Never go anywhere without a beater/pry knife and a sharp knife. Underwater, simple hiking, biking, offroading. You never know when you gotta use metal force to be safe
I get the impression these days that directors at some point are handed some kind of “Universal Handbook of Making Monster / Horror Movies,” and in order to remain valid in the eyes of their industry and peers, they follow that hand book step by step, no matter how stupid or dank and dated the concepts are in modern eyes. Sometimes it’s just depressing.
The start of these movies always reminds me of Pet Cemetery where the old guy tells the main character not to go to the pet cemetery.. after telling him all about it and even giving him directions. :)
Random Fun Fact: in desperate times axolotls will eat other axololts limbs for food and because of its regeneration abilitys its limbs will then grow back.
Wait that makes no sense. Wouldn't they eventually just die out albeit very slowly? I'd assume it's akin to drinking your own piss you can only do it for so long before you're basically just recycling garbage and toxins lol.
You have an axolotls that eats its arms. One arm is eaten by axolotl. Axolotl uses energy to regenerate said arm. Axolotl requires sustenance and therefore eats said arm again Infinite food
36:00 Well, in the movie’s defence, he was going to be paralyzed from the monsters big member pumping its juices deep into him from several mighty thrusts, so might as well cut the rope to prevent others from following.
@@dream6562 it's a part of the creature feature genre. No matter how scary the monster looks your imagination will always make it worse. That's why they usually wait before revealing the monster.
Actually, it would have been a cool twist if they WERE people in suits. I don't know what you'd have to say that they are (there are legends about various underground races, guess you just twist one of those), but imagine they shoot one, get it's mask off, and it's some dude. Maybe instead of a queen monster, it's their base where they're torturing captured humans for info, taking their stuff, and killing them either for their food or to feed whatever they feed on.
So... what's with the axlotl?" Also: if you want a movie with actual, proper monsters: The Burrowers. For a movie with a very improper monster: Stepmonster
Actually, that guy from Armageddon who's always smiling is Will Patton, and he's one of the best character actors there is! (in Halloween Kills right now.
@@Alteori -- I like your current one too, but I gotta go along with Ninja Marmot, your older avatar was just adorable! I particularly liked it when "you" would swish your tail. Lol! So cute! 😊
Great stuff! Good choice of movie too! Thank you so much for calling out the creature design and execution. i remember wondering if they had literally stopped design at the Head lol
7:16 wait are the positive and negative leads right next to each other? That wouldn't work I would think, either the electricity is just going to be just between those two points or just going to go into the ground, same reason you can taze a metal table and still touch it any where on the table without feeling anything, electricity usually takes the shortest path with least resistance,
I love this channel. Just recently found it and have been going through older reviews like this. Just absolutely adore your sense of humor. It's like listening to my sister explain a movie to me. So good.
She's right tho attempting to use sexual favors in order to not die is a perfectly valid tactic to use with adults. depending on how pent up they are you have a decent chance of success. Is death really preferable to an awkward look with someone you never going to talk to again? The correct answer is no
@@AlbinoMothDragon who was talking about rape...? i hope you are doing okay but holy shit that is a jump to make from "consensually offering sex to be saved from a monster and not die"
Speaking of Jim Henson I'd very much like to see a major production that took the time and effort to create new worlds like The Dark Crystal But nobody takes storytelling seriously like they used to it's all politics and who's got the bigger explosion
Alteori spittin straight facts. The monster head looks like an upscaled, rubber replica of an extended bloodworm proboscis, peaking out the front of a snail helmet someone found in a discount bin at the Pakled version of Pound Land.
I did not expect, in a movie about mine creatures, for there to be two minutes dedicated to roasting Minilla. I'm not upset, I'm thriving, roast that donkey honk having wrinkled porkchop
Not really. I highly doubt that a person could be this pent up to even bother considering taking this offer in a situation like this. In a shit hits the fan situation like this, all you would care about is not dying, everything else becomes irrelevant.
Goddamn, you're on fire with your description of the creatures' faces and that last bit with the 'incentive'. I pissed myself several times over and am therefore incontinent now.
"It's basically a man covered in tree bark with an eleohants a$$hole for a face with mouse weiners on the parameter" 😂😂😂got me rolling with that description 🤣🤣🤣
The “giving false information” is the best thing to do. If I wanted people to stay away or was being hunted by something not of this known world, “there’s a rabid bear that attacked a bunch of people, stay away the sheriff and game wardens are hunting it” and “this massive bear that could be rabid attacked my friend group, we’re holed up here, bring the largest guns you can because what we have isn’t even making it flinch” as opposed to “haha there are demons tearing people apart”
The monsters kinda look like human termintes when they first show up Wait if the cave full of methane then wouldn't have explode when the grenade blow up
Hello Alteori. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, that was another Dumb movie Monday adventure. "The Devil Below", um well I'm lost for words on this one. This one is cringy. Not gonna give it a try. The video sums it up what happened. I do enjoy your commentary. Please feel better next time, take care. Anyway, another great video, Alteori, I like it, see you in the next one.
Oh damn. I saw this movie earlier this year, but I completely forgot it existed until this review. These monsters look like something Jason David Frank would've beaten the crap out of in the 90s 😆
i want to see a movie where they keep the monster hidden until the last third of the movie... and then it's revealed that it's a muppet that went feral...
Pretty good but I agree those things look more like minilla combined with a eel with 4 fingers for mouths. Also can you do a who would win Lord neceron from dinofroz season 1 vs queen scarlet from wings of fire book series????? or at least some time soon. Plz I won't ask again if you do it.
12:20 Why do these horror movie monsters that hunt by sound almost NEVER have the biology of something that would hunt by sound. This is the same problem I had with the monsters from "A Quiet Place" (as well as the Lickers from the RE2 remake). Have these filmmakers ever taken a biology class? Do they know what echolocation is? Do they understand how it works?
Not to mention these thing lived underground then came up above makes little sense. Being as far underground at those creatures were to have that level of hearing to detect the smallest noise would mean being up above where there is wind and all manner of sounds would drive them mental to where they would go back in that hole and not come out just because it would be too noisy for them. All one has to do is blast Rock or metal(for the best effect) and those things would be fighting to get away if not they're not already deaf.
A scrawny creature-actor without muscle-definition would've been scarier: seeing human-articulation breaks verisimilitude; I'd just build creatures backward on the actor, obscuring human-physiology by reversing it, so its movements would be uncharacteristic of an actor.
They hunt by sounds? Airhorns and egg timers. Congrats you win. Does anyone else think these creatures are parasites hijacking human bodies? It kind of looks that way in their design. Would make this plot way cooler if that were the case.
Any monster/ horror movie antagonist: *walks past* Me if I was in that scenario: *defense curl in the same place I’m hiding or about to do something really freaking stupid*
You know the critic reviews don’t matter it’s the audience that one must take into consideration, because you are the audience. Also I hope Alteori reviews Antlers.
Why "Armageddon Guy", and not "Falling Skies", "The Punisher", or "Remember the Titans" Guy? Even "Swamp Thing" Guy? Will Patton is probably more known for his role in 'The Postman' than his minor character in 'Armageddon'.
Should've just said the mine was overflowing with toxic fumes, and going anywhere near would be a death sentence. Believable, and their sensors did detect a lot if methane in town
The monster just looks awful and also at 26:28 how did that thing know she was there she was making 0 noises but yet that thing know where she is i called bs
37:35 “Think about it! The closer I come is the closer it will get to you coming”.
This has got to be the 2021 Alteori quote of the year.
LEWD! LMFAO 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 THIS VIDEO WAS JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS XD
I died when she got to this bit lol. Quote of the year for sure
*_Incentive._* 🤭
"The Armageddon guy who's always smiling for every emotion."
I can't unsee this now. God dammit Alteori!!
"This movie is quite the adventure" and over 40 minutes long, yes please
Yes sir yes sir yes sir
E
That means yes
37:11 for us guys in this scenario the rope is cut instantly without hesitation.
😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭
@@Alteori i gotta be honest, nobody asked for what you’d do with this guy😭
You didn’t have to talk about this for a minute straight😂
Fighting for your freaking life down there
@@GodfreyFirstEldenLord Shut up.
Never go anywhere without a beater/pry knife and a sharp knife. Underwater, simple hiking, biking, offroading. You never know when you gotta use metal force to be safe
I get the impression these days that directors at some point are handed some kind of “Universal Handbook of Making Monster / Horror Movies,” and in order to remain valid in the eyes of their industry and peers, they follow that hand book step by step, no matter how stupid or dank and dated the concepts are in modern eyes.
Sometimes it’s just depressing.
The start of these movies always reminds me of Pet Cemetery where the old guy tells the main character not to go to the pet cemetery.. after telling him all about it and even giving him directions. :)
"Don't bury your son's body in Indian burial ground, Scotch! The one that's right up over there, behind the Anderson's barn."
Random Fun Fact: in desperate times axolotls will eat other axololts limbs for food and because of its regeneration abilitys its limbs will then grow back.
Sounds like a useless ability that's actually useful...
Wait that makes no sense. Wouldn't they eventually just die out albeit very slowly?
I'd assume it's akin to drinking your own piss you can only do it for so long before you're basically just recycling garbage and toxins lol.
You have an axolotls that eats its arms.
One arm is eaten by axolotl.
Axolotl uses energy to regenerate said arm.
Axolotl requires sustenance and therefore eats said arm again
Infinite food
@@sammy_1_1 thats true
S M O R T S
'The guy who always smile' Darn you Alteori, now I can't unsee it...
36:00 Well, in the movie’s defence, he was going to be paralyzed from the monsters big member pumping its juices deep into him from several mighty thrusts, so might as well cut the rope to prevent others from following.
Ayo
⏸️
I love the wording you used XD
I'm not far in what the hell
My kind of movie.
Yup. Some random fences and car cables. The worlds best cage for a superhuman monster
This is the best movie critique channel. Totally insightful and knows how movies are built. A cute fox masks on a really, very good movie scholar.
And good bad jokes
I was watching these video and my fam now thinks I'm I'm furry🤣 doesn't help I kept clicking the next video
I miss monster movies where we were actually afraid of the monster 😭😭😭😭
time to watch Alien again
It makes me frustrated when directors try to hide the monster, I want to be scared but come on I also want to see the monster
@@dream6562 it's a part of the creature feature genre. No matter how scary the monster looks your imagination will always make it worse.
That's why they usually wait before revealing the monster.
@@arvidbjoerk5307 sorry I don't have much of an imagination
The burrowers
I love this review. Merciless & relentless, and 100% accurate.
Actually, it would have been a cool twist if they WERE people in suits. I don't know what you'd have to say that they are (there are legends about various underground races, guess you just twist one of those), but imagine they shoot one, get it's mask off, and it's some dude. Maybe instead of a queen monster, it's their base where they're torturing captured humans for info, taking their stuff, and killing them either for their food or to feed whatever they feed on.
So... the TIGER! scotch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
How to make any monster leav you alone: "no, don't touch me there, that is my nono square"
"this is what I told my uncle but he didn't seem to care! No, no, don't touche me there"
37:10 That honestly would get you out of any situation, it's like a reverse Uno card
So... what's with the axlotl?"
Also: if you want a movie with actual, proper monsters: The Burrowers.
For a movie with a very improper monster: Stepmonster
she is in disguise because the little creature is stalking her but wont kill her if she is one of them
I haven't seen Stepmonster since I picked it at Blockbuster to watch on my 10th birthday. I've never come across anyone else who'd heard of it. 🤣
Stepmonster!! I loved watching that movie growing up. I keep trying to find it again to no avail.
"suck you so freaking dry you will feel like a 100,000 year old mummy" Had me crying from laughter omg
Kinky.
Actually, that guy from Armageddon who's always smiling is Will Patton, and he's one of the best character actors there is! (in Halloween Kills right now.
Sorry Alteori. I like your old fox avatar more than your current one. That one was much cuter.
Agreed
@@Alteori -- I like your current one too, but I gotta go along with Ninja Marmot, your older avatar was just adorable! I particularly liked it when "you" would swish your tail. Lol! So cute! 😊
@@Alteori
Both are cute, but I miss those funny thumbnails more
Great stuff! Good choice of movie too! Thank you so much for calling out the creature design and execution. i remember wondering if they had literally stopped design at the Head lol
This made me think of that one news report where the guy re-enacts the bear running by..
With a cardboard cut-out
The bear was scarier :|
Your such an amazing person with so much positive vibes also your voice is 🤩
“The pill that makes you feel like you’re in heaven and hell at the same time”
I think that pill is just called life 🥲
7:16 wait are the positive and negative leads right next to each other? That wouldn't work I would think, either the electricity is just going to be just between those two points or just going to go into the ground, same reason you can taze a metal table and still touch it any where on the table without feeling anything, electricity usually takes the shortest path with least resistance,
I love this channel. Just recently found it and have been going through older reviews like this. Just absolutely adore your sense of humor.
It's like listening to my sister explain a movie to me. So good.
That axolotl is adorable!
She's right tho
attempting to use sexual favors in order to not die is a perfectly valid tactic to use with adults. depending on how pent up they are you have a decent chance of success. Is death really preferable to an awkward look with someone you never going to talk to again? The correct answer is no
You remind me of someone
For me the answer is yes, I've been raped before, I would rather die than live through it again.
@@AlbinoMothDragon i hope ur doin ok
Hetero-guy here. Saying something like this to me, would have put the nail in her coffin.
@@AlbinoMothDragon who was talking about rape...? i hope you are doing okay but holy shit that is a jump to make from "consensually offering sex to be saved from a monster and not die"
"This freaking special smoothie"......I love this channel so much...
No bashing on Godzilla suits people literally got on 🔥
I just started watching again, love the new design you're even cuter
Speaking of Jim Henson
I'd very much like to see a major production that took the time and effort to create new worlds like The Dark Crystal
But nobody takes storytelling seriously like they used to it's all politics and who's got the bigger explosion
Maybe the power of Jim Henson could be used for a Star Fox film.
your reviews literally highlight my day sometimes ! "it's shaped out of shit "
I am sold just on this review. Never thought I'd laughed so hard on what I thought was gonna be some whinny tuber giving a review. Thank you!
Congratulations fox girl, I am one of your subscriber. Hope your day are doing well cause mine is pretty busy today. :p
Alteori, you deserve a good movie to watch instead of all the low budget movies that are suggested, I recommend The Eighth Night
Cero in spanish is so cute from Alteori
Alteori spittin straight facts. The monster head looks like an upscaled, rubber replica of an extended bloodworm proboscis, peaking out the front of a snail helmet someone found in a discount bin at the Pakled version of Pound Land.
I did not expect, in a movie about mine creatures, for there to be two minutes dedicated to roasting Minilla. I'm not upset, I'm thriving, roast that donkey honk having wrinkled porkchop
37:13
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
I'm like... Wtf is wrong with Alterio you don't have to be that honest.
Lol.
But that's more realistic.
Not really. I highly doubt that a person could be this pent up to even bother considering taking this offer in a situation like this. In a shit hits the fan situation like this, all you would care about is not dying, everything else becomes irrelevant.
Adventure time…. With Alteori! My body is ready!
Quite frankly this movie bored the hell out of me in the later half but I'm glad you covered it I was hoping you would
Love your channel and your voice
Much love
Sweet Nerf in a hand basket the cute little fox has a dirty mind 😳😳
The first 2/3 was actually pretty good, then it drops the ball, THEN YOU SEE WHAT THE MONSTERS LOOK LIKE.
Goddamn, you're on fire with your description of the creatures' faces and that last bit with the 'incentive'. I pissed myself several times over and am therefore incontinent now.
"It's basically a man covered in tree bark with an eleohants a$$hole for a face with mouse weiners on the parameter" 😂😂😂got me rolling with that description 🤣🤣🤣
I went cave kayaking where this was filmed! They make it look like they go all over the place in there, but they only go around a corner and back
@Alteori >>> Great video...👍
The “giving false information” is the best thing to do. If I wanted people to stay away or was being hunted by something not of this known world, “there’s a rabid bear that attacked a bunch of people, stay away the sheriff and game wardens are hunting it” and “this massive bear that could be rabid attacked my friend group, we’re holed up here, bring the largest guns you can because what we have isn’t even making it flinch” as opposed to “haha there are demons tearing people apart”
The monsters kinda look like human termintes when they first show up
Wait if the cave full of methane then wouldn't have explode when the grenade blow up
Is that an axolotl,you have have as a little buddy there?
Don't be too critical Alteori,or the potato candle monsters will getcha...AAaaAAarrRRrrRGGgggGhHHhhhHhHh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😱
29:35 That is the same freaking pose as the drawing we see at 12:20.
Did they just still that image and drew it exactly?
And I love you videos thank you bye
Axolotl makes me happy :)
9:43 WORDCHOICE ALTEORI XD
02:00. "I watch a lot of horror movies."
Bless your soul! A woman of culture, obviously! :P
9:45 whoa whoa whoa, chill... Wtf, that hurt even by hearing...
i like that every minuet you sound more and more frustrated. LOL.
Hey Alteori! (Love the channel and all you do!)
You said you watch a lot of horror movies, what would you say is your FAVORITE horror film?
37:27
Hm...
Hello Alteori.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, that was another Dumb movie Monday adventure. "The Devil Below", um well I'm lost for words on this one. This one is cringy. Not gonna give it a try. The video sums it up what happened. I do enjoy your commentary. Please feel better next time, take care.
Anyway, another great video, Alteori, I like it, see you in the next one.
Thanks Das 😄 it wasn't the worst movie
Thank you for the reply. ☺ I know I ask you this request a few times, I'm terribly sorry. Please review Anonymous Rex from 2004.
9:44
"...I didn't force you to come, you came."
-Alteori
(Also your Mom)
I gotta admit I love monster movies and this is in my I want to watch list
*sees thumbnail* PROTECC DA SQUISH!!!
Edit: the Squish? The Axolotl or Alteori? The answer is *Yes*
Oh damn. I saw this movie earlier this year, but I completely forgot it existed until this review. These monsters look like something Jason David Frank would've beaten the crap out of in the 90s 😆
RIP
@@jsb6975.ah.crapbaskets Yes R.I.P. When writing that comment a year ago there's no way I could've saw that coming🔥 🔥 🔥
One of your avatars is an Axolotl!!! Well Done!
Did the ending loop a couple times for anyone else? Did the editor also lose brain-cells from this movie? Did I? xD
0:56 Shookum hills
Shook them hills 😏
i want to see a movie where they keep the monster hidden until the last third of the movie... and then it's revealed that it's a muppet that went feral...
This was a very interesting and insightful video
If you used those exact words to get me to pull you up, I'd try so hard not to laugh....and then pull you up. XD
Pretty good but I agree those things look more like minilla combined with a eel with 4 fingers for mouths. Also can you do a who would win Lord neceron from dinofroz season 1 vs queen scarlet from wings of fire book series????? or at least some time soon. Plz I won't ask again if you do it.
Please
@@kakurataskahi5439 yes
Great 👌 Keep it up
I love this video,it was very good
12:20 Why do these horror movie monsters that hunt by sound almost NEVER have the biology of something that would hunt by sound. This is the same problem I had with the monsters from "A Quiet Place" (as well as the Lickers from the RE2 remake). Have these filmmakers ever taken a biology class? Do they know what echolocation is? Do they understand how it works?
Not to mention these thing lived underground then came up above makes little sense. Being as far underground at those creatures were to have that level of hearing to detect the smallest noise would mean being up above where there is wind and all manner of sounds would drive them mental to where they would go back in that hole and not come out just because it would be too noisy for them. All one has to do is blast Rock or metal(for the best effect) and those things would be fighting to get away if not they're not already deaf.
The monster was on par for a character on Robot Chicken; the budget was blown on the boomer at the creature's expense.
🤣
A scrawny creature-actor without muscle-definition would've been scarier: seeing human-articulation breaks verisimilitude; I'd just build creatures backward on the actor, obscuring human-physiology by reversing it, so its movements would be uncharacteristic of an actor.
They hunt by sounds? Airhorns and egg timers. Congrats you win.
Does anyone else think these creatures are parasites hijacking human bodies? It kind of looks that way in their design. Would make this plot way cooler if that were the case.
Half life head crab?
@@Eluderatnight yeah kind of looks like it a bit.
Any monster/ horror movie antagonist: *walks past*
Me if I was in that scenario: *defense curl in the same place I’m hiding or about to do something really freaking stupid*
Literately found/refound your account after a few months. Subscribed so that never happens. So many videos I spent laughing at your commentary. xD
9:44 I'm dead💀💅
You know the critic reviews don’t matter it’s the audience that one must take into consideration, because you are the audience. Also I hope Alteori reviews Antlers.
OMG IS IT OUT\??qfdqwea>>
Love your vids! Keep it up :D
You are the shiznit Alteori!!!
12:49 ho my god. it's got a knife.
32:06 its prolapsing
the monsters from 2005's "the cave" would have been better suited here.
This.....this is THE only channel that make me 🤣
with suck movie
Hello am new
I HAVE AND IDEA, DO A VIDEO ON "MARS ATTACKS" OR "DEATH BECOMES HER"
Chibi Axolotl 🤗
26:44 "buffalo armpits" 😂😂😂 oh god im dying of laughter.....
22:52 is there even a left side to that wall that the gate is supposed to be attached to?
37:12 instantly thought of the ending to mandy
Can you do top ten best and worst your favorite creatures and explain
Will Patton is AWESOME and needs more RESPECT!! :) ALSO, I would gladly pay to see a movie entitled "Shookum Hills." :)
Why "Armageddon Guy", and not "Falling Skies", "The Punisher", or "Remember the Titans" Guy? Even "Swamp Thing" Guy? Will Patton is probably more known for his role in 'The Postman' than his minor character in 'Armageddon'.
The monster looks like the dude that's sitting next to Lando in the millenium falcon at the end battle in return of the jedi.
Should've just said the mine was overflowing with toxic fumes, and going anywhere near would be a death sentence. Believable, and their sensors did detect a lot if methane in town
The monster just looks awful and also at 26:28 how did that thing know she was there she was making 0 noises but yet that thing know where she is i called bs
03:06 "mAtT dAmOn" lmao