Even if the marriage is good, there still could be deficits in knowledge on where the money is. My father passed away suddenly, and it was a huge stress for my mom to figure out where everything was. It wasn’t nefarious, my mom trusted my dad to take care of the finances, and that was that for her. She feels differently now, being open with my sister and I on where everything is, as well as encouraging us to do that with our partners.
I worked in banking for years and used to deal with widows who were totally lost about what to do cuz their husband handled everything . Some of these women had never worked and didn’t even have a social security number . It was crazy .
@@catherinesanchez1185 Well the guaranteed right for all women (especially single women) to hold a bank or credit account has existed in the US only fifty years now, so not perhaps that crazy.
"You can't have two spouses living under the same roof, but in different socioeconomic classes." Amen. That's why my mom finally divorced my dad after 30 years of marriage. Another thirty years later, and they remain friends, but this was the issue that split them.
Our culture spends endless energy convincing women they're incomplete without marriage, and zero energy educating them about the economic ramifications and risks they face. And that should tell you everything you need to know about who benefits from hetero marriage.
We tell our daughter that the “other half” bullshit is bullshit, and that she’s a full person whether she stays single all her life, as one partner, or has multiple. I detest the idea that awe are only half and need someone else to make us whole.
There's a reason it's pushed on women so young. It's not just about "fertility". It's about making sure the woman hasn't figured herself out before she adds a man to her life. A lot of marriages hit trouble when the kids come along. A lot of men have no clue what kids will do to the relationship. They get mad that their wives aren't there for them as much. Are tired. Grumpy. Fat. And of course the wife is like what the fuck. And then there's the money side of things. Loss of income. Stress of transport. Sickness. Lack of sleep. Happens so much. The wedding is the party at the start of the race. Ya better have the right shoes.
I say every couple should talk through a full prenup. They don't have to sign it. But proving you can have the conversation is a good litmus test for a marriage.
I'd say you can do the same with your "state decides" prenup as well. Most people have no idea what the standard and responsibilities of marriage is where they live in the first place, to take the time to skip over that and go to a prenup isn't what I'd recommend but I completely agree about having the conversation about it as a great indicator.
@@kristinaerickson2353 that's what I said to, but the law still has a formula they go by regardless. it isn't that easy. I still got screwed over. If your agreement is not somewhat within their marriage laws, then the judge simply rejects it.
@@jzdust1 Yes I'm going to be consulting a lawyer for each of us so that we meet the criteria for a Prenup to hold water. I really don't see my future husband wanting any different our prenup terms we've discussed are super fair.
It was wonderful hearing this gentleman speak so intelligently on this subject. As a mental health therapist who works with ppl divorcing, I hope these discussions can be heard by ppl like him in more communities that try to push marriage without proper education on the ramifications of it to all parties.
Good interview, only a few nitpicks. Really liked that he talked about the sacrifices of a stay at home parent. Many people overlook that when you stay home with the kids for 10 years you do not give up 10 years of earnings in your 20s and 30s. You give up 10 years of promotions, and your highest earning years in your 50s. Although I'd like to see you interview a ground pounder who handles anyone who can come up with a $5000 retainer. This guy started with wealthy clients and stayed there, it sounds like. "Share the pain" cases are rough. If you've been married for 20 years, have little savings, and now your housing expenses are going to double, you're both going to suffer financial insecurity. And the financial dynamics are interesting when you're talking about sub $100k households.
Great conversation. My wife and I are coming up on 19 years of marriage. I’ve always made between 55-100% of the income. I currently make around 63%. However, we operate with the one-pot method. We do not divide finances. Married couples share everything else, why not share finances? Regardless how much more I’ve made throughout the years, all retirement contributions are equal. We’ve always done $6000/year each for our Roth IRAs. We do $23,000 each for our 403(b). My pension is the only account where I have more money because it’s a percentage of the income. We each have a blow account. I get $250/mo and she gets $500. Worst case scenario, we get a divorce. We can each walk away with equal amounts and not have to worry about fighting for money. I know it’s not that easy for everyone when it comes to finances. I’m thankful that it works for us.
Coming up on 14 years for us. My husband was married once before, and when they split, they were adults about it instead of two assholes fighting to screw the other one over. They split jointly held things 50/50, and that was that. I knew them at the time, and saw it happen. They simply wanted different things out of life in the end, and made sure they were both taken care of before splitting. Why do people think that divorcing should mean having to fight and hate?
@@NoelleTakestheSkyI think because we mostly don’t see people getting divorced until _after_ their relationship has reached a hate&fight stage. So we think of those as being part and parcel of divorce.
Even in the case of an accident or an acute, catastrophic illness, both spouses have to know where all the money is. To not be able to access money and financial records because one spouse is in a coma would be terrifying.
Spent $25k on our wedding and I have zero regrets about it. We had a two year engagement, purposefully, so we could pay for our wedding in cash. We have a lawyer friend who did our prenup for us as a wedding gift. It was important to both of us that the assets we brought into the marriage are protected if the marriage ends. We both make the same amount of money, so it made sense for us to both feel protected financially.
The tradition of the bride’s father walking her down the aisle used to literally be called, “Giving the bride away.” That should tell us all we need to know.
It’s still called that a lot. A bunch of my cousins and friends have had the minister/officiant say “who gives this woman” once they reach the alter/front. Even if their father didn’t walk them down the aisle, or both parents did. Still icked me out. I had both parents walk with me, and forbade our officiant from asking that or from saying obey in the vows or from “presenting” us as Mr. and Mrs. (It was kind of exciting to hear us be called Husband and Wife, anyway). Since our friend was our officiant, she wouldn’t have done any of that anyway, but it never hurts to be clear.
My wedding is this weekend 🎉 We spent $35k on the wedding. No regrets. We're not in debt, and I'm excited to giving back and celebrate our family & friends!! My tips: - Save up. Didn't go into debt duh. - Plan for a cheaper wedding than you can afford... you will spend more especially due to inflation 💸 - Cheap out on the extra parties or eliminate them. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza and we didn't have an engagement party. - DIY & FB Marketplace as much as possible. We will make our wedding cake. $50 instead of $600. - Take advantage of talented friends for DJs, bakers, artists, planners, officiants, hair stylists, and other vendors.
My Fiance and I have budgeted a wedding for under 8k. She is from another country though and we will be having a second wedding in her home country, which will be an additional 3-5k. Thankfully we don't have to dip too far into our savings and will be debt free other than some relatively low student loans and a car payment going into our marriage.
@@Che-vn6vu we paid our friends who worked, they weren't free. Like we paid $1k for catering instead of $5k. Or my friend officiated, we gave her $200. We gave my planner friend $500. Most of our budget went to venue and honeymoon.
I'm going to reply up top to commentary below about this prenup discussion being "classist": Two partners could NOT afford to sit down and have a conversation about their financial expectations and requirements for marriage? Those partners could not afford to write those agreements on paper and sign them? The partners could not afford to have that contract notarized??? As has been stated already in this thread, ALL marriages have a default prenup: the LAW. And the law in your country, state/province, city/town may or may NOT favor you. In the same way people are participating in this youtube thread FOR FREE, people could do online or library esearch on designing a prenup FOR FREE. I am hardcore working class, and I do not understand saying "I am too poor for a prenup, but I can afford to get married."
I could not imagine not knowing my partner's finances. We had been together 8-9 years before marriage and already had a couple of joint accounts, reviewed all of our accounts together once a year or so, contributed the same percent to each bucket, etc. Yes, it's "boring and unsexy" to talk about but I feel like having to tiptoe around financial conversations is a lot worse.
Really great interview. I love hearing lawyers speak on issues, because they give a very level, reasonable perspective of emotionally charged topics. Would love to hear him on your show again.
Great interview! Love the idea of calling in couples counseling, if one partner finds it necessary. Also could apply if you're in a relationship without marriage. And the thought that you can't be in different classes while married. Had not thought about it that way.
..No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.
I truly get why what you're saying is so important, and I genuinely want to find happiness as well. I've got someone special in my life, and even though we're not together at the moment, I can't picture my life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm all in to make it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to fix stuff...
Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I value this advice. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that following this path will bring about positive outcomes for me too; I long for her deeply.
This was a breath of fresh air for the content from TFD. Straight to the point, useful information; I didn't even have a momento of wondering what pop culture thing was being referenced. One video like this month or every two months would be helpful; I want to learn financial literacy without having a buff bro talk to me about crypto, but I also, just kind of want to get to the point, even though it might be boring for TFD.
Not to say there isn't any pattern or high profile examples, but the initial "men divorce their sick wives" study was retracted after an error that counted people who left the study as getting divorced. "In Sickness and in Health? Physical Illness as a Risk Factor for Marital Dissolution in Later Life" was the name of retracted study, with the corrected analysis not finding a gender link for general illness, though the effect is still statistically significant for strokes and heart problems specifically 😬
Based on anecdotal evidence, divorce after a major medical event seems to be more common in the United States. Depending on your state, you can be held responsible for your spouse’s medical debt. I know at least two couples that legally divorced but stayed together after cancer diagnosis because they were advised to do so by a financial advisor.
Illness leads to divorce for multiple valid reasons, and none of them are “ew, sickie.” Things like doing so on paper to protect finances, or burnout on the part of the not-sick partner. Sure, the sick one can’t escape, but the other one acting as a caregiver not getting support will burn out mentally, and it’s not fair to expect that to be life. Illnesses also do change people, and people grow apart. The presence of an illness shouldn’t obligate two people to stay together if they’ve grown apart. A person isn’t a bad person if they decide that the relationship they now have isn’t going to work for the long term. Trying to guilt people into staying will lead to resentment in a relationship, and it doesn’t mean either person was bad, just human.
this was one of my favorite episodes! It was interesting to hear again just how the dynamics of marriage have changed and what kind of conversations should be had before signing the contract lol Especially loved the suggestion to discuss how to handle family regarding visit lengths, giving money, etc.
I was at a party 2 years ago talking to a group of girlfriends when we all realized we each were the high earners in our respective relationships, and one lady that went through a divorce ended up paying her dirtbag deadbeat alimony as a result and it was a sobering thought for all of us not yet married but dating basically the same low quality men that are sadly common these days that this could happen to us, wish this episode had touched on the increasingly common quandary of what it means when the woman makes more and divorce happens, if for no other reason than it puts your dating priorities into sharper focus if you play out the possibility that if you marry a deadbeat, you could end up cutting him checks to sit on a couch and play video games forever
imo people with a healthy approach are willing to talk about logistics and financial dynamics and if people won't talk about those things, that's a red flag, regardless of their gender.
What you’ve shared in this series is great. I especially love this interview. I wish I had understood all of this 47 years ago. I actually wouldn’t have married and stayed with the person so long because I would have seen our incompatibility clearly with just a good discussion on finances and boundaries. On the other hand, why end this here? What about checking in with a couple who did spend a lot of money and have no regrets? Could you possibly see how they went about it and why they have no regrets, then analyze what they did that worked for them? I think I know just the couple for this. Shelise and her spouse from the TH-cam channel Cults to Consciousness. Think about it. You can gage what kind of person she is from her interviews plus she has posted something about their wedding. It would be nice to see some examples of how to do it better. You might also interview someone who did a frugal wedding and was very happy with it. For that matter, talk to some couples who are happy with their prenups as well. Each of these scenarios can be viewed from your lens of finances. Thanks for looking over these suggestions to see if any of them has any value to your particular community. And may you be well and be blessed.
that's a great suggestion to speak with people who are happy with how much they spent and get the low-down on how they did it to still be happy afterwards about it all despite what they spent
My mother died with $100 000 in a secret account my father had no idea about. He thought they were struggling financially. Speaking of financial infidelity.
My husband and I spent $3k on 2016: 40 guests, buffet, a borrowed room in a community center, minimal decoration. My dress was $200. I wouldn’t change a single thing, it was fun, within our possibilities and we walked away w zero debt ❤
I can’t figure out who could possibly afford a divorce lawyer. i couldn’t even afford a document preparer, so i had to file everything myself. Luckily it turns out you can do a summary dissolution in CA if you were together for under 5 years, but it was very difficult for me to figure out how to file everything myself. The whole system assumes you have a lawyer.
You were so spot on: These companies are MARKETTING all this wedding planning stuff to women and then they the same companies say ‘They are the frivolous ones’.
Longtime TFD follower here! Always a fan of prenups but recently came across "postnups" and I'm not entirely sure the difference between the 2 and the necessity for both - despite my googling. Has TFD come across this before in its discussions with various subject matter experts?
if you go back to the first season of TFC there is an episode where this is briefly discussed (also a divorce lawyer). In essence, the postnup has less legal standing than a prenup would and often can get tossed in a divorce trial.
Also something I haven't heard discussed within content here is the cost of prenup being another barrier! For those of us who aren't coming from rich families or high earning careers, a prenup seems pricey. Don't get me wrong - I'm very aware that a solid prenup saves us money down the line but I think it is worth keeping in mind to factor in the cost of a prenup prior to a marriage
That’s a great point. I think in that case, it’s important to prioritize whichever you value most. If in a position where only one of feasible, I’d choose a prenup over a wedding any day.
NOLO law books. Written especially for lay people. They are at the library and cover topics from landlord/tenant law to wills to starting a company to prenups. Also Legal Zoom. This is all at the library or online. And even if you are not in the U.S., it's STILL online.
Literally what just happened to my 5-year relationship. My fiance decided to leave our relationship to move back to her country and be closer to her family because life is easier there.. Having even values, financial goals and financial literacy are important. Love is important, but commitment plays a much bigger part in your relationship. This means the couple must have the same level of understanding, respects, goals and values.
I think "inability to communicate" is the wrong way to describe such issues. I think the proper way to describe it is "unwilling to communicate" and the reasons for "unwillingness to communicate" vary widely.
from resentment about past things that happened (financial or sexual infidelity, controlling behaviour, mismatch of values leading to disagreeing on how to spend time or money, not agreeing on what each person's role should be especially in a context of misogyny and women should be submissive but not necessarily only this scenario). unwillingness to communicate alot of times being related to loss of respect, or fear of being vulnerable, or unexamined emotions / expectations leading to stonewalling or tantrums. so 'unwillingness to communicate' is more accurate and underneath there is a million possible problems.
Don't get married because you think it's what you're supposed to do. If you're getting married for those reasons it isn't going to work because that is not a reason why you spend all your time with someone.
What’s interesting to watch is when the GUY in the hetero relationship is the one who is horrible with finances, not transparent, wants the big wedding, and is volunteering to be a stay at home dad. It’s interesting how those behaviors seem to go hand in hand.
The thing is that people don’t educate themselves on these things and don’t have these conversations because they’re unsexy and people only want to focus on the sexy stuff: the wedding, the dresses, the bachelor/bachelorette parties, the butterflies in the stomach etc
What makes people hostile towards each other in divorce? LAWYERS! Don't be fooled. Lawyers play strategies of this and that. I amicably divorced my husband, a cop, and it was AMICABLE the whole way. I saw that if we involved attorneys we would have spent 10s of thousands more!!!! Our divorce was $1500 flat in Los Angeles. No animosity, no tit for tat, strategy, or some attorney talking in our ears egging us on. Also, divorce is a testament to reveal who you married and who the other person is UNLESS you have third parties involved like attorneys. Attorneys are just as capable as misreading and misinterpreting things as well as escalating things or creating mistrust and doubt in the other side. Have you seen Liar Liar? 🤥
I know friendly divorce happens, but if you are really amicable with your spouse I would imagine there's a good chance you'd want to try to stay together/work things out. I can see why divorces happen when spouses are hostile to each other in the main (infedility financial or otherwise!). My spouse and I kid that the only way we are getting out of the marriage is a funeral (old age though not a death threat I don't think!)
Common trope. Did you know your attorney has to do what you say? Half the people I know who blame lawyers are po'ed that their wife asked for half their retirement (which 100% of judges would give them) and didn't just do the amicable thing and agree to 100% of the husband's demands. Also half those couples one party is talking to an attorney secretly. There are absolutely bad attorneys. There are also good attorneys who bring their client down to earth. Many times the other side getting an attorney saves money and time and avoids fights. I have also had many, many women contact me and say "we want to do this amicably wothout attorneys, but I just wanted to talk about my rights" and it turns out (1) the husband is asking for a ridiculously unfair split where he gets most ("I earned it, it's mine") and (2) they always seem to suspiciously find an attorney within 24 hours if she fights back. I have absolutely seen attorneys who drag their clients into stupid fights. I have also seen lawyers pull their clients out of them. Lawyers aren't mythical creatures. They can't force you into a fight you don't want. It's like hiring a general contractor. If you tell them "build me a house, I'll pay for it, don't bother me with the details" you're inviting trouble. Of course this will vary by state. Our state puts couples in mediation before anyone is allowed to file any motions to fight outside of emergencies. Made a big difference. Local culture matters to.
It’s not lawyers. Those come in when there’s already hostility. There’s this societal expectation that people should stay together even when it’s mot working, and that causes resentment to build. THAT is the big driver in hostility. It two people could split when they know it’s not going to work, things would be a lot better for all involved. But no, we tell people to work it out even when their goals and paths diverge too much. Then friends are expected to take sides. It’s society saying that even the underlying friendship has to end when the relationship ends.
@@adamp6320 My husband and his first wife split when where they wanted to be had no middle ground. If all it takes is the ability to be amicable, then any two random people who get along should be fine as spouses. But that’s not how it works. Sometimes people realize what they want is different, and there isn’t common ground that won’t lead to resentment, and so they decided to split before hating each other. So we should make them stay together until they hate each other? No. They get ahead of the curve before letting resentment and hate set in.
I just want to remind everybody that if you have nothing, you shouldnt get a prenup. The majority in my generation cant afford a house and can barely afford a car. If you think the idea of splitting everything in your marriage "the way the state decides" of 50/50 isnt good enough and you want to "protect yourself or your spouse", you should seriously consider why you are getting married and if this is a good partner to get married to.
@@banefulbty If you come to have something during the marriage, it can be fought over in the case of the divorce in most places unless it’s inherited. Prenups can be challenged and can even be thrown out. They do best when protecting assets acquired prior to a marriage, not during. Any of your success during a marriage can be argued to be the result of the hard work and support of your spouse (whether true or not).
@@banefulbty That’s the exactly mindset that results in people not voting to raise taxes on the richest. Oh, they’re not in the 0.01% NOW, but that doesn’t mean that will always be the case. So vote against taxes and presume you’ll be that rich one day. A lot of Gen Zers, especially, already know that their chances of having anything to split later is a pipe dream for most of them. Older people who have something to gain by convincing everyone that prenups are needed by all, so give them money, shouldn’t be trusted. For a LOT of younger people, a better financial investment is to set aside the thousands they can expect to spend in a couple of attorneys in case they one day defy the odds and end up extremely rich. Save it for an emergency. A huge cause of divorces are financial issues in emergencies. Giving what could be an emergency fund to attorneys is a great way of increasing the chance of needing attorneys later.
@smileygirl622 Spouses can end up responsible for debt that their partner incurred prior to the marriage. A prenup at least will let you know the debt that each of you carry, and will allow you to decide if you really want to take on a spouse's debt.
Eh I also think disc brakes generally make bikes ride worse. Maybe not for carbon but for steel bikes you have to make the steel heftier to accomodate the calipers which often interferes with aspects of ride feel like planing
If you're married, you're sharing finances. Doesn't matter if you want to or agree to or not. If it's not in a prenup, each party is presumptively, often conclusively, presumed to be equally contributing and spending. So if you are married and have separate finances, and get a divorce, and there's a $50k bank account and a $0 bank account, both are getting $25k. Doesn't matter how the money was spent. You're an adult and married, you are considered to consent to your spouses spending if you're not filing for divorce absent documented provable lies.
@@doomedwit1010 Who said anything about marriage? Im saying two people that live together, but don't share finances, expect to pay bills. I'm saying you DINK and never share finances INSTEAD of marriage. Like the video said, it's a legal contract with vestigial ties to women being property: why would anyone want to get married lol?
@@doomedwit1010 Also, I'm never gonna so much as date someone who can't afford their own life, much less marry them. I don't care what that life is, but you wanna live it, you gotta bring the cash
Someone’s got to have the kids that get raised into the future doctors those DINKs will use while looking down on the parents who are to thank for those doctors existing.
I get the show is about finances and the guy is a divorce lawyer, but all this corporate speak about love and marriage is a bit much. A marriage is not a business contract. I don’t wanna snuggle up with any corporate homies and kiss em goodnight. I don’t wanna give my wife a firm handshake and say, “Great work on that financial report, Johnson!” I come home to escape the corporate hellscape.
Think of it this way. The fact that you love them is why you wanna be with them, spend time, be intimate, have a family, live life together. That's because you love the person. The fact that you can function in a governed society together is why you get married. The only reason you involve the government in the whole ordeal is for the business functionality. Otherwise your love was more than enough to be in the relationship for. But just like I wouldn't want to be roommates with someone even if they are a dear friend, same goes for starting a business with someone. Not everyone is compatible on every different level and you want to make sure which levels you are compatible on before signing legally binding documents, be they leases, business licenses or marriage licenses.
Part of our marriage planning was a required Pre-Cana weekend, where all these scenarios were discussed (financial, sickness, in-laws, etc). Just celebrated our 35th anniversary.
Wonderful! I'm listening to the Bible in a year podcast and it seems Jesus DID indeed say a man may NOT divorce his wife. Ever. Nor a woman divorce her husband. EVER. Love one another and be true to your commitment. (even when you don't feel like it)
@@gabriellekirkpatrick5709 We should avoid divorce but divorce should always be kept as an option if a marriage doesn’t work out. marriage in biblical times is completely different from marriage in modern times. Divorce was unethical back then because divorcing a woman was basically sentencing her to a slow death as she was considered property with no legal rights or financial assets of her own to care for herself. In context, Jesus’s teachings on divorce are about protecting women from poverty, not about romantic commitment.
I think their discussion and advice could be applicable to people of many different faiths and more religious talk might be a distraction from the focus. Faith and its impacts on marriage (both positive and negative) could be a whole video itself. From strict gender roles driving partners apart, to guilt tripping religious leaders keeping people in abusive situations because they're against divorce, to the positive effect religious teachings have on some people's relationships, to the impact of religion on interfaith marriage. It's a lot to talk about and not really the focus of this channel
@@bexpainter4401 I find most of the advice to be pretty bad to be honest. Couples who pray together are 50% less likely to be divorced. This new age of relationships and genderless marriage contracts hasn’t really proved to benefit anyone. Least of all women. Let’s stop acting like women are these fragile creatures who are trapped in marriage. This is statistically not true. Women have all the power to initiate divorce. And they have. In big numbers. 90% of the time custody goes to the mom even in cases of no fault divorce. I think anyone who genuinely is about to get married should spend less time on their prenup and more time on their faith. Saying that on this channel is “hateful” tho because “not everyone believes in god”. lol ok
@@bexpainter4401 also prenups are especially useless. You can ignore the facts but, for most people - you are literally planning on the marriage to fail. If you have any doubts whatsoever - don’t get married. People are so in a rush to make a lifelong commitment without even knowing who they’re marrying. That’s the real issue. Also- statistically. You’re more likely to get divorced if you sign a prenup… a self fulfilling prophecy
@@YourOnlineOpinionsArentValidno one said it was hateful, just irrelevant advice to a financial youtube channel. Prenups make sense to talk about on a secular channel, specific religious practices don't. Not everyone is religious so it's not relevant, but everyone is living and operating under the laws of our country.
@@YourOnlineOpinionsArentValid if you only want advice that aligns with your worldview then maybe you should talk to your religious leader instead of watching this channel? A lot of them offer free counseling
Even if the marriage is good, there still could be deficits in knowledge on where the money is. My father passed away suddenly, and it was a huge stress for my mom to figure out where everything was. It wasn’t nefarious, my mom trusted my dad to take care of the finances, and that was that for her. She feels differently now, being open with my sister and I on where everything is, as well as encouraging us to do that with our partners.
I worked in banking for years and used to deal with widows who were totally lost about what to do cuz their husband handled everything . Some of these women had never worked and didn’t even have a social security number . It was crazy .
How to emancipate a parent?
@@catherinesanchez1185 Well the guaranteed right for all women (especially single women) to hold a bank or credit account has existed in the US only fifty years now, so not perhaps that crazy.
"You can't have two spouses living under the same roof, but in different socioeconomic classes." Amen. That's why my mom finally divorced my dad after 30 years of marriage. Another thirty years later, and they remain friends, but this was the issue that split them.
Our culture spends endless energy convincing women they're incomplete without marriage, and zero energy educating them about the economic ramifications and risks they face.
And that should tell you everything you need to know about who benefits from hetero marriage.
So true!
Seriously
Well said!
We tell our daughter that the “other half” bullshit is bullshit, and that she’s a full person whether she stays single all her life, as one partner, or has multiple. I detest the idea that awe are only half and need someone else to make us whole.
There's a reason it's pushed on women so young. It's not just about "fertility". It's about making sure the woman hasn't figured herself out before she adds a man to her life.
A lot of marriages hit trouble when the kids come along. A lot of men have no clue what kids will do to the relationship. They get mad that their wives aren't there for them as much. Are tired. Grumpy. Fat. And of course the wife is like what the fuck. And then there's the money side of things. Loss of income. Stress of transport. Sickness. Lack of sleep.
Happens so much.
The wedding is the party at the start of the race. Ya better have the right shoes.
Instead of planning for a divorce before we’re married, I see a prenup as one more way to take care of my future spouse.
A good lawyer can easily poke holes through prenups
You just put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig
@@Devinn504 and a good person wouldn't ask them to do that, even if they were angry/hurt during a divorce.
@@wafflewafflegod you'd rather see your spouse stay with you because they know they wouldn't be able to financially handle divorce?
I say every couple should talk through a full prenup. They don't have to sign it. But proving you can have the conversation is a good litmus test for a marriage.
I'd say you can do the same with your "state decides" prenup as well. Most people have no idea what the standard and responsibilities of marriage is where they live in the first place, to take the time to skip over that and go to a prenup isn't what I'd recommend but I completely agree about having the conversation about it as a great indicator.
If you do not draft a prenup, one will be assigned to you. We'll call that one 'the law'.
Right. I'd rather decide my divorce together when we're on good terms than let the government decide what's fair.
@@kristinaerickson2353 that's what I said to, but the law still has a formula they go by regardless. it isn't that easy. I still got screwed over. If your agreement is not somewhat within their marriage laws, then the judge simply rejects it.
@@jzdust1 Yes I'm going to be consulting a lawyer for each of us so that we meet the criteria for a Prenup to hold water. I really don't see my future husband wanting any different our prenup terms we've discussed are super fair.
It was wonderful hearing this gentleman speak so intelligently on this subject. As a mental health therapist who works with ppl divorcing, I hope these discussions can be heard by ppl like him in more communities that try to push marriage without proper education on the ramifications of it to all parties.
Good interview, only a few nitpicks.
Really liked that he talked about the sacrifices of a stay at home parent. Many people overlook that when you stay home with the kids for 10 years you do not give up 10 years of earnings in your 20s and 30s. You give up 10 years of promotions, and your highest earning years in your 50s.
Although I'd like to see you interview a ground pounder who handles anyone who can come up with a $5000 retainer. This guy started with wealthy clients and stayed there, it sounds like.
"Share the pain" cases are rough. If you've been married for 20 years, have little savings, and now your housing expenses are going to double, you're both going to suffer financial insecurity. And the financial dynamics are interesting when you're talking about sub $100k households.
I agree with this! If we could get advice and commentary from layers dealing with “regular people” that would be a great perspective
Great conversation.
My wife and I are coming up on 19 years of marriage. I’ve always made between 55-100% of the income. I currently make around 63%. However, we operate with the one-pot method. We do not divide finances. Married couples share everything else, why not share finances? Regardless how much more I’ve made throughout the years, all retirement contributions are equal. We’ve always done $6000/year each for our Roth IRAs. We do $23,000 each for our 403(b). My pension is the only account where I have more money because it’s a percentage of the income.
We each have a blow account. I get $250/mo and she gets $500.
Worst case scenario, we get a divorce. We can each walk away with equal amounts and not have to worry about fighting for money.
I know it’s not that easy for everyone when it comes to finances. I’m thankful that it works for us.
Coming up on 14 years for us. My husband was married once before, and when they split, they were adults about it instead of two assholes fighting to screw the other one over. They split jointly held things 50/50, and that was that. I knew them at the time, and saw it happen. They simply wanted different things out of life in the end, and made sure they were both taken care of before splitting. Why do people think that divorcing should mean having to fight and hate?
@@NoelleTakestheSky facts. Adults acting like adults.
What is a “blow account”? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that term before.
@@Ashaliyevafun money. Money that we spend as we please without being questioned.
@@NoelleTakestheSkyI think because we mostly don’t see people getting divorced until _after_ their relationship has reached a hate&fight stage. So we think of those as being part and parcel of divorce.
I'm so grateful that I've find this in my early 20's.
I appreciate that you did another one of these divorce lawyer videos, so interesting!
I loved the last one!
Oh the last guy was great! (This one us too!)
Even in the case of an accident or an acute, catastrophic illness,
both spouses have to know where all the money is.
To not be able to access money and financial records because one spouse is in a coma
would be terrifying.
Exactly!
The video starts at 1:49
Cheers
❤❤❤❤😊
This is disgusting they are allowed to promote their business things
kind of unpatient ha?
@@ramelchilds7416 are you joking or? Pretty sure they are allowed to earn a living and don’t owe us content for free
Spent $25k on our wedding and I have zero regrets about it. We had a two year engagement, purposefully, so we could pay for our wedding in cash. We have a lawyer friend who did our prenup for us as a wedding gift. It was important to both of us that the assets we brought into the marriage are protected if the marriage ends. We both make the same amount of money, so it made sense for us to both feel protected financially.
That lawyer friend gave you both the best wedding gift! 💐
@@carpediem44 I absolutely agree! 🙂
I always notice when women make good money or more, they will protect their money, they will get pre nuptials
The tradition of the bride’s father walking her down the aisle used to literally be called, “Giving the bride away.” That should tell us all we need to know.
It’s still called that a lot. A bunch of my cousins and friends have had the minister/officiant say “who gives this woman” once they reach the alter/front. Even if their father didn’t walk them down the aisle, or both parents did. Still icked me out. I had both parents walk with me, and forbade our officiant from asking that or from saying obey in the vows or from “presenting” us as Mr. and Mrs. (It was kind of exciting to hear us be called Husband and Wife, anyway). Since our friend was our officiant, she wouldn’t have done any of that anyway, but it never hurts to be clear.
Also the brides family used to pay for the wedding
My wedding is this weekend 🎉 We spent $35k on the wedding. No regrets. We're not in debt, and I'm excited to giving back and celebrate our family & friends!! My tips:
- Save up. Didn't go into debt duh.
- Plan for a cheaper wedding than you can afford... you will spend more especially due to inflation 💸
- Cheap out on the extra parties or eliminate them. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza and we didn't have an engagement party.
- DIY & FB Marketplace as much as possible. We will make our wedding cake. $50 instead of $600.
- Take advantage of talented friends for DJs, bakers, artists, planners, officiants, hair stylists, and other vendors.
My Fiance and I have budgeted a wedding for under 8k. She is from another country though and we will be having a second wedding in her home country, which will be an additional 3-5k. Thankfully we don't have to dip too far into our savings and will be debt free other than some relatively low student loans and a car payment going into our marriage.
Very smart. Congratulations! 🎊
So what did you spend 35k on?
@@Che-vn6vu invitations, decorations, venue, wedding planner, photographer, catering, dresses, suits, bartender, hair stylists, officiant, Airbnb, honeymoon, etc.
@@Che-vn6vu we paid our friends who worked, they weren't free. Like we paid $1k for catering instead of $5k. Or my friend officiated, we gave her $200. We gave my planner friend $500. Most of our budget went to venue and honeymoon.
I'm going to reply up top to commentary below about this prenup discussion being "classist":
Two partners could NOT afford to sit down and have a conversation about their financial expectations and requirements for marriage?
Those partners could not afford to write those agreements on paper and sign them?
The partners could not afford to have that contract notarized???
As has been stated already in this thread, ALL marriages have a default prenup: the LAW.
And the law in your country, state/province, city/town may or may NOT favor you.
In the same way people are participating in this youtube thread FOR FREE, people could do online or library esearch on designing a prenup FOR FREE.
I am hardcore working class, and I do not understand saying "I am too poor for a prenup, but I can afford to get married."
I could not imagine not knowing my partner's finances. We had been together 8-9 years before marriage and already had a couple of joint accounts, reviewed all of our accounts together once a year or so, contributed the same percent to each bucket, etc. Yes, it's "boring and unsexy" to talk about but I feel like having to tiptoe around financial conversations is a lot worse.
Really great interview. I love hearing lawyers speak on issues, because they give a very level, reasonable perspective of emotionally charged topics. Would love to hear him on your show again.
Great interview!
Love the idea of calling in couples counseling, if one partner finds it necessary.
Also could apply if you're in a relationship without marriage.
And the thought that you can't be in different classes while married. Had not thought about it that way.
"Customising your marriage contract," I love that!
This is interesting! I only had a barebones idea of what a prenup is before this episode, so I appreciate your insight.
If you cant afford it, dont pay for it; no amount of social pressure is worth it, regardless of what it is
..No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.
I truly get why what you're saying is so important, and I genuinely want to find happiness as well. I've got someone special in my life, and even though we're not together at the moment, I can't picture my life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm all in to make it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to fix stuff...
Saying goodbye to someone you cherish is consistently difficult, yet in my case, I received support from a spiritual advisor who kept my marriage intact. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I value this advice. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that following this path will bring about positive outcomes for me too; I long for her deeply.
You should
This was a breath of fresh air for the content from TFD. Straight to the point, useful information; I didn't even have a momento of wondering what pop culture thing was being referenced. One video like this month or every two months would be helpful; I want to learn financial literacy without having a buff bro talk to me about crypto, but I also, just kind of want to get to the point, even though it might be boring for TFD.
I’ll never be married but I still really enjoyed this interview with this guest
Not to say there isn't any pattern or high profile examples, but the initial "men divorce their sick wives" study was retracted after an error that counted people who left the study as getting divorced. "In Sickness and in Health? Physical Illness as a Risk Factor for Marital Dissolution in Later Life" was the name of retracted study, with the corrected analysis not finding a gender link for general illness, though the effect is still statistically significant for strokes and heart problems specifically 😬
Based on anecdotal evidence, divorce after a major medical event seems to be more common in the United States. Depending on your state, you can be held responsible for your spouse’s medical debt. I know at least two couples that legally divorced but stayed together after cancer diagnosis because they were advised to do so by a financial advisor.
Illness leads to divorce for multiple valid reasons, and none of them are “ew, sickie.” Things like doing so on paper to protect finances, or burnout on the part of the not-sick partner. Sure, the sick one can’t escape, but the other one acting as a caregiver not getting support will burn out mentally, and it’s not fair to expect that to be life. Illnesses also do change people, and people grow apart. The presence of an illness shouldn’t obligate two people to stay together if they’ve grown apart. A person isn’t a bad person if they decide that the relationship they now have isn’t going to work for the long term. Trying to guilt people into staying will lead to resentment in a relationship, and it doesn’t mean either person was bad, just human.
this was one of my favorite episodes! It was interesting to hear again just how the dynamics of marriage have changed and what kind of conversations should be had before signing the contract lol Especially loved the suggestion to discuss how to handle family regarding visit lengths, giving money, etc.
I was at a party 2 years ago talking to a group of girlfriends when we all realized we each were the high earners in our respective relationships, and one lady that went through a divorce ended up paying her dirtbag deadbeat alimony as a result and it was a sobering thought for all of us not yet married but dating basically the same low quality men that are sadly common these days that this could happen to us, wish this episode had touched on the increasingly common quandary of what it means when the woman makes more and divorce happens, if for no other reason than it puts your dating priorities into sharper focus if you play out the possibility that if you marry a deadbeat, you could end up cutting him checks to sit on a couch and play video games forever
Is someone automatically “low quality” simply because they earn less than you?
so if a man divorces a woman who earns less and pays her alimony after the divorce, is the ex wife a "dirtbag deadbeat" as well?
@@adamp6320fair question…
@@pisceanbeauty2503fair question…
I didn't know alimony was still a thing.
GREAT EPISODE!!!
As much as ppl pine & obsess over relationships they balk at discussing the logistic and financial dynamics.
imo people with a healthy approach are willing to talk about logistics and financial dynamics and if people won't talk about those things, that's a red flag, regardless of their gender.
What you’ve shared in this series is great. I especially love this interview. I wish I had understood all of this 47 years ago. I actually wouldn’t have married and stayed with the person so long because I would have seen our incompatibility clearly with just a good discussion on finances and boundaries.
On the other hand, why end this here? What about checking in with a couple who did spend a lot of money and have no regrets? Could you possibly see how they went about it and why they have no regrets, then analyze what they did that worked for them?
I think I know just the couple for this. Shelise and her spouse from the TH-cam channel Cults to Consciousness. Think about it. You can gage what kind of person she is from her interviews plus she has posted something about their wedding. It would be nice to see some examples of how to do it better. You might also interview someone who did a frugal wedding and was very happy with it. For that matter, talk to some couples who are happy with their prenups as well. Each of these scenarios can be viewed from your lens of finances.
Thanks for looking over these suggestions to see if any of them has any value to your particular community. And may you be well and be blessed.
that's a great suggestion to speak with people who are happy with how much they spent and get the low-down on how they did it to still be happy afterwards about it all despite what they spent
I love Shelise and Jonathan. They seem like great people and they have a great channel. They could also talk about cults and financial abuse
Revolutionary Road and Blue Valentine are good too. And the documentary Divorce Corp
You could do a video on Lily and Marshal’s relationship from a financial perspective. How I met your mother
This is a great interview. Thanks to both of you.
My mother died with $100 000 in a secret account my father had no idea about. He thought they were struggling financially. Speaking of financial infidelity.
Based queen
Good on her!
@@NannyDiaries23 this is the definition of financial infidelity… if he didn’t know where the money was going she was in control of the finances
@@jzmina yup and we have no idea where it came from! Im thinking fraud. She was a very abusive woman.
how in the world is that a good thing@@NannyDiaries23
My husband and I spent $3k on 2016: 40 guests, buffet, a borrowed room in a community center, minimal decoration. My dress was $200. I wouldn’t change a single thing, it was fun, within our possibilities and we walked away w zero debt ❤
This is very helpful thank you !
He is a very good active listener. Like wow
I can’t figure out who could possibly afford a divorce lawyer. i couldn’t even afford a document preparer, so i had to file everything myself. Luckily it turns out you can do a summary dissolution in CA if you were together for under 5 years, but it was very difficult for me to figure out how to file everything myself. The whole system assumes you have a lawyer.
Divorce is expensive as soon as you get attorneys involved.
You could have used a paralegal for the fraction of the cost of a lawyer.
You were so spot on: These companies are MARKETTING all this wedding planning stuff to women and then they the same companies say ‘They are the frivolous ones’.
Longtime TFD follower here! Always a fan of prenups but recently came across "postnups" and I'm not entirely sure the difference between the 2 and the necessity for both - despite my googling. Has TFD come across this before in its discussions with various subject matter experts?
if you go back to the first season of TFC there is an episode where this is briefly discussed (also a divorce lawyer). In essence, the postnup has less legal standing than a prenup would and often can get tossed in a divorce trial.
Outstanding questions!!!
This, as well as budgeting and loans, should be mandatory subjects in high school.
wow what a great resource
Thank you
This is all so fantastically vital, thank you so much for this video! Now I just need to get all my younger friends to watch it....
Also something I haven't heard discussed within content here is the cost of prenup being another barrier! For those of us who aren't coming from rich families or high earning careers, a prenup seems pricey. Don't get me wrong - I'm very aware that a solid prenup saves us money down the line but I think it is worth keeping in mind to factor in the cost of a prenup prior to a marriage
That’s a great point. I think in that case, it’s important to prioritize whichever you value most. If in a position where only one of feasible, I’d choose a prenup over a wedding any day.
NOLO law books. Written especially for lay people. They are at the library and cover topics from landlord/tenant law to wills to starting a company to prenups.
Also Legal Zoom.
This is all at the library or online.
And even if you are not in the U.S., it's STILL online.
Literally what just happened to my 5-year relationship. My fiance decided to leave our relationship to move back to her country and be closer to her family because life is easier there.. Having even values, financial goals and financial literacy are important. Love is important, but commitment plays a much bigger part in your relationship. This means the couple must have the same level of understanding, respects, goals and values.
I was wanting to marry my bf. The prenup process seems overwhelming but necessary.
It's really important to discuss the financial aspects of a marriage.
There are books and LOTS of free resources. Search online, go to the library.
I think "inability to communicate" is the wrong way to describe such issues. I think the proper way to describe it is "unwilling to communicate" and the reasons for "unwillingness to communicate" vary widely.
from resentment about past things that happened (financial or sexual infidelity, controlling behaviour, mismatch of values leading to disagreeing on how to spend time or money, not agreeing on what each person's role should be especially in a context of misogyny and women should be submissive but not necessarily only this scenario). unwillingness to communicate alot of times being related to loss of respect, or fear of being vulnerable, or unexamined emotions / expectations leading to stonewalling or tantrums. so 'unwillingness to communicate' is more accurate and underneath there is a million possible problems.
Don't get married because you think it's what you're supposed to do. If you're getting married for those reasons it isn't going to work because that is not a reason why you spend all your time with someone.
Nice to see Aaron… we’ve all come a long way since the nonprofit days 😂😂😂
What’s interesting to watch is when the GUY in the hetero relationship is the one who is horrible with finances, not transparent, wants the big wedding, and is volunteering to be a stay at home dad. It’s interesting how those behaviors seem to go hand in hand.
The thing is that people don’t educate themselves on these things and don’t have these conversations because they’re unsexy and people only want to focus on the sexy stuff: the wedding, the dresses, the bachelor/bachelorette parties, the butterflies in the stomach etc
What makes people hostile towards each other in divorce? LAWYERS! Don't be fooled. Lawyers play strategies of this and that. I amicably divorced my husband, a cop, and it was AMICABLE the whole way. I saw that if we involved attorneys we would have spent 10s of thousands more!!!! Our divorce was $1500 flat in Los Angeles. No animosity, no tit for tat, strategy, or some attorney talking in our ears egging us on. Also, divorce is a testament to reveal who you married and who the other person is UNLESS you have third parties involved like attorneys. Attorneys are just as capable as misreading and misinterpreting things as well as escalating things or creating mistrust and doubt in the other side. Have you seen Liar Liar? 🤥
I know friendly divorce happens, but if you are really amicable with your spouse I would imagine there's a good chance you'd want to try to stay together/work things out. I can see why divorces happen when spouses are hostile to each other in the main (infedility financial or otherwise!). My spouse and I kid that the only way we are getting out of the marriage is a funeral (old age though not a death threat I don't think!)
Common trope. Did you know your attorney has to do what you say?
Half the people I know who blame lawyers are po'ed that their wife asked for half their retirement (which 100% of judges would give them) and didn't just do the amicable thing and agree to 100% of the husband's demands.
Also half those couples one party is talking to an attorney secretly.
There are absolutely bad attorneys. There are also good attorneys who bring their client down to earth. Many times the other side getting an attorney saves money and time and avoids fights.
I have also had many, many women contact me and say "we want to do this amicably wothout attorneys, but I just wanted to talk about my rights" and it turns out (1) the husband is asking for a ridiculously unfair split where he gets most ("I earned it, it's mine") and (2) they always seem to suspiciously find an attorney within 24 hours if she fights back.
I have absolutely seen attorneys who drag their clients into stupid fights. I have also seen lawyers pull their clients out of them.
Lawyers aren't mythical creatures. They can't force you into a fight you don't want. It's like hiring a general contractor. If you tell them "build me a house, I'll pay for it, don't bother me with the details" you're inviting trouble.
Of course this will vary by state. Our state puts couples in mediation before anyone is allowed to file any motions to fight outside of emergencies. Made a big difference. Local culture matters to.
Every state has different laws around divorce. It could be amicable, but the state might rule slightly more in favor of one party vs another.
It’s not lawyers. Those come in when there’s already hostility. There’s this societal expectation that people should stay together even when it’s mot working, and that causes resentment to build. THAT is the big driver in hostility. It two people could split when they know it’s not going to work, things would be a lot better for all involved. But no, we tell people to work it out even when their goals and paths diverge too much. Then friends are expected to take sides. It’s society saying that even the underlying friendship has to end when the relationship ends.
@@adamp6320 My husband and his first wife split when where they wanted to be had no middle ground. If all it takes is the ability to be amicable, then any two random people who get along should be fine as spouses. But that’s not how it works. Sometimes people realize what they want is different, and there isn’t common ground that won’t lead to resentment, and so they decided to split before hating each other. So we should make them stay together until they hate each other? No. They get ahead of the curve before letting resentment and hate set in.
Me watching this video even though I know I'll be alone forever
Chelsea, you are truly doing God's work. 💪
prenup!
I just want to remind everybody that if you have nothing, you shouldnt get a prenup. The majority in my generation cant afford a house and can barely afford a car. If you think the idea of splitting everything in your marriage "the way the state decides" of 50/50 isnt good enough and you want to "protect yourself or your spouse", you should seriously consider why you are getting married and if this is a good partner to get married to.
Just because you have nothing now doesn't mean that will always be the case
@@banefulbty If you come to have something during the marriage, it can be fought over in the case of the divorce in most places unless it’s inherited. Prenups can be challenged and can even be thrown out. They do best when protecting assets acquired prior to a marriage, not during. Any of your success during a marriage can be argued to be the result of the hard work and support of your spouse (whether true or not).
@@banefulbty That’s the exactly mindset that results in people not voting to raise taxes on the richest. Oh, they’re not in the 0.01% NOW, but that doesn’t mean that will always be the case. So vote against taxes and presume you’ll be that rich one day.
A lot of Gen Zers, especially, already know that their chances of having anything to split later is a pipe dream for most of them. Older people who have something to gain by convincing everyone that prenups are needed by all, so give them money, shouldn’t be trusted. For a LOT of younger people, a better financial investment is to set aside the thousands they can expect to spend in a couple of attorneys in case they one day defy the odds and end up extremely rich. Save it for an emergency. A huge cause of divorces are financial issues in emergencies. Giving what could be an emergency fund to attorneys is a great way of increasing the chance of needing attorneys later.
@smileygirl622 Spouses can end up responsible for debt that their partner incurred prior to the marriage.
A prenup at least will let you know the debt that each of you carry,
and will allow you to decide if you really want to take on a spouse's debt.
Eh I also think disc brakes generally make bikes ride worse. Maybe not for carbon but for steel bikes you have to make the steel heftier to accomodate the calipers which often interferes with aspects of ride feel like planing
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
This is why you DINK and never share finances
If you're married, you're sharing finances. Doesn't matter if you want to or agree to or not. If it's not in a prenup, each party is presumptively, often conclusively, presumed to be equally contributing and spending. So if you are married and have separate finances, and get a divorce, and there's a $50k bank account and a $0 bank account, both are getting $25k. Doesn't matter how the money was spent. You're an adult and married, you are considered to consent to your spouses spending if you're not filing for divorce absent documented provable lies.
In my country that approach isn’t foolproof
@@doomedwit1010 Who said anything about marriage? Im saying two people that live together, but don't share finances, expect to pay bills. I'm saying you DINK and never share finances INSTEAD of marriage. Like the video said, it's a legal contract with vestigial ties to women being property: why would anyone want to get married lol?
@@doomedwit1010 Also, I'm never gonna so much as date someone who can't afford their own life, much less marry them. I don't care what that life is, but you wanna live it, you gotta bring the cash
Someone’s got to have the kids that get raised into the future doctors those DINKs will use while looking down on the parents who are to thank for those doctors existing.
First !? 😊
refresh and find out :p
I get the show is about finances and the guy is a divorce lawyer, but all this corporate speak about love and marriage is a bit much. A marriage is not a business contract. I don’t wanna snuggle up with any corporate homies and kiss em goodnight. I don’t wanna give my wife a firm handshake and say, “Great work on that financial report, Johnson!” I come home to escape the corporate hellscape.
It's unfortunate, but a marriage is actually a business contract. It's a contract with the state.
Think of it this way. The fact that you love them is why you wanna be with them, spend time, be intimate, have a family, live life together. That's because you love the person. The fact that you can function in a governed society together is why you get married. The only reason you involve the government in the whole ordeal is for the business functionality. Otherwise your love was more than enough to be in the relationship for. But just like I wouldn't want to be roommates with someone even if they are a dear friend, same goes for starting a business with someone. Not everyone is compatible on every different level and you want to make sure which levels you are compatible on before signing legally binding documents, be they leases, business licenses or marriage licenses.
My prenup is Catholicism. aka no divorce allowed, plan ahead and choose wisely
Part of our marriage planning was a required Pre-Cana weekend, where all these scenarios were discussed (financial, sickness, in-laws, etc). Just celebrated our 35th anniversary.
Unfortunately, Catholicism isn’t a legal defense.
@@bridgetconley9279 maybe if you live in the Vatican?
Wonderful! I'm listening to the Bible in a year podcast and it seems Jesus DID indeed say a man may NOT divorce his wife. Ever. Nor a woman divorce her husband. EVER. Love one another and be true to your commitment. (even when you don't feel like it)
@@gabriellekirkpatrick5709 We should avoid divorce but divorce should always be kept as an option if a marriage doesn’t work out. marriage in biblical times is completely different from marriage in modern times. Divorce was unethical back then because divorcing a woman was basically sentencing her to a slow death as she was considered property with no legal rights or financial assets of her own to care for herself. In context, Jesus’s teachings on divorce are about protecting women from poverty, not about romantic commitment.
A real missed opportunity to talk candidly about the role of faith in marriage….
I think their discussion and advice could be applicable to people of many different faiths and more religious talk might be a distraction from the focus.
Faith and its impacts on marriage (both positive and negative) could be a whole video itself. From strict gender roles driving partners apart, to guilt tripping religious leaders keeping people in abusive situations because they're against divorce, to the positive effect religious teachings have on some people's relationships, to the impact of religion on interfaith marriage. It's a lot to talk about and not really the focus of this channel
@@bexpainter4401 I find most of the advice to be pretty bad to be honest. Couples who pray together are 50% less likely to be divorced. This new age of relationships and genderless marriage contracts hasn’t really proved to benefit anyone. Least of all women. Let’s stop acting like women are these fragile creatures who are trapped in marriage. This is statistically not true. Women have all the power to initiate divorce. And they have. In big numbers. 90% of the time custody goes to the mom even in cases of no fault divorce. I think anyone who genuinely is about to get married should spend less time on their prenup and more time on their faith. Saying that on this channel is “hateful” tho because “not everyone believes in god”. lol ok
@@bexpainter4401 also prenups are especially useless. You can ignore the facts but, for most people - you are literally planning on the marriage to fail. If you have any doubts whatsoever - don’t get married. People are so in a rush to make a lifelong commitment without even knowing who they’re marrying. That’s the real issue. Also- statistically. You’re more likely to get divorced if you sign a prenup… a self fulfilling prophecy
@@YourOnlineOpinionsArentValidno one said it was hateful, just irrelevant advice to a financial youtube channel. Prenups make sense to talk about on a secular channel, specific religious practices don't. Not everyone is religious so it's not relevant, but everyone is living and operating under the laws of our country.
@@YourOnlineOpinionsArentValid if you only want advice that aligns with your worldview then maybe you should talk to your religious leader instead of watching this channel? A lot of them offer free counseling