Kathy P LGBT 🏳️🌈means les gay bi trans so no matter how straight and gay you are you are still and always in the LGBT 🏳️🌈 community. It doesnt matter what all the other people say just you be you
Yea. Bi/pan erasure can be shitty. This is me poem-ing about it. Ps. This took a ZILLION tries to all get in one take. Validate my efforts by giving it a like?
I agree with you completely. This more than validates exactly what I've been thinking about myself. Others I have spoken with just seem to not understand what I say when I explain who I am. It's videos like this that remind me why I am subscribed to such an awesome person! (BTW I am not saying that you are awesome just to kiss some butt- I agree with you about many of the topics in your videos, and I think you have more courage to speak about this stuff than I do.) Keep making awesome videos!
Mandy Ramirez Yay Pansexuals! :) Although I personally also identify with bisexual, but when I actually talk more into it I explain I'm pansexual and what that actually means.
This says so much. Thank you. I wish people would understand that.. Bisexual is a sexuality itself. It's not "half straight, half gay." Because just imagine this. Imagine a giant, red heart; representing love. Now imagine 2 genders, on either side; male and female. Now I as a female, if I were lesbian, that heart would go towards the female gender. Now, if I were straight.. That heart would slide on over to male. Now what most people would expect to be bisexual, is the heart splitting in half. And each piece going towards both genders. But that doesn't mean I love women less then lesbians do. Or I love men less then heterosexuals do. So now.. just imagine that heart, cloning itself. Now both of those fully sized hearts, go towards each gender. That, my friends, is what it really means.. To be bisexual.
Thanks. Thanks for writing this magnificent comment, that rappresent what means being bi. Thank you very much, for making me feel right for what i am, a bi, part of this family, with you and everyone else like us, and... damn i don't have the words. Thank you 💕🌌
I agree so much. To be bisexual means to be both gay AND straight. The person has the two experiences: feeling atracted to the same and the opposite gender.
Myrest: I've never thought about it that way before. The description of bi as both gay and straight. It's different to the way I've had it sort of arranged up until now, but that's a rearrangement I can easily make, because it makes so much sense. Thank you for that. EchoArtz: I like the way you've visualised it. It's somewhat similar to the way I've visualised it. I have some questions for you, though. Are you visualising it like a scale of sorts with male and female on either side, with the heart being a slider? If so, what would it mean if the heart were in the middle? That the individual in question is attracted to hermaphrodites? What if the slider were slightly towards either gender, but not all the way there?
Something that I think we could do is if we stopped using gay as a synonym for lgbt as with "gay bars" or "gay pride" or the "Gay Straight Alliance," and we started saying "queer pride" or "lgbt bars" or "Queer Straight Alliance?" because they dont unintentionally leave out middle of the spectrum folks. Many people are unaware of sexualities besides just gay and straight because of how hardly recognized they are, so I think this would better inform people too.
well, gay bars use the term gay bars, because well, they are bars designed for gay people to mingle and find people who they have things in common with, lesbian bars do the same. Its more of a marketing strategy than anything else.
Alyssa Azulay Yeah, I wasn't sure Gay Pride is a thing, although I feel like I've heard it somewhere so maybe its just a thing where I live, but it was just to demonstrate how the word gay is a lot of times used.
bowiechick I dont really see gay bars and lesbian bars as a problem, since they're bars where gay and leabian people can go to hang out, and can be free to be themselves without the ridicule that might be present at regular bars or clubs.
Kerys Bowler where do bisexual/pansexual people and other sexual orientations fit in there, then? as a bisexual person, i've received more ridicule at 'gay' bars, which i feel wouldn't be as much of a thing if they were referred to as LGBT+ bars. we are all a part of the same community, why do we have to be exclusive and exclude selective orientations? this isn't what the LGBT+ community should be about but sadly, it is and probably will be until we stop referring to anything LGBT+ as 'gay'.
That's one of the reasons I'm scared to hold my boyfriend's hand just walking down the street. Because apparently "you can't have a true relationship without sex"
(I'm asexual) Them-"you've never had sex so how do you know you don't like it?" Me-"well I've never been bitten by a snake but I know I wouldn't like it"
I sometimes feel.. like I am not gay enough, so I come back to this video from time to time. It makes me feel better, it's a very powerful poem. So thanks Ashley. And a job well done.
+Genesis Mbesi that's exactly what I got from my friend - so I said to him "Why didn't you ask that question about guys?' He was basically saying that I can't be bi unless I date a girl, but he didn't question my attraction to guys even though I have never dated a guy before. I called him out on his bullshit. No one needs to prove their sexual orientation.
I never guessed you weren't straight, but by doing that I suppose I'm being one of those people who thinks gay/bi/pan etc. Should fit a certain stereotype, shame on me
Wow, this vid hit me somewhere deep in my brain, and in a good way. As a pansexual male who has never really "properly" fallen in love with anyone not-female, the feelings of doubt and uncertainty about whether or not I am gay enough are a common occurrence. I might be going a bit offtopic here, as no one else but myself has yet to question or invalidate my identity, but the message still made me feel warm inside. So for what it's worth, I wanted to thank you Ashley. Thank you for making my day a lot better.
You can chose what label you have and others have no right to say you're wrong as its you not them. It sounds like being in heterosexual relationships has made you question whether or not you count but you do. Attraction is uncontrollable and what you like you like. Behavior, however, is different. A homosexual could be in all straight relationships and never come out but that doesn't make them any less gay. Or they could come out and that doesn't make them bisexual. Attraction is different than behavior and can confuse others who don't understand (even the LGBT community). Someone could love strawberries but not have them very often and eat bananas all the time but that doesn't mean they don't like them. Or their favorite color could be blue but always wear pink. That doesn't change anything. Sexual identity is a complex thing that no one else can decide for you and even you can't decide. Being a nun doesn't make someone asexual it just means they chose not to enact on their attractions. Hope this helped. Sincerely, A Bi Girl
I came out as bi today. In school. I didn't plan it. It just happened. We were reading a book in school, it was my turn to read. I was speaking as a guy confessing his love to a girl. When I finished the page a looked up and within out thinking I said, one small word... Made of only 4 simple letters, "same". One of my friends looks at me and says "what? You would confess your love to a girl?!" Again, without thinking I blurt out "maybe someday. I'm not straight." The teacher immediately picks up where I left off in the book. I sit in my desk as reality sets in. I'm no longer in the closet, I'm free. I'm free to be me.
The same thing kind of happened to me once our English teacher said "raise your hand if you're a thespian" and my hand shot up and she called on me and I thought she had said lesbian so she asked me what a thespian was and I said I don't know then I muttered under my breath "I thought she said lesbian"
idk why coming out has to be so scary im gay but im too scared to even tell my best friends. ive had so many opportunities but i just get too scared... even tho ik theyll accept me. :(
wow this summed up how i feel sometimes. I've had my best friend say that i,m half straight and half gay. and when i try to tell him that not right he ignores me and tries to say it all about science and have had people tell me i didnt look bi
Ikr, "no girlfriend, fake bisexual". It's sucks how we have to prove that we're what feel. That just because I only had a girlfriend out of my relationships, I am not a proper bi :/
When I was a teenager and figuring out I was Bisexual was both relieving and depressing. Straight friends told me I should just be gay if I love women. Gay and Lesbian friends saying " You have privelage .. you don't know the struggle . your not queer." It sent me into a dark , dark depression . It took years to dig out and realize FUCK EVERYONE I COUNT . MY SEXUALITY COUNTS I AM ME . I MATTER . WHETHER THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE SAY ONE THING OR A GAY/LESBIAN PERSON SAY'S ANOTHER. I am Bisexual . I don't have a look cause my sexuality isn't my appearance. The love I feel for a women or a man doesn't change my appearance. I wish people would accept Bisexual , Asexual and transgender as an importance.. just as much as an importance as the straight , Gay and Lesbian communities.
+BrazilianCupquake its the feeling that you dont belong.... that you dont have anyone to turn to because both of the gays and the straights say "you cant be a part of us" "you dont belong" "you are not relevant" you are alone You are alone. and that is the worst thing to ever feel
Mat Chase+ from the looks of your youtube account, there is no use getting mad at you. the ONLY way i can describe you is hateful and close-minded. its sad that people like you still exist. fuck you
I'm not a trans guy but I am genderfluid. I dress as a dude and try my hardest to pass and get misgendered. I dress more feminine and get told I'm too masculine to wear that. Most of the time I'm just androgynous but being misgendered hurts. And bring told you're 'too feminine to be trans' is just rude. You couldn't choose. You were with those features :)
Beth Lewis Thank you :) Yeah, none of us chose this. My own mother especially is the one who says I'm not masculine enough to be trans She also keeps saying maybe I'm just lesbian. Which that is definitely not what I am
+Misdre I get this too. I constantly get told 'You're too pretty/feminine looking to be trans.' Or 'Why would you want to do that to yourself? You've got a figure most women would die for.' ¬_¬
This was beautiful! I'm not bi myself but my girlfriend is and I want to show this to her. Thank you for making the minorities feel better about themselves. I'm a genderfluid homoromantic asexual and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Can I ask how you find relationships as an asexual? How you bring it up etc? I am somewhere around pan-romantic gray-ace and I don't know how to do the whole relationship thing.
***** well it's more so that I become friends with people or maybe I just really like there personality. I mean I can tell if someone is attractive so if I see them then maybe I go up them and ask a few questions and then I slowly kind of slide in the, "How do you feel about homosexuality?" question. Usually someone will tell you if their on the spectrum or not sometimes they don't but you can become friends with them and maybe it turns into something more. ALSO!!! this is so much easier by the way online dating is a good way to find people they have dating for literally everyone so... I don't know if that answered your question or not and if it didn't tell me and I will take another shot at it
My problem is that I am already friends with someone and then I start liking them when it clearly isn't going to become anything more! But I was meaning more how do you bring up the sex conversation. As in if you aren't going to want to engage in it, do you only go for people who you know are the same, do you make it clear from the start or as you get to know them better? How do you get to it become something "more" whilst being asexual? Not sure if I'm making sense!
+Louisyed Hi, I hope you don't mind me responding. Sex is not necessary in a romantic relationship, please never feel that way. You do NOT have to tell them straight up that you don't want to have sex, but if you're going into a relationship, you should do that from friendship. Only be with someone who was originally just a friend and knew of your asexuality and the fact that you're sexrepulsed. You also know you can trust them if they were originally a friend. Then they'll know that you're not interested in sex. Make your sexual orientation known, and be proud of it, so that everyone you become close to is aware. Also, just to make sure you know, not all asexuals and people on the specturm are sex repulsed. Asexuality does NOT equal sex repulsion. I'm panromantic greyace and very much enjoy sex and masturbation regardless of a lack of sexual attraction. But, as I've said, never feel like you have to be in a sexual relationship for it to be a "real" romantic relationship.
I feel the same way. I almost cried because I'm going to my first pride this summer, but I'm scared people won't count as LGBT+ because I'm a quoiromantic asexual.
Pride is suppose to represent who you are and what you support, so just go there being yourself. You don’t have to be anything but yourself and you can have pride in that :)
thank you!!! this video brought a tear to my eye. as a young bisexual I know what it feels like to have you're sexuality erased. when I say i like women people say "you're so girly though" or "It's probably just a phase" or "you're doing it for attention" when I say I like men I hear "but i thought you were gay" or "i knew you were a pseudo lesbian" or "I'm glad you're finally over that whole lesbian thing" even my fellow gay friends will sometimes question whether or not i am really bi or if I'm just saying so for attention. monosexual people don't understand how painful it can be to hear your friends say they don't think anyone can really be bisexual. this video is really important to me and I love you ashley
i came out as bi a while ago. since then i have quite a lot of these questions and comments from my straight friends. i didnt really know what to say to them. But now i know what to say. This is also the first video i saw of this channel, and it has got a new subscriber :)
It's not the same but I'm Asexual and I'm going to Pride soon and I'm terrified because I've seen all over the internet that Ace people are seen too Hetero or not gay enough... or we don't even really exist. Our sexuality is to not have one... I'm just really afraid that someone is going to invalidate my sexuality, say that because I disappear into the background, since my action is inaction, I don't experience enough exclusion (in the various forms they take, unsubtle and subtle or even life threatening). And, yeah, I get it. I blend in. I'm like the black shadow swirling in the middle of the hetero grey mist, whereas other lgbt+ are bright neon colours that are much more visible. I blend in, I disappear. I don't offend anyone's senses from my lack of sexuality. But still... I disappear. I am told that I'm not real. I just "need to meet the right guy and he'll set me right". Sure. People choose to overlook me, because I don't offend their heteronormative sensibilities. They erase me. I just want to shout "I'm Asexual. I'm here! I'm real!" I'm not hetero, but, yeah, I'm not gay either. So, if I'm too hetero, not gay enough, for Pride. Not hetero enough for everything else. Where do I belong?
You know what the fuck makes her poetry videos so powerful? That she stares right into the camera and you see how strongly she feels what she says in her eyes and you can't help but stare back and be moved by her words. Keep up the good work Ashley, love you.
I had no idea how much I needed this video. I'm so glad at least you have created your own community where everyone feels comfortable with themselves and their identities and even when we aren't accepted in the LGTBQ community we will always have you to remind that we are accepted somewhere. There is love and understanding for us, just not always in the places we look. Thank you Ashley Mardell.
Ashley, thank you for speaking your truth -- and so powerfully! I've identified as bisexual for 39 years, so far. At times it has been very challenging (mostly when I crash into other people's lack of understanding), but overall my bisexual identity has been a beautiful gift in my life.
Thank you so much for your comments. I am still dealing with my bisexuality for a while now and still cringe at the indoendos & stereos about this whole thing. Janie
I actually started crying holy shit But I feel you fam, I will probably forever hear in my head my friend saying "I wish I had a gay friend" And of course it sounded stupid and mean but I liked to have friends so I answered with "Well I can be your gay friend" and waited for a laugh but instead I got all the "yeah, I meant, like, actually gay. You don't feel gay" ????? This still makes me cry cause not only did they say that I was not gay enough but I also started to question my place in the friendship. (But luckily, after almost 6 years of being 'not gay enough' I found better friends so bye)
I'm pan but I've never had a girlfriend (I'm female) and most people I finally have the courage to come out to either have no clue what it is or don't believe it exists. Like I'm just trying to be a special snowflake. Why can't people just open their eyes and see that pansexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, and every other sexuality EXISTS and that we are VALID
As a member of the previously clueless, please forgive. My education began when one of my kids came out as non-binary. You are valid and you are enough. ❤️
I feel so free by watching this video because i'm 21 this year and i'm still scared of the question "What is your sexual orientation ?" To be honest, i'm lost and i'm still searching for myself in all this, but a big part of my unknowing is that i'm scared to be judge and i'm scared to disappoint. Something tells me that i'm not heterosexual and something tells me that i'm not completely homosexual. Even if i say that i'm bisexual, i'm sacred that one day i figure that i really like women OR men and so i'll attract the hate of heterosexuals/homosexuals because i wasn't what i said. Damn, it scares the shit out of me xD For now, i protect myself with this temporary response "I'll fall in love with a beautiful person. That's all." A little message from an undecided. (Please know that my first language is french xD)
Mouton Noir this is EXACTLY how I feel. I don't want to answer what my sexual orientation is because I literally don't know and I would feel like i'm lying if i answered with any sexual orientation.
I feel the same... I know I'm not striaght, but I've come out as bisexual and I'm not even sure if that's true. I'm lucky that I have a family that will accept me and support me through any changes. :)
Why do you let your sexual identity run your whole personality? does it really matter if you are validated or not? you know what you are and isn't thats all that matters? Also FUCK YOU BITCH!
when I was younger I had first heard of being gay and straight, but that confused me because I liked both genders, I thought there was no in between, you are ether gay or straight. when I found out about being bi sexual I just felt this rush of relief, but then I kept on thinking "am I not gay enough?" this poem really shows the struggle a bi sexual person can have.
I was so seriously impressed by this, I can't believe you managed to get it done in one take! Could I have permission to emulate this style of video in one of my future videos?
+Isabella Swarbrick question do you like (physical or romatic) people of your gender? then my friend you are some form of gay and can do to pride to flaunt it there is no such thing as not gay enough.... unless you dont find people who are your gender physically or romantically
+rachael beth I don't think I've really thought about it that way. I think physically I prefer the same gender but I honestly couldn't say I prefer a certain gender.
I'm straight and these stories pissed me off. Like, it isn't hard to get, you like the same gender and you're "gay enough." I apologise for those thoughts even crossing THEIR minds.
This had me crying in under a minute. This is partly my story. The first girlfriend I had told me I wasn't really gay or bi...I'm with a man now and I feel like an invisible LGBT, am treated as an impostor. Thank you for this.
Even though I didn't know half of the words you used, because I'm Dutch and I'm still learning English, I understanded the moral from what you were telling. I must say that I think it is really hard to accept yourself when you're bi or pan, because (you already said that in a vid once) people tell you that you're on your way to be gay and that you are experimenting, but that isn't true most of the times. I'm a girl and think that boys are handsome and girls too, I fell in love once, and that was for a girl. I'm still finding out things about myself, knowing that you've find yourself after 5 years calms me down. The point is that you're really, really, really helpful for people like me! Thanks for making this vids! By Lotte ps. the most creative person I've ever seen! ;)
"Not Gay Enough" by Ashley Hardell I would like to tell you two stories. Nothing horrific. Nothing gory. Both simple and small. Like a sliver. But one that sends a shiver, A quiver inducing pulse on uncomfort through my entire being. Everytime I'm reminded of their existence. First, picture this. I am slouched, lounging on a couch. Sitting in the living room of my freshman house. About to attend, get this, my very first pride I am pumped! Riding a high of excitement 'cause I have a confession. While my love for my friends knows no end, They are predominantly a group of hets with minimal flex, So they don't always get my struggle. My desires. The feeling of otherness that smothers me in this society dominated and saturated with straightness. But! At approximately one hour forty-two minutes and sixteen seconds, that is all about to change. Finally the tables will have turned and I have yearned to be able to look left, look right And feel some pain go as I am bombarded by rainbow. A plethora of leather. A littering of glitter. Every which way. Gay, gay, gay. I will be amongst my people! I know that sounds goofy. I admit, it's kind of dumb. But, pride was the gay Christmas I had been looking forward to all year, And the anticipation of opening this incredibly fabulous gift was unreal. I feel my phone. Oh! Kristin and Callie will be here in a few. "Whew." Replies Samantha. "Yeah. I don't want to be that group of straight people who only goes for something to do," chimes in Simon. A pink heat floods my cheeks. I don't miss a beat. Excuse me? "You know, we'll just... Fit in better with them. You know?" No. "I mean, it would be weird to go to pride without someone... Actually gay." Pause. Stare. Really? I pretend this didn't offend. But I'm going with you! But I'll he there! Me! The tension on the faces of my friends loosens as they comprehend my confusion. "Psh. You don't count, Ashley! You're dating Pat!" I freeze. I. Don't. Count. I feel a crack spit my heart. A major part of my identity. A massive Ashley aspect. So much of my me-ness. All instantaneously rendered null and void in three short words. I. Don't. Count. I don't count. Apparently my feelings toward one gender invalidates my ability to love another. Evidently I don't meet enough queer criteria to call myself LGBT. So it seems that being "B" is not enough. I need to earn my keep, my place. At least that's what these straight folks say. But to be fair, it's not just my hetero friends who have momentary lapses in judgement. A year later, I am sitting at a bar when a glimmering, shimmering, sequin sleeve catches me off guard. And a hard pat lands on my back from pristine queen with a mean and hearty chortle: "Oh, I hope you ladies are having fun!", She cackles. "I just love when girls like you come in and show your support." I don't even ask for clarification. I am bit with a sensation, a wave of rage. I am aware what her remark implies. I reply, "Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no ,no. I am not straight." She is undoubtedly taken aback. "Oh. You look it. I would never have guessed." Yep. I'm gay! Super duper gay! Gay, gay, gay. I overcompensate. And it's not even true. I'm certainly not straight, But have I just become a liar by evading a more accurate qualifier? Which could have been pan, bi, fluid, in the middle of the spectrum, here, queer. Thanks to your need to perpetuate and feed into damaging stereotypes, Desperately needing a beer! Whether it's from my fellow minority, Or the straight majority, We need to place more of a priority on accepting orientations other than 'hetero' and 'homo.' This bi Erasure cuts like a razor and leaves me homeless. Amongst my straight friends, gay, bars, and even pride. A place where those who don't quite fit the mainstream sexual mold go to seek refuge. I am excluded. And I'm over it. So, without a quiver. Without a shiver. I stand proud removing the sliver as I deliver a message. There is no such thing as looking gay, as sounding gay, as seeming gay. My gay cannot be rated or graded. My bi does not fade when I am dating a man and it's legitimacy is not raised when I'm with Grace, my girlfriend. I am gay enough. Gay enough to attend pride. Gay enough to have a girlfriend. Gay enough to rock long hair, have never seen an episode of The L Word, hate sports and not know a single Tegan and Sara song. Because at the end of the day, I love women! And that's about the gayest thing a lady can do. And I should be gay enough to feel like part of the community. So help me. Help me by opening your mind to the possibility that I could be just like you even though I don't fit the stereotypes. Stop assuming that I don't belong and start celebrating my presence free of judgement. Accept my bi, pan, non binary identity in it's entirety and don't let it invalidate my queerness for you. Help me. By making me feel like I don't need to change. Like, just the way I am, I am enough.
I was cheering through this video. Seriously. I love your poems so much. You should make more about NB identities since you're more out now and stuff I'd love to hear them
Thank you so very very much. Even in my Gay-Straight-Allaince group at school I get comments like "I would never date a bisexual, because I would never trust them" and I get people rolling their eyes as soon as I talked about my bisexuality and problems that bisexuals face as if they were not valid, even in that group with a lot of people I like, were I should feel safe, I can´t feel relaxed or natural, because of some other people and that hurts.
Ashley you took the words straight out of my mouth! I am in tears because this story is so well known for me. The idea and feeling of not being lgbt enough to fit in with the minority and not be straight enough to fit in with the majority so thank you so much for letting me know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Ily xx
Them: you’ve been with guys in all ways how are you gay? They don’t understand just because I’ve been with men doesn’t mean I liked it. Doesn’t mean I didn’t cringe when he kissed me, when he held my hand, when he touched me. But when SHE does any of this I’m like a fire that’s soaring, a love that is so bright, so colorful, and happy that it melts all of my worries, and fears. I don’t focus on their stares, snide comments, or any of it. Just her. ❤️🏳️🌈
I use to think that I was bi...then pan. But then I realized that I was just a lesbian, hiding the truth from people because my experience was opposite from yours, well more or less. People said It was a good thing that I was bi, because I wouldn't match the "standers" if I was a lesbian. I didn't dress like one, I was dating a guy (that I didn't even like). I only then just realized that if I don't dress like a lesbian... Then how do you dress straight? The stereotype for gay, bi, lesbian, pan, trans, all of them, shows that you have to acted or dress the way your sexuality is. So I did what anyone in my situation would do, I started dressing "lesbian" I came out as one and that I have been one this whole time you thought I was bi. People treated me differently after that. I just wish that I wouldn't have to change so I would fit the stereotype of what everyone wanted me to be like.
OMS! It's like we are the same person! I totally get what you mean. It's like you have to change who you are for people to see you for who you actually are and by doing that you are creating the stereotype that they see... if that makes sense?
+AstrixKey If someone won't accept you as you are even though they know you are happy being that way, then they don't really care about you and don't deserve to be your friend. I identify as a man and have a man's body. I dress in the way that is conventional for men. I also identify as a woman and a lesbian because I'm bigender. If someone can accept that, terrific. Let's be friends. If not, it was nice meeting you. Love, Bill/Jennifer
I love it! I totally feel this way as a feminine lesbian. Just because I don't look like your stereotypical lesbian, doesn't mean I am any less attracted to women.
I'm asexual and have never knowingly met someone else in person who is. I'm pretty used to being in my ace bubble ,but the thought you gave me of being with people like me really makes me long for it. saying that I just looked down into the comments. I like hearing about other asexuals~
Hello from another ace! I'm in the same boat - I would love to find someone else like me, someone who understands. Someone that I don't have to explain myself to.
I imagine it being like having a friend group like I have now but I don't have to sit through the boy talks of who likes who and pointing out who they think is hot. Do you have parts about you that you wonder if you are like that because it's just you or if its a part of being ace?
LilMizRandom09 Yeah, a little. Though I'm female, I dress more androgynously, and I avoid doing things like wearing makeup and jewelry (aside from my ace ring). Before I realized I was ace, when my mom yelled at me to try to look prettier so that I can "maybe actually get a boyfriend one day", I would just think "why? If a guy talks to me, he'll know if he likes me or not. How I look shouldn't really matter. I know that looks don't matter to me." Now I wonder if I'd present more feminine if I were straight.
Miss Anne Thrope That's pretty cool to hear because I also don't do the make up and jewelry thing. never interested me. still doesn't. also met my bf when I was in the "awkward" phase of growing up so I know it wasn't my looks he was after~ I'm not sure I could be with someone else if anything happened between us. First thing I liked about him was the feeling of loyalty from him so I sometimes worry that if for some reason we ended up not together that anyone else I ever found would cheat on me because sex seems to be such an important thing and the amount i'm willing to do it wouldn't ever be enough. do you go through the same kind of dating struggles?
LilMizRandom09 You're lucky that you have your boyfriend. I've been single for a long time, and part of that is due to the fact that I'm not a very social person and don't meet many new people, and so I've had few romantic interests. However, when I am interested in someone in a potentially romantic way, I feel like my asexuality holds me back. I tell myself that they probably wouldn't want to be with me if they knew about my asexuality, and even if that wasn't the case, I would feel like it's unfair to them. Also, most of my crushes lately tend to be on women, which throws another wrench into the mix.
These poems and videos are so powerful and reassuring from the perspective of a young member of the community. Questioning was one of the most difficult parts of my life, and these were the warm shoulder I could cry on. All I can muster together is, thank you
I'm in a state of confusion about myself, I think I'm bisexual but have never been with a woman and I've been with a few too many men that have hurt me and I'm trying to pursue the other side of me. I have sexual urges for women and have crushes on women but because I've been rejected its scared me off once again, and I'm stuck in this limbo where I wan't to be single but at the same time are very lonely. I'm glad that you know undoubtedly who you are and are not afraid to show it I wish I could be strong and try it out but I'm afraid of hurting someone if it turns out I'm not bisexual and also I'm unfortunately stuck in a judgemental area where I live .... (sorry for venting in your video comments I just needed to let this out) only watched 3 of your videos but I love your poem style Its very refreshing :)
+kateskii95 You don't necessarily have to date a woman in order to find out you're bisexual. Finding your identity is super, super hard (trust me, I've questioned virtually every aspect of myself multiple times), and it's even harder to come to terms with it. The nice thing is, it's not a race (even though it often feels like one. To me, at least). You don't need to decide what sexuality you are- you have the right to take a step back and say, "Ya know what? I don't have to know right now, and that's alright." I'm sorry I can't be too much of help, and that I can only wish you best of luck. Oh! And that you'll find a better place to live (because judgmental places suck tbh).
+Naomi Tenshi aww thankyou :) I know its alright to be confused but I'm kinda just stuck in limbo and it sucks when you wanna explore but you can't thank you for the reply tho makes me feel better to know that I'm in the same boat as other people I knew it anyways but hearing it is nice too I hope it all becomes clear for us one day :)
kateskii95 No problem! Being stuck in limbo is the absolute worse (ughhh, words cannot describe my hate for it). Have you tried looking at other labels? You don't necessarily have to identify as the on you are (for example: a bisexual person can identify as gay, a pan can identify as bi, etc). If it doesn't work, though, that's okay, too! It's not the same for everyone. I hope it becomes clear for you, too!
+Naomi Tenshi I was thinking about that tbh I'm not too clued up on stuff only what I've seen on this channel so far I may be pan not sure lol I'm sure I'll figure it out :)
+kateskii95 Anyway, yeah, you definitely don't need to having dated a man and a woman or whatsoever to know yourself - even without a particular label. I personnally identify as bi because that is how I feel comfortable, even though I've never lived anything with anyone of any gender or sex. What matters is how you feel good :)
this video helped me so much when I was figuring my sexuality out. i knew i was bi/pan and yet bi erasure was swallowing me whole and making me feel like i didn't exist and couldn't. finding this video saved me. Edit on the year of 2021: Still come back to this poem to feel alive again when biphobia gets me down. You have no idea how much you have helped me through the years. I can't believe how long it's been since I found this video (6 years!). Saved my life.
I used to work at a radio station producing a 4 youth focused shows a week, one of which was a Queer show, and constantly felt the need to prove I was "gay enough" because I was bi. Coming out to my friends in high school got the rumour mill spreading "she's doing it so guys will think she's hot. She's just too chicken to say she's lesbian. She'll be straight again in a month."
I only had this problem lately after a 4 year long relationship with a guy, some of my friends I made during this time weren't aware of the fact that I'm bi. I never made a secret out of it and therefore I was out before there was even te chance there that people could already suggest I'm straight cause I was just so sure about my sexual identity from a young age and it felt natural to occasionally correct people if they did imply I would be straight. But due to this relationship it happened that I just never told 2 of my friends. After I was single again for a while, well they go it when I was talking btw about dating a women soon - and that's the first time my "gayness" was questioned. One of them was like he doesn't believe that real bisexuals exist cause "in the end of the day, if you flip a coin, it's either head or tail"... And the other one used to be bi-curious but only cause of figuring out herself only when she had the chance to actually sleep with a women she got scared of and decided she can not go any further than kissing with a women - it had to be the same with me like it's only going to be a real thing if I'm actually getting in a relationship with a women which would be the only way to figure out if you could truly love a specific gender - cause a crush wouldn't count.. And after she actually experienced how I did fall for a women and actually had sex with her (clean cause otherwise it didn't count as well...!) she started to take my bisexuality as something that's seriously existing as if I had to prove it to make it true. So yeah it was a pretty shitty feeling even getting accepted as a bisexual at this point cause not my actions should be what counts but simply what I feel. But you know... As long as you really listen to your inner voice that's defining who you are - you'll know what you are and no matter who dares to doubt it.. It won't matter cause you know the truth and it's something nobody can take from you. And also if it's from a friend it doesn't mean this friend isn't a good friend. It's someone who actually doesn't act the way you're supposed to from a moral point of view. But no one always is acting the way we should. It's not always easy to empathy with others and that's what we need to keep in mind in such situations. That we are ignorant as well towards things we can't understand since we're only humans.
Why does it matter if you're Gay, Straight or Bisexual . Who cares about that stuff. In my opinion, that type of stuff should not dictate your view on someone. Everyone should be viewed on by their actions, not who they are attracted to. Why is it that being gay or bisexual can make some one dislike you not matter what you've done. You could save hundreds of lives but be hated by many just because of your sexual preference. I hope one day we can live in a world where sexual preference, gender, race, and nationality don't matter.
I find this to be an oversimplification, I think it would be great to have a world where people didn't judge by sexual preference, but not one where it's weird to find pride or brotherhood in it.
i just performed this poem in my grade 11 drama class. i got a standing ovation. you words said everything that i was never able to say. thank you for making me understand myself more then i ever could.
I feel for you Bi/Pan guys... Sometimes its really difficult for people to understand where you are coming from. My straight friends are always like I hate bi people just choose a side already. I try to explain to them that some people just love people without really caring about the gender just attraction for all genders and people. At the same time as a gay woman it wouldn't be ideal for me to date a bi/pan person because I find it really stressful to have to worry about cheating or me competing with both genders or everything else in between. Nevertheless I fully respect bi/pan people and I think that we all have the right to love who we want. Also I believe that most people don't get bis/pans because they are like since you like both sexes why don't you choose the "normal" one. Gay people don't have a choice in the matter so they have to get through whatever difficulty comes with having a same sex relationship because they can't do otherwise. Anyway as I said all people have the right to love who they want and not compromise. Finally I think you are absolutely right about not being gay enough and all that notion. Don't think that just bi/pan people have a problem of fitting in. Try being a non stereotyping lesbian. Just because I don't look "gay" doesn't mean I'm not. There are many stereotypes in the LGBTQ community and its time that we break them after all our community is suppose to represent freedom and having the right to be who you want to be while loving who you want to love. I hope this comment made sense. Thank you for the lovely video!
"it wouldn't be ideal for me to date a bi/pan person because I find it really stressful to have to worry about cheating or me competing with both genders or everything else in between." I disagree. Cheating and not being faithful have to do with a person's values and personality, not sexual orientation. Thanks for you comment though :)
Ashley Mardell You are right actually it has to do with a person's values and morality, worrying about cheating on the other hand has to do with our own insecurities and although a person may be faithful and bi/pan or faithful and lesbian I would still worry about cheating its just my personal issue I have to work on. I didn't imply that bi/pan people are more likely to cheat not at all I just said that I would feel more threaten but as I said before my issue. The main point I wanted to make in my previous comment was for our community to stop having stereotypes and judging other people that seemingly don't feet or are not enough as you said in your video. Obviously the way I expressed myself was not correct. I'm really sorry if I offended you or anyone else in the previous comment.
Hi Ashley . You're talking about LGBT but that's kind of the same situation when you're mixed ( like really really mixed ) . No one reconize you as part of their community which hurts . A lot . Thank you for being you and for your efforts . Have a nice day .
I found your channel two days ago, this video is two years old and today you poetry slammed yourself right into my heart. This was wonderful. You are wonderful. Thank you!
This is the most accurate thing, and I'm glad there's someone actually willing to talk about it in such an open way. I always come back to Ash's poems :)
I so know how you feel. I am bi. And I'm quiet open about it. But as a bi woman you often, at least in my surroundings, have that moment where people come to you and say "Oh, so you're experimenting." or... even that straight guys get a hard on just from knowing I'd have sex with girls. Or date girls. I do admit that my sexual attraction is not based on gender but I do get romantically attract to guys...uhm..easier. So most of my friends don't even know that I've actually DATED girls. I think it's not fair. It feels like my ability to love a girl is worth less than the ability to love a guy. But there's not really a difference after all. At least not in...the "depth" of those feelings. (Sorry if I can't really express myself here... Emotional topics and foreign language...argh..) Just like it is not easy to be with homosexual people. Fun fact: Some excatly same prejudice statements about being bisexual I got from homo- and heterosexual people. And now please excuse me... Gotta wipe of some tears...
I went back into the closet to *myself* for three years because of shitty things my gay best friend at the time told me. And i always feel like an ally at Pride, not a participant. I don't feel welcome, not gay enough. (Not that I don't get shit from the other side too, but I expected the hetros to not understand. I expected crap from my family. It hurts more coming from "my" people, who keep proving they are the "g l and other letters sometimes i guess" community more like.) So yeah, tears here too, eh?
I'm pansexual and I told a friend and she was like so you choose to only date guys and you should be fine. I told her no because I find guys attractive and I find girls attractive and she said that's Bi and I said no because I disregard Gender. I like who ever may grab my heart who catches my interest who will love me and hold me and take me as I am. Shall that be with a guy than fine or shall it be with a women than great or shall it be with someone who is transgender or gender fluid than fantastic. As long as I find love I should be accepted.
This is my favourite video you have ever done. I even have it on MP3 and I can mouth along with it word for word. So inspirational, and validating. I just love it so much. Thank you, Ashley, for making us all feel validated, regardless of gender of sexuality. Also, your poetry is a massive hit, and they are your most inspiring and emotional videos. You really should do more.
I can't even begin to express how perfectly this describes my feelings inside that I cannot put words to. I have watched this so many times relating to every single rhyme and all I can say is thank you!
7 years later this still manages to make me emotional and is still relatable (as an aroace). I said it back then and i'll say it again, your way with words is amazing
Who else listen to this over and over again when you're down? It makes me feels better every time. Thank you Ashley for always saying the things we need to hear
This was really beautiful. I can relate to all of this. You are an amazing person. Thank you for being you, and showing the world and its people what an honest, down-to-earth, genuine person is.
as a bisexual sometimes it's like I'm not straight enough to be "normal" in society but not "gay" enough to be lgbt meme er
same
Yeah this is exactly how I feel
Same
As long as you belong to your belonging that’s all that matters no one else’s opinion matters.
Kathy P LGBT 🏳️🌈means les gay bi trans so no matter how straight and gay you are you are still and always in the LGBT 🏳️🌈 community. It doesnt matter what all the other people say just you be you
I hate "you're just confused" or "you're just being greedy"
or "you're just doing it for attention"
What about the good ol' "it's just a phase"
+Romi Carugati
I hate it all.
+Rose Miles So true, or the "It's just a phase." Or "You're to young to know what you are."
"you're just doing this for attention" is the worst
Yea. Bi/pan erasure can be shitty. This is me poem-ing about it.
Ps. This took a ZILLION tries to all get in one take. Validate my efforts by giving it a like?
Once i saw the title your not gay enough I knew gay meant happy.
Thank you for posting this video this subject means a lot to me!
I agree with you completely. This more than validates exactly what I've been thinking about myself. Others I have spoken with just seem to not understand what I say when I explain who I am. It's videos like this that remind me why I am subscribed to such an awesome person!
(BTW I am not saying that you are awesome just to kiss some butt- I agree with you about many of the topics in your videos, and I think you have more courage to speak about this stuff than I do.)
Keep making awesome videos!
Wow this sums up my life right now.
Ashley Mardell thank you so much for posting this. I know how you feel because there have been a few times where I felt the same way.
I am honestly obsessed with your poems. As a pan person too, they're amazing :)
You're pan? I'm Pan too! I've never met one!
Mandy Ramirez Yay Pansexuals! :)
Although I personally also identify with bisexual, but when I actually talk more into it I explain I'm pansexual and what that actually means.
Thank you! Not everyone know it's not the same thing. +Connor Macfarlane
Mandy Ramirez YOUR PROFILE PIC IS AMAZING
I'm pan to
This says so much. Thank you. I wish people would understand that.. Bisexual is a sexuality itself. It's not "half straight, half gay." Because just imagine this. Imagine a giant, red heart; representing love. Now imagine 2 genders, on either side; male and female. Now I as a female, if I were lesbian, that heart would go towards the female gender. Now, if I were straight.. That heart would slide on over to male. Now what most people would expect to be bisexual, is the heart splitting in half. And each piece going towards both genders. But that doesn't mean I love women less then lesbians do. Or I love men less then heterosexuals do. So now.. just imagine that heart, cloning itself. Now both of those fully sized hearts, go towards each gender. That, my friends, is what it really means.. To be bisexual.
deep
These vids have the longest damn comments in all of TH-cam
Thanks. Thanks for writing this magnificent comment, that rappresent what means being bi. Thank you very much, for making me feel right for what i am, a bi, part of this family, with you and everyone else like us, and... damn i don't have the words.
Thank you 💕🌌
I agree so much. To be bisexual means to be both gay AND straight. The person has the two experiences: feeling atracted to the same and the opposite gender.
Myrest: I've never thought about it that way before. The description of bi as both gay and straight. It's different to the way I've had it sort of arranged up until now, but that's a rearrangement I can easily make, because it makes so much sense. Thank you for that.
EchoArtz: I like the way you've visualised it. It's somewhat similar to the way I've visualised it. I have some questions for you, though. Are you visualising it like a scale of sorts with male and female on either side, with the heart being a slider? If so, what would it mean if the heart were in the middle? That the individual in question is attracted to hermaphrodites? What if the slider were slightly towards either gender, but not all the way there?
i love slam poetry! this was fantastic
Homestuck?
Ches IsBloody
YOU CALLED?
Something that I think we could do is if we stopped using gay as a synonym for lgbt as with "gay bars" or "gay pride" or the "Gay Straight Alliance," and we started saying "queer pride" or "lgbt bars" or "Queer Straight Alliance?" because they dont unintentionally leave out middle of the spectrum folks. Many people are unaware of sexualities besides just gay and straight because of how hardly recognized they are, so I think this would better inform people too.
well, gay bars use the term gay bars, because well, they are bars designed for gay people to mingle and find people who they have things in common with, lesbian bars do the same. Its more of a marketing strategy than anything else.
Kerys Bowler
Well that's the problem.
Alyssa Azulay Yeah, I wasn't sure Gay Pride is a thing, although I feel like I've heard it somewhere so maybe its just a thing where I live, but it was just to demonstrate how the word gay is a lot of times used.
bowiechick
I dont really see gay bars and lesbian bars as a problem, since they're bars where gay and leabian people can go to hang out, and can be free to be themselves without the ridicule that might be present at regular bars or clubs.
Kerys Bowler where do bisexual/pansexual people and other sexual orientations fit in there, then? as a bisexual person, i've received more ridicule at 'gay' bars, which i feel wouldn't be as much of a thing if they were referred to as LGBT+ bars. we are all a part of the same community, why do we have to be exclusive and exclude selective orientations? this isn't what the LGBT+ community should be about but sadly, it is and probably will be until we stop referring to anything LGBT+ as 'gay'.
I'm asexual, and this hits me. Not being strictly gay or straight is tough.
same. let's eat cake together and cry
toomuchyoutube don't cry, craft!
please, for the love of god, do not
Dildon't
That's one of the reasons I'm scared to hold my boyfriend's hand just walking down the street. Because apparently "you can't have a true relationship without sex"
(I'm asexual)
Them-"you've never had sex so how do you know you don't like it?"
Me-"well I've never been bitten by a snake but I know I wouldn't like it"
I need to use this comeback
+Games4Nerds nah you gotta use this one: "you've never had sex with a guy/girl, how do you know you wouldn't like it?"
I always say "how do you know you don't like hugging cactuses if you don't hug one?"
awesome comeback
Oh my gosh, that's epic. I've yet to have anyone ask this question, but I'll keep this in mind for when it inevitably is asked.
I sometimes feel.. like I am not gay enough, so I come back to this video from time to time. It makes me feel better, it's a very powerful poem. So thanks Ashley. And a job well done.
sssaaammmeeeeeee
"But you've never even dated a girl before, how do you know you're bi?"
Me: Well, I've never dated a snake before but I know I'm still afraid of them.
Lol yes!
If you don't mind, I'll just use ur reply every time someone asks me that xD
same lol
+Genesis Mbesi that's exactly what I got from my friend - so I said to him "Why didn't you ask that question about guys?' He was basically saying that I can't be bi unless I date a girl, but he didn't question my attraction to guys even though I have never dated a guy before. I called him out on his bullshit. No one needs to prove their sexual orientation.
Best thing I've seen all year
Wow. You just put everything I've ever felt/experienced into perfect words.
Thank you once again for another beautiful video.
MissFenderr Aw yay :)
I never guessed you weren't straight, but by doing that I suppose I'm being one of those people who thinks gay/bi/pan etc. Should fit a certain stereotype, shame on me
Wow, this vid hit me somewhere deep in my brain, and in a good way. As a pansexual male who has never really "properly" fallen in love with anyone not-female, the feelings of doubt and uncertainty about whether or not I am gay enough are a common occurrence. I might be going a bit offtopic here, as no one else but myself has yet to question or invalidate my identity, but the message still made me feel warm inside. So for what it's worth, I wanted to thank you Ashley. Thank you for making my day a lot better.
You can chose what label you have and others have no right to say you're wrong as its you not them. It sounds like being in heterosexual relationships has made you question whether or not you count but you do. Attraction is uncontrollable and what you like you like. Behavior, however, is different. A homosexual could be in all straight relationships and never come out but that doesn't make them any less gay. Or they could come out and that doesn't make them bisexual. Attraction is different than behavior and can confuse others who don't understand (even the LGBT community). Someone could love strawberries but not have them very often and eat bananas all the time but that doesn't mean they don't like them. Or their favorite color could be blue but always wear pink. That doesn't change anything. Sexual identity is a complex thing that no one else can decide for you and even you can't decide. Being a nun doesn't make someone asexual it just means they chose not to enact on their attractions.
Hope this helped.
Sincerely,
A Bi Girl
jbenboo3 Thanks a bunch ^^
Also, sexual and romantic orientation can be different from each other . So never falling in love with women doesn't necessarily have to make you gay.
We are what we are. People! :D
I came out as bi today. In school. I didn't plan it. It just happened. We were reading a book in school, it was my turn to read. I was speaking as a guy confessing his love to a girl. When I finished the page a looked up and within out thinking I said, one small word... Made of only 4 simple letters, "same". One of my friends looks at me and says "what? You would confess your love to a girl?!"
Again, without thinking I blurt out "maybe someday. I'm not straight."
The teacher immediately picks up where I left off in the book. I sit in my desk as reality sets in. I'm no longer in the closet, I'm free. I'm free to be me.
The same thing kind of happened to me once our English teacher said "raise your hand if you're a thespian" and my hand shot up and she called on me and I thought she had said lesbian so she asked me what a thespian was and I said I don't know then I muttered under my breath "I thought she said lesbian"
idk why coming out has to be so scary im gay but im too scared to even tell my best friends. ive had so many opportunities but i just get too scared... even tho ik theyll accept me. :(
+Katie same
same and this comment made my day
I wish I could do that! I don't feel comfortable yet
I keep coming back to this video because it makes me feel like I AM enough. Thanks Ashley.
But are you a big gulp?!
Because you Are enough!
This was absolutely beautiful.
Kiki Vlogs Thanks :)
+Ashley Mardell If I ever caught you, I would boy's don't cry your plump midwestern ass. Toodles ;3
Ash Hardell why was queer written q*eer ?
Ash Hardell I'm listening to all you slam poems and reading you book. it's amazing I love it thank you. your an amazing person
wow this summed up how i feel sometimes. I've had my best friend say that i,m half straight and half gay. and when i try to tell him that not right he ignores me and tries to say it all about science and have had people tell me i didnt look bi
Wow. She must have been great in writing class, she explained that so beautifully that I was literally there.
I love your pfp💖
"Yeah but she's properly bi, she's had a girlfriend." that one stung a little
Ikr, "no girlfriend, fake bisexual". It's sucks how we have to prove that we're what feel. That just because I only had a girlfriend out of my relationships, I am not a proper bi :/
When I was a teenager and figuring out I was Bisexual was both relieving and depressing. Straight friends told me I should just be gay if I love women. Gay and Lesbian friends saying " You have privelage .. you don't know the struggle . your not queer." It sent me into a dark , dark depression . It took years to dig out and realize FUCK EVERYONE I COUNT . MY SEXUALITY COUNTS I AM ME . I MATTER . WHETHER THE STRAIGHT PEOPLE SAY ONE THING OR A GAY/LESBIAN PERSON SAY'S ANOTHER.
I am Bisexual . I don't have a look cause my sexuality isn't my appearance. The love I feel for a women or a man doesn't change my appearance. I wish people would accept Bisexual , Asexual and transgender as an importance.. just as much as an importance as the straight , Gay and Lesbian communities.
Absolutely spot on
Wait why would people saying that stuff send you into "a deep, dark depression?" I don't get it! 😐
Also I'm dumb so calm down this is normal 😂😂😂
+BrazilianCupquake its the feeling that you dont belong.... that you dont have anyone to turn to because both of the gays and the straights say "you cant be a part of us" "you dont belong" "you are not relevant" you are alone
You are alone.
and that is the worst thing to ever feel
Mat Chase fuck you
Mat Chase+ from the looks of your youtube account, there is no use getting mad at you. the ONLY way i can describe you is hateful and close-minded. its sad that people like you still exist. fuck you
As a trans guy, I get the whole "you aren't masculine enough to be trans. You are too feminine"
I'm not a trans guy but I am genderfluid. I dress as a dude and try my hardest to pass and get misgendered. I dress more feminine and get told I'm too masculine to wear that. Most of the time I'm just androgynous but being misgendered hurts. And bring told you're 'too feminine to be trans' is just rude. You couldn't choose. You were with those features :)
Beth Lewis Thank you :) Yeah, none of us chose this. My own mother especially is the one who says I'm not masculine enough to be trans She also keeps saying maybe I'm just lesbian. Which that is definitely not what I am
+Misdre I get this too. I constantly get told 'You're too pretty/feminine looking to be trans.' Or 'Why would you want to do that to yourself? You've got a figure most women would die for.' ¬_¬
+Peg Pish oh my steven universe peoples!
OMYGOSH YESSS! i hope peridot doesn't betray the gems :(
Being bi myself, and my husband pan, we know exactly how this feels... it sucks.
This was beautiful! I'm not bi myself but my girlfriend is and I want to show this to her. Thank you for making the minorities feel better about themselves. I'm a genderfluid homoromantic asexual and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Can I ask how you find relationships as an asexual? How you bring it up etc? I am somewhere around pan-romantic gray-ace and I don't know how to do the whole relationship thing.
***** well it's more so that I become friends with people or maybe I just really like there personality. I mean I can tell if someone is attractive so if I see them then maybe I go up them and ask a few questions and then I slowly kind of slide in the, "How do you feel about homosexuality?" question. Usually someone will tell you if their on the spectrum or not sometimes they don't but you can become friends with them and maybe it turns into something more. ALSO!!! this is so much easier by the way online dating is a good way to find people they have dating for literally everyone so... I don't know if that answered your question or not and if it didn't tell me and I will take another shot at it
My problem is that I am already friends with someone and then I start liking them when it clearly isn't going to become anything more! But I was meaning more how do you bring up the sex conversation. As in if you aren't going to want to engage in it, do you only go for people who you know are the same, do you make it clear from the start or as you get to know them better? How do you get to it become something "more" whilst being asexual? Not sure if I'm making sense!
Online dating probably is a good point, any sites you'd recommend?
+Louisyed Hi, I hope you don't mind me responding. Sex is not necessary in a romantic relationship, please never feel that way. You do NOT have to tell them straight up that you don't want to have sex, but if you're going into a relationship, you should do that from friendship. Only be with someone who was originally just a friend and knew of your asexuality and the fact that you're sexrepulsed. You also know you can trust them if they were originally a friend. Then they'll know that you're not interested in sex. Make your sexual orientation known, and be proud of it, so that everyone you become close to is aware. Also, just to make sure you know, not all asexuals and people on the specturm are sex repulsed. Asexuality does NOT equal sex repulsion. I'm panromantic greyace and very much enjoy sex and masturbation regardless of a lack of sexual attraction. But, as I've said, never feel like you have to be in a sexual relationship for it to be a "real" romantic relationship.
If you listen closely you can hear my ace little heart swelling. Thank you Ashley
Oh my god, I love your icon!
- a fellow ace
I feel the same way. I almost cried because I'm going to my first pride this summer, but I'm scared people won't count as LGBT+ because I'm a quoiromantic asexual.
Erin Sarah I felt the same way Ash is amazing!!
Pride is suppose to represent who you are and what you support, so just go there being yourself. You don’t have to be anything but yourself and you can have pride in that :)
every time I rewatch this my heart is snagged by the way you say "BECAUSE I LOVE WOMEN" and the pause and just...ahh.
thank you!!! this video brought a tear to my eye. as a young bisexual I know what it feels like to have you're sexuality erased. when I say i like women people say "you're so girly though" or "It's probably just a phase" or "you're doing it for attention" when I say I like men I hear "but i thought you were gay" or "i knew you were a pseudo lesbian" or "I'm glad you're finally over that whole lesbian thing" even my fellow gay friends will sometimes question whether or not i am really bi or if I'm just saying so for attention. monosexual people don't understand how painful it can be to hear your friends say they don't think anyone can really be bisexual. this video is really important to me and I love you ashley
i came out as bi a while ago. since then i have quite a lot of these questions and comments from my straight friends. i didnt really know what to say to them. But now i know what to say. This is also the first video i saw of this channel, and it has got a new subscriber :)
Ashley this was spectacular. thankyouuuu
It's not the same but I'm Asexual and I'm going to Pride soon and I'm terrified because I've seen all over the internet that Ace people are seen too Hetero or not gay enough... or we don't even really exist.
Our sexuality is to not have one... I'm just really afraid that someone is going to invalidate my sexuality, say that because I disappear into the background, since my action is inaction, I don't experience enough exclusion (in the various forms they take, unsubtle and subtle or even life threatening). And, yeah, I get it. I blend in. I'm like the black shadow swirling in the middle of the hetero grey mist, whereas other lgbt+ are bright neon colours that are much more visible. I blend in, I disappear. I don't offend anyone's senses from my lack of sexuality. But still... I disappear. I am told that I'm not real. I just "need to meet the right guy and he'll set me right". Sure.
People choose to overlook me, because I don't offend their heteronormative sensibilities. They erase me.
I just want to shout "I'm Asexual. I'm here! I'm real!" I'm not hetero, but, yeah, I'm not gay either. So, if I'm too hetero, not gay enough, for Pride. Not hetero enough for everything else. Where do I belong?
We belong with the gays, the trans, each other, all of them. Just because people forget doesn't mean that we're not real. Stay strong.
Sen Tariana I feel your pain, not just as an asexual but as a person. It's just stupid and unnecessary to consider someone's sexuality inexistent.
You know what the fuck makes her poetry videos so powerful? That she stares right into the camera and you see how strongly she feels what she says in her eyes and you can't help but stare back and be moved by her words. Keep up the good work Ashley, love you.
You're poems are absolutely amazing! I agree with you whole heartedly
I had no idea how much I needed this video. I'm so glad at least you have created your own community where everyone feels comfortable with themselves and their identities and even when we aren't accepted in the LGTBQ community we will always have you to remind that we are accepted somewhere. There is love and understanding for us, just not always in the places we look. Thank you Ashley Mardell.
God I love spoken word and this was absolutely amazing. I LOVE THIS A LOT.
Thanks boo xx
Ashley, thank you for speaking your truth -- and so powerfully! I've identified as bisexual for 39 years, so far. At times it has been very challenging (mostly when I crash into other people's lack of understanding), but overall my bisexual identity has been a beautiful gift in my life.
Thank you so much for your comments. I am still dealing with my bisexuality for a while now and still cringe at the indoendos & stereos about this whole thing. Janie
I actually started crying holy shit
But I feel you fam, I will probably forever hear in my head my friend saying "I wish I had a gay friend"
And of course it sounded stupid and mean but I liked to have friends so I answered with "Well I can be your gay friend" and waited for a laugh but instead I got all the "yeah, I meant, like, actually gay. You don't feel gay"
?????
This still makes me cry cause not only did they say that I was not gay enough but I also started to question my place in the friendship.
(But luckily, after almost 6 years of being 'not gay enough' I found better friends so bye)
i am sorry to hear that, that sucks that your long time friends had to be so narrow minded that your no longer friends 😞
I'm pan but I've never had a girlfriend (I'm female) and most people I finally have the courage to come out to either have no clue what it is or don't believe it exists. Like I'm just trying to be a special snowflake. Why can't people just open their eyes and see that pansexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, and every other sexuality EXISTS and that we are VALID
B Cochran Because people are stupid. I know how you feel. Every gender and sexuality should be recognized.
holly velasquez i don’t wanna come out of the cupboard yet anyways its comfy in here
As a member of the previously clueless, please forgive. My education began when one of my kids came out as non-binary. You are valid and you are enough. ❤️
I feel so free by watching this video because i'm 21 this year and i'm still scared of the question "What is your sexual orientation ?" To be honest, i'm lost and i'm still searching for myself in all this, but a big part of my unknowing is that i'm scared to be judge and i'm scared to disappoint. Something tells me that i'm not heterosexual and something tells me that i'm not completely homosexual. Even if i say that i'm bisexual, i'm sacred that one day i figure that i really like women OR men and so i'll attract the hate of heterosexuals/homosexuals because i wasn't what i said. Damn, it scares the shit out of me xD For now, i protect myself with this temporary response "I'll fall in love with a beautiful person. That's all."
A little message from an undecided.
(Please know that my first language is french xD)
Mouton Noir Oh, don't worry for the people out there, they're just people. YOU are the important here, the ONLY PERSON that can label yourself :)
Mouton Noir this is EXACTLY how I feel. I don't want to answer what my sexual orientation is because I literally don't know and I would feel like i'm lying if i answered with any sexual orientation.
+Erin Tierney I agree. I just don't know and i feel like if i say that i question my sexuality people will assume im just "confused"
I feel the same... I know I'm not striaght, but I've come out as bisexual and I'm not even sure if that's true. I'm lucky that I have a family that will accept me and support me through any changes. :)
So damn good Ashley. Also, one take!? I can barely remember what I had for breakfast let alone something so impeccably worded. Love your work x
Love this. As someone who is Polysexual I'm never represented, mentioned, or validated
sameee
*hugs* you are known buddy :3
Why do you let your sexual identity run your whole personality? does it really matter if you are validated or not? you know what you are and isn't thats all that matters? Also FUCK YOU BITCH!
***** Finally someone who gets it.
YOU EXIST AND ARE VALID!
I've watched this so many times and it still makes me cry. You are something else, Ashley.
when I was younger I had first heard of being gay and straight, but that confused me because I liked both genders, I thought there was no in between, you are ether gay or straight. when I found out about being bi sexual I just felt this rush of relief, but then I kept on thinking "am I not gay enough?" this poem really shows the struggle a bi sexual person can have.
I was so seriously impressed by this, I can't believe you managed to get it done in one take! Could I have permission to emulate this style of video in one of my future videos?
Sparrowhawk93 sure!
+Mat Chase your stupidity simply baffles me.....-_-
+Mat Chase the 1970s called, they want your stupid ideas and closed mindedness back.
+GamingWizzFTW lmfao agreed😂😂😂
+Antique Trash niiiice -high five-
Nails complicated editing. Nails a one-take re-take. That's our Ashley!!!
aw =]
I would love to go to pride but I feel really unwelcome. I feel totally not gay enough.
+Isabella Swarbrick question
do you like (physical or romatic) people of your gender?
then my friend you are some form of gay and can do to pride to flaunt it
there is no such thing as not gay enough.... unless you dont find people who are your gender physically or romantically
+rachael beth I don't think I've really thought about it that way. I think physically I prefer the same gender but I honestly couldn't say I prefer a certain gender.
***** that is bisexual or pansexual (i am pan) where you are attracted to both
and that is still a form of gay and so we are gay enough my friend
Ash this made me cry. I showed this to my middle school GSA group. Let me tell you there were tear filled faces spread across the room.
It's nice to see another Bi person. It makes you feel accepted and okay.
I'm straight and these stories pissed me off. Like, it isn't hard to get, you like the same gender and you're "gay enough." I apologise for those thoughts even crossing THEIR minds.
This had me crying in under a minute. This is partly my story. The first girlfriend I had told me I wasn't really gay or bi...I'm with a man now and I feel like an invisible LGBT, am treated as an impostor. Thank you for this.
This helps me overcome my struggles with being pan. Thank you Ashley!
Even though I didn't know half of the words you used, because I'm Dutch and I'm still learning English, I understanded the moral from what you were telling. I must say that I think it is really hard to accept yourself when you're bi or pan, because (you already said that in a vid once) people tell you that you're on your way to be gay and that you are experimenting, but that isn't true most of the times. I'm a girl and think that boys are handsome and girls too, I fell in love once, and that was for a girl. I'm still finding out things about myself, knowing that you've find yourself after 5 years calms me down.
The point is that you're really, really, really helpful for people like me!
Thanks for making this vids!
By Lotte
ps. the most creative person I've ever seen! ;)
"Not Gay Enough" by Ashley Hardell
I would like to tell you two stories.
Nothing horrific.
Nothing gory.
Both simple and small.
Like a sliver.
But one that sends a shiver,
A quiver inducing pulse on uncomfort through my entire being.
Everytime I'm reminded of their existence.
First, picture this.
I am slouched, lounging on a couch.
Sitting in the living room of my freshman house.
About to attend, get this, my very first pride
I am pumped! Riding a high of excitement 'cause I have a confession.
While my love for my friends knows no end,
They are predominantly a group of hets with minimal flex,
So they don't always get my struggle.
My desires.
The feeling of otherness that smothers me in this society dominated and saturated with straightness.
But! At approximately one hour forty-two minutes and sixteen seconds, that is all about to change.
Finally the tables will have turned and I have yearned to be able to look left, look right
And feel some pain go as I am bombarded by rainbow.
A plethora of leather.
A littering of glitter.
Every which way.
Gay, gay, gay. I will be amongst my people!
I know that sounds goofy.
I admit, it's kind of dumb.
But, pride was the gay Christmas I had been looking forward to all year,
And the anticipation of opening this incredibly fabulous gift was unreal.
I feel my phone.
Oh! Kristin and Callie will be here in a few.
"Whew." Replies Samantha.
"Yeah. I don't want to be that group of straight people who only goes for something to do," chimes in Simon.
A pink heat floods my cheeks.
I don't miss a beat.
Excuse me?
"You know, we'll just... Fit in better with them. You know?"
No.
"I mean, it would be weird to go to pride without someone... Actually gay."
Pause.
Stare.
Really?
I pretend this didn't offend.
But I'm going with you!
But I'll he there!
Me!
The tension on the faces of my friends loosens as they comprehend my confusion.
"Psh. You don't count, Ashley! You're dating Pat!"
I freeze.
I.
Don't.
Count.
I feel a crack spit my heart.
A major part of my identity.
A massive Ashley aspect.
So much of my me-ness.
All instantaneously rendered null and void in three short words.
I. Don't. Count.
I don't count.
Apparently my feelings toward one gender invalidates my ability to love another.
Evidently I don't meet enough queer criteria to call myself LGBT.
So it seems that being "B" is not enough.
I need to earn my keep, my place.
At least that's what these straight folks say.
But to be fair, it's not just my hetero friends who have momentary lapses in judgement.
A year later, I am sitting at a bar when a glimmering, shimmering, sequin sleeve catches me off guard.
And a hard pat lands on my back from pristine queen with a mean and hearty chortle:
"Oh, I hope you ladies are having fun!", She cackles.
"I just love when girls like you come in and show your support."
I don't even ask for clarification.
I am bit with a sensation, a wave of rage.
I am aware what her remark implies.
I reply, "Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no, no ,no. I am not straight."
She is undoubtedly taken aback.
"Oh. You look it. I would never have guessed."
Yep. I'm gay! Super duper gay!
Gay, gay, gay. I overcompensate.
And it's not even true.
I'm certainly not straight,
But have I just become a liar by evading a more accurate qualifier?
Which could have been pan, bi, fluid, in the middle of the spectrum, here, queer.
Thanks to your need to perpetuate and feed into damaging stereotypes,
Desperately needing a beer!
Whether it's from my fellow minority,
Or the straight majority,
We need to place more of a priority on accepting orientations other than 'hetero' and 'homo.'
This bi Erasure cuts like a razor and leaves me homeless.
Amongst my straight friends, gay, bars, and even pride.
A place where those who don't quite fit the mainstream sexual mold go to seek refuge.
I am excluded.
And I'm over it.
So, without a quiver.
Without a shiver.
I stand proud removing the sliver as I deliver a message.
There is no such thing as looking gay, as sounding gay, as seeming gay.
My gay cannot be rated or graded.
My bi does not fade when I am dating a man and it's legitimacy is not raised when I'm with Grace, my girlfriend.
I am gay enough.
Gay enough to attend pride.
Gay enough to have a girlfriend.
Gay enough to rock long hair, have never seen an episode of The L Word, hate sports and not know a single Tegan and Sara song.
Because at the end of the day, I love women!
And that's about the gayest thing a lady can do.
And I should be gay enough to feel like part of the community.
So help me.
Help me by opening your mind to the possibility that I could be just like you even though I don't fit the stereotypes.
Stop assuming that I don't belong and start celebrating my presence free of judgement.
Accept my bi, pan, non binary identity in it's entirety and don't let it invalidate my queerness for you.
Help me.
By making me feel like I don't need to change.
Like, just the way I am,
I am enough.
I was cheering through this video. Seriously. I love your poems so much. You should make more about NB identities since you're more out now and stuff I'd love to hear them
Loved this so, so much. You are seriously crossing into artistry and I'm 100% here for it.
***** YES! me too :D
Ashley, this is incredibly beautiful and it breaks my heart and I have been there. You are more than enough.
Thank you so very very much. Even in my Gay-Straight-Allaince group at school I get comments like "I would never date a bisexual, because I would never trust them" and I get people rolling their eyes as soon as I talked about my bisexuality and problems that bisexuals face as if they were not valid, even in that group with a lot of people I like, were I should feel safe, I can´t feel relaxed or natural, because of some other people and that hurts.
I've lost count of how many times I've seen this video. I've watched it over and over again, and each time, it really hits me. Thank you for this.
Ashley you took the words straight out of my mouth! I am in tears because this story is so well known for me. The idea and feeling of not being lgbt enough to fit in with the minority and not be straight enough to fit in with the majority so thank you so much for letting me know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Ily xx
Them: you’ve been with guys in all ways how are you gay?
They don’t understand just because I’ve been with men doesn’t mean I liked it. Doesn’t mean I didn’t cringe when he kissed me, when he held my hand, when he touched me. But when SHE does any of this I’m like a fire that’s soaring, a love that is so bright, so colorful, and happy that it melts all of my worries, and fears. I don’t focus on their stares, snide comments, or any of it. Just her. ❤️🏳️🌈
I use to think that I was bi...then pan. But then I realized that I was just a lesbian, hiding the truth from people because my experience was opposite from yours, well more or less.
People said It was a good thing that I was bi, because I wouldn't match the "standers" if I was a lesbian. I didn't dress like one, I was dating a guy (that I didn't even like). I only then just realized that if I don't dress like a lesbian... Then how do you dress straight? The stereotype for gay, bi, lesbian, pan, trans, all of them, shows that you have to acted or dress the way your sexuality is.
So I did what anyone in my situation would do, I started dressing "lesbian" I came out as one and that I have been one this whole time you thought I was bi. People treated me differently after that. I just wish that I wouldn't have to change so I would fit the stereotype of what everyone wanted me to be like.
That is wrong. Don't be around those people if they don't treat you right.
AstrixKey Sweetheart, you shouldn't have to change to appropriate to others' expectations of you. Be yourself, be AstrixKey.
OMS! It's like we are the same person! I totally get what you mean. It's like you have to change who you are for people to see you for who you actually are and by doing that you are creating the stereotype that they see... if that makes sense?
+AstrixKey If someone won't accept you as you are even though they know you are happy being that way, then they don't really care about you and don't deserve to be your friend. I identify as a man and have a man's body. I dress in the way that is conventional for men. I also identify as a woman and a lesbian because I'm bigender. If someone can accept that, terrific. Let's be friends. If not, it was nice meeting you. Love, Bill/Jennifer
I can not even begin to explain how much this video has helped me over the years..thank you, Ash. ❤
I love this, i rewatched this video dozens of times because it is just so relatable. Thank you!!! This means the world to me!
I love outspoken poetry, this is amazing
I love it! I totally feel this way as a feminine lesbian. Just because I don't look like your stereotypical lesbian, doesn't mean I am any less attracted to women.
I got bi bashed yesterday for the first time by my lesbian best friend. I may have watched this literally 60 time in a row.
Send this to her
Please
I'm asexual and have never knowingly met someone else in person who is. I'm pretty used to being in my ace bubble ,but the thought you gave me of being with people like me really makes me long for it.
saying that I just looked down into the comments. I like hearing about other asexuals~
Hello from another ace! I'm in the same boat - I would love to find someone else like me, someone who understands. Someone that I don't have to explain myself to.
I imagine it being like having a friend group like I have now but I don't have to sit through the boy talks of who likes who and pointing out who they think is hot.
Do you have parts about you that you wonder if you are like that because it's just you or if its a part of being ace?
LilMizRandom09 Yeah, a little. Though I'm female, I dress more androgynously, and I avoid doing things like wearing makeup and jewelry (aside from my ace ring). Before I realized I was ace, when my mom yelled at me to try to look prettier so that I can "maybe actually get a boyfriend one day", I would just think "why? If a guy talks to me, he'll know if he likes me or not. How I look shouldn't really matter. I know that looks don't matter to me." Now I wonder if I'd present more feminine if I were straight.
Miss Anne Thrope That's pretty cool to hear because I also don't do the make up and jewelry thing. never interested me. still doesn't. also met my bf when I was in the "awkward" phase of growing up so I know it wasn't my looks he was after~ I'm not sure I could be with someone else if anything happened between us. First thing I liked about him was the feeling of loyalty from him so I sometimes worry that if for some reason we ended up not together that anyone else I ever found would cheat on me because sex seems to be such an important thing and the amount i'm willing to do it wouldn't ever be enough. do you go through the same kind of dating struggles?
LilMizRandom09 You're lucky that you have your boyfriend. I've been single for a long time, and part of that is due to the fact that I'm not a very social person and don't meet many new people, and so I've had few romantic interests. However, when I am interested in someone in a potentially romantic way, I feel like my asexuality holds me back. I tell myself that they probably wouldn't want to be with me if they knew about my asexuality, and even if that wasn't the case, I would feel like it's unfair to them. Also, most of my crushes lately tend to be on women, which throws another wrench into the mix.
Every time that I watch this I get shivers down my spine. I have probably watched it dozens of times at this point and it still happens...
These poems and videos are so powerful and reassuring from the perspective of a young member of the community. Questioning was one of the most difficult parts of my life, and these were the warm shoulder I could cry on. All I can muster together is, thank you
I'm in a state of confusion about myself, I think I'm bisexual but have never been with a woman and I've been with a few too many men that have hurt me and I'm trying to pursue the other side of me. I have sexual urges for women and have crushes on women but because I've been rejected its scared me off once again, and I'm stuck in this limbo where I wan't to be single but at the same time are very lonely. I'm glad that you know undoubtedly who you are and are not afraid to show it I wish I could be strong and try it out but I'm afraid of hurting someone if it turns out I'm not bisexual and also I'm unfortunately stuck in a judgemental area where I live .... (sorry for venting in your video comments I just needed to let this out) only watched 3 of your videos but I love your poem style Its very refreshing :)
+kateskii95 You don't necessarily have to date a woman in order to find out you're bisexual. Finding your identity is super, super hard (trust me, I've questioned virtually every aspect of myself multiple times), and it's even harder to come to terms with it. The nice thing is, it's not a race (even though it often feels like one. To me, at least). You don't need to decide what sexuality you are- you have the right to take a step back and say, "Ya know what? I don't have to know right now, and that's alright." I'm sorry I can't be too much of help, and that I can only wish you best of luck. Oh! And that you'll find a better place to live (because judgmental places suck tbh).
+Naomi Tenshi aww thankyou :) I know its alright to be confused but I'm kinda just stuck in limbo and it sucks when you wanna explore but you can't thank you for the reply tho makes me feel better to know that I'm in the same boat as other people I knew it anyways but hearing it is nice too I hope it all becomes clear for us one day :)
kateskii95 No problem! Being stuck in limbo is the absolute worse (ughhh, words cannot describe my hate for it). Have you tried looking at other labels? You don't necessarily have to identify as the on you are (for example: a bisexual person can identify as gay, a pan can identify as bi, etc). If it doesn't work, though, that's okay, too! It's not the same for everyone. I hope it becomes clear for you, too!
+Naomi Tenshi I was thinking about that tbh I'm not too clued up on stuff only what I've seen on this channel so far I may be pan not sure lol I'm sure I'll figure it out :)
+kateskii95
Anyway, yeah, you definitely don't need to having dated a man and a woman or whatsoever to know yourself - even without a particular label. I personnally identify as bi because that is how I feel comfortable, even though I've never lived anything with anyone of any gender or sex. What matters is how you feel good :)
AMAZING.
Thanks Johnee :)
I FEEL THIS SO HARD even though I'm still closeted.
i found your channel be casuality and im so moved by your poems, they're beautiful, truthful and overflowing by some strong emotions
this video helped me so much when I was figuring my sexuality out. i knew i was bi/pan and yet bi erasure was swallowing me whole and making me feel like i didn't exist and couldn't. finding this video saved me.
Edit on the year of 2021: Still come back to this poem to feel alive again when biphobia gets me down. You have no idea how much you have helped me through the years. I can't believe how long it's been since I found this video (6 years!). Saved my life.
I used to work at a radio station producing a 4 youth focused shows a week, one of which was a Queer show, and constantly felt the need to prove I was "gay enough" because I was bi.
Coming out to my friends in high school got the rumour mill spreading "she's doing it so guys will think she's hot. She's just too chicken to say she's lesbian. She'll be straight again in a month."
I only had this problem lately after a 4 year long relationship with a guy, some of my friends I made during this time weren't aware of the fact that I'm bi. I never made a secret out of it and therefore I was out before there was even te chance there that people could already suggest I'm straight cause I was just so sure about my sexual identity from a young age and it felt natural to occasionally correct people if they did imply I would be straight.
But due to this relationship it happened that I just never told 2 of my friends. After I was single again for a while, well they go it when I was talking btw about dating a women soon - and that's the first time my "gayness" was questioned. One of them was like he doesn't believe that real bisexuals exist cause "in the end of the day, if you flip a coin, it's either head or tail"... And the other one used to be bi-curious but only cause of figuring out herself only when she had the chance to actually sleep with a women she got scared of and decided she can not go any further than kissing with a women - it had to be the same with me like it's only going to be a real thing if I'm actually getting in a relationship with a women which would be the only way to figure out if you could truly love a specific gender - cause a crush wouldn't count.. And after she actually experienced how I did fall for a women and actually had sex with her (clean cause otherwise it didn't count as well...!) she started to take my bisexuality as something that's seriously existing as if I had to prove it to make it true.
So yeah it was a pretty shitty feeling even getting accepted as a bisexual at this point cause not my actions should be what counts but simply what I feel.
But you know... As long as you really listen to your inner voice that's defining who you are - you'll know what you are and no matter who dares to doubt it.. It won't matter cause you know the truth and it's something nobody can take from you.
And also if it's from a friend it doesn't mean this friend isn't a good friend. It's someone who actually doesn't act the way you're supposed to from a moral point of view. But no one always is acting the way we should. It's not always easy to empathy with others and that's what we need to keep in mind in such situations. That we are ignorant as well towards things we can't understand since we're only humans.
As a bisexual person I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS!!! "I am gay enough" YES!!!!!
Why does it matter if you're Gay, Straight or Bisexual . Who cares about that stuff. In my opinion, that type of stuff should not dictate your view on someone. Everyone should be viewed on by their actions, not who they are attracted to. Why is it that being gay or bisexual can make some one dislike you not matter what you've done. You could save hundreds of lives but be hated by many just because of your sexual preference. I hope one day we can live in a world where sexual preference, gender, race, and nationality don't matter.
Amen! We're making progress, that's for sure, but we've a long, long way to go.
I find this to be an oversimplification, I think it would be great to have a world where people didn't judge by sexual preference, but not one where it's weird to find pride or brotherhood in it.
+Robert Pysh this refers strictly to the end of your statement btw
Knight_wolves I 100% agree with what you say, but sadly it's impossible. As long as mankind exists there's always gonna be someone off the choir...
I only found your channel a few days ago but i relate so much already and every video i watch i relate more, this made me cry. Thank you.
i just performed this poem in my grade 11 drama class. i got a standing ovation. you words said everything that i was never able to say. thank you for making me understand myself more then i ever could.
Jesus, this hurt...
I feel for you Bi/Pan guys... Sometimes its really difficult for people to understand where you are coming from. My straight friends are always like I hate bi people just choose a side already. I try to explain to them that some people just love people without really caring about the gender just attraction for all genders and people. At the same time as a gay woman it wouldn't be ideal for me to date a bi/pan person because I find it really stressful to have to worry about cheating or me competing with both genders or everything else in between. Nevertheless I fully respect bi/pan people and I think that we all have the right to love who we want. Also I believe that most people don't get bis/pans because they are like since you like both sexes why don't you choose the "normal" one. Gay people don't have a choice in the matter so they have to get through whatever difficulty comes with having a same sex relationship because they can't do otherwise. Anyway as I said all people have the right to love who they want and not compromise. Finally I think you are absolutely right about not being gay enough and all that notion. Don't think that just bi/pan people have a problem of fitting in. Try being a non stereotyping lesbian. Just because I don't look "gay" doesn't mean I'm not. There are many stereotypes in the LGBTQ community and its time that we break them after all our community is suppose to represent freedom and having the right to be who you want to be while loving who you want to love. I hope this comment made sense. Thank you for the lovely video!
"it wouldn't be ideal for me to date a bi/pan person because I find it really stressful to have to worry about cheating or me competing with both genders or everything else in between."
I disagree. Cheating and not being faithful have to do with a person's values and personality, not sexual orientation.
Thanks for you comment though :)
Ashley Mardell You are right actually it has to do with a person's values and morality, worrying about cheating on the other hand has to do with our own insecurities and although a person may be faithful and bi/pan or faithful and lesbian I would still worry about cheating its just my personal issue I have to work on. I didn't imply that bi/pan people are more likely to cheat not at all I just said that I would feel more threaten but as I said before my issue. The main point I wanted to make in my previous comment was for our community to stop having stereotypes and judging other people that seemingly don't feet or are not enough as you said in your video. Obviously the way I expressed myself was not correct. I'm really sorry if I offended you or anyone else in the previous comment.
Ireallyreally Hategoogle You are absolutely right I didn't mean to sound disrespectful to anybody maybe just wrong wording of my thoughts.
Hi Ashley . You're talking about LGBT but that's kind of the same situation when you're mixed ( like really really mixed ) . No one reconize you as part of their community which hurts . A lot . Thank you for being you and for your efforts . Have a nice day .
I found your channel two days ago, this video is two years old and today you poetry slammed yourself right into my heart. This was wonderful. You are wonderful. Thank you!
This is the most accurate thing, and I'm glad there's someone actually willing to talk about it in such an open way.
I always come back to Ash's poems :)
I so know how you feel.
I am bi. And I'm quiet open about it.
But as a bi woman you often, at least in my surroundings, have that moment where people come to you and say "Oh, so you're experimenting." or... even that straight guys get a hard on just from knowing I'd have sex with girls. Or date girls.
I do admit that my sexual attraction is not based on gender but I do get romantically attract to guys...uhm..easier. So most of my friends don't even know that I've actually DATED girls.
I think it's not fair.
It feels like my ability to love a girl is worth less than the ability to love a guy.
But there's not really a difference after all. At least not in...the "depth" of those feelings.
(Sorry if I can't really express myself here... Emotional topics and foreign language...argh..)
Just like it is not easy to be with homosexual people.
Fun fact: Some excatly same prejudice statements about being bisexual I got from homo- and heterosexual people.
And now please excuse me... Gotta wipe of some tears...
I went back into the closet to *myself* for three years because of shitty things my gay best friend at the time told me.
And i always feel like an ally at Pride, not a participant. I don't feel welcome, not gay enough.
(Not that I don't get shit from the other side too, but I expected the hetros to not understand. I expected crap from my family. It hurts more coming from "my" people, who keep proving they are the "g l and other letters sometimes i guess" community more like.)
So yeah, tears here too, eh?
I have that a lot, feeling like an ally.
what song is used in the background?
I'm pansexual and I told a friend and she was like so you choose to only date guys and you should be fine. I told her no because I find guys attractive and I find girls attractive and she said that's Bi and I said no because I disregard Gender. I like who ever may grab my heart who catches my interest who will love me and hold me and take me as I am. Shall that be with a guy than fine or shall it be with a women than great or shall it be with someone who is transgender or gender fluid than fantastic. As long as I find love I should be accepted.
I relate so much to this video! I watch it every other day... Thank you Ashley!
I got this big dopey smile when hearing the initial talk about pride and now I'm just crying in my room cause of these emotions.
This was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and I applaud you for this. Thank you for standing up for our community.
I wish I could like this 100 more times. I watch your spoken word videos over and over, they so resonate with me. I hope to see more soon!
This is my favourite video you have ever done. I even have it on MP3 and I can mouth along with it word for word. So inspirational, and validating. I just love it so much.
Thank you, Ashley, for making us all feel validated, regardless of gender of sexuality.
Also, your poetry is a massive hit, and they are your most inspiring and emotional videos. You really should do more.
I can't even begin to express how perfectly this describes my feelings inside that I cannot put words to. I have watched this so many times relating to every single rhyme and all I can say is thank you!
7 years later this still manages to make me emotional and is still relatable (as an aroace).
I said it back then and i'll say it again, your way with words is amazing
I have come back and watched this a dozen times over the years, its my favourite poem ever. Thanks for making it. Youre talented
also.. apologize for my youtube name i thought i was hilarious as a child....
Your poetry is astounding. Thank you for educating supporters about the struggles you face and overcome.
This almost made me tear up, this was an amazing poem.
Who else listen to this over and over again when you're down? It makes me feels better every time. Thank you Ashley for always saying the things we need to hear
How did I never see this video!?! I FEEL this video! This video is like 3 years old and it's still so relatable!
This was really beautiful. I can relate to all of this. You are an amazing person. Thank you for being you, and showing the world and its people what an honest, down-to-earth, genuine person is.
honestly every time i go on youtube i watch this to inspire me, just to be me, and to fight for my rights and everybody else's rights
I've been looking for these words for so long. This has left me speechless and in tears. Thank you.
I love all your spoken word poems! you put so much passion into them.
This hit very close to home for me. I almost started crying. Thank you for posting this.