In my experience, “just love yourself” wasn’t enough on its own, what actually got me out of my rut was having a list of accomplishments that set in stone that indeed, I was who I thought I was, I am indeed a hard worker, I just finished a twelve hour shift, the world needs my work. You can apply this to numerous things, take it anywhere you please, but in order to love yourself, you need to be able to be proud of yourself from an exterior perspective, and you’d do that by going out there and accomplishing.
The biggest lesson with loving yourself and self care it’s not just being nice to yourself. It’s doing things that are hard because it’ll help in the long run, doing what’s best for you is self love because you deserve to change for the better. It’s not just about being able to say you like yourself and I think some people get deterred when the level of understanding isn’t fulfilling in the way they need it to be.
I think I had to take a step back and sort myself out and work on accepting who I am and what my limitations are, but also from there, build the internal resources to then go out and do something. Having a solid sense of “I’m okay” actually makes changing my life feel almost like a game now. I like myself, I’m not trying to be somebody else in order to become “enough” anymore, and yet I do actually now want to see what I can do when I set my mind to it.
@@myownfreemind6627 yeah getting out of my comfort zone was a big thing that helped me. Just staying home playing video games and watching porn and TH-cam made me feel worse. But after joining a job even though it's low paying right now, approaching people and especially girls to strike a conversation with, helped me feel so much more happy and fulfilled in life.
Therapy - help you feel better so that you get things done Coaching - help you get things done so that you feel better There’s an audience for both, it’s just that one has been ignored for a while. But both fields are useful depending on your needs.
Not necessarily true in the way that you dichotomized it because a big part of therapy is increasing people’s behavioural flexibility. Two key treatments in therapy is behavioural activation (for depression) and exposure (for anxiety) which helps people simultaneously do both of what you described - help you get things done and feel better. Perhaps a better way to describe the difference between the two could be: Therapy - help you achieve goals for improving daily functioning Coaching - help you achieve goals for peak performance in a certain area
@@NadeemMomenz It's not the presence of goals that defines the two, it's how either one addresses "aiding" you in your goals. Your take on therapy operates under the assumption that the patient/client is self motivated enough to establish and chase their future goals. However therapists don't do those things for you, at best their methodology tends to guide you to your own conclusions. Whatever successes or failures you experience are generally up to you to define, though some therapists do allow more involved & proactive methodologies. Coaching has the connotation of proactivity from the start. Coaches usually establish from the very beginning what short & long term goals you have. Unless you outright fire them, coaches will provide enough pressure and/or motivation to help you meet those goals you established. Very few therapists will ever match that energy / methodology. Because while there may be overlap, they don't serve the same function. Coaching prioritizes results, therapy is about self actualization.
Exactly this. I tried coaching for adhd, and while it helped, it really dawned on me that I have a lot of emotional issues that need to be addressed before coaching is actually helpful - I need to address the feelings causing, in my case, my low motivation do things (note: ADHD is not neccecarily 'low motivation', but living and dealing with the struggles of ADHD can absolutely cause it.), because while what my coach suggested for me is helpful for managing ADHD, and even just accepting it, I don't have the motivation to do those suggestions in the first place.
I know for my case focusing on the clinical side helped a lot more than coaching. When i was in college i did see several counselors that took the coaching approach but it felt pointless. I knew what my goals were and the steps i needed to take to reach them but i really wanted help with all the anxiety and guilt that i was feeling. As my accomplishments piled up the worst i felt so much so that when i'd reached a point where I'd earned an decent job opportunity i shot myself in the foot. I even developed emotional hallucinations that plauged me for years afterwards. That's when i reached a breaking point and seeked out therapy. Now i feel like i can reach for goals on my own because i know how to cope with all the negative feelings that comes with going outside your comfort zone. Im not plauged by my thoughts and my hallucinations are gone.
@@unknownalibi3579 DBT does take longer than traditional styles, however I’ve found that 8-10 weeks isn’t the bezt on average for any style not named SFBT. Beaudes, Psychoanalysis requires 1-3 sessions a week and spans over three years
Yes. Many of my problems rooted in my mom's health issues and this social worker in college helped me realize that i can help my mother get a therapist. This is a rather simple solution but i mever would've thought to make this step with the therapists i had bc they're like: im sorry your life sucks, let's try to make you be happy despite the circumstances (i also have depression, so i did need counseling and therapy) but this woman looked to improve my environment as well and that was so helpful. It's the first time i hear about "coaching" but as i understand that's what this social worker did for me
Honestly that’s why I’m so glad I found my therapist. Went out of my way to make sure my therapist has experience with adhd AND autism for this reason. But he’s right it’s super uncommon. Just keep looking if you can’t use his service. If you can use his service.
Patients don’t always have the motivation or resources, at first, to do the work to impact their external factors. I always ask patients “do you just want to feel better or do you want to get better”. That can help distinguish who is ready, stabilized, and feels safe to go beyond medication compliance.
I’ve also heard it worded well as “do you want that or do you simply wish for it?” The difference being between a passive desire to just feel better versus an active pursuit to make the necessary change involved
@@vivvpprofI've tried it. Outside of what dr K does therapy is for women and doesn't work for us men. What he is saying here is why it doesn't work for us
You don’t know how therapy works. An actual therapist doesn’t tell you how to feel. “What does that feel like?” has a been a meme of therapists for literally decades for a reason.
I've had three therapists and two life coaches. The only people who significantly helped me were the first therapist who was employed by my university and the second coach, employed by healthy gamer. The other two therapists just listened to me talk and the other coach walked me through some exorcises to get more organized in my thoughts and goals.
Yes, but as you mentioned, "Your not trained to do that." So of course most therapists shy away from that. If I go to a therapist it's because I need a safe place to vent and express my feelings. To process my thoughts and emotions. By all means offer guidance, correction, and insight. But, if I want coaching on how to improve myslef, business, productivity, etc . . . i've got books, TH-cam, coaches, mentors, etc . . . I feel this disappointment with the "effectivness" of therapy is derived with two problems. One people go to therapy not knowing what they need, want, or why they're there. They just "need" therapy. Second, they have a delusional exspectation it's a fix all and requires little work on their part. If people understood what they wanted, their goals, and set realistic exspectations, they'd more likely find a therapist they match with sooner, approach sucess quicker, and potentially feel more fulfilled in other areas of their life.
There’s too many therapists who either give unsolicited advice or the opposite where they just let the patient ramble on and on throughout the whole session and just say “how does that make you feel?” Sure, there’s people who just need to pay someone to vent to, and that can be helpful. But real therapy involves a lot of work on the therapists part to ask insightful questions to help the client understand themselves and their emotional reactions better in order to reach their goals
@@mariahspapaya No argument. There is a fine balance between therapist and patient putting in the necessary amount of effort. Both parties need to be involved in the healing process. By one over relying on the other, you have one person trying to push foward and the second just standing still.
What you're saying and what Dr. K is saying can be true at the same time, because modalities are muddy categories, and even if a modality includes coaching within its scope, the individual therapists that use that modality may not have it in *their* scope, so to speak.
I feel like I am more motivated and do more overall when I tap into my negative feelings of shame and regret, but it just. Sucks feeling those things. And at the end of the day I’ll still feel bad about myself. I wish I could combine the work ethic I have when self deprecating without feeling SO bad
I feel like I need both, as someone who is struggling with ADHD. I need therapy to teach me how to manage my ADHD, and I need coaching to help me get shit done when I want to
These two things (healing on the inside and accomplishing on the outside) need to go hand in hand so that a person can properly grow and advance in life. A coaching program that combines these is a great idea.
I used to have no friends and instead of helping me improve my social skills to find some; my therapist at the time tried to make me accept not having friends
When I went to therapy I said I'm going to give myself 3 months to learn something, even if the therapist is "bad" and my goal was to get jus 10% of something out of it. That mindset helped a lot. The therapist wasn't great at all, would space out and fall asleep, but I kept to my plan and used him to learn boundaries and then took the reigns. I also like doing mindfulness exercises from the book 30 Days to Reduce Depression by Harper Daniels.
Modern therapies like DBT & even ACT are definitely geared towards helping you to achieve goals & thrive in the world despite your emotional struggles.
My experience in Spain with therapy is different. The one I'm seeing now wants me to work OUTSIDE my feelings and expose myself to situations I don't feel ready to face. And also from what my teachers say about experiences they have as therapist, they have done therapy outside clinic to work with a patient with phobias for example. So idk if it's more of a USA vs rest of the world or also dependent on the therapist and the school of thought they have. But it is true a therapist cannot go into your life and fix things, on another short he also says: therapy helps you turn down those feeling so you can clear thought That way you can start doing things, therapy might not be the best for everyone but it is a good tool, find the therapist you like and also learn how to communicate your need with those professionals so you don't end in a shitty therapy (he also says this on a longer video) great words
100%! When I gone to my old therapist (thank god I changed therapists since) I told her that I am naturally anxious due to being worried that my disorder makes me unable to work and her next move was to prescribe me anti anxiety meds. Most of my issues stem from the fact that I am worried about the future and my ADHD is pretty debilitating and I need ADHD meds in order to sustain myself in the workforce but her first though was "let's get you rid of the anxiety even though it's mostly your executive function that makes you anxious and worry about not being able to be productive", some therapists really don't give a shit to actually help you but mostly put a band aid on a broken arm
@@Dimitris_Half anxiety meds are good for people who have the chemical imbalance thing going on and need them, for me personally my anxiety is situational and i manage it most of the time with support from close ones and lifestyle. My issue was mostly that my therapist didn't really listened, heard "anxiety" and jumped straight to meds without looking into my particular situation.
that is not a therapist, it's a psychiatrist. you go to them when you want to treat your problem with meds. if you want someone to listen to you, you need to go to a psychologist instead.
i guess it was a psychiatrist? Sorry if i'm wrong. Psychiatrists usually listen to you for 5 mins and proceed to prescribe medication.. like how normal busy doctors are.. so they're not a good fit when what we need is at least 1 hour therapy/counselling/coaching. Psychologists fare better in that case.
@@second_second_ it was a psychiatrist, sorry for the confusion. I understand that they don't have time usually but I do believe they need to listen to somebody's situation in order to know what meds exactly to prescribe and luckily my current one does listen and tries to find the best meds I can get (mostly for my adhd which that what I was there for, not for anxiety necessarily)
Yeah I have adhd and comorbid anxiety. My psychiatrist keeps insisting I take ssri’s for my anxiety, when I tell her it’s mostly at its worst when I have pms and it’s mostly well managed through exercise and other coping skills. for them to keep insisting to give you ssri’s when they’ve been shown to mostly just be a placebo effect and the wide range of side effects is just not worth it to me when my anxiety isn’t as debilitating as it could be. Valium helps me a lot sometimes
I don't know man. I tried your coaching program for six months. Despite my best efforts, everything i was trying to fix got worse instead of better. It left me really angry. My coach was really kind but my life sucks so much more now. I think the coaching program did the opposite of helping me get where I want to go.
It depends on what the problem is. Sometimes people need to be pointed in the right direction to help them achieve their goals. Sometimes, like in the case of trauma, they need to process grief and pain which I've found traditional therapy to be quite effective at treating.
therapy and medication did not help me get out of my decade long depressive rut, hitting rock bottom and forcing myself to do things got me feeling better
I'll be brutally honest. I used to think of therapy as manipulation or at least didn't know where encouragement ended and manipulation began. Since then my view has changed, in no small part thanks to going to therapy myself. I still feel a bit of "guilt" over it, but yes it did help me get things done even though my therapist didn't give that much of the advice a coach would give.
To be fair, therapy approaches like exposure therapy and behavioural activation allows for someone to take action and change the things in their lives that they wish to change, so in that sense therapy still indirectly contributes to changing the external.
Like you mentioned, we're not trained to do that. And unfortunately, with the way that the health care system is in the United States like we can't get reimbursed for services if we focus too much on the coaching aspect. I think the reason that the coaching industry is emerging so much is because people are private paying for it. So a lot of therapists are getting certified as a life coach. But that's just my opinion. I'm a clinical social worker in the state of Texas and see a lot of people who don't have insurance, and I have to prove to the state and other entities that are paying for their services that I'm providing the clinical improvements that the payee wants to see.
Maybe CBT or anything that is directed towards the behaviour? I have heard that issues like having to learn how to introduce oneself and socialize "effectively" have been adressed in CBT's.
Same. I have c-ptsd from sa in childhood and we did inner child work. That screwed me up, because I was working with an abused inner child. And I can't separate the abuse from it. I was also a parentified child and we did reparenting.... Which didn't help at all. I actually got so much worse because of therapy 😅
This reminds me in University I was talking to my counselor about a “friend” of mine that I was starting to feel like had opposing morals. The counselor said something about how they weren’t supposed to tell me if I actually should or shouldn’t be friends with them. i get that you don’t want to misguide someone and then be liable for something like that but it feels like it avoids addressing my issues
I think a large problem with therapy is that it is still pretty unstandardized. I’ve noticed that a lot of the things Dr K says “therapists tend to do X even really we need to do Y” the Y is what most therapists in my area are already doing. But when I talk to people in other states or even other countries about their experiences sometimes I’m left completely bewildered as to what the heck is going on in some of these places. A good therapist can be a life changing thing but finding good ones seems to be almost completely luck based
Jordan Peterson made a good point about how he often tells people who feel they lack control to clean their room, do something physically to assert some level of positive change...
In my clinic, therapy and social workers helping you with your external situation go hand in hand. Do coaches do both at the same time? That's great. If they do it right.
I"ve been doing this for years. There's too much evidence to show that what we do or don't do has a big impact on our mental health. Like I tell my clients, meditation, exercise, cutting out alcohol aren't necessarily going to solve all your problems. But they will make it a lot easier.
unfortunately there are alot of coaches that just sit around collecting money amd not really helping much. Healthcare paid for a coach for me for 4 months untill I realised no improvements where made
Nutritionists that I saw were an absolute joke/waste of money. I saw 3 different ones. They tried to teach me what I already know from second grade. It was infuriating. Makes me sick they even got paid. I found better more efficient nutritional advice online for free.
You can not put a time on theraphie, it is a prozess. And 'goals' are more like a bandadge since you wouldn't know right away if the goal the person set for themselves is even good. Don't you think that's why people study this for nearly a decate? Usually when you go to theraphie for depression the therapist (if it is a good one) will first get to know you a little and maybe help you to change your lifestyle according to the prediagnosis. That could be going to the gym because doing sport relieses endorphines in your brain, to could mean to go out more l, get checked to find out if you missing some vitamines and eat helthier. By eliminating external factors for a consistent time you can then look if you are feeling better, if not; there is maybe something going on with your neurotransmitters and you can try antidepressents. Wich are perscribed to you according to your symptoms.
its also a crisis of masculinity in well off countries because of boomer dads and many other factors which the professions dont want to take responsiblity for ... I kinda get why they dont want to do that, but it really is a quite deadly situation.
Oi boss can u put the subtitles a bit higher, all the stuff at the bottom is blocking it and I just end up watching it with the comments up so I can see it
Coaching seems like a temporary fix. Without the therapy to root ourselves in understanding, aren’t we just repeatedly going to need coaching? Cha-Ching for you, I guess.
I really miss theraphy where you ask for help with a problem and with that help gives actual results and it gives a little bit of joy. I refuse therapy where the result is - cut off reproductive organs. Or a doctor where I lose a nerve and quality of life because the doctor isn't trained...
Doesn’t CBT focus on a combination of both cognitive AND behavioral symptoms? This type of therapy is one of the most popular, so I don’t really understand the criticism of therapy not helping the client have more productive actions. Through changing unproductive behaviors, clients can achieve more.
A lot of the time even in CBT the therapists solely focuses on the client, not on the surroundings. It depends on the therapist though. CBT goes the most into that direction though.
CBT is one of the more popular forms of therapy but it's still focused on challenging cognitions so they can reshape behaviour. And just because it's the most popular doesn't mean it's the most effective for everyone. Men for example drop out of therapy a lot of the time because they don't feel it helps and thats something he addresses. Women tend to internalise their problems, so working through cognitions makes a lot of sense. Men tend to externalise their problems, so it's less affective for them. Just because he provides criticism doesn't mean it's useless. It just means there are other avenues most therapists don't utilise where many people could get more benefit than they're getting.
@@gargantuangouda605CBT can go either way depending on who’s facilitating it. Some focus more on cognitions and others more on the behaviors. Ideally you start with wherever the client finds the easiest to change
Hi! I’m an occupational therapy student. This is almost precisely what occupational therapists do! We’re always fighting for our scope of practice so please take into account this field that has existed for over 70 years! We help people with their daily activities that give them meaning, through internal and external means. Environmental, personal, and cultural factors all play in. I love this channel but just disagree with the sentiment that therapy is in a bad place, totally discounting my profession. Food for thought, thank you!
Coaching, as in personal and life coaching, has been around for over 20 years and around in other guises prior to that. Talk about re-inventing the wheel......... In the early noughties, the talk was of separating coaching from therapy. Now it's the other way round. The more things change..............
I learned you can be your own therapist. All they do is ask you "how do you feel about that?" "What do you think you should do about that?" ... just learn to sit and think with your thoughts and answer them yourself and save yourself$200
Except what you described is basically impossible. A good therapist will highlight logical fallacies and show you a path where you reveal them to yourself. Same for defensive mechanisms etc. It is said that our own brain is the best at being deceptive towards ourself, because it knows all of your secrets and desires to manipulate ourselves. This is why a 3rd perspective is required!!!!!
@@MultiGoban the ones I've gone to would never do that. They literally just ask you why you're there and then keep asking you to answer things for yourself. Canadian therapists are horrible
this guy for some reason never has anything productive to say. if you use a good resource in a way to improve your life, you will find results. don’t expect it to just fix your life while rejecting everything
@@Zodiacman16it all depends on the therapist you get ofcourse. I had both, a bad one and a really great one. The great one decided to leave that platform because they dont exactly compensate well despite how much they charge you, and its seen as a "side hustle" by some. Better Help has these generalized workbooks and resources that are given out to all as tools, and some therapists will listen to you talk for 30 mins, and then throw some worksheets at you based on some buzzwords. The bad one did this pretty often. I can see why some call it a scam.
That's actually the opposite of what a good therapist will want for you. Their ultimate goal is to help you process your emotions and equip you with the necessary skills to navigate them on your own. For some people that takes a couple years, for many, it's a couple months. If you or your therapist are looking to engage in a co-dependant years long relationship, I would reevaluate.
This is such nonsense, I’m a therapist and working with clients on a coaching basis is absolutely something I do and even feel relieved about because it’s far easier to help people with than reducing clinical symptoms that have been longstanding and are extremely complicated to the point that they are interwoven into the clients personality.
They give you med which makes it that you don't have to do anything, your problem temporarily solved and then you're screwed when you go off of it. Therapy is a joke
Thats because in order to "heal" depression you need to take accountability and change your life through applied effort👌 You can take therapy as a guide, at the end, if there is no will there is no way.
Go to shrink = takes money and time go to coach = makes money and time. Easy. The job of therapist and psych alive today only because of them controling in giving prescription meds. If someday people say "fk all" and cook their own meds or have better cope, psychs and therapist will be out of business. People dont really need psychs and therapist if they have their own dealer. Thats also the reason why coaching is the better choice. People get to make money and also networks rather than just lifeless venting towards a puppet.
In my experience, “just love yourself” wasn’t enough on its own, what actually got me out of my rut was having a list of accomplishments that set in stone that indeed, I was who I thought I was, I am indeed a hard worker, I just finished a twelve hour shift, the world needs my work.
You can apply this to numerous things, take it anywhere you please, but in order to love yourself, you need to be able to be proud of yourself from an exterior perspective, and you’d do that by going out there and accomplishing.
The biggest lesson with loving yourself and self care it’s not just being nice to yourself. It’s doing things that are hard because it’ll help in the long run, doing what’s best for you is self love because you deserve to change for the better. It’s not just about being able to say you like yourself and I think some people get deterred when the level of understanding isn’t fulfilling in the way they need it to be.
I think I had to take a step back and sort myself out and work on accepting who I am and what my limitations are, but also from there, build the internal resources to then go out and do something. Having a solid sense of “I’m okay” actually makes changing my life feel almost like a game now. I like myself, I’m not trying to be somebody else in order to become “enough” anymore, and yet I do actually now want to see what I can do when I set my mind to it.
@@myownfreemind6627 yeah getting out of my comfort zone was a big thing that helped me. Just staying home playing video games and watching porn and TH-cam made me feel worse. But after joining a job even though it's low paying right now, approaching people and especially girls to strike a conversation with, helped me feel so much more happy and fulfilled in life.
I agree. Having something to work towards and work on has improved my mental health ten fold. And also gave me the confidence I needed to love myself.
Holy fuck i needed this
Therapy - help you feel better so that you get things done
Coaching - help you get things done so that you feel better
There’s an audience for both, it’s just that one has been ignored for a while. But both fields are useful depending on your needs.
Not necessarily true in the way that you dichotomized it because a big part of therapy is increasing people’s behavioural flexibility. Two key treatments in therapy is behavioural activation (for depression) and exposure (for anxiety) which helps people simultaneously do both of what you described - help you get things done and feel better.
Perhaps a better way to describe the difference between the two could be:
Therapy - help you achieve goals for improving daily functioning
Coaching - help you achieve goals for peak performance in a certain area
@@NadeemMomenz I'm no expert, so this is just how I (and a lot of others) perceive or have experienced the two, official definitions aside 🤷🏾♀
@@NadeemMomenz It's not the presence of goals that defines the two, it's how either one addresses "aiding" you in your goals.
Your take on therapy operates under the assumption that the patient/client is self motivated enough to establish and chase their future goals. However therapists don't do those things for you, at best their methodology tends to guide you to your own conclusions. Whatever successes or failures you experience are generally up to you to define, though some therapists do allow more involved & proactive methodologies.
Coaching has the connotation of proactivity from the start. Coaches usually establish from the very beginning what short & long term goals you have. Unless you outright fire them, coaches will provide enough pressure and/or motivation to help you meet those goals you established. Very few therapists will ever match that energy / methodology. Because while there may be overlap, they don't serve the same function. Coaching prioritizes results, therapy is about self actualization.
Exactly this. I tried coaching for adhd, and while it helped, it really dawned on me that I have a lot of emotional issues that need to be addressed before coaching is actually helpful - I need to address the feelings causing, in my case, my low motivation do things (note: ADHD is not neccecarily 'low motivation', but living and dealing with the struggles of ADHD can absolutely cause it.), because while what my coach suggested for me is helpful for managing ADHD, and even just accepting it, I don't have the motivation to do those suggestions in the first place.
Thanks!
I know for my case focusing on the clinical side helped a lot more than coaching. When i was in college i did see several counselors that took the coaching approach but it felt pointless. I knew what my goals were and the steps i needed to take to reach them but i really wanted help with all the anxiety and guilt that i was feeling. As my accomplishments piled up the worst i felt so much so that when i'd reached a point where I'd earned an decent job opportunity i shot myself in the foot. I even developed emotional hallucinations that plauged me for years afterwards. That's when i reached a breaking point and seeked out therapy. Now i feel like i can reach for goals on my own because i know how to cope with all the negative feelings that comes with going outside your comfort zone. Im not plauged by my thoughts and my hallucinations are gone.
You guys would love DBT. We take note of client progress through diary cards in between sessions to track progress
I love DBT.
I was told to do CBT instead because apparently DBT takes a whole year.
@@unknownalibi3579 DBT does take longer than traditional styles, however I’ve found that 8-10 weeks isn’t the bezt on average for any style not named SFBT.
Beaudes, Psychoanalysis requires 1-3 sessions a week and spans over three years
Yes. Many of my problems rooted in my mom's health issues and this social worker in college helped me realize that i can help my mother get a therapist. This is a rather simple solution but i mever would've thought to make this step with the therapists i had bc they're like: im sorry your life sucks, let's try to make you be happy despite the circumstances (i also have depression, so i did need counseling and therapy) but this woman looked to improve my environment as well and that was so helpful. It's the first time i hear about "coaching" but as i understand that's what this social worker did for me
Honestly that’s why I’m so glad I found my therapist. Went out of my way to make sure my therapist has experience with adhd AND autism for this reason.
But he’s right it’s super uncommon. Just keep looking if you can’t use his service. If you can use his service.
Patients don’t always have the motivation or resources, at first, to do the work to impact their external factors. I always ask patients “do you just want to feel better or do you want to get better”. That can help distinguish who is ready, stabilized, and feels safe to go beyond medication compliance.
I’ve also heard it worded well as “do you want that or do you simply wish for it?” The difference being between a passive desire to just feel better versus an active pursuit to make the necessary change involved
We're tired of being told how to feel. Tell me what I can DO to feel and be better.
says someone who's never tried therapy.
How do you feel about that
@@vivvpprofI've tried it. Outside of what dr K does therapy is for women and doesn't work for us men. What he is saying here is why it doesn't work for us
You don’t know how therapy works. An actual therapist doesn’t tell you how to feel.
“What does that feel like?” has a been a meme of therapists for literally decades for a reason.
I've had three therapists and two life coaches. The only people who significantly helped me were the first therapist who was employed by my university and the second coach, employed by healthy gamer.
The other two therapists just listened to me talk and the other coach walked me through some exorcises to get more organized in my thoughts and goals.
Yes, but as you mentioned, "Your not trained to do that." So of course most therapists shy away from that. If I go to a therapist it's because I need a safe place to vent and express my feelings. To process my thoughts and emotions. By all means offer guidance, correction, and insight. But, if I want coaching on how to improve myslef, business, productivity, etc . . . i've got books, TH-cam, coaches, mentors, etc . . . I feel this disappointment with the "effectivness" of therapy is derived with two problems. One people go to therapy not knowing what they need, want, or why they're there. They just "need" therapy. Second, they have a delusional exspectation it's a fix all and requires little work on their part. If people understood what they wanted, their goals, and set realistic exspectations, they'd more likely find a therapist they match with sooner, approach sucess quicker, and potentially feel more fulfilled in other areas of their life.
There’s too many therapists who either give unsolicited advice or the opposite where they just let the patient ramble on and on throughout the whole session and just say “how does that make you feel?” Sure, there’s people who just need to pay someone to vent to, and that can be helpful. But real therapy involves a lot of work on the therapists part to ask insightful questions to help the client understand themselves and their emotional reactions better in order to reach their goals
@@mariahspapaya No argument. There is a fine balance between therapist and patient putting in the necessary amount of effort. Both parties need to be involved in the healing process. By one over relying on the other, you have one person trying to push foward and the second just standing still.
DBT absolutely helps you accomplish certain goals in a set amount of time. Problem is modality not therapu
What you're saying and what Dr. K is saying can be true at the same time, because modalities are muddy categories, and even if a modality includes coaching within its scope, the individual therapists that use that modality may not have it in *their* scope, so to speak.
I feel like I am more motivated and do more overall when I tap into my negative feelings of shame and regret, but it just. Sucks feeling those things. And at the end of the day I’ll still feel bad about myself. I wish I could combine the work ethic I have when self deprecating without feeling SO bad
I've found negative emotion/stimulus to be a better initial source of momentum
I mean yeah, it's a negative coping mechanism - it works, but there is pretty serious negative drawbacks to it.
Why I'm so thankful when I found someone who told me to leave my abusive situation rather than just saying every week "that sounds really difficult!"
I feel like I need both, as someone who is struggling with ADHD. I need therapy to teach me how to manage my ADHD, and I need coaching to help me get shit done when I want to
These two things (healing on the inside and accomplishing on the outside) need to go hand in hand so that a person can properly grow and advance in life. A coaching program that combines these is a great idea.
Shows a feelings pin wheel: use this to heal.
Mission accomplished.
That makes sense.
It’s not the therapist’s job to “fix” me, it’s my job to “fix” me.
The therapist is there to oversee my fixing.
♥️🧠♥️
I used to have no friends and instead of helping me improve my social skills to find some; my therapist at the time tried to make me accept not having friends
When I went to therapy I said I'm going to give myself 3 months to learn something, even if the therapist is "bad" and my goal was to get jus 10% of something out of it. That mindset helped a lot. The therapist wasn't great at all, would space out and fall asleep, but I kept to my plan and used him to learn boundaries and then took the reigns. I also like doing mindfulness exercises from the book 30 Days to Reduce Depression by Harper Daniels.
Modern therapies like DBT & even ACT are definitely geared towards helping you to achieve goals & thrive in the world despite your emotional struggles.
My experience in Spain with therapy is different. The one I'm seeing now wants me to work OUTSIDE my feelings and expose myself to situations I don't feel ready to face. And also from what my teachers say about experiences they have as therapist, they have done therapy outside clinic to work with a patient with phobias for example. So idk if it's more of a USA vs rest of the world or also dependent on the therapist and the school of thought they have.
But it is true a therapist cannot go into your life and fix things, on another short he also says: therapy helps you turn down those feeling so you can clear thought
That way you can start doing things, therapy might not be the best for everyone but it is a good tool, find the therapist you like and also learn how to communicate your need with those professionals so you don't end in a shitty therapy (he also says this on a longer video) great words
100%! When I gone to my old therapist (thank god I changed therapists since) I told her that I am naturally anxious due to being worried that my disorder makes me unable to work and her next move was to prescribe me anti anxiety meds. Most of my issues stem from the fact that I am worried about the future and my ADHD is pretty debilitating and I need ADHD meds in order to sustain myself in the workforce but her first though was "let's get you rid of the anxiety even though it's mostly your executive function that makes you anxious and worry about not being able to be productive", some therapists really don't give a shit to actually help you but mostly put a band aid on a broken arm
@@Dimitris_Half anxiety meds are good for people who have the chemical imbalance thing going on and need them, for me personally my anxiety is situational and i manage it most of the time with support from close ones and lifestyle. My issue was mostly that my therapist didn't really listened, heard "anxiety" and jumped straight to meds without looking into my particular situation.
that is not a therapist, it's a psychiatrist. you go to them when you want to treat your problem with meds. if you want someone to listen to you, you need to go to a psychologist instead.
i guess it was a psychiatrist? Sorry if i'm wrong.
Psychiatrists usually listen to you for 5 mins and proceed to prescribe medication.. like how normal busy doctors are..
so they're not a good fit when what we need is at least 1 hour therapy/counselling/coaching. Psychologists fare better in that case.
@@second_second_ it was a psychiatrist, sorry for the confusion. I understand that they don't have time usually but I do believe they need to listen to somebody's situation in order to know what meds exactly to prescribe and luckily my current one does listen and tries to find the best meds I can get (mostly for my adhd which that what I was there for, not for anxiety necessarily)
Yeah I have adhd and comorbid anxiety. My psychiatrist keeps insisting I take ssri’s for my anxiety, when I tell her it’s mostly at its worst when I have pms and it’s mostly well managed through exercise and other coping skills. for them to keep insisting to give you ssri’s when they’ve been shown to mostly just be a placebo effect and the wide range of side effects is just not worth it to me when my anxiety isn’t as debilitating as it could be. Valium helps me a lot sometimes
I don't know man. I tried your coaching program for six months. Despite my best efforts, everything i was trying to fix got worse instead of better. It left me really angry. My coach was really kind but my life sucks so much more now. I think the coaching program did the opposite of helping me get where I want to go.
I guess different people has different needs. I hope it works out for you buddy. You're doing the best you can!
He sugarcoats everything man isn’t it obvious? You better off finding someone who isn’t a online persona and has been through thick and thin
It depends on what the problem is. Sometimes people need to be pointed in the right direction to help them achieve their goals. Sometimes, like in the case of trauma, they need to process grief and pain which I've found traditional therapy to be quite effective at treating.
I’ve often thought, I don’t need a therapist, I need a life coach.
Accomplishing on the outside is what I often need to do to feel right on the inside. Gifty with adhd. But that’s another problem for another day
therapy and medication did not help me get out of my decade long depressive rut, hitting rock bottom and forcing myself to do things got me feeling better
I'll be brutally honest. I used to think of therapy as manipulation or at least didn't know where encouragement ended and manipulation began. Since then my view has changed, in no small part thanks to going to therapy myself. I still feel a bit of "guilt" over it, but yes it did help me get things done even though my therapist didn't give that much of the advice a coach would give.
To be fair, therapy approaches like exposure therapy and behavioural activation allows for someone to take action and change the things in their lives that they wish to change, so in that sense therapy still indirectly contributes to changing the external.
Like you mentioned, we're not trained to do that. And unfortunately, with the way that the health care system is in the United States like we can't get reimbursed for services if we focus too much on the coaching aspect. I think the reason that the coaching industry is emerging so much is because people are private paying for it. So a lot of therapists are getting certified as a life coach. But that's just my opinion. I'm a clinical social worker in the state of Texas and see a lot of people who don't have insurance, and I have to prove to the state and other entities that are paying for their services that I'm providing the clinical improvements that the payee wants to see.
Are there therapies that are focused on those external symptoms?
Maybe CBT or anything that is directed towards the behaviour? I have heard that issues like having to learn how to introduce oneself and socialize "effectively" have been adressed in CBT's.
Therapy never helped me with either of those things. It only made things worse
Same. I have c-ptsd from sa in childhood and we did inner child work. That screwed me up, because I was working with an abused inner child. And I can't separate the abuse from it.
I was also a parentified child and we did reparenting.... Which didn't help at all.
I actually got so much worse because of therapy 😅
@@danika9411hope you find something that helps more than what you’ve tried. Best of luck, Never give up!
@@danika9411would you like to explain more that sounds interesting
Probably wasn't a good therapist then
Sometimes a gym membership is the best therapist
Coaching is what people call coaching. And it's mainly a business just as psychotherapy with similar incentives.
This reminds me in University I was talking to my counselor about a “friend” of mine that I was starting to feel like had opposing morals. The counselor said something about how they weren’t supposed to tell me if I actually should or shouldn’t be friends with them. i get that you don’t want to misguide someone and then be liable for something like that but it feels like it avoids addressing my issues
I think a large problem with therapy is that it is still pretty unstandardized. I’ve noticed that a lot of the things Dr K says “therapists tend to do X even really we need to do Y” the Y is what most therapists in my area are already doing. But when I talk to people in other states or even other countries about their experiences sometimes I’m left completely bewildered as to what the heck is going on in some of these places. A good therapist can be a life changing thing but finding good ones seems to be almost completely luck based
I don't think it's luck based but you do have to ask around qualified people to see who is a good therapist.
We need both and the coaching element is lacking in mental health sphere, i believe
I feel like helping people accomplish things would also help make them better I know it would for me cuz damm am I lost in this huge wild world
Jordan Peterson made a good point about how he often tells people who feel they lack control to clean their room, do something physically to assert some level of positive change...
Yeah - and the two things are intertwined - outside uncontrolled life factors can worsen health too
In my clinic, therapy and social workers helping you with your external situation go hand in hand. Do coaches do both at the same time? That's great. If they do it right.
So...where do i find a coach or should I get trained and help others as well?? 😊
Great! As usual.
I"ve been doing this for years. There's too much evidence to show that what we do or don't do has a big impact on our mental health. Like I tell my clients, meditation, exercise, cutting out alcohol aren't necessarily going to solve all your problems. But they will make it a lot easier.
Do you have coaching training program?
I need that exact type of therapy.
unfortunately there are alot of coaches that just sit around collecting money amd not really helping much. Healthcare paid for a coach for me for 4 months untill I realised no improvements where made
Nutritionists that I saw were an absolute joke/waste of money. I saw 3 different ones. They tried to teach me what I already know from second grade. It was infuriating. Makes me sick they even got paid. I found better more efficient nutritional advice online for free.
Props to behavioral training for that 🎉
💯💯💯
You can not put a time on theraphie, it is a prozess. And 'goals' are more like a bandadge since you wouldn't know right away if the goal the person set for themselves is even good. Don't you think that's why people study this for nearly a decate? Usually when you go to theraphie for depression the therapist (if it is a good one) will first get to know you a little and maybe help you to change your lifestyle according to the prediagnosis. That could be going to the gym because doing sport relieses endorphines in your brain, to could mean to go out more l, get checked to find out if you missing some vitamines and eat helthier. By eliminating external factors for a consistent time you can then look if you are feeling better, if not; there is maybe something going on with your neurotransmitters and you can try antidepressents. Wich are perscribed to you according to your symptoms.
its also a crisis of masculinity in well off countries because of boomer dads and many other factors which the professions dont want to take responsiblity for ... I kinda get why they dont want to do that, but it really is a quite deadly situation.
The problem that a philosopher had pointed out is it is a function to improve for society needs rather then every individual of its needs.
Oi boss can u put the subtitles a bit higher, all the stuff at the bottom is blocking it and I just end up watching it with the comments up so I can see it
I’m really curious on the role a social worker might be able to provide in this instance
This is true
There's benfits on both sides
Coaching seems like a temporary fix. Without the therapy to root ourselves in understanding, aren’t we just repeatedly going to need coaching? Cha-Ching for you, I guess.
I really miss theraphy where you ask for help with a problem and with that help gives actual results and it gives a little bit of joy.
I refuse therapy where the result is - cut off reproductive organs.
Or a doctor where I lose a nerve and quality of life because the doctor isn't trained...
Doesn’t CBT focus on a combination of both cognitive AND behavioral symptoms? This type of therapy is one of the most popular, so I don’t really understand the criticism of therapy not helping the client have more productive actions. Through changing unproductive behaviors, clients can achieve more.
A lot of the time even in CBT the therapists solely focuses on the client, not on the surroundings. It depends on the therapist though. CBT goes the most into that direction though.
CBT is one of the more popular forms of therapy but it's still focused on challenging cognitions so they can reshape behaviour. And just because it's the most popular doesn't mean it's the most effective for everyone. Men for example drop out of therapy a lot of the time because they don't feel it helps and thats something he addresses. Women tend to internalise their problems, so working through cognitions makes a lot of sense. Men tend to externalise their problems, so it's less affective for them. Just because he provides criticism doesn't mean it's useless. It just means there are other avenues most therapists don't utilise where many people could get more benefit than they're getting.
@@gargantuangouda605CBT can go either way depending on who’s facilitating it. Some focus more on cognitions and others more on the behaviors. Ideally you start with wherever the client finds the easiest to change
Hi! I’m an occupational therapy student. This is almost precisely what occupational therapists do! We’re always fighting for our scope of practice so please take into account this field that has existed for over 70 years! We help people with their daily activities that give them meaning, through internal and external means. Environmental, personal, and cultural factors all play in. I love this channel but just disagree with the sentiment that therapy is in a bad place, totally discounting my profession. Food for thought, thank you!
Coaching, as in personal and life coaching, has been around for over 20 years and around in other guises prior to that.
Talk about re-inventing the wheel.........
In the early noughties, the talk was of separating coaching from therapy. Now it's the other way round.
The more things change..............
That’s why I’m training to be an adhd coach guys, wi be one in 2025. Have a nice day everyone
Kinda sorta sounds like ACT !
I learned you can be your own therapist. All they do is ask you "how do you feel about that?" "What do you think you should do about that?" ... just learn to sit and think with your thoughts and answer them yourself and save yourself$200
Except what you described is basically impossible. A good therapist will highlight logical fallacies and show you a path where you reveal them to yourself. Same for defensive mechanisms etc.
It is said that our own brain is the best at being deceptive towards ourself, because it knows all of your secrets and desires to manipulate ourselves. This is why a 3rd perspective is required!!!!!
@@MultiGoban the ones I've gone to would never do that. They literally just ask you why you're there and then keep asking you to answer things for yourself. Canadian therapists are horrible
@@MultiGobansay it louder. REALLY LOUD PLEASE.
Better Help is a scam.
That is all.
this guy for some reason never has anything productive to say. if you use a good resource in a way to improve your life, you will find results. don’t expect it to just fix your life while rejecting everything
I have no interest in Better Help, but I'm always told that it's a scam with no evidence to speak of. What did they do?
@@Zodiacman16it all depends on the therapist you get ofcourse. I had both, a bad one and a really great one. The great one decided to leave that platform because they dont exactly compensate well despite how much they charge you, and its seen as a "side hustle" by some. Better Help has these generalized workbooks and resources that are given out to all as tools, and some therapists will listen to you talk for 30 mins, and then throw some worksheets at you based on some buzzwords. The bad one did this pretty often. I can see why some call it a scam.
@@Zodiacman16therapy is already borderline useless betterhelp is just mcdonald’s therapy lol
@@eebbaa5560Why is therapy borderline useless in your opinion?
But "what" do we want?
therapy is a feedback loop of coping that keeps you dependent on it so you keep having to pay for medicine and someone to talk to
Yup
That's actually the opposite of what a good therapist will want for you. Their ultimate goal is to help you process your emotions and equip you with the necessary skills to navigate them on your own. For some people that takes a couple years, for many, it's a couple months. If you or your therapist are looking to engage in a co-dependant years long relationship, I would reevaluate.
A good therapist will tell you that their job is to help you not need them anymore
People used to say this in the early 1900s when they would encourage soldiers to just “shake off” ptsd and shell shock
This is such nonsense, I’m a therapist and working with clients on a coaching basis is absolutely something I do and even feel relieved about because it’s far easier to help people with than reducing clinical symptoms that have been longstanding and are extremely complicated to the point that they are interwoven into the clients personality.
Your captions are getting blocked by your username and sub button btw
Therapy is simply failing. Its not effective. The rate to "heal" a regular depression is about 20%.. which is pretty much a joke.
They give you med which makes it that you don't have to do anything, your problem temporarily solved and then you're screwed when you go off of it. Therapy is a joke
Thats because in order to "heal" depression you need to take accountability and change your life through applied effort👌
You can take therapy as a guide, at the end, if there is no will there is no way.
This will sounds like psychiatrist stuff😅
I'm getting a fake news warning on the bottom of your videos now😂
Didn't made a hell lotta sense... yeah???
Looks like you're into social work instead of psychology then 😊
Yeah but you dont talk about how therapy can make you know yourself. Not just become an effective cog.
:)
you are like indian micheal reeves. sorry if youre not indian im just racist
Go to shrink = takes money and time
go to coach = makes money and time.
Easy. The job of therapist and psych alive today only because of them controling in giving prescription meds. If someday people say "fk all" and cook their own meds or have better cope, psychs and therapist will be out of business.
People dont really need psychs and therapist if they have their own dealer. Thats also the reason why coaching is the better choice. People get to make money and also networks rather than just lifeless venting towards a puppet.