I was at a wedding for family friend and I was dancing with her and asked, how’s your wedding??? And she said, (during her wedding -remember!) “nice-not worth the money.” 😮
Two-engineer household. We spent ~$1k on the ring/wedding and another $2k on the honeymoon. You know what helps keep a marriage happy? No financial stress.
You're absolutely right! We love luxurious holidays. We spent 21k on our honeymoon - 3 countries, 4 weeks. Incredible experience. But again, we didn't experience financial stress to get it either so it was super enjoyable on all accounts.
I used all that wedding money toward down payment to a house, looking back now that was the smartest decision and have no regret. I can retire earlier than most people in my age group and more financially stable brings long term joy. Don't let media and people influence you, it's your choice and your life. I didn't care what other people say
Had a potluck in a backyard--no regrets. My parents were willing to contribute and we could've done a bigger thing, but since we went small they gave us the $ to pay off my spouse's remaining student loans instead.
Would love to see you interview a freelancer who works in the wedding industry to explain the wedding "tax." I was a queer friendly tailor for a number of years and altered many bridal gowns and tailored many suits, primarily for queer couples. I quickly learned that I HAD to charge more for bridal gowns in particular bc brides had zero chill and required far more emotional labor and hand holding to get them through the process than a non-wedding client - it would easily double the amount of time I spent on the fittings and alterations. I don't blame them when there's so much cultural messaging about how important your wedding is, but I couldn't take on that burden for free. So, go ahead and lie and say it's just for a party but please only do that if you can be a bit more relaxed about your expectations. Personally, I found it so stressful I had to quit doing wedding tailoring altogether.
Yes!! A vendors side is needed. Most of us are small businesses just trying to survive without burning ourselves out. If you don’t want/can’t afford something, no worries do what you want but people who value these services need to pay for the time and effort we put in, but also the experience we have. We’ve learned the ins and outs and help as best we can, but we can’t do all the work for free.
@@mara-shields No one's asking you to do it for free. We're saying that you should quote the price for the service that you usually charge for non-weddings. If you often have to do extras for wedding parties (like the tailor above), then list your quote with addendums about typical behavior you see with weddings rather than tack it on to all weddings regardless of the client's behavior. Charge for the work you do, don't charge for the work you *might* do because it's a wedding and not a reunion/grad party/holiday/other type of party.
@@anakaliahaoa2551 I don’t charge for work I might do, I charge a flat rate and some couples are super easy going and some need more help/are more demanding. I charge a fair rate for myself and offer the help for everyone and don’t take on more than I can handle in case they all need that help. But in order to not get overwhelmed or burnt out and provide the same quality to all my clients, I need to charge over $3k per wedding. Most people are at least respectful and say they understand why my prices are higher but they don’t have the budget. Which I totally understand and wish them the best and recommend others when I can. But in this video they act as if video isn’t important at all, literally say it’s not needed, and that in spending over $3k the couple “got got”. Even within our own industry we have other vendors acting like we don’t matter, and I’m so tired of people not respecting us and our work. If someone values video and wants to (and can) spend $3k+ for someone with experience, skills, and knowledge of weddings they shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s not worth it and a waste of money. It’s more about how things were said specifically in this video that has me and others upset. We need to hear from the other side, the side of these small business owners who are charging what they’re worth finally but facing backlash because “things didn’t use to be this expensive”. Yes, because people worked themselves out of the industry from burn out! Marriage is a right. Weddings are a luxury. If someone can’t afford a mustang, they aren’t going to go complain and say terrible things about the company. They’re going to look for something they can afford. If I was charging what I’d charge a non-wedding, it would be at least double. Corporate events are so much more expensive simply because they have the budget. But I personally would rather do 2 weddings over 1 corporate event because I enjoy them. People also don’t want to be nickel and dimed so you usually can’t go back and add charges if they do end up being more time consuming. I do weddings because I love it, but constantly having to prove we belong in the industry at all is very disheartening, especially by someone with a large platform.
@@anakaliahaoa2551 So, you expect non-special pricing, yet it is special order tailoring? Yeah, no this doesn't make sense; you could run your business this way, but its a great way to lose a ridiculous amount of money, extremely fast
We had a beautiful, intimate backyard wedding with 27 guests. It was magical and I wish I could live that day again and again. I highly recommend small, low stress weddings. These big over the top celebrations seem to be more of a headache than anything else for the bride.
I wrote a comment to this effect but then deleted it. I've never been married but I wrote that it seems odd to spend a decent amount up front when you haven't even been tested yet as a couple. Unfortunately, some marriages end in divorce and we really don't know who will stay married and who will split up. All the best to you.
One of the only things that I regret about spending at my wedding is very culturally specific, but I haven't heard folks talk about much. One thing about the wedding tax that I discovered is that there can be a higher culturally specific wedding tax due to there being a smaller number of vendors in one's area who are familiar with the culture, ritual, and general things to do/not do for weddings. In an attempt to save money, we used some vendors who did not specifically specialize in our culturally specific wedding needs. Most of the time this worked out just fine. What I only realized after watching the wedding video is that our videographer needed to be oriented to what were cultural specific important moments in the ceremony and reception. We did this with our photographer, and it worked out great! It was clear the videographer didn't completely understand what he was watching based on choices he made in the editing. In the end, it wasn't a big deal, but I figure it's worth mentioning. Let your vendors know what it important to you if you don't think it is going to be obvious.
I’m 63 and I got married at 35 in a traditional wedding gown that I lived and spent $700 on in 1995. I had it professionally cleaned and preserved in a special acid-free package and put it in my attic just in case, but without expectation. My daughter is 27 and will likely be married in the next few years. I will offer it to her, with no demands or requests of manipulation. I will tell her that she can sell it to put the money toward her own dress, wear it as is, alter it any way she wants, or just pass on it. I was 5’7 and 135. She is 5’3 and 120. We have different preferences. It is her choice. Gifts should never come with strings attached.
I am an a-typical fan of this show. Australian heteo male, CPA qualified, home owning, child free, de facto (not married), etc. And even though a great deal of the advice on the channel does not relate to my personal situation, I still see the importance of the information being shared. And I just love the advice this channel gives. Its all very very reasonable sensible stuff that they don't teach you at school. This channel is doing wonders for financial literacy and I hope more people continue learn and develop how to use money as a tool to improve their lives and make better choices. Many videos on this channel should be mandatory viewing for high schoolers.
It's not gouging. Vendors know wedding customers are very demanding and picky and require tons of tlc. Zero chill. If they could not charge extra, most would have nothing to do with weddings.
We got married at the courthouse for $75 and then went out to a restaurant with our immediate family and a couple of friends. And I don’t regret it at all. After the meal we got to spend time together as a newly married couple and went to a food truck festival with our two friends from out of town in the evening. It was super romantic and special. No regrets.
I got married in NYC for $13K and I had the best time. I don’t regret it at all. However, I was in my mid-40s and we completely bypassed the entire wedding industry. I think most people would be surprised how easy it is to not involve the wedding industry in your wedding.
can you please say more about not involving the wedding industry?? I'm hoping to stay under 15k in LA (similarly high cost area lol) but when looking at venues/vendors it seems absolutely impossible. what kind of vendors/venues did you use?? thanks!!
I managed a relatively big wedding of 130 with a £10k budget and still regret it. It wasn't the money but there was no way I was able to enjoy the event with all the planning and stress with that many people. It's really hard to talk to everyone and felt super impersonal. I'm divorced now and just would never have a big wedding even if it was free
I think at the end of the day, having a well-run party is the goal. You can spend 5k, but if everyone is unhappy and had nothing to eat, is it really worth the savings? Vice versa, if you spend 40k and are in financial stress, and turning into a bridezilla... was that really money well spent? I think just being intentional about your purchases at the end of the day makes a good wedding.
Exactly! We spent about $40k 15 years ago which was within our budget and paid off right away. I should note we are in the DC area so everything is expensive, even though the reception wasn’t extravagant and only about 100 guests. It’s not often friends and family gather together, so that was our motivation.
I was on a transatlantic cruise (Barcelona to Miami) and there was a woman who apparently was on her honeymoon .She wore her wedding dress EVERY DAY for the entire 3 weeks. I'm not sure if she was crazy or just getting a good bang for her buck.
if it was a fire, well-tailored everyday dress i’d say that’s a win!! ❤️🔥…if however it’s a crinkly princess ballgown like Diana wore that’s a big fail.
Most wedding dresses are really cheap looking strapless sequined monstrosities I wouldn’t wear once tbh. 😅 like ariana’s slip dress? she could wear that 3 days in a row but most wedding dresses aren’t truly wearable
brainwashed into thinking that’s “average” when that’s only what the Knot reports (with incentive to make it seem higher!) from people who take Theknot surveys lol. I think average is probably 15-20k in actuality. :)
@@melissahilliard3583I think it’s because they had to source out so many items- linens cutlery, extra toilet , sometimes it ends up being more expensive going with a DIY venue than a venue that already has all that stuff.
I had a 30k wedding. I do want to acknowledge 30k is about the national average. Thankfully, my husband and I are privileged enough to avoid incurring any debt and we went into planning knowing what our budget was. I don't regret my wedding - it was super lovely, the pictures were amazing, it was a great night. For me, a wedding was something I really wanted. My family and friends, thanks to the military, are flung all across the world (I can't even say I'm from anywhere due to the amount of times I've moved in my life). A wedding functions as one of the few socially acceptable ways to pull all my loved ones under one roof for a night - another would be a funeral, but I won't be there to experience my own.
@eurovianmutt Not quite the same. At least in my culture, family reunions typically focus on one branch at a time (ie mom's family or dad's family) and friends are excluded.
Completely how I feel and spent about the same. My wedding was one of the best days of my life!!! 300 people who loved us partying all night would never regret that ❤
Love this! My wedding is in three months and I’m so excited to celebrate this huge milestone with all my friends and family, who I will never have together under one roof again, especially considering we all live in different states. I think we’re made to feel like it’s silly to have a traditional wedding with all the online content about wedding regret but if you can afford it, why not? I saved up for this before we even got engaged.
Love this! Though I'm not religious, I do believe a big aspect of our culture that we've lost or give less value to these days, is having ceremonies. These special occasions where your family and friends get to collect all together, "break-bread" so to say, and celebrate each other's milestones in life. It creates a sense of community and keeps you in touch with some folks you wouldn't see in your regular life otherwise. I know how expensive these moments are, and that it is a privilege to afford big gatherings, but it is becoming a rarity almost to have a wedding, and then when you get out to one, you remember why they're so much fun, and how they're a great milestone in this couple's journey in life together. Just my two cents., but no judgement at all on people who decide to elope!!
Same here, 30k and I don't regret it. Didn't go into debt. The only regrets I have is I wish I had been more present and taken it all in, but I was a bundle of nerves! And also wish some of the contractors had done a little better job on a couple things.
Mine was multi day and very expensive -over 80k. As someone who has never cared for the wedding rhetoric it was an exhausting and seemingly endless experience. The feeling of relief once it was over is the most memorable component
We spent about $30K on our wedding and I don’t regret it at all. It was the funnest party we’ve ever thrown and it was amazing to have nearly all of our family and friends together for an event.
I love to see comments like this! Good for people who got eloped or had a $1K wedding but the overall sentiment is very negative toward people who have traditional weddings. My friends and family live in different states so we don’t see everyone often and I’m so excited to have them all there to celebrate with us. As long as we can afford it let us be happy lol
My husband and I got married during the pandemic and it was a blessing because it relieved everyone of societal expectations on the wedding itself and it allowed us to have a day we thoroughly enjoyed! Marriage license and a small city hall ceremony with immediate family (10 people, us included): €16. Lunch for 10 at a nice restaurant afterwards, without telling them we just got married 😏: around €700. That same night we invited 8 close friends out for pizza and beers: around €150. We asked everyone to not gift us anything. We got no rings because we don't wear them, and I got a pair of cream jeans and a cream turtleneck I wear very often with a lot of joy. We would have loved to have an impromptu "hey we just got married, drinks are on us at this place" type of party for all our friends, but that being not possible at the tine, we had several other smaller gatherings at different times!
My husband and I also got married during the pandemic--four people counting us in a local park, and my mother-in-law streamed the ceremony online for the rest of our family and close friends. I have no regrets either! We did have rings, though, but I ordered ones not specifically marked as "wedding" rings so they were only about $70 each. My husband does have a pass-down ring he would eventually like to get reset and give to me, because the band is so tiny!
You have no idea how much I NEEDED to hear this conversation, I've been thinking more and more that yeah maybe I would like to get married to my partner, but I've been going back and forth so much about "should we do like a wedding?" and this has helped me really land that my ideal party is just what she said, a cook out with close friends and a lot of hanging out.
I kind of convinced two of my cousins and their partners to have 10 Year anniversary parties, since they both never got married to their partners and are now celebrating their 10 years of being together. In my opinion, people forget about the ceremony and celebration of love, and of course your close and family and friends would be overjoyed to attend your celebration whether it's a decked out or intimate. I think a lot of people forget about this community/ceremony aspect, and elope. Which is also totally fine! But just remember, there are people who would also love to celebrate with you too.
Hey young people! Heads up for your financial well-being: Don’t spend a year’s annual salary on a wedding! Don’t borrow for a wedding. Keep it intimate and set a small budget to pay for the things that matter most. You will still have a beautiful, memorable event. If you are in the middle class or struggling to get there, max your total budget at $10K or less. You do not need to spend $75 on dinner for the plus one guest of a coworker who will be out of your life the next time you switch jobs. If parents or anyone demands that you invite certain people you hardly know, tell them they will have to pay for those extra guests. For friends who have special skills, ask them if they would donate a service and let that be their gift. DJ, photos, cake, programs, place cards, decorating, favors, centerpieces, are examples of things you can get people to help with. Don’t go to destination pre-wedding parties and weddings for friends and don’t ask them to do it for you. Boundaries! You have the right to set boundaries.
I would think twice about asking friends with special skills to donate their services. I have a friend who was invited into multiple bridal parties to do their hair and makeup free of charge because she was a professional stylist. In the end, she was "working" 12-hour days and completely exploited, it was not fun for her at all. Given how many weddings are treated by their clients as such high-stakes events that strive for unrealistic perfection, it's an incredibly high-stress position to put someone in who isn't even being compensated. The relationship would have to be rock solid and the wedding party very accommodating and flexible to even entertain asking people to work for free.
Can you interview people who spent $10k or less on their wedding? I think that perspective would be more helpful than people who feel remorse after a very expensive wedding
My husband was so annoyed by how the wedding industry completely ignores the groom’s thoughts and opinions. As he said when we were planning, it takes two to make the wedding happen! And as the bride, I hated how many decisions were presumed to be all me.
I'm not married, but when I look at the way people in American media talk about weddings, it sounds like it's all supposed to be about the bride, the bride, the bride, the briiiiiiideeeee.... and the groom is just an accessory to her day. It seems incredibly one-sided (I'm from Europe and I don't think it's quite the same in my country, from what I've seen among my family and friends, although it's getting more this way because of... well, because of the exposure to American media! :-D )
The wedding industry? I feel that’s a silly thing to complain about. It’s the wedding of you BOTH, not the industries wedding. So if he didn’t have a say, or you didn’t let him - that’s both your faults lmao
@@liyahs1energy I think we shouldn't ignore the social complicity in this issue. My wife and I were similarly annoyed at the marketing around childcare: have you ever seen a car seat or stroller package with a picture of a dad on the side? If our culture constantly tells a group of people not to be interested in something, they will not be interested in that thing.
@@BegravelseinBrussels a stroller ad isn’t what’s making a father less attentive of his own flesh and blood. Nothing could make a truly loving dedicated parent like that. Have you seen the interviews where they ask dads a few questions about their kids then the moms? Don’t know their kids birthdays, name of school, name of teachers, name of best friends, picky food habits. It’s not normal and I’m not going to look for excuses for it. They’re grown men.
Got engaged in 2019, put down a deposit for a venue in early 2020 (wedding would have been Jan. 2021) then COVID happened. We ended up getting courthouse married with just the two of us and a photographer on our originally chosen wedding day and then having a formal wedding a few months later (for about $12K total). After experiencing both the courthouse and the traditional wedding, I tell all of my friends to *at least* consider an elopement or small celebration. All weddings can be perfect, no matter the size. No one should go into debt to get married.
I actually wear my wedding dress on a regular basis! I'm a goth and went for a corset + skirt with frills combo :) Serves me well on the dance floor! 🦇
DIY it’s usually only cheaper when it’s something that you do often. Supplies, rework, and volume usually make it just as expensive as a lower cost, ready made option.
Wasn't legal for two women to marry in Australia in 2016, so my wife and I eloped to New Zealand in the beautiful mountainous Queenstown during snow season and had a registry wedding wearing our favourite tshirts. Mum was there to sign the witness document and we ate NZ fudge in an Ice Bar afterwards. The whole thing cost us AUD$3000 (like US $2000 I guess?) and we had a wonderful holiday there afterwards. Zero regrets, wonderful memories in beautiful surroundings. I'm getting teary talking about it!
Yes! I remember even the intracultural shock I had in initially discussing what constitutes a "big" wedding with my spouse. "Oh, his wedding wasn't really that big. Only about 200 people." Or "Sure, I've been to half a dozen 500 to 600 people weddings..." When I met a cousin of his sister-in-law, she was so excited to meet me and said, "oh, yes, we heard that you got married in secret!"...totally, because there were only about 115 people at our wedding, we clearly eloped, lol :)
My spouse and I tie dyed our wedding clothes after we tied the knot. :) I've worn my wedding dress countless times now. Less than $50 and I'm so so so happy.
this was such a great point of view! My partner transitioned after the wedding and we are so happy together, but looking back at old photos of our wedding in SF during the pandemic makes us feel like those were our old selves. there was a lot of pressure to do things a certain way from family as well as the need to face reality of the pandemic's limitations. I love my wedding AND also I would change it. with all of the happy changes in our lives and growth as people, we plan on having a wedding part 2 with close friends and family at a park or home. something wayyy more afordable. I really like diy and crafting, and I still have a lot left over from our wedding pt.1. Most importantly, we are planning on a new photoshoot where we both feel beautiful, because we deserve happy memories post pandemic too.
Eloping in a few weeks! Spent 2k on my dress and 3k on a photographer. Husband to be is wearing one of his previous groomsmen suits. Just invited our families and close friends (with no pressure to actually attend) to come watch and have dinner if they wanted. Very excited tor a chill weekend.
We are a couple from South Africa who just got married (29F and 30M). We opted for an elopement in Greece and honestly it was so magical and stress free! We earn around $225k per annum jointly, and in total our elopement (rings, outfits, ceremony, officiant, photographer, videographer, flowers, cake and 8 course fine dining/wine pairing menu at a breathtaking hotel) cost us around $6k. We then spent all the extra budget on three weeks honeymoon across the french riviera and greece. Honestly, it was so worth it! The wedding industry is an absolute scam.
I'm 65 and there were no wedding favors when my generation was getting married. There were no destination bachelor/bachelorette parties. There were no multi-day events - the wedding was just one day. The "must haves" for a wedding keeps getting bigger.
I want to repeat what other commenters have said: Please interview wedding industry workers about the "wedding tax." I want to know their reasoning and their own tips for having the best wedding, what they would prioritize, and how to make it budget friendly.
Hoenstly had a bigger wedding with a $30k budget and dont regret it! It was an amszing way to bring everyone together. And we were blessed to have help. But also do agree everyone should do what they want.
I think there are two frames of thought. The joy a wedding brings you vs. the joy it brings others. It also depends on personality. I love music and dancing. I want to do the big wedding, but if you are not into that then yeah probably a waste
Yeah I don't wanna be a hater but some people who brag about making their loved ones work to put on their wedding (potluck where everyone is expected to bring food, asking them to decorate, asking them to host, asking for the cleanup or to take all the pictures for free or do hair and makeup for free) just have me wondering if anyone even enjoyed themselves
Exactly! I love hosting and being able to do that brought me so much joy. Again totally agree that people spend A LOT ON WEDDINGS and can get super influenced to go into debt. Just wanted to add the perspective that weddings can still be worth it, if it's worth it to you!
I was always stuck between, "Spending money on a wedding is impractical" and "I want to feel like a pretty princess for a day" when considering a wedding. When it actually happened, it ended up being a small (less than 30 including us) wedding but much fancier than I would have thought I would have done (for complicated reasons). I think that is a less common middle ground if you want a "weddingy" wedding but have a limited budget. Keep it small. The fact you can only invite your closest friends and family really stops you from accepting that your mother-in-law wants to invite her bff (this didn't happen to me; my mother-in-law is lovely). I also didn't realise how much my family kind of needed a formal wedding (although it could have been less fancy). They didn't push me into it or anything, but they seem to subconciously feel like I was finally settled and, therefore, they didn't need to worry about me. The wedding cost a bit over 10,000 gbp including rings (including engagement) in late 2022. Decor was beautiful and was elevated by the venue already being decorated for Christmas.
I'm from the Philippines. here, wedding is like a status symbol and there seems to be a competition on who will have the "wedding of the year". It's like there is a need to please relatives l. When I got married, it was just DIY and we were on a limited budget. but my then husband's family wanted to include their nephews and nieces. I mentioned that our wedding is not a children's party. His sister who talked to me about it never talked to me the entire wedding. 🙄
Yes! Malaysia too! Can relate, and it feels like theyre doing a competition to show who has more money by having the most extravagant wedding among the relatives 😅😅😅 ohmygosh
@@WestZ yes it is but that lechon is a status symbol too and must always be placed whole on the buffet table! 😅 chopping and servin qwill be done only after photos are taken
How do people afford this usually? I know of a number of cultures where really big weddings are the norm, or at least the ideal, but where there are also a lot of people who are pretty poor. Obviously everything is cheaper too, but still, where does this money come from usually? Do people go into debt for it?
I also spent around $30k on my wedding in 2019 in So Cal. But I don’t regret it bc it was the last time we had all our family together before the pandemic and we lost loved ones. And the dance floor was full the entire night and like the last guest from last episode mentioned- I don’t think there is enough dancing in adult life. Also culturally we have a big family and we have family parties on the regular so we couldn’t imagine not having everyone together.
The wedding industry is truly horrendous. I’m recently engaged, and my partner and I have set a pretty low budget (under $10k). We’re getting married in basically a community center, catering is from a food truck, and my friends and I are DIYing basically everything else, and we’re still barely holding onto the budget by the skin of our teeth. I went to a wedding expo the other day, which I found out was a big mistake, but I was looking for a photographer and for a tailor for my partner’s suit. One of the photographers was charging $9k just for 8 hours of coverage. Even if you factor in that they may be doing up to a total of 40 hours with the editing work, that is still like $225 per hour. Like I understand it’s a job that requires skill and creative talent, but why am I paying you more than my psychiatrist?
I had one photographer quote me $10k AUD, but the one we went with cost us maybe $4-5k (I honestly can't remember). I believe in investing in photos, but not to the tune of $10k.
Vendor pricing is all over my he place just like people’s budgets. There are photographers that charge more than double that. Why? Because people value their services enough to pay that. Plenty of vendors serve couples who have higher-end to luxury weddings. It’s like asking how some restaurants can charge $500 for a tasting menu of tiny items. There’s a market for it. There are also vendors the serve couples with the average budget and those that charge less. $9,000 isn’t the norm where I live (HCOL city). It’s usually half that, but there are definitely people around charging closer to $1,000 - $2,000 for a full day of shooting. They do less editing or they’re a little newer to the industry and are working on building their portfolio.
I got married last year in Poland and we had a very low budget too. We had only 40 people, did the party in a restaurant boat and we spent around 600 PLN (150€) per person and that included everything: food, open bar, wedding outfits, favors, photographer, etc. Here in Poland wedding menus have many courses + buffet and all the time I go to a wedding here I get sick because of the amount of food... So we decided to have a cold buffet + main course + cake + midnight snack and it was more than enough. Because of that, we could pay for hotels and transportation of our parents and siblings. The total amount we spent in the event was about 10k. The only trick is we made it as simple as possible, I tailored my wedding outfit, I DiY decorations and made wedding favors myself, I made the wedding cake too, instead of Dj we just created a Spotify playlist and regarding the photographer, we hired a photographer for about 2-2,5 hours just for a photoshoot before meeting with everyone and a few photos at our arrival with our friends (it was 1K PLN/250 €). It is possible to have the wedding that you want with a low budget but you need to get creative and keep it simple.
love this series! You are so right about the wedding industry and just western wedding culture. The financial expectations our culture has for weddings are seriously insane and I'm so glad you're pushing back on them!!
I have such mixed feelings about my wedding now 5 years later. Our wedding cost 22-23k overall and we had 100 people. We broke even with gifts. So money-wise, I'm totally peaceful with it. However, I wish we had way less people there. We invited people we barely knew. I wish we trimmed away all those people and had fewer. We could have thrown a longer party and enjoyed each other and the beautiful venue much more. The reason we had so many strangers a our wedding was because of my husband's parents and also my husband wanted to strengthen some work connections. I wish we stood our ground with my in-laws because those people didn't even pay for themselves! As a side, I wish my wedding photographer took better bride and groom portraits. They're okay but quite out of focus. Not the best poses either. I love them because of what they represent but for REAL: you'll never have a perfect day and despite all your work something will go wrong or not live up to your expectations.
Once you put ,Wedding: in front of anything, prices go up!! shoes, dresses, meal prices, everything!! and this thing about been the happiest day of your life, ask most Brides afterwards, the day flies by in a blur! Its amazing marketing is what it is.
My biggest shock from the interview is that the wedding cost $30k, and yet the bride and her spouse essentially did their own catering, plus a whole lot of DIYs. I can't help but feel that their wedding would have been the same cost (if not cheaper) if they had gone for an all-inclusive venue instead of having to separately hire furniture, linens, insurance, a porta-potty, etc, to make the free venue feasible. That said, I am not from the Bay Area so perhaps an all-inclusive venue would have been significantly more expensive. My husband and I spent roughly $30k (AUD) on our wedding and don't regret it. Our initial 2020 wedding was cancelled by the pandemic - whilst this was devastating at the time, it gave us the opportunity to save more money for our wedding when we held it in 2022. We don't regret the money because everything we chose had meaning - we splurged on the things that were important to us (food, drinks, decor, nice clothes for us) and skipped the things we didn't want (no DJ, no wedding cake, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no wedding favours). Also, wherever I could, I hired friends as vendors (to make our invitations, make my wedding ring, make my dress, etc) so our money was doing double-duty (getting us what we wanted, plus benefiting someone we cared about). The focus of our wedding was always to create a wonderful experience for ourselves and our loved ones, so it feels like it was money well spent. To this day, people still rave about the food.
Totally agree. I was just shocked that they spent just $1500 on food. I would be pretty bummed having to attend an out of town wedding and getting eat reheated Costco food. I feel to throw a party the most important thing for the guests is food. The venue might be breath taking, out of the world decorations but if the food is not good it just leave a bad taste(pun intended). She spent more on her dress and rings alone than the food. I still cannot believe how she is coming to 30k figure with free venue and only $1500 in food.
I never wanted to get married because all the rituals and mechanisms around weddings seem designed to optimise social status for the families or vendor profits. Very little of it seemed to be about celebrating the commitment of the couple. We’re celebrating our 24th year together, so honestly, glad we got on with building our relationships with each other and our families rather than following “tradition”.
Weddings are so out of hand these days. I got married 19 years ago and it was getting crazy then, but it has morphed into so much more. Bachelorette parties/trips were not really a thing amongst my friends so I didn’t have one (nor did I want one.) My whole wedding cost $13k. It was simple and sweet.
Getting married in San Francisco is insanely expensive! My SF wedding for 40 guests was looking to cost us about 35k before my fiancé and I decided to pivot at the last minute and just do a city hall ceremony and private dinner instead of a full on reception party. The total for our private dinner totals out to 7k with an open bar included which I guess you can say is still pricey but it’s far less than the total we were originally estimating. Our wedding is in 4 days and we could not be more relieved that we didn’t follow through with our original plan. Vendor prices have skyrocketed and San Francisco mandatory fees are averaging at 20-22% on top of whatever you’re quoted. This does not even include gratuity which is a whole other monster. To compare, my best friend had a wedding for over 110 guests in the Bay Area for under 30k and that’s with her dress, her husband’s tux, and their wedding rings included. She booked most of her vendors 1.5 years in advanced so by the time I started planning my wedding and booking my vendors prices had more than doubled. Insanity!
SF is so insane… I have seen some pricing on Reddit, and I am aghast. Considering the figures I have seen, this couple did extraordinarily well on cost. However, it’s completely understandable if they regret having a wedding at all, and I appreciate anyone who is brave enough to share the message that they regretted spending the money they did on a wedding. This said, I’d be far more interested to hear why people regretted spending $$$ on a traditional wedding and why those who did it would do it again. I wish we could have more dialogue about what people got from the experience, and how people who didn’t enjoy it or think it was worth it landed on that conclusion. I’d love to hear about the process and emotions of those who went over budget. Knowing how people’s wedding budget doubles throughout the planning process would be helpful. What is not helpful is shaming anyone and everyone who had this experience that most of us do value and view as a life milestone. I say this as someone at this stage, and completely open to eloping because I know that so many people don’t enjoy wedding planning and that their wedding didn’t go the way they wanted. Or it did, and it just didn’t fill “the emotional need”. It would be so much more insightful if content like this could identify the emotional need that various couples were looking to fill, and how they could have done that in a less expensive way!
@@devlynne We invited 40 guests and 30 people was our final headcount so our total cost will likely be under 7k! If you are in the area check out Wayfare Tavern, they have gorgeous private dining rooms with full service and bar packages included. I believe food and bev min is $2500 and room rental is $500 so it’s definitely a much more wallet friendly option if you’re trying to get married in SF.
Got married in 2022 in the Bay Area for 20k total. To minimize regret, I just kept urging my spouse to do what she wanted instead of doing what she thought any guest would want
I mean it depends on what kind of veil you're buying, but high quality lace (even just trim!) is often handmade and takes hundreds of hours to produce a few yards. The veil costs more if you're buying something made by professional artisans making a living wage! That's one thing that I don't think is necessarily a scam. The dress, veil, etc - all stuff that is often custom sized/made, hundreds of hours of labor to construct, uses high quality & very delicate fabrics, and so on. I think you can get something awesome for way cheaper, but I also understand why some get priced that way.
My Mom has always told me that her veil is mine to do whatever with. It’s fully hemmed and gathered into a headpiece that can easily be replaced. It’s incredibly long, my Mom’s dress had an eight foot train and I think the veil is about as long. That was in the 80s, but I am totally using that veil whenever I get married. The price for one similar is just insane. lol
Re the phone music playlist - I work in a lovely old Chapel and my colleague had set up an ambient music list. They forgot to untick the shuffle option though so we suddenly realised the song playing was a lower-energy cover of The DiVinyls song 'I touch myself'. Made us both laugh immoderately but probably just as well there was a break between visitors. So curate that list and no shuffle is the tip 😂
I'd love to hear from some people who have considered mostly DIY and cost-cut most of their wedding, and then regretted that decision? Such as the counter argument to not spending enough on certain areas. For example, I've heard from friends in the past, where they cut back on venue, but still had to spend a decent amount on event rental equipment and a company to help create their backyard wedding. Some small weddings can get away with spending less than $10k, but if you have a guest list of 80, I wonder how big the difference would be. My take is, if I have more stress/planning/prep work to just save an extra $5K for $30K wedding, is it even worth it?
two-engineer household also! We had destination wedding in Punta Cana with over 100 guests. Wedding only cost $14k- this included 8 hr videography/photography, ceremony, reception, and rehearsal dinner! We don't regret a thing! We did bring our own DJ because we could not risk the music being bad LOL
One thing to really consider: backyard weddings are usually more expensive because of all of the rentals you need to make them work. I have a family member that did a backyard wedding and she told me hers was $24k. I'm planning one right now and mine is projected to be $15k.
Yup. We went with a cheaper (but gorgeous) bare-bones venue but after rentals, staff, etc, we kind of wish we had just gone with a more expensive venue that came with more amenities & a lot less work. However, it was nice to pick the exact vendors I wanted!
Two considerations for Weddings at Home: 1) How big is the house? How many guests can it accommodate? Particularly, how many bathrooms are there that don't require someone to walk through a bedroom to get to them? 2) How many guests are you trying to have? The home weddings I've attended that worked best were some combination of SMALL guest list and/or at a LARGE house. Like, one had rain so bad (severe downpour for hours and hours) that the rented tents could not keep up and we had to move indoors. But the mother of the bride was an accomplished socialite who threw events regularly, and made it all work for ~80 guests in her 4500 sq ft house. More people or less room would have made it more of a crunch, and that's when you need to rent toilets et al and home weddings turn out to be as pricey as a venue. You can think of it as akin to how AirBnBs cost as much or more than a hotel, but require more sweat and effort on your part. Venues were built for these functions, have economies of scale, and they do all the set up and clean up.
@eurovianmutt yes, you will definitely need rentals for a backyard wedding. The amount you need will vary based off of the home size and guest list though. You'll need to rent out all the chairs and tables at a minimum. Guests will probably not take kindly to bringing their own chairs. You'll usually need to rent a tent and dance floor too unless everyone can fit inside for a reception. You'll also need to rent a Porta potty if your house doesn't have enough bathrooms for everyone. You can easily spend 6-10k on rentals when doing a backyard wedding where a 2-5k venue would include everything. It's worth it if you really want to have a backyard wedding, but it's not a way to save money.
@@a.j.4644 yeah, that sounds like one of the few situations where that could be a cheaper option and it sounds really fun! I've only been to one backyard wedding. It was nice, but it was definitely ballin on a budget. I asked that family member how much it was because I thought that style would be a good option for me. Now I'm planning and it just wasn't an option for my home. My backyard is sloped away from the house and the inside isn't big enough. I was dreading the planning process because I thought it was going to cost $30k for me to throw a wedding. Budget is $22k and I've spent $10k so far covering most major expenses. I think I only have $5k of expenses left between the suit, wedding band, prenup, certificate, decor, and paying the remainder of the food bill.
@@cindygomez9707 I'm so glad I entered this part of the chat. Because so many people tout having a backyard wedding, and usually say so in a manner that suggests, they don't need to spend much to have a party or prove their love to each other, which I can understand. But they're not totally considering the guests experience and it totally depends on what kind of vibe you want to have. I have a few cousins who don't want to get married (1. because of cost and 2. because they don't care to be married), and a few of them are considering having an anniversary party instead, so that it's a completely relaxed event...still a celebration, just not a formal one!
Im chinese and in our very specific culture niche, our wedding style (and costs) were expected from our 250 guests. Thing is we spent 65k. And got every penny back in cash gifts. If we didnt spend that amount or close to it, the guests wouldnt have just "gifted money" if we had a backyard wedding for example. My sis would probably elope or very small (30 guests) wedding, and none of the relatives would be gifting $. So all her expenses would literally be out of pocket. Just sharing cultural differences! ❤
wow had no idea the money was tied to the banquet, that sucks!! i figured it was to celebrate the couple, but no it’s really to cover their plate :/ Other gifting cultures will give the same gift no matter the venue.
Strong disagree on the babymoon. Take it pregnant. You have no idea what your baby will be like. You might not have the option to take a trip once they are here.
Yes exactly!! The last trip as a couple before becoming a family, and the last stress free trip 😂 We did our honeymoon 6 months after our wedding so it turned out to be our baby moon too and it was great!
I agree with you. We took a baby moon to our honeymoon location (within driving distance). Yes, I was as big as a house and uncomfortable with heartburn, etc, but it’s still easier than having someone watch the baby later on and giving all the instructions and missing your little baby.
Agreed with everything except tipping in advance. Assess the service, then tip based on performance afterwards. Also if they own their own business, no need to tip. That's on the business owner to factor in their profits and cost of doing business into what they charge.
I was planning my wedding for late 2020 and facing a $25k cost. We ended up eloping (due to the obvious) and spent less than half that. Around $5k of it was due to a non refundable deposit on the venue, which thankfully, was a boutique hotel we ended up having a weeklong staycation honeymoon in. Penthouse suite and room service three times a day. We paid for everything in full and four years later, NO regrets. I’m weirdly glad it worked out the way it did.
It is always mind blowing to me how people talk about weddings as “their day” when literally any time you host a party you are doing it for the guests. You as the host need to make sure your guests are comfortable, that they have a good time, that they feel taken care of…no different than hosting people for a dinner party or a birthday. The marriage is for the couple, the wedding is for the guests. It is rare for a bride to enjoy the party because they are usually on host duty the whole time.
Not ashamed to say that I let my best friend know my two cents about what she was spending on her wedding. She still spent itx and regrets it, but what can she do now but learn from it. And she is learning. One credit card payment at a time.
I heard a tip one time to wear your wedding dress on your anniversaries, even if you're just having a nice dinner in, and honestly I think that's a very fun way to carry the dress into married life.
My Bay Area wedding budget was $25-30k and ended up being $34k. Our guest came to us (both families in home town), 120 people, morning ceremony with string quartet, lunch reception, thank you dinner/Tea Ceremony, and we contributed 25% to the hotel fee in the wedding block. My wedding looks (wedding dress, my culture dress, his culture dress, makeup, alterations) = $1800 Husband and I are engineers, we had just gotten jobs when engaged and had a 2 year engagement for planning and budgeting purposes. I don’t understand short engagements.
@@VBoo459 yeah, I’m married and a homeowner. Point is, you don’t have to slash your budget or guest list and can have the wedding you want. 2 years is not very long compared to the life you’re trying to build. But a short engagement with a mountain of debt or a wedding you aren’t happy are much worse options.
While I don’t regret spending on my wedding, I do regret not downsizing. I’m south Asian, so I felt pressured to have a “big fat brown wedding,” when in reality I could’ve done it much smaller with a lot less hassle. My wedding needlessly stressed me out at a time when I needed to lock in for grad school and med school interviews. Tbh none of those extra guests ever did anything for me and the only guests I keep in touch with are my friends.
It blows my mind to think that a DIY wedding at a free venue could cost that much! When I got married 20 years ago, we spent about $5,000 for the whole wedding by saving in a bunch of ways: afternoon wedding instead of night wedding, white wine toast instead of champagne, using the same flowers for the reception that we used at the church (very simple vase bouquets), going with a cake decorator we knew (who gave us a discount). The reception spot offered their own catering for (I think) $48/person for 80 guests. We also ordered the most basic photography package.
@@jettqk1 I assume genx, but it's all the same really. The economy has degraded so much since 2021, no one who has big purchases to make gets it. If you already did your wedding/children/house purchases you're just out of touch.
We had a $35k wedding for 120 people in a HCOL city and don't regret it at all! We paid for about half of it in cash and our parents helped with the rest. We were also able to pay for our honeymoon and welcome party. Our combined income did make us high earners but we also lived below our means and saved for it. As much as I loved our wedding, if it meant financial stress or debt it would not have been worth it.
We had a micro wedding during the pandemic, and we still consider doing another wedding but it would actually be a family vacation with a renewal, it's a lovely thought but at the same time we don't feel like spending so that's much money. Our micro wedding still cost us about $1,000.00 and we only had about 8 people at our dinner, the dinner alone was $500.00, one of my best friends made and gifted the cake, the other gifted my bouquet and she also bought me the very beautiful famous replica blue shoes that Carrie Bradshaw or when she married big at the courthouse 😍😍😍 I felt so loved and I'm married to the love of my love.
We honestly just need to dismantle the wedding concept regardless of finances and start over lol. I fully regret mine and I didn't even pay for it. I'm not friends with pretty much my entire wedding party and theyre stuck in my pictures forever. I spent all day making other people happy and didn't get to really spend time with anyone who mattered much less spend time with my husband. If you loved your wedding more power to you but I will do my best to stop the generational push for a performance wedding for my kids.
@53:30 wow $3300 for videographer? I didn't realize it was that expensive wow. I did go to a wedding where at the end of the reception they showed a 3-5 min highlight reel of the wedding which was pretty cool and something that's easier to rewatch again or share with folks who couldn't make it.
This is an interesting topic and thank you for covering it. I’m thinking about what we want for a wedding. I’ve saved £30,000 for a deposit/house and I cannot imagine now spending that kind of money and the effort went to save it for one day.
That’s crazy. We spent $12,000 !this was for the cake, the DJ, the food, the ceremony and reception. Then $1000 for videography and photos. I still smile thinking about my wedding. Our honeymoon, my parents paid
Spent $15K on my wedding with 50 pax. Loved my wedding and had a great party with an open bar. Did it in 2022 and used covid as an excuse to have pre-booked a smaller venue but it fits with what we want. It's extremely easy to overspend though with the wedding tax.
My husband and i got married last year in Las Vegas after having 1 kid and living together 7 years 😋. It wasn’t really planed ahead of time 🙃, we went for a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert 🎶 and decided to take advantage of the fast track wedding you can have in Vegas 🤣. Friday we went for the wedding license and the next day we got married at “The Little White Chapel” on April fool’s day 😆. After that we went to a cool bbq place with a brewery in the Art district and at night to the concert 🤘🏼😎. For us it was perfect!!!, totally a private event just for us, simple and a really fun memory for our love story 👩🏻❤️👨🏾 (No debt, no stress 😎👌🏼✨)
Newly engaged and really struggling to decide about having a budget wedding or not, as even a budget wedding is so expensive! I am paralyzed by indecision into not doing anything, however I do want to celebrate my love with family and friends in some manner.
The big party was not worth it. I had 130 guests and saw no one. All I was doing most of the day and week before was organising as i was on a tight budget. Go as small as you can bear is my advice. All i wanted was to go to the pub with a handful of people after the ceremony
My advice as someone who got married a couple of years ago is, really think what it is you want for the day and then plan accordingly within your budget. My husband and I are an international couple and for us specifically it was important to have both our families come together as they had never really spent time together before, so we were happy spending some money towards that (e.g. we paid for accommodation for all our family members at the same venue for the wedding weekend). We also wanted a nice venue and good food for our guests since half of them were travelling internationally and we wanted it to be worth it for them. Most other things we spent very little on. I got my dress at a charity shop. We spent very little on flowers, photos, we had no table decorations, no videographer. For another couple the priorities would be completely different, but I think it’s really key to know what those priorities are ❤
I struggled with the same thing. We ultimately did both - got married at the little white wedding chapel in Vegas, then threw a $10k wedding for just 48 guests. I don’t regret it I was so happy that day. But I think if it had been a larger guest list or a more expensive affair I would have regrets. Just sit with what’s going to make you happy and is reasonable in your budget. And heck, for some people that’s eloping with their best friends as witnesses.
Really think with your partner about what is most important to the two of you and don’t feel pressured into doing things because you are supposed to. Like my bachelorette party was just hanging out with my bridesmaids the night before the rehearsal when they all got into town.
Consider just signing documents and going out to lunch together in terms of your wedding, and then visiting family and having a meal with them later to celebrate. My husband and I did that because our loved ones are scattered across the country and couldn't afford to travel. It was much easier for us to just sign documents, then go visit our families at the next convenient holiday and let them treat us to a meal (or cook for us). It saved everyone a lot of money and stress. This also allowed for us to start traveling together as a couple much sooner, going on trips abroad together, because we could afford it.
I worked at an alternation shop that specialized in bridal and I was astounded at the amount of money wedding dresses cost. You can get a really nice vintage or designer dress for the same amount of money. You could get 10 yards of super high end fabric for that money. Historically, wedding gowns were used for baptismal gowns or dyed and worn again. Often people just got married in their “Sunday best”.
I bought my wedding dress at a thrift store for $69. It is GORGEOUS, and technically my size, but needed some tweaks because I am 4’11”. I took it to a bridal alterations place and paid over $1k for alterations alone 😳
i’m not astounded by how much the dress costs at all, just what people are willing to spend on alterations alone, 500$ to over 1K!?! 😂 And it can be 1/4-1/2 their budget like you’re joking…you didn’t get a deal if the alteration costs more than the dress itself. You just got shafted through the back alley, by the seamstress honestly.
I wouldn't spend that much on the wedding...I'd spend a bit for the registrar's or basic church wedding. More money on the reception but not much, only immediate family and close friends invited. The rest of the money that I had saved up would go to the purchase of a house, land etc. That's what I did on my wedding, I was only 21 and it was the best thing I did.
Former DIY bride, came to some conclusions after a lot of research and reflection after my wedding. People really care a lot less thank you think about the little details and accoutrements of a wedding. The simpler, the better, even if you want to have a wedding. Big props to the guest for talking about expectations, if something that is cultural, religious, traditional or just expected doesn't make sense to YOU don't do it. Reflect on why you are doing everything. If you're spending more than $500 on a ring you're being ripped off. Nothing commercially available has that much intrinsic value and you sure AF don't need that to flex to other people, who usually can't tell it from a fake anyway. Think about what bridal party is for and if you actually need one. I had one MOH and it made no difference except people got to just have fun as guests and not have the pressure of the other expenses to ultimately just stand. There is no reason to make people travel for a pre-wedding activity. Take time to go see people or get together when it makes sense for you instead of guilting friends and family into doing something out of their finances for a bachelorette. That's insanity, especially if they are already going somewhere for your wedding. Wear what you want to your wedding and do not overspend on a dress, it's the same thing as the ring, if it looks good, seriously no one cares. And if they do, they don't need to be there.
We’re having quite a long engagement as we’re using our joint savings to put a deposit on a house first. It has given us time to slowly do little diys here and there and really cement what we want out of the day. I think this has allowed us to spread the cost of the decorative parts of the ceremony really well😊
Totally agree with lower key weddings, but want to point out that the "Wedding Tax" exists because of the additional time, assurances, and cost to a business with weddings because of the additional pressure from clients to have everything be perfect. Not all vendors could justify it, but it can be valid depending on the service. If you choose not to let them know it's a wedding when you request a service, be prepared for disappointment if there is a mishap. They may not have the extra safeguards in place that they might for something wedding related. I went to a salon to get my hair done when I eloped/mini wedding(15ppl) and told them it was for family photos, no regrets. But I told the restaurant it was for a wedding and they went out of their way to take care of us. I've worked in the wedding industry for almost 20 yrs in photography.
Why don’t people just elope and then see if they’re satisfied with that or want a wedding? That seems like a better alternative then diving in head first and spending it all in the heat of the moment
30k isn't a lot in the Bay Area. There are so many 150k salaries over there. 30k in a podunk town is a lot. I spent 10k on my wedding in Houston a decade ago. Wedding at church and reception at a restaurant with 90 family and friends. We had a dj too, rented the restaurant. Two kids later and a wonderful home, no regrets.
Oh my God, I don't like white wedding dresses for many reasons and I am seriously consider to buy something 'in color'...but every time I mention it, people are like 'but you won't feel special', or 'how people will know that you are the bride?'. Like, WTF, I'll feel super special because it will be my wedding day, not because of what color am I wearing... and also trust me: if you need a white dress to know who is the bride - your are not supposed to be there IMO 😅🤭🤣
My husband and I married at a chapel in Vegas with 24 of our friends and family. As a wedding gift my parents threw us a reception which was so lovely. I didn’t do anything but show up. I spent around $200 on my dress and accessories. My husband and I renewed our vows at 5 years and I wore my dress again. We are renewing for our 10 year this July and I plan on wearing it again. I am so grateful to have had a small wedding and rowing our vows is such a fun way to re-energize and recommit to my best friend
Thank you for this. None of this really matters. What matters are the people involved, especially the one you plan to spend the rest of your life with. This makes me think I might just want the ceremony in a church and have a fun low key party after. No need for many types of decoration and planning lots of things for the party! Just some food, drinks and music.
I found a never worn wedding dress that was hand made and fit like it was made for me. It was 75.00 at a bridal store that sold new and 2nd hand dresses.. My veil was 50. This was in 1993. I think the whole wedding, cake, photos was a couple thousand dollars. Included local restaurent catered dinner served at local bowling alley for about 50 people. It was memorable for guests and a blast for us. We then honeymooned in spain for 3 weeks. So important to start out correctly, meeting actual needs, not keeping up with the Jones's.
We spent 35k on our wedding, cash (no loans or borrowing etc), loved every second. Best videographer too so we can relive it again and again. Everyone had an amazing time and whilst our families chipped in, we still had complete autonomy so I’m sorry this lady didn’t get that. You can’t regret something you willingly and happily put your heart into. We put our heart into our wedding as a representation of our heart, efforts and commitment in our marriage. 120 people who we loved watching us say “I do” was a dream.
In the process of planning my wedding now and here are some things I’m doing/not doing to save costs: 1. Skipping the ceremony. I have no interest in putting on a play for my loved ones 2. Not having a wedding party 3. If I do have a bachelorette, it will be a few days before the wedding and an opportunity for me to connect with the guests that are flying in for our party 4. Renting out a restaurant instead of a big venue 5. Wearing a really cute dress that I love instead of an actual wedding dress 6. Doing my own makeup 7. Not having a DJ 8. Trading for flowers and other decor services (I’m a web designer, so trading with other service providers is easy for me.) I’ll probably have more by the end of this. The biggest thing I want to do is center my marriage on me and my partner. I don’t care about the faff of it, I care about our partnership. We will most likely do a private personal ceremony on our own where we read our vows when we go on our honeymoon. The wedding industrial complex is nuts and I’m NOT here for it.
I don't think you need to spend a lot of money on a wedding. However, I disagree that no one has regretted eloping. I got married in court, spent $50 on my dress. He spent $400 on my ring. And going through that made me feel so undervalued in our marriage. That I wasn't worth a real wedding. We never went on a honeymoon. I divorced him 10 years later. It was a headache and expensive. So if he just wants to elope. Run!
I have no patience for the wedding industrial complex. The idea of spending $30K (hell, $1k, $5k) on one day in my life gives me hives. I'm American and my partner is Australian, and we're having a registry ceremony in two weeks. Very simple, very, very small -- just our daughter (4 mos old) and my partner's parents. We'll go out for gelato afterwards, maybe have a nice dinner. $475 AUD covers the service, the filing fees, and the certificate. Plus, say, $80 for gelato and parking (it is Sydney, after all). Done and dusted and no banks will be broken in the process.
We got married in a swanky DTLA historic 30s penthouse for 80 guests. I did all of my own decor. My only regret was that it was with the wrong person… someone who didn’t really appreciate it. Being disillusioned by the incompatibility, my current partner and I talk about eloping at a favorite park or bookstore. I’m not as motivated to do the same thing as I did before even though I think my current partner would love it and I don’t want to take from his experience about what he would want but I’m a lot more mindful about the price tag.
My husband and I definitely spent near this on our wedding, but most of that was on the reception (and over a third of THAT was on the food for the 80-ish people who came), but we also scheduled our honeymoon about 6 months after our wedding. It was great getting to recover (both financially and mentally) from the wedding with that gap, but we also made sure we didn't go into Debt(tm) with our wedding (we were remote workers during 2020 so we saved a LOT of money during the lockdowns.) Also, on the bartending thing, my husband and my family both can drink a liquor store's worth of alcohol without even thinking about it and some of them get MESSY, so we only covered 2 drinks per guest and told people that drinks after those two would be cash bar (some people were very unhappy with this, but we communicated it beforehand). It really helped manage people's behavior with alcohol. If you know your family will get wrecked, do not be afraid of having a cash bar or a limited number of covered drinks.
My husband and I married at the courthouse with a few family members in attendance. We also have cheap $15 rings from Amazon. We are happy with the way we did things and that's all that matters. I have never had a single person upset that we didn't have a big wedding, but even if we did, who cares? If we are happy with our decision that's all that matters. I think many people have big weddings because they think they need to impress and/or appease certain people and it's so freeing when you realize that you don't have to do what other people expect.
LOVE this discussion, its something I struggle to decide on as someone with kids not married to my partner. Spend your money on what really matters and making memories. On the babymoon, yeah thats a stupid idea just have a staycation what you need in the last trimester is rest
We planned ours in 12 days for 45 guests and spent $2200 for everything including rings, small restaurant and church. That was 1989. No regrets. Happy, beautiful, fun day!!! Borrowed dress, made of honor dress already existed and bought 3 off the rack fancy Christmas dresses for 30 dollars each with huge after Christmas sale. Restaurant and Church both still had the Christmas flowers up so they said no extra flowers.
I was at a wedding for family friend and I was dancing with her and asked, how’s your wedding??? And she said, (during her wedding -remember!) “nice-not worth the money.” 😮
😢 sad
Two-engineer household. We spent ~$1k on the ring/wedding and another $2k on the honeymoon.
You know what helps keep a marriage happy? No financial stress.
You're absolutely right! We love luxurious holidays. We spent 21k on our honeymoon - 3 countries, 4 weeks. Incredible experience. But again, we didn't experience financial stress to get it either so it was super enjoyable on all accounts.
Best comment
Sounds like engineers with good understanding of calculations, money and risks. Im an engineering student
You guys are smart!
What does a 1k honeymoon look like? I just feel like that money wouldn’t go very far at least not in my city.
I used all that wedding money toward down payment to a house, looking back now that was the smartest decision and have no regret. I can retire earlier than most people in my age group and more financially stable brings long term joy. Don't let media and people influence you, it's your choice and your life. I didn't care what other people say
Good for you!
Had a potluck in a backyard--no regrets. My parents were willing to contribute and we could've done a bigger thing, but since we went small they gave us the $ to pay off my spouse's remaining student loans instead.
I love this idea because, in the end, a wedding is just a gathering of family and friends celebrating a couple's union.
Student loan? Paying off someone else's student loan is not finacially prudent.
@@ebadd3468it was a gift. Giving away money is not financially prudent, but if you have the money, you get to choose where to blow it.
That is literally all I want
@@ebadd3468 Meh? I don't see a problem with it. People want to provide some kind of gift and if that is what the couple want/need, why not?
Would love to see you interview a freelancer who works in the wedding industry to explain the wedding "tax." I was a queer friendly tailor for a number of years and altered many bridal gowns and tailored many suits, primarily for queer couples. I quickly learned that I HAD to charge more for bridal gowns in particular bc brides had zero chill and required far more emotional labor and hand holding to get them through the process than a non-wedding client - it would easily double the amount of time I spent on the fittings and alterations. I don't blame them when there's so much cultural messaging about how important your wedding is, but I couldn't take on that burden for free. So, go ahead and lie and say it's just for a party but please only do that if you can be a bit more relaxed about your expectations. Personally, I found it so stressful I had to quit doing wedding tailoring altogether.
Yes!! A vendors side is needed. Most of us are small businesses just trying to survive without burning ourselves out. If you don’t want/can’t afford something, no worries do what you want but people who value these services need to pay for the time and effort we put in, but also the experience we have. We’ve learned the ins and outs and help as best we can, but we can’t do all the work for free.
@@mara-shields No one's asking you to do it for free. We're saying that you should quote the price for the service that you usually charge for non-weddings. If you often have to do extras for wedding parties (like the tailor above), then list your quote with addendums about typical behavior you see with weddings rather than tack it on to all weddings regardless of the client's behavior. Charge for the work you do, don't charge for the work you *might* do because it's a wedding and not a reunion/grad party/holiday/other type of party.
@@anakaliahaoa2551 I don’t charge for work I might do, I charge a flat rate and some couples are super easy going and some need more help/are more demanding. I charge a fair rate for myself and offer the help for everyone and don’t take on more than I can handle in case they all need that help. But in order to not get overwhelmed or burnt out and provide the same quality to all my clients, I need to charge over $3k per wedding. Most people are at least respectful and say they understand why my prices are higher but they don’t have the budget. Which I totally understand and wish them the best and recommend others when I can. But in this video they act as if video isn’t important at all, literally say it’s not needed, and that in spending over $3k the couple “got got”. Even within our own industry we have other vendors acting like we don’t matter, and I’m so tired of people not respecting us and our work. If someone values video and wants to (and can) spend $3k+ for someone with experience, skills, and knowledge of weddings they shouldn’t be made to feel like it’s not worth it and a waste of money.
It’s more about how things were said specifically in this video that has me and others upset. We need to hear from the other side, the side of these small business owners who are charging what they’re worth finally but facing backlash because “things didn’t use to be this expensive”. Yes, because people worked themselves out of the industry from burn out!
Marriage is a right. Weddings are a luxury. If someone can’t afford a mustang, they aren’t going to go complain and say terrible things about the company. They’re going to look for something they can afford.
If I was charging what I’d charge a non-wedding, it would be at least double. Corporate events are so much more expensive simply because they have the budget. But I personally would rather do 2 weddings over 1 corporate event because I enjoy them.
People also don’t want to be nickel and dimed so you usually can’t go back and add charges if they do end up being more time consuming. I do weddings because I love it, but constantly having to prove we belong in the industry at all is very disheartening, especially by someone with a large platform.
That's low key misogynistic.
@@anakaliahaoa2551 So, you expect non-special pricing, yet it is special order tailoring? Yeah, no this doesn't make sense; you could run your business this way, but its a great way to lose a ridiculous amount of money, extremely fast
We had a beautiful, intimate backyard wedding with 27 guests. It was magical and I wish I could live that day again and again. I highly recommend small, low stress weddings. These big over the top celebrations seem to be more of a headache than anything else for the bride.
Sounds beautiful! Congratulations!
I didnt spend too much on my wedding but i still regret it. The divorce was so more expensive.
@@KristaldeauCityLights nop. We didnt have kids.
THIS!!!!
People need to start getting prenups. Don’t lose all of your life’s savings to hyper greedy lawyers in a divorce.
It could have been worse - you could have spent a fortune AND gotten divorced :)
I wrote a comment to this effect but then deleted it. I've never been married but I wrote that it seems odd to spend a decent amount up front when you haven't even been tested yet as a couple. Unfortunately, some marriages end in divorce and we really don't know who will stay married and who will split up. All the best to you.
One of the only things that I regret about spending at my wedding is very culturally specific, but I haven't heard folks talk about much. One thing about the wedding tax that I discovered is that there can be a higher culturally specific wedding tax due to there being a smaller number of vendors in one's area who are familiar with the culture, ritual, and general things to do/not do for weddings. In an attempt to save money, we used some vendors who did not specifically specialize in our culturally specific wedding needs. Most of the time this worked out just fine. What I only realized after watching the wedding video is that our videographer needed to be oriented to what were cultural specific important moments in the ceremony and reception. We did this with our photographer, and it worked out great! It was clear the videographer didn't completely understand what he was watching based on choices he made in the editing. In the end, it wasn't a big deal, but I figure it's worth mentioning. Let your vendors know what it important to you if you don't think it is going to be obvious.
I’m 63 and I got married at 35 in a traditional wedding gown that I lived and spent $700 on in 1995. I had it professionally cleaned and preserved in a special acid-free package and put it in my attic just in case, but without expectation.
My daughter is 27 and will likely be married in the next few years. I will offer it to her, with no demands or requests of manipulation. I will tell her that she can sell it to put the money toward her own dress, wear it as is, alter it any way she wants, or just pass on it. I was 5’7 and 135. She is 5’3 and 120. We have different preferences.
It is her choice. Gifts should never come with strings attached.
Have you taken the dress out to be sure it looks as good as you hope with all the special care & packaging?
I am an a-typical fan of this show. Australian heteo male, CPA qualified, home owning, child free, de facto (not married), etc.
And even though a great deal of the advice on the channel does not relate to my personal situation, I still see the importance of the information being shared.
And I just love the advice this channel gives. Its all very very reasonable sensible stuff that they don't teach you at school.
This channel is doing wonders for financial literacy and I hope more people continue learn and develop how to use money as a tool to improve their lives and make better choices.
Many videos on this channel should be mandatory viewing for high schoolers.
Wedding price gauging is so real. My cake was a birthday cake that just said Congratulations on it because that made it 1/4 of the price.
It's not gouging. Vendors know wedding customers are very demanding and picky and require tons of tlc. Zero chill. If they could not charge extra, most would have nothing to do with weddings.
We got married at the courthouse for $75 and then went out to a restaurant with our immediate family and a couple of friends. And I don’t regret it at all. After the meal we got to spend time together as a newly married couple and went to a food truck festival with our two friends from out of town in the evening. It was super romantic and special. No regrets.
I got married in NYC for $13K and I had the best time. I don’t regret it at all. However, I was in my mid-40s and we completely bypassed the entire wedding industry. I think most people would be surprised how easy it is to not involve the wedding industry in your wedding.
can you please say more about not involving the wedding industry?? I'm hoping to stay under 15k in LA (similarly high cost area lol) but when looking at venues/vendors it seems absolutely impossible. what kind of vendors/venues did you use?? thanks!!
I managed a relatively big wedding of 130 with a £10k budget and still regret it. It wasn't the money but there was no way I was able to enjoy the event with all the planning and stress with that many people. It's really hard to talk to everyone and felt super impersonal. I'm divorced now and just would never have a big wedding even if it was free
I think at the end of the day, having a well-run party is the goal. You can spend 5k, but if everyone is unhappy and had nothing to eat, is it really worth the savings? Vice versa, if you spend 40k and are in financial stress, and turning into a bridezilla... was that really money well spent? I think just being intentional about your purchases at the end of the day makes a good wedding.
♥️ this!
Exactly! We spent about $40k 15 years ago which was within our budget and paid off right away. I should note we are in the DC area so everything is expensive, even though the reception wasn’t extravagant and only about 100 guests. It’s not often friends and family gather together, so that was our motivation.
I was on a transatlantic cruise (Barcelona to Miami) and there was a woman who apparently was on her honeymoon .She wore her wedding dress EVERY DAY for the entire 3 weeks. I'm not sure if she was crazy or just getting a good bang for her buck.
That sounds epic.
🤣🤣🤣
if it was a fire, well-tailored everyday dress i’d say that’s a win!! ❤️🔥…if however it’s a crinkly princess ballgown like Diana wore that’s a big fail.
Most wedding dresses are really cheap looking strapless sequined monstrosities I wouldn’t wear once tbh. 😅 like ariana’s slip dress? she could wear that 3 days in a row but most wedding dresses aren’t truly wearable
those thick structured bodices are so unattractive
30k is a lot considering that the venue was free, food costs were low and there was only 80 guests.
brainwashed into thinking that’s “average” when that’s only what the Knot reports (with incentive to make it seem higher!) from people who take Theknot surveys lol. I think average is probably 15-20k in actuality. :)
Wow nvm, apparently that’s average to low for SF! eep!
I was thinking the same thing. Free venue and Costco catering. Flowers maybe?
@@melissahilliard3583I think it’s because they had to source out so many items- linens cutlery, extra toilet , sometimes it ends up being more expensive going with a DIY venue than a venue that already has all that stuff.
I had a 30k wedding. I do want to acknowledge 30k is about the national average. Thankfully, my husband and I are privileged enough to avoid incurring any debt and we went into planning knowing what our budget was. I don't regret my wedding - it was super lovely, the pictures were amazing, it was a great night. For me, a wedding was something I really wanted. My family and friends, thanks to the military, are flung all across the world (I can't even say I'm from anywhere due to the amount of times I've moved in my life). A wedding functions as one of the few socially acceptable ways to pull all my loved ones under one roof for a night - another would be a funeral, but I won't be there to experience my own.
@eurovianmutt Not quite the same. At least in my culture, family reunions typically focus on one branch at a time (ie mom's family or dad's family) and friends are excluded.
Completely how I feel and spent about the same. My wedding was one of the best days of my life!!! 300 people who loved us partying all night would never regret that ❤
Love this! My wedding is in three months and I’m so excited to celebrate this huge milestone with all my friends and family, who I will never have together under one roof again, especially considering we all live in different states. I think we’re made to feel like it’s silly to have a traditional wedding with all the online content about wedding regret but if you can afford it, why not? I saved up for this before we even got engaged.
Love this! Though I'm not religious, I do believe a big aspect of our culture that we've lost or give less value to these days, is having ceremonies. These special occasions where your family and friends get to collect all together, "break-bread" so to say, and celebrate each other's milestones in life. It creates a sense of community and keeps you in touch with some folks you wouldn't see in your regular life otherwise.
I know how expensive these moments are, and that it is a privilege to afford big gatherings, but it is becoming a rarity almost to have a wedding, and then when you get out to one, you remember why they're so much fun, and how they're a great milestone in this couple's journey in life together. Just my two cents., but no judgement at all on people who decide to elope!!
Same here, 30k and I don't regret it. Didn't go into debt. The only regrets I have is I wish I had been more present and taken it all in, but I was a bundle of nerves! And also wish some of the contractors had done a little better job on a couple things.
Mine was multi day and very expensive -over 80k. As someone who has never cared for the wedding rhetoric it was an exhausting and seemingly endless experience. The feeling of relief once it was over is the most memorable component
How sad 😢
We spent about $30K on our wedding and I don’t regret it at all. It was the funnest party we’ve ever thrown and it was amazing to have nearly all of our family and friends together for an event.
I love to see comments like this! Good for people who got eloped or had a $1K wedding but the overall sentiment is very negative toward people who have traditional weddings. My friends and family live in different states so we don’t see everyone often and I’m so excited to have them all there to celebrate with us. As long as we can afford it let us be happy lol
My husband and I got married during the pandemic and it was a blessing because it relieved everyone of societal expectations on the wedding itself and it allowed us to have a day we thoroughly enjoyed!
Marriage license and a small city hall ceremony with immediate family (10 people, us included): €16. Lunch for 10 at a nice restaurant afterwards, without telling them we just got married 😏: around €700. That same night we invited 8 close friends out for pizza and beers: around €150. We asked everyone to not gift us anything. We got no rings because we don't wear them, and I got a pair of cream jeans and a cream turtleneck I wear very often with a lot of joy. We would have loved to have an impromptu "hey we just got married, drinks are on us at this place" type of party for all our friends, but that being not possible at the tine, we had several other smaller gatherings at different times!
My husband and I also got married during the pandemic--four people counting us in a local park, and my mother-in-law streamed the ceremony online for the rest of our family and close friends. I have no regrets either! We did have rings, though, but I ordered ones not specifically marked as "wedding" rings so they were only about $70 each. My husband does have a pass-down ring he would eventually like to get reset and give to me, because the band is so tiny!
You have no idea how much I NEEDED to hear this conversation, I've been thinking more and more that yeah maybe I would like to get married to my partner, but I've been going back and forth so much about "should we do like a wedding?" and this has helped me really land that my ideal party is just what she said, a cook out with close friends and a lot of hanging out.
I kind of convinced two of my cousins and their partners to have 10 Year anniversary parties, since they both never got married to their partners and are now celebrating their 10 years of being together. In my opinion, people forget about the ceremony and celebration of love, and of course your close and family and friends would be overjoyed to attend your celebration whether it's a decked out or intimate. I think a lot of people forget about this community/ceremony aspect, and elope. Which is also totally fine! But just remember, there are people who would also love to celebrate with you too.
Hey young people! Heads up for your financial well-being:
Don’t spend a year’s annual salary on a wedding! Don’t borrow for a wedding. Keep it intimate and set a small budget to pay for the things that matter most. You will still have a beautiful, memorable event.
If you are in the middle class or struggling to get there, max your total budget at $10K or less. You do not need to spend $75 on dinner for the plus one guest of a coworker who will be out of your life the next time you switch jobs.
If parents or anyone demands that you invite certain people you hardly know, tell them they will have to pay for those extra guests.
For friends who have special skills, ask them if they would donate a service and let that be their gift. DJ, photos, cake, programs, place cards, decorating, favors, centerpieces, are examples of things you can get people to help with.
Don’t go to destination pre-wedding parties and weddings for friends and don’t ask them to do it for you.
Boundaries! You have the right to set boundaries.
I would think twice about asking friends with special skills to donate their services. I have a friend who was invited into multiple bridal parties to do their hair and makeup free of charge because she was a professional stylist. In the end, she was "working" 12-hour days and completely exploited, it was not fun for her at all. Given how many weddings are treated by their clients as such high-stakes events that strive for unrealistic perfection, it's an incredibly high-stress position to put someone in who isn't even being compensated. The relationship would have to be rock solid and the wedding party very accommodating and flexible to even entertain asking people to work for free.
Can you interview people who spent $10k or less on their wedding? I think that perspective would be more helpful than people who feel remorse after a very expensive wedding
Tipping people ahead of receiving the service is kind of wild and defeats the whole idea of what tipping is supposed to incentivize.
My husband was so annoyed by how the wedding industry completely ignores the groom’s thoughts and opinions. As he said when we were planning, it takes two to make the wedding happen! And as the bride, I hated how many decisions were presumed to be all me.
Most men aren’t interested in that (unfortunately) so it’s assumed. They just pick groomsmen and show up on the wedding day. That’s why it’s like that
I'm not married, but when I look at the way people in American media talk about weddings, it sounds like it's all supposed to be about the bride, the bride, the bride, the briiiiiiideeeee.... and the groom is just an accessory to her day. It seems incredibly one-sided (I'm from Europe and I don't think it's quite the same in my country, from what I've seen among my family and friends, although it's getting more this way because of... well, because of the exposure to American media! :-D )
The wedding industry? I feel that’s a silly thing to complain about. It’s the wedding of you BOTH, not the industries wedding. So if he didn’t have a say, or you didn’t let him - that’s both your faults lmao
@@liyahs1energy I think we shouldn't ignore the social complicity in this issue. My wife and I were similarly annoyed at the marketing around childcare: have you ever seen a car seat or stroller package with a picture of a dad on the side? If our culture constantly tells a group of people not to be interested in something, they will not be interested in that thing.
@@BegravelseinBrussels a stroller ad isn’t what’s making a father less attentive of his own flesh and blood. Nothing could make a truly loving dedicated parent like that. Have you seen the interviews where they ask dads a few questions about their kids then the moms? Don’t know their kids birthdays, name of school, name of teachers, name of best friends, picky food habits. It’s not normal and I’m not going to look for excuses for it. They’re grown men.
Got engaged in 2019, put down a deposit for a venue in early 2020 (wedding would have been Jan. 2021) then COVID happened. We ended up getting courthouse married with just the two of us and a photographer on our originally chosen wedding day and then having a formal wedding a few months later (for about $12K total). After experiencing both the courthouse and the traditional wedding, I tell all of my friends to *at least* consider an elopement or small celebration. All weddings can be perfect, no matter the size. No one should go into debt to get married.
I actually wear my wedding dress on a regular basis! I'm a goth and went for a corset + skirt with frills combo :) Serves me well on the dance floor! 🦇
this is the only way ~
DIY it’s usually only cheaper when it’s something that you do often. Supplies, rework, and volume usually make it just as expensive as a lower cost, ready made option.
Wasn't legal for two women to marry in Australia in 2016, so my wife and I eloped to New Zealand in the beautiful mountainous Queenstown during snow season and had a registry wedding wearing our favourite tshirts. Mum was there to sign the witness document and we ate NZ fudge in an Ice Bar afterwards. The whole thing cost us AUD$3000 (like US $2000 I guess?) and we had a wonderful holiday there afterwards. Zero regrets, wonderful memories in beautiful surroundings. I'm getting teary talking about it!
aw sounds so sweet! happy pride :)
Congrats! So glad it is legal now!
LOL, I'm always surprised that people think an 80 person wedding is big. A typical African or Asian wedding will have about 300 guests!
Yes! I remember even the intracultural shock I had in initially discussing what constitutes a "big" wedding with my spouse. "Oh, his wedding wasn't really that big. Only about 200 people." Or "Sure, I've been to half a dozen 500 to 600 people weddings..." When I met a cousin of his sister-in-law, she was so excited to meet me and said, "oh, yes, we heard that you got married in secret!"...totally, because there were only about 115 people at our wedding, we clearly eloped, lol :)
Fake cultures full of showing off and lying, who would have thunk.
My spouse and I tie dyed our wedding clothes after we tied the knot. :) I've worn my wedding dress countless times now. Less than $50 and I'm so so so happy.
this was such a great point of view! My partner transitioned after the wedding and we are so happy together, but looking back at old photos of our wedding in SF during the pandemic makes us feel like those were our old selves. there was a lot of pressure to do things a certain way from family as well as the need to face reality of the pandemic's limitations. I love my wedding AND also I would change it. with all of the happy changes in our lives and growth as people, we plan on having a wedding part 2 with close friends and family at a park or home. something wayyy more afordable. I really like diy and crafting, and I still have a lot left over from our wedding pt.1. Most importantly, we are planning on a new photoshoot where we both feel beautiful, because we deserve happy memories post pandemic too.
Eloping in a few weeks! Spent 2k on my dress and 3k on a photographer. Husband to be is wearing one of his previous groomsmen suits. Just invited our families and close friends (with no pressure to actually attend) to come watch and have dinner if they wanted. Very excited tor a chill weekend.
We are a couple from South Africa who just got married (29F and 30M).
We opted for an elopement in Greece and honestly it was so magical and stress free! We earn around $225k per annum jointly, and in total our elopement (rings, outfits, ceremony, officiant, photographer, videographer, flowers, cake and 8 course fine dining/wine pairing menu at a breathtaking hotel) cost us around $6k.
We then spent all the extra budget on three weeks honeymoon across the french riviera and greece.
Honestly, it was so worth it! The wedding industry is an absolute scam.
That sounds like a great plan and well thought out. Congratulations!
I'm 65 and there were no wedding favors when my generation was getting married. There were no destination bachelor/bachelorette parties. There were no multi-day events - the wedding was just one day. The "must haves" for a wedding keeps getting bigger.
True
Your must haves: officiant, you, your partner.
That's it really, you don't even NEED rings or a big white dress
I want to repeat what other commenters have said: Please interview wedding industry workers about the "wedding tax." I want to know their reasoning and their own tips for having the best wedding, what they would prioritize, and how to make it budget friendly.
Hoenstly had a bigger wedding with a $30k budget and dont regret it! It was an amszing way to bring everyone together. And we were blessed to have help. But also do agree everyone should do what they want.
Thank you! I’m looking at comments and thinking, am I the only one that had a good time here?
I think there are two frames of thought. The joy a wedding brings you vs. the joy it brings others. It also depends on personality. I love music and dancing. I want to do the big wedding, but if you are not into that then yeah probably a waste
Yeah I don't wanna be a hater but some people who brag about making their loved ones work to put on their wedding (potluck where everyone is expected to bring food, asking them to decorate, asking them to host, asking for the cleanup or to take all the pictures for free or do hair and makeup for free) just have me wondering if anyone even enjoyed themselves
@Rikku147 yeah, I love putting on events. I'm fine with people helping out a bit, but I want to make sure people are having a good time.
Exactly! I love hosting and being able to do that brought me so much joy. Again totally agree that people spend A LOT ON WEDDINGS and can get super influenced to go into debt. Just wanted to add the perspective that weddings can still be worth it, if it's worth it to you!
Weddings should be what the couple wants. Not what friends and family wants.
So should a home, but the way ppl are crippled by their friends’ and families’ opinion is wild.
I was always stuck between, "Spending money on a wedding is impractical" and "I want to feel like a pretty princess for a day" when considering a wedding.
When it actually happened, it ended up being a small (less than 30 including us) wedding but much fancier than I would have thought I would have done (for complicated reasons). I think that is a less common middle ground if you want a "weddingy" wedding but have a limited budget. Keep it small. The fact you can only invite your closest friends and family really stops you from accepting that your mother-in-law wants to invite her bff (this didn't happen to me; my mother-in-law is lovely).
I also didn't realise how much my family kind of needed a formal wedding (although it could have been less fancy). They didn't push me into it or anything, but they seem to subconciously feel like I was finally settled and, therefore, they didn't need to worry about me.
The wedding cost a bit over 10,000 gbp including rings (including engagement) in late 2022. Decor was beautiful and was elevated by the venue already being decorated for Christmas.
I'm from the Philippines. here, wedding is like a status symbol and there seems to be a competition on who will have the "wedding of the year". It's like there is a need to please relatives l. When I got married, it was just DIY and we were on a limited budget. but my then husband's family wanted to include their nephews and nieces. I mentioned that our wedding is not a children's party. His sister who talked to me about it never talked to me the entire wedding. 🙄
But the lechon always tastes good!
Yes! Malaysia too! Can relate, and it feels like theyre doing a competition to show who has more money by having the most extravagant wedding among the relatives 😅😅😅 ohmygosh
@@WestZ yes it is but that lechon is a status symbol too and must always be placed whole on the buffet table! 😅 chopping and servin qwill be done only after photos are taken
How do people afford this usually? I know of a number of cultures where really big weddings are the norm, or at least the ideal, but where there are also a lot of people who are pretty poor. Obviously everything is cheaper too, but still, where does this money come from usually? Do people go into debt for it?
I also spent around $30k on my wedding in 2019 in So Cal. But I don’t regret it bc it was the last time we had all our family together before the pandemic and we lost loved ones. And the dance floor was full the entire night and like the last guest from last episode mentioned- I don’t think there is enough dancing in adult life. Also culturally we have a big family and we have family parties on the regular so we couldn’t imagine not having everyone together.
The wedding industry is truly horrendous. I’m recently engaged, and my partner and I have set a pretty low budget (under $10k). We’re getting married in basically a community center, catering is from a food truck, and my friends and I are DIYing basically everything else, and we’re still barely holding onto the budget by the skin of our teeth. I went to a wedding expo the other day, which I found out was a big mistake, but I was looking for a photographer and for a tailor for my partner’s suit. One of the photographers was charging $9k just for 8 hours of coverage. Even if you factor in that they may be doing up to a total of 40 hours with the editing work, that is still like $225 per hour. Like I understand it’s a job that requires skill and creative talent, but why am I paying you more than my psychiatrist?
You can consider hiring a photographer just to take portraits instead of covering the whole day too.
I had one photographer quote me $10k AUD, but the one we went with cost us maybe $4-5k (I honestly can't remember). I believe in investing in photos, but not to the tune of $10k.
Vendor pricing is all over my he place just like people’s budgets. There are photographers that charge more than double that. Why? Because people value their services enough to pay that. Plenty of vendors serve couples who have higher-end to luxury weddings. It’s like asking how some restaurants can charge $500 for a tasting menu of tiny items. There’s a market for it. There are also vendors the serve couples with the average budget and those that charge less.
$9,000 isn’t the norm where I live (HCOL city). It’s usually half that, but there are definitely people around charging closer to $1,000 - $2,000 for a full day of shooting. They do less editing or they’re a little newer to the industry and are working on building their portfolio.
I got married last year in Poland and we had a very low budget too. We had only 40 people, did the party in a restaurant boat and we spent around 600 PLN (150€) per person and that included everything: food, open bar, wedding outfits, favors, photographer, etc. Here in Poland wedding menus have many courses + buffet and all the time I go to a wedding here I get sick because of the amount of food... So we decided to have a cold buffet + main course + cake + midnight snack and it was more than enough.
Because of that, we could pay for hotels and transportation of our parents and siblings. The total amount we spent in the event was about 10k. The only trick is we made it as simple as possible, I tailored my wedding outfit, I DiY decorations and made wedding favors myself, I made the wedding cake too, instead of Dj we just created a Spotify playlist and regarding the photographer, we hired a photographer for about 2-2,5 hours just for a photoshoot before meeting with everyone and a few photos at our arrival with our friends (it was 1K PLN/250 €).
It is possible to have the wedding that you want with a low budget but you need to get creative and keep it simple.
$9k for 8 hours is INSANE. Did they use the word “luxury” on their site? I avoided anything with that word like the plague. I’m no Kardashian.
love this series! You are so right about the wedding industry and just western wedding culture. The financial expectations our culture has for weddings are seriously insane and I'm so glad you're pushing back on them!!
The free venue but having to pay for the extras to make it usable as a venue is definitely a sneaky financial trap sometimes!
I suspect that most DIY projects end up costing more than just having professional do it for you
I have such mixed feelings about my wedding now 5 years later. Our wedding cost 22-23k overall and we had 100 people. We broke even with gifts. So money-wise, I'm totally peaceful with it. However, I wish we had way less people there. We invited people we barely knew. I wish we trimmed away all those people and had fewer. We could have thrown a longer party and enjoyed each other and the beautiful venue much more. The reason we had so many strangers a our wedding was because of my husband's parents and also my husband wanted to strengthen some work connections. I wish we stood our ground with my in-laws because those people didn't even pay for themselves! As a side, I wish my wedding photographer took better bride and groom portraits. They're okay but quite out of focus. Not the best poses either. I love them because of what they represent but for REAL: you'll never have a perfect day and despite all your work something will go wrong or not live up to your expectations.
Once you put ,Wedding: in front of anything, prices go up!! shoes, dresses, meal prices, everything!! and this thing about been the happiest day of your life, ask most Brides afterwards, the day flies by in a blur! Its amazing marketing is what it is.
My biggest shock from the interview is that the wedding cost $30k, and yet the bride and her spouse essentially did their own catering, plus a whole lot of DIYs. I can't help but feel that their wedding would have been the same cost (if not cheaper) if they had gone for an all-inclusive venue instead of having to separately hire furniture, linens, insurance, a porta-potty, etc, to make the free venue feasible. That said, I am not from the Bay Area so perhaps an all-inclusive venue would have been significantly more expensive.
My husband and I spent roughly $30k (AUD) on our wedding and don't regret it. Our initial 2020 wedding was cancelled by the pandemic - whilst this was devastating at the time, it gave us the opportunity to save more money for our wedding when we held it in 2022. We don't regret the money because everything we chose had meaning - we splurged on the things that were important to us (food, drinks, decor, nice clothes for us) and skipped the things we didn't want (no DJ, no wedding cake, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no wedding favours). Also, wherever I could, I hired friends as vendors (to make our invitations, make my wedding ring, make my dress, etc) so our money was doing double-duty (getting us what we wanted, plus benefiting someone we cared about). The focus of our wedding was always to create a wonderful experience for ourselves and our loved ones, so it feels like it was money well spent. To this day, people still rave about the food.
Totally agree. I was just shocked that they spent just $1500 on food. I would be pretty bummed having to attend an out of town wedding and getting eat reheated Costco food.
I feel to throw a party the most important thing for the guests is food. The venue might be breath taking, out of the world decorations but if the food is not good it just leave a bad taste(pun intended).
She spent more on her dress and rings alone than the food. I still cannot believe how she is coming to 30k figure with free venue and only $1500 in food.
I never wanted to get married because all the rituals and mechanisms around weddings seem designed to optimise social status for the families or vendor profits. Very little of it seemed to be about celebrating the commitment of the couple. We’re celebrating our 24th year together, so honestly, glad we got on with building our relationships with each other and our families rather than following “tradition”.
Weddings are so out of hand these days. I got married 19 years ago and it was getting crazy then, but it has morphed into so much more. Bachelorette parties/trips were not really a thing amongst my friends so I didn’t have one (nor did I want one.) My whole wedding cost $13k. It was simple and sweet.
Getting married in San Francisco is insanely expensive! My SF wedding for 40 guests was looking to cost us about 35k before my fiancé and I decided to pivot at the last minute and just do a city hall ceremony and private dinner instead of a full on reception party. The total for our private dinner totals out to 7k with an open bar included which I guess you can say is still pricey but it’s far less than the total we were originally estimating. Our wedding is in 4 days and we could not be more relieved that we didn’t follow through with our original plan. Vendor prices have skyrocketed and San Francisco mandatory fees are averaging at 20-22% on top of whatever you’re quoted. This does not even include gratuity which is a whole other monster.
To compare, my best friend had a wedding for over 110 guests in the Bay Area for under 30k and that’s with her dress, her husband’s tux, and their wedding rings included. She booked most of her vendors 1.5 years in advanced so by the time I started planning my wedding and booking my vendors prices had more than doubled. Insanity!
amazing! how many people did you invite to the dinner? I'm trying to think of lower cost ideas like this
SF City Hall is gorgeous. If I ever get married, it will be there.
@@emiliabolsasI just googled SanFran City Hall and holy hell! It’s GORGEOUS. Compared to every other City Hall I’ve experienced lol
SF is so insane… I have seen some pricing on Reddit, and I am aghast. Considering the figures I have seen, this couple did extraordinarily well on cost. However, it’s completely understandable if they regret having a wedding at all, and I appreciate anyone who is brave enough to share the message that they regretted spending the money they did on a wedding.
This said, I’d be far more interested to hear why people regretted spending $$$ on a traditional wedding and why those who did it would do it again. I wish we could have more dialogue about what people got from the experience, and how people who didn’t enjoy it or think it was worth it landed on that conclusion. I’d love to hear about the process and emotions of those who went over budget. Knowing how people’s wedding budget doubles throughout the planning process would be helpful. What is not helpful is shaming anyone and everyone who had this experience that most of us do value and view as a life milestone. I say this as someone at this stage, and completely open to eloping because I know that so many people don’t enjoy wedding planning and that their wedding didn’t go the way they wanted. Or it did, and it just didn’t fill “the emotional need”. It would be so much more insightful if content like this could identify the emotional need that various couples were looking to fill, and how they could have done that in a less expensive way!
@@devlynne We invited 40 guests and 30 people was our final headcount so our total cost will likely be under 7k! If you are in the area check out Wayfare Tavern, they have gorgeous private dining rooms with full service and bar packages included. I believe food and bev min is $2500 and room rental is $500 so it’s definitely a much more wallet friendly option if you’re trying to get married in SF.
Got married in 2022 in the Bay Area for 20k total. To minimize regret, I just kept urging my spouse to do what she wanted instead of doing what she thought any guest would want
I LOVE your wedding series. Would love more wedding content esp around being a bridesmaid
the boy one where he wrote a book was about being a guest. it was really long i didn’t even finish it, so lotsa content
You know what's a wild scam? The veil! Why is a veil $500?!?
I got mine on Etsy for about $50? But David’s bridal has some for like $30
I mean it depends on what kind of veil you're buying, but high quality lace (even just trim!) is often handmade and takes hundreds of hours to produce a few yards. The veil costs more if you're buying something made by professional artisans making a living wage! That's one thing that I don't think is necessarily a scam. The dress, veil, etc - all stuff that is often custom sized/made, hundreds of hours of labor to construct, uses high quality & very delicate fabrics, and so on. I think you can get something awesome for way cheaper, but I also understand why some get priced that way.
My Mom has always told me that her veil is mine to do whatever with. It’s fully hemmed and gathered into a headpiece that can easily be replaced. It’s incredibly long, my Mom’s dress had an eight foot train and I think the veil is about as long. That was in the 80s, but I am totally using that veil whenever I get married. The price for one similar is just insane. lol
Re the phone music playlist - I work in a lovely old Chapel and my colleague had set up an ambient music list. They forgot to untick the shuffle option though so we suddenly realised the song playing was a lower-energy cover of The DiVinyls song 'I touch myself'. Made us both laugh immoderately but probably just as well there was a break between visitors. So curate that list and no shuffle is the tip 😂
I'd love to hear from some people who have considered mostly DIY and cost-cut most of their wedding, and then regretted that decision? Such as the counter argument to not spending enough on certain areas. For example, I've heard from friends in the past, where they cut back on venue, but still had to spend a decent amount on event rental equipment and a company to help create their backyard wedding. Some small weddings can get away with spending less than $10k, but if you have a guest list of 80, I wonder how big the difference would be. My take is, if I have more stress/planning/prep work to just save an extra $5K for $30K wedding, is it even worth it?
two-engineer household also! We had destination wedding in Punta Cana with over 100 guests. Wedding only cost $14k- this included 8 hr videography/photography, ceremony, reception, and rehearsal dinner! We don't regret a thing! We did bring our own DJ because we could not risk the music being bad LOL
One thing to really consider: backyard weddings are usually more expensive because of all of the rentals you need to make them work. I have a family member that did a backyard wedding and she told me hers was $24k. I'm planning one right now and mine is projected to be $15k.
Yup. We went with a cheaper (but gorgeous) bare-bones venue but after rentals, staff, etc, we kind of wish we had just gone with a more expensive venue that came with more amenities & a lot less work. However, it was nice to pick the exact vendors I wanted!
Two considerations for Weddings at Home:
1) How big is the house? How many guests can it accommodate? Particularly, how many bathrooms are there that don't require someone to walk through a bedroom to get to them?
2) How many guests are you trying to have?
The home weddings I've attended that worked best were some combination of SMALL guest list and/or at a LARGE house. Like, one had rain so bad (severe downpour for hours and hours) that the rented tents could not keep up and we had to move indoors. But the mother of the bride was an accomplished socialite who threw events regularly, and made it all work for ~80 guests in her 4500 sq ft house. More people or less room would have made it more of a crunch, and that's when you need to rent toilets et al and home weddings turn out to be as pricey as a venue.
You can think of it as akin to how AirBnBs cost as much or more than a hotel, but require more sweat and effort on your part. Venues were built for these functions, have economies of scale, and they do all the set up and clean up.
@eurovianmutt yes, you will definitely need rentals for a backyard wedding. The amount you need will vary based off of the home size and guest list though. You'll need to rent out all the chairs and tables at a minimum. Guests will probably not take kindly to bringing their own chairs. You'll usually need to rent a tent and dance floor too unless everyone can fit inside for a reception. You'll also need to rent a Porta potty if your house doesn't have enough bathrooms for everyone. You can easily spend 6-10k on rentals when doing a backyard wedding where a 2-5k venue would include everything. It's worth it if you really want to have a backyard wedding, but it's not a way to save money.
@@a.j.4644 yeah, that sounds like one of the few situations where that could be a cheaper option and it sounds really fun! I've only been to one backyard wedding. It was nice, but it was definitely ballin on a budget. I asked that family member how much it was because I thought that style would be a good option for me. Now I'm planning and it just wasn't an option for my home. My backyard is sloped away from the house and the inside isn't big enough. I was dreading the planning process because I thought it was going to cost $30k for me to throw a wedding. Budget is $22k and I've spent $10k so far covering most major expenses. I think I only have $5k of expenses left between the suit, wedding band, prenup, certificate, decor, and paying the remainder of the food bill.
@@cindygomez9707 I'm so glad I entered this part of the chat. Because so many people tout having a backyard wedding, and usually say so in a manner that suggests, they don't need to spend much to have a party or prove their love to each other, which I can understand. But they're not totally considering the guests experience and it totally depends on what kind of vibe you want to have. I have a few cousins who don't want to get married (1. because of cost and 2. because they don't care to be married), and a few of them are considering having an anniversary party instead, so that it's a completely relaxed event...still a celebration, just not a formal one!
Im chinese and in our very specific culture niche, our wedding style (and costs) were expected from our 250 guests. Thing is we spent 65k. And got every penny back in cash gifts. If we didnt spend that amount or close to it, the guests wouldnt have just "gifted money" if we had a backyard wedding for example. My sis would probably elope or very small (30 guests) wedding, and none of the relatives would be gifting $. So all her expenses would literally be out of pocket. Just sharing cultural differences! ❤
wow had no idea the money was tied to the banquet, that sucks!! i figured it was to celebrate the couple, but no it’s really to cover their plate :/ Other gifting cultures will give the same gift no matter the venue.
Strong disagree on the babymoon. Take it pregnant. You have no idea what your baby will be like. You might not have the option to take a trip once they are here.
I thought was how it was normally done? :)
If I had a baby moon I'd go to the beach bc pregnant women are cute af.
Yes exactly!! The last trip as a couple before becoming a family, and the last stress free trip 😂 We did our honeymoon 6 months after our wedding so it turned out to be our baby moon too and it was great!
I agree with you. We took a baby moon to our honeymoon location (within driving distance). Yes, I was as big as a house and uncomfortable with heartburn, etc, but it’s still easier than having someone watch the baby later on and giving all the instructions and missing your little baby.
Agreed with everything except tipping in advance. Assess the service, then tip based on performance afterwards. Also if they own their own business, no need to tip. That's on the business owner to factor in their profits and cost of doing business into what they charge.
I was planning my wedding for late 2020 and facing a $25k cost. We ended up eloping (due to the obvious) and spent less than half that. Around $5k of it was due to a non refundable deposit on the venue, which thankfully, was a boutique hotel we ended up having a weeklong staycation honeymoon in. Penthouse suite and room service three times a day. We paid for everything in full and four years later, NO regrets. I’m weirdly glad it worked out the way it did.
That sounds fantastic!
that sounds so sweet! :)
It is always mind blowing to me how people talk about weddings as “their day” when literally any time you host a party you are doing it for the guests. You as the host need to make sure your guests are comfortable, that they have a good time, that they feel taken care of…no different than hosting people for a dinner party or a birthday. The marriage is for the couple, the wedding is for the guests. It is rare for a bride to enjoy the party because they are usually on host duty the whole time.
i have like 12 things I want to say about this, but this is so true !!
This is exactly why my fiancé and I are going to the courthouse. When you have a wedding, you are paying for everyone else.
Not ashamed to say that I let my best friend know my two cents about what she was spending on her wedding. She still spent itx and regrets it, but what can she do now but learn from it. And she is learning. One credit card payment at a time.
I heard a tip one time to wear your wedding dress on your anniversaries, even if you're just having a nice dinner in, and honestly I think that's a very fun way to carry the dress into married life.
My Bay Area wedding budget was $25-30k and ended up being $34k. Our guest came to us (both families in home town), 120 people, morning ceremony with string quartet, lunch reception, thank you dinner/Tea Ceremony, and we contributed 25% to the hotel fee in the wedding block.
My wedding looks (wedding dress, my culture dress, his culture dress, makeup, alterations) = $1800
Husband and I are engineers, we had just gotten jobs when engaged and had a 2 year engagement for planning and budgeting purposes. I don’t understand short engagements.
Some people don’t have to wait to save up….the point of being engaged is to get married after all.
@@VBoo459 yeah, I’m married and a homeowner. Point is, you don’t have to slash your budget or guest list and can have the wedding you want. 2 years is not very long compared to the life you’re trying to build. But a short engagement with a mountain of debt or a wedding you aren’t happy are much worse options.
@eurovianmutt I am not seeing the connection to long engagement for financial reasons and not knowing my then fiancé.
While I don’t regret spending on my wedding, I do regret not downsizing. I’m south Asian, so I felt pressured to have a “big fat brown wedding,” when in reality I could’ve done it much smaller with a lot less hassle. My wedding needlessly stressed me out at a time when I needed to lock in for grad school and med school interviews. Tbh none of those extra guests ever did anything for me and the only guests I keep in touch with are my friends.
It blows my mind to think that a DIY wedding at a free venue could cost that much! When I got married 20 years ago, we spent about $5,000 for the whole wedding by saving in a bunch of ways: afternoon wedding instead of night wedding, white wine toast instead of champagne, using the same flowers for the reception that we used at the church (very simple vase bouquets), going with a cake decorator we knew (who gave us a discount). The reception spot offered their own catering for (I think) $48/person for 80 guests. We also ordered the most basic photography package.
Boomers/gen x constantly don't understand how much more expensive everything is for millenials
@ReneeB-mz9cx I'm sure that's true. However, I'm far from being a Boomer, if that's what you're assuming. 😁 I'm a Xennial.
@@jettqk1 I assume genx, but it's all the same really. The economy has degraded so much since 2021, no one who has big purchases to make gets it. If you already did your wedding/children/house purchases you're just out of touch.
A very rudimentary adjusting for inflation means your wedding would have been around $9k in today's money just for perspective!
@@shalenah Good point!
We had a $35k wedding for 120 people in a HCOL city and don't regret it at all! We paid for about half of it in cash and our parents helped with the rest. We were also able to pay for our honeymoon and welcome party. Our combined income did make us high earners but we also lived below our means and saved for it. As much as I loved our wedding, if it meant financial stress or debt it would not have been worth it.
We had a micro wedding during the pandemic, and we still consider doing another wedding but it would actually be a family vacation with a renewal, it's a lovely thought but at the same time we don't feel like spending so that's much money. Our micro wedding still cost us about $1,000.00 and we only had about 8 people at our dinner, the dinner alone was $500.00, one of my best friends made and gifted the cake, the other gifted my bouquet and she also bought me the very beautiful famous replica blue shoes that Carrie Bradshaw or when she married big at the courthouse 😍😍😍 I felt so loved and I'm married to the love of my love.
My wedding cost in Bay Area was about $3k, and net 0 including gifts. Best decision ever. Spent more on honeymoon.
We honestly just need to dismantle the wedding concept regardless of finances and start over lol. I fully regret mine and I didn't even pay for it. I'm not friends with pretty much my entire wedding party and theyre stuck in my pictures forever. I spent all day making other people happy and didn't get to really spend time with anyone who mattered much less spend time with my husband. If you loved your wedding more power to you but I will do my best to stop the generational push for a performance wedding for my kids.
THIS
@53:30 wow $3300 for videographer? I didn't realize it was that expensive wow. I did go to a wedding where at the end of the reception they showed a 3-5 min highlight reel of the wedding which was pretty cool and something that's easier to rewatch again or share with folks who couldn't make it.
that’s higher end, the average is sub $2k.
This is an interesting topic and thank you for covering it. I’m thinking about what we want for a wedding. I’ve saved £30,000 for a deposit/house and I cannot imagine now spending that kind of money and the effort went to save it for one day.
That’s crazy. We spent $12,000 !this was for the cake, the DJ, the food, the ceremony and reception. Then $1000 for videography and photos. I still smile thinking about my wedding. Our honeymoon, my parents paid
Spent $15K on my wedding with 50 pax. Loved my wedding and had a great party with an open bar. Did it in 2022 and used covid as an excuse to have pre-booked a smaller venue but it fits with what we want. It's extremely easy to overspend though with the wedding tax.
My husband and i got married last year in Las Vegas after having 1 kid and living together 7 years 😋. It wasn’t really planed ahead of time 🙃, we went for a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert 🎶 and decided to take advantage of the fast track wedding you can have in Vegas 🤣. Friday we went for the wedding license and the next day we got married at “The Little White Chapel” on April fool’s day 😆. After that we went to a cool bbq place with a brewery in the Art district and at night to the concert 🤘🏼😎.
For us it was perfect!!!, totally a private event just for us, simple and a really fun memory for our love story 👩🏻❤️👨🏾
(No debt, no stress 😎👌🏼✨)
Newly engaged and really struggling to decide about having a budget wedding or not, as even a budget wedding is so expensive! I am paralyzed by indecision into not doing anything, however I do want to celebrate my love with family and friends in some manner.
The big party was not worth it. I had 130 guests and saw no one. All I was doing most of the day and week before was organising as i was on a tight budget. Go as small as you can bear is my advice. All i wanted was to go to the pub with a handful of people after the ceremony
My advice as someone who got married a couple of years ago is, really think what it is you want for the day and then plan accordingly within your budget. My husband and I are an international couple and for us specifically it was important to have both our families come together as they had never really spent time together before, so we were happy spending some money towards that (e.g. we paid for accommodation for all our family members at the same venue for the wedding weekend). We also wanted a nice venue and good food for our guests since half of them were travelling internationally and we wanted it to be worth it for them. Most other things we spent very little on. I got my dress at a charity shop. We spent very little on flowers, photos, we had no table decorations, no videographer. For another couple the priorities would be completely different, but I think it’s really key to know what those priorities are ❤
I struggled with the same thing. We ultimately did both - got married at the little white wedding chapel in Vegas, then threw a $10k wedding for just 48 guests. I don’t regret it I was so happy that day. But I think if it had been a larger guest list or a more expensive affair I would have regrets. Just sit with what’s going to make you happy and is reasonable in your budget. And heck, for some people that’s eloping with their best friends as witnesses.
Really think with your partner about what is most important to the two of you and don’t feel pressured into doing things because you are supposed to. Like my bachelorette party was just hanging out with my bridesmaids the night before the rehearsal when they all got into town.
Consider just signing documents and going out to lunch together in terms of your wedding, and then visiting family and having a meal with them later to celebrate. My husband and I did that because our loved ones are scattered across the country and couldn't afford to travel. It was much easier for us to just sign documents, then go visit our families at the next convenient holiday and let them treat us to a meal (or cook for us). It saved everyone a lot of money and stress.
This also allowed for us to start traveling together as a couple much sooner, going on trips abroad together, because we could afford it.
I worked at an alternation shop that specialized in bridal and I was astounded at the amount of money wedding dresses cost. You can get a really nice vintage or designer dress for the same amount of money. You could get 10 yards of super high end fabric for that money.
Historically, wedding gowns were used for baptismal gowns or dyed and worn again. Often people just got married in their “Sunday best”.
I bought my wedding dress at a thrift store for $69. It is GORGEOUS, and technically my size, but needed some tweaks because I am 4’11”. I took it to a bridal alterations place and paid over $1k for alterations alone 😳
i’m not astounded by how much the dress costs at all, just what people are willing to spend on alterations alone, 500$ to over 1K!?! 😂 And it can be 1/4-1/2 their budget like you’re joking…you didn’t get a deal if the alteration costs more than the dress itself. You just got shafted through the back alley, by the seamstress honestly.
I wouldn't spend that much on the wedding...I'd spend a bit for the registrar's or basic church wedding. More money on the reception but not much, only immediate family and close friends invited. The rest of the money that I had saved up would go to the purchase of a house, land etc. That's what I did on my wedding, I was only 21 and it was the best thing I did.
Former DIY bride, came to some conclusions after a lot of research and reflection after my wedding.
People really care a lot less thank you think about the little details and accoutrements of a wedding. The simpler, the better, even if you want to have a wedding.
Big props to the guest for talking about expectations, if something that is cultural, religious, traditional or just expected doesn't make sense to YOU don't do it. Reflect on why you are doing everything.
If you're spending more than $500 on a ring you're being ripped off. Nothing commercially available has that much intrinsic value and you sure AF don't need that to flex to other people, who usually can't tell it from a fake anyway.
Think about what bridal party is for and if you actually need one. I had one MOH and it made no difference except people got to just have fun as guests and not have the pressure of the other expenses to ultimately just stand.
There is no reason to make people travel for a pre-wedding activity. Take time to go see people or get together when it makes sense for you instead of guilting friends and family into doing something out of their finances for a bachelorette. That's insanity, especially if they are already going somewhere for your wedding.
Wear what you want to your wedding and do not overspend on a dress, it's the same thing as the ring, if it looks good, seriously no one cares. And if they do, they don't need to be there.
We’re having quite a long engagement as we’re using our joint savings to put a deposit on a house first. It has given us time to slowly do little diys here and there and really cement what we want out of the day. I think this has allowed us to spread the cost of the decorative parts of the ceremony really well😊
Totally agree with lower key weddings, but want to point out that the "Wedding Tax" exists because of the additional time, assurances, and cost to a business with weddings because of the additional pressure from clients to have everything be perfect. Not all vendors could justify it, but it can be valid depending on the service. If you choose not to let them know it's a wedding when you request a service, be prepared for disappointment if there is a mishap. They may not have the extra safeguards in place that they might for something wedding related. I went to a salon to get my hair done when I eloped/mini wedding(15ppl) and told them it was for family photos, no regrets. But I told the restaurant it was for a wedding and they went out of their way to take care of us. I've worked in the wedding industry for almost 20 yrs in photography.
Why don’t people just elope and then see if they’re satisfied with that or want a wedding?
That seems like a better alternative then diving in head first and spending it all in the heat of the moment
30k isn't a lot in the Bay Area. There are so many 150k salaries over there. 30k in a podunk town is a lot. I spent 10k on my wedding in Houston a decade ago. Wedding at church and reception at a restaurant with 90 family and friends. We had a dj too, rented the restaurant. Two kids later and a wonderful home, no regrets.
Oh my God, I don't like white wedding dresses for many reasons and I am seriously consider to buy something 'in color'...but every time I mention it, people are like 'but you won't feel special', or 'how people will know that you are the bride?'. Like, WTF, I'll feel super special because it will be my wedding day, not because of what color am I wearing... and also trust me: if you need a white dress to know who is the bride - your are not supposed to be there IMO 😅🤭🤣
What jeans are those? I can’t remember which video this was mentioned. Love them.
My husband and I married at a chapel in Vegas with 24 of our friends and family. As a wedding gift my parents threw us a reception which was so lovely. I didn’t do anything but show up. I spent around $200 on my dress and accessories. My husband and I renewed our vows at 5 years and I wore my dress again. We are renewing for our 10 year this July and I plan on wearing it again. I am so grateful to have had a small wedding and rowing our vows is such a fun way to re-energize and recommit to my best friend
Thank you for this. None of this really matters. What matters are the people involved, especially the one you plan to spend the rest of your life with. This makes me think I might just want the ceremony in a church and have a fun low key party after. No need for many types of decoration and planning lots of things for the party! Just some food, drinks and music.
I found a never worn wedding dress that was hand made and fit like it was made for me. It was 75.00 at a bridal store that sold new and 2nd hand dresses.. My veil was 50. This was in 1993. I think the whole wedding, cake, photos was a couple thousand dollars. Included local restaurent catered dinner served at local bowling alley for about 50 people. It was memorable for guests and a blast for us. We then honeymooned in spain for 3 weeks. So important to start out correctly, meeting actual needs, not keeping up with the Jones's.
I regret not having a videographer for my wedding, so thanks for making me feel better about that!
We spent 35k on our wedding, cash (no loans or borrowing etc), loved every second. Best videographer too so we can relive it again and again. Everyone had an amazing time and whilst our families chipped in, we still had complete autonomy so I’m sorry this lady didn’t get that. You can’t regret something you willingly and happily put your heart into. We put our heart into our wedding as a representation of our heart, efforts and commitment in our marriage. 120 people who we loved watching us say “I do” was a dream.
In the process of planning my wedding now and here are some things I’m doing/not doing to save costs:
1. Skipping the ceremony. I have no interest in putting on a play for my loved ones
2. Not having a wedding party
3. If I do have a bachelorette, it will be a few days before the wedding and an opportunity for me to connect with the guests that are flying in for our party
4. Renting out a restaurant instead of a big venue
5. Wearing a really cute dress that I love instead of an actual wedding dress
6. Doing my own makeup
7. Not having a DJ
8. Trading for flowers and other decor services (I’m a web designer, so trading with other service providers is easy for me.)
I’ll probably have more by the end of this. The biggest thing I want to do is center my marriage on me and my partner. I don’t care about the faff of it, I care about our partnership. We will most likely do a private personal ceremony on our own where we read our vows when we go on our honeymoon. The wedding industrial complex is nuts and I’m NOT here for it.
I don't think you need to spend a lot of money on a wedding. However, I disagree that no one has regretted eloping. I got married in court, spent $50 on my dress. He spent $400 on my ring. And going through that made me feel so undervalued in our marriage. That I wasn't worth a real wedding. We never went on a honeymoon. I divorced him 10 years later. It was a headache and expensive. So if he just wants to elope. Run!
I have no patience for the wedding industrial complex. The idea of spending $30K (hell, $1k, $5k) on one day in my life gives me hives.
I'm American and my partner is Australian, and we're having a registry ceremony in two weeks. Very simple, very, very small -- just our daughter (4 mos old) and my partner's parents. We'll go out for gelato afterwards, maybe have a nice dinner. $475 AUD covers the service, the filing fees, and the certificate. Plus, say, $80 for gelato and parking (it is Sydney, after all). Done and dusted and no banks will be broken in the process.
We got married in a swanky DTLA historic 30s penthouse for 80 guests. I did all of my own decor. My only regret was that it was with the wrong person… someone who didn’t really appreciate it. Being disillusioned by the incompatibility, my current partner and I talk about eloping at a favorite park or bookstore. I’m not as motivated to do the same thing as I did before even though I think my current partner would love it and I don’t want to take from his experience about what he would want but I’m a lot more mindful about the price tag.
My husband and I definitely spent near this on our wedding, but most of that was on the reception (and over a third of THAT was on the food for the 80-ish people who came), but we also scheduled our honeymoon about 6 months after our wedding. It was great getting to recover (both financially and mentally) from the wedding with that gap, but we also made sure we didn't go into Debt(tm) with our wedding (we were remote workers during 2020 so we saved a LOT of money during the lockdowns.)
Also, on the bartending thing, my husband and my family both can drink a liquor store's worth of alcohol without even thinking about it and some of them get MESSY, so we only covered 2 drinks per guest and told people that drinks after those two would be cash bar (some people were very unhappy with this, but we communicated it beforehand). It really helped manage people's behavior with alcohol. If you know your family will get wrecked, do not be afraid of having a cash bar or a limited number of covered drinks.
My husband and I married at the courthouse with a few family members in attendance. We also have cheap $15 rings from Amazon. We are happy with the way we did things and that's all that matters. I have never had a single person upset that we didn't have a big wedding, but even if we did, who cares? If we are happy with our decision that's all that matters. I think many people have big weddings because they think they need to impress and/or appease certain people and it's so freeing when you realize that you don't have to do what other people expect.
LOVE this discussion, its something I struggle to decide on as someone with kids not married to my partner. Spend your money on what really matters and making memories. On the babymoon, yeah thats a stupid idea just have a staycation what you need in the last trimester is rest
We planned ours in 12 days for 45 guests and spent $2200 for everything including rings, small restaurant and church. That was 1989. No regrets. Happy, beautiful, fun day!!! Borrowed dress, made of honor dress already existed and bought 3 off the rack fancy Christmas dresses for 30 dollars each with huge after Christmas sale. Restaurant and Church both still had the Christmas flowers up so they said no extra flowers.