Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships: Tips to Stop the Cycle and Ignite Positive Change
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ย. 2024
- Kristin M, Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF specializes in betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and helping individuals/couples navigate relationship crises (Co-hosted by Tami Verhelst of SexandRelationshipHealing.com). This webinar lists the signs of an "unhealthy" versus "healthy" relationship. This is a helpful webinar for those who are currently in a relationship crisis due to betrayal, uncovering an addiction, emotional abuse or other relational traumas. As you begin the repair and healing process, its important to understand the goals you're working toward. Or if you're leaving your current relationship, its important to know what to avoid or work toward in the next relationship. Kristin shares what "relationship experts" such as Interpersonal Neurobiologist Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Brene Brown, and Dr. John Gottman cite as traits and elements of healthy, long lasting, pair-bonded relationships. She also shares signs and symptoms of unhealthy relationships.
(THIS IS EDUCATIONAL ONLY, THIS IS NOT THERAPY)
UNHEALTHY Relationships have the following present:
-lying, abuse, neglect
-fear of harm, strong distrust of the other
-shaming, belittling, manipulation
-Power OVER dynamics, rather than equal sharing of power
-Threats, ultimatums, quid pro quo, coercion, attempts to control the other
-strong focus of whats wrong with the relationship or other person
-changing who you are to fit what you think the other person wants
-the relationship moves from one intense moment to another
-there are NO repair attempts
-there are NO boundaries or rules for healthily dealing with conflict
HEALTHY Relationships have the following traits:
-the other person feels more stabilizing rather than destabilizing to your life and body
-your partner helps co-regulate (rather than dysregulate) your nervous system
-The 4 S's are present--SAFETY, SEEN, SOOTHED, and SECURE attachment
-attunement--ask questions, connect with "inner world" of the other
-willingness to repair
-accountability
-willingness to be vulnerable--share not just good parts but bad parts of experiences
-presence of conflict but an ability to do so with respect, avoiding blame, clear communication
-safe physical touch and emotional connection
-desire to help the other person feel safe, work toward healing together
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Highlights
1:23 Exploring what relationships experts say lead to fulfilling relationships
4:20 how to apply this information
6:15 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships
6:45 What is neglect?
7:28 Shaming and Belittling
8:40 Relationship crises with active addicts and betrayed partners
9:35 Power over and power under
11:00 Boundaries versus coercion
12:20 Changing who I am to get or prevent a certain outcome
14:45 No repair attempts
16:18 Signs of a Healthy, connected, balanced relationship
16:40 How our nervous system impacts our relationships
17:26 How a healthy relationship can co-regulate your nervous system
19:40 The importance of pair-bonding and secure attachment
21:00 How to feel more safe, connected, and intimate
23:30 Repairing a relationship
25:23 Importance of attunement
28:34 Feeling "soothed"--self care and asking for help
31:24 autonomy versus your "responsibility" to your partner
32:45 final elements seen in healthy relationships
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Oh my gosh you speak my language! Thank you so much.
I think educating partners on how they comminucate and distinguish the differences between "constructive" critism and "destructive" constructive can make a world of difference. Constructive is positive ressurance to learn something without name calling by saying the light didn't working because it only uses this type bulb but let me know what you think vs Destructive would be ending in a negative tone for example the light didn't work because (bring up their past mistakes) you always screw things up not surprised you can't make it work because it uses this bulb.
Well great video but it is a little bit harder, relationship is one thing, know to how to date how to pick the woman or man is another not to mention that to have a good radar which will allow to detect and discard toxic personalities is also super important.
Great points. I appreciate you sharing.
@@dynamitedil1789 It simple but hard to do everyday. Meditation, breathing exercise , yoga and learn as much as possible about parasympathetic state and how to switch into it preferable at least 2 times per day.
I dont understand how affair or cheating can happen if someone like me who doesn't like word sex to plan affair without never never never having sex
This was excellent content. Thank you!
This helped me a lot and gives me assurance that I’m moving in the right direction towards healthy relationships. Thank You 💜
What was the book shared at 33:54 ?
I looked it up. The Love Prescription. I saw it available on Amazon.
@amberm5626 yes, sorry. Thank you for responding. But I only recommend this book when both partners are honest, congruent, committed and willing to build a deeper connection with each other. This book and its content is not helpful if there is any lying, abuse, harmful communication going on. It won’t get you out of crisis. Just wanted to clarify.
@@KristinSnowden thank you Kristen. From my understanding of my relationship I think I will take a look at it to see if it’ll be beneficial to deepen our communication and relationship.
It’s ok to leave the marriage? Without feeling guilty
Any marriage or relationship has the potential to end at any time. Thats the ultimate vulnerability of entering into a primary relationship. However, the personal decision to leave a relationship is something only you could decide on your own. I'd encourage you to explore this question with a trusted friend, support groups (like the ones on wetonglen or sexandrelationshiphealing.com), or a mental health professional. Regarding the guilt part, its human and natural to feel guilt. If you end a long term marriage it would make sense that it would be painful and challenging. But, if done "right" the pain can be transformed into growth, ending patterns that are unhelpful, developing greater levels of understanding and empathy, etc. I wish you the best!
@@KristinSnowden Thank you so much for responding! Yes , 20 years married! 😩