"All I need to do is something" is so wholesome. You share your pains and the answers you figured out. When I saw you wrote "to my overthinkers" I felt loved, moved and not alone... What you do is so meaningful for people like me, people like us. Hope every overthinker sees your vid. Thank you so much, meiqi. ❤
Hello, it's the fellow random 43yo animator, here. First off, I'm sorry to learn that despites your growing channel, steadily improving sense of photography and cinematography, and your already pretty fantastic level in hand drawn art, you do boxing, and yet, you still felt stuck and going nowhere. My first thought would be : Chill out ! You're only 20. I can tell you from personal experience in all my years, I've known MANY 20 year old folks who didn't have half of what you've got under your belt. If anything, I feel like you're burning the candle by the 2 ends. Which might be typical from an overthinker, since we are usually creative people, and our vast and fast imagination (and the oversized ambition, or at the very least, curiosity, and the bottomless need to learn that might come with it) is at the same time both a blessing... and a curse ! Long story alert (so read at your own expenses ^^) : Case in point : I'm 43, and been studying animation from 20 to 27, was a chill and relax dude during all my studies, but also was in overthinking overdrive and needed to do stuff to make myself feel alive. So as if I wasn't busy enough, on top of my theorical art history school classes and practical animation studies (which, anyone can tell you, is one of the most gruesome form of arts due to the sheer amount of tasks at hand, just to direct solo a 3 to 10 minutes short animation per year), I also took up classes of Taiji, Qigong and Kungfu, learned chinese acupressure massage as a bonus in these classes, kept learning to cook chinese dishes (I started at 16 thanks to my mom), and hung out with breakdancing friends and fooled around on the dancefloor with them, mixing up my taiji lessons with hip-hop dancing, styling my dancing style Tai Chip Hop ! Needless to say, I didn't sleep much in my 20ies. 27 was the age when Bryan Konietsko and Mike Di Martino famously created the worldwide smash hit show Avatar the Last Airbender, which, when I was an animation student, was one of my all time favorite animation shows. 27 was also the age when I graduated from my animation directing uni in Belgium. And obviously, I felt "ok... what the hell am I doing just graduating now when others have already started a worldwide smash hit ?" Sure, not being at the right place might have had something to do with it (Belgium, after all, is no California). So I was planning to choose to relocate between 3 places : Canada, China (back in the days, China was rapidly rising, and still very open to experimentation), and Taiwan, where my family is from (I had not much interest in going to get shot down in the US, schools, malls, and movie theaters shootings were still very much a thing back then), and from what I had heard from French insiders who went to work there, Japan's industry just felt grueling). So when I got a call from my dad from Taiwan who got me the opportunity to work at what seemed like one of the most notorious animation studios on the island, with a producer-in-chief of the same age as me who was freshly inheriting the studio from his dad, and having lived 10 years in the US, and was also bringing in experience from abroad, it felt like destiny ! So after a few conversations with the dude, we both clicked with each other, since we both had big dreams of bringing Taiwan to the map in the animation world, and "revolutionize" (whatever that means) the dying Taiwanese animation industry. Things were looking bright like a fresh start, and very exhilarating ! Fast forward 4 years later, and after having - directed (and basically single handedly animated) for him on 3 animated MV for pop music stars for the first 2 years, - helped for the concept art of a TV series all on my own for them, - at the same time, I had to draw the storyboard of a feature film in less than 3 months (spoier alert, it ended up taking 6), - And manage (basically do on my own) the entire post-prod of the movie, all of it by myself (which took one year an half). All of that because he and his family were just cheap bastards who thought they found a golden nugget of a swiss army knife who could do it all on his own for only one man's salary, all of it for 2 mediocre at best projects (but well, in animation, whether you like the project you're working on, it's still gonna take 2-3 years of your life), and of course, with crunch times where I was working up to 15-20h a day (I basically didn't go back home) and 7/7d for a few months in a row ... yeah, no wonder that after 4 years of working for such asshats, I just gave them the middle finger and left the company when they had the gall to ask me with a smile if I wanted to work on another mediocre sounding series project for them for the next 2 years afterwards. I heard that not long after my departure, the company had to shut down, and re-open under a new name and structure, only distributing animations shows from abroad instead of producing them from Taiwan. I guess I really was their secret sauce and after losing me, they realized just how good they had it with me in their ranks, only to crumble down as soon as I was gone... Afterwards, I was hired by a pal in a game company to spend the next 2 years on a mobile phone game projects where I was the sole animator (in 3D, a format I've never done before and had to spend the first 6 months on the job to try and navigate in Maya, which was NOT a joy to learn all on my own), and where I was the only dude on our skeletton crew whose ideas were systematically deemed unimportant and consistenlty brushed aside... Which, once again, after a year and half of struggling to make my voice heard, and my ideas on how not to tank that game, just left me burnt out, and opting out again. And guess what... ? Again, not long after I left, the whole project crumbled and the team was dismissed. Also, the company that hired us shut down like a year later, but I had seen the writings on the wall of its downfall long before anybody from my team picked the signs up. And I was trying to warn them about it but none of them listened to me, all so busy brainstorming on the game mechanics... They never got to finish the game. So after having spent 6 years on unworthy projects for ungrateful employers, the realization that I had wasted 6 years of the most important period of my career, overworking myself for projects that I could clearly see from the get go that they would all eventually fail for various reasons, just sent me into a deep depression + burnout cocktail where I VERY consciously (and unconsciously on top of it) decided to never to touch a pencil anymore. And mind you, at that point, at roughly 35yo at the time, I've been drawing ever since I was a kid, for about 30+ years already ! So deciding that I would put drawing behind me was an EXTREMELY painful decision, which I still carry on my shoulders to this day, (with the only exception when I teach art classes, those are the only times when I pick up my stylus and I draw). And to this day, despites having about 5 TV animation series projects that have been percolating in my mind for the past decade, I still can't bring myself to draw anything to put them to life. Luckily, by then, thanks to my earnings, I had just freshly taken on photography (my other life-long passion) since after 10 years of longing, I could finally afford to buy a "real" camera (a Canon 600D DSLR at the time, a camera that made feel like that I actually taken a photography when I clicked the shutter), and this transitioned me smoothly on my 2nd art journey, which was to get my butt off my 6 years long desk jail and get out and discover all the wonders of Taiwan (which is an extremely photogenic place, with very photogenic people). And it was awesome ! I met tons of interesting people, thanks to my photography journey, and dipped my toes into amateur and semi-professional filmmaking groups, thanks to annual competitions like 48h ! I was discovering a brand new world... Which lasted for about 5 years before I realized that earning a life as a photographer was even harder than with animation ! Which is why I was accidentally pulled back into the world of animation for a project in Belgium (during what was supposed to be a 2 months summer holiday), when a friend who was working on an international animation feature film project, in a studio I dreamed to work at when I was a student, asked me if I was looking for a job in animation ! I wasn't particularly, but hey, I felt it's been years I haven't done that, maybe I'm too rusty, but decided to take the test, just for shit and giggles... And against all odds, I actually go the part ! Champagne, everybody parties, panties are flying all over the room, blablabla... An old dream just came true ! Even better, the movie was from a famous international director who was well beloved at Cannes, and the movie was a bout Anne Frank, which was basically a recipe for an Oscar nomination by default ! Working on the movie for the upcoming 6 months would also have helped me get back my Belgian residency card (that I had lost at that point, since I had spent over a decade in Taiwan), so it was a double hit combo ! I decided then to cancel my flight back to Taiwan, and go all in in that new direction that life was showing me. All was looking formidable under the stars... Until I got sacked one month in the process ! (part 1/3, to be continued)
Part 2/3 Not because of the director, who was a darling, but because of his animation director, who was a total pixel-f%cker who would not allow a single deviation from his philosophy of animation (which was not the same as mine, and I'm not even talking about visual style or keeping the characters on model, I'm talking about animation philosophy, where he was more of a "draw every single frame and you have to suffer to make worthy art" while I had spent a decade in Asia, where we try and keep things as efficient and low effort for maximum impact as possible, so we recycle as much lines as possible, so to me, his style was just full of unecessary waste of time and efforts). Well, turns out he didn't like my asian animation philosophy and since he was the animation director, and I wasn't, he sacked me after not approving any of my shots for over a month. So I lost not only my shot at working on an Oscar worthy movie (spoiler alert, it did got an Oscar nomination 2 years later !), but also my ticket to get my residency in Belgium. And by that point, I had already given up on my flight back to Taiwan (just 2 weeks prior to the sacking), so I was stuck, and had to find another job pronto ! Which fortunately came a couple of months later, but in France (which still checked out, since it's part of Europe). And this time, it did work out, and I did manage to keep my job for over a year, halleluiah ! It Even bettter, it was for compositing (so no drawing required, only clicking on mouses and dragging cursors and layers on After Effects to have a pretty significant impact on the final look). And the project was actually exciting, for a french kids TV series that looked pretty damn good for a french production, so it was a joy to work on it for over a year... except we were hit by Covid in the middle of the production, and we were all sent packing home for 6 months ! We did manage to whip up a way to all work remotely from home (that's one of the perks of animation compared to live action filmmaking), so we did half the production like this, but needless to say, it wasn't easy everyday to keep up with the daily quota when you don't have the rigors of an office schedule anymore, and you let your past sleep demons get the best of you (turns out working until 4am, and sleeping until noon was NOT good teamworking). That was 3 years ago. I have been jobless ever since. And not for lack of searching, but our industry has been in the gutter for the past 2 years. At one point during these first 2 years of looking for a job, I finally find a golden opportunity : I got a solid shot at working on Robot Dreams, a great looking Spanish animation film, on which I actually sort of knew the animation director on the film (we were fromt he same school, albeit he was already an alumni when I got there) ! So, he recommended me to the director, the producer, I met with all of them on Zoom over 2 months, everything went super smoothly, everybody seemed to like me, hopes are high again... And on the day of the actual test, my computer decides to take a crap on me ! The Toonboom project I've been working on for the 2 days of the test somehow vanished from my hard drive and after trying to locate it for hours on the due day, I couldn't find it ! Needless to say, 2 months of smiling prior negociations don't weigh a ton in the balance when you can't deliver on the day of the test. So once again, I was let go from a super promising European movie that I would have dreamt to work on. And of course, 2 years later, it would go on and be nominated at the Oscars !!! ALL RIGHT, LIFE ! GOT YOUR MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR !!! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WORK IN ANIMATION ANYMORE !!! THANK YOU !!! GOT IT !!!
Part 3/3 So after 2 years of not finding a job, I'm now back in Taiwan (I figured might as well come back here for a few months, maybe 6, enjoy the cheaper living costs so my meager savings can last a bit longer, pay a good visit to my mom that I haven't seen for over a year, and start writing on my 5 personal projects that have been marinating in my head for over a decade)... Only to be met in Taiwan with the news that my mom just got a cancer ! ... (long sigh) ... And now it's been over a year an half I've been stuck in Taiwan, having to keep being at her sides, seeing her taking her chemo like a champ, but still having to stay at her sides "just in case", savings long depleted, and having been on survival mode thanks to a few weekly animation classes to kids I give to the local French school for the past year. With no time nor willpower to write down or prepare my projects, and no immediate prospect of finding any job in my trade for the foreseeable future, because the animation industry is currently in its worst period ever, with all the projects cancellations left and right, nobody finding jobs in France or Europe, all the layoffs happening at Pixar & Dreamworks, the horrible working conditions in Sony for the Spiderverse movies, and let's not even mention everything that's happening in Japan, where people are actually starting to complain about the inhumane working conditions at studio Mappa (and trust me, it takes A LOT to make a japanese animator complain about his job's condition, these people are so used to be brutalized in silence, when they start opening their mouth, you know something REALLY wrong is happening !), the advent of AI coming for replacing 90% of the workforce worldwide... So once again, now that I'm 43, I have even less patience or willpower or simply gas in the tank to try and make my 5 projects come to life anymore (each one potentially taking between 5 to 7 or 10 years from preprod to post prod, should it happen, that would mean I have enough in my brain to keep me busy until I die). Sso I have no idea what I should be feeling about once again giving up on my dreams ? Maybe given the situation and my age, that would be the wiser thing to do ? After all, I am getting too old to start my career over and over again... And why not become a youtuber instead ^^ ? Or still stupidly stubbornly keeping at it ? I mean, Miyazaki started his directorial deput at 43 ! (ok granted, at that point, he's been working at Toei animation for over 2 decades, and he had his mentor Takahata as his wingman/producer backing him up, none of which I have), and George Miller, 79 yo, just directed Furiosa, which is one of the most stellar action movies of the decade ! So the question still lingers... All that to tell you that life is full of ups and downs. Nothing lasts forever, and sometimes you think you're on top of your game... and it all suddenly comes crashing down. And sometimes you feel like you're at rock bottom... and something or someone (or somewhere) unexpected comes in and swoops you back up. And sometimes, like now, life is just flatlining... for a long time... where it seems nothing is happening. But actually things ARE happening, you're just not in a state to perceive or appreciate it. Once you keep the ball rolling again, these little changes will make themselves more apparent to you, and once you can see them, you might be in a better state to actually make good use of them. Just be sure to pick your battles wisely. Contrary to what we think in our 20ies, we don't run on infinite time nor resources or energy, and sadly, not all shiny opportunities are golden. Sometimes, some of the extra shiny looking ones are gonna lock you in an uncomfortable position for a very long time that you might regret having wasted your time on later on. I guess it all comes down to the quality of your connections, and sometimes, sheer dumb luck. But also, once again : Chill ! You're only 20 ! You're young, you're beautiful, you're super smart (even a bit too much for your own good, from what I can hear, but it's the age). It is time to get out and experiment. Try out new things you've never tried. But also to take care of yourself and not be too hard on how "little" you've accomplished. Once again, it's all a matter of who you're comparing yourself to. If you're comparing to the likes of Miyazaki, then sure, you're lightyears behind. But hey, guess what ? He's nearing 90 year old ! He had a lifetime of experience before you, AND he went through WW2 when he was a kid and witnessed with his own infant eyes the horrors of his town being bombarded, which in turns, was a trauma big enough that making all his movies were basically his own form of anti-war therapy sessions ! No wonder he has so much to tell through his art. And then if you compare yourself to the average 20yo schmuck, your overanalytical and overachieving butt is already so much ahead of the curve it's maddening. The only person you have to compare yourself to is your past self. If you really want to compare yourself to someone, the only question you should be asking is : Am I better than the me from yesterday. Or last week ? Or last year ? From what I've seen in your previous vids, the answer seems to be : yes. So chill out. You got this ! Love yourself some more, sunshine.
“You begin to comprehend the incomprehensible immensity that is life” , love it! ❤ This video was so good! Not just the message, but the editing and all the clips. Amazing!
Overthinking may be paralyzing, but impulse (for me) has created tension/have not gone in my favor unless said impulse is inconsequential (e.g. going to a nearby park and walk around, suddenly deciding to cook or work on my personal projects/hobbies). I guess I need to find that balance but it seems interestingly difficult (dare I say impossible?) if I need to arguably overthink to find said balance and still avoid that impulse. Or maybe somehow do both at once? Is that even possible? Either way, love the cinematography and really glad you found what works for you. i've said this before, I love watching your videos and people like you give me a chance to re-analyze myself/put my thoughts into words. Hope you're enjoying your time in China (Or that you've enjoyed your time in China xd)
I took a lot of days just laying in bed, taking time to overthink and to let my mind do what it wants. I do feel oddly better. Because I wasn't fighting anything. I feel like when I try to force myself to stop overthinking, it causes mental pain. The only solutions I have so far is to allow it to overthink and to watch a bunch of relatable videos where people are talking on the subject that I am so stressed about so I feel less alone, or trying to just kinda switch my thinking to something else. Like overthinking on a different specific thing.
such a cinematic video, very well done! i also had problems with overthinking, what helped me is studying zen-buddhism and doing zazen. the teachings of zen were the only ones that helped me become one with the world so to say. i recommend books from the Soto-Zen School. have a great day meiqii
How do you stop thinking …? I want to make my biggest drawback my greatest comeback… but how is what I am over thinking from past idk maybe 2-3 weeks … are you an INTJ Personality type ?
"All I need to do is something" is so wholesome. You share your pains and the answers you figured out. When I saw you wrote "to my overthinkers" I felt loved, moved and not alone... What you do is so meaningful for people like me, people like us. Hope every overthinker sees your vid. Thank you so much, meiqi. ❤
the video quality is improving so quickly bro
this is actually beautiful, u need more views fr
Hello, it's the fellow random 43yo animator, here.
First off, I'm sorry to learn that despites your growing channel, steadily improving sense of photography and cinematography, and your already pretty fantastic level in hand drawn art, you do boxing, and yet, you still felt stuck and going nowhere.
My first thought would be : Chill out ! You're only 20. I can tell you from personal experience in all my years, I've known MANY 20 year old folks who didn't have half of what you've got under your belt. If anything, I feel like you're burning the candle by the 2 ends. Which might be typical from an overthinker, since we are usually creative people, and our vast and fast imagination (and the oversized ambition, or at the very least, curiosity, and the bottomless need to learn that might come with it) is at the same time both a blessing... and a curse !
Long story alert (so read at your own expenses ^^) :
Case in point : I'm 43, and been studying animation from 20 to 27, was a chill and relax dude during all my studies, but also was in overthinking overdrive and needed to do stuff to make myself feel alive. So as if I wasn't busy enough, on top of my theorical art history school classes and practical animation studies (which, anyone can tell you, is one of the most gruesome form of arts due to the sheer amount of tasks at hand, just to direct solo a 3 to 10 minutes short animation per year), I also took up classes of Taiji, Qigong and Kungfu, learned chinese acupressure massage as a bonus in these classes, kept learning to cook chinese dishes (I started at 16 thanks to my mom), and hung out with breakdancing friends and fooled around on the dancefloor with them, mixing up my taiji lessons with hip-hop dancing, styling my dancing style Tai Chip Hop !
Needless to say, I didn't sleep much in my 20ies.
27 was the age when Bryan Konietsko and Mike Di Martino famously created the worldwide smash hit show Avatar the Last Airbender, which, when I was an animation student, was one of my all time favorite animation shows.
27 was also the age when I graduated from my animation directing uni in Belgium.
And obviously, I felt "ok... what the hell am I doing just graduating now when others have already started a worldwide smash hit ?"
Sure, not being at the right place might have had something to do with it (Belgium, after all, is no California).
So I was planning to choose to relocate between 3 places : Canada, China (back in the days, China was rapidly rising, and still very open to experimentation), and Taiwan, where my family is from (I had not much interest in going to get shot down in the US, schools, malls, and movie theaters shootings were still very much a thing back then), and from what I had heard from French insiders who went to work there, Japan's industry just felt grueling).
So when I got a call from my dad from Taiwan who got me the opportunity to work at what seemed like one of the most notorious animation studios on the island, with a producer-in-chief of the same age as me who was freshly inheriting the studio from his dad, and having lived 10 years in the US, and was also bringing in experience from abroad, it felt like destiny !
So after a few conversations with the dude, we both clicked with each other, since we both had big dreams of bringing Taiwan to the map in the animation world, and "revolutionize" (whatever that means) the dying Taiwanese animation industry.
Things were looking bright like a fresh start, and very exhilarating !
Fast forward 4 years later, and after having
- directed (and basically single handedly animated) for him on 3 animated MV for pop music stars for the first 2 years,
- helped for the concept art of a TV series all on my own for them,
- at the same time, I had to draw the storyboard of a feature film in less than 3 months (spoier alert, it ended up taking 6),
- And manage (basically do on my own) the entire post-prod of the movie, all of it by myself (which took one year an half).
All of that because he and his family were just cheap bastards who thought they found a golden nugget of a swiss army knife who could do it all on his own for only one man's salary, all of it for 2 mediocre at best projects (but well, in animation, whether you like the project you're working on, it's still gonna take 2-3 years of your life), and of course, with crunch times where I was working up to 15-20h a day (I basically didn't go back home) and 7/7d for a few months in a row ... yeah, no wonder that after 4 years of working for such asshats, I just gave them the middle finger and left the company when they had the gall to ask me with a smile if I wanted to work on another mediocre sounding series project for them for the next 2 years afterwards.
I heard that not long after my departure, the company had to shut down, and re-open under a new name and structure, only distributing animations shows from abroad instead of producing them from Taiwan. I guess I really was their secret sauce and after losing me, they realized just how good they had it with me in their ranks, only to crumble down as soon as I was gone...
Afterwards, I was hired by a pal in a game company to spend the next 2 years on a mobile phone game projects where I was the sole animator (in 3D, a format I've never done before and had to spend the first 6 months on the job to try and navigate in Maya, which was NOT a joy to learn all on my own), and where I was the only dude on our skeletton crew whose ideas were systematically deemed unimportant and consistenlty brushed aside... Which, once again, after a year and half of struggling to make my voice heard, and my ideas on how not to tank that game, just left me burnt out, and opting out again.
And guess what... ? Again, not long after I left, the whole project crumbled and the team was dismissed. Also, the company that hired us shut down like a year later, but I had seen the writings on the wall of its downfall long before anybody from my team picked the signs up. And I was trying to warn them about it but none of them listened to me, all so busy brainstorming on the game mechanics... They never got to finish the game.
So after having spent 6 years on unworthy projects for ungrateful employers, the realization that I had wasted 6 years of the most important period of my career, overworking myself for projects that I could clearly see from the get go that they would all eventually fail for various reasons, just sent me into a deep depression + burnout cocktail where I VERY consciously (and unconsciously on top of it) decided to never to touch a pencil anymore.
And mind you, at that point, at roughly 35yo at the time, I've been drawing ever since I was a kid, for about 30+ years already ! So deciding that I would put drawing behind me was an EXTREMELY painful decision, which I still carry on my shoulders to this day, (with the only exception when I teach art classes, those are the only times when I pick up my stylus and I draw).
And to this day, despites having about 5 TV animation series projects that have been percolating in my mind for the past decade, I still can't bring myself to draw anything to put them to life.
Luckily, by then, thanks to my earnings, I had just freshly taken on photography (my other life-long passion) since after 10 years of longing, I could finally afford to buy a "real" camera (a Canon 600D DSLR at the time, a camera that made feel like that I actually taken a photography when I clicked the shutter), and this transitioned me smoothly on my 2nd art journey, which was to get my butt off my 6 years long desk jail and get out and discover all the wonders of Taiwan (which is an extremely photogenic place, with very photogenic people).
And it was awesome !
I met tons of interesting people, thanks to my photography journey, and dipped my toes into amateur and semi-professional filmmaking groups, thanks to annual competitions like 48h !
I was discovering a brand new world... Which lasted for about 5 years before I realized that earning a life as a photographer was even harder than with animation !
Which is why I was accidentally pulled back into the world of animation for a project in Belgium (during what was supposed to be a 2 months summer holiday), when a friend who was working on an international animation feature film project, in a studio I dreamed to work at when I was a student, asked me if I was looking for a job in animation !
I wasn't particularly, but hey, I felt it's been years I haven't done that, maybe I'm too rusty, but decided to take the test, just for shit and giggles...
And against all odds, I actually go the part !
Champagne, everybody parties, panties are flying all over the room, blablabla...
An old dream just came true !
Even better, the movie was from a famous international director who was well beloved at Cannes, and the movie was a bout Anne Frank, which was basically a recipe for an Oscar nomination by default ! Working on the movie for the upcoming 6 months would also have helped me get back my Belgian residency card (that I had lost at that point, since I had spent over a decade in Taiwan), so it was a double hit combo !
I decided then to cancel my flight back to Taiwan, and go all in in that new direction that life was showing me.
All was looking formidable under the stars...
Until I got sacked one month in the process !
(part 1/3, to be continued)
Part 2/3
Not because of the director, who was a darling, but because of his animation director, who was a total pixel-f%cker who would not allow a single deviation from his philosophy of animation (which was not the same as mine, and I'm not even talking about visual style or keeping the characters on model, I'm talking about animation philosophy, where he was more of a "draw every single frame and you have to suffer to make worthy art" while I had spent a decade in Asia, where we try and keep things as efficient and low effort for maximum impact as possible, so we recycle as much lines as possible, so to me, his style was just full of unecessary waste of time and efforts).
Well, turns out he didn't like my asian animation philosophy and since he was the animation director, and I wasn't, he sacked me after not approving any of my shots for over a month.
So I lost not only my shot at working on an Oscar worthy movie (spoiler alert, it did got an Oscar nomination 2 years later !), but also my ticket to get my residency in Belgium.
And by that point, I had already given up on my flight back to Taiwan (just 2 weeks prior to the sacking), so I was stuck, and had to find another job pronto !
Which fortunately came a couple of months later, but in France (which still checked out, since it's part of Europe).
And this time, it did work out, and I did manage to keep my job for over a year, halleluiah ! It Even bettter, it was for compositing (so no drawing required, only clicking on mouses and dragging cursors and layers on After Effects to have a pretty significant impact on the final look).
And the project was actually exciting, for a french kids TV series that looked pretty damn good for a french production, so it was a joy to work on it for over a year... except we were hit by Covid in the middle of the production, and we were all sent packing home for 6 months !
We did manage to whip up a way to all work remotely from home (that's one of the perks of animation compared to live action filmmaking), so we did half the production like this, but needless to say, it wasn't easy everyday to keep up with the daily quota when you don't have the rigors of an office schedule anymore, and you let your past sleep demons get the best of you (turns out working until 4am, and sleeping until noon was NOT good teamworking).
That was 3 years ago.
I have been jobless ever since.
And not for lack of searching, but our industry has been in the gutter for the past 2 years.
At one point during these first 2 years of looking for a job, I finally find a golden opportunity : I got a solid shot at working on Robot Dreams, a great looking Spanish animation film, on which I actually sort of knew the animation director on the film (we were fromt he same school, albeit he was already an alumni when I got there) !
So, he recommended me to the director, the producer, I met with all of them on Zoom over 2 months, everything went super smoothly, everybody seemed to like me, hopes are high again...
And on the day of the actual test, my computer decides to take a crap on me ! The Toonboom project I've been working on for the 2 days of the test somehow vanished from my hard drive and after trying to locate it for hours on the due day, I couldn't find it ! Needless to say, 2 months of smiling prior negociations don't weigh a ton in the balance when you can't deliver on the day of the test.
So once again, I was let go from a super promising European movie that I would have dreamt to work on.
And of course, 2 years later, it would go on and be nominated at the Oscars !!!
ALL RIGHT, LIFE ! GOT YOUR MESSAGE LOUD AND CLEAR !!! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WORK IN ANIMATION ANYMORE !!! THANK YOU !!! GOT IT !!!
Part 3/3
So after 2 years of not finding a job, I'm now back in Taiwan (I figured might as well come back here for a few months, maybe 6, enjoy the cheaper living costs so my meager savings can last a bit longer, pay a good visit to my mom that I haven't seen for over a year, and start writing on my 5 personal projects that have been marinating in my head for over a decade)...
Only to be met in Taiwan with the news that my mom just got a cancer !
...
(long sigh)
...
And now it's been over a year an half I've been stuck in Taiwan, having to keep being at her sides, seeing her taking her chemo like a champ, but still having to stay at her sides "just in case", savings long depleted, and having been on survival mode thanks to a few weekly animation classes to kids I give to the local French school for the past year. With no time nor willpower to write down or prepare my projects, and no immediate prospect of finding any job in my trade for the foreseeable future, because the animation industry is currently in its worst period ever, with all the projects cancellations left and right, nobody finding jobs in France or Europe, all the layoffs happening at Pixar & Dreamworks, the horrible working conditions in Sony for the Spiderverse movies, and let's not even mention everything that's happening in Japan, where people are actually starting to complain about the inhumane working conditions at studio Mappa (and trust me, it takes A LOT to make a japanese animator complain about his job's condition, these people are so used to be brutalized in silence, when they start opening their mouth, you know something REALLY wrong is happening !), the advent of AI coming for replacing 90% of the workforce worldwide...
So once again, now that I'm 43, I have even less patience or willpower or simply gas in the tank to try and make my 5 projects come to life anymore (each one potentially taking between 5 to 7 or 10 years from preprod to post prod, should it happen, that would mean I have enough in my brain to keep me busy until I die).
Sso I have no idea what I should be feeling about once again giving up on my dreams ? Maybe given the situation and my age, that would be the wiser thing to do ? After all, I am getting too old to start my career over and over again... And why not become a youtuber instead ^^ ?
Or still stupidly stubbornly keeping at it ? I mean, Miyazaki started his directorial deput at 43 ! (ok granted, at that point, he's been working at Toei animation for over 2 decades, and he had his mentor Takahata as his wingman/producer backing him up, none of which I have), and George Miller, 79 yo, just directed Furiosa, which is one of the most stellar action movies of the decade !
So the question still lingers...
All that to tell you that life is full of ups and downs.
Nothing lasts forever, and sometimes you think you're on top of your game... and it all suddenly comes crashing down.
And sometimes you feel like you're at rock bottom... and something or someone (or somewhere) unexpected comes in and swoops you back up.
And sometimes, like now, life is just flatlining... for a long time... where it seems nothing is happening.
But actually things ARE happening, you're just not in a state to perceive or appreciate it. Once you keep the ball rolling again, these little changes will make themselves more apparent to you, and once you can see them, you might be in a better state to actually make good use of them.
Just be sure to pick your battles wisely.
Contrary to what we think in our 20ies, we don't run on infinite time nor resources or energy, and sadly, not all shiny opportunities are golden. Sometimes, some of the extra shiny looking ones are gonna lock you in an uncomfortable position for a very long time that you might regret having wasted your time on later on.
I guess it all comes down to the quality of your connections, and sometimes, sheer dumb luck.
But also, once again : Chill ! You're only 20 !
You're young, you're beautiful, you're super smart (even a bit too much for your own good, from what I can hear, but it's the age).
It is time to get out and experiment. Try out new things you've never tried. But also to take care of yourself and not be too hard on how "little" you've accomplished.
Once again, it's all a matter of who you're comparing yourself to. If you're comparing to the likes of Miyazaki, then sure, you're lightyears behind.
But hey, guess what ? He's nearing 90 year old ! He had a lifetime of experience before you, AND he went through WW2 when he was a kid and witnessed with his own infant eyes the horrors of his town being bombarded, which in turns, was a trauma big enough that making all his movies were basically his own form of anti-war therapy sessions !
No wonder he has so much to tell through his art.
And then if you compare yourself to the average 20yo schmuck, your overanalytical and overachieving butt is already so much ahead of the curve it's maddening.
The only person you have to compare yourself to is your past self. If you really want to compare yourself to someone, the only question you should be asking is : Am I better than the me from yesterday. Or last week ? Or last year ?
From what I've seen in your previous vids, the answer seems to be : yes.
So chill out.
You got this !
Love yourself some more, sunshine.
“You begin to comprehend the incomprehensible immensity that is life” , love it! ❤ This video was so good! Not just the message, but the editing and all the clips. Amazing!
Thank you for this video. It really helps people like me and showing that you are doing better gives me hope too
your videos always come up at the exact time i need them to. so gladdd
who up beginning to comprehend the incomprehensible immensity that is life rn?
tysm for makin my days less heavy
definitely have been feeling the same lately so this vid is really comforting
i loved it, thank you for sharing all these experiences you've had! To me it felt like someone else understands what I went through.💙💙💙
thank you so much for sharing that, i genuinely felt understood
thank you for making this video ❤✨
The cinematography goes crazy
I appreciate the art fr.
this is so beautiful..keep going
I love these videos, they bring me so much joy and keep me at peace, when I'm lost I come to this channel and watch some videos
I was going through this
This video saved me
Thank you so so muchhhh❤
Overthinking may be paralyzing, but impulse (for me) has created tension/have not gone in my favor unless said impulse is inconsequential (e.g. going to a nearby park and walk around, suddenly deciding to cook or work on my personal projects/hobbies). I guess I need to find that balance but it seems interestingly difficult (dare I say impossible?) if I need to arguably overthink to find said balance and still avoid that impulse. Or maybe somehow do both at once? Is that even possible?
Either way, love the cinematography and really glad you found what works for you. i've said this before, I love watching your videos and people like you give me a chance to re-analyze myself/put my thoughts into words.
Hope you're enjoying your time in China (Or that you've enjoyed your time in China xd)
I took a lot of days just laying in bed, taking time to overthink and to let my mind do what it wants. I do feel oddly better. Because I wasn't fighting anything. I feel like when I try to force myself to stop overthinking, it causes mental pain. The only solutions I have so far is to allow it to overthink and to watch a bunch of relatable videos where people are talking on the subject that I am so stressed about so I feel less alone, or trying to just kinda switch my thinking to something else. Like overthinking on a different specific thing.
this helped a lot, especially in the middle of finals!
Tysm for making my day when i felt empty. I wish you many more successful endeavours in the upcoming future ❤
Damn, this girl really good w words...that requires wisdom many people dont have...
omg i love it
such a cinematic video, very well done!
i also had problems with overthinking, what helped me is studying zen-buddhism and doing zazen. the teachings of zen were the only ones that helped me become one with the world so to say. i recommend books from the Soto-Zen School. have a great day meiqii
Blud will be able to pay her rent with these bangers 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️.
i loved your old way of videos i felt more connected
"to my overthinkers, thanks for watching"
you didn't have to call us out like that haha
Amazing video but mostly thank you for making me discover this beautiful song.
this was so comforting
Love meiqiii....💕 May my prayers Always be with you^_________^
almost cried
Thanks for speaking to me, as a friend, through this video.
thanks, a lot ❤
Nice job.
Have an amazing wonderful day girl ❤❤
thank u sm
you are beautiful girl
Love it!!! ❤️
erm waqt the sigma, nice message.
How do you stop thinking …? I want to make my biggest drawback my greatest comeback… but how is what I am over thinking from past idk maybe 2-3 weeks … are you an INTJ Personality type ?
beautiful
this was amazing; thank you!(˘ˆ˘)♡
wow. just wow.
what happened to your last video
姐姐，别给自己太多的压力了❤
meiqii, where are the videos you have uploaded before? it seems like there should be 2 videos missing
yeah i think she removed them
on point
love your videos :) what's the name of the song playing in the background?
海底-三块木头😊
@@meiqiii could you write it in pinyin please?😭i don't speak chinese unfortunately
Haidi-san kuai mu tou
@@meiqiii thank you!
Le sienta muy bien las coletas
Hello, I am a graphic designer I wanted to making a animated t-shirt if you allow.
😊🤍
i don´t need a therapist thanks to youuuu 🤍