How Narcissist is Mortified (Empathy Aphantasia)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- Confronted with humiliating or shaming input, the narcissist revises all his memories and creates numerous false memories. He desperately attempts to convert an external mortification to an internal one: “I made them do and say these things, so I am still godlike, in control of everyone and everything that’s happening!” This is the misinformation effect.
The narcissist has no idea what being human feels like. He has “empathy aphantasia”. That is why he needs to make sense of people, their motivation, emotions, behavior patterns, and actions by rewriting and reframing history on the fly and all the time.
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They will do ANYTHING to get out being confronted - Mine literally RAN like a coward. It was like dealing with a child. Spineless shells
Agree 👍
They are a child
Mine just did 2 days ago. My mind is blown fkn wow
they will blame you and when they know they got no control over you anymore then they run.they will always put the blame on you when confronted.
@@drilonkoskoviku8487 True but then your called a child too
My wonderful, kick-ass attorney did this to my ex-husband in divorce court. I have been no-contact and have not heard from him for five years! But, I have seriously realized my serious codependency and have been working on my self-awareness and healing since as I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I was married for 40 years to a covert narcissist after a 7-year marriage to an overt malignant narcissist. I am now 76. It’s never too late, and thank you for the important work you are doing!
You suffered a lot and you learned a lot and your are so strong and have a purpose - please share with everyone about what Cluster B is and NPD is -- many do not understand. I tell everyone to please learn about this topic and share with everyone.
Love to you, big love for enduring that!@❤
Omg! So much admiration for you! In a very healthy and powerful way!❤
This explains why my ex partner spiralled into psychosis after his behaviour was challenged and exposed.
@alexsky104 how true is this? I had a traumatic childhood and tried to suck it up and get through college where I was constantly gaslit and humiliated. I have since not had a stable sense of self, and it's hard to wrap my head around the idea that I might also be a Narcissist now because the way I've processed it seems to align with what I'm hearing in these videos. Could it be that I was just devastated and might be normal?
This has happened to my ex too.
You are the only one explaining on this level. Thank you.
“Till death do us part “…. Said to their disorder 😂. Love it.
"they create fake memories".. it explains a lot
“You didn’t see a screwdriver.” Can you imagine all the childhood memories that are distorted or forgotten due to an abusive parent’s gaslighting? For decades?
@@MT-bc1we yep! And, “I never said that!”
My personal fave, “That NEVER happened, HOW DARE YOU accuse ME of XYZ?!”. You can have video evidence and they’ll watch it and STILL deny, deny, deny. 😔
Yes I can ! unfortunately
I have really few childhood memories and it makes me sad that I can't share those memories with my sister and school friends. It's like I have snippets of someone else's life.
@@Cbn717 I’m sorry that you were cheated.
Absolutely! too much empathy is dangerous and I discovered that I had a hard time accepting people as they are. Thank you sir
How is xs empathy connected to difficulty accepting people as they are and why do we think this is so ? I ask for personal POV clarification
They believe their lies!! Mine did this all the time. 😢
They are delusional. Mine did too.
Yep. My wife will not back down, ever. She confabulates constantly and her ego won't let her ever accept being wrong.
I always wondered why my ex narc completely believed his version of the last time we saw each other and split up. I think the "victim" sees it clearly because we are the ones who feel the pain. They avoid the pain and distort reality. It is quite scary.
When confronted, my ex narc told his new supply with a straight face that the last time he "was with me", euphemism for sex, was last year. It had been 2 weeks before. I had no idea she even existed.
Mine said it we were never together after spending 5 years in a relationship. He called me his wife and spent holidays and vacations with me😂😂😂. I have numerous pictures and he met my family and I his. I just blocked him and moved forward. Byee😊.
@@Seeingisntbelieving😂😂😂They always have an alternative version of things in the back of their mind where they are above you. It's the version where they need to escape the "fantasy" that they created around you...aka their life. 😅😅😅
Is this why the narcissist runs when confronted with their transgressions?
To avoid injury and possible mortification. It is called "avoidance".
YES 👍
@samvaknin Your work is great, but punctuation, not so much. The punctuation belongs inside the quote. Ex. “avoidance.”
(Whistle) unnecessary roughness@@maryfrances1307
@@maryfrances1307because everyone must abide by the highest standards of writing in the youtube comment section
I feel like he mortified me first so I turned it back on him and did not let him get a word in until I got done. He was a basketcase for months I guess stuck with his introjects magnified by my input. I sure was stuck with not only his, but all the way back in my life. Raised in a very toxic atmosphere I was diagnosed borderline at 15. This last situation forced me to ghost my whole family, him and actually walked away from all my possessions. It is 9 months now and I am still struggling with a lifetime of introjects. Your videos help tremendously. I now understand how sick my life has been and for me being BPD perhaps there is hope for some sense of self to develop. He is somewhat resurrecting and I can let go of guilt for observing that. Yes I keep an eye out for him. Not ashamed to admit I spy on him. I am ready to let go for good now.
I bet he was asking for it! 😂😂😂 After he mortified me...I kept it together long enough, to return the "favour", bounced and as I'm recovering, my comfort sometimes is that I get one good lick. 😂😂😂
For the narcissist, it's like they said in the X-Files: "The truth is out there."
That’s what I call my file box for court, “the x-files” 😂
The best lectures ever! Love your clear truth Prof. Just this honest clear explanation heals me bit by bit. No professional ever met who is able to explain this very difficult mechanisms in the mind and behaviour
My narc boyfriend makes up information when he doesn’t remember real facts. He will double down on stupid and insist his made up memory is real. I recently exposed him and he is now completely silent, gone and unreachable.
Well done Dr. Vaknin. Beautiful to hear these complex and thorny concepts eloquently explained... untangled ! You seem to fight fire with fire and your devotion has helped me lead a better life.
So much information density in this video...Thank you, Prof. Vaknin!
I absolutely cannot agree more. Best content in the most easily understandable format and should be seen by every human in school
My ex ( covert narcissist) has taken the children away and won’t let me see them at all after the whole school witnessed them begging to come home with their Daddy. That day that everyone saw how much the children wanted to live with their dad, she went to the police station and filed a false claim of assault, she even bruised herself and had the police take pictures. I had the whole thing on video and proved that I was nowhere near her and the teachers said she I wasn’t anywhere near her but she still came out the victim and now I have a restraining order against me and see the kids two hours a week.
Yikes- That is horrible! May the truth be revealed SOON to give you justice!
Your profile pic is inappropriate. That's your problem and probably work on learning social cues. Likely your too casual of a person who may not respect boundaries.
thank you so much, i was looking for an answer to the excatact issue you mentioned here for 4 months and now here i have it. thank you so much again.
When I exposed him, he went ballistic and the psychopath action afterwards hurt me badly.
Sometimes when you expose a psycho you can loose your life. Be careful
feeling reality from outside, whoo
I would agree that a Narcissist's assault on his victim leaves them with a damaged psyche and should they persist with their assault on you over a lengthy period of time - you would find it difficult to release yourself from their power, as they "get their hooks into you" that remain embedded. Yep. They are unable to assess people and situations and lack total empathy in dealing with both. Had first-hand experience over a period of two years and had to withdraw my energy in order to escape. My only intention was to assist this individual and consequently became his supply of source. They are extremely manipulative and enforce their power in order to gain control over you. He had an extremely dysfunctional childhood and hated his mother!
@@thingsarecrazy Thank you, Donna, for agreeing! They also usually come across as charming with adequate and impressive vocabulary but inwardly they seek to confuse and control you!
Mother, as our first love object and experience is at the heart of all humanness
I can understand your point but from experience , narcissists never change their minds or accept that their memories are wrong in order to deny responsabilities, perhaps inside they know the truth but they will never admit It , therefore It is the narcissist suply who starts doubting......gaslighting.
Great description of this subject. You obviously have a much stronger mind than most. Thank you.
We’ve been through the whole cycle. More than once. 28 year marriage finally over. Almost. Still have financial connections unfortunately. But anyway, my question is how do I reestablish a simple perhaps tolerant is a good descriptor. How do you establish a public intolerant relationship for your adult children.? we have two wonderful funds and I want to be the best I can be for them. Which includes not showing contempt or malice toward their narcissistic father.
*Polite and tolerant
* sons not funds
😅 sorry
Clarity begins.
Could a narcissist be mortified, and then be ambulanced to a therapist? If there is a window there, it seems like there is a chance. I know I’m prob wrong. I appreciate your videos so much.
Ooooo sooo interesting, I want to know the answer and I might just have it soon
From my understanding, they would switch most likely.
‘He has his opinion, I have mine’ -
I notice they truly believe that everyone loves them, no matter how badly they hurt others..they repel everyone the minute they try to be the life of the party...but everyone turns from them...he doesn't see it..
goes back to the club, and everyone ignores them, and he wants to start a fight... They really aren't welcomed anymore...is this mortification for them ? This one would wait outside the club trying to talk to people and they would ignore him...and king kong AIN'T got nothing on the temper tantrum he throws...hitting cars setting off car alarms, cussing and fussing LOUDLY, until the police comes...he's now doing the same where he live everyone ignores him...
It's a horrible situation..I DON'T look at him, speak to him, or acknowledge him in any way...because he just WON'T stop...
he lives in my building...so I avoid him at all cost...
Yes. They repel people because they are not genuine and have negative charisma. You made me laugh when you talked about being the life and soul of the party. They really aren't because of above stated reason....my daughter's abusive narc husband has ruined every single family party and social occasion by DEMANDING every scrap of attention. From rushing out to dress up in a full Native American Chief (of course 😂) to suddenly turning the music off when everyone was dancing and having fun (because of the neighbours) oh God I could go on and on.....two of the special occasions ended in violence with other members of my family....court. criminal damage. More abuse for daughter because of 'her family ' she's still with him and becoming quite the little abuser herself. Could cry for a hundred years.
@@terrijones1167 MY HEART KNOWS YOUR PAIN. HOWEVER, YOU MUST KNOW THIS TRUTH...THEY ONLY STOP WHEN THEY ARE 🤯🤔😎
I don't speak emojise. What was the word?
@@enoch6977 read it again, slowly, then get back to me...
would say borderines are capable of this pretty well, when they switch to psychopathy, they can regect like no other )
Borderlines in my opinion are extremely capable of empathy. Almost too much.
40:54 - borderlines feel empathy, but it's usually distorted and misjudgement ensues. Probably why borderlines are narc magnets.
@@MissK504 i might be one and i feel things very deeply
So you're right we are very empathetic
Hi @sam,
I believe that narcissitic mortification can be segmented.
Because the narcissit as you said in your lecture can work and manipulate itself to trigger mortification. This is a type.
An external mortification caused by type A supply when they leave them for good without prior notice.
I wonder if they have the same reaction to tge two mentioned types of mortification.
Incredible. I discovered 2 years ago that i have aphantasia. I am narcisst too. Thank you for explaining that. I am Wonder what is the aim in biology to arrange such reaction to trauma in early childchood? What does the lack of memories serves?
Survival when reality is too horrible to bear
You have great content, but I have one tip for your books, it is: AUDIO PLEASE!
i'm a little confused and will go through more of your videos to understand, but when the psychotic behavior emerges - what's the prognosis if they are let's say picked on or bullied at work? is this a total collapse? because that's what it feels like what occurred already to cause the psychosis.
Search the comorbidities playlist.
Would admitting they have a terminal illness, their health is declining, their body is failing and facing possible death be mortification to a narcissist?
Might be, especially for a somatic. See my videos on narcissism, disability, and chronic illness.
My father was a narcissis. He died of alzcheimers.
So? Some narcissist die of drowning. What kind of nonsense is this?
Very interesting question. I am living with a narcissist who is long term alcoholic. He is on the edge of mortification, and death.
When I leave, he is going to die.
@@kyliereef7664 I left a year ago and I have watched him decline over the year with his not caring for himself, having several chronic illnesses. We are still legally married. I tried to talk to him a few days ago about his wishes but in true narc grandiose fashion, he did not see the need for medical attention as the doctors are full of it and he knows more than them. So of course, I am left waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wonder if they drag it out for attention. My husband is a diagnosed narc, so I am not being overly dramatic.
Is reliability here equivalent to "confidence"? And is mortification accompanied with rage or self distancing/isolation from the source of the new mortified memory?
Hi Sam, Did everything in the video, told his family and friends what he did and that I was the one taking care of him and spending my money. I walk pass him infront his enemies, close the door in his face because we have a child together. I hang out with a major enemy of his. I dont answer his hoover attempts. Why is he not mortified. He is still trying to hoover. What am I doing wrong?
Public shaming in front of people he values, admires, or needs. His enemies he devalues - why would he care about their opinions?
@@samvaknin thank you. Im not sure I understand how to mortify him. I've tried everything. He tells me happy birthday I don't answer. How do I get him to stop hoovering?
Is this why a look on someone's face or a tone of voice is so quickly attacked - because if a person is suspected of being critical of a narcissist, that person must be stopped before it's too late to prevent suspected criticism from being stated in which case the narcissist would then accept it as true?
@@paxtonlux6698 Thank you! That is a very interesting point.
Agreed..solid question
Hi prof please make a video about pathological lair .. how can it relate to cluster B and narcissism no good explanation in the internet yet .. I hope to hear from you about .. thank you
But he retains memory for what he wants, through the filter of his grandiosity... he stores away all the "negative" things about others...
Or she
They knows what foods they likes and don't likewise otherwise soo everything they do is intentionally done.
What can done when one is in the black hole to feel better?
I wonder if a person gaslighted a narc (as they continuously do to us) how it would affect them
They probably wouldn’t notice because they do it so much 😹😹
My spouse has grown up with a lot of abuse and since I've been with her that abuse has come to life against me. Her father spent tens of thousands on psychiatrists growing up but no repair. She now speaks to Jesus and is only interested in him. She has wanted a divorce since our honeymoon night and every weekend since. This is such a complex case that I would love to see if you can crack it. Many have tried but failed. She is now creating 5 more narcissistic little girls and I'm out of options.
Cluster b personality disorder. Plan an escape before the stress kills you
Its interesting to note, whilst going thru the discard phase, i kept quiet. Stoic counsel. When the time came, when i could leave, I embarked on a judgemental evisceration of her character. She appealed, 'Don't make me feel any worse, I'm suicidal' etc, etc. In the end she broke down revealing her inner horrified abused child, it was actually shocking to see the real person underneath her grandiose persona. I've no sympathy though, I'm going back with a legal team to take back the the money she has stolen.
So if I raised awareness to him that I feel like he's neglectful of checking in on my well being, is that narcissistic injury? I just find it so hard to believe that no one has ever told him that he's so self absorbed and talks incessantly about himself without ever checking in to see how the other person is doing...... hmmm, actually I do recall him telling me that an ex of his that he dated on and off for 8 years told him that he doesn't check in enough throughout conversation to ask questions towards the other person about their opinions or state of mind while he's having a conversation. ..... huh? That might explain why he reacted the way he did. He was thoroughly insulted through and through when I told him that it would be nice if he asked how my day was or how am I doing, he of course bastardized what I had said and turned my words into insults....if I tell him that he patronizes me then somehow that gets turned into me being the cold hearted person for daring to tell him such a thing. I wonder if what I said triggered a memory of his ex telling him something similar. I do realize that he's in a constant state of trying to be on superior high moral grounds yet fails to realize that the things he resents in others the most are 100% the things that need to be corrected in himself.
Venetta Vogel that’s ridiculously sick and strange
Ugghh, Venetta I’ve had that done to me before 10 years ago by an ex. Sadly I have a track record of dating narcissistic types.. but this current guy takes the icing!
@@liberatedilla not for the narcissist
@@The1Raychilla he only took the frosting because he thinks he is the cake...nobody wants his cake...so he steals the icing and it DOESN'T work...get ready for the temper tantrum...
@Venetta Vogel that’s hilarious!!!... what the cop said. I’m glad you were able to get that restraining order for 10 years.
so if he says he made others do actions. such as saying he abused them. Is he actually in a way taking accountability for his behavior?
Also like the MBTI as Jung's theories are utilized. That tends to lend additional credibility (if one is pro-Jungian to any extent).
I Carl Junged myself in 2016 during my dark night of the soul. In doing that....sure opened my eyes up to a wide spread issue!
@@danihagedorn1977 can you explain more
@@keeleykobobel5507 it would we be hard to convey it properly on this format;) I would love to explain more! I know it was so hard but ..well worth it
Jung hypnotized and banged his secretaries on the reg. I'd be careful using that gnostic shill as a point of reference.
Coping Mechanisms
This explains why Marx is believed by so many.
Is regression beneficial for the narcissist whilst induced in Hypnosis? In order to recall past memories for mortification to happen after an unraveling of sessions. Only coming from his own internal source, if done in hypnosis. Very curious. Especially if guided by a specialised hypo analyst. For a covert type.
Hypnosis has limited - and much debated - utility in altering some behaviors. It is useless for any other therapeutic goal.
@@samvaknin They're already hypnotized by believing the lies and pain that lives in core memories and without them comes the collapse...
If a Narcissist has no defenses against hurtful, or derisive behavior, which the narc internalizes and adopts as truths, then how do grandiose narcs exist for so long? Wouldn’t they have been mortified at some point by the time they were In Their 20s, or 30s?
Most of them are mortified multiple times. But they reframe it as internal mortification and recover their grandiosity.
@@samvaknin when they can't recover their grandiosity and finally destroy themselves,.
Thank you
@@samvaknin After they reframe, are they different from what they appeared to be before mortification? Are their likes, dislikes, attitudes etc. different than before? ...almost like they are a different person? Thank you.
@@jrs5784 No. They just become schizoid, avoidant, depressed. They recover their grandiosity and reactivate the False Self in due time.
Is he saying Mortify or Modify? Behaviors
Modify. Behavior modification.
Mortified!, read. When the narcissist is exposed. They can never modify.
Is aphantasia, in laymens terms, the inability to put yourself in other people's shoes? Is there a way to teach this?
Wow never thought of that but yes
No, absolutely not. I say this as an aphant who despairs at the lack of others being able to put themselves in another's shoes. Attaching the term aphantasia to narcissism is totally irresponsible and very unprofessional of Mr Vaknin to casually coin such a term. *Some* aphants will be narcissists but most are not. Have you thought of what the emotional effect of association the two will have on aphants? Have you (Mr Vaknin) put yourself in other's shoes? Can Mr Vaknin cry at the sight of some emotional scene in a film, imagining (visually or *not* visually) what it must feel like for the character in the film?
Isn't this a product of lying? It stands. To reason that the more honest you are, the more viable your memories would be. Disordered people's lie and while they know they're lying in that moment they convince themselves this is the narratives they have to stick to. It. It must be a lot of work, but since they don't experience emotions as others would.
It's rarely lying. It is often confabulation. Lying is intended to manipulate others - confabulation is intended to manipulate yourself, restore continuity, and build faux "memories".
They are emotionally stuck in the mental state of a toddler. Children don't "lie", they are making up fairy tales. Grown up people living in an infant's fantasy world to escape unbearable reality.
@@windysmith7367 Narcissists have true memory deficits (as do borderlines).
Could I have modified his behavior by when I took a photo of him actually cheating in bed with another woman? Definitely clear exact evidence of who he really is... Wake up call to him?
Not if he is proud of his sexual prowess. Mortification involves shame and humiliation when the locus of grandiosity is challenged.
@@samvaknin Are Narcs usually proud of it? Thank you for explaining.
He was probably laughing inside... Like dumping delight
... Example: If he is a religious leader, such as a very important /famous pastor, that doctrines monogamy and shows off his perfect marriage, and that's his main source for income, making his money and his image from his public persona... I believe that if that photo was made public to his followers + superiors + his social media platforms + loss of job= mortification... 🤔
Can mortification actually cure a narc?
Can a covert or vulnerable narcissist be mortified? Or is the vulnerable aspect of their narcissism a preemptive defense to mortification in the first place... because ostensibly they're the sheep not the wolf.
They are even more easily mortified than overt narcissists because they are incapable of securing narcissistic supply efficaciously.
The memory study didnt seem to include the fact that people are more apt to believe what they are told by people whom they deem to have a higher level of intellect or by people whom they have been taught to have a high level of respect for. Example: professors, scientists, doctors, lawyers, news media, politicians etc.
Now if some jo blow on the street were to have performed the same case study, I can almost guarantee the outcome would be significantly different (of course if every component was identical except for the peoples perception of who was performing the study)
Untrue. People believe 95% of what they are told, period, regardless of the source.
I disagree. If people feel that the information being told to them comes from a source that is assumed to have more expertise on the topic, then yes. But people arent going to believe a 13 yr who gives advice on getting divorced over a 40 yr old who's done it already.
Dr. Sam is it the narcissist lose of memory that hamper him to delinate silent treatment or is it gaslight to defend self from shame and further challenges that would expose him ?
Dissociation is the main cause for confabulation (in overt narcissists): the narcissist is trying to make sense of his absent memories and “lost time”. Gaslighting is a manipulative and control technique used by psychopaths, psychopathic narcissists, and covert narcissists.
Do mar sadist force you tell call them pet names and to tell them you love them and if you don’t they hit and threaten you till you do
15:00-16:30 exactly what happened to Trump supporters denying the Capitol insurrection ever took place.
If what is occurring is narcissists supporting a narcissist we are all in more trouble than I thought... because as we are observing they will never quit. They will continue to convolute upon convolution and somehow it will all make sense to them... and continue to be their 'reality'. Will they eventually drag the rest of us down? I do not see a hopeful end to this. Is America going to self- implode? Sam Vaknin to the rescue!