ONCE AGAIN, I am saying this. If you can't get into the country's TOP university, or if you can't get a job at the MOST well known tech company, then just go literally ANYWHERE else. I went to a college you've never heard of and work at a company you've never heard of and I make an above average salary. I live in a town you've never heard of (which is a suburb of a city you have heard of), and that's WHY I can afford rent. You will meet nicer, less spoiled people at an affordable school. The professors will expect less of you. You can be however smart you are without feeling like there's a spotlight on you.
Thank you for saying this. Societal pressure and even from those around us force the idea that people should do x, y and z, but your comment helps shed light on the reality that it’s not necessary to achieve certain things if one wants to make it in life.
Agree. Empathy and compassion require life experiences. I went to a top uni but come from an immigrant family and grew up with average income family kids which has made me humble. Met many elite kids who are in my opinion “not normal”. Arrogance, shadiness, lack of empathy, narcissistic, self-centered, judgmental.
I’m a parent of a Princeton sophomore. From what my kid recently described to me about his experience on campus, I completely understand every word that came out of your mouth. My kid is not enjoying his college life because of the toxic and suffocating culture out there. Thank you for being brave and sharing about what you really feel about this school.
im really sorry your son has to go through that , he shouldn't have too. For anyone reading this IN HS consider community college. It's the Best Decision I've Ever Made. I go to Northern Virginia Community College, and it's been amazing. I've been able to work closely with professors, use a ton of resources, and even compete nationally in CS and IoT programs. If I'd gone somewhere like MIT or UVA, I might have been lost in the crowd, but here I have so many opportunities to shine. Community college is seriously underrated - NOBODY told me about all the resources they have! I've worked on cutting-edge AI vision technology with professors and well-funded clubs, became a club president, and was even invited to the White House! The community is amazing - great minds, no cutthroat competition, just kindness and support for everyone's learning. I even had my provost and college president show up to speeches I hosted! The president's office was right next to the engineering club, so I talked with her all the time. You'd never get that at a regular four-year college. There's absolutely no pressure at community college, and I want others to consider giving it a chance. College should be about learning and curiosity, not the BS you might face elsewhere.
@@erenyeager8563it is hella competitive. Ally the ivy leagues. Comping clubs doesn’t guarantee a spot and some clubs are too competitive. People are fake and only look to get close to get an advantage. The more people you know, the more likely you can rise up the ranks of society. Some people are cool but the pressure is high. Some classes are tough sometimes and you really need to be strong mentally. I’m at Harvard and let me say that it is quite difficult. You want to be able to more but are limited in your capacity. You definitely can get a better opportunity at other schools tbh. Not to discourage anyone but it’s tough
@@erenyeager8563i think its because of all the “viscous competition” in these ivy schools and it can definitely lead to toxic environments between students. It can be suffocating because if you arent in the top you feel left out and under the norms of prestige. This is just my inference but it seems that way
as a post-depression freshman in college i totally agree- i didn't even try for those 'high tier" competitive schools because genuinely it isn't even worth it at that point
As a fellow post-depression teen applying this fall, I agree too! I've been trying to convince my friends they don't need to increase their 1560 SAT score to have a bright future... mindsets are hard to change... the environment is so so toxic
Johns Hopkins grad here. I agree with everything you said - the premed culture was so cut-throat and suffocating. I wish I looked more into the campus culture beyond academic interests/research opportunities when I did school research.
This is a STEM major issue. STEM majors in general are cut throat towards everyone inside and outside of their major. Non STEM majors look at ya'll like your crazy.
I toured there and I definitely got the vibe that it was stuffy and boring. Later, I thought that maybe we just had a bad tour guide but maybe it wasn’t just a fluke 🤷♀️ Love my current college though so no regrets
@@minxili3317 it highly depends on the university. the more selective the more "ambitious" and cutthroat the college becomes. that said university prestige does not matter much in STEM compared to business/pre-med/liberal arts where companies only hire from a handful of universities. I guess this serves as a double-edged sword where you have a relatively strong shot at a competitive position within STEM across colleges but as a consequence, you are competing with a huge basket which makes so many people within STEM feel insignificant and unable to find a job because they all want a job in silicon valley.
@@copboom555 I've met STEM majors in both state and community colleges who had that snobby, arrogant, and superiority complex and those colleges aren't even considered the most selective at all lol
Cutthroat as in everyone was shallow & against collaboration? Or cutthroat as in the school's general atmosphere was suffocating (bcuz of stress & etc.)?
Another tip for high school students: Take advantage of community colleges!! I applied to a few universities and got into them but ultimately chose to a local community college because I didn’t want to spend so much money when I had no clue what I was doing and that was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. I got to explore different subjects for different majors. Additionally, it means that I’ll only pay half as much as I would have because I’ll be transferring to a university instead. I also know that my college even offers programs where you can gets an associate degree and certification at the same time for things such as HVAC/R, auto tech, computer networking, etc…
Can confirm. I’m just at college right now because I still don’t know what I want to be in life, and I didn’t want to spend all that money going to university while not knowing what life had in store for me. It’s been a life and a money saver, and I’m going to get my associates this semester if all goes well with barely anything out of my pockets due to the FASFA and with grants. I am lucky and haven’t had to use a single loan. I feel like a lot of people, at least a lot of parents of students at my high school, put pressure on us to know exactly where we wanted to go for higher education and exactly what we wanted to be (as in our career) during our senior year, but maybe that was just my high school. However, I’m still young. I’m in my second semester of college and went the fall after I graduated. It’s okay not to know what you guys want to do, and it’s okay to go to community college. No place that will hire you will care what school you went to for the most part, as long as you have the credentials. My mom went to the same college I did, and she’s been a nurse for over twenty years. You guys can do it!
I didn't even go to a community college and I agree. The issue is that at the moment, at least from my experience back in HS, community college is seen as a last resort because they accept just about anyone. No one realises that even if you want to go to a "prestigious school" you may be an even stronger candidate after two years of CC
YES!!! I’m in community college rn and although sometimes it’s stressful, it’s fun. I especially loved an art history class I took. The professors are engaging and I don’t feel like I’m drowning in misunderstandings during my classes (I prefer to do online but have also done in person). I 10/10 recommend. It’s cheaper and you’re getting the same education if not better since the professors have less students in smaller classes.
@@hamzerpanzerTrue. I’ve spoken to bankers, doctors, teachers, etc and all have said community college first is a great decision if you don’t have a full ride elsewhere. My scores in highschool were mediocre but in college? I’m a straight A&B student. It’s boosted my confidence for my transfer in the future if I’m being honest.
I feel like I need to tell my story here. My name is Brenda, I am a current high school junior. I may not seem special, I know, especially to my school. I guess I could start from the beginning. As a freshman, I’ve always dreamed of being the best I could be. I’m a first-generation Chicana and I have always aspired to attend a good UC or higher. I’ve been accepted to an academy at my school where were given all honors and AP since our first year. Coming out of quarantine, I wasn’t as confident until I began to work hard to lift my grades. It worked, and I received several recognitions for my efforts. Freshman year was my prime year, and I was aiming to attend Brown. My Sophomore year came in, and I began to gain a touch of reality. Classes got harder, I began to realize that people saw me as weird or as an outsider. I have begun to be more open about myself, showing my true colors and even talking about my struggles with autism. Because of my grades and the toxicity I’ve begun to see within classmates, my mental health drained drastically. Although I still passed my classes that year, I didn’t know things we’re only about to get much worse. This year, my junior year. I have done poorly. I felt like everyone hated me, like I was not longer wanted. That year I lost many friends because of my self-loathing I developed from last year and this year because of my grades. I had 4 AP’s which I couldn’t handle since I only had 1 the year before, including Calculus AB, Physics 1, and APUSH. I absolutely struggled and couldn’t understand a thing, I constantly began to shame myself and also gain envy from the higher-up kids who have study groups, etc. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t afford an iPad, a Stanley Cup, or wear PJ’s all the time like all the other studious girls would. I deteriorated, I would cry every period and pray that I could just wake up gone the next day. My grades depleted and I could no longer keep up with work. In a way, I gave up with my life. I kept remembering my dreams, attending an Ivy, becoming Valedictorian and even getting a full-ride my senior year. But now, I didn’t want to be that failure to my family, I didn’t know what to do. I was absolutely a failure to everyone I knew. (TW: Attempting to go to sleep.. for eternity) My life changed towards the end of the semester. I had enough, that morning of a chilly November, I took the bus and didn’t come to school. I then had a whole bottle of Benadryl, which I took 40 capsules of. I then walked about 1 mile down to the hospital, because then I suddenly realized I was too afraid to go to sleep forever. I was there in time, because as I walked in my whole world began to feel light, disgustingly vivid. I lost consciousness. I woke up and I couldn’t speak, I could only say one syllable and pause, the words couldn’t come out. I couldn’t remember a thing they said, I would understand and then forget the next second. My mother was there and tried speaking to me, words in English would fly out and she couldn’t understand. “No te entiendo” She would say. I had to confess to the doctors why I took so much. I had a Calc test that day, maybe that was my breaking point, but in reality it was everything. I lost friends, my grades, my rankings, I felt like I lost it all. I received a text message, my friends saw my final message on my social media and reported me to my Academic Center’s social worker. I couldn’t read the message before I blacked out again. After that and lengthy chats, I was sent to a psych ward for about a week. Man, I really loved it there, I felt like nothing mattered except for my joy. Although I missed my friends, I really enjoyed having new ones at the hospital. I learned that it’s okay to be sad and feel the way I do, but my new reality outside of these hospital walls would now be different, I knew. Those thoughts made me really wish I didn’t survive. After I left, everyone stayed away from me. Rumors fly and they stay for a bit. I ended up transferring Academic centers and wound up at the one across town. Could never have been happier, I have new friends now there. I’ve lost two of my AP’s, Calc and Physics, which because I wanted to pursue STEM, I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Either way, I failed all my classes that semester. I officially became the biggest loser in the world. But I’m really glad where I am now, I have lighter classes without math and science. Although I no longer have friends at my school, which brings bittersweet memories, I still look ahead and meet with my current ones afterschool. Life has gotten a little better, all because I have survived. Of course, my failure of my first semester of the most important year of HS, it’s ruining me now again. I got rejected from many pre-college programs because of the permanent stain on my transcript, leaving me feeling like I’m no longer worthy to dream. On the bright side, I now work with CollegeBoard as an ambassador, giving me some sort of title now on campus. I’ve watched this video because it was on my feed today. As I’m currently in the counselors office picking next year’s classes, I stand onward in front of everyone as they’re all showing off about their 6 AP’s and college apps for next year. I’m ashamed for what I am now to them, but as I click on the video and listen to your words here, I feel like I was meant to hear this message. I begin to cry now, my younger self is playing in my head, her excitedly talking about what Ivies and UC’s she wants to apply for. Her words happily talking about her grades and AP’s, but I’m watching, not wanting to destroy her dreams that I have crushed. Everyone’s words, high-achievers, I just wanted to make my family proud by attending a university. But now I stand, accepting my fate that I could be gone next year. Yet, your message really tells me that I’m okay, I’m valid. I will be okay, maybe now I could live a little longer… (EDIT: Life is hard, but I’m glad that I’m not the only one is this small world of mine. Thank you for the love, I never thought strangers on the internet would be the ones who would appreciate my existence the most. Every day I read the replies knowing it keeps me going, I will grow, thank you!
You’re very brave for coming out of that. I’m a junior too, and I understand the pressure. I hope you know that you are indeed valid though. Even with your grades there’s still opportunities like going to a community college or learning a trade. Of course like the video said, your mental heath is absolutely the most important though, those achievements don’t matter if you’re miserable. Hope you find happiness and joy in whatever you do in the future, even if that isn’t going to an ivy ❤
pls pls stick around. trust me. i feel very similar. we lament our past, productive selves and become too nostalgic. but you are what you are now. trust me i have basically collapsed since the past 3 years in universtiy,w asting so much of my privilege,and i feel like such a waste. but life goes on. you are in a good country. it seems like you have a good family. you are working. stick around. dont live in your past.
I have a very similar experience like you did when I try to attempt (unsuccessfully) because I couldn’t handle the toxicity from my home, school, and my friends and even my own self-hatred that have driven me to this depressive period. I learn from somebody that the pain and suffering is only temporary and hearing your story makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing ❤ We got this!
I've showed my asian mom videos like this, and she just said (paraphrasing) "if you can endure and reach the light at the end of the tunnel, then you will have an easy time after obtaining a princeton degree. The benefit outweigh the risk, so just grit your teeth and bear with it." Asian parents really underestimate the gravity of mental health issues. When I told her I got depression a while ago, she even said I was faking it and there's no such thing as depression (roll eye)
The previous generations may have worked this way, but it's so much different now, especially when everyone is competing to enter colleges, unlike the previous gen, with maybe 3 students per class entering college. Don't understand why they can't grasp change
ugh same, I really hate the "practicality" and pressure from Asian parents. i hate how they believe that we shouldn't care much about our emotions when our mental health is so key to our performance and overall well being.
As a sophomore that transferred into Cornell from a really happy, fun school, I completely understand what you're saying. Sure, the program I'm in is ranked reallly high, but people here as a whole aren't anywhere near as genuine and kind as they were at my old school.
I'm looking at colleges as a student from a different country, would attending a community college in the USA be a good choice for me if I want a genuine environment to learn without all the rankings, etc. My parents don't care about the rankings just the vibes and the quality of education
I’m a current Cornell student. The culture here can definitely be intense at times due to the harsh weather and rigorous classes. However, I’ve still been able to find community and people I trust. A school with a large, diverse population like ours is both a good and bad thing- lots of opportunities to connect with so many people but it is also easy to feel overwhelmed and lonely
@@u8jlxx405 woah, what are the teachers like at Cornell? like does it feel like they care about you, and the classes are interactive or does it feel isolating?
just got rejected from UChicago as a neuroscience applicant whos graduating hs with an associates, 3.9 unweighted, started a club, doing research at my college and etc. honestly, after getting my head out of the self-degrading gutter, Ive slowly begun to open my eyes and realize maybe ivy leagues might not be the best for what im looking for. thank for sharing your honest opinion and helping all us high school students UPDATE: I got into UIUC(U.S. top 10 for engineering) for neural engineering(my ideal major not offered by UChicago), and my associates degree will 100% transfer there! reminder that things will always work out, even if you dont get into ivies, so dont beat yourself up over it!
If you're at all interested in grad school and can stomach small colleges, look into liberal arts colleges. The recommendations and connections go a long way; partially, the reason why the ivy colleges are so successful is due to most of them having pretty small to medium sized undergraduate colleges.
if it helps -- I graduated from uchicago in bio and watching this video reminded me of how it was quite difficult to adjust to life there. I think especially those of us from warmer climates struggled a lot during around this time (winters are far colder, loneliner) and every quarter was quite brutal with the courseload. many people were depressed. college is the time when some people really develop a stronger sense of their identity, and I don't know that feeling stressed out all the time is the best environment for that. best of luck
I go to Duke and the environment is very collaborative. HOWEVER, mental health is still something thats at the forefront. If you aren’t in therapy, you will need it once you get here. So many of my classmates including myself have losses themselves so truly make sure that where you go is the right fit for you.
I am a Duke alumni and I can say it was a great experience! Joining the board game club was one of my best decisions for having a great time there. My friend group was really chill because of that.
Yo Quon its me Zack from Uni (we were in orchestra together I was one grade above you). I didnt know you had a youtube, I just stumbled upon this video in my recommended feed! The entire time you were talking about Princeton I was thinking about how my other friend who was there really really didnt like it at all, and also how my experience at Duke was really amazing. Then you mentioned that your sister is there and im glad shes having a good time, it really is great there! Good luck man, I know you can power through.
I study EE and CS at Berkeley, and while it’s not as toxic as I have experienced, it takes an extreme toll on your body. If you’re not the top 10% of the CS/EECS students, you’ll not enjoy the best benefits of research at all (Berkeley has great research in AI, systems, and EE) as the advisors are extremely picky. You also basically cannot have any in depth discussions with a professor unless you’re taking a super niche class or in his research group. The consulting/recruiting culture is also extremely toxic (that’s what I heard, my emphasis is on research), and the pressure to take the hardest classes, join clubs with lower admission rate than harvard, and all that spiel happens 24/7. its a mess all around
Sounds like cancer. Yeah I dont exactly see how your supposed to get any organic meaningful connections from that. No offence to yall, but it sounds like a culture that only invites robots and NPC's. The promise of a culture of folks where you can be challenged, learn, and grow within the field sounds more and more nonexistent the higher up you go in "prestige". I wish research was distributed across Uni's more.
Holy moly man, I'm a CC student and wants to transfer to Berk CS or EECS, and now I'm seeing this post... I've definitely heard about the toxic culture there but thanks for the informed description... Is it really that F'ed up?
@@64_bit80 Holy Jesus man, even Stanford is like that? Ah... I don't know what to say. Do you feel anything like depression or any regrets of choosing Berk EECS? And do you recommend the program all in all? It sounds pretty toxic to me yeah hell yeah...
i feel this and second it as a sophomore at Cornell. you didn't go into the specifics but a lot of what you said about getting sucked into things you don't want and losing faith in humanity resonated with me... I've been thinking about how it may all be in my head but its comforting to hear that it isn't just me.
If you don't mind me asking Is it about smoking or drug abuse? Because a lot of students in my uni can't take the pressure and start abusing different substances Or do you talk about other amoral behaviours and other peer pressure examples?
i wouldn't say its substance abuse. its more about pre-professional culture and how far many are willing to go to snag jobs in specific industries. it really does sometimes make you lose faith in humanity--after all, pre-prof culture to me feels like top college admissions but on crack. its kind of a nuanced topic that i cant explain in a single comment, but lets just say its inevitable for that type of culture to be pervasive at an institution full of kids who are hypercompetitive overachievers who do well with validation from powerful institutions. I'm also part of it so not talking down on anybody that partakes in it. but it does makes you feel shitty at times. @@4kach24
@@4kach24I won't speak for the original poster, but my experience is that everything feels empty and like a dumb rat race at these schools. People are driven by hollow accolades more than anything else. So losing faith in humanity, for me, had nothing to do with witnessing drug use or immorality.
@@BlameAkon Understandable! I see the rat race too and have lost faith in a lot of people Also lost some friends,cause they betrayed my trust I myself soon got depressed and burned out in such environment I hope you're doing okay As much as it is possible!
i'm also in my junior at princeton like you. i'm astrophysics major and each week is just dreadful, problem sets take like 40 hours to do per week. on top of all the courses, the independent research project (JP) is bringing my morale down as well. i just don't have time to do and write dozens of pages of research and I often meet with my advisor unprepared or nervous. then i call my friends at home who attend their state universities and it seems like their lives are so much easier. ik you and i can make it through but like I just always feel awful 😭
I just got accepted to study computer science at my state university and thats where im going. Theres a really smart kid too, who i thought would go to a high end uni, bit hes also going to the same state uni
I’m a sophomore at Pton. My sister is at Yale, and I have acquaintances at Harvard. Their lives are so much easier- it’s honestly disgusting. In any case, good luck with midterms !
Harvard undergrad here. It's really hard to explain how easy it is to get turned into someone you don't want to be. A lot of people make it here with interesting lives and passions and talents, and yet upwards of 70% of our class ends up in either consulting, tech, or finance. the moneys nice-- but it feels like these are the only "respectable" things to do here. stay true to your passions, stay critical, keep in touch with friends, talk to people you normally wouldnt (some of my most meaningful conversations have been with homeless people on the sidewalk next to harvard. they're not so different than you think.) life can be so good if you let it-- dont let names or prestige get in the way of that.
I'm a UC Berkeley graduate and I just want to confirm everything that was said here. I don't regret going to Berkeley but I also feel that the toxicity is not well addressed. I come from South LA so I have experienced some shady people here and there but nothing prepared me for Berkeley. Besides the mental health toll I had to deal with due to the amount of pressure put on students, difficult classes, difficulty in getting into clubs, and balancing that with internships/finding them, I ALSO had to deal with very mentally unstable homeless people and illegal activity around me. I was even physically assaulted by one of them coming right out of my apartment while going to school. Telegraph is SO dangerous, it's unbelievable. Please look at the environment of the school! The name was not worth it. By the end of it, I was so burnt out I just wanted to graduate. My lack of safety and suffocating culture did me in.
I applied to Berkeley for their Media Studies major but I got accepted to SJSU for journalism. I have been around Berkeley area a lot so I will see more of UC Berkeley.
Watching this was an emotional journey. When you spoke about how you've lost faith in humanity, I teared up. When you said "Brown is kind of weird," I laughed. It is courageous of you to speak up. Thank you. I hope you will have a chance to heal from your college experience soon.
i'm still recovering from all the years of trauma and lost faith from humanity. be careful where you're getting yourself into really. stay away from toxic people who don't align with your values, it can get so dark that it gives the illusion that that's what humanity is all about and the whole world is like that.
@@louischen2386 Speaking as someone who is heavily involved in different student organizations and clubs at Brown, I feel like Brown is more collaborative than other IVs might be; I have a lot of friends there and overall the people there that I know are super compassionate and encouraging! There are still definitely elitist people though, and academic culture can still be harsh especially depending on what circles you're involved in.
thanks for saying what you feel, there must be a lot people who had opinions like yours but kept quiet over the years. it's also helpful that you are able to reach applying students where they are, on youtube, with this message
lol had to look twice when I saw his pfp... didn't expect that guy here although, I have a theory that we get reccommended the vids the people we watch interact with/comment on...
I remember this awful game I played last year. I ended up going to Texas A&M University, and it looks like it’s gonna be absolutely great. It has such a pure spirit
@@topnotch4598 just curious as a junior in high school: why are you transferring out? My stats could get me in schools with a "better name" like uc irvine and uiuc but id rather go to a&m because of the students, campus and ease
UC Berkeley isn't actually known as a good college for undergrads. People who work at UC Berkeley knows this and say that Berkeley actually is supposed to have a high drop out rate for undergrads but the reason you don't see these numbers is because advisors tell them to take a leave of absence instead of dropping out because otherwise this reflects badly on UC Berkeley. All those fancy research you hear from Berkeley is cuz they put a lot of funding for grad students but undergrad gets none of this so there is not a lot of services and things to support them.
@@Emma-ki3fv UC Berkeley don't put funding to get more services to support undergrad. All that money goes to grad students and UC Berkeley has a high drop out rate but hide this by telling undergrads to take a leave of absence instead.
@@minxili3317 I understand how tough the job search can be, especially after applying to numerous internships without much success. My advice to those in both STEM and non-STEM fields is to take a proactive approach. Yes, resources can be limited, but they are out there. Instead of focusing on seeking opportunities through social media posts or comments, actively engage with those resources. The research position wasn't handed to me. I read research papers published by the interviewer over and over again to understand what he wants and showcase what I can provide him in the long term. strive for greatness and stop the hate towards any majors. wish you the best.
@@peterwang7685 You're an exception not the rule. Your experience is not everyone's experience. Just cuz you have it good don't mean everyone have it good. All you STEM majors are always so arrogant and have a superiority complex whenever ya'll make achievements. It's like you can't see things outside of your box. Exactly why non STEM majors don't like ya'll.
I apreacite this so so so much! It's so hard because people in these insituituons rarely speak about this so when people says things like "name of colleges don't matter" or "choose where you will be happy" it is hard to believe them. I really hope that colleges go back to what it should be about-fostering a collaborative, supportive, and safe environment for people to navigate their academic, personal and professional pursuits
lately, I’ve felt so overwhelmed about preparing for college admissions that I will fill out this fall. I think I have become completely enamored with the idea of Ivy League and prestige over all else that can come from a university. the appeal is so enticing- it began to feel like that if I don’t make it to a fancy school with a big name, then I wouldn’t be worth half of anything. just an hour ago after my mom picked me up from school, as soon as I got into her car, I began sobbing. i felt as if my classes, my non existent volunteer hours, my club was simply not going to be enough to get into, say, Cornell or Duke or JHU or Notre Dame. and if my classes weren’t enough, then I was not enough. that I was stupid. and lazy. and useless. bound for failure. i think I needed to see the video. thank you so much for being so vulnerable with people online with your experience. you have taken this toxic mindset of “ivy ivy ivy prestige prestige you’re only as good as the name of your university” out of my mind and helped me realize just how strange it is to judge off of a school that could absolutely shatter me. sure, I’ll aim for a nice school- but a nice school is worth nothing if I end up ending my life due to the toxic culture of competition that seeps into the minds of so many students at these top schools. and I’m just a junior. I cannot imagine how it is for people who are already inside the schools. i am so sorry.
I'm currently a sophomore at Stanford University, and I can relate to this experience. Its really hard to make friends. Everyone is fake/pretentious. Its just never-ending problem sets, school is hard. It gets lonely. I'm also an international student, so being halfway across the world from my family is really tough. And if you ask for help with your mental health, you'll be pressured into leaving Stanford. Good luck being readmitted, its almost impossible. So no one seeks help about their depression because the school doesn't care about mental health of students. This place has made me question the integrity of adults. Not everything that glitters is gold, trust me.
I also went to a top school and it made me question humanity. People start doing weird nasty things in such environments. I only made 1 friend who Im still in touch, the rest were fake friends that you’d never contact again once you’re out. Went to counseling services and the lady there questioned the validity of my feelings. Never went back. Worst feeling ever.
@@lynako2546 Yeah it gets worse when people say you're "supposed" to be happy where you are because it's a "pipe dream" for most people. I'm just trying to make it out alive. I'm glad you did.
this makes me feel better that I burnt out in my junior year of HS and now my stats are just okay because I go to a competitive high school. I'm just so depleted. Honestly, I just want to be stress and debt-free in college, but I can't help but envy going to such a decorated institution. UMD is my top option for now since it's inexpensive in-state. The CS environment is also competitive I've heard, so here's to another rat race...
same here, freshman going to an ib hs and so worried for the future. All my classmates have so many credentials already and it's so crazy. I don't even know what i want to study yet, but im thinking about umd since its close
I am truly sad that you are hurting. As a parent this really breaks my heart 😢 Stay strong, you are almost done. This too shall pass. My daughter graduated high school 2023 and we toured all the Ivies and colleges in the top 20. We didn’t care for any of the ivies particularly the locations. She found Princeton’s location too remote and the vibe too somber. On the day we were there, we noticed that people of the same race and ethnicity pretty much sticks together and not much inter- mingling. I can truly say that the only plus we found is the cheap package food in your college groceries. The chicken & shrimp fried rice was plentiful and delicious.
hey quon, I remember watching your videos from like 2 years ago and I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through these things at Princeton. Since commenting on one of your videos a while back, I'm now at Dartmouth, and while I don't think the toxicity is as extreme as you describe it at Princeton, I definitely resonate with you. I hope everything gets better for you, you got this bro!
In my uni about two people commit suicide annually. The recent case was in October and no one from the older years has batted an eye They said it is a common occurrence.
i cannot thank you enough for how much clarity you brought towards my college decisions. i kept asking and reflecting over people's opinions and i was almost convinced to put myself in a place where i give up everything just for a "name". you are a hero, and i hope life gets better for you,,
Thank you for speaking out and asking the students to check their choice on college they choose to attend. Take care of yourself well. After the graduation, the new life will start
I go to a low ranking university and we have problems as well. Most of my professors are uninterested in teaching and put no effort into students learning. The student body is very nonintellectual, so group projects or finding study partners is a nightmare. Being at such a large school, it seems impossible to be a part of any sort of community. Also our lack of funding leads to lackluster support of almost all student endeavors and organizations. There are few job opportunities or connections for graduates of my school. At the end of the day, I would much rather go to a competitive school and burn out, but be flooded with opportunity, rather than go to a low ranking school and have to wonder how I will get hired in my field post graduation.
bro I promise you every school has profs who don't care as well as students who dont care. sure some schools are better than others, but is it worth if it comes with a toxic culture? bc the "very best" schools tend to have that and ppl don't talk about it.
Competitive schools are not flooded with opportunities. This is only true if you are the top 5-10%. If you aren't at the top then you won't get any opportunities. And if you go to a top university not every organization or club will let you in. You need to compete with people and if you aren't at the top then they don't want you. There are other low ranking colleges that lets anyone join and get experience. Top colleges don't.
@@minxili3317 As a low-income student who attends Columbia University, this is 100% true. Opportunities for internships and experiential opportunities only come for like the top 10-15% of students in these schools. And usually that top 10-15% consists of students who went to rich private schools; it's much harder for students from under resourced backgrounds to get these opportunities. So many students here apply for research/internship positions in non-ivy league/lesser known schools.
@@Wick291 guess so, one of my friends talks about how the food is really good and there's not as much competition as there is at say penn (which I've heard is really toxic) or Princeton (which everyone says is wayyyyyyyyyy too competitive and toxic)
@@Wick291I’m currently a junior at Cornell. Honestly, most people I’ve met here really enjoy the school. There is another subset that complains about it. But honestly, you’ll find that at every school. Our food is pretty good here, but the main drawbacks are that classes can be hard (esp in STEM) and cold weather. For me personally, I have my complaints about the school, but at the end of the day I don’t regret coming here and have made some amazing memories
Omg I agree so much with all this. I wish I did more research into what I wanted to do and what the culture will be like. I am not an IVY student, but I studied game development at Purdue and I very much enjoy it. I do come from parents who care so much about ranking and names just to boost about themselves at Christmas parties. Like it is so hard trying to figure out what you like and what you are GASLIGHTING yourself to like. I do enjoy the department and the programs, but I do have other interests in science and I feel that because I was so rushed into I need to get into a good school, I need to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life when I was like 14 in HS. Like it is crazy these days, we really need to let people choose what they want to do and focus more on the program and culture of the school, not the name and the ranking.
i'm thinking about going to purdue for biomedical health science. would you recommend the university to have a good learning environment? (and any other tips)
@@victoriav1225 Hello! I did not except to open youtube and see this many likes and a reply asking me how Purdue is lmaooo. In my honest opinion, Purdue is a very good learning environment (there are times where it will have its ups and downs but that is anywhere), I have a lot of friends studying in that field and they seem to enjoy it a lot. There are a lot of opportunities to work in labs, and meet other like minded students. The courses at Purdue can be challenging, but I don't like to view subjects as hard or easy rather that some subjects just require a little bit more work than others (especially calc- no joke lol). Overall, you will definitely have a fun time at Purdue if you want to come here. If you can time manage yourself and priotize what is most important to get done (I recommend learning about the Eisenhower matrix- he has a great priority system and you can adapt it to your own) you will have a fun time at Purdue. Don't just study all the time and stay in your room that's how you get burnt out! Make sure you have time to take care of yourself.
Currently a freshman at Princeton and this video helps a lot. I feel like I've lost myself through my first semester, and my health was deteriorating. (Mentally and physically) My hair was literally falling out from lack of sleep and my mental state was nonexistent. I've learned to put myself first, but I know a lot of students still struggle with that. I was lucky that I took a class with teachers that actually care about us students.
Hi Quon! I just came back from visiting princeton this weekend and I completely understand what you are saying. I was there for 1 weekend and I felt unwelcome by a lot of the kids there. Stay strong dude. ❤
I'm surprised you mentioned Brown, I'm at Yale and Brown is generally thought of as a very chill and laid back school. I think it also has the highest student happiness rating in the country (or did a few years ago).
I stumbled upon this video in my recommended feed and as someone who went through undergrad already, I really wish someone had told younger me about the reality of college. Too many people expect "better" schools to give them the best 4 years of their lives, but that is almost never the reality regardless of what school you end up at. There is nothing to be ashamed of for going to a "mediocre" or even a "bad" school. There are pros and cons for every college, and if you're stuck there for 4 years, you've got to actively seek out the good parts. I need high schoolers to know that you are not and will never be a disappointment for getting into or committing to a school that's "less than" an Ivy League-level school. I know it sucks to see peers, friends, or relatives get into what seems like a better school, but as Quon said, you'll likely be avoiding a really toxic learning/social environment. Comparing yourself to others is easy, especially when you're surrounded by people comparing acceptances in the coming weeks/months. Do your best to tune the comparisons out -- listening will only make you miserable. You are also not a disappointment if you go to community college -- this is great if you don't feel ready to commit/want to save $ but want the rigor of a 4-year school. You meet a more diverse community of students, professors are more flexible since many students often work full-time, and you can take classes that your chosen 4-year may not offer. Anyway, thank you so much for making this video. I'm rooting for you and I hope that the rest of your undergrad is better than what you're currently experiencing.
as a now senior automotive engineer who graduated and has been in the rat race for a few yrs, i'll also help remind everyone that most educated adults don't give a shit about which school you graduated from. the prestigious piece of paper that you got in exchange for pulling out tens of thousands in loans, and enduring 4-5 years of mental hazing, serves as nothing more than a checkbox to help some HR people filter you out from other entry level job candidates. possibly a good icebreaker at social events. your second, third, fourth employers and up only care about what work you've accomplished lately. you will meet many other successful people in life who went to state colleges or trade schools, and came out with their mental health intact and their priorities in order. so plz for god's sake, don't buy into the narrative and trade your soul for some idea of a prestigious "dream school".
thank you for this. i’m currently awaiting decisions and i think this reminded me to free myself from the idea that i need to get into certain schools. i wish u the best
hey Quon! I also went to Princeton and left halfway through- I was part of the class of '24. everything you said is spot on. the primary (and arguably the only) reason I went was because it was ranked #1. I didn't know any better when I was applying and wish I had some humility and consideration for the more important parts of life when I was applying- but then, not many high schoolers do. It was only by the grace of God that I left. I don't regret coming, but leaving was still one of the greatest decisions I made. I want to encourage you- you are not alone! I know many people feel exactly like you and I hear you and saw everything you talked about. Some people genuinely don't believe there are many things more important in life than going to a top tier college and climbing up the corporate ladder. The fact that you have realized that this is actually one of the most insignificant things in life and that there are a plethora of other things that matter exponentially more (including a healthy mind!!) is so awesome. I pray for your growth, health, and that you gain happiness in what you do with your life- and with your mindset, I'm sure you will do amazing things. Lmk if you ever want to talk about it- I'm here to support you!
This resonates with me a lot too. Thanks for sharing your comment. "By the grace of God I left"--I'm CS at Georgia Tech, and this feeling has started coming up as a junior as far as getting out. I feel lost, like I don't really know what I want in my life. It feels overwhelming. I also just wanted to share it sounds like you've found time to keep your faith--this is so awesome. Going to the Catholic Center at Tech is definitely one of the things keeping me sane lol.
I graduated from Princeton a few years ago. 100% the most uncomfortable experience of my life. Only way I can describe it. Thank God I found the one department that was actually close knit in a non-toxic way (still dysfunctional but very fun and supportive). Korean department had great people as well
this video resonated with me so much, even though i graduated in 2022! i wish i saw a video like this when i was a senior in HS - i too fell into the pressure of getting into a prestigious college and i let that break me. it was the first time i ever felt such overwhelming depression when i didn’t get into the schools i thought i wanted the most. now that im far away from that process, the only things i can remember from college are the good friends i met along the way and the genuine professors who cared about what they taught and viewed their students as human beings, rather than obligations. my advice to high schoolers would be to ask peers that currently attend the colleges you’re interested in about their 100% unfiltered raw thoughts about the overall culture of the student body and the passion and warmth of the professors!! these two things will single-handedly shape your college experience, NOT the prestige of the school. please please please don’t feel like all is lost if you don’t get into your “dream” school like i did (i say “dream” because like Quon said, with what i know now, i 100% believe that most “top” universities are all the same anyways - just an expensive business masquerading as a life-changing educational institution). i promise that you will find your way through a diff path, if you allow yourself to meet genuine people and let yourself grow in a positive way. best of luck to all of you 🥺🤍
This is UNC-Chapel Hill lol. The mental health crisis there was real. Crushed my dreams of pursuing anything in healthcare before I even had the chance to explore it. I graduated and now work at a different university of a similar size, but it has a less “prestigious” reputation. The culture is so different- people really love it here and it shows. Professors are great as well and really care for their students. Also, this is a PSA to not join Greek life. Just don’t do it.
Thank you so much for being honest and sharing this video! As a junior in high school, I really appreciate it. I will pray that your mental health improves and that you can get time to rest soon💛You got this.
I've taken a 4 year Applied Computing degree because of my parents. I had a LOT of health problems and mental health issues they refused to let me address. I graduated with no internships or experience. If your parents attempt to force you into college, show them the job market, and SCREAM at them. DO NOT GO FOR THEM!! YOU WILL REGRET IT!!
I agreed with everything you said about avoiding the toxic culture of competitive schools when choosing colleges, but was surprised when you said to avoid Brown! I'm studying computer science at Brown and it's extremely collaborative - I've gotten to conduct meaningful research with my professors (which is the case with most of my friends) and with its focus on undergraduate education, I feel like professors truly enjoy teaching. Even though Brown gets the rep of a 'lazy-hippie' school, many of my friends have secured experiences for the past summers as well as post-grad that we're really happy with, and I'm glad I get these benefits while avoiding the toxic grind culture. I'm sure everyone's experience in college varies - maybe you have a friend who had a very different experience, but throughout my 3 years here I've found it to be an incredibly welcoming culture with a supportive student body :)
I feel this way as a current high school senior. I applied to only seven schools because I did do a lot of research into each one to better craft my applications, but I still regret a lot of things. I applied to Columbia, Barnard, UChicago, Northwestern, NYU, Brandeis, and only Temple as my safety school, which I've already been accepted to. I applied early to Columbia because my parents are both alumni there, and I have been surrounded by Columbia since I was a toddler. My parents were on the fencing team, so I have early memories of being in the fencing room during the Columbia fencing team alumni meets. Besides that, my mom is from a family of super crazy and toxic elitists who have been going to ivies and other prestigious colleges for 3 generations for only top majors like premed, law, etc, and they made it a competition. I have been told my entire life that I am "ivy caliber" so I can't settle for anything less. All of it had me convinced I would be going to Columbia at 12 years old. Now I don't even want anything to do with Columbia. Within the last year or so everything about my beliefs about college has changed entirely from what I thought a few years ago. I felt pressured to only apply to T10 and 20 schools because of my family's standards for prestige. But the more I heard about all those schools I applied to, the more I felt that I didn't want to go there. I thought my whole life that going to state school or community college was equivalent to failing because that's what my family made it out to be, but then I heard other people's experiences and they seemed so happy and okay financially after college. I have looked forward to my college experience my whole life because I never had a real social life growing up (I've gone to online school for the past four years which was very isolating), but I'm scared now that I'll go and be miserable and it won't be anything like I've been dreaming for years. For me, college is my opportunity to escape from my elitist family. I want to have friends and socialize, date, have fun, learn new things and enjoy learning. I also want to fence. I love fencing, so it was crucial for me that the college I go to has a fencing program or a serious club. I get back my admissions results in three weeks. I feel so unsure about everything and I hate it. I don't think I have the right to complain about anything because I'm lucky enough to be from a family who have all gone to top schools for years, so my "problems" just sound privileged. I think it will all work out in the end, but I don't even want to go to any of the schools I applied to anymore. But yeah, college admissions and the admissions culture pressured on high schoolers just fucking suck.
I'm not sure if this helps, but in case you get into Brandeis: I went to Brandeis and it was an incredible experience. I graduated about 10 years ago, so I can't speak to how it is today, but as a university, it's really true to its values. It was never competitive, cutthroat, or toxic. Honestly, it was a great place to make friends, have fun, date, and enjoy learning (I did all of the above). Everyone there is a bit nerdy in a good way, so there's no pressure like at preppy or pretentious schools. I would avoid Columbia- it is extremely cutthroat- I have a friend who teaches there.
I visited the Princeton campus back in Novemeber of last year, and honestly I understand completely what you mean. I may not go there of course, but the vibes were just kind of off, and there was something telling me that I probably shouldn't apply there but I was trying to ignore it, of course, because of the "prestige" it has. But now with your honest words, I can tell my gut was right and I appreciate you speaking up for those who likely can't. You confirmed my belief and I'm glad I watched this before I start applying. Thank you. Stay strong
i’m so sorry for you, i’m in highschool and have been suffering from the consequences of pressure in academics already :( i hope that you take care of yourself and find some company. sending you love and mental peace 🩷
Thank you!! I’m starting to already burn out but there’s so much expectation from parents and society that getting into and going to an Ivy seems like the only choice, idk how else I could possibly be happy. And unrelated but your energy is amazing!!
hi love, if you’re looking for a sign to choose yourself and not only what your parents want, this is it! your future is bright wherever you go - even if it might not feel like it at all right now. happiness is so many places in this world. i pray that you choose something lifegiving and sustainable. - immigrant daughter college grad who’s learning to choose themselves even if it might disappoint loved ones
sorry to hear that bro hope it gets better, tbh having a college full of toxic people is what I'm rlly worried about rn because i can imagine how hard it is to go far from home only to also be lonely.
WOW. I am also a junior CS student (Ohio State) that has a competitive culture and this is BEYOND TRUE. The culture here is abhorrent. Death in the family? My math teacher refused an extension. Confused about something with a class? An advisor once told me to stop emailing her. I feel trapped here. I get treated like garbage at this shithole. This is beyond relatable and my mental health has been destroyed. It is my biggest dream to escape this place.
As an undergrad at caltech, i rly resonate w ur msg. i think caltech has less toxicity, but not everything here is the same as it seems from the outside. still, great vid!
Second year at Yale, and I agree that it is incredibly difficult to not feel overwhelmed. It often feels if you are not doing something amazing (or at least what is conventionally amazing like a business, internship, making money in some way, research etc) that you are behind, even when comparatively you are doing a lot for classes etc. I think finding a Christian group has been very helpful. I knew that Yale was the place that God was guiding me from day one, I applied because I heard about the very strong and welcoming Christian community here. Helped to develop me a lot as a person, for the better. Praise god. Would recommend that you try a spiritual group, or searching for God/Christ/spiritual wellness.
Wishing you well and thank you for your honesty. I hope every day is better. But you are onto better when you have the wisdom you possess. You are not alone and you are correct about this toxic culture. Good luck to you.
@@noahjoo7231They are in grade 9, and are set to graduate hs in 2027. If they start college right after they will graduate in 2031 assuming they only do four years.
Agreed I have fallen out with my cs friends,cause they've said many hurftul things. Also! Econ majors can be very toxic too (judging by my uni environment and by the experience of other econ students I know)
@@minxili3317 Agreed! In my major professors do not regulate the fair distribution of assignments. Lots of students fight for graded projects and bully each other. The head of the group can change the time when people can have a chance at taking the project at any moment and give out different topics to the favoured students. Several people in my group have said that I wasn't deserving of the project,that they should have been the one to choose it, and that I should be banned from taking any projects in the future. Bizzare To be graded okay, you need to walk over people. I'm not partaking in that culture any more
@4 I heard of a CS professor who told the whole class they were going to do a group project but that was a lie. He placed them all in groups and made them compete with each other individually. So everyone was given the same problem and each had to come up with their own solution. People in the group were hiding their own solutions and refused to help each other. It's weird how universities even allow such an assignment to be permitted. At this rate, this isn't even about learning no more.
Quon, I just watched both of your recent videos. I completely agree 💯. We live in a bs society. I’m glad you accepted this and became wiser. Many students will not accept this reality causing them to lose themselves. My advice to everyone. Always seek for the truth because it will set you free.
I love the content shift from your old videos to now, the information you are putting out is truly helpful and amazing. you are making the world a better place
Definitely feel the same way as a senior at JHU in CS. Just scraping by and hoping to get this degree, and yeah a pervading sense of loneliness but yeah, it can be rough and I'm just glad that you posted this to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way at the end of college (and I guess looking back, throughout college too)
I am pretty sure some of my other 4th year classmates feel similarly lonely. I remember hearing a classmate say they wish there was more social life here, and I know other friends who are on the grind and feel that the workload is heavy and that it can be hard to socialize. I think there's definitely a shared understanding among 3rd and 4th years who know how hard (and sometimes lonely) the university can be at times, and it's like a momentary camraderie you feel when you briefly run into or meet up with these classmates. As students near the end of the 4 year degree, it seems they are already focusing more on what comes after college, even if some of us (i.e. me for example lol) lacked the amount of social connection we wish we had in college. Maybe I should have tried making more friends earlier on. There are definitely pockets of friendly people you can find on campus, and I would even say that campus has gotten friendlier over time -- the energy that many students bring to the table can be great. There are also a lot of clubs. Maybe I should have stepped out of my comfort zone and gotten to know people more. But I think I'm not alone in feeling lonely and somewhat isolated, the workload can be pretty heavy and tough on students, and isolation during COVID certainly didn't help haha. Hopefully the post-COVID experience is better for new students, especially for those who join clubs and get involved etc. But yeah I feel like especially by the end of the four years a lot of people are looking forward to the next thing and there are some other people who likely feel lonely too after these fast 4 years at college.
@@christopherli7463 Hey, just wanted to say I resonate with your experience a lot. I feel like I have friends, but I also feel like I haven't really found as close a group of friends as I had in high school, and overall it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and just spend time on work. I'm a junior in CS at Georgia Tech, and though I haven't graduated, I'm with you. I feel like my college experience was pretty dismal, looking forward to waking up one day and not having to worry about a problem set or a meeting.
please please please listen to quon!! currently a student at UCLA and i wish i did way more research about the school before committing. please prioritize mental health and all other factors before you just sign your life away to a school with a good ranking, reputation, etc. I chose UCLA because I believed in the long-run, it'd provide me with more connections for the future career I want but you have to understand, with a higher ranking, you're going to have to work SO MUCH harder to keep up in classes and do your work. of course it's different for everyone but genuinely, DO NOT focus so much on the end goal because the current you needs to survive in order to even have potential of reaching that end.
@@amylee9 there’s definitely a stigma that stem majors have it so much worse but i think everyone’s equally having a tough time regardless of major. you’re just going to have to understand and realize that it’s a lot of work and self-management. there’s no more forgiveness or second chances as everything is stricter which does get kinda intense but there’s decently okay support at the school. i would say don’t feel discouraged if you don’t click with anyone or fit in with people as most people don’t even meet their good friends until maybe their 2nd quarter to even their second year. i think as a public school, you do have way less resources than a private school, so there’s definitely that aspect you should consider. though the biggest thing is ucla is on a quarter system so everything’s very fast pace and intense to the point you’re going to have friends constantly want to go out and clubbing but you have 2 tests and 3 essays to get through. sorry if i yapped lowk don’t remember what this video was about bc it’s finals szn at ucla rn and my mind is being dragged through the mud rn
as a current brown student, you’re dead wrong. this is a wonderful place to be. everyone is here because they are passionate about their field. the school focuses on its undergrad population, so it’s really easy to be passionate about shit. everyone i know is authentically themselves. ofc there are bad people, but frankly they’re a minority. the majority of people i interact with are amazing.
Agreed to a certain extent- I wouldn’t go so far as to generalize that everyone is passionate about their field (it would be making the same mistake Quon makes with generalizing an entire school experience), but the reality of ANY top school is that there are an incredible variety of experiences a student could have based on their social circle, what they choose to study, the activities and daily workflow they have; and this is universal no matter if you go to Brown or Princeton or wherever. I personally love it at Brown but I can’t generalize my experience to others; maybe it’s sidechat or just the natural desire of students to give their school a common identity that becomes an easy heuristic to categorize the entirety of thousands of students. for the high schoolers: a reminder that, even with the pressure, a top college is by far the best way to organically meet amazing friends and change the trajectory of your life. a lot of the core tenets of this video are real, but a top college is a life changing opportunity and the experience you have will inevitably be singular, especially if you are mindful and purposeful of what you really want. just enjoy the time- it can be an amazing period of your life and you’re in charge of it!
I once messaged Quon after getting rejected from a couple of my dream schools, and he wrote me the nicest response back that genuinely made me feel better. I'm really sorry to hear that you're not having the best experience, but I know you can power through! You got this bro, I believe in you!
Hey man, sincerely appreciate this video. It came at the perfect time, and it's great to hear the experiences and wisdom of someone who's seen what it's truly like. Hang in there and thanks so much for the advice.
Hey Quon, after watching this video, I can empathize a bit. Last month I was seriously feeling down. One thing that helped me was being with family for a weekend, but I know not everyones family is supportive. I highly suggest spending some time with a group, maybe you have some boys, or something like that. That definitely re-energized me. Good luck man.
my brother goes to Princeton and i see a lot of the things you are talking about in him. his experiences really made me rethink as a junior right now how to choose where i would like to go to college
Hey buddy thank you so much for making this video. You seem to be a very genuine guy Quon. I have experienced so much toxicity my brain sometimes convinces me that everyone I see is toxic but watching and talking to people like you really helps change that perception. I can’t explain how much relief I felt when I saw your recent videos. I actually cried lol. I hope you’re doing better. Take care. Lots of love.
I would like to touch upon his point of "It really doesn't matter where you go" because it is such an important point. I am from New England and the idea of getting into an ivy league is something a lot of people strive to do here. But I went to community college as a transfer application program in computer science. This means that for my first two years of college, I paid a reduced price for the classes at the community college with the addition of not having to pay room and board. Now a job could compare where I went to school with some other indebt person from Yale or Harvard or wherever, but what the employer really cares about is what you can bring to the table (i.e. your skills, and other work you've done). My point is to not fret about getting into a "top school" because it'll look good and you'll get the best education. Because the reality is, you'll get just as good if not better education at a place you chose because it's a place that accepts you and fulfills your needs. It's how you use your education to show what you know by doing personal projects that matters. And most importantly, you are your own self. Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on yourself and be the best version of you.
Thank you so much for what you did for me and my family. At the moment, I didn't realize the severity of the situation. I am already in the Class of 2027 for High School, so now is the time to think about College, and which one I want to attend. Even my High School is toxic at times, as we keep getting into fights and fights, and people who are consistently depressed. Thank you for speaking out about this situation. Now we have to restructure our lives to rethink our College decisions before I graduate High School in 2027. You may all put this in your personal prayer. ❤🙏
completely accurate, thank you for speaking out about this. sometimes people feel ashamed to just go to a local college, but half the time the environment is much more friendly and it costs a quarter of the price. I hope you’re doing well, you’re very handsome btw :)
QUANNNNNNNNNNNNNN BRO IVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME MY MENTOR MY MAN IM SOON GONNA BE SENIOR NOW WHICH IS CRAZY BUT I JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW LOVE YOU MAN🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️no but other than that thank you so much I remember watching your appectance videos and knowing Im gonna be like you. I always come back to your videos for advice and I don’t even know you give like a big bro vibe that I need💯 THE QUAN this was exactly what i needed thank u.
It sucks that the atmosphere is like that but in reality its like that at every high ranking college and definitely every top cs program, it doesnt even have to be just princeton or berkeley, UIUC/UW-Madison/GTech is p similar with how competitive & straight toxic its within there cs programs, definitely not as bad tho
Wow. This was truly eye opening. Thank you for opening up and for your honesty. My daughter is three weeks away from her college decisions (all ivies, Stanford, UCs, etc), I will definitely think very hard before making our final decision, and will avoid Princeton.
As a college consultant, this is why finding the right 'fit' over ranking is SO important! There is nothing wrong with going to an Ivy or other well-known institution as long as it's a great fit for the student. If the academic culture, opportunities, and other aspects of the college are not a great fit, then you will very likely be more successful overall (in college, career, etc) going to a college that is a great fit for you, even if it's one you hadn't heard of previously. The more students know about themselves and the type of student they are, the better able they are to weed through colleges and select ones where they will be happiest. Many people underestimate how much one's quality of life can impact the college experience, but it can have profound impacts. I personally have attended a college that was not a great fit for me and one that was an amazing fit. I graduated from both. But my experience at the better fit college was life changing, as I was at a place that was perfect for what I needed and who I was in that moment.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Thank you for shedding the light on something I was not aware of. Stay true to yourself and to what is good and wholesome.
Genuinely, thank you for making this video. It def wasn't easy to make considering the topic and the stigma around denouncing top schools. As a junior in HS, this is making me rethink a lot of how I perceive top schools.
Thanks Quon! I hope you’ll be in an environment that is supporting, collaborating, and that allows you to breathe. I’ll try to choose the best place for me.
I’m a post grad who went to an art college specializing in 3D animation at a local university in Pennsylvania. In the end, choose what will work best for you. I was not “smart enough” to get admitted in any Ivy League or “talented” to be admitted to cross country art schools that would have put me in thousands of dollars of more debt. And I’m doing just fine. I’m moved out. Making money on my own, being creative. You can get into local schools that work for you. Additionally, you don’t even need to go to college! You can go into trade school, see what you can learn or be in apprentice/assistant in your local community. Focus on your health, well-being and happiness. Focus on surrounding yourself with good, and hard working people. Make good connections. You never know where you might end up.
Definitely in this position. UCs which would make my parents happy of course) or one of the less ranked CSUs (which i feel very passionate about). Its certainly stressful to choose any college so good luck to everyone out there!!
this is my fear if i get into ucla because of how competitive i realized people can be after taking my first ap classes in high school. im definetly not the smartest in my classes and it just feels scary and somewhat degrading knowing that if i do get into a really really good school, I feel like it will be hard to find people who are like me who have gone through many things other than just academics. i can already tell it can be a very toxic environment depending on where you go. thankfully i already got accepted into my backup school, and i would be really excited if im able to go, but i have this pressure to attend UCLA if i do get in, even if I feel like I somewhat feel like its out of my league and i am not as smart as every other student
I'd say Try to chat with people that go there,that are in your major Study the environment It can help a lot I thought that I needed to find like minded people too and that I would be able to find them in my prestigious uni The truth is (in my experience and in the experience of other people) You can't even relate to most of the people or need to change yourself a lot in order to be associated with them I got left out of several groups because I simply don't smoke and don't drink. (It's one of the mildest examples) The competitiveness is something I was personally expecting,but I wasn't expecting people who are ready to set you up any moment and constant fights for the projects,etc
ppl at ucla are super chill compared to other schools! I personally think if you get in you should come if ur only worry is the environment. definitely not as competitive as other schools
Felt like I should leave a comment here. I’m a sophomore transfer at Cornell. I spent my freshman year at the University of Virginia. Both schools are big and Ithaca and Charlottesville kind of give off the same vibe. Other than that, there’s definitely a difference in the culture. Totally agree that it’s way too easy to get sucked into the toxicity (circles, the culture as a whole…) It’s TRUE that people get stressed at Cornell (anywhere from somewhat to 11/10) and it can be a little gloomy at times, but I’ve enjoyed my time here many times more than I did at UVA, where the social scene and overall vibe are supposedly better + less cutthroat. I’m a happier person now at Cornell, more so than I ever was at UVA, mainly due to personal reasons. What you make of your college experience and the university you attend stems from where you are at mentally, so don’t jump too quickly to labels if you’re deciding between schools. Think about yourself first and foremost. I only decided to come here because I was ready to throw myself into a new environment. Go to a place where you can continue being happy. A place where you can continue enjoying life. I’m sure other people have other experiences and stories to tell. Only just starting out in the grand scheme of things (also Ithaca weather > Charlottesville weather)
ONCE AGAIN, I am saying this. If you can't get into the country's TOP university, or if you can't get a job at the MOST well known tech company, then just go literally ANYWHERE else. I went to a college you've never heard of and work at a company you've never heard of and I make an above average salary. I live in a town you've never heard of (which is a suburb of a city you have heard of), and that's WHY I can afford rent.
You will meet nicer, less spoiled people at an affordable school. The professors will expect less of you. You can be however smart you are without feeling like there's a spotlight on you.
Thank you for saying this. Societal pressure and even from those around us force the idea that people should do x, y and z, but your comment helps shed light on the reality that it’s not necessary to achieve certain things if one wants to make it in life.
Agree. Empathy and compassion require life experiences. I went to a top uni but come from an immigrant family and grew up with average income family kids which has made me humble. Met many elite kids who are in my opinion “not normal”. Arrogance, shadiness, lack of empathy, narcissistic, self-centered, judgmental.
This really resonated with me, thank u so much for sharing 🙏 love
i might do this
As a high school sophomore afraid of my future and whether or not I can make it without going to a top level college, this just made my day.
I’m a parent of a Princeton sophomore. From what my kid recently described to me about his experience on campus, I completely understand every word that came out of your mouth. My kid is not enjoying his college life because of the toxic and suffocating culture out there. Thank you for being brave and sharing about what you really feel about this school.
Can you explain what do you mean by toxic and suffocating
yeah, im so lost its all vague but i understand the message.
im really sorry your son has to go through that , he shouldn't have too. For anyone reading this IN HS consider community college. It's the Best Decision I've Ever Made. I go to Northern Virginia Community College, and it's been amazing. I've been able to work closely with professors, use a ton of resources, and even compete nationally in CS and IoT programs. If I'd gone somewhere like MIT or UVA, I might have been lost in the crowd, but here I have so many opportunities to shine.
Community college is seriously underrated - NOBODY told me about all the resources they have! I've worked on cutting-edge AI vision technology with professors and well-funded clubs, became a club president, and was even invited to the White House! The community is amazing - great minds, no cutthroat competition, just kindness and support for everyone's learning.
I even had my provost and college president show up to speeches I hosted! The president's office was right next to the engineering club, so I talked with her all the time. You'd never get that at a regular four-year college. There's absolutely no pressure at community college, and I want others to consider giving it a chance. College should be about learning and curiosity, not the BS you might face elsewhere.
@@erenyeager8563it is hella competitive. Ally the ivy leagues. Comping clubs doesn’t guarantee a spot and some clubs are too competitive. People are fake and only look to get close to get an advantage. The more people you know, the more likely you can rise up the ranks of society. Some people are cool but the pressure is high. Some classes are tough sometimes and you really need to be strong mentally. I’m at Harvard and let me say that it is quite difficult. You want to be able to more but are limited in your capacity. You definitely can get a better opportunity at other schools tbh. Not to discourage anyone but it’s tough
@@erenyeager8563i think its because of all the “viscous competition” in these ivy schools and it can definitely lead to toxic environments between students. It can be suffocating because if you arent in the top you feel left out and under the norms of prestige. This is just my inference but it seems that way
As a post-depression teenager, I totally agree that mental health is the most important factor of all.
as a post-depression freshman in college i totally agree- i didn't even try for those 'high tier" competitive schools because genuinely it isn't even worth it at that point
same, my gpa would be wayy higher if i went to an average state school
As a fellow post-depression teen applying this fall, I agree too! I've been trying to convince my friends they don't need to increase their 1560 SAT score to have a bright future... mindsets are hard to change... the environment is so so toxic
I went to a top tier school and im proud of you for that realization, you are wise beyond your years
No it is not, physical health and looks is the most important factor of all.
Johns Hopkins grad here. I agree with everything you said - the premed culture was so cut-throat and suffocating. I wish I looked more into the campus culture beyond academic interests/research opportunities when I did school research.
This is a STEM major issue. STEM majors in general are cut throat towards everyone inside and outside of their major. Non STEM majors look at ya'll like your crazy.
I toured there and I definitely got the vibe that it was stuffy and boring. Later, I thought that maybe we just had a bad tour guide but maybe it wasn’t just a fluke 🤷♀️
Love my current college though so no regrets
@@minxili3317 it highly depends on the university. the more selective the more "ambitious" and cutthroat the college becomes. that said university prestige does not matter much in STEM compared to business/pre-med/liberal arts where companies only hire from a handful of universities. I guess this serves as a double-edged sword where you have a relatively strong shot at a competitive position within STEM across colleges but as a consequence, you are competing with a huge basket which makes so many people within STEM feel insignificant and unable to find a job because they all want a job in silicon valley.
@@copboom555 I've met STEM majors in both state and community colleges who had that snobby, arrogant, and superiority complex and those colleges aren't even considered the most selective at all lol
Cutthroat as in everyone was shallow & against collaboration? Or cutthroat as in the school's general atmosphere was suffocating (bcuz of stress & etc.)?
Another tip for high school students: Take advantage of community colleges!! I applied to a few universities and got into them but ultimately chose to a local community college because I didn’t want to spend so much money when I had no clue what I was doing and that was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. I got to explore different subjects for different majors. Additionally, it means that I’ll only pay half as much as I would have because I’ll be transferring to a university instead. I also know that my college even offers programs where you can gets an associate degree and certification at the same time for things such as HVAC/R, auto tech, computer networking, etc…
Truth! I'm currently at the community College right now and Holy it does wonders. Right now getting the general classes out the way lol
Can confirm. I’m just at college right now because I still don’t know what I want to be in life, and I didn’t want to spend all that money going to university while not knowing what life had in store for me. It’s been a life and a money saver, and I’m going to get my associates this semester if all goes well with barely anything out of my pockets due to the FASFA and with grants. I am lucky and haven’t had to use a single loan.
I feel like a lot of people, at least a lot of parents of students at my high school, put pressure on us to know exactly where we wanted to go for higher education and exactly what we wanted to be (as in our career) during our senior year, but maybe that was just my high school. However, I’m still young. I’m in my second semester of college and went the fall after I graduated. It’s okay not to know what you guys want to do, and it’s okay to go to community college. No place that will hire you will care what school you went to for the most part, as long as you have the credentials. My mom went to the same college I did, and she’s been a nurse for over twenty years. You guys can do it!
I didn't even go to a community college and I agree. The issue is that at the moment, at least from my experience back in HS, community college is seen as a last resort because they accept just about anyone. No one realises that even if you want to go to a "prestigious school" you may be an even stronger candidate after two years of CC
YES!!! I’m in community college rn and although sometimes it’s stressful, it’s fun. I especially loved an art history class I took. The professors are engaging and I don’t feel like I’m drowning in misunderstandings during my classes (I prefer to do online but have also done in person). I 10/10 recommend. It’s cheaper and you’re getting the same education if not better since the professors have less students in smaller classes.
@@hamzerpanzerTrue. I’ve spoken to bankers, doctors, teachers, etc and all have said community college first is a great decision if you don’t have a full ride elsewhere. My scores in highschool were mediocre but in college? I’m a straight A&B student. It’s boosted my confidence for my transfer in the future if I’m being honest.
I feel like I need to tell my story here. My name is Brenda, I am a current high school junior. I may not seem special, I know, especially to my school. I guess I could start from the beginning.
As a freshman, I’ve always dreamed of being the best I could be. I’m a first-generation Chicana and I have always aspired to attend a good UC or higher. I’ve been accepted to an academy at my school where were given all honors and AP since our first year. Coming out of quarantine, I wasn’t as confident until I began to work hard to lift my grades. It worked, and I received several recognitions for my efforts. Freshman year was my prime year, and I was aiming to attend Brown.
My Sophomore year came in, and I began to gain a touch of reality. Classes got harder, I began to realize that people saw me as weird or as an outsider. I have begun to be more open about myself, showing my true colors and even talking about my struggles with autism. Because of my grades and the toxicity I’ve begun to see within classmates, my mental health drained drastically. Although I still passed my classes that year, I didn’t know things we’re only about to get much worse.
This year, my junior year. I have done poorly. I felt like everyone hated me, like I was not longer wanted. That year I lost many friends because of my self-loathing I developed from last year and this year because of my grades. I had 4 AP’s which I couldn’t handle since I only had 1 the year before, including Calculus AB, Physics 1, and APUSH. I absolutely struggled and couldn’t understand a thing, I constantly began to shame myself and also gain envy from the higher-up kids who have study groups, etc. I felt ashamed that I couldn’t afford an iPad, a Stanley Cup, or wear PJ’s all the time like all the other studious girls would. I deteriorated, I would cry every period and pray that I could just wake up gone the next day. My grades depleted and I could no longer keep up with work. In a way, I gave up with my life. I kept remembering my dreams, attending an Ivy, becoming Valedictorian and even getting a full-ride my senior year. But now, I didn’t want to be that failure to my family, I didn’t know what to do. I was absolutely a failure to everyone I knew.
(TW: Attempting to go to sleep.. for eternity)
My life changed towards the end of the semester. I had enough, that morning of a chilly November, I took the bus and didn’t come to school. I then had a whole bottle of Benadryl, which I took 40 capsules of. I then walked about 1 mile down to the hospital, because then I suddenly realized I was too afraid to go to sleep forever. I was there in time, because as I walked in my whole world began to feel light, disgustingly vivid. I lost consciousness.
I woke up and I couldn’t speak, I could only say one syllable and pause, the words couldn’t come out. I couldn’t remember a thing they said, I would understand and then forget the next second. My mother was there and tried speaking to me, words in English would fly out and she couldn’t understand.
“No te entiendo” She would say.
I had to confess to the doctors why I took so much. I had a Calc test that day, maybe that was my breaking point, but in reality it was everything. I lost friends, my grades, my rankings, I felt like I lost it all. I received a text message, my friends saw my final message on my social media and reported me to my Academic Center’s social worker. I couldn’t read the message before I blacked out again.
After that and lengthy chats, I was sent to a psych ward for about a week. Man, I really loved it there, I felt like nothing mattered except for my joy. Although I missed my friends, I really enjoyed having new ones at the hospital. I learned that it’s okay to be sad and feel the way I do, but my new reality outside of these hospital walls would now be different, I knew. Those thoughts made me really wish I didn’t survive.
After I left, everyone stayed away from me. Rumors fly and they stay for a bit. I ended up transferring Academic centers and wound up at the one across town. Could never have been happier, I have new friends now there. I’ve lost two of my AP’s, Calc and Physics, which because I wanted to pursue STEM, I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Either way, I failed all my classes that semester. I officially became the biggest loser in the world.
But I’m really glad where I am now, I have lighter classes without math and science. Although I no longer have friends at my school, which brings bittersweet memories, I still look ahead and meet with my current ones afterschool. Life has gotten a little better, all because I have survived.
Of course, my failure of my first semester of the most important year of HS, it’s ruining me now again. I got rejected from many pre-college programs because of the permanent stain on my transcript, leaving me feeling like I’m no longer worthy to dream. On the bright side, I now work with CollegeBoard as an ambassador, giving me some sort of title now on campus.
I’ve watched this video because it was on my feed today. As I’m currently in the counselors office picking next year’s classes, I stand onward in front of everyone as they’re all showing off about their 6 AP’s and college apps for next year. I’m ashamed for what I am now to them, but as I click on the video and listen to your words here, I feel like I was meant to hear this message.
I begin to cry now, my younger self is playing in my head, her excitedly talking about what Ivies and UC’s she wants to apply for. Her words happily talking about her grades and AP’s, but I’m watching, not wanting to destroy her dreams that I have crushed. Everyone’s words, high-achievers, I just wanted to make my family proud by attending a university. But now I stand, accepting my fate that I could be gone next year. Yet, your message really tells me that I’m okay, I’m valid.
I will be okay, maybe now I could live a little longer…
(EDIT: Life is hard, but I’m glad that I’m not the only one is this small world of mine. Thank you for the love, I never thought strangers on the internet would be the ones who would appreciate my existence the most. Every day I read the replies knowing it keeps me going, I will grow, thank you!
You are so strong and im so happy youre here, thank u for sharing your story, i wish the best for u onwards, youre amazing
You’re very brave for coming out of that. I’m a junior too, and I understand the pressure. I hope you know that you are indeed valid though. Even with your grades there’s still opportunities like going to a community college or learning a trade. Of course like the video said, your mental heath is absolutely the most important though, those achievements don’t matter if you’re miserable. Hope you find happiness and joy in whatever you do in the future, even if that isn’t going to an ivy ❤
pls pls stick around. trust me. i feel very similar. we lament our past, productive selves and become too nostalgic. but you are what you are now. trust me i have basically collapsed since the past 3 years in universtiy,w asting so much of my privilege,and i feel like such a waste. but life goes on. you are in a good country. it seems like you have a good family. you are working. stick around. dont live in your past.
I have a very similar experience like you did when I try to attempt (unsuccessfully) because I couldn’t handle the toxicity from my home, school, and my friends and even my own self-hatred that have driven me to this depressive period. I learn from somebody that the pain and suffering is only temporary and hearing your story makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing ❤ We got this!
I’m so sorry to hear all of this and I’m wishing you the absolute best in the future 🤍 thank you for being here
I've showed my asian mom videos like this, and she just said (paraphrasing) "if you can endure and reach the light at the end of the tunnel, then you will have an easy time after obtaining a princeton degree. The benefit outweigh the risk, so just grit your teeth and bear with it." Asian parents really underestimate the gravity of mental health issues. When I told her I got depression a while ago, she even said I was faking it and there's no such thing as depression (roll eye)
unfortunately its just that there's a generational gap between the younger generation and immigrant parents
The previous generations may have worked this way, but it's so much different now, especially when everyone is competing to enter colleges, unlike the previous gen, with maybe 3 students per class entering college. Don't understand why they can't grasp change
ugh same, I really hate the "practicality" and pressure from Asian parents. i hate how they believe that we shouldn't care much about our emotions when our mental health is so key to our performance and overall well being.
😢 I am a parent and it breaks my heart to hear what you are going through
As a sophomore that transferred into Cornell from a really happy, fun school, I completely understand what you're saying. Sure, the program I'm in is ranked reallly high, but people here as a whole aren't anywhere near as genuine and kind as they were at my old school.
that must feel very jarring and isolating, i'm sorry to hear :( i hope things get easier for you soon. take care ❤
I'm looking at colleges as a student from a different country, would attending a community college in the USA be a good choice for me if I want a genuine environment to learn without all the rankings, etc. My parents don't care about the rankings just the vibes and the quality of education
what was the school u transferred from?
I’m a current Cornell student. The culture here can definitely be intense at times due to the harsh weather and rigorous classes. However, I’ve still been able to find community and people I trust. A school with a large, diverse population like ours is both a good and bad thing- lots of opportunities to connect with so many people but it is also easy to feel overwhelmed and lonely
@@u8jlxx405 woah, what are the teachers like at Cornell? like does it feel like they care about you, and the classes are interactive or does it feel isolating?
"Do not be decieved: "Evil company corrupts good habits" (1 Corinthians 15:33)
Love the biblical reference
These are true words❤
Amen
Amen and amen
irony by wonder girls
just got rejected from UChicago as a neuroscience applicant whos graduating hs with an associates, 3.9 unweighted, started a club, doing research at my college and etc. honestly, after getting my head out of the self-degrading gutter, Ive slowly begun to open my eyes and realize maybe ivy leagues might not be the best for what im looking for. thank for sharing your honest opinion and helping all us high school students
UPDATE: I got into UIUC(U.S. top 10 for engineering) for neural engineering(my ideal major not offered by UChicago), and my associates degree will 100% transfer there! reminder that things will always work out, even if you dont get into ivies, so dont beat yourself up over it!
people just don't realize that there's so many great opportunities outside of an ivy or equivalent.
If you're at all interested in grad school and can stomach small colleges, look into liberal arts colleges. The recommendations and connections go a long way; partially, the reason why the ivy colleges are so successful is due to most of them having pretty small to medium sized undergraduate colleges.
On the same page here. Same college, major intended, and admission decision. I hope you attend your dream college.
if it helps -- I graduated from uchicago in bio and watching this video reminded me of how it was quite difficult to adjust to life there. I think especially those of us from warmer climates struggled a lot during around this time (winters are far colder, loneliner) and every quarter was quite brutal with the courseload. many people were depressed. college is the time when some people really develop a stronger sense of their identity, and I don't know that feeling stressed out all the time is the best environment for that. best of luck
Same here except it was WashU for me
I go to Duke and the environment is very collaborative. HOWEVER, mental health is still something thats at the forefront. If you aren’t in therapy, you will need it once you get here. So many of my classmates including myself have losses themselves so truly make sure that where you go is the right fit for you.
How did you get in?
really? I heard duke had one of the best cultures
If youre a rich white individual then yes @karisk9340
dang how did I find you on TH-cam lmao? did you go on the kenan trip today?
I am a Duke alumni and I can say it was a great experience! Joining the board game club was one of my best decisions for having a great time there. My friend group was really chill because of that.
Yo Quon its me Zack from Uni (we were in orchestra together I was one grade above you). I didnt know you had a youtube, I just stumbled upon this video in my recommended feed! The entire time you were talking about Princeton I was thinking about how my other friend who was there really really didnt like it at all, and also how my experience at Duke was really amazing. Then you mentioned that your sister is there and im glad shes having a good time, it really is great there! Good luck man, I know you can power through.
I study EE and CS at Berkeley, and while it’s not as toxic as I have experienced, it takes an extreme toll on your body. If you’re not the top 10% of the CS/EECS students, you’ll not enjoy the best benefits of research at all (Berkeley has great research in AI, systems, and EE) as the advisors are extremely picky. You also basically cannot have any in depth discussions with a professor unless you’re taking a super niche class or in his research group. The consulting/recruiting culture is also extremely toxic (that’s what I heard, my emphasis is on research), and the pressure to take the hardest classes, join clubs with lower admission rate than harvard, and all that spiel happens 24/7. its a mess all around
These professors and advisors are basically encouraging a toxic environment and I think they know but don't care.
Essentially your advisors and professors are encouraging a toxic environment.
Sounds like cancer. Yeah I dont exactly see how your supposed to get any organic meaningful connections from that.
No offence to yall, but it sounds like a culture that only invites robots and NPC's.
The promise of a culture of folks where you can be challenged, learn, and grow within the field sounds more and more nonexistent the higher up you go in "prestige".
I wish research was distributed across Uni's more.
Holy moly man, I'm a CC student and wants to transfer to Berk CS or EECS, and now I'm seeing this post... I've definitely heard about the toxic culture there but thanks for the informed description... Is it really that F'ed up?
@@64_bit80 Holy Jesus man, even Stanford is like that? Ah... I don't know what to say. Do you feel anything like depression or any regrets of choosing Berk EECS? And do you recommend the program all in all? It sounds pretty toxic to me yeah hell yeah...
i feel this and second it as a sophomore at Cornell. you didn't go into the specifics but a lot of what you said about getting sucked into things you don't want and losing faith in humanity resonated with me... I've been thinking about how it may all be in my head but its comforting to hear that it isn't just me.
If you don't mind me asking
Is it about smoking or drug abuse? Because a lot of students in my uni can't take the pressure and start abusing different substances
Or do you talk about other amoral behaviours and other peer pressure examples?
i wouldn't say its substance abuse. its more about pre-professional culture and how far many are willing to go to snag jobs in specific industries. it really does sometimes make you lose faith in humanity--after all, pre-prof culture to me feels like top college admissions but on crack. its kind of a nuanced topic that i cant explain in a single comment, but lets just say its inevitable for that type of culture to be pervasive at an institution full of kids who are hypercompetitive overachievers who do well with validation from powerful institutions. I'm also part of it so not talking down on anybody that partakes in it. but it does makes you feel shitty at times. @@4kach24
@@4kach24I won't speak for the original poster, but my experience is that everything feels empty and like a dumb rat race at these schools. People are driven by hollow accolades more than anything else. So losing faith in humanity, for me, had nothing to do with witnessing drug use or immorality.
@@BlameAkon Understandable! I see the rat race too and have lost faith in a lot of people
Also lost some friends,cause they betrayed my trust
I myself soon got depressed and burned out in such environment
I hope you're doing okay
As much as it is possible!
i'm also in my junior at princeton like you. i'm astrophysics major and each week is just dreadful, problem sets take like 40 hours to do per week. on top of all the courses, the independent research project (JP) is bringing my morale down as well. i just don't have time to do and write dozens of pages of research and I often meet with my advisor unprepared or nervous. then i call my friends at home who attend their state universities and it seems like their lives are so much easier. ik you and i can make it through but like I just always feel awful 😭
you have balls to major in astrophysics geez
I just got accepted to study computer science at my state university and thats where im going. Theres a really smart kid too, who i thought would go to a high end uni, bit hes also going to the same state uni
I’m a sophomore at Pton. My sister is at Yale, and I have acquaintances at Harvard. Their lives are so much easier- it’s honestly disgusting. In any case, good luck with midterms !
Harvard undergrad here. It's really hard to explain how easy it is to get turned into someone you don't want to be. A lot of people make it here with interesting lives and passions and talents, and yet upwards of 70% of our class ends up in either consulting, tech, or finance. the moneys nice-- but it feels like these are the only "respectable" things to do here. stay true to your passions, stay critical, keep in touch with friends, talk to people you normally wouldnt (some of my most meaningful conversations have been with homeless people on the sidewalk next to harvard. they're not so different than you think.) life can be so good if you let it-- dont let names or prestige get in the way of that.
Agreed. Some of the most interesting conversations I’ve had were with taxi drivers from each city and country
I'm a UC Berkeley graduate and I just want to confirm everything that was said here. I don't regret going to Berkeley but I also feel that the toxicity is not well addressed. I come from South LA so I have experienced some shady people here and there but nothing prepared me for Berkeley. Besides the mental health toll I had to deal with due to the amount of pressure put on students, difficult classes, difficulty in getting into clubs, and balancing that with internships/finding them, I ALSO had to deal with very mentally unstable homeless people and illegal activity around me. I was even physically assaulted by one of them coming right out of my apartment while going to school. Telegraph is SO dangerous, it's unbelievable. Please look at the environment of the school! The name was not worth it. By the end of it, I was so burnt out I just wanted to graduate. My lack of safety and suffocating culture did me in.
I applied to Berkeley for their Media Studies major but I got accepted to SJSU for journalism. I have been around Berkeley area a lot so I will see more of UC Berkeley.
Watching this was an emotional journey. When you spoke about how you've lost faith in humanity, I teared up. When you said "Brown is kind of weird," I laughed.
It is courageous of you to speak up. Thank you. I hope you will have a chance to heal from your college experience soon.
whats the problem with brown? ive always heard that brown is one of the more collaborative ivies
@@louischen2386Toxic place and mental illness is a big issue.
@@louischen2386Brown kids are weird
i'm still recovering from all the years of trauma and lost faith from humanity. be careful where you're getting yourself into really. stay away from toxic people who don't align with your values, it can get so dark that it gives the illusion that that's what humanity is all about and the whole world is like that.
@@louischen2386 Speaking as someone who is heavily involved in different student organizations and clubs at Brown, I feel like Brown is more collaborative than other IVs might be; I have a lot of friends there and overall the people there that I know are super compassionate and encouraging! There are still definitely elitist people though, and academic culture can still be harsh especially depending on what circles you're involved in.
thanks for saying what you feel, there must be a lot people who had opinions like yours but kept quiet over the years. it's also helpful that you are able to reach applying students where they are, on youtube, with this message
woah! I just binged watched all of your videos like two days ago! Keep up the good work man!
@@davidmallinson same lol, didnt expect to see him here
@@davidmallinson same lol, didn't expect to see him here
lol had to look twice when I saw his pfp... didn't expect that guy here
although, I have a theory that we get reccommended the vids the people we watch interact with/comment on...
@@Pine_Wood just maybe...
The fact that you were willing to be so vulnerable just to help out strangers, thank you, thank you so so much
I remember this awful game I played last year. I ended up going to Texas A&M University, and it looks like it’s gonna be absolutely great. It has such a pure spirit
I user to go there 😂. But I’d transfer
Hey, me too! I'm transferring for the Fall semester.
Texans seem chill in general so I assume A&M is equally chill lol.
I went to Texas A&M as well. It's a special place, in a good way.
@@topnotch4598 just curious as a junior in high school: why are you transferring out? My stats could get me in schools with a "better name" like uc irvine and uiuc but id rather go to a&m because of the students, campus and ease
This is true speaking as a UC Berkeley student. This place is so competitive!
what makes you say this?
UC Berkeley isn't actually known as a good college for undergrads. People who work at UC Berkeley knows this and say that Berkeley actually is supposed to have a high drop out rate for undergrads but the reason you don't see these numbers is because advisors tell them to take a leave of absence instead of dropping out because otherwise this reflects badly on UC Berkeley. All those fancy research you hear from Berkeley is cuz they put a lot of funding for grad students but undergrad gets none of this so there is not a lot of services and things to support them.
@@Emma-ki3fv UC Berkeley don't put funding to get more services to support undergrad. All that money goes to grad students and UC Berkeley has a high drop out rate but hide this by telling undergrads to take a leave of absence instead.
@@minxili3317 I understand how tough the job search can be, especially after applying to numerous internships without much success. My advice to those in both STEM and non-STEM fields is to take a proactive approach. Yes, resources can be limited, but they are out there. Instead of focusing on seeking opportunities through social media posts or comments, actively engage with those resources. The research position wasn't handed to me. I read research papers published by the interviewer over and over again to understand what he wants and showcase what I can provide him in the long term. strive for greatness and stop the hate towards any majors. wish you the best.
@@peterwang7685 You're an exception not the rule. Your experience is not everyone's experience. Just cuz you have it good don't mean everyone have it good. All you STEM majors are always so arrogant and have a superiority complex whenever ya'll make achievements. It's like you can't see things outside of your box. Exactly why non STEM majors don't like ya'll.
I apreacite this so so so much! It's so hard because people in these insituituons rarely speak about this so when people says things like "name of colleges don't matter" or "choose where you will be happy" it is hard to believe them. I really hope that colleges go back to what it should be about-fostering a collaborative, supportive, and safe environment for people to navigate their academic, personal and professional pursuits
lately, I’ve felt so overwhelmed about preparing for college admissions that I will fill out this fall. I think I have become completely enamored with the idea of Ivy League and prestige over all else that can come from a university. the appeal is so enticing- it began to feel like that if I don’t make it to a fancy school with a big name, then I wouldn’t be worth half of anything. just an hour ago after my mom picked me up from school, as soon as I got into her car, I began sobbing. i felt as if my classes, my non existent volunteer hours, my club was simply not going to be enough to get into, say, Cornell or Duke or JHU or Notre Dame. and if my classes weren’t enough, then I was not enough. that I was stupid. and lazy. and useless. bound for failure.
i think I needed to see the video. thank you so much for being so vulnerable with people online with your experience. you have taken this toxic mindset of “ivy ivy ivy prestige prestige you’re only as good as the name of your university” out of my mind and helped me realize just how strange it is to judge off of a school that could absolutely shatter me. sure, I’ll aim for a nice school- but a nice school is worth nothing if I end up ending my life due to the toxic culture of competition that seeps into the minds of so many students at these top schools. and I’m just a junior. I cannot imagine how it is for people who are already inside the schools. i am so sorry.
this was powerful, thank you for touching on this
I'm currently a sophomore at Stanford University, and I can relate to this experience. Its really hard to make friends. Everyone is fake/pretentious. Its just never-ending problem sets, school is hard. It gets lonely. I'm also an international student, so being halfway across the world from my family is really tough. And if you ask for help with your mental health, you'll be pressured into leaving Stanford. Good luck being readmitted, its almost impossible. So no one seeks help about their depression because the school doesn't care about mental health of students. This place has made me question the integrity of adults. Not everything that glitters is gold, trust me.
I'm also a sophomore at stanford too and this is so true^^.
I also went to a top school and it made me question humanity. People start doing weird nasty things in such environments. I only made 1 friend who Im still in touch, the rest were fake friends that you’d never contact again once you’re out. Went to counseling services and the lady there questioned the validity of my feelings. Never went back. Worst feeling ever.
@@lynako2546 Yeah it gets worse when people say you're "supposed" to be happy where you are because it's a "pipe dream" for most people. I'm just trying to make it out alive. I'm glad you did.
Reach out to find faith if you do not have yet. I am near Stanford and there are some great churches with genuine people.
this makes me feel better that I burnt out in my junior year of HS and now my stats are just okay because I go to a competitive high school. I'm just so depleted. Honestly, I just want to be stress and debt-free in college, but I can't help but envy going to such a decorated institution. UMD is my top option for now since it's inexpensive in-state. The CS environment is also competitive I've heard, so here's to another rat race...
Good luck
omg im interested in umd as well! good luck
same here, freshman going to an ib hs and so worried for the future. All my classmates have so many credentials already and it's so crazy. I don't even know what i want to study yet, but im thinking about umd since its close
I can see in this guys face how mentally destroyed he is. He is not lying and I really hope he recovers once he gets his degree.
I am truly sad that you are hurting. As a parent this really breaks my heart 😢
Stay strong, you are almost done. This too shall pass.
My daughter graduated high school 2023 and we toured all the Ivies and colleges in the top 20. We didn’t care for any of the ivies particularly the locations. She found Princeton’s location too remote and the vibe too somber. On the day we were there, we noticed that people of the same race and ethnicity pretty much sticks together and not much inter- mingling. I can truly say that the only plus we found is the cheap package food in your college groceries. The chicken & shrimp fried rice was plentiful and delicious.
hey quon, I remember watching your videos from like 2 years ago and I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through these things at Princeton. Since commenting on one of your videos a while back, I'm now at Dartmouth, and while I don't think the toxicity is as extreme as you describe it at Princeton, I definitely resonate with you. I hope everything gets better for you, you got this bro!
Congratttts!
I heard what happened to a student at Princeton a couple of days back from a friend of mine who goes there. My condolences.
what happened?
@@ramen4302 The student committed suicide.
@@arnavbhatia6937what the fuckkkkkk , that’s insane
In my uni about two people commit suicide annually.
The recent case was in October and no one from the older years has batted an eye
They said it is a common occurrence.
@@4kach24 I'm sorry to hear that. Hope it gets better sooner than later.
i cannot thank you enough for how much clarity you brought towards my college decisions. i kept asking and reflecting over people's opinions and i was almost convinced to put myself in a place where i give up everything just for a "name". you are a hero, and i hope life gets better for you,,
Thank you for speaking out and asking the students to check their choice on college they choose to attend. Take care of yourself well. After the graduation, the new life will start
Quon, you seem like such a sweet and genuine person. Every time you talk it’s like a breath of fresh air. Thank you and take care of yourself
I go to a low ranking university and we have problems as well. Most of my professors are uninterested in teaching and put no effort into students learning. The student body is very nonintellectual, so group projects or finding study partners is a nightmare. Being at such a large school, it seems impossible to be a part of any sort of community. Also our lack of funding leads to lackluster support of almost all student endeavors and organizations. There are few job opportunities or connections for graduates of my school. At the end of the day, I would much rather go to a competitive school and burn out, but be flooded with opportunity, rather than go to a low ranking school and have to wonder how I will get hired in my field post graduation.
bro I promise you every school has profs who don't care as well as students who dont care. sure some schools are better than others, but is it worth if it comes with a toxic culture? bc the "very best" schools tend to have that and ppl don't talk about it.
Competitive schools are not flooded with opportunities. This is only true if you are the top 5-10%. If you aren't at the top then you won't get any opportunities. And if you go to a top university not every organization or club will let you in. You need to compete with people and if you aren't at the top then they don't want you. There are other low ranking colleges that lets anyone join and get experience. Top colleges don't.
same for me as well
I met many professors from top unis that don’t wanna teach at all. All they do is read 100 ppt slides per hour that nobody follows and they know it
@@minxili3317 As a low-income student who attends Columbia University, this is 100% true. Opportunities for internships and experiential opportunities only come for like the top 10-15% of students in these schools. And usually that top 10-15% consists of students who went to rich private schools; it's much harder for students from under resourced backgrounds to get these opportunities. So many students here apply for research/internship positions in non-ivy league/lesser known schools.
Wow, this is such an eye opener. I knew I should try to avoid ivy leagues, but I didn't know it was this bad.
nah some ivy's are fun apparently like dartmouth and cornell but that's only what I've heard from couple of friends
@@terrible2d i dont know about dartmouth, but cornell? So they just did a complete 180 over the years?
@@Wick291 guess so, one of my friends talks about how the food is really good and there's not as much competition as there is at say penn (which I've heard is really toxic) or Princeton (which everyone says is wayyyyyyyyyy too competitive and toxic)
@@terrible2dDARTMOUTH SLAY
@@Wick291I’m currently a junior at Cornell. Honestly, most people I’ve met here really enjoy the school. There is another subset that complains about it. But honestly, you’ll find that at every school. Our food is pretty good here, but the main drawbacks are that classes can be hard (esp in STEM) and cold weather. For me personally, I have my complaints about the school, but at the end of the day I don’t regret coming here and have made some amazing memories
Omg I agree so much with all this. I wish I did more research into what I wanted to do and what the culture will be like. I am not an IVY student, but I studied game development at Purdue and I very much enjoy it. I do come from parents who care so much about ranking and names just to boost about themselves at Christmas parties. Like it is so hard trying to figure out what you like and what you are GASLIGHTING yourself to like. I do enjoy the department and the programs, but I do have other interests in science and I feel that because I was so rushed into I need to get into a good school, I need to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life when I was like 14 in HS. Like it is crazy these days, we really need to let people choose what they want to do and focus more on the program and culture of the school, not the name and the ranking.
i'm thinking about going to purdue for biomedical health science. would you recommend the university to have a good learning environment? (and any other tips)
@@victoriav1225 Hello! I did not except to open youtube and see this many likes and a reply asking me how Purdue is lmaooo. In my honest opinion, Purdue is a very good learning environment (there are times where it will have its ups and downs but that is anywhere), I have a lot of friends studying in that field and they seem to enjoy it a lot. There are a lot of opportunities to work in labs, and meet other like minded students. The courses at Purdue can be challenging, but I don't like to view subjects as hard or easy rather that some subjects just require a little bit more work than others (especially calc- no joke lol). Overall, you will definitely have a fun time at Purdue if you want to come here. If you can time manage yourself and priotize what is most important to get done (I recommend learning about the Eisenhower matrix- he has a great priority system and you can adapt it to your own) you will have a fun time at Purdue. Don't just study all the time and stay in your room that's how you get burnt out! Make sure you have time to take care of yourself.
Currently a freshman at Princeton and this video helps a lot. I feel like I've lost myself through my first semester, and my health was deteriorating. (Mentally and physically) My hair was literally falling out from lack of sleep and my mental state was nonexistent. I've learned to put myself first, but I know a lot of students still struggle with that. I was lucky that I took a class with teachers that actually care about us students.
Take care
“ Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-ladened and, I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
As someone who once fed into this university bubble so much, I have learnt the hard way - everything he said is SO true!!
Brain damage is real. I’m still recovering
You are so strong, I am grateful for you, thanks for being a pioneer in this revolution
The most truthful advice I've ever heard about college
Hi Quon! I just came back from visiting princeton this weekend and I completely understand what you are saying. I was there for 1 weekend and I felt unwelcome by a lot of the kids there. Stay strong dude. ❤
I'm surprised you mentioned Brown, I'm at Yale and Brown is generally thought of as a very chill and laid back school. I think it also has the highest student happiness rating in the country (or did a few years ago).
I stumbled upon this video in my recommended feed and as someone who went through undergrad already, I really wish someone had told younger me about the reality of college. Too many people expect "better" schools to give them the best 4 years of their lives, but that is almost never the reality regardless of what school you end up at. There is nothing to be ashamed of for going to a "mediocre" or even a "bad" school. There are pros and cons for every college, and if you're stuck there for 4 years, you've got to actively seek out the good parts.
I need high schoolers to know that you are not and will never be a disappointment for getting into or committing to a school that's "less than" an Ivy League-level school. I know it sucks to see peers, friends, or relatives get into what seems like a better school, but as Quon said, you'll likely be avoiding a really toxic learning/social environment. Comparing yourself to others is easy, especially when you're surrounded by people comparing acceptances in the coming weeks/months. Do your best to tune the comparisons out -- listening will only make you miserable. You are also not a disappointment if you go to community college -- this is great if you don't feel ready to commit/want to save $ but want the rigor of a 4-year school. You meet a more diverse community of students, professors are more flexible since many students often work full-time, and you can take classes that your chosen 4-year may not offer.
Anyway, thank you so much for making this video. I'm rooting for you and I hope that the rest of your undergrad is better than what you're currently experiencing.
as a now senior automotive engineer who graduated and has been in the rat race for a few yrs, i'll also help remind everyone that most educated adults don't give a shit about which school you graduated from. the prestigious piece of paper that you got in exchange for pulling out tens of thousands in loans, and enduring 4-5 years of mental hazing, serves as nothing more than a checkbox to help some HR people filter you out from other entry level job candidates. possibly a good icebreaker at social events. your second, third, fourth employers and up only care about what work you've accomplished lately. you will meet many other successful people in life who went to state colleges or trade schools, and came out with their mental health intact and their priorities in order.
so plz for god's sake, don't buy into the narrative and trade your soul for some idea of a prestigious "dream school".
thank you for this. i’m currently awaiting decisions and i think this reminded me to free myself from the idea that i need to get into certain schools. i wish u the best
hey Quon! I also went to Princeton and left halfway through- I was part of the class of '24. everything you said is spot on. the primary (and arguably the only) reason I went was because it was ranked #1. I didn't know any better when I was applying and wish I had some humility and consideration for the more important parts of life when I was applying- but then, not many high schoolers do. It was only by the grace of God that I left. I don't regret coming, but leaving was still one of the greatest decisions I made.
I want to encourage you- you are not alone! I know many people feel exactly like you and I hear you and saw everything you talked about. Some people genuinely don't believe there are many things more important in life than going to a top tier college and climbing up the corporate ladder. The fact that you have realized that this is actually one of the most insignificant things in life and that there are a plethora of other things that matter exponentially more (including a healthy mind!!) is so awesome. I pray for your growth, health, and that you gain happiness in what you do with your life- and with your mindset, I'm sure you will do amazing things. Lmk if you ever want to talk about it- I'm here to support you!
This resonates with me a lot too. Thanks for sharing your comment. "By the grace of God I left"--I'm CS at Georgia Tech, and this feeling has started coming up as a junior as far as getting out. I feel lost, like I don't really know what I want in my life. It feels overwhelming.
I also just wanted to share it sounds like you've found time to keep your faith--this is so awesome. Going to the Catholic Center at Tech is definitely one of the things keeping me sane lol.
I graduated from Princeton a few years ago. 100% the most uncomfortable experience of my life. Only way I can describe it. Thank God I found the one department that was actually close knit in a non-toxic way (still dysfunctional but very fun and supportive). Korean department had great people as well
Third year in another “prestigious” university. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this
this video resonated with me so much, even though i graduated in 2022! i wish i saw a video like this when i was a senior in HS - i too fell into the pressure of getting into a prestigious college and i let that break me. it was the first time i ever felt such overwhelming depression when i didn’t get into the schools i thought i wanted the most. now that im far away from that process, the only things i can remember from college are the good friends i met along the way and the genuine professors who cared about what they taught and viewed their students as human beings, rather than obligations.
my advice to high schoolers would be to ask peers that currently attend the colleges you’re interested in about their 100% unfiltered raw thoughts about the overall culture of the student body and the passion and warmth of the professors!! these two things will single-handedly shape your college experience, NOT the prestige of the school.
please please please don’t feel like all is lost if you don’t get into your “dream” school like i did (i say “dream” because like Quon said, with what i know now, i 100% believe that most “top” universities are all the same anyways - just an expensive business masquerading as a life-changing educational institution). i promise that you will find your way through a diff path, if you allow yourself to meet genuine people and let yourself grow in a positive way. best of luck to all of you 🥺🤍
This is UNC-Chapel Hill lol. The mental health crisis there was real. Crushed my dreams of pursuing anything in healthcare before I even had the chance to explore it. I graduated and now work at a different university of a similar size, but it has a less “prestigious” reputation. The culture is so different- people really love it here and it shows. Professors are great as well and really care for their students.
Also, this is a PSA to not join Greek life. Just don’t do it.
Thank you so much for being honest and sharing this video! As a junior in high school, I really appreciate it. I will pray that your mental health improves and that you can get time to rest soon💛You got this.
I've taken a 4 year Applied Computing degree because of my parents. I had a LOT of health problems and mental health issues they refused to let me address. I graduated with no internships or experience. If your parents attempt to force you into college, show them the job market, and SCREAM at them. DO NOT GO FOR THEM!! YOU WILL REGRET IT!!
I agreed with everything you said about avoiding the toxic culture of competitive schools when choosing colleges, but was surprised when you said to avoid Brown! I'm studying computer science at Brown and it's extremely collaborative - I've gotten to conduct meaningful research with my professors (which is the case with most of my friends) and with its focus on undergraduate education, I feel like professors truly enjoy teaching. Even though Brown gets the rep of a 'lazy-hippie' school, many of my friends have secured experiences for the past summers as well as post-grad that we're really happy with, and I'm glad I get these benefits while avoiding the toxic grind culture. I'm sure everyone's experience in college varies - maybe you have a friend who had a very different experience, but throughout my 3 years here I've found it to be an incredibly welcoming culture with a supportive student body :)
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I feel this way as a current high school senior. I applied to only seven schools because I did do a lot of research into each one to better craft my applications, but I still regret a lot of things. I applied to Columbia, Barnard, UChicago, Northwestern, NYU, Brandeis, and only Temple as my safety school, which I've already been accepted to. I applied early to Columbia because my parents are both alumni there, and I have been surrounded by Columbia since I was a toddler. My parents were on the fencing team, so I have early memories of being in the fencing room during the Columbia fencing team alumni meets. Besides that, my mom is from a family of super crazy and toxic elitists who have been going to ivies and other prestigious colleges for 3 generations for only top majors like premed, law, etc, and they made it a competition.
I have been told my entire life that I am "ivy caliber" so I can't settle for anything less. All of it had me convinced I would be going to Columbia at 12 years old. Now I don't even want anything to do with Columbia. Within the last year or so everything about my beliefs about college has changed entirely from what I thought a few years ago. I felt pressured to only apply to T10 and 20 schools because of my family's standards for prestige. But the more I heard about all those schools I applied to, the more I felt that I didn't want to go there. I thought my whole life that going to state school or community college was equivalent to failing because that's what my family made it out to be, but then I heard other people's experiences and they seemed so happy and okay financially after college. I have looked forward to my college experience my whole life because I never had a real social life growing up (I've gone to online school for the past four years which was very isolating), but I'm scared now that I'll go and be miserable and it won't be anything like I've been dreaming for years. For me, college is my opportunity to escape from my elitist family. I want to have friends and socialize, date, have fun, learn new things and enjoy learning. I also want to fence. I love fencing, so it was crucial for me that the college I go to has a fencing program or a serious club.
I get back my admissions results in three weeks. I feel so unsure about everything and I hate it. I don't think I have the right to complain about anything because I'm lucky enough to be from a family who have all gone to top schools for years, so my "problems" just sound privileged. I think it will all work out in the end, but I don't even want to go to any of the schools I applied to anymore. But yeah, college admissions and the admissions culture pressured on high schoolers just fucking suck.
I'm not sure if this helps, but in case you get into Brandeis: I went to Brandeis and it was an incredible experience. I graduated about 10 years ago, so I can't speak to how it is today, but as a university, it's really true to its values. It was never competitive, cutthroat, or toxic. Honestly, it was a great place to make friends, have fun, date, and enjoy learning (I did all of the above). Everyone there is a bit nerdy in a good way, so there's no pressure like at preppy or pretentious schools. I would avoid Columbia- it is extremely cutthroat- I have a friend who teaches there.
I visited the Princeton campus back in Novemeber of last year, and honestly I understand completely what you mean. I may not go there of course, but the vibes were just kind of off, and there was something telling me that I probably shouldn't apply there but I was trying to ignore it, of course, because of the "prestige" it has. But now with your honest words, I can tell my gut was right and I appreciate you speaking up for those who likely can't. You confirmed my belief and I'm glad I watched this before I start applying. Thank you. Stay strong
i’m so sorry for you, i’m in highschool and have been suffering from the consequences of pressure in academics already :( i hope that you take care of yourself and find some company. sending you love and mental peace 🩷
Thank you!! I’m starting to already burn out but there’s so much expectation from parents and society that getting into and going to an Ivy seems like the only choice, idk how else I could possibly be happy. And unrelated but your energy is amazing!!
hi love, if you’re looking for a sign to choose yourself and not only what your parents want, this is it! your future is bright wherever you go - even if it might not feel like it at all right now. happiness is so many places in this world. i pray that you choose something lifegiving and sustainable.
- immigrant daughter college grad who’s learning to choose themselves even if it might disappoint loved ones
sorry to hear that bro hope it gets better, tbh having a college full of toxic people is what I'm rlly worried about rn because i can imagine how hard it is to go far from home only to also be lonely.
Loneliness + depression and academic anxiety is the worst combination ever
I went to duke and had a great experience, so glad to hear your sister also had a positive experience.
WOW. I am also a junior CS student (Ohio State) that has a competitive culture and this is BEYOND TRUE. The culture here is abhorrent. Death in the family? My math teacher refused an extension. Confused about something with a class? An advisor once told me to stop emailing her. I feel trapped here. I get treated like garbage at this shithole. This is beyond relatable and my mental health has been destroyed. It is my biggest dream to escape this place.
i'm so sorry
As an undergrad at caltech, i rly resonate w ur msg. i think caltech has less toxicity, but not everything here is the same as it seems from the outside. still, great vid!
Second year at Yale, and I agree that it is incredibly difficult to not feel overwhelmed. It often feels if you are not doing something amazing (or at least what is conventionally amazing like a business, internship, making money in some way, research etc) that you are behind, even when comparatively you are doing a lot for classes etc. I think finding a Christian group has been very helpful. I knew that Yale was the place that God was guiding me from day one, I applied because I heard about the very strong and welcoming Christian community here. Helped to develop me a lot as a person, for the better. Praise god. Would recommend that you try a spiritual group, or searching for God/Christ/spiritual wellness.
Wishing you well and thank you for your honesty. I hope every day is better. But you are onto better when you have the wisdom you possess. You are not alone and you are correct about this toxic culture. Good luck to you.
Class of 2031 student here. I may have 3 years left to decide, but this video taught me a lot about looking beyond the numbers. Thank you.
bro what 😭
@@noahjoo7231They are in grade 9, and are set to graduate hs in 2027. If they start college right after they will graduate in 2031 assuming they only do four years.
@@noahjoo7231bro can’t math
the CS major toxicity is not worth it. GUYS let's be empathetic, let's be nice to each other
Agreed
I have fallen out with my cs friends,cause they've said many hurftul things.
Also! Econ majors can be very toxic too (judging by my uni environment and by the experience of other econ students I know)
Not an Ivy League thing at all though.
It's not just in CS. It's in STEM majors as a whole and I have even seen professors who encourage this behavior as well unfortunately.
@@minxili3317 Agreed! In my major professors do not regulate the fair distribution of assignments.
Lots of students fight for graded projects and bully each other. The head of the group can change the time when people can have a chance at taking the project at any moment and give out different topics to the favoured students.
Several people in my group have said that I wasn't deserving of the project,that they should have been the one to choose it, and that I should be banned from taking any projects in the future. Bizzare
To be graded okay, you need to walk over people. I'm not partaking in that culture any more
@4 I heard of a CS professor who told the whole class they were going to do a group project but that was a lie. He placed them all in groups and made them compete with each other individually. So everyone was given the same problem and each had to come up with their own solution. People in the group were hiding their own solutions and refused to help each other. It's weird how universities even allow such an assignment to be permitted. At this rate, this isn't even about learning no more.
Quon, I just watched both of your recent videos. I completely agree 💯. We live in a bs society. I’m glad you accepted this and became wiser. Many students will not accept this reality causing them to lose themselves. My advice to everyone. Always seek for the truth because it will set you free.
As a pton junior, I feel you 100% I rly do not even want my brother to go here
I love the content shift from your old videos to now, the information you are putting out is truly helpful and amazing. you are making the world a better place
Definitely feel the same way as a senior at JHU in CS. Just scraping by and hoping to get this degree, and yeah a pervading sense of loneliness but yeah, it can be rough and I'm just glad that you posted this to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way at the end of college (and I guess looking back, throughout college too)
Do you think most people @ Hopkins feel that way? Regardless of major.
I am pretty sure some of my other 4th year classmates feel similarly lonely. I remember hearing a classmate say they wish there was more social life here, and I know other friends who are on the grind and feel that the workload is heavy and that it can be hard to socialize. I think there's definitely a shared understanding among 3rd and 4th years who know how hard (and sometimes lonely) the university can be at times, and it's like a momentary camraderie you feel when you briefly run into or meet up with these classmates.
As students near the end of the 4 year degree, it seems they are already focusing more on what comes after college, even if some of us (i.e. me for example lol) lacked the amount of social connection we wish we had in college. Maybe I should have tried making more friends earlier on.
There are definitely pockets of friendly people you can find on campus, and I would even say that campus has gotten friendlier over time -- the energy that many students bring to the table can be great. There are also a lot of clubs. Maybe I should have stepped out of my comfort zone and gotten to know people more. But I think I'm not alone in feeling lonely and somewhat isolated, the workload can be pretty heavy and tough on students, and isolation during COVID certainly didn't help haha. Hopefully the post-COVID experience is better for new students, especially for those who join clubs and get involved etc. But yeah I feel like especially by the end of the four years a lot of people are looking forward to the next thing and there are some other people who likely feel lonely too after these fast 4 years at college.
@@christopherli7463 Hey, just wanted to say I resonate with your experience a lot. I feel like I have friends, but I also feel like I haven't really found as close a group of friends as I had in high school, and overall it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and just spend time on work. I'm a junior in CS at Georgia Tech, and though I haven't graduated, I'm with you. I feel like my college experience was pretty dismal, looking forward to waking up one day and not having to worry about a problem set or a meeting.
I discovered this my quote "when you r passionately curious about something the university is alredy within u".
Protect bro he might dissappear for letting the truth out 😔🙏
I’m afraid he’ll be retaliated by his school
Pray for him in Jesus name. With Jesus you’re protected.
its the same at columbia, and this video really resonated with me. thank you so much, i don’t feel alone anymore. thank you.
please please please listen to quon!! currently a student at UCLA and i wish i did way more research about the school before committing. please prioritize mental health and all other factors before you just sign your life away to a school with a good ranking, reputation, etc. I chose UCLA because I believed in the long-run, it'd provide me with more connections for the future career I want but you have to understand, with a higher ranking, you're going to have to work SO MUCH harder to keep up in classes and do your work. of course it's different for everyone but genuinely, DO NOT focus so much on the end goal because the current you needs to survive in order to even have potential of reaching that end.
How is the environment at UCLA? Is it as depressing as it’s described here? Is it more balanced?
@@amylee9 there’s definitely a stigma that stem majors have it so much worse but i think everyone’s equally having a tough time regardless of major. you’re just going to have to understand and realize that it’s a lot of work and self-management. there’s no more forgiveness or second chances as everything is stricter which does get kinda intense but there’s decently okay support at the school. i would say don’t feel discouraged if you don’t click with anyone or fit in with people as most people don’t even meet their good friends until maybe their 2nd quarter to even their second year. i think as a public school, you do have way less resources than a private school, so there’s definitely that aspect you should consider. though the biggest thing is ucla is on a quarter system so everything’s very fast pace and intense to the point you’re going to have friends constantly want to go out and clubbing but you have 2 tests and 3 essays to get through.
sorry if i yapped lowk don’t remember what this video was about bc it’s finals szn at ucla rn and my mind is being dragged through the mud rn
@@jieunleee Thank you so much for the information. It helps me a lot to understand what UCLA is like and what to expect. Wish you luck.
as a current brown student, you’re dead wrong. this is a wonderful place to be. everyone is here because they are passionate about their field. the school focuses on its undergrad population, so it’s really easy to be passionate about shit. everyone i know is authentically themselves. ofc there are bad people, but frankly they’re a minority. the majority of people i interact with are amazing.
Agreed to a certain extent- I wouldn’t go so far as to generalize that everyone is passionate about their field (it would be making the same mistake Quon makes with generalizing an entire school experience), but the reality of ANY top school is that there are an incredible variety of experiences a student could have based on their social circle, what they choose to study, the activities and daily workflow they have; and this is universal no matter if you go to Brown or Princeton or wherever. I personally love it at Brown but I can’t generalize my experience to others; maybe it’s sidechat or just the natural desire of students to give their school a common identity that becomes an easy heuristic to categorize the entirety of thousands of students.
for the high schoolers: a reminder that, even with the pressure, a top college is by far the best way to organically meet amazing friends and change the trajectory of your life. a lot of the core tenets of this video are real, but a top college is a life changing opportunity and the experience you have will inevitably be singular, especially if you are mindful and purposeful of what you really want. just enjoy the time- it can be an amazing period of your life and you’re in charge of it!
Thank you for this. As a rank chaser, you really opened my eyes.
I once messaged Quon after getting rejected from a couple of my dream schools, and he wrote me the nicest response back that genuinely made me feel better. I'm really sorry to hear that you're not having the best experience, but I know you can power through! You got this bro, I believe in you!
Hey man, sincerely appreciate this video. It came at the perfect time, and it's great to hear the experiences and wisdom of someone who's seen what it's truly like. Hang in there and thanks so much for the advice.
Hey Quon, after watching this video, I can empathize a bit. Last month I was seriously feeling down. One thing that helped me was being with family for a weekend, but I know not everyones family is supportive. I highly suggest spending some time with a group, maybe you have some boys, or something like that. That definitely re-energized me. Good luck man.
my brother goes to Princeton and i see a lot of the things you are talking about in him. his experiences really made me rethink as a junior right now how to choose where i would like to go to college
You are a brave and insightful and honest young man ❤
Hey buddy thank you so much for making this video. You seem to be a very genuine guy Quon. I have experienced so much toxicity my brain sometimes convinces me that everyone I see is toxic but watching and talking to people like you really helps change that perception. I can’t explain how much relief I felt when I saw your recent videos. I actually cried lol. I hope you’re doing better. Take care. Lots of love.
I would like to touch upon his point of "It really doesn't matter where you go" because it is such an important point. I am from New England and the idea of getting into an ivy league is something a lot of people strive to do here. But I went to community college as a transfer application program in computer science. This means that for my first two years of college, I paid a reduced price for the classes at the community college with the addition of not having to pay room and board. Now a job could compare where I went to school with some other indebt person from Yale or Harvard or wherever, but what the employer really cares about is what you can bring to the table (i.e. your skills, and other work you've done). My point is to not fret about getting into a "top school" because it'll look good and you'll get the best education. Because the reality is, you'll get just as good if not better education at a place you chose because it's a place that accepts you and fulfills your needs. It's how you use your education to show what you know by doing personal projects that matters. And most importantly, you are your own self. Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on yourself and be the best version of you.
Thank you so much for what you did for me and my family. At the moment, I didn't realize the severity of the situation.
I am already in the Class of 2027 for High School, so now is the time to think about College, and which one I want to attend.
Even my High School is toxic at times, as we keep getting into fights and fights, and people who are consistently depressed.
Thank you for speaking out about this situation. Now we have to restructure our lives to rethink our College decisions before I graduate High School in 2027.
You may all put this in your personal prayer. ❤🙏
completely accurate, thank you for speaking out about this. sometimes people feel ashamed to just go to a local college, but half the time the environment is much more friendly and it costs a quarter of the price. I hope you’re doing well, you’re very handsome btw :)
QUANNNNNNNNNNNNNN BRO IVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME MY MENTOR MY MAN IM SOON GONNA BE SENIOR NOW WHICH IS CRAZY BUT I JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW LOVE YOU MAN🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️no but other than that thank you so much I remember watching your appectance videos and knowing Im gonna be like you. I always come back to your videos for advice and I don’t even know you give like a big bro vibe that I need💯 THE QUAN this was exactly what i needed thank u.
College is simply not needed it’s isn’t for everyone I wish you all the best
It sucks that the atmosphere is like that but in reality its like that at every high ranking college and definitely every top cs program, it doesnt even have to be just princeton or berkeley, UIUC/UW-Madison/GTech is p similar with how competitive & straight toxic its within there cs programs, definitely not as bad tho
Wow. This was truly eye opening. Thank you for opening up and for your honesty. My daughter is three weeks away from her college decisions (all ivies, Stanford, UCs, etc), I will definitely think very hard before making our final decision, and will avoid Princeton.
current princeton sophomore and I agree with so much of what he said, be careful fr
As a college consultant, this is why finding the right 'fit' over ranking is SO important! There is nothing wrong with going to an Ivy or other well-known institution as long as it's a great fit for the student. If the academic culture, opportunities, and other aspects of the college are not a great fit, then you will very likely be more successful overall (in college, career, etc) going to a college that is a great fit for you, even if it's one you hadn't heard of previously. The more students know about themselves and the type of student they are, the better able they are to weed through colleges and select ones where they will be happiest. Many people underestimate how much one's quality of life can impact the college experience, but it can have profound impacts. I personally have attended a college that was not a great fit for me and one that was an amazing fit. I graduated from both. But my experience at the better fit college was life changing, as I was at a place that was perfect for what I needed and who I was in that moment.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Thank you for shedding the light on something I was not aware of. Stay true to yourself and to what is good and wholesome.
Genuinely, thank you for making this video. It def wasn't easy to make considering the topic and the stigma around denouncing top schools. As a junior in HS, this is making me rethink a lot of how I perceive top schools.
Thanks Quon! I hope you’ll be in an environment that is supporting, collaborating, and that allows you to breathe. I’ll try to choose the best place for me.
I’m a post grad who went to an art college specializing in 3D animation at a local university in Pennsylvania.
In the end, choose what will work best for you. I was not “smart enough” to get admitted in any Ivy League or “talented” to be admitted to cross country art schools that would have put me in thousands of dollars of more debt.
And I’m doing just fine. I’m moved out. Making money on my own, being creative.
You can get into local schools that work for you. Additionally, you don’t even need to go to college! You can go into trade school, see what you can learn or be in apprentice/assistant in your local community.
Focus on your health, well-being and happiness. Focus on surrounding yourself with good, and hard working people. Make good connections. You never know where you might end up.
Definitely in this position. UCs which would make my parents happy of course) or one of the less ranked CSUs (which i feel very passionate about). Its certainly stressful to choose any college so good luck to everyone out there!!
this is my fear if i get into ucla because of how competitive i realized people can be after taking my first ap classes in high school. im definetly not the smartest in my classes and it just feels scary and somewhat degrading knowing that if i do get into a really really good school, I feel like it will be hard to find people who are like me who have gone through many things other than just academics. i can already tell it can be a very toxic environment depending on where you go. thankfully i already got accepted into my backup school, and i would be really excited if im able to go, but i have this pressure to attend UCLA if i do get in, even if I feel like I somewhat feel like its out of my league and i am not as smart as every other student
I'd say
Try to chat with people that go there,that are in your major
Study the environment
It can help a lot
I thought that I needed to find like minded people too and that I would be able to find them in my prestigious uni
The truth is (in my experience and in the experience of other people)
You can't even relate to most of the people or need to change yourself a lot in order to be associated with them
I got left out of several groups because I simply don't smoke and don't drink.
(It's one of the mildest examples)
The competitiveness is something I was personally expecting,but I wasn't expecting people who are ready to set you up any moment and constant fights for the projects,etc
I'm transferring to my local uni. In my experience, it is not worth it studying something I don't like with the toxic environment.
Good luck to you! 🤞
ucla is a party school so
ppl at ucla are super chill compared to other schools! I personally think if you get in you should come if ur only worry is the environment. definitely not as competitive as other schools
Felt like I should leave a comment here. I’m a sophomore transfer at Cornell. I spent my freshman year at the University of Virginia. Both schools are big and Ithaca and Charlottesville kind of give off the same vibe. Other than that, there’s definitely a difference in the culture.
Totally agree that it’s way too easy to get sucked into the toxicity (circles, the culture as a whole…)
It’s TRUE that people get stressed at Cornell (anywhere from somewhat to 11/10) and it can be a little gloomy at times, but I’ve enjoyed my time here many times more than I did at UVA, where the social scene and overall vibe are supposedly better + less cutthroat.
I’m a happier person now at Cornell, more so than I ever was at UVA, mainly due to personal reasons. What you make of your college experience and the university you attend stems from where you are at mentally, so don’t jump too quickly to labels if you’re deciding between schools. Think about yourself first and foremost. I only decided to come here because I was ready to throw myself into a new environment. Go to a place where you can continue being happy. A place where you can continue enjoying life.
I’m sure other people have other experiences and stories to tell. Only just starting out in the grand scheme of things (also Ithaca weather > Charlottesville weather)
I should also add that they’re both great schools in my opinion. Challenging for sure, but if you think you can handle it, go for it.
This makes me scared of my future in my life
this video is changing my opinions about a lot of stuff