Every time I interacted with the narcissist it was like feeding the beast . I went grey rock 🪨, cut them off completely. No texting , no emails , no social media , no conversations...and the narcissist has been erased.
Walking away is the weapon, all that a victim needs to understand that its useless to expect them to change, they will never change they just keep you hooked but never love you, just walk away even if you feel it difficult. Its the best weapon.
Its not easy to grey rock since u have dependent qualities plus they break u to depend on them financially or trauma bonding torturing to tell ur things or blackmailing emotionally financially to not give back ur money or not provide n ur in a disaster state where u cant work eat sleep n a hostage i recoment putting up a act till u recover get strong financially then think of revenge, leaving etc..while see support here n there plus the biggest gift is u knowing but unable to move since u need time to process cry grieve n plus build ur self financially emotionally mentally n thats when u can walk of
I went gray rock with my elderly mother after decades of being a large part of her narc supply. It has frustrated the heck out of her. She used to love to make me hysterical and would then enjoy telling everyone how unstable I was. I only regret that I did not wake up years earlier.
Yup 👍,,, I’m going through the same thing,, my moms 92 and she triangulates my sister , brother against me ,,, it’s so sad to be targeted by your mother 😔
Salon Savy 64. It is so sad when it's your mother. And wow they really don't change. Your mother is 92 and she is still like that. I remember on another video by the enlightened target where Jill said that "This condition is permanent." And now I know that's true. My mother is 76. So I know what to expect in the future.
@@donnalehman1832 they can’t change because they possibly don’t see what wrong with their behaviors, but even they do see their problem, changing is not easy for anyone including us. All the best
Visaoradi 2212. That's true. They don't see what's wrong with themselves. Because they don't look inward at themselves. They can't self reflect at all. So you can't begin to fix what you don't know is broken.
I have been doing these grey rock techniques just to get some kind of space from him! I didn’t realize it til I saw this vid haha. I was trying save myself from going crazy. I’m the most boring person around him, soooooo boring and don’t give him more than 5 mins to talk at a time. I remain cool all the time and ignore him as much as possible since I’ve seen the light (it took a few yrs gradually)and now aware of who I’m dealing with. The power imbalance has shifted a lot more in my direction now. Can’t wait for no contact, my exit is all planned and a new life is waiting for me this Fall. Yayyyy! :)) Love your vids!
OMG, now I understand why my father called me boring. He wasn’t talking about me being a boring person in a social setting. I was too dumb to give him supply. 😂
Eye Gotcha. I understand how you feel. I wish I would have known years ago. I was 59 when I finally found out what I was dealing with. Buy my life has been SO much better now that I know. I went no contact almost 3 years ago. And my life just keeps getting better and better now.
Mb. I would like to share my favorite scripture in the bible with you. At Psalm 37:10,11, and 29 it says, "Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more; You will look at where they were, And they will not be there. But the meek will possess the earth, And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." Then verse 29 says, "The righteous will possess the earth, And they will live forever on it." So imagine that! The whole earth will be filled with people who are meek and want to do what is right according to God's standards. No more narcissim at all ever again.
I began to grey rock during the last year I was with the toxic ex. It was the most challenging of my new behaviors learned under the tutelage of my EMDR/CBT trauma therapist. Even she warned me to be cautious about letting him know that I would be leaving. Luckily, his covert nature included laziness. He did almost nothing to change the situation and did not threaten me. Being “non-reactive” and “boring” were challenging, as I had grown up in a home where yelling and reacting were encouraged. They were the examples my parents gave us six kids, as we grew up. As I got better and better at it, I noticed that the now-ex would be confused that I wasn’t defending myself, attempting to explain to him “better”, getting emotional, or becoming angry and frustrated. He began to spend more time “at the office” or “at meetings”, or “doing errands”, often coming home late on weekday nights and staying away for most of the weekends. Not getting enough supply from me, I imagine. By the time he refused to attend therapy (his three-month time limit to BEGIN going wasn’t met), I had refused to have him in the bedroom, refused all sexual advances (“Ya wanna?” just wasn’t cutting it for me.) I had learned from channels like this one, that he didn’t love me, didn’t LIKE me, and disrespected me, so I began living my life as if we were roommates and made legal arrangements to separate our living and financial arrangements, including the sale of our house. Throughout all this change in my response to him, he never made any effort to change his behaviors. I was happy to be out of the relationship, when I left 5 months after his decision to refuse therapy. We never had children together, so no custody issues. I simply changed all my “joint” bank accounts to sole accounts, so he could no longer access my retirement money. Three years, 8 months of no contact, and the peace and calm I feel by not being in his presence is amazing. The silence I gave, the non-reactive responses I gave, all were worth learning. When I am in the presence of someone who behaves similarly to the ex, I go silent, become boring, or walk away. Today, I have no regard for people who treat me badly. Blessings!❤️
I love to see these success stories 🤍❤️🤍 you are an inspiration!! It means a lot to hear stories of people untangling from this nightmare, thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
All of these quote-unquote weapons really do work, and they are a lifesaver. They might take a long time to fully learn how to use if you are used to being reactive and very triggered. I know it took me a while. I used to get into screaming matches that went absolutely nowhere because you're not dealing with someone who lives in reality. Becoming extremely boring really works wonders! Apparently narcissists cannot handle being bored, and it's awesome! I just pick something incredibly mundane and talk about it in great detail and watch the pain on their faces as they try to listen to me. After a few minutes they literally have to leave and it's wonderful :-)
Thank you for the preface of caution re malignant narc. Especially if they are your spouse and you have children. It's a bit different with them. Secretly plan your permanent exit. And part of that plan should include educating and preparing for parental alienation. May your escape be blessed!
This is an very good video. You made the point that a narcissist do not think the same way you would think and not having your undivided attention is very much the end of the world for them.
After a messy breakup, My unethical ex nar messaged me to ask if we would ever make each other happy again. Then 6 weeks later, she bought a house with her new supply, then less than 8 months of the separation, she got a weeding with her new partner. These nars don’t seem like to take a break to learn about themselves or heal or whatever it requires to get a balance after a break up. They seem to jump from relationship to relationship, and make me feel like all my time and my hard effort and all their promises were just cheap, fake, meaningless
They are the cheap fake product. They cannot STAND to be alone with themselves cause they know how slimy they are and they hate themselves and need someone else to project it onto
Oh, I have to learn assertiveness. The boundary of silence. I used it out of self respect. Emotionless. Did that too to a certain level. Indifference. That's hard for me. Boring. Oh, now that's tough for me. To me, it feels like being rude which goes against my nature. Ignore. Hard, but I did that. Preoccupation in their presence. Okay, I did that. Projection, pity party and passive aggression came full force. What to do then? My deepest respect goes out to you, Jill. 🥰
They will keep poking your buttons harder and harder, until they get a response, even going as far as destroying "accidentally" one of your prized possessions. There is no winning against these beasts. No contact is the only way, unfortunately.
My indifference is the most honest response I can give them now that I know what I didn’t know then. 😉 I’m grateful for you and my other mentors for helping me through the last few years. Ever since I’ve learned boundaries and maintain them the more THEY don’t like me. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. This is a spiritual battle. God will fight with those all kind of narcissists. There is a need to aware the worst narcs, they are everywhere with dreadful traits.
I did some of these (being bored, ignoring to a point) and I wouldn't touch him, stopped fighting him. This caused him to leave. He was getting no attention and I was neglecting my "Wifely Duties". I didn't even realize what I was doing. Every time he would come to bed I would have a panic attack and my (our) dog would growl at him, then he'd beat my dog. At first I was so upset/sad/confused when he left. Now I feel like it was a gift. No more abuse.
I have learned alot from this pretty lady and explained alot of unanswered questions that I had that still runs threw my mind occasionally about abusive marriages and narcissistic behavior I'm smarter now thanks to Her I know now what to look out for Too bad I didn't know this back in 97 I wouldn't have gotten married We live and learn
Go Jill, love it. Done the grey rock and being boring to a narcissistic work colleague, works a treat. Thank goodness she’s out of my hair, best thing I’ve done. Watching videos like yours helped me with boundaries and as an empath I was needing guidance, thanks for all you do.xx
It's so funny that I have started doing those things and then hear that that is what we should be doing. I've just stopped reacting. At first I questioned if I was just being ugly, but then I hear videos saying that is exactly what we should be doing. I'm not being ugly, I'm just protecting myself. And you get to the point to where you don't even want to look at them.
That will be the next phase of my experiment with this young female narcissist, either silent treatment, or talking with no emotion, my first experiment was doing the dissappearing act for awhile.
Yes matter of fact indifferent , no contact wasnt possible for me , as we have children , and grandchildren . Their manipulation doesnt end . So instead , i deal with things , move on , but i am matter of fact with them , and my children . I stand in the truth . Not here to accommodate them , or play a fictional character in their false narrative skit . I no longer seek , external validation, fear rejection , or making a mistake . Nor do i , take responsibility , or forgive those that their only regret is you caught on to them , and have no intention , or desire to change . My ex , exploited , and sabatoged my every good intention , kind loving act , devotion , and hard work . Then play the victim. I understand narcissists have no internal regulation , we are to supply that , keep them happy and well , in spite all their selfish , abusive , destructive behavior . Arent they special , in a pathetic , repugnant kind of way .
Sounds like me too the t can’t leave cause he’s the bread winner he bitches saying I need to find work but when I find a job it go good for a minute but then it falls apart to the extent he’d threaten to come to my job and cause a scene but mine u when all said and done tells me I need to go work in a factory the hell I will and do u know to this day when I got to actually sit down and talk to him a minute cause ya got to pick and choose ya battles ya know he still can’t give me a reason why he had me quit he’s giving me a couple of scenarios like I wasn’t going to make money their i was like so It’s something Shoot or something about the house being out of order but though we agreed that when I got a job everyone would help with everything that was just something for him to say well I believe that he was jealous now I could be wrong but idk ya see I fight depression on a daily and don’t have friends or family and so this job was getting me out of the house and actually interacting with people I was actually coming out of my shell or what ever and he didn’t like it but anyway 23 years later we r still together got grand babies but I’m like u now our relationship is kinda different in a sort of a idk kind of way if that makes any sense so I just play it by ear lol cause I don’t feel scared anymore when he shows his true colors
The other narcissist in my life used to do what you just described to me over the phone or in person so I pushed for the discard and I’ve been happy ever since 👍
just be mindful that frustrating them is not going to fix them. Yes, try to have fun if you can (safely), but some poor people listening here, underneath it all, they would still like their narcissist to change. NO THEY WILL NOT. NOTHING ON EARTH will.
On top of this one here. For me it isn't so much about having fun, driving them crazy or getting revenge.. because that is exactly what was done to me. I have better things to do and think about. I don't like to roll like that, I am more about neutralization. I figure it catches right back up to them eventually and I have seen that happen.. it is a little satisfying if not better when it goes down that way. You can just give them a warm little smile and a shrug when that happens. Mine was all about public humiliation, making a scene and being as embarrassing as possible to get even for a slight I may have done.
thank you for that, you replied just as i was attempting to convince myself iam a worthy artist trying to get back to the part that creates... much love for your concern and empathy
Thank you Lisa. Since posting my reply, I received several baiting tactics to suck me back in. I don't know if I have won yet but my narcMother is leaving message after message telling me it's my fault that she did not do well during an insurance assessment because I did not answer her phone calls even though I still fight on her behalf behind the scenes.. I can proudly say that I did not take the bait and blame. A very hard thing to do but when you take a breath and listen to people like yourself and my true friends, I am staying the course. Bright Light to You.
The grey rock staying silent strategy could backfire if you are the friendly extroverted type because then they might start gossiping about you behind your back and to all the doctors in town while saying to everyone who will listen including any press that happens to drop by later that you are a such a "troubled young woman" who seems to be in a major depression or worse with your reactions to their chaos too as bystanders witnesses 'proof'. Which is the only reason why I have outlived my 8 years younger than me sister since I tend to be more boring to all narcissists since around 2 years of age than my sister Sharon was.
None of this is a good idea. It's mirroring what they did to us and that's an unsettling idea if you feel abused at the way you were treated. This is dangerous advice and could result in harm.
@@raphaellavictoria01 narc was arrested for assalting me, 6 mos probation, court trial in dec, as he is trying to steal my acres, home ect. He's living in a motel 😂
Mine threatened divorce after I started doing these to hold on to myself. I started doing them after I worked on my self esteem. He raged even worse for four months after I set a boundary because of his behavior. Becayse I was grey rock and observe don't absorb he could not get a reaction. He said something so outrageous I slept in another room till I could recover and muster up the energy to plan a divorce. I have health issues. After three days of this he begged me not to leave because he did not want the embarrassment of a divorce. It is somewhat better now since January. He realizes he needs me more than I need him. He does try to start things sometimes though. If he starts yelling I call him out.
I've been in a knew that narcissistic relationship for 2 years now, I recognize for my sanity I might get out and I've tried several times but psychologically she's got me wrapped around her finger, I can make good decisions when I'm by myself but as soon as I get around her All my good sence goes right out the window and that me feeling angry towards myself I don't understand why I can't get the hell out of this, just a little about me I have complex PTSD I grew up in an abusive family I had an abusive relationship with my ex-husband I really don't feel like I signed on for all of this did you believe I'm trauma bonded I don't know how to break that could somebody please give me some advice or some help cuz I'm sinking real fast.
Amazing video, I watched twice and made notes. For once this week I got to watch the narcissist in my life experience karma, it make me feel like all the other narcissists I dealt will get their comeuppance as well, even if I don’t see it.
I have this nasty old 80 yr old know-it-all narcissist neighbor....she always would throw personal put down digs at me, and I use to continue to be nice to her because she's old ( but she's not a frail old lady) an example...i was cutting some Palm branches, and my handsome maintenance guy was helping me...and she walks by and she's " oh! Your working, you might sweat and loose some weight!" ....and I didn't say anything back to her dig. Long story short, 2 years ago on Christmas Eve...she was acting very odd, mocking the Prisident then lunging in my face about something I didn't agree with with her, I tried to walk away and she followed me up to my gate and held the gate door so I couldn't shut the gate...she tried to come up to me weeks later like nothing happened, and I told her to stay away from me...my boundary did no good, she then again encroached my space...so I gave her a couple of examples why I don't want to talk to her, and one of them was the incident when I was cutting trees...And of course she denied that, saying " I never said that!" then I got angry...and I said don't try to gaslight me. So, we haven't talked in 2 years, I've been ignoring her, and she continues to say hi Marie...i do not respond and I go grey rock. So, about weeks ago, I get a new puppy, and she thought she was going to worm her way back in...lol. She was pacing back and forth out behind my car...as I come out she encroaches my space and says hi Marie is that your new puppy? I ignore her, and she lunges at me and says " This is been going on long enough" ( me ignoring her is going on long enough) and I replied " I'm not interested in your drama!" Then she said something, and I didn't hear her, but I said. " WHATEVER" and I walked away. Everyone on the block was always nice to me, until she ponisoned/ smeared me in their ears. Now, everybody is ignoring me. ( Which I'm okay with ) My point to this lengthy story is Jill's right in this video, the narc really gets mad when you ignore them ( oh well)
Smile and be nice, but distant with ALL neibors sooner or later even the stuuupidest ones will start to question thier judgment and start paying better attention to the circumstances around themselves
🛑.. Yes folks, all of the above work like a charm... Thank you Jill, you've been a life saver for me.. My Dr. has been a MASSIVE help to me... After my Church Narc. EXPERIENCE with 3, so called.. MEN of God.. She stepped out and invited me to her home with other Professionals.. My oh my, that spoke mountains to me.. She's a REAL ONE!.. In Australia we call people like this TRUE BLUE... 👍💯👍🇦🇺👍
Hey Jill, great video.... Actually, I feel like A LOT of enjoyment is deserved to us at their expense.... Total Scumbags right? Thanks again.... I’m getting ready to go to court against my narcissist brother, and your videos are empowering! May God/Jesus Christ bless you and your family.... 🙏🏼❤️
Plzzz make more video on this topic who we can control narcissit that she dont lie with us in relation she show her real face to us And she show her real desire what she want from us
Its not easy to grey rock since u have dependent qualities plus they break u to depend on them financially or trauma bonding torturing to tell ur things or blackmailing emotionally financially to not give back ur money or not provide n ur in a disaster state where u cant work eat sleep n a hostage i recoment putting up a act till u recover get strong financially then think of revenge, leaving etc..while see support here n there plus the biggest gift is u knowing but unable to move since u need time to process cry grieve n plus build ur self financially emotionally mentally n thats when u can walk of
Do you have any experience with narcissists in couples therapy? My ex tried to pressure me into going into counselling with him, but I was terrified that he was just going to lie his way through the whole thing, and was counting on his ability to win over the therapist to his side.
Nope, that wasn't terror, THAT was your amazing intuition telling you that you were 100% correct before the sentence even formed in your head!! 100% correct, now just STAY safe 😉
Every single one of these weapons were used on me during my discarding phase! And I have to be honest when you were talking about using these tactics against them for fun it kinda made me think.. why would I wanna put some one through that pain that was so bad and traumatizing for me? Even tho she did it to me, I don’t wanna live like that. I’d rather just further understand, to the point I am not bothered or triggered by her actions or reactions. I do understand discretion is encouraged here. I’m just saying
To suggest any attempt to take on a narc is outright dangerous. It doesn't matter how long you have known them. Never take on a narc. Never tell a narc you suspect their narcissisism. Walk away dont look back.
I can use their baiting to upset me by using it to become more of who I am instead of less. Like if one of them does something like throw out my rosary beads then that was my cue that it was time to learn that praying the rosary doesn't require me using beads while doing so and nor does it require me even praying the rosary out loud during rest while they are all wondering if you are praying your rosary when they are trying you to get interested in gossiping and tearing down someone else whom I had congratulated or whatever in person before then. A sure way to send them looking for a more interesting supply of both negative and positive until people know them well supply. But be prepared for them to be upping their tactics all the time until enough people get wind of their number and so they are left only walking around wondering why no one is joining in with or challenging their nonsense. Because the truth is both negative reactions and positive reactions to their antics is what they want most. Like when they get together in communal narcissism without any government orders to do so to strut around showing off their concealed carry and owned weapons and search dogs permits too when they are not driving around in their truck convoy to show how tough they all are acting bewildered later why no one is paying attention much to them and theirs. So that whenever they come around again to show off about whatever they will be unsuspecting that without them always trying to get more reactions from you that instead in truth you are finally having a nice life.
I did the ignore thing, but I did not really see her so it was accidental, when I noticed she was there she was giving me the evil eye , the one that looks could kill kind of look. Her eyes were black and and her face looked so different.
Sadly this is how my sister in law treats me! She lives out of state but when she visits she won’t say hi or respond when I say hi when she enters the room. She won’t text back. She has never once said thank you for any gifts I have sent her. Yet complains that no one “knows” her. I don’t know how to get to know someone who won’t talk to me?
I found going third grade grade grey rock is not only effective but quite satisfying. " I know you are, but what am I "? That question would make my Mom lose her shit! Completely lose All ability to reason. (More so than usual). Silence is the safest method, just not as satisfying in my opinion.
Give 1 word answers. Focus on yourself instead of them. Take time for yourself. If they are harmful give it much thought especially if they get physical. They have to know everything that's going on its control. Surface level talk like the weather. Indifference is a killer to them. They can't figure out why you wouldn't be so excited to see this Godlike creature. It makes them nuts. They are not selfrelexive, they can't figure things out. No emotional intelligence. That get upset when someone says "did someone say something"? Don't you know who i am. Yes your nothing.
Hi Jill, I liked your video, but it is confusing to me. The things you suggest to do are some of the exact things my ex used to do to me. Is this typical of a narcissist? Was this my codependent projections?
Can you do a video on how narcs abuse by proxy. My mums sister just died. And my mum refuses to let me take her and dad to the funeral. She demands my sister take her. My sister agreed its best i take them as i dont know any of the family but my sister knows people. So, i would mean im going alone and dont really know them. But she is refusing to let me take her. She knows this harms me, as well, and knows my sistervis too week to say no to her demands. She done this all growing up, running out to get drunk and dumping me and making my sister babysit me right when she was aboit to go on a date or something. She created a enviroment where everyone hated me and also made my sister feel guilty if she doesmt do what she demands
...basically turn their behavior back on them (fighting fire with fire) Then ask them if they would like to “talk about it”🤣😱 ...equals: NARCISSISTIC INJURY
Dearest Jill, thank you so much for your enlightening series of talks on narcissism. Do try to see a wonderful new Belgian movie called Becoming Mona (Kom hier dat ek u kus - in Dutch),. based on a novel by Griet Op de Beeck. The movie is riveting, , and shows how a kind and responsible (but parentified) child grows up to become a self-sacrificing adult who keeps putting up with the demands of the selfish adults in her life. Until she doesn't. I managed to see the movie last night as part of an online European Union film festival here in South Africa. I hope that you will be able to see the movie, as I think you'll love it. 🌿🌷🍃
Every time I interacted with the narcissist it was like feeding the beast . I went grey rock 🪨, cut them off completely. No texting , no emails , no social media , no conversations...and the narcissist has been erased.
I'm in the middle of this right now!!
TOTALLY AGREE.
Walking away is the weapon, all that a victim needs to understand that its useless to expect them to change, they will never change they just keep you hooked but never love you, just walk away even if you feel it difficult. Its the best weapon.
the best weapon is walking out of the door
😂😂🤣
Hell yes, it is. He hid it from me for about 8 years. I walked away about 2 weeks ago
Lolz. But nar know how to hurt us after that anyway
100% right 😘💪👍
No one need the crazynes of that 👽👽👽
Its not easy to grey rock since u have dependent qualities plus they break u to depend on them financially or trauma bonding torturing to tell ur things or blackmailing emotionally financially to not give back ur money or not provide n ur in a disaster state where u cant work eat sleep n a hostage i recoment putting up a act till u recover get strong financially then think of revenge, leaving etc..while see support here n there plus the biggest gift is u knowing but unable to move since u need time to process cry grieve n plus build ur self financially emotionally mentally n thats when u can walk of
I went gray rock with my elderly mother after decades of being a large part of her narc supply. It has frustrated the heck out of her. She used to love to make me hysterical and would then enjoy telling everyone how unstable I was. I only regret that I did not wake up years earlier.
Yup 👍,,, I’m going through the same thing,, my moms 92 and she triangulates my sister , brother against me ,,, it’s so sad to be targeted by your mother 😔
Salon Savy 64. It is so sad when it's your mother. And wow they really don't change. Your mother is 92 and she is still like that. I remember on another video by the enlightened target where Jill said that "This condition is permanent." And now I know that's true. My mother is 76. So I know what to expect in the future.
@@donnalehman1832 they can’t change because they possibly don’t see what wrong with their behaviors, but even they do see their problem, changing is not easy for anyone including us. All the best
Visaoradi 2212. That's true. They don't see what's wrong with themselves. Because they don't look inward at themselves. They can't self reflect at all. So you can't begin to fix what you don't know is broken.
Giving always a bad feeling, if they don't appreciate us then case is closed 🔐
Don't want to spend my time anymore in annoying myself and feeling bad.
I played that I didn’t care when he was around, he said to me literally “ you are playing with my life” as if I cut off oxygen from him.
You're amazing. They are not. Remember that.
No contact, moved out and finaply getting a good night's sleep. Peace at last!
A good night's sleep is all I need. It's like he waits until I lay my head down on the pillow to start with me 😒😢
Amen! No one can victimize you unless you are, not aware!!! We now live in JOY!
I have been doing these grey rock techniques just to get some kind of space from him! I didn’t realize it til I saw this vid haha. I was trying save myself from going crazy. I’m the most boring person around him, soooooo boring and don’t give him more than 5 mins to talk at a time. I remain cool all the time and ignore him as much as possible since I’ve seen the light (it took a few yrs gradually)and now aware of who I’m dealing with. The power imbalance has shifted a lot more in my direction now. Can’t wait for no contact, my exit is all planned and a new life is waiting for me this Fall. Yayyyy! :)) Love your vids!
i got a chuckle out of the suggestion to pick up your phone and start to play with it in their presence. lol!
OMG, now I understand why my father called me boring. He wasn’t talking about me being a boring person in a social setting. I was too dumb to give him supply. 😂
Eye Gotcha. I understand how you feel. I wish I would have known years ago. I was 59 when I finally found out what I was dealing with. Buy my life has been SO much better now that I know. I went no contact almost 3 years ago. And my life just keeps getting better and better now.
Mb. I would like to share my favorite scripture in the bible with you. At Psalm 37:10,11, and 29 it says, "Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more; You will look at where they were, And they will not be there. But the meek will possess the earth, And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace." Then verse 29 says, "The righteous will possess the earth, And they will live forever on it." So imagine that! The whole earth will be filled with people who are meek and want to do what is right according to God's standards. No more narcissim at all ever again.
I began to grey rock during the last year I was with the toxic ex. It was the most challenging of my new behaviors learned under the tutelage of my EMDR/CBT trauma therapist. Even she warned me to be cautious about letting him know that I would be leaving. Luckily, his covert nature included laziness. He did almost nothing to change the situation and did not threaten me.
Being “non-reactive” and “boring” were challenging, as I had grown up in a home where yelling and reacting were encouraged. They were the examples my parents gave us six kids, as we grew up. As I got better and better at it, I noticed that the now-ex would be confused that I wasn’t defending myself, attempting to explain to him “better”, getting emotional, or becoming angry and frustrated. He began to spend more time “at the office” or “at meetings”, or “doing errands”, often coming home late on weekday nights and staying away for most of the weekends. Not getting enough supply from me, I imagine.
By the time he refused to attend therapy (his three-month time limit to BEGIN going wasn’t met), I had refused to have him in the bedroom, refused all sexual advances (“Ya wanna?” just wasn’t cutting it for me.)
I had learned from channels like this one, that he didn’t love me, didn’t LIKE me, and disrespected me, so I began living my life as if we were roommates and made legal arrangements to separate our living and financial arrangements, including the sale of our house. Throughout all this change in my response to him, he never made any effort to change his behaviors. I was happy to be out of the relationship, when I left 5 months after his decision to refuse therapy.
We never had children together, so no custody issues. I simply changed all my “joint” bank accounts to sole accounts, so he could no longer access my retirement money. Three years, 8 months of no contact, and the peace and calm I feel by not being in his presence is amazing.
The silence I gave, the non-reactive responses I gave, all were worth learning. When I am in the presence of someone who behaves similarly to the ex, I go silent, become boring, or walk away. Today, I have no regard for people who treat me badly.
Blessings!❤️
I love to see these success stories 🤍❤️🤍 you are an inspiration!! It means a lot to hear stories of people untangling from this nightmare, thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
@@EssieSpring
You’re welcome. I’m glad to be here, with my dog, living a good life. . 🥰
All of these quote-unquote weapons really do work, and they are a lifesaver. They might take a long time to fully learn how to use if you are used to being reactive and very triggered. I know it took me a while. I used to get into screaming matches that went absolutely nowhere because you're not dealing with someone who lives in reality.
Becoming extremely boring really works wonders! Apparently narcissists cannot handle being bored, and it's awesome! I just pick something incredibly mundane and talk about it in great detail and watch the pain on their faces as they try to listen to me. After a few minutes they literally have to leave and it's wonderful :-)
Could be dangerous depending on how disturbed the narcissist is.
Silence is key to our inner power. We don't have to be apart of there chaos. We can be in our peace. ☮️
Out of sight out of mind indeed
Yes. You're absolutely right. 1400 miles away and definitely out of sight
Thank you for the preface of caution re malignant narc. Especially if they are your spouse and you have children. It's a bit different with them. Secretly plan your permanent exit. And part of that plan should include educating and preparing for parental alienation. May your escape be blessed!
Doing this to any narc isn't good advice. It's dangerous. NEVER taunt a narc. They have no trouble escalating their rage back to harm you.
@@judyscheiber3661 This I know - nor did I ever taunt him! Dark triads are very dangerous indeed.
100% agree it is really risky to taunt or frustrate narcs who have any anger issues. In my experience, 30 years of it, I never had any fun doing this.
This is an very good video. You made the point that a narcissist do not think the same way you would think and not having your undivided attention is very much the end of the world for them.
After a messy breakup, My unethical ex nar messaged me to ask if we would ever make each other happy again. Then 6 weeks later, she bought a house with her new supply, then less than 8 months of the separation, she got a weeding with her new partner. These nars don’t seem like to take a break to learn about themselves or heal or whatever it requires to get a balance after a break up. They seem to jump from relationship to relationship, and make me feel like all my time and my hard effort and all their promises were just cheap, fake, meaningless
They are the cheap fake product. They cannot STAND to be alone with themselves cause they know how slimy they are and they hate themselves and need someone else to project it onto
Oh, I have to learn assertiveness. The boundary of silence. I used it out of self respect. Emotionless. Did that too to a certain level. Indifference. That's hard for me. Boring. Oh, now that's tough for me. To me, it feels like being rude which goes against my nature. Ignore. Hard, but I did that. Preoccupation in their presence. Okay, I did that. Projection, pity party and passive aggression came full force. What to do then? My deepest respect goes out to you, Jill. 🥰
They will keep poking your buttons harder and harder, until they get a response, even going as far as destroying "accidentally" one of your prized possessions. There is no winning against these beasts. No contact is the only way, unfortunately.
@@reesedaniel5835 definitely no contact!
My indifference is the most honest response I can give them now that I know what I didn’t know then. 😉 I’m grateful for you and my other mentors for helping me through the last few years. Ever since I’ve learned boundaries and maintain them the more THEY don’t like me. 🤷🏻♀️
They don't like their own medicine. Exposing their lies is dificult but key to disarm them.
BLESSINGS you are right on Jill.
I did this ! It works ! Its amazing once they start spiraling. Its like they can't breathe!
Narcissists are going to absolutely despise AI. They'll also learn to fear it because of how much power this technology is going to have.
Thank you for 8.00 and forward, removed the guilt and doubt about me getting back at him. A medal to you, dear lady!
The best weapon is the armor of GOD . No weapon formed against us shall prosper. This is a spiritual battle.
So true!! Amen
Yes, that is light against darkness....good and evil, God help🐼
Get the armour of www.supremegod.org
It really is...they are Soul Stealers.
Yes. This is a spiritual battle. God will fight with those all kind of narcissists. There is a need to aware the worst narcs, they are everywhere with dreadful traits.
Just ignore the narcissist(s), don't contact them anymore.
Go on with your own life.
That is more value then spending time on a narcissist.
I did some of these (being bored, ignoring to a point) and I wouldn't touch him, stopped fighting him. This caused him to leave. He was getting no attention and I was neglecting my "Wifely Duties". I didn't even realize what I was doing. Every time he would come to bed I would have a panic attack and my (our) dog would growl at him, then he'd beat my dog. At first I was so upset/sad/confused when he left. Now I feel like it was a gift. No more abuse.
I have learned alot from this pretty lady and explained alot of unanswered questions that I had that still runs threw my mind occasionally about abusive marriages and narcissistic behavior I'm smarter now thanks to Her I know now what to look out for Too bad I didn't know this back in 97 I wouldn't have gotten married We live and learn
This just made me laugh and laugh thinking of my narcissistic father's reaction if I were to do any of these! Love it! Thanks for the suggestions!
Go Jill, love it. Done the grey rock and being boring to a narcissistic work colleague, works a treat. Thank goodness she’s out of my hair, best thing I’ve done. Watching videos like yours helped me with boundaries and as an empath I was needing guidance, thanks for all you do.xx
It's so funny that I have started doing those things and then hear that that is what we should be doing. I've just stopped reacting. At first I questioned if I was just being ugly, but then I hear videos saying that is exactly what we should be doing.
I'm not being ugly, I'm just protecting myself. And you get to the point to where you don't even want to look at them.
My narc: Hi
Me: I'm not the psychiatrist you're looking for 😉 😂
That will be the next phase of my experiment with this young female narcissist, either silent treatment, or talking with no emotion, my first experiment was doing the dissappearing act for awhile.
Yes matter of fact indifferent , no contact wasnt possible for me , as we have children , and grandchildren . Their manipulation doesnt end .
So instead , i deal with things , move on , but i am matter of fact with them , and my children . I stand in the truth . Not here to accommodate them , or play a fictional character in their false narrative skit . I no longer seek , external validation, fear rejection , or making a mistake .
Nor do i , take responsibility , or forgive those that their only regret is you caught on to them , and have no intention , or desire to change . My ex , exploited , and sabatoged my every good intention , kind loving act , devotion , and hard work . Then play the victim. I understand narcissists have no internal regulation , we are to supply that , keep them happy and well , in spite all their selfish , abusive , destructive behavior . Arent they special , in a pathetic , repugnant kind of way .
Sounds like me too the t can’t leave cause he’s the bread winner he bitches saying I need to find work but when I find a job it go good for a minute but then it falls apart to the extent he’d threaten to come to my job and cause a scene but mine u when all said and done tells me I need to go work in a factory the hell I will and do u know to this day when I got to actually sit down and talk to him a minute cause ya got to pick and choose ya battles ya know he still can’t give me a reason why he had me quit he’s giving me a couple of scenarios like I wasn’t going to make money their i was like so It’s something Shoot or something about the house being out of order but though we agreed that when I got a job everyone would help with everything that was just something for him to say well I believe that he was jealous now I could be wrong but idk ya see I fight depression on a daily and don’t have friends or family and so this job was getting me out of the house and actually interacting with people I was actually coming out of my shell or what ever and he didn’t like it but anyway 23 years later we r still together got grand babies but I’m like u now our relationship is kinda different in a sort of a idk kind of way if that makes any sense so I just play it by ear lol cause I don’t feel scared anymore when he shows his true colors
NO. The word is PATHETIC. The word " special" is reserved for the truth tellers that stand up to them you ingrate troll.
The other narcissist in my life used to do what you just described to me over the phone or in person so I pushed for the discard and I’ve been happy ever since 👍
just be mindful that frustrating them is not going to fix them. Yes, try to have fun if you can (safely), but some poor people listening here, underneath it all, they would still like their narcissist to change. NO THEY WILL NOT. NOTHING ON EARTH will.
On top of this one here.
For me it isn't so much about having fun, driving them crazy or getting revenge.. because that is exactly what was done to me. I have better things to do and think about.
I don't like to roll like that, I am more about neutralization. I figure it catches right back up to them eventually and I have seen that happen.. it is a little satisfying if not better when it goes down that way. You can just give them a warm little smile and a shrug when that happens.
Mine was all about public humiliation, making a scene and being as embarrassing as possible to get even for a slight I may have done.
thank you for that, you replied just as i was attempting to convince myself iam a worthy artist trying to get back to the part that creates... much love for your concern and empathy
Thank you, your videos have helped me so much 😃
Thank you Lisa. Since posting my reply, I received several baiting tactics to suck me back in. I don't know if I have won yet but my narcMother is leaving message after message telling me it's my fault that she did not do well during an insurance assessment because I did not answer her phone calls even though I still fight on her behalf behind the scenes.. I can proudly say that I did not take the bait and blame. A very hard thing to do but when you take a breath and listen to people like yourself and my true friends, I am staying the course. Bright Light to You.
NO CONTACT.
Thank you
The grey rock staying silent strategy could backfire if you are the friendly extroverted type because then they might start gossiping about you behind your back and to all the doctors in town while saying to everyone who will listen including any press that happens to drop by later that you are a such a "troubled young woman" who seems to be in a major depression or worse with your reactions to their chaos too as bystanders witnesses 'proof'. Which is the only reason why I have outlived my 8 years younger than me sister since I tend to be more boring to all narcissists since around 2 years of age than my sister Sharon was.
Great video! This is helpful. You have a new subscriber! Keep up the amazing work!!!
I've implemented all of these and he goes into a rage, not good
None of this is a good idea. It's mirroring what they did to us and that's an unsettling idea if you feel abused at the way you were treated. This is dangerous advice and could result in harm.
you gotta leave...
@@raphaellavictoria01 narc was arrested for assalting me, 6 mos probation, court trial in dec, as he is trying to steal my acres, home ect. He's living in a motel 😂
Mine threatened divorce after I started doing these to hold on to myself. I started doing them after I worked on my self esteem. He raged even worse for four months after I set a boundary because of his behavior. Becayse I was grey rock and observe don't absorb he could not get a reaction. He said something so outrageous I slept in another room till I could recover and muster up the energy to plan a divorce. I have health issues. After three days of this he begged me not to leave because he did not want the embarrassment of a divorce. It is somewhat better now since January. He realizes he needs me more than I need him. He does try to start things sometimes though. If he starts yelling I call him out.
@IAm Moana
Thank you so much!!! This advice has changed my life
I've been in a knew that narcissistic relationship for 2 years now, I recognize for my sanity I might get out and I've tried several times but psychologically she's got me wrapped around her finger, I can make good decisions when I'm by myself but as soon as I get around her All my good sence goes right out the window and that me feeling angry towards myself I don't understand why I can't get the hell out of this, just a little about me I have complex PTSD I grew up in an abusive family I had an abusive relationship with my ex-husband I really don't feel like I signed on for all of this did you believe I'm trauma bonded I don't know how to break that could somebody please give me some advice or some help cuz I'm sinking real fast.
Thank you
Amazing video, I watched twice and made notes. For once this week I got to watch the narcissist in my life experience karma, it make me feel like all the other narcissists I dealt will get their comeuppance as well, even if I don’t see it.
After unraveling they need to stay in that state. That would be awesome!
I have this nasty old 80 yr old know-it-all narcissist neighbor....she always would throw personal put down digs at me, and I use to continue to be nice to her because she's old ( but she's not a frail old lady) an example...i was cutting some Palm branches, and my handsome maintenance guy was helping me...and she walks by and she's " oh! Your working, you might sweat and loose some weight!" ....and I didn't say anything back to her dig. Long story short, 2 years ago on Christmas Eve...she was acting very odd, mocking the Prisident then lunging in my face about something I didn't agree with with her, I tried to walk away and she followed me up to my gate and held the gate door so I couldn't shut the gate...she tried to come up to me weeks later like nothing happened, and I told her to stay away from me...my boundary did no good, she then again encroached my space...so I gave her a couple of examples why I don't want to talk to her, and one of them was the incident when I was cutting trees...And of course she denied that, saying " I never said that!" then I got angry...and I said don't try to gaslight me. So, we haven't talked in 2 years, I've been ignoring her, and she continues to say hi Marie...i do not respond and I go grey rock. So, about weeks ago, I get a new puppy, and she thought she was going to worm her way back in...lol. She was pacing back and forth out behind my car...as I come out she encroaches my space and says hi Marie is that your new puppy? I ignore her, and she lunges at me and says " This is been going on long enough" ( me ignoring her is going on long enough) and I replied " I'm not interested in your drama!" Then she said something, and I didn't hear her, but I said. " WHATEVER" and I walked away. Everyone on the block was always nice to me, until she ponisoned/ smeared me in their ears. Now, everybody is ignoring me. ( Which I'm okay with )
My point to this lengthy story is Jill's right in this video, the narc really gets mad when you ignore them ( oh well)
Smile and be nice, but distant with ALL neibors sooner or later even the stuuupidest ones will start to question thier judgment and start paying better attention to the circumstances around themselves
🛑.. Yes folks, all of the above work like a charm... Thank you Jill, you've been a life saver for me.. My Dr. has been a MASSIVE help to me... After my Church Narc. EXPERIENCE with 3, so called.. MEN of God.. She stepped out and invited me to her home with other Professionals.. My oh my, that spoke mountains to me.. She's a REAL ONE!.. In Australia we call people like this TRUE BLUE... 👍💯👍🇦🇺👍
I’m excited to try the new wisio :) hopefully soon
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟😁😁😁...this vid is EXCELLENT . I love the advice and humor 🤣
Hey Jill, great video.... Actually, I feel like A LOT of enjoyment is deserved to us at their expense.... Total Scumbags right? Thanks again.... I’m getting ready to go to court against my narcissist brother, and your videos are empowering! May God/Jesus Christ bless you and your family.... 🙏🏼❤️
I cant do several of these because I work with them. Set ups using extremely insignificant things that our boss allows them to do
Plzzz make more video on this topic who we can control narcissit that she dont lie with us in relation she show her real face to us
And she show her real desire what she want from us
Can also be dangerous so use this technique with care because I was attacked as well as abandoned on two occasions both involving cars 🤷♀️
Lol,You are truly the best at this,thankYou☆
I'm beyond silent, no contact, gray rock, boring and ignore the narcissistic demons at work.
It is not silent treatment if you just want your peace and quiet (vs using indifference as a punishment)
Thanks.
So true!
Use these techiques on the narc in my family.Works good.
Great information! Way to many ads :(
Its not easy to grey rock since u have dependent qualities plus they break u to depend on them financially or trauma bonding torturing to tell ur things or blackmailing emotionally financially to not give back ur money or not provide n ur in a disaster state where u cant work eat sleep n a hostage i recoment putting up a act till u recover get strong financially then think of revenge, leaving etc..while see support here n there plus the biggest gift is u knowing but unable to move since u need time to process cry grieve n plus build ur self financially emotionally mentally n thats when u can walk of
Do you have any experience with narcissists in couples therapy? My ex tried to pressure me into going into counselling with him, but I was terrified that he was just going to lie his way through the whole thing, and was counting on his ability to win over the therapist to his side.
Nope, that wasn't terror, THAT was your amazing intuition telling you that you were 100% correct before the sentence even formed in your head!!
100% correct, now just STAY safe 😉
Not only is it fun but they can’t abuse you while this is happening.
Every single one of these weapons were used on me during my discarding phase!
And I have to be honest when you were talking about using these tactics against them for fun it kinda made me think.. why would I wanna put some one through that pain that was so bad and traumatizing for me? Even tho she did it to me,
I don’t wanna live like that. I’d rather just further understand, to the point I am not bothered or triggered by her actions or reactions.
I do understand discretion is encouraged here. I’m just saying
Donna Clark take care
So in other words, you treat them like they treat you!
Thank god I agree :)
That's nice..
😂 I did with my Narc mother now she wants us to see a psychologist bc shes no longer getting a narc supply from me...should I be worried or relieved ?
👊💓💓💯😌. Thank You.🌟💓
The goal really shouldn't be implementing these tactics for fun...its for your well being.
Both
That's interesting to know..my kindness not for my mom anymore.
Just superficial or no contact 😉
Like your Buddha.
To suggest any attempt to take on a narc is outright dangerous. It doesn't matter how long you have known them. Never take on a narc. Never tell a narc you suspect their narcissisism. Walk away dont look back.
I can use their baiting to upset me by using it to become more of who I am instead of less. Like if one of them does something like throw out my rosary beads then that was my cue that it was time to learn that praying the rosary doesn't require me using beads while doing so and nor does it require me even praying the rosary out loud during rest while they are all wondering if you are praying your rosary when they are trying you to get interested in gossiping and tearing down someone else whom I had congratulated or whatever in person before then. A sure way to send them looking for a more interesting supply of both negative and positive until people know them well supply. But be prepared for them to be upping their tactics all the time until enough people get wind of their number and so they are left only walking around wondering why no one is joining in with or challenging their nonsense. Because the truth is both negative reactions and positive reactions to their antics is what they want most. Like when they get together in communal narcissism without any government orders to do so to strut around showing off their concealed carry and owned weapons and search dogs permits too when they are not driving around in their truck convoy to show how tough they all are acting bewildered later why no one is paying attention much to them and theirs. So that whenever they come around again to show off about whatever they will be unsuspecting that without them always trying to get more reactions from you that instead in truth you are finally having a nice life.
@TheLastManStanding Thanks for the advice on how to write better.
Walk way and no contact
I did the ignore thing, but I did not really see her so it was accidental, when I noticed she was there she was giving me the evil eye , the one that looks could kill kind of look. Her eyes were black and and her face looked so different.
Plzzz plzzz make more video os this topic what weapons we can use against narcissist partner in relationshp or in no contact
Sadly this is how my sister in law treats me! She lives out of state but when she visits she won’t say hi or respond when I say hi when she enters the room. She won’t text back. She has never once said thank you for any gifts I have sent her. Yet complains that no one “knows” her. I don’t know how to get to know someone who won’t talk to me?
More than likely, she is jealous of you and thinks she’s better than you is usually the root of behavior like this. Protect yourself and ignore her.
@@abowling5759 thank you! 🌸
@@daringgreatly8473 you’re very welcome ♥️
I found going third grade grade grey rock is not only effective but quite satisfying. " I know you are, but what am I "? That question would make my Mom lose her shit! Completely lose All ability to reason. (More so than usual). Silence is the safest method, just not as satisfying in my opinion.
Stone cold PERMANENT silence.
Give 1 word answers. Focus on yourself instead of them. Take time for yourself. If they are harmful give it much thought especially if they get physical.
They have to know everything that's going on its control. Surface level talk like the weather. Indifference is a killer to them. They can't figure out why you wouldn't be so excited to see this Godlike creature. It makes them nuts. They are not selfrelexive, they can't figure things out. No emotional intelligence. That get upset when someone says "did someone say something"? Don't you know who i am. Yes your nothing.
I don't believe in getting even. I'll just exit. I'll leave them to their own devices of wickedness.
They mirror adults will they also mirror back to the children like they do there partner?
I’m working on getting away and stay no contact, so what does that tell you 🤨
Walk on by
Hi Jill, I liked your video, but it is confusing to me. The things you suggest to do are some of the exact things my ex used to do to me. Is this typical of a narcissist? Was this my codependent projections?
Basically becoming a narc yourself... if you don’t like to become that 🙄... NO CONTACT!
Wow
What works for me is to stay with grey rock and stonewall while I’m encountering his presence in the house with his demeanor of Fe Fi Fo Fum 👍
Can you do a video on how narcs abuse by proxy.
My mums sister just died. And my mum refuses to let me take her and dad to the funeral. She demands my sister take her. My sister agreed its best i take them as i dont know any of the family but my sister knows people. So, i would mean im going alone and dont really know them.
But she is refusing to let me take her. She knows this harms me, as well, and knows my sistervis too week to say no to her demands.
She done this all growing up, running out to get drunk and dumping me and making my sister babysit me right when she was aboit to go on a date or something.
She created a enviroment where everyone hated me and also made my sister feel guilty if she doesmt do what she demands
Yes!!! That’s a fantastic topic for my next video! Thank you for the recommendation!
...basically turn their behavior back on them (fighting fire with fire)
Then ask them if they would like to “talk about it”🤣😱
...equals: NARCISSISTIC INJURY
Dearest Jill, thank you so much for your enlightening series of talks on narcissism.
Do try to see a wonderful new Belgian movie called Becoming Mona (Kom hier dat ek u kus - in Dutch),. based on a novel by Griet Op de Beeck.
The movie is riveting, , and shows how a kind and responsible (but parentified) child grows up to become a self-sacrificing
adult who keeps putting up with the demands of the selfish adults in her life. Until she doesn't.
I managed to see the movie last night as part of an online European Union film festival here in South Africa. I hope that you will be able to see the movie, as I think you'll love it. 🌿🌷🍃