Frank James I guess I have come to realises that I have being hiding myself away from people that it is time I told my story to everyone I guess I have being hurt in the past that I don't want to get hurt anymore I am someone with a passion of love for animals I kind of hide my talents and my gift what can I do frank
Stephanie Douglass dating becomes impossible. People seem to be road blocks & their problems are struggles we have everyday but somehow manage without constantly complaining
I read your comment exactly as he said it in the video. Now I get to go on the roller coaster of contemplating incessantly why this kind of thing happens to me daily.. lol
I just discovered yesterday it brought tears to my eyes as well finally being able to understand why I’m so different from anyone I’ve ever met tears of joy and sadness people here understand lol
My strong points are I know what people are going to do before they even do it I try to warn them about it but it usually doesn’t work they don’t understand and they never will
I was a loner in high school. But I didn't care because I looked forward to college where I was going to finally be the 'real' me. Then when college disappointed, it was where I lived, so I was determined to live in the city so I could finally be the 'real' me. When I still barely went out, I finally moved abroad to Europe so I could finally be the 'real' me. Oddly enough, I think I have made the most self improvement by being so utterly isolated from everything I know. I worry that I will feel this urge to relocate over and over again because of this disconnect. But I do think I am getting the hang of myself better now.
Same here!! I've been trying to find a way to move to Germany for several years, pretty much since I moved back home after a teaching stint in Japan. I kept telling myself that I would focus on trying to change careers to something more fulfilling than my current profession and that once I got to Germany I would put down roots, develop the amazing social life I've never had, and meet my future husband. I'm just now starting to realize that I have to live in the present because tomorrow is not promised, and I'm tired of feeling so...transient.
Wow, this is what I would do if I have the chance and money, to relocate everywhere but here. I always felt so out of place, always wanted to be a nomaden and thought that someday I'll find 'that' place in the future. So I guess I have to live in the present too now..
I had this exact trajectory... the years of isolation in Europe were pivotal to my growth and acceptance of the real me; the real me who has made peace with the disconnect. I probably will continue to relocate over & over; I don't see anything wrong with this anymore. I change & grow so much, it's only natural that changes in my environment will occur as well. Please go easy on yourself
fdka;fj; At 56, I feel isolated living in Poland now. This has been my life for too long with no roots anywhere. I once loved this, but not at the moment. I feel very disconnected.
As an INFJ I came to the realization that we need some form of a spiritual practice because we are more prone to spiritual awakening and that awakening within itself will bring us more peace when it comes to expecting stuff from the outside world. You really won't care as much. So meditate daily it helps bring more peace somehow... I'm speaking from experience
It sucks to be disappointed all of the time. I’ve accepted that I’ll never be fully satisfied. It is impossible to go into something new without painting some kind of picture in your mind of what you think things will be like. Every job I’ve been in I’ve done this. What ends up being the most disappointing is assuming that certain places are going to be filled with high achievers, only to find out that the majority of your coworkers are lazy or take shortcuts to get ahead. It’s also sad when you show people exactly what the problems are with the way things are being run - and they tell you that you can make those changes yourself if you’d like. So, you end up doing double the work because the last person was lazy and no one held him/her accountable. This makes me wonder why I don’t open up my own business, but then I remember how much work that would take. I snap back to reality and remember how lazy I am and that I’d become too overwhelmed if the business was losing money. Then get mad at myself for being lazy! And, get mad at myself for being mad at other people who are lazy! It’s a vicious cycle! 😒
Aww, I can so relate to what you said - that cycle's horrible, isn't it? Been having entrepreneurial thoughts, but then I'm like "ugh, but I'd have to be there all the time working long hours, or supervising, or worst yet, trust others to do it (and it's hard enough to trust others when I'm not trusting them to do things for me), and I don't want to have my time/attention so restricted... maybe it's easier working for the man instead...." but then I do so, and my coworkers are lazy to the point of doing nothing, aren't being called for it by our boss, nor am I getting paid more for being forced to catch up on the work they were supposed to, but didn't do. lol Totally feel your pain. Maybe the best thing for those of us considering our own businesses, is to try finding a way to do that with as hands off capability as possible. You know, like how redboxes make money, despite so little having to be done to upkeep them? Something like that, that provides passive income so we can free ourselves of the rat race, and do what really speaks to us in this world.
californication751 The cycle IS horrible! Trusting others to do what their supposed to do? Ha! Yeah... right!!! I see what you mean about the “hands off” capability. That would be ideal. Or, some type of app that makes a ton of money. The founder of Snapchat is worth billions right now. Why didn’t we create that?!? Let’s all start brainstorming ideas and figure out how to split the money later! :-P
In my recent disappointments, it has been with doctors/birth centers and my pregnancy/birth experiences. I am downright let down by these negligent fools!!! Do I have to go to medical school to ensure that my children and I survive? What is worse is that these docs are so used to ppl putting 100% faith in them without doing much research on their own or even much work into their health at all that they're apart of the problematic cycle of not doing enough. I don't want to be neurotic but I dont really have a choice apparently. Rant over.
@@flouncymagoo9766 wow, good luck. Yeah, wait awhile, it gets worse... but you do get used to the frustration. You can't do it all yourself & life is life. So much of it sucks that you do learn to appreciate the little joys you encounter along the way.
INFJs need to be humble, roll up their sleeves to work, encourage others and learn patience and temper their desire to get perfection IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise they will be serial saboteurs sowing discord and discontent while not achieving much. Humility is crucial as is kindness.
I work in an office FULL of sensing types. During covid we were all complaining about how hard it was to walk around or go up stairs with the masks on. I was "working" and turned around to my coworker and said "you know, I was just thinking... we find it so hard wearing these masks but Spiderman has an entire mask covering his face and he's fighting villains and swinging from building to building. How does he breathe?" She legit looked at me like I was a crazy person and said "why are you thinking about stuff like that when you're supposed to be working?" I just shrugged and turned around and continued to think about it. I don't think I was productive for the next 30 minutes. Lol!
This is the best! This co-worker sounds like a boring drag. Blech. I would have pondered with you, that perhaps it is part of his spider powers, maybe he can create a bubble of air to supplement himself with just like those diving spiders make... In any case, it is a perfectly legit question to have at any time and I'm sorry you had to deal with such an unfun person in your time of brilliance. :) Cheers!
If you see your life as a mystery, which is constantly being rediscovered, then you never become dissatisfied when you are forced to change your ideas about yourself.
I can tell you that beginning at age 25, I completely changed my anxious, pessimistic, negative self into a peaceful, positive person. I NEVER imagined I would ever be one of those people. But here I am. I know that my intuition is not always right, and I now thrive in the surprises life has for me.
As an old INFJ, I can honestly say that it's worth looking for ways out of a life of isolation and disappointment.. For me it took finding a sweet guy who's an extrovert and getting him to marry me. We raised a beautiful daughter. She's probably INFJ too, and she brings so much meaning to our lives. Also even though I usually feel horribly inadequate, I do find insights that help others, and that's fun to share. Keep looking for the joy and you may be surprised. God bless.
My mother, high school boyfriend, husband, daughter, later boyfriend were all narcissists. As an INFJ Empath, I can see behind the masks people wear until or unless they start interacting with me and then my emotions get in the way of seeing and I get caught by another narcissistic jerk. I checked out of the dating game decades ago and have become practically a hermit. It does not help that I am disabled and can't work - which enables me to be so alone. I have never fit in anywhere, so-called friends were verbally abusive or betrayed me in really sick ways. (Two childhood friends called places and ordered things to be delivered to my house -bike, pool, etc., reserved a hotel room that made my dad think mom was having an affair. They almost divorced!) People talk over me - all stuff that made me think I was crazy until I recently got the whole INFJ thing recently. Am now 68, and for over 50 years I have spent more time in a fantasy world where I am capable of doing things well and have friends than I have dealing with the painful realities of life. It did not help that my half brother molested me, prostituted me and used me in child porn from age 4 to 9 (my daughter found a black and white pic of me on the internet from then - still have not been able to get it taken down!), he was 20 yrs older than me. Man, I am so screwed up, all I do is stay in bed and either cry or fantasize. Real world, what real world? Talk about disconnect! Do not remember how I came across this channel, but it has helped me to pull my head out from under the covers and try to take steps to be a whole healthy person. Thank you so much for all you do, and the videos - and also to those who comment, because I read most of them and they help a lot too. I am not crazy, nor am I alone. You do not know how valuable that simple truth can be! Thank you all!!! And before someone says I need to get into therapy, I went through three years of intense therapy only to be told by half of the masters level therapists who were experienced in counseling victims of childhood sex abuse that what I remembered DID NOT HAPPEN! Yeah, is it any wonder that fantasy is preferable to reality? But just maybe now, this channel will help me start to heal enough to interact with others again. Thanks again!
I also feel inadequate as a new mom though it is mostly from noticing so much of everything and witnessing the time flying by like it means nothing to anyone but me. Babies grow up too fast..and I'm too busy being so horrified at all of it that it's so hard to be in the present moment..i just want to be enough and i thought it would be easier to be the most supportive mom but i am clearly seeing now just how ill-equipped I am for it to begin with. I cannot simply be careless like the others. Our upbringing means everything. Most importantly my. children probably dont need to see me being so aware, so I'll try to hide it and practice nonchalant acceptance every waking moment until I can rest peacefully at death 🙂
You articulate the INFJ brain so beautifully, Frank. I feel all of this on the deepest level. Your videos make me realize I’m not alone. I always thought I was a weirdo. Any other INFJs struggle with maladaptive daydreaming?
Intensely insightful, Frank. My business partner accuses me of being 5 years too far ahead of the curve to be useful. I see a massive awakening going on right now. The fact that we are having discussions like this is a reflection of that. It's no accident that we INFJ's are here at this time and becoming aware at this time. We have an important role to play in changes taking place.
Dharma Dharma I watch all of Victor's videos. What I love about Victor is that he totally gets that spiritual growth is all about how you live your everyday life.
My awakening began about 5 1/2 years ago. I've made some huge changes in my life and significant impacts in other people's lives, but still feel lost when it comes to where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I've long thought about an INFJ retreat - our own version of Davos, Bildeberg, or the G-20. I've been watching his tremendous growth and I believe that Frank is someone who could make that happen.
Randy That would be awesome. In my long life I have not yet met another person known to be an INFJ. To meet a group face-to-face would be way cool. Yes, Frank just might be the right guy for the job.
I recently discovered I'm an INFJ... this all hits so close to home. I was laid off about 16 months ago. I wasn't satisfied with where my career was and felt I had so much more to contribute. With the layoff (this was actually my 2nd one in 3 yrs), I saw it as an opportunity to redefine myself, so I relocated (temporarily) to a new city to take 3 months of face-to-face training in my newly selected field (a field where the ability to understand people's wants and needs is at the heart of the role, along with envisioning and communicating). I was so stoked and thought employers would clearly understand what I was trying to do, the vision I had for my career, and my potential. But, it's coming up on a year since I returned and still haven't found anything. I put so much time, effort, and thought into every application. I make sure everything about the role seems like a good fit and that I'd be able to contribute at a high level before applying, but.... NOTHING. It feels like a piece of my soul gets torn out on a daily basis with the constant rejections. An MS in engineering and 18 great yrs in tech in a variety of roles, and I don't understand what the issue is now. I'm doing as much networking as I can. It's like I'm being punished for thinking big and wanting to do more with my life, by trying to apply my gifts towards a career that would matter to me and others. My former colleagues who didn't have such dreams are all employed again and have moved on with their lives. I'm the only one still suffering like this. I tried to do my own business about 7 months ago. The vision was there, but as I got into it, it felt like I was getting in too far over my head. I'm trying to support my wife and 2 kids, and it just didn't feel right. Sometimes I feel foolish for dreaming like this, and for not being able to just settle with where I was. I've learned the extraordinarily hard way that this isn't how most people think. Since I've lost so much now, I'm applying to jobs that I used to be able to do in my sleep. But I'm not getting calls for these either... I'm told it is because I've been out of work for so long and it looks bad. WTH, this all is unconscionable. I just pray now for the right person to come along and finally understand what I'm about.
I feel like I have recently woken up from some sort of childish lifelong delusion of what I thought the world was like: I thought everyone were honorable, I believed people generally tried thier hardest all the time, I believed people were basically good-that only hurt people hurt people....I lost that perspective after moving from VT to MA. It's really sad. It socially shuts me down and makes me not want to have anything to do with anyone on any real level. So I basically walk around dissociated now...very much like being trapped in a dream state except numb. I have no idea what it would take to get myself back but I hate who I've become. How's that for raw honesty? Why is it so much easier to be so honest with strangers?
Focus on your own ideal life without being bound to the chains of the world. That is all you can and could do, also, help others when they ask for help.
I had the same thing when i was in high school when my parents had a really big fight ,it was like a click in my head i felt numb every thing became so clear to me ,i was scared and liberated at the same time cause i was no longer trying to avoid seeing the bad side of people .If you want to be the good person you would look up to if you were your younger self you need that awakening .
I feel you. It happens to all truly good people at some point. This world is a dark place, period. If there is something to hold on to it's that Some do have light in them,some days. And we can choose each day to make a difference each day by how we react to the world.
YAS. Just yesterday I was thinking "I'm constantly thinking about the future, what I see will happen, what could, what I could do to change it that I've lost sense of what is happening in the present. Having a busy life, it feels like future is a retreat because the present makes me feel like I can't really live in it because its so busy. I can't make the most out of my time because I've got my career to work on. For my creativity, friends, family and love, I will work on all that in the futute. " and.. It feels like I'm not in the present and not in the future either, but trying to live the future which hasn't even happened yet. It's all in my head
This "disconnection" you talk about reminds me of the belief that I'm designed to be alone in this world because reality and relationships don't align with my mind and personality. You're a cool dude. I wish I could have gotten to know you in grade school... although I was painfully shy and scared of everyone.
andrielisilien all of us, painfully shy, isolated children trying to look and act normal. Ugghhhh. Those were the hardest years of my life and no one had a clue...
The dichotomy that's ruled my life: the crushing reality of life as a wistful dreamer. This is probably going to sound melodramatic (something I'm not), but it would seem almost impossible to sustain one's life as an INFJ here. It's so painful and chronically disappointing. Without a life partner to keep you in a social setting with help to sort it all out, it's no wonder so many of us become hermits. The disconnect is real...and how much pain are we supposed to take?
nywvblue I've been in solitary confinement hermit mode almost 5 years now. No job, friends, family, nothing. Except court. High stress, I can't believe I'm still breathing. Breathing and thinking is about all I do.
Yessss. I was just telling someone that I’m at the point in my life where I’ve accepted that I’m the only person who will ever truly get me. I feel like I’m better alone because everything and everyone is disappointing. But even alone, I’m disappointed in myself lol. It feels like a no-win situation. Being an INFJ is no joke, man. 😬
INFJs - Theater of the mind. Abstract perceptions at the speed of light . . . Our "normal." It's a beautiful gift. And when you find another INFJ, it's a blessing! ~Thank you for your channel.~ ✨💫🙇🙏🙇💫✨
I was contemplating the possibility of being Autistic when I got to this video. I've always Known Im an Introvert, but the disconnection I feel from reality has always been so present that I actually thought I could be something beyond introversion, like Autism, Bipolar Disorder or even Schyzofrenia. Nothing in this world explains what I feel better than your videos and the INFJ profile. Kudos, man. Keep up the videos, please. So many of us need them.
Cybelle i have always been sure that i was autistic in some tipe of level before i realize that I exist as something rare "INFJ". I read books about the brand trying to find out in what way i am disconectet with the world or reality, or people or too cenected somehow. But yes there is a bunch of us. Not as many as the others but we exist, we are not a dream. :-)
Same here. My best friend - who is working with young autistic people - told me that he was thinking I might be autistic to some degree. I was shocked and offended, not because it has to be a bad thing in general, but because to me, my mental health and my intellect are my most precious belongings. After some time, I was ready to believe that I am not normal, not functioning right, mentally ill at some level. So, what I'm trying to say here... I feel like these videos are slowly shifting me back to a point where I can trust in myself, rather than trusting in what the crowd believes to know about me. Not only Frank, talking like he is reading straight from my mind, but also the comments of like minded people who are experiencing (exactly?! wtf?) the same things. I am very grateful for that.
This video hits my nail right on it's head!!! I remember hours of agony over the years thinking I just don't belong here, in this time or this place. Maybe if I lived in a simpler time... or maybe if I lived in a more advanced time life would be better, happier, less painful. I came to think I was naive, like my first time in a pancake restaurant I didn't understand why the waitress didn't serve my pancakes with peanut butter on them. I thought the whole WORLD ate pancakes that way. As I grew up, an older, and very wise friend of mine said I was not naive, but unassuming; like being hurt by deception or betrayal because it never dawned on me (didn't assume) that people thought like that, or would actually do those things to me. I was accused of being too tender hearted, wearing my heart on my sleeve, not tough enough. I remember my dad saying that I needed to toughen up or the world was going to eat me alive. Hard as I tried, I didn't seem to be able to grow a thicker skin, or 'toughen up'. But I did learn not to put so much emphasis on what others said or did. That helped a lot. And then one day, my father was told her had lung cancer. I was sitting next to him and he was quiet... I was trying to talk to him about how he felt, (very difficult with a stoic person) and I asked if he was afraid. He said that he wasn't afraid yet because no one said it was going to kill him. (So not projecting his fears and dying a thousand deaths before he even knew the facts). Then I asked him how he kept his mind from not just worrying about it all the time (as mine always does) and he gave me perhaps the best advice I have ever received... and something that helped me specifically as an INFJ. He said "I don't dwell on it." Those words hit me like a thunderbolt..... Don't dwell on it. So simple and so profound at the same time. I realized that I was not living in the moment,... not in reality and WAS dwelling on everything that I had no power over... therefore life was painful for me and I felt displaced. (Sadly my father did pass from the cancer) but his gift of succinct, pragmatic advice is just one of the things he gave me that lives on. With help through counseling, treatment for anxiety, and using the tools he and my counselor gave me has made my life livable, thrive-able even. Maybe not dwelling on things will help you my INFJ brothers and sisters... if it does... pass it on. Sorry for rambling.... but it takes me a while to get it all out. :)
Yes.. That's what I feel my whole life, but never found another person that would understand me.. We, INFJs are always thinking on the future and how things could go right or wrong and if I feel it will go wrong I'm already (in the past) trying to find a solution to that (possible) problem in the future.. Sometimes I feel that I'm an Alien, because it's so hard to find someone like me.. My mom is also an INFJ.. She is the only in my family that understands me..
J. Peter Is funny you said you feel as an Alien. I could relate with you in the way of future thinking, and the feeling that what I might imagine might not happen the way I thought it would be. Even though I am not an INFJ, it feels as I can connect...
The biggest disconnect for me was my self-blindness. I didn't see how my strong feelings skewed (what I thought) were logical judgments. Because of this, I set up every relationship, situation, and even my own self-image, for disappointment. Now I monitor my inner dreamer for unrealistic expectations and check it with reality. Growing the sensing function helps deal creatively with the status quo. INFJ on, y'all!
We tend to create wonderful worlds in our interior brain world. Actual reality never lives up to our mental creations. Yes, disappointing. It’ll always be that way. You’ve got to live to deal with the disconnect. It’ll never change.
This painful trait of INFJs that's just been discussed here is actually what has caused my depression. I had no friends in middle school and when A-levels started I had built up a whole fantasy world on what my friends will be like and how much happier I am going to be then. I imagined things I totally do not want to mention here. And when the people in this class turned out to be just as toxic as the last ones, I fell into a deep hole I am still not fully out of yet.
It'd hard living in a world full of children who don't know how to behave, can't listen, know nothing about everything important and everything about things that are not. Tires me out.!
IPJ Bradley , precisely. My problem is I am married to one and trying to figure out HOW that happened. He has no interest in news, music (except heavy metal bands and old school rap), religion, the arts, politics, history, etc. I was clearly blindsided into thinking that was okay before I married him. These topics are all very important to me and my sanity.
Luann Kelly Combs Lol maybe just try to focus on what you do have in common, even if it's only say, good sex and loving popcorn. My husband and I have NOTHING in common. But, I do appreciate him for who he is, and what he does like (even if that is guns and football lmao) We have tried to show interest in each others interests, but that didn't work, so instead we focus on loving and appreciating each other for who we are. Actually, I did turn him vegan 2 years ago, and he still is, so we have that, but I digress...sorry for the ramble, just my 2 cents!
@@luanntexascitizen4345 Almost. Almost fell into that same trap. My mum turned him down in his proposal or rather his mum who insisted. Saved me. Split up recently and besides some things. I just shake my head cant relate. Lol.
I think it's especially hard when your expectations of loved ones are shattered. People open up to us so quick about everything and it makes us trust them despite a long-standing pattern of being constantly disappointed by the ones you trust. Especially in dating. Things get too intense too fast cause people open up so damn quick that if they aren't ready it scares the hell out of them and they ghost. And here I am thinking "they'd never do that. look at everything they've shared with me - they're so compassionate and strong of heart and mind. They can be a mature person in my life I don't have to worry about just leaving me out of nowhere." And then they leave without a trace. And even though it happens every time, I just never see it coming. I'm always thinking about the lessons I've learned from the past will help me to live a better future and find better people who fit into the design of my life. And sometimes that happens. But when it comes to trust it always ends up shattered cause I'm just too idealistic.
This exact whole thing literally has happened to me the last 2-3 situations while dating. I’m glad someone also relates. I don’t understand it at all. It’s mind boggling and it’s so very hurtful and disappointment. Can’t ever feel comfortable for long. 😔
This is all way too true. I build up ideas of people in my head and use that as a basis of intimacy, an intimacy that is only in my head as an idealistic conception
Can relate. Lately I'm trying to teach myself how to accept whatever happens, whatever life brings up and stay cool with it. Sometimes I succeed and move on fast, other times I still think about it and analyse and replay what could've happened and what actually happened in my head. I figured that it all depend on my mood, or as you said in your previous video - "battery charge", if I still have the power then I let go, If my battery is running low I relive a "groundhog day" in my head.
Really? My friend send it to me and said that it kinda looks like me, so I used it. Checked your paintings and I must say they're wonderful! Love your art =)
Watching your videos has been amazing. It’s very helpful. Life can be surreal for me. you are expressing exactly how I feel. I’m actually having these chats with a counselor (some I don’t reveal) about why my life isn’t the way (not even close!!!) I thought it should be. I am very aware of my obsessive repetitive thoughts and ideas. I’m so disappointed in reality 🤦🏻♀️😂 in most of humanity..I don’t feel or look my physical age (41 and look late 20s) yet physically I feel old, beat up, and like I have five circus performers standing on my shoulders. My body absorbs energy and I’m doing all I can to release it! Do you ever stand back and watch a crowd and it’s as if you are literally invisible? I look out my window all the time across the street at this couple that is obsessed with their yard. No weeds. Flowers. Lawn ornaments and they work on it together. I believe they are retirees. I love nature, but there is no way in hell I wanna do that? It’s like watching a sitcom that isn’t teal
I had this same problem, it can be extremely painful when your vision of the future is not compatible with reality. But you shouldn't become pessimistic and nihilistic because reality didn't fulfill all your dreams right away, you should see it as honest feedback. If anything, reality is just trying to tell you that; hey I appreciate your ideas but they need some tweaking and changing because you haven't quite got it yet. In my personal experience, what reality has in mind for you is actually way better than the fantasy you originally had in mind. But you need to be humble to see that, you can't arrogantly keep clinging to all your ideas and try to strong-arm them to reality. Rather, you need to see your vision as a constant refining process. I think you should cling to your optimism, creativity, love and idealism, but don't cling to too much to the specifics of how these are going to manifest in reality. Because love needs an element of surprise, dictatorially trying to control the manifestation of reality is not love, it's arrogance.
Wow. My wiser ( now older!) self would say exactly the same thing, Joey. Unfortunately, my everyday self gets stressed out, bored and frustrated. I forget that reality has a way of delivering even better things than an INFJ can imagine! Thank you for reminding me of the goodies that I have received in life when I stayed true to my idealism, but didn't "strong-arm" reality.
My mom genuily believed I had some kind of autism or asperger (she's an educator and went to a seminar about how to work around kids with those conditions). After she told me that I said to myself, "hum, it could be. Kinda makes sense." In 2017, I did my first "personality test" and I was mistyped due to me answering as who I believed I was instead of who I really am. I answered as the "ideal me". No wonder so many people I look up to "have" that personality (ENFP). My dead ass believed I was that one. However, it wasn't the case. I've been taking the test every year since (year 2: ENFP; year 3: ENFJ) and it wasn't until this year when I finally hit INFJ, in not just one, but various tests. It described that part of me that rules my mind - the idealistic boy. Your videos has helped me understand more about this and I can finally say "I am this. Now I understand me." Lucky enough, it "just" took me 20 years to recognize myself.
You are my FAVORITE TH-camr on the INFJ personality type. I love your dry sense of humor! You make me laugh. I'm glad to be an INFJ. Thanks for helping me understand myself... and with humor.
as an INTJ i related more than i could imagine.... life not being as i planned frustrates me deeply and puts me in a spiral thinking how did things come out as they did and what can i do to make things better in the future. and sometimes i get really sad about everything feeling that it was all my own fault. =(
Part of our calling in life is to bring abstract conceptualized thinking to everyday people but in a way that each individual can understand for themselves. I think (think) when you look at being an INFJ as a difficult life it can be made even more difficult but that would depend on HOW you look at being an INFJ. So, I guess I could say, "I know I am an INFJ, it is difficult, sometimes lonely sometimes hurtful bc I internalize pain and I am an idealist but now what? What is it that I am to do with this challenge? I cannot take back my type. I cannot make myself un-alone ( no such word, bear with me here). I don't want to be Martin Luther King bc he was way too famous, I don't desire fame. I have to realize why I am here; me. I do great things within my own world. One good deed at a time. Being a helper grows my self confidence, my love for self and others". Some people are meant to live a life that requires a lot of alone time. Being an INFJ requires us to be alone. It also requires us to connect with society but let's say only 30% at a time. Your brain is hardwired like this bc this who you are suppose to be and you must find a way to make good with it. There's nothing glamorous about this but there is nothing tragic either. Life does get better and much easier as you get older so as long as you are not allowing your type to make you a victim. Do I get lonely? Why hell yes I do. I also get over it. People make me more lonelier than alone time does.
Everyday is like my brain thinks ''Oh, so this is what I've got? Nah not enough let's return in my daydream'' Destructive, I can't change it but I really want to control it. In my head my life could be much better and sometimes even the rarest things seems possible. Then I crush into reality and here it comes the deep disappointment 😢
we're just the invisible counselor interjecting ideas into people's heads to help them with problems we can clearly see how to fix but those ideas just become a part of their own minds and they forget you were even there at all.
This is PRECISELY what I'm having a depressive episode about right now. Realizing how helpful I'm being, but not getting any credit. In the past I never wanted credit, but now I see that mindset has kept me broke, so I'm trying to help more "overtly" so I not just the invisible supporter that sounds crazy when I mention how I've contributed to the success.... but it's soooo hard to break out of that role... I just keep seeing everyone around me win due to my support, while trying to manufacture my own support system but people have a hard time understanding how to support me so it's a battle even speaking my simple needs 😢😢😢😂 what a life 😅
I have literally been crushed lately by the lack of goodness and the let downs and disappointments I’ve been facing. This answers SO many questions for me. My fiancé always tells me I have a child like outlook on the world in that I’m always seeing things in a positive light and expecting the best and when reality hits I’m crushed. He always tells me how I need to be more realistic like him but now that I see that it’s idealism, I have a huge role in this relationship and society as a whole. Wow. Thank you!
Wow, this was so refreshing to hear this video! Thank you. I have dealt w/ being a very trusting, naïve INFJ most of my life! It took ppl hurting me, from my father (heartless)my ex's, ppl that I thought were friends to hurt me, to realize my expections & reality are ugghh...Ive had ppl say I'm too honest, or idealist, but then I hear that I need to be more positive (after having several heartbreaks). It really is very hard to be an INFJ in the crazy world. We have good hearts, but for me I cant seem to find anyone worthy or trusting. And Ive been single for a long time too. That’s a big challenge for me.
You have saved me from a mountain of wasted time in therapy and a lifetime of frustration and bewilderment. May all the Gods and Goddesses smile upon you forever. Thank you 🙏.
Yeah a good while back I realized this as well. But I came to the decision that even if it seems overly naive and innocent, I always want to look at this world that way. I always want to hope and wait on better from myself and the events that unfold, even if I know it's likely to be another way. I think part of what makes INFJs strange in the energy they give off is because despite the moral idealism that they try to surround and fill themselves with, they're still almost constantly conscious of the darkness creeping in from the corners. It's like knowing or feeling two contradictory things at once.
both my parents are ISFJ, and my dad always tells me to lower my expectations for the world because it is not how I see it or wish it to be/how I believe it should be. I honestly like it though; it makes my ideas more realistic or helps me apply them more to reality/alter them if this makes any sense
Thank you, again. I've been trying to find a video like this for awhile haha you have helped me figure myself out a little more and to know that I'm not the only one that thinks like this.
For the first time in my 37 years of existence I feel seen. I feel known. I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I’ve only recently discovered I’m an INFJ and things are starting to make so much sense now. Forever grateful for your videos. I feel so much relief in my soul knowing I’m really not alone. Watching your videos is like watching a male version of me talking, and I get so excited to see you pop across my feed. You’re amazing ❤
Watched this in the morning, 3 minutes after you posted. It really hit home and got me out of a negative cycle that I was in for a few days. A harsher one on one but now coming to the end of a great awoke day. Love the videos. Enjoying the journey even more. May we continue to learn and grow✌🏼
"Society needs us out there". Hahaha - thank you, I needed my mission assignment for the day, so, I'll be out there in our society today, again. P.S. You change guitars almost as much as I change underwear. Although, I don't have underwear displayed on my walls, mostly. Bahahaha, stay cool bro.
I just discovered I am an INFJ and had one of these let's downs like never before, and was sent into a deep depression as a result. You're videos are shedding alot of light, and I appreciate it.
@Frank James - Absolutely love your video. As an INFJ, I've learned some time ago not to become attached to my ideals. Attachment creates suffering. Never give up in your pursuits but at the same time, be ready for any potential outcome.
Okay, so he just said what's actually goes on in my mind. Always making up things in my head, and expecting them to happen in reality, and then it doesn't and I'm disappointed( depressed as well:).. feeling that I'm just not like the people around me, i am weird, and leftout, not good enough...these feelings sucks. Also i really want a person who i can talk about these, and can feel this way. Btw, there is so many people like that! I'm not alone, it's really nice to know that!
Hey Frank, I struggled with that for a long period. The disappointments and disillusion fed my internal angry monster to the point of cynicism. Actually, the difference between what my external observations were and what I internally perceived was one of the main reasons why I tried to understand myself and others, which led me to cognitive functions and many other psychological ideas. INFJs tend to see the potential of a thing as you said in other words, how it could be in a near ideal state (not going into if an ideal state is possible or not). Humans with their inconsistencies of thought, emotions, and behavior are nowhere near ideal. As I learned more about human nature and why we do what we do, it has helped me reach inner peace. I was able to perceive the world as a realistic idealist (not fond of labels but for brevity). I start with where I am or the person is at now, understand why/how it is so, and if they want to I share how they can reach more of their potential. It's a journey for sure. I'm on mine anyway. Your vids are a treat and those MBTI sites sprout everywhere. I may have found some that are insightful. I'll look up my links and share them in one of your vids. Best wishes.
Relatable content and so well expressed, nothing compares to my imagination- always disappointed; people, travel, life never seem to measure up to my expectations. Thanks from a fellow INFJ. There is comfort in knowing so many of us experience this phenomenon. Now back to visionaring 😜
I know you are a INFJ. You seem far better overall as one. Than I am by far. Love your videos. My current job is at a chicken plant. It should be obvious it matter little in the world. Every job I have ever had. Matted little.
Appreciate your reflections on those of us classified INFJ. Spot on, once again Frank! College was surreal compared to that which I had anticipated; Disappointed, Yes. Regarding the disparity between reality & how we perceive ourselves: I believe that is what as known as the "critical observing ego."
This is my life! This. Is. My. Life. I feel like I need to watch this first thing every single morning to remind myself about reality before my brain dives into my unrealistic fantasies about how my day is going to go. Disappointed at the end of every single day. I wish I knew this earlier in life. Living with chronic pain makes this harder. Not only do I have higher expectations for myself than other types have for themselves, but my brain constantly chooses to ignore the limitations of my body and capabilities due to chronic pain. It’s exhausting! Thanks for sharing this
"My unrealistic fantasies about how my day is going to go." I wish too I could shut off my intuition and how I perceive the way things are going to go and then they dont. You nailed it.👍
@@emmarae4322 I've since been diagnosed with ADHD and after a long and thorough investigation into what exactly ADHD is and how it effects the person, now my whole entire life makes sense!!
"I think that's why we are obsessive about self-improvement is because we never really live up to our expectations of ourselves" What you said kinda makes me wonder.. Which personality that doesn't need self-improvement stuff and they always really live up their expectations?
Brilliant. This was posted 3 years ago. I just worked out it is 290 months, 1262 weeks since I abandoned my dreams. Thank you for your diplomacy and channel. You are spot on in my humble oppinion Frank. Thank you 👏
I love your channel... I've been binge watching your videos for a few days now and I can't get enough... I myself am an infj and your videos help me so much in truly understanding myself and I feel like I'm not totally crazy and not alone in this world 🤗
I took the MB in 1980s and then again recently with same type, INFJ. I fortunately went into the medical field in a niche that has allowed me to use my personality type very well to help people. This, along with a great marriage with a compatible person for 20 yrs, my faith, I enjoy my personality type.
I totally agree with the point to which you arrived. I also don't want to cancel my imaginations and my projections in the future, but I've learned that they're just something in my mind and I have to understand that the real world is not the world in my ideas.. and yes, I think temperate is the right verb to use! And as you can imagine, now I feel really good 'cause I feel understood ahaha
OMG. Yaaaaaassssssss!!!!! Nothing is ever as good as we imagine it in our minds. We have unusually high expectations. So reality consistently lets us down. In a way, we are the ultimate optimists and perfectionists. And “real life” never measures up.
“Huh, this is a little different from what’s in my mind.” Riiiiight?! Yes, everything is vivid and beautiful and interconnected. OMG I LOVE HOW YOURE DESCRIBING THIS!
loved the pen throw :) I think INFJs are so good at seeing what needs to be changed and inspiring others to enact change.. people tend to trust us. Maybe not on an MLK level though ;)
"Learn to temper your expectations a little bit..." I had to learn that lesson a long time ago, and I'm glad I did. People say I'm being too cynical or pessimistic, but it's nice to hear these thoughts from someone else who gets it.
You are in your head a lot. When I was your age and prior to having my daughter, I was the same. What I realized after becoming a parent was how little my overall impression of the world mattered. LOL. It will be interesting to see if you still feel this way and have these thoughts if you decide to become a parent.
Christine T Yes. I became a parent several times, did everything I could to raise them the best I could, and still wonder about the important things that got shoved to the side when I was too busy to think. Now that they are grown I am right back to trying to figure out who am I now?
INFP over here and I can relate to the reality thing. I expect WAY too much out of people. Always disappointed...always expecting just as much effort as i give out. Always let down. lol.
I'm an artist and musician and have never been satisfied with my own work. Hate to hear my own recordings, hate to know where every "mistake" in my drawings or paintings are... And I'm sure I'm a hack, because everyone else's work is so much better.
Nah man. You don't have to believe in yourself to make your art, just keep making it! And remember that the more good you're becoming at it, the higher your standards will be. Don't listen to the inner critic. One book I recommend is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It really helps dealing with the inner critic. If you can't read it, I urge you to do a research on the morning pages. But either way, keep creating! Just know that you'll never be satisfied or feel accomplished with your art. But it's really worth it because creativity is all you have
You summed it up perfectly when you suggested not getting tied up and what you expect to happen. It's all about possibilities. The good news is that you do have the power to make those possibilities reality.
Frank: WONDERFUL video! - THANK YOU SO MUCH! - clarifies me to myself and my view of the world. Fitting scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together at long last is BEYOND exhilerating ...
Good description. I much appreciate it. I brlieve that if we can see it, it can happen. However, I learned to delete the expectation part of my vision and temper or tailor my vision to where people or society is at (whay you said at the very end of this video) ... then I can have small victories within that vision for the reality if I prop up or bolster up people's POV or am able to get them to release their personal belief constraints. But it's tough work, and I rarely get credit for it though it's not about the credit because the fulfillment of even part of the vision is gratifying, and what's even more gratifying is seeing people experience meeting a potential they previously didn't know they could. As an INFJ, I am a huge optimist. If in the past I had the most disappointing or trying day and felt defeated, I knew that all I needed was a good night's sleep to reset myself, and the next day I'd be optimistic again. But removing the expectation helped a great deal. No expectations means no disappointments. The gratification is in the doing or the journey for us.
I think my favorite oversimplified characterization of INFJs is "Advocate." I see what's wrong with the world and now it could be better--and it hurts me *so much*--that I want to direct my passion into improving things . . . but from behind the scenes. Oh, gawd, I wouldn't want to be a PUBLIC LEADER or anything horrifying like that!
Me too!! I’m a nurse. I got very sick two years ago and was treated horribly. I just want to help people cause I know I will go the extra mile and treat others as family. I was a nurse for special needs children and I have a kid with adhd. I would love to start a foundation for kids.
I don't think I've ever cracked up so much listening to someone ramble about the INFJ reality (unreality?)! Thanks for helping us to not take ourselves so seriously all the time.
YES! I think a lot about why INFJ's, aka me, are so easily prone to depression. I think part of it is the dominant Ni, that frequent detachment from sense of self. But now I'm wondering if constant disappointment could contribute to it. Disappointment adds up and may lead to hopelessness & negative thought spirals. Just a thought. Great advice!
Very good observation, that's what happens if infj loose their sense of self, not only that depression is so severe that our mind gets stuck in that cycle, its hard to break, but it can be done.
I remember when I was a little girl I asked my mum if she sometimes feels like she's detached from her body like she's there but she isn't and my mum asked me to explain it so I tried but she never understood what I meant to say.. now I think I understand where that's coming from.
I wasn’t able to articulate that disconnect until now. This is a huge coping method you’ve found here FJ thank you for sharing. I know I’m super late to the powwow but jeez man I have to run through your catalog bc you got some juicy knowledge. Ty
Haya Art115 Sometimes it's the best safest place to be. I asked my ex (before he was) one day what he would do if he were alone in a room. He said watch TV. I said, No, you are alone in the room, there is no TV. Then he said he would read a book. He clearly wasn't understanding. (Ugh....why do I always have to explain common sense to people?) So I spelled it all out for him like the child that he is: No, you are alone in a room, lets make this easy. It's a padded room with no windows and a single light bulb from the ceiling but you can't reach it. What would you do? haha, he just stared at me, his face started turning red, and for the first time he was speechless trying to comprehend a place he did not ever want to be, alone with himself. He just walked away from me without answering.
I’m amazed! I’ve been criticized and ridiculed my entire life because of my visionary characteristic, of being “idealistic”. Every characteristic you’ve described in this video is true of me. I’ve learned to recognize the people who do not see possibilities and nor have the desire to make changes. I’m learning to accept them as they are, not try to change them. But, I also am learning to quickly recognize certain personalities that stifle my idealism. I’m learning to protect and preserve my true personality.
this paired with strong Fe is nearly driving me to depression - because of foreseeing clearly the results of impending ecological disaster, the effect it will have on so many people and animals (already 6th extinction), seeing clearly how it could be avoided, but not enough people giving a shit esp those in power to make a difference, and I feel like I'm in the passenger seat of a car driving straight into a wall, not able to do anything.
From one infj to another , I feel you. It's 1974 and I burst out in tears in a restaurant with a friend. They asked me what was wrong and I said it wasn't me it was the earth and they looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Which I hadn't. I felt it even then that the Earth was suffering because of us covering it up meaning with buildings and Roads and hurting it with chemicals and pollution. Have you looked into any of the studies on water being a carrier of information? Whenever I use water I always send a blessing and gratitude. Because water circulates around the world through rain, streams, Rivers, pipes, included in packaging for fruits and vegetables in juices Etc. So there's a very simple yet direct way that you can personally impact the planet especially considering that were 75% water are both on a personal level and on a global level. I don't know how to say the man's named but he studied exposing water to words and then freezing and looking at the crystals. I hope in some way this helps you. I wish the very best to all who read this!
Gosh this really hit the nail on the head for me. A good term I have begun to use is "future tripping" regarding the tendency to jump into the future and imaginarily live out all the potential possibility and strife that has yet to be or may not be.
Thanks for saying all the things that were in my peripheral vision and putting it all right in my frontal sight. I really appreciate the mantra: my imagination is not what reality is..... I'm going to remember this ❤
![What it's like to have Inferior Extraverted Sensing [INFJ and INTJ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/p_f6gf0a0i4/mqdefault.jpg)
🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ th-cam.com/video/AwATt5_nXNM/w-d-xo.html ⭐
Veeeery useful ! Thank you !
So right that's why I'm prophetically correct
You're very real and very astute. I was so idealist that I didn't even know I was idealistic.
Make a group of infj’s come together and bring those visions to life with the help of other like minded mbti types
Frank James I guess I have come to realises that I have being hiding myself away from people that it is time I told my story to everyone I guess I have being hurt in the past that I don't want to get hurt anymore I am someone with a passion of love for animals I kind of hide my talents and my gift what can I do frank
"Obsessing with the idea of improving yourself"...*exhales and melts into a sand dune*
You get me.
Stephanie Douglass I love your descriptions.😁
375 people get you... and 374 get me！omg
Stephanie Douglass dating becomes impossible. People seem to be road blocks & their problems are struggles we have everyday but somehow manage without constantly complaining
I read your comment exactly as he said it in the video. Now I get to go on the roller coaster of contemplating incessantly why this kind of thing happens to me daily.. lol
It's exhausting.
This made me cry. I'm crying. I just learned the term "INFJ" today. After feeling misunderstood and alone my whole life...wow. I'm really not alone.
glad you're here :)
I just discovered yesterday it brought tears to my eyes as well finally being able to understand why I’m so different from anyone I’ve ever met tears of joy and sadness people here understand lol
Silenced Symphony no You’re not alone there’s a few of us out here willing to help Anyone
Now I can get on with my life thank you 🙏
My strong points are I know what people are going to do before they even do it I try to warn them about it but it usually doesn’t work they don’t understand and they never will
I like dreams, sometimes so much I don't want to wake up :)
Even the scary ones are fun
This is so true!!
Me too I’ve even gone back to a dream because it’s not over.
Same!!
Bruh whenever I dream almost all of them are nightmares
And I dream like twice a month for some reason
"for INFJs life is a series of disappointments." Laughed my ass off when he said that. True.
I chuckled when he said that. I'm like yep mine is. Lol
I was a loner in high school. But I didn't care because I looked forward to college where I was going to finally be the 'real' me. Then when college disappointed, it was where I lived, so I was determined to live in the city so I could finally be the 'real' me. When I still barely went out, I finally moved abroad to Europe so I could finally be the 'real' me. Oddly enough, I think I have made the most self improvement by being so utterly isolated from everything I know. I worry that I will feel this urge to relocate over and over again because of this disconnect. But I do think I am getting the hang of myself better now.
I was doing the "move a lot because of hope thing" too for awhile.
Same here!! I've been trying to find a way to move to Germany for several years, pretty much since I moved back home after a teaching stint in Japan. I kept telling myself that I would focus on trying to change careers to something more fulfilling than my current profession and that once I got to Germany I would put down roots, develop the amazing social life I've never had, and meet my future husband. I'm just now starting to realize that I have to live in the present because tomorrow is not promised, and I'm tired of feeling so...transient.
Wow, this is what I would do if I have the chance and money, to relocate everywhere but here. I always felt so out of place, always wanted to be a nomaden and thought that someday I'll find 'that' place in the future. So I guess I have to live in the present too now..
I had this exact trajectory... the years of isolation in Europe were pivotal to my growth and acceptance of the real me; the real me who has made peace with the disconnect. I probably will continue to relocate over & over; I don't see anything wrong with this anymore. I change & grow so much, it's only natural that changes in my environment will occur as well. Please go easy on yourself
fdka;fj; At 56, I feel isolated living in Poland now. This has been my life for too long with no roots anywhere. I once loved this, but not at the moment. I feel very disconnected.
As an INFJ I came to the realization that we need some form of a spiritual practice because we are more prone to spiritual awakening and that awakening within itself will bring us more peace when it comes to expecting stuff from the outside world. You really won't care as much.
So meditate daily it helps bring more peace somehow... I'm speaking from experience
I'm not clinically proven to be an INFJ as yet. But this is 100% true. I really want to join ISCKON and be a spiritual practioner forever.
It sucks to be disappointed all of the time. I’ve accepted that I’ll never be fully satisfied. It is impossible to go into something new without painting some kind of picture in your mind of what you think things will be like. Every job I’ve been in I’ve done this. What ends up being the most disappointing is assuming that certain places are going to be filled with high achievers, only to find out that the majority of your coworkers are lazy or take shortcuts to get ahead. It’s also sad when you show people exactly what the problems are with the way things are being run - and they tell you that you can make those changes yourself if you’d like. So, you end up doing double the work because the last person was lazy and no one held him/her accountable.
This makes me wonder why I don’t open up my own business, but then I remember how much work that would take. I snap back to reality and remember how lazy I am and that I’d become too overwhelmed if the business was losing money. Then get mad at myself for being lazy! And, get mad at myself for being mad at other people who are lazy! It’s a vicious cycle! 😒
Aww, I can so relate to what you said - that cycle's horrible, isn't it?
Been having entrepreneurial thoughts, but then I'm like "ugh, but I'd have to be there all the time working long hours, or supervising, or worst yet, trust others to do it (and it's hard enough to trust others when I'm not trusting them to do things for me), and I don't want to have my time/attention so restricted... maybe it's easier working for the man instead...." but then I do so, and my coworkers are lazy to the point of doing nothing, aren't being called for it by our boss, nor am I getting paid more for being forced to catch up on the work they were supposed to, but didn't do. lol Totally feel your pain.
Maybe the best thing for those of us considering our own businesses, is to try finding a way to do that with as hands off capability as possible. You know, like how redboxes make money, despite so little having to be done to upkeep them? Something like that, that provides passive income so we can free ourselves of the rat race, and do what really speaks to us in this world.
californication751 The cycle IS horrible! Trusting others to do what their supposed to do? Ha! Yeah... right!!!
I see what you mean about the “hands off” capability. That would be ideal. Or, some type of app that makes a ton of money. The founder of Snapchat is worth billions right now. Why didn’t we create that?!?
Let’s all start brainstorming ideas and figure out how to split the money later! :-P
In my recent disappointments, it has been with doctors/birth centers and my pregnancy/birth experiences. I am downright let down by these negligent fools!!! Do I have to go to medical school to ensure that my children and I survive? What is worse is that these docs are so used to ppl putting 100% faith in them without doing much research on their own or even much work into their health at all that they're apart of the problematic cycle of not doing enough. I don't want to be neurotic but I dont really have a choice apparently.
Rant over.
@@flouncymagoo9766 wow, good luck. Yeah, wait awhile, it gets worse... but you do get used to the frustration. You can't do it all yourself & life is life. So much of it sucks that you do learn to appreciate the little joys you encounter along the way.
INFJs need to be humble, roll up their sleeves to work, encourage others and learn patience and temper their desire to get perfection IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise they will be serial saboteurs sowing discord and discontent while not achieving much. Humility is crucial as is kindness.
I work in an office FULL of sensing types. During covid we were all complaining about how hard it was to walk around or go up stairs with the masks on. I was "working" and turned around to my coworker and said "you know, I was just thinking... we find it so hard wearing these masks but Spiderman has an entire mask covering his face and he's fighting villains and swinging from building to building. How does he breathe?"
She legit looked at me like I was a crazy person and said "why are you thinking about stuff like that when you're supposed to be working?"
I just shrugged and turned around and continued to think about it. I don't think I was productive for the next 30 minutes. Lol!
This is the best! This co-worker sounds like a boring drag. Blech. I would have pondered with you, that perhaps it is part of his spider powers, maybe he can create a bubble of air to supplement himself with just like those diving spiders make...
In any case, it is a perfectly legit question to have at any time and I'm sorry you had to deal with such an unfun person in your time of brilliance. :) Cheers!
Spider Man 😂 creative answer
If you see your life as a mystery, which is constantly being rediscovered, then you never become dissatisfied when you are forced to change your ideas about yourself.
THIS, thank you for speaking my thoughts.
I can tell you that beginning at age 25, I completely changed my anxious, pessimistic, negative self into a peaceful, positive person. I NEVER imagined I would ever be one of those people. But here I am.
I know that my intuition is not always right, and I now thrive in the surprises life has for me.
As an old INFJ, I can honestly say that it's worth looking for ways out of a life of isolation and disappointment..
For me it took finding a sweet guy who's an extrovert and getting him to marry me. We raised a beautiful daughter. She's probably INFJ too, and she brings so much meaning to our lives. Also even though I usually feel horribly inadequate, I do find insights that help others, and that's fun to share. Keep looking for the joy and you may be surprised. God bless.
Laura Evenhouse "getting him to marry me" Goals!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Same here. It’s pretty cool. ❤️
My mother, high school boyfriend, husband, daughter, later boyfriend were all narcissists. As an INFJ Empath, I can see behind the masks people wear until or unless they start interacting with me and then my emotions get in the way of seeing and I get caught by another narcissistic jerk. I checked out of the dating game decades ago and have become practically a hermit. It does not help that I am disabled and can't work - which enables me to be so alone. I have never fit in anywhere, so-called friends were verbally abusive or betrayed me in really sick ways. (Two childhood friends called places and ordered things to be delivered to my house -bike, pool, etc., reserved a hotel room that made my dad think mom was having an affair. They almost divorced!) People talk over me - all stuff that made me think I was crazy until I recently got the whole INFJ thing recently. Am now 68, and for over 50 years I have spent more time in a fantasy world where I am capable of doing things well and have friends than I have dealing with the painful realities of life. It did not help that my half brother molested me, prostituted me and used me in child porn from age 4 to 9 (my daughter found a black and white pic of me on the internet from then - still have not been able to get it taken down!), he was 20 yrs older than me. Man, I am so screwed up, all I do is stay in bed and either cry or fantasize. Real world, what real world? Talk about disconnect! Do not remember how I came across this channel, but it has helped me to pull my head out from under the covers and try to take steps to be a whole healthy person. Thank you so much for all you do, and the videos - and also to those who comment, because I read most of them and they help a lot too. I am not crazy, nor am I alone. You do not know how valuable that simple truth can be! Thank you all!!! And before someone says I need to get into therapy, I went through three years of intense therapy only to be told by half of the masters level therapists who were experienced in counseling victims of childhood sex abuse that what I remembered DID NOT HAPPEN! Yeah, is it any wonder that fantasy is preferable to reality? But just maybe now, this channel will help me start to heal enough to interact with others again. Thanks again!
I also feel inadequate as a new mom though it is mostly from noticing so much of everything and witnessing the time flying by like it means nothing to anyone but me. Babies grow up too fast..and I'm too busy being so horrified at all of it that it's so hard to be in the present moment..i just want to be enough and i thought it would be easier to be the most supportive mom but i am clearly seeing now just how ill-equipped I am for it to begin with. I cannot simply be careless like the others. Our upbringing means everything. Most importantly my. children probably dont need to see me being so aware, so I'll try to hide it and practice nonchalant acceptance every waking moment until I can rest peacefully at death 🙂
You articulate the INFJ brain so beautifully, Frank. I feel all of this on the deepest level. Your videos make me realize I’m not alone. I always thought I was a weirdo. Any other INFJs struggle with maladaptive daydreaming?
Yes for sure
YEAH TVT
Intensely insightful, Frank. My business partner accuses me of being 5 years too far ahead of the curve to be useful.
I see a massive awakening going on right now. The fact that we are having discussions like this is a reflection of that. It's no accident that we INFJ's are here at this time and becoming aware at this time. We have an important role to play in changes taking place.
Jeff Wilson you might like Victor Oddo's channel if you haven't seen it yet.
Dharma Dharma I watch all of Victor's videos. What I love about Victor is that he totally gets that spiritual growth is all about how you live your everyday life.
Jeff Wilson yes, he is so great
My awakening began about 5 1/2 years ago. I've made some huge changes in my life and significant impacts in other people's lives, but still feel lost when it comes to where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I've long thought about an INFJ retreat - our own version of Davos, Bildeberg, or the G-20. I've been watching his tremendous growth and I believe that Frank is someone who could make that happen.
Randy That would be awesome. In my long life I have not yet met another person known to be an INFJ. To meet a group face-to-face would be way cool. Yes, Frank just might be the right guy for the job.
I recently discovered I'm an INFJ... this all hits so close to home. I was laid off about 16 months ago. I wasn't satisfied with where my career was and felt I had so much more to contribute. With the layoff (this was actually my 2nd one in 3 yrs), I saw it as an opportunity to redefine myself, so I relocated (temporarily) to a new city to take 3 months of face-to-face training in my newly selected field (a field where the ability to understand people's wants and needs is at the heart of the role, along with envisioning and communicating). I was so stoked and thought employers would clearly understand what I was trying to do, the vision I had for my career, and my potential. But, it's coming up on a year since I returned and still haven't found anything. I put so much time, effort, and thought into every application. I make sure everything about the role seems like a good fit and that I'd be able to contribute at a high level before applying, but.... NOTHING. It feels like a piece of my soul gets torn out on a daily basis with the constant rejections. An MS in engineering and 18 great yrs in tech in a variety of roles, and I don't understand what the issue is now. I'm doing as much networking as I can. It's like I'm being punished for thinking big and wanting to do more with my life, by trying to apply my gifts towards a career that would matter to me and others. My former colleagues who didn't have such dreams are all employed again and have moved on with their lives. I'm the only one still suffering like this.
I tried to do my own business about 7 months ago. The vision was there, but as I got into it, it felt like I was getting in too far over my head. I'm trying to support my wife and 2 kids, and it just didn't feel right.
Sometimes I feel foolish for dreaming like this, and for not being able to just settle with where I was. I've learned the extraordinarily hard way that this isn't how most people think. Since I've lost so much now, I'm applying to jobs that I used to be able to do in my sleep. But I'm not getting calls for these either... I'm told it is because I've been out of work for so long and it looks bad. WTH, this all is unconscionable. I just pray now for the right person to come along and finally understand what I'm about.
I feel like I have recently woken up from some sort of childish lifelong delusion of what I thought the world was like: I thought everyone were honorable, I believed people generally tried thier hardest all the time, I believed people were basically good-that only hurt people hurt people....I lost that perspective after moving from VT to MA. It's really sad. It socially shuts me down and makes me not want to have anything to do with anyone on any real level. So I basically walk around dissociated now...very much like being trapped in a dream state except numb. I have no idea what it would take to get myself back but I hate who I've become. How's that for raw honesty? Why is it so much easier to be so honest with strangers?
Danielle Perry Because strangers are more trustworthy than people who have already betrayed you.
Focus on your own ideal life without being bound to the chains of the world.
That is all you can and could do, also, help others when they ask for help.
I had the same thing when i was in high school when my parents had a really big fight ,it was like a click in my head i felt numb every thing became so clear to me ,i was scared and liberated at the same time cause i was no longer trying to avoid seeing the bad side of people .If you want to be the good person you would look up to if you were your younger self you need that awakening .
Danielle Perry I’m curious. Do I think any relation between abuse. PTSD. And this so called Infj type. Seems like dissociation to me.
I feel you. It happens to all truly good people at some point. This world is a dark place, period. If there is something to hold on to it's that Some do have light in them,some days. And we can choose each day to make a difference each day by how we react to the world.
"Dream on, Dreamer
Life gets in the way
But make your moves
You'll get there some day"
- Brand New Heavies
YAS. Just yesterday I was thinking "I'm constantly thinking about the future, what I see will happen, what could, what I could do to change it that I've lost sense of what is happening in the present. Having a busy life, it feels like future is a retreat because the present makes me feel like I can't really live in it because its so busy. I can't make the most out of my time because I've got my career to work on. For my creativity, friends, family and love, I will work on all that in the futute. " and.. It feels like I'm not in the present and not in the future either, but trying to live the future which hasn't even happened yet. It's all in my head
It's shocking to realize how much of what's going on in your head isn't real!
My family like members like to remind me that I'm getting too far ahead of myself Lolz
Eros L "it feels like the future is a retreat" I've never heard anything so relatable.
Reading this makes me so happy I don't have a job.
yes
This "disconnection" you talk about reminds me of the belief that I'm designed to be alone in this world because reality and relationships don't align with my mind and personality. You're a cool dude. I wish I could have gotten to know you in grade school... although I was painfully shy and scared of everyone.
andrielisilien all of us, painfully shy, isolated children trying to look and act normal. Ugghhhh. Those were the hardest years of my life and no one had a clue...
We just have to keep learning and updating our model of reality. It's a noble goal.
@@quintuplebanned4267 oh how I feel you... exactly, the hardest years, always was looking for an adulthood.
The dichotomy that's ruled my life: the crushing reality of life as a wistful dreamer. This is probably going to sound melodramatic (something I'm not), but it would seem almost impossible to sustain one's life as an INFJ here. It's so painful and chronically disappointing. Without a life partner to keep you in a social setting with help to sort it all out, it's no wonder so many of us become hermits. The disconnect is real...and how much pain are we supposed to take?
nywvblue I've been in solitary confinement hermit mode almost 5 years now. No job, friends, family, nothing. Except court. High stress, I can't believe I'm still breathing. Breathing and thinking is about all I do.
Recovering Soul here's a cyber hug from a fellow INFJ who cares.
And, Oh my gosh! That is so true! Reminds me of something I read that perfectly describes me, “I am the person who I can be myself with.”
Yessss. I was just telling someone that I’m at the point in my life where I’ve accepted that I’m the only person who will ever truly get me. I feel like I’m better alone because everything and everyone is disappointing. But even alone, I’m disappointed in myself lol. It feels like a no-win situation. Being an INFJ is no joke, man. 😬
Exactly.
INFJs - Theater of the mind.
Abstract perceptions at the speed of light . . . Our "normal."
It's a beautiful gift. And when you find another INFJ, it's a blessing! ~Thank you for your channel.~
✨💫🙇🙏🙇💫✨
I was contemplating the possibility of being Autistic when I got to this video. I've always Known Im an Introvert, but the disconnection I feel from reality has always been so present that I actually thought I could be something beyond introversion, like Autism, Bipolar Disorder or even Schyzofrenia. Nothing in this world explains what I feel better than your videos and the INFJ profile. Kudos, man. Keep up the videos, please. So many of us need them.
Cybelle i have always been sure that i was autistic in some tipe of level before i realize that I exist as something rare "INFJ". I read books about the brand trying to find out in what way i am disconectet with the world or reality, or people or too cenected somehow. But yes there is a bunch of us. Not as many as the others but we exist, we are not a dream. :-)
Same here. My best friend - who is working with young autistic people - told me that he was thinking I might be autistic to some degree. I was shocked and offended, not because it has to be a bad thing in general, but because to me, my mental health and my intellect are my most precious belongings. After some time, I was ready to believe that I am not normal, not functioning right, mentally ill at some level.
So, what I'm trying to say here... I feel like these videos are slowly shifting me back to a point where I can trust in myself, rather than trusting in what the crowd believes to know about me. Not only Frank, talking like he is reading straight from my mind, but also the comments of like minded people who are experiencing (exactly?! wtf?) the same things. I am very grateful for that.
I thought the same thing. I must be mentally unwell. Well I say thought like it is in the past. I still think it
Samesamesameee
Irony ive been labelled those things. Just goes to show how trully misunderstood we are as infjs and how little is got by most about us. ❤❤❤
This video hits my nail right on it's head!!! I remember hours of agony over the years thinking I just don't belong here, in this time or this place. Maybe if I lived in a simpler time... or maybe if I lived in a more advanced time life would be better, happier, less painful. I came to think I was naive, like my first time in a pancake restaurant I didn't understand why the waitress didn't serve my pancakes with peanut butter on them. I thought the whole WORLD ate pancakes that way. As I grew up, an older, and very wise friend of mine said I was not naive, but unassuming; like being hurt by deception or betrayal because it never dawned on me (didn't assume) that people thought like that, or would actually do those things to me. I was accused of being too tender hearted, wearing my heart on my sleeve, not tough enough. I remember my dad saying that I needed to toughen up or the world was going to eat me alive. Hard as I tried, I didn't seem to be able to grow a thicker skin, or 'toughen up'. But I did learn not to put so much emphasis on what others said or did. That helped a lot. And then one day, my father was told her had lung cancer. I was sitting next to him and he was quiet... I was trying to talk to him about how he felt, (very difficult with a stoic person) and I asked if he was afraid. He said that he wasn't afraid yet because no one said it was going to kill him. (So not projecting his fears and dying a thousand deaths before he even knew the facts). Then I asked him how he kept his mind from not just worrying about it all the time (as mine always does) and he gave me perhaps the best advice I have ever received... and something that helped me specifically as an INFJ. He said "I don't dwell on it." Those words hit me like a thunderbolt..... Don't dwell on it. So simple and so profound at the same time. I realized that I was not living in the moment,... not in reality and WAS dwelling on everything that I had no power over... therefore life was painful for me and I felt displaced. (Sadly my father did pass from the cancer) but his gift of succinct, pragmatic advice is just one of the things he gave me that lives on. With help through counseling, treatment for anxiety, and using the tools he and my counselor gave me has made my life livable, thrive-able even. Maybe not dwelling on things will help you my INFJ brothers and sisters... if it does... pass it on. Sorry for rambling.... but it takes me a while to get it all out. :)
Yes.. That's what I feel my whole life, but never found another person that would understand me.. We, INFJs are always thinking on the future and how things could go right or wrong and if I feel it will go wrong I'm already (in the past) trying to find a solution to that (possible) problem in the future.. Sometimes I feel that I'm an Alien, because it's so hard to find someone like me.. My mom is also an INFJ.. She is the only in my family that understands me..
J. Peter Is funny you said you feel as an Alien. I could relate with you in the way of future thinking, and the feeling that what I might imagine might not happen the way I thought it would be. Even though I am not an INFJ, it feels as I can connect...
Yes Alien is the word I use too Its lonely but thank God you have your Mom.
Pedro thank god for your Mom. Can I come over?
Has Good please come!! I need INFJ friends haha.. just hop on a plane to Brazil!!
My mom is an INFJ like me and she always calls me an alien
The biggest disconnect for me was my self-blindness. I didn't see how my strong feelings skewed (what I thought) were logical judgments. Because of this, I set up every relationship, situation, and even my own self-image, for disappointment. Now I monitor my inner dreamer for unrealistic expectations and check it with reality. Growing the sensing function helps deal creatively with the status quo. INFJ on, y'all!
We tend to create wonderful worlds in our interior brain world. Actual reality never lives up to our mental creations. Yes, disappointing. It’ll always be that way. You’ve got to live to deal with the disconnect. It’ll never change.
This painful trait of INFJs that's just been discussed here is actually what has caused my depression. I had no friends in middle school and when A-levels started I had built up a whole fantasy world on what my friends will be like and how much happier I am going to be then. I imagined things I totally do not want to mention here. And when the people in this class turned out to be just as toxic as the last ones, I fell into a deep hole I am still not fully out of yet.
It'd hard living in a world full of children who don't know how to behave, can't listen, know nothing about everything important and everything about things that are not. Tires me out.!
IPJ Bradley , precisely. My problem is I am married to one and trying to figure out HOW that happened. He has no interest in news, music (except heavy metal bands and old school rap), religion, the arts, politics, history, etc. I was clearly blindsided into thinking that was okay before I married him. These topics are all very important to me and my sanity.
Luann Kelly Combs Lol maybe just try to focus on what you do have in common, even if it's only say, good sex and loving popcorn. My husband and I have NOTHING in common. But, I do appreciate him for who he is, and what he does like (even if that is guns and football lmao) We have tried to show interest in each others interests, but that didn't work, so instead we focus on loving and appreciating each other for who we are. Actually, I did turn him vegan 2 years ago, and he still is, so we have that, but I digress...sorry for the ramble, just my 2 cents!
Lets be friends. Seriously. I feel the same way man. Head in hands. 😂❤❤👍
@@luanntexascitizen4345 Almost. Almost fell into that same trap. My mum turned him down in his proposal or rather his mum who insisted. Saved me. Split up recently and besides some things. I just shake my head cant relate. Lol.
@@jasminemariedarling tried that good sex thing. Got toxic.
I think it's especially hard when your expectations of loved ones are shattered. People open up to us so quick about everything and it makes us trust them despite a long-standing pattern of being constantly disappointed by the ones you trust. Especially in dating. Things get too intense too fast cause people open up so damn quick that if they aren't ready it scares the hell out of them and they ghost. And here I am thinking "they'd never do that. look at everything they've shared with me - they're so compassionate and strong of heart and mind. They can be a mature person in my life I don't have to worry about just leaving me out of nowhere." And then they leave without a trace. And even though it happens every time, I just never see it coming. I'm always thinking about the lessons I've learned from the past will help me to live a better future and find better people who fit into the design of my life. And sometimes that happens. But when it comes to trust it always ends up shattered cause I'm just too idealistic.
This exact whole thing literally has happened to me the last 2-3 situations while dating. I’m glad someone also relates. I don’t understand it at all. It’s mind boggling and it’s so very hurtful and disappointment. Can’t ever feel comfortable for long. 😔
and disappointing *
Damn you nailed it. Thanks for articulating and putting words to the feeling.
This is all way too true. I build up ideas of people in my head and use that as a basis of intimacy, an intimacy that is only in my head as an idealistic conception
Can relate. Lately I'm trying to teach myself how to accept whatever happens, whatever life brings up and stay cool with it. Sometimes I succeed and move on fast, other times I still think about it and analyse and replay what could've happened and what actually happened in my head. I figured that it all depend on my mood, or as you said in your previous video - "battery charge", if I still have the power then I let go, If my battery is running low I relive a "groundhog day" in my head.
hey you've got my painting as your avatar :D yay fellow infj
Really? My friend send it to me and said that it kinda looks like me, so I used it. Checked your paintings and I must say they're wonderful! Love your art =)
Watching your videos has been amazing. It’s very helpful. Life can be surreal for me. you are expressing exactly how I feel. I’m actually having these chats with a counselor (some I don’t reveal) about why my life isn’t the way (not even close!!!) I thought it should be. I am very aware of my obsessive repetitive thoughts and ideas. I’m so disappointed in reality 🤦🏻♀️😂 in most of humanity..I don’t feel or look my physical age (41 and look late 20s) yet physically I feel old, beat up, and like I have five circus performers standing on my shoulders. My body absorbs energy and I’m doing all I can to release it! Do you ever stand back and watch a crowd and it’s as if you are literally invisible? I look out my window all the time across the street at this couple that is obsessed with their yard. No weeds. Flowers. Lawn ornaments and they work on it together. I believe they are retirees. I love nature, but there is no way in hell I wanna do that? It’s like watching a sitcom that isn’t teal
"this is why we are so obsessed with self-improvement"... again, how do you know me so well
laughed out loud " my second grade person was so naive " I have said that repeatedly over my life...thanks for the smile today
I'm hugging you-and that beautiful mind
A mirror of mine
I feel now less confined in there. In here.
Thank you Frank!!!
I had this same problem, it can be extremely painful when your vision of the future is not compatible with reality.
But you shouldn't become pessimistic and nihilistic because reality didn't fulfill all your dreams right away, you should see it as honest feedback. If anything, reality is just trying to tell you that; hey I appreciate your ideas but they need some tweaking and changing because you haven't quite got it yet. In my personal experience, what reality has in mind for you is actually way better than the fantasy you originally had in mind. But you need to be humble to see that, you can't arrogantly keep clinging to all your ideas and try to strong-arm them to reality. Rather, you need to see your vision as a constant refining process.
I think you should cling to your optimism, creativity, love and idealism, but don't cling to too much to the specifics of how these are going to manifest in reality. Because love needs an element of surprise, dictatorially trying to control the manifestation of reality is not love, it's arrogance.
Wow. My wiser ( now older!) self would say exactly the same thing, Joey. Unfortunately, my everyday self gets stressed out, bored and frustrated. I forget that reality has a way of delivering even better things than an INFJ can imagine! Thank you for reminding me of the goodies that I have received in life when I stayed true to my idealism, but didn't "strong-arm" reality.
THIS. Struck very much a chord with me that I’m going to paste this into my notes on my phone as a reminder for me
Thank you
Joey it doesn’t really end.
My mom genuily believed I had some kind of autism or asperger (she's an educator and went to a seminar about how to work around kids with those conditions). After she told me that I said to myself, "hum, it could be. Kinda makes sense."
In 2017, I did my first "personality test" and I was mistyped due to me answering as who I believed I was instead of who I really am. I answered as the "ideal me". No wonder so many people I look up to "have" that personality (ENFP). My dead ass believed I was that one. However, it wasn't the case.
I've been taking the test every year since (year 2: ENFP; year 3: ENFJ) and it wasn't until this year when I finally hit INFJ, in not just one, but various tests. It described that part of me that rules my mind - the idealistic boy.
Your videos has helped me understand more about this and I can finally say "I am this. Now I understand me." Lucky enough, it "just" took me 20 years to recognize myself.
To quote one my favourite songs, "He who expects nothing never will be disappointed."
- The Trews (Ishmael and Maggie)
You are my FAVORITE TH-camr on the INFJ personality type. I love your dry sense of humor! You make me laugh. I'm glad to be an INFJ. Thanks for helping me understand myself... and with humor.
Wow, thanks so much Sarah :)
My dad (INFJ) and mom (INFP) both LOVE YOU FJ! So do I!
That’s why I love art. Ballet became an escape from wartime. Other people’s art can be such a bright and idealistic escape.
That’s why I write
as an INTJ i related more than i could imagine.... life not being as i planned frustrates me deeply and puts me in a spiral thinking how did things come out as they did and what can i do to make things better in the future. and sometimes i get really sad about everything feeling that it was all my own fault. =(
Part of our calling in life is to bring abstract conceptualized thinking to everyday people but in a way that each individual can understand for themselves. I think (think) when you look at being an INFJ as a difficult life it can be made even more difficult but that would depend on HOW you look at being an INFJ. So, I guess I could say, "I know I am an INFJ, it is difficult, sometimes lonely sometimes hurtful bc I internalize pain and I am an idealist but now what? What is it that I am to do with this challenge? I cannot take back my type. I cannot make myself un-alone ( no such word, bear with me here). I don't want to be Martin Luther King bc he was way too famous, I don't desire fame. I have to realize why I am here; me. I do great things within my own world. One good deed at a time. Being a helper grows my self confidence, my love for self and others".
Some people are meant to live a life that requires a lot of alone time. Being an INFJ requires us to be alone. It also requires us to connect with society but let's say only 30% at a time. Your brain is hardwired like this bc this who you are suppose to be and you must find a way to make good with it. There's nothing glamorous about this but there is nothing tragic either. Life does get better and much easier as you get older so as long as you are not allowing your type to make you a victim. Do I get lonely? Why hell yes I do. I also get over it. People make me more lonelier than alone time does.
i like that 'i do great things in my own world'
...but 30%??? Thats pushing it for me :D
I dont feel like I need to be alone, Im happier when I get to share my true self. However, I do need to be alone to internalize my growth.
Everyday is like my brain thinks ''Oh, so this is what I've got? Nah not enough let's return in my daydream''
Destructive, I can't change it but I really want to control it.
In my head my life could be much better and sometimes even the rarest things seems possible. Then I crush into reality and here it comes the deep disappointment 😢
we're just the invisible counselor interjecting ideas into people's heads to help them with problems we can clearly see how to fix but those ideas just become a part of their own minds and they forget you were even there at all.
This is PRECISELY what I'm having a depressive episode about right now. Realizing how helpful I'm being, but not getting any credit. In the past I never wanted credit, but now I see that mindset has kept me broke, so I'm trying to help more "overtly" so I not just the invisible supporter that sounds crazy when I mention how I've contributed to the success.... but it's soooo hard to break out of that role... I just keep seeing everyone around me win due to my support, while trying to manufacture my own support system but people have a hard time understanding how to support me so it's a battle even speaking my simple needs 😢😢😢😂 what a life 😅
I have literally been crushed lately by the lack of goodness and the let downs and disappointments I’ve been facing. This answers SO many questions for me. My fiancé always tells me I have a child like outlook on the world in that I’m always seeing things in a positive light and expecting the best and when reality hits I’m crushed. He always tells me how I need to be more realistic like him but now that I see that it’s idealism, I have a huge role in this relationship and society as a whole. Wow. Thank you!
Wow, this was so refreshing to hear this video! Thank you. I have dealt w/ being a very trusting, naïve INFJ most of my life! It took ppl hurting me, from my father (heartless)my ex's, ppl that I thought were friends to hurt me, to realize my expections & reality are ugghh...Ive had ppl say I'm too honest, or idealist, but then I hear that I need to be more positive (after having several heartbreaks). It really is very hard to be an INFJ in the crazy world. We have good hearts, but for me I cant seem to find anyone worthy or trusting. And Ive been single for a long time too. That’s a big challenge for me.
You have saved me from a mountain of wasted time in therapy and a lifetime of frustration and bewilderment. May all the Gods and Goddesses smile upon you forever. Thank you 🙏.
Yeah a good while back I realized this as well. But I came to the decision that even if it seems overly naive and innocent, I always want to look at this world that way. I always want to hope and wait on better from myself and the events that unfold, even if I know it's likely to be another way. I think part of what makes INFJs strange in the energy they give off is because despite the moral idealism that they try to surround and fill themselves with, they're still almost constantly conscious of the darkness creeping in from the corners. It's like knowing or feeling two contradictory things at once.
I think its like knowing that bliss exists, and so just trying to see people to the other side feels authentic.
Yeah, we are living contradiction. I feel you 😅
Raghad Amoud photo 6
Raghad Amoud holy shit. Nailed that sucka.
Yes, it's like I have two choices all the time, "good and bad", even if I choose good, but the fact that I could see the bad means something
both my parents are ISFJ, and my dad always tells me to lower my expectations for the world because it is not how I see it or wish it to be/how I believe it should be. I honestly like it though; it makes my ideas more realistic or helps me apply them more to reality/alter them if this makes any sense
That is such an ISFJ thing to say, ha ha.
Thank you, again. I've been trying to find a video like this for awhile haha you have helped me figure myself out a little more and to know that I'm not the only one that thinks like this.
For the first time in my 37 years of existence I feel seen. I feel known. I feel loved. I feel appreciated. I’ve only recently discovered I’m an INFJ and things are starting to make so much sense now. Forever grateful for your videos. I feel so much relief in my soul knowing I’m really not alone. Watching your videos is like watching a male version of me talking, and I get so excited to see you pop across my feed. You’re amazing ❤
Watched this in the morning, 3 minutes after you posted. It really hit home and got me out of a negative cycle that I was in for a few days. A harsher one on one but now coming to the end of a great awoke day. Love the videos. Enjoying the journey even more.
May we continue to learn and grow✌🏼
I cried watching this. Thank you for understanding, frank. Thank you for sharing.
"Society needs us out there". Hahaha - thank you, I needed my mission assignment for the day, so, I'll be out there in our society today, again.
P.S. You change guitars almost as much as I change underwear. Although, I don't have underwear displayed on my walls, mostly.
Bahahaha, stay cool bro.
I just discovered I am an INFJ and had one of these let's downs like never before, and was sent into a deep depression as a result. You're videos are shedding alot of light, and I appreciate it.
I was just explaining to my husband that life/reality has been disappointing to me. But you explained it so perfectly!!!!!
@Frank James - Absolutely love your video. As an INFJ, I've learned some time ago not to become attached to my ideals. Attachment creates suffering. Never give up in your pursuits but at the same time, be ready for any potential outcome.
thanks, Tim!
I've never vibed with a video so much. It felt like you put all my struggles into words. Thank you
Okay, so he just said what's actually goes on in my mind.
Always making up things in my head, and expecting them to happen in reality, and then it doesn't and I'm disappointed( depressed as well:).. feeling that I'm just not like the people around me, i am weird, and leftout, not good enough...these feelings sucks. Also i really want a person who i can talk about these, and can feel this way.
Btw, there is so many people like that! I'm not alone, it's really nice to know that!
Hey Frank, I struggled with that for a long period. The disappointments and disillusion fed my internal angry monster to the point of cynicism. Actually, the difference between what my external observations were and what I internally perceived was one of the main reasons why I tried to understand myself and others, which led me to cognitive functions and many other psychological ideas. INFJs tend to see the potential of a thing as you said in other words, how it could be in a near ideal state (not going into if an ideal state is possible or not). Humans with their inconsistencies of thought, emotions, and behavior are nowhere near ideal. As I learned more about human nature and why we do what we do, it has helped me reach inner peace. I was able to perceive the world as a realistic idealist (not fond of labels but for brevity). I start with where I am or the person is at now, understand why/how it is so, and if they want to I share how they can reach more of their potential. It's a journey for sure. I'm on mine anyway. Your vids are a treat and those MBTI sites sprout everywhere. I may have found some that are insightful. I'll look up my links and share them in one of your vids. Best wishes.
I might send this to my boss so he finally understands how I operate. EVERY time I watch you it's like you have read my mind. Thank you FJ you Rock! x
Relatable content and so well expressed, nothing compares to my imagination- always disappointed; people, travel, life never seem to measure up to my expectations. Thanks from a fellow INFJ. There is comfort in knowing so many of us experience this phenomenon. Now back to visionaring 😜
I know you are a INFJ. You seem far better overall as one. Than I am by far. Love your videos. My current job is at a chicken plant. It should be obvious it matter little in the world. Every job I have ever had. Matted little.
Appreciate your reflections on those of us classified INFJ. Spot on, once again Frank! College was surreal compared to that which I had anticipated; Disappointed, Yes.
Regarding the disparity between reality & how we perceive ourselves: I believe that is what as known as the "critical observing ego."
This is my life!
This.
Is.
My.
Life.
I feel like I need to watch this first thing every single morning to remind myself about reality before my brain dives into my unrealistic fantasies about how my day is going to go. Disappointed at the end of every single day. I wish I knew this earlier in life. Living with chronic pain makes this harder. Not only do I have higher expectations for myself than other types have for themselves, but my brain constantly chooses to ignore the limitations of my body and capabilities due to chronic pain. It’s exhausting!
Thanks for sharing this
"My unrealistic fantasies about how my day is going to go." I wish too I could shut off my intuition and how I perceive the way things are going to go and then they dont. You nailed it.👍
@@emmarae4322 I've since been diagnosed with ADHD and after a long and thorough investigation into what exactly ADHD is and how it effects the person, now my whole entire life makes sense!!
"I think that's why we are obsessive about self-improvement is because we never really live up to our expectations of ourselves"
What you said kinda makes me wonder..
Which personality that doesn't need self-improvement stuff and they always really live up their expectations?
Brilliant.
This was posted 3 years ago. I just worked out it is 290 months, 1262 weeks since I abandoned my dreams.
Thank you for your diplomacy and channel.
You are spot on in my humble oppinion Frank. Thank you 👏
I love your channel... I've been binge watching your videos for a few days now and I can't get enough... I myself am an infj and your videos help me so much in truly understanding myself and I feel like I'm not totally crazy and not alone in this world 🤗
I took the MB in 1980s and then again recently with same type, INFJ. I fortunately went into the medical field in a niche that has allowed me to use my personality type very well to help people. This, along with a great marriage with a compatible person for 20 yrs, my faith, I enjoy my personality type.
I totally agree with the point to which you arrived. I also don't want to cancel my imaginations and my projections in the future, but I've learned that they're just something in my mind and I have to understand that the real world is not the world in my ideas.. and yes, I think temperate is the right verb to use! And as you can imagine, now I feel really good 'cause I feel understood ahaha
OMG. Yaaaaaassssssss!!!!! Nothing is ever as good as we imagine it in our minds. We have unusually high expectations. So reality consistently lets us down. In a way, we are the ultimate optimists and perfectionists. And “real life” never measures up.
I actually almost just cried so frickin relatable I've felt so misunderstood
“Huh, this is a little different from what’s in my mind.”
Riiiiight?! Yes, everything is vivid and beautiful and interconnected.
OMG I LOVE HOW YOURE DESCRIBING THIS!
all of your INFJ videos absolutely hit me in the soul
loved the pen throw :) I think INFJs are so good at seeing what needs to be changed and inspiring others to enact change.. people tend to trust us. Maybe not on an MLK level though ;)
I've never felt so seen in my life. By anyone, including family members. I'm shook. Thank you so much, Frank. For putting into words what I couldn't.
My head is finally making sense to me, thank you
"Learn to temper your expectations a little bit..."
I had to learn that lesson a long time ago, and I'm glad I did. People say I'm being too cynical or pessimistic, but it's nice to hear these thoughts from someone else who gets it.
You are in your head a lot. When I was your age and prior to having my daughter, I was the same. What I realized after becoming a parent was how little my overall impression of the world mattered. LOL. It will be interesting to see if you still feel this way and have these thoughts if you decide to become a parent.
Christine T Yes. I became a parent several times, did everything I could to raise them the best I could, and still wonder about the important things that got shoved to the side when I was too busy to think. Now that they are grown I am right back to trying to figure out who am I now?
Recovering Soul ... and I'm sure then my daughter is an adult and on her own, it will be the same for me as well. :-)
And this is exactly the side you're supposed to show the ENFP that adopted you. Don't like darkness ? Aim an ENFP at it.
✋NFs UNITE🤚
INFP over here and I can relate to the reality thing. I expect WAY too much out of people. Always disappointed...always expecting just as much effort as i give out. Always let down. lol.
My son's an INFP. I think he said this exact thing last week. hahahah
Amazing!!!
As an INTJ, so many of your videos hit right to the core of things that are roadblocks in the back of my mind that I could never verbalize myself.
I'm an artist and musician and have never been satisfied with my own work. Hate to hear my own recordings, hate to know where every "mistake" in my drawings or paintings are... And I'm sure I'm a hack, because everyone else's work is so much better.
Nah man. You don't have to believe in yourself to make your art, just keep making it! And remember that the more good you're becoming at it, the higher your standards will be. Don't listen to the inner critic. One book I recommend is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It really helps dealing with the inner critic. If you can't read it, I urge you to do a research on the morning pages. But either way, keep creating! Just know that you'll never be satisfied or feel accomplished with your art. But it's really worth it because creativity is all you have
You got a song I can listen to? I make music as well and I'm curious to see what you come up with tbh.
You summed it up perfectly when you suggested not getting tied up and what you expect to happen. It's all about possibilities. The good news is that you do have the power to make those possibilities reality.
You didn't say any words but I still got you 😂 -infj
Frank: WONDERFUL video! - THANK YOU SO MUCH! - clarifies me to myself and my view of the world. Fitting scattered pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together at long last is BEYOND exhilerating ...
Neptune? Let's go!
Good description. I much appreciate it.
I brlieve that if we can see it, it can happen.
However, I learned to delete the expectation part of my vision and temper or tailor my vision to where people or society is at (whay you said at the very end of this video) ... then I can have small victories within that vision for the reality if I prop up or bolster up people's POV or am able to get them to release their personal belief constraints. But it's tough work, and I rarely get credit for it though it's not about the credit because the fulfillment of even part of the vision is gratifying, and what's even more gratifying is seeing people experience meeting a potential they previously didn't know they could.
As an INFJ, I am a huge optimist. If in the past I had the most disappointing or trying day and felt defeated, I knew that all I needed was a good night's sleep to reset myself, and the next day I'd be optimistic again. But removing the expectation helped a great deal. No expectations means no disappointments.
The gratification is in the doing or the journey for us.
I think my favorite oversimplified characterization of INFJs is "Advocate." I see what's wrong with the world and now it could be better--and it hurts me *so much*--that I want to direct my passion into improving things . . . but from behind the scenes. Oh, gawd, I wouldn't want to be a PUBLIC LEADER or anything horrifying like that!
Me too!! I’m a nurse. I got very sick two years ago and was treated horribly. I just want to help people cause I know I will go the extra mile and treat others as family. I was a nurse for special needs children and I have a kid with adhd. I would love to start a foundation for kids.
I don't think I've ever cracked up so much listening to someone ramble about the INFJ reality (unreality?)! Thanks for helping us to not take ourselves so seriously all the time.
YES! I think a lot about why INFJ's, aka me, are so easily prone to depression. I think part of it is the dominant Ni, that frequent detachment from sense of self. But now I'm wondering if constant disappointment could contribute to it. Disappointment adds up and may lead to hopelessness & negative thought spirals. Just a thought. Great advice!
Very good observation, that's what happens if infj loose their sense of self, not only that depression is so severe that our mind gets stuck in that cycle, its hard to break, but it can be done.
I remember when I was a little girl I asked my mum if she sometimes feels like she's detached from her body like she's there but she isn't and my mum asked me to explain it so I tried but she never understood what I meant to say.. now I think I understand where that's coming from.
I wasn’t able to articulate that disconnect until now. This is a huge coping method you’ve found here FJ thank you for sharing. I know I’m super late to the powwow but jeez man I have to run through your catalog bc you got some juicy knowledge. Ty
Oh god,we NJ’s literally live in our imagination,and we can’t do anything about it):!!!
Haya Art115 Sometimes it's the best safest place to be. I asked my ex (before he was) one day what he would do if he were alone in a room. He said watch TV. I said, No, you are alone in the room, there is no TV. Then he said he would read a book. He clearly wasn't understanding. (Ugh....why do I always have to explain common sense to people?)
So I spelled it all out for him like the child that he is: No, you are alone in a room, lets make this easy. It's a padded room with no windows and a single light bulb from the ceiling but you can't reach it. What would you do?
haha, he just stared at me, his face started turning red, and for the first time he was speechless trying to comprehend a place he did not ever want to be, alone with himself. He just walked away from me without answering.
I know 🤧
I’m amazed!
I’ve been criticized and ridiculed my entire life because of my visionary characteristic, of being “idealistic”.
Every characteristic you’ve described in this video is true of me.
I’ve learned to recognize the people who do not see possibilities and nor have the desire to make changes. I’m learning to accept them as they are, not try to change them. But, I also am learning to quickly recognize certain personalities that stifle my idealism. I’m learning to protect and preserve my true personality.
this paired with strong Fe is nearly driving me to depression - because of foreseeing clearly the results of impending ecological disaster, the effect it will have on so many people and animals (already 6th extinction), seeing clearly how it could be avoided, but not enough people giving a shit esp those in power to make a difference, and I feel like I'm in the passenger seat of a car driving straight into a wall, not able to do anything.
Do what you can within your power. Do things you are proud of, that will help.
Same 😞😤😕
From one infj to another , I feel you. It's 1974 and I burst out in tears in a restaurant with a friend. They asked me what was wrong and I said it wasn't me it was the earth and they looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Which I hadn't. I felt it even then that the Earth was suffering because of us covering it up meaning with buildings and Roads and hurting it with chemicals and pollution. Have you looked into any of the studies on water being a carrier of information? Whenever I use water I always send a blessing and gratitude. Because water circulates around the world through rain, streams, Rivers, pipes, included in packaging for fruits and vegetables in juices Etc. So there's a very simple yet direct way that you can personally impact the planet especially considering that were 75% water are both on a personal level and on a global level. I don't know how to say the man's named but he studied exposing water to words and then freezing and looking at the crystals. I hope in some way this helps you. I wish the very best to all who read this!
I didnt even mean to watch this video, and now I'm sitting here crying. It's like you are speaking straight out of my own brain.
FINALLY MY PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
Gosh this really hit the nail on the head for me. A good term I have begun to use is "future tripping" regarding the tendency to jump into the future and imaginarily live out all the potential possibility and strife that has yet to be or may not be.
Reality is what you make of it ;)
~INFJ
Thanks for saying all the things that were in my peripheral vision and putting it all right in my frontal sight. I really appreciate the mantra: my imagination is not what reality is.....
I'm going to remember this ❤