If you can’t look into the mirror and say positive things, start with neutral things. “My eyes are green.” “I’m 5 ft 6.” You can work up to positivity.
What is that going to do for her… looking in the mirror 😵💫and saying positive things, she is a DRUG addict….and those drugs in the mirror she will see …dancing around do u get it Now😝😵💫🤓😜🥸
I wish you all the best! I’m off heroin but I noticed I started taking some of my left over methadone script on days when I’m struggling (predominantly because I know I can get away with it without severe withdrawal) I suppose we just have to try our best to remember what it’s like. It’s so bad our memory’s can’t comprehend how bad it was once we have been through it and been clean for a period of time.
@@5thdimension625 another thing that I have been witnessing is this terrible thing that is happening in the province of Alberta that can be attributed to use of oxy / heroin. Users get clean for a few months and then try to start again then they die.
that’s the thing about addiction. You’re incredibly self aware, but no amount of intelligence will ever suffice. The only thing that matters is the next hit
Coming from a family of addicts i heard that a lot "we feel so deep, we feel everything deeper than other people" and after years of therapy i learned its not that they feel so deep, deeper than everyone else, it's that they have no coping tools to deal with those feelings. I think it's important to acknowledge that and normalize acknowledging it. I hope you get clean, Nicole.
Combine that lack of coping skills with other commonly comorbid mental disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, etc - and things are extraordinarily complicated. But recovery is out there and possible!
They wouldn't have a term called Empathy and Empaths wouldn't exist, If some people don't feel harder than others... While Empathy and Addiction aren't mutually exclusive... Some Empaths can definitely become addicts, anyone can... It's only an arms length away as they say. We all need to learn coping skills, it's not supernatural.
We have a functioning alcoholic in our family, that could be interviewed like this and be very charming. But living with them is a nightmare. They want love, but they want to keep drinking as well. It's only a matter of time before the people that do care for these addicts just get exhausted from trying to help and give up themselves. We really need to hear from some carers of addicts to hear about the overwhelming burden of trying to love someone who has an addiction.
Excellent point. Many addicts are very charming, friendly, charismatic and interesting people. As we can see here in these videos. Addicts are not evil, they're not bad. They're no more bad or good as non-addicts. However, all of the positive commenters here should try living full time with an addict. Live in the same household while they are using or drinking or both. Love them. Be in a relationship with them. Try it. You'll see an entirely different angle to addiction and addicts than the one portrayed in these videos. It's not a moral issue. It's not about being bad. It's a black dark hole of despair and hell. It drags the addict, but also all those around the addict, into that pit of despair and hopelessness. It's absolutely horrible to be around and destroys a lot of trust and happiness in life. No wonder a lot of people cannot live around addicts or addiction. I still wish them well.
@@dannymcintyre3819 That IS THE TRUTH. MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF THE ADDICTS IN THE WORLD. I IMAGINE ITS ABOUT 95% OF THE WORLD IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING. THE 5% IS THE CHILDREN.
I understand what your saying. My brother was also for most of my adult life, got clean for 10yrs, then back at it. Eventually committing suicide. But, I would much rather be dealing with his drunken days than not having him now. It’s all so sad.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I have one year clean and sober after 24 years of hopelessness and homelessness and poly addiction. The thing that finally got me to change: I'd burnt every bridge and had no one to tell me how 'self-aware' I was or how others 'don't understand how hard we have it' and every other EXCUSE. I glimpsed my future, homeless and alone or od'ing at 40 like my mum and didn't want to be remembered like that! And we don't FEEL more. We AVOID everything that we don't like or agree with...
@@benwoodbridge4967 Well done Ben. This morning I had 50 minures of my wife shouting at me. Apparently it's my fault she drinks and smokes cannabis, it's my fault she has lost her driving licence, and again it's my fault our children have troubled relationships with her. Yet she could do an enthralling interview. I'm not sure I'm making a point.. I think I'm just sharing to be honest. Bad day.
I think - well I need to speak for me Who am I to say how others think ? Ha. I have to catch myself when I do that. Ha. But I know for me I had very low self esteem. Just didn’t like anything about me. I didn’t think I even deserved to be happy because of all the poor decisions I made. When Pink said she’s beautiful inside and out and she hated that this young girl thought she was disgusting- It brought back lots of memories. - I still to this day think when someone pays me a compliment- it goes in one ear and out the other. I think they are just saying that to make me feel better. I have this “thing” about thinking I’m fat. I think I Look disgusting in clothes. I know it’s abnormal thinking but I can’t help it. Hell I’ve never weighed over 130 and am 5’5 In a lot of ways I’m still so so sick.
When she says “I want to be able to not feeling anything and to get as close to dying as possible without actually dying” is by far the saddest shit to hear coming out of someone’s mouth🥺😕🥺🥺
I'm a mother of an adult addict of 19years. I watch this channel to try and understand the mind of an addict. Breaks my heart and hurts my soul. I raise my grandson since he was 5 and he is now 14. I cannot describe the position my daughter has put us in the balancing act I have to attempt daily to be the best support for my grandson, to care for myself and him so my daughters addiction doesn't control my entire life. She is loved and has always been loved and supported but she is unwilling to put in any work for sobriety. Families are inundated with worry and stress so many addicts have their reason they started drugs often the parents or upbringing I can tell you there are also many families who spend days and nights trying to help their addicted family member. I dont wish this on any parent. So many grandparents raising their grandchildren like myself. We need support in this country there needs to be more programs and better rehab etc. This is exhausting. I've been picking up pieces of my daughters life for 19 years.
Maybe it would interest you to attend al anon meetings. It’s basically narcotics anonymous for the addicts family. It’s designed to help family and friends understand how addiction is for their loved one.
Have you analysed what have been done wrong to the daughter, that she got addicted? What ware the biggest factors? I just wonder if you got any insights.. My uncle oded long time ago, but I never spoke about it with my grandmother , it still kinda an elephant in a room, and I feel that that od made so many destruction to the family… your insights are highly appreciated
I understand completely. My oldest sister died of alcoholism, leaving our family to care for her 8 year old son. He now has substance abuse issues and is estranged from us. My father and I have struggled with my brother's alcoholism for over a decade, spent money, blood, sweat and tears. He is sober now, thank goodness. Sometimes it isn't about childhood abuse/trauma, just a propensity. Several difficult times during my life I had to check myself, get some help.
Mark please follow her journey if your able to, I would love an update on her. She’s such a well spoken smart young lady. I hope she’s able to get herself well
Heroin/opioid addiction seems to humble people like nothing else. Once you go through this special brand of personal hell and you've had everything taken from you, you're shown how much of your life you've taken for granted. Family, friends, bare necessities, security, health, peace... this experience can create some of the most humble, loving people, at least under their sometimes hardened shell. I've felt such love from a lot of these people, and felt this from my perspective. Good luck, Nicole. If we can do it, you can too.
True. And, yet, people still think we are antisocial hedonists. I’m in recovery, but I’ll never live it down. Instead of staying down about it, though, I’m studying about it so I can help others understand addiction.
I was at an AA retreat years ago, and a founder of that retreat walked up to me out of hundreds of people. He looked into my eyes and said, “little girl, you don’t have to hurt anymore!!!” I’ll never forget that interaction. Just a few words coming from a place of love can change your life forever. If you’re open to receiving them. 💗
Wow. I relate to her so much. I’m five years clean from mainly IV meth but I also shot you heroin, coke & popped Xanax. As a “conventionally attractive young female” people couldn’t believe I was homeless or shooting up meth. Only difference is when I had a positive pregnancy test I had hope and a life purpose. From that day forward I quit. I never looked back. No meetings, no rehab, nothing but wanting to build my future. If you’re reading your comments girl know this can be better. My son is almost 5, I have a Bachelors of Science in Psych and I was just accepted into a graduate program for genetic counseling. I want to further understand addiction past human impulses. There IS a genetic component. You have addiction in your family- boom. If you ever need someone to talk to who isn’t judge mental I’m here. Please don’t give up on yourself.
@@coweenuhm9662 anyone can also get their dna analyzed by companies such as 23andme (there are also a lot of third parties where you can send your genetic data to) that will test for genetic predilections for things such as alcohol and drug addiction. I have some addicts in my family but I had no such marker in my dna so in my personal experience it was not genetic even though one would think it might be.
@@bella____________9690 but they test for it which shows that there is a hereditary component. It would not be tested for if there wasn’t a correlation. Nature vs. Nurture isn’t cut and dry. You don’t have to have the specific genes in order to be affected by addiction. Also, there’s still studies being produced to further understand epigenetic findings so there may be different genes discovered in the future. It also doesn’t have to necessarily be a single gene. Once someone uses a drug, it can imprint on their genes are increase proteins that are common in addiction. Or they could have a disorder that predisposes them. For instance, someone with ADHD is low on dopamine and they tend to seek ways to increase dopamine. This can be excessive caffeine, alcohol, sex, etc. People with ADHD are also predisposed to being impulsive due to their neural processes- this can increase likelihood for risky behaviors. I respectfully disagree and must note that I am biased in this regard. I have personally studied neuropsychology extensively and have also focused on genetic factors. I believe that “nature vs. nurture” is symbiotic and should also be treated as such.
Yes... that’s is when I knew I was a drug addict . It started off as weekends next thing I knew I was sorting coke in the restroom of my corporate job. I come back her to give me a reality check when my mind tells me I wasn’t that bad. Oh I was bad.
I was addicted to fentanyl for 3 years and heroin for 4 before that. Recently got clean and getting my life back together. I want to tell you Mark, No matter how far down the rabbit hole with injecting fentanyl you go, its ALWAYS YOUR CONSCIENCE CHOiCE to use. I thought I was going to die using until I made the mental decision to stop the relapse feeling. I hope this woman finds sobriety
Mark when you tell these addicts they are trapped and have no choice whether to use or not and agree with them about how its not a choice, I think you could be making it worse. Every one of these addicts that say people don't understand in the comments are full of it. What about me? 7 years of shooting heroin/fent......and I decided to stop and stay off
@chris Cutthroat Not everyone has the will power you do. Also, people have traumas that you may not have dealt with in your own past. Every person is different, if it were that simple then everyone would be clean and stay clean.
What a bright and beautiful young lady. I do hope she can get the help she needs. It's so sad to see her trapped in addiction. I'm glad you told her how beautiful she is Mark. She needs to hear that more and may help her self esteem.
Know many fentanyl addicts. Horrible physical withdrawals for weeks sometimes. So hard to come off of. This interview covers so many issues with addiction. “It’s not a party anymore”.. truly hope she gets in recovery and help. Beautiful girl with brains and self awareness, which makes being an addict even more horrible for her. ❤️
Wow Mark, I’ve been binging your page for a week now… and your talk with her about unconditional love has hit the closest to home for me. You’re so wise- you’ve learned so much from talking with all of these humans- and I’m so grateful you can share that with all of us. Thank you.
Hi Leanda it's DetroitFettyGhost- Me and you been here since there was only about a 1000 people ❤️ Amazing to have watched it grow huh?? Much love from Detroit Michigan my sweet friend❤️❤️💕❤️💕💕❤️❤️
@@yeny7194 Yes. He receives NO MONEY for his videos, he lives off the savings of his job as a high end photographer for CocaCola, bmw, apple etc,. Crazy huh?
Aawww we have been here since the very start! What incredible thing Mark has done here. He really has changed the world. He gives us the opportunity to understand addiction in a whole different perspective. It’s not the drugs that makes us bad people (I’m and addict myself ) it’s the trauma we have endure has children that got us where we are. There’s is hope I believe in that.
She said she lost 40 people around her. As sad as it is, someone else is going to say that and that number is going to include her unless she finds a way to get better.
She’s off the streets back into another rehab really hoping we can help her stay sober. Everyone in this family is dealing w addiction or has dealt w it. But don’t let this fuckin asshole interviewer have u see a side of Nicky that isn’t true. Hitting on her and telling her she was “conditionally loved” idk who you are but u got a big channel and if you’re on the streets of LA whoever you are, I’ll see yah.
People have no idea how these people suffer. Their problems are so deep and complex, no one has the right to judge. Gabor Mate is an incredible voice for addicts
His insight into addiction literally changed my whole outlook and was a major factor in my change from a 12+ yr opiate/heroin addiction to being clean and sober from all narcotics. I’ve been able to move forward to a fulfilling life in my mid 30s and for the first time, I am reaching my true potential within my career and have the best personal relationships since I was a kid. This was all kicked off when I read Gabor Mates book In the realm of hungry ghosts ... anyone struggling will benefit from this, I promise!!!!
@@MoAli-wm4of Congratulations!! And thank you for sharing the resource. One of his talks have been popping up in my recommendations. I'm going to download it right away. Thank you! Take care of yourself.
Love Dr. Mate!!!!! I'm so happy I keep seeing his name popping up everywhere his work deserves to be world renowned. He totally changed my understanding of addiction and trauma
Nicole has so much to offer this world. She's smart, articulate, intellectual, empathic, and has a burning desire to help women and especially those without support systems. I hope she gets clean so she can be that support system, be that role model, and be that inspiration for her sisters out there. She can do anything she sets her mind to, I firmly believe that.
@@baptisedindirtysprite3593 Mark is a 60 some year old multi-million aire who's traveled the whole world and worked for Apple, IBM, BMW, CocaCola and every other major company as their personal photographer. Your wrong on just tryin to hit- these people sell themselves if that were the case he'd pull out 20 $ and his dong and crack at it but it's not. He really actually cares. He isxa good man bro- so I hope u realize that.
"I feel like a prisoner in my own body..." I can SO relate to that!! She's so beautiful, and has so much life in her. I hope she does get clean. Beautiful. I love this channel!
Every third word is "like" she may be articulate but not well spoken. However, I will say she does not look homeless, or a drug addict. She's lucky, but it won't last long on the street. Being pretty can sometimes cause trouble, I hope she gets out of the loop.
I was an addict for over 20 years. H plus a 70 pill a day habit. 7 overdoses and I can honestly say I’ve been sober for over 5 years. I’ve gotten my life back. Everyday is a challenge and my demons breathe on my neck everyday. If I can do it I’d like to believe anyone can. I pray this young woman and everyone else I see on this channel find their way. God bless them all!
@@Xydorf I was in active use for over 20 years. Yes, towards the end of that I was taking that much everyday. I would pop 10-12 at a time every couple hours. Thanks buddy!
Eventually the drugs will take her youthful looks away. I hope she finds happiness and inner peace before it’s too late. Definitely not a party. 4 years clean. If I can do it you can too. Love and respect.
@@Noise_floorxx being outside in the sun does tho... and a lot of people on the street start using meth also. Everyone around me when I was homeless was going heroin/fent and meth.
@@Noise_floorxx I was just about to post the same statement. Opiates are hard on the body if the person doesn't have a consistent way to stay well. Being dope sick the majority of time combined with the constant pressure & stress of trying to find more opiates is usually why opiate addicts are all tore up. A person who has daily access to opiates , doesn't spend anytime sick & doesn't have to deal with any of that stress & fear will look completely healthy.
I found this channel a few days ago and have been binge watching these videos, have wanted to comment several times but just never have. I have never had any drug problems really in my life and I have an amazing supportive family. I am so lucky. But a lot of what Nicole is saying here resonated with me deeply, I too have a lot of problems with self-acceptance and "loving myself" I often feel like I can't truly be who I am in fear of not being accepted by those around me which keeps me from being as happy as I could be, when she was going over this subject I was finding myself finishing her sentences in my head as she was talking and it kind of scared me... Made me think had it not been for my very stellar family and upbringing that I could very well have found myself in a situation like this... I really wish the very best for Nicole and the others featured on your channel and want to say thank you for letting all these folks tell their story, a lot of them really changed my thinking and perspective. I really am going to try moving forward to be my true self and work on my self-esteem more I hope everyone out there has a good day or night whenever you come across this. Take care everybody.
I've been drawn to this type of woman, thinking that because I felt like I could help her and give her love that we'd always be happy together. After many relationships that lasted years, but never forever, I decided to look for a woman that had unconditional love from her parents. I'm so glad I did.
I struggled with drug addiction (fentanyl) for 9 years. A consistent 9 year long run. So many of these people remind me of where I used to be and how I used to feel. I wish I could speak to some of them and tell them that no matter how bad it gets, it’s never too late to make a change. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but some of these addicts just really need more people to look them in the eyes and tell them that their worth is not determined by what they have been through, what they’ve done or haven’t done, and what has been done to them. I had to believe in myself and it never helps hearing from family members that “you’re a disgusting drug addict”. All of that gets stuck in our heads and makes it even harder, especially when I know I already felt like a piece of s**t, and I knew many other addicts who felt the same way. Nicole is not disgusting and she also has great teeth, which is rare for someone in her position.
I just want to add after watching Nicole whole story. I just couldn’t stop crying afterwards. I must affirm that there are a lot of women that their mental strength and stamina is just as strong as any of the physically strongest men on the planet. She is one of these women. I mentioned how eerily similar our paths were growing up. How we care and go the extra mile for people. Wear our hearts on our sleeve. I live thousands of miles away from Nicole. I’ve got some years on her but I just fell for her the moment I let everything she said sink in. I wish I could give her everything she needed to pick herself up and we could help each other with each other’s problems. I still suffer to this very day. I hope if someone knows her personally to look out for her. It would be devastating to see anything happen to her. I hope she keeps us updated and Mark brings her back and with a little luck. Something really great picks her up. Turns her life around. And she finally leaves the party. Alive and well. If you are reading this Nicole. All the best. You will forever have a friend who cares for you. No matter what.
You’re trying to be nice, I get that. But a mentally strong person changes their life, stops injecting poison, and becomes a functioning member of society. That’s strength. This is not strength. It’s literally the opposite. She has no power over her life or the drug and she talks about that.
True that! and thank god she didnt keep having babies if she knew it was such a challenge! I admire moms attempts in life and Nicole for sharing her story.
It makes me happy yet break my heart that Mark sees her beautiful and nice, yet she has such a sad view of herself. As a recovering heroin/fent , meth addict, I feel this so hard.
I see so much of my story in yours Nicole, I too get my greatest rewards from helping others, I too struggled with Opioids and lost a great deal. Now I am 44 and a mental health counselor, some of my best work has been with addicts and homeless individuals. You can absolutely find your way like I did, you are intelligent, compassionate and an empathetic soul capable of transforming the hell you are walking through now into meaning that can support others in their journey towards becoming their best selves. Take a chance on yourself, what do you have to lose? Wishing you all the blessings in the world!
That statement really shows how strong the addiction is. The worst thing that could happen attracts people, not scares. If that isn’t an eye opener idk what is.
I do this thing on Marks addict interviews (because Im an addict in recovery) where I almost pretend hes asking me the questions and I answer before them, and I end up giving all the same answers. Its crazy that the hurt and mindset is so universal across almost all addictions
Congrats! I'm on the mat program and been clean for almost 4yrs. It's really hard in the beginning but it does get easier the more clean days. Take it day by day and if you can't take it hour by hour. Get hobbies!! You have to keep your mind busy!!
The number one thing I want to say to this woman is… You think it’s bad now. You’ve only been using Fentanyl for 2 years and been homeless a year. Please don’t let it go 10 years. Then it’s 100,000 times harder. You’re beautiful and young and could still do anything you want with your life. As a recovering addict, I understand all the guilt and the shame and the pain. But you have to find a way to pull yourself out and realize how much you matter. Prayers 🙏🏻! Thank you, Mark!
I hate when mark says things like “you don’t look like a drug addict.” “You’re so attractive.” Drugs do not go after the ugly... they go after everyone!
But they need to hear that. For some they’ve never heard it, at least in a genuine/unconditional context. Plus, he tells most of them that, except for the really ‘hard casualties’.
Truth just because you do not look like a “ typical “ addict does not mean you are not one. I suppose he is trying to make her feel good but it does not do good for othera
@jhsfiuy dEfb there’s also the component of the “halo effect.” People who are attractive are viewed in a more positive, good natured matter. I’m 5 years clean from IV meth. No one believe i was a homeless addict and undermined the severity of my addiction. Because I’m “attractive” It’s a bias for most to favor conventionally attractive people. I truly believe Mark doesn’t judge regardless- but he’s just pointing out the obvious.
Oh my gosh. She's such a sweet girl. Truly beautiful inside and outside. I want to give her a million hugs and tell her that she is beautiful to so many of us here watching- I'd only be so lucky to have a friend like her in my life.
i really hope she gets clean. i know she doesn't see it but she has such endless potential. shes got such a clear insight into her own setbacks and shes so bright. hopefully she can pair that self awareness w the tools to pull herself out of that situation bc she deserves a lot better.
This girl told my story including same family dynamic and childhood. Love based on performance and obedience. I’ve overcome my addiction. 15+ hrs. Clean. God let me where I was at, not religion, Jesus. That’s what I’ve got that she’s missing. I hope she survives and finds life. Everyday for her is a crap shoot. 😔
Not everyone needs jesus to push them to recover. YOU have the strength in you yourself. They don't NEED to find Jesus. That may not even be what she's missing. I know people who have been clean for 15+ years, like I assume you meant instead of HOURS, that didn't have an epiphany or hear the voice of God or need Jesus to recover. They just needed themselves. I, myself, have God, but thats because I chose to call on him. But there are others who want to get clean and HAVE gotten clean and are very happy and didn't "need" or are missing God or Jesus.
@@elijahjoel9361 I keep my Roman Catholic faith to myself because I think that proselytizing is obnoxious. That being said, I'm sick of people like you that find it necessary to scold Christians for expressing their beliefs. If you really do have God in your life you wouldn't make it a point to tell a Christian that atheism is viable alternative to religion. GFY
Nicole, you are amazing. I know that your chatter is saying that you're a "disgusting drug addict," but you are so insightful, perceptive, and kind. I know that the journey will be marked with challenges and struggles, but I have full confidence that one day you will be able to live a life filled with things of comfort - like a warm shower, nice meal, and a good night sleep - that you are desperately missing right now. Good luck sister, you can do this
My friend just detoxed at home this last week and is still weak and recovering.. She reminds me of her. So smart and capable. Hope she is able to beat this illness and live the life she deserves. Thank you for interviewing her. Please follow her journey if she allows and if you can.
im currently three weeks clean from fentanyl. i started using heroin about six years ago and i guess at some point it just became pure fent like 3-4 years ago. ive been on and off and have had some time, 5-6 months here, a year there, but i havent been able to stop and stay stopped at all in the past 13 months. ive been to inpatient rehab five times since december and just got out this last time two days ago. for the first time ever it feels like im actually done. i have no more curiosities about whether or not i can get away with it or make it work somehow....i know its impossible. whether or not i continue to feel that way remains to be seen but i used to be ready to use and get back at it every time i left rehab. not this time.
Wow, I can relate a lot to her. I am from Oakland area, only child and grew up lonely. Being an only child is very lonely but once you learn to love yourself the whole game changes
This is my favorite video, she’s so self aware - using I statements and expressing that addiction becomes not fun anymore but can’t stop that’s the heart of addiction.
Feel like I’m looking at a part of myself in the mirror from years ago.Thinking of you Nicole. Hoping you make it to treatment for a 8th time, you deserve to see yourself as you really are, a intelligent, compassionate, beautiful person. Anyone who gets to spend their time with you should consider themselves very fortunate. 💗
If she can (or has gotten) get clean, she would make an excellent drug/alc counselor. She has deep compassion & empathy, understanding of how addiction works and what the addict feels and goes through, and a positive outlook. These are all ingredients to a great counselor. I’ve had many counselors for addiction, and she reminds me of my favorite ones. Sending lots of hope and positive vibes her way!
@@bbgrl95_ . Oh, i hope she's still clean and staying strong. It's not just getting through thé withdrawal (which is bad enough as it IS), but it's STAYING clean and trying to cope with "straight" life afterwards that's really difficult...and it's a very long struggle. It's harder for some people than for others, there are so many factors involved. I really hope she's gonna make it.
I don’t think of “party” when it comes to drug users. I think of “wasted life”. I’ve seen my fair share of it around me. I hope that anyone who struggles with it can finally kick it as soon as possible.
That’s awesome 👏. Most people see mindless hedonism. Really, it’s trauma and sickness, pain, shame, and guilt. And, like you said, missed and lost opportunities. No one wants this.
Props to her for not having kids. One of the few who is loving and caring enough to not bring a child into their terrible situation. She has my respect for that
its so sad that in all the comments everyone says she's so articulate, mainly because everyone else we see that's an addict cant articulate words well. she just talks like a normal person lol
Exactly. People say that on all these videos. They could be the most nonsensical, high af, crazy mofo and people will say they’re the most intelligent, beautiful, articulate person and they “just want to hug them.”
I hope she can be set free, I know how hard it is to get off opiates. My life was a living hell when I was using too. I can relate to so much of what she said about her addiction.
I can relate as well, it’s hard to watch these sometimes Bc of the memories that come flooding through my mind. But I also find these interviews quite helpful, Bc they keep me humble. Opiates definitely are absolutely HELL (as you stated above) to get off of, and staying clean is even harder.... or should I say “for me”, the first year was extremely difficult to fight the cravings! Anyway, I wish this beautiful young lady all the best and I pray that she finds the strength to get her life back! Have a blessed weekend @Kim, and congrats to you on your sobriety😊✨💖
@@kellyrenee9066 I can relate so much .. I also get flashbacks of the depths of my opiate/heroin using days .. and it also keeps me humble and reminds me how bad things can get and how easy it would be to slip up and find myself in that deep dark place once again. I think it’s good to have these reminders and use them as fuel to keep on the right path and never slip back into using, ever again.
@@MoAli-wm4of YESSS!!! Thank you 😊, you said all of the extra things that I wanted to say, but didn’t want to get attacked for a crazy long comment lol! But seriously, I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience. This channel brings people together in some of the most unexpected ways. I would also like to congratulate you on your sobriety as well. Stay strong and keep your head up✨✨✨💞
My heart breaks for this young woman💔. She has so much potential and so much pain….I will pray for her to recover from her addiction. Thanks for making this video!
When she answers the question something ppl don’t know about drugs and says ppl take it so personally and don’t realise once addicted .. it’s not Nicole doing these things anymore, it’s the drug because it has taken over. I’ve heard many non addicts reply that this is simply not taking responsibility for personal choices and actions but she is so right, I think you can only get it once you’ve been thru it. Listen to her talking about not having water to stay hydrated, shower or wash, be able to shit normally - all these things take 2nd place to the drugs. It’s not by choice once you reach this point, the drugs have truly taken over and you don’t care about the basic human needs bc the drugs are first and foremost. Nobody wants to live this way, but you only have the choice toward the beginning, after you cross a line, all these ppl they say just stop it or make the choice to quit - it’s all irrelevant because you can only make that choice toward the start of using ... when you get to this stage there is no longer a choice ... your brain has been hijacked and your not able to say no anymore ....
Man what a great interview. Shes am amazing person. She really nailed what it is to go thro addiction. Her experience is so common, but her understanding of what she's going thro is as insightful as it is sad. Hope she can figure it out. That said, getting off fent is the absolute worst. It's harder when you don't have any resources or help. I was fortunate. But at the end of the day, you have to want to stop and face up to the withdrawals. Couple weeks of hell, weeks of feeling weak and tired and months and months before your brain chemistry starts leveling out to where you start thinking and feeling somewhat normally. She's dead on, truly rehabbing takes a lot of time.
My best friend checked herself into detox for fentanyl, this week, hope she can stay off of it. I just feel like she's not ready and only doing it because she can't afford it, didn't delete her dealer's number, in fact they're both in rehab together? It destroys people, their families and everyone around them. Lost too many friends to it, RIP Brandon, Matt, Mike,Sarah
childhood trauma is the underlying issue. until they have therapists and a safe space away from the lifestyle and are READY to be done, it will never happen. I feel sorry for you and RIP to your loved ones as well
@@alexismarkham5016 no worries, she's staying clean so far but " In Love" with someone she met there, with track marks all up in his hands and feet,no job, no money, no car and no home. He checked himself out and used right away.. they're talking, she hasn't hung out with him yet or used, but if she does have to go through detox again, I'm done. Not going to watch her destroy herself and lose her kid. I'll be fine, not the first I've lost to opiates.
This was an after thought I had right after I sent the comment. I applaud ALL recovery weather it be 12 steps or any of the alternatives. Whatever minimises the damage of active addiction is a good thing in my eyes . Peace out everyone ✌️
@@Tidnull I'm in recovery from heroin addiction. Sober 18months... I having done the 12steps either. Some N.A. combined with psychiatric therapy, and a huge support system helps me stay clean. So not everyone needs the 12 steps just gotta stay present in your head and heart...... Good luck to everyone struggling. Hang in there brothers and sisters.
I’m 5 years clean from IV meth and Xanax. Although i didn’t go to the room, I did have a support group on FB just to speak with likeminded people and those struggling. I had a community even though i didn’t work the steps. Whether or not the steps help- it gives people community. Like you said. Whatever it takes to get people clean! 💕
@@coweenuhm9662 I agree that community can help one's recovery. I would like to warn those in need of help: the 12 step program is a state-sanctioned cult religion. Please read more about the origins of AA and the 12 steps: web.archive.org/web/20161202185738/www.orange-papers.org/
You don't look bad....yet. Fight for it Nicole. Fight with all your life for what you have left. You won't be sorry. I was a drug addict when I was young and I saw the decay and suffered all the withdraws knowing it was worth it in the end to quit. I dreamed about the drugs for about a year and a half even. But I promise it fades. Love is what needs to be in that spot you give the drugs. As you embrace love more and more you become less and less shallow. I used to be so shallow but I grew spiritually as I allowed myself to love more. Push fear away, for it stifles love. I used to be where you are. There is a great life waiting for you. Don't let the judgement eat you. Just be humble. Know you can mess up in life and accept it. Love yourself anyways. It does sound like the people you know are very narcissistic. Which is an inferiority complex. They use judgement to get their narcissistic supply in order to escape any feelings of doubt they have in themselves. A humble view is what you can get out of this life. Or you can continue to judge yourself and stay on the path of self hating and then back to the drugs to cover up the pain. But, I believe in you Nicole. You are still sharp. You have so much.
Mark you summed up addiction so perfectly, you really get it!! Most people don't even realise the life of comfort they live, these people are out there just surviving a nightmare, and 100% deserve our compassion. They are all so tortured, its really very sad:(
Poor Nicole man...she is so honest and relatable, i see myself in her and im a decade younger! With the right help she can change her life around for sure, she's a wonderful, strong young woman you can tell. Her past can no longer define her future and she cant let her precious life go to waste. She would be an amazing mother if she got clean, like she said she loves hard. I wish her all the best, love from London
She seems like a real sweetheart. Nicole, obviously you're not happy with some things you have done. Newsflash, we are all flawed and are unhappy with things we have done. So please don't waste you're time on that. Every day can be a clean start, you just have to look forward to tomorrow and possibilities it may bring. I wish you the best!
I'm 35, struggled with addiction since my mom gave my cough syrup @16.... So I have a mobile home, a new car paid for and this land...I sit here living a life that doesn't require more from me than theirs... I feel like eventually be where they are ...I hate myself and I'm hurting but I'm trying to slap myself into shape by watching their stories
I'm sorry you're hurting and hating yourself. I really hope you're able to find a healthier way to cope with these horrible feelings and one day move past them. I will send all the positive vibes your way.
This one hit closer to home for me than a lot of the other stories. I'm not a drug or alcohol addict, I've managed to enjoy different substances over the years in moderation. But, I would say her outlook on her childhood is pretty close to my own. I would say my mom conditionally loved me growing up, and neither my father or stepdad ever really loved me at all. I don't think my mom ever told me she was proud of me or encouraged me growing up, never received any sort of approval from her, and very little affection. I mostly just got scolded and told I was a fuck up and I'd never amount to anything. When I packed up my car to move 8 hours away from home for a "big boy job" when I was 20 she told me she "was proud of me because the fact that I was able to do this showed that she did a good job as a mother raising me", so really she was patting herself on the back. Once I got out on my own it was definitely weird when I would succeed in work life and personal life and people congratulated me, like from my late teens through my mid 20's compliments definitely made me physically uncomfortable whenever I would receive one. Turning 30 this year, haven't spoken to my mother in years, gainfully employed, married, and hopefully having my first kid within the next year or so and I couldn't be happier. My goal for being a parent is to make sure my kid(s) never feel the way my mother made me feel. I intend to love them because I actually love them, not just "love" them because the state requires me to for the first 18 years of their lives...
When I was in active addiction I was walking on street in a dangerous area in Chicago and a guy pulled a gun on me demanding all my money and he dropped the gun and it fell apart ( one of my many BUT God... moments) I almost have three years clean today
my ex was an addict; I saw how difficult sobriety was. I dont know you but i can say i am soo soo proud of you. I know it is a daily struggle to choose to face life and your feelings (both of which can be shitty)
My ex was a drug addict (i have never done anything, he was sober when I met him). He was mandated to have counseling through the courts. I learned drug addicts are basically split personalities. They ARE them when they're temporarily sober but when I drug calls....they arent them anymore. They dont care.
Another great interview/portrait! I was very interested in her story. She’s not the first addict I’ve heard say they are looking for the bag that will make them OD. Such a scary thought, but to someone who just wants out…to stay numb from pain…I get it in a way. Of course not all addicts feel this way but it is interesting to see what it does to people’s brains, how it re-wires them to be someone or something else. So many ppl saying she doesn’t look like an addict. If you knew anything about addiction, you’d know how silly of a statement that is. It’s like saying “oh you don’t look like you’re sick”. I truly wish the best for her. I look forward to another interview, where hopefully she’s mentally in a better place. I think a program long term program could help her. At least a year. ❤️
They don't want to get that bag that will make them OD. When you OD , Narcan that is used to bring them back, kills the high. The girl didn't say that she wanted to OD.
She doesn’t want to get off drugs …doesn’t want to OD …she wants everyone to leave her alone and keep using her drugs! And as far as people saying she doesn’t look like a drug addict….I will agree …that is a stupid remark! People can hide a lot of themselves to others… but in the end , your only fooling yourself.
Around 17 minutes in- what she describes is exactly how she can get "clean" again and stay "clean" for the long term. She is an empath- community and service to others will be what keeps her sober. Anyone notice the term "clean" is a such a loaded word?- speaking of the guilt/shame people struggling with active addictions cope with. I can picture her in New Orleans. Teaching.
Being an empath isn't a thing. Everyone (except people with certain mental illnesses) can feel empathy. People who say they feel things more or deeper haven't learned good coping skills to deal with things usually its a trauma response.
I so relate to this interview. I'm Pam and I'm an addict/alcoholic. I've been clean since 2000. What came out in this interview is so close to my story. Pleasing everyone accept myself. Not feeling seen or accepted. I never "looked" like an addict. I always had a job just barely. Never homeless, always had a car. I did lose contact with my family for over 10 years however in the guilt and shame. It was just easier that way for me. I did 90 days in treatment and 6 months out patient. Sober living and immersed myself in the NA fellowship of Seattle. I made it! It's a lot of hard work but, it can be done IF YOU WANT IT. I have hope for her still. She doesn't want it yet. She will. The toughest thing for me was forgiving myself, learning to love myself again. You're the only one you really have. More will be revealed. Keep coming back. Be blessed and safe out there.
One night ....I was confronted by someone and I no longer felt safe....I stayed up all night but sleptif that makes since .... at 7 am I took a bus and walked up the hill to s hospital. I was constipation for a week and couldn't stop drinking and using....I'm telling you u don't have to be ready ....they might be ready for you you will feel comforted....it's the gift of desperation that will get you sober....I believe it will happen for you....you all ready did the things that helped...if aa or na helped you show back up...after you get sober... suggestions only...your beautiful your never too late to get to living again!
So many deep emotions and thoughts were lightened through the talk. I'm in aw from the complexity and depth of her being. Mark, man! Sometimes during the talks, I'm just thinking about what a precious cultural contribution your making; and my heart warms with the sense of respect and hope.
I hope Nicole gets back in the center of the herd where it’s safe. She already knows what it’s like to surround herself with other people working good programs, and I keep space in my heart that she gets back to a recovery community where they will love her until she learns to love herself. The part about the difference between being loved and being unconditionally loved rocked me...this was my meeting for today. Thank you, Nicole and Mark.
This young lady reminds me of the woman who would become pregnant just to feel loved; but ended up murdering her children (two out of 3) because she thought she was going to lose a man. That level of self-esteem is so incredibly sad to me. This young lady is still so bright and aware and has had abortions and still has common sense and looks healthy to me. It doesn't add up. And to be honest, I know Mark is a spectacular person. But I thought he had a little more "interest" in Nicole than normal interviews. I know he tries to instill love and care and encourage addicts, I appreciate that about him. The affection and verbal praise just seemed a little bit more than usual to me and I hope he remembers how fragile her mind may be and how easily this could be misinterpreted. God bless each and every one.
I just watched a TikTok that a mother posted of her 17 year old daughter being carried out of their home in a body bag. She died from a accidental fentanyl overdose. Wishing everyone struggling with addiction the absolute best. It’s a lot easier said than done - becoming clean. She was clean for 6 months, and had relapsed. The last relapse had lead to her death. Recovery is a long, bumpy, and hectic road. The choice to actually start somewhere is up to you.
@Otto Fetting ohhh I get it. You don’t have any reading comprehension abilities. If you did, you’d know I never said anything bitter. I would be mad at the world too if my name were Otto.
@Otto Fetting I never said anything bitter. I called you bitter, yes, but that was due to your response to my very non-bitter comment. Fake name or not, it’s an ugly one. So I can only wonder if your taste in names is just as ugly as you and your uncalled attitude.
An empty vessel deep inside that can't be filled but you keep trying with heroin, fentanyl, oxy derivatives, alcohol, shopping, a string of abusive relationships. The emptiness the heart feels is monumental, the pain. Nicole is a lovely, aware woman. She is worth more than she knows. I hope she finds the help she needs to find joy and peace she very much seeks.
She is so easy to listen, polite and seems like a pleasant person. If I was a guy and lonely and dont know my way around girls, I would pay her just to talk to me.
I have a granddaughter being raised in a less than desirable home life. When I can, I tell her each morning before school, from the movie “The Help”, you are smart, you are kind and you are important.” I pray it helps her at some point.
This lady and I could have come from the same home. We are two in the same. I never thought I would hear someone say things I’ve been saying for years. I’m 43
She touched on something very very true here. Being your authentic self is important. Putting up a mask and/or feeling like you are not living the true reflection of who you are is painful. Not feeling like you can truly bring your true self to the fore growing up is a trigger for many things, anxiety, depression, addiction etc.
She loves the excitement of the life and doesn't want to leave it. The real world would be boring for her unless she found something positive to excite her like the streets do. I hope she makes it out alive but it doesn't seem hopeful.
Everyone is complimenting her looks, but at the time of the video, she only had six months of street smarts. Give it another year (today.) Most likely you'll see sores, scars, body wasting, missing teeth, tattered clothes, more tattoos, and a lot less coherence. What many don't realize about addiction/mental illness is that it's a multi-generational paradigm; e.g., a condition that doesn't see permanent resolve by intervention. Most individuals who were physically or mentally abused/neglected as children might grow into high-functioning adults, but the baggage never dissipates and still manifests as behavioral deficits later in life. Nicole's situation couldn't be more clearer: she had no role model growing up and never cultivated a healthy self-image. Both parents (particularly her alcoholic mother) were emotionally unavailable and she also had no siblings to look up to. With an upbringing like that, only one of two futures were certain: a romantically-inept feminist or a homeless and promiscuous drug addict. The behavioral health industrial complex won't change either coping mechanism.
As an only child I understand her sooooooooooo much i don’t blame anyone who has one child I just really understand the loneliness aspect It really makes you trust and want to be around some of the most untrustworthy people Hope she gets better
As someone who shot dope for 5 years, and is now on Methadone......doesn’t it piss you off when people get surprised you are educated? That shit bugs me to no end. As if drug use completely negates years of education and upbringing.
I have say today Nicole is really engaging and an amazing person. I hope she manages to kick her habit but whatever happens she is reallyreally great. I hope she kicks the habit and stops being a drug addict and finds hersellf by helping others. She definitely has lots to offer. Much love Rob XXX
Mark plz plz plz do best as you can 2 keep in contact with her. So much hope there, she will get clean and stay clean will just take time and take her being around the right people.
If you can’t look into the mirror and say positive things, start with neutral things. “My eyes are green.” “I’m 5 ft 6.” You can work up to positivity.
I love that. Thank you for this
Yep this is a big component of treatment for eating disorders too! Neutral, factual observations.
What is that going to do for her… looking in the mirror 😵💫and saying positive things, she is a DRUG addict….and those drugs in the mirror she will see …dancing around do u get it Now😝😵💫🤓😜🥸
This is weird because im 5'6 and have green eyes lmao
💝
i’m an addict and i’m 53 days clean i’m at the very beginning of my journey, thank you for sharing nicole
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽♥️♥️
I wish you all the best! I’m off heroin but I noticed I started taking some of my left over methadone script on days when I’m struggling (predominantly because I know I can get away with it without severe withdrawal) I suppose we just have to try our best to remember what it’s like. It’s so bad our memory’s can’t comprehend how bad it was once we have been through it and been clean for a period of time.
🙏🙏🙏
Hang in there. I had 60 days and relapsed. Be careful
@@theloniouszappa i had 90 days and relapsed, i feel you but don’t worry you can always start over
The level of self awareness this girl has is really incredible. I hope she can get clean, she seems like an intelligent girl.
With addiction, intelligence is often a hinderance to recovery
@@5thdimension625 another thing that I have been witnessing is this terrible thing that is happening in the province of Alberta that can be attributed to use of oxy / heroin. Users get clean for a few months and then try to start again then they die.
that’s the thing about addiction. You’re incredibly self aware, but no amount of intelligence will ever suffice. The only thing that matters is the next hit
@@5thdimension625 It can be a hindrance or an asset.
@@ccvjd3909 that's an accidental overdose. They are used to taking big hits then do too much at once.
Coming from a family of addicts i heard that a lot "we feel so deep, we feel everything deeper than other people" and after years of therapy i learned its not that they feel so deep, deeper than everyone else, it's that they have no coping tools to deal with those feelings. I think it's important to acknowledge that and normalize acknowledging it.
I hope you get clean, Nicole.
Speaking as an addict that is now clean for 15 years you are absolutely correct. I lacked coping skills.
Combine that lack of coping skills with other commonly comorbid mental disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, etc - and things are extraordinarily complicated. But recovery is out there and possible!
Thank you for the information. Very interesting.
Wish I could upvote you and C M twice.
They wouldn't have a term called Empathy and Empaths wouldn't exist, If some people don't feel harder than others... While Empathy and Addiction aren't mutually exclusive... Some Empaths can definitely become addicts, anyone can... It's only an arms length away as they say.
We all need to learn coping skills, it's not supernatural.
We have a functioning alcoholic in our family, that could be interviewed like this and be very charming. But living with them is a nightmare. They want love, but they want to keep drinking as well. It's only a matter of time before the people that do care for these addicts just get exhausted from trying to help and give up themselves. We really need to hear from some carers of addicts to hear about the overwhelming burden of trying to love someone who has an addiction.
Excellent point. Many addicts are very charming, friendly, charismatic and interesting people. As we can see here in these videos. Addicts are not evil, they're not bad. They're no more bad or good as non-addicts. However, all of the positive commenters here should try living full time with an addict. Live in the same household while they are using or drinking or both. Love them. Be in a relationship with them. Try it. You'll see an entirely different angle to addiction and addicts than the one portrayed in these videos. It's not a moral issue. It's not about being bad. It's a black dark hole of despair and hell. It drags the addict, but also all those around the addict, into that pit of despair and hopelessness. It's absolutely horrible to be around and destroys a lot of trust and happiness in life. No wonder a lot of people cannot live around addicts or addiction. I still wish them well.
@@dannymcintyre3819
That IS THE TRUTH.
MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF THE ADDICTS IN THE WORLD. I IMAGINE ITS ABOUT 95% OF THE WORLD IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING. THE 5% IS THE CHILDREN.
I understand what your saying. My brother was also for most of my adult life, got clean for 10yrs, then back at it. Eventually committing suicide. But, I would much rather be dealing with his drunken days than not having him now. It’s all so sad.
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I have one year clean and sober after 24 years of hopelessness and homelessness and poly addiction. The thing that finally got me to change: I'd burnt every bridge and had no one to tell me how 'self-aware' I was or how others 'don't understand how hard we have it' and every other EXCUSE. I glimpsed my future, homeless and alone or od'ing at 40 like my mum and didn't want to be remembered like that! And we don't FEEL more. We AVOID everything that we don't like or agree with...
@@benwoodbridge4967 Well done Ben. This morning I had 50 minures of my wife shouting at me. Apparently it's my fault she drinks and smokes cannabis, it's my fault she has lost her driving licence, and again it's my fault our children have troubled relationships with her. Yet she could do an enthralling interview. I'm not sure I'm making a point.. I think I'm just sharing to be honest. Bad day.
I started crying so hard when she started saying how disgusting she thinks she looks. She’s so so beautiful inside and out. I hope she gets clean 😢
I think - well I need to speak for me Who am I to say how others think ? Ha. I have to catch myself when I do that. Ha. But I know for me I had very low self esteem. Just didn’t like anything about me. I didn’t think I even deserved to be happy because of all the poor decisions I made. When Pink said she’s beautiful inside and out and she hated that this young girl thought she was disgusting- It brought back lots of memories. - I still to this day think when someone pays me a compliment- it goes in one ear and out the other. I think they are just saying that to make me feel better. I have this “thing” about thinking I’m fat. I think I Look disgusting in clothes. I know it’s abnormal thinking but I can’t help it. Hell I’ve never weighed over 130 and am 5’5
In a lot of ways I’m still so so sick.
Same….she’s gorgeous and she doesn’t see it…so sad 😢
She's very beautiful and intelligent! Poor girl.😩
shes alright
Facts 💯 She is very beautiful and I'm praying 🙏 for her to feel true love, peace, calm and healing.
When she says “I want to be able to not feeling anything and to get as close to dying as possible without actually dying” is by far the saddest shit to hear coming out of someone’s mouth🥺😕🥺🥺
I'm a mother of an adult addict of 19years. I watch this channel to try and understand the mind of an addict. Breaks my heart and hurts my soul. I raise my grandson since he was 5 and he is now 14. I cannot describe the position my daughter has put us in the balancing act I have to attempt daily to be the best support for my grandson, to care for myself and him so my daughters addiction doesn't control my entire life. She is loved and has always been loved and supported but she is unwilling to put in any work for sobriety. Families are inundated with worry and stress so many addicts have their reason they started drugs often the parents or upbringing I can tell you there are also many families who spend days and nights trying to help their addicted family member. I dont wish this on any parent. So many grandparents raising their grandchildren like myself. We need support in this country there needs to be more programs and better rehab etc. This is exhausting. I've been picking up pieces of my daughters life for 19 years.
that really sucks - sending strength to you
Maybe it would interest you to attend al anon meetings. It’s basically narcotics anonymous for the addicts family. It’s designed to help family and friends understand how addiction is for their loved one.
Have you analysed what have been done wrong to the daughter, that she got addicted? What ware the biggest factors?
I just wonder if you got any insights.. My uncle oded long time ago, but I never spoke about it with my grandmother , it still kinda an elephant in a room, and I feel that that od made so many destruction to the family… your insights are highly appreciated
I understand completely. My oldest sister died of alcoholism, leaving our family to care for her 8 year old son. He now has substance abuse issues and is estranged from us. My father and I have struggled with my brother's alcoholism for over a decade, spent money, blood, sweat and tears. He is sober now, thank goodness. Sometimes it isn't about childhood abuse/trauma, just a propensity. Several difficult times during my life I had to check myself, get some help.
Check out kat kerr revealing heaven
Mark please follow her journey if your able to, I would love an update on her. She’s such a well spoken smart young lady. I hope she’s able to get herself well
2 days away from getting outta 3-month rehab in CO, then onto another SLE
@@SquabbaTheHutch amazing 🤩
@Brandi Woodske i think your very pretty
@@SquabbaTheHutch hang in there. You got this! I’m rooting for you!♥️
366 days sober
Heroin/opioid addiction seems to humble people like nothing else. Once you go through this special brand of personal hell and you've had everything taken from you, you're shown how much of your life you've taken for granted. Family, friends, bare necessities, security, health, peace... this experience can create some of the most humble, loving people, at least under their sometimes hardened shell. I've felt such love from a lot of these people, and felt this from my perspective. Good luck, Nicole. If we can do it, you can too.
Beautiful...
Well said
That's right, if we can do it, she can too.
True. And, yet, people still think we are antisocial hedonists. I’m in recovery, but I’ll never live it down. Instead of staying down about it, though, I’m studying about it so I can help others understand addiction.
real shit ✊🏼
I was at an AA retreat years ago, and a founder of that retreat walked up to me out of hundreds of people. He looked into my eyes and said, “little girl, you don’t have to hurt anymore!!!” I’ll never forget that interaction. Just a few words coming from a place of love can change your life forever. If you’re open to receiving them. 💗
2M
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CONGRATS MARK!
If it weren't for me he would still be at 1,999,999.
From! Literally like a year ago when I first saw his interviews, he rode around in a van looking for addicts to talk on 📷 for 💰
@BLACKLUV whaaattt???? What's this you speak of? I'm thirsty and in need of tea....divulge the info Please
It’s 2.1 already! Congratulations Mark! Your awesome!
@@altamesebrown3744 He also tried to get resources for those needing them.
Wow. I relate to her so much. I’m five years clean from mainly IV meth but I also shot you heroin, coke & popped Xanax. As a “conventionally attractive young female” people couldn’t believe I was homeless or shooting up meth. Only difference is when I had a positive pregnancy test I had hope and a life purpose. From that day forward I quit. I never looked back. No meetings, no rehab, nothing but wanting to build my future.
If you’re reading your comments girl know this can be better. My son is almost 5, I have a Bachelors of Science in Psych and I was just accepted into a graduate program for genetic counseling. I want to further understand addiction past human impulses. There IS a genetic component. You have addiction in your family- boom.
If you ever need someone to talk to who isn’t judge mental I’m here. Please don’t give up on yourself.
It’s not genetic. It’s elige Eric
@@bella____________9690 can you please share sources to back that it’s not genetic?
@@coweenuhm9662 any book on epigenetics, such as The Epigenetics Revolution by Nessa Carey.
@@coweenuhm9662 anyone can also get their dna analyzed by companies such as 23andme (there are also a lot of third parties where you can send your genetic data to) that will test for genetic predilections for things such as alcohol and drug addiction. I have some addicts in my family but I had no such marker in my dna so in my personal experience it was not genetic even though one would think it might be.
@@bella____________9690 but they test for it which shows that there is a hereditary component. It would not be tested for if there wasn’t a correlation.
Nature vs. Nurture isn’t cut and dry. You don’t have to have the specific genes in order to be affected by addiction. Also, there’s still studies being produced to further understand epigenetic findings so there may be different genes discovered in the future.
It also doesn’t have to necessarily be a single gene. Once someone uses a drug, it can imprint on their genes are increase proteins that are common in addiction.
Or they could have a disorder that predisposes them. For instance, someone with ADHD is low on dopamine and they tend to seek ways to increase dopamine. This can be excessive caffeine, alcohol, sex, etc. People with ADHD are also predisposed to being impulsive due to their neural processes- this can increase likelihood for risky behaviors.
I respectfully disagree and must note that I am biased in this regard. I have personally studied neuropsychology extensively and have also focused on genetic factors. I believe that “nature vs. nurture” is symbiotic and should also be treated as such.
"It's not a party anymore." Girl you are done then. That is when you know. You have so much potential.
Yes... that’s is when I knew I was a drug addict . It started off as weekends next thing I knew I was sorting coke in the restroom of my corporate job. I come back her to give me a reality check when my mind tells me I wasn’t that bad. Oh I was bad.
@@Salvievelynn stay strong!!! You can do it.
@@AlexiHolford thank you 🙏
That's word
that's when I stopped smoking weed. my friends all started to act dead and I was done.
I was addicted to fentanyl for 3 years and heroin for 4 before that. Recently got clean and getting my life back together. I want to tell you Mark, No matter how far down the rabbit hole with injecting fentanyl you go, its ALWAYS YOUR CONSCIENCE CHOiCE to use. I thought I was going to die using until I made the mental decision to stop the relapse feeling. I hope this woman finds sobriety
Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep it up, one day at a time.
Congratulations! I' m so happy to read that you are clean!
I am so happy for you....
Mark when you tell these addicts they are trapped and have no choice whether to use or not and agree with them about how its not a choice, I think you could be making it worse. Every one of these addicts that say people don't understand in the comments are full of it. What about me? 7 years of shooting heroin/fent......and I decided to stop and stay off
@chris Cutthroat Not everyone has the will power you do. Also, people have traumas that you may not have dealt with in your own past. Every person is different, if it were that simple then everyone would be clean and stay clean.
What a bright and beautiful young lady. I do hope she can get the help she needs. It's so sad to see her trapped in addiction. I'm glad you told her how beautiful she is Mark. She needs to hear that more and may help her self esteem.
Know many fentanyl addicts. Horrible physical withdrawals for weeks sometimes. So hard to come off of. This interview covers so many issues with addiction. “It’s not a party anymore”.. truly hope she gets in recovery and help. Beautiful girl with brains and self awareness, which makes being an addict even more horrible for her. ❤️
Very true as a former addict and the more intelligent you are the harder it is to get clean
Wow Mark, I’ve been binging your page for a week now… and your talk with her about unconditional love has hit the closest to home for me. You’re so wise- you’ve learned so much from talking with all of these humans- and I’m so grateful you can share that with all of us. Thank you.
Congratulations Mark- 2 Million subscribers xx All your hard work - fabulous - thank you.
Hi Leanda it's DetroitFettyGhost- Me and you been here since there was only about a 1000 people ❤️ Amazing to have watched it grow huh?? Much love from Detroit Michigan my sweet friend❤️❤️💕❤️💕💕❤️❤️
Amazing! What’s crazy is that i remember him mentioning once, that TH-cam works against him due to the content of his videos.
@@yeny7194 Yes. He receives NO MONEY for his videos, he lives off the savings of his job as a high end photographer for CocaCola, bmw, apple etc,. Crazy huh?
Aawww we have been here since the very start! What incredible thing Mark has done here. He really has changed the world. He gives us the opportunity to understand addiction in a whole different perspective. It’s not the drugs that makes us bad people (I’m and addict myself ) it’s the trauma we have endure has children that got us where we are. There’s is hope I believe in that.
She said she lost 40 people around her. As sad as it is, someone else is going to say that and that number is going to include her unless she finds a way to get better.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
She’s off the streets back into another rehab really hoping we can help her stay sober. Everyone in this family is dealing w addiction or has dealt w it. But don’t let this fuckin asshole interviewer have u see a side of Nicky that isn’t true. Hitting on her and telling her she was “conditionally loved” idk who you are but u got a big channel and if you’re on the streets of LA whoever you are, I’ll see yah.
People have no idea how these people suffer. Their problems are so deep and complex, no one has the right to judge. Gabor Mate is an incredible voice for addicts
His insight into addiction literally changed my whole outlook and was a major factor in my change from a 12+ yr opiate/heroin addiction to being clean and sober from all narcotics.
I’ve been able to move forward to a fulfilling life in my mid 30s and for the first time, I am reaching my true potential within my career and have the best personal relationships since I was a kid. This was all kicked off when I read Gabor Mates book In the realm of hungry ghosts ... anyone struggling will benefit from this, I promise!!!!
@@MoAli-wm4of I'll definitely check that out, thank you
@@MoAli-wm4of Congratulations!! And thank you for sharing the resource. One of his talks have been popping up in my recommendations. I'm going to download it right away. Thank you! Take care of yourself.
LOVE LISTENING TO & READING DR GABOR MATE’S BOOKS. HE’S 1 OF THE MOST HUMANE, COMPASSIONATE & EMPATHETIC ADDICTIONS DRS ON THE PLANET. 🇨🇦
Love Dr. Mate!!!!! I'm so happy I keep seeing his name popping up everywhere his work deserves to be world renowned. He totally changed my understanding of addiction and trauma
Nicole has so much to offer this world. She's smart, articulate, intellectual, empathic, and has a burning desire to help women and especially those without support systems. I hope she gets clean so she can be that support system, be that role model, and be that inspiration for her sisters out there. She can do anything she sets her mind to, I firmly believe that.
So beautifully true. She has the power to change the world, she just has to believe it.
Lord knows straightening out herself can make her a candidate to help others Lima can use help.
Mark keeps telling her she’s beautiful so she will hopefully see it and start to love herself.
A beautiful man.
He is called Mr Soulshine
She really is a beautiful human. Inside and Outside. I so hope she could see n feel what I see.
He just trinna hit 💯
@@baptisedindirtysprite3593 Mark is a 60 some year old multi-million aire who's traveled the whole world and worked for Apple, IBM, BMW, CocaCola and every other major company as their personal photographer. Your wrong on just tryin to hit- these people sell themselves if that were the case he'd pull out 20 $ and his dong and crack at it but it's not. He really actually cares. He isxa good man bro- so I hope u realize that.
@@EastsideTrue 🧢
"I feel like a prisoner in my own body..."
I can SO relate to that!! She's so beautiful, and has so much life in her. I hope she does get clean. Beautiful. I love this channel!
She's so articulate and self aware. I hope she can get the support she needs, she seems like such a bright soul ❤️
Amen miss Madeleine🥺
@@CaptainJackSparrow110 get back to your ship captain, you're drunk.
@@James-ck4bg that’s what I say not today Lucifer not today go back to your ship😭😂
Every third word is "like" she may be articulate but not well spoken. However, I will say she does not look homeless, or a drug addict. She's lucky, but it won't last long on the street. Being pretty can sometimes cause trouble, I hope she gets out of the loop.
I was an addict for over 20 years. H plus a 70 pill a day habit. 7 overdoses and I can honestly say I’ve been sober for over 5 years. I’ve gotten my life back. Everyday is a challenge and my demons breathe on my neck everyday. If I can do it I’d like to believe anyone can. I pray this young woman and everyone else I see on this channel find their way. God bless them all!
Well done, fella, and thankyou.
@@Rugmunchersauce3 thank you!
Well done! 70 pills a day?!
@@Xydorf I was in active use for over 20 years. Yes, towards the end of that I was taking that much everyday. I would pop 10-12 at a time every couple hours. Thanks buddy!
Eventually the drugs will take her youthful looks away. I hope she finds happiness and inner peace before it’s too late. Definitely not a party. 4 years clean. If I can do it you can too. Love and respect.
Ehhh opiates don't age you like people think
@@Noise_floorxx they destroy you inside to out like running water down asphalt
@@Noise_floorxx being outside in the sun does tho... and a lot of people on the street start using meth also. Everyone around me when I was homeless was going heroin/fent and meth.
@@Noise_floorxx I was on fent in Baltimore for 6 years and I swear on my life, especially now that I'm clean, I look 20 and I'm 29 LOL
@@Noise_floorxx I was just about to post the same statement. Opiates are hard on the body if the person doesn't have a consistent way to stay well. Being dope sick the majority of time combined with the constant pressure & stress of trying to find more opiates is usually why opiate addicts are all tore up. A person who has daily access to opiates , doesn't spend anytime sick & doesn't have to deal with any of that stress & fear will look completely healthy.
I found this channel a few days ago and have been binge watching these videos, have wanted to comment several times but just never have. I have never had any drug problems really in my life and I have an amazing supportive family. I am so lucky. But a lot of what Nicole is saying here resonated with me deeply, I too have a lot of problems with self-acceptance and "loving myself" I often feel like I can't truly be who I am in fear of not being accepted by those around me which keeps me from being as happy as I could be, when she was going over this subject I was finding myself finishing her sentences in my head as she was talking and it kind of scared me... Made me think had it not been for my very stellar family and upbringing that I could very well have found myself in a situation like this... I really wish the very best for Nicole and the others featured on your channel and want to say thank you for letting all these folks tell their story, a lot of them really changed my thinking and perspective. I really am going to try moving forward to be my true self and work on my self-esteem more I hope everyone out there has a good day or night whenever you come across this. Take care everybody.
I recommend you watch Evelyn she's amazing
I've been drawn to this type of woman, thinking that because I felt like I could help her and give her love that we'd always be happy together. After many relationships that lasted years, but never forever, I decided to look for a woman that had unconditional love from her parents. I'm so glad I did.
I struggled with drug addiction (fentanyl) for 9 years. A consistent 9 year long run. So many of these people remind me of where I used to be and how I used to feel. I wish I could speak to some of them and tell them that no matter how bad it gets, it’s never too late to make a change. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but some of these addicts just really need more people to look them in the eyes and tell them that their worth is not determined by what they have been through, what they’ve done or haven’t done, and what has been done to them. I had to believe in myself and it never helps hearing from family members that “you’re a disgusting drug addict”. All of that gets stuck in our heads and makes it even harder, especially when I know I already felt like a piece of s**t, and I knew many other addicts who felt the same way. Nicole is not disgusting and she also has great teeth, which is rare for someone in her position.
I just want to add after watching Nicole whole story. I just couldn’t stop crying afterwards. I must affirm that there are a lot of women that their mental strength and stamina is just as strong as any of the physically strongest men on the planet. She is one of these women.
I mentioned how eerily similar our paths were growing up. How we care and go the extra mile for people. Wear our hearts on our sleeve. I live thousands of miles away from Nicole. I’ve got some years on her but I just fell for her the moment I let everything she said sink in. I wish I could give her everything she needed to pick herself up and we could help each other with each other’s problems. I still suffer to this very day.
I hope if someone knows her personally to look out for her. It would be devastating to see anything happen to her. I hope she keeps us updated and Mark brings her back and with a little luck. Something really great picks her up. Turns her life around. And she finally leaves the party. Alive and well.
If you are reading this Nicole. All the best. You will forever have a friend who cares for you. No matter what.
Thanks for sharing a little bit about yourself, Jason. Great comment
You’re trying to be nice, I get that. But a mentally strong person changes their life, stops injecting poison, and becomes a functioning member of society. That’s strength. This is not strength. It’s literally the opposite. She has no power over her life or the drug and she talks about that.
@@maverickbull1909 tell me you don’t understand addiction without telling me...
She's very educated and a kind person. I hope she comes out of this and understands/learns she's beautiful and worth it.
She is so close to figuring her shit out. So close to turning everything around. I truly wish her the best
You haven’t watched many of these videos if you think that. She is nowhere near her bottom
Mark what a great statement you were conditionally loved by your parents. I know I was by my mom.
True that! and thank god she didnt keep having babies if she knew it was such a challenge! I admire moms attempts in life and Nicole for sharing her story.
What a likeable, bright young woman. I hope she finds her way - her potential is limitless.
It makes me happy yet break my heart that Mark sees her beautiful and nice, yet she has such a sad view of herself. As a recovering heroin/fent , meth addict, I feel this so hard.
Me too....it seems like such a motif for us (people dealing with addiction, and/or in recovery). Hang in there girl ❤️
@@alicekranyk4173 True. Most of the world contributes to the stigma, but we’re not any better or worse than anyone. And we do recover!
@@brittaolson6550 She is LO VED!. ItsNOT too late for her.
I see so much of my story in yours Nicole, I too get my greatest rewards from helping others, I too struggled with Opioids and lost a great deal. Now I am 44 and a mental health counselor, some of my best work has been with addicts and homeless individuals. You can absolutely find your way like I did, you are intelligent, compassionate and an empathetic soul capable of transforming the hell you are walking through now into meaning that can support others in their journey towards becoming their best selves. Take a chance on yourself, what do you have to lose?
Wishing you all the blessings in the world!
❤
Mark, please stay in touch with this woman and give us updates...you are doing good work.
oh god her saying she looks for the dealers of people who OD :( can see this ending badly, wishing her the best
Yes this is true I’ve had older people tell me that they would run to bad drug just to see if they can get that high they’ve been chasing for years!
Very common. A lot want to die
That statement really shows how strong the addiction is. The worst thing that could happen attracts people, not scares. If that isn’t an eye opener idk what is.
The less dead
@@codystepanian9558 VERY true!!
I do this thing on Marks addict interviews (because Im an addict in recovery) where I almost pretend hes asking me the questions and I answer before them, and I end up giving all the same answers. Its crazy that the hurt and mindset is so universal across almost all addictions
Congrats! I'm on the mat program and been clean for almost 4yrs. It's really hard in the beginning but it does get easier the more clean days. Take it day by day and if you can't take it hour by hour. Get hobbies!! You have to keep your mind busy!!
The number one thing I want to say to this woman is… You think it’s bad now. You’ve only been using Fentanyl for 2 years and been homeless a year. Please don’t let it go 10 years. Then it’s 100,000 times harder. You’re beautiful and young and could still do anything you want with your life. As a recovering addict, I understand all the guilt and the shame and the pain. But you have to find a way to pull yourself out and realize how much you matter. Prayers 🙏🏻! Thank you, Mark!
I hate when mark says things like “you don’t look like a drug addict.” “You’re so attractive.”
Drugs do not go after the ugly... they go after everyone!
But they need to hear that. For some they’ve never heard it, at least in a genuine/unconditional context. Plus, he tells most of them that, except for the really ‘hard casualties’.
Mark doesn’t mean to say that. You misunderstand what he says when he says that.
Truth just because you do not look like a “ typical “ addict does not mean you are not one. I suppose he is trying to make her feel good but it does not do good for othera
@jhsfiuy dEfb Exactly
@jhsfiuy dEfb there’s also the component of the “halo effect.” People who are attractive are viewed in a more positive, good natured matter.
I’m 5 years clean from IV meth. No one believe i was a homeless addict and undermined the severity of my addiction. Because I’m “attractive”
It’s a bias for most to favor conventionally attractive people. I truly believe Mark doesn’t judge regardless- but he’s just pointing out the obvious.
Oh my gosh. She's such a sweet girl. Truly beautiful inside and outside. I want to give her a million hugs and tell her that she is beautiful to so many of us here watching- I'd only be so lucky to have a friend like her in my life.
i really hope she gets clean. i know she doesn't see it but she has such endless potential. shes got such a clear insight into her own setbacks and shes so bright. hopefully she can pair that self awareness w the tools to pull herself out of that situation bc she deserves a lot better.
This girl told my story including same family dynamic and childhood. Love based on performance and obedience. I’ve overcome my addiction. 15+ hrs. Clean. God let me where I was at, not religion, Jesus. That’s what I’ve got that she’s missing. I hope she survives and finds life. Everyday for her is a crap shoot. 😔
Congratulations on your sobriety that is amaazing
Not everyone needs jesus to push them to recover. YOU have the strength in you yourself. They don't NEED to find Jesus. That may not even be what she's missing. I know people who have been clean for 15+ years, like I assume you meant instead of HOURS, that didn't have an epiphany or hear the voice of God or need Jesus to recover. They just needed themselves. I, myself, have God, but thats because I chose to call on him. But there are others who want to get clean and HAVE gotten clean and are very happy and didn't "need" or are missing God or Jesus.
@@elijahjoel9361 I keep my Roman Catholic faith to myself because I think that proselytizing is obnoxious. That being said, I'm sick of people like you that find it necessary to scold Christians for expressing their beliefs. If you really do have God in your life you wouldn't make it a point to tell a Christian that atheism is viable alternative to religion. GFY
@@ronfroehlich4697 Lmaoooo!!! "Gfy", huh? Right... I don't know why I left some type of doubt that something like that wasn't coming. 😂😂 Smh
15 hours???
Nicole, you are amazing. I know that your chatter is saying that you're a "disgusting drug addict," but you are so insightful, perceptive, and kind. I know that the journey will be marked with challenges and struggles, but I have full confidence that one day you will be able to live a life filled with things of comfort - like a warm shower, nice meal, and a good night sleep - that you are desperately missing right now. Good luck sister, you can do this
My friend just detoxed at home this last week and is still weak and recovering.. She reminds me of her. So smart and capable. Hope she is able to beat this illness and live the life she deserves. Thank you for interviewing her. Please follow her journey if she allows and if you can.
I love the portrait. The still photos capture my attention every time!
I see you in the comments all the time. You’re profile pic always captures my attention , very cool/intriguing ❤️🇬🇧
@@AdamGoldswain why thank you Adam!
im currently three weeks clean from fentanyl. i started using heroin about six years ago and i guess at some point it just became pure fent like 3-4 years ago. ive been on and off and have had some time, 5-6 months here, a year there, but i havent been able to stop and stay stopped at all in the past 13 months. ive been to inpatient rehab five times since december and just got out this last time two days ago. for the first time ever it feels like im actually done. i have no more curiosities about whether or not i can get away with it or make it work somehow....i know its impossible. whether or not i continue to feel that way remains to be seen but i used to be ready to use and get back at it every time i left rehab. not this time.
Hang in there. You got this one day at a time.🤞🏾♥️
hey man, how you doing now? rooting for you so hard
Rooting for you!!
I hope you are still doing okay.
Hope you are still doing great!❤️
Wow, I can relate a lot to her. I am from Oakland area, only child and grew up lonely. Being an only child is very lonely but once you learn to love yourself the whole game changes
I'm the only child. Was never lonely. Only self-sufficient.
This is my favorite video, she’s so self aware - using I statements and expressing that addiction becomes not fun anymore but can’t stop that’s the heart of addiction.
Feel like I’m looking at a part of myself in the mirror from years ago.Thinking of you Nicole. Hoping you make it to treatment for a 8th time, you deserve to see yourself as you really are, a intelligent, compassionate, beautiful person. Anyone who gets to spend their time with you should consider themselves very fortunate. 💗
If she can (or has gotten) get clean, she would make an excellent drug/alc counselor. She has deep compassion & empathy, understanding of how addiction works and what the addict feels and goes through, and a positive outlook. These are all ingredients to a great counselor. I’ve had many counselors for addiction, and she reminds me of my favorite ones. Sending lots of hope and positive vibes her way!
Saw a comment from her on here couple months ago that she’s sober :))))
@@bbgrl95_ . Oh, i hope she's still clean and staying strong. It's not just getting through thé withdrawal (which is bad enough as it IS), but it's STAYING clean and trying to cope with "straight" life afterwards that's really difficult...and it's a very long struggle. It's harder for some people than for others, there are so many factors involved.
I really hope she's gonna make it.
*If she can get (or has gotten) clean
I don’t think of “party” when it comes to drug users. I think of “wasted life”. I’ve seen my fair share of it around me. I hope that anyone who struggles with it can finally kick it as soon as possible.
its not party, it's coping mechanism
That’s awesome 👏. Most people see mindless hedonism. Really, it’s trauma and sickness, pain, shame, and guilt. And, like you said, missed and lost opportunities. No one wants this.
No life is a waste, contrary to popular belief
This is one of my favorite interviews and conversations.
Props to her for not having kids. One of the few who is loving and caring enough to not bring a child into their terrible situation. She has my respect for that
Totally agreed, man!
She has 2 kids. She aborted them.
its so sad that in all the comments everyone says she's so articulate, mainly because everyone else we see that's an addict cant articulate words well. she just talks like a normal person lol
she also used the word "like" probably a couple hundred times, which is typically not part of articulate diction
This is true of most SWU videos
Exactly. People say that on all these videos. They could be the most nonsensical, high af, crazy mofo and people will say they’re the most intelligent, beautiful, articulate person and they “just want to hug them.”
Such a lovely young lady, hope that she doesn't get eaten up by the street.
she’s currently holding up well. losing a front tooth is the ultimate point of no return
It's eating her up now. Let's see her in 2 years time..... She is having fun until shit goes down
Too late
@@emilyp6904 Absolutely 💯
Fentanyl already has its grip on her. If kicking heroin is difficult, kicking a fentanyl habit will be even more so
For all parents and future parents: "It is much easier to raise healthy children than to fix broken adults." -unknown
I hope she can be set free, I know how hard it is to get off opiates. My life was a living hell when I was using too. I can relate to so much of what she said about her addiction.
I can relate as well, it’s hard to watch these sometimes Bc of the memories that come flooding through my mind. But I also find these interviews quite helpful, Bc they keep me humble. Opiates definitely are absolutely HELL (as you stated above) to get off of, and staying clean is even harder.... or should I say “for me”, the first year was extremely difficult to fight the cravings! Anyway, I wish this beautiful young lady all the best and I pray that she finds the strength to get her life back! Have a blessed weekend @Kim, and congrats to you on your sobriety😊✨💖
@@kellyrenee9066 You and Kim are amazing. Thank you for sharing your insight.
@@kellyrenee9066 I can relate so much .. I also get flashbacks of the depths of my opiate/heroin using days .. and it also keeps me humble and reminds me how bad things can get and how easy it would be to slip up and find myself in that deep dark place once again.
I think it’s good to have these reminders and use them as fuel to keep on the right path and never slip back into using, ever again.
@@MoAli-wm4of YESSS!!! Thank you 😊, you said all of the extra things that I wanted to say, but didn’t want to get attacked for a crazy long comment lol! But seriously, I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience. This channel brings people together in some of the most unexpected ways. I would also like to congratulate you on your sobriety as well. Stay strong and keep your head up✨✨✨💞
@@skyking228 Thank you... for taking the time to read and show that you care! Have an awesome weekend...... EVERYONE😁💯✌🏽
My heart breaks for this young woman💔. She has so much potential and so much pain….I will pray for her to recover from her addiction. Thanks for making this video!
When she answers the question something ppl don’t know about drugs and says ppl take it so personally and don’t realise once addicted .. it’s not Nicole doing these things anymore, it’s the drug because it has taken over.
I’ve heard many non addicts reply that this is simply not taking responsibility for personal choices and actions but she is so right, I think you can only get it once you’ve been thru it. Listen to her talking about not having water to stay hydrated, shower or wash, be able to shit normally - all these things take 2nd place to the drugs. It’s not by choice once you reach this point, the drugs have truly taken over and you don’t care about the basic human needs bc the drugs are first and foremost. Nobody wants to live this way, but you only have the choice toward the beginning, after you cross a line, all these ppl they say just stop it or make the choice to quit - it’s all irrelevant because you can only make that choice toward the start of using ... when you get to this stage there is no longer a choice ... your brain has been hijacked and your not able to say no anymore ....
👍👏
Man what a great interview. Shes am amazing person. She really nailed what it is to go thro addiction. Her experience is so common, but her understanding of what she's going thro is as insightful as it is sad. Hope she can figure it out.
That said, getting off fent is the absolute worst. It's harder when you don't have any resources or help. I was fortunate. But at the end of the day, you have to want to stop and face up to the withdrawals. Couple weeks of hell, weeks of feeling weak and tired and months and months before your brain chemistry starts leveling out to where you start thinking and feeling somewhat normally. She's dead on, truly rehabbing takes a lot of time.
My best friend checked herself into detox for fentanyl, this week, hope she can stay off of it. I just feel like she's not ready and only doing it because she can't afford it, didn't delete her dealer's number, in fact they're both in rehab together? It destroys people, their families and everyone around them. Lost too many friends to it, RIP Brandon, Matt, Mike,Sarah
Wish the best for you and your friend, but take care of yourself and your feelings first
childhood trauma is the underlying issue. until they have therapists and a safe space away from the lifestyle and are READY to be done, it will never happen. I feel sorry for you and RIP to your loved ones as well
@@alexismarkham5016 no worries, she's staying clean so far but " In Love" with someone she met there, with track marks all up in his hands and feet,no job, no money, no car and no home. He checked himself out and used right away.. they're talking, she hasn't hung out with him yet or used, but if she does have to go through detox again, I'm done. Not going to watch her destroy herself and lose her kid. I'll be fine, not the first I've lost to opiates.
@@nickkrekich2083 she already used :( with the guy she met in detox
The disease of addiction doesn’t discriminate. I pray you find a 12 step program and get a better life . You can do this, I believe in you !
Lots of people recover without 12 steps. Statistically you are better off without it.
This was an after thought I had right after I sent the comment. I applaud ALL recovery weather it be 12 steps or any of the alternatives. Whatever minimises the damage of active addiction is a good thing in my eyes . Peace out everyone ✌️
@@Tidnull I'm in recovery from heroin addiction. Sober 18months... I having done the 12steps either. Some N.A. combined with psychiatric therapy, and a huge support system helps me stay clean. So not everyone needs the 12 steps just gotta stay present in your head and heart...... Good luck to everyone struggling. Hang in there brothers and sisters.
I’m 5 years clean from IV meth and Xanax. Although i didn’t go to the room, I did have a support group on FB just to speak with likeminded people and those struggling. I had a community even though i didn’t work the steps.
Whether or not the steps help- it gives people community. Like you said. Whatever it takes to get people clean! 💕
@@coweenuhm9662 I agree that community can help one's recovery. I would like to warn those in need of help: the 12 step program is a state-sanctioned cult religion. Please read more about the origins of AA and the 12 steps: web.archive.org/web/20161202185738/www.orange-papers.org/
You don't look bad....yet. Fight for it Nicole. Fight with all your life for what you have left. You won't be sorry. I was a drug addict when I was young and I saw the decay and suffered all the withdraws knowing it was worth it in the end to quit. I dreamed about the drugs for about a year and a half even. But I promise it fades. Love is what needs to be in that spot you give the drugs. As you embrace love more and more you become less and less shallow. I used to be so shallow but I grew spiritually as I allowed myself to love more. Push fear away, for it stifles love. I used to be where you are. There is a great life waiting for you. Don't let the judgement eat you. Just be humble. Know you can mess up in life and accept it. Love yourself anyways. It does sound like the people you know are very narcissistic. Which is an inferiority complex. They use judgement to get their narcissistic supply in order to escape any feelings of doubt they have in themselves. A humble view is what you can get out of this life. Or you can continue to judge yourself and stay on the path of self hating and then back to the drugs to cover up the pain. But, I believe in you Nicole. You are still sharp. You have so much.
Very well worded and I know as I am addict in recovery for 9 years.
Mark you summed up addiction so perfectly, you really get it!! Most people don't even realise the life of comfort they live, these people are out there just surviving a nightmare, and 100% deserve our compassion. They are all so tortured, its really very sad:(
Poor Nicole man...she is so honest and relatable, i see myself in her and im a decade younger! With the right help she can change her life around for sure, she's a wonderful, strong young woman you can tell. Her past can no longer define her future and she cant let her precious life go to waste. She would be an amazing mother if she got clean, like she said she loves hard. I wish her all the best, love from London
She seems like a real sweetheart. Nicole, obviously you're not happy with some things you have done. Newsflash, we are all flawed and are unhappy with things we have done. So please don't waste you're time on that. Every day can be a clean start, you just have to look forward to tomorrow and possibilities it may bring. I wish you the best!
I'm 35, struggled with addiction since my mom gave my cough syrup @16.... So I have a mobile home, a new car paid for and this land...I sit here living a life that doesn't require more from me than theirs... I feel like eventually be where they are ...I hate myself and I'm hurting but I'm trying to slap myself into shape by watching their stories
I'm sorry you're hurting and hating yourself. I really hope you're able to find a healthier way to cope with these horrible feelings and one day move past them. I will send all the positive vibes your way.
dont give up on yourself
I'm 35 and fighting opiate addiction. I only use Kratom right now. I just want you to know that I love you and here for you.
We love ourselves into shape...
You are doing well! You have a home, a car and land, I'd say you're doing very well despite struggling with addiction. Keep pushing!!
This one hit closer to home for me than a lot of the other stories. I'm not a drug or alcohol addict, I've managed to enjoy different substances over the years in moderation. But, I would say her outlook on her childhood is pretty close to my own. I would say my mom conditionally loved me growing up, and neither my father or stepdad ever really loved me at all. I don't think my mom ever told me she was proud of me or encouraged me growing up, never received any sort of approval from her, and very little affection. I mostly just got scolded and told I was a fuck up and I'd never amount to anything. When I packed up my car to move 8 hours away from home for a "big boy job" when I was 20 she told me she "was proud of me because the fact that I was able to do this showed that she did a good job as a mother raising me", so really she was patting herself on the back. Once I got out on my own it was definitely weird when I would succeed in work life and personal life and people congratulated me, like from my late teens through my mid 20's compliments definitely made me physically uncomfortable whenever I would receive one. Turning 30 this year, haven't spoken to my mother in years, gainfully employed, married, and hopefully having my first kid within the next year or so and I couldn't be happier. My goal for being a parent is to make sure my kid(s) never feel the way my mother made me feel. I intend to love them because I actually love them, not just "love" them because the state requires me to for the first 18 years of their lives...
When I was in active addiction I was walking on street in a dangerous area in Chicago and a guy pulled a gun on me demanding all my money and he dropped the gun and it fell apart ( one of my many BUT God... moments)
I almost have three years clean today
my ex was an addict; I saw how difficult sobriety was. I dont know you but i can say i am soo soo proud of you. I know it is a daily struggle to choose to face life and your feelings (both of which can be shitty)
Any update on this young lady?
My ex was a drug addict (i have never done anything, he was sober when I met him). He was mandated to have counseling through the courts. I learned drug addicts are basically split personalities. They ARE them when they're temporarily sober but when I drug calls....they arent them anymore. They dont care.
Another great interview/portrait! I was very interested in her story. She’s not the first addict I’ve heard say they are looking for the bag that will make them OD. Such a scary thought, but to someone who just wants out…to stay numb from pain…I get it in a way. Of course not all addicts feel this way but it is interesting to see what it does to people’s brains, how it re-wires them to be someone or something else. So many ppl saying she doesn’t look like an addict. If you knew anything about addiction, you’d know how silly of a statement that is. It’s like saying “oh you don’t look like you’re sick”. I truly wish the best for her. I look forward to another interview, where hopefully she’s mentally in a better place. I think a program long term program could help her. At least a year. ❤️
They don't want to get that bag that will make them OD. When you OD , Narcan that is used to bring them back, kills the high. The girl didn't say that she wanted to OD.
She doesn’t want to get off drugs …doesn’t want to OD …she wants everyone to leave her alone and keep using her drugs! And as far as people saying she doesn’t look like a drug addict….I will agree …that is a stupid remark! People can hide a lot of themselves to others… but in the end , your only fooling yourself.
Such a truly fascinating channel.
Around 17 minutes in- what she describes is exactly how she can get "clean" again and stay "clean" for the long term. She is an empath- community and service to others will be what keeps her sober. Anyone notice the term "clean" is a such a loaded word?- speaking of the guilt/shame people struggling with active addictions cope with.
I can picture her in New Orleans. Teaching.
Being an empath isn't a thing. Everyone (except people with certain mental illnesses) can feel empathy. People who say they feel things more or deeper haven't learned good coping skills to deal with things usually its a trauma response.
I so relate to this interview. I'm Pam and I'm an addict/alcoholic. I've been clean since 2000. What came out in this interview is so close to my story. Pleasing everyone accept myself. Not feeling seen or accepted. I never "looked" like an addict. I always had a job just barely. Never homeless, always had a car. I did lose contact with my family for over 10 years however in the guilt and shame. It was just easier that way for me. I did 90 days in treatment and 6 months out patient. Sober living and immersed myself in the NA fellowship of Seattle. I made it! It's a lot of hard work but, it can be done IF YOU WANT IT. I have hope for her still. She doesn't want it yet. She will. The toughest thing for me was forgiving myself, learning to love myself again. You're the only one you really have. More will be revealed. Keep coming back.
Be blessed and safe out there.
One night ....I was confronted by someone and I no longer felt safe....I stayed up all night but sleptif that makes since .... at 7 am I took a bus and walked up the hill to s hospital. I was constipation for a week and couldn't stop drinking and using....I'm telling you u don't have to be ready ....they might be ready for you you will feel comforted....it's the gift of desperation that will get you sober....I believe it will happen for you....you all ready did the things that helped...if aa or na helped you show back up...after you get sober... suggestions only...your beautiful your never too late to get to living again!
So many deep emotions and thoughts were lightened through the talk.
I'm in aw from the complexity and depth of her being.
Mark, man! Sometimes during the talks, I'm just thinking about what a precious cultural contribution your making; and my heart warms with the sense of respect and hope.
She looks much less "gone" than his other interviews. Most of the others look like they're on a death march to oblivion, especially with fentanyl.
I hope Nicole gets back in the center of the herd where it’s safe. She already knows what it’s like to surround herself with other people working good programs, and I keep space in my heart that she gets back to a recovery community where they will love her until she learns to love herself. The part about the difference between being loved and being unconditionally loved rocked me...this was my meeting for today. Thank you, Nicole and Mark.
This young lady reminds me of the woman who would become pregnant just to feel loved; but ended up murdering her children (two out of 3) because she thought she was going to lose a man. That level of self-esteem is so incredibly sad to me. This young lady is still so bright and aware and has had abortions and still has common sense and looks healthy to me. It doesn't add up. And to be honest, I know Mark is a spectacular person. But I thought he had a little more "interest" in Nicole than normal interviews. I know he tries to instill love and care and encourage addicts, I appreciate that about him. The affection and verbal praise just seemed a little bit more than usual to me and I hope he remembers how fragile her mind may be and how easily this could be misinterpreted. God bless each and every one.
A great interview to a lovely and introspective woman. Thank you, Mark. Your channel is pure gold.
I just watched a TikTok that a mother posted of her 17 year old daughter being carried out of their home in a body bag. She died from a accidental fentanyl overdose. Wishing everyone struggling with addiction the absolute best. It’s a lot easier said than done - becoming clean. She was clean for 6 months, and had relapsed. The last relapse had lead to her death. Recovery is a long, bumpy, and hectic road. The choice to actually start somewhere is up to you.
I watched that too so incredibly sad
@Otto Fetting judging by the rest of your comments, you seem really bitter. Is everything okay at home? Assuming you have one.
@Otto Fetting ohhh I get it. You don’t have any reading comprehension abilities. If you did, you’d know I never said anything bitter. I would be mad at the world too if my name were Otto.
@Otto Fetting I never said anything bitter. I called you bitter, yes, but that was due to your response to my very non-bitter comment. Fake name or not, it’s an ugly one. So I can only wonder if your taste in names is just as ugly as you and your uncalled attitude.
An empty vessel deep inside that can't be filled but you keep trying with heroin, fentanyl, oxy derivatives, alcohol, shopping, a string of abusive relationships. The emptiness the heart feels is monumental, the pain. Nicole is a lovely, aware woman. She is worth more than she knows. I hope she finds the help she needs to find joy and peace she very much seeks.
She is so easy to listen, polite and seems like a pleasant person. If I was a guy and lonely and dont know my way around girls, I would pay her just to talk to me.
I have a granddaughter being raised in a less than desirable home life. When I can, I tell her each morning before school, from the movie “The Help”, you are smart, you are kind and you are important.” I pray it helps her at some point.
This lady and I could have come from the same home. We are two in the same. I never thought I would hear someone say things I’ve been saying for years. I’m 43
She touched on something very very true here. Being your authentic self is important. Putting up a mask and/or feeling like you are not living the true reflection of who you are is painful. Not feeling like you can truly bring your true self to the fore growing up is a trigger for many things, anxiety, depression, addiction etc.
Nicole, you are a natural helper. That can be your future.
She loves the excitement of the life and doesn't want to leave it. The real world would be boring for her unless she found something positive to excite her like the streets do. I hope she makes it out alive but it doesn't seem hopeful.
Recently, I've noticed a lot of improvements with the interviewees - That's good!
Wow, she is very well mannered & kind. I can tell she has a good heart. It’s so sad that she’s struggling with this. Wishing her the best.
Everyone is complimenting her looks, but at the time of the video, she only had six months of street smarts. Give it another year (today.) Most likely you'll see sores, scars, body wasting, missing teeth, tattered clothes, more tattoos, and a lot less coherence.
What many don't realize about addiction/mental illness is that it's a multi-generational paradigm; e.g., a condition that doesn't see permanent resolve by intervention. Most individuals who were physically or mentally abused/neglected as children might grow into high-functioning adults, but the baggage never dissipates and still manifests as behavioral deficits later in life.
Nicole's situation couldn't be more clearer: she had no role model growing up and never cultivated a healthy self-image. Both parents (particularly her alcoholic mother) were emotionally unavailable and she also had no siblings to look up to. With an upbringing like that, only one of two futures were certain: a romantically-inept feminist or a homeless and promiscuous drug addict.
The behavioral health industrial complex won't change either coping mechanism.
Agreed. Looks don’t last long if you’re living rough.
As an only child
I understand her sooooooooooo much
i don’t blame anyone who has one child
I just really understand the loneliness aspect
It really makes you trust and want to be around some of the most untrustworthy people
Hope she gets better
I can play classical piano like Chopin and DeBussy, I crochet and do fiber arts, I’m a movie buff, and I’m also a fentanyl addict.
How's your addiction recently? Would you say it's getting worse?
As someone who shot dope for 5 years, and is now on Methadone......doesn’t it piss you off when people get surprised you are educated? That shit bugs me to no end. As if drug use completely negates years of education and upbringing.
I have say today Nicole is really engaging and an amazing person. I hope she manages to kick her habit but whatever happens she is reallyreally great. I hope she kicks the habit and stops being a drug addict and finds hersellf by helping others. She definitely has lots to offer. Much love Rob XXX
Mark plz plz plz do best as you can 2 keep in contact with her. So much hope there, she will get clean and stay clean will just take time and take her being around the right people.
Yes 🙏
Share this everywhere try to get this to have more views
Yo this girl could kind of be an inspirational speaker. She has lived so she stands by her word! You go chickie!!