Male Friendships through an Autistic woman’s eyes
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.พ. 2023
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Hey guys I had to re-upload this video due to TH-cam copyright claiming the original one.
I remember finding it pretty upsetting how friendships with guys changed at puberty, I wasn't the same as them any more. I always felt we were equals before that but not after. I still do see myself as an equal I think but I realize it's more complicated now
I'm female, but I definitely operate in the way you've described here for men. Never had raw, vulnerable emotional connections with other women. Always felt like my struggles were so far removed from typical female struggles to be able to relate with them. Used previous partnerships for my sole emotional support and hoping to find someone that would be like a life coach (of course among other things, but I thought I had no other outlets for those specific needs). Always viewing the next male that came into my life as the next potential partner. Feeling lonely, lost, without a sense of purpose and no one to talk to. I am now ready to accept sisterhood into my life, I want to feel that strong female connection. I think a nurturing older woman would be a healing presence for me to open up this side of myself.
Honestly this is why I love queer friendships so so much. My best friend is queer and he has never objectified me and there is no chance of that oversexualization. We can also have those deep conversations, but also do this physical things instead of social things, which is great for autism.
I'm a male. Both males and females have used me as a therapist. It is the story of my life. Always been extremely sensitive, intuitive. That's why I've drifted out of many of my "friendships" because I'm sick of (and sick from) being used as a dumping ground for emotional toxic waste.
Anyone else have men in their lives whose wives are their spokespersons for their emotions? Mostly boomers in my life
That impression of déja vu. Yup, youtube and its copyright claim abuse can be infuriating.
Sadly alot of guys arent really taught how to be that emotional or express themselves. Sometimes actively told not too.
I completely agree with this sentiment. I did not have many friends in school because I was so focused on my academic record but afterwards I did find myself drifting towards friendships with men instead of women. It was easier due to less pressure to be sociable and perform femininity that often take place in friendships with women. Now I crave friendships with women because I want that emotional connection that I barely had with male friends. There is still the element of sociability being important in female friendships so I am specifically trying to find autistic female friends. Great video!
Fantastic discussion. One different perspective: I actually could start having romantic feelings for someone that I consider my friend. Those 2 roles are not mutually exclusive of each other for me. But I can understand that there are people that feel the way you do.
What you said around 12 minutes about guys staying friends without the growth or interest in each other!! They can be loyal to a fault and a part of me really admires that because I value chosen family, but when my guys I stick around despite their flaws stick with bad men....eegh
I was also shamed bullied and made fun of for being sensitive and having non-traditionally masculine traits, I was called a baby, f****t, kitty, weak, you act like a girl.
“They were my friend, but always waiting for the chance to sleep with me”
I'm starting to think I wasn't a tomboy when I was a young girl. I never dressed like a boy, I always dressed how I wanted to but not stereotypically like a tomboy. However, girls would be mean and guys would play tag and dodgeball. The only girl friends I had would sit with me in the flowers and search for ladybugs. I have a suspicion that I was perceived as a tomboy because of how many boy friends I had, but I also think adults felt like (due to how I dress; blouses and skorts) that I had crushes on a lot of the boy friends I had. I did have crushes, but I didn't really play with them. As I went through puberty, I found the only guy friends I could keep and have an actual friendship with were gay guys. My straight male friends were either in a relationship and respected their relationships or we weren't each other's type so it was easy to be friends. The guy friends that were attracted to me, let it be known through action that friendship was not something they really wanted. They would get close to me to try to cross boundaries. I mistook their closeness as a normal bonding friendship. I personally hate when a guy lies about wanting to be my friend. I don't want a guy waiting around to get into my pants. I'm not easy. I also don't want to be objectified. A lot of guys known how they feel, but they're so afraid to express their emotions that they basically sabotage themselves. Instead of being honest and saying: I just want to get in your pants, they fear rejection and then pretend to be your friend and then they mention tension when the feelings aren't mutual and make their move. It's so annoying..
The statement that you wouldn't be able to sleep with someone you're friends with or that you would never view your friends as someone you'd want to sleep with is the complete opposite from what I expirience.
I wonder how many aspects of being a man that we as a society deem as normal and natural, are actually just collective trauma. The number of times a male friend or partner has told me im the only person he’s ever deeply connected with is concerningly high.
This was a very well thought out and insightful video.
I think your thoughts/ observations are great and I relate so much to the things you said. I have found as an adult that my friendships with men vrs women are VERY different emotionally.
Something thats interesting is that Im ace, but also pretty Demisexual. So I actually need friendship before any sort of deep romantic or sexual feelings form. But I also really value my female friends as I sort of identify myself away from masculinity and more towards feminity.
just came across your channel, and this video reflects the thoughts i've had for ages, particularly when i got into a romantic relationship and i started observing a lot more about men and male friendships. thank you for sharing your experiences, i'm glad to see that i'm not the only one having these observations.