The questioner is so brave. Emotionally intelligent, articulate and vulnerable. He'll find his way. It will probably be painful, but he'll get to where he needs to be 🙏
@@stephencardile5770 I agree. You're so brave ! I relate to what you've said: to become detached or not in par with the people around you ( not connected) but at the same time being more connected to every living or non-living thing in your environment. This makes you feel so special in a kind of way as if you've been chosen to see through it all but at the same time you feel the loneliest person on the planet.
But is it really like this? I mean I am in a relationship where I am growing spiritually and mentally and often I feel like I am misunderstood. I am trying to help him, because he has a lot of stuff in his head, but he is not listening and he doesn’t even talk to me about it. He only sees his point of view and how HE always feels. Like I have a lot of feelings too and he doesn’t seems to notice how I really feel. I am thinking about a separation but I still think there is something more. And I really don’t know how to proceed or what to do.
When you reach that non-reactive point in the relationship… such a relief and you then know you have evolved and can look back at the relationship with kindness
Seeing the pain and hurt on him is heartbeaking but seeing someone care so much about someone is so sweet and doesn't happen a lot thede days. I hope he finds peace and happiness because he surely deserves it.
Yes, people are ready to move on when the closeness is gone. When emotional closeness and being on the same level is not aligned people are ready to bail. What about commitment? That is why we take marriage vows. sometimes it feels like people ready to bail when it is no longer beneficial to them.
@@jjm2948 we have to do things for ourselves so the one for us will come. That’s why we don’t change and give up. It’s like a game, when you lose you keep playing.
To me, it means there is no escape. (But please know that I have no background in Zen or any other sort of Buddhist approach. I'm just sharing my own idiosyncratic take on a phrase that I like a lot.) Enlightenment/attunement helps one chop wood and carry water. It doesn't deliver one from it. There are the physical and sensuous delights of wood and water and exertion, but resistance and inertia numb us to those delights, much as in a relationship. So ya gotta make your peace with the fact that life is work. That acceptance paves the way for presence and enjoyment of even the uncelebrated mundanities of life and of relationship.
I think he can't let go because he doesnt want to break up, and fears his self-made stigma on himself (and others)that if a relationship doesn't automatically fulfill his every need, then he is "weak". Which is untrue. Unconditional love is the key. No one wants to be controlled.
I’m so grateful to get to read all of the sweet and uplifting comments. It’s scary and vulnerable to see your self out there exposed publicly as I am in this video. I appreciate all of the love and being part of this community. I’m sending my love back to each and everyone of you.
Thank you for being vulnerable and asking the question. I have seen the 2 houses phenomenon occur. It is common in the upper echelon. I have never seen the two people reconnect as a traditional one home couple.
There does come a time to lovingly say goodbye to the intensity at least of a particular relationship. We don't have to feel obligated to be under the same roof with anyone. We came into this world solo. And we leave solo. And along the way, we live and we love.
Let it go and if meant to be..it will return. Love yourself first before someone else can love you. I’m old…I’ve had to leave behind those that complicate my life and I can no longer help them.
How do we love ourself? By doing what we like? By appreciating gifts given to us in form of body and mind? Still it is not loving oneself..love is supposed to be given..if we can love ourselves why do we need others? Is loving oneself not selfish? One can be contend self satisfied etc..and grateful to all..but what does it mean to love oneself..🤔
To love oneself you first have to know yourself well enough to know your good and bad traits. Knowing that you are perfectly imperfect and being ok with that. Accepting yourself just as you are warts and all. Your self worth and self love is not dictated or “fed” by external sources.
@@positivity20 I've been asking myself the same questions for my whole life. I've found self love is a lot of things... to name a few 1) approaching your inner critic with curiosity instead of anxiety 2) taking excellent care of your body through eating healthy foods, going to the doctor, taking whatever supplements 3) approaching myself with compassion instead of disdain when I am unable to meet my expectations of what I'm "supposed to" do or be 4) self acceptance, you can do this and still strive to do better 5) recognizing that anxiety/depression can't be cured with negative self talk, only with cutting myself the same compassion I would show someone else in the same situation 6) always having my own back, never shaming myself for mistakes 7) finding validation from within and understanding that a lot of people won't like me or what I have to offer, but a lot of other people will 8) understanding that my worth is inherent and unchangeable and absolutely not dependent on acts of service or approval from others (although I naturally am a giving person anyway my worth isn't dependent on it nor are my accomplishments). Really, it's cliche, but it all boils down to treating yourself with the same respect and love that you would another person. When you love yourself you actually are a lot less self-absorbed bc you're not always obsessing over what people think of you or if you're "good enough" you can just live and be you.
Usually the best answer comes not through the decision making process of the mind trying to figure out “what’s the best thing to do?” The best answer comes as a sudden realization “this is the thing to do,” either you leave or you stay.
When I listen to this man try to discern if this is his ego or discernment, I offer this thought: Are you able to be your authentic self in your relationship? Are you respected for just being you? Or are you trying to change to please someone else? When you find the core of your being, you know what your soul needs and you honor it. It's not about judgement. It's accepting your needs without burden to others. And realizing when others burden us with their needs, its about their burdens and their lack of willingness, or awareness to fulfill them themselves. It's not about us and sometimes as sad as it is, as painful as it is--to accept this brings peace. I can attest to this personally. It may mean you change your approach towards someone so you suffer less--because you realize this ultimately isn't about you, but it doesn't mean the door has to stay closed. You can always offer love and support that respects you being you. I hope this helps. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves.
@@roanevans-ehricht1232 it’s complicated and I really do appreciate your very direct, clear thinking answer. Now I need insert an edit- you said wiped- a good phrase-my brain read this as ass-whipped, please accept my replaced term ass - whipped and save me a lot of thumb typing! I have written from the heart and I hope that by connecting our responses it will help someone out there. It’s certainly helping me by writing and there’s still, years later ongoing big fall out challenges. Some people can be kind of trained without knowing, from an early age to take care of and accommodate others and work super hard to achieve and provide. It can leave a strong person vulnerable to subtle manipulation that they don’t see. This time it’s the man, but that is the way sometimes and by society standards he is ‘doing all the right things’ “ Ass - whippers” can be super manipulators, like the kind, quiet sweet stay at home dad… I think therapy is helpful to find a way forward. However not all therapists will spot subtle “ ass- whipping” and what it is about us that we keep trying to make this work. I was ass whipped by a street angel for years and totally blamed by a therapist. Could have done with your straight talking as I poured over the pages of The Power of Now! My training ground- was my family- one of my many survivor jokes- Not the Waltons- if you’re old enough to remember that TV family. I like this guy got stuck in to making things work, I’m kind, capable and feisty, never did I ever think I was “ the doormat” - the female for ass whipped. The man was so subtle and covert and knew exactly what he was doing… I’ve kids, so that means there is still contact etc, lots. Good luck. # Reality and Compassion.
@@roanevans-ehricht1232 I am sure she is 20 years younger, thats the ones they love the most. The one they left their long suffering wife for, this is karma. There may be lots of regret tied up with him as well.
I very much agree. I understand WHY I am in a marriage that seemingly doesn’t work. But if one only thinks in ways of traditional marriage demands, you rob yourself of further growth and learning from each other.
We are mirrors to each other. The faults we find in others is a reflection of our own. If communication is off, we must communicate better. If affection and/or intimacy is off, we must be more affectionate/intimate. The ego wants to blame the other but we’re all one. We must become the change we seek in the world.
Yes, I’ve heard that before. What do you do if your spouse is an alcoholic? I keep asking myself what I did to cause this? I know I didn’t actually cause his alcoholism but what did I do to bring this karma to me?
I have just left my alcoholic partner after 18years - it's taken me years to get strong enough to do so. We have to live together until we can afford seperate roofs but at least I'm this far and now have a chance to create a new life once the weeds are gone.
I like this guy, and I relate to him a lot. I'm not married, but I don't relate to my family even though we were close in the past (a toxic closeness), and I grew away from my former friends. Now I actually have no friends. I wish I could give this guy a hug because this process can be painful. I really appreciate that people can be themselves and vulnerable with Eckhart.
Don't force someone to stick around just to be your training ground if that's all you see them as. Let them go to find someone who actually appreciates them. Your spiritual journey is your responsibility, not hers.
I could listen to Eckhart Tolle all day. He is so interesting. I think the man was incredible standing in front of a crowd discussing his personal life.
I would like to say something in regards to the man asking the question. It is clear there is still a strong reactive ego that is present within him. It is true that some friends may be lost during the process of spiritual growth, but what I’ve found is when you get to a place of true presence or un-reactiveness you actually attract people towards you. Since Eckhart won’t say it, I will. The man has made incredible progress no doubt, but there’s still much much work to be done my friend, I can sense it very clearly. My advice: keep going, go deeper, let go of your urge to explain yourself, be totally present, reach new heights and watch what happens.
The point of getting up and sharing your story is to be vulnerable, share where you are, and get help. Not to be perfect, or where you deem “ok.” His voice is shaking, he is clearly in a lot of pain. If the mike was open only to those who were fully healed and ascended, it would be empty.
@@badpoetry33 i agree that the point is to be vulnerable and not perfect. Being vulnerable opens you up to feedback, why are you against this? It's good to receive feedback, you should not be avoiding it or be offended by it. That's the whole point.
Perfect advice as usual. It's easy to forget these people close to us are our teachers too. We are so blessed to live in this age with Eckhart ❤️ A reminder to me that I still have much work to do. Very exciting times ❤️ blessings to all on this beautiful journey 🙏
I have been waiting for this kind of video for a very long time i can 100% relate to the question he presents. Two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me and it was very hard for me. He's the kind of person that's very ground in the third dimension, unconsciousness, and very controlled by his ego and have a strong pain body . I consider myself as a conscious spiritual soul , we were kinda opposites so I didn't feel that I grew spiritually with him. we had very difficult times when he was manipulative towards me. We had a lot of fights and it was a very difficult and i almost break up with him 3 times but he didnt let me and begged me stay . during this time I tried to understand what the universe was trying to teach and why am i going throughout this hard time with him and if i really should break up .there was a point where i couldnt suffer anymore so i start being more present and didnt let my ego react to his manipulative ego , thats when the hard time ended and it started a good period of time in our relationship. I fell in love with him (even though i didnt really felt spiritual around him ) and I thought that we were both in love until I found out that he has lost his feelings. It was very difficult for me to realize that after all we came thourght. Now, after looking back I understand everything and know that the universe tried to teach me a lesson in presence. And that the reason we didn't break up when times were hard was because i hadn't learned the lesson - the practice in the presence momemt and letting go of the ego Thats execlly what Eckhart talked about, that sometimes a person really came into your life to teach you some lessons. He broke up with me really after i learned the lesson. On a spiritul level - This is probably what made him leave, because when there were no ego dramas that drew energy from a relationship -. I fell in love, and I grow from it and learned the lesson in when he lost his "feelings" - lost the reaction of my ego. That's why we broke up, his role ended with my decline
The reason he lost his feelings was probably the fact that he loves drama. Some people need to live with strong emotions, even brutal and unpleasant. Otherwise, they get bored and lose interest.
Once she has triggered you on most levels you will likely seperate because then her job is done and you will feel the impulse to be with someone who is walking a similar path. 🧡 someone you can actually open and merge with.
2.5 years after leaving covert malignant husband, I NEEDED to hear this especially today that I've spent crying on and off all day. The man in the audience probably does not yet know his wife is narcissistic and she will NEVER change.
I'm so sorry you spent all day crying (or had a reason to cry so much). I think I feel your pain. It sucks I also picked up on the possibility that his wife is at least toxic. When he said that it wasn't worth it to even ask for something to be rephrased, I thought "oh no, that's not good!"
@@laurenbatson5918 Thank you for your empathic kindness Lauren. You are right, about the man in the audience. I seemed to me that he was "crying" out for help. Asking for a suggestion or suggestions on what to do. He did not get anything like that from the man on stage. It seemed to me, the man on the stage threw some mumble jumble like words/sentences towards that man in the audience, and the man on the stage didn't get it, at all.
@@laurenbatson5918 I thought, perhaps they’re poorly matched and are having problems letting go of one another. Attachment styles are generally subconscious and deeply influenced by our early relationships. The very positive piece I heard is that financially it’s possible to be apart and that makes a lot of life safe and with choices. The inner work, is necessary and it’s important not to oversimplify it. It goes beyond the surrender to the now, that’s a vital piece of connecting to one- self at a deep source, soul level. From here we can work, on ourselves only. Also I too hear Maria’s pain and I see these as tears of grief, it’s a huge loss, a bereavement when one goes through what Maria did, I know…. Stephen I hope you get to see this post too. I think a journey into making a big life decision may benefit from working with a good therapist, now how to find one… I would think trauma informed therapists (ideally all therapist are) is s place to get to reflect on the big question you have here. Namaste 🙏
@@laurenbatson5918 I also caught that. It's hard when 2 people physically can't communicate, like due to a disability, but it seems he's worked on his communication and is being clear, and non harsh about it, so one would think his request would lead to mutual, safe conversation.
Eckhart is such a beautiful being and it totally shows in the light of wisdom coming out through his words 🙏🏽 I pray the person with the question will be able to find his own answer of relief. I like the fact that he calls your partner “teacher” or your master that can definitively help as a reminder when dealing with issues during tough times! That means. According to this I recently quit on my teacher “ex” as I felt the classes were on repeat and it was my time to graduate! The last class taught me that selfishness and inconsiderations can also be infinite during our life times! I’m happy celebrating 🥳 graduation and I pray 🙏🏽 she’ll find her own path to eternal joy and infinite happiness
Just so you know; it's different when you got trapped in an abusive relationship. I used to think that this had to do with emotional attachment (sometimes that's the case). Now I know that the reason why you stay is the same as why you want to leave; it can be very dangerous! Many women get killed after they finally dared to leave. Also; the system doesn't protect the innocent (especially children) enough for someone to be able to leave, because the abusive parent that has more money often ends up getting the kids. Even 50/50 is a disaster for the kids involved, and then the fear that the abusive person will harm the kids when you're not there... Anyway; that where my reasons for staying. I almost died, but am now coming back alive. I really feel there is hardly any awareness on this topic.
@@titiatoner4027 The teaching of Eckhart has been tremendously helpful once full understanding of our true selves is established! I’m truly sorry that you had to go through that much emotional and physical experiences in life. Having to make that choice knowing how difficult and hard it could get on the road ahead is the most courageous and most honourable especially when you’re risking it all for the sake of your own angels 👼 that’s the beauty of true sacrifice 🙏🏽 you can light up heavens with this light of sacrifice if you let patience operate and guide you through it all….. conditioned societies normally aren’t great at creating justice outta injustice. “ stay strong 💪 through it all” best of luck to you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@alelevate1545 You graduate when you no longer feel any negative emotion arising in reaction to ANY person being selfish or inconsiderate. This is quite a challenge. I can't honestly say I've graduated yet. All people are our teachers whether they trigger us negatively or positively.
@@brianlittrell797 Totally agreed, that we actually graduate a class when you don’t have any negative emotions or resentful feelings! As long as it’s no longer registered and saved as date for our own egos to utilize in time of war as they’d always fall for those traps.BTW I was referring to that particular class during which I might have left the class of patience when the time wasn’t even UP! It can easily be a bigger challenge when we don’t make the right changes to move on freshly to the next class/phase. As the joinery of the classes of life continues with every interaction,experience,thought,intention, and definitely each single breathe of life. The actual graduation when it’s all revealed hopefully 🙏🏽 in this one, otherwise will have to wait for the next one to actually see with all certainty and clarity as all veils have unveiled 🙏🏽
Explain how silence can heal the desire of this man’s heart to heal, to have connection, grow to know a higher level of consciousness in a loving relationship? I don’t understand?
😅 yes I'm experiencing that my unenlightened partner has become my teacher. And I understand this man who es telling is story so well. I also didn't want to throw the towel I also planted myself to all the work that showed up ...
If we can understand through presence that we are not our thoughts, we have thoughts...we are not our emotions we have emotions than our thoughts and emotions can become tools for understanding energy and navigating life because in presence there is no programmed judgment, only what IS and from there you'll always make the right decisions because you've transcended the personal mind or ego and are receiving guidance from universal mind, your higher self or Source.
When I was caring for my father before he passed away, my mother was that provoking agent. Indeed, my exiguous room was my haven of peace, a place where I could recenter. My father passed away in 2016. I happily engaged with my mother until the end of 2021, then made a conscious decision to withdraw my presence. She engaged in her drama via text, and I was silent. I wanted a year to elapse to give her space to introspect, self-evaluate. She did inquire as to what the problem was. A year hence, I texted succinctly and clearly, that my withdrawal was on account of her behavior: favoritism, denigrations, negativity, lack of receptivity, to be general, but I did give her specifics. The hardest to do with one's parent, and even harder with one's child. Bottom line, always follow your inner guidance. With humility and compassion, all things are possible. She was not at that point. Sometimes, the greatest love is to disconnect. Each soul eventually awakens, Thanks to the serendipitous play of life.
I am provoked by both of my parents ... although I distanced myself, I still have unresolved feelings. I realized that I have an emotional/energetic codependency. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it
@GojiBerry That codependency is a normal phase because of the emotional and psychological attachment. You will eventually transcend it as you draw from within yourself. The true parent, the true guide, is within you. Our crucibles are our spiritual practice. Be thankful for them.
@GojiBerry I love your pseudonym. I personally enjoy doing things that cause me to introspect, like meditating on poems in the Dào, journaling my experiences, anything that brings me to the seat of wisdom within me. Spend time in silence, and let the ineffable speak to you. A pamphlet I picked up in 1990 or so said something that I shall never forget: Don't take on another's burdens. Wish them well and go on your way. You thanked me for my comment, but I thank you for yours. You have courage and humility (I noticed how you took responsibility for yourself.) As for me, the dynamic between my mother and me was perpetuated for so long because of my unawareness and my attachment. I kept thinking that it was my filial duty and I felt guilty to do otherwise. I am now aware, having intimately interacted with her since my return from Florida. I have seen and heard much. I no longer have to wonder. The picture is clear. I no longer am anguished emotionally. I have done all I can. I am at peace, no emotional turmoil. Each person is on a journey of inner discovery, and that includes one's parents. The space is often the teacher. Do what you need to do for yourself, and life will take care of everything else. As Jesus said, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Blessings to you, my beloved TH-cam friend!
It’s time to let go when you realise that the person is a version of yourself that you no longer align with nor wish to be. When we walk away from ‘someone’ we love, it’s actually a very humble and loving way of saying to yourself that you have evolved past the version of yourself that identifies with that version of them. All people are reflections of parts of us, whether we consciously recognise that or not.
In a partnership, there is a one-sided decision on the part of only one partner to consistently develop inwardly, while the other partners unwilling or unable to let go of old habitual patterns and conditioning, then the gap between their frequencies widens, making harmonies living together increasingly difficult and at some point impossible. In the long run, a constructive partnership for both partners is not possible if one has a low vibration and the other high vibration, because the spiritual purpose of a partnership is to meet at eye level and to support each other in inner development - Christina von Dreien
Exactly what I came to realization right now. But I did leave the toxic relationship...even though he is a narcissist, I deeply thank him for allowing me to work on my issues
That’s so lovely. The man, Eckhart and the message of growing by observing your own reactions. It is so helpful to me right now, and I will do just this and then let life carry me wherever I need to be when and if the time comes.
This is probably the most enlightened question I have heard concerning this particular situation. I am in the exact same (spiritual and physical) space/experience as this gentleman. It's like a Zen Koan I am running over and over in my heart and mind. From my perspective, and with so many others here and elsewhere reporting a similar circumstance, I'm inclined to believe in this as a deeply valid spiritual path to engage and grow into a more meaningful understanding/love for the self - and other. Revolutionary evolution. I am grateful for this inquiry and teaching.
This is very interesting, I stayed 18 years and would of still been there. But the other ended it. I was devastated for a bit and was disabled for last 9 years. I had no other plans but to remain faithful. But I wasn't wanted any more. I was well aware of his feelings from get go. But I'm doing well now. I still have some things I'm dealing with but getting more aware of may things. I appreciate all the comments here.
I can soooooo relate to this, going through exactly the same right now and even often thought of my partner as a teacher. But I've come to the point now where it's just getting too exhausting, I think I've finally reached the point where there's nothing new to learn here, it's just repetition now and I'm just too exhausted and tired out by it... I need some rest from it, therefore I decided to end the relationship at this point...
excuse for asking but are you sure that the motivation to end the relationship comes from a genuine place of peace and love? or maybe an from a egoic part of yourself?
@@zim4750 I stayed in this abusive relationship for years out of love for my partner, now I'm ending it out of love for myself. There's only so much suffering I can take. For a long time I stayed thinking that it doesn't matter how hard it is, how much I'm hurting, I should be above this, I should work on my own issues so I don't get triggered any more by him, I should love him no matter what, but I've realised now that THAT was actually my ego, thinking I could be an enlightened person who is above all this egoistic thinking and arguing. I'm not. I'm not anywhere near it. But I can't keep going like this any more, it's draining me of all my life energy. So I am doing it out of love to myself, to save me
@@kookietravels4512 ho Kookie....I am stuck....no family or friends nearby....he keeps me on a string with phone calls once a week...I just can't be totally without anyone.....it's a catch 22...
Damn....I can't imagine asking a question like that in front of so many people. That was a very good story/question that I'm sure many people (including me) can relate to.
Same I was just thinking how do I let go without looking like the bad guy..I understand now that my desire to look like the good guy was ego... maybe I've been selfish this entire time
@@cyruscherry35 that's definitely from ego 🤷🏻♀️ As for me, I jz wanna be happy, that simple. I don wanna hurt no one. The suffering/struggle is for real.
He’s been with his partner for a long time and you create a long bond that is very difficult when it’s time to end. But from the sound of it, this man needs to cut this woman out of his life that’s causing him so much stress. He’s not old, and he can find another woman who can fill his heart with love and joy and remove the sadness he currently feels.
Its quite simple. All relationships reflect our inner patterns, as we change our relationships reflect it, they get stronger or fall away. We are on a path from fear to love, if we choose that direction.
I really like Mr Tolle's advice....I don't know if it's universal but it could/does apply to life with addicts in that when they are in active addiction, nothing one does is able to reach them and so practicing this "non-reäctivity" is for me, a blessing of a solution... 😊
Thank you! I love the point on "provoking" self-consciousness... I ask myself: "what do I need to know here?" For our Spirit knows... we just need to listen. Steps to Knowledge is a great resource to tap into this - the book is from Marshall Summers.
I'm feeling the same. My relationships with friends is good but I'm desiring connections with like minded people and don't know where in my community to go..
It seems like that man has emotionally outgrown his wife but still loves her. Eventually, he will grow tired of dealing with the same thing and choose peace of mind. Good luck❤
It feels like my story replayed .. except that I have let go from my end after several attempts. No explanation or justification and eventually when I analysed it turned out this experience taught me self love and self compassion .. and I am grateful to him for being the unawakened one to help me awaken . I truly wish that some day I can help him awaken too .
Seeing energy and being aware of frequencies is awesome yet when you become aware others are the frequencies as if it is part of you. Your partner, your kids, close friends they become extention of you. So there is no stories. 🌸🙏
I adore Eckhart. When I read A New Earth it stuck with me. I thought it was brilliant because if you are not completely present when reading it, you won’t get his message. Needless to say I had to read many sentences and paragraphs over and over again 😂 I would love to meet him and discuss my life’s journey, but enough about me. I hope this gentleman finds peace and harmony in his life and in his relationships. I thought how brave of him to be vulnerable in such a pubic setting with one of the most intelligent men in the world. ❤ 🙏🏻❤️
I feel for that man 😢 I can relate to his confusion not just with the partner but also "friendships", it feels like I can't connect with anyone and when I finally think i do, they turn out to be two-faced jerks. I can't trust anyone ever again and am quite content to finish this life on my own, but still have so many years ahead of me..
Actually in any difficult situation, that is the best time to learn and growth, for normal person, one can learn how to overcome difficulty, for spiritual person, one can learn how to let go of emotions entanglement, but that does not mean giving up a relationship, instead, how to build a healthy relationship and not enslaved by it
Letting go of any control will give you the answer! Being on polar ends of the awakening is difficult but also rewarding because it forces you to grow even more…
Thank you so much. I was just starting to look for the scissor to cut that thread. I had thought that nobody could help me understand my dilemma. Thank you Eckhard and that brave gentleman...blessings to both of you!.
I can see Eckhart’s point in having others “teach” us; the only thing is in our hope of “raising awareness” we sometimes become prey to the unenlightened while they rejoice in our suffering as we sign up to be the martyr in a marriage or relationship. I do believe scripture when it says “free yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter”. (Proverbs 6:5) We gotta stop staying in the trap when we can get out of it and experience peace, joy, AND FULFILLMENT while growing. I now look for partnership in this rather than an arch nemesis to go through life with. I suggest you all do the same.
Gentle question....did you "love" her because you wanted her to make you happy, or did you "love" her to make her happy?? Imagine entering a relationship where both partners are self content and just in it to contribute
For that guy, I am slightly past where you are now, it is done, accept and focus on your own future, build yourself from now on, you have no choice, enjoy if you are able.
To the man in the video who asked the question. I love you and my heart is so happy to know you’re here. I really feel for you. There is love in store for all of us. Our partners too, and we can rest knowing we belong, no matter how social we can be.
I have in the past moved on from relationships that wasn't working. And, now with the current relationship I am experiencing an acceptance of the things that I cannot change. Some are red flags that I ignored and others are red flags just revealed on yesterday. Nevertheless, I am feeling free, by the grace and power of God. We may not get married but maybe we will begin to distance ourselves but remain friendly. Right now, I don't know what will be, but I am feeling free because I have been enabled by the grace and power of God to accept some things about her that are red flags for me.
It is difficult for people to understand that what they are doing is repeating each other's familiar patterns because then they come into conflict with their own identity.
What about abusive relationship? I get it - nobody is responsible for my emotions. What if someone constantly hurts me, and me after addressing it - gave them a chance to become aware of that behavior being hurtful and improve it, where lays the responsibility,? Should I just let them hurt me again and observe what provokes me? I am actually behind it already but I was giving that chance and hope for too long and it damaged me severly. I eventually left and now they have no power to hurt me and I started healing. But I agree, I was exposed to my shadow parts thought that relationships that I was never before so aware of. This definitely gave me a chance to become more integrated.
I allowed a narcissistic friend wreak havoc on my energy/life/boundaries because I used the law of mirroring to justify her behavior: after all, "she was a reflection of me". No ! She was not anymore, because I had evolved. It's totally OK to let go of people as we evolve, in fact I believe it's 100% necessary and I don't agree with Tolle here as the questioner obviously is in pain. Lots of new agey people are empaths, not because we are highly spiritual, but because we are traumatized and are surviving by attuning to others hypervigilantly. And this is to our detriment when coupled with mirroring and simultaneously think and feel as though the problems are probably our fault or that we "deserve" to be treated poorly. It's not love to the other person to stay if you can't be authentic and true. And it's not love to wish the other to wake up...even though we've all done that... It's not selfishness to choose oneself. When we love our Selves we are free to love unconditionally.
What a lovely man! I hope the answer you seek is revealed to you Sir. Wishing you all the best! I just had an old partner call me and I am wondering the same. Should I or shouldn't I let it go? I'm thinking I should let go, but either way Eckhart's perspective is great advice.
Same here, had old partner (off and on 4 years) we had coffee and reconnected a week --- so loving, but I had grown over last separation and asked maybe more of him than he's at a point to receive and he said we cant work if we cause each other pain. I left, but wow it has broken my heart. He had talked of marriage this week. We also have separate houses. Feels like it's over. So much pain. I had felt so healed, and boom big pain again, triggers.
@@tamerafrank4645 I'm so sorry. It's very heart crushing dealing with a partner that is loving and yet doesn't know what they want. (speaking from my experience) If he isn't the man for you, know there is something better, a better partner and a more popping/evolved/intuitive you. And just when you thought you couldn't get more poppin'. 🥳🧡
Those were heartfelt comments by the audience member and while I understand we can learn through adversity and from our unenlightened partners or when we are at different places on the path, it seems unhealthy in the long run to stay and be with someone who is either emotionally unavailable or who is a narcissist equipped to keep us in a frozen or fawning state. So, the “enlightened laughter” in the audience was somewhat painful to me, Eckhart.
My partner and I lived in separate houses for like 11 years and just last year we joined forces together he sold his house pay mine completely and we more happy than ever we travel we make coffee for each other and take care of each other we are more together than anything, I think is good to grow and get know yourself better before you join in forces together.
It's over when you just can't do it any more.. or.. she can't do it any more, no matter whether you agree or not. You have to ask yourself, what are you getting out of this, what are you giving to her? And is the effort worth it? A relationship cannot be one-way though, you must get something out of it.
The man posing the question is very brave. Articulate and brave.
Thank you Merlin I appreciate that comment
Agreed! ❤
@@stephencardile5770 Absolutely… same process
He's a codependent
@@clubgel he might be but that doesn’t take away from him being brave and articulate. He is fully aware!
The questioner is so brave. Emotionally intelligent, articulate and vulnerable. He'll find his way. It will probably be painful, but he'll get to where he needs to be 🙏
Thank you Franca that is very sweet to hear
I’ll date you ;) I find kundalini yoga good for shifting through levels of being
@@stephencardile5770 I agree. You're so brave ! I relate to what you've said: to become detached or not in par with the people around you ( not connected) but at the same time being more connected to every living or non-living thing in your environment. This makes you feel so special in a kind of way as if you've been chosen to see through it all but at the same time you feel the loneliest person on the planet.
You will know when it’s over , it’s a very quiet I’m done . No fear , no resentment, sadness just I’m done . Feels like nothingness .
Yes
This is so true, i felt that with my job
Soooo true, after 25 years of marriage, I looked at my husband and said the exact same thing. I don't want to do this anymore and I didnt.
But is it really like this? I mean I am in a relationship where I am growing spiritually and mentally and often I feel like I am misunderstood. I am trying to help him, because he has a lot of stuff in his head, but he is not listening and he doesn’t even talk to me about it. He only sees his point of view and how HE always feels. Like I have a lot of feelings too and he doesn’t seems to notice how I really feel. I am thinking about a separation but I still think there is something more. And I really don’t know how to proceed or what to do.
@@stelatoneva7826 Do yourself a huge favor RUN save yourself. 27 years trying to someone else I ended up with pain lost and omg it’s not worth it.
When you reach that non-reactive point in the relationship… such a relief and you then know you have evolved and can look back at the relationship with kindness
You have learned what You needed to learn/the lesson. You can then move on in peace & of sound mind.
💪🏼❤️
Like when your partner stabs you and all you do is smile and wave…. Logic doesn’t add up
Thank you. ❤
Seeing the pain and hurt on him is heartbeaking but seeing someone care so much about someone is so sweet and doesn't happen a lot thede days. I hope he finds peace and happiness because he surely deserves it.
Me too, but he’ll get walked all over and not appreciated most likely. It’s how it goes these days
Yes, people are ready to move on when the closeness is gone. When emotional closeness and being on the same level is not aligned people are ready to bail. What about commitment? That is why we take marriage vows.
sometimes it feels like people ready to bail when it is no longer beneficial to them.
@@jjm2948 we have to do things for ourselves so the one for us will come. That’s why we don’t change and give up. It’s like a game, when you lose you keep playing.
“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” - Zen Kōan
I only knew those words from Van Morrisons song Enlightenment....now I'm a little more enlightened...
How awesome, I didn’t know of that song but now I do.. thanks Annie
Can someone elaborare on the meaning of this quote?
To me, it means there is no escape. (But please know that I have no background in Zen or any other sort of Buddhist approach. I'm just sharing my own idiosyncratic take on a phrase that I like a lot.) Enlightenment/attunement helps one chop wood and carry water. It doesn't deliver one from it. There are the physical and sensuous delights of wood and water and exertion, but resistance and inertia numb us to those delights, much as in a relationship. So ya gotta make your peace with the fact that life is work. That acceptance paves the way for presence and enjoyment of even the uncelebrated mundanities of life and of relationship.
Not to mention the hellacious hurts and frustrations that, at least in my experience, come along with relationship.
It feels like there is a lot of pain in the person who asks this question. May God give him the peace, strength and clarity that he is seeking.
And comfort of knowing he is truly loved by his Creator - a love truer & deeper than any other.
this pain of him will be felt by others, his partner too. So who wants stay near such pain and need? good to have two houses 😊
No more walking on eggshells This guy has GROWN out of these relationships. Walking on eggshells is a sign to walk away. Good job walking away
His question should be how do I move on? Because that is what he is struggling most with, he knows it's over but can't let go.
I think he can't let go because he doesnt want to break up, and fears his self-made stigma on himself (and others)that if a relationship doesn't automatically fulfill his every need, then he is "weak". Which is untrue. Unconditional love is the key. No one wants to be controlled.
I’m so grateful to get to read all of the sweet and uplifting comments. It’s scary and vulnerable to see your self out there exposed publicly as I am in this video. I appreciate all of the love and being part of this community. I’m sending my love back to each and everyone of you.
Vulnerability is a sign of strength To me it comes with pure intentions thank you for sharing your story
I’m in the exact same boat. Riding the wave 🌊
You are such a beautiful soul! Love and light to you on your journey ❤❤
Thank you for being vulnerable and asking the question. I have seen the 2 houses phenomenon occur. It is common in the upper echelon. I have never seen the two people reconnect as a traditional one home couple.
Thank you for being brave ! Same here. Take care !
There does come a time to lovingly say goodbye to the intensity at least of a particular relationship. We don't have to feel obligated to be under the same roof with anyone. We came into this world solo. And we leave solo. And along the way, we live and we love.
When we come into the world I dont believe we are alone. We are with our mothers.
@@bunzlbear you did not get it at all 😂😂😂😂😂
@@Dzanarika1 are you an expert ?
I thought that was a nice new perspective I never had before.We do leave alone….maybe haven’t heard anyone report different lol
Let it go and if meant to be..it will return. Love yourself first before someone else can love you. I’m old…I’ve had to leave behind those that complicate my life and I can no longer help them.
Thank you ❤
How do we love ourself? By doing what we like? By appreciating gifts given to us in form of body and mind? Still it is not loving oneself..love is supposed to be given..if we can love ourselves why do we need others?
Is loving oneself not selfish?
One can be contend self satisfied etc..and grateful to all..but what does it mean to love oneself..🤔
To love oneself you first have to know yourself well enough to know your good and bad traits. Knowing that you are perfectly imperfect and being ok with that. Accepting yourself just as you are warts and all. Your self worth and self love is not dictated or “fed” by external sources.
@@SabrinaDacosta thanks ..but what you have stated looks more like acceptance and contentment and self satisfaction...is that all self love about?
@@positivity20 I've been asking myself the same questions for my whole life. I've found self love is a lot of things... to name a few 1) approaching your inner critic with curiosity instead of anxiety 2) taking excellent care of your body through eating healthy foods, going to the doctor, taking whatever supplements 3) approaching myself with compassion instead of disdain when I am unable to meet my expectations of what I'm "supposed to" do or be 4) self acceptance, you can do this and still strive to do better 5) recognizing that anxiety/depression can't be cured with negative self talk, only with cutting myself the same compassion I would show someone else in the same situation 6) always having my own back, never shaming myself for mistakes 7) finding validation from within and understanding that a lot of people won't like me or what I have to offer, but a lot of other people will 8) understanding that my worth is inherent and unchangeable and absolutely not dependent on acts of service or approval from others (although I naturally am a giving person anyway my worth isn't dependent on it nor are my accomplishments). Really, it's cliche, but it all boils down to treating yourself with the same respect and love that you would another person. When you love yourself you actually are a lot less self-absorbed bc you're not always obsessing over what people think of you or if you're "good enough" you can just live and be you.
Usually the best answer comes not through the decision making process of the mind trying to figure out “what’s the best thing to do?” The best answer comes as a sudden realization “this is the thing to do,” either you leave or you stay.
Thank you. Your decision will come from the soul no matter how much energy your mind puts into it.
When I listen to this man try to discern if this is his ego or discernment, I offer this thought: Are you able to be your authentic self in your relationship? Are you respected for just being you? Or are you trying to change to please someone else? When you find the core of your being, you know what your soul needs and you honor it. It's not about judgement. It's accepting your needs without burden to others. And realizing when others burden us with their needs, its about their burdens and their lack of willingness, or awareness to fulfill them themselves. It's not about us and sometimes as sad as it is, as painful as it is--to accept this brings peace. I can attest to this personally. It may mean you change your approach towards someone so you suffer less--because you realize this ultimately isn't about you, but it doesn't mean the door has to stay closed. You can always offer love and support that respects you being you. I hope this helps. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves.
Thank you 🙏
Thank you 🙏🏾
thank you
I'm happy if this helped someone. You're welcome 🙏
This! Thank you 🙏🏼
My heart goes out to this man. It’s apparent he loves his wife.
Nah he is so wiped he doesn’t love her she owns him
@@roanevans-ehricht1232 it’s complicated and I really do appreciate your very direct, clear thinking answer. Now I need insert an edit- you said wiped- a good phrase-my brain read this as ass-whipped, please accept my replaced term ass - whipped and save me a lot of thumb typing! I have written from the heart and I hope that by connecting our responses it will help someone out there. It’s certainly helping me by writing and there’s still, years later ongoing big fall out challenges. Some people can be kind of trained without knowing, from an early age to take care of and accommodate others and work super hard to achieve and provide.
It can leave a strong person vulnerable to subtle manipulation that they don’t see. This time it’s the man, but that is the way sometimes and by society standards he is ‘doing all the right things’ “ Ass - whippers” can be super manipulators, like the kind, quiet sweet stay at home dad… I think therapy is helpful to find a way forward. However not all therapists will spot subtle “ ass- whipping” and what it is about us that we keep trying to make this work. I was ass whipped by a street angel for years and totally blamed by a therapist. Could have done with your straight talking as I poured over the pages of The Power of Now!
My training ground- was my family- one of my many survivor jokes- Not the Waltons- if you’re old enough to remember that TV family. I like this guy got stuck in to making things work, I’m kind, capable and feisty, never did I ever think I was “ the doormat” - the female for ass whipped. The man was so subtle and covert and knew exactly what he was doing… I’ve kids, so that means there is still contact etc, lots. Good luck. # Reality and Compassion.
@@roanevans-ehricht1232 I am sure she is 20 years younger, thats the ones they love the most. The one they left their long suffering wife for, this is karma. There may be lots of regret tied up with him as well.
You're imagining that you know what's going on in anyone else's experience.
@@charmee4045 he's been married 25 years he said
When you become enlightened, you are no longer affected by anyone. You just understand the relationship and why you are there.
I very much agree. I understand WHY I am in a marriage that seemingly doesn’t work. But if one only thinks in ways of traditional marriage demands, you rob yourself of further growth and learning from each other.
We are mirrors to each other. The faults we find in others is a reflection of our own. If communication is off, we must communicate better. If affection and/or intimacy is off, we must be more affectionate/intimate. The ego wants to blame the other but we’re all one. We must become the change we seek in the world.
Beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.
Not necessarily. Some partners are incapable and unwilling and emotionally abuse. Invalidation
@@janw952 agree, thats when you have to know when to walk away.
Yes, I’ve heard that before. What do you do if your spouse is an alcoholic? I keep asking myself what I did to cause this? I know I didn’t actually cause his alcoholism but what did I do to bring this karma to me?
@@liz8913 what is your husbands disease asking from you? Start there
I have just left my alcoholic partner after 18years - it's taken me years to get strong enough to do so.
We have to live together until we can afford seperate roofs but at least I'm this far and now have a chance to create a new life once the weeds are gone.
I like this guy, and I relate to him a lot. I'm not married, but I don't relate to my family even though we were close in the past (a toxic closeness), and I grew away from my former friends. Now I actually have no friends. I wish I could give this guy a hug because this process can be painful.
I really appreciate that people can be themselves and vulnerable with Eckhart.
Don't force someone to stick around just to be your training ground if that's all you see them as. Let them go to find someone who actually appreciates them. Your spiritual journey is your responsibility, not hers.
I could listen to Eckhart Tolle all day. He is so interesting. I think the man was incredible standing in front of a crowd discussing his personal life.
I would like to say something in regards to the man asking the question. It is clear there is still a strong reactive ego that is present within him. It is true that some friends may be lost during the process of spiritual growth, but what I’ve found is when you get to a place of true presence or un-reactiveness you actually attract people towards you. Since Eckhart won’t say it, I will. The man has made incredible progress no doubt, but there’s still much much work to be done my friend, I can sense it very clearly. My advice: keep going, go deeper, let go of your urge to explain yourself, be totally present, reach new heights and watch what happens.
So good of you to say that. I felt sad for him. He seems like such a giver.
I agree...he mentions trying to "make" his partner "do" some spiritual things. That's the ego and lack of true love and acceptance for his partner.
He seems nice but weak in that he over explains himself and over shares
The point of getting up and sharing your story is to be vulnerable, share where you are, and get help. Not to be perfect, or where you deem “ok.” His voice is shaking, he is clearly in a lot of pain. If the mike was open only to those who were fully healed and ascended, it would be empty.
@@badpoetry33 i agree that the point is to be vulnerable and not perfect. Being vulnerable opens you up to feedback, why are you against this? It's good to receive feedback, you should not be avoiding it or be offended by it. That's the whole point.
Perfect advice as usual. It's easy to forget these people close to us are our teachers too. We are so blessed to live in this age with Eckhart ❤️ A reminder to me that I still have much work to do. Very exciting times ❤️ blessings to all on this beautiful journey 🙏
I have been waiting for this kind of video for a very long time i can 100% relate to the question he presents. Two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me and it was very hard for me. He's the kind of person that's very ground in the third dimension, unconsciousness, and very controlled by his ego and have a strong pain body . I consider myself as a conscious spiritual soul , we were kinda opposites so
I didn't feel that I grew spiritually with him. we had very difficult times when he was manipulative towards me. We had a lot of fights and it was a very difficult and i almost break up with him 3 times but he didnt let me and begged me stay . during this time I tried to understand what the universe was trying to teach and why am i going throughout this hard time with him and if i really should break up .there was a point where i couldnt suffer anymore so i start being more present and didnt let my ego react to his manipulative ego , thats when the hard time ended and it started a good period of time in our relationship. I fell in love with him (even though i didnt really felt spiritual around him ) and I thought that we were both in love until I found out that he has lost his feelings. It was very difficult for me to realize that after all we came thourght.
Now, after looking back I understand everything and know that the universe tried to teach me a lesson in presence. And that the reason we didn't break up when times were hard was because i hadn't learned the lesson - the practice in the presence momemt and letting go of the ego
Thats execlly what Eckhart talked about, that sometimes a person really came into your life to teach you some lessons.
He broke up with me really after i learned the lesson. On a spiritul level - This is probably what made him leave, because when there were no ego dramas that drew energy from a relationship -. I fell in love, and I grow from it and learned the lesson in when he lost his "feelings" - lost the reaction of my ego. That's why we broke up, his role ended with my decline
How do we know if we truly love someone or are just attached?
@@positivity20 reactions. Strong reactions are attachment. Love is just acceptance without judgement
The reason he lost his feelings was probably the fact that he loves drama. Some people need to live with strong emotions, even brutal and unpleasant. Otherwise, they get bored and lose interest.
@@FriskyTendervittles thanks 😊
Great insight. You have gained wisdom in this process. Bravo
I can feel this mans pain, im in a similar situation and struggle with similar things. Currently working through them.
Have you stayed or left? I'm leaving after much deliberation.
I feel love for the guy and connected with his human emotions and deep desire for a loving harmonic relationship ❤
That’s very sweet of you to say Andreas. I appreciate it.
Me too.
Once she has triggered you on most levels you will likely seperate because then her job is done and you will feel the impulse to be with someone who is walking a similar path. 🧡 someone you can actually open and merge with.
Love to see the strength of vulnerability by the person asking the question.
It’s what
This world needs
2.5 years after leaving covert malignant husband, I NEEDED to hear this especially today that I've spent crying on and off all day.
The man in the audience probably does not yet know his wife is narcissistic and she will NEVER change.
I'm so sorry you spent all day crying (or had a reason to cry so much). I think I feel your pain. It sucks
I also picked up on the possibility that his wife is at least toxic. When he said that it wasn't worth it to even ask for something to be rephrased, I thought "oh no, that's not good!"
@@laurenbatson5918 Thank you for your empathic kindness Lauren.
You are right, about the man in the audience. I seemed to me that he was "crying" out for help. Asking for a suggestion or suggestions on what to do. He did not get anything like that from the man on stage. It seemed to me, the man on the stage threw some mumble jumble like words/sentences towards that man in the audience, and the man on the stage didn't get it, at all.
@@laurenbatson5918 I thought, perhaps they’re poorly matched and are having problems letting go of one another. Attachment styles are generally subconscious and deeply influenced by our early relationships. The very positive piece I heard is that financially it’s possible to be apart and that makes a lot of life safe and with choices. The inner work, is necessary and it’s important not to oversimplify it. It goes beyond the surrender to the now, that’s a vital piece of connecting to one- self at a deep source, soul level. From here we can work, on ourselves only. Also I too hear Maria’s pain and I see these as tears of grief, it’s a huge loss, a bereavement when one goes through what Maria did, I know…. Stephen I hope you get to see this post too. I think a journey into making a big life decision may benefit from working with a good therapist, now how to find one… I would think trauma informed therapists (ideally all therapist are) is s place to get to reflect on the big question you have here.
Namaste 🙏
@@laurenbatson5918 I also caught that. It's hard when 2 people physically can't communicate, like due to a disability, but it seems he's worked on his communication and is being clear, and non harsh about it, so one would think his request would lead to mutual, safe conversation.
Eckhart is such a beautiful being and it totally shows in the light of wisdom coming out through his words 🙏🏽
I pray the person with the question will be able to find his own answer of relief.
I like the fact that he calls your partner “teacher” or your master that can definitively help as a reminder when dealing with issues during tough times! That means. According to this I recently quit on my teacher “ex” as I felt the classes were on repeat and it was my time to graduate! The last class taught me that selfishness and inconsiderations can also be infinite during our life times!
I’m happy celebrating 🥳 graduation and I pray 🙏🏽 she’ll find her own path to eternal joy and infinite happiness
Just so you know; it's different when you got trapped in an abusive relationship. I used to think that this had to do with emotional attachment (sometimes that's the case). Now I know that the reason why you stay is the same as why you want to leave; it can be very dangerous! Many women get killed after they finally dared to leave.
Also; the system doesn't protect the innocent (especially children) enough for someone to be able to leave, because the abusive parent that has more money often ends up getting the kids. Even 50/50 is a disaster for the kids involved, and then the fear that the abusive person will harm the kids when you're not there...
Anyway; that where my reasons for staying.
I almost died, but am now coming back alive.
I really feel there is hardly any awareness on this topic.
@@titiatoner4027 The teaching of Eckhart has been tremendously helpful once full understanding of our true selves is established! I’m truly sorry that you had to go through that much emotional and physical experiences in life. Having to make that choice knowing how difficult and hard it could get on the road ahead is the most courageous and most honourable especially when you’re risking it all for the sake of your own angels 👼 that’s the beauty of true sacrifice 🙏🏽 you can light up heavens with this light of sacrifice if you let patience operate and guide you through it all….. conditioned societies normally aren’t great at creating justice outta injustice. “ stay strong 💪 through it all” best of luck to you 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
@@alelevate1545 You graduate when you no longer feel any negative emotion arising in reaction to ANY person being selfish or inconsiderate. This is quite a challenge. I can't honestly say I've graduated yet. All people are our teachers whether they trigger us negatively or positively.
@@brianlittrell797 Totally agreed, that we actually graduate a class when you don’t have any negative emotions or resentful feelings! As long as it’s no longer registered and saved as date for our own egos to utilize in time of war as they’d always fall for those traps.BTW I was referring to that particular class during which I might have left the class of patience when the time wasn’t even UP! It can easily be a bigger challenge when we don’t make the right changes to move on freshly to the next class/phase. As the joinery of the classes of life continues with every interaction,experience,thought,intention, and definitely each single breathe of life. The actual graduation when it’s all revealed hopefully 🙏🏽 in this one, otherwise will have to wait for the next one to actually see with all certainty and clarity as all veils have unveiled 🙏🏽
How do we know if it is graduation or drop out?
Much respect to Eckhart, the true answer never comes from the mind trying to figure things out ❤
I think this is hands down one of the most humorous Eckart clips I've seen
Silence is the key 🗝️
Yes
Explain how silence can heal the desire of this man’s heart to heal, to have connection, grow to know a higher level of consciousness in a loving relationship? I don’t understand?
He knows the answer. Just needs help facing it. God speed. 🙏🏻
😅 yes I'm experiencing that my unenlightened partner has become my teacher. And I understand this man who es telling is story so well. I also didn't want to throw the towel I also planted myself to all the work that showed up ...
If we can understand through presence that we are not our thoughts, we have thoughts...we are not our emotions we have emotions than our thoughts and emotions can become tools for understanding energy and navigating life because in presence there is no programmed judgment, only what IS and from there you'll always make the right decisions because you've transcended the personal mind or ego and are receiving guidance from universal mind, your higher self or Source.
When I was caring for my father before he passed away, my mother was that provoking agent. Indeed, my exiguous room was my haven of peace, a place where I could recenter.
My father passed away in 2016. I happily engaged with my mother until the end of 2021, then made a conscious decision to withdraw my presence.
She engaged in her drama via text, and I was silent. I wanted a year to elapse to give her space to introspect, self-evaluate. She did inquire as to what the problem was.
A year hence, I texted succinctly and clearly, that my withdrawal was on account of her behavior: favoritism, denigrations, negativity, lack of receptivity, to be general, but I did give her specifics.
The hardest to do with one's parent, and even harder with one's child.
Bottom line, always follow your inner guidance.
With humility and compassion, all things are possible. She was not at that point. Sometimes, the greatest love is to disconnect.
Each soul eventually awakens, Thanks to the serendipitous play of life.
I am provoked by both of my parents ... although I distanced myself, I still have unresolved feelings. I realized that I have an emotional/energetic codependency. Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it
@GojiBerry That codependency is a normal phase because of the emotional and psychological attachment. You will eventually transcend it as you draw from within yourself.
The true parent, the true guide, is within you.
Our crucibles are our spiritual practice. Be thankful for them.
@GojiBerry I love your pseudonym.
I personally enjoy doing things that cause me to introspect, like meditating on poems in the Dào, journaling my experiences, anything that brings me to the seat of wisdom within me. Spend time in silence, and let the ineffable speak to you.
A pamphlet I picked up in 1990 or so said something that I shall never forget: Don't take on another's burdens. Wish them well and go on your way.
You thanked me for my comment, but I thank you for yours. You have courage and humility (I noticed how you took responsibility for yourself.) As for me, the dynamic between my mother and me was perpetuated for so long because of my unawareness and my attachment. I kept thinking that it was my filial duty and I felt guilty to do otherwise. I am now aware, having intimately interacted with her since my return from Florida. I have seen and heard much. I no longer have to wonder. The picture is clear. I no longer am anguished emotionally. I have done all I can. I am at peace, no emotional turmoil.
Each person is on a journey of inner discovery, and that includes one's parents. The space is often the teacher.
Do what you need to do for yourself, and life will take care of everything else. As Jesus said, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Blessings to you, my beloved TH-cam friend!
It’s time to let go when you realise that the person is a version of yourself that you no longer align with nor wish to be. When we walk away from ‘someone’ we love, it’s actually a very humble and loving way of saying to yourself that you have evolved past the version of yourself that identifies with that version of them. All people are reflections of parts of us, whether we consciously recognise that or not.
In a partnership, there is a one-sided decision on the part of only one partner to consistently develop inwardly, while the other partners unwilling or unable to let go of old habitual patterns and conditioning, then the gap between their frequencies widens, making harmonies living together increasingly difficult and at some point impossible. In the long run, a constructive partnership for both partners is not possible if one has a low vibration and the other high vibration, because the spiritual purpose of a partnership is to meet at eye level and to support each other in inner development - Christina von Dreien
The way this ended with a waterfall. So therapeutic ❤
Exactly what I came to realization right now. But I did leave the toxic relationship...even though he is a narcissist, I deeply thank him for allowing me to work on my issues
Eckhart I absolutely love you you wise wise man x
My experience, was to RESPECT myself enough to say, "Talk to the hand, cause the ears don't hear!" Then you KNOW, it's time to GO! 🙏 Blessings
That’s so lovely. The man, Eckhart and the message of growing by observing your own reactions. It is so helpful to me right now, and I will do just this and then let life carry me wherever I need to be when and if the time comes.
This is probably the most enlightened question I have heard concerning this particular situation. I am in the exact same (spiritual and physical) space/experience as this gentleman. It's like a Zen Koan I am running over and over in my heart and mind.
From my perspective, and with so many others here and elsewhere reporting a similar circumstance, I'm inclined to believe in this as a deeply valid spiritual path to engage and grow into a more meaningful understanding/love for the self - and other.
Revolutionary evolution.
I am grateful for this inquiry and teaching.
This is very interesting, I stayed 18 years and would of still been there. But the other ended it. I was devastated for a bit and was disabled for last 9 years. I had no other plans but to remain faithful. But I wasn't wanted any more. I was well aware of his feelings from get go. But I'm doing well now. I still have some things I'm dealing with but getting more aware of may things. I appreciate all the comments here.
I can soooooo relate to this, going through exactly the same right now and even often thought of my partner as a teacher.
But I've come to the point now where it's just getting too exhausting, I think I've finally reached the point where there's nothing new to learn here, it's just repetition now and I'm just too exhausted and tired out by it... I need some rest from it, therefore I decided to end the relationship at this point...
excuse for asking but are you sure that the motivation to end the relationship comes from a genuine place of peace and love? or maybe an from a egoic part of yourself?
@@zim4750 I stayed in this abusive relationship for years out of love for my partner, now I'm ending it out of love for myself. There's only so much suffering I can take. For a long time I stayed thinking that it doesn't matter how hard it is, how much I'm hurting, I should be above this, I should work on my own issues so I don't get triggered any more by him, I should love him no matter what, but I've realised now that THAT was actually my ego, thinking I could be an enlightened person who is above all this egoistic thinking and arguing. I'm not. I'm not anywhere near it. But I can't keep going like this any more, it's draining me of all my life energy. So I am doing it out of love to myself, to save me
@@kookietravels4512 ho Kookie....I am stuck....no family or friends nearby....he keeps me on a string with phone calls once a week...I just can't be totally without anyone.....it's a catch 22...
@@louiseboyd8896 I'm in a very similar position/relationship. So torn.
taking time for yourself and recharging is super important. not to form codependency. Good for you to take that time for yourself.
Damn....I can't imagine asking a question like that in front of so many people. That was a very good story/question that I'm sure many people (including me) can relate to.
I'm having the same dilemma and this video pops up unbelievably. TQ 🙏🙏
(But we r staying under one roof 🥴)
Same I was just thinking how do I let go without looking like the bad guy..I understand now that my desire to look like the good guy was ego... maybe I've been selfish this entire time
@@cyruscherry35 that's definitely from ego 🤷🏻♀️
As for me, I jz wanna be happy, that simple. I don wanna hurt no one. The suffering/struggle is for real.
He’s been with his partner for a long time and you create a long bond that is very difficult when it’s time to end. But from the sound of it, this man needs to cut this woman out of his life that’s causing him so much stress. He’s not old, and he can find another woman who can fill his heart with love and joy and remove the sadness he currently feels.
Its quite simple. All relationships reflect our inner patterns, as we change our relationships reflect it, they get stronger or fall away. We are on a path from fear to love, if we choose that direction.
I really like Mr Tolle's advice....I don't know if it's universal but it could/does apply to life with addicts in that when they are in active addiction, nothing one does is able to reach them and so practicing this "non-reäctivity" is for me, a blessing of a solution... 😊
Love the honesty of this question. I feel the same way.
Thank you! I love the point on "provoking" self-consciousness... I ask myself: "what do I need to know here?" For our Spirit knows... we just need to listen. Steps to Knowledge is a great resource to tap into this - the book is from Marshall Summers.
thank you for this
Thank you!
I'm feeling the same. My relationships with friends is good but I'm desiring connections with like minded people and don't know where in my community to go..
It seems like that man has emotionally outgrown his wife but still loves her. Eventually, he will grow tired of dealing with the same thing and choose peace of mind. Good luck❤
How I'm feeling in my situation, she refuses to separate from narc in laws and putting our marriage first.
It feels like my story replayed .. except that I have let go from my end after several attempts. No explanation or justification and eventually when I analysed it turned out this experience taught me self love and self compassion .. and I am grateful to him for being the unawakened one to help me awaken . I truly wish that some day I can help him awaken too .
Its weak and manipulative to instill "change for me" expectations on others. Makes YOU look like the attacker. 🙏🏼💙
It's natural for couples to grow apart and then grow back together again. ;)
I love Eckhart and his advise.
Seeing energy and being aware of frequencies is awesome yet when you become aware others are the frequencies as if it is part of you. Your partner, your kids, close friends they become extention of you. So there is no stories. 🌸🙏
How is this different than narcissism?
I adore Eckhart. When I read A New Earth it stuck with me. I thought it was brilliant because if you are not completely present when reading it, you won’t get his message. Needless to say I had to read many sentences and paragraphs over and over again 😂
I would love to meet him and discuss my life’s journey, but enough about me. I hope this gentleman finds peace and harmony in his life and in his relationships. I thought how brave of him to be vulnerable in such a pubic setting with one of the most intelligent men in the world. ❤ 🙏🏻❤️
It seems the basic question is the difference between judgement and discernment. I’d like to hear Eckhart address that
I feel for that man 😢 I can relate to his confusion not just with the partner but also "friendships", it feels like I can't connect with anyone and when I finally think i do, they turn out to be two-faced jerks. I can't trust anyone ever again and am quite content to finish this life on my own, but still have so many years ahead of me..
Sometimes a narcissism our lives make us grow so accelerated.
Actually in any difficult situation, that is the best time to learn and growth, for normal person, one can learn how to overcome difficulty, for spiritual person, one can learn how to let go of emotions entanglement, but that does not mean giving up a relationship, instead, how to build a healthy relationship and not enslaved by it
😮 perfect timing. Divine timing.
God bless this man we all feel this way at some time in our life. 🙏
Letting go of any control will give you the answer! Being on polar ends of the awakening is difficult but also rewarding because it forces you to grow even more…
I love so much the way E. Tolle answers to love's trouble matters 🤣❤️🙏💓
Who the F wants to stay in a relationship they don't feel appreciated or respected in. Facts
Very brave man to share his story like this. Sometimes your partner is not there to be your teacher. Sometimes you have just to move on.
Thank you so much. I was just starting to look for the scissor to cut that thread. I had thought that nobody could help me understand my dilemma. Thank you Eckhard and that brave gentleman...blessings to both of you!.
I can see Eckhart’s point in having others “teach” us; the only thing is in our hope of “raising awareness” we sometimes become prey to the unenlightened while they rejoice in our suffering as we sign up to be the martyr in a marriage or relationship. I do believe scripture when it says “free yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter”. (Proverbs 6:5) We gotta stop staying in the trap when we can get out of it and experience peace, joy, AND FULFILLMENT while growing. I now look for partnership in this rather than an arch nemesis to go through life with. I suggest you all do the same.
everything reminds me of my ex wife, i love her so much, i wish there was a way i can bring her back
@Mark Reeves i wont say im glad that you understand how i feel, it is really sad, how did you get her back?
@Mark Reeves thank you so much, this is really helpful.
I feel the same about my husband. I can’t believe he left me- I don’t know how to stop loving him. He’s the love of my life
Gentle question....did you "love" her because you wanted her to make you happy, or did you "love" her to make her happy?? Imagine entering a relationship where both partners are self content and just in it to contribute
Yes, true, your partner becomes your teacher ❤❤
It’s ok to walk away
Eckhart is amazing this was good advice- the unenlightened leading the enlightened to awakening...amazing
Goodness I’ve been waiting for a man like that!!! Totally resonate.
That’s really sweet of you to say. Thank you.
For that guy, I am slightly past where you are now, it is done, accept and focus on your own future, build yourself from now on, you have no choice, enjoy if you are able.
I admire this man's sincerity
This man is hurting and suffering inside . Hugs xox
To the man in the video who asked the question. I love you and my heart is so happy to know you’re here. I really feel for you.
There is love in store for all of us. Our partners too, and we can rest knowing we belong, no matter how social we can be.
I appreciate your kind and loving words. Right back at you.
Pain in his voice, very telling.
When you already know the answer... beautiful and an amazing gentleman 🤗❤
Thank you
I have in the past moved on from relationships that wasn't working. And, now with the current relationship I am experiencing an acceptance of the things that I cannot change. Some are red flags that I ignored and others are red flags just revealed on yesterday. Nevertheless, I am feeling free, by the grace and power of God. We may not get married but maybe we will begin to distance ourselves but remain friendly. Right now, I don't know what will be, but I am feeling free because I have been enabled by the grace and power of God to accept some things about her that are red flags for me.
It is difficult for people to understand that what they are doing is repeating each other's familiar patterns because then they come into conflict with their own identity.
What about abusive relationship? I get it - nobody is responsible for my emotions. What if someone constantly hurts me, and me after addressing it - gave them a chance to become aware of that behavior being hurtful and improve it, where lays the responsibility,? Should I just let them hurt me again and observe what provokes me? I am actually behind it already but I was giving that chance and hope for too long and it damaged me severly. I eventually left and now they have no power to hurt me and I started healing. But I agree, I was exposed to my shadow parts thought that relationships that I was never before so aware of. This definitely gave me a chance to become more integrated.
This guy is too nice, it seems that he is a magnet of toxic and narcissistic women. Good teachers indeed
I allowed a narcissistic friend wreak havoc on my energy/life/boundaries because I used the law of mirroring to justify her behavior: after all, "she was a reflection of me".
No !
She was not anymore, because I had evolved.
It's totally OK to let go of people as we evolve, in fact I believe it's 100% necessary and I don't agree with Tolle here as the questioner obviously is in pain.
Lots of new agey people are empaths, not because we are highly spiritual, but because we are traumatized and are surviving by attuning to others hypervigilantly.
And this is to our detriment when coupled with mirroring and simultaneously think and feel as though the problems are probably our fault or that we "deserve" to be treated poorly.
It's not love to the other person to stay if you can't be authentic and true.
And it's not love to wish the other to wake up...even though we've all done that...
It's not selfishness to choose oneself. When we love our Selves we are free to love unconditionally.
I relate so much with the person asking the question.
Wow..im feeling the same in my relationship of 9 years ..Thankyou
What a lovely man! I hope the answer you seek is revealed to you Sir. Wishing you all the best! I just had an old partner call me and I am wondering the same. Should I or shouldn't I let it go? I'm thinking I should let go, but either way Eckhart's perspective is great advice.
Same here, had old partner (off and on 4 years) we had coffee and reconnected a week --- so loving, but I had grown over last separation and asked maybe more of him than he's at a point to receive and he said we cant work if we cause each other pain. I left, but wow it has broken my heart. He had talked of marriage this week. We also have separate houses. Feels like it's over. So much pain. I had felt so healed, and boom big pain again, triggers.
@@tamerafrank4645 I'm so sorry. It's very heart crushing dealing with a partner that is loving and yet doesn't know what they want. (speaking from my experience) If he isn't the man for you, know there is something better, a better partner and a more popping/evolved/intuitive you. And just when you thought you couldn't get more poppin'. 🥳🧡
Thank you Diana that was sweet of you to say
@@stephencardile5770 You're totally welcome. 😊
Those were heartfelt comments by the audience member and while I understand we can learn through adversity and from our unenlightened partners or when we are at different places on the path, it seems unhealthy in the long run to stay and be with someone who is either emotionally unavailable or who is a narcissist equipped to keep us in a frozen or fawning state. So, the “enlightened laughter” in the audience was somewhat painful to me, Eckhart.
The guy asking the question knew the answer. He wanted verification is what I felt
Wonderful, that confirms what I perceive 🙏🏻
“Mindfulness helps us peel away the layers of reactivity from within us.“ Sharon Salzberg
My partner and I lived in separate houses for like 11 years and just last year we joined forces together he sold his house pay mine completely and we more happy than ever we travel we make coffee for each other and take care of each other we are more together than anything, I think is good to grow and get know yourself better before you join in forces together.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
What a great man, and I mean the man asking the question. Love. The woman will regret letting him go for the rest of her life.
Or not
It's over when you just can't do it any more.. or.. she can't do it any more, no matter whether you agree or not. You have to ask yourself, what are you getting out of this, what are you giving to her? And is the effort worth it? A relationship cannot be one-way though, you must get something out of it.