It's social media in general. It gives the illusion of unlimited options and makes people develop unrealistic standards and have unrealistic expectations.
Everyone thinks 1,00,000 options are available to them, but in reality; the dating pool is dramatically reduced when you calculate age/education/physical attributes(weight, height, ethnicity or gender), are they single, religion, proximity, will they even be attracted to you!!….it’s tiny. Stay in school y’all
What ? Lol if you are in the top 80 percent for women (majority of women) you have the attention of 20 percent of men . Then the bottom 80 percent of men compete for 20 percent of women at the bottom . For some individuals , namely the top 20 percent of men and 80 percent of women they will get a lot more attention for sure however mainly the bottom 80 percent of men get screwed and will actually probably get less matches and lower quality matches than if they met someone normal off the street through friends dor example . Surprised that this post has so many likes because it's an oversimplification and in a lot of cases especially for men it's actually completely wrong .
Dating apps suck because the model isnt predicated on creating relationships but rather keeping people swiping. They all use a subscription model and the algorithm is most likely designed in such a way to push the vast majority into paying for it.
I met my wife on Tinder in 2018 and our journey on the app couldn’t be more different. I spent a full 2 years religiously swiping and chatting, and went on 3 dates across those 2 years. My wife joined on December 23rd, I was her 5th swipe, and she deleted the app after our first date on NYE. A whole 8 days to find a partner.
If you’re commenting about how my wife’s stats aren’t true and she lied to me about them, I truly feel sorry that you have such a distrust in women. There are good women out there, but they want nothing to do with you.
@Emit. I mean, when someone shares their deepest, darkest secrets and all their most shameful, embarrassing past actions, it becomes really difficult to believe that they’d lie about something as mundane and unimportant as their history on a dating app.
I thought that was fantastic as well. Unfortunate that the specific scenario had to exist where that opportunity could knock in the first place though... (Maybe that's not clear...) What I mean is that In order to have been in that scenario there's a lot of "in the right place at the right time" that has to happen before you can even get to the point of holding his phone kinda far out so she can see that you're texting about how cute she is to your friend. I hope that happens more often for other people and they can meet in a similar way as well though!
@@bhuntin08 That's a pretty fair point. In today's day and age, if the girl you're talking about doesn't likewise find you attractive, she would potentially move seats and think you're a creep or something.
These are incel replies, just nut up and do it yall are coping by pretending that women will accuse you of harassment for showing interest. Just don’t creep on coworkers, or people who are working generally, that simple.
I know it's not always very realistic to have her on, but I would also love to see her guest appearances more often as well. She has great insights and points that she makes and I think she tends to add something to the show and the conversation!
26yo, never had a partner. Finally feel financially stable enough, and with enough free time to start looking, but have absolutely no idea where to start. Im autisistic and absolutely terrified of saying the wrong thing, especially with the social movements that have been happening over the past decade.
You’re not gonna say the wrong thing, at least not to the extent it’d have lasting harm. It’s scary to mess up in front of new people but think, If you do why does it matter? They’re strangers you won’t see again. You leave and it’s all good. Sure it’s uncomfortable in the moment but that’s all. Best advice I’ve ever gotten about anxiety or fear is to think of the timeframe. Will it matter in an hour? Will it matter in a day? Will it matter in 7 days? A month? A year? 5 years? 10 years? The answer you have can help you figure out if your nerves are appropriately scaled. Many times you’ll be waaaaay over nervous compared to the objective impact Just be yourself and treat others as humans with feelings deserving of respect and you’ll be fine. Don’t let nerves stop you by over exaggerating the actual harms that come from it!
Yvonne is actually very good in front of the camera. You saw in her face the first few seconds she was terrified then she seemed to remind herself that she's just having a chat with the guys and then she seemed completely natural just having a chat with the guys.
She probably ended up reminding herself that The wind show was born out of the conversations Luke and Linus would have on their drives home and clearly people like that. So just be a part of the conversation because that's what people are here to listen to
I'm 36. My 7 year long relationship ended back in 2017. I didn't meet anyone since. So, I'm not very hopeful considering all my adult life traumas and how broken I'm feeling now.
Maybe try out an Ai concierge and let it take the first steps for you. That way, the conversations held won't be related to your current emotional state 😉
Rely on yourself to put the pieces back, and maybe your road to happiness will be clearer. And whatever obstacles lie ahead, you'll be better at overcoming. Put some blind faith in yourself and keep it even when it feels like you shouldn't. It'll work out eventually. Just believe in that.
I feel you very hard. Granted, I'm 10 years younger, but after my 6 year relationship with my hs sweetheart (ended 2021) I haven't been able to meet anyone. I swear at 11:55 I skipped a heartbeat. I WANTED it to play out that way, but man... Life's tough.
I'm sorry that it ended after 7 years. Certainly there must've been a reason and sometimes that reason isn't always apparent. If you know what the reason is, you don't have to say it here or anything, but just know that despite whatever that reason was that you are still have value. There's still someone out there that would be willing to put in the effort to be happy with you. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I know what it's like to be in a long term relationship like that and lose them and still be pining for them years later. It sucks and it hurts sometimes and the memories will sneak up on you and smack you in the face with a fistful of tears. Some nights are going to be lonely, some nights are going to be hard. You've already experienced the last 7 years of exactly what I'm talking about so I know I'm preaching to the choir here... Just continue to push forward and explore the things that make you happy. Loneliness sucks, but it is temporary. That hole can be filled with friends sometimes, other times it can be filled with short term relationships. Maybe one of those short term ones will turn into a long term one? Probably best to go in with anywhere from low to no expectations. Not standards... Keep your standards, but just because you seem hyper compatible for the first 2 or 3 weeks doesn't mean you should get your hopes up. Some incompatibilities don't reveal themselves until a few months to a year or sometimes more later. Take care of yourself. Do what you can to improve yourself as long as it makes you happy. I have faith in you.
I personally dislike online dating, but I also hate to pick up new hobbies or join classes/groups with the backend intention of finding a partner. I want to do things for the sake of doing them without extra intentions, because that ruins the fun for me when those extra intentions don’t work out.
Do it for yourself, but nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone within that hobby activity, just don't hang your hat on meeting someone there, hang your hat on enjoying your time there.
just focus on making friends, that kinda always works if the group is big enough, friendships lead to meeting new people or can grow into more naturally
I met my current partner on Bumble in late 2021. Back when Bumble wasn't complete trash. And I'll be honest, i just got INSANELY lucky. I had been trying to date again for a couple months, and she was the first person I liked enough to actually go on a real date with. And it just worked out. We just really work together. If something tragic was to happen and suddenly I'm single again, what would I do? Honestly, I'd just stay single. At least until the loneliness becomes unbearable, and then I'd have to take a good long look at what dating even looks like these days. I don't do bars. I don't even drink alcohol at all. I don't do parties. I don't like big groups of people. Especially people I don't know. Online dating is basically useless these days. What the hell do you do? I'd probably end up going to a lot of events. Gaming conventions and such. Just hope something happens at one of those. Join a DnD group and see if that leads to anything. I feel sorry for young people these days. Suicide rates are gonna skyrocket in 5-10 years, and there's really not much that can be done about it.
Yeah, I too feel like finding my love was incredible luck haha. Oh, and I don't think that those rates are going up on accident lol. I hate sounding like a conspiracy theorist, but I can't help but think that increasing depression and unhappiness throughout society seems like the stealthiest way to combat overpopulation.
As part of the young people, 5-10 years is way too optimistic. Lots of people my age who are barely hanging on, myself included. We're already seeing massive declines in every single metric of relationships.
Currently, i’m in the same boat. Sheer luck. I met my current partner because they were a friend of someone i played Mariokart 8 online with. While I no longer talk to that person (the one i played MK8 with), i’ve had my current partner for 3.5 years long distance. Now, in 2024, go find someone even USING voice chat in that game. Ain’t happening.
@@lostskull7467 Say it is or isn't with your theory there but I feel its mainly how society views men and women interacting in public these days and on top of that, at least for me, the capitalist endgame hell that we are finding ourselves more and more stuck in. I'm not so far gone as to contemplate suicide but I am very single and am completely unsure as to how to even attempt to date someone. Yay the future is lookin good!
In my early thirties and introverted. Making friends is an uphill battle. More so with dating. It’s very depressing to think about. Anybody younger reading, own who you are and don’t wait. Life moves too fast
I'm in my early thirties as well, introverted, and don't leave the house except for work and grocery shopping. I actually prefer it. I've become so accustomed to being alone that I actually enjoy it. I don't have any real friends, I haven't been on a date in like a decade, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
@@captaintimcurry1713do your thing! If you enjoy solitude don’t let anyone stand in your way Not everyone needs a ton of social stuff and that’s pretty cool
My only suggestion, as a fellow introvert. Travel to another country that is safe for you, alone. And simply try forget your culture and meet someone, a fellow tourist or similar. I tend to have more success outside my own country, why... I do not know. Probably because I become more bold since I know I will be leaving the country x days after. But ye, I am in my struggle to maintain relationships. So I've pretty much given up. If it happens, it happens.
Life only ever moves at one speed, think about the stuff you like to do and do public things that are adjacent to them you WILL find likeminded people into them as much as you
After university, finding new friends or a partner is very hard since you are not forced to be in the same place with a group of people. The only other place where you are forced to be with a group of people consistently is at work but you really don't want to bring any unnecessary drama or attention there so it doesn't really count.
Church (or equivalents) would be the other big one, although it certainly doesn't apply to me and it also doesn't apply to a quickly growing cohort in the younger generations. The death of the Third Place has really hit us hard as a society.
This hits home for me for so many sad reasons... I have felt this all the way throughout my teen and adult hood now. School never got into dating cause studies and there was a negative stigma around it . College after 1st sem lockdown, the people i know from first 3-4 days are still my friends and only them and all of them are single. Then intership and now 1 year into my job my work team is composed of all married men who don't even come to office often... So no way to make new friends or date, and my work place is in complete new city different language and even though work is great, i don't know anyone at office. So ya stuck... Stuck all the way ... Tried online dating doesn't work for me... Tried to go for hiking and events, nothing. people are already in groups so ... Just stuck and alone .... Given up on this actually... Instead got myself a ps5, started doing gym and eating better...
I dated a lot early in my teens and very early twenties... Went into college into computer science major and literally no chance to meet many girls.. There was only one girl in an elective class that I met that I think was hitting on me and was mad about not asking her out. I literally didn't meet any women besides that besides a running group in college that I did where everyone else was already dating someone. I literally work remotely so barely need to leave my house.. The few girls I meet in my friend groups tend to like me but I'm not attracted to. I don't drink or smoke and I'm introverted so bars are a no go for me.
Yeah in uni rn, my mate says everyone in uni is here to study, which seems true so far, and what this video says about work reduce my hopes, cos everyone tells me its fine and to focus on my studies and the we can find people at work.But idk man. It also pisses me off that talking to people is not socially acceptable anymore, like even when i say good morning to people i meet on my way to the station, most greet back.
@@mukulnag1578 everyone worries that, do it anyways If you do come off as a weirdo so what? It won’t hardly matter by the next day. It’s not like you’re gonna see strangers you try to talk to again, so why let it stop you? If you talk to someone trying to genuinely make a connection and treating them as an equal with feelings it’ll work out. And if they somehow find you weird, even better: they’ve filtered themselves out!
My parents met in the 70's: My Parents met at a party One parent liked to socialize and continued to meet friends at bars / from working The other parent basically doesn't have a social life outside of people they met at work, and even then they weren't exactly great friends. Myself: Every social contact I made outside of high school was through forums/IRC online. The problem is that various forums (including the LTT forums) people just circle the wagons to new people. If you can't pretend like you've been there the entire time, you're probably going to get rudely assaulted.
Maybe we should bring back the concept of the village's matchmaker. But then again we need the concept of a village for that to work. I think we've missed out on so much by no longer living in these tight-knit communities, even if they probably had so many issues of their own.
We definitely didn't evolve to live as a society of atomized individualists navigating an environment filled with algorithmic attention siphons pumping our brains full of contradiction, controversy, and hallucinatory nonsense.
I live in a 200-300 people village, what about it ? Most people know each other, and that's it, they don't hang out. I live in Slovenia, tons of tiny villages, no different.
@@kiloneie A strangely high number of Americans have a romanticized notion that life in a small village automagically leads to close-knit social relationships and communal mutual aid with one's neighbors. Most of these people have never even seen a cow's udder in person.
Met the woman that would become my wife on an app called Mutual. She works in fitness and health stuff, and my opening line to her was “So, could you help me get as ripped as the DOOM Slayer?” It’s a miracle that that line actually worked, but I’m forever grateful that it did.
18:18 the gym social behavior take is insane in a world where people complain about not meeting anyone while men are still required to make the approach. Everyone wants love but your a bad guy if you take the risk.
I really love whenever Yvonne makes an appearance because I find her really funny and relatable I guess. She just seems like such a nice person, I wish she would appear more often but I know she’s very busy with stuff behind the scenes 😅. If you see this just know that we all love you Yvonne! (:
I have had infinitely more luck finding anyone to chat with, from my country or out via random chat websites(omegle doesn't exist anymore), where you can first like the person, and then see if the attractiveness is there. I've met a girl in person via that so far. Dating apps ? Spent some time on them, even paid, nothing, most of the sites made for my country are barren, and international ones like Tinder are a lottery. Most of them have fake messages from people that don't exist, which you cannot view until you pay. This is a extremely scummy business model.
I've never even tried dating apps because I'm fully aware that everything that used to make me a worthwhile person was all verbal. I just gave up a little bit after the world started defaulting to dating apps. Now I'm all bitter and mean inside and even that worthwhile personality is gone. I see no reason why any one on earth would want to be with me.
I've been trying to meet someone in the "wild" through hobbies it's impossible. Like I have a dog and I hike and do all these out door things but you don't run into people and talk. You just go on an adventure and that's it.
That's because you need to seek local social activities and events in your town/city. There's tons. Check your local library, check social media in your area for event announcements, there are things to do. There are probably hiking groups. You need to seek them out in your niche, they're abundant
@@sunla No, they're abundant where you are. Adult education opportunities in my area have dwindled down to ESL, Basic Math, Computer Literacy and Yoga. Clubs and groups are things like the Women's Institute... it really sucks.
@@sunla All the events at my local library are for families and children. Which is another problem, even when you can find what would seem like a good venue to socialize, you'll always find that they have no events made for adults to socialize. It's always gotta be "for the whole family!"
And even if you do find someone it's weird to break the boundary between having a nice conversation at this event to taking it even further outside of that setting. Or at least for me it is.
What a helluva conversation. I feel like an entire podcast dedicated to this singular topic could have a multi-year run with additional guest appearances by various people and getting multiple different perspectives. I'm so glad that this was a topic on WAN show this time around because I genuinely was just talking with a friend of mine (we're both single and seemingly having a tough go of figuring out how to meet someone) and for our conversation we concluded that it's the area that we live in just is full of people that don't have the same views as us or other things that make us incompatible with these "Tinderella's". I think by and large I'm very much willing to go on a date with someone even if we're not entirely compatible because... Who knows? Maybe that thing or position they had on their profile is more of a footnote in their life or something that they've just always agreed with but didn't know why or something. Not saying that is always the case, but rather that it could potentially be like a 1 in 10 chance that it is the case... So with that in mind and the old adage of "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." I try to very much give chances even if I have low expectations for compatibility. My friend on the other hand is significantly more jaded, I think, and therefore not as willing to be flexible in his standards. In his situation, I suspect that is much of the reason why he has such a hard time. For me, I can only suspect that I must be uglier than sin and maybe my pictures don't portray that, and maybe that's why I've made it to a second date once in the last 3 years. I know I've probably said too much, but I appreciated the open discourse that Linus, Yvonne, and Luke had and I guess part of me wants to talk it out with other people that might also be experiencing the same thing. I also think the part about the 30's being a low point for most people trying to date because there's fewer divorcee's is highly accurate. It's also just that much worse for people that want to be child free. Sometimes all you're left with are single mothers that are absolutely wonderful, but taking on a relationship with them eventually means being a part of the kids lives and some people just aren't interested in being a step parent like that.
I'm slowly learning to be okay with being alone, relying on myself and the resources available to me through the community. I don't own a vehicle or my own house, and I honestly feel handicapped because of those things, I don't feel like any woman close to my age who has those things would want to give me the time of day, I don't even work due to being disabled, I just feel so lonely and the only thing I can seem to do is just deal with it as best as I can. I go to therapy and I'm on anti depressants, maybe that's just my lot in life. I would love to meet someone who shares in my interests but I wouldn't know where to start. There no hiking trails around my area I don't think that's within walking distance, and I'm not enrolled in any colleges. I'm just screwed I think.
heya fellow umm disabled but still able in a lot of ways dude here im blind and have a hearing impairment just wanted to say if you can try you should i had to leave study after i went blind took a while to learn to live with it couldnt do anything and 3 years ago i was broke af but decided enough was enough i was tired of being called the d word ive learned many new things ever since im independant and can do a lot umm being alone is i mean its fine im alone as well and im ok with it yk strong independant and stuff but we're human as well right its ok to wanto to be with someone mm im not even trying but for me it comes down to hmm how do i say it it cant be just giving or just taking has to be both like both should add value to each others life and it shouldnt feel like one is having to settle for the other or compromising im sure you're a beautiful person and you can do a lot of things cant drown any further if you hit rock bottom right ! it may take time but you're gonna have to make the best of what you have accepting things take time but when you do it also gives you power to move forward and try to swim up i wish all the best things for you
Being alone is plenty okay, however it's orders of magnitude better to share it with someone, you haven't gone and figured it out yet because being alone is too comfortable for you still Go out of your way to make it uncomfortable and finding someone won't look as much like a bad prospect anymore
Most of my "relationships" were started online. All of them failed. My first serious relationship was my roommate's girlfriend's roommate and that lasted for a couple years despite her cheating on me multiple times(I was very naive). I met my wife through the local Metal music scene and some of our mutual friends played match maker. It took us a couple tries, but we eventually were on the same wave length. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary this weekend and we've been together for almost 7 years.
Exactamundo, the metal scene is literally one of the best environments there is. You want friends, you got em on the spot, you need someone to listen to you rant about bullshit in your life? Bar has you covered, you want to actually go on a date with someone who isn't up their own ass? Concerts are where it's at, we aren't brothers and sisters as a metaphor Be well man 🤘
I met my wife through a mutual friend. When we first met, we started talking and found out that we were both on match. After that, we used the rest of our subscriptions to send each other messages and laugh at all of the crazy people that we’re coming up as matches Eventually, we came to the conclusion that we completely wasted our money
I met one of my exes at a metal festival. My friend was hitting on her while I was just trying to vibe. We barely talked and she later hunted me down on social media. It felt as weird as it was flattering.
1) usually just guys go to gaming cafes 2) dancing has a lot of girls but you have to be confident, know how to dance, and sometimes be pushy to even get noticed 3) arts is only good if you are good at arts 4) usually just guys at hobby stores 5) volunteering is usually for older people and seniors who have extra time not really good for people 18-29 dating 6) no one goes to cooking classes.
@@ky9616 1) false - loads of girls go to board game cafes. 2) false - there's drop in lessons so you get to know the others going. 3) yeah, which is why it's on a list.. but also almost anything is a learned skill.. dedicate more time to something and you get better at it. 4) I've seen the reverse - mostly girls.. 5) anyone can volunteer anytime.. it's about mixing with people, and it can lead to other things. 6) people who want to improve their cooking do..
1) guess it depends on location but my local boardgame cafe has a good split between men and women 2) lots of these classes are open to beginners and is a great way to meet people. I recommend looking at swing dancing nights great welcoming community
The problem with all of these and most places now is that first; they cost money, second most people going there are already in some sort of group. 3rd You'd need to he REALLY outgoing and extroverted
+1 for "don't take for granted how easy it is in school." Was dating a great girl my senior year of college, but broke it off because I had plans to move across the country. For a long time I HATED myself for not giving long distance a shot or just holding off on moving to see if the relationship progressed. I'm lucky enough to be in a great relationship now (long distance, ironically), but yeah. I was not prepared for how much harder it gets.
As someone attending college currently, not even the case anymore. It's nearly impossible to just make friends if you're not an extraordinarily social (or attractive) person.
@@paulcarmi8130 There absolutely is. I met my missus when I was 17 and she was 15. When I finished school at 18 - I moved abroad and we had to do 2 years long-distance until she finished school and could move in with me. We used to chat, talk on the phone/skype, play online games together, etc. Now, 14 years since I met her - we're still together, 24/7 (because we both work from home) and it's awesome. If you can't do it - doesn't mean nobody can, lol. Git gut.
@CR0WYT treat them like you would treat any other person. Go out of your comfort zone, Talk to people in real life. Those apps suck anyway. You don't have to be the ultimate Casanova, you just have to be yourself.
I feel like they used to be genuinely good. And then they realized they could make more money by stringing us along and baiting us with micro-transactions.
It's just startup mentality tbh. Start a business with something people want that doesn't make money, get a bunch of funding, then once you dominate the market you say screw user experience and go after the massive profit potential instead. The part that makes it so bad for dating is how deeply those attitudes have permeated the social norms and acceptable behaviors in public, effectively obsoleting most other methods of dating.
Facebook is the only online dating platform that doesn't charge currently.. Haven't really given it a shot and maybe it would have less guys trying so hard since it's attached to their FB profile so genuine guys might have a chance rather than the spammers who lost all hope and like everyone.
If we had a "search" function where you can search for people based on characteristics they chose instead of using dumb and limited filters and still swipe an AI could really shine whit looking up who's the most compatible
One of the best advices i heard was: "Start doing something" then you will start to find people that also do that. It could be board games, sport, even online games, convents and so on. And you will meet people during that.If you try to find someone because you want to find someone it will be hard, extremly hard.
Exactly, the best thing the net ever did was make subcultures have extremely easy access to meetups. IF you're a nerd go do stuff with other nerds, etc etc
22:05 another similar story along those lines I heard was that, at the beginning of shooting the first Underworld movie, Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen were in a relationship prior to the filming of the movie and, during the filming, the two of them ended up breaking up and she became romantically involved with Len Wiseman - the director of the film. From what I remember being told, Sheen's character wasn't originally supposed to die in the first movie, but, that was changed after the breakup.
@@gustavgustaffson9553every therapist has a therapist that they see. Broken people trying to “fix” people is not good. Not saying that all therapists are broken. But they’re incentivized by money to keep you coming weekly and not fix the underlying issues. Same as w/ healthcare.
I’m recently single and man, finding people to talk to or even just be friends with is incredibly hard. I’m in my early 20s so I have a good chunk of time left before it becomes depressing but still it shouldn’t be this hard to meet new people
And the worst part is that there are people like me, who cannot afford other ways to meet people, and the free likes dating apps give you are the only way to even have a chance to date someone.
Maybe don't try to meet someone, have you ever considered that approach? Instead of spending your time trying to meet someone, why don't you spend your time to either gain or improve financial security and then find hobbies or similar because then maybe someday you'll meet someone through said hobbies who actually has similar interests instead of some dystopian AI somewhere artificially deciding that you are similar to this random other person
@@AlexTenThousand I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying why waste your time trying to find someone with garbage methods to find a long-term partner when you could spend that money doing things that would be much more beneficial. Because of meeting someone through hobbies is almost always going to be better as a long-term relationship thing then meeting them through some random dating site
@@AlexTenThousand Man life sucks. I have a job that pays enough to live and say invite someone out once a month so not much but like I can actually invite someone if I could find somebody. guess what. it doesn't solve the part of "meeting someone". everyone says work on yourself do this do that, sure you can do all that and become better and it doesn't hurt you etc. but it still doesn't solve the second part of that, the "meeting someone" part. outside of work it's impossible to meet someone, and if you work at a small to medium company where everyone knows each other, if you date someone there and it doesn't work, it becomes increasingly more difficult to meet other people because others will think of you weirdly once they know that you're trying to date people from the company. one time is ok sure np coincidences happen, second time becomes "this guy trying to date everyone in the company", so it is hard no matter what you do. still tho focus on yourself and find a job, not because that'll help u find someone, but because there's no easy way to find someone so make good use of the time anyways, like it's good advice, just doesn't help in finding someone.
To be honest climbing has been a great third space for me. It's relatively easy to get into and everyone tends to be pretty social. It's also got that classroom feel because you're often working on the same route/problem as someone else.
Video start: Linus slipping up and yelling “Sit Down, Freud!” Video end: Luke is straight up channeling the song Fashionably Late by Falling in Reverse
I think part of the problem with meeting with and interfacing with new people is the way of daily life you have to be efficient, make money to not starve, and that leaves not much room to have some fun event to visit not to mention that some people, not all but some, will straight up reject it cause you're interrupting something or they believe that they dont want anymore friends or acquaintances. Like, head down, no desire, just focus, like that gym point they brought up
Old folks homes do be pretty wild for flings. Not gonna reveal too much, but I've definitely had to show face at some "health seminars" for old people (to keep it PG) for a contract job I no longer have (didn't do anything dirty, if your mind is in the gutter).
@@LunaStar666 people on there don't want to date, they just want the dopamine hit of getting matches if you have a person that doesn't want to get out of bed to start dating, then well don't expect them to meet up with you when you match with them
@@LunaStar666 Because their business-model is flawed, they only make money by PREVENTING matches for as long as, NOT by making matches and driving users away.
Go to a random chat website, one that can match from your country, and you will see just how much more will happen for you. Im not joking, a random chat is just about infinitely better than these absolute garbage dating sites that are all mostly fake and putting you on a treadmill.
Post school I have met girls randomly (be ready to chat with randos), at a friends place (friends little sister's friend), on a plane (x2), and finally a girl who walked into a club I (partly) own. One more, met a lady at a resort on holiday.
Honestly it is not only that dating sucks now it is that people suck. As a girl it is easier to get a date but a lot of guys are creepy, as a guy geting a date is harder and a lot of girls do not care because they have at all times atleast 5 people in their dms. Another thing is that a lot of people do not want to date right now because of bad experiences. I have had a girl threaten with suicide if we were to break up and I have not even tried dating again after that. The stress that caused was massive and I got hairloss lost a lot of weight etc. Have not dated since, 4 years have passed and I am much happier now and just enjoy being single and doing my thing.( I just woke up sorry if there are spelling mistakes)
@Luke and @Linus my gym is like a IRL Tinder I saw guys and girls doing one or two sets, the dude "goes to teach how to have a good form" and after a while they just leave chatting together
7:56 is funny because it's a kind of lucky teenager innocent obviousness towards how a woman does not need apps or even specific activities for guys to find them.
I volunteer at a charity that supports less physically able folk getting out and about, it's mostly old ladies who sign up, despite being married I practically have to fight grand daughters off with a stick. Charity work in general especially something that interest you and you care about is a great way to meet people for any reason have made most of my adult (as opposed to childhood) friends that way.
I've always been told that befriending grandmas will get you scores of young women trying to nail you down because of how highly their grandma speaks of you, nice to know that it's actually true
I'm 30 years old next year. I've never had a relationship... It's just getting harder and harder to do as I age, and the loneliness is brutal. I don't even know what a hug feels like 😞
It feels like you're about to get into a fight and then a huge wave of relief washes over you after it just continues to be a hug Protip: hug with your forearms not your hands or your biceps, I literally "hugged wrong" until I was almost 30 and had to have a friend teach me the proper way to do it. Which was weird since none of the girls I'd dated or been in relationships with prior had ever complained or told me it was wrong
As someone who had a relationship JUST end, this hits hard. I’m in the throes of extreme loneliness/missing them, and I’m going to be taking time away from dating, but I’m also aware that time is ticking, and I ALSO REALLY REALLY DON’T want to go through the process of getting to know a person from the ground up, finding out whether we are compatible, potentially dating them for a bit, figuring out we aren’t, moving on, continuing the cycle. I don’t want to do that. But my greatest fear is being alone, which is where I’m at right now, and it just sucks.
All of life is just reoccurring cycles, don't be such a debbie downer you don't moan like this when you come across a hard opponent in a video game so why is this any different?
Say what you will about the wins of MeToo and toxic masc shaming; these kinds of things have absolutely deleted the ability of a guy to mention attraction to a girl in person. There is simply too much risk now.
That’s slightly true. But I think you’re catastrophizing. I frequently start conversations with women. Just lead with something light-hearted and conversational rather than an obvious chat-up line.
@@andybrice2711 Maybe I should’ve clarified that it’s perception more than reality. Also I’m married so thankfully don’t have to worry about it anymore, but I do think it’s harder now than say the 2000’s
@@andybrice2711 Seriously, any woman expecting something "original" as a first sentence, can piss off. I don't audition and I'm nobody's monkey. Just say hi and expect a smile and a hi back. If you get rolling eyes, move on. She's no good. Simple.
@@andybrice2711 You haven't seen the many Tiktok videos of girls sitting around doing nothing at a gym, pretending to work out and showing a wall of text to pretend the guy in the distant background is "staring" at her and making it out like he's a predator for turning his head and briefly having his eyes in her general direction. Or the videos of women choosing a bear over a man because "all" men are dangerous. YOU may approach women (for now), but the trends show that most men no longer do, most men are too afraid of getting metood or listed on a "whisper network" for looking at a girl twice (or even just once) as if they're Robert Pickton or something. (Meanwhile, women refuse to make the move themselves, hence Bumble which was built specifically on women making the move gave up on that. 🤦)
@@FantasticOtto Did you see GradeAUnderA's video? He catfished with a girl's account and showed the looong parade of guys that instantly flooded in and most of them used the same feckless lines. I'm conflicted because on the one hand, there are a finite number of things to say and saying something truly unique is more likely to result in getting blocked for being "weird", but on the other hand, "hi" is USELESS (from both men AND women 😒), and compliments are equally useless for conversation. 🤷 The fact is that it's pretty much hopeless, especially on dating-apps because women get _orders of magnitude_ more traffic than men do, so anything you say or ask her has already been done. She's already heard a dozen guys ask what her pet's name is and every other question that you might be able to come up with from her profile. It's like how any business-idea you have, someone else has thought of it, but more depressing. 😕
I feel like there's so much you have to hit the mark on early when you're fresh into the real world with little time to actually understand the weight of every decision. Like with a career, your best chance is to instantly know what you're going to do. With dating, if you plan to have children, better find someone before your fertility drops off. Your peak physical performance is in your 20's so better know how to make the most of that. It's not impossible to manage, but there's a lot that sounds simple as a kid until you're actually there.
How to meet people (Barneys edition): Step one go to the bar with your wingman Step two ask your friend to introduce you lets say your friend's name is ted so you say Have you met ted? Step three repeat steps one and two till you meet the one and hope she doesn't die or cry "I thought she was the one" till there
And going up to people in public is just bad because then you get called a creep and all the social media shit where girls record people looking at them and then try to cancel them online just for looking in their direction.. It's just a joke trying to meet anyone in a digital age without the risk of someone deciding to just completely slander your name for no reason except for personal validation that 'OMG look at me guys all want to hit me on, look at this one guy!'
Linus and Yvonne are soooo cute. They looked like they fell in love all over again, they enacted a whole rom com in minutes. From "you haven't updated ur if i die folder" "well I've been busy" "yeah me too" AHHHHHHHHH 😩😭
I picked up rowing as an adult in college (28) finished uni and it's sad. It was hard to make uni connections at 28, and my rowing team was my only friends... so my dating life is basically over. I'm genuinely fucked. The idea of a woman finding me attractive and wanting to sit next to me seems impossible. So I feel like my attraction is a burden. So in school it's hard... then I got older in college and it's just not feasible. Now I'm out of university and I've just realized I'll be happiest if I just shove the idea of dating out of my life. It's kinda sad because I'm coming up on 29... so I'm basically coming into that thirties dating... and I don't want to settle. Especially because I missed out on that young love of teens and 20s. And I'll just never have it. It sucks, and I'd rather just learn to give up.
The worst thing about all this is the cascading effect of these social norms. People say it's wrong to approach women in public bc it makes them uncomfortable. So guys who care about not making women uncomfortable don't do it, and the evil ones who don't care still do. So approaching becomes even more deeply linked with bad behavior, and the cycle repeats.
Well yeah, it's just like saying people shouldn't be allowed to have guns. Last I checked the majority of people who use them to hurt others don't really care about getting one legally or not. That's why you really shouldn't give two shakes about social stigmas or any of that mumbo jumbo, treat people like you would want to be treated and at the very least you'll make a new friend, everything else flows after that
My go to meeting people strategy has been frequenting the same restaurants and coffee shops on a regular basis. Over time I’ve gotten to know staff and it’s resulted in various relationships. Secondly, I went back to college for a graduate degree and my friend network and dates went up by a lot. Don’t squander your time at school. Otherwise, the gym, sports ball, church, or hobbies like car meets are my other go to’s.
Dating apps have been fantastic for me and my friends (born in late 80s) . We all did the "normal IRL" dating thing for ages but the apps really helped once they matured. 3 of us found our wives on them. The apps let us focus on finding who we had a better chance to connect with, rather than taking months to figure out we never would have worked out (kids, careers, etc). Was it perfect? No, but definitely increased chances of success. Maybe not nice hear it, but it helped to filter who we invested time in getting to know more.
I'm the same age as you guys and I think they're specifically talking about the younger people bud. I've heard from some younger friends it's an soul-sucking experience on there now.
@@AllahDoesNotExist It's not hard. Rule 1: Lower your standards. Rule 2: Don't go directly from Tinder to a date. Spend a couple of weeks on a better chat platform like Whatsapp. If you're still talking at all hours of the day after that time, you're a likely match and it's time to meet.
yeah dating apps were good for a bit about 5-10 years ago they arent anymore especially for young people. Theyre soul sucking constant reminders that youre unwanted for men and hookup vending machines (which is similarly bad for other reasons) for women
Dating as a highly introverted person really sucks. Like I'm down for a hike but trying to trust someone else when I'm alone with anyone, man, woman, or fellow enby, in the woods is difficult. Bars are not my thing, I just don't like going out to a loud environment to meet with someone. None of my hobbies are done with others, and sports just aren't my thing. Dating at work, where I spend most of my time now, is messy with power dynamics. Friends are a no go, I've never seen it work out with my group. Finally my volunteering never has masculine people younger than 30 that are single, and I tend to treat it as a workplace so there are power dynamics that get messy. I don't know if I'll ever have someone in my life and I'm starting to wonder if it might lessen the impact if I just plan on being single.
“There’s another word for short term relationships. It’s called f***ing” Yea. I mean even phrases like “friends w benefits” or “hookups” has a gross connotation but it is what it is. I do think though that people are still seeking at least SOME genuine companionship beyond sex. Despite all the insane dialogue around the “manosphere” and “male loneliness epidemic” there’s a very size able amount of guys now who honestly dont care about sex and just want someone to confide in and share a life with. I am glad though that we’re getting away from the de-humanizing rhetoric around sex work. No matter how you feel about it these people at least deserve to have agency and safety. AI proxies dating other AI proxies though is some mega creepy stuff. Just AI avatars of real people in general I feel is a fundamental form of violation and nothing positive can come from it other than MAYBE helping to remind people of a lost loved one or something? But even that seems like a slippery slope down a dark path.
Can we also talk about how predatory the monetisation of it is. The fact that they aren’t obliged to show the stats and probability actual exposure to people or how many people actually view your profile is a full on scam.
gaming my friends. a multiplayer game with latency prioritized matchmaking -> you get to meet ppl in your general area with at least one similar interest.
its really hard especially with the addition of online classes at college/uni. I wanted to be in person for all my classes and was forced to take half online. ended up spending so much time in dorm that end of year, I had not talked to anyone other than profs.
online classes are probably the worst thing that has happened to society since ww2 not even joking. It took one of the most important stages of development for an entire generation and just deleted it entirely with no way to get it back and there really isn't anywhere else you could replicate the lessons it teaches you
Never got the chance to date in either high school or college. I definitely feel like I’m screwed since no one my age is single and even friends don’t know anyone that’s single within their own friend groups.
I haven’t been on a date since 2018. Not from a lack of trying. I’ve been on all the apps, I spend time out in public, I try to be nice and look attractive, it just seems like a pipe dream, the idea of me finding a partner seems so far away.
I feel the issue is exactly the other way around. Linus said in the beginning that the apps were kinda taboo, back in his days. Why was that? Cause they were designed to facilitate hook ups. The problems started when people began using it to look for long-term relationships. It's simply not what the app was made for...
I dunno, in the late 2000s through early 2010s dating websites like Match, PoF, OkCupid were being marketed pretty hard as for finding meaningful relationships, and people were finding at least some success with that. Prior to that the reputation of online dating was quite a bit seedier (think Craigslist and the like) which is what I assume he was referring to. But then Tinder differentiated itself as being unapologetically for hookups, and everything started moving that direction. I do agree that hookup apps are def. more profitable than actual matchmaking sites, which is why everything has trended that way.
So I was talking with a lady that did not do online dating, and how she met her husband, was exactly how Yvonne said. So she dated, and kept meeting trash, and then gave up, and joined a group that rides horses. She loved horse back riding. And at the group meet a guy showed up, who ended up her husband.
Petition to bring yvonne more on social topics 🔥. Its always more eye opening to get a female perspective especially for us males. I wish you guys all the best. All love from iraq
I was burned so much after my last long-tern relationship that now when Ive finally regained confidence in myself and feel ready to jump back into dating if I so desired, I just...dont want to. Not only with the complications with dating apps becoming irrelevant and the taboo of approaching people, but after having worked so hard to get to where I am now and seeing friends and colleagues who have been in decade-long relationships that are crumbling, its just not worth it.
Probably, just become a better you in the meantime and just focus on doing things you enjoy. I also recommend including deep thought without your phone at least 10 mins a day, without allowing yourself to beat your own self esteem down. Be optimistic and look for solutions to your problems. Make the most of your time being single because being in a relationship takes a lot of time!
@@Finalizor When you have a thought about something like, "man I suck at this," or something to that effect follow it up with, "Is it worth being good at? If so, how can I improve and how can I measure that improvement? For me one example was making our numbers at the assembly job I have. There's a board that has a "target" value that constantly goes up. First I caught up to that, pat myself on the back, then I aimed for double that number, reached it, pat myself on the back, then I did triple. Once I did that I hit the daily goal for that station. (The target number is really inaccurate.) Basically instead of festering in your failures recognize them and address what's holding you back. The key is to not insult yourself, but to give yourself constructive criticism.
@@d34ddud3 Tbh I feel that being in a good work environment helps quite a lot too. Especially with my job it really is start work, no one really talks most of the day due to the type of work so lots of thinking time, and then go home. No one is really too much of an ass there. BUT at my job before last (fast food KITCHEN WORK) that was an extremely toxic environment and I was blowing apart at the seams. My advice to anyone really is look for a non toxic job, preferably one that doesn't face customers or is fast food as that'll help your mood in droves.
Im in my middle 20s and I have literally no clue how to approach someone. Theres also a huge barrier for me to do anything else besides work. Also the pandemic hit hard in europe when it comes to socialising. Social media isn't social at all. You may be able to delete those apps but other people will still use then and have expectations. It's a weird world we live in
I don't particularly think apps have ruined dating, I think people using apps with nefarious intent has ruined dating. Personally, I met my life partner on Facebook dating and the relationship that formed from that original online interaction is deep, wholesome, organic, and better than anything either of us have ever had before. I admit that my one personal experience doesn't prove that it works for all, but it does work for some and I think that's something we should keep.
It's a different experience for men and women. You're complaining about the quality of matches and men complain of the (low) quantity. Women feel used because they match with liars and men feel worthless because they don't match. I've been on a couple dating apps for months and my only matches were bots or people that don't reply. It works for some is also true of physical dating. Like many are saying, most of these dating apps are financially incentivized to keep you on there for as long as possible before matching you. I do think online dating apps are good, but not like this, not that many of them. It's basically a human need that has been turned into a hamster wheel of a service.
You found someone BEFORE all dating was consolidated and monopolize by Match Group. Now, all online-dating is about PREVENTING matches to maximize profits. There was a brief period where it used to be useful, but that time is over and the governments are not stepping in with anti-trust lawsuits to fix it.
@@poipoi300 Yup. The model of a for-profit dating-app is a flawed business model from the rotten foundation. By its very nature, a dating-app is meant to be temporary, to be successful means to drive users away. That doesn't work if their _actual_ goal is to make money. For that, they have to keep people (read men) alone long enough to get desperate to pay $60/month, at which point, they'll NEVER let them match and stop paying.
Because he isn't doing the show, Linus has said before he over annunciates and buffs up his expressions with his face on the show so you can actually read his emotions during it Doesnt have to when he isn't doing the show
May I introduce you to dying alone
pretty much. I can give first hand experience on this.
We're already acquainted, but thanks.
But no one dies alone when there's Suzy Cyde.
@@custos3249 Sudoku is a one-player game, my guy.
Mood, bro.
It's social media in general. It gives the illusion of unlimited options and makes people develop unrealistic standards and have unrealistic expectations.
And makes it hard to settle with "average" because even that is so bias to each person.
Everyone thinks 1,00,000 options are available to them, but in reality; the dating pool is dramatically reduced when you calculate age/education/physical attributes(weight, height, ethnicity or gender), are they single, religion, proximity, will they even be attracted to you!!….it’s tiny. Stay in school y’all
and then they go crashing down like the 747
💯
What ? Lol if you are in the top 80 percent for women (majority of women) you have the attention of 20 percent of men . Then the bottom 80 percent of men compete for 20 percent of women at the bottom . For some individuals , namely the top 20 percent of men and 80 percent of women they will get a lot more attention for sure however mainly the bottom 80 percent of men get screwed and will actually probably get less matches and lower quality matches than if they met someone normal off the street through friends dor example . Surprised that this post has so many likes because it's an oversimplification and in a lot of cases especially for men it's actually completely wrong .
Dating apps suck because the model isnt predicated on creating relationships but rather keeping people swiping.
They all use a subscription model and the algorithm is most likely designed in such a way to push the vast majority into paying for it.
Boo might be actually useful. At least better than the others
@@xXRealXxshill?
@@gordonoboh833 no, I just find the app interesting.
@@xXRealXxwell there's still the issue with swiping existing so no
Facebook has dating now, no subscriptions
I met my wife on Tinder in 2018 and our journey on the app couldn’t be more different. I spent a full 2 years religiously swiping and chatting, and went on 3 dates across those 2 years. My wife joined on December 23rd, I was her 5th swipe, and she deleted the app after our first date on NYE. A whole 8 days to find a partner.
man if that doesnt just show it in full color
That’s what she says buddy
" My wife joined on December 23rd" - for first time? If you believe that...
If you’re commenting about how my wife’s stats aren’t true and she lied to me about them, I truly feel sorry that you have such a distrust in women. There are good women out there, but they want nothing to do with you.
@Emit. I mean, when someone shares their deepest, darkest secrets and all their most shameful, embarrassing past actions, it becomes really difficult to believe that they’d lie about something as mundane and unimportant as their history on a dating app.
Luke's example of sitting on a bus with his phone out texting the person that the girl next to him is cute is a lowkey brilliant strategy.
I thought that was fantastic as well. Unfortunate that the specific scenario had to exist where that opportunity could knock in the first place though... (Maybe that's not clear...) What I mean is that In order to have been in that scenario there's a lot of "in the right place at the right time" that has to happen before you can even get to the point of holding his phone kinda far out so she can see that you're texting about how cute she is to your friend. I hope that happens more often for other people and they can meet in a similar way as well though!
It sounds cute and all, but in today's age it could be incredibly risky.
@@carsontodd2443You are right , you might be even called a stalker just because you call a woman cute because she didn't ask you.
@@bhuntin08 That's a pretty fair point. In today's day and age, if the girl you're talking about doesn't likewise find you attractive, she would potentially move seats and think you're a creep or something.
These are incel replies, just nut up and do it yall are coping by pretending that women will accuse you of harassment for showing interest. Just don’t creep on coworkers, or people who are working generally, that simple.
Linus and Yvonne are such a wholesome couple 😭🤣
They really were 😂
What we see at least 🤷🏽♂️
Yeah it's great he settled.
@Emit. I guess you missed this: /s
I'm just out of school and I definitely didn't realize how much easier it made connecting with people.
I'm 42 and I still check out the local high school.
@@AllahDoesNotExist💀💀💀
@@AllahDoesNotExist👀
@@AllahDoesNotExist Admitting stuff like that will get you in trouble, and I'll help.
@@AllahDoesNotExist zoinks
More episodes with Yvonne please
I know it's not always very realistic to have her on, but I would also love to see her guest appearances more often as well. She has great insights and points that she makes and I think she tends to add something to the show and the conversation!
She's a very busy person, just appreciate when she has time to be on camera.
Yes!!
26yo, never had a partner. Finally feel financially stable enough, and with enough free time to start looking, but have absolutely no idea where to start. Im autisistic and absolutely terrified of saying the wrong thing, especially with the social movements that have been happening over the past decade.
I feel this hardd
Being Acoustic definitely adds a degree of difficulty in dating for me as well.
I feel like taking classes/attending events is prolly the best option
Diagnosed or self diagnosed?
You’re not gonna say the wrong thing, at least not to the extent it’d have lasting harm. It’s scary to mess up in front of new people but think, If you do why does it matter? They’re strangers you won’t see again. You leave and it’s all good. Sure it’s uncomfortable in the moment but that’s all.
Best advice I’ve ever gotten about anxiety or fear is to think of the timeframe. Will it matter in an hour? Will it matter in a day? Will it matter in 7 days? A month? A year? 5 years? 10 years? The answer you have can help you figure out if your nerves are appropriately scaled. Many times you’ll be waaaaay over nervous compared to the objective impact
Just be yourself and treat others as humans with feelings deserving of respect and you’ll be fine. Don’t let nerves stop you by over exaggerating the actual harms that come from it!
Yvonne is actually very good in front of the camera. You saw in her face the first few seconds she was terrified then she seemed to remind herself that she's just having a chat with the guys and then she seemed completely natural just having a chat with the guys.
She probably ended up reminding herself that The wind show was born out of the conversations Luke and Linus would have on their drives home and clearly people like that. So just be a part of the conversation because that's what people are here to listen to
I'm 36. My 7 year long relationship ended back in 2017. I didn't meet anyone since. So, I'm not very hopeful considering all my adult life traumas and how broken I'm feeling now.
it has almost been more time since it ended than it lasted, eventually you'll have to move on
Maybe try out an Ai concierge and let it take the first steps for you. That way, the conversations held won't be related to your current emotional state 😉
Rely on yourself to put the pieces back, and maybe your road to happiness will be clearer. And whatever obstacles lie ahead, you'll be better at overcoming. Put some blind faith in yourself and keep it even when it feels like you shouldn't. It'll work out eventually. Just believe in that.
I feel you very hard. Granted, I'm 10 years younger, but after my 6 year relationship with my hs sweetheart (ended 2021) I haven't been able to meet anyone.
I swear at 11:55 I skipped a heartbeat. I WANTED it to play out that way, but man... Life's tough.
I'm sorry that it ended after 7 years. Certainly there must've been a reason and sometimes that reason isn't always apparent. If you know what the reason is, you don't have to say it here or anything, but just know that despite whatever that reason was that you are still have value. There's still someone out there that would be willing to put in the effort to be happy with you. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I know what it's like to be in a long term relationship like that and lose them and still be pining for them years later. It sucks and it hurts sometimes and the memories will sneak up on you and smack you in the face with a fistful of tears. Some nights are going to be lonely, some nights are going to be hard. You've already experienced the last 7 years of exactly what I'm talking about so I know I'm preaching to the choir here... Just continue to push forward and explore the things that make you happy. Loneliness sucks, but it is temporary. That hole can be filled with friends sometimes, other times it can be filled with short term relationships. Maybe one of those short term ones will turn into a long term one? Probably best to go in with anywhere from low to no expectations. Not standards... Keep your standards, but just because you seem hyper compatible for the first 2 or 3 weeks doesn't mean you should get your hopes up. Some incompatibilities don't reveal themselves until a few months to a year or sometimes more later. Take care of yourself. Do what you can to improve yourself as long as it makes you happy. I have faith in you.
I personally dislike online dating, but I also hate to pick up new hobbies or join classes/groups with the backend intention of finding a partner. I want to do things for the sake of doing them without extra intentions, because that ruins the fun for me when those extra intentions don’t work out.
Do what you said.
Do it for yourself.
Everything else is bonus! :)
Why not both
Do it for yourself, but nothing wrong with wanting to meet someone within that hobby activity, just don't hang your hat on meeting someone there, hang your hat on enjoying your time there.
just focus on making friends, that kinda always works if the group is big enough, friendships lead to meeting new people or can grow into more naturally
@@croozerdog stating the obvious and making it seem like revolutionary advice are we? Oh Captain My Captain.
I met my current partner on Bumble in late 2021. Back when Bumble wasn't complete trash.
And I'll be honest, i just got INSANELY lucky. I had been trying to date again for a couple months, and she was the first person I liked enough to actually go on a real date with. And it just worked out. We just really work together.
If something tragic was to happen and suddenly I'm single again, what would I do?
Honestly, I'd just stay single.
At least until the loneliness becomes unbearable, and then I'd have to take a good long look at what dating even looks like these days.
I don't do bars. I don't even drink alcohol at all.
I don't do parties. I don't like big groups of people. Especially people I don't know.
Online dating is basically useless these days.
What the hell do you do?
I'd probably end up going to a lot of events. Gaming conventions and such. Just hope something happens at one of those. Join a DnD group and see if that leads to anything.
I feel sorry for young people these days. Suicide rates are gonna skyrocket in 5-10 years, and there's really not much that can be done about it.
Yeah, I too feel like finding my love was incredible luck haha. Oh, and I don't think that those rates are going up on accident lol. I hate sounding like a conspiracy theorist, but I can't help but think that increasing depression and unhappiness throughout society seems like the stealthiest way to combat overpopulation.
True love can only be experienced a couple of times in life. It's not something that happens over and over or even to everyone. Choose wisely
As part of the young people, 5-10 years is way too optimistic. Lots of people my age who are barely hanging on, myself included.
We're already seeing massive declines in every single metric of relationships.
Currently, i’m in the same boat. Sheer luck. I met my current partner because they were a friend of someone i played Mariokart 8 online with. While I no longer talk to that person (the one i played MK8 with), i’ve had my current partner for 3.5 years long distance.
Now, in 2024, go find someone even USING voice chat in that game. Ain’t happening.
@@lostskull7467 Say it is or isn't with your theory there but I feel its mainly how society views men and women interacting in public these days and on top of that, at least for me, the capitalist endgame hell that we are finding ourselves more and more stuck in. I'm not so far gone as to contemplate suicide but I am very single and am completely unsure as to how to even attempt to date someone. Yay the future is lookin good!
In my early thirties and introverted. Making friends is an uphill battle. More so with dating. It’s very depressing to think about. Anybody younger reading, own who you are and don’t wait. Life moves too fast
I'm in my early thirties as well, introverted, and don't leave the house except for work and grocery shopping. I actually prefer it. I've become so accustomed to being alone that I actually enjoy it. I don't have any real friends, I haven't been on a date in like a decade, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
@@captaintimcurry1713do your thing! If you enjoy solitude don’t let anyone stand in your way
Not everyone needs a ton of social stuff and that’s pretty cool
@@captaintimcurry1713it’ll catch up to you
My only suggestion, as a fellow introvert. Travel to another country that is safe for you, alone. And simply try forget your culture and meet someone, a fellow tourist or similar. I tend to have more success outside my own country, why... I do not know. Probably because I become more bold since I know I will be leaving the country x days after.
But ye, I am in my struggle to maintain relationships. So I've pretty much given up. If it happens, it happens.
Life only ever moves at one speed, think about the stuff you like to do and do public things that are adjacent to them you WILL find likeminded people into them as much as you
After university, finding new friends or a partner is very hard since you are not forced to be in the same place with a group of people. The only other place where you are forced to be with a group of people consistently is at work but you really don't want to bring any unnecessary drama or attention there so it doesn't really count.
Church (or equivalents) would be the other big one, although it certainly doesn't apply to me and it also doesn't apply to a quickly growing cohort in the younger generations.
The death of the Third Place has really hit us hard as a society.
@@Junebug89 It died decades ago lmao, the hook up at a bar scene was pretty much exclusive to Gen X and a flash in the pan
This hits home for me for so many sad reasons... I have felt this all the way throughout my teen and adult hood now. School never got into dating cause studies and there was a negative stigma around it .
College after 1st sem lockdown, the people i know from first 3-4 days are still my friends and only them and all of them are single.
Then intership and now 1 year into my job my work team is composed of all married men who don't even come to office often... So no way to make new friends or date, and my work place is in complete new city different language and even though work is great, i don't know anyone at office.
So ya stuck... Stuck all the way ... Tried online dating doesn't work for me... Tried to go for hiking and events, nothing. people are already in groups so ... Just stuck and alone .... Given up on this actually... Instead got myself a ps5, started doing gym and eating better...
I dated a lot early in my teens and very early twenties...
Went into college into computer science major and literally no chance to meet many girls.. There was only one girl in an elective class that I met that I think was hitting on me and was mad about not asking her out. I literally didn't meet any women besides that besides a running group in college that I did where everyone else was already dating someone.
I literally work remotely so barely need to leave my house.. The few girls I meet in my friend groups tend to like me but I'm not attracted to. I don't drink or smoke and I'm introverted so bars are a no go for me.
@@Lolatyou332 same man .... Literally i don't smoke or drink... That also made it harder to make some friends
Yeah in uni rn, my mate says everyone in uni is here to study, which seems true so far, and what this video says about work reduce my hopes, cos everyone tells me its fine and to focus on my studies and the we can find people at work.But idk man.
It also pisses me off that talking to people is not socially acceptable anymore, like even when i say good morning to people i meet on my way to the station, most greet back.
@@voidincognito4319 i want to be socially active talk to people... But don't want to come off as a weirdo... Thats the only worry
@@mukulnag1578 everyone worries that, do it anyways
If you do come off as a weirdo so what? It won’t hardly matter by the next day. It’s not like you’re gonna see strangers you try to talk to again, so why let it stop you?
If you talk to someone trying to genuinely make a connection and treating them as an equal with feelings it’ll work out. And if they somehow find you weird, even better: they’ve filtered themselves out!
in terms of meeting people IRL, i believe the rule of thumb is "don't sh*t where you eat."
This is a catch 22, where do you go to meet people then?
My parents met in the 70's:
My Parents met at a party
One parent liked to socialize and continued to meet friends at bars / from working
The other parent basically doesn't have a social life outside of people they met at work, and even then they weren't exactly great friends.
Myself: Every social contact I made outside of high school was through forums/IRC online. The problem is that various forums (including the LTT forums) people just circle the wagons to new people. If you can't pretend like you've been there the entire time, you're probably going to get rudely assaulted.
Wait a second, Didn't you use to browse the LTT forum a ton back in the day? I was CircleTech on the forum before I left years ago.
Bruises build character, learn by osmosis lurking teaches you a lot
Maybe we should bring back the concept of the village's matchmaker. But then again we need the concept of a village for that to work. I think we've missed out on so much by no longer living in these tight-knit communities, even if they probably had so many issues of their own.
We definitely didn't evolve to live as a society of atomized individualists navigating an environment filled with algorithmic attention siphons pumping our brains full of contradiction, controversy, and hallucinatory nonsense.
This is just yet another thing you can blame on overpopulation, along with literally EVERY other problem in the world. 🤷
@@I.____.....__...__ I... don't actually think that is the case
I live in a 200-300 people village, what about it ? Most people know each other, and that's it, they don't hang out. I live in Slovenia, tons of tiny villages, no different.
@@kiloneie A strangely high number of Americans have a romanticized notion that life in a small village automagically leads to close-knit social relationships and communal mutual aid with one's neighbors. Most of these people have never even seen a cow's udder in person.
Met the woman that would become my wife on an app called Mutual. She works in fitness and health stuff, and my opening line to her was “So, could you help me get as ripped as the DOOM Slayer?”
It’s a miracle that that line actually worked, but I’m forever grateful that it did.
For anyone wondering, this app is targeted for mormons, and probably not the way for most of us.
W pickup line
W pickup line
18:18 the gym social behavior take is insane in a world where people complain about not meeting anyone while men are still required to make the approach.
Everyone wants love but your a bad guy if you take the risk.
I met my wife online, she lived in NZ and I lived in the US. We dated online for years, met up, and will have been married for 3 years in June!
I really love whenever Yvonne makes an appearance because I find her really funny and relatable I guess. She just seems like such a nice person, I wish she would appear more often but I know she’s very busy with stuff behind the scenes 😅. If you see this just know that we all love you Yvonne! (:
Dating apps encourage superficial judgement of potential partners and commodify human connection in a deeply sad and harmful way
Commodifying human connection in a deeply sad and harmful way is the social media business model.
@@bartolomeothesatyr Indeed it is. And its extension to the dating "market" has caused clear and probably irreparable harm to zoomers
I have had infinitely more luck finding anyone to chat with, from my country or out via random chat websites(omegle doesn't exist anymore), where you can first like the person, and then see if the attractiveness is there. I've met a girl in person via that so far. Dating apps ? Spent some time on them, even paid, nothing, most of the sites made for my country are barren, and international ones like Tinder are a lottery. Most of them have fake messages from people that don't exist, which you cannot view until you pay. This is a extremely scummy business model.
They also encourage payment, and sharing data do they can sell it.
I've never even tried dating apps because I'm fully aware that everything that used to make me a worthwhile person was all verbal. I just gave up a little bit after the world started defaulting to dating apps. Now I'm all bitter and mean inside and even that worthwhile personality is gone. I see no reason why any one on earth would want to be with me.
I've been trying to meet someone in the "wild" through hobbies it's impossible. Like I have a dog and I hike and do all these out door things but you don't run into people and talk. You just go on an adventure and that's it.
That's because you need to seek local social activities and events in your town/city.
There's tons. Check your local library, check social media in your area for event announcements, there are things to do. There are probably hiking groups. You need to seek them out in your niche, they're abundant
@@sunlathey’re not abundant lol, if they were nobody would be talking about this in the first place
@@sunla No, they're abundant where you are. Adult education opportunities in my area have dwindled down to ESL, Basic Math, Computer Literacy and Yoga. Clubs and groups are things like the Women's Institute... it really sucks.
@@sunla All the events at my local library are for families and children. Which is another problem, even when you can find what would seem like a good venue to socialize, you'll always find that they have no events made for adults to socialize. It's always gotta be "for the whole family!"
And even if you do find someone it's weird to break the boundary between having a nice conversation at this event to taking it even further outside of that setting. Or at least for me it is.
What a helluva conversation. I feel like an entire podcast dedicated to this singular topic could have a multi-year run with additional guest appearances by various people and getting multiple different perspectives. I'm so glad that this was a topic on WAN show this time around because I genuinely was just talking with a friend of mine (we're both single and seemingly having a tough go of figuring out how to meet someone) and for our conversation we concluded that it's the area that we live in just is full of people that don't have the same views as us or other things that make us incompatible with these "Tinderella's". I think by and large I'm very much willing to go on a date with someone even if we're not entirely compatible because... Who knows? Maybe that thing or position they had on their profile is more of a footnote in their life or something that they've just always agreed with but didn't know why or something. Not saying that is always the case, but rather that it could potentially be like a 1 in 10 chance that it is the case... So with that in mind and the old adage of "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." I try to very much give chances even if I have low expectations for compatibility. My friend on the other hand is significantly more jaded, I think, and therefore not as willing to be flexible in his standards. In his situation, I suspect that is much of the reason why he has such a hard time. For me, I can only suspect that I must be uglier than sin and maybe my pictures don't portray that, and maybe that's why I've made it to a second date once in the last 3 years.
I know I've probably said too much, but I appreciated the open discourse that Linus, Yvonne, and Luke had and I guess part of me wants to talk it out with other people that might also be experiencing the same thing. I also think the part about the 30's being a low point for most people trying to date because there's fewer divorcee's is highly accurate. It's also just that much worse for people that want to be child free. Sometimes all you're left with are single mothers that are absolutely wonderful, but taking on a relationship with them eventually means being a part of the kids lives and some people just aren't interested in being a step parent like that.
There are literally dozens of videocasts and channels dedicated to exactly this
i have to ask permission to my AI before replying to this video.
I'm slowly learning to be okay with being alone, relying on myself and the resources available to me through the community. I don't own a vehicle or my own house, and I honestly feel handicapped because of those things, I don't feel like any woman close to my age who has those things would want to give me the time of day, I don't even work due to being disabled, I just feel so lonely and the only thing I can seem to do is just deal with it as best as I can. I go to therapy and I'm on anti depressants, maybe that's just my lot in life. I would love to meet someone who shares in my interests but I wouldn't know where to start. There no hiking trails around my area I don't think that's within walking distance, and I'm not enrolled in any colleges. I'm just screwed I think.
heya fellow umm disabled but still able in a lot of ways dude here im blind and have a hearing impairment just wanted to say if you can try you should i had to leave study after i went blind took a while to learn to live with it couldnt do anything and 3 years ago i was broke af but decided enough was enough i was tired of being called the d word ive learned many new things ever since im independant and can do a lot umm being alone is i mean its fine im alone as well and im ok with it yk strong independant and stuff but we're human as well right its ok to wanto to be with someone mm im not even trying but for me it comes down to hmm how do i say it it cant be just giving or just taking has to be both like both should add value to each others life and it shouldnt feel like one is having to settle for the other or compromising im sure you're a beautiful person and you can do a lot of things cant drown any further if you hit rock bottom right ! it may take time but you're gonna have to make the best of what you have accepting things take time but when you do it also gives you power to move forward and try to swim up i wish all the best things for you
Being alone is plenty okay, however it's orders of magnitude better to share it with someone, you haven't gone and figured it out yet because being alone is too comfortable for you still
Go out of your way to make it uncomfortable and finding someone won't look as much like a bad prospect anymore
in my 30s and i just gave up. the chances are so low in my situation that there's no point in having any hope
I love how Luke looks impressed over Linus´s nicely timed button press at 3:25!
Most of my "relationships" were started online. All of them failed. My first serious relationship was my roommate's girlfriend's roommate and that lasted for a couple years despite her cheating on me multiple times(I was very naive). I met my wife through the local Metal music scene and some of our mutual friends played match maker. It took us a couple tries, but we eventually were on the same wave length. We celebrate our 2nd anniversary this weekend and we've been together for almost 7 years.
Exactamundo, the metal scene is literally one of the best environments there is. You want friends, you got em on the spot, you need someone to listen to you rant about bullshit in your life? Bar has you covered, you want to actually go on a date with someone who isn't up their own ass? Concerts are where it's at, we aren't brothers and sisters as a metaphor
Be well man 🤘
wait if 30s is a deadzone for dating, and my 20s is a deadzone because i didnt go to uni...
I was eating lunch and almost died when Linus said “settled”
I met my wife through a mutual friend. When we first met, we started talking and found out that we were both on match.
After that, we used the rest of our subscriptions to send each other messages and laugh at all of the crazy people that we’re coming up as matches
Eventually, we came to the conclusion that we completely wasted our money
yup
When Luke said "Linus has the riz" and I saw the smirk on Linus' face I immediately hit the like button😂😂
13:30 I mean, I met my wife at a concert… It was a thrash & punk show, and she had a Blind Guardian shirt on.
I met one of my exes at a metal festival. My friend was hitting on her while I was just trying to vibe. We barely talked and she later hunted me down on social media. It felt as weird as it was flattering.
Non-sports activities which can be much better:
1) board games (go to a gaming cafe)
2) dancing
3) arts
4) hobbie-craft
5) volunteering
6) cookery
1) usually just guys go to gaming cafes
2) dancing has a lot of girls but you have to be confident, know how to dance, and sometimes be pushy to even get noticed
3) arts is only good if you are good at arts
4) usually just guys at hobby stores
5) volunteering is usually for older people and seniors who have extra time not really good for people 18-29 dating
6) no one goes to cooking classes.
@@ky9616
1) false - loads of girls go to board game cafes.
2) false - there's drop in lessons so you get to know the others going.
3) yeah, which is why it's on a list.. but also almost anything is a learned skill.. dedicate more time to something and you get better at it.
4) I've seen the reverse - mostly girls..
5) anyone can volunteer anytime.. it's about mixing with people, and it can lead to other things.
6) people who want to improve their cooking do..
1-6) Costs money.
You can't even make friends for free anymore, let alone avoid dying alone. What a greeeaaat world humans have created. 😒👍
1) guess it depends on location but my local boardgame cafe has a good split between men and women
2) lots of these classes are open to beginners and is a great way to meet people. I recommend looking at swing dancing nights great welcoming community
The problem with all of these and most places now is that first; they cost money, second most people going there are already in some sort of group. 3rd You'd need to he REALLY outgoing and extroverted
+1 for "don't take for granted how easy it is in school." Was dating a great girl my senior year of college, but broke it off because I had plans to move across the country. For a long time I HATED myself for not giving long distance a shot or just holding off on moving to see if the relationship progressed. I'm lucky enough to be in a great relationship now (long distance, ironically), but yeah. I was not prepared for how much harder it gets.
There's no such thing as long distance 😂😂😂
As someone attending college currently, not even the case anymore. It's nearly impossible to just make friends if you're not an extraordinarily social (or attractive) person.
@@paulcarmi8130 There absolutely is. I met my missus when I was 17 and she was 15. When I finished school at 18 - I moved abroad and we had to do 2 years long-distance until she finished school and could move in with me. We used to chat, talk on the phone/skype, play online games together, etc. Now, 14 years since I met her - we're still together, 24/7 (because we both work from home) and it's awesome.
If you can't do it - doesn't mean nobody can, lol. Git gut.
Bruh talking to girls in high school was hard. If that’s the "easy" I’m so cooked.
@CR0WYT treat them like you would treat any other person.
Go out of your comfort zone,
Talk to people in real life. Those apps suck anyway.
You don't have to be the ultimate Casanova, you just have to be yourself.
I feel like they used to be genuinely good. And then they realized they could make more money by stringing us along and baiting us with micro-transactions.
It's just startup mentality tbh. Start a business with something people want that doesn't make money, get a bunch of funding, then once you dominate the market you say screw user experience and go after the massive profit potential instead. The part that makes it so bad for dating is how deeply those attitudes have permeated the social norms and acceptable behaviors in public, effectively obsoleting most other methods of dating.
Facebook is the only online dating platform that doesn't charge currently.. Haven't really given it a shot and maybe it would have less guys trying so hard since it's attached to their FB profile so genuine guys might have a chance rather than the spammers who lost all hope and like everyone.
@@SmartCreeper Well I had a fair few good dates from them in the past. Nowadays though, virtually nothing.
@@etekweb Ahh, the good old Silicon Valley Blitz-scaling strategy.
If we had a "search" function where you can search for people based on characteristics they chose instead of using dumb and limited filters and still swipe an AI could really shine whit looking up who's the most compatible
But that would be smart and efficient so apps definitely would avoid it
One of the best advices i heard was: "Start doing something" then you will start to find people that also do that. It could be board games, sport, even online games, convents and so on. And you will meet people during that.If you try to find someone because you want to find someone it will be hard, extremly hard.
Exactly, the best thing the net ever did was make subcultures have extremely easy access to meetups. IF you're a nerd go do stuff with other nerds, etc etc
22:05 another similar story along those lines I heard was that, at the beginning of shooting the first Underworld movie, Kate Beckinsale and Michael Sheen were in a relationship prior to the filming of the movie and, during the filming, the two of them ended up breaking up and she became romantically involved with Len Wiseman - the director of the film. From what I remember being told, Sheen's character wasn't originally supposed to die in the first movie, but, that was changed after the breakup.
Buble CEO being like "Y'all need therapy before you need a date."
😂
good luck even finding a therapist lmao
@@gustavgustaffson9553every therapist has a therapist that they see. Broken people trying to “fix” people is not good. Not saying that all therapists are broken. But they’re incentivized by money to keep you coming weekly and not fix the underlying issues. Same as w/ healthcare.
In 30s, made no connections in school, left childhood state after college, hobby is videogames... I think im screwed too.
I know Yvonne is busy but I always like when she pops on the WAN show.
I watched The WAN Show in full but having this available to send to people instead of the full episode is really useful!
I’m recently single and man, finding people to talk to or even just be friends with is incredibly hard. I’m in my early 20s so I have a good chunk of time left before it becomes depressing but still it shouldn’t be this hard to meet new people
And the worst part is that there are people like me, who cannot afford other ways to meet people, and the free likes dating apps give you are the only way to even have a chance to date someone.
Maybe don't try to meet someone, have you ever considered that approach? Instead of spending your time trying to meet someone, why don't you spend your time to either gain or improve financial security and then find hobbies or similar because then maybe someday you'll meet someone through said hobbies who actually has similar interests instead of some dystopian AI somewhere artificially deciding that you are similar to this random other person
@@the_undead "just earn more money, lol"
Man, were it that easy I'd have done it already.
@@AlexTenThousand I'm not saying it's easy. I'm saying why waste your time trying to find someone with garbage methods to find a long-term partner when you could spend that money doing things that would be much more beneficial. Because of meeting someone through hobbies is almost always going to be better as a long-term relationship thing then meeting them through some random dating site
@@AlexTenThousand Man life sucks. I have a job that pays enough to live and say invite someone out once a month so not much but like I can actually invite someone if I could find somebody. guess what. it doesn't solve the part of "meeting someone". everyone says work on yourself do this do that, sure you can do all that and become better and it doesn't hurt you etc. but it still doesn't solve the second part of that, the "meeting someone" part. outside of work it's impossible to meet someone, and if you work at a small to medium company where everyone knows each other, if you date someone there and it doesn't work, it becomes increasingly more difficult to meet other people because others will think of you weirdly once they know that you're trying to date people from the company. one time is ok sure np coincidences happen, second time becomes "this guy trying to date everyone in the company", so it is hard no matter what you do. still tho focus on yourself and find a job, not because that'll help u find someone, but because there's no easy way to find someone so make good use of the time anyways, like it's good advice, just doesn't help in finding someone.
@@AlexTenThousand hit the gym, get yuge and women will approach you
To be honest climbing has been a great third space for me. It's relatively easy to get into and everyone tends to be pretty social. It's also got that classroom feel because you're often working on the same route/problem as someone else.
Also a very even gender split for my fellow straight people
Video start: Linus slipping up and yelling “Sit Down, Freud!”
Video end: Luke is straight up channeling the song Fashionably Late by Falling in Reverse
I think part of the problem with meeting with and interfacing with new people is the way of daily life
you have to be efficient, make money to not starve, and that leaves not much room to have some fun event to visit
not to mention that some people, not all but some, will straight up reject it cause you're interrupting something or they believe that they dont want anymore friends or acquaintances. Like, head down, no desire, just focus, like that gym point they brought up
Hospital or psych ward is a really good way to meet new people!
But they keep disappearing when I take the meds.
My wife and I met on Tinder, been happily married for over 7 years. But if I had to find somebody else now, I don't know if I'd use an app again.
Doom guy: Too angry to die.
Yvonne: Too busy to die.
If you think about it, it's not in the best interest of dating apps for people to find a partner because then they'll lose users.
That's why Match dominated for so many years, their entire business model was to grow church memberships
Old folks homes do be pretty wild for flings. Not gonna reveal too much, but I've definitely had to show face at some "health seminars" for old people (to keep it PG) for a contract job I no longer have (didn't do anything dirty, if your mind is in the gutter).
Damn, I didn’t realize Luke had game like that. That bus story was slickkk
that's actually a really old 4chan tactic, it works pretty well if you don't reek of desperation
instructions unclear, got arrested trying to lock a cool person up
Dating apps is a big waste of time.
But why?
@@LunaStar666 people on there don't want to date, they just want the dopamine hit of getting matches
if you have a person that doesn't want to get out of bed to start dating, then well don't expect them to meet up with you when you match with them
@@LunaStar666 Because their business-model is flawed, they only make money by PREVENTING matches for as long as, NOT by making matches and driving users away.
Go to a random chat website, one that can match from your country, and you will see just how much more will happen for you. Im not joking, a random chat is just about infinitely better than these absolute garbage dating sites that are all mostly fake and putting you on a treadmill.
16:30 as someone who just turned 30 and single that hurt
Kind of like a Mecha battle.
My personality based bot vs your personality based bot.
Let the battle begin!!
Post school I have met girls randomly (be ready to chat with randos), at a friends place (friends little sister's friend), on a plane (x2), and finally a girl who walked into a club I (partly) own. One more, met a lady at a resort on holiday.
Honestly it is not only that dating sucks now it is that people suck. As a girl it is easier to get a date but a lot of guys are creepy, as a guy geting a date is harder and a lot of girls do not care because they have at all times atleast 5 people in their dms. Another thing is that a lot of people do not want to date right now because of bad experiences. I have had a girl threaten with suicide if we were to break up and I have not even tried dating again after that. The stress that caused was massive and I got hairloss lost a lot of weight etc. Have not dated since, 4 years have passed and I am much happier now and just enjoy being single and doing my thing.( I just woke up sorry if there are spelling mistakes)
@Luke and @Linus my gym is like a IRL Tinder I saw guys and girls doing one or two sets, the dude "goes to teach how to have a good form" and after a while they just leave chatting together
This was a really good, really human segment. And Yvonne and Linus give some of use hope. Thank you. 👍🏾😊
7:56 is funny because it's a kind of lucky teenager innocent obviousness towards how a woman does not need apps or even specific activities for guys to find them.
I volunteer at a charity that supports less physically able folk getting out and about, it's mostly old ladies who sign up, despite being married I practically have to fight grand daughters off with a stick.
Charity work in general especially something that interest you and you care about is a great way to meet people for any reason have made most of my adult (as opposed to childhood) friends that way.
I've always been told that befriending grandmas will get you scores of young women trying to nail you down because of how highly their grandma speaks of you, nice to know that it's actually true
I'm 30 years old next year. I've never had a relationship... It's just getting harder and harder to do as I age, and the loneliness is brutal. I don't even know what a hug feels like 😞
It feels like you're about to get into a fight and then a huge wave of relief washes over you after it just continues to be a hug
Protip: hug with your forearms not your hands or your biceps, I literally "hugged wrong" until I was almost 30 and had to have a friend teach me the proper way to do it. Which was weird since none of the girls I'd dated or been in relationships with prior had ever complained or told me it was wrong
As someone who had a relationship JUST end, this hits hard. I’m in the throes of extreme loneliness/missing them, and I’m going to be taking time away from dating, but I’m also aware that time is ticking, and I ALSO REALLY REALLY DON’T want to go through the process of getting to know a person from the ground up, finding out whether we are compatible, potentially dating them for a bit, figuring out we aren’t, moving on, continuing the cycle. I don’t want to do that. But my greatest fear is being alone, which is where I’m at right now, and it just sucks.
I feel you 🤗
All of life is just reoccurring cycles, don't be such a debbie downer you don't moan like this when you come across a hard opponent in a video game so why is this any different?
16:29 Linus sister was spot on, sure you can find something really cool, but that is as rare as winning the lottery
My gf and I met in 2nd grade lol - Waited 13 years to properly ask her out, but I always knew she was the one.
Say what you will about the wins of MeToo and toxic masc shaming; these kinds of things have absolutely deleted the ability of a guy to mention attraction to a girl in person. There is simply too much risk now.
That’s slightly true. But I think you’re catastrophizing. I frequently start conversations with women. Just lead with something light-hearted and conversational rather than an obvious chat-up line.
@@andybrice2711 Maybe I should’ve clarified that it’s perception more than reality.
Also I’m married so thankfully don’t have to worry about it anymore, but I do think it’s harder now than say the 2000’s
@@andybrice2711 Seriously, any woman expecting something "original" as a first sentence, can piss off. I don't audition and I'm nobody's monkey. Just say hi and expect a smile and a hi back. If you get rolling eyes, move on. She's no good. Simple.
@@andybrice2711 You haven't seen the many Tiktok videos of girls sitting around doing nothing at a gym, pretending to work out and showing a wall of text to pretend the guy in the distant background is "staring" at her and making it out like he's a predator for turning his head and briefly having his eyes in her general direction. Or the videos of women choosing a bear over a man because "all" men are dangerous.
YOU may approach women (for now), but the trends show that most men no longer do, most men are too afraid of getting metood or listed on a "whisper network" for looking at a girl twice (or even just once) as if they're Robert Pickton or something.
(Meanwhile, women refuse to make the move themselves, hence Bumble which was built specifically on women making the move gave up on that. 🤦)
@@FantasticOtto Did you see GradeAUnderA's video? He catfished with a girl's account and showed the looong parade of guys that instantly flooded in and most of them used the same feckless lines. I'm conflicted because on the one hand, there are a finite number of things to say and saying something truly unique is more likely to result in getting blocked for being "weird", but on the other hand, "hi" is USELESS (from both men AND women 😒), and compliments are equally useless for conversation. 🤷
The fact is that it's pretty much hopeless, especially on dating-apps because women get _orders of magnitude_ more traffic than men do, so anything you say or ask her has already been done. She's already heard a dozen guys ask what her pet's name is and every other question that you might be able to come up with from her profile. It's like how any business-idea you have, someone else has thought of it, but more depressing. 😕
I feel like there's so much you have to hit the mark on early when you're fresh into the real world with little time to actually understand the weight of every decision. Like with a career, your best chance is to instantly know what you're going to do. With dating, if you plan to have children, better find someone before your fertility drops off. Your peak physical performance is in your 20's so better know how to make the most of that.
It's not impossible to manage, but there's a lot that sounds simple as a kid until you're actually there.
10:48 "im gonna sit next to linus"
11:09 "he sat next to me"
How to meet people (Barneys edition):
Step one go to the bar with your wingman
Step two ask your friend to introduce you lets say your friend's name is ted so you say Have you met ted?
Step three repeat steps one and two till you meet the one and hope she doesn't die or cry "I thought she was the one" till there
Fellow HIMYM connoisseur 🤝
Step zero hire a Wingman, do they have an ad in the phone book?
6:11 That why Golf exists.
The handicap system and a bit of proficiency and a good game pace. You can meet people their.
golf exists to make jokes and drink copious amounts of alcohol while driving around in fun little carts
And going up to people in public is just bad because then you get called a creep and all the social media shit where girls record people looking at them and then try to cancel them online just for looking in their direction..
It's just a joke trying to meet anyone in a digital age without the risk of someone deciding to just completely slander your name for no reason except for personal validation that 'OMG look at me guys all want to hit me on, look at this one guy!'
Linus and Yvonne are soooo cute. They looked like they fell in love all over again, they enacted a whole rom com in minutes. From "you haven't updated ur if i die folder" "well I've been busy" "yeah me too" AHHHHHHHHH 😩😭
16:55 - Which sucks.... because there's a TON of good people out there :/ And yeah, everybody comes with baggage at that age due to experience... :/
Nah they're all terrible. It's your job to find one and make them worth a damn
I picked up rowing as an adult in college (28) finished uni and it's sad. It was hard to make uni connections at 28, and my rowing team was my only friends... so my dating life is basically over. I'm genuinely fucked. The idea of a woman finding me attractive and wanting to sit next to me seems impossible. So I feel like my attraction is a burden. So in school it's hard... then I got older in college and it's just not feasible. Now I'm out of university and I've just realized I'll be happiest if I just shove the idea of dating out of my life. It's kinda sad because I'm coming up on 29... so I'm basically coming into that thirties dating... and I don't want to settle. Especially because I missed out on that young love of teens and 20s. And I'll just never have it. It sucks, and I'd rather just learn to give up.
The worst thing about all this is the cascading effect of these social norms. People say it's wrong to approach women in public bc it makes them uncomfortable. So guys who care about not making women uncomfortable don't do it, and the evil ones who don't care still do. So approaching becomes even more deeply linked with bad behavior, and the cycle repeats.
Perfectly put.
Evil? Please. If I approach you in a non creepy way and it makes you uncomfortable, that's your problem.
Well yeah, it's just like saying people shouldn't be allowed to have guns. Last I checked the majority of people who use them to hurt others don't really care about getting one legally or not. That's why you really shouldn't give two shakes about social stigmas or any of that mumbo jumbo, treat people like you would want to be treated and at the very least you'll make a new friend, everything else flows after that
My go to meeting people strategy has been frequenting the same restaurants and coffee shops on a regular basis. Over time I’ve gotten to know staff and it’s resulted in various relationships.
Secondly, I went back to college for a graduate degree and my friend network and dates went up by a lot. Don’t squander your time at school.
Otherwise, the gym, sports ball, church, or hobbies like car meets are my other go to’s.
Dating apps have been fantastic for me and my friends (born in late 80s) . We all did the "normal IRL" dating thing for ages but the apps really helped once they matured. 3 of us found our wives on them. The apps let us focus on finding who we had a better chance to connect with, rather than taking months to figure out we never would have worked out (kids, careers, etc). Was it perfect? No, but definitely increased chances of success. Maybe not nice hear it, but it helped to filter who we invested time in getting to know more.
Grindr is easy mode compared to Tinder, bro.
I'm the same age as you guys and I think they're specifically talking about the younger people bud. I've heard from some younger friends it's an soul-sucking experience on there now.
Yea, no, the opposite for me. I've tried for like 20 years and it's absolute trash and life-ruining.
@@AllahDoesNotExist It's not hard. Rule 1: Lower your standards. Rule 2: Don't go directly from Tinder to a date. Spend a couple of weeks on a better chat platform like Whatsapp. If you're still talking at all hours of the day after that time, you're a likely match and it's time to meet.
yeah dating apps were good for a bit about 5-10 years ago they arent anymore especially for young people. Theyre soul sucking constant reminders that youre unwanted for men and hookup vending machines (which is similarly bad for other reasons) for women
Dating as a highly introverted person really sucks. Like I'm down for a hike but trying to trust someone else when I'm alone with anyone, man, woman, or fellow enby, in the woods is difficult. Bars are not my thing, I just don't like going out to a loud environment to meet with someone. None of my hobbies are done with others, and sports just aren't my thing. Dating at work, where I spend most of my time now, is messy with power dynamics. Friends are a no go, I've never seen it work out with my group. Finally my volunteering never has masculine people younger than 30 that are single, and I tend to treat it as a workplace so there are power dynamics that get messy. I don't know if I'll ever have someone in my life and I'm starting to wonder if it might lessen the impact if I just plan on being single.
“There’s another word for short term relationships. It’s called f***ing”
Yea. I mean even phrases like “friends w benefits” or “hookups” has a gross connotation but it is what it is. I do think though that people are still seeking at least SOME genuine companionship beyond sex. Despite all the insane dialogue around the “manosphere” and “male loneliness epidemic” there’s a very size able amount of guys now who honestly dont care about sex and just want someone to confide in and share a life with.
I am glad though that we’re getting away from the de-humanizing rhetoric around sex work. No matter how you feel about it these people at least deserve to have agency and safety.
AI proxies dating other AI proxies though is some mega creepy stuff. Just AI avatars of real people in general I feel is a fundamental form of violation and nothing positive can come from it other than MAYBE helping to remind people of a lost loved one or something? But even that seems like a slippery slope down a dark path.
I don't think it's the men who are the problem. At least no the bottom 98% of them.
Can we also talk about how predatory the monetisation of it is. The fact that they aren’t obliged to show the stats and probability actual exposure to people or how many people actually view your profile is a full on scam.
It's not a scam they never once have said you could see the meta data of your profile
gaming my friends. a multiplayer game with latency prioritized matchmaking -> you get to meet ppl in your general area with at least one similar interest.
When you get a 5 bar connection in a Street Fighter 4 lobby
its really hard especially with the addition of online classes at college/uni. I wanted to be in person for all my classes and was forced to take half online. ended up spending so much time in dorm that end of year, I had not talked to anyone other than profs.
online classes are probably the worst thing that has happened to society since ww2 not even joking. It took one of the most important stages of development for an entire generation and just deleted it entirely with no way to get it back and there really isn't anywhere else you could replicate the lessons it teaches you
The obsession with tech has sucked the humanity out of humanity.
Learn synthesis or be consumed by it choice is yours
Never got the chance to date in either high school or college. I definitely feel like I’m screwed since no one my age is single and even friends don’t know anyone that’s single within their own friend groups.
Super interesting, and depressing talk, honestly. Especially as someone rapidly approaching one of those "dead zones"
I haven’t been on a date since 2018. Not from a lack of trying. I’ve been on all the apps, I spend time out in public, I try to be nice and look attractive, it just seems like a pipe dream, the idea of me finding a partner seems so far away.
I’m on the same boat man. Best of luck to ya.
@@Dan_Yerlll Im definitely not looking for a 10/10.
I feel the issue is exactly the other way around. Linus said in the beginning that the apps were kinda taboo, back in his days. Why was that? Cause they were designed to facilitate hook ups. The problems started when people began using it to look for long-term relationships. It's simply not what the app was made for...
I dunno, in the late 2000s through early 2010s dating websites like Match, PoF, OkCupid were being marketed pretty hard as for finding meaningful relationships, and people were finding at least some success with that. Prior to that the reputation of online dating was quite a bit seedier (think Craigslist and the like) which is what I assume he was referring to. But then Tinder differentiated itself as being unapologetically for hookups, and everything started moving that direction.
I do agree that hookup apps are def. more profitable than actual matchmaking sites, which is why everything has trended that way.
So I was talking with a lady that did not do online dating, and how she met her husband, was exactly how Yvonne said. So she dated, and kept meeting trash, and then gave up, and joined a group that rides horses. She loved horse back riding. And at the group meet a guy showed up, who ended up her husband.
Petition to bring yvonne more on social topics 🔥. Its always more eye opening to get a female perspective especially for us males. I wish you guys all the best.
All love from iraq
I was burned so much after my last long-tern relationship that now when Ive finally regained confidence in myself and feel ready to jump back into dating if I so desired, I just...dont want to. Not only with the complications with dating apps becoming irrelevant and the taboo of approaching people, but after having worked so hard to get to where I am now and seeing friends and colleagues who have been in decade-long relationships that are crumbling, its just not worth it.
20 year old male here. Honestly I think I need to start getting confortable being alone, it may be a while.
Probably, just become a better you in the meantime and just focus on doing things you enjoy. I also recommend including deep thought without your phone at least 10 mins a day, without allowing yourself to beat your own self esteem down. Be optimistic and look for solutions to your problems. Make the most of your time being single because being in a relationship takes a lot of time!
How do you do that without insulting yourself
@@Finalizor When you have a thought about something like, "man I suck at this," or something to that effect follow it up with, "Is it worth being good at? If so, how can I improve and how can I measure that improvement? For me one example was making our numbers at the assembly job I have. There's a board that has a "target" value that constantly goes up. First I caught up to that, pat myself on the back, then I aimed for double that number, reached it, pat myself on the back, then I did triple. Once I did that I hit the daily goal for that station. (The target number is really inaccurate.)
Basically instead of festering in your failures recognize them and address what's holding you back. The key is to not insult yourself, but to give yourself constructive criticism.
@@d34ddud3 Tbh I feel that being in a good work environment helps quite a lot too. Especially with my job it really is start work, no one really talks most of the day due to the type of work so lots of thinking time, and then go home. No one is really too much of an ass there. BUT at my job before last (fast food KITCHEN WORK) that was an extremely toxic environment and I was blowing apart at the seams. My advice to anyone really is look for a non toxic job, preferably one that doesn't face customers or is fast food as that'll help your mood in droves.
Im in my middle 20s and I have literally no clue how to approach someone. Theres also a huge barrier for me to do anything else besides work. Also the pandemic hit hard in europe when it comes to socialising. Social media isn't social at all. You may be able to delete those apps but other people will still use then and have expectations. It's a weird world we live in
I don't particularly think apps have ruined dating, I think people using apps with nefarious intent has ruined dating. Personally, I met my life partner on Facebook dating and the relationship that formed from that original online interaction is deep, wholesome, organic, and better than anything either of us have ever had before. I admit that my one personal experience doesn't prove that it works for all, but it does work for some and I think that's something we should keep.
This
It's a different experience for men and women. You're complaining about the quality of matches and men complain of the (low) quantity. Women feel used because they match with liars and men feel worthless because they don't match. I've been on a couple dating apps for months and my only matches were bots or people that don't reply. It works for some is also true of physical dating. Like many are saying, most of these dating apps are financially incentivized to keep you on there for as long as possible before matching you. I do think online dating apps are good, but not like this, not that many of them. It's basically a human need that has been turned into a hamster wheel of a service.
You found someone BEFORE all dating was consolidated and monopolize by Match Group. Now, all online-dating is about PREVENTING matches to maximize profits. There was a brief period where it used to be useful, but that time is over and the governments are not stepping in with anti-trust lawsuits to fix it.
@@poipoi300 Yup. The model of a for-profit dating-app is a flawed business model from the rotten foundation. By its very nature, a dating-app is meant to be temporary, to be successful means to drive users away. That doesn't work if their _actual_ goal is to make money. For that, they have to keep people (read men) alone long enough to get desperate to pay $60/month, at which point, they'll NEVER let them match and stop paying.
I love how Linus’s facial expression and tone of voice change when he speaks to Yvonne 😊
Because he isn't doing the show, Linus has said before he over annunciates and buffs up his expressions with his face on the show so you can actually read his emotions during it
Doesnt have to when he isn't doing the show