "uncomfortable" with locks have some kind of control issues.
@@Toaster-draws You're right, control issues is the biggest reason why people claim they are "uncomfortable" with locks. Sure there could be other reasons, like someone being afraid being trapped, having PSTD or something along those lines, but the OP would have mentioned that was the reason if it was. The BIL is doing this on purpose, as we all know.
Honestly same, that screams red flags to me. Everyone is entitled to privacy in their own home. I personally don’t get why he is against locks especially when shit like this happens
@@asmith8692 even if he was, he is now subjecting his wife to sexual harassment which, if the brother is a creep, it can escalate which endangers the wife. Having trauma is an explanation, not an excuse. Especially when he's adding onto the pain his brother is inflicting on her with emotional and verbal abuse.
Story 2: StepDad is yet another "I hate my wife's kids from a prior relationship" type who only wants them around to watch the kids that are biologically his.
it's a big difference between making somebody laugh at their own actions and mocking somebody for their actions. with any luck the fact that the little one recognized that she was portraying the dad will make dad reconsider what he presents to the family every night. seeing himself through the eyes of the innocent and all that.
BIL in story one makes me think he wants his brother's marriage to fail because his did. Misery wants company. Might be best for OP, though. I would never be able to trust my husband again if he just let his brother invade my privacy like that. I would be scared how far it would go
I'm just puzzled is how easily the husband allowed the BIL to ruin his marriage so easily. On the first incident I would have warned him, on the second one I would have punched him the face and threw him out. Job done. Something is going on between the BIL and Husband like they're planned this together or something
@@RobGMun go to the story its so lesser up, turns out BIL cheated and OPs husband supported him and blames his ex SIL who was dealing with a terrible pregnancy and stillbirth The family doesn't support him due to his crap, OP needs to get away from these toxic idiots
It’s a shame that he went away to think about it (or stew) and came to the conclusion that the daughter owed him an apology and there was no ‘validity’ to her perception.
"You're invalidating everything I do!". He's literally invalidating what his wife does everyday he comes through that door. That's on par with people screaming "my opinions!" after going at someone for their opinions. If they lack the self awareness to see their hypocrisy, show them, if someone can't take what they dish out then draw attention to that as well. This level of harsh reality is needed sometimes for people to realize that they're the issue
Ok after reading most the comments I have not found anyone that agrees with R/ on the third story, Including myself so that does make me biased. But the biggest AH rating I saw someone else give him was 1/5 and most were NTA. OP is still polite and doesn't ignore his SIL and niece but simply doesn't want a close relationship which is completely fine, especially since they don't live in the same state.
I think I agree on 1/5. It’s technically hurtful for Emily and his Niece. However I fully believe op did the best choice for himself and others. Emotions cant work logically, and pretending would have not helped anyone. However the brother is fully the AH in this situation.
I could see that if he blamed his brother for the situation, but he didn’t mention blaming his brother at all in the story. For some reason he blames Emily, Emily had no idea that this guy was in the friendship to try to get with her, so when he randomly starts ignoring her without any explanation that’s a massive a-hole move. Not blaming his brother at all comes off as OP being extremely misogynistic and immature. So I’d give OP at the very minimum 4/5 because being a misogynistic pos and destroying your childhood friendship because of that is an absolutely awful thing to do.
Step 3: NTA; while it isn't Emily's fault that OP was hurt that she didn't return his unspoken feelings, it is on her for trying to shame OP for not being her friend anymore. The fact that OP is doing the healthy thing to keep his distance but also remain respectful when distance is impossible instead of being an AH about everything is the response women claim they want their guy friends to have in these cases, so it's pretty shitty she cannot respect OP's feelings and leave him alone. And no, I don't see OP being hurt as unhealthy, even though he never revealed his feelings to the girl, his hurt is clearly in that his brother hooked up with his crush and that is what actually ruined his friendship with Emily.
She just lost her father. She most likely never knew anything was wrong between her and OP. So on top of losing her father, she is ambushed by OP no longer wanting to be friends with her anymore having no idea what she did to him. OP's motive was not being responsible, his motive was his grudge against her that he's been holding for years before snapping at her. OP still hates Emily for what his brother did. His brother betrayed him and he's been taking it out on Emily. OP waited until Emily's father died to tell her that he no longer wants to be friends.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 WTF are you on? OP put distance between himself and Emily and years later, she tries to force him back into a friendship he clearly ended after his brother scorned him by hooking up with her knowing she was OP'S crush, so OP was respectful and put distance berween them both instead of being resentful. Clearly Emily never touched bases with OP before this and I can understand she might have missed that he showed all the signs of no longer considering her a friend, which he clearly did so he didn't lash out since it wasn't her fault he never got to tell her how he felt and OP clearly respected she had a relationship with his brother. Like, he got hurt by his brother and didn't take it out on her, doesn't mean he has to stay friends with her. And she waits YEARS before reaching out to him, that's on her. Doesn't make her an AH, but regardless of why she reached out, it took her years to do it, and yet she expects OP to still be her best friend? That just isn't how people work.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 She's married. If she can't turn to her husband, she married the wrong man. I'm not saying OP was right, but if there was anything I couldn't turn to my wife about, I would wonder why we're married. Further, OP tried to make a clean break. Just as OP isn't entitled to Emily's affection, Emily isn't entitled to OP's affection.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 i beg to differ, its not like she never knew what was wrong with op, she didn't care about him when she was on op's brother and didn't care at all the whole marriage. Its kinda hard to for him to bond with his nephew because that child represents the love between them and always the question wanders "what if she and i..." but it never happen. It was when she lost her father when she started to remember how wonderful their friendship was for her. At the end, op just put himself above of her so that is why she get upset, "back we were child..." that was a life ago, when he had feeling something for her and living that experience again may be painful. He doesn't own anything to her, since she married his brother and Liam should take care of her feelings as husband.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 She was the one that went to her BIL she wasn’t close to in over ten year for emotional support. She’s the one that pushed the subject and OP answered he truthfully. Might’ve been a harsh response but she was the one that pushed the subject. OP can’t give her the emotional support he gave when they kids and he had a crush on her. Even if he didn’t have a crush on her, relationships change whether you want it or not.
I love how the "dedicated" husband is such a "devout" man that he doesn't think twice before STEALING and LYING to his own family's face. I bet God's really happy about that one.
Story1: the brother Is definitely sabotaging the op's marriage but ironically he's accidentally doing op a favour, her husband clearly doesn't respect her boundaries and is a hypocrite when she tries to set any. Back to the brother, he decides to show his dissatisfaction with op's marriage in the worst way possible by gaslighting her about being childish for wanting basic boundaries as well as pretty much being a pervert by barging in even when she's showering! Actually, looking at how quick op's husband was to defend his brother every time as well as blowing up about the lock only after it was placed, not objecting it when op ssid they would do it and the brother's attitude to immediately offer to take op to her parents makes me think this might have been a them setting up op for a break-up whilst remaining the "better persons"
I was looking for this. I absolutely believe that’s exactly what happened. There’s no way it’s a coincidence husband doesn’t like locks and brother doesn’t respect boundaries.
If Liam weren't OP's brother, that OP confided in about his feelings before he hooked up with Emily, I would agree with you. OP would feel completely differently if it was anyone else but his brother and that is UNDERSTANDABLE. The asshole of that story is Liam, who should have talked to his brother before moving forward with a girl he knew his brother was in love with. The only thing OP should have done differently was explain to Emily that it's his brother's fault, not hers, that he feels as he does.
Not to mention that nobody is owed free therapy. OP and Emily were friends and at some point they stopped being friends. That is just something that happens.
@@insu_na truth. Why he still needs to be her friend? Being absent for the neice, sure that asshole move. Not helping the mom who he used to have sexual attraction to is just keeping the marriage between her and his brother secure.
This is assuming that the brother DID know before he was hooking up with her. OP is clearly pretty private about talking about this at all with anyone, so Liam might not have known beforehand. Liam is still an AH for not using protection.
First story: At least she figured out where she stands when it comes to her husband. Dead last. I bet if BIL tried to come onto her, she would be the one to be blamed.
BIL was divorced because he was cheating on his wife. OP's husband supported BIL and went as far as to accuse BIL's ex wife of not trying to fix their marriage.
Story 1: Some more info to consider. It was her husband's idea to not have any locks. Also, her BIL is staying with them because he cheated on his wife with a woman 10 years younger, and his brother (her husband) backed him up during the divorce. Her husband said his SIL needed to get her sh*t together and be a better wife, since she had a STILLBIRTH a year ago and hadn't gotten over it. Her husband is just as much of an AH as the BIL. She needs to dump the whole man 🗑 🚮
WHAAAAT?! I'm willing to bet if OP's Hubby will overlook a cheater and say such horrible things about the victim of the cheating that Hubby is probably going to (if he isn't already) cheat on OP. I hope OP ran and divorced
3rd story: you judged OP as someone who got mad because he did not get what he wanted from Emily, but he sucked up his pride and was polite while being forced into interactions with her for the sake of family. Emily got mad because she did not get what she wanted from OP. OP is not the AH. You're right that Liam broke bro code rule #1
While I agree he owes her nothing, I disagree with you. He was acting very incel like, and then is actively avoiding a relationship with his niece. He may not have said anything, but he sure as hell didn't swallow his pride. He acts like he's conpletely in the right and he should've gotten emily even though he try to make that known to emily before she started dating the brother. Which, AH on the brother's part, for breaking bro code. But Emily is by far not in the wrong. To her, her BIL is her friend, and it isn't bad to expect op to be a good friend. He did indeed kicked her while she was down. Why couldn't he wait to break the friendship, or end it sooner? OP TA
@@Cookies_Jar I didn't say Emily was TA. She has a right to feel upset. Even if she didn't notice her friend pulling away for 7 years. The brother is TA alone, imo. OP moved on and avoids his toxic brother. Nobody is entitled to your time and friendship. And you don't have to be a good friend to someone you haven't been friends with since you were a child. It doesn't make someone TA. Just like thinking someone is your friend when they aren't doesn't make you TA either. Most friendships don't end with a clear break up.
3rd story. He isn't distant because of a non existing relationship with the mother. He can't get over what he sees as a betrayal from his brother. And the niece is a living proof that the brother slept with the girl he knew OP was into.
People are saying he’s bitter and resentful because he can’t have her because OP is an entitled Incel. To me it seems like OP was hurt because his brother betrayed him. It’s understandable why OP distanced himself from his brother to get over his betrayal.
On the story of Emily and the ten years and stuff. I don't see OP as the butthole. Maybe with a smaller score, because yes, Emily needed someone. BUT it's been ten years, he is not obligated to be emotionally supportive to a person he does not feel close to. He does not love her anymore, he just feels detached from her. I have been there, where people holds me in high regard for some reason I don't understand, and they expect me to be there in every single bump of the way. It's exhausting!! It's a sort of "Dude, I am so so so SO sorry you are going through this. But seriously I DON'T CARE! You are not my friend, you are not my family, once you were important, you are not anymore. I DON'T want to support you, and listening to you exhaust me!!" However, me being me, I never say anything and just listen and listen and listen and give advice. I am freaking dying inside, bored beyond reason, but I stay because that person needs someone to help them, and they choose me. So yeah, I would never do what OP did and just tell them to please stop using them as emotional support. But I do see where he is coming from.
I feel like his brother deserves some bh score due to him knowing about ops crush and then either not saying anything when he was banging her or then deliberately going and banging her after hearing about the crush
I think the problem is in the instance, they ARE family. But I do agree, if he doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with her he shouldn't have to. That is what her husband is for. However. I do find it weird that he's being super cold to his niece too? I dunno. I feel mixed 😆.
I have the same issue, usually it's not super bad cuz they usually do have others but one friend of mine will come over or call day after day after day like a broken record over something and when it hits day 4-5 I tell him I need a break from him.
2nd story: As someone who literally went to school to be a pastor and is working to become the type of person who can properly handle the level of responsibility such a station demands and necessitates: that husband is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUT OF LINE AT EVERY SINGLE LEVEL OF ANALYSIS!!! YES! HE ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO FAST! CLEARLY, he needs THE Father to teach him HOW TO BE A FATHER!
3rd story with Emily, personally I think OP isn’t a butthole. He distanced himself and he was still being cordial. He doesn’t have to be friendly with his niece, no matter how stupid of a reason. He doesn’t owe Emily any comfort likewise she doesn’t owe him a relationship.
Sounds like the kid in the last story was really clever. First tried to talk to him. Then acted it out for everyone to see. Sometimes people don't see until they can observe it. And awesome it was emphasized by one of the little ones, that all the kids observe this every day. I suppose the parents may have an unsaid agreement that their arguing, they don't take personally. But they aren't the only two people in the house.
Last story, hubby used to be like that until he had to get surgery and was stuck at home for a month. He saw what I did every day caring for the kids and house. After a week, he looked at me in amazement and said, "I don't know how you do it!" He never complained again. It seems he convinced himself that all I did was 10-20 minutes of work then just relaxed.
On the third story I disagree completely. First nobody is obligated to listen to anybody if they don't want to, second there is no time limit for you to get over someone, considering there are probably more emotions at play than just having a crush on somebody (regret, self hate, embarrassment etc.) and lastly few could ever get over a betrayal like that, I think it's justified to not want to be reminded every time you are with your family that your brother stabbed you in the back. Remember that op never even got a long period of time away from them. I think 0/5 for op 0/5 for the girl and 3/5 for the brother
4 for me when it comes to the brother but, ya op and the girl git 0 from me too she didn't know though. I do think op should tell her the reason they can't be close again but, that may cause more harm than good.
1/5 for OP because he's being a bit of an Incel at the beginning (although I'm willing to think a lot of people were "nice guys" in their teens). But he's absolutely free to not want to be as close to the woman he used to love and lost to his brother's betrayal. Regarding the niece... That's collateral damage because you can't have a relationship with just a kid and never meet the parent. i'm not comfortable giving the girl a butthole score because I don't know enough about her. We're never told that she knew OP had a crush on her so as far as she's concerned OP who was her best friend and support animal for all this time suddenly began growing distant and cold towards her. Avoiding spending time around her and missing her wedding. Maybe she had a clue but we're never told she was straight up told the reason. And yeah, if you're in a happy marriage with a good person you really should go to your partner first for emotional support rather than another man. But she's not an asshole for that. Brother gets I guess 2/5 because he broke the Bro code and what not. It sounds like he was quite the skirt chaser and good at it so there probably wasn't a need to go after his brother's crush specifically. There's also the fact that he doesn't seem to be a good enough husband to be his wife's emotional support rock but that's a whole other basket of pears.
@@GamerGrovyle OP doesn’t sound like an incel because he never stated he felt like he was owed a relationship. OP felt betrayed by brother because he was hooking up her after OP told him he had a crush on her. He sounds more naïve in first part than anything else.
@@GamerGrovyle just because he had an incel-like mentality doesn't mean he is an asshole. He didn't act as he was owed anything from the girl. To me even if someone think like a douchebag as long as they keep it to themselves I don't care.
Seems he takes it out more on the girl than his brother but I'm still on his side. I dont think I could get over that even if shes blameless in not knowing.
For story 1: Why do I get the feeling the BIL is doing that on purpose.... Like he as some weird bro thing and he is jealous about the attention. Or maybe he is low key trying to break up his brother marriage to try and get a chance at the OP...
You said it yourself Rslash, if your brother had a crush on a girl, you would be hands off forever. Well, it was OP’s brother, the one he confided in, who did what he did to him. That’s why he’s still salty 10 years after the fact. He’s not a A-Hole for being upset by that after so long. I had a similar situation happen to me with my best friend I had known since we were 6. (We were 29 when this happened) so we might as well have been brothers. Long story short, I didn’t talk to him for over 2 years. This was a guy who we couldn’t go 2 days without hanging out, talking, interacting, etc. And to make things worse, it was the second time he had done something like that to me.
Being mad at the brother is one thing, the girl didn't do anything wrong given she didn't know he had a crush. so to her shes being punished by someone she thought was a friend who turned cold for seemingly no reason
But he wasn't mad at his brother, he was mad at Emily. From everything he wrote, he sounds like a typical "nice guy" who complains about being "friendzoned" by women while other guys have sex with them. He should have taken his anger out on his brother, not her.
@@hmmtea7438 did you listen to the same story I did lol? The dude was hella cold to her at the end, just drifting apart from someone doesn't make you resentful towards them.
Is it not normal to have a lock on the bathroom in some households? Cause this seems to be an issue I've seen a lot on Reddit, about having locks on bathrooms. Virtually every house I have been in has locks on their bathrooms so this is surreal to me.
@@LedgerBalance Which is absolutely stupid. It makes you wonder what happened in the husband's past to give him an aversion to locked doors, but whatever it is isn't OP's problem.
And apparently the reason for the guy's divorce is that he cheated, and the husband backs him up and blames the wife for not wanting to work on it. (according to comments in the post).
Crush support is not the butthole at all. If she wants emotional support she should use her husband. The fact that she immediately uses everyone else to shame shows that shes always thought of him as hers to control.
You are setting yourself up for failure if the only person you have for emotional support is your spouse. Friends and family should be emotional support also. + given how op sees the situation, i almost gurantee that him saying she told people to tell him he was shitty for what he said is a onesided exaggeration because he feels like hes a victim. And if it isn't then shes in the wrong for that but also her dad died and her friend who she cared about is being cold for reasons she has no knowledge of cause given the context, she never knew he had a crush on her.
Yup. She's being using him all along. She knew full well what he wanted, she just never came clean because she wanted to use him some more. People saying she's not TA are idiots.
@@sirlord7145 i don't see how you could possibly be so sure how someone is/what the want/what their intent is. When they are being described to you from one persons very negatively biased point of view. I think thats idiotic.
Honestly for story 1…I’d have tricked the brother in law by running the shower and once he came in, be standing there with a stun gun and let him know if he did it again, he’d be pissing several thousand volts
You are more forgiving than I......if I had gone through with your plan I would do just a slight change.....I would plan it so that I can pretend that I thought I was home alone.....so that the stun gun wouldn't have to be a warning....I would zap him full on, and then be like "I thought it was a burglar" guess you should learn to knock. But it wouldn't get that far with me, because the first time it happened and my "partner" didn't stand up for me and freak out more than I am, my other half would be in deep doodoo and would not enjoy life until his brother was better behaved or gone.
Na, baseball bat, and he would be peeing blood for a week. If he did it again, he would wake up in the hospital a week later. However OPs husband is a red flag maker.
The other distinction when it comes to a stay at home partner and one who works a job, the stay at home partner is never "off the clock". The person with the job comes home and goes "I WORKED SO HARD AND NOWS MY TIME TO RELAX" while not realizing their spouse has been working all day too, and IS STILL WORKING when they get home. They NEVER get that time to rest and "clock out".
It really depends on the caliber of the stay at home partner, if they're actually keeping the house in great shape and running the household sufficently well to make life easier on the out of house spouse then that is a solid 100 percent stay at home spouse. My spouse formally stayed home and frankly was a terrible housewife she even agrees with me on that one. It was INCREDIBLY frustrating for me at the time. Not everyone is wired to be "self motivating" enough to be a good stay at home spouse. Also even for people that are great house spouses let's face it they get multiple hours a day to chill after their kids are older than toddler age and especially if they go to school. Now is the husband being a baby? Sure but it could be that he tried "kinder" methods for years and got nowhere.
Story 2: "Maybe it's a sign from Gawd." Gotta love how he's using his faith to control his children, step-children, and wife, including using that faith to paint his wife as a villain for showing "disrespect and control"
He likes to use his God cheat code for an easy way out. Who's going to question someone religious when they say "it's what God wants"? Nobody ever does, and clearly OP didn't question it either. We can't say God's name in vain, but some religious people, like OP's husband, use God to get what they want. Yes, very religious indeed, hmmm. 🤔
There’s something really weird going on between OP’s husband and BIL, I can’t imagine a scenario where someone’s brother repeatedly barging into a bathroom while his wife is showering doesn’t end with hands being thrown.
@@DeadDancers In another comment it's said that there is more to the story in further comments Rslash didn't read. Apparently the brother also cheated on his wife and that's the reason of separation. Op's husband is the only one who stood behind his brother, being supportive. Even putting the blame on the ex wife of his brother because she apparently didn't do enough to fix things, and this all seems to have happened while the ex wife was dealing with a bad pregnancy that ended in stillbirth. The guy was cheating during that time and Op's husbands back his brother on all this. So well, something is definitely weird...
BIL got divorced because he was cheating on his ex wife. OP's husband was the only person who supported him and actually blames ex-wife for not trying to fix the marriage.
Story 3: NTA, OP isn't obligated to console anyone. The brother hurt OP so bad he had to cut of contact with his brother and crush. OP doesn't deserve a butthole score at all. Besides who runs to get comfort from someone who has nothing to do with them for years.
Exactly. Emily hasn’t talked to OP in about a decade. Why is she running to him now? It’s not his responsibility, and she has a husband. Why isn’t she crying to him?
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
I can agree with your comment, but the fact that Emily didn't have anything to it and OP still didn't want to contact her when possible, it makes me a little mad So, I think a 2.5/5 is a nice spot for OP
@@molly-molly925 I disagree. Being around her means he might have to be around his butthole brother. If she is having trouble with OP not being in her life, then that's on the brother. OPs brother knows why OP isn't in the picture and has said nothing to Emily. It probably hurts to be around her. If OP was a women, R/slash would have been completely on his side.
I dont know if the story specificied but I interpreted story 3 as his brother hooked up with his crush AFTER he asked for advice, and regardless of it, he still hooked up knowing it. His behavior towards his neice is a bit much but I'll give NTA because he was courteous the whole time. But I agree he needs therapy to properly get over it.
@@Dragonmaster0118 His brother did a nasty thing & at some point OP should've grown up & confronted him privately about it. He need to heal from the betrayal & move on, part of that is actually looking the person in the face who betrayed you & telling them they're a scumbag for what they did. Gives them the opportunity to apologize or to not. Instead of shying away forever. Still has nothing to do with Emily.
@@paigehansen8944 staying away is likely better for his own mental and emotional well being we don’t know if he called the douche bag out on what he did or not later I’m going to try and find the original post look for any context that was left out here.
Story 3: sure, he was immature and missed his chance to ask Emily out and someone else did. But can we acknowledge that that “someone else” was his god dang brother who he also asked for advise about how to deal with his Emily-crush? As I see it he got hurt more by his brother, distanced himself from Emily because it was a painful and awkward situation. He broke up their friendship. And that girl still clings on to their old friendship. At this point it’s her who needs to let go and realize that he doesn’t want much to do with her and her family! It sucks for her, but I bet it sucked for him too when all this went down (even if she didn’t know about his feelings back then). OP doesn’t deserve a butthole score, this poop-storm is all on Emily (for telling people op doesn’t wanna be her friend after 10 years of him actively avoiding her) and his brother (for sleeping with his brothers crush).
Honestly I agree however OP could have handled the situation of Emily asking for him to listen to her a little better, like he could have said that he didn’t want to talk with her and maybe even explain the reason, doesn’t necessarily make him the AH but he wasn’t completely faultless in this
@@kingofspades9720 OP was trying his best to be empathetic. That should not earn him an asshole score. Dude was just being honest and didn't want to deal with her. If he's still hurt about his brother betraying him like that and still sad about a missed chance, that's his prerogative. He never did anything harmful to the family, he just didn't engage with them. Despite Rlsash constantly saying it, he seems to forget that you can choose your family and he decided not choose his asshole of a brother, his old crush and a niece he doesn't want to be an uncle too. All of that is his choice and he never signed on for any of that, yet here you sit on your throne giving him an ahole score because he was only polite when she asked for his help?
@@MarkoArillius I completely agree with most of that however my point was that if he chose to just not deal with her/his brother then he should have just done that and not went over to listen to her, because if he was just going to be cold to her then why do it in the first place, I understand trying to be empathetic, but he cant have it both ways with both trying to not have them in his life and also be there to listen to them, because that just led to her being more hurt because of OP. He wasn't "only trying to be polite when she asked for his help", he was rude and mean during her time of need, sure he did listen to her, but that was pretty much the extent of what he did positively for her, if he knew that he wouldn't be as supportive as he once was and as supportive as she needed during this time then he should have done what he said to her and let her husband be the one that listens to her instead of OP because he wasn't able to give almost any of the support he once had. TLDR; If he wanted to be supportive then he should have done that, if he wanted to leave them alone and do his own thing then he should have done that. not both
Yo R/Slash, that first story is worse than you think. It's not that the brother-in-law doesn't care, but rather is actively working to cause problems. He's going through a divorce, and doesn't like to see another happily married couple in his daily life. He probably thinks that if he can't be happily married then why should his brother and sister-in-law.
Story one: You can't tell me the brother isn't doing this on purpose to break OP and their husband up, bringing both brothers into the same situation. I don't know what he thinks he will gain, shared misery or if he has turned mgtow and in his twisted mind tries to "liberate" his brother, but the update makes clear that he wants OP out of the picture.
Thank you! The brother is 10000% an ah! Op, once he realized she was taken bowed out freaking gracefully! Hes still polite! He just doesn't want anything to do with the girl, or his brother. There's nothing wrong with that. Smh.
For the first story. You're missing the key fact, bro in law wants to see her naked, and when offering her a ride and saying they need space, he was indirectly trying to get with her. Of course he's been indirect, he always will be. Because when it's time to blame he can easily deny things as other pos do. He wasn't confused on why things are happening or how they could be avoided, he wants them to split so he can have his shot
It always seems weird to me when people barge into bathrooms claiming that they thought nobody was in there. Where the hell are all these houses with soundproofed bathrooms and why aren't I living in one of them?
You've got a choice of idiot or liar with this one. I'm leaving out deaf because most people living with a deaf person would have some other notice the bathroom is currently occupied.
@@marjoriejohnston4905 Depends on the home. The bathroom in my apartment doesn't have any external windows, so it would be pitch black in there if I shut the door and kept the lights off.
Story 4 according to OP it’s been 11 years since he stopped talking to her. Now, imagine someone you haven’t seen *FOR AN ENTIRE DECADE* shows up at your house out of the blue and starts unloading their emotional baggage about their dead parent. That *alone* gives her a butthole score. Now imagine that person is your siblings partner. I wouldn’t have let her inside because I don’t wanna do my brother like that.
@@mariposa9506 he mentioned moving out of town and deliberately not going to their wedding and blaming traffic. He probably has been putting a fair amount of effort into avoiding them in general.
The one story with the OP and crush is so sad ngl. Like he wanted to talk to his brother for advice and sees them two like hanging out. I would feel devasted too NGL. Adding plausible issue here: OR ORRR OP WAS USED SO HIS CRUSH CAN GET CLOSE TO HIS BROTHER. It is very plausible though since these cases happen often.
As someone who once lived with a guy who had a chronic problem about opening doors without knocking. I stressed to him that "Hey, a woman who is not your blood relative, lives here now, so its a massive issue if you keep opening doors without knocking." He walked into our room while I was changing, and even once while I was on the can when I stressed more than once in the place we were visiting I know doesn't have a lock (which stressed me out immensely). And the fact that your husband won't get a lock for a bathroom is very alarming because its one of the most vulnerable places you can be inside in a house where no one wants to barge in to see anything unless they're a massive perv. And if they see this as you being a prude or too sensitive, than you have bigger problems. Besides... what kind of spineless husband can't step in to make sure his wife doesn't feel violated.
Disagree with you about the SIL story. He respected the relationship for 10 years by keeping his distance. He doesn't seem under the illusion that she would still pick him. That was squashed when she got pregnant. She also would have known he had a crush on her, so is being selfish by expecting him to be her shoulder to cry on. In most families, even without this history, SILs don't run crying to the BIL. That would raise eyebrows.
Story 3: NTA. OP had a crush that he confided to his brother. Instead of helping OP gain the confidence to ask Emily out, Liam instead hooks up with her, gets her pregnant, marries her, and expects OP to just be ok with it all. Liam is literally rubbing in OP's face that "this could have been your life". OP distancing himself from Liam, Emily, AND their child is just a means of protecting himself. Not just that, but opening himself up to being Emily's emotional crutch, OP would run the risk of Liam accusing him of trying to get with Emily behind his back and using OP's old crush on her as the reason for his suspicions. The only idiot in this entire situation is Liam.
Sorta thinking the same. OP should seek counseling to move on, but hasn't, so he's slightly an asshole. However. The brother has had ten years to make amends, but hasn't. Because he doesn't care. Because it doesn't affect him negatively. It majorly benefits him. Major asshole right there
THATS WHAT IM SAYING. Did everyone just ignore the part where op literslly tells his brother about his crush and immediately the brother goes to hook up with the girl? . Gets her pregnant? Was with her in secret so that op doesn’t know?. All this went over everyone’s head. That’s some major disrespect and not even I would trust you brother for anything if he did that. Literally that sounded like a setup so that op becomes some kind of villain 💀
Yeah Liam messed up, but Emily didn't do anything wrong, so it doesn't make sense that he went out of his way to assist the funeral, treat her coldly when he knows well she is vulnerable, and then when she is like "why tho?" ( Bc he decided to do this all on his own instead of just keeping on distance) he takes this chance to be bitter at her "yeah I have to announce in this specific situation that we are no longer friends, bye forever" couldn't have he waited or done it in any other moment? Yeah, so he is TA. I am all for him distancing from them, but keep it consistent.
Story 3 is definitely NTA, why should he be forced to stay close to his messed up brother and weird friend? He didnt go full incel, he just peaced out and let them be.
Imo he was only wrong to treat her coldly when her dad died, she never knew bro liked her and then wasn't the time. He had it rough tho normally the girl doesn't become your Sister in law. Not an incel, little bit of a Ahole but only for being cold , should've just never talked to her again 😂
@@bobtharealest3723 he doesn’t owe Emily anything! It’s not cold, it’s honest, and Emily is an oblivious idiot for thinking OP would care about her or her feelings. She can go cry to her husband
@@bobtharealest3723 nah, bruv. She came to OP, even though she's got a spouse to be her emotional support (a role OP hasn't filled in over a decade, mind you), and then just asks out of the blue why they're not friends anymore? And then sics a buncha people on him when he doesn't make nice? Yeah, something's fishy about her.
I have three sisters and one brother. I would never, ever, ever hook up with someone they had a crush on. Ever. The sibling bond, when healthy, is such a special thing. I feel so honored when one of my sibs wants to share something vulnerable with me. Yeah, we razz each other and tease each other, but we never intentionally do anything to make each other feel humiliated or hurt. Your sibs can often see your best strengths and your worst weaknesses and help you to be a better person. It honestly makes me feel so sad when siblings treat each other poorly. They're squandering a treasure that only comes around once in a lifetime.
Story 3: Eh, I don't agree. I always believed telling people to "ugh move on" is unhealthy, like.. dude, you don't know the other person. Maybe the fact that his brother, his own blood, betraying him by going directly after the girl he had a crush on gave him trust issues? In my opinion, he should directly tell them exactly that. Like, "Listen, brother, the fact that you went after a girl I specifically told you I liked really hurted me, you can call me spiteful or whatever but you broke a code, I'm not cool with that, I can't see you in the same fashion anymore and I can't respect your relationship with your now wife. So for this exact reason I'll distance myself from you and your family, it's in my best interests and yours as well" Done and done! It's not on you to make it right with the person who hurted you. OP did wrong in not punching his asshole sibiling in the nose. I don't care if he wasn't dating the girl, CODES EXIST, PEOPLE.
story 3 I got a question why people say "if you are nice for girl it don't mean she need to give your body to you" but when girl is or was nice to you you need to give her your time /friendship/resources wtf. OP don't owe anything to her and is right she need to cry out into her husband or/and therapist
@@RedrumZombies but she was his friend up until he decided she wasn’t worth anything to him If he couldn’t have her romantically therefore he never actually cared for his so called crush because if he had he wouldn’t have been so cold to her for doing absolutely nothing wrong
@@RedrumZombies lol wut? You disagree with me and instead of trying to make a compelling argument you just come at me with the word ‘blind’? Wow you’ve totally bested me with that totally sick burn. 🤣
I think youre too hard on OP#3. He is under no obligation to have a relationship with anyone he doesnt want one with, brother, niece or SIL. He had a major crush on his childhood friend but all he did was distance himself until he was over her and he finally could move on and leave that behind him. What else is he supposed to do with his feelings? Continue to be in the friendzone? No. He handled it as best he could and didnt do anything toxic. And then, admittedly at a bad moment, he finally had it in him to tell his former crush, who doesnt get the hint or doesnt want to, that theyre not like that anymore and that his brother is the guy for that now. And her response is to call the entire family on him for that? The rSlash i know tells people off for that. OPs timing is bad, 1/2 butthole. SIL needs to get real. 1 butthole. Bro broke the bro code, i agree on that one. Stop calling people incels just because they have feelings. Cut the man some slack. You dont just become close friends again after a heartbreak like that. Hope OP can get more honest with his feelings in the future, for his sake.
Story 3: Emily is not entitled to her BIL's emotional labor, full stop. Dabney, you read enough Entitled People to see it is normal for people to go no/low contact with the people who hurt them.
But no he calls the dude an incel for developing feelings for a girl he had been friends with for years then sought out advice from his brother, who insisted of helping him chose to pursue her himself.
@@Dragonmaster0118 RSlash called him an incel because he said he wanted her to notice him. He completely ignored the fact that he was just a kid when he thought that. To me that not being an incel that’s called being young and stupid.
@@MrDoverfield THANK YOU. Not to mention Incel-ism would be him being like, "I DESERVE her!" Versus him not really working up the nerve, hoping she'd notice him, and THEN likely planning a move since he asked his brother for advice!
I agree that the OP has every right to go low/no contact as a result of this hurt, but communicating this to Emily is important too. At this point, Emily has no idea she is the reason that the OP is hurting so much. If OP could be honest with her before cutting contact, Emily might understand and keep her distance, and OP might have some of emotional closure.
Story 3: If Emily can't turn to her husband for support during her difficult time then there is something wrong here. OP kept a civil and non-toxic attitude with the actual AH brother and the blameless Emily. The one true victim here is the niece whom loses out on an uncle. Perhaps he could suck it up and be that uncle but expecting him to be a friend to his SIL isn't entirely reasonable. He is well within his right to interact or not here.
On the Emily story. Why does OP get a butthole score for not wanting to have a relationship with these people or their kid? Emily and his brother hurt him and he has chosen to be polite, but distant. OP owes Emily, his brother, and niece zero. If he doesn't want to be a part of their lives, that is his choice. To give him a butthole score for being honest and telling Emily that he is not the person that she needs to be talking to, is BS. Being "family" doesn't negate the feelings that OP has. He has the right to feel anyway he wants to, and no has the right to judge him for it.
These people who harassed OP to the point of him deleting his post and his Reddit account called OP an incel, but I'm pretty sure they're just projecting, none of their logic makes any sense to me or you for that matter.
but Emily is innocent in all of this He is a sucky friend for not even telling her about why he suddenly started ghosting her. Ofc nobody owes anyone anything but u kinda do when u r a human living in human society
@@rebma5 So we are to believe that in the past 10 years Emily and her husband have never discussed why OP is so distant. I'm certain she knows about OP's crush. And after 10 distant years she suddenly counts on OP as emotional support like in high school??? I don't understand why she even contacted him.
And hey, friends sometimes drift apart. They couldn't have been that close anymore if Emily didn't even notice him being distant before she needed his help.
@@rebma5 She's not innocent tho! It's just as fucked up for your best friend to sleep with your sibling as it is for your sibling to sleep with your crush! Why does everyone else get to make bad decisions and OP just has to deal with them and keep being a good little bitch boy to the 2 people that hurt him most in his life!? The answer is he doesn't.
A locking bathroom door is actually required by law in most places. Even In a privately owned home it’s required once it goes up for sale. This pair of brothers is behaving very strangely and definitely a warning flare for O. P.
i dont know about the 3rd story, im only 16 but in those years ive had people i loved (gf's,bf's,,etc) that faded into obscurity just to come back in my life, it hurts seeing them again, and trying to get along with them is harder to, but you can still be there for them, of course not like the same way, but you cna still be a ally, ig this all depends on how emily veiws op but i guess its just conflicting feelings
It’s been 10 years of silence from OP to Emily and his brother. I’m sure this is painfully obvious to OP’s parents, his brother and Emily herself. Op just wants to go live his best life without his brother and his wife. He doesn’t owe them anything.
@@RobDaCajun its sad too, the person that you once had feelings torwerds didnt like you, so then married your brother and now both of them are expecting you to be happy for them when a scar like that gets ripped open again and when your not? oh i know! lets get everyone on your back! therefore you can act happy
@@RobDaCajun why the hell would emily come back to cry afyer 10 years? Did she knew about his crush and cried to him so she would get validation, or is she denser than the ocean? AND why did she cried about it to his parents? She wanted conflict.
@@pros_0143 my speculation is 1. because she’s manipulative and 2. Because although she loves her husband. He isn’t the emotional support crutch that OP had been.
3rd story. Yeah he had a bit of akward childhood vibes and she never owed him any kind of relationship that he never even brought up. But his reaction to their relationship and the 10+ years of silence between them is more than enough of a valid answer to any question she may have. And I honestly have no idea why the relationship with the niece is even brought up at all. Who cares? He's not an asshole because he doesn't want to have relationship with a child of people he doesn't want a relationship with. I've got plenty of nieces and nephews, I can maybe name 2. And quite frankly don't really care to know them. Not my children and I don't have anything to do with their parents so why should I? People act like family means something when at the end of the day it's just the group who you happen to be born into. Family is who is there for you and makes real connections based off action and affection. I'm not religious but I've always stuck with that phrase, blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. Friends and people who choose to be in your life will be stronger support and more genuine than those who just happened to be born next to you. At least in my experience. Long story short, I think OP did nothing truly wrong and the girl is a bit more sinister than story makes it out to be. Pulling on heartstrings she severed years ago acting like everything is the same but full knowing that it's not. Not blaming her for cutting those strings but she damn well knows what happened 10 years after the fact. And to try to brush it off is a bit too one sided of a decision.
Story 1: OP, you and your husband need to keep an eye on BIL. Judging on the look of things, he's trying to ruin your marriage. But if your husband chooses to defend him then he has a choice. You or his brother.
3rd story: rSlash yet again got it wrong. He didn't read the part where OP confess his crush on the girl with his brother, and he hook her up anyway. If that is not betrayal, I don't think what else.
@@aduckofsomesort yes, she did do something. She knew OP was interested in her, And did not flat out tell him this was never going to happen. She wanted the older brother and she wanted OP as an “orbiter”. You can watch a ton of tick-tock‘s where women are upset that they lost their best friend. When they tell the dude they’re not interested in them that way. she should have respected his boundaries. He does not owe her anything. Just like she doesn’t owe him anything for her decisions. The main stance everyone is taking here is that these were the teen years and crap happens. so the rest of the family wants to rug sweep now. Because what is done is done. The parents want a happy family. The older brother wants a relationship with his younger brother. Emily wants her wussy best friend back. The only one who suffers here is OP. now to be fair OP deserve some of this punishment. He should have grown a pair and stated his intentions. Again what is done is done. Op needs to forgive himself, forgive his family, forgive Emily & Liam and go live his best life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean he has to live his best life with them though. OP needs to go to the gym, improve himself, step up his game and create his best life.
@@RobDaCajun Exactly. She doesn't owe him a relationship just because he was interested in her of course, but he doesn't owe her his friendship. OP is not the butthole, his brother is for hooking up with the girl he knew his brother liked. That's scumbag behavior, because he went to his brother for advice believing that his family would have his back.
Story 3: OP needs to finish getting over his crush, but he also needs to maintain some emotional distance with SIL. No man should be a BFF and "shoulder to cry on" for his brother's wife. This could never be the same relationship it used to be, even if he had behaved better all along.
The NTA commenters are saying she’s owed higher levels of emotional support than what he’s already gave her because she’s *might* think they’re still super close bbfs. After 10 years of low/ no contact she should know. He already gave his brother wife a shoulder to cry on. Demanding more emotional support than that from your spouses siblings is just inappropriate.
@@MrDoverfield I agree people were way, way too hard on the guy. It's not even evident to me that he hates Emily or is still in love with her either one. He may have initially pulled away to shield his heart, but then maintained that distance to either stay away from his brother (who absolutely betrayed him) or because he realized it's not wise to be BFFs with your brother's wife. When I was in school there was a boy I was good friends with and those feelings eventually turned romantic. When he dated another girl, I distanced myself as a form of protection, not out of resentment toward him or his girlfriend either one (who I also cared about). I no longer have feelings for the guy and have since gotten married, but if hypothetically my old high school crush started dating one of my sisters, I still wouldn't want to rebuild our friendship to what it had once been. Because it'd be weird and disrespectful to both my husband and my sister. It LOOKS shady to have a relationship with an in-law of the opposite sex that extends beyond occasional chats at family gatherings. Being in a grown up relationship means you can't have as close of friendships with people of the opposite sex as you had as a kid. Emily's emotional expectations toward OP now when they're both ADULTS is to me far worse that OP not having reasonable expectation towards a crush or knowing how to ask her out/get over her when he was a TEENAGER.
@@catstarsky4049 the NTA commenters are ignoring the fact that she demanding more closeness. They’re pretending like the SIL was just reaching out to old friend and OP took out all his anger out on his poor little sister in law.
TBF on the 3rd story, having OP actively distancing himself from his SIL his brother and his niece, while unhealthy, is actually not the worst option. Like, clearly, having OP around this family would likely result in SERIOUS issues.
Did you ever have a good friend who tried to just sneak out of the friendship because they fell in love with you without any hope of those feelings reciprocated, and when you tried to catch up with them, as they never gave you a hint about their problem, they reacted in a hurtful way? Because I did. It hurts a lot, and it's hard to get over.
@@IljaHordist goddamn, thank you!! So many folks are in here acting like this isn't unhealthy. Let old crushes lie. Ya'll didn't date, and if the other person never even knew there was an issue then why are you punishing them. This is soooo unhealthy. The two things I can give to the OP: at least he distanced himself rather than being a prick for a decade & yes her husband should be supporting her emotionally. Apart from that, dude needs help. Also weird that he seems nearly 0% upset with his brother. Maybe he left that stuff out due to character limits but it came off as him pinning the fault of this whole story onto Emily.
@@IljaHordist IMO responding in a hurtful way is the only bad part about the distancing. We can't control who we fall for or if they like you back. But op should've never responded to her coldly "go to your husband" 🙄 She did nothing wrong. Im a guy in a similar situation been ghosting her for 3 years now ill never be cold to her, she has many other friends but if she needed me specifically id be obligated to help as a former friend. Wouldn't dump my problems on them.
@@paigehansen8944 I feel like he left it out over obvious reasons. He told his brother because OP was LOOKING for confidence and help from one of the only people he could really trust with this and like I’ve seen other people say his brother just took it as a chance to give HIMSELF the life that OP could have had. It’s self explanatory that he most likely hates his brother with his guts now and is the reason he has tried to distance himself from that entire side of the family
@@paigehansen8944 just because she didn’t know OP had a crush on her doesn’t mean she owed more emotional support than a shoulder to cry. SIL felt entitled to more emotional support and OP set boundaries. SIL was displeased and got the entire family to gang up on OP.
I also disagree with Story 3 Butthole score. His brother hooked up with his crush, which is a violation of the bro code. Then Emily decides to show up and unload emotional baggage on OP. OP is not her husband and she should really have gone her husband for emotional support.
Rslash in the first story: "It's perfectly reasonable to set boundaries" Rslash in the third story: "Why are you setting boundaries loser? Get over it!"
At least OP in the last story isn't too scared of her dad to pull off stuff like this. My dad would scream very loudly, insult if things were done wrong and sometimes even throw things (e.g. frozen pieces of meat) after us, if he got really angry. I would've never had the guts to pull a stunt like that, let alone tell him how uncomfortable his behaviour is. I really hope that OP's dad will realize what he's doing to his family with his behavoir after calming down and starts working on improving his home life. Working hard, doing overtime and being in stressful situations for most of your day can and will get to you, but please guys, do not make your families suffer for it, kids don't deserve this and neither do wifes/husbands.
The agreement was that the husband and wife don't lock each other out of the rooms, BUT THAT AGREEMENT DOESN'T APPLY TO HIS BROTHER. If he rather defend his perverted brother, he can marry him then!
Hard disagree on Story 3 I'm guessing the part about the brother hooking up with OP's crush just went straight over? The brother automatically gets AH points for that and the fact that Emily, who has a HUSBAND she can always go to, expected OP to be the person to comfort her during her grief? I think that gives her a minor AH point at least. OP gets 0/5, he shouldn't be expected to just drop his feelings just because it's been a while, especially since he isn't even being a dick towards them
Emily might be imposing, but then again her dad just died, so I don't think she's an asshole for that. She should however go to her friends or husband instead of the guy who hasn't been a close friend in years.
@@OneEyeShadow op does kinda deserve a butthole score because it seems like he only got with Emily to date I recently found out I was in the same situation guy I was friends with a guy for a few turns out he only befriended me because he wanted to date me and it kinda killed the friendship
@@OneEyeShadow I feel it's a tad manipulative of her to seek OP for support in that moment in specific. Like she's using a family tragedy to guilt OP into being her friend again. Even if OP never had feelings for her, people grow apart and sometimes stop wanting to associate with them. The fact that she sent her flying monkeys after OP makes me feel like she's pretty manipulative. Maybe I'm being too harsh but it always irks me when people try to force a relationship on others, be it romantic or just friendship.
People....seriously think about this.....put yourself in Emily's shoes.... Seriously.... you have experienced a loss, who do you call....oh I know, let's call someone who you haven't hung out with hardly at all for the last ten years, (and these aren't 50 year olds who just haven't seen each other in 10 years and that's normal after decades of friendship) but the last time you hung out was HIGH SCHOOL or COLLEGE.....lots of people stay social for the first decade or so after.....but you haven't hung out with this person except seeing them at family functions, so basically putting yourself in Emily's shoes....why are you calling up some by-marriage-only relative that you haven't hung out with for a decade as a person to comfort you, and that's not even addressing the fact that you picked someone who is opposite gender to youI.....so why is OP the one being called out here and not Emily's at best entitlement, at worst an attempt to manipulate and cause drama.
Story 3. The brother went after his crush! Got in a relationship with his crush! The brother KNEW these facts! OP wanted to ask his brother for advice, and ended up banging his crush. Op got over it, forgive and forget. No longer interested yet she wants to be the like the good old days? I really don't know how I can make it like the good old times because those were the moments (yes as kids but) when I had a crush. I could be friends again but I believe it all depends on the person, not anyone else. No one is obligated for to be in a bond they don't want to be in anymore. Weather I was good or bad person, I don't want to be a part of them but coexist and be polite. Also I heard OP is just polite with the niece from someone in the comments. The sister in law does have a right to be upset but again you can't force anyone to be your friend. I saying this as someone who has drop a person because I didn't believe I can be their friend anymore. She wasn't a bad person at all but she deserves someone who doesn't dread talking to her. Who would you want? A person who wants to support you or someone who doesn't want that bond?... Its something both parties need to accept I think... but in the end I feel like that friend will end up like the sister in law and send people after me for not being her friend... I may be wrong but it is something I can understand over. OP isn't a a-hole. Sister in law isn't a a-hole. No one is except the brother who I would say seems to not care about his wife's feelings because she seemed out for someone for support. Edit: Spelling
Story 3: NTA. Those types of wounds go DEEP, even if you're young. The best thing to do is to cut the person out of your life and move on when these sort of things happen. That is exactly what he did. It isn't OP's fault his brother forced the person to STAY in OP's life. With such a crush, OP's brother definitely knew, and went after the girl anyways. Being shy and not knowing how to talk to a girl isn't "incel" behavior, its a shy kid being a shy kid. Being hurt and moving on also isn't "incel" behavior. OP is allowed to feel pain without being called an "incel". And yet you think it's ok for everyone to just ignore that pain and demand he just get over it? Rslash, take a damn good look at your wife - the love of your life - and your kid and then pretend she is married to your brother and that kid was biologically his instead. Then when you feel anything ANYTHING negative just remember to "get over it". Damn right you'll get mad at me, but again, get over it, right?
The second paragraph, more than that. Imagine Rslash had TOLD his brother how he felt about his wife, and his brother had only made a move after he told him? With everything that came out from that, that's the sort of thing that poisons a relationship for a LONG time.
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
I love this TH-cam channel and podcast I’ve probably listened to every episode at least twice or more. With all of that exposure to Dabney I can confidently say that the story with Emily and the two brothers is the most L take. He isn’t being toxic at all he’s literally removing himself in the most respectful way possible, just distancing himself. I would distance myself from my brother if he did something like that. And why is she entitled to OPs support?? He isn’t required to give it nor to maintain a relationship just like how she doesn’t owe him a relationship just because he likes her. Lastly he just straight up isn’t being an incel at all. He doesn’t seem resentful, he’s just not subjecting himself to spending time with the girl he liked and the guy (his own brother) who went behind his back to get with her. It didn’t work out so he removed himself from the situation, simple as. Just a miss today bro still love this channel though.
I'm in the same boat a ton recently where some of rSlansh's takes have been hella weird and very "divorce" centred as soon as something bad happens but he's right in this one. The problem is, OP seemingly has not spoken to Emily about this at all and it comes off to EVERYONE in his live as petty and disrespectful. The beef with his brother is one thing. The sudden stop of what you thought was a friendship for life is a big thing. Emily wasn't in the wrong because she was not aware of anything wrong happening. The whole situation is VERY "ohh I'm only being besties with you because I wanna be with you" which, to everyone on the receiving end, feels slimy and dishonest. Yes his brother is a POS for going after the person he had feelings for but it's not Emily's fault because SHE DIN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A THING! For her side, OP was her best friend that she could rely on and she never saw him as a potential partner, but a best friend. Also, no one is "entitled" to anything here but if you used to be best friends for YEARS and suddenly the person you thought was there to support you becomes SUPER cold, you'd want to find out why and have issues with this reason. Especially when you had NOTHING to do with the beef! OP is super pissed at his brother (for good reasons) but the way he went most of his life, being best friends with Emily, only to yeet her out of it as soon as she got with her brother was a shit move TO EMILY. OP should have had a conversation with her, maybe console in his family of what to do or even confront the brother. This whole situation is absolutely fucked and the only people who should not be getting any blowback is Emily and (especially) the kids.
Nah. That guys straight Incel material. Who the hell gets turned down by their crush and is still buttmad about it a decade later? Move on, for gods sake. I personally feel that the brother sucks more than OP, because I'm pretty certain that he only hooked up with the girl BECAUSE OP had a crush on her. And then he goes and gets her pregnant. That's just a huge mess that OP won't be dealing with, and the brother probably isn't either, but she is!
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
Yes, OP isn't the AH. He lost his longest time best friend, crush and confidant, due to his brother's actions after confiding his crush on Emily to his brother. I feel that Rslash was too low with the 2,5 for the brother, at least a 3 score in my opinion. 0 for OP, but perhaps could have delivered his decision at a better time. I'm divided on whether Emily deserves a score, because she hasn't realized that OP, her supposed friend for years, took the news of her pregnancy very hard and hasn't been trying to be in contact since. OP isn't "salty", he's heartbroken by a serious crush while seemingly being a very shy and introvert guy. Not everyone is a "man of the world with a woman in every port" type of extrovert.
@@kholdanstaalstorm6881 You make a good point. It’s almost like the biggest critique of this guy is “You’re not a confident extrovert so that means you’re bad!”
Honestly, in story 3. I feel like the brother is the worst here. He knew this would cause an issue but never took the time out to talk with OP. Whilst OP hasn't shown himself to be a decent guy at all, he hasn't exactly done anything bad. He can't have a healthy relationship with his brother and the girl he used to like so he has distanced himself. Whilst his mindset is unhealthy, he has shown a degree of recognition to that fact and taken action to remove an issue rather than induce it.
Yeah I side with OP on this. He wanted to protect himself so he put up boundaries. Who would be happy to see the person you’ve been crushing on hook up with the sibling you’ve confided in? It’s peculiar that Emily tried to get all emotional with OP after ten years of low contact. Can’t she get a hint? And why can’t she cry to her husband? Comforting her is his responsibility anyway, not OPs. I say NTA.
@@mindyschocolate people are saying OP is the jerk for not forcing himself to be the comfort buddy he was to her when they were kids and setting up boundaries. They’re acting as if he shunned her. He already gave her his condolences and shoulder cry on. She expecting too much out of her brother in law that was her friend 10 years and now lives a different state.
The not wanting locks on any room in the house is terrifying for more than just the BIL being a creep, what if someone breaks into the house and you hide in your bedroom to call 911 because you can't get out? A lock might not stop them but it will slow them down.
Story 3: NTA don’t you always say cut off people to protect your mental health and yourself? OP older brother who he trusted broke that trust by sleeping with the girl who he knew OP liked not to mention his friend was banging his brother and keeping it a secret meaning she thought it was wrong then they have a kid, get married so of distances himself from them all going LC and now his one time friend was to unload he has to listen? No that is why she why she has a husband and the fact Op has kept that distance over the years shows he has set a boundary and she is is overstepping that because she wants emotional support? Not OPs job. The brother is the reason there is no relationship there, he could have easily told his younger brother he had feelings for the same girl rather than have him catch them and rub it in his face. OP should change LC to NC
Story 1: Am I the only one who thinks that the brother was doing this on purpose to break up their marriage? At first, I thought he was just a pervert. But his comment at the end makes me think he was trying to get her to leave.
I think this is just a trick so OP ask for the divorce and the Husband can show himself as the good person, because if is not that, why would You let your brother sexually haras your wife?
(About Emily) Dude, NO ONE has any obligation to like any family member. If you're uncomfortable with them, you're uncomfortable with them. Even if they're kids. Period. Doesn't matter the reason. You can maybe work on the reason if it's something bad or if it bothers you, but if not, it literally doesn't matter as long as you keep being polite. Y'all are weird
People are saying I'm too harsh on OP on the story with Emily and I think you all have a point. Not my best take!
I agree with you!
Well the brother of op was the asshole since the beginning and emily is too for being that clueless, op doesn't have to spend or get to know his niece if he doesn't want to, if op was a girl she wouldn't get an asshole score
It's awesome that you are willing to admit when you might be wrong. Love your videos.
Also there seems to be someone in the comments pretending to be you and saying people won a prize. I left a comment and this guy left a "you one a prize" comment. Even has you rslash icon.
Yeah. It was weird to me that you have said in the past people are not required to have relationships with their nieces and nephews, and then ream OP for it.
I thought you were right.
On story 1, the bro isn’t a pervert. Based on the reaction he had at the end, he was actively trying to cause his brother to get a divorce, probably to feel better about his own. He’s a sociopath
This is what I was thinking, though maybe not sociopath, but more of a misery loves company.
Could easily be both!
He could be a pervert and a homewrecker
I could have seen him escalating until he raped her, only to tell his brother that she threw herself at him.
There is a smaller update that rslash didn't read: So before I provide an update on this situation. It's worth noting that my BIL used to do this with the bedroom too but at least I'm not always exposed in the bedroom.
I'm gonna be honest.
If that was my brother, sleeping with the girl I had a crush on, after I told him that in confidence, I would not or could not be a part of their lives. It sucks for the niece. It sucks for the girl. But this is not just a blatant violation of the bro code, but a massive violation of trust between us, potentially irreparable damage.
Not saying OP isn't the Asshole, but this is way too complex for a simple AITA post. Honestly sounds like he and his brother need therapy.
Yeah it’s a sucky situation and I don’t blame op for being uncomfortable and wanting to wash his hands of them both. The weird thing about the post for me and why I’m not as sympathetic toward OP is that he never really said one word against his brother. It was all about wanting Emily to go away and avoiding them to avoid Emily etc etc. When she didn’t actually do anything wrong. Like you said, it was the BROTHER who betrayed him and who I would actually be upset with in that situation. He should be madder at his bro instead of bitter over her, and the first half of the post did sound hella nice guy/incel lmao. They need therapyyyyyyyyyyy
@@holyfreakinBLEACH it's basically like the brother cheated on him.
It also sounds as though the brother never said anything to him, or that they never talked afterwards.
@@MrWWIIBuff exactly. bro just falls out of the story when he should be the main villain lol
His brother's action is betrayal. I have had a girl friend who claimed to be a best friend go after a guy who showed interest in me who i was really interested in. I felt like her behavior was a gut punch I had thought she was my friend. I couldn't stand being in the presence of their onenof them after that.
@@holyfreakinBLEACH I agreed. It stinks of sexism and incel-like thought processes. She never knew he liked her. She didn't do anything but fall in love with the perso who actually expressed romantic feelings. His brother on the other hands was a jerk. But he decides to take it out on HER while she is grieving. And then he says "she sent" people to harass him, while she probably only told people what happened and they came to the right conclusion that he was being an asshole and decided to speak up. He sucks. He sucks for thinking he deserved Emily's love. He sucks for taking it out on his niece and Emily. And he sucks for telling a grieving friend, who has no idea of how he felt all those years that she doesn't matter to him like before because she married his brother. He sucks.
Out of all the rooms in the house, I think the bathroom needs a lock. Also why didn't the brother in law knock on the door first? I feel like the brother in law did it on purpose because he doesn't like op and wanted the marriage ruined.
Yeah half the comments said the brother was creeping on OP but pissing her off and sabotaging the marriage makes way more sense
Yeah and what about when they have guests over it’s just weird not to have a lock
Every bathroom I've had has had a lock. The only thing I could see as a reason for *not* having a lock is if someone in the house is known for doing things like drugs or... Ahem, self no heart beat attempts.
My bathroom door doesn’t have a lock bc the door is broken and I haven’t been able to replace it yet. In two years with three ppl in the house there has NEVRR been an issue with a human barging in (cats are rude as hell though). Brother was being rude on purpose.
All the bathrooms in this house have a lock. Anybody who uses the bathroom is welcome to use the lock, without judgement, for any reason.
There are any number of activities that occur in the bathroom I don't want to walk in on as they occur. They're entirely natural, normal, and reasonable things. I just don't wish to see them when others are doing them.
Story 3 - so, you're just gonna completely ignore that "Emily" 1) went to someone that she hasn't had any connection with in a decade, 2) who actively distanced themself from her life, 3) used them as an emotional crutch (instead of talking to, y'know, her *HUSBAND* who presumably vowed to be there "in sickness and in health", blah blah), 4) springs the whole "why aren't we still friends" question on them right after unloading all her emotional baggage onto them for an hour, and 5) gets a whole buncha people to hound OP when they don't give her the answer she wants to hear? Really? Like, bruh. Don't call OP incel-y if you're gonna ignore her pretty clear sense of entitlement to a friendship that doesn't exist anymore.
It may be incel behavior to end a friendship because she gets with someone else, but it’s better to do that than feel entitled and cause drama. He’s not being entitled and causing drama, she is.
@@RealCoolstriker64 L take. He set no clear boundaries that the friendship ended. No real defining event happened that would communicate their friendship ended. She had a reasonable expectation that they were still friends. He ran away like a coward to avoid dealing with reality. She probably just thought they grew apart. He is definitely the issues here. He didn't give her what she wanted so he IS holdling a grudge and is NOT over it or her or else he would have responded with empathy like a normal human being. A random stranger would have provided more empathy than he did.
@Blackwind_Legacy, would you be happy if your brother got with the girl you loved, and then you distanced yourself. It's not his job to talk to her, but if she can not see that him trying not to talk to them three right after they got together is a clue, then she deserves it.
@@Blackwind_Legacy”no real defining event happened that ended their friendship” other than the 8 years of trying his best to not interact with her?
3rd story. Op cuts out the backstabbing brother and his ex-crush out of his life. I don't know what she expected from someone who clearly wasn't her friend afterwards. Honestly if she had dated anyone else I could see op getting over it but nah that's an atomic bomb to the heart.
Why do I get the feeling that the brother in the first story is trying to ruin the wedding on purpose because his marriage failed?
I'm just puzzled is how easily the husband allowed the BIL to ruin his marriage so easily. On the first incident I would have warned him, on the second one I would have punched him the face and threw him out. Job done. Something is going on between the BIL and Husband like they're planned this together or something
Thinking the same thing 👍🏻
Also @Text me on telegram , shut the F up bot.
It's exactly what he was doing. That BiL is an incel who but hurt that his ex wife wouldn't tolerate his crap and is salty that OP's (stbex) husband isn't suffering like him.
BIL gets to ruin his brothers marriage and perv at the same time.
Sounds like it was planned. Poor OP needs to see that she was never going to be accepted and safe in her own home.
@@LunaP1 stbex?
3rd story. Emily does not owe the dude a relationship just cause he liked her, but by the same token, the guy does not owe Emily a friendship either.
Never said emily owed him shit. Yall prolly forgot that the man who went for Emily was his fucking brother. WHO KNEW that he wanted to be with Emily. Is his distance from his niece wrong? Definitely. Is his coldness towards Emily right. Probably not. The problem is Is brothers betrayal here
100%
Emily is a terrible person for sleeping op's brother and op's brother is a terrible person for sleeping with his brothers crush after op confided in him on what to do. Op made it obvious he want nothing to do with them and yet op is the ass hole? Op was betrayed by his 2 closest people as a kid and as a result ended up with major emotional damage and probably trust issues that further set him back in his ability to socialize. How is that incel like when it is literally what causes people to become incels lol wtf
He does not owe her a friendship, but that doesn’t make him any less of an AH in this situation. He could have brought this up years ago, and he could maybe get therapy for this long-term grudge he’s got going on.
@@Tustin2121? You'd be cool with your friend fucking your sister/brother without saying a word to you? You'd be cool with your sister/brother fucking your crush after you confided in them. OP doesn't seem to be holding an unreasonable grudge, I wouldn't trust them completely again either.
Husband: "I love everyone equally!!"
Everyone in the Solar System: **Press X To Doubt**
"You shall not steal.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
He already broke two of the ten commandments. He stole the passport and lied about it and he still has the audacity to "ask god for guidance"???? "My husband loves everyone" my ass. OP is stupid if she continues to stay with such a tool.
Loving and trusting are two different things
Story 3: I have to disagree with that. She doesn’t owe him a relationship but suddenly he owes her friendship? He doesn’t owe her anything so I don’t get why he should give a shit about her
@@avesatanae nah, he doesn't. His niece is the direct result of his own brother betraying him and his trust
@@avesatanae The niece doesn't even know him, she won't be more traumatized about it than an only child's daughter would be for not having an uncle.
@@avesatanae no he doesn't
He doesn’t, she just didn’t realise he never saw her as a friend, but just a potential partner aka f*ckzoned
Yeah. He can choose who he wants to give friendship to. Why does he owe her a listening ear?
The story with Emily and OP is fairly relatable to me. I say that because my brother not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES has successfully found out who I had a crush on, gotten close to them, and then dated them. A couple months and he'd get rid of them, usually harshly or ghosting entirely, and it physically hurts me to this day to think of each of my close friends whose mental health was ruined because of his lack of actual care for them. And each time it wrenched me and that friend apart from one another, even when we'd seemed inseparable. That story was just so saddening and all too relatable for me.
Do you still like your brother after this? He’d be dead to me
@@Djkenna1d eventually I somewhat forgave him, learned to mostly forget as it's really in the past as of now. Though I still remember how it hurt, I've come to realize he genuinely had no clue what he was doing.
I'm sorry but if my family members were demanding me to let them watch me pee well.... I think they'd find themselves disowned
I'm gonna watch your vids after Rslash! I love you!
Yeah, that person would immediately be out of my house
..dog man
Yeah
honestly? if family members demand i let them watch me pee, malicious compliance time, piss in front of them out in the open, make it awkward for everyone
I never understood people being “uncomfortable” with locks. I’d be more uncomfortable with violations of me or my stuff
I suspect the ‘discomfort’ comes from the perspective of being locked out of someone else’s affairs rather than the locks themselves. Unless hubby has some undisclosed childhood trauma around them, seems like a control/mistrust thing.
@@DeadDancers agreed....especially when it is quite common for abusers to remove locks so that there's no where for then to escape.
Same. Don't people usually have locks on the bedroom door? I don't know how common it is to have a lock on the bathroom door, but It's not out of the ordinary. Might be wrong here, but I wonder if people who are "uncomfortable" with locks have some kind of control issues.
@@Toaster-draws You're right, control issues is the biggest reason why people claim they are "uncomfortable" with locks. Sure there could be other reasons, like someone being afraid being trapped, having PSTD or something along those lines, but the OP would have mentioned that was the reason if it was. The BIL is doing this on purpose, as we all know.
@@Toaster-draws Bathroom locks are standard, I thought. Bedrooms, too, but decidedly bathrooms.
The husband who refused locks in the house is creeping me out.
Agreed! Why is the husband so against locks? Really creepy…
He probably makes her give him all her passwords too
Honestly same, that screams red flags to me. Everyone is entitled to privacy in their own home. I personally don’t get why he is against locks especially when shit like this happens
She also doesn’t have her own car (Uber ride to moms) and her husband told his brother she’s childish before??
The locks thing sounds like the husband was a victim of abuse.
@@asmith8692 even if he was, he is now subjecting his wife to sexual harassment which, if the brother is a creep, it can escalate which endangers the wife. Having trauma is an explanation, not an excuse. Especially when he's adding onto the pain his brother is inflicting on her with emotional and verbal abuse.
Story 2: StepDad is yet another "I hate my wife's kids from a prior relationship" type who only wants them around to watch the kids that are biologically his.
StepDad: I'm gonna pray and fast to think about how to approach your disrespect and control
God: ...Oh _please!_ I have nothing to do with you!
Story 4: The best way to get someone to look inward is not anger, but laughter. Embarrassment gets many more things across than aggression alone
it's a big difference between making somebody laugh at their own actions and mocking somebody for their actions. with any luck the fact that the little one recognized that she was portraying the dad will make dad reconsider what he presents to the family every night.
seeing himself through the eyes of the innocent and all that.
BIL in story one makes me think he wants his brother's marriage to fail because his did. Misery wants company. Might be best for OP, though. I would never be able to trust my husband again if he just let his brother invade my privacy like that. I would be scared how far it would go
That’s exactly what I was thinking!!! If I can’t be happily married then neither can you…
I'm just puzzled is how easily the husband allowed the BIL to ruin his marriage so easily. On the first incident I would have warned him, on the second one I would have punched him the face and threw him out. Job done. Something is going on between the BIL and Husband like they're planned this together or something
@@RobGMun I wondered too....because who is okay with anyone being in the bathroom at the same time as their significant other?!?!?!
@@RobGMun go to the story its so lesser up, turns out BIL cheated and OPs husband supported him and blames his ex SIL who was dealing with a terrible pregnancy and stillbirth
The family doesn't support him due to his crap, OP needs to get away from these toxic idiots
Story 4: Man, OP really embarrassed Dad by pretending to be him and showing how everyone feels about his actions.
Jerk deserved it
It’s a shame that he went away to think about it (or stew) and came to the conclusion that the daughter owed him an apology and there was no ‘validity’ to her perception.
"You're invalidating everything I do!". He's literally invalidating what his wife does everyday he comes through that door. That's on par with people screaming "my opinions!" after going at someone for their opinions. If they lack the self awareness to see their hypocrisy, show them, if someone can't take what they dish out then draw attention to that as well. This level of harsh reality is needed sometimes for people to realize that they're the issue
She should have called him a snowflake lol. I would have doubled down. Dude is a big baby and needed to be treated as such.
@@Nekulturny Agreed. Should've put on he costume again and started mimicking everything he said.
Ok after reading most the comments I have not found anyone that agrees with R/ on the third story, Including myself so that does make me biased. But the biggest AH rating I saw someone else give him was 1/5 and most were NTA. OP is still polite and doesn't ignore his SIL and niece but simply doesn't want a close relationship which is completely fine, especially since they don't live in the same state.
I don't think he is TA at all, his brother is worse
I think I agree on 1/5. It’s technically hurtful for Emily and his Niece. However I fully believe op did the best choice for himself and others. Emotions cant work logically, and pretending would have not helped anyone. However the brother is fully the AH in this situation.
I also think he's TA, but his brother is too
I could see that if he blamed his brother for the situation, but he didn’t mention blaming his brother at all in the story. For some reason he blames Emily, Emily had no idea that this guy was in the friendship to try to get with her, so when he randomly starts ignoring her without any explanation that’s a massive a-hole move. Not blaming his brother at all comes off as OP being extremely misogynistic and immature. So I’d give OP at the very minimum 4/5 because being a misogynistic pos and destroying your childhood friendship because of that is an absolutely awful thing to do.
@@Vearru you sound like someone who never got told “no” as a kid.
Step 3: NTA; while it isn't Emily's fault that OP was hurt that she didn't return his unspoken feelings, it is on her for trying to shame OP for not being her friend anymore. The fact that OP is doing the healthy thing to keep his distance but also remain respectful when distance is impossible instead of being an AH about everything is the response women claim they want their guy friends to have in these cases, so it's pretty shitty she cannot respect OP's feelings and leave him alone. And no, I don't see OP being hurt as unhealthy, even though he never revealed his feelings to the girl, his hurt is clearly in that his brother hooked up with his crush and that is what actually ruined his friendship with Emily.
She just lost her father. She most likely never knew anything was wrong between her and OP. So on top of losing her father, she is ambushed by OP no longer wanting to be friends with her anymore having no idea what she did to him. OP's motive was not being responsible, his motive was his grudge against her that he's been holding for years before snapping at her. OP still hates Emily for what his brother did. His brother betrayed him and he's been taking it out on Emily. OP waited until Emily's father died to tell her that he no longer wants to be friends.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 WTF are you on?
OP put distance between himself and Emily and years later, she tries to force him back into a friendship he clearly ended after his brother scorned him by hooking up with her knowing she was OP'S crush, so OP was respectful and put distance berween them both instead of being resentful. Clearly Emily never touched bases with OP before this and I can understand she might have missed that he showed all the signs of no longer considering her a friend, which he clearly did so he didn't lash out since it wasn't her fault he never got to tell her how he felt and OP clearly respected she had a relationship with his brother. Like, he got hurt by his brother and didn't take it out on her, doesn't mean he has to stay friends with her. And she waits YEARS before reaching out to him, that's on her. Doesn't make her an AH, but regardless of why she reached out, it took her years to do it, and yet she expects OP to still be her best friend? That just isn't how people work.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 She's married. If she can't turn to her husband, she married the wrong man. I'm not saying OP was right, but if there was anything I couldn't turn to my wife about, I would wonder why we're married.
Further, OP tried to make a clean break. Just as OP isn't entitled to Emily's affection, Emily isn't entitled to OP's affection.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 i beg to differ, its not like she never knew what was wrong with op, she didn't care about him when she was on op's brother and didn't care at all the whole marriage.
Its kinda hard to for him to bond with his nephew because that child represents the love between them and always the question wanders "what if she and i..." but it never happen.
It was when she lost her father when she started to remember how wonderful their friendship was for her.
At the end, op just put himself above of her so that is why she get upset, "back we were child..." that was a life ago, when he had feeling something for her and living that experience again may be painful.
He doesn't own anything to her, since she married his brother and Liam should take care of her feelings as husband.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 She was the one that went to her BIL she wasn’t close to in over ten year for emotional support. She’s the one that pushed the subject and OP answered he truthfully. Might’ve been a harsh response but she was the one that pushed the subject. OP can’t give her the emotional support he gave when they kids and he had a crush on her. Even if he didn’t have a crush on her, relationships change whether you want it or not.
I love how the "dedicated" husband is such a "devout" man that he doesn't think twice before STEALING and LYING to his own family's face. I bet God's really happy about that one.
Story1: the brother Is definitely sabotaging the op's marriage but ironically he's accidentally doing op a favour, her husband clearly doesn't respect her boundaries and is a hypocrite when she tries to set any. Back to the brother, he decides to show his dissatisfaction with op's marriage in the worst way possible by gaslighting her about being childish for wanting basic boundaries as well as pretty much being a pervert by barging in even when she's showering!
Actually, looking at how quick op's husband was to defend his brother every time as well as blowing up about the lock only after it was placed, not objecting it when op ssid they would do it and the brother's attitude to immediately offer to take op to her parents makes me think this might have been a them setting up op for a break-up whilst remaining the "better persons"
She should divorce them and let both those AHs have each other.
I was looking for this. I absolutely believe that’s exactly what happened. There’s no way it’s a coincidence husband doesn’t like locks and brother doesn’t respect boundaries.
If Liam weren't OP's brother, that OP confided in about his feelings before he hooked up with Emily, I would agree with you. OP would feel completely differently if it was anyone else but his brother and that is UNDERSTANDABLE. The asshole of that story is Liam, who should have talked to his brother before moving forward with a girl he knew his brother was in love with. The only thing OP should have done differently was explain to Emily that it's his brother's fault, not hers, that he feels as he does.
Thank you! OP's brother is a jerk for hooking up with his brothers crush.
Not communicating when Emily is kind of the victim here does make OP somewhat of a butthole, but I agree that Liam was the bigger asshole.
Not to mention that nobody is owed free therapy. OP and Emily were friends and at some point they stopped being friends. That is just something that happens.
@@insu_na truth. Why he still needs to be her friend? Being absent for the neice, sure that asshole move. Not helping the mom who he used to have sexual attraction to is just keeping the marriage between her and his brother secure.
This is assuming that the brother DID know before he was hooking up with her. OP is clearly pretty private about talking about this at all with anyone, so Liam might not have known beforehand. Liam is still an AH for not using protection.
First story: At least she figured out where she stands when it comes to her husband. Dead last. I bet if BIL tried to come onto her, she would be the one to be blamed.
I got that sense too.
100%. I think he was trying to cheat with her.
If you read the story, there was an update where op said that the BIL cheated and op's husband backed him up and blamed the BIL's wife
BIL was divorced because he was cheating on his wife. OP's husband supported BIL and went as far as to accuse BIL's ex wife of not trying to fix their marriage.
Story 1: Some more info to consider. It was her husband's idea to not have any locks. Also, her BIL is staying with them because he cheated on his wife with a woman 10 years younger, and his brother (her husband) backed him up during the divorce. Her husband said his SIL needed to get her sh*t together and be a better wife, since she had a STILLBIRTH a year ago and hadn't gotten over it. Her husband is just as much of an AH as the BIL. She needs to dump the whole man 🗑 🚮
WHAAAAT?!
I'm willing to bet if OP's Hubby will overlook a cheater and say such horrible things about the victim of the cheating that Hubby is probably going to (if he isn't already) cheat on OP.
I hope OP ran and divorced
3rd story: you judged OP as someone who got mad because he did not get what he wanted from Emily, but he sucked up his pride and was polite while being forced into interactions with her for the sake of family. Emily got mad because she did not get what she wanted from OP. OP is not the AH.
You're right that Liam broke bro code rule #1
emily wanted both brothers, one for sex and fun and one for emotional tampon.
Exactly I completely disagree with dabney
While I agree he owes her nothing, I disagree with you. He was acting very incel like, and then is actively avoiding a relationship with his niece. He may not have said anything, but he sure as hell didn't swallow his pride. He acts like he's conpletely in the right and he should've gotten emily even though he try to make that known to emily before she started dating the brother. Which, AH on the brother's part, for breaking bro code. But Emily is by far not in the wrong. To her, her BIL is her friend, and it isn't bad to expect op to be a good friend. He did indeed kicked her while she was down. Why couldn't he wait to break the friendship, or end it sooner? OP TA
@@Cookies_Jar I didn't say Emily was TA. She has a right to feel upset. Even if she didn't notice her friend pulling away for 7 years. The brother is TA alone, imo. OP moved on and avoids his toxic brother. Nobody is entitled to your time and friendship. And you don't have to be a good friend to someone you haven't been friends with since you were a child. It doesn't make someone TA. Just like thinking someone is your friend when they aren't doesn't make you TA either. Most friendships don't end with a clear break up.
@@Cookies_Jarthere's nothing wrong with cutting her off for being with someone who completely betrayed her trust.
Story 1: Dump the husband
Story 2: Dump the husband
Sure buddy, totally not a scam
3rd story. He isn't distant because of a non existing relationship with the mother. He can't get over what he sees as a betrayal from his brother. And the niece is a living proof that the brother slept with the girl he knew OP was into.
People are saying he’s bitter and resentful because he can’t have her because OP is an entitled Incel. To me it seems like OP was hurt because his brother betrayed him. It’s understandable why OP distanced himself from his brother to get over his betrayal.
On the story of Emily and the ten years and stuff. I don't see OP as the butthole. Maybe with a smaller score, because yes, Emily needed someone.
BUT it's been ten years, he is not obligated to be emotionally supportive to a person he does not feel close to.
He does not love her anymore, he just feels detached from her.
I have been there, where people holds me in high regard for some reason I don't understand, and they expect me to be there in every single bump of the way. It's exhausting!! It's a sort of "Dude, I am so so so SO sorry you are going through this. But seriously I DON'T CARE! You are not my friend, you are not my family, once you were important, you are not anymore. I DON'T want to support you, and listening to you exhaust me!!"
However, me being me, I never say anything and just listen and listen and listen and give advice. I am freaking dying inside, bored beyond reason, but I stay because that person needs someone to help them, and they choose me.
So yeah, I would never do what OP did and just tell them to please stop using them as emotional support. But I do see where he is coming from.
Agreed, say you can only do so much but say you'll still be friend if needed.
I feel like his brother deserves some bh score due to him knowing about ops crush and then either not saying anything when he was banging her or then deliberately going and banging her after hearing about the crush
I think the problem is in the instance, they ARE family. But I do agree, if he doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with her he shouldn't have to. That is what her husband is for. However. I do find it weird that he's being super cold to his niece too? I dunno. I feel mixed 😆.
@@rorimoore13 your mental health > want your family wants
I have the same issue, usually it's not super bad cuz they usually do have others but one friend of mine will come over or call day after day after day like a broken record over something and when it hits day 4-5 I tell him I need a break from him.
2nd story:
As someone who literally went to school to be a pastor and is working to become the type of person who can properly handle the level of responsibility such a station demands and necessitates: that husband is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUT OF LINE AT EVERY SINGLE LEVEL OF ANALYSIS!!! YES! HE ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO FAST!
CLEARLY, he needs THE Father to teach him HOW TO BE A FATHER!
I really liked this comment!
3rd story with Emily, personally I think OP isn’t a butthole. He distanced himself and he was still being cordial. He doesn’t have to be friendly with his niece, no matter how stupid of a reason. He doesn’t owe Emily any comfort likewise she doesn’t owe him a relationship.
Sounds like the kid in the last story was really clever. First tried to talk to him. Then acted it out for everyone to see. Sometimes people don't see until they can observe it. And awesome it was emphasized by one of the little ones, that all the kids observe this every day. I suppose the parents may have an unsaid agreement that their arguing, they don't take personally. But they aren't the only two people in the house.
Etog
Last story, hubby used to be like that until he had to get surgery and was stuck at home for a month. He saw what I did every day caring for the kids and house. After a week, he looked at me in amazement and said, "I don't know how you do it!" He never complained again. It seems he convinced himself that all I did was 10-20 minutes of work then just relaxed.
On the third story I disagree completely. First nobody is obligated to listen to anybody if they don't want to, second there is no time limit for you to get over someone, considering there are probably more emotions at play than just having a crush on somebody (regret, self hate, embarrassment etc.) and lastly few could ever get over a betrayal like that, I think it's justified to not want to be reminded every time you are with your family that your brother stabbed you in the back. Remember that op never even got a long period of time away from them. I think 0/5 for op 0/5 for the girl and 3/5 for the brother
4 for me when it comes to the brother but, ya op and the girl git 0 from me too she didn't know though. I do think op should tell her the reason they can't be close again but, that may cause more harm than good.
1/5 for OP because he's being a bit of an Incel at the beginning (although I'm willing to think a lot of people were "nice guys" in their teens). But he's absolutely free to not want to be as close to the woman he used to love and lost to his brother's betrayal. Regarding the niece... That's collateral damage because you can't have a relationship with just a kid and never meet the parent.
i'm not comfortable giving the girl a butthole score because I don't know enough about her. We're never told that she knew OP had a crush on her so as far as she's concerned OP who was her best friend and support animal for all this time suddenly began growing distant and cold towards her. Avoiding spending time around her and missing her wedding.
Maybe she had a clue but we're never told she was straight up told the reason.
And yeah, if you're in a happy marriage with a good person you really should go to your partner first for emotional support rather than another man. But she's not an asshole for that.
Brother gets I guess 2/5 because he broke the Bro code and what not. It sounds like he was quite the skirt chaser and good at it so there probably wasn't a need to go after his brother's crush specifically.
There's also the fact that he doesn't seem to be a good enough husband to be his wife's emotional support rock but that's a whole other basket of pears.
@@GamerGrovyle OP doesn’t sound like an incel because he never stated he felt like he was owed a relationship. OP felt betrayed by brother because he was hooking up her after OP told him he had a crush on her. He sounds more naïve in first part than anything else.
@@GamerGrovyle just because he had an incel-like mentality doesn't mean he is an asshole. He didn't act as he was owed anything from the girl. To me even if someone think like a douchebag as long as they keep it to themselves I don't care.
Seems he takes it out more on the girl than his brother but I'm still on his side. I dont think I could get over that even if shes blameless in not knowing.
For story 1: Why do I get the feeling the BIL is doing that on purpose.... Like he as some weird bro thing and he is jealous about the attention. Or maybe he is low key trying to break up his brother marriage to try and get a chance at the OP...
Story 3: No matter what the impetus is, OP is right - Emily's husband should be her go-to person for comfort.
You said it yourself Rslash, if your brother had a crush on a girl, you would be hands off forever. Well, it was OP’s brother, the one he confided in, who did what he did to him. That’s why he’s still salty 10 years after the fact. He’s not a A-Hole for being upset by that after so long. I had a similar situation happen to me with my best friend I had known since we were 6. (We were 29 when this happened) so we might as well have been brothers. Long story short, I didn’t talk to him for over 2 years. This was a guy who we couldn’t go 2 days without hanging out, talking, interacting, etc. And to make things worse, it was the second time he had done something like that to me.
Being mad at the brother is one thing, the girl didn't do anything wrong given she didn't know he had a crush. so to her shes being punished by someone she thought was a friend who turned cold for seemingly no reason
But he wasn't mad at his brother, he was mad at Emily. From everything he wrote, he sounds like a typical "nice guy" who complains about being "friendzoned" by women while other guys have sex with them. He should have taken his anger out on his brother, not her.
@@dx1450 she isn't entitled to a comfort buddy lol
@@firewizardrunepro people drift apart. He never became cold towards her.
@@hmmtea7438 did you listen to the same story I did lol? The dude was hella cold to her at the end, just drifting apart from someone doesn't make you resentful towards them.
Is it not normal to have a lock on the bathroom in some households? Cause this seems to be an issue I've seen a lot on Reddit, about having locks on bathrooms. Virtually every house I have been in has locks on their bathrooms so this is surreal to me.
Agreed. I never been to a house that did not have a lock on the bathroom.
And bedrooms. I don’t want to walk in on my kids changing and there are things done in adult bedrooms that children do not need to see.
I agree, but they had marriage vows that they would never lock any doors or whatever.
It sounds like they purposely removed locks or had handles with no locks installed instead
@@LedgerBalance Which is absolutely stupid. It makes you wonder what happened in the husband's past to give him an aversion to locked doors, but whatever it is isn't OP's problem.
Does anyone get the sense that the brother-in-law in the first story is TRYING to make OP's marriage fall apart?
Yes. Misery loves company.
Yuuup
FFS everyone with this thought is acting as if it's original, unexpected, out of left field, etc.
@@Richard_Nickerson idk, it was kind of a reading between the lines thing. Just asking if people felt the same, hope you have a good day
And apparently the reason for the guy's divorce is that he cheated, and the husband backs him up and blames the wife for not wanting to work on it. (according to comments in the post).
Crush support is not the butthole at all. If she wants emotional support she should use her husband. The fact that she immediately uses everyone else to shame shows that shes always thought of him as hers to control.
You are setting yourself up for failure if the only person you have for emotional support is your spouse. Friends and family should be emotional support also. + given how op sees the situation, i almost gurantee that him saying she told people to tell him he was shitty for what he said is a onesided exaggeration because he feels like hes a victim. And if it isn't then shes in the wrong for that but also her dad died and her friend who she cared about is being cold for reasons she has no knowledge of cause given the context, she never knew he had a crush on her.
Yup. She's being using him all along. She knew full well what he wanted, she just never came clean because she wanted to use him some more. People saying she's not TA are idiots.
@@sirlord7145 i don't see how you could possibly be so sure how someone is/what the want/what their intent is. When they are being described to you from one persons very negatively biased point of view. I think thats idiotic.
Found the "nice guy" and his name is Sir Lord.
@@dx1450 yeah, your Mama is a nice Lady Joe. Tell her she owes me the change from last time tho
Okay, that story about the girl imitating her dad? Absolutely hilarious. What a brilliant way to show her dad just how ridiculous he was being
Sometimes the only way to get through to people is to show them how they appear to everyone else.
Honestly for story 1…I’d have tricked the brother in law by running the shower and once he came in, be standing there with a stun gun and let him know if he did it again, he’d be pissing several thousand volts
You are more forgiving than I......if I had gone through with your plan I would do just a slight change.....I would plan it so that I can pretend that I thought I was home alone.....so that the stun gun wouldn't have to be a warning....I would zap him full on, and then be like "I thought it was a burglar" guess you should learn to knock.
But it wouldn't get that far with me, because the first time it happened and my "partner" didn't stand up for me and freak out more than I am, my other half would be in deep doodoo and would not enjoy life until his brother was better behaved or gone.
I was thinking the exact same thing, except without the warning. I'd tell police he was perving and refused to leave.
Not everyone can get a tazer, but everyone can get a bucket of toilet water to throw.
@@mariposa9506 Not everyone can get a taser, but everyone can smack someone over the head with a full bottle of soap.
Na, baseball bat, and he would be peeing blood for a week. If he did it again, he would wake up in the hospital a week later.
However OPs husband is a red flag maker.
The other distinction when it comes to a stay at home partner and one who works a job, the stay at home partner is never "off the clock". The person with the job comes home and goes "I WORKED SO HARD AND NOWS MY TIME TO RELAX" while not realizing their spouse has been working all day too, and IS STILL WORKING when they get home. They NEVER get that time to rest and "clock out".
It really depends on the caliber of the stay at home partner, if they're actually keeping the house in great shape and running the household sufficently well to make life easier on the out of house spouse then that is a solid 100 percent stay at home spouse. My spouse formally stayed home and frankly was a terrible housewife she even agrees with me on that one. It was INCREDIBLY frustrating for me at the time. Not everyone is wired to be "self motivating" enough to be a good stay at home spouse. Also even for people that are great house spouses let's face it they get multiple hours a day to chill after their kids are older than toddler age and especially if they go to school. Now is the husband being a baby? Sure but it could be that he tried "kinder" methods for years and got nowhere.
Story 2:
"Maybe it's a sign from Gawd."
Gotta love how he's using his faith to control his children, step-children, and wife, including using that faith to paint his wife as a villain for showing "disrespect and control"
The classic ‘blame them for what I’m doing so they can’t accuse me without seeming to be copying my words’ ploy…
I don't think God appreciates being framed for dad's sh-tty behavior, either. Figure He'll have a couple words to say about that to the fella one day.
@@tully6648 the literal definition of taking the Lord's name in vain.
He likes to use his God cheat code for an easy way out.
Who's going to question someone religious when they say "it's what God wants"? Nobody ever does, and clearly OP didn't question it either.
We can't say God's name in vain, but some religious people, like OP's husband, use God to get what they want. Yes, very religious indeed, hmmm. 🤔
@@Dondizle the so called religious people most of them take gods name in vain
"Okay I want to mend the relationship with my daughter, so let's invite everyone to a family vacation"
"Okay, but only if your daughter doesn't come."
Story 3. No one is entitled to a relationship of any kind, be it romantic or not. OP reached his limit and just became done. NTA.
There’s something really weird going on between OP’s husband and BIL, I can’t imagine a scenario where someone’s brother repeatedly barging into a bathroom while his wife is showering doesn’t end with hands being thrown.
He may be a cuckold
When you care more about your brother’s regard than the ‘piece of A’ that you married, you might.
@@DeadDancers In another comment it's said that there is more to the story in further comments Rslash didn't read. Apparently the brother also cheated on his wife and that's the reason of separation. Op's husband is the only one who stood behind his brother, being supportive. Even putting the blame on the ex wife of his brother because she apparently didn't do enough to fix things, and this all seems to have happened while the ex wife was dealing with a bad pregnancy that ended in stillbirth. The guy was cheating during that time and Op's husbands back his brother on all this. So well, something is definitely weird...
BIL got divorced because he was cheating on his ex wife. OP's husband was the only person who supported him and actually blames ex-wife for not trying to fix the marriage.
Story 3: NTA, OP isn't obligated to console anyone. The brother hurt OP so bad he had to cut of contact with his brother and crush. OP doesn't deserve a butthole score at all. Besides who runs to get comfort from someone who has nothing to do with them for years.
Exactly. Emily hasn’t talked to OP in about a decade. Why is she running to him now? It’s not his responsibility, and she has a husband. Why isn’t she crying to him?
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
agree 100%
I can agree with your comment, but the fact that Emily didn't have anything to it and OP still didn't want to contact her when possible, it makes me a little mad
So, I think a 2.5/5 is a nice spot for OP
@@molly-molly925 I disagree. Being around her means he might have to be around his butthole brother. If she is having trouble with OP not being in her life, then that's on the brother. OPs brother knows why OP isn't in the picture and has said nothing to Emily. It probably hurts to be around her. If OP was a women, R/slash would have been completely on his side.
I dont know if the story specificied but I interpreted story 3 as his brother hooked up with his crush AFTER he asked for advice, and regardless of it, he still hooked up knowing it.
His behavior towards his neice is a bit much but I'll give NTA because he was courteous the whole time. But I agree he needs therapy to properly get over it.
He did.
@@Dragonmaster0118 If he did get over his crush that never was he'd be able to interact with her without being a weirdo.
@@paigehansen8944 if his brother wasn’t a pos he’d still interact with her, just because he’s over her doesn’t mean he’s over what his brother did.
@@Dragonmaster0118 His brother did a nasty thing & at some point OP should've grown up & confronted him privately about it. He need to heal from the betrayal & move on, part of that is actually looking the person in the face who betrayed you & telling them they're a scumbag for what they did. Gives them the opportunity to apologize or to not. Instead of shying away forever.
Still has nothing to do with Emily.
@@paigehansen8944 staying away is likely better for his own mental and emotional well being we don’t know if he called the douche bag out on what he did or not later I’m going to try and find the original post look for any context that was left out here.
Story 3: sure, he was immature and missed his chance to ask Emily out and someone else did. But can we acknowledge that that “someone else” was his god dang brother who he also asked for advise about how to deal with his Emily-crush?
As I see it he got hurt more by his brother, distanced himself from Emily because it was a painful and awkward situation. He broke up their friendship.
And that girl still clings on to their old friendship. At this point it’s her who needs to let go and realize that he doesn’t want much to do with her and her family!
It sucks for her, but I bet it sucked for him too when all this went down (even if she didn’t know about his feelings back then).
OP doesn’t deserve a butthole score, this poop-storm is all on Emily (for telling people op doesn’t wanna be her friend after 10 years of him actively avoiding her) and his brother (for sleeping with his brothers crush).
Honestly I agree however OP could have handled the situation of Emily asking for him to listen to her a little better, like he could have said that he didn’t want to talk with her and maybe even explain the reason, doesn’t necessarily make him the AH but he wasn’t completely faultless in this
@@kingofspades9720 OP was trying his best to be empathetic. That should not earn him an asshole score. Dude was just being honest and didn't want to deal with her. If he's still hurt about his brother betraying him like that and still sad about a missed chance, that's his prerogative. He never did anything harmful to the family, he just didn't engage with them.
Despite Rlsash constantly saying it, he seems to forget that you can choose your family and he decided not choose his asshole of a brother, his old crush and a niece he doesn't want to be an uncle too. All of that is his choice and he never signed on for any of that, yet here you sit on your throne giving him an ahole score because he was only polite when she asked for his help?
@@MarkoArillius I completely agree with most of that however my point was that if he chose to just not deal with her/his brother then he should have just done that and not went over to listen to her, because if he was just going to be cold to her then why do it in the first place, I understand trying to be empathetic, but he cant have it both ways with both trying to not have them in his life and also be there to listen to them, because that just led to her being more hurt because of OP.
He wasn't "only trying to be polite when she asked for his help", he was rude and mean during her time of need, sure he did listen to her, but that was pretty much the extent of what he did positively for her, if he knew that he wouldn't be as supportive as he once was and as supportive as she needed during this time then he should have done what he said to her and let her husband be the one that listens to her instead of OP because he wasn't able to give almost any of the support he once had.
TLDR; If he wanted to be supportive then he should have done that, if he wanted to leave them alone and do his own thing then he should have done that. not both
Yo R/Slash, that first story is worse than you think. It's not that the brother-in-law doesn't care, but rather is actively working to cause problems. He's going through a divorce, and doesn't like to see another happily married couple in his daily life. He probably thinks that if he can't be happily married then why should his brother and sister-in-law.
I mean, if the youngest kids are noticing the behaviour dad definitely needed a wake up call… NTA
Story one: You can't tell me the brother isn't doing this on purpose to break OP and their husband up, bringing both brothers into the same situation. I don't know what he thinks he will gain, shared misery or if he has turned mgtow and in his twisted mind tries to "liberate" his brother, but the update makes clear that he wants OP out of the picture.
What is mgtow?
@@jacobcothran9961 'men going their own way' 👌
MGTOW, at least the ones who aren't hard-core zealots, would tell the brother to knock that shit off to
Story 3:
Are ALL of you BRAIN-DEAD?
Liam KNEW OP had a crush and he INTENTIONALLY WENT AFTER HER!
that’s what i’m sayin
Thank you! The brother is 10000% an ah! Op, once he realized she was taken bowed out freaking gracefully! Hes still polite! He just doesn't want anything to do with the girl, or his brother. There's nothing wrong with that. Smh.
YES, THIS! I couldn't believe that no one else saw this immediately! OP needs to be pissed at his brother, NOT Emily.
@@carrierussell9224 Yep.
For the first story. You're missing the key fact, bro in law wants to see her naked, and when offering her a ride and saying they need space, he was indirectly trying to get with her. Of course he's been indirect, he always will be. Because when it's time to blame he can easily deny things as other pos do. He wasn't confused on why things are happening or how they could be avoided, he wants them to split so he can have his shot
It always seems weird to me when people barge into bathrooms claiming that they thought nobody was in there. Where the hell are all these houses with soundproofed bathrooms and why aren't I living in one of them?
I hear my 1st floors neighbours shower..IAM on the 3rd
You've got a choice of idiot or liar with this one. I'm leaving out deaf because most people living with a deaf person would have some other notice the bathroom is currently occupied.
And how didn't they notice the light underneath the door?
@@akl2k7 most people don't need to turn on the bathroom light during the day. I get your point at night, though
@@marjoriejohnston4905 Depends on the home. The bathroom in my apartment doesn't have any external windows, so it would be pitch black in there if I shut the door and kept the lights off.
Story 4 according to OP it’s been 11 years since he stopped talking to her. Now, imagine someone you haven’t seen *FOR AN ENTIRE DECADE* shows up at your house out of the blue and starts unloading their emotional baggage about their dead parent.
That *alone* gives her a butthole score. Now imagine that person is your siblings partner. I wouldn’t have let her inside because I don’t wanna do my brother like that.
How has he not seen her for q decade? She's married to his brother.
@@mariposa9506 he mentioned moving out of town and deliberately not going to their wedding and blaming traffic. He probably has been putting a fair amount of effort into avoiding them in general.
Story 2: another thing is are the stepchildren really uncomfortable around OP’s daughter or is the husband lying?
The one story with the OP and crush is so sad ngl. Like he wanted to talk to his brother for advice and sees them two like hanging out. I would feel devasted too NGL.
Adding plausible issue here: OR ORRR OP WAS USED SO HIS CRUSH CAN GET CLOSE TO HIS BROTHER. It is very plausible though since these cases happen often.
As someone who once lived with a guy who had a chronic problem about opening doors without knocking. I stressed to him that "Hey, a woman who is not your blood relative, lives here now, so its a massive issue if you keep opening doors without knocking." He walked into our room while I was changing, and even once while I was on the can when I stressed more than once in the place we were visiting I know doesn't have a lock (which stressed me out immensely). And the fact that your husband won't get a lock for a bathroom is very alarming because its one of the most vulnerable places you can be inside in a house where no one wants to barge in to see anything unless they're a massive perv. And if they see this as you being a prude or too sensitive, than you have bigger problems.
Besides... what kind of spineless husband can't step in to make sure his wife doesn't feel violated.
Disagree with you about the SIL story. He respected the relationship for 10 years by keeping his distance. He doesn't seem under the illusion that she would still pick him. That was squashed when she got pregnant. She also would have known he had a crush on her, so is being selfish by expecting him to be her shoulder to cry on. In most families, even without this history, SILs don't run crying to the BIL. That would raise eyebrows.
Story 3: NTA. OP had a crush that he confided to his brother. Instead of helping OP gain the confidence to ask Emily out, Liam instead hooks up with her, gets her pregnant, marries her, and expects OP to just be ok with it all. Liam is literally rubbing in OP's face that "this could have been your life". OP distancing himself from Liam, Emily, AND their child is just a means of protecting himself. Not just that, but opening himself up to being Emily's emotional crutch, OP would run the risk of Liam accusing him of trying to get with Emily behind his back and using OP's old crush on her as the reason for his suspicions. The only idiot in this entire situation is Liam.
Sorta thinking the same. OP should seek counseling to move on, but hasn't, so he's slightly an asshole. However. The brother has had ten years to make amends, but hasn't. Because he doesn't care. Because it doesn't affect him negatively. It majorly benefits him. Major asshole right there
Thank you
This is exactly what I was thinking
THATS WHAT IM SAYING. Did everyone just ignore the part where op literslly tells his brother about his crush and immediately the brother goes to hook up with the girl? . Gets her pregnant? Was with her in secret so that op doesn’t know?. All this went over everyone’s head. That’s some major disrespect and not even I would trust you brother for anything if he did that. Literally that sounded like a setup so that op becomes some kind of villain 💀
Yeah Liam messed up, but Emily didn't do anything wrong, so it doesn't make sense that he went out of his way to assist the funeral, treat her coldly when he knows well she is vulnerable, and then when she is like "why tho?" ( Bc he decided to do this all on his own instead of just keeping on distance) he takes this chance to be bitter at her "yeah I have to announce in this specific situation that we are no longer friends, bye forever" couldn't have he waited or done it in any other moment? Yeah, so he is TA. I am all for him distancing from them, but keep it consistent.
Story 3 is definitely NTA, why should he be forced to stay close to his messed up brother and weird friend? He didnt go full incel, he just peaced out and let them be.
Exactly
Imo he was only wrong to treat her coldly when her dad died, she never knew bro liked her and then wasn't the time. He had it rough tho normally the girl doesn't become your Sister in law. Not an incel, little bit of a Ahole but only for being cold , should've just never talked to her again 😂
@@bobtharealest3723 he doesn’t owe Emily anything! It’s not cold, it’s honest, and Emily is an oblivious idiot for thinking OP would care about her or her feelings. She can go cry to her husband
@@bobtharealest3723 nah, bruv. She came to OP, even though she's got a spouse to be her emotional support (a role OP hasn't filled in over a decade, mind you), and then just asks out of the blue why they're not friends anymore? And then sics a buncha people on him when he doesn't make nice? Yeah, something's fishy about her.
@@nicholasfarrell5981 she knew and she's a manipulative a hole who for some reason everyone is letting off the hook..
I have three sisters and one brother. I would never, ever, ever hook up with someone they had a crush on. Ever. The sibling bond, when healthy, is such a special thing. I feel so honored when one of my sibs wants to share something vulnerable with me. Yeah, we razz each other and tease each other, but we never intentionally do anything to make each other feel humiliated or hurt. Your sibs can often see your best strengths and your worst weaknesses and help you to be a better person. It honestly makes me feel so sad when siblings treat each other poorly. They're squandering a treasure that only comes around once in a lifetime.
Story 3: Eh, I don't agree. I always believed telling people to "ugh move on" is unhealthy, like.. dude, you don't know the other person. Maybe the fact that his brother, his own blood, betraying him by going directly after the girl he had a crush on gave him trust issues? In my opinion, he should directly tell them exactly that. Like, "Listen, brother, the fact that you went after a girl I specifically told you I liked really hurted me, you can call me spiteful or whatever but you broke a code, I'm not cool with that, I can't see you in the same fashion anymore and I can't respect your relationship with your now wife. So for this exact reason I'll distance myself from you and your family, it's in my best interests and yours as well" Done and done!
It's not on you to make it right with the person who hurted you. OP did wrong in not punching his asshole sibiling in the nose. I don't care if he wasn't dating the girl, CODES EXIST, PEOPLE.
story 3 I got a question why people say "if you are nice for girl it don't mean she need to give your body to you" but when girl is or was nice to you you need to give her your time /friendship/resources wtf. OP don't owe anything to her and is right she need to cry out into her husband or/and therapist
Giving people your time is what friendship is, giving people your body is what hookers do it’s not that hard to understand
@@geekgirl616 She wasn't his friend, and she did give her body to the brother--- 👀
@@RedrumZombies but she was his friend up until he decided she wasn’t worth anything to him If he couldn’t have her romantically therefore he never actually cared for his so called crush because if he had he wouldn’t have been so cold to her for doing absolutely nothing wrong
@@geekgirl616 ...blind.
@@RedrumZombies lol wut? You disagree with me and instead of trying to make a compelling argument you just come at me with the word ‘blind’? Wow you’ve totally bested me with that totally sick burn. 🤣
I think youre too hard on OP#3. He is under no obligation to have a relationship with anyone he doesnt want one with, brother, niece or SIL. He had a major crush on his childhood friend but all he did was distance himself until he was over her and he finally could move on and leave that behind him. What else is he supposed to do with his feelings? Continue to be in the friendzone? No. He handled it as best he could and didnt do anything toxic. And then, admittedly at a bad moment, he finally had it in him to tell his former crush, who doesnt get the hint or doesnt want to, that theyre not like that anymore and that his brother is the guy for that now. And her response is to call the entire family on him for that? The rSlash i know tells people off for that. OPs timing is bad, 1/2 butthole. SIL needs to get real. 1 butthole. Bro broke the bro code, i agree on that one.
Stop calling people incels just because they have feelings. Cut the man some slack. You dont just become close friends again after a heartbreak like that. Hope OP can get more honest with his feelings in the future, for his sake.
Rslash: down in the comments is the best rated opinion
Rslash: "it's MY opinion!"
Story 3: Emily is not entitled to her BIL's emotional labor, full stop.
Dabney, you read enough Entitled People to see it is normal for people to go no/low contact with the people who hurt them.
Completely agree with this
But no he calls the dude an incel for developing feelings for a girl he had been friends with for years then sought out advice from his brother, who insisted of helping him chose to pursue her himself.
@@Dragonmaster0118 RSlash called him an incel because he said he wanted her to notice him. He completely ignored the fact that he was just a kid when he thought that. To me that not being an incel that’s called being young and stupid.
@@MrDoverfield THANK YOU. Not to mention Incel-ism would be him being like, "I DESERVE her!" Versus him not really working up the nerve, hoping she'd notice him, and THEN likely planning a move since he asked his brother for advice!
I agree that the OP has every right to go low/no contact as a result of this hurt, but communicating this to Emily is important too. At this point, Emily has no idea she is the reason that the OP is hurting so much. If OP could be honest with her before cutting contact, Emily might understand and keep her distance, and OP might have some of emotional closure.
Story 3: If Emily can't turn to her husband for support during her difficult time then there is something wrong here. OP kept a civil and non-toxic attitude with the actual AH brother and the blameless Emily. The one true victim here is the niece whom loses out on an uncle. Perhaps he could suck it up and be that uncle but expecting him to be a friend to his SIL isn't entirely reasonable. He is well within his right to interact or not here.
For the Emily story:
The dude is not the bhole, he’s not hurt or bitter…..he’s just numb
On the Emily story. Why does OP get a butthole score for not wanting to have a relationship with these people or their kid? Emily and his brother hurt him and he has chosen to be polite, but distant. OP owes Emily, his brother, and niece zero. If he doesn't want to be a part of their lives, that is his choice. To give him a butthole score for being honest and telling Emily that he is not the person that she needs to be talking to, is BS. Being "family" doesn't negate the feelings that OP has. He has the right to feel anyway he wants to, and no has the right to judge him for it.
These people who harassed OP to the point of him deleting his post and his Reddit account called OP an incel, but I'm pretty sure they're just projecting, none of their logic makes any sense to me or you for that matter.
but Emily is innocent in all of this He is a sucky friend for not even telling her about why he suddenly started ghosting her. Ofc nobody owes anyone anything but u kinda do when u r a human living in human society
@@rebma5 So we are to believe that in the past 10 years Emily and her husband have never discussed why OP is so distant. I'm certain she knows about OP's crush. And after 10 distant years she suddenly counts on OP as emotional support like in high school??? I don't understand why she even contacted him.
And hey, friends sometimes drift apart. They couldn't have been that close anymore if Emily didn't even notice him being distant before she needed his help.
@@rebma5 She's not innocent tho! It's just as fucked up for your best friend to sleep with your sibling as it is for your sibling to sleep with your crush!
Why does everyone else get to make bad decisions and OP just has to deal with them and keep being a good little bitch boy to the 2 people that hurt him most in his life!?
The answer is he doesn't.
A locking bathroom door is actually required by law in most places. Even In a privately owned home it’s required once it goes up for sale. This pair of brothers is behaving very strangely and definitely a warning flare for O. P.
i dont know about the 3rd story, im only 16 but in those years ive had people i loved (gf's,bf's,,etc) that faded into obscurity just to come back in my life, it hurts seeing them again, and trying to get along with them is harder to, but you can still be there for them, of course not like the same way, but you cna still be a ally, ig this all depends on how emily veiws op but i guess its just conflicting feelings
It’s been 10 years of silence from OP to Emily and his brother. I’m sure this is painfully obvious to OP’s parents, his brother and Emily herself. Op just wants to go live his best life without his brother and his wife. He doesn’t owe them anything.
The lack of acknowledgement from r/ of the betrayal lol who cares if it has been 10 years
, that betrayal was life changing and permanent.
@@RobDaCajun its sad too, the person that you once had feelings torwerds didnt like you, so then married your brother and now both of them are expecting you to be happy for them when a scar like that gets ripped open again and when your not? oh i know! lets get everyone on your back! therefore you can act happy
@@RobDaCajun why the hell would emily come back to cry afyer 10 years? Did she knew about his crush and cried to him so she would get validation, or is she denser than the ocean? AND why did she cried about it to his parents? She wanted conflict.
@@pros_0143 my speculation is 1. because she’s manipulative and 2. Because although she loves her husband. He isn’t the emotional support crutch that OP had been.
3rd story. Yeah he had a bit of akward childhood vibes and she never owed him any kind of relationship that he never even brought up. But his reaction to their relationship and the 10+ years of silence between them is more than enough of a valid answer to any question she may have.
And I honestly have no idea why the relationship with the niece is even brought up at all. Who cares? He's not an asshole because he doesn't want to have relationship with a child of people he doesn't want a relationship with. I've got plenty of nieces and nephews, I can maybe name 2. And quite frankly don't really care to know them. Not my children and I don't have anything to do with their parents so why should I? People act like family means something when at the end of the day it's just the group who you happen to be born into. Family is who is there for you and makes real connections based off action and affection. I'm not religious but I've always stuck with that phrase, blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. Friends and people who choose to be in your life will be stronger support and more genuine than those who just happened to be born next to you. At least in my experience.
Long story short, I think OP did nothing truly wrong and the girl is a bit more sinister than story makes it out to be. Pulling on heartstrings she severed years ago acting like everything is the same but full knowing that it's not. Not blaming her for cutting those strings but she damn well knows what happened 10 years after the fact. And to try to brush it off is a bit too one sided of a decision.
Story 1: OP, you and your husband need to keep an eye on BIL. Judging on the look of things, he's trying to ruin your marriage. But if your husband chooses to defend him then he has a choice. You or his brother.
3rd story: rSlash yet again got it wrong. He didn't read the part where OP confess his crush on the girl with his brother, and he hook her up anyway. If that is not betrayal, I don't think what else.
THAAAAANK YOU...
Like that’s the part I understand. I’ve been in OP’s situation but I was being used for attention
no no he did, he even said so at the end of it, just that after 10 years ya gotta move on
@@Nobody_Fn_Important no you don't
@@thetruth1816 you do.
Story 3, OP likes a girl. Asks his brother for advice. Brother hooks up with said girl and OP wanted nothing to do with them.
NTA
Totally agreed.....
Say it louder so people in the back can hear you!!
💯
@@aduckofsomesort yes, she did do something. She knew OP was interested in her, And did not flat out tell him this was never going to happen. She wanted the older brother and she wanted OP as an “orbiter”. You can watch a ton of tick-tock‘s where women are upset that they lost their best friend. When they tell the dude they’re not interested in them that way. she should have respected his boundaries. He does not owe her anything. Just like she doesn’t owe him anything for her decisions. The main stance everyone is taking here is that these were the teen years and crap happens. so the rest of the family wants to rug sweep now. Because what is done is done. The parents want a happy family. The older brother wants a relationship with his younger brother. Emily wants her wussy best friend back. The only one who suffers here is OP. now to be fair OP deserve some of this punishment. He should have grown a pair and stated his intentions. Again what is done is done. Op needs to forgive himself, forgive his family, forgive Emily & Liam and go live his best life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean he has to live his best life with them though. OP needs to go to the gym, improve himself, step up his game and create his best life.
@@RobDaCajun Exactly. She doesn't owe him a relationship just because he was interested in her of course, but he doesn't owe her his friendship. OP is not the butthole, his brother is for hooking up with the girl he knew his brother liked. That's scumbag behavior, because he went to his brother for advice believing that his family would have his back.
Story 2, where the step-father hid the passport and then lied about it... whatever happened to "Thou shalt not lie?"
Ah yes, all of those childhood memories of installing locks on bathroom doors. I miss those childish days.
Story 3: OP needs to finish getting over his crush, but he also needs to maintain some emotional distance with SIL. No man should be a BFF and "shoulder to cry on" for his brother's wife. This could never be the same relationship it used to be, even if he had behaved better all along.
The NTA commenters are saying she’s owed higher levels of emotional support than what he’s already gave her because she’s *might* think they’re still super close bbfs. After 10 years of low/ no contact she should know. He already gave his brother wife a shoulder to cry on. Demanding more emotional support than that from your spouses siblings is just inappropriate.
@@MrDoverfield I agree people were way, way too hard on the guy. It's not even evident to me that he hates Emily or is still in love with her either one. He may have initially pulled away to shield his heart, but then maintained that distance to either stay away from his brother (who absolutely betrayed him) or because he realized it's not wise to be BFFs with your brother's wife.
When I was in school there was a boy I was good friends with and those feelings eventually turned romantic. When he dated another girl, I distanced myself as a form of protection, not out of resentment toward him or his girlfriend either one (who I also cared about). I no longer have feelings for the guy and have since gotten married, but if hypothetically my old high school crush started dating one of my sisters, I still wouldn't want to rebuild our friendship to what it had once been. Because it'd be weird and disrespectful to both my husband and my sister. It LOOKS shady to have a relationship with an in-law of the opposite sex that extends beyond occasional chats at family gatherings. Being in a grown up relationship means you can't have as close of friendships with people of the opposite sex as you had as a kid.
Emily's emotional expectations toward OP now when they're both ADULTS is to me far worse that OP not having reasonable expectation towards a crush or knowing how to ask her out/get over her when he was a TEENAGER.
@@catstarsky4049 the NTA commenters are ignoring the fact that she demanding more closeness. They’re pretending like the SIL was just reaching out to old friend and OP took out all his anger out on his poor little sister in law.
@@MrDoverfield that is what happened
@@mariposa9506 that's not true at all..
TBF on the 3rd story, having OP actively distancing himself from his SIL his brother and his niece, while unhealthy, is actually not the worst option.
Like, clearly, having OP around this family would likely result in SERIOUS issues.
Did you ever have a good friend who tried to just sneak out of the friendship because they fell in love with you without any hope of those feelings reciprocated, and when you tried to catch up with them, as they never gave you a hint about their problem, they reacted in a hurtful way? Because I did. It hurts a lot, and it's hard to get over.
@@IljaHordist goddamn, thank you!! So many folks are in here acting like this isn't unhealthy. Let old crushes lie. Ya'll didn't date, and if the other person never even knew there was an issue then why are you punishing them. This is soooo unhealthy.
The two things I can give to the OP: at least he distanced himself rather than being a prick for a decade & yes her husband should be supporting her emotionally. Apart from that, dude needs help.
Also weird that he seems nearly 0% upset with his brother. Maybe he left that stuff out due to character limits but it came off as him pinning the fault of this whole story onto Emily.
@@IljaHordist IMO responding in a hurtful way is the only bad part about the distancing. We can't control who we fall for or if they like you back. But op should've never responded to her coldly "go to your husband" 🙄 She did nothing wrong. Im a guy in a similar situation been ghosting her for 3 years now ill never be cold to her, she has many other friends but if she needed me specifically id be obligated to help as a former friend. Wouldn't dump my problems on them.
@@paigehansen8944 I feel like he left it out over obvious reasons. He told his brother because OP was LOOKING for confidence and help from one of the only people he could really trust with this and like I’ve seen other people say his brother just took it as a chance to give HIMSELF the life that OP could have had. It’s self explanatory that he most likely hates his brother with his guts now and is the reason he has tried to distance himself from that entire side of the family
@@paigehansen8944 just because she didn’t know OP had a crush on her doesn’t mean she owed more emotional support than a shoulder to cry. SIL felt entitled to more emotional support and OP set boundaries. SIL was displeased and got the entire family to gang up on OP.
If you hold up a mirror to some else's behavior and they do not like what they see, they do not really have anyone to blame but them self.
I also disagree with Story 3 Butthole score.
His brother hooked up with his crush, which is a violation of the bro code. Then Emily decides to show up and unload emotional baggage on OP. OP is not her husband and she should really have gone her husband for emotional support.
Pfff, honey, Bro code doesn't exist its something humans made up to feel better about themselves
And she did all that after clear and obvious signs that he wanted nothing to do with them.
I can give her a bit of a pass, grieving stage and all has her fucked up... But where is the brother?
Rslash in the first story: "It's perfectly reasonable to set boundaries"
Rslash in the third story: "Why are you setting boundaries loser? Get over it!"
Really. He has a bad habit of being sexist about stories involving women. Inner white knightism
At least OP in the last story isn't too scared of her dad to pull off stuff like this. My dad would scream very loudly, insult if things were done wrong and sometimes even throw things (e.g. frozen pieces of meat) after us, if he got really angry. I would've never had the guts to pull a stunt like that, let alone tell him how uncomfortable his behaviour is. I really hope that OP's dad will realize what he's doing to his family with his behavoir after calming down and starts working on improving his home life. Working hard, doing overtime and being in stressful situations for most of your day can and will get to you, but please guys, do not make your families suffer for it, kids don't deserve this and neither do wifes/husbands.
The agreement was that the husband and wife don't lock each other out of the rooms, BUT THAT AGREEMENT DOESN'T APPLY TO HIS BROTHER. If he rather defend his perverted brother, he can marry him then!
Hard disagree on Story 3
I'm guessing the part about the brother hooking up with OP's crush just went straight over? The brother automatically gets AH points for that and the fact that Emily, who has a HUSBAND she can always go to, expected OP to be the person to comfort her during her grief? I think that gives her a minor AH point at least. OP gets 0/5, he shouldn't be expected to just drop his feelings just because it's been a while, especially since he isn't even being a dick towards them
Emily might be imposing, but then again her dad just died, so I don't think she's an asshole for that. She should however go to her friends or husband instead of the guy who hasn't been a close friend in years.
so I'm not the only one
@@OneEyeShadow op does kinda deserve a butthole score because it seems like he only got with Emily to date I recently found out I was in the same situation guy I was friends with a guy for a few turns out he only befriended me because he wanted to date me and it kinda killed the friendship
@@OneEyeShadow I feel it's a tad manipulative of her to seek OP for support in that moment in specific. Like she's using a family tragedy to guilt OP into being her friend again.
Even if OP never had feelings for her, people grow apart and sometimes stop wanting to associate with them. The fact that she sent her flying monkeys after OP makes me feel like she's pretty manipulative.
Maybe I'm being too harsh but it always irks me when people try to force a relationship on others, be it romantic or just friendship.
People....seriously think about this.....put yourself in Emily's shoes.... Seriously.... you have experienced a loss, who do you call....oh I know, let's call someone who you haven't hung out with hardly at all for the last ten years, (and these aren't 50 year olds who just haven't seen each other in 10 years and that's normal after decades of friendship) but the last time you hung out was HIGH SCHOOL or COLLEGE.....lots of people stay social for the first decade or so after.....but you haven't hung out with this person except seeing them at family functions, so basically putting yourself in Emily's shoes....why are you calling up some by-marriage-only relative that you haven't hung out with for a decade as a person to comfort you, and that's not even addressing the fact that you picked someone who is opposite gender to youI.....so why is OP the one being called out here and not Emily's at best entitlement, at worst an attempt to manipulate and cause drama.
I can see why his wife divorced him
Who
If you're referring to story 1, it was actually the adultery.
Your suggestion to resolve the passport story is elegant! Take the kids, ditch the hubby.
Story 3.
The brother went after his crush! Got in a relationship with his crush! The brother KNEW these facts! OP wanted to ask his brother for advice, and ended up banging his crush.
Op got over it, forgive and forget. No longer interested yet she wants to be the like the good old days?
I really don't know how I can make it like the good old times because those were the moments (yes as kids but) when I had a crush. I could be friends again but I believe it all depends on the person, not anyone else. No one is obligated for to be in a bond they don't want to be in anymore. Weather I was good or bad person, I don't want to be a part of them but coexist and be polite.
Also I heard OP is just polite with the niece from someone in the comments.
The sister in law does have a right to be upset but again you can't force anyone to be your friend. I saying this as someone who has drop a person because I didn't believe I can be their friend anymore. She wasn't a bad person at all but she deserves someone who doesn't dread talking to her.
Who would you want? A person who wants to support you or someone who doesn't want that bond?... Its something both parties need to accept I think... but in the end I feel like that friend will end up like the sister in law and send people after me for not being her friend...
I may be wrong but it is something I can understand over. OP isn't a a-hole. Sister in law isn't a a-hole. No one is except the brother who I would say seems to not care about his wife's feelings because she seemed out for someone for support.
Edit: Spelling
Story 3: NTA. Those types of wounds go DEEP, even if you're young. The best thing to do is to cut the person out of your life and move on when these sort of things happen. That is exactly what he did. It isn't OP's fault his brother forced the person to STAY in OP's life. With such a crush, OP's brother definitely knew, and went after the girl anyways. Being shy and not knowing how to talk to a girl isn't "incel" behavior, its a shy kid being a shy kid. Being hurt and moving on also isn't "incel" behavior. OP is allowed to feel pain without being called an "incel". And yet you think it's ok for everyone to just ignore that pain and demand he just get over it?
Rslash, take a damn good look at your wife - the love of your life - and your kid and then pretend she is married to your brother and that kid was biologically his instead. Then when you feel anything ANYTHING negative just remember to "get over it". Damn right you'll get mad at me, but again, get over it, right?
The second paragraph, more than that. Imagine Rslash had TOLD his brother how he felt about his wife, and his brother had only made a move after he told him? With everything that came out from that, that's the sort of thing that poisons a relationship for a LONG time.
I really hope rslash takes a look at this comment and has a good, hard think about it overnight when he's about to go to sleep next
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
@@shykorustotora Lmao true
Ironically I can hear rslash's voice reading this in a video, if he had a clear mind when giving his takes on this story.
I love this TH-cam channel and podcast I’ve probably listened to every episode at least twice or more. With all of that exposure to Dabney I can confidently say that the story with Emily and the two brothers is the most L take. He isn’t being toxic at all he’s literally removing himself in the most respectful way possible, just distancing himself. I would distance myself from my brother if he did something like that. And why is she entitled to OPs support?? He isn’t required to give it nor to maintain a relationship just like how she doesn’t owe him a relationship just because he likes her. Lastly he just straight up isn’t being an incel at all. He doesn’t seem resentful, he’s just not subjecting himself to spending time with the girl he liked and the guy (his own brother) who went behind his back to get with her. It didn’t work out so he removed himself from the situation, simple as. Just a miss today bro still love this channel though.
I'm in the same boat a ton recently where some of rSlansh's takes have been hella weird and very "divorce" centred as soon as something bad happens but he's right in this one.
The problem is, OP seemingly has not spoken to Emily about this at all and it comes off to EVERYONE in his live as petty and disrespectful. The beef with his brother is one thing. The sudden stop of what you thought was a friendship for life is a big thing. Emily wasn't in the wrong because she was not aware of anything wrong happening.
The whole situation is VERY "ohh I'm only being besties with you because I wanna be with you" which, to everyone on the receiving end, feels slimy and dishonest. Yes his brother is a POS for going after the person he had feelings for but it's not Emily's fault because SHE DIN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A THING! For her side, OP was her best friend that she could rely on and she never saw him as a potential partner, but a best friend.
Also, no one is "entitled" to anything here but if you used to be best friends for YEARS and suddenly the person you thought was there to support you becomes SUPER cold, you'd want to find out why and have issues with this reason. Especially when you had NOTHING to do with the beef!
OP is super pissed at his brother (for good reasons) but the way he went most of his life, being best friends with Emily, only to yeet her out of it as soon as she got with her brother was a shit move TO EMILY. OP should have had a conversation with her, maybe console in his family of what to do or even confront the brother. This whole situation is absolutely fucked and the only people who should not be getting any blowback is Emily and (especially) the kids.
Nah. That guys straight Incel material.
Who the hell gets turned down by their crush and is still buttmad about it a decade later? Move on, for gods sake.
I personally feel that the brother sucks more than OP, because I'm pretty certain that he only hooked up with the girl BECAUSE OP had a crush on her. And then he goes and gets her pregnant. That's just a huge mess that OP won't be dealing with, and the brother probably isn't either, but she is!
You can easily spot people who've never been in this situation. They call OP "Salty" but that's not how it works. Imagine you're in a serious car accident and get extremely bad whiplash, then Rslash telling the dude "That car accident was 10 years ago, quit being a baby and get over the 'pain' lol~"
Yes, OP isn't the AH.
He lost his longest time best friend, crush and confidant, due to his brother's actions after confiding his crush on Emily to his brother.
I feel that Rslash was too low with the 2,5 for the brother, at least a 3 score in my opinion.
0 for OP, but perhaps could have delivered his decision at a better time.
I'm divided on whether Emily deserves a score, because she hasn't realized that OP, her supposed friend for years, took the news of her pregnancy very hard and hasn't been trying to be in contact since.
OP isn't "salty", he's heartbroken by a serious crush while seemingly being a very shy and introvert guy.
Not everyone is a "man of the world with a woman in every port" type of extrovert.
@@kholdanstaalstorm6881 You make a good point. It’s almost like the biggest critique of this guy is “You’re not a confident extrovert so that means you’re bad!”
Honestly, in story 3. I feel like the brother is the worst here. He knew this would cause an issue but never took the time out to talk with OP.
Whilst OP hasn't shown himself to be a decent guy at all, he hasn't exactly done anything bad. He can't have a healthy relationship with his brother and the girl he used to like so he has distanced himself. Whilst his mindset is unhealthy, he has shown a degree of recognition to that fact and taken action to remove an issue rather than induce it.
Definitely agree here brother is a complete AH for doing that to OP
Yeah I side with OP on this. He wanted to protect himself so he put up boundaries. Who would be happy to see the person you’ve been crushing on hook up with the sibling you’ve confided in? It’s peculiar that Emily tried to get all emotional with OP after ten years of low contact. Can’t she get a hint? And why can’t she cry to her husband? Comforting her is his responsibility anyway, not OPs. I say NTA.
@@mindyschocolate people are saying OP is the jerk for not forcing himself to be the comfort buddy he was to her when they were kids and setting up boundaries. They’re acting as if he shunned her. He already gave her his condolences and shoulder cry on. She expecting too much out of her brother in law that was her friend 10 years and now lives a different state.
The not wanting locks on any room in the house is terrifying for more than just the BIL being a creep, what if someone breaks into the house and you hide in your bedroom to call 911 because you can't get out? A lock might not stop them but it will slow them down.
Imagine cleaning so in depth that you feel the need to dust even under a pile of papers inside the third drawer of your spouse’s desk.
Story 3: NTA don’t you always say cut off people to protect your mental health and yourself? OP older brother who he trusted broke that trust by sleeping with the girl who he knew OP liked not to mention his friend was banging his brother and keeping it a secret meaning she thought it was wrong then they have a kid, get married so of distances himself from them all going LC and now his one time friend was to unload he has to listen? No that is why she why she has a husband and the fact Op has kept that distance over the years shows he has set a boundary and she is is overstepping that because she wants emotional support? Not OPs job. The brother is the reason there is no relationship there, he could have easily told his younger brother he had feelings for the same girl rather than have him catch them and rub it in his face. OP should change LC to NC
RSlash is completely wrong on this one
@@MrDoverfield and a hypocrite that amount of times he says it okay to do this but when the reason is a broken heart, suddenly it's bad?
Story 1: Am I the only one who thinks that the brother was doing this on purpose to break up their marriage? At first, I thought he was just a pervert. But his comment at the end makes me think he was trying to get her to leave.
Locks keeps an honest person honest, second story, Your husband is definitely playing favorites with the children. Red flags everywhere.
I think this is just a trick so OP ask for the divorce and the Husband can show himself as the good person, because if is not that, why would You let your brother sexually haras your wife?
(About Emily) Dude, NO ONE has any obligation to like any family member. If you're uncomfortable with them, you're uncomfortable with them. Even if they're kids. Period. Doesn't matter the reason. You can maybe work on the reason if it's something bad or if it bothers you, but if not, it literally doesn't matter as long as you keep being polite. Y'all are weird
Story 1: The BIL seems like he’s saying, “if I can’t be married, no one can!”