I’ll say the same thing about Anna giving relationship advice as when I see Anna giving health advice, “if I want your results, I’ll ask for your advice.”
I’m assuming Ashley had forgotten how draining being around Anna could be. After a year apart that could have been awful being thrust back into that dynamic. Plus Anna seems stunted now, so it’s possible Ashley had grown while Anna hadn’t.
So I’m a nurse who has worked in psych and Anna meets all the criteria for histrionic personality disorder. She is very animated and wants to be the center of attention. Which could also be a coping mechanism because of her size where she tries to be super confident but because she’s not really!
I think it’s her coping mechanism from her upbringing. This behavior “passes” with children, and is ok with some teens, but not after… but sounds like she always had to fight for her parent’s attention.
She’s just exhausting 🙄 some people are too much work. They suck your energy. That’s how Anna strikes me. I think it’s the other people who run away from her.
I haaaaaate her definition of a toxic relationship. It is incredibly commonplace as you get older for people to get busy with their lives, and you can easily interpret that as they are no longer "committed" to you anymore, particularly if you're insecure or have trauma around relationships. You just have to nut up and tell the person how much you care for them and that you'd like to see them more. If they don't get excited about it then yeah, maybe let that relationship fall to the wayside but don't just assume and start ghosting people. It's so derogatory to call someone who isn't committed to you or doesn't fulfill all your needs "toxic" as if there's something fundamentally wrong with their character. "I can't siphon off this person's time and energy whenever I want and that makes them a bad person." That's a surefire way to be a lonely person, particularly when you get to be Anna's age and people start having families and hitting the peak of their careers.
I don't personally think she's asexual (just my opinion) because of how thirsty she behaves, around any guy she finds remotely attractive. I don't think she's a virgin/inexperienced by choice, just that the opportunity has never presented itself for obvious reasons😳
My guess is Ashley matured. We know Anna hasn’t. Ashley was probably annoyed by her. It wasn’t a big deal until Ashley realized she didn’t want to be around someone who always wants to be the super special snowflake. Being Anna’s friend would be exhausting.
The way Anna talks about relationships and men tells me she has little experience. It’s like listening to a 15yr old virgin trying to sound experienced. 📚
Yes! But also she try very hard to sound mature and intelligent by using all that psychological terminology. She sound like 2000s article from woman’s magazynie
I wish she talked about her upbringing in the Mormon church and how and why she left. The deconstruction aspect would be interesting to learn about and may make this book a little better…
No it wouldn't as she never unlearned the Mormon cult propaganda it would make the book more insufferable as she's essentially Mormon lite now just isn't in the cult
Five years ago I dropped a friend that I had known for 20 years. I tried to help her and be there for her and it was taking a toll on my mental health. I tried to explain to her why I couldn't be her friend anymore but she didn't listen so I cut her off completely. I suspect this may have been similar.
Anna, like others I’ve encountered, confuse conflict with abu$e, and it rubs me the wrong way. You can have conflict in any relationship, but it’s how you handle the problem that’s most important. If you have ongoing conflict and there’s a pattern of problematic behavior, then that’s a problem.
3:49 “Anna cannot write a normal sentence; she’s got to use the most flowery purple prose” That’s because Anna is a WRITER! With a capital R!! She posts online the same way she writes. (Badly.)
For all of Anna’s confidence, she strikes me as a lost little girl with a child’s eye-view of the world. She can’t understand the nuances of relationships, and like a child, she thinks the world revolves around her.
This is why Anna needs to get a proper job. You meet all kinds of people that you work with, especially in blue collar jobs. They might look or seem scary at first but those guys are usually the most fun to work with and will let their team slack a little, listen to music , have some fun. Those supervisors are the best. Usually old dudes with scraggly beards who have been there long enough that they get to do things their own way and know the bosses can't fire em because they need their expertise lol.
Any job that pays you money is a real job, but by your definition, she already had one. There's a clip online of her interacting with her co-worker and it's terrifyingly awkward. She tried to joke with him about doing so much work and he "nah man, she does nothing" and then she called him a short little man or something of the sort. You'll feel sorry for him watching it.
😂😂😂LOL. NYU CINEMA STUDIES major here and we watched foreign films but never did I ever wear studs, play bongos or do whatever she said we did 🤪🤪🤨 look, the most important thing in friendship is to always want what is best for friend and maybe fall a little bit in love with them. Only one bff for life.
When you say "perfectionist in a different way", what you're talking about is the actual psychological definition of "perfectionism" (which is always pathological and negative) versus the colloquial way most people think about. Researchers generally say the thing we actually mean when we mean positive perfectionism is actually "the pursuit of excellence". But what Anna has (imo) is the textbook pathological perfectionism. Her need to put on her "shipper, positive!" face at all costs. Being a control freak about her "social brand". Her weird constant mentioning about how hard her struggles are to overcome while simultaneously shoving blame elsewhere. Her skill at always saying "the right thing" while not absorbing her own words. Etc etc.
What I got from the beginning sequence was , Anna's focus again on herself and how Ashley must not have been appropriately impressed. Notice how Anna says she was excited for Ashley to see how much she had changed? Um, why couldn't you just be excited to see your friend and curious about her, Anna? I think that's where her resentment of Ashley's new friends came from. Ashley was finding her own way, not following Anna's instructions.
She's so full of herself, and her prose is so hallmark drama-ish, im about to have an aneurysm...this story about her bffff Ashley, is so narcissistic; obviously this was a build up in their relationship that might have just come to a head at that point. I'm sure Annas' narcissism and lack of accountability played a huggge part in the demise. The fact that she is low key getting revenge by printing this, says it all!! Also, emotional intimacy builds over time! Some ppl need trust in the relationship to open up. I would put money on her having been the spoiled youngest child in her family; I have known these ppl...they get out in the real world where ppl aren't going to give in to them, and they have melt downs and twist the narrative to suit them
@@agirlhasnoname1422 from what I remember Tiny Blue reading earlier, it sounded more like she was the ignored younger child, being dragged around to her brother's wrestling matches and her sister's athletics meets. Of course, that's Anna's self-reporting so her sibling(s) might have felt differently, but it rings plausible.
@@agirlhasnoname1422 could be... I have this suspicion that, for whatever reason - internal or external - her childhood wasn't happy. The siblings' sport chapter was also the one in which she boasts of her sales prowess as unofficial sweet-seller (mat maid? Some other technical term?) at one of those wrestling meets - in case that rings any bells.
@kxs7267 I agree, there was something going on in her childhood. But that also could have been from being an overweight kid and all the things that go along with it
@@agirlhasnoname1422 yes, I'm almost certain someone will have said something unkind about her weight as a child. But if her parents and siblings had been a strong enough support unit for each other, that could have just stayed a minor issue rather than a formative one. Of course people differ, but when I think back to racist bullying at school what I remember is not the way the girls tried to make me ashamed, but the way my father taught me to handle them ("When you grow up, you're going to be spending a fortune trying to get a tan like mine..." - this was many decades ago before skin cancer awareness!). Maybe I'm a bit fiercer on the subject than if I'd not been bullied, but it never defined me. If Anna lacked such support, I'd include that lack as a co-factor with any body shaming in shaping her character.
Anna is so unlikeable but I find her thought processes very interesting. So disordered, counterintuitive, and non-committal. I think her traits are all very human and I feel compassion in that aspect. But Anna's constellation of those traits is so uniquely maladaptive, disproportional to her (projected) confidence, and unregulated. She can still change if she integrates reality into her desire for self-improvement, but that requires facing her "shadow self," which is increasingly harder to confront as people age out of their 30s. She must be so miserable but just can't accept accountability. I don't know that I can feel sorry for her specifically because she is so disingenuous, nor do I believe that she benefits from people feeling sorry for her. But I feel for the human experience, if that makes sense. 📖
Everyone would benefit from living a year in a small town, where you have to learn that you can indeed interact with people you don’t like, people you once dated, people who remember that bad thing you did, etc. I’m glad I don’t live in my hometown anymore but I’m very glad I know that community isn’t just about liking people. I genuinely loathe a lot of people back home, but I love em all like 2nd cousins, & we are forever intertwined. My colleagues laugh when I tell them how I had to be nice to my now-elderly high school guidance counselor (I’m 54 lol), because he’s now my honorary nephew’s step grandfather-in-law, but we still have beef & he even referenced it. Haven’t seen each other since 1988. Don’t care for each other, but we’re still in community together and we both have to be nice lol. My coworkers who grew up in the “big” city went to schools of 2k kids, they don’t even know 10% of the people their own age, and I can see it makes social relationships weird, because the consequences of poor relationship skills rarely have to be dealt with. You’re not going to get a life of like-minded people with shared hobbies, lol, no matter how much you try to “manifest” it.
this isn’t the same thing, but I learned a lot from my first job working at a cafe/brunch place! So many people who aren’t your favorite but you actually learn to love them all because you spend so much time together. I became a shift manager and so knew everybody and everything… I love food industry jobs lol
"I called. I tweeted. I facebooked." Ummm Twitter did not exist when anna was a sophomore in college. Not even sure if facebook would have made it to her school yet. This was 20 years ago, right?
This really suggests borderline, and likely more than 1 cluster b personality disorders. There's interesting research on compulsive eating/disorders and bpd.
As usual with the FA people, total hypocrite- she says notice problems in friendships, then walk away. Umm, didn't Ashley do that? But Anna deserves answers and keeps harassing Ashley? I'm guessing Ashley tried to tell Anna she was doing something that bothered her before the moped wreck if they were really good friends, but Anna was too busy being a loud obnoxious center of attention to take it to heart.
In the end, it comes down to making decisions and choices that are in favor of our own peace and stability. That includes setting good boundaries, not letting people into our lives who are not the right fit. I like that mindfulness book called 30 Days to Overcome A Toxic Relationship by Harper Daniels.
19:12 - that's literally how most young kids make friends, that's nothing special. Not sure how to describe that, but she sounds like she's not aware other people live in this world and interact with each other, too.
Not long ago I saw the video where she was, I don't know, in Japan or someplace doing her then job and the poor guy in that video didn't want anything to do with her. Pretty much summed up Anna for me. She's the problem.
📖 I've only had 2 ex-friends in my life. All of my friends who've moved on, I still "keep my door cracked open" for them, even if it's just to say, "Hi, remember me?". Even my 2 ex-friends, if they wanted to talk, I'd, at least, be willing to listen to what they had to say, even if only out of curiosity.
I have broken up with a few friends.. They were exhausting and petty.I sat down and was like I truly don't like these people. I was going through a rough time, and they were fun to hang out with at that time, but time moved on, and they did not change.Over 40 and going to bars in the afternoon is not fun anymore.They hate me and didn't even wanna listen to what was wrong with me.O well life goes on
Now that's hypocrisy at its finest: Anna can just ghost people, but she cannot be ghosted by others. In this case a whole explanation is needed as to why the friendship is over 📚
Is this when she was at byu? Because for non typically attractive women, being at byu can really do a number on your self perception. I didn’t go there, but used to be mormon in SLC with friends at byu.
I would be very hesitant to go on a "friend date" with someone actively seeking strangers to become friends. I would be hearing "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" in my head. I know it's hard to make friends or romantic relationships when you are no longer in school especially, so it's not necessarily a horrible idea. But such a setup is likely to attract people who quickly become obsessed with anybody who is nice to them and decide they are besties right away and will try to insert themselves into your life at astonishing speed. I am speaking from experience... Granted, I am a classic introvert and love being away from my own species with at most a cat for occasional companionship... I don't even require constant attention from the cat. But such people are extremely needy and it really is impossible to satisfy their needs, they are a bottomless pit for attention. Anna sounds like one of those people, which would explain the Ashley incident. Ashley probably reset to normal after a year away from Anna and being blasted by Anna's great need for attention again was just too much. Since it's all or nothing with Anna, minimal or no contact was safest. She probably didn't want to hurt Anna by telling her the truth, and hoped Anna would just assume she was too busy with her college courses to socialize.
This may be slightly different, but I did go out with a few people I’d met online for just “friend dates”. I wasn’t ready to move on from a recent split, and I thought “getting my toes wet” would help me move forward. Plus it got me out of the house and meeting new people. Those were some really fun dates. It also felt like it took the pressure off of trying to impress the person I was with, and I could be more of myself.
I have really enjoyed this book summary from you, as well as your review of Anna's old blogs. I did not know much about Anna's past before your videos, so this fills me in!
11:06 I too thought that, but I did some googling about the bullseye thing and it seems like a generally popular concept with lots of variations on the naming. So it's not original, but it's not stolen either, from what I could find.
As a 64 year old woman I'll say this: life doesn't always provide closure. You have to close the book yourself and move on. When you don't close the book and keep it open the wound stays fresh and that's how you end up being a grown woman in your 30s/40s/50s and up with unresolved issues you still cry about and eat about.
Anna epitomizes an external locus of control personality. Started watching after Chickara Transformations spoke about your channel😊 Enjoying your videos and sense of humor.
--that scooter story is suspicious. Here is my interpretation. They were friends as kids. Since Anna was a little older as domineering she let Anna lead. Then she found friends that matched her interests. Anna being Anna talked down her new friends. The new friends may have pointed out the ways Anna treated Ashley poorly. Ashley wanting to salvage this friendship goes out with Anna. Now all of Anna’s little annoyances become a cacophony , but Ashley wants to keep her friend. Finally on the ride home Ashley probably kept telling Anna to not move, stop screaming. They take the turn and lay down the scooter. Ashley realizes “this bitch nearly got us killed because she won’t listen. I’m done.” (Damn, I wrote all this before you got to the part about Ashley ghosting her. 😬) 1:37 ok. If Ashley was such a close friend--why did Anna feel the need to write that weird ass letter to the cool girl? The math ain’t mathing. 15:35 I would be really on board with fantasy guy if she said “Though he ticked all the boxes, he wasn’t perfect. I was ascribing to him the responsibility of being perfect all of the time, instead of seeing the person he actually was.” 17:08-Look at me being right. 17:54 He wasn’t emotionally open with Anna because she wasn’t getting to know him. He may have expressed his support through gifts, or a back rub. Anna wasn’t trying to figure it out. Prince Charming does “xyz “ and dammit that’s what Anna deserves! 23:14 This is what Ashley did, and Anna got mad. 26:00 --Learning a bit here. Anna doesn’t understand that all relationships aren’t the same, and she wants them to meet some impossible standards. 30:00 this is Anna. This is how she behaves. She is always belittling people. Just because she doesn’t know someone personally, that doesn’t mean being demeaning is ok. -My last thought I’m going to defend Anna. Just a little. When a relationship ends and they don’t tell you why that can haunt you. You don’t know what to fix so it doesn’t happen again. It makes you a little guarded. I’m not saying anyone owes that to you. I’m saying, I kinda get the need for “closure”. (Also most people’s definition of closure is really “one more chance for us to get back together”) 📖
📚 I was only kinda listening as you described the friend who stopped talking to her. I thought it was some adult friend she had known for years. That would be distressing. But you got my attention when you said it was a high school friend! jeez Isn't that what happens in high school with a lot of girls? I'm surprised her father, who's some kind of businessman, didn't talk to her about the ways of the world. My lawyer stepfather always did. I'm sure I had some silly college girl ideas for awhile, but in the back of your mind, you remember what people told you and eventually you realize they were right. Life's a lot easier when you deal with reality and stop crying over what you wish was reality.
It's as if she doesn't distinguishe between a toxic relation and one not satisfying because of expectations not being met. And I think she may often perhaps are disappointed because of her own expectation could be off? She seem very transaction based.
I have been _waaaaiting_ for this. I got the book and read chapter 11 in anticipation of this and, like you, have so many opinions. *1.* I’m firmly in the camp that this is a series of school assignments tied together, because from one section to another there’s no cohesion, even when obvious connections could exist. *1a.* Each section is set up like a five paragraph essay, it’s wild. Introduction paragraph with example. Three-ish paragraphs that each separately elaborate on a bullet point/term/concept she’s introduced. And then a conclusion that book-ends back to the opening paragraph’s example. Whether her conclusion makes logical sense or not is irrelevant. *2.* I pity her childhood. She says, [Page 173] _“We are told that ideal relationships are charted in checklists of characteristics that make up our perfect friend or mate”_ and all I could think was… this isn’t actually a normal or typical experience. Her emotional education and relationship modeling seems to be exclusively the examples she gives-magazines, TV, and movies. *3.* Her examples are insanely shallow. I think you do a great job in your videos of elaborating on the text as you read it, but without your commentary the book’s straight text is so superficial. *4.* ABOUT THAT BOYFRIEND. Her conclusion is completely unsupported, and possibly incorrect with some deeper thought. She gave us that very generic opening example of her perfect man that was nevertheless boring her, but then her conclusion is that he was emotionally unavailable and the relationship was toxic. She never set up either of those conclusions-at no point did she give any examples (or even hints) that he wasn’t trying to connect with her, that they were even going out for long enough to develop that connection, or that he was actively avoiding such. Likewise, I think it’s degrading the seriousness of the term “toxic” to label such a generic and sparkless relationship as such. I’m not victim-shaming here-the relationship may have been emotionally void and toxic-but her writing did not set us up for such a conclusion. And to take it one step further and incorporate the immediately previous section, the example falls apart even faster. Her argument is that two people _usually_ miscommunicate and believe themselves to be in different relationship rings, but her example _exactly_ shows this yet doesn’t make that same conclusion. According to her story, things were going awesome. We don’t have any details, so the reader can only assume it’s going well in all categories-physical, mental, emotional, social, etc. If we’re being very stingy, she’s only given us physical and social positive descriptors-so let’s just say their relationship is good in the physical, social, and mental ways. Let’s say that that’ it’s not emotionally rewarding, since that’s the conclusion she’s building to anyways. The missing information is glaring-what is _Anna_ bringing to this relationship? Is he emotionally unavailable because she’s emotionally distant? Based on her description of him, it sounds like she’s only approaching the relationship _from_ the physical and social perspectives. Even giving her full grace in the example, we’re still missing the next obvious response-what did she _try_ to do to solve it? What’s the conclusion we’re meant to take from this? And why is the conclusion not that both of them were experiencing the relationship at different Relationship Rings (per the previous section)-and name which ones they were both labeling it as-and therefore the mismatch was causing friction in the relationship and therefore it was unsuitable and they broke up. *5.* If this were a memoir and not a self-help book, everything would be so much more self-aware and so much less telling. It’s one thing to talk about life lessons as you’ve learned them. It’s another to try and teach those life lessons. _[Page 176] “…year of experiences with previous relationships that have taught you the painful lesson that with each relationship there is a chance it could go south and lead to rejection, exploitation, or even destruction. New friendships are unpredictable and scary.”_ The call is coming from the inside, Anna. If you find all your relationships unpredictable and scary, you are the common denominator. *6.* I take so many issues with her making friends section, I can’t even. The fact that her actual listed advice is spot on and exactly what I (someone who has moved multiple times as an adult and had to re-build friend groups from nothing) would suggest, shows that she has some lived experience with it. But then I question why was this section even written-who’s the target audience, teenagers? And it’s so vague and obvious. She actually does include some invented “vocabulary” from earlier in the chapter, so I think this was a written only to wrap up the chapter. *7.* I can’t wait until you get to chapter 12. My biggest take-away from the next chapter is (I suspect the same as yours) “I don’t think you’re describing perfectionism anymore… that sounds like anxiety.” My god formatting in a TH-cam comment sucks.
To be fair, this used to be a common recommendation for any problem you could have. It feels like something from my 8th grade diary, lol, but it was a popular problem solving tool.
@@standdownrobots_ihaveoldglory I know what it is, but to do that with new people you’ve just met and are considering being friends with, it’s weird. Idk can’t you just vibe or decline their company? It’s not that serious!
25:00ish - it seems to me, Anna is making little allowance for there being different kinds and depths of friendship. So, some friends you can laugh with, some friends you can tell your deepest secrets. Both kinds are worth having, no need to cut them off because you can't have everything with the same friend...
Perhaps the "no matter how terrible they might be" is a counter to what we frequently hear abusive people saying: "if you weren't such a terrible spouse, I wouldn't have to punish you." I imagine many battered partners come away believing they deserved it because they were terrible or inadequate, so to emphasise that even if they were, they shouldn't be abused is fair. But if that's what she meant, it could have been a good point to expand on. Am also wondering how often in her life, if any, Anna's been told she's a terrible person...
Needs not being met happens in most relationships. So you have a conversation and discuss how you can meet each other’s needs. Toxic or unhealthy relationships happen when you don’t address it, not just cause needs weren’t met
📖 As a newcomer to your channel, and watching this, I now need to watch the other videos on the book. I attempted to read it during lockdown, and I just couldn't get through it (after the second time my inner monologue said "f**k off" at the text I gave up, lol!) so it's good hearing your cliff notes. I see a lot of my toxic ex in Anna in this chapter, including the advice! (He had a habit of acting like a councillor and waxing lyrical about how people should do this and that, whilst simultaneously sucking the life out of me - it hard to get free though, cause reasons, but did it 🦾).
As a psychiatrist, I agree with those who think Anna has a Histrionic Personality Disorder. She is theatrical, childish, attention-seeking, needy, always performing, and, importantly, sexualises her interactions while at the same time being terrified of true, sexual intimacy. I suspect she has never had a sexual relationship. I hope this does not speak to some awful childhood trauma.
I personally think her ex dodged a bullet. I know people who won't let you open up in your own time and they say "I've told you everything about me, now tell me everything about you!" It's always forced and extremely awkward, no matter how close the relationship is
Yes, people perceive things differently but if you're close to someone you can read their body language. You also know what they like/dislike. People with more emotional intelligence can even read strangers quite often. The "it's ok" that comes with a smile without the participation of the eyes, for example. It's painful to see someone believe this "it's ok" and refuse to listen to you trying to explain that it's not really ok. Anna is too self absorbed to do any of that. Yes, it's not her fault.
Ah, chapter eleven, the chapter so nice you numbered it twice. ^_^ I personally don't feel like Anna's developed or changed much since she did this book that appears to be an effort to cash in on the Thomas Kinkade-loving, chicken soup for the histrion's soul-reading market.
I feel sorry for people who can't see how their own behaviour is driving away the things they say they want! I often feel as though Anna is just me 2 1/2 times the size!
Twitter surely wasn’t really a thing yet during the time Anna was at college with Ashley, doubtful she tweeted her to try to get in touch after the crash.
My husband (half French/half Flemish) and me (Spanish) have been going strong for 20 years now. In my experience, cultural differences can make communication easier because you need to think about the real reasons for things, you do not make assumptions based on societal conventions.
"No matter how terrible they might be" - most abused people do not seek help because they think they are so terrible that they deserve the abuse. So if she is writing this to an abused person, that is a good addition.
"single serving friends" as in only one dose, like the sugar cunes for coffee, that are packaged to be used for only one serving. Not "single service". Yes, I remember this. Such a great movie because of these details. 😍
She is so….overbearing ..I can see how she has no real friends now because of how toxic positive she is in a intense aggressive way 😅…that can scare people. She couldn’t even make new friends because people outgrow dealing with exhausting people like Ana. It’s like a teenage/young adult friendship… People 25+ usually stop having a friend like that after a certain while so I can only imagine it’s hard for her now to have adult relationships. I feel like this book is still what she thinks about today as an adult bc she is so smiley but behind the smile there’s this deep seeded unaddressed rage that stems from spite. She really hasn’t emotionally developed since teenhood….y..yikes. That’s when it all started huh..
25:00 Exactly. “Don’t treat people this way. It hurts them” But also, “When you have a problem with someone, treat them this way.” Mmm… I don’t think so.
She sounds exactly like someone I had to cut out of my life after I left college because they were so narcissistic and selfish, and energy sucking to the point we were all convinced she had undiagnosed NPD. She had had several people do the same to her (after trying to do amicable friend break-ups which she would NOT accept), and I stayed by her even though she made me so unhappy and uncomfortable to be around. I'm not proud of what I did but I was so happy not to have her in my life any more.
Or did she make the whole scooter story up? Anna got blocked, ignored and deleted. Something she loves to do to others. Love your sarcasm. I am very sarcastic so I appreciate good sarcasm. 📚
3:49 “Anna cannot write a normal sentence; she’s got to use the most flowery purple prose” That’s because Anna is a WRITER! With a capital R!! 4:40 She posts online the same way she writes. (Badly.) (Great, my comment posted twice. Usually TH-cam deletes them. 😂)
I’ll say the same thing about Anna giving relationship advice as when I see Anna giving health advice, “if I want your results, I’ll ask for your advice.”
I also wouldn't take her fashion advice.
@@animatorstanley yah no thanks! Haha
Anna: Recommends ghosting people.
Also Anna: "I need closure."
I’m assuming Ashley had forgotten how draining being around Anna could be. After a year apart that could have been awful being thrust back into that dynamic. Plus Anna seems stunted now, so it’s possible Ashley had grown while Anna hadn’t.
So I’m a nurse who has worked in psych and Anna meets all the criteria for histrionic personality disorder. She is very animated and wants to be the center of attention. Which could also be a coping mechanism because of her size where she tries to be super confident but because she’s not really!
OMG, I thought the same thing! I’m glad I’m not the only person who saw the signs
I think it’s her coping mechanism from her upbringing. This behavior “passes” with children, and is ok with some teens, but not after… but sounds like she always had to fight for her parent’s attention.
I agree.
@@cymbelinebritain6799 yessss so accurate!
yep. i’ve suspected she has it. ironically it’s the one diagnosis she hasn’t claimed lmao
She’s just exhausting 🙄 some people are too much work. They suck your energy. That’s how Anna strikes me. I think it’s the other people who run away from her.
it's called an emotional vampire
@@MadamMonchimonchi And she’s the kind of EV who thinks any negative interaction is because the other person is an EV. Insufferable 😭
I haaaaaate her definition of a toxic relationship. It is incredibly commonplace as you get older for people to get busy with their lives, and you can easily interpret that as they are no longer "committed" to you anymore, particularly if you're insecure or have trauma around relationships. You just have to nut up and tell the person how much you care for them and that you'd like to see them more. If they don't get excited about it then yeah, maybe let that relationship fall to the wayside but don't just assume and start ghosting people.
It's so derogatory to call someone who isn't committed to you or doesn't fulfill all your needs "toxic" as if there's something fundamentally wrong with their character. "I can't siphon off this person's time and energy whenever I want and that makes them a bad person." That's a surefire way to be a lonely person, particularly when you get to be Anna's age and people start having families and hitting the peak of their careers.
I still truly believe that Anna is a virgin.
I think that's highly likely. She's always given me big asexual vibes though
She mentioned a one night stand on her blog.
I don't personally think she's asexual (just my opinion) because of how thirsty she behaves, around any guy she finds remotely attractive. I don't think she's a virgin/inexperienced by choice, just that the opportunity has never presented itself for obvious reasons😳
Same. I think that's where that extra layer of cringe comes from whenever she tries to be inappropriately flirty with some random dude.
me too!!!
My guess is Ashley matured. We know Anna hasn’t. Ashley was probably annoyed by her. It wasn’t a big deal until Ashley realized she didn’t want to be around someone who always wants to be the super special snowflake. Being Anna’s friend would be exhausting.
Specially, if she spoke in such a dismissive way about her other friends to her face.
The way Anna talks about relationships and men tells me she has little experience. It’s like listening to a 15yr old virgin trying to sound experienced. 📚
Yes! But also she try very hard to sound mature and intelligent by using all that psychological terminology. She sound like 2000s article from woman’s magazynie
I wish she talked about her upbringing in the Mormon church and how and why she left. The deconstruction aspect would be interesting to learn about and may make this book a little better…
Yeah, there's a whoooooolllllleeeee lot of backstory we're not getting in that book.
No it wouldn't as she never unlearned the Mormon cult propaganda it would make the book more insufferable as she's essentially Mormon lite now just isn't in the cult
Five years ago I dropped a friend that I had known for 20 years. I tried to help her and be there for her and it was taking a toll on my mental health. I tried to explain to her why I couldn't be her friend anymore but she didn't listen so I cut her off completely. I suspect this may have been similar.
Anna, like others I’ve encountered, confuse conflict with abu$e, and it rubs me the wrong way. You can have conflict in any relationship, but it’s how you handle the problem that’s most important. If you have ongoing conflict and there’s a pattern of problematic behavior, then that’s a problem.
Excellent point
3:49 “Anna cannot write a normal sentence; she’s got to use the most flowery purple prose”
That’s because Anna is a WRITER! With a capital R!!
She posts online the same way she writes. (Badly.)
I’m with you. Anna is fussy and entitled. Not perfectionistic nor Type A. 📚
For all of Anna’s confidence, she strikes me as a lost little girl with a child’s eye-view of the world. She can’t understand the nuances of relationships, and like a child, she thinks the world revolves around her.
This is why Anna needs to get a proper job. You meet all kinds of people that you work with, especially in blue collar jobs. They might look or seem scary at first but those guys are usually the most fun to work with and will let their team slack a little, listen to music , have some fun. Those supervisors are the best. Usually old dudes with scraggly beards who have been there long enough that they get to do things their own way and know the bosses can't fire em because they need their expertise lol.
Any job that pays you money is a real job, but by your definition, she already had one. There's a clip online of her interacting with her co-worker and it's terrifyingly awkward. She tried to joke with him about doing so much work and he "nah man, she does nothing" and then she called him a short little man or something of the sort. You'll feel sorry for him watching it.
I wonder if Annas' perfect, emotionally void boyfriends' name was George Glass....(Brady Bunch reference here) 😂😂😂
Hilarious!!!😂😂😂😂❤
Lmfao yessss! The OG "Sure, Jan" moment
Iykyk😂
😂😂😂👏👏👏
💛
Anna just want „Friend as a Service”, someone that will do what she want, listen to her and agree with her all the time.
Kinda like the doctors she chooses.
She sounds like she was holding “auditions” for friends. Also, how would that not be inherently awkward?
… I really want to see what the ‘indie film kids’ at *BYU* are like.
Very Edgy, they're known to say Gosh Darn sometimes
They look moody in sunglasses and drink Fresca like it’s going out of style. Oh, and the Clove cigarettes 🚬 like TBA mentioned 🤣
😂😂😂LOL. NYU CINEMA STUDIES major here and we watched foreign films but never did I ever wear studs, play bongos or do whatever she said we did 🤪🤪🤨 look, the most important thing in friendship is to always want what is best for friend and maybe fall a little bit in love with them. Only one bff for life.
@@thewrongmissy7653omgeee clove cigarettes 😂
@@Marian-rh5yn 🤭
When you say "perfectionist in a different way", what you're talking about is the actual psychological definition of "perfectionism" (which is always pathological and negative) versus the colloquial way most people think about.
Researchers generally say the thing we actually mean when we mean positive perfectionism is actually "the pursuit of excellence".
But what Anna has (imo) is the textbook pathological perfectionism. Her need to put on her "shipper, positive!" face at all costs. Being a control freak about her "social brand". Her weird constant mentioning about how hard her struggles are to overcome while simultaneously shoving blame elsewhere. Her skill at always saying "the right thing" while not absorbing her own words. Etc etc.
A perfectionist would never let her book editing (which probably never happened) look like that.
I feel Ashley was kinda “forced “ to hangout/play with Anna. Given the circumstances of be in a Mormon church the friendship was probably encouraged.
Thank you for reading it so we don't have to. plus it's better with some snark😁
God Bless 🙌🏻
Oh thank goodness! I need something to watch before my bedtime meds kick in!! 😜♥️
Bedtime meds gang 🤝🏻
What I got from the beginning sequence was , Anna's focus again on herself and how Ashley must not have been appropriately impressed.
Notice how Anna says she was excited for Ashley to see how much she had changed? Um, why couldn't you just be excited to see your friend and curious about her, Anna?
I think that's where her resentment of Ashley's new friends came from. Ashley was finding her own way, not following Anna's instructions.
She's so full of herself, and her prose is so hallmark drama-ish, im about to have an aneurysm...this story about her bffff Ashley, is so narcissistic; obviously this was a build up in their relationship that might have just come to a head at that point. I'm sure Annas' narcissism and lack of accountability played a huggge part in the demise. The fact that she is low key getting revenge by printing this, says it all!! Also, emotional intimacy builds over time! Some ppl need trust in the relationship to open up. I would put money on her having been the spoiled youngest child in her family; I have known these ppl...they get out in the real world where ppl aren't going to give in to them, and they have melt downs and twist the narrative to suit them
@@agirlhasnoname1422 from what I remember Tiny Blue reading earlier, it sounded more like she was the ignored younger child, being dragged around to her brother's wrestling matches and her sister's athletics meets.
Of course, that's Anna's self-reporting so her sibling(s) might have felt differently, but it rings plausible.
@kxs7267 I will have to go back, I missed that chapter! There might of been a bit of both
@@agirlhasnoname1422 could be... I have this suspicion that, for whatever reason - internal or external - her childhood wasn't happy.
The siblings' sport chapter was also the one in which she boasts of her sales prowess as unofficial sweet-seller (mat maid? Some other technical term?) at one of those wrestling meets - in case that rings any bells.
@kxs7267 I agree, there was something going on in her childhood. But that also could have been from being an overweight kid and all the things that go along with it
@@agirlhasnoname1422 yes, I'm almost certain someone will have said something unkind about her weight as a child. But if her parents and siblings had been a strong enough support unit for each other, that could have just stayed a minor issue rather than a formative one.
Of course people differ, but when I think back to racist bullying at school what I remember is not the way the girls tried to make me ashamed, but the way my father taught me to handle them ("When you grow up, you're going to be spending a fortune trying to get a tan like mine..." - this was many decades ago before skin cancer awareness!). Maybe I'm a bit fiercer on the subject than if I'd not been bullied, but it never defined me.
If Anna lacked such support, I'd include that lack as a co-factor with any body shaming in shaping her character.
My life got a lot more pleasant when I stopped putting my friendships under a microscope.
Anna is so unlikeable but I find her thought processes very interesting. So disordered, counterintuitive, and non-committal. I think her traits are all very human and I feel compassion in that aspect. But Anna's constellation of those traits is so uniquely maladaptive, disproportional to her (projected) confidence, and unregulated. She can still change if she integrates reality into her desire for self-improvement, but that requires facing her "shadow self," which is increasingly harder to confront as people age out of their 30s. She must be so miserable but just can't accept accountability. I don't know that I can feel sorry for her specifically because she is so disingenuous, nor do I believe that she benefits from people feeling sorry for her. But I feel for the human experience, if that makes sense. 📖
Everyone would benefit from living a year in a small town, where you have to learn that you can indeed interact with people you don’t like, people you once dated, people who remember that bad thing you did, etc. I’m glad I don’t live in my hometown anymore but I’m very glad I know that community isn’t just about liking people. I genuinely loathe a lot of people back home, but I love em all like 2nd cousins, & we are forever intertwined. My colleagues laugh when I tell them how I had to be nice to my now-elderly high school guidance counselor (I’m 54 lol), because he’s now my honorary nephew’s step grandfather-in-law, but we still have beef & he even referenced it. Haven’t seen each other since 1988. Don’t care for each other, but we’re still in community together and we both have to be nice lol. My coworkers who grew up in the “big” city went to schools of 2k kids, they don’t even know 10% of the people their own age, and I can see it makes social relationships weird, because the consequences of poor relationship skills rarely have to be dealt with. You’re not going to get a life of like-minded people with shared hobbies, lol, no matter how much you try to “manifest” it.
this isn’t the same thing, but I learned a lot from my first job working at a cafe/brunch place! So many people who aren’t your favorite but you actually learn to love them all because you spend so much time together. I became a shift manager and so knew everybody and everything… I love food industry jobs lol
"I called. I tweeted. I facebooked."
Ummm Twitter did not exist when anna was a sophomore in college. Not even sure if facebook would have made it to her school yet. This was 20 years ago, right?
Correct. Facebook MAY have existed. Twitter did not.
You're right! I had to check
This really suggests borderline, and likely more than 1 cluster b personality disorders.
There's interesting research on compulsive eating/disorders and bpd.
most of the gorls have bpd
As usual with the FA people, total hypocrite- she says notice problems in friendships, then walk away. Umm, didn't Ashley do that? But Anna deserves answers and keeps harassing Ashley? I'm guessing Ashley tried to tell Anna she was doing something that bothered her before the moped wreck if they were really good friends, but Anna was too busy being a loud obnoxious center of attention to take it to heart.
Anna probably acting like a buffoon again and trashed poor Ashley's scooter,Sounds like Ashley had enough.
In the end, it comes down to making decisions and choices that are in favor of our own peace and stability. That includes setting good boundaries, not letting people into our lives who are not the right fit. I like that mindfulness book called 30 Days to Overcome A Toxic Relationship by Harper Daniels.
19:12 - that's literally how most young kids make friends, that's nothing special. Not sure how to describe that, but she sounds like she's not aware other people live in this world and interact with each other, too.
She’s not.
@@nightsgrow6575 unsettling, but sadly makes sense.
Not long ago I saw the video where she was, I don't know, in Japan or someplace doing her then job and the poor guy in that video didn't want anything to do with her. Pretty much summed up Anna for me. She's the problem.
📖 I've only had 2 ex-friends in my life. All of my friends who've moved on, I still "keep my door cracked open" for them, even if it's just to say, "Hi, remember me?". Even my 2 ex-friends, if they wanted to talk, I'd, at least, be willing to listen to what they had to say, even if only out of curiosity.
I have broken up with a few friends.. They were exhausting and petty.I sat down and was like I truly don't like these people. I was going through a rough time, and they were fun to hang out with at that time, but time moved on, and they did not change.Over 40 and going to bars in the afternoon is not fun anymore.They hate me and didn't even wanna listen to what was wrong with me.O well life goes on
The best part of waking up is … a Tiny Blue video. Thank you
Now that's hypocrisy at its finest: Anna can just ghost people, but she cannot be ghosted by others. In this case a whole explanation is needed as to why the friendship is over 📚
Whooooo, here we go! A react from my fave channel, about my favourite gorlworld character ❤😂
Is this when she was at byu? Because for non typically attractive women, being at byu can really do a number on your self perception. I didn’t go there, but used to be mormon in SLC with friends at byu.
Timeline wise it would have to be. I'm pretty sure
Just not sure I need relationship advice from Ms. O’Brien🤷🏼♀️
I would be very hesitant to go on a "friend date" with someone actively seeking strangers to become friends. I would be hearing "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" in my head.
I know it's hard to make friends or romantic relationships when you are no longer in school especially, so it's not necessarily a horrible idea. But such a setup is likely to attract people who quickly become obsessed with anybody who is nice to them and decide they are besties right away and will try to insert themselves into your life at astonishing speed. I am speaking from experience... Granted, I am a classic introvert and love being away from my own species with at most a cat for occasional companionship... I don't even require constant attention from the cat. But such people are extremely needy and it really is impossible to satisfy their needs, they are a bottomless pit for attention.
Anna sounds like one of those people, which would explain the Ashley incident. Ashley probably reset to normal after a year away from Anna and being blasted by Anna's great need for attention again was just too much. Since it's all or nothing with Anna, minimal or no contact was safest. She probably didn't want to hurt Anna by telling her the truth, and hoped Anna would just assume she was too busy with her college courses to socialize.
This may be slightly different, but I did go out with a few people I’d met online for just “friend dates”. I wasn’t ready to move on from a recent split, and I thought “getting my toes wet” would help me move forward. Plus it got me out of the house and meeting new people. Those were some really fun dates. It also felt like it took the pressure off of trying to impress the person I was with, and I could be more of myself.
I have really enjoyed this book summary from you, as well as your review of Anna's old blogs. I did not know much about Anna's past before your videos, so this fills me in!
She sounds like she went to a lot of mini self improvement seminars.
11:06 I too thought that, but I did some googling about the bullseye thing and it seems like a generally popular concept with lots of variations on the naming. So it's not original, but it's not stolen either, from what I could find.
As a 64 year old woman I'll say this: life doesn't always provide closure. You have to close the book yourself and move on. When you don't close the book and keep it open the wound stays fresh and that's how you end up being a grown woman in your 30s/40s/50s and up with unresolved issues you still cry about and eat about.
I feel called out about the cool indie college kids with the boots and clove cigarettes.
I feel called out and I was never cool… 😅
You can need closure. Doesn’t mean it’s owed to you. Learn to move on without closure because you can’t control others.
Youd think the book would be consistently ridiculous but it is increasingly ridiculous. Simply incredible 😂📕📖
Chapter 11, and Anna is morally bankrupt
Omg i needed this tonight!! ❤❤❤
Thanks!
Thank you!
“Screw you, I’m not going back” 😅😅😅. I’m usually immune to falling for parasocial relationships, but do I ever want to be your friend.
Anna epitomizes an external locus of control personality. Started watching after Chickara Transformations spoke about your channel😊 Enjoying your videos and sense of humor.
Thank you for the bedtime story! 📖
Have a great evening.
Snark. The cure for my seasonal affective disorder. Bless you hahhaa
--that scooter story is suspicious. Here is my interpretation. They were friends as kids. Since Anna was a little older as domineering she let Anna lead. Then she found friends that matched her interests. Anna being Anna talked down her new friends. The new friends may have pointed out the ways Anna treated Ashley poorly. Ashley wanting to salvage this friendship goes out with Anna. Now all of Anna’s little annoyances become a cacophony , but Ashley wants to keep her friend. Finally on the ride home Ashley probably kept telling Anna to not move, stop screaming. They take the turn and lay down the scooter. Ashley realizes “this bitch nearly got us killed because she won’t listen. I’m done.” (Damn, I wrote all this before you got to the part about Ashley ghosting her. 😬)
1:37 ok. If Ashley was such a close friend--why did Anna feel the need to write that weird ass letter to the cool girl? The math ain’t mathing.
15:35 I would be really on board with fantasy guy if she said “Though he ticked all the boxes, he wasn’t perfect. I was ascribing to him the responsibility of being perfect all of the time, instead of seeing the person he actually was.”
17:08-Look at me being right. 17:54 He wasn’t emotionally open with Anna because she wasn’t getting to know him. He may have expressed his support through gifts, or a back rub. Anna wasn’t trying to figure it out. Prince Charming does “xyz “ and dammit that’s what Anna deserves!
23:14 This is what Ashley did, and Anna got mad.
26:00 --Learning a bit here. Anna doesn’t understand that all relationships aren’t the same, and she wants them to meet some impossible standards.
30:00 this is Anna. This is how she behaves. She is always belittling people. Just because she doesn’t know someone personally, that doesn’t mean being demeaning is ok.
-My last thought I’m going to defend Anna. Just a little. When a relationship ends and they don’t tell you why that can haunt you. You don’t know what to fix so it doesn’t happen again. It makes you a little guarded. I’m not saying anyone owes that to you. I’m saying, I kinda get the need for “closure”. (Also most people’s definition of closure is really “one more chance for us to get back together”)
📖
I always enjoy your thoughts! Especially when we're on the same wavelength 😂
@@TinyBlueAnthropologist I tagged you in Dr. Youn’s latest community post. It’s about leaky gut.
📚 I was only kinda listening as you described the friend who stopped talking to her. I thought it was some adult friend she had known for years. That would be distressing. But you got my attention when you said it was a high school friend! jeez Isn't that what happens in high school with a lot of girls? I'm surprised her father, who's some kind of businessman, didn't talk to her about the ways of the world. My lawyer stepfather always did. I'm sure I had some silly college girl ideas for awhile, but in the back of your mind, you remember what people told you and eventually you realize they were right. Life's a lot easier when you deal with reality and stop crying over what you wish was reality.
Sounds like her father resented having to take care of her
@@calendarpage IKR it's not that deep! You were friends as kids then went different ways. What a shame, let's all move on.
It's as if she doesn't distinguishe between a toxic relation and one not satisfying because of expectations not being met. And I think she may often perhaps are disappointed because of her own expectation could be off? She seem very transaction based.
I have been _waaaaiting_ for this. I got the book and read chapter 11 in anticipation of this and, like you, have so many opinions.
*1.* I’m firmly in the camp that this is a series of school assignments tied together, because from one section to another there’s no cohesion, even when obvious connections could exist.
*1a.* Each section is set up like a five paragraph essay, it’s wild. Introduction paragraph with example. Three-ish paragraphs that each separately elaborate on a bullet point/term/concept she’s introduced. And then a conclusion that book-ends back to the opening paragraph’s example. Whether her conclusion makes logical sense or not is irrelevant.
*2.* I pity her childhood. She says, [Page 173] _“We are told that ideal relationships are charted in checklists of characteristics that make up our perfect friend or mate”_ and all I could think was… this isn’t actually a normal or typical experience. Her emotional education and relationship modeling seems to be exclusively the examples she gives-magazines, TV, and movies.
*3.* Her examples are insanely shallow. I think you do a great job in your videos of elaborating on the text as you read it, but without your commentary the book’s straight text is so superficial.
*4.* ABOUT THAT BOYFRIEND.
Her conclusion is completely unsupported, and possibly incorrect with some deeper thought. She gave us that very generic opening example of her perfect man that was nevertheless boring her, but then her conclusion is that he was emotionally unavailable and the relationship was toxic. She never set up either of those conclusions-at no point did she give any examples (or even hints) that he wasn’t trying to connect with her, that they were even going out for long enough to develop that connection, or that he was actively avoiding such. Likewise, I think it’s degrading the seriousness of the term “toxic” to label such a generic and sparkless relationship as such.
I’m not victim-shaming here-the relationship may have been emotionally void and toxic-but her writing did not set us up for such a conclusion.
And to take it one step further and incorporate the immediately previous section, the example falls apart even faster. Her argument is that two people _usually_ miscommunicate and believe themselves to be in different relationship rings, but her example _exactly_ shows this yet doesn’t make that same conclusion.
According to her story, things were going awesome. We don’t have any details, so the reader can only assume it’s going well in all categories-physical, mental, emotional, social, etc. If we’re being very stingy, she’s only given us physical and social positive descriptors-so let’s just say their relationship is good in the physical, social, and mental ways. Let’s say that that’ it’s not emotionally rewarding, since that’s the conclusion she’s building to anyways. The missing information is glaring-what is _Anna_ bringing to this relationship? Is he emotionally unavailable because she’s emotionally distant? Based on her description of him, it sounds like she’s only approaching the relationship _from_ the physical and social perspectives. Even giving her full grace in the example, we’re still missing the next obvious response-what did she _try_ to do to solve it?
What’s the conclusion we’re meant to take from this? And why is the conclusion not that both of them were experiencing the relationship at different Relationship Rings (per the previous section)-and name which ones they were both labeling it as-and therefore the mismatch was causing friction in the relationship and therefore it was unsuitable and they broke up.
*5.* If this were a memoir and not a self-help book, everything would be so much more self-aware and so much less telling. It’s one thing to talk about life lessons as you’ve learned them. It’s another to try and teach those life lessons.
_[Page 176] “…year of experiences with previous relationships that have taught you the painful lesson that with each relationship there is a chance it could go south and lead to rejection, exploitation, or even destruction. New friendships are unpredictable and scary.”_
The call is coming from the inside, Anna. If you find all your relationships unpredictable and scary, you are the common denominator.
*6.* I take so many issues with her making friends section, I can’t even. The fact that her actual listed advice is spot on and exactly what I (someone who has moved multiple times as an adult and had to re-build friend groups from nothing) would suggest, shows that she has some lived experience with it. But then I question why was this section even written-who’s the target audience, teenagers? And it’s so vague and obvious. She actually does include some invented “vocabulary” from earlier in the chapter, so I think this was a written only to wrap up the chapter.
*7.* I can’t wait until you get to chapter 12. My biggest take-away from the next chapter is (I suspect the same as yours) “I don’t think you’re describing perfectionism anymore… that sounds like anxiety.”
My god formatting in a TH-cam comment sucks.
I want you to know, I read all of this.
Just finished my EMDR therapy. Ready to analyze other people's problems!
Lol love this. EMDR changed my life, I hope it works well for your needs too 😊
@@gerbil_is_typing it's so hard, but it's already helping!
She makes pros and cons lists on people? Why does that feel kind of psycho…
To be fair, this used to be a common recommendation for any problem you could have. It feels like something from my 8th grade diary, lol, but it was a popular problem solving tool.
@@standdownrobots_ihaveoldglory I know what it is, but to do that with new people you’ve just met and are considering being friends with, it’s weird. Idk can’t you just vibe or decline their company? It’s not that serious!
Yeah, it fails to acknowledge human connection as the basis of friendship.
I actually laughed out loud when you said, "slap a tree up there" about your background 🌲
25:00ish - it seems to me, Anna is making little allowance for there being different kinds and depths of friendship. So, some friends you can laugh with, some friends you can tell your deepest secrets. Both kinds are worth having, no need to cut them off because you can't have everything with the same friend...
Perhaps the "no matter how terrible they might be" is a counter to what we frequently hear abusive people saying: "if you weren't such a terrible spouse, I wouldn't have to punish you."
I imagine many battered partners come away believing they deserved it because they were terrible or inadequate, so to emphasise that even if they were, they shouldn't be abused is fair. But if that's what she meant, it could have been a good point to expand on.
Am also wondering how often in her life, if any, Anna's been told she's a terrible person...
Needs not being met happens in most relationships. So you have a conversation and discuss how you can meet each other’s needs. Toxic or unhealthy relationships happen when you don’t address it, not just cause needs weren’t met
Her saying to ghost people when she complains about Ashley ghosting her.
Anna has friends?
more like employees. like john.
📖 As a newcomer to your channel, and watching this, I now need to watch the other videos on the book. I attempted to read it during lockdown, and I just couldn't get through it (after the second time my inner monologue said "f**k off" at the text I gave up, lol!) so it's good hearing your cliff notes. I see a lot of my toxic ex in Anna in this chapter, including the advice! (He had a habit of acting like a councillor and waxing lyrical about how people should do this and that, whilst simultaneously sucking the life out of me - it hard to get free though, cause reasons, but did it 🦾).
📚📚 - made it to the end of the video! For the algorithm!
Glad to see you back on! Hope everything's ok ❤
All good 😊
As a psychiatrist, I agree with those who think Anna has a Histrionic Personality Disorder. She is theatrical, childish, attention-seeking, needy, always performing, and, importantly, sexualises her interactions while at the same time being terrified of true, sexual intimacy. I suspect she has never had a sexual relationship. I hope this does not speak to some awful childhood trauma.
It's October FIRST it's basically Halloween LOL
I personally think her ex dodged a bullet. I know people who won't let you open up in your own time and they say "I've told you everything about me, now tell me everything about you!" It's always forced and extremely awkward, no matter how close the relationship is
📖📕📚
So... Indie Film kids are the Goth kids from South Park?
yes...
@@TinyBlueAnthropologist (≧▽≦)(≧▽≦)(≧▽≦)
Yes
So I’m a indie kid and a goth… who knew.
She’s talking about pressures to get married and have kids from her trad Mormon background, not cross cultural pressures
Also, the relationship bulls eye exercise was by Swedish ACT therapist Tobias Lundgren.
Ah thanks!
The lean in and “go on” was not expected and I had a sudden laugh from it.
I’m to the point now where if anyone uses the word “toxic” to describe a relationship, I automatically think they are the problem. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes, people perceive things differently but if you're close to someone you can read their body language. You also know what they like/dislike. People with more emotional intelligence can even read strangers quite often. The "it's ok" that comes with a smile without the participation of the eyes, for example. It's painful to see someone believe this "it's ok" and refuse to listen to you trying to explain that it's not really ok.
Anna is too self absorbed to do any of that. Yes, it's not her fault.
Ah, chapter eleven, the chapter so nice you numbered it twice. ^_^ I personally don't feel like Anna's developed or changed much since she did this book that appears to be an effort to cash in on the Thomas Kinkade-loving, chicken soup for the histrion's soul-reading market.
I feel sorry for people who can't see how their own behaviour is driving away the things they say they want! I often feel as though Anna is just me 2 1/2 times the size!
"No matter how terrible they might be..."
AKA "Even if they deserve it a little bit."
Twitter surely wasn’t really a thing yet during the time Anna was at college with Ashley, doubtful she tweeted her to try to get in touch after the crash.
Good catch. Twitter was launched in 2006, Anna would have been in college in 2003 ish.
My husband (half French/half Flemish) and me (Spanish) have been going strong for 20 years now. In my experience, cultural differences can make communication easier because you need to think about the real reasons for things, you do not make assumptions based on societal conventions.
"No matter how terrible they might be" - most abused people do not seek help because they think they are so terrible that they deserve the abuse. So if she is writing this to an abused person, that is a good addition.
Her description of ditching people if they are awkward the first time you meet them sounds like she’s having people audition.
"single serving friends" as in only one dose, like the sugar cunes for coffee, that are packaged to be used for only one serving. Not "single service". Yes, I remember this. Such a great movie because of these details. 😍
*cubes
Utilitarian (not the philosophy) what best serves HER purpose(s) at _that_ moment
She is so….overbearing ..I can see how she has no real friends now because of how toxic positive she is in a intense aggressive way 😅…that can scare people.
She couldn’t even make new friends because people outgrow dealing with exhausting people like Ana.
It’s like a teenage/young adult friendship…
People 25+ usually stop having a friend like that after a certain while so I can only imagine it’s hard for her now to have adult relationships.
I feel like this book is still what she thinks about today as an adult bc she is so smiley but behind the smile there’s this deep seeded unaddressed rage that stems from spite.
She really hasn’t emotionally developed since teenhood….y..yikes. That’s when it all started huh..
Well, I guess Ashley didn’t want to have her as a “ride or die” on that scooter.
emphasis on Die
25:00 Exactly. “Don’t treat people this way. It hurts them” But also, “When you have a problem with someone, treat them this way.” Mmm… I don’t think so.
She sounds exactly like someone I had to cut out of my life after I left college because they were so narcissistic and selfish, and energy sucking to the point we were all convinced she had undiagnosed NPD. She had had several people do the same to her (after trying to do amicable friend break-ups which she would NOT accept), and I stayed by her even though she made me so unhappy and uncomfortable to be around. I'm not proud of what I did but I was so happy not to have her in my life any more.
Wasn’t the character in her Christmas story last year named “Ashley”?
Yes. She likes that name. She uses it a lot
Or did she make the whole scooter story up? Anna got blocked, ignored and deleted. Something she loves to do to others. Love your sarcasm. I am very sarcastic so I appreciate good sarcasm. 📚
That song they play at every graduation since 1999 lied to us.
I LOVE SPOOKY SEASON 👻🎃🍂✨
as to the question if she came up with that "bullseye": Circles of support/circles of friends (Falvey et al., 2011, p. 16)
3:49 “Anna cannot write a normal sentence; she’s got to use the most flowery purple prose”
That’s because Anna is a WRITER! With a capital R!!
4:40 She posts online the same way she writes. (Badly.)
(Great, my comment posted twice. Usually TH-cam deletes them. 😂)
Her lack of proof reading and editing is astounding.