D&D: Free Speech
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- An adventuring party prepares for battle... in the middle of a battle. Yes, it is technically Pathfinder.
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Starring Matt Locke, Jefferey, and Joey
with Kyle as Villainous Alchemist / GM
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The GM is someone you never want to anger, unless you want sudden boulders, lightning, or Cthulhu in power armor.
One time I was trying to be annoying to the GM and then he summoned a swarm of 58 dragons all of the players were level 3 or lower
Tom McCahon You piss on the king? ever heard of ARMED GUARDS?!?
1880s Arizona, yeah a revolver and likely a few shotguns too, and toss in angry dogs who haven't had their shots :D
I really want to see Cthulhu in power armor that would be AWESOME.
Anyone else get that "rule 34" shudder?
Cthulhu in power armor might be fun. Depending on your party level and how attached you are to them. Also, an insane diplomacy skill might be useful here.
"I doubt you are related to a drow"
"Still raging"
"Err you white"
Hes albino ?
I thought drow were really pale though...
Go figure. XD
@@KuraIthys Drow have white hair, but dark grey to black (like literally pitch black) skin
Not "err" he said "ugh"
Once played with a high intelligence barbarian so he basically raged like the doctor
"oohg, You white!" Barbarian 2017
Favorite line in the entire skit. I am a person of crass taste.
For me, the best part was the "rocks fall, everyone dies" gag at the end.
that is the "you white cis male" of D&D
And we're sure he didn't mean 'wight'?
I think it was less "Cis white male" and more "Dude, you're white. I probably got more native blood in me than you and you don't see me bitching about benifits"
"I'll find the grappling rules"
NO no NO NOOO no
JelloApocalypse oh I see a comment from you almost a year late
Miroslav Radev Same. Also, he was using a Pathfinder rule book, even though the title says it's D&D
DARknight pathfinder is the fan made D&D you know only reason for no copyright infringement is because of the different name
Moon Tourmaline I kind of like pathfinder more though. It has witches.
Miroslav Radev D&D has witches too, they're just called hags (or female wizards)
"Hold on, Im looking up the grappling rules'. Plz. Plz god no.
Ha. A true enthusiast would have the rules memorized. Looking at the book is for the GM only.
A true enthusiast knows not to even gaze in the direction of something that as much as resembles the grappling rules.
Holy fuck.. who says "enthusiast" anymore?! XD
Only a true enthusiast.
You wish you could enthuse like a true enthusiast enthuses.
Never look up grappling rules. EVER.
Why?
Because they're super complicated.
To be fair they are much simpler in Pathfinder.
Is it not just Str v Str and advantage to creatures a size bigger? ez
The grappling rules are what the DM vaguely remembers the grappling rules to be from that first time he read them in 1985.
"Rock falls, everybody dies." I've never played an RPG before, but I imagine I would be like the bard- knowledge of random rules and combinations.
That's either a bit helpful or annoying as shit. Because you'd think player like the bard in this vid doesn't exist right ? WRONG THEY DO !!!
In the Dragon Age campaign I'm doing no one plays a Bard because they are un-trusted assassins and spies. Coincidentally about that Rock dropping thing... when I was a Bard in another game a few months ago I survived a giant floating island dropping out of the sky. A character of mine also survived an earthquake just last night with only minor injuries but it demolished an entire castle as a result of a spell cast by a member of my party. I've also been in campaigns where I was in a plane that was shot down with a homing missile set to explode on impact a thousand feet above the Baltic Sea. This isn't even a tiny fraction of the shit I've seen in role playing games. Honestly I've found that this scenario right here would be treated as a minor encounter that an experienced player could resolve in their sleep.
@Kyle Wow! that's... intense? Though I question if the GM is going a bit overboard if a collapsing castle is considered a 'minor encounter' :)
@Captcha I try to be towards the 'bit helpful side because I am the one who knows all of the rules, and am therefore the one tasked with enforcing all of the rules.
What game were you playing that had you ovefr the Baltic cause that has my attention.
Then you are doing it right ! Because i can't imagine one guy looking through the entire PDF (We only have 1 book and 3 laptops...) just for a single rule, jeebus that guy we get kicked out of our session.
DnD is so well suited to your style of videos. All in favor of a series say aye.
Aye!
A thousend times AYE
Aye!
Aye!
Another series that Door Monster could consider to make more videos other than civilization
I go for the like button and...
*dice sounds*
I cook a lovely brunch instead... what?
(Just kidding you guys are awesome)
I tried to reply to this comment: I roll a twenty what does that do
+Plaid Chickens
You teach a chicken to peck out your comment for you as you are too lazy. The chicken dies of syphilis after the reply is posted.
+MrC0MPUT3R I then do a backflip out of excitement: *rolls a one* uhnoh
+Plaid Chickens
Your backflip is so energetic that you fly 30 ft into the air. Wind resistance causes your rotation to stop and you plummet to the ground headfirst and pancake into the surface. All that is left after the ordeal is a pair of twitching legs sticking out of a mass of blood and bone. Also syphilis.
"Rocks fall; everybody dies."
My God. They've reached 1.25 Hendersons!
Nah. If they even reached 0.5 Hendersons they wouldn't die to something like falling rocks fam
Nope. When Henderson is involved, rocks fall and _everyone else_ dies.
FUCKING HENDERSON
OF ALL PLACES _HERE_ IS WHERE I FIND IT?
I only have half a Henderson.
I still need to grind
Can someone explain this please
"actually I took the rock catching feat"
"still raging.."
"raaaaaah"
I'm dying
Seems like *you* should have taken the rock catching feat.
if he kept on raging, that means he didn't die so, the feat worked
When I DM I play an atheist god who is shocked at his own existence
Zachary Vallejos wouldn't a atheist god just believe there is no higher power than himself?
Sounds fun :o
Zachary Vallejos I have a "similar" PC in a group right now. He is an ancient God that was imprisoned, but has gone mildly insane and can't remember who he was other than that he was a god. It's hilarious.
+Walter Carvalho So... Rick Sanchez?
N1GHTH4WK986 Kanye West?
The title says D&D, but the villain pulled out the Pathfinder Core Rulebook.
Pathfinder is basically 3.5 edition D&D that was put out when Wizards of the Coast messed up in 4th edition.
Also D&D is basically catch-all for everything desktop RPG
Kevin Munzer But it isnt d&d tho
HacaPotato it isn't D&D in name but it is nearly identical to 3.5 edition D&D save for some refinement and not using copyrighted monsters.
We just used it in the title because it's more recognizable, and is almost used as a general term for any similar fantasy tabletop RPG at this point. But you're right, most of the video is referencing Pathfinder more than D&D.
"There's no way you're related to a drow."
"Still raging."
*"Ugh, you white!"*
Pretty sure he meant "wight"for those who have no idea this comment is supposed to eb a joke
@@TealTheDropster ...No, he meant "White." Drow skin tones range from tar-black to midnight blue. In what world does calling someone an undead creature work as a punchline about someone's heritage?
@@CoralCopperHead ah my bad
The last time I played D&D, I played as a bard. And this is EXACTLY how it went for me
Yes same, tho with my high performance stat I was able to get bandits to believe that dragons were comming down
I finally did it! After 26 hours 3 mins and 15 secs (spread throughout about 2 weeks) I have watched all the videos on the Door Monster channel, and I mean ALL of them. (The total time does not include the fact that I shamelessly watched TGT and this video 3 times each.)
Just for the record it took me about 1 hour and three sheets of blank paper to do all the math... I regret nothing. You're welcome.
...There was probably a faster and easier way to figure all this math out...
Holy hell, dude, you deserve a medal for that. We don't have one, but we feel like you could probably make one for yourself faster than we could at this rate.
Crap, just realized I forgot to take into account the first episode of Altered Egos. So, make that 32 hours 20 mins and 15 secs.
Have you watched all the new videos?
I have a friend that thinks he can change classes every 5 seconds. He uses bows, once tried to use a katana, likes to steal things, tried to learn spells, and wears heavy armor.
I can understand if he just likes to play a bunch of classes and is indecisive, but that's when you just play reckless characters with low Constitution. It's what I do.
Lemon Ice Cream Just let him play a Fighter, that'll pretty much solve his problems
Is he a Factotum? If not, turn him toward dungeonscape. He'll thank you.
If it's D&D 5e, a Fighter can do all of those things, so long as he took the Eldritch Knight subclass and the Criminal background.
Yeah. If you take like 1 ranger, four rogue (assassin or thief), and all the rest fighter (eldritch knight) in 5E you can pretty much cover everything thoroughly except support roles like buffs and healing
"Trap builders guild" is one of the richest guilds in the world ... A Hole in the ground! = a pit trap = about 200 gp .. A hole in the ground with 3 sharpened sticks. SPIKED Pit trap .. 1000gp .. ..OOH! a covered hole in the ground with sharpened sticks in it ... HIDDEN PIT SPIKED TRAP!!!!.. 1250 GP.... See how they can be the richest guilds in the world
Foul Rabbit Hey now. Don't limo me in with those inferior trap makers. My hidden traps have four sharpened sticks in them. You know, just in case the other three miss.
It's not the materials, it's the expertise. You don't want to hire just any handyman for your trapmaking; god knows, he might embed the spikes upside down. How embarrassing would that be, for an adventurer to drop 10 feet through the floor atop a bed of blunt poles?
(My god, I'm totally putting that in an adventure now.)
@@billlupin8345 that could still very well impale and it would hurt like hell
You guys managed to get a grasp(get it? because grappling) of how my friends and I play D&D against well.... anyone
Augustus anyone one whose every played DnD has faced these people, I’ve only played maybe 3 times and I’ve met them all three times.
August
I like Kyles outfit here, definitely something I'd wear as a DnD villain.
"I'll find the grappling rules."
Me and everyone else: "NO"
Its like a big cluster of DnD 3.5, Pathfinder, and DnD 5e. Still all in all, it captures most games I have played and GMed.
I see the 35 and pathfidner hting but not 5e the grapling rules are easy and the guns are optional
3.5 has terrible grappling(he will or I will), and Pathfinder has some crazy ass rules for grappling, but 5e has that advantage for flanking, and advantage over all.
so the advange ruel is easy and flanking is an optional rule
"Rocks fall. Everyone dies." Still a classic and loved this!
"Somebody once told me the world was gonna roll me..." What just some inspiration for everbody. Shrek:"Yeah if you say so"
What are you doing in my swamp
+Doge the Bounty Hunter Uhhhhhh there is free wifi man
I never hear that line, I only hear, "Somebody once told me the world was macaroni," and it is now canon for me.
You definitely aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, my friend.
“On the road again... I can’t wait to get on the road again!”
“WHAT did I say about SINGING!?”
"quarter elven worshipers of shoelaces." I'm mostly unfamiliar with pathfinder, does this actually make sense in context?
that all depends on how drunk your DM was when he wrote the campaign
short answer no but you could probably add enough expansions for it to work and it's actually close as is
the actual phrase? no. The phrases meaning in terms of the ridiculous amount of traits in pathfinder? Yes. Paizo has a nasty habit of making situational traits, and by situational I mean, literally you could find something exactly that specific as a trait or a feat despite paizo's other nasty habit of making very powerful general traits and feats.
It's a reference to a habit of specific bonuses to obscure situations, like having a bonus of to hit and to damage against dragons, while having a bonus to defence against giants ontop of being vulnerable to weapons made out of certian materials.
Which can all be in effect at once with a half dragon giant wielding a cold iron club.
It's because feats are so specific
this is recognisable, i once had a discussion eith one of my players about wheter or not she, as a GRIZZLY BEAR could leap over the full-plate clad dragonborn in a small hallway. oh and i also once had one of my players walk into a enemy hideout SINGING!
The actual jumping rules are hilarious xD
Sneak sneak sneak into the enemy base without getting caught!
And this is why I play Savage Worlds. Fast combats, easy rules, and if you don't plan ahead of time, you don't have time to plan in battle.
Sounds very interesting... we'll have to take a look at that one.
When the GM has lost their patience : "Rocks fall! Everyone's dead!"
Rocks fall. Everyone dies. Do not anger the DM.
The prophecy told of this day. When Matt Locke returns to Door Monster, riding atop his noble steed.
I have only played d and d once and I dm'ed that game. It is very scary then that I still understood all of this personally. Especially the grappling. Screw that
Grappling is the worst.
Well, unless you belong to the Quarter Elven Worshipers of Shoelaces, or if you take the racial trait where your grandpa's aunt is a Drow... Obviously!
Grappling's only a pain if you're still playing 3.5 for whatever reason. Pathfinder for the win baby!
Hooray for rocks falling and everyone dying!
Never a sentence I thought I'd say.
Hail, enthusiastic followers of the 'Door Monster', and the members of that most exalted company. I hope that you, as did I, found this to be a highly enjoyable viewing experience. I would, however, have engaged this mysterious opponent in different manner than this group of intrepid travellers. The Order Fidelissimorum of Those Who Remain would be honoured to dispatch a War-Congregation of Battle-Cathedrals and Combat-Abbeys to their aid. I believe that a member of your trio, who answers to the name of 'Jefferey' in more regular company, would be thrilled to be instructed by one of my Sniper-Organists.
Farewell, and praise to the God-Moderator.
High Priest of Those Who Remain How would one snipe with an organ?
With great skill and a fundamental understanding of the air pressures generated within the pipes. They are indeed masters of the arcane discipline of ballistics.
Wow, you could snipe someones organ with an organ!
Indeed. Our Organists have developed a form of wager based on impacting different organs within their targets.
+High Priest of Those Who Remain well I find your comment very appalling, I find it very annoying that in every video I see I see a comment about the super exclusive club with down below a list of "cringy" replies I should hope in the future you will seek mental help so you can write funny comments like or normal person or at the least do not constantly promote your own group of no worth. -Your true friend Doge the bounty hunter
I guess that villain is ... the Shadow.
mavericking only the shadow knows.
The Shadow.
The Shadow!
"The weed of crime bears bitter fruit."
The Shadow from Derp Online ?
reminds me of the final boss fight my group had last Wednesday. nice sketch guys.
Thanks!
I never quite considered just how ridiculous maintaining Bardic Performance is. Because you could maintain your Bardic Performance as a free action, move, draw your weapon and then attack all in a single round.
If your Bardic Performance is singing or oratory, I can sorta buy that, but you can do that with a fiddle, drums, a trumpet or just dance.
You hit the enemy...
... with your fiddle!
To begin with bards are horrendously ridiculous and super stupid as a concept.
imagine what Bards were at the very beginning of their existence in DnD... they were a first thing which could be called a "prestige class", requiring multiple levels in Fighter AND Druid... crazy shit.
I now wanna be a Bard that carries a Church Organ around everywhere.
2:38 that’s genius!! I love it so much 😂
0:31 You missed the most powerful item of all! The magic sponsored Nike shoooooooes!
Wait, are those Nike?
That was the best ending of any D&D sketch they've made.
The most realistic for sure!
The bard. It's like he was channeling my first bard character.😂😂😂😂
I honestly can't comprehend why this channel doesn't have more subscribers.
thought this was gonna be kinda cringey tbh but it was actually really hilarious nice work :D
Thanks! That's not an uncommon first assumption.
This channel is honestly if the kinda jokes I made with friends was acted on well into videos. Which I think is why I love it
That was fantastic!
Thank you! :D
oh... boulders. the favoured dm tool
We feel as though we would fail to do well in a game of D&D as we are too straightforward
It would be fascinating to watch your decision-making process, though. In fact:
You are Unit #5712, a fictional dashing adventurer recently assimilated into the Collective. You are in a tavern in the late evening. A solo musician plays the lute in the corner, and the general atmosphere is cozy as other patrons mill about, drink, laugh, and tell stories. What do you do?
We simply observe the surroundings to assess possible threats
Assuming you have a random number generator built into your brain in some way or another, randomly select an integer greater than or equal to 1 but less than or equal to 20.
13
For the most part, nothing really stands out as a threat. However, in one far corner of the room, a large, brutish man covered in battle scars sits at a table alone. He holds tightly to a drink and watches the other patrons intently.
As a long time GM, you don't know how much this spoke to me. I love you guys.
1:16 Okay, so Kyle actually drank something there, what was it?
Orange Fanta.
uhhhhm isnt fanta always orange?
Excuse me, Grape Fanta is fantastic and quite common, but Pineapple Fanta and myriad other flavors also exist.
In Miami, yellow and red fanta are most common
Green Fanta would be invisible for him anyway so... Better stick to the classics.
This video made me subscribe. I watched this and since then I have watched aproximately 10 other videos, It's like a gateway drug but for funny sketches. Keep up the amazing work!
Welcome to the channel :D And thanks for watching!
"You're still raging!"
"Ugh! You white!"
LOL
I convinced my DM once to let me do literally whatever my song entitled. He underestimated my knowledge of 80’s and 90’s hits describing things that could be interpreted as natural disasters. It was literally raining men at one point. I shot great balls of Fire. It was great.
The DM here is being a rules lawyer.
So many bird sounds in the background! I just noticed it, and now it's all I can hear.
How do I reload a flintlock pistol so fast?
The rule of cool.
Plot twist he had 4 pistols loaded "pirate style"
One of the best videos so far, in my opinion.
Ours too, actually. This one just came out really good.
1:54 gotta love that outrage culture reference.
Great video, so many tropes. I have threatened the "rocks fall" thing unfortunately for my group of newbies.
Are you guys doing RPG content now?? Yis plz
I like your profile pic. Sid Meier's salt?
Simon -PFL that is correct, it's the salt icon from civ 5.
+CaptinFannin
Nice. I do wonder though how you came to the decision that a depiction of salt in a bottle should be your profile pic? Seems so lovely though random.
cuz he makes people salty
I played only 5 minutes of D&D (and what a euphoric 5 minutes they were), and I experienced all of this. And it was wonderful.
you only need ten seconds for this to happen
ahhh the old rocks fall and everyone dies cliche
The grappling rules reference was fantastic.
Yesterday we had a 3 team dungeon raid the ended up with all three teams needing to preform a special task our team took our time planing to be efficient in completeing our task when the other teams just dived right in it and one had fought a undead dragon that could only be killed once we were done so they were complaining we took to long we'll the planing payed off we had dropped all the wards and removed the staff protecting the dragon from the room before the cult wizards got to act at all. Take the time to plan kids
Nah we smash D:
Being a DM is so much more complicated that I'd thought it'd be.
You know, the grapple joke works far better if you were using any other edition.
Pathfinder made it super simple. There's even a flowchart! www.d20pfsrd.com/gamemastering/combat/#TOC-Grapple
+Jatti We'd like to offer a counter -- there's a flowchart.
As a pathfinder DM, this hits right in so many places. Absolutely great work, made me laugh hard!
Talking is a free action!
"If everybody had been killing each other as they were supposed to, I wouldn't have to be here."
Very accurate. Absolutely hilarious. Typical. Why won't you make mediocre content now and then?
If we did that, we couldn't complain about not having more subscribers.
I can just hear him saying “Rocks fall; Everyone dies”
Man I love this channel so much.
D&D where a 2 day journey is complete in 2 minuets, but a 5 minuet long battle takes 2 hours.
The "You are the most persuasive person in the world, but you kill everyone you meet." part is... horribly accurate.
EVERY SINGLE D&D SESSION EVER!
Agree with everything aside form the 'That's not very Chaotic of you'. Chaotic just means you don't really care about the law, doesn't mean you won't use it to your advantage when you want to
Fourth Wall Breaker Background- (from wiki) "Breaking the Fourth Wall is a delicate art, and if practiced too often can lead to rocks falling and everybody dying"
Perfect timing for this; I've been binge watching all of Critical Role for the last week or so & I played the first session of my own game yesterday.
Freeze Frame Fun: When he's looking up the Grapple Rules, he uses a Pathfinders' Core Rulebook
But after 1 round of standard action of bard inspiration, it is a free action every turn after, counting as 1 hand slot. This lets you use a sword while you play your music as bard, or casting a spell.
See, the really funny thing about that grappling rule thing for me is that I once min-maxed a rogue/mystic grappler build so hard that I was actually banned from ever grappling anything ever again for the love of ogax and the safety of all.
By level twelve, that build was powerful enough to solo the tarrasque (though he wouldn't have the feature allowing him to grapple the tarrasque until later) in 4-5 turns without rolling a single attack roll or saving throw.
please more of this D&D parodies! this is gold
I've never had to have a conversation like that, I pray for when I do; it will be legendary.
My Bard plays the violin aggressively at you!
There is always that guy, that explains everything.
Which is me.
why... me, why do I do this.
*Forever Alone*
Muh Emprah
Good lord, that javelin... that javelin... I can see half of it there, and the other half is lower, so the javelin either weirdly bend, or theres teleport magic!
I get a lot of trouble like this in my sessions, seriously, this video express perfectly what a DM get in a session
I just started a path finder campaign. this is my party.
"Still raging."
"AAAAHHHHRRRRGGG!"
LOL :D
As someone who's functionally playing a luchador in Pathfinder rn (tetori), 10/10, more pls
Rocks fall, everyone dies
You are an awesome channel. Can't believe I never found you before. KEEP IT UP!
Loved the grappling and rage jokes
The redheaded guy looks like the lovechild of Tormund and Gendry. He's beautiful :)
Matt Locke did great with the Bard Powaaaaah! line
This is so much like my D&D sessions.
"That's not very chaotic of you" Ah, one of the many problems with the Alignment system. People think you have to act your alignment, rather than your alignment changing to reflect your actions.
It's more satisfying when Tiamat swoops down from the sky...
I play dnd where it's heroes v villains, both parties have own stats equipment so this hits home
Still the best DND sketch
That flintlock shot twice with no reload...
edit: nvm you got it covered