I do want to point out that Medic *does* actually care for his Merc team. He's the main reason they aren't just dead when the classics find them, and literally brings the sniper back to life *despite* how that endangers his job. Sure, he also wanted to try his hand at necromancy, but... He literally already knows he can bring people back to life. As much as he may emotionally distance himself, he cares about his team in some real, genuine sense. He chose to go back to them and chose to help them, despite losing his lucrative new career and test subjects. ...Which makes him an ***EVEN WORSE*** choice for a partner, because he does this unethical medical shit to people he *cares* about! This is *how he shows love,* Imagine what he'll do to you!
Jack solves problems. Not problems like "Is this gay?" because that falls within the purview of your social conundrums. Jack solves practical problems.
Like this… little half hour video showing which TF2 mercs can be great partners, thought by him, made by him. And you best hope, you picked the right guy
The southern friendliness of engi is a facade that hides a god complex. He is just better at hiding it than medic. No "sane, put together man" would hack off his arm so he can take a couple more bullets and build a smaller sentry.
At the core of Heavy's character is an extreme bloodlust tempered by extreme responsibility. We've all seen how Heavy behaves on the battlefield. He isn't just enthusiastic, he's downright jubilant at the prospect of murder. It's specified he didn't just kill the gulag's guards, he tortured them first. He's a man who enjoys inflicting pain, but has taught himself to do so protectively. His sister seems to be the same way, however she lacks his restraint, which is why she gets along so well with Soldier.
Engineer may seem the most gentle at first but in reality he's just the quiet kind of crazy. All that soft spoken southern charm presented in his meet the team video gets punctuated with a pointed threat to the viewer letting them know he's not to be fucked with. Like medic he's a man with a god complex but stays quiet because he feels he has nothing to prove when it comes to it. The man has 11 PHDs, self operating artillery, and mastery of immortality. He doesn't make sentries to avoid the fight, he makes them to kill in the most brutally efficient way possible, their very presence denies anyone who dares to exist within range. He keeps up that southern hospitality because without it he's a man who would go so far as to saw off his own hand to be able to use his self made robotic arm with zero doubt in his ability. He does not believe he is a god, he knows it with utmost certainty.
As someone who finally started getting into Team Fortress 2 and its lore because of being So Very Heterosexual about this man (that is a lie), I strongly agree. Again, there's a reason he is buddies with Pyro and Medic, he just doesn't act like a baboon on fire outwardly. It's the little things in life, like implanting some poor guy's brain into a pumpkin, or sawing off his hand, or threatening one of his superiors with breaking them in half. If anything, I say he's pretty well-balanced in terms of being romanceable and batshit insane. A hypothetical date would be a nice picnic under the night sky, maybe he really lays on the charisma and strums you a little tune. With distant pecussion of the sounds of body parts hitting the ground and gunshots. What a gentleman!
@@brodyratliff7441 He'll find a way to keep you alive so at worst you'll end up like the lady from full metal alchemist that lost her insides but somehow stayed alive.
I think one of the few points in Scout's favor is that Expiration Date shows he actually capable of caring a lot about his partner. Sure, he fails miserably due to being romantically inept, but you can see that he was _really trying_ to learn and put together something nice for Miss Pauling.
Yeah, he is cocky, but is because he is the younger of the mercs, everyone in the youths is an asshole. But likeu said Expiration date shows that Scout is a really good dude after all
Worth noting that the Heavy sounding stupid is more to do with English being his second language, in the Russian release of the game he apparently is noted for sounding almost astonishingly high class and academic in his voice lines. He's literally the male equivalent of Gloria from Modern Family ranting about how much smarter she sounds in Spanish.
It’s kind of interesting how that works. I think it has to do with people associating bad language skills with children. Just my speculation, but I think this is also why one of the gut instincts for someone who hasn’t spent a lot of time in situations where there’s a language barrier is to talk loudly and slowly- like they’re speaking to a child. Same probably goes for talking to nonverbal people and people who otherwise struggle with communication. Thankfully, it’s pretty easy to train yourself out of this habit once you realize what’s happening.
Isn't one of his pieces of trivia that he quite literally has a PhD in some form of literature? He's a lot more intelligent than people think (myself included for awhile, It surprised me when I learned that fact a few years back, mostly due to him seeming a bit 'off his rocker' in a sense).
I LOVE that Scout gets his egotism and his rudeness from his father. Spy likely dislikes the guy so much because he represents what Spy really is beneath the classy facade.
fun fact time the *_BLU_* soldier is the one squatting in a possibly abandoned shed the *_RED_* soldier was merasmus' roommate and, of course, the one hooking up with zhanna im more knowledgable on tf2 lore than anyone has the right to and im not sure if thats a good thing
Obssessed with how the most pressing issue about Sniper is not what would reasonably be commitment issues from his isolated lifestyle and profession but instead how much he has to pee.
I think you missed some positive things regarding Soldier; for instance, Soldier is very loyal; in the War Update comic, he initially refused to fight RED Demoman. He’s that loyal. Only after he was tricked by a fake recording of Demoman calling him a civilian is where he betrayed him. Another example of his loyalty is where he refuses to give up information regarding his friends or Allies and is willing to go through torture (even though he accidentally revealed that Ms.Pauling knew but that’s beside the point). Next Soldier really cares for others, as revealed by Merasmus when the wizard declared that if can’t kill him then he will kill everyone he cares or loves, which implies Soldier does care for his team. Side note in the Halloween comic and the Smismass Comic, it is shown that Soldier cares for children as in the Halloween comic he willingly accompanies children in Trick or Treating, and in the Smismass Comic, Soldier fights against that Santa Claus guy from abducting children. Also, I don’t think Soldier won’t probably care about what race or ethnicity you are as long you are classified as American and you love America (that you are not part of a country that was once part of the Axis powers during WW2). Take this fact for example, his friendship with the Demoman. Soldier sees Demoman as his best friend despite being Scottish and black which shows Soldier doesn’t care what race of color or ethnicity you are as long you’re 1). Live/Immigrated to America, 2). Love America. Also even after the war update it still hints their friendship from time to time. And now we take example of Zhanna, Heavy’s Sister! Soldier knows she is a Russian, yet he allows himself to be in a relationship with a Russian whom he would have deemed a communist. In case you point out that the Soldier would be too stupid to know she is Russian, he classified Heavy’s Mom as communist which means yes he knows Zhanna is Russian, but he didn’t care and fostered a relationship with her. Plus he called (wrongly) Heavy his ‘Brother-In-Law’ which shows he can make exceptions. These are some highlights of Soldier’s positive traits which makes him a decent partner. Does this justify the bad ones? No, it doesn’t but I’m adding additional positive information that makes Soldier a decent partner, Not a good one, but at least a decent one at best.
The fact that soldier is in a canon relationship and it’s going well might genuinely be the craziest fact this channel has ever told me. Dude went to storm Normandy after World War Two was over and this is the guy who can hold down a date, scout what the fuck are you doing bro
@ it’s so good lmao, just her being racist on command to spy, the prejudice bit, and that nude fucking battle scene is now permanently seared into my mind as the funniest shit of all time. Also I cannot stress enough how badly scout fumbled that bag, if a women ripped off her clothes like that in front of me I am not taking the time to explain shit. We ball then we talk, as is the law of the universe.
Saying Medic is the worst is coward's talk, frankly. Firstly, you gotta appreciate a man who is so confidently evil in the 'cartoon villain' way. You are never going to have a hard time making conversation with him because he'll be all too eager to tell you about his latest lobotomized chimpanzee. Secondly, you've probably got yourself free access to the Medi-gun any time you need it, so whatever he does to you there's a good chance he'll juice you up with it and you'll walk it off fine, plus any injury from a minor cut on your finger to breaking your whole leg can be easily healed off for you, no medical bills required (though he may very politely request your spleen as thanks). Thirdly, do you not want to be able to brag about being part mega baboon? If you have the hubris to defy god and seek physical enhancement and the pursuit of immortality... well you're still probably better off with Engie but Medic's at least second in the making-you-live-forever category.
9:46 - Funny thing is, in the TF2 Universe, rocket jumping was the main method of getting up and down floors of buildings before Abraham Lincoln invented STAIRS. No, seriously.
actually considering Engineer cut off his own hand for a robotic one and helped Medic capture a thief's brain in a pumpkin I feel like he's way less bland than you'd think
ye, ironically the crazy fat dude running around with a minigun he gave a name to is actually the smartest merc (next to spy & maybe medic) and actually cares for his family. + I just like big beefy men
Well, Medic has *two* things going for him. Confidence... And the man really is *genuinely* conventionally attractive. It's very hard to look at a given 'fashionable' medic loadout and not go 'damn'. There's a good reason some medic loadouts put out an almost Superman-look. At the very least, you're trading safety for glamour with the man.
Medic is the TF2 character with the most porn drawn of him. Yes, that includes Miss Pauling. He might steal your kidneys, but damn he’ll look good doing it
honestly i just wanna Meet The Medic (pun intended) 1. he could be benefitted if I decided to give him Magic Energy 2. i would learn from him, he does have a lot of medical knowledge after all.
Well, if you know how to make various bombs, it isn't far fetched that you will know your way with chemicals for cleaning. It's actually so interesting wtf
This is the real question. Who would you be willing to commit to and show your parents. Heavy, Engie, and Sniper are really the only respectable options. Or Medic if your family is interesting. Or Spy if you have no self-respect.
Also his weapon taunt with the stock wrench sounds like a mad scientist. He probably gave Medic his amputated arm. Also he and Medic perform messed up experiments together.
I love how you change pronounces when talking about Pyro... "He wants to spread her fire since they're a psychopath... They're f$cked, she needs fire..."
I love how Bumble McFumbles sequels go from "Kanto to Johto" to "War Crimes to Boyfriends" Edit: Thanks for 5 likes! Edit 2: Holy crap thanks for 50 likes!! Edit III: Oh my god thanks for 100 likes this is amazing!
@@Meiliina All you need is a little Heart-to-heart... As in literally sewing 2 hearts together and then putting it into the body of a person to see if they can live twice as long
7:40 since we know that the two main groups of people who can double jump are brazillians (MGR:R) and trans women (Celeste), this implies that scout discovered double jumping before trans women. I personally support the idea that double jumping was actually scout's gift to trans women sometime before he died.
I'm not gonna say "I can fix him," since I know that there's no way anyone can fix him, but I am willing to look past Medic's red flags because hot damn that mann is handsome as hell.
I hope the sequel to this is "which punch-out character is the best boyfriend" and there's like 10 minutes of just dumping on aran ryan--and then directly contrast that as to why DK would be best boyfriend
1. Great Tiger. He can literally do "A Whole New World" with you. 2. Piston Hondo. He's very serious but there's nothing wrong with him. 3. Disco Kid. He's a little intense, but otherwise fine 4. Bear Hugger is kind of gross but he's not a bad dude. 5. Mr. Sandman. He's pretty alright for the most part, but his pre-Title Defense cutscene shows some anger issues. Very destructive anger issues. 6. Glass Joe is a total loser. And also French. 7. Don Flamenco. He puts on a very romantic persona, but he has a lot of insecurity. You'll have a sweet honeymoon phase and an ugly divorce. 8. If you thought Glass Joe was a loser, Von Kaiser is somehow even more pathetic. 9. King Hippo. Take every problem with Bear Hugger and magnify it. 10. Soda Popinski. Either he's constantly drunk or he and everything he owns would be incredibly, disgustingly sticky. 11. Super Macho Man is rich, but he's so far up his own ass that working with him would be impossible. 12. Bald Bull. Do I need to elaborate? 13. Aran Ryan. He tickles that poor guy in his first intro cutscene for no reason. He gets in fights with the audience. He's a dick and he does it maliciously.
look, I simp for medic because he's a maniac and I want to watch the horrors he commits :) if I ever got the chance to meet him, I wouldn't let him near my body with a 10 foot pole
Demoman's parental issues would 100% be something he projects onto every relationship. You didn't mention it here, but before he was adopted by his blood parents, he was adopted by a different family which he proceeded to accidentally blow up. There's a REASON why he calls himself "just a one-eyed bloody monster" during his drunken ramblings.
37:28 They’re called ossicones! They’re basically skin and hair covered bone. Male giraffes use them in “necking” (yes that is the real word for it) where they fight while use their heads and necks like a mace and fight to assert dominance. Due to this, many male giraffes in the wild tend to have have thicker ossicones without hair tuffs on them. Bonus fact: Okapis (my 3rd favorite animal and the closest living relative to the giraffe) have them as well. For the record, I knew this off of the top of my head and now you will too.
I will also add in two things in favor of Scout over Spy; he seems to be in it for the long haul, and he is ok with children. He did turn down Zhanna to wait for Miss Pauling, and is the only merc not against the kids when Soldier tries to hide them during trick or treating, where Spy vanished as soon as Scout came into the picture.
I'm calling it, heavey. He's the most caring guy out of all the mercs, he's an intellectual and not a kill happy gunman. He has a degree in Russian literature.
NOT A KILL HAPPY GUNMAN?!?! bro so many of his lines is him laughing at how many babies he mows down, also that one engineer story. Nah mah dude is insane, but he might be traumatized.
@@Bluestlark ok look he enjoys what he does but it isn't what defines him as a person. There's more to the man than his gun... although now that I think about you'd prolly be his side piece when compared to sasha.
"You pick Engineer, the one guy with stability?" Me who has a crush on Engineer because of his calm nature, positivism, intelligence and story role: Excuse me?
"Engie is just so bland," i can't believe you're saying this about my darling wife of many years. he's just as insane as the rest! we're taking our stuff and LEAVING (finishing this video and probably subscribing)
21:39 But Heavy names his weapons after his sisters. Meaning he's not treating his miniguns as his girlfriends but as family members akin to how you would treat a cat or a dog.
Pyro is an interesting case, because while they're constantly hallucinating, those hallucinations happen to perfectly align with extremely brutal and efficient murder. Yet somehow they always know who they're supposed to kill, and when to stop killing. Combine this with them somehow becoming a CEO, and it seems like Pyro's affliction compels them be the very best at whatever their current task is. My hypothesis is that Pyro is the result of some sort of brainwashing experiment. Probably a way to disconnect soldiers from the atrocities they were committing. This also explains how they can build and operate incendiary weaponry. They used to be a trained professional before whatever happened.
think about it. "it" definitely fits him. she is described as "that THING" by one anonymous teammate, Valve has raised questions about their species...
it's not cannon but considering they're giving us all the content and valve isn't... though what they're doing is quite funny regardless if it's cannon or not
Demoman constantly having a real one and being dead-busy with his jobs shows that he just needs some love, and appreciation... and *YEARS* of therapy. Anyway, I can fix him.
![Which Team Fortress 2 Mercenary Is The Biggest War Criminal? [Bumbles McFumbles]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/2Vz_wJNb74M/mqdefault.jpg)
![Which Team Fortress 2 Mercenary Is The Biggest War Criminal? [Bumbles McFumbles]](/img/tr.png)
![Papers, Please - Glory to Arstotzka [Bumbles McFumbles]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/xuLMPNbNjNA/mqdefault.jpg)
![Which Pokemon Is The Worst Pet? - Kanto [Bumbles McFumbles]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YXxULYZeKNU/mqdefault.jpg)
super cool to see my art in one of your videos it was really cool working with you!!!!!!!!
This is truly a tf2 moment (5 kilos of glue (days playing tf2 × amount of hours on tf2) per day
You made the pictures for the start of every merc's section, right?
yep!@@theCaterpillar1
@@theCaterpillar1 yep!
@@AntIsStinky that's so cool :D
"Engie is just so bland."
-Talking about the man who cut off his own arm to use the Gunslinger
Also a god complex
It's honestly the least insane thing any of these mercs has done. He is a scientist and inventor after all.
@@Rusty_SpyIf one had the ability to make and install a fully functional gunhand, you would do it too. :/
And this man is friends with Pyro.
He was perfectly willing to adopt a kid with Pyro. (Although he just got a bunch of guns instead)
@@genericname2747I think it’s more like adopt Pyro
I love that for Soldier you went "He'd be an awful partner. That being said, he's canonically a spectacular partner."
He found a lady as weird as him
“He is going to IMPREGNATE me, brøther!” - Enthusiastic Girlfriend to her brother
AHHHHHH DO NOT CLICK THE PROFILE
@@Pain-yatta-fan-boy ...wh... Mine?
Bro the single animation I have on my entire channel is milquetoast as shit lmao
@@neighandwhinnymchorse2100 My eyes hurt, and I haven't even watched it yet.
"What pronouns do we use for pyro?"
"Them."
"You mean they them-"
"NO! I mean ALL OF THEM!"
corctect
@@nameless......................corctect
Corctect
Cortctect
Corctect
I do want to point out that Medic *does* actually care for his Merc team. He's the main reason they aren't just dead when the classics find them, and literally brings the sniper back to life *despite* how that endangers his job. Sure, he also wanted to try his hand at necromancy, but... He literally already knows he can bring people back to life. As much as he may emotionally distance himself, he cares about his team in some real, genuine sense. He chose to go back to them and chose to help them, despite losing his lucrative new career and test subjects.
...Which makes him an ***EVEN WORSE*** choice for a partner, because he does this unethical medical shit to people he *cares* about!
This is *how he shows love,* Imagine what he'll do to you!
I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's not a bug, it's a feature.
Don't care. He's perfect!
he's perfect 😍
and what if im into that
he will make sure you don't die on his watch. lovely man ❤️ (thats ehat your heart will look like instead of this 🫀🦿)
Jack solves problems. Not problems like "Is this gay?" because that falls within the purview of your social conundrums.
Jack solves practical problems.
Like this… little half hour video showing which TF2 mercs can be great partners, thought by him, made by him.
And you best hope, you picked the right guy
Engineer Moment
@@Soldier_Sprout My first choice was Engie, so...
The practical problems in question: 28:01
@@T3chn0cr1t1c4l how much does sniper piss
Fellas let's get one thing clear!
Date the Medic Main!
*NOT THE MEDIC!*
yeah i would stay away from red flag the person
As a Medic Main, I wouldn't date me. I have so many screws loose.
We're going insane.
@@legallyguidomista4015 so am I your point?
@@WUFI_jr Don't listen to the voices, comrade.
@@legallyguidomista4015 the voices fear me
The southern friendliness of engi is a facade that hides a god complex. He is just better at hiding it than medic.
No "sane, put together man" would hack off his arm so he can take a couple more bullets and build a smaller sentry.
God complex vs an afront to God complex
@@lefishe5845 a match made in hell
Most of the mercs: Talks about their strengths, weaknesses, how insane they are.
Sniper: HOW MUCH PISS THOUGH
So much you probably will not be able to "do it" before he does an oopsie with you IN YOU.
@@jamesverner9132 you fool I'm into that
@@jamesverner9132 some people would enjoy that sadly
@@jamesverner9132 He'll probably be like "holup I have to piss" and literally pulls out lmao
The transfer from war criminals to boyfriends is the epitome of “I can fix him”.
I can make him worse
i can hold him like a cat in a sock so who's the real winner here
@@ThatonecopypastaI can stagnate him
I can be brought down to his level
He can make me worse.
I love how the Sniper’s dating profile is just how much he pees
"Hey bb, look how hard I can pee" -Sniper, attempting to flirt
@@genericname2747Check out how hard I can piss
*PSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
@@genericname2747"attempting"? i think that's called succeeding
@@warzed6220 Ah, I was a fool
How far can your squirt
At the core of Heavy's character is an extreme bloodlust tempered by extreme responsibility. We've all seen how Heavy behaves on the battlefield. He isn't just enthusiastic, he's downright jubilant at the prospect of murder.
It's specified he didn't just kill the gulag's guards, he tortured them first. He's a man who enjoys inflicting pain, but has taught himself to do so protectively. His sister seems to be the same way, however she lacks his restraint, which is why she gets along so well with Soldier.
So what you're saying is, that he's willing to torture a mf if they try to mess you up
Engineer may seem the most gentle at first but in reality he's just the quiet kind of crazy. All that soft spoken southern charm presented in his meet the team video gets punctuated with a pointed threat to the viewer letting them know he's not to be fucked with. Like medic he's a man with a god complex but stays quiet because he feels he has nothing to prove when it comes to it. The man has 11 PHDs, self operating artillery, and mastery of immortality. He doesn't make sentries to avoid the fight, he makes them to kill in the most brutally efficient way possible, their very presence denies anyone who dares to exist within range. He keeps up that southern hospitality because without it he's a man who would go so far as to saw off his own hand to be able to use his self made robotic arm with zero doubt in his ability. He does not believe he is a god, he knows it with utmost certainty.
As someone who finally started getting into Team Fortress 2 and its lore because of being So Very Heterosexual about this man (that is a lie), I strongly agree. Again, there's a reason he is buddies with Pyro and Medic, he just doesn't act like a baboon on fire outwardly. It's the little things in life, like implanting some poor guy's brain into a pumpkin, or sawing off his hand, or threatening one of his superiors with breaking them in half.
If anything, I say he's pretty well-balanced in terms of being romanceable and batshit insane. A hypothetical date would be a nice picnic under the night sky, maybe he really lays on the charisma and strums you a little tune. With distant pecussion of the sounds of body parts hitting the ground and gunshots. What a gentleman!
I love that we’re continuing the tradition of using all pronouns for pyro
Its too funny
Kinda confusing tho
@@Sofishticated792 Well, to be fair, we don't know their gender
Yeah we do.@gabrielsmalley9583 it's pyro
@@Sofishticated792 would you say that to someone in real life who uses all pronouns?
listen man, I've had a crush on medic tf2 since I was 10, my delusions are simply too strong to recognize the red flags
May God help your soul
Literally
I get it.
@@Jrsonicyt-is-weirdI mean at least you won't die, like ever, so that's a bonus.
@@thunderspark1536unless he needs something then boom there it goes
@@brodyratliff7441 He'll find a way to keep you alive so at worst you'll end up like the lady from full metal alchemist that lost her insides but somehow stayed alive.
I can just hear Scout going "Woo! Im the 4th best hunk!"
That’s so in character for him
Zhanna is a fun character. She shares Heavy's maniacal bloodlust, but lacks the restraint he learned as the eldest sibling.
Basically Soldier without the patriotism and is Russian
There's a reason why they are so in love
I think one of the few points in Scout's favor is that Expiration Date shows he actually capable of caring a lot about his partner.
Sure, he fails miserably due to being romantically inept, but you can see that he was _really trying_ to learn and put together something nice for Miss Pauling.
scout is such a good boy i love him
Yeah, so Scout definitely has POTENTIAL to be a good boyfriend. It may take a while to improve himself, but it’s possible.
@@thelivingglitch1371I feel like if a potential partner just tells Scout what they want then he’d be fine
Yeah, he is cocky, but is because he is the younger of the mercs, everyone in the youths is an asshole. But likeu said Expiration date shows that Scout is a really good dude after all
scout is so silly ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗ i love him
As much as it is a meme
Medic is very much the kind of person to have a human centipede themed wedding
this is so real, but I could ignore the red flags omg
maybe he and his partner could save on the catering bill
And If you are the best man, you know the deal, PUCKER UP!
@@gabrielmujica3201 You can finally open yourself up to love...
@@imthecoolestguyalive He can finally sew a mouth to a butt!!
Was not expecting the sniper segment to turn into a Matt Patt game theory on how much the sniper pisses
Well, matt patt himself is no longer doing it so someone has to keep going on with those silly theories
if you date medic, you are just verbally signing a contract to donate your body to science.
Your soul too.
Worth noting that the Heavy sounding stupid is more to do with English being his second language, in the Russian release of the game he apparently is noted for sounding almost astonishingly high class and academic in his voice lines.
He's literally the male equivalent of Gloria from Modern Family ranting about how much smarter she sounds in Spanish.
It’s kind of interesting how that works. I think it has to do with people associating bad language skills with children. Just my speculation, but I think this is also why one of the gut instincts for someone who hasn’t spent a lot of time in situations where there’s a language barrier is to talk loudly and slowly- like they’re speaking to a child. Same probably goes for talking to nonverbal people and people who otherwise struggle with communication. Thankfully, it’s pretty easy to train yourself out of this habit once you realize what’s happening.
Isn't one of his pieces of trivia that he quite literally has a PhD in some form of literature? He's a lot more intelligent than people think (myself included for awhile, It surprised me when I learned that fact a few years back, mostly due to him seeming a bit 'off his rocker' in a sense).
@@WithASideOfTibbshe has a phd in Russian literature and took down an entire gulag as a kid he’s stupid smart and patient but people tend to miss it
I think he can speak perfect English, but fakes it because he hates talking to the other mercs
He has as PhD in Russian literature
Scout has the boy loser aspect to him you gotta consider that
he just like me fr
the guyfail appeal
I LOVE that Scout gets his egotism and his rudeness from his father. Spy likely dislikes the guy so much because he represents what Spy really is beneath the classy facade.
fun fact time
the *_BLU_* soldier is the one squatting in a possibly abandoned shed
the *_RED_* soldier was merasmus' roommate and, of course, the one hooking up with zhanna
im more knowledgable on tf2 lore than anyone has the right to and im not sure if thats a good thing
blu always gets the short end of the stick.
"Having a sentry gun in the room while you boink is gonna really kill the mood."
You underestimate my power, Bumbles.
I read this as soon as he said it
The profile pic SEALS this! 😂
Of course its the gardevior
The Gunslinger stays on
if you can do it with the man who made it why not with the sentry itself too
As a TF2 fan, being gay isn’t an issue for us. Just say “Tick Tock” and our mouths are watering
I fucking HATE that i know what your talking about
Took me way too long to figure out what a binks truck was
@@blackwing3629*brinks
@@blackwing3629what is it?
@@blackwing3629It took me being tip top and getting a compliment to realize what it was
Obssessed with how the most pressing issue about Sniper is not what would reasonably be commitment issues from his isolated lifestyle and profession but instead how much he has to pee.
I think you missed some positive things regarding Soldier; for instance, Soldier is very loyal; in the War Update comic, he initially refused to fight RED Demoman. He’s that loyal. Only after he was tricked by a fake recording of Demoman calling him a civilian is where he betrayed him. Another example of his loyalty is where he refuses to give up information regarding his friends or Allies and is willing to go through torture (even though he accidentally revealed that Ms.Pauling knew but that’s beside the point). Next Soldier really cares for others, as revealed by Merasmus when the wizard declared that if can’t kill him then he will kill everyone he cares or loves, which implies Soldier does care for his team. Side note in the Halloween comic and the Smismass Comic, it is shown that Soldier cares for children as in the Halloween comic he willingly accompanies children in Trick or Treating, and in the Smismass Comic, Soldier fights against that Santa Claus guy from abducting children.
Also, I don’t think Soldier won’t probably care about what race or ethnicity you are as long you are classified as American and you love America (that you are not part of a country that was once part of the Axis powers during WW2). Take this fact for example, his friendship with the Demoman. Soldier sees Demoman as his best friend despite being Scottish and black which shows Soldier doesn’t care what race of color or ethnicity you are as long you’re 1). Live/Immigrated to America, 2). Love America. Also even after the war update it still hints their friendship from time to time.
And now we take example of Zhanna, Heavy’s Sister! Soldier knows she is a Russian, yet he allows himself to be in a relationship with a Russian whom he would have deemed a communist. In case you point out that the Soldier would be too stupid to know she is Russian, he classified Heavy’s Mom as communist which means yes he knows Zhanna is Russian, but he didn’t care and fostered a relationship with her. Plus he called (wrongly) Heavy his ‘Brother-In-Law’ which shows he can make exceptions.
These are some highlights of Soldier’s positive traits which makes him a decent partner. Does this justify the bad ones? No, it doesn’t but I’m adding additional positive information that makes Soldier a decent partner, Not a good one, but at least a decent one at best.
Plus, he's kinda...
The fact that soldier is in a canon relationship and it’s going well might genuinely be the craziest fact this channel has ever told me.
Dude went to storm Normandy after World War Two was over and this is the guy who can hold down a date, scout what the fuck are you doing bro
Scout is hitting on high schoolers
One can only buy so many buckets of chicken, it's basically impossible to score dates without them.
His girlfriend being the Heavy's sister and seemingly taking up some of his insanity might be the part that takes the longest to process.
@ it’s so good lmao, just her being racist on command to spy, the prejudice bit, and that nude fucking battle scene is now permanently seared into my mind as the funniest shit of all time.
Also I cannot stress enough how badly scout fumbled that bag, if a women ripped off her clothes like that in front of me I am not taking the time to explain shit. We ball then we talk, as is the law of the universe.
Yeah honestly the craziest thing about scout is that is is canonically NOT a virgin and that was the most shocking twist of "Expiration Date".
Saying Medic is the worst is coward's talk, frankly. Firstly, you gotta appreciate a man who is so confidently evil in the 'cartoon villain' way. You are never going to have a hard time making conversation with him because he'll be all too eager to tell you about his latest lobotomized chimpanzee. Secondly, you've probably got yourself free access to the Medi-gun any time you need it, so whatever he does to you there's a good chance he'll juice you up with it and you'll walk it off fine, plus any injury from a minor cut on your finger to breaking your whole leg can be easily healed off for you, no medical bills required (though he may very politely request your spleen as thanks). Thirdly, do you not want to be able to brag about being part mega baboon? If you have the hubris to defy god and seek physical enhancement and the pursuit of immortality... well you're still probably better off with Engie but Medic's at least second in the making-you-live-forever category.
I definitely want to brag about being part mega baboon. That's awesome.
also Medic is like one of the most handsome mercs we have so yeah
Found the masochist with the medical kink!
The point of no medical bills is very appealing to the American gals.
@@creditcrazy597Gals? There are women here?!
"Medic has one thing going for him-"
The burly beast. Thats it. Thats the only positive.
remember everything is bigger in texas
BAHAHHAHAHAHAH
The gimmick of referring to Pyro with every single pronoun will never get old
this had me laughing
It's literally me
Legit me
reminds me of fnaf's mangle, but more
mangle only uses she/her and he/him
pyro uses those, they/them and it
@@nameless...................... mangles pronouns are yes (canon)
Pyro's pronouns are Huh/Hum
Who would've guessed that the two biggest war criminals would also be the worst to date.
And one already IS in a relationship
Ok yeah but he is the HOTTEST tho so thats enough reason?!?
@reur3965 Yeah, you're right. He is pretty hot. Oh wait that's the fire.
@@MontgomeryPython4615burly beast:
My first choice was medic cause medic
"Scout is the only non-braziallian person to discover how to double jump"
Nice one.
What’s it a reference to?
@@zooweemama.mp4 I think because in most games people who can double jump are mostly Brazilians so I think that is the reference.
@@howtodobyanidiot595Not exactly.
*MEMORIES BROKEN-*
@@zooweemama.mp4
*TRUTH GOES UNSPOKEN*
@@docrofreborn7497 Oh.. Thank you.
9:46 - Funny thing is, in the TF2 Universe, rocket jumping was the main method of getting up and down floors of buildings before Abraham Lincoln invented STAIRS. No, seriously.
actually considering Engineer cut off his own hand for a robotic one and helped Medic capture a thief's brain in a pumpkin
I feel like he's way less bland than you'd think
Can’t forget the fact that he’s a merc in the first place. There’s a reason he’s even there at all.
Or that he built improved versions of Redmond and Blutarch's immortality machines.
He's got a god complex which is hot
Before the video begins
Heavy
Just heavy
Hoovy is kredit to relationship
ye, ironically the crazy fat dude running around with a minigun he gave a name to is actually the smartest merc (next to spy & maybe medic) and actually cares for his family.
+ I just like big beefy men
Soldier is canonicaly in a relationship
Edit: and Spy is a dad
Heavy is my main
@@genericname2747 1. You wouldn't want to be soldier's girlfriend
2. Spy is a deadbeat dad
I love that "Which TF2 mercenary would make the best boyfriend?" is a genuine question.
"what you see is what you'll get" is not what i want to hear about a guy who literally turns invisible
I am ashamed that I read that to the tune of What You See by Oingo Boingo.
"Blew up the Heavy's heart and replaced it with the Loch Ness Monster's." It was a mega baboon heart.
Can't believe Mr McFumbles got such an important fact wrong.
Knowing Medic though? He'd absolutly do that.
I was about to say. I can't believed he fumbled that one.
@@TheDracoStar Assuming he knows where the sea monsters are; the Scottish Government censors most information about it
I hope someone got fired for that blunder
As a gay person this is vital info
As a bisexual hell yeah
as a trans queer guy i agree
@2buberry286 bro gets no bitches no😭😭😭😭
As a straight person this is vital info
As a this is vital info
Viewer: ”Hay Bumbles, doesn’t making a video like this make you look gay?”
Bumbles: “Yes, and… what’s the problem here?”
i dont care if medic turns my fingers into tentacles hes perfect for me a "confident crazy German doctor" what more could you ask for?
Well, Medic has *two* things going for him. Confidence...
And the man really is *genuinely* conventionally attractive. It's very hard to look at a given 'fashionable' medic loadout and not go 'damn'. There's a good reason some medic loadouts put out an almost Superman-look.
At the very least, you're trading safety for glamour with the man.
Medic is the TF2 character with the most porn drawn of him. Yes, that includes Miss Pauling. He might steal your kidneys, but damn he’ll look good doing it
Plus, we have actually never seen someone die under medics care (the opposite even)
hell yeah, man, dude is my main for many reasons n he aint half bad looks-wise 9 times outta 10
The moment the burly beast comes out it’s over for us (if anything it proves he’s also really muscular under that lab coat)
honestly i just wanna Meet The Medic (pun intended)
1. he could be benefitted if I decided to give him Magic Energy
2. i would learn from him, he does have a lot of medical knowledge after all.
According to a promotional image, one of Demoman's jobs is a House Cleaner, and and apparently a pretty good one too.
Well, if you know how to make various bombs, it isn't far fetched that you will know your way with chemicals for cleaning.
It's actually so interesting wtf
Really? I'd love to know where to find it, if you know!
Probably so clean, it almost looks as if the house was never built.
@@nyvve1 funnily enough he was featured in “10 home cleaners that won’t kill you”
The level of detail you went into just to describe how much Sniper pisses made me think you were going to opt for a dong joke.
ENGIE IS NOT BORING!!!! I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL
AND EVEN IF HE WAS I WOULD LOVE TO GO TO TEXAS ROADHOUSE WITH HIM
Engineer is the mercenary you'd bring home to meet your parents
This is the real question. Who would you be willing to commit to and show your parents. Heavy, Engie, and Sniper are really the only respectable options. Or Medic if your family is interesting. Or Spy if you have no self-respect.
@@electricfishfan7159 I think you'd need to be part of the Addams Family for Medic to not raise any eyebrows.
Today I learned that I can't date Soldier because he is already taken. I've never been more heart-broken.
SHE TOOK HIM FROM ME 😭😭😭
Fuck the comics cannon. We can all date him anyways❤
hey listen soldier has 2 arms for a reason. problem solved: polyamory
@@razzypoopsies I love this solution for the crazy helmet goober
My good friend, that is only the RED Soldier.
As far as I know, the BLU Soldier is still single! Do with that information what you will.
“Baby I got the gasoline, let’s light it up” would make Pyro cream their pants if they understood what you said
i love how you highlighted NEARLY every problem with pyro.
NEARLY.
*he sees everyone as babies.*
😬 that’s something…but like in a friend scenario I’d want pyro to be my friend before any of the others probably (maybe medic)
I feel like this is the actual biggest issue. I feel like they are romanticly inert inherently.
It was a funny gag how you said "The biggest thing holding Pyro back from partner status" and then named off all the reasons they're my ideal partner
❤Asbestos❤ 😊😊😊
I feel like pyro shouldn't be considered able to give valid consent anyway
@@noti7510 Yeah, you gotta point there. There is no however.
@@noti7510ya know thats very valid.
@@noti7510y not
Engineer has a little crazy in him. Career Killer aside some of his lines imply a god complex
also the fact that he politely threatened his bosses life for touching him and sending a life current of electricity in his body
And his solution to problems is Gun.
Also his weapon taunt with the stock wrench sounds like a mad scientist. He probably gave Medic his amputated arm. Also he and Medic perform messed up experiments together.
he also stops playing the guitar for a bit and smiles when someone dies to his sentry, which i wouldnt say a sane person would do
@@marley7868in his defense, that was after Blutarch told him they violated his grandfathers tomb
Ofc he would threatened him
I love how you change pronounces when talking about Pyro... "He wants to spread her fire since they're a psychopath... They're f$cked, she needs fire..."
Before watching:
If for the sex, Spy.
If for loyalty, Heavy.
If for security in life, Engie.
I love how Bumble McFumbles sequels go from "Kanto to Johto" to "War Crimes to Boyfriends"
Edit: Thanks for 5 likes!
Edit 2: Holy crap thanks for 50 likes!!
Edit III: Oh my god thanks for 100 likes this is amazing!
Now we just need Punch Out fighters based on how hot they are lol and I will be satisfied
I'm willing to bet that spy is gonna be #1
Next it’ll be Hoenn and Presidents
Boxing infractions to boxing infractions
Punch out- rules to cartoon ape
@jonathanpayne4772 you mean Hoenn and most fashionable.
I'm a passionate Medic lover, and yeah, you're right, I would probably be dead before he says " I love you".
But would you still risk it?
@@Playlists-That-I-Like-To-Make I've made bad decisions with men before, what's one more
@@Meiliina
With Medic is different.
I'll also risk it
@@Playlists-That-I-Like-To-Make I can change him, with my love!
We can do this!
@@Meiliina All you need is a little Heart-to-heart... As in literally sewing 2 hearts together and then putting it into the body of a person to see if they can live twice as long
7:40 since we know that the two main groups of people who can double jump are brazillians (MGR:R) and trans women (Celeste), this implies that scout discovered double jumping before trans women. I personally support the idea that double jumping was actually scout's gift to trans women sometime before he died.
alternately, scout is a trans woman
HECK YEAH!
I'm not gonna say "I can fix him," since I know that there's no way anyone can fix him, but I am willing to look past Medic's red flags because hot damn that mann is handsome as hell.
I hope the sequel to this is "which punch-out character is the best boyfriend" and there's like 10 minutes of just dumping on aran ryan--and then directly contrast that as to why DK would be best boyfriend
yEs.
Oh my god PLEASE
Beat hugger because he is a bear 😭
1. Great Tiger. He can literally do "A Whole New World" with you.
2. Piston Hondo. He's very serious but there's nothing wrong with him.
3. Disco Kid. He's a little intense, but otherwise fine
4. Bear Hugger is kind of gross but he's not a bad dude.
5. Mr. Sandman. He's pretty alright for the most part, but his pre-Title Defense cutscene shows some anger issues. Very destructive anger issues.
6. Glass Joe is a total loser. And also French.
7. Don Flamenco. He puts on a very romantic persona, but he has a lot of insecurity. You'll have a sweet honeymoon phase and an ugly divorce.
8. If you thought Glass Joe was a loser, Von Kaiser is somehow even more pathetic.
9. King Hippo. Take every problem with Bear Hugger and magnify it.
10. Soda Popinski. Either he's constantly drunk or he and everything he owns would be incredibly, disgustingly sticky.
11. Super Macho Man is rich, but he's so far up his own ass that working with him would be impossible.
12. Bald Bull. Do I need to elaborate?
13. Aran Ryan. He tickles that poor guy in his first intro cutscene for no reason. He gets in fights with the audience. He's a dick and he does it maliciously.
@@demi-femme4821 surprised you didn’t mention Hondo liking manga or pirating it.
The medic simps are going to be so mad at you.
indeed
We're not, we already know we're going to die, and most of us are okay with that.
look, I simp for medic because he's a maniac and I want to watch the horrors he commits :) if I ever got the chance to meet him, I wouldn't let him near my body with a 10 foot pole
@@noname-vu1mmi think you mean that you know you will NEVER die
all of these comments are defending medic and honestly he deserves it
I COMPLETELY LOSE IT WHEN AFTER HE EXPLAINED MEDICS THEN IT CUTS TO A LINE WHERE HE SAID "how much does sniper piss?" LOLLL
Demoman's parental issues would 100% be something he projects onto every relationship. You didn't mention it here, but before he was adopted by his blood parents, he was adopted by a different family which he proceeded to accidentally blow up.
There's a REASON why he calls himself "just a one-eyed bloody monster" during his drunken ramblings.
Poor guy
37:28 They’re called ossicones! They’re basically skin and hair covered bone.
Male giraffes use them in “necking” (yes that is the real word for it) where they fight while use their heads and necks like a mace and fight to assert dominance.
Due to this, many male giraffes in the wild tend to have have thicker ossicones without hair tuffs on them.
Bonus fact: Okapis (my 3rd favorite animal and the closest living relative to the giraffe) have them as well.
For the record, I knew this off of the top of my head and now you will too.
And male giraffes drink female giraffe pee.
It all connects back to pee.
Bless
@genericname2747 snipers spirit animal
You know who else *loves* giraffes?
...Tycho
I haven’t gotten to this part of the video yet and this comment really frightens me
I will also add in two things in favor of Scout over Spy; he seems to be in it for the long haul, and he is ok with children. He did turn down Zhanna to wait for Miss Pauling, and is the only merc not against the kids when Soldier tries to hide them during trick or treating, where Spy vanished as soon as Scout came into the picture.
Pyro likes kids too. He once canceled school for like, 6 years because he burned all the books
@@genericname2747was it because they like kids or like to burn books.
@@JaneDoeValentine both
@@genericname2747 I mean there’s no evidence to support they like kids tho
@@JaneDoeValentine there's no evidence to disprove it
"Scout
Real name: Jeremy Elbertson"
My fuckin' man
finally, the tf2 sex update
I'm calling it, heavey. He's the most caring guy out of all the mercs, he's an intellectual and not a kill happy gunman. He has a degree in Russian literature.
NOT A KILL HAPPY GUNMAN?!?! bro so many of his lines is him laughing at how many babies he mows down, also that one engineer story. Nah mah dude is insane, but he might be traumatized.
@@Bluestlark ok look he enjoys what he does but it isn't what defines him as a person. There's more to the man than his gun... although now that I think about you'd prolly be his side piece when compared to sasha.
Should have listened to his engie torture story
Should have listened to his engie torture story
you would be his 4th pick istg his priorities are just
1.Sasha
2. his family
3. Medic for some reason
4. you
The Pyro pronoun switcheroo bit gives me life ngl
I don't know if I'd wanna date Engie, but he seems like the kinda guy you'd love to share a beer with and swap stories.
"You pick Engineer, the one guy with stability?"
Me who has a crush on Engineer because of his calm nature, positivism, intelligence and story role: Excuse me?
Yeah sure, Medic might try to experiment on you, but hey, free health care! now that's a man who can steal my heart!
wait medic NO DONT
Say goodbye to your skeleton
aand that is why you specify METAPHORICALLY
i love the tf2 community so much for stuff like this
also this was the first comment and i didn’t even have to point it out in the original comment
Look I know these merc are kill happy and their qetch for blood will be done , but how good are they at being boyfriends?
what so long without a major update does to a community
"Engie is just so bland,"
i can't believe you're saying this about my darling wife of many years. he's just as insane as the rest! we're taking our stuff and LEAVING (finishing this video and probably subscribing)
21:39 But Heavy names his weapons after his sisters. Meaning he's not treating his miniguns as his girlfriends but as family members akin to how you would treat a cat or a dog.
As someone who recently discovered that they were VERY bisexual, this is exactly what I needed. Thanks jack!
I know what bisexual is but what is VERY bisexual? I didn’t even think bisexuality could be exaggerated but apparently it can be.
@@meem6154it’s the final boss of bisexuality
@@meem6154 it’s like bisexual, but you like both genders even more than normally. Essentially bisexual x2
@@therandomtransformersanima6236 that’s 200% sexuality!
@@meem6154 exactly
"so let's get even more attached" was a jumpscare because I hadn't read the title
You going on for minutes about how bad a partner scout is and then saying he has the mandate of heaven was so funny I nearly choked on my drink.
Pyro is an interesting case, because while they're constantly hallucinating, those hallucinations happen to perfectly align with extremely brutal and efficient murder. Yet somehow they always know who they're supposed to kill, and when to stop killing. Combine this with them somehow becoming a CEO, and it seems like Pyro's affliction compels them be the very best at whatever their current task is.
My hypothesis is that Pyro is the result of some sort of brainwashing experiment. Probably a way to disconnect soldiers from the atrocities they were committing. This also explains how they can build and operate incendiary weaponry. They used to be a trained professional before whatever happened.
I'm pretty straight, but medic? I've seen the burly beast I'm now as straight as a banana.
The 3rd job is stated as "cleaner", he is even on the cover of an in-universe professional cleaning magazine
Medic would steal your heart, literally
“Isn’t this kinda gay?”
“Where are you getting that kinda from?”
I can not express how amazing this is.
Clicked for the amazing title, stayed for the piss analysis
analypiss*
Yes, yes. Thank you. How could I be so foolish?
...well I was going to continue panic editing, but my hands are tied. New Bumbles Mcfumbles dropped, I know my priorities.
she/they/he pyro supremacy
what if.. she/they/he/it
think about it. "it" definitely fits him. she is described as "that THING" by one anonymous teammate, Valve has raised questions about their species...
@@AverageConsumer-uj8sm oh wonderful
Real TF2 fans know every single one of them is good.
I find it funny how the most datable merc is in love with the least datable merc, if we consider the Voice Actor's doings to be canon
it's not cannon but considering they're giving us all the content and valve isn't...
though what they're doing is quite funny regardless if it's cannon or not
Yeah and thats why they are such a great duo (and i ship them)
Yeah and thats why they are such a great duo (and i ship them)
Hearing about Medic’s escapades in Hell had me cackling like a hyena.
I really need to read the TF2 comics
they're fucking hilarious and they made me cry. strongly recommend checking them out
37:04
“Next up is Sniper…**PISS-**”
**Why you gotta do my guy like that?** 🤣💀
fr i was so sad
Your choice to play Goenitz's theme when Medic showed up tells me more about this man's level of instability and depravity than any words ever could.
koko desu ka
@@bumblesmcfumbles sorry, I don’t speak Italian.
Lest we forget that engie cut off his own hand to install the gunslinger
Heavy, because he's the most capable of picking me up and pinning me to a wall.
REAL
i don’t care i want to enter a passionate romantic relationship with medic and no one can convince me otherwise.
Was anyone clicking on this video expecting to find Bumbles analyzing Sniper's bladder capacity? I sure wasn't.
Can't believe in an alternative universe Mrs. Fumbles McBumbles is making a video on which Touhou youkai would make the best girlfriend.
We are truly living in the darkest timeline
@@RealYuri2009best*
@@AlexCreeper L take unfortunately
If medic is a walking red flag, then damnit, I'm a bull
Demoman constantly having a real one and being dead-busy with his jobs shows that he just needs some love, and appreciation... and *YEARS* of therapy.
Anyway, I can fix him.