See I wouldn't mind it if they actually dealt with the unhealthy parts of her behavior. Like in the Proposal, she was hideously cruel to her employees, and did abuse her assistant. But like why though? Why did she do these things? I mean love does not automatically make these things better. It might trigger a need for self reflection and change, but like it isn't a magic cure all. And a lot of movies like to act like it is. And this isn't even limited to romantic love. No doubt it is helpful, but it doesn't fix any thing like movies and shows suggests it does
And yet isn't just the same what Julia Roberts did to Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? The money-hungry business trader who purchased and sold companies, never being interested in what these companies actually do turned into an actual business builder?
@@birdiewolf3497 I thought they made that clear in the scene where she tells Ryan Reynolds character things about herself. She lost her parents at a young age and grew up feeling lonely which no doubt turned her cold (she said she hadn't had a relationship with anyone is years). She also says she did cry in private when she was yelled at in the beginning but she puts up this wall around herself. It's a trope in movies. The whole "I grew up without anyone so I don't NEED anyone." The whole movie was about her seeing a semi functional family, something she never had, which brought down her walls and let her know it was OK to show her emotions and let her hair down.
there’s another lesson: in every movie where the movie asks you “can a woman and a man really be friends?” and the movie’s conclusion always is no. which is honestly ridiculous
@@444lfeiran Even if we're talking about gays and lesbians, they don't seem to consider a genuine friendship with someone of the same gender impossible. It's really a straight people issue...
@@leila_de_hautjardin Well gays are in a minority, so as one lesbian said: "Even if you break up, you remain friends because there aren't so many of you that you can't be".
it's so messed up that brides running away from the altar are seen as independent and throwing off the shackles. You said yes to the marriage, planned the wedding bought the dress and now you're running away? You go girl!
also isn´t that essentially cheating? She fell in love with another man, 9 times out of 10 also already kissed him and never thought about breaking up with her fiancé until last minute. How can you be with someone who did that? I could never be sure they wouldn´t do that to me too
When my favorite fictional couple lost their virginity to each other. It was actually rather awkward. From one of the characters not knowing where to place their hands 2 them having flashbacks.
@@jclyntoledo it's a videogame romance option : Fenris x Hawke. (Dragonage2). Surprisingly game developers are better at creating fictional relationships than Hollywood is.
This is why Mr. Darcy is still considered a dreamboat over a century later: he did precisely none of this shit and instead grew to respect Elizabeth’s agency by the end of Pride and Prejudice. “A single word from you will silence me on the subject forever.”
Adrian Griffin pride and prejudice has the hot person rule,rich man rule and the one who has to be softened by love. I don’t think it was a good romance movie.
@@bitchlasagna4121 you don't have to take everything everyone said as true; personally I think the things said in this video are right, romantic films tend to use these common and overused things but they exaggerate some of them, because some of them are real traits of society, we can't deny them, and we can't blame movies for such a portrait of our lives, because sometimes those cliches are real!
K Killjoy the book has all the same things. I read it more than once. Two poor uneducated girls uniting with twi rich man who has to pursue them in order to be accepted. They life happily ever after after marrying. Like there is no difference between the book and the movie.
Superlemon I do think that those cliches are real and I don’t take them as true or personal. Rich men mary young poor women for their finite beauty and youth. Young women mary rich men for money. Like I opposed the person and you started making literature and telling me details of life.
I mean would you pass up becoming a princess instead of being a slave for your family? Like damn I’d ditch my whole life for that dude, whatever he has to offer has to be better than my current life
Cinderella didn't change her looks to get a man, she didnt guve a shit about the prince and didnt KNOW he was the prince till later. Cinderella changed from her poverty stricken/slave life for just one night for HERSELF. She wanted to be free and feel beautiful for just one night, the prince was a bonus. Its archaic to be act like cinderella was an airhead chasing a prince. She was an amazing, feminine woman who did everything in her power to have one night to herself.
Destiny Dodson actually this same channel made a fantastic video about Cinderella it’s called blaming the victim or something like that look it up it’s great, they pretty much say the same thing you did, I’m pretty sure they only used Cinderella as a visual example
Hating on Cindy for going out? Absolutely not. Side-eyeing the fuck outta choosing to be with a man that couldn't tell your gleaming ass apart from the regular ass crowd to the point where he got every bish in kingdom stuffing their feet into your kicks for identification? Yes. That was the "hard pass" part. Oh and Fairy Memaw standing aside for 18(ish) years and allowing a child to be treated like shit. Confirming the trope that the only lasting "help" a woman needs is a penis. Which is complete bullshit.
The fairy godmother didn't help all that time because she's literally only the personification of Cinderella's view of herself and what she's capable of. She's just a magical singing "fuck it, we're going to that party, my step-family can kiss my ass." She didn't need help, the fairy godmother is just the mcguffin Cinderella used to follow through her new found self worth.
The most damaging trope in my experience is the whole "no = try harder" in real life a guy, whether attractive or not, following you, watching you, and ignoring your expressed disinterest is freaking terrifying. I don't care hot you are telling a girl, "I know you want me I can tell by the way you look at me" is not endearing. That uncertain look on her face is her trying to judge whether or not you might murder her in her sleep. Not considering you as a date.
I wish the average joe casting would stop, a lot of guys need to realize that people tend to be interested in people of about the same level of attractiveness, so the average joes think they can get the hot women and that is just not the case. But they are only angry about it because the media has been brainwashing them otherwise since they were 12 years old.
This is a ridiculous story, but I was travelling home on a metro to finish writing my criminology thesis at my brother's place, and a guy was staring at me the whole way. I had to get off at the last stop. So I was already paranoid because I had all these serial killers/rapists in my head. He got off at the last stop too and I went the other way to 'give off the scent' and tried to hide for a while before I continued walking in my actual direction. Low and behold, suddenly he was besides me, claiming he was a police officer and he needed my attention. I had none of it, said 'Idk what you're talking about', continued walking. He kept following me, tried harder to engage me in conversation, and I almost laughed at how pathetic it was, I would have if I wasn't so scared. Ten minutes walking home and him following me I kept reminding him I was going to my brother, hoping that would make him stop, (because a male figure in your life sometimes makes them stop) but he didn't, and I said a variation of 'no's' all the time. When I got to the door, he forced my head around to make me kiss him and that's when my brother opened the door to let me in and I ran. Point of the story: he was hot, and if this was set in a movie like the ones talked in this video this whole encounter would maybe be portrayed as romantic. But it was absolutely sickening.
I really dont like the secretly in love with best friend trope because it romaticizes one of the only unromantic relationships that people who arent related can have and that kinda sucks.
God I despise that trope. It reinforces the idea that if you're really good friends with someone they'll fall in love with you. No, that's not how that works.
I’m mixed on the trope. The person you fall in love with should be someone you value a friend but not every friendship a girl has with a guy needs to turn into that. It’d be good to see movies where a girl has a couple of guy best friends, maybe she falls in love with one not the other idk.
@@chelseasfilms22 The unfortunate truth is that you pretty much can't control who you fall in love with or who falls in love with you. There are ways to improve your odds of finding someone right for you, but at the end of the day there's no way to force a relationship, even if by all standards of measurement two people seem perfect for each other. It might make for an interesting story, but it's still a trope I strongly dislike.
ManiaMac1613 That’s totally fair! I don’t know it’s all very subjective. In my mind ideally, your soulmate should also be your friend or at least someone you’d be friends with, but like I said ideally. I agree though you fall in love with whoever you fall in love with and nobody can control each other. But I’m also a big believer in fate for those want love in their lives if love is lost it was lost for the better. But that’s just my opinion.
I hear people say that all the time, but it simply isn't true for everyone. If it was no asshole would ever have a girlfriend and we can all see that that isn't true. There are definitely women who date men who treat them horribly.
@@chengliu872 so in a nutshell the commenter who has said that 'being nice is the absolute bare minium,you do not "deserve" love for being' was/is BOTH right sometimes and in some cases AND wrong in some other cases is what you're saying?? I'm not trying to be rude or anything just curious
@Naim Miah: I find that hard to believe in the long term. From what I've seen, if you want to see someone's true self; see how they treat strangers. Very few people who are assholes to strangers are genuinely nice people. Maybe they may pretend to be since they are given a reason to be, but that will only last for so long.
Heard this quote about 20 years ago so I'll definitely mangle it. "It's not violent [movies] we should be worried about, it's romance. Think about your typical romantic plot. Guy meets a girl - she hates him, but he's going to do anything it takes to get her. In real life, that's called stalking." Bill Maher
And the violence has an inherent illegality/immorality that most people understand. We see action heroes driving recklessly while beating up people that get in his way and killing those who have wronged them. The audience knows that we can't do that in real life or else there would be heavy and swift consequences. In romantic comedies, there's no disclaimer or fantastical elements. The plot is based in reality so we assume the dynamic is realistic as well.
Romance tropes ruined my life. Always looking for "true love" thinking if I became everything men wanted, my happily ever after would come true. So I became the "perfect catch" for these average loser ass guys and got nothing, absolutely nothing, out of it. I thought I had to be cute and sexy but also wholesome who is a freak in the sheets and doesn't mind watching you play videogames every night... It goes on and on but I'll stop here. I want my youth and money back.
My favorite Bill Maher quote is where he compares his consistency to that of the pope ( who is consistently pro-life) but in Maher's case he's consistently pro-death: “My motto is, ‘Let’s kill the right people.’ I’m pro-choice. I’m for assisted suicide. I’m for regular suicide. I’m for whatever gets the freeway moving. That’s what I’m for.”
God yes. I mean where's my quirky manic pixie cool guy?! Also, she probably suffers from hormonal imbalance to develop that unpredictable and therefore quirky personality!
Pixie girl and himbo. Like the himbo cares about how the girl feels and helps her show her emotions beyond just being constantly happy and the girl helps himbo realise how talented he is. And they're just friends.
Just a reminder to everyone. Disagreements in relationships=normal Feeling comfortable enough with your partner that you can express your problems=good Having days where you can’t bring yourself to be the best version of yourself and having a partner that will understand and vice versa=healthy Having fights, full on fights where you feel the need to insult and shout= get out
I think yelling and insulting is normal. Especially for couples who are already comfortable in calling each other out. But intentionally making your partner feel subordinated is harmful. Whether its verbal, mental, or physical abuse, it's abuse and the relationship needs to end.
kiroro pupper mayyyybe not insulting. Criticism? Yes, but backed up by love. But flat out insulting? That’s low. That’s not love-insults stem from disdain and hatred.
Everybody shouts and says stuff they don't mean during their big fights. There isn't a single marriage on the planet more than a couple years long that doesn't do this. Get real.
I'd say even in the full on fights do try to fix it if you really care for the person, try to figure out the root if you can, but don't try to fix it for years you know? Try a few times, try talking about it while in peace and not only while fighting, and if it doesn't get resolved within a few tries then certainly GET OUT.
There's also the trope that everybody cares about your happiness as much as you do. Every stranger in the building applauds when a big romantic gesture goes well? No. They don't know you. In reality they would just shrug and move on. Or when somebody bursts in the stop the wedding, admit their love and steal the bride/groom away and the entire congregation is all smiles? No. Half of the people at that wedding are there for the person who's currently getting dumped, and at least a few people in that room helped pay or plan this now-defunct wedding. None of these people were following your "story" and can't begin to guess your motivations. All they know is you were clearly hanging out with somebody on the side, and that's not cool.
ugh that trope is so romanticized, when in reality, it would just be really awkward and confusing for the guests, ruin relationships for life, and waste the thousands of dollars spent on the wedding. Not to mention how humiliating it is for the person getting ditched (especially when the bride/bridegroom kisses another person in front of your all closest friends and relatives and a bunch of strangers, yikes)
The chasing the woman thing has definitely ruined several people’s lives. It’s warped boys into thinking that if you constantly beg the girl over and over, she’ll say yes and love you
You say that boy chasing girls in rom-coms as warped boys. Do you think teen boys actually watch these movies? From my experience, they only watch these movies when a girl forces them to on a date.
Ugh. The "no = try harder" is something I've experienced multiple times in real life and it is so gross. I just find it straight up disrespectful and the person doing it seems extremely self-entitled. Its even worse if they try to emotionally manipulate you as part of their "try harder".
Right?! Not even "no" followed by "I have a boyfriend" worked on one of the guys that hit on me. He still thought he'd just take out my partner and date me, I guess. Grrr.
@@hayleyoesch1313 Something similar happened to me. My boyfriend hurt my feelings by watching porn and lying about it (the lie is what hurt) and I confided in a male friend that i felt disrespected. He promptly told me to "mount this dick and ride it like a Harley". Like what? I needed my friend and he offered some peen. It was so random and out of the blue too, since he had never shown interest. When i said no he thought I meant try harder and offered me an array of things I like (food, movies, bowling, etc) to "win" me from me "asshole" boyfriend. It's stupid.
Sounds like you are in your own Rom-Com gone wrong. There's really not enough details to judge the situation well, though. Like, if the porn didn't bug you, why would you mention it here instead of just saying he lied about something silly? Or, did you friend think that you were looking for an excuse to leave your bf (which does happen all the time, particularly to people in their 20's) and thought there was an opening? Based your limited details here, a direct offer of sex does seem inappropriate ; like you guys where on completely different pages.
"No = try harder" can be annoying when the person who feels they must/should/can try harder misreads the situation. I say "person" and not "dude" because I've seen both men and women do this. The issue is that "trying harder" works so often, the potential is worth the risk in some people's minds.
Another fact: If you're not in a relationship because you know that you can be single a still live a happy fulfilling life, other people will still just assume it's because you can't get a relationship and are just trying to hide it.
Who doesn't want that kind of love? That's one of the reasons I love romances, and nothing is ever going to stop me from enjoying them. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as I remember there's a difference between fantasy and reality. Plus, they're cute for the most part and the sex scenes tend to be hot. But, the narrator of this video does make good points though about some of them. Edward's possessive, stalker side made me end my obsession with the Twilight series a long time ago besides getting bored with it as I got older. I still have some fond memories of it sometimes though, even though I don't watch the movies or read the books anymore. By the way, Sleepless in Seattle is one of my favorites. I recognized that quote right away, without even looking at the title. Also, I can sometimes suspend disbelief for movies I really like and that's ok because movies are mostly for entertainment. They're not always supposed to be realistic. Some people forget that.
@@tiamarie6719 I legitimately loathe Sleepless in Seattle because Meg Ryan dumps a guy she was perfectly happy with and about to marry for some illusionary idea of soul mates...which, even if you believe it, Tom Hanks already had his, and Meg Ryan is not it. I only console myself with the idea that the relationships crashes and burns in under six months and that Bill Pullman eventually goes on to marry Sandra Bullock. Even though movies are for entertainment, we as humans tend to internalize ideas from things that effect us emotionally, the way movies and stories do. It's the reason stories are so often used to teach lessons. That unfortunately works for bad lessons too, especially in younger, impressionable people. I believe Nora Ephron herself said something like she met a guy she didn't get along with and for a minute thought maybe they were meant to be together because that's such a common trope.
Technically, Cinderella didn’t change for a man. She just wanted to go to a ball and have fun like a normal person. Meeting the Prince was not why she went.
Agreed!! Cinderella is definitely not the character who inspired the "change for your man"-trope. People really need to re-watch that movie. It gets too much undeserved internet critique!!
And the reason more men become abusive, I've seen it happen, they leave their doormat of a boyfriend or a friend(who they always say that they want a boyfriend like them) and chase the fantasy of changing a jerk/as*hole/serial killer/christion grey, into the kind of guy they left and they see who they were left for and they become that new person, a pus*y slayer! and actually I can't blame this guys, they end up with a lot of chicks(if they were aware and looked at what women do, not what they say) and end up happy! a jerk deformed shadow of the nice and good doormat they once were but happy nontheless, and women fail to creat a nice guy out of a monster but end up making a new monster and they end up alone, this circle won't end till all men become abusive pus*y slayers or become single.
@@mingfei1622 trust me, it's a thing, people getting dumped for arseholes and bad people in general turn to bad people themselves after a while of not being respected for being seen as weak for being nice, it happens a lot that I don't know how people don't see it, just look around.
Just what I was thinking. We only forgive the rich protagonists so much because that's how we hope to someday end up. Living luxuriously and free of responsibility or obligations to take whatever you want.
And getting money is a kind of freedom in itself. Unfortunately, one should never be in a position where they need money for freedom, but some women are. And others _think_ they are.
If it weren't for that, these movies wouldn't be popular. The "spoon full of sugar" analogy at the beginning of this video fits it best I think. Just like sugar appeals to a bodily desire, this kind of romcom appeals to a psychological/emotional desire. But just like concentrated sugar, it starts to get unhealthy REALLY fast. Essentially you can take any health advice regarding sugar in food and there's a good chance it will fit romcoms pretty well if "translated".
Romance is already the genre of fiction. People should really know the difference between fiction and real life. Only a child book that give a real life lesson of story. I fully realize that some of fiction's trope I read/watch is only exist in the fiction story and will be toxic and weird af in real life.
@@Atlas65 haha, same. When people want to rationalize what's in the movie or mad at movie because it's not giving good personality of people from certain group are quite "meh" to me. It just a movie. Like, I know "no=try harder" is not realistic and should not be done irl but it is cute in the movie. Also just because the villain is gay guy, doesn't mean the writer want to tell people that gay people are bad 💀
Check out Pride and prejudice. Its the most healthy romance story i have ever seen. The story is amazing and the character development is phenomenal. BTW 2005 version's the best
@@monabohamad2242 unhealthy means emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse, one of the partners being overcontrolling, manipulative or trying to change the other.... of course all couples have disagreements but there's a point where it comes too far.
For the most of it, I agree... Rom cons have some dangerously ill-advised lessons. I remember this scene in How I met your mother when Marshall says "Being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, *then it's easy* . Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one." It's the best bit of advice I've ever gotten out of a TV show.
Love is always going to be work, but it doesn't have to be the hardest thing ever. If two people are emotionally healthy, want the same things out of life, seek personal growth, have great communication and actually like being around each other then it will be much easier than if one of those elements is missing. I'm in a great relationship and it takes work, but I love the work of growing into a better person with someone. I love him so much! He's worth all the effort and he does the same for me 😊
That is the worst advice pice, that is why I hate rom com, relationships are really hard, especially becouse the passion fades with time, but you have to be true with the wedding vote that you made years before and fight for the marriage endures the challenges of life, nothing in this life is easy.
But that ended up not being true too, as she eventually left him, even though they worked out in the end that could of absolutely destroyed them. it's not always easy. Relationships are hard because you are as much working on yourself as you are another person. The only time it's easy is when you communicate more than you think you need to AND the person is not a completion to you life. They are an addition. No other half, certainly not better half. You are a delicious cake all your own, and the person in your life is the one who makes that cake amazing by adding a complementary flavor, decorations and accouterments and you are the same to their cake. It's not about completing someone, it's about being the best possible addition to their original formula. Most people are not a cake, most people are still figuring out their own best recipe for themselves and often add many different flavors and toppings that ultimately don't mix, because the cake recipe changes. Now the other option is to bake each others cakes together, as well as figuring out toppings and other flavors that work, together. This works too, but it takes very malleable people willing to change outlooks and aspirations so that they don't drift apart. This is most people, and sometimes when each of the combinations start really solidifying into a viable recipe, they find they don't mix as well as they used to. Finding someone who works takes work, because if you don't like yourself most of the time, then it's hard for others to as well. Either be 90% happy with who you are with a little wiggle room for change and know what you want, or be willing to scrap a recipe to find a better one. Not only for the person you want to be with, but for yourself. People hold fast to their recipe because density is a big deal and sometimes they don't care if it isn't really that great of a recipe, because it's theirs and they worked hard at it and they don't want to change, not even for themselves. Those are the people who have massive trouble and go from one person to the next, because sometimes it's not about finding "the right one" it's about changing yourself first to be a better person to find others who put in or are putting in that hard work to be a better cake. Marshall was a pretty decent cake recipe. Lilly needed some work. She was still trying to solidify a recipe and during a radical new trial, Marshall's additions didn't work. This was Lilly's fault for not saying that she had aspirations that they couldn't do together or at least that she felt they couldn't do together. She found that her new trial recipe sucked and she messed things up badly. She should of communicated. Marshall would of been willing to see what he could do to help her try to reform herself and her ideals. But instead she freaked out and ran away. In most relationships, that would of killed it.
Rom Cons are definitely more damaging for those of us who had parents with unhealthy relationships. It doesn't give a good model to see how real love operates, and instead we look to media to educate us. Becoming a prize for a man is definitely the trope that resonates the most with me. A lot of who I am was crafted out of a desire to fulfill someone else’s fantasy. To fulfill a man’s fantasy, became my fantasy. I’m still trying to shed that. And a few of my epic romances that turned into less satisfying long term relationships has shown me that a truly well lived life, means falling in love with yourself. It’s all about your motives. I worked on developing confidence and self-love because I knew that confident woman are more desirable. But isn’t that just faux self-love, if you’re cultivating it for future romantic gain? I’m still learning how to break that loop and develop true self-love. But it’s hard.
I wish you the very best in your self-improvement. Your comment really resonated with me because I also think the best thing one can do to find love is simply to not think about it at all. Striving to be a better person, and developing your own interests and personality is the best way to become a great partner. Equally important is not losing your individuality when you do find that great relationship.
This is also my problem! I was always embarassed and didnt know how to talk about it because i thought it would make me look pathetic, but literally everything that you explained is exactly how i feel. Especially the part on wanting self love but always thinking that self confidence, and self love will make me more desirable to men. Thank you
Amy Aberrant I recently watched The Notebook for the first time and I don’t understand the appeal. They argued all the time. He manipulated her all the time. But apparently, they’re goals. Ew.
Yeah, The Notebook really rubs me the wrong way, especially since she’s supposed to have been happy with Cyclops. I think the only thing that affected my was when her dementia relapsed, if only because I have a family friend who is sadly also going through dementia.
Even so she's the girl who got a make over so she could attend a big party which is a troupe even if her intent wasn't to get a man. Also in the end a rich man solves her problems and though the Prince isn't abusive or manipulative he is still the hot rich guy. It plays into the fantasy.
Love that you all include that the love interest is always hot and white. The day I see dark skinned black women as love interests being chased throughout the whole movie is the day I’ll know hell has frozen over. 🙄
Yes!!! He was constantly trying to control who she dated and what she did. She just wanted to let loose and enjoy life but the hot guy "knows what's best" for her. But it was okay for him to hook up with whoever he wanted and be a dick to her because he's hot
Kendra Nieuwendorp I just think its ridiculous that the guy was a d**k with no standards who literally did whatever hot girl he came across thinks he should decide what’s best for the protagonist. He needs to sort out his own life before controlling hers. Yeah female protagonist is going to be sad or make mistakes but who doesn’t?
Noah definitely seems like he will become abusive. Like when Elle cuts herself and his brothers first reaction is “did Noah do that” like if his brother thinks that then run
unicorn sprinkles god that is a huge sign that the relationship is going to be abusive. I’d be very concerned if the younger brother of my boyfriend reacts by asking if hypothetical boyfriend cut me. Like how much abuse has that boy gone through?
Can we talking about "negging" in romcom movies? Basically belittling the female interest into falling for you. Example: Bender and Claire in "The Breakfast Club" or The Kid and Appolonia in "Purple Rain"
The nice-guy trope is dismissed in the first Season of Brooklyn 99. Charles is a genuily sweet guy in love with a hot perfect girl, she makes clear that she's not into him and after some chapters , he has moved on, and they end up as friends.
I know people who keep pretending that movies have no influence on how people behave in real life. They usually say this to explain why we don't need representation in movies. However, if you visit the r/niceguys on Reddit you see examples of thousands of men who have absorbed that trope from movies. They think That being nice is enough to be "rewarded" with sex. Media has a huge influence on how we behave in our societies, nice guys are just one example, Jaws is the most famous one.
This trope doesn't come from movies, it comes from women that are afraid to appear shallow so they swear up and down that they are looking for a "nice guy". I seriously doubt that any of those guys watch rom-coms. That trope would disappear in a year if women stopped leaning on it to avoid saying they want someone hot.
It's because "nice " is not a very descriptive thing, it isn't just trying not to be seen as shallow. Most people when saying nice means they want someone they don't see as a jerk, the qualities that make what is nice aren't stated. To me, nice is thoughtful, intelligent, respectful and funny to other people means other things.
+Always Learnin' That's not how it go created at all. It got created because dumb ass guys misinterpreted what women meant when they said "I want a nice guy." They took that to mean that being polite is the only factor women consider when looking for a partner. And low and behold, when it turns out that that's not actually true (because duh) they felt betrayed and like they are owed something.
This is EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT FOR YEARS!! My leeeast favourite is the independent woman that has to be tamed one. No words can really express my deep hatred for this trope. Every time I fall in love with a character at the beginning of a film, I know some loser stalker of a dude is going to win her over and leave me steaming angry at the end. Urgg!!!!!!
I first came into contact with 10 Things I Hate About You through gifs of the girl being sassy and awesome. To this day I refuse to watch it because I've been told she gets with the same jerk she was dismissing in those gifs.
@TheRapper10000 The Taming of the Shrew is not a book. It's a romantic comedy by Shakespeare. Yes, it's based on 17th Century ideas about relationships, and is about as realistic today as stuffing a long sock with a t-shirt and putting it down your pants and pretending it's your johnson. No-one should follow this approach to relationships in real life.
Exactly! in these kind of films they show that the head-strong women have to find stubborn men and shout at each other constantly. In reality partners need to balance each other out - e.g. if one partner is more agressive (I don't mean it in a abusive way - that's never okay), other needs to be more soft and sensistive, so they could teach each other how to become more balanced people.
They changed the title to 10 Things I Hate About You because she isn't tamed. Or they're both tamed. It isn't like the play. It woun't work to have someone so hostile in a romantic relationship.
i HATE 10 things, our high school class all cheered when the teacher put it on during the last day of school. i couldn't believe how ANYONE could cheer for the guy or for the girl falling for him!!
For someone who is as single as I am, these kind of movies make me so angry because it's the only picture of love I get to see and I know it's unrealistic as hell.
@@alexhjc8 Yes many women do follow these rules but the point of the video is that it's unhealthy amd SHOULDN'T be portrayed as romantic like these movies do.
Rich guy rule: the embodiment of this is that meme that said that if Christian Grey lived in a trailer park 50 Shades would be a Criminal Minds episodes. But if one were to look at it more cynically they can make the case that this is what happens in real life, after all rich people do get away with stuff more easily than the average peasant.
actually in groundhog day bill murray didn't get the girl when he was manipulating her. he got her when he stopped trying to impress her and genuinely became a decent person.
Yeah Bill Murray is not supposed to be a nice guy in Groundhog Day. He's clearly a huge asshole that everyone hates because he's always trying to take advantage of people. By the end he learns the only way to be happy is to be a good person just for the sake of being good. Not for a reward, not for an ulterior motive just because it's in the right thing to do. And when Rita sees that she falls in love with him.
@@MsDidi38 I don't see why. He become himself, she falls in love with the real new him, he is happy, life continues. You can find that corny, or lazy writting, but it's not contradictive.
"it's hard for women not to feel like they should model themselves into some kind of too good to be true prize for a man." I relate to this so deeply. Some part of me relishes in dudes at parties telling my boyfriend that they're surprised that he "scored" me. It makes me want to sculpt myself into the girl that everyone wants to deepen this effect.
Dale DeCouto yeah definitely our culture creates insane expectations in terms of romance and then zero expectations instead of respecting other people and seeing them as a multi dimensional human being when they don't ore when they do live up to those expectations
Dale DeCouto dude different women want different things. Be the best version of yourself. If you try to be something you're not you come off as disingenuous and kinda creepy tbh.
Dale DeCouto Dale DeCouto Dale DeCouto acting your best is great. All in favour. My problem is not acting like yourself. I agree creepy was probably the wrong word but i stick by disingenuous which is unattractive. If you're really good at acting then maybe you can pull it off but otherwise acting like someone you're not isn't gonna get the girl. I didn't mean to say i have an issue with people not acting like themselves, i just mean that as a girl and also as a person who is attracted to girls, i find that acting like the best version of yourself is more attractive then acting like a potentially mediocre version of someone else. To reiterate, i am not arguing that he shouldn't be disingenuous, i am arguing that it probably is not the most effective method for being atractive
That's really sad to me that men wouldn't care if a woman has a bad personality as long as she's hot. Also sad that men might think that they have to "raise" their personality level for a woman rather than to grow themselves or finding someone who likes who they are already. I'm glad I'm a lesbian lol, although I'm sure there are women who value appearance more than personality too. This whole dating lark is totally bogus
Towards the end yes, but early on Darcy was a pretty insufferable asshole to Elizabeth for no real reason besides what? her being a clever and opinionated woman for that era, him feeling a feeling and it annoying him? He also openly judges her for a number of things she had no control over, like her looks and family's status.
@@studiostyx7075 Hello, please actually understand the material before attempting your two-bit critique of it. "He also openly judges her for a number of things she had no control over, like her looks and family's status"--um, yes, that is the "Prejudice" in "Pride & Prejudice." The book was written when "love" marriages weren't a thing. "Do you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your birth?" Darcy says to her, because it's true--why would he actively seek out someone below him? During that era, marriages weren't about love, they were about status, securing safety, and, most of all, securing wealth. While she was deemed acceptable in beauty standards, it was routinely pointed out that she had a personality unfitting of a woman held to high standards by rank (i.e. walking around without caring that she's getting her dress dirty, speaking plainly to people of higher rank than her, etc--notably things Darcy actually doesn't care that much about); plus, her family behaved as what was seen as unbecoming of their rank. Despite all this, Darcy finds himself attracted to her mind/wit--he begins to enjoy her company, and decides that despite all her flaws, he'd rather marry a chick he'd actually enjoy being around than someone who meets all the correct checkboxes associated with marriage in his rank (You can see this juxtaposed with Ms. Bingley and how he gets irritated with her *only* caring about the trappings of rank and the air of arrogance she feels it allows her to carry). Yes, he's an asshole to begin with because rich people are taught to look down on those below them but when she meets his subtle jibes with equally cutting remarks, he's like "oh...well fuck me I guess"--you could argue she proves her equality to his rank intellectually. It's important to note that SHE also treats him like shit because she feels slighted by his comments--which, fair--but ALSO because of lies someone told her about him. The problem with her is she has too much pride (omg I know, it's almost like the book's name means something) to admit not only that he's right in his assessment of her family (even she acknowledges that her mom is ridiculous most of the time) but also that she was wrong in her assessment of his character. It was too easy to believe Wickham because she was already biased against him, and she wouldn't let herself be convinced otherwise until he literally wrote a whole-ass explanation about what really went down, even though there were hints beforehand that maybe she was wrong about him. They were wrong about each other. That's the point. The book was meant to be a critique more about the way society treated marriage, class and rank than anything else. Their issues stemmed from the trappings of the society in which they lived, not because they wanted to change one another, not because they built some ideal version of the other in their head. The whole point is that they fell in love with who the person truly was, not a 'oh you're suddenly hot' version or 'oh I fixed you' version or 'oh you're hot and rich so I'll just forgive your shitty-ness.' So your point, "Towards the end yes, but," doesn't hold water because the original comment is right--it's a great example of a healthy relationship. They started out disliking each other, sure, but then they got to know each other. They separately admitted their wrongs, and forgave one another. There was no grand gesture (remember, Darcy DID NOT want Elizabeth to find out what he did for Lydia--he did it solely because he felt it was his fault for not exposing Wickham sooner, again, because of the trappings of HIS rank not to go around talking shit about people the way Wickham did). He didn't push himself on her, didn't keep pursuing her after she said no--'ok,' he basically said to her, 'I understand that I fucked up, and if you want nothing more to do with me then I completely understand.' She basically replied, 'yeah ngl I got you all wrong and that's on me, my bad, now I see that we're more compatible than not and hey maybe I would actually enjoy being your wife' and he was like 'that's rad, because I still hella like you let's get hitched.' But you know, more eloquent.
@@JazzyNym Here's a little advice my dear TH-cam opponent: never begin an argument in defense of a thing (especially something as innocuous as P&P) by insulting the person whose mind you're trying to enlighten. Next, don't assume that just because someone's able to sum up a beloved piece of literature in a few flippant sentences they're not familiar with the source. After reading "two-bit critique" then skimming your thesis-length P&P dissertation, my perspective still hasn't changed, which is that, accurate and occasionally amusing comedy of manners that it was, I don't believe P&P counts as a healthy depiction of romance, ESPECIALLY by today's standards. It's certainly not the worst, but also not where I'd personally set the bar for 21st century coupling goals. That's it. And to think you wasted that poorly written but admirably impassioned diatribe on someone who's a) very familiar with the material and b) still hasn't changed their mind. And phew boy, clearly you've learned nothing from Miss Austen regarding the art of brevity.
@@studiostyx7075 Which parts of P&P do think are not healthy? Granted as you said it may not be the best thing in this day and age, but I honestly think a well-made modern adaption could still be seen a healthy thing, since most of the bad things about it, are a representation of the society during the time when it was written.
Yeah but the rules _ARE_ different if you're rich and/or attractive. The whole idea of the "Doppler/Dahmer" theory presented by a character in a show you played a clip of is 100% accurate.
Different romantic rules for the rich and/or attractive have always existed, long before the movies. Just read a bunch of Shakespeare's comedies. The hot guys/beautiful women always work with different rules and expectations when it comes to romance.
@@izeberamia I am pretty sure that grand gestures of love have been a thing in some form since time immemorial. For example, in Latin countries it is traditional that the man makes a serenade for his beloved when proposing. I agree, however, that movies have significantly attenuated the expectation for such gestures.
100% has damaged a ton of women who have been programmed to think that introducing conflict into a relationship validates that relationship as meaningful I can tell you that. -_- On the other hand romantic comedies have also programmed men into thinking that these creepy gestures of love will make a girl fall for you and has fueled this "chase mentality" I see in a lot of dudes that in reality turns most women off so it's damaging on both sides. It's why even as a guy I have so much appreciation for movies like 500 Days of Summer for subverting these romance movie trends. Guy gets Oneitis for girl and starts deluding himself that she's special and that their life would be perfect for each other if they got together. They date for a while and ride the "emotional rollercoaster" that is a fresh, young relationship. Eventually she randomly dumps him and immediately marries another guy and ruins the main characters life. He tailspins into a deep depression and eventually when he confronts her as to why she broke up with him right before her wedding, it's not even that he is hoping to get back together at this point he just wants to know why and when she tries to think of a reason she can't even put it into words for him. Lesson 1: As a man you can't base your happiness on something as flippant as a womans' emotions whether you are in love or not is completely arbitrary because that can change tomorrow. He proceeds to use the emotional leverage he gained from the experience to pursue his dreams as an architect. Lesson 2: A man must be on his own path in life, if a woman comes along and wants to be a part of that then that's fine, but you don't do what you do FOR a woman you do it for YOU. Finally at the final interview for his architect job after finally getting over Summer he starts talking to a different girl, when he asks her what her name is she says Autumn. Lesson 3: No single girl is "special" during the whole relationship with Summer he was the one romanticizing the whole thing. He played himself and like the changing of the seasons a new girl has entered his life and he can't seem to remember what was so "special" about Summer. Romantic? Not really. Full of important life lessons for men? Fuck yeah. As a bonus the movie is actually about a relationship the director had before he made it in Hollywood. He asked the real girl who inspired Summers' character to go see it at its' premiere and she couldn't even work out that it was about her. There's a lesson in there itself if you don't get as much out of the movie itself.
2:47 Yes, "Grease" is one of the uglier examples of this type. Danny Zuko and Sandra Dee get along great during the summer. But when they meet again, he's dismissive because he's got a reputation to maintain. Evidently, it isn't cool to show how much you love your girl in front of the guys. You can brag about the tail you grabbed but heaven forfend that you display actual tenderness. After this initial rebuff, Danny continues to treat Sandy like dirt, casually taking an exaggerated route to wander over to her, hiding from his friends when he's dating her and not really introducing her to the guys when they meet. I don't know how Sandy learns the names of his so-called greaser friends but it's not from Danny. In the end, she only gets him by dressing like Danny. That's the ultimate Cool Girl---someone who likes what he likes and does what he does. What a tool.
+QueenBoadicea While Danny starts out like that....he is the one who starts making changes first. He tries to become a jock for her, and it shows that he spends a much longer time trying to change himself BEFORE Sandy makes changes to herself.
But Sandy doesn't ask or want him to become a jock or play on a sports team. What she wants is for him to treat her with the kindness and respect he gave her during the summer. His attempts at becoming a team player don't win her back because he still treats her like dirt whenever his friends show up (witness the scene in the diner when they're eating together and his cronies appear. Danny tries to hide and then yanks Sandy away because he's ashamed to be seen with her). Danny also fails miserably at sports because he can't take criticism, he gets hostile and violent when his faults are pointed out and he's too used to being the cock of the walk to be a team player. Frankly, I see these as the very same flaws that make him unsuitable to be part of a working relationship with a woman.
You’re missing the most iconic scene! At the end right before we see Sandy’s transformation, Danny is seen talking to his ‘cronies’ about sandy while wearing the jock jacket which his friends think is lame but Danny then says to them that he’ll do anything to get Sandy because she means a lot to me. Which is a character arch because he was a total douche but realised how much sandy meant to him and that he doesn’t give a shit what his friends think anymore.
Pop Culture Detective did a video essay on predatory romance in Harrison Ford movies, by analyzing specific scenes. It was really - really - disconcerting, and hopefully the discussion of such topics can result in more well-thought-out romantic movies in the future.
A well-thought-out romantic movie sounds like a boring movie nobody would watch. What use is an escapist fiction without its absurdities? This goes for other genres as well.
jcdf2 You reeeeeeeeeeeeeally should watch pop culture detective videos.. like ALL of them. You'll learn about the harm these things (the hollywood tropes.. toxic masculinity ones, abusive relationships and on..) can actually cause to our social and individual lives, and how movies can actually break with those and build something extraordinary..
Also, 500 days of summer is a movie a lot of critics recognize as a good piece plus its a huge success and it surely fits the "well-thought-out romantic movie" category..
Even the first lines are questionable. Strippers & prostitutes are still (mostly) normal women. It's not unnatural that someone want a better life or believe that someone could care for them.
@@maryfrancess93 well.. that's messed up, mosr sex workers end up in the situation because of some financial troubles or someone taking advantage of them. They are people they have feelings too and wished to have someone around to care for them
@Best Of Everything Oh boy, you dont seem to know a lot, which makes it even more funny how you judge other people about things you dont seem to know anything about. But even if it was like you say, what is so bad about being a sex worker? How does it offend you, when other people have another way to earn money? And again my question from the beginning, when sex wokers are whores, what are the people who take advante of them? Is it ok to do that?
@Best Of Everything Criminal organisations forcing women to sell their body for them are a thing, declined job applications are a thing, as a sexworker you make more money during the night so you can follow an other job/ go to university/ take care of your kids and whatever during the day. It would literally take just one google search and you could read hundreds of reasons in academic studies. And yes there are people who do it because they want to, how is that any bad? And could you please just answer my question i asked you in the benning for gods sake?
Groundhog Day isn't even a rom-com. It's just a straight up comedy, centered around a selfish and callous protagonist learning through living the same day over and over, to become a better person.
I disagree on three of these movies, but address one. In 50 First Dates (the others are Titanic and Cinderella), he wasn't trying to get revenge, or manipulate her, or treat her as an object to be owned. She had a mental condition, yes, and he loved her despite that. Because of that, he was committed to earning her genuine, free love every day. We never saw any indication that he would write a bad day off as "well, she won't remember it tomorrow," and there as no force, and no stalking. Henry consented to Lucy's father and brother being her protectors. Unlike Ana Steele's stupid mother, they were protective of her, and dedicated to going through the same day with the same movie every single day for their entire lives, out of love and protection. They had to be convinced that Henry had *her* best interests in mind instead of his own. Remember, they were concerned that his interest was in her inability to remember, and that he'd take advantage of that. A mental condition doesn't mean she should be deprived of someone loving her, or that she shouldn't be allowed to love, or experience a loving relationship. What he did for her required 100% total commitment every single day with no bad days allowed. We can have days where we're snappish with our significant others, and hash it out tomorrow. He didn't have that tomorrow, and so had to do everything he could to make every day wonderful *for her.* Unlike Christian Grey wanting to literally own Ana, or Edward being interested in Bella because he couldn't read her thoughts and so she was an object, a piece of meat, a puzzle to figure out, to Henry, Lucy was a human being to be treated with great care and for her interests to come before his own. She was treated with love and respect in the face of a hard situation. Ana and Bella and the others were treated as objects to be possessed. Here's the sad alternative: She wouldn't always look the same. She'd grow older, and wake up one day and realize something happened. She'd find out that her memory was gone, and that she never got to live any of her dreams, never got to love, to travel, to do anything, and one day, her father and brother would be gone, and every day she'd still wake up, not knowing anything. That's a nightmare. But with Henry, her life could still continue, and, though her dad and brother would still one day be gone, and her husband, her children would be there to help her until her own death.
Well said. The "Groundhog Day" critique - coincidentally paired with "50 First Dates" - is off target as well. Phil was decidedly not a good guy when he was going through his machinations and things worked out only when he finally matured and moved beyond them. As odd as it may be that Rita fell in only a single day (in her timeline), she had stopped being merely a conquest for Phil.
but at the same time those movies never show men genuinely being concerned about the mental illness. Love is not a cure for mental illness and movies like titanic and silver linings playbook never show how not addressing that issue will eventually break the relationship down. love simply is not enough to overcome the personal problems that will inevitably hurt everyone around them and ruin their relationships. on one hand theres no such thing as the perfect movie but love as a cure is also a really bad lesson.
elle ofhearts Sandler’s character in “50 First Dates” absolutely shows concern for the mental condition of the woman he loves. That’s why he lovingly confronts her family about the problems with keeping her in a paradoxical loop. When he learns there’s no cure, he doesn’t act as though love fixes everything, he accommodates her injury to minimize any additional trauma. It’s a best-case scenario happy ending.
He starts out by manipulating her. He uses things he knows about her to make her believe they are meant-to-be (like the waffle thing) or to deceive her into giving him attention (pretending he can't read because he knows she's a teacher). Later, he is honest with and documents their relationship so she is aware of what is happening. That's when it's genuine.
Yeah, and we don't even realise it until we imagine an average person doing the same things. 🤔 A hot woman can act like a total jerk and still she will be loved and turned into a "good girl" by the guy. That is so weird.
Might I just say it's super sad how many people buy into this one in real-life. Many of my friends would let a hot celebrity mistreat them just because of how they look which is literally ridiculous.
@@urahara64360 oh boo hoo then just act like a normal friendly person and not an over the top rom com character. we all have to play the cards we're dealt. delusional girls who only want the movie hot guy romance would be crazy anyways; any normal girl will act differently in reality
But its realistic and women will deny it but the big difference in real life is hotness too. An ugly guy asking a woman out even once and she'll belittle and cringe.
WHat, Amelie is not finding a way to creatively stalk Nino in Amelie from Montmartre, she is finding a way to return his book without getting the praise for it, just as she did with the old man's box in the beginning of the film. She also wants him to know who the mysterious "ghost" is, but she's too shy and scared to face Nino. Nino obviously wants to meet her, so how can it be stalking?
YES! I were so annoyed with this cause it's one of my favorite movies and she is tbh a very good example of how someone tries to live their life but in a different way and also tries to do some good without taking the glory of it. She were just different and she happened to find another who were different and she didn't really plan for him to fall for her. I think she would have been fine and moved on if they didn't end up together as well anyway.
The hot guy rule is just real. People DO react better to hot guys or girls. There have been lots of studies on this. My favorite was they had hot guys and ugly guys ask women for directions. When the ugly guy asked them, virtually all the women ignored them, lied and said they didn't know, pretended not to speak English and in general just blew them off. When the hot guy asked, they gave them directions, took them there and acted all flirty. So, if you don't want it in movies then change the way humanity is because all this is doing is reflecting reality.
This. These movies are so popular because they sell and in a free market, things sell according to the demands of the buyers. This video was more of a critique of human nature, which is stupid, since human nature is literally the ONE thing you can’t change.
Movies, by reflecting reality, is inadvertently shaping reality. People to go movies and take something back with them every time. If movies accurately portrayed examples of healthy relationships between "ugly" people, maybe people wouldn't feel so bad about being single or friendzoned. There are lots of real stuff but movies only pick what's right for the box office.
The Raging Platypus She is NOT saying that these things don't happen in real life she is saying that they should NOT be portrayed as romantic or healthy, it's like saying that a movie is right to advertise war because wars are "Human nature"
4:48 "Romance is the Grand Gesture" - Grand gestures can be lovely, but I don't believe relationships can be built on them. To me, it's the small gestures that matter most. I remember coming home late from work one evening. I was absolutely exhausted and didn't want to do anything. But I knew I had to return a movie to Blockbuster (am I giving my age away?), pick up some spaghetti from the corner store and wash and freeze the berries in my fridge or they would go bad. When I got home, I found that my boyfriend had done all these things for me. It took him less than 30 minutes and cost him about $3.00, but it meant the world to me! I was so grateful! Doing little things for our partners like taking out the garbage when it's their turn to do it, or mowing the lawn when they're super busy or leaving a little "I love you " note in their lunch box, or taking 5 minutes to massage their neck, etc. These sweet, loving gestures truly matter. It matters that we do them for our partners, and it matters that we show gratitude when they're done for us.
dk black Yes! Love is about knowing even the insignificant little things about your partner. An example is when Katniss tells Peeta the things she knows about him so he’d believe in her again: like he never puts sugar in his tea, knowing his favorite color, and the way he ties his shoelaces! The details and the small things are the real things that matter. ♥️
My brother, on his third marriage, thinks me and my girlfriend of 25 years need to get serious and get married. I think the grand gesture idea is bad news. Love is a commitment made daily, to yourself and the other, not some grand sales pitch made in times of crisis or extreme emotion. Imo.
Eternal love and respect is built on small consistent gestures, nothing noteworthy but the cumulative effect is gigantic. It makes the recipient want to take a bullet. BTW, I hate grand gestures, expensive gifts, and big promises. They are my dealbreakers tbh.
The whole "hard to get" idea is a terribly flawed dating tactic. Scenario A: Person A plays "Hard To Get". Person B thinks that Person A isn't interested and moves on to someone else. Scenario B: Person C rejects person D. Person D thinks that Person C is interested but playing "The Hard To Get". The result is that Person C is relentlessly stalked, as Person D becomes more and more obsessive, unable to take no for an answer. Hard to get leads to a lot of disappointed people like Person A and a lot of victims like Person C. This tactic belongs in fiction and not as an unnecessary complication on the dating scene.
Sometimes playing hard to get is fine, often times it’s just not showing no interest, it’s waving a bone. You let them know you’ll give them a chance but they’re gonna have to give a little chase. It can be bad but not always.
Because for the reasons Bobby Ranger has already pointed out. Playing hard to get is relying too much on the other party's mind-reading capability. If that fails, both sides will end up disappointed. If you're interested in a man / woman, it's best to be straight-forward about it.
antred11 Unless you’re simply not into that or the situation is enhanced by doing it. I’m young, so maybe it’s that wild side of me, but when I’m let’s say at a concert and I meet someone I tease them. They know I’m interested but they’re gonna have to work for it. These type of people normally react well to it so I’m good. We end up, or at least I end up, having more fun with it. Once again, I’m not saying every situation calls for this approach, but sometimes it does. It depends on the person and what’s going on. I just think saying playing hard to get is always a bad idea is wrong.
What's worse is he intended to do it for "closure" for himself and left her knowing everything but not being able to tell her husband without potentially ruining a friendship AND their relationship...so gross and selfish.
@@leahkristine She already found out because of the video. He did this to say: yes I am in love with you and I can't help it, but I don't expect anything from you. They silently agree to not do anything about it.
Yeah. He now has romantic secret between him and his best friend's new wife...who "appreciates" his feelings. Her mind is now opened to seeing him as a potentially romantic partner...something she'll possibly mine over and over when her and the hubby have difficulty in their relationship. And that could definitely blossom into something for her.
But she did end up with the good guy ignored friend that was always hopelessly in love with her, so still on the list :p (although to be surem he actually was a decent person...)
I don’t think Princess Diaries really deserves to be on this videos example list. In fact, there are several examples they show that don’t follow the tropes entirely of what they are presenting. For example, 500 Days of Summer is more about the guy putting his own fantasy onto a women he’s attracted to. He doesn’t listen to her even though she tells him she’s not the girl he thinks she is. Anyway, the main trope problem people have with Mia in Princess Diaries doesn’t really have to do with romance. It’s about a relatable girl having to change her natural looks everyday in order to look like a classic princess; she’s forced to wear contacts, she’s forced to straighten out her curly-wavy hair, she’s has to change her appearance in order to be presentable to what Hollywood forces what beauty looks like on the surface. This can be easily mistaken as the trope presented in this video because there happens to be a guy who likes her and she ends up with him by the end of the video. It doesn’t help that the movie doesn’t do that great of a job showing exactly why his guy is good for her, it’s mostly surface details. The guy Mia has a fantasy crush on, is one of the people who bullies her. He’s the typical mean-guy jock who likes attention. Who Mia ends up with is the polar opposite of jock boy. While he isn’t your typical ‘nice guy’ trope, there’s a few moments in the movie where it’s easy for the audience to feel like her physical changes are a reward for him. Overall, Mia’s journey is about becoming an adult with the princess aspect as adulthood’s theme. It doesn’t really have to do with romance; romance is just in there because it’s an easy way to show growth from being a child with fantasies and realizing how unrealistic they can be. It wasn’t needed, but it’s easy cause Hollywood wants to believe that’s what all little girls and young adults want.
@@hciapetus1251 of course she needs to be changed, because she's princess. I like my messy fashion, but I know I need to dress up to attend my family wedding. Being princess is like having to attend wedding everyday, cause public image become a job.
@@musicadictor first, in the movie (even in the book) Michael was not hopelessly fall in love with her. He never made a move in movie. He's not her best friend. But she happens to get along easy with him since he is her best friend brother (this is the beginning of their closeness). And Michael is hot. He knows car, plays in the band, and very smart. And the point that left out from the book, Mia always have crush on him a little but not until they starting to get close, that both of them realize they're attracting to each other. Michael is like that guy you think that out of your league and just become your fantasy, but turned out the best man you have ever get. And husband material.
y janah - Mia definitely needs to be presentable to the public as a princess, since she accepted the role and responsibilities that come with the royal title. The main issue some people had (can’t say all people, obviously, lol) was that the physical changes were typical Hollywood version of “ugly girl turns into a hottie”. Basically, it was okay to have Mia ditch the messy look, but the overused trope of “losing the glasses and straightening the hair” in order to achieve beauty was seen to some as a bad use of the theme of growing up. Mia could have worn her glasses or maybe another pair more acceptable to her grandmother’s teaching alongside the contacts. She also could have kept the curly hair, but used a product to make it more sleek than messy and frizzy, maybe after the original transformation scene. It wasn’t about Mia keeping the messy, unkempt look. It was about the fact Hollywood once again used the trope of glasses and curly hair being seen as a negative physical beauty trait that needed to be changed. My apologies if I worded that weird the first time.
Thank you for this. Spot on. I’ll be honest. I personally love rom coms, but I recognize how damaging many are. It’s completely a fantasy not to be taken seriously. As a WOC it bothers me how the highl coveted woman is always a lily white character who is “adorably likeable”. I also hate how there’s a trend for women to say no at first but then have the man persist creepily and then she gives in, it sends such a terrible message. Yes some chase is fun and healthy, but some of the lines that are crossed are downright illegal and dangerous. A strange guy sneaking into your bedroom to watch you sleep IS NOT okay. Magical vampire or not.
Flower Skull21 Romcoms are like candy. Some is great in small amounts, others are unhealthy no matter what. And they are definetly unhealthy if they comprise a sizeable portion of your diet.
So true. For WOC though from the beginning we appreciate how we look, our hair, weight etc. Also our stereotype is that we are not vulnerable, so while these focus on how women are basically weak, we never can sale that, people never see us as weak, which I guess isn't the worst thing? Lol
no = try harder is probably the worst of all of these. I do think people are influenced by that constant message and they don't understand that no really does mean no, please leave me alone. The other one that they only touched on here is that it's not love unless it's wild and crazy and the person does all kinds of over-the-top stuff for you. I have often seen my friends give up early on really great people because it wasn't exciting enough. Real life isn't like this - a calm, peaceful, happy most of the time relationship is a wonderful thing but because of all this stuff we are fed right from the time we are kids, we think it's boring and it means the person isn't right for us. Sex and The City did this very well with Carrie's relationship with Aidan. He was perfect - good-looking, kind, financially stable, he loved her and listened to her and supported her. And she cheated on him because it wasn't exciting enough.
It goes with personality. Some people love giving grand gestures. It isn’t a trying matter but comes naturally to them. If the receipient detests grand gestures; awkward and bad taste in mouth. If recipient adores gestures; jackpot. Things are only black and white when participating parties clash.
One of my favorite romances of all time is Jane Austen's Persuasion, probably because it doesn't feed into many of these unhealthy lessons. Though the main characters fell in love when they were young, the rules of society at the time drove them apart. She was the daughter of a baronet, he was a poor sailor. Anne is the quiet, kind, and less attractive middle daughter, easily overlooked by everyone around her except Frederick. They meet again years later, their youth faded, but their love still intact. He is still bitter towards her, she still beats herself up for it and struggles with her family taking advantage of her kindness. But as their circles continue to overlap, he grows tender again as he sees her kindness and humble strength. She learns to stand up to her family (not just for his sake, but to do what she knows is right). The secret letter he writes her at the end is probably my favorite thing that Jane Austen has ever written.
CINDERELLA AND SANDY DID NOT CHANGE FOR A MAN. Cinderella wanted to go to the ball for herself, in order to get out of the servant like conditions her step-family was keeping her in. She didn't want to go to the ball for the prince and had no aforementioned wish to meet him, heck she didn't even know who the prince was when she first saw him and was surprised upon him telling her he was the prince. The prince fell in love with her for her kind heart and loving nature and not her fancy dress. And with Sandy, during the Sandra Dee (reprise) it is revealed that she has always wanted to drop her good girl persona but had never had the courage and confidence to do so until then. She sings the line "goodbye to Sandra dee" and finally embraces who she truly wanted to be; not for Danny, but for herself.
You know what? A lot of women I've met show contempt or pity for guys they think are _genuinely_ nice, and now there's an even more focused hatred in the cultural zeitgeist around the idea of the cynical manipulative "nice guy." In a way it's no wonder there were all these dumb "pickup artist" books telling guys to treat women like crap. It's a wonder Mr. Rogers ever had kids.
Great video. Another notion that sends the wrong/dangerous message, especially to women is that great sex (w/o commitment) will eventually lead to an actual relationship or make a guy fall in love with you.
I thought that Love Actually scene was really weird when I first watched it, and I still think it's weird. Are there really people who liked it and thought it was romantic?
Speaking of Meg Ryan...can we talk about how in You've Got Mail the man literally destroys her business, inherited from her mother that she loves dearly and for her entire life...and she falls in love with him? I love the movie, but it *always* bugs me that she falls for him at the end!
She fell for the guy with whom she was chatting. He just happened to be the same jerk who destroyed her business. By the time she found out, it was already too late. She did try to get out of it but then he became less of a jerk. Don't know if that makes it better but she fell for someone she'd never met which is a bit disturbing I guess
@@aesinam There is nothing disturbing in loving someone you haven't physically met. It's not like they were never supposed to meet. Pen friends or even people you meet online and fall in love with do not have to remain unknown strangers forever.
But... Cinderella didn't change for her man. This is not the main point of her story. Yeah, sure, she ends up marrying a prince at the end because it was a 50's Disney movie, but is so much more than a "dress up for your man" type of story... Her kindness and positivity despite her conditions it's what makes her so incredible. Without her kindness, she wouldn't have her friends who are crucial to her story's development; without her positivity and daring of dreaming of a better future (not marriage, I don't think she ever explicitly says that) turn her fairy-godmother into a real thing. So she goes to the ball and explores the wonders of a castle, and bumps into the prince by accident (and if I remember it correctly, she doesn't even know he's the prince until he says so), and insists of coming back home at midnight like she was told. She was ready to go back to reality, not afraid of facing it again. She cries because she wishes it could last, but never pleads to the prince to help her. Maybe the example in the video was misplaced without malice, but I like Disney's adaptation of Cinderella and so I will protect it! With... Words. In the TH-cam comment section. Poor Cinderella.
i wish there were more videos like this on this exact topic. i've been with more than one abusive/dysfunctional woman, and each one absolutely worships RomComs and, since their parents generally never were together, things like RomComs have become their basis for an idealized relationship. it's, quite frankly, terrible.
That sucks. :/ It makes sense, though. My parents separated when I was young and living in a house where rom coms were often on tv, I thought those were the types of relationships I should strive for. Glad I'm out of that mindset and in a healthy relationship! I hope things go well for you. :)
I'd like to point out that plenty of us guys also got duped by those movies growing up. I can definitely relate to wanting to be that "special" guy who can win the love of my life simply by just existing. I never got to the "keep pushing till they say yes territory" but failing to be the fun loving guy who can just change a girls mind, really hurt my self-esteem as a teen/young adult.
My mom used to love them , I just thought they were okay, weren't my cup of tea but the stories were fun sometimes. I have had poor luck with men and they all end up being crappy guys who no one- me included- suspects of being bad. Until I scratch the surface, by interacting with them more, I don't know who they really are.
Groundhog day is the only one I disagree with. The movie isn't really about Phil's desire to be with Rita, it's about self-improvement. He got with Rita in the end because he stopped trying to get with her, instead he focused on improving himself, learning to love others, becoming an extraordinary person and an honorable man and because of that Rita loved him.
Stalking or running after a female or doing something dramatic for her or declare your feelings for her in front of an audience has nothing to do with love. It's emotional blackmail. The woman will simply not dare to say no to the guy "after all he's been through for her". But love is all about freedom of choice. That's why rom coms are so toxic. We may pretend we don't take them seriously, but even as we watch them their message often sinks into our brains and when we get involved with someone in real life, we will automatically feel disappointed and think "Is that all?"
However, all the males are being asked by their female interests to do exactly that: running after her, or doing something dramatic for her, or declare their feelings for her in front of an audience. Females either ask for this very bluntly or continuously drop a bunch of hints. If males are respectful and refrain from doing the 3 things you mentioned, then the females discard them because the males are not romantic enough or crazy in love enough. It goes both ways, and females are just as responsible as the males. Think of all the times a female has introduced her love interest to her family and friends as "my boyfriend" to his great embarrassement b/c for the male the relationship wasn't and couldn't possibly be official b/c they still are at the very beginnning of it and trying to figure each other out. That's equal to the female declaring her feelings for him in front of an audience and doing emotional blackmail on him. Think of all the times females demand a diamond engagement ring (which include the male taking a knee in complete submission in front of an audience) or they'll break up. Think of all the times females are asking their male interests to stop seeing their buddies (only acceptable when the female decides so, and on her very specific terms, like in "they can come next Sunday to have a beer SO they can watch the video of our holidays" or stuff like that) AND complain to their male interests that we weren't there to drive them to or pick them up from the uni / nail beauty parlor / her parents' home / shopping mall, etc. Most males genuinely want to be the Prince Charming for their female interests , but all the Princesses they get are Toxic. There's huge amount of work to be done by both males and females if we want to build a more healthy communication and interaction between both sexes.
@@x2y3a1j5 I agree. That's what I meant when I said that real love must be free. Nobody wants to be blackmailed. If a guy does romantic or dramatic things for a woman, fine - as long as he wants it.
Ugh, I hate romance movies. When you base an entire story around love, it becomes ridiculous and dramatic, because a story needs conflict. But in a lot of real life love stories, there isn't some massive obstacle in the way of a perfect happily ever after that the two people need to overcome... The attraction simply fades away over time, or the two partners realise they were never really right for each other in the first place. Also, I think I have to disagree with your point about Groundhog Day. The main character is *not* presented as a good guy. The whole movie is him becoming a better person, and finding love by working on himself as a person rather than being desperate and using manipulative tactics. The parts in which he manipulated his love interest did not frame him in a positive light. However, he did get to know her after his many attempts, and then treated her like a person rather than a prize or a distraction. Sorry if that was a bit of a rant, though I doubt that anyone's reading this. Also, I may have misunderstood you, I was only half listening.
I think there are plenty of obstacles in real life love stories. Couples getting torn apart from money problems, serious illnesses, fights with the parents of the partner, one wanting a child & the other doesn't, one wanting to commit (marriage) & the other doesn't, abuse, cheating, addiction to alcohol etc. And when people fight or break up it's usually pretty ugly. From destroying stuff in the house, to abuse/violence & stalking. I've seen that plenty of times with people in my social circle. I personally never experienced any big drama in romance...because I simply don't date...not for a serious relationship & not "just for fun" either. I have other problems to deal with. So due to what I've seen around me happening, I can relate to those romantic movies or rather see truth in them. Especially when the romantic movies take a darker tone.
Amaze-balls video. Even though I hate love stories, I think 500 Days of Summer kinda shows how love actually is. They begin loving each other at a period where they don't know each other, they do shit that they've seen in movies and then grow away from each other and through the process of trying to get back, realize that they were never meant to be with each other and there is nothing called fate.
The thing is, that isn't really a love story, but a story about being love, or about what we usually think or expect of love. It's a really good story if you see it that way.
But there's an argument to be made that Taming of the Shrew (and in essence 10 Things I Hate About You ) is actually about the taming of Petruchio (Patrick), not Katharine (Kat). In fact, in 10 Things, the women actually become less nice girls--or at least Bianca does, dropping a guy when he ignores her and punching him out at prom.
I think 'Down With Love' (which is also partially a satire of 60s rom com movies) should still be ok - there's no character softening involved, some manipulation but mostly as part of the satire, and (SPOILER) neither party in either the main couple or the secondary couple end by giving up their career to be with the one they love
@@miriyumyum3590 I forgot what movie it was but I had watched a few with the gay couples. Some are cutesy, fluffy stuff that makes you half expect that your tv screen will turn into a rainbow then there's another that dealt with the internalized homophobia one of them had because, you know, society. I accidentally watched some of these when my sis was watching a movie and I stayed for the shit load of caramel popcorn snacks she'd usually bring whenever she's having a movie marathon.
I actually did find my soul mate. He did have one of those "I'm confused" moments where we broke up for a bit but he ended up coming back and telling me that he was wrong....and 23 years later....we're still together. I feel truly fortunate because I don't think that happens often. But, it did for me.
I thought I had found mine too, we met when we were 12 and started dating at 18, our relationship lasted for a little more than five years and we used to do everything together, we were best friends. He broke up with me a couple weeks ago, because he isn't sure of what he wants for his future anymore. It's hard not to constantly think that this is temporary and he'll eventually come back, because if that doesn't happen I won't know what to do. So right now I'm trying to focus on myself, learning more about me and the things I want for my life. I guess time will tell in the end.
I think that's the reason these movies work. Because it's about those unusual circumstances. Also the reason why the 'won't take no for an answer' stuff flies too. Because the pursuer in that case is one of the few people who aren't after the relationship to benefit themselves but to benefit the other, and unlike most stalkers, they are correct that they are compatible with the pursued person and that this person will inevitably see it. Of course, the reason they're compatible and accurately judge this to be so is because the writer makes it that way. In real life we are fallible and could be wrong even if our intentions were good and we really thought it could work.
one thing my older sister said: For the wrong guy, you do nothing right, but for the right guy you do nothing wrong. I think it's a better advise than I ever got out of a movie. In conclusion just be you, and if that is not good enough, he isn't worth it. (I think you can also use this as a man searching for the right woman)
The problem that comes up in movie romances is that it is a story and stories need conflict, so 90% of the time the romance IS the conflict. If the only conflict you have is “will they /won’t they” or “convince woman that she does in fact wish to sleep with you” then once the breeding pair get together you don’t have any material left over for the next movie/ next season/ next book Cross genre rant here_ Like action heros always get the girl, but by the next movie they will have a) broken up offscreen and now he has to win her back b) broken up offscreen and must now learn to love again with hot chick #2. c) she dead *cough cough Deadpool* Point is Hollywood has No Idea to write a dynamic couple after they have agreed to monogamous mushing. I would Love to see more movies where the happily married couple Work together to overcome The Obstacles. one of my favorite movie couples is from the movie “game night” A married couple who actually Like one another and work together to beat the baddies while being super cute and funny. Also kind of refreshing; they weren’t “opposites attract” the were both highly competitive type As with shared hobbies. I dunno anyone else have favorite married characters, post “falling in love” stage
I really like Zoe and Wash from Firefly/Serenity. If I recall correctly, Wheadon had to fight with Fox executives to include them as a happy couple, because they wanted Zoe to have a will-they/won't-they relationship with Mal...
Literally all of the “change for your man” examples are wrong, I won’t go into all of them cuz I don’t have time but in Cinderella she’s needs to change into a ball gown because she’s going into a BALL! It’s the dress code and it has nothing to do with changing for her man. In that part of the movie with the fairy godmother she hadn’t even met the prince yet, Cinderella doesn’t dream of love like everyone says, she wanted to go to the ball to socialize and be a part of society because she’s been confined to an attic her whole and literally talks to mice! Imagine actually having to talk to mice to entertain yourself! Then once she’s at the ball and meets the prime and falls in love. That’s something that happened but that was never her goal.
Not all the examples are wrong though. Pretty woman, grease etc. I think the makeover parts in movies (regardless if it's for a man or not, doesn't matter) suck.
The problem is that she had to wear a dress at all just to gain access to decent society. The message in Cinderella is that she needed something or someone to come rescue her, nothing about how the structure of society needed to change.
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that all of their examples were wrong but only talked about Cinderella
I feel like a lot of the time, makeovers are a quick visual representation of having the money and resources to transform yourself and thereby claim some agency by being able to move in higher social circles. It doesn't send the best message to do this through appearances but film is a visual medium and frankly, it is an easy way for (usually) women to ascend the social ladder. Also, I feel like people tend to ignore that Danny and Sandy tried to change for EACH OTHER and that they liked each other to begin with. We only see their transformations at the very end of the movie.
Amnesia as a romcom plot tool pisses me off SO much. Particularly as it's a fantasy version of amnesia that only works selectively to allow the plot to happen Amnesia doesn't equal bumping your head and forgetting everything you know It can cause a significant loss of basic functions and language abilities and your memory is ongoing in how it's affected A person with amnesia won't wake up clueless, and then spend the rest of their time capable of just absorbing new memories and experiences with no problem They typically struggle with retaining new memories and have lose the ability to even have long term memories at all or have short term memory loss They are essentially disabled via their amnesia and whatever caused the amnesia usually results in other damage if they were in an accident Yet, it's just the convenient and plot friendly amnesia that is affected and nothing else 50 first dates is a movie that makes me so mad over how fucked up it is. Not even going to get into the whole 24 hour memory loss thing But this man takes this girl away from her family who are caring for her, from her town who understand what's wrong with, and from are hospital in which she received special help She was his dream girl and so every single day, he used her condition to make her fall in love with him and complete HIS life. At the end of the movie he has taken her out in the middle of the fucking ocean on a boat where they now live She has no say in this each day. She wakes up and she's there. He got her pregnant and so for a time, she wakes up in the ocean on a boat, pregnant and with a guy she doesn't know or has any idea how she got there That's fucking horrific. Yet it's supposedly romantic. He is manipulating her and he is controlling everything that happens to her because she can't. With his daily videos explaining her amnesia and their relationship, that's the only reality she will ever know. What HE chooses to tell her There's no one else around, she can't escape him, she can't return home She has no power in that relationship. They're in the ocean for HIS job, he took her to essentially compliment his life and his dreams. That's fucked up. It's just fucked.
Thank you!!!!!! I appreciate this comment so much. My dad was in a motorcycle accident 2 years ago that left him with with impaired short term memory abilities. It's not something that should be taken so lightly as it affects his daily life and is upsetting to him. I've always hated the premise of 50 first dates, specifically for how they ended it. It always bothered me that he somehow manages to re-orient her every single day about their relationship. The fact that they have kids and she's had to wake up daily not knowing what the hell was going on sounds like a very difficult way to live. Not only would the pregnancies be difficult, but her kids would have to go through her never really knowing them. I think it's sad and unhealthy.
The worst part is how no one else sees it, granted they're on an island but there was people there that could've seen this and thought " this isn't right!" Instead of saying " there's no better kiss than the first!"
I hate when people act like life is a movie. When me and my friend told each other we liked each other he said we shouldn’t date. I found out later he did this because he wanted our relationship to be complicated because it makes it more interesting. And during this time he kissed me and acted way too romantic. One time I was reading a book and he pushed my hair behind my ear lovingly. And when he kissed me (kissing is disgusting by the way) he said “oh right it’s your first kiss I have to make this good” (kissing is still disgusting) and then he told me he loved me. He said “I love you and everything... but your sarcasm.... I hate it” he literally said that. When I told him I didn’t want to do dating stuff anymore he didn’t take me seriously. He still did dating stuff. He even got a little jealous when he found out I was friends with another guy. Suffice to say I haven’t hung out with him in a while. This was mostly me venting. But honestly people life is not a movie or a tv show. Behaviors like those seem entertaining in a movie but in real life it’s just annoying
I LOVE that you brought up Overboard lol I was recently writing an essay about how good storytelling can make the audience forgive any absurd plot and root for abominable behavior. I absolutely love that movie even while knowing that it's insane at its core. Right up there with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. It's all about presentation :D
yep...I was explaining Seven Brides to a friend (we were talking about old musicals and it was my favorite musical as a child..mostly for the dance choreography..actually really only for the choreography)...and I was like...holy shit...this movie is actually pretty fucked up... but I still like the choreography of the Barn-Raising scene...so that's all I watch now...
The fact that good story telling can make people forgive or overlook toxic behavior is how abusers manipulate people into accepting the treatment. They are expert directors and know how to frame their behavior in a way that makes it unrecognizable except to those who actively analyze it or who are inclined to view things rather literally and logically.
Can we stop labeling and bringing up Summer and Clementine as "Manic Pixie dream girl" When they are complete opposite? it goes againts the movies message
summer was a manic pixie dream girl, at least in the main character's eyes before she became her own person with a mind, the movie does critic the manic pixie dream girl but you can still use summer as an example.
I disagree with your nice guy trope comparison of Groundhog Day. Phil doesn't win her over when he's trying to win her over and that's the point. He doesn't get the girl when that's his main focus. It's only when he stops trying, and starts focusing on bettering himself and the lives of those around him that he matures enough to have an adult relationship, and that's when the time loop ends.
Yup, that's the whole moral of the story. Once he sees the light and starts to better himself, for himself, not for personal gain. Once he helps others out of love and kidness and not for adulation, then the loop finally ends, and his life can resume. A better life too.
The Overlooked Best Friend trope annoys me to no end. When you're friends for someone that long you just don't (or rarely) catch feelings out of nowhere
When you say, "take off these heart-shaped glasses" at the beginning of the essay, before bringing up the first topic of "Creepy Love Lessons", it seems you missed an opportunity to put Kubrick's 'Lolita' as the video. Perfect ironic supplement to your narration.
In defense of While You Were Sleeping, Sandra Bullock wasn't planning on lying to the family. Through happenstance, Sandra ends up going along with a misunderstanding to spare the feelings of the family who are going through a very tough time i.e. a son in a coma. She eventually tells the truth, very sweetly and apologizes. Her reasons for withholding the truth were compassionate. Also, While You Were Sleeping is one of the of greatest movies ever made. It's a very sweet & innocuous movie. Pick your battles wisely, ScreenPrism. :) P.S. your channel is awesome. :)
Funny how romance is the one genre people seem to take life lessons from, yet its more unrealistic than nearly any genre that doesn't involve aliens or magic.
Jim and Pam in the office in season 3 when Jim was leaving his interview in New York Pam accepted the fact that she’ll be happy for him and Karen no matter what fully accepting the fact that they will still remain friends, this is the healthy relationship I want to have.
Here we go with Grease again. Why is it that everybody ignores the fact that Danny changed for her too? He stood up to his friends and even joined the track team to impress her. We know that both Sandy and Danny are going to realize that both of them thought that they needed to change for each other. I like to believe that after they got in the car and talked, they realized that they didn't have to. However some compromise is necessary for any relationship to thrive.
I have a natural fear of romantic relationships since they often times are abusive unsatisfying boring or is going no where. Considering how bad most rom coms are at portraying happy couples despite how easy it actually is makes me concerned about the quality of the movie
At 8:44, I feel like that was an opportunity to talk about the normalization of physical abuse in romantic comedies when the woman slapping the man is seen as a comedic moment because there’s no way she could “actually hurt him”. Whereas, if it were the other way around, it would be seen for what it really is, abuse.
While that is true, it's because there is a very big difference between the possibility of the pain inflicted when the average woman slaps the average man versus the opposite. Plus, in the 90s it was normalized that the lead husband/boyfriend got to get one off on the girl if he was stressed/she "did something". And when that happened the girl would go flying across a room.
Bill Murray's attempts to manipulative his love interest didn't work though. He had to really become a better person to win her over. This doesn't work as an example of designated nice guys getting a pass for being creepy. He was clearly not depicted as a nice guy when he was being creepy. He was a jerk. A lot of other good points though.
Someone finally acknowledges the "independent career woman who needs to be softened by love" trope. I roll my eyes every time.
See I wouldn't mind it if they actually dealt with the unhealthy parts of her behavior. Like in the Proposal, she was hideously cruel to her employees, and did abuse her assistant. But like why though? Why did she do these things? I mean love does not automatically make these things better. It might trigger a need for self reflection and change, but like it isn't a magic cure all. And a lot of movies like to act like it is. And this isn't even limited to romantic love. No doubt it is helpful, but it doesn't fix any thing like movies and shows suggests it does
And yet isn't just the same what Julia Roberts did to Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? The money-hungry business trader who purchased and sold companies, never being interested in what these companies actually do turned into an actual business builder?
DJDoena exactly
I don't. Most career women are not happy. They've bought the lie.
@@birdiewolf3497 I thought they made that clear in the scene where she tells Ryan Reynolds character things about herself. She lost her parents at a young age and grew up feeling lonely which no doubt turned her cold (she said she hadn't had a relationship with anyone is years). She also says she did cry in private when she was yelled at in the beginning but she puts up this wall around herself. It's a trope in movies. The whole "I grew up without anyone so I don't NEED anyone."
The whole movie was about her seeing a semi functional family, something she never had, which brought down her walls and let her know it was OK to show her emotions and let her hair down.
there’s another lesson: in every movie where the movie asks you “can a woman and a man really be friends?” and the movie’s conclusion always is no. which is honestly ridiculous
How is it supposed to works for bisexuals ? They're supposed to have no friends 🤔
Leila EXACTLY
@@444lfeiran Even if we're talking about gays and lesbians, they don't seem to consider a genuine friendship with someone of the same gender impossible. It's really a straight people issue...
@@leila_de_hautjardin Well gays are in a minority, so as one lesbian said: "Even if you break up, you remain friends because there aren't so many of you that you can't be".
It only works if the girl isn't attractive.
If she's pretty, yes she'll have male friends, but they'll always want to sleep with her.
it's so messed up that brides running away from the altar are seen as independent and throwing off the shackles. You said yes to the marriage, planned the wedding bought the dress and now you're running away? You go girl!
also isn´t that essentially cheating? She fell in love with another man, 9 times out of 10 also already kissed him and never thought about breaking up with her fiancé until last minute. How can you be with someone who did that? I could never be sure they wouldn´t do that to me too
Ikr that shit is so irresponsible and honestly frustrating what a waste of time and money
its also very cruel to the person standing left on the altar and humiliating, whether its done by a man or woman
Exactly, it’s one thing to change your mind and another to wait till the last minute to say it
I would lose my mind if i dragged my anxious ass to a wedding and the bride ran away.
You forgot the: "if two people are in love, the kiss and sex will be amazing and magical (especially the first one)" rule.
This right here!
When my favorite fictional couple lost their virginity to each other. It was actually rather awkward. From one of the characters not knowing where to place their hands 2 them having flashbacks.
@@lyriumstoneladydelirium5314 Almost thought this was about the OC.
@@jclyntoledo it's a videogame romance option : Fenris x Hawke. (Dragonage2). Surprisingly game developers are better at creating fictional relationships than Hollywood is.
OMG, yes! This insidious lie is everywhere!
This is why Mr. Darcy is still considered a dreamboat over a century later: he did precisely none of this shit and instead grew to respect Elizabeth’s agency by the end of Pride and Prejudice.
“A single word from you will silence me on the subject forever.”
Adrian Griffin pride and prejudice has the hot person rule,rich man rule and the one who has to be softened by love. I don’t think it was a good romance movie.
Bitch Lasagna - It was a book before it was a movie. I believe Adrian Griffin was referencing the book based on the comment “over a century later.”
@@bitchlasagna4121 you don't have to take everything everyone said as true; personally I think the things said in this video are right, romantic films tend to use these common and overused things but they exaggerate some of them, because some of them are real traits of society, we can't deny them, and we can't blame movies for such a portrait of our lives, because sometimes those cliches are real!
K Killjoy the book has all the same things. I read it more than once. Two poor uneducated girls uniting with twi rich man who has to pursue them in order to be accepted. They life happily ever after after marrying. Like there is no difference between the book and the movie.
Superlemon I do think that those cliches are real and I don’t take them as true or personal. Rich men mary young poor women for their finite beauty and youth. Young women mary rich men for money. Like I opposed the person and you started making literature and telling me details of life.
Lol but Cinderella never asked for a man. All she wanted was a night out!!!
I'm Cinderella lol
Well she wanted to leave her familly, and she did what every woman at the time was expected to do, marry a guy
I mean would you pass up becoming a princess instead of being a slave for your family? Like damn I’d ditch my whole life for that dude, whatever he has to offer has to be better than my current life
True, but that is what eventually happened, so I guess that's what they meant
Sure, but it inspired a lot of romcoms with a misunderstood trope.
Cinderella didn't change her looks to get a man, she didnt guve a shit about the prince and didnt KNOW he was the prince till later. Cinderella changed from her poverty stricken/slave life for just one night for HERSELF. She wanted to be free and feel beautiful for just one night, the prince was a bonus. Its archaic to be act like cinderella was an airhead chasing a prince. She was an amazing, feminine woman who did everything in her power to have one night to herself.
Destiny Dodson actually this same channel made a fantastic video about Cinderella it’s called blaming the victim or something like that look it up it’s great, they pretty much say the same thing you did, I’m pretty sure they only used Cinderella as a visual example
Hating on Cindy for going out? Absolutely not.
Side-eyeing the fuck outta choosing to be with a man that couldn't tell your gleaming ass apart from the regular ass crowd to the point where he got every bish in kingdom stuffing their feet into your kicks for identification? Yes.
That was the "hard pass" part.
Oh and Fairy Memaw standing aside for 18(ish) years and allowing a child to be treated like shit. Confirming the trope that the only lasting "help" a woman needs is a penis. Which is complete bullshit.
The fairy godmother didn't help all that time because she's literally only the personification of Cinderella's view of herself and what she's capable of. She's just a magical singing "fuck it, we're going to that party, my step-family can kiss my ass." She didn't need help, the fairy godmother is just the mcguffin Cinderella used to follow through her new found self worth.
I love you... you have no idea how much you've helped me right now..
jesus christ you guys are hurting yourselves in your own confusion
The most damaging trope in my experience is the whole "no = try harder" in real life a guy, whether attractive or not, following you, watching you, and ignoring your expressed disinterest is freaking terrifying. I don't care hot you are telling a girl, "I know you want me I can tell by the way you look at me" is not endearing. That uncertain look on her face is her trying to judge whether or not you might murder her in her sleep. Not considering you as a date.
This is what I most try to avoid, on the other end of the spectrum is not trying at all, which can be damaging but not toxic.
I wish the average joe casting would stop, a lot of guys need to realize that people tend to be interested in people of about the same level of attractiveness, so the average joes think they can get the hot women and that is just not the case. But they are only angry about it because the media has been brainwashing them otherwise since they were 12 years old.
I find this a lot in romance novels as well. So disconcerting 😶
This is a ridiculous story, but I was travelling home on a metro to finish writing my criminology thesis at my brother's place, and a guy was staring at me the whole way. I had to get off at the last stop. So I was already paranoid because I had all these serial killers/rapists in my head. He got off at the last stop too and I went the other way to 'give off the scent' and tried to hide for a while before I continued walking in my actual direction. Low and behold, suddenly he was besides me, claiming he was a police officer and he needed my attention. I had none of it, said 'Idk what you're talking about', continued walking. He kept following me, tried harder to engage me in conversation, and I almost laughed at how pathetic it was, I would have if I wasn't so scared. Ten minutes walking home and him following me I kept reminding him I was going to my brother, hoping that would make him stop, (because a male figure in your life sometimes makes them stop) but he didn't, and I said a variation of 'no's' all the time. When I got to the door, he forced my head around to make me kiss him and that's when my brother opened the door to let me in and I ran.
Point of the story: he was hot, and if this was set in a movie like the ones talked in this video this whole encounter would maybe be portrayed as romantic. But it was absolutely sickening.
M0oranshi That must have been terrifying, btw how did your thesis go?Just curious cos I also study criminology
I really dont like the secretly in love with best friend trope because it romaticizes one of the only unromantic relationships that people who arent related can have and that kinda sucks.
God I despise that trope. It reinforces the idea that if you're really good friends with someone they'll fall in love with you. No, that's not how that works.
I’m mixed on the trope. The person you fall in love with should be someone you value a friend but not every friendship a girl has with a guy needs to turn into that. It’d be good to see movies where a girl has a couple of guy best friends, maybe she falls in love with one not the other idk.
@@chelseasfilms22 The unfortunate truth is that you pretty much can't control who you fall in love with or who falls in love with you. There are ways to improve your odds of finding someone right for you, but at the end of the day there's no way to force a relationship, even if by all standards of measurement two people seem perfect for each other. It might make for an interesting story, but it's still a trope I strongly dislike.
ManiaMac1613 That’s totally fair! I don’t know it’s all very subjective. In my mind ideally, your soulmate should also be your friend or at least someone you’d be friends with, but like I said ideally. I agree though you fall in love with whoever you fall in love with and nobody can control each other. But I’m also a big believer in fate for those want love in their lives if love is lost it was lost for the better. But that’s just my opinion.
Nope it sucks to complain/whine about this stuff so much
Nothing infuriates me more than the 'nice guy' trope. No, being nice is the absolute bare minimum, you do not deserve love for being nice.
you mean people don't "deserve" ROMANTIC Love simply for being nice right? maybe yes and no
I hear people say that all the time, but it simply isn't true for everyone. If it was no asshole would ever have a girlfriend and we can all see that that isn't true. There are definitely women who date men who treat them horribly.
@@chengliu872 so in a nutshell the commenter who has said that 'being nice is the absolute bare minium,you do not "deserve" love for being'
was/is BOTH right sometimes and in some cases AND wrong in some other cases is what you're saying??
I'm not trying to be rude
or anything just curious
@@monabohamad2242: I assume most people see it as the bare minimum, but definitely not everyone.
@Naim Miah: I find that hard to believe in the long term. From what I've seen, if you want to see someone's true self; see how they treat strangers. Very few people who are assholes to strangers are genuinely nice people. Maybe they may pretend to be since they are given a reason to be, but that will only last for so long.
Heard this quote about 20 years ago so I'll definitely mangle it.
"It's not violent [movies] we should be worried about, it's romance. Think about your typical romantic plot. Guy meets a girl - she hates him, but he's going to do anything it takes to get her. In real life, that's called stalking." Bill Maher
And the violence has an inherent illegality/immorality that most people understand. We see action heroes driving recklessly while beating up people that get in his way and killing those who have wronged them. The audience knows that we can't do that in real life or else there would be heavy and swift consequences. In romantic comedies, there's no disclaimer or fantastical elements. The plot is based in reality so we assume the dynamic is realistic as well.
Mmm... I guess a broken clock is right twice a day.
Romance tropes ruined my life. Always looking for "true love" thinking if I became everything men wanted, my happily ever after would come true. So I became the "perfect catch" for these average loser ass guys and got nothing, absolutely nothing, out of it. I thought I had to be cute and sexy but also wholesome who is a freak in the sheets and doesn't mind watching you play videogames every night... It goes on and on but I'll stop here. I want my youth and money back.
@@Marixpress2 Lol. Sucks to suck.
My favorite Bill Maher quote is where he compares his consistency to that of the pope ( who is consistently pro-life) but in Maher's case he's consistently pro-death: “My motto is, ‘Let’s kill the right people.’ I’m pro-choice. I’m for assisted suicide. I’m for regular suicide. I’m for whatever gets the freeway moving. That’s what I’m for.”
Quirky manic pixie “cool girl” transforms painfully average guy’s life by her uniqueness
@ Ramona embodies and deconstructs the trope in some ways, yes
God yes. I mean where's my quirky manic pixie cool guy?! Also, she probably suffers from hormonal imbalance to develop that unpredictable and therefore quirky personality!
Pixie girl and himbo.
Like the himbo cares about how the girl feels and helps her show her emotions beyond just being constantly happy and the girl helps himbo realise how talented he is.
And they're just friends.
Just a reminder to everyone.
Disagreements in relationships=normal
Feeling comfortable enough with your partner that you can express your problems=good
Having days where you can’t bring yourself to be the best version of yourself and having a partner that will understand and vice versa=healthy
Having fights, full on fights where you feel the need to insult and shout= get out
Thank you. Great advice. My single ass shall remember this for the future.
I think yelling and insulting is normal. Especially for couples who are already comfortable in calling each other out. But intentionally making your partner feel subordinated is harmful. Whether its verbal, mental, or physical abuse, it's abuse and the relationship needs to end.
kiroro pupper mayyyybe not insulting. Criticism? Yes, but backed up by love. But flat out insulting? That’s low. That’s not love-insults stem from disdain and hatred.
Everybody shouts and says stuff they don't mean during their big fights. There isn't a single marriage on the planet more than a couple years long that doesn't do this. Get real.
I'd say even in the full on fights do try to fix it if you really care for the person, try to figure out the root if you can, but don't try to fix it for years you know? Try a few times, try talking about it while in peace and not only while fighting, and if it doesn't get resolved within a few tries then certainly GET OUT.
There's also the trope that everybody cares about your happiness as much as you do.
Every stranger in the building applauds when a big romantic gesture goes well? No. They don't know you. In reality they would just shrug and move on.
Or when somebody bursts in the stop the wedding, admit their love and steal the bride/groom away and the entire congregation is all smiles? No. Half of the people at that wedding are there for the person who's currently getting dumped, and at least a few people in that room helped pay or plan this now-defunct wedding. None of these people were following your "story" and can't begin to guess your motivations. All they know is you were clearly hanging out with somebody on the side, and that's not cool.
Great observation. Totally overlooked that
ugh that trope is so romanticized, when in reality, it would just be really awkward and confusing for the guests, ruin relationships for life, and waste the thousands of dollars spent on the wedding. Not to mention how humiliating it is for the person getting ditched (especially when the bride/bridegroom kisses another person in front of your all closest friends and relatives and a bunch of strangers, yikes)
@@Line... so are reality and fiction supposed to be the same thing?
Unless we are talking about characters who are famous right?
BTW I am/was commenting
about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS who are Famous and/or Rich and Wealthy in their own FICTIONAL SHOW and/or MOVIE(s)
The chasing the woman thing has definitely ruined several people’s lives. It’s warped boys into thinking that if you constantly beg the girl over and over, she’ll say yes and love you
I think it's also warped girls into thinking that unless a guy is chasing you over and over he doesn't really want you.
Yes and that goes both sides.
Luckily it seems like nowadays, people are now starting to call out that trope.
You say that boy chasing girls in rom-coms as warped boys. Do you think teen boys actually watch these movies? From my experience, they only watch these movies when a girl forces them to on a date.
That is one trope that caused Family Matters to age poorly and become unwatchable imp.
Ugh. The "no = try harder" is something I've experienced multiple times in real life and it is so gross. I just find it straight up disrespectful and the person doing it seems extremely self-entitled. Its even worse if they try to emotionally manipulate you as part of their "try harder".
Right?! Not even "no" followed by "I have a boyfriend" worked on one of the guys that hit on me. He still thought he'd just take out my partner and date me, I guess. Grrr.
@@hayleyoesch1313 Something similar happened to me. My boyfriend hurt my feelings by watching porn and lying about it (the lie is what hurt) and I confided in a male friend that i felt disrespected. He promptly told me to "mount this dick and ride it like a Harley". Like what? I needed my friend and he offered some peen. It was so random and out of the blue too, since he had never shown interest. When i said no he thought I meant try harder and offered me an array of things I like (food, movies, bowling, etc) to "win" me from me "asshole" boyfriend. It's stupid.
Sounds like you are in your own Rom-Com gone wrong. There's really not enough details to judge the situation well, though. Like, if the porn didn't bug you, why would you mention it here instead of just saying he lied about something silly? Or, did you friend think that you were looking for an excuse to leave your bf (which does happen all the time, particularly to people in their 20's) and thought there was an opening? Based your limited details here, a direct offer of sex does seem inappropriate ; like you guys where on completely different pages.
"No = try harder" can be annoying when the person who feels they must/should/can try harder misreads the situation. I say "person" and not "dude" because I've seen both men and women do this. The issue is that "trying harder" works so often, the potential is worth the risk in some people's minds.
@@fcsuper Because I mentioned the porn to the friend so I guess that's why he thought I wanted sex. Idk what else the reason would be.
Another fact:
If you're not in a relationship because you know that you can be single a still live a happy fulfilling life, other people will still just assume it's because you can't get a relationship and are just trying to hide it.
I think it's from Sleepless in Seattle "You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie."
YES!! I think Rosie says it to Meg's character.
Who doesn't want that kind of love? That's one of the reasons I love romances, and nothing is ever going to stop me from enjoying them. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as I remember there's a difference between fantasy and reality. Plus, they're cute for the most part and the sex scenes tend to be hot. But, the narrator of this video does make good points though about some of them. Edward's possessive, stalker side made me end my obsession with the Twilight series a long time ago besides getting bored with it as I got older. I still have some fond memories of it sometimes though, even though I don't watch the movies or read the books anymore. By the way, Sleepless in Seattle is one of my favorites. I recognized that quote right away, without even looking at the title. Also, I can sometimes suspend disbelief for movies I really like and that's ok because movies are mostly for entertainment. They're not always supposed to be realistic. Some people forget that.
@@tiamarie6719 I legitimately loathe Sleepless in Seattle because Meg Ryan dumps a guy she was perfectly happy with and about to marry for some illusionary idea of soul mates...which, even if you believe it, Tom Hanks already had his, and Meg Ryan is not it. I only console myself with the idea that the relationships crashes and burns in under six months and that Bill Pullman eventually goes on to marry Sandra Bullock.
Even though movies are for entertainment, we as humans tend to internalize ideas from things that effect us emotionally, the way movies and stories do. It's the reason stories are so often used to teach lessons. That unfortunately works for bad lessons too, especially in younger, impressionable people. I believe Nora Ephron herself said something like she met a guy she didn't get along with and for a minute thought maybe they were meant to be together because that's such a common trope.
Ceares Haha-Yes, they screwed up the plot because Bill Pullman was a great guy.
Technically, Cinderella didn’t change for a man. She just wanted to go to a ball and have fun like a normal person. Meeting the Prince was not why she went.
Agreed!! Cinderella is definitely not the character who inspired the "change for your man"-trope. People really need to re-watch that movie. It gets too much undeserved internet critique!!
Plus, that was their first time meeting. So it’s really the old cliche of love at first sight.
If I love him enough, he'll change!
A popular female fantasy. Also the only reason abusive men get girls in the first place.
And the reason more men become abusive, I've seen it happen, they leave their doormat of a boyfriend or a friend(who they always say that they want a boyfriend like them) and chase the fantasy of changing a jerk/as*hole/serial killer/christion grey, into the kind of guy they left and they see who they were left for and they become that new person, a pus*y slayer! and actually I can't blame this guys, they end up with a lot of chicks(if they were aware and looked at what women do, not what they say) and end up happy! a jerk deformed shadow of the nice and good doormat they once were but happy nontheless, and women fail to creat a nice guy out of a monster but end up making a new monster and they end up alone, this circle won't end till all men become abusive pus*y slayers or become single.
and abusive men tend to invoke this
Ky kisaky
What the actual heck?
@@mingfei1622 trust me, it's a thing, people getting dumped for arseholes and bad people in general turn to bad people themselves after a while of not being respected for being seen as weak for being nice, it happens a lot that I don't know how people don't see it, just look around.
Ky kisaky
“We accept the love we think we deserve”
If you have to show your love in a public place, expecting bystanders to greet and fireworks in the sky, you don't have love, you have narcissism.
Or manipulation. The person who does it may be counting on the other being too nice to say “no” in front of an audience.
The idea of being proposed to in front of a huge crowd is actually the worst thing.
Kangakool yeah as you feel kind of uncomfortable and like there isn’t much of a choice.
Some tropes exist for our deepest wants:
1. An attractive partner
2. Economic stability
3. Being wanted
Exactly.
Just what I was thinking. We only forgive the rich protagonists so much because that's how we hope to someday end up. Living luxuriously and free of responsibility or obligations to take whatever you want.
And getting money is a kind of freedom in itself. Unfortunately, one should never be in a position where they need money for freedom, but some women are. And others _think_ they are.
Crazy Rich Asians didn't do a bad job with that!
If it weren't for that, these movies wouldn't be popular.
The "spoon full of sugar" analogy at the beginning of this video fits it best I think.
Just like sugar appeals to a bodily desire, this kind of romcom appeals to a psychological/emotional desire.
But just like concentrated sugar, it starts to get unhealthy REALLY fast.
Essentially you can take any health advice regarding sugar in food and there's a good chance it will fit romcoms pretty well if "translated".
It should be called romance fiction because it is just as unrealistic as science fiction.
Does that have to be explained in the title. I think that most people are smart enough to realise that rom coms are fictions.
@@Atlas65 You give too much credit to people.
@@cabrondemente1 Hahaha.. Yeah I guess I do. I just assume that most people can use their common sense.. I guess that isn´t given.
Romance is already the genre of fiction. People should really know the difference between fiction and real life. Only a child book that give a real life lesson of story.
I fully realize that some of fiction's trope I read/watch is only exist in the fiction story and will be toxic and weird af in real life.
@@Atlas65 haha, same. When people want to rationalize what's in the movie or mad at movie because it's not giving good personality of people from certain group are quite "meh" to me. It just a movie. Like, I know "no=try harder" is not realistic and should not be done irl but it is cute in the movie. Also just because the villain is gay guy, doesn't mean the writer want to tell people that gay people are bad 💀
Btw I hate abusive relationships and the hot person rule. And the taming of the independent girl. Just gimme a healthy romance!
Check out Pride and prejudice. Its the most healthy romance story i have ever seen. The story is amazing and the character development is phenomenal.
BTW 2005 version's the best
Let me guess a "healthy" Romance isn't really Romance maybe there Probably shouldn't even Ever BE such a thing as "healthy" or "unhealthy" Romance
All the healthy romances I stan are apparently too sibling like or secretly abusive.
@@monabohamad2242 unhealthy means emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse, one of the partners being overcontrolling, manipulative or trying to change the other.... of course all couples have disagreements but there's a point where it comes too far.
Ben + Leslie foreverrrrr. Probably the healthiest onscreen couple I can think of.
For the most of it, I agree... Rom cons have some dangerously ill-advised lessons.
I remember this scene in How I met your mother when Marshall says "Being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, *then it's easy* . Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one."
It's the best bit of advice I've ever gotten out of a TV show.
Thanks for posting that. Every time someone tells me love is supposed to be hard, I feel so sorry for them.
Love is always going to be work, but it doesn't have to be the hardest thing ever. If two people are emotionally healthy, want the same things out of life, seek personal growth, have great communication and actually like being around each other then it will be much easier than if one of those elements is missing. I'm in a great relationship and it takes work, but I love the work of growing into a better person with someone. I love him so much! He's worth all the effort and he does the same for me 😊
Sunlight Fade could you give some examples of both? I’m very curious
That is the worst advice pice, that is why I hate rom com, relationships are really hard, especially becouse the passion fades with time, but you have to be true with the wedding vote that you made years before and fight for the marriage endures the challenges of life, nothing in this life is easy.
But that ended up not being true too, as she eventually left him, even though they worked out in the end that could of absolutely destroyed them.
it's not always easy. Relationships are hard because you are as much working on yourself as you are another person. The only time it's easy is when you communicate more than you think you need to AND the person is not a completion to you life. They are an addition. No other half, certainly not better half. You are a delicious cake all your own, and the person in your life is the one who makes that cake amazing by adding a complementary flavor, decorations and accouterments and you are the same to their cake.
It's not about completing someone, it's about being the best possible addition to their original formula.
Most people are not a cake, most people are still figuring out their own best recipe for themselves and often add many different flavors and toppings that ultimately don't mix, because the cake recipe changes. Now the other option is to bake each others cakes together, as well as figuring out toppings and other flavors that work, together. This works too, but it takes very malleable people willing to change outlooks and aspirations so that they don't drift apart. This is most people, and sometimes when each of the combinations start really solidifying into a viable recipe, they find they don't mix as well as they used to.
Finding someone who works takes work, because if you don't like yourself most of the time, then it's hard for others to as well. Either be 90% happy with who you are with a little wiggle room for change and know what you want, or be willing to scrap a recipe to find a better one. Not only for the person you want to be with, but for yourself. People hold fast to their recipe because density is a big deal and sometimes they don't care if it isn't really that great of a recipe, because it's theirs and they worked hard at it and they don't want to change, not even for themselves. Those are the people who have massive trouble and go from one person to the next, because sometimes it's not about finding "the right one" it's about changing yourself first to be a better person to find others who put in or are putting in that hard work to be a better cake.
Marshall was a pretty decent cake recipe. Lilly needed some work. She was still trying to solidify a recipe and during a radical new trial, Marshall's additions didn't work. This was Lilly's fault for not saying that she had aspirations that they couldn't do together or at least that she felt they couldn't do together. She found that her new trial recipe sucked and she messed things up badly. She should of communicated. Marshall would of been willing to see what he could do to help her try to reform herself and her ideals. But instead she freaked out and ran away. In most relationships, that would of killed it.
Rom Cons are definitely more damaging for those of us who had parents with unhealthy relationships. It doesn't give a good model to see how real love operates, and instead we look to media to educate us. Becoming a prize for a man is definitely the trope that resonates the most with me. A lot of who I am was crafted out of a desire to fulfill someone else’s fantasy. To fulfill a man’s fantasy, became my fantasy. I’m still trying to shed that. And a few of my epic romances that turned into less satisfying long term relationships has shown me that a truly well lived life, means falling in love with yourself. It’s all about your motives. I worked on developing confidence and self-love because I knew that confident woman are more desirable. But isn’t that just faux self-love, if you’re cultivating it for future romantic gain? I’m still learning how to break that loop and develop true self-love. But it’s hard.
I wish you the very best in your self-improvement. Your comment really resonated with me because I also think the best thing one can do to find love is simply to not think about it at all. Striving to be a better person, and developing your own interests and personality is the best way to become a great partner. Equally important is not losing your individuality when you do find that great relationship.
keep going! you can do it!
This is so true, I am going through the same thing and I wish you all the luck with it :)
This is also my problem! I was always embarassed and didnt know how to talk about it because i thought it would make me look pathetic, but literally everything that you explained is exactly how i feel. Especially the part on wanting self love but always thinking that self confidence, and self love will make me more desirable to men. Thank you
I feel the same way
That Notebook scene always makes me feel sick. The ferris wheel scene.
I've never understood the mass appeal of the Notebook
Amy Aberrant I recently watched The Notebook for the first time and I don’t understand the appeal. They argued all the time. He manipulated her all the time. But apparently, they’re goals. Ew.
Yeah, The Notebook really rubs me the wrong way, especially since she’s supposed to have been happy with Cyclops. I think the only thing that affected my was when her dementia relapsed, if only because I have a family friend who is sadly also going through dementia.
I saw the notebook i didn't understand the ferris wheel scene but damm if you're gonna kill yourself for a person u just go to a doctor
SAME, I DIDNT EVEN FINISH THAT MOVIE CUZ I WAS SO MAD
Cinderella didn’t change for her man. She changed for herself . I thought you made a video already talking about this ?
That's what i was thinking lol
Ye, she didn't wanna marry the prince, she just wanted a good time and the prince was a nice bonus
i think that one was just a visual thing. But they could have chosen something better that would have had the same effect
Even so she's the girl who got a make over so she could attend a big party which is a troupe even if her intent wasn't to get a man. Also in the end a rich man solves her problems and though the Prince isn't abusive or manipulative he is still the hot rich guy. It plays into the fantasy.
Team IKYG
Love that you all include that the love interest is always hot and white. The day I see dark skinned black women as love interests being chased throughout the whole movie is the day I’ll know hell has frozen over. 🙄
Aspyn J. Louder for the people at the back sis🗣🗣👏🏾👏🏾
Yeah and a gay rom com would be good too
🙏🏽🙌🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
netflix has been doing these movies for a while now.
There are definitely rom-coms with non-white protagonists. They just don't seem to be featured on this channel very often...
The kissing booth is a good example for the "hot guy" / "rich guy" rule.
Yes!!! He was constantly trying to control who she dated and what she did. She just wanted to let loose and enjoy life but the hot guy "knows what's best" for her. But it was okay for him to hook up with whoever he wanted and be a dick to her because he's hot
Kendra Nieuwendorp I just think its ridiculous that the guy was a d**k with no standards who literally did whatever hot girl he came across thinks he should decide what’s best for the protagonist. He needs to sort out his own life before controlling hers. Yeah female protagonist is going to be sad or make mistakes but who doesn’t?
oh god I HATE that movie HAHA
Noah definitely seems like he will become abusive. Like when Elle cuts herself and his brothers first reaction is “did Noah do that” like if his brother thinks that then run
unicorn sprinkles god that is a huge sign that the relationship is going to be abusive. I’d be very concerned if the younger brother of my boyfriend reacts by asking if hypothetical boyfriend cut me. Like how much abuse has that boy gone through?
Can we talking about "negging" in romcom movies? Basically belittling the female interest into falling for you. Example: Bender and Claire in "The Breakfast Club" or The Kid and Appolonia in "Purple Rain"
Yes!!! "I'm just super mean to you because I like you so much." I hate that.
@@kendranieuwendorp5511 boys over flowers be like:
OMFG, this though. 👆👆👆
Aggretsuko
The nice-guy trope is dismissed in the first Season of Brooklyn 99. Charles is a genuily sweet guy in love with a hot perfect girl, she makes clear that she's not into him and after some chapters , he has moved on, and they end up as friends.
I know people who keep pretending that movies have no influence on how people behave in real life. They usually say this to explain why we don't need representation in movies. However, if you visit the r/niceguys on Reddit you see examples of thousands of men who have absorbed that trope from movies. They think That being nice is enough to be "rewarded" with sex. Media has a huge influence on how we behave in our societies, nice guys are just one example, Jaws is the most famous one.
This trope doesn't come from movies, it comes from women that are afraid to appear shallow so they swear up and down that they are looking for a "nice guy". I seriously doubt that any of those guys watch rom-coms. That trope would disappear in a year if women stopped leaning on it to avoid saying they want someone hot.
It's because "nice " is not a very descriptive thing, it isn't just trying not to be seen as shallow. Most people when saying nice means they want someone they don't see as a jerk, the qualities that make what is nice aren't stated. To me, nice is thoughtful, intelligent, respectful and funny to other people means other things.
@@KookiesNolly Truth! 👍🏿
+Always Learnin'
That's not how it go created at all. It got created because dumb ass guys misinterpreted what women meant when they said "I want a nice guy." They took that to mean that being polite is the only factor women consider when looking for a partner. And low and behold, when it turns out that that's not actually true (because duh) they felt betrayed and like they are owed something.
This is EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT FOR YEARS!!
My leeeast favourite is the independent woman that has to be tamed one. No words can really express my deep hatred for this trope. Every time I fall in love with a character at the beginning of a film, I know some loser stalker of a dude is going to win her over and leave me steaming angry at the end. Urgg!!!!!!
I first came into contact with 10 Things I Hate About You through gifs of the girl being sassy and awesome. To this day I refuse to watch it because I've been told she gets with the same jerk she was dismissing in those gifs.
@TheRapper10000 The Taming of the Shrew is not a book. It's a romantic comedy by Shakespeare. Yes, it's based on 17th Century ideas about relationships, and is about as realistic today as stuffing a long sock with a t-shirt and putting it down your pants and pretending it's your johnson. No-one should follow this approach to relationships in real life.
Exactly! in these kind of films they show that the head-strong women have to find stubborn men and shout at each other constantly. In reality partners need to balance each other out - e.g. if one partner is more agressive (I don't mean it in a abusive way - that's never okay), other needs to be more soft and sensistive, so they could teach each other how to become more balanced people.
They changed the title to 10 Things I Hate About You because she isn't tamed. Or they're both tamed. It isn't like the play. It woun't work to have someone so hostile in a romantic relationship.
i HATE 10 things, our high school class all cheered when the teacher put it on during the last day of school. i couldn't believe how ANYONE could cheer for the guy or for the girl falling for him!!
For someone who is as single as I am, these kind of movies make me so angry because it's the only picture of love I get to see and I know it's unrealistic as hell.
actually its not... the hot and the rich rule applies to real world, sadly
@@alexhjc8 Yes many women do follow these rules but the point of the video is that it's unhealthy amd SHOULDN'T be portrayed as romantic like these movies do.
Same I embarrased myself as a kid so much trying to be like a Disney princess and pick a random guy to be my Prince.
I'm kinda wondering why do people care so much about FICTIONAL stuff being "realistic" or not?
@@j4genius961
why not its FICTION isn't it?
Rich guy rule: the embodiment of this is that meme that said that if Christian Grey lived in a trailer park 50 Shades would be a Criminal Minds episodes. But if one were to look at it more cynically they can make the case that this is what happens in real life, after all rich people do get away with stuff more easily than the average peasant.
I feel like this should have ended with your guys' opinion of which movie romance(s) actually get it right. Maybe in a follow-up video some day?
Please! I'd love to hear you all's opinion.
I was about to comment a request for exactly this. It's sad how I can't even come up with one movie.
Good romance is often boring and reserved for side characters like Marshal and Lily from HIMYM, Monica & Chandler from Friends.
The show Love on Netflix is fantastic.
Before Sunrise + Before Sunset!
actually in groundhog day bill murray didn't get the girl when he was manipulating her. he got her when he stopped trying to impress her and genuinely became a decent person.
Hey stop trying to ruin their argument with facts.
Yeah, knowing her every reaction after creeping on her for like 10 thousand years
Yeah Bill Murray is not supposed to be a nice guy in Groundhog Day. He's clearly a huge asshole that everyone hates because he's always trying to take advantage of people. By the end he learns the only way to be happy is to be a good person just for the sake of being good. Not for a reward, not for an ulterior motive just because it's in the right thing to do. And when Rita sees that she falls in love with him.
but time doesn't actually move on for him till they get together, so kinda defeats the purpose of the point
@@MsDidi38 I don't see why. He become himself, she falls in love with the real new him, he is happy, life continues. You can find that corny, or lazy writting, but it's not contradictive.
"it's hard for women not to feel like they should model themselves into some kind of too good to be true prize for a man." I relate to this so deeply. Some part of me relishes in dudes at parties telling my boyfriend that they're surprised that he "scored" me. It makes me want to sculpt myself into the girl that everyone wants to deepen this effect.
Dale DeCouto yeah definitely our culture creates insane expectations in terms of romance and then zero expectations instead of respecting other people and seeing them as a multi dimensional human being when they don't ore when they do live up to those expectations
Dale DeCouto dude different women want different things. Be the best version of yourself. If you try to be something you're not you come off as disingenuous and kinda creepy tbh.
Dale DeCouto Dale DeCouto Dale DeCouto acting your best is great. All in favour. My problem is not acting like yourself. I agree creepy was probably the wrong word but i stick by disingenuous which is unattractive. If you're really good at acting then maybe you can pull it off but otherwise acting like someone you're not isn't gonna get the girl. I didn't mean to say i have an issue with people not acting like themselves, i just mean that as a girl and also as a person who is attracted to girls, i find that acting like the best version of yourself is more attractive then acting like a potentially mediocre version of someone else.
To reiterate, i am not arguing that he shouldn't be disingenuous, i am arguing that it probably is not the most effective method for being atractive
Maybe if there weren't so many creepy men, the word wouldn't get "thrown around" so much :)
That's really sad to me that men wouldn't care if a woman has a bad personality as long as she's hot. Also sad that men might think that they have to "raise" their personality level for a woman rather than to grow themselves or finding someone who likes who they are already. I'm glad I'm a lesbian lol, although I'm sure there are women who value appearance more than personality too. This whole dating lark is totally bogus
I disagree with putting clips of pride and Prejudice in the video because that's probably the best example of a healthy relationship
Towards the end yes, but early on Darcy was a pretty insufferable asshole to Elizabeth for no real reason besides what? her being a clever and opinionated woman for that era, him feeling a feeling and it annoying him? He also openly judges her for a number of things she had no control over, like her looks and family's status.
@@studiostyx7075 Hello, please actually understand the material before attempting your two-bit critique of it. "He also openly judges her for a number of things she had no control over, like her looks and family's status"--um, yes, that is the "Prejudice" in "Pride & Prejudice." The book was written when "love" marriages weren't a thing. "Do you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your birth?" Darcy says to her, because it's true--why would he actively seek out someone below him? During that era, marriages weren't about love, they were about status, securing safety, and, most of all, securing wealth. While she was deemed acceptable in beauty standards, it was routinely pointed out that she had a personality unfitting of a woman held to high standards by rank (i.e. walking around without caring that she's getting her dress dirty, speaking plainly to people of higher rank than her, etc--notably things Darcy actually doesn't care that much about); plus, her family behaved as what was seen as unbecoming of their rank. Despite all this, Darcy finds himself attracted to her mind/wit--he begins to enjoy her company, and decides that despite all her flaws, he'd rather marry a chick he'd actually enjoy being around than someone who meets all the correct checkboxes associated with marriage in his rank (You can see this juxtaposed with Ms. Bingley and how he gets irritated with her *only* caring about the trappings of rank and the air of arrogance she feels it allows her to carry). Yes, he's an asshole to begin with because rich people are taught to look down on those below them but when she meets his subtle jibes with equally cutting remarks, he's like "oh...well fuck me I guess"--you could argue she proves her equality to his rank intellectually.
It's important to note that SHE also treats him like shit because she feels slighted by his comments--which, fair--but ALSO because of lies someone told her about him. The problem with her is she has too much pride (omg I know, it's almost like the book's name means something) to admit not only that he's right in his assessment of her family (even she acknowledges that her mom is ridiculous most of the time) but also that she was wrong in her assessment of his character. It was too easy to believe Wickham because she was already biased against him, and she wouldn't let herself be convinced otherwise until he literally wrote a whole-ass explanation about what really went down, even though there were hints beforehand that maybe she was wrong about him.
They were wrong about each other. That's the point. The book was meant to be a critique more about the way society treated marriage, class and rank than anything else. Their issues stemmed from the trappings of the society in which they lived, not because they wanted to change one another, not because they built some ideal version of the other in their head. The whole point is that they fell in love with who the person truly was, not a 'oh you're suddenly hot' version or 'oh I fixed you' version or 'oh you're hot and rich so I'll just forgive your shitty-ness.' So your point, "Towards the end yes, but," doesn't hold water because the original comment is right--it's a great example of a healthy relationship. They started out disliking each other, sure, but then they got to know each other. They separately admitted their wrongs, and forgave one another. There was no grand gesture (remember, Darcy DID NOT want Elizabeth to find out what he did for Lydia--he did it solely because he felt it was his fault for not exposing Wickham sooner, again, because of the trappings of HIS rank not to go around talking shit about people the way Wickham did). He didn't push himself on her, didn't keep pursuing her after she said no--'ok,' he basically said to her, 'I understand that I fucked up, and if you want nothing more to do with me then I completely understand.' She basically replied, 'yeah ngl I got you all wrong and that's on me, my bad, now I see that we're more compatible than not and hey maybe I would actually enjoy being your wife' and he was like 'that's rad, because I still hella like you let's get hitched.'
But you know, more eloquent.
@@JazzyNym Here's a little advice my dear TH-cam opponent: never begin an argument in defense of a thing (especially something as innocuous as P&P) by insulting the person whose mind you're trying to enlighten. Next, don't assume that just because someone's able to sum up a beloved piece of literature in a few flippant sentences they're not familiar with the source. After reading "two-bit critique" then skimming your thesis-length P&P dissertation, my perspective still hasn't changed, which is that, accurate and occasionally amusing comedy of manners that it was, I don't believe P&P counts as a healthy depiction of romance, ESPECIALLY by today's standards. It's certainly not the worst, but also not where I'd personally set the bar for 21st century coupling goals. That's it. And to think you wasted that poorly written but admirably impassioned diatribe on someone who's a) very familiar with the material and b) still hasn't changed their mind. And phew boy, clearly you've learned nothing from Miss Austen regarding the art of brevity.
JazzyNym 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@studiostyx7075 Which parts of P&P do think are not healthy? Granted as you said it may not be the best thing in this day and age, but I honestly think a well-made modern adaption could still be seen a healthy thing, since most of the bad things about it, are a representation of the society during the time when it was written.
Yeah but the rules _ARE_ different if you're rich and/or attractive.
The whole idea of the "Doppler/Dahmer" theory presented by a character in a show you played a clip of is 100% accurate.
@Zoan the chicken or the egg
This video is suggesting that those ideas come from these kinds of movies.
That show is "How I met your mother".
Different romantic rules for the rich and/or attractive have always existed, long before the movies. Just read a bunch of Shakespeare's comedies. The hot guys/beautiful women always work with different rules and expectations when it comes to romance.
@@izeberamia I am pretty sure that grand gestures of love have been a thing in some form since time immemorial. For example, in Latin countries it is traditional that the man makes a serenade for his beloved when proposing. I agree, however, that movies have significantly attenuated the expectation for such gestures.
Fantastic video. These movies can be quite damaging if you fall for the fantasy.
I mean if you don't know the difference between movies and real life, yeah.
Damaging to both men and women. Men who think being creepy is romantic, and women who become a cat lady waiting for her prince charming.
Absolutely. So much of who we are is tied up in the stories we tell.
666! the devil has spoken
100% has damaged a ton of women who have been programmed to think that introducing conflict into a relationship validates that relationship as meaningful I can tell you that. -_-
On the other hand romantic comedies have also programmed men into thinking that these creepy gestures of love will make a girl fall for you and has fueled this "chase mentality" I see in a lot of dudes that in reality turns most women off so it's damaging on both sides.
It's why even as a guy I have so much appreciation for movies like 500 Days of Summer for subverting these romance movie trends. Guy gets Oneitis for girl and starts deluding himself that she's special and that their life would be perfect for each other if they got together. They date for a while and ride the "emotional rollercoaster" that is a fresh, young relationship. Eventually she randomly dumps him and immediately marries another guy and ruins the main characters life. He tailspins into a deep depression and eventually when he confronts her as to why she broke up with him right before her wedding, it's not even that he is hoping to get back together at this point he just wants to know why and when she tries to think of a reason she can't even put it into words for him. Lesson 1: As a man you can't base your happiness on something as flippant as a womans' emotions whether you are in love or not is completely arbitrary because that can change tomorrow. He proceeds to use the emotional leverage he gained from the experience to pursue his dreams as an architect. Lesson 2: A man must be on his own path in life, if a woman comes along and wants to be a part of that then that's fine, but you don't do what you do FOR a woman you do it for YOU. Finally at the final interview for his architect job after finally getting over Summer he starts talking to a different girl, when he asks her what her name is she says Autumn. Lesson 3: No single girl is "special" during the whole relationship with Summer he was the one romanticizing the whole thing. He played himself and like the changing of the seasons a new girl has entered his life and he can't seem to remember what was so "special" about Summer.
Romantic? Not really. Full of important life lessons for men? Fuck yeah.
As a bonus the movie is actually about a relationship the director had before he made it in Hollywood. He asked the real girl who inspired Summers' character to go see it at its' premiere and she couldn't even work out that it was about her. There's a lesson in there itself if you don't get as much out of the movie itself.
2:47 Yes, "Grease" is one of the uglier examples of this type. Danny Zuko and Sandra Dee get along great during the summer. But when they meet again, he's dismissive because he's got a reputation to maintain. Evidently, it isn't cool to show how much you love your girl in front of the guys. You can brag about the tail you grabbed but heaven forfend that you display actual tenderness. After this initial rebuff, Danny continues to treat Sandy like dirt, casually taking an exaggerated route to wander over to her, hiding from his friends when he's dating her and not really introducing her to the guys when they meet. I don't know how Sandy learns the names of his so-called greaser friends but it's not from Danny. In the end, she only gets him by dressing like Danny. That's the ultimate Cool Girl---someone who likes what he likes and does what he does. What a tool.
+QueenBoadicea While Danny starts out like that....he is the one who starts making changes first. He tries to become a jock for her, and it shows that he spends a much longer time trying to change himself BEFORE Sandy makes changes to herself.
But Sandy doesn't ask or want him to become a jock or play on a sports team. What she wants is for him to treat her with the kindness and respect he gave her during the summer. His attempts at becoming a team player don't win her back because he still treats her like dirt whenever his friends show up (witness the scene in the diner when they're eating together and his cronies appear. Danny tries to hide and then yanks Sandy away because he's ashamed to be seen with her). Danny also fails miserably at sports because he can't take criticism, he gets hostile and violent when his faults are pointed out and he's too used to being the cock of the walk to be a team player. Frankly, I see these as the very same flaws that make him unsuitable to be part of a working relationship with a woman.
QueenBoadicea everyone forgets she treated the jock guy badly, like a pawn. felt bad for him he deserve that
You’re missing the most iconic scene! At the end right before we see Sandy’s transformation, Danny is seen talking to his ‘cronies’ about sandy while wearing the jock jacket which his friends think is lame but Danny then says to them that he’ll do anything to get Sandy because she means a lot to me. Which is a character arch because he was a total douche but realised how much sandy meant to him and that he doesn’t give a shit what his friends think anymore.
He also tried to force himself on her at the movies
Pop Culture Detective did a video essay on predatory romance in Harrison Ford movies, by analyzing specific scenes. It was really - really - disconcerting, and hopefully the discussion of such topics can result in more well-thought-out romantic movies in the future.
Supernaturlisch link plz
And the other videos from that channel too, Pop Culture Detective's main focus is deconstructing gender relations/gender roles in movies.
A well-thought-out romantic movie sounds like a boring movie nobody would watch. What use is an escapist fiction without its absurdities? This goes for other genres as well.
jcdf2 You reeeeeeeeeeeeeally should watch pop culture detective videos.. like ALL of them. You'll learn about the harm these things (the hollywood tropes.. toxic masculinity ones, abusive relationships and on..) can actually cause to our social and individual lives, and how movies can actually break with those and build something extraordinary..
Also, 500 days of summer is a movie a lot of critics recognize as a good piece plus its a huge success and it surely fits the "well-thought-out romantic movie" category..
Even the first lines are questionable. Strippers & prostitutes are still (mostly) normal women.
It's not unnatural that someone want a better life or believe that someone could care for them.
Sex workers aren't people to most sadly
@@maryfrancess93 well.. that's messed up, mosr sex workers end up in the situation because of some financial troubles or someone taking advantage of them. They are people they have feelings too and wished to have someone around to care for them
@Best Of Everything and there are men and a whole society who makes them that. Got a name for them too?
@Best Of Everything Oh boy, you dont seem to know a lot, which makes it even more funny how you judge other people about things you dont seem to know anything about. But even if it was like you say, what is so bad about being a sex worker? How does it offend you, when other people have another way to earn money? And again my question from the beginning, when sex wokers are whores, what are the people who take advante of them? Is it ok to do that?
@Best Of Everything
Criminal organisations forcing women to sell their body for them are a thing, declined job applications are a thing, as a sexworker you make more money during the night so you can follow an other job/ go to university/ take care of your kids and whatever during the day. It would literally take just one google search and you could read hundreds of reasons in academic studies. And yes there are people who do it because they want to, how is that any bad? And could you please just answer my question i asked you in the benning for gods sake?
Bill Murray's character in Groundhog Day is not a nice guy, that's the whole point of the movie.
charbuk hahaha yeah seriously I was looking for this comment
Well yeah, he becomes a cursed eldritch god.
@P J yeah cause in every movie, the main character is a good person
Groundhog Day isn't even a rom-com. It's just a straight up comedy, centered around a selfish and callous protagonist learning through living the same day over and over, to become a better person.
I disagree on three of these movies, but address one. In 50 First Dates (the others are Titanic and Cinderella), he wasn't trying to get revenge, or manipulate her, or treat her as an object to be owned. She had a mental condition, yes, and he loved her despite that. Because of that, he was committed to earning her genuine, free love every day. We never saw any indication that he would write a bad day off as "well, she won't remember it tomorrow," and there as no force, and no stalking. Henry consented to Lucy's father and brother being her protectors. Unlike Ana Steele's stupid mother, they were protective of her, and dedicated to going through the same day with the same movie every single day for their entire lives, out of love and protection. They had to be convinced that Henry had *her* best interests in mind instead of his own. Remember, they were concerned that his interest was in her inability to remember, and that he'd take advantage of that.
A mental condition doesn't mean she should be deprived of someone loving her, or that she shouldn't be allowed to love, or experience a loving relationship. What he did for her required 100% total commitment every single day with no bad days allowed. We can have days where we're snappish with our significant others, and hash it out tomorrow. He didn't have that tomorrow, and so had to do everything he could to make every day wonderful *for her.* Unlike Christian Grey wanting to literally own Ana, or Edward being interested in Bella because he couldn't read her thoughts and so she was an object, a piece of meat, a puzzle to figure out, to Henry, Lucy was a human being to be treated with great care and for her interests to come before his own. She was treated with love and respect in the face of a hard situation. Ana and Bella and the others were treated as objects to be possessed.
Here's the sad alternative: She wouldn't always look the same. She'd grow older, and wake up one day and realize something happened. She'd find out that her memory was gone, and that she never got to live any of her dreams, never got to love, to travel, to do anything, and one day, her father and brother would be gone, and every day she'd still wake up, not knowing anything. That's a nightmare. But with Henry, her life could still continue, and, though her dad and brother would still one day be gone, and her husband, her children would be there to help her until her own death.
Well said. The "Groundhog Day" critique - coincidentally paired with "50 First Dates" - is off target as well. Phil was decidedly not a good guy when he was going through his machinations and things worked out only when he finally matured and moved beyond them. As odd as it may be that Rita fell in only a single day (in her timeline), she had stopped being merely a conquest for Phil.
Jeeze why are me making more sad about 50 first dates 🥺? but you are right!
but at the same time those movies never show men genuinely being concerned about the mental illness. Love is not a cure for mental illness and movies like titanic and silver linings playbook never show how not addressing that issue will eventually break the relationship down. love simply is not enough to overcome the personal problems that will inevitably hurt everyone around them and ruin their relationships.
on one hand theres no such thing as the perfect movie but love as a cure is also a really bad lesson.
elle ofhearts Sandler’s character in “50 First Dates” absolutely shows concern for the mental condition of the woman he loves. That’s why he lovingly confronts her family about the problems with keeping her in a paradoxical loop. When he learns there’s no cure, he doesn’t act as though love fixes everything, he accommodates her injury to minimize any additional trauma. It’s a best-case scenario happy ending.
He starts out by manipulating her. He uses things he knows about her to make her believe they are meant-to-be (like the waffle thing) or to deceive her into giving him attention (pretending he can't read because he knows she's a teacher).
Later, he is honest with and documents their relationship so she is aware of what is happening. That's when it's genuine.
The hot person rule is way too true.
Yeah it really hurts unattractive guys like me.
Yeah, and we don't even realise it until we imagine an average person doing the same things. 🤔
A hot woman can act like a total jerk and still she will be loved and turned into a "good girl" by the guy. That is so weird.
Might I just say it's super sad how many people buy into this one in real-life. Many of my friends would let a hot celebrity mistreat them just because of how they look which is literally ridiculous.
@@urahara64360 oh boo hoo then just act like a normal friendly person and not an over the top rom com character. we all have to play the cards we're dealt. delusional girls who only want the movie hot guy romance would be crazy anyways; any normal girl will act differently in reality
But its realistic and women will deny it but the big difference in real life is hotness too. An ugly guy asking a woman out even once and she'll belittle and cringe.
WHat, Amelie is not finding a way to creatively stalk Nino in Amelie from Montmartre, she is finding a way to return his book without getting the praise for it, just as she did with the old man's box in the beginning of the film. She also wants him to know who the mysterious "ghost" is, but she's too shy and scared to face Nino. Nino obviously wants to meet her, so how can it be stalking?
AllieAndPeach thank you !! I'm wondering if they've actually watched the movie.
Agreed. Her 'stalking' wasn't forced, it was more like an invitation to play, which he gladly accepted, and reciprocated. Love that movie
YES! I were so annoyed with this cause it's one of my favorite movies and she is tbh a very good example of how someone tries to live their life but in a different way and also tries to do some good without taking the glory of it. She were just different and she happened to find another who were different and she didn't really plan for him to fall for her. I think she would have been fine and moved on if they didn't end up together as well anyway.
i know i love amélie so much it's all about two shy people becoming brave enough to meet each other it's so beautiful
The hot guy rule is just real. People DO react better to hot guys or girls. There have been lots of studies on this. My favorite was they had hot guys and ugly guys ask women for directions.
When the ugly guy asked them, virtually all the women ignored them, lied and said they didn't know, pretended not to speak English and in general just blew them off. When the hot guy asked, they gave them directions, took them there and acted all flirty.
So, if you don't want it in movies then change the way humanity is because all this is doing is reflecting reality.
This. These movies are so popular because they sell and in a free market, things sell according to the demands of the buyers. This video was more of a critique of human nature, which is stupid, since human nature is literally the ONE thing you can’t change.
Movies, by reflecting reality, is inadvertently shaping reality. People to go movies and take something back with them every time. If movies accurately portrayed examples of healthy relationships between "ugly" people, maybe people wouldn't feel so bad about being single or friendzoned.
There are lots of real stuff but movies only pick what's right for the box office.
@@Pakilla64 people wouldn't see those movies as movies are escapism
Sure, but ignoring or lying to someone who is asking for a direction is rude af.
The Raging Platypus She is NOT saying that these things don't happen in real life she is saying that they should NOT be portrayed as romantic or healthy, it's like saying that a movie is right to advertise war because wars are "Human nature"
4:48 "Romance is the Grand Gesture" - Grand gestures can be lovely, but I don't believe relationships can be built on them. To me, it's the small gestures that matter most. I remember coming home late from work one evening. I was absolutely exhausted and didn't want to do anything. But I knew I had to return a movie to Blockbuster (am I giving my age away?), pick up some spaghetti from the corner store and wash and freeze the berries in my fridge or they would go bad. When I got home, I found that my boyfriend had done all these things for me. It took him less than 30 minutes and cost him about $3.00, but it meant the world to me! I was so grateful! Doing little things for our partners like taking out the garbage when it's their turn to do it, or mowing the lawn when they're super busy or leaving a little "I love you " note in their lunch box, or taking 5 minutes to massage their neck, etc. These sweet, loving gestures truly matter. It matters that we do them for our partners, and it matters that we show gratitude when they're done for us.
dk black Yes! Love is about knowing even the insignificant little things about your partner. An example is when Katniss tells Peeta the things she knows about him so he’d believe in her again: like he never puts sugar in his tea, knowing his favorite color, and the way he ties his shoelaces! The details and the small things are the real things that matter. ♥️
My brother, on his third marriage, thinks me and my girlfriend of 25 years need to get serious and get married. I think the grand gesture idea is bad news. Love is a commitment made daily, to yourself and the other, not some grand sales pitch made in times of crisis or extreme emotion. Imo.
Eternal love and respect is built on small consistent gestures, nothing noteworthy but the cumulative effect is gigantic. It makes the recipient want to take a bullet. BTW, I hate grand gestures, expensive gifts, and big promises. They are my dealbreakers tbh.
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is awesome, and deconstructs so many of these romance tropes by basically showing how fucked up they really are at their core
Yes. But him trying is portrayed as a light romantic thing
is it bad that this video just makes me want to watch more dangeorusly deceptive rom-coms?
Same! But I tell myself I'll watch them with a critical eye.
And that’s cool. Nobody should feel bad for watching rom coms.
Preach! I'm not throwing away my rom com dvds
I recommend BD/SM porn, instead.
darla you devil.
The whole "hard to get" idea is a terribly flawed dating tactic.
Scenario A: Person A plays "Hard To Get". Person B thinks that Person A isn't interested and moves on to someone else.
Scenario B: Person C rejects person D. Person D thinks that Person C is interested but playing "The Hard To Get". The result is that Person C is relentlessly stalked, as Person D becomes more and more obsessive, unable to take no for an answer.
Hard to get leads to a lot of disappointed people like Person A and a lot of victims like Person C. This tactic belongs in fiction and not as an unnecessary complication on the dating scene.
Sometimes playing hard to get is fine, often times it’s just not showing no interest, it’s waving a bone. You let them know you’ll give them a chance but they’re gonna have to give a little chase. It can be bad but not always.
"Sometimes playing hard to get is fine"
Not really.
antred11 Well explain why?
Because for the reasons Bobby Ranger has already pointed out. Playing hard to get is relying too much on the other party's mind-reading capability. If that fails, both sides will end up disappointed. If you're interested in a man / woman, it's best to be straight-forward about it.
antred11 Unless you’re simply not into that or the situation is enhanced by doing it. I’m young, so maybe it’s that wild side of me, but when I’m let’s say at a concert and I meet someone I tease them. They know I’m interested but they’re gonna have to work for it. These type of people normally react well to it so I’m good. We end up, or at least I end up, having more fun with it.
Once again, I’m not saying every situation calls for this approach, but sometimes it does. It depends on the person and what’s going on. I just think saying playing hard to get is always a bad idea is wrong.
That Love Actually scene is the cringiest "gesture" I've ever seen 🤢🤮
What's worse is he intended to do it for "closure" for himself and left her knowing everything but not being able to tell her husband without potentially ruining a friendship AND their relationship...so gross and selfish.
@@leahkristine She already found out because of the video. He did this to say: yes I am in love with you and I can't help it, but I don't expect anything from you. They silently agree to not do anything about it.
Yeah. He now has romantic secret between him and his best friend's new wife...who "appreciates" his feelings. Her mind is now opened to seeing him as a potentially romantic partner...something she'll possibly mine over and over when her and the hubby have difficulty in their relationship. And that could definitely blossom into something for her.
I’m going to show this to my little girl. She can watch rom coms all she wants armed with this knowledge.
Or maybe don't let Children watch Romcoms cuz I'm not sure if they're actually made/targeted for Chlidren maybe until they're older
Ok but Mia Thermopolis didn't change for a man and she didn't end up with the guy who only liked her after the makeover
But she did end up with the good guy ignored friend that was always hopelessly in love with her, so still on the list :p (although to be surem he actually was a decent person...)
I don’t think Princess Diaries really deserves to be on this videos example list. In fact, there are several examples they show that don’t follow the tropes entirely of what they are presenting.
For example, 500 Days of Summer is more about the guy putting his own fantasy onto a women he’s attracted to. He doesn’t listen to her even though she tells him she’s not the girl he thinks she is.
Anyway, the main trope problem people have with Mia in Princess Diaries doesn’t really have to do with romance. It’s about a relatable girl having to change her natural looks everyday in order to look like a classic princess; she’s forced to wear contacts, she’s forced to straighten out her curly-wavy hair, she’s has to change her appearance in order to be presentable to what Hollywood forces what beauty looks like on the surface.
This can be easily mistaken as the trope presented in this video because there happens to be a guy who likes her and she ends up with him by the end of the video. It doesn’t help that the movie doesn’t do that great of a job showing exactly why his guy is good for her, it’s mostly surface details.
The guy Mia has a fantasy crush on, is one of the people who bullies her. He’s the typical mean-guy jock who likes attention. Who Mia ends up with is the polar opposite of jock boy. While he isn’t your typical ‘nice guy’ trope, there’s a few moments in the movie where it’s easy for the audience to feel like her physical changes are a reward for him.
Overall, Mia’s journey is about becoming an adult with the princess aspect as adulthood’s theme. It doesn’t really have to do with romance; romance is just in there because it’s an easy way to show growth from being a child with fantasies and realizing how unrealistic they can be. It wasn’t needed, but it’s easy cause Hollywood wants to believe that’s what all little girls and young adults want.
@@hciapetus1251 of course she needs to be changed, because she's princess. I like my messy fashion, but I know I need to dress up to attend my family wedding. Being princess is like having to attend wedding everyday, cause public image become a job.
@@musicadictor first, in the movie (even in the book) Michael was not hopelessly fall in love with her. He never made a move in movie. He's not her best friend. But she happens to get along easy with him since he is her best friend brother (this is the beginning of their closeness). And Michael is hot. He knows car, plays in the band, and very smart. And the point that left out from the book, Mia always have crush on him a little but not until they starting to get close, that both of them realize they're attracting to each other. Michael is like that guy you think that out of your league and just become your fantasy, but turned out the best man you have ever get. And husband material.
y janah - Mia definitely needs to be presentable to the public as a princess, since she accepted the role and responsibilities that come with the royal title. The main issue some people had (can’t say all people, obviously, lol) was that the physical changes were typical Hollywood version of “ugly girl turns into a hottie”.
Basically, it was okay to have Mia ditch the messy look, but the overused trope of “losing the glasses and straightening the hair” in order to achieve beauty was seen to some as a bad use of the theme of growing up. Mia could have worn her glasses or maybe another pair more acceptable to her grandmother’s teaching alongside the contacts. She also could have kept the curly hair, but used a product to make it more sleek than messy and frizzy, maybe after the original transformation scene.
It wasn’t about Mia keeping the messy, unkempt look. It was about the fact Hollywood once again used the trope of glasses and curly hair being seen as a negative physical beauty trait that needed to be changed.
My apologies if I worded that weird the first time.
Thank you for this. Spot on. I’ll be honest. I personally love rom coms, but I recognize how damaging many are. It’s completely a fantasy not to be taken seriously. As a WOC it bothers me how the highl coveted woman is always a lily white character who is “adorably likeable”. I also hate how there’s a trend for women to say no at first but then have the man persist creepily and then she gives in, it sends such a terrible message. Yes some chase is fun and healthy, but some of the lines that are crossed are downright illegal and dangerous. A strange guy sneaking into your bedroom to watch you sleep IS NOT okay. Magical vampire or not.
Agreed
A magical vampire guy is even worse because you know he wants blood.
Flower Skull21
Romcoms are like candy.
Some is great in small amounts, others are unhealthy no matter what.
And they are definetly unhealthy if they comprise a sizeable portion of your diet.
you're probably a psychopath if you genuinely think sneaking into your crushes bedroom is a good idea tho.
So true. For WOC though from the beginning we appreciate how we look, our hair, weight etc. Also our stereotype is that we are not vulnerable, so while these focus on how women are basically weak, we never can sale that, people never see us as weak, which I guess isn't the worst thing? Lol
no = try harder is probably the worst of all of these. I do think people are influenced by that constant message and they don't understand that no really does mean no, please leave me alone. The other one that they only touched on here is that it's not love unless it's wild and crazy and the person does all kinds of over-the-top stuff for you. I have often seen my friends give up early on really great people because it wasn't exciting enough. Real life isn't like this - a calm, peaceful, happy most of the time relationship is a wonderful thing but because of all this stuff we are fed right from the time we are kids, we think it's boring and it means the person isn't right for us. Sex and The City did this very well with Carrie's relationship with Aidan. He was perfect - good-looking, kind, financially stable, he loved her and listened to her and supported her. And she cheated on him because it wasn't exciting enough.
It goes with personality. Some people love giving grand gestures. It isn’t a trying matter but comes naturally to them. If the receipient detests grand gestures; awkward and bad taste in mouth. If recipient adores gestures; jackpot. Things are only black and white when participating parties clash.
One of my favorite romances of all time is Jane Austen's Persuasion, probably because it doesn't feed into many of these unhealthy lessons. Though the main characters fell in love when they were young, the rules of society at the time drove them apart. She was the daughter of a baronet, he was a poor sailor. Anne is the quiet, kind, and less attractive middle daughter, easily overlooked by everyone around her except Frederick.
They meet again years later, their youth faded, but their love still intact. He is still bitter towards her, she still beats herself up for it and struggles with her family taking advantage of her kindness. But as their circles continue to overlap, he grows tender again as he sees her kindness and humble strength. She learns to stand up to her family (not just for his sake, but to do what she knows is right). The secret letter he writes her at the end is probably my favorite thing that Jane Austen has ever written.
This! 👍 Have you watched the film adaptation yet?
@@marssambo7759 I love the one with Amanda Root and Ciaran Hinds, and the 2007 BBC one :) The Netflix one was dreadful though 😂
CINDERELLA AND SANDY DID NOT CHANGE FOR A MAN. Cinderella wanted to go to the ball for herself, in order to get out of the servant like conditions her step-family was keeping her in. She didn't want to go to the ball for the prince and had no aforementioned wish to meet him, heck she didn't even know who the prince was when she first saw him and was surprised upon him telling her he was the prince. The prince fell in love with her for her kind heart and loving nature and not her fancy dress. And with Sandy, during the Sandra Dee (reprise) it is revealed that she has always wanted to drop her good girl persona but had never had the courage and confidence to do so until then. She sings the line "goodbye to Sandra dee" and finally embraces who she truly wanted to be; not for Danny, but for herself.
Exactly what I was thinking. Glad you included that clip from HIMYM.
God I hate the “nice-guy trope” it’s literally the worst.
Yes!!
People always say that I'm a nice guy.
I always took that as a insult
Yeah being nice should be something you already have no one owes you anything
You know what? A lot of women I've met show contempt or pity for guys they think are _genuinely_ nice, and now there's an even more focused hatred in the cultural zeitgeist around the idea of the cynical manipulative "nice guy." In a way it's no wonder there were all these dumb "pickup artist" books telling guys to treat women like crap. It's a wonder Mr. Rogers ever had kids.
@@futurestoryteller Ok,nice guy
Great video. Another notion that sends the wrong/dangerous message, especially to women is that great sex (w/o commitment) will eventually lead to an actual relationship or make a guy fall in love with you.
in real life great sex normally keeps being great till one of the two finds even greter sex with somebody else and dump you
that's why teenage relationships are so dramatic, mine included.. you rely on responses you learned in movies.. leading to drama and over-reaction
I thought that Love Actually scene was really weird when I first watched it, and I still think it's weird. Are there really people who liked it and thought it was romantic?
Speaking of Meg Ryan...can we talk about how in You've Got Mail the man literally destroys her business, inherited from her mother that she loves dearly and for her entire life...and she falls in love with him? I love the movie, but it *always* bugs me that she falls for him at the end!
She fell for the guy with whom she was chatting. He just happened to be the same jerk who destroyed her business. By the time she found out, it was already too late. She did try to get out of it but then he became less of a jerk. Don't know if that makes it better but she fell for someone she'd never met which is a bit disturbing I guess
@@aesinam There is nothing disturbing in loving someone you haven't physically met. It's not like they were never supposed to meet. Pen friends or even people you meet online and fall in love with do not have to remain unknown strangers forever.
But... Cinderella didn't change for her man. This is not the main point of her story. Yeah, sure, she ends up marrying a prince at the end because it was a 50's Disney movie, but is so much more than a "dress up for your man" type of story... Her kindness and positivity despite her conditions it's what makes her so incredible. Without her kindness, she wouldn't have her friends who are crucial to her story's development; without her positivity and daring of dreaming of a better future (not marriage, I don't think she ever explicitly says that) turn her fairy-godmother into a real thing. So she goes to the ball and explores the wonders of a castle, and bumps into the prince by accident (and if I remember it correctly, she doesn't even know he's the prince until he says so), and insists of coming back home at midnight like she was told. She was ready to go back to reality, not afraid of facing it again. She cries because she wishes it could last, but never pleads to the prince to help her.
Maybe the example in the video was misplaced without malice, but I like Disney's adaptation of Cinderella and so I will protect it! With... Words. In the TH-cam comment section.
Poor Cinderella.
i wish there were more videos like this on this exact topic. i've been with more than one abusive/dysfunctional woman, and each one absolutely worships RomComs and, since their parents generally never were together, things like RomComs have become their basis for an idealized relationship. it's, quite frankly, terrible.
That sucks. :/ It makes sense, though. My parents separated when I was young and living in a house where rom coms were often on tv, I thought those were the types of relationships I should strive for. Glad I'm out of that mindset and in a healthy relationship! I hope things go well for you. :)
This is one genre I can't stand. RomComs are not mentally stimulating enough for me.
I'd like to point out that plenty of us guys also got duped by those movies growing up. I can definitely relate to wanting to be that "special" guy who can win the love of my life simply by just existing. I never got to the "keep pushing till they say yes territory" but failing to be the fun loving guy who can just change a girls mind, really hurt my self-esteem as a teen/young adult.
My mom used to love them , I just thought they were okay, weren't my cup of tea but the stories were fun sometimes. I have had poor luck with men and they all end up being crappy guys who no one- me included- suspects of being bad. Until I scratch the surface, by interacting with them more, I don't know who they really are.
@@valeoncat13 I used to want to be the girl who could change a guy's mind too
Groundhog day is the only one I disagree with. The movie isn't really about Phil's desire to be with Rita, it's about self-improvement. He got with Rita in the end because he stopped trying to get with her, instead he focused on improving himself, learning to love others, becoming an extraordinary person and an honorable man and because of that Rita loved him.
Stalking or running after a female or doing something dramatic for her or declare your feelings for her in front of an audience has nothing to do with love. It's emotional blackmail. The woman will simply not dare to say no to the guy "after all he's been through for her". But love is all about freedom of choice. That's why rom coms are so toxic. We may pretend we don't take them seriously, but even as we watch them their message often sinks into our brains and when we get involved with someone in real life, we will automatically feel disappointed and think "Is that all?"
Very true.
However, all the males are being asked by their female interests to do exactly that: running after her, or doing something dramatic for her, or declare their feelings for her in front of an audience. Females either ask for this very bluntly or continuously drop a bunch of hints. If males are respectful and refrain from doing the 3 things you mentioned, then the females discard them because the males are not romantic enough or crazy in love enough. It goes both ways, and females are just as responsible as the males. Think of all the times a female has introduced her love interest to her family and friends as "my boyfriend" to his great embarrassement b/c for the male the relationship wasn't and couldn't possibly be official b/c they still are at the very beginnning of it and trying to figure each other out. That's equal to the female declaring her feelings for him in front of an audience and doing emotional blackmail on him. Think of all the times females demand a diamond engagement ring (which include the male taking a knee in complete submission in front of an audience) or they'll break up. Think of all the times females are asking their male interests to stop seeing their buddies (only acceptable when the female decides so, and on her very specific terms, like in "they can come next Sunday to have a beer SO they can watch the video of our holidays" or stuff like that) AND complain to their male interests that we weren't there to drive them to or pick them up from the uni / nail beauty parlor / her parents' home / shopping mall, etc. Most males genuinely want to be the Prince Charming for their female interests , but all the Princesses they get are Toxic. There's huge amount of work to be done by both males and females if we want to build a more healthy communication and interaction between both sexes.
@@x2y3a1j5 I agree. That's what I meant when I said that real love must be free. Nobody wants to be blackmailed. If a guy does romantic or dramatic things for a woman, fine - as long as he wants it.
Ugh, I hate romance movies. When you base an entire story around love, it becomes ridiculous and dramatic, because a story needs conflict. But in a lot of real life love stories, there isn't some massive obstacle in the way of a perfect happily ever after that the two people need to overcome... The attraction simply fades away over time, or the two partners realise they were never really right for each other in the first place.
Also, I think I have to disagree with your point about Groundhog Day. The main character is *not* presented as a good guy. The whole movie is him becoming a better person, and finding love by working on himself as a person rather than being desperate and using manipulative tactics. The parts in which he manipulated his love interest did not frame him in a positive light. However, he did get to know her after his many attempts, and then treated her like a person rather than a prize or a distraction.
Sorry if that was a bit of a rant, though I doubt that anyone's reading this. Also, I may have misunderstood you, I was only half listening.
I think there are plenty of obstacles in real life love stories. Couples getting torn apart from money problems, serious illnesses, fights with the parents of the partner, one wanting a child & the other doesn't, one wanting to commit (marriage) & the other doesn't, abuse, cheating, addiction to alcohol etc. And when people fight or break up it's usually pretty ugly. From destroying stuff in the house, to abuse/violence & stalking. I've seen that plenty of times with people in my social circle.
I personally never experienced any big drama in romance...because I simply don't date...not for a serious relationship & not "just for fun" either. I have other problems to deal with.
So due to what I've seen around me happening, I can relate to those romantic movies or rather see truth in them. Especially when the romantic movies take a darker tone.
Behead those who insult Groundhog Day
Amaze-balls video. Even though I hate love stories, I think 500 Days of Summer kinda shows how love actually is. They begin loving each other at a period where they don't know each other, they do shit that they've seen in movies and then grow away from each other and through the process of trying to get back, realize that they were never meant to be with each other and there is nothing called fate.
Pramit Chatterjee Summer NEVER really loved him
of course the important thing is that it's about love that DOESN'T work out. so it's possibly not the best example.
The thing is, that isn't really a love story, but a story about being love, or about what we usually think or expect of love. It's a really good story if you see it that way.
Wtf the girl didn’t like him and no it’s not love it’s prolly highkey infatuation or obsession
"...realize that they were never meant to be with each other and there is nothing called fate". You just contradicted yourself.
But there's an argument to be made that Taming of the Shrew (and in essence 10 Things I Hate About You ) is actually about the taming of Petruchio (Patrick), not Katharine (Kat). In fact, in 10 Things, the women actually become less nice girls--or at least Bianca does, dropping a guy when he ignores her and punching him out at prom.
And you may end up falling in love with your nerdy classmate after you know him better. It happened to me.
Damn, I can never watch a rom-com again! They called out everyone.
Lol.
Lol there are still good rom-coms though. You'll just have to go beyond American movies
@@FunnyLittleFrog oh dont mind me i was being dramatic 😂
@@Matthew-my6ry ohh 😂
I think 'Down With Love' (which is also partially a satire of 60s rom com movies) should still be ok - there's no character softening involved, some manipulation but mostly as part of the satire, and (SPOILER) neither party in either the main couple or the secondary couple end by giving up their career to be with the one they love
You forgot one that I feel like is fairly obvious.... gay characters don't get rom coms.
NOT ANYMORE.
Yes, but they should get like GOOD stories then, and not like a story like in these rom coms ya know😅
@@miriyumyum3590 It's either a romcom or angsty stuff for them gay peeps.
@@vibevibevibemcommentedtoda5717 what do you mean exactly🤔, maybe some examples?
(Just out of interest😬)
@@miriyumyum3590 I forgot what movie it was but I had watched a few with the gay couples. Some are cutesy, fluffy stuff that makes you half expect that your tv screen will turn into a rainbow then there's another that dealt with the internalized homophobia one of them had because, you know, society.
I accidentally watched some of these when my sis was watching a movie and I stayed for the shit load of caramel popcorn snacks she'd usually bring whenever she's having a movie marathon.
Dude. Cinderella wasn’t in an ugly dress. She had a DESTROYED dress.
Amélie isn't stalking that guy, it's more of a quirky treasure hunt. She never violates his privacy.
I actually did find my soul mate. He did have one of those "I'm confused" moments where we broke up for a bit but he ended up coming back and telling me that he was wrong....and 23 years later....we're still together. I feel truly fortunate because I don't think that happens often. But, it did for me.
I thought I had found mine too, we met when we were 12 and started dating at 18, our relationship lasted for a little more than five years and we used to do everything together, we were best friends. He broke up with me a couple weeks ago, because he isn't sure of what he wants for his future anymore. It's hard not to constantly think that this is temporary and he'll eventually come back, because if that doesn't happen I won't know what to do. So right now I'm trying to focus on myself, learning more about me and the things I want for my life. I guess time will tell in the end.
I think that's the reason these movies work. Because it's about those unusual circumstances. Also the reason why the 'won't take no for an answer' stuff flies too. Because the pursuer in that case is one of the few people who aren't after the relationship to benefit themselves but to benefit the other, and unlike most stalkers, they are correct that they are compatible with the pursued person and that this person will inevitably see it. Of course, the reason they're compatible and accurately judge this to be so is because the writer makes it that way. In real life we are fallible and could be wrong even if our intentions were good and we really thought it could work.
one thing my older sister said: For the wrong guy, you do nothing right, but for the right guy you do nothing wrong.
I think it's a better advise than I ever got out of a movie. In conclusion just be you, and if that is not good enough, he isn't worth it. (I think you can also use this as a man searching for the right woman)
The problem that comes up in movie romances is that it is a story and stories need conflict, so 90% of the time the romance IS the conflict.
If the only conflict you have is “will they /won’t they” or “convince woman that she does in fact wish to sleep with you” then once the breeding pair get together you don’t have any material left over for the next movie/ next season/ next book
Cross genre rant here_ Like action heros always get the girl, but by the next movie they will have a) broken up offscreen and now he has to win her back b) broken up offscreen and must now learn to love again with hot chick #2. c) she dead *cough cough Deadpool*
Point is Hollywood has No Idea to write a dynamic couple after they have agreed to monogamous mushing. I would Love to see more movies where the happily married couple Work together to overcome The Obstacles.
one of my favorite movie couples is from the movie “game night”
A married couple who actually Like one another and work together to beat the baddies while being super cute and funny. Also kind of refreshing; they weren’t “opposites attract” the were both highly competitive type As with shared hobbies.
I dunno anyone else have favorite married characters, post “falling in love” stage
April and Andy but it's in a serie not in a movie, Parks and Recreations
I really like Zoe and Wash from Firefly/Serenity. If I recall correctly, Wheadon had to fight with Fox executives to include them as a happy couple, because they wanted Zoe to have a will-they/won't-they relationship with Mal...
So is there anything wrong with "opposites attract"? I personally kinda like those and what exactly is so "refreshing"?
Falling for your best friend can happen. My best guy friend and I had a Monica and Chandler get together and we've been married for two years
I love it
KS how’s that turning out
"IN LONDON!?"
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Literally all of the “change for your man” examples are wrong, I won’t go into all of them cuz I don’t have time but in Cinderella she’s needs to change into a ball gown because she’s going into a BALL! It’s the dress code and it has nothing to do with changing for her man. In that part of the movie with the fairy godmother she hadn’t even met the prince yet, Cinderella doesn’t dream of love like everyone says, she wanted to go to the ball to socialize and be a part of society because she’s been confined to an attic her whole and literally talks to mice! Imagine actually having to talk to mice to entertain yourself! Then once she’s at the ball and meets the prime and falls in love. That’s something that happened but that was never her goal.
Not all the examples are wrong though. Pretty woman, grease etc.
I think the makeover parts in movies (regardless if it's for a man or not, doesn't matter) suck.
The problem is that she had to wear a dress at all just to gain access to decent society. The message in Cinderella is that she needed something or someone to come rescue her, nothing about how the structure of society needed to change.
that all of their examples were wrong but only talked about Cinderella
I feel like a lot of the time, makeovers are a quick visual representation of having the money and resources to transform yourself and thereby claim some agency by being able to move in higher social circles. It doesn't send the best message to do this through appearances but film is a visual medium and frankly, it is an easy way for (usually) women to ascend the social ladder.
Also, I feel like people tend to ignore that Danny and Sandy tried to change for EACH OTHER and that they liked each other to begin with. We only see their transformations at the very end of the movie.
TheSongwritingCat yeah and its about finding yourself as teenagers.
Oh wow the ending tho: we must live by a different set of rules if we don’t want to end up in jail. Loved it 😂😂👌
Amnesia as a romcom plot tool pisses me off SO much. Particularly as it's a fantasy version of amnesia that only works selectively to allow the plot to happen
Amnesia doesn't equal bumping your head and forgetting everything you know
It can cause a significant loss of basic functions and language abilities and your memory is ongoing in how it's affected
A person with amnesia won't wake up clueless, and then spend the rest of their time capable of just absorbing new memories and experiences with no problem
They typically struggle with retaining new memories and have lose the ability to even have long term memories at all or have short term memory loss
They are essentially disabled via their amnesia and whatever caused the amnesia usually results in other damage if they were in an accident
Yet, it's just the convenient and plot friendly amnesia that is affected and nothing else
50 first dates is a movie that makes me so mad over how fucked up it is.
Not even going to get into the whole 24 hour memory loss thing
But this man takes this girl away from her family who are caring for her, from her town who understand what's wrong with, and from are hospital in which she received special help
She was his dream girl and so every single day, he used her condition to make her fall in love with him and complete HIS life.
At the end of the movie he has taken her out in the middle of the fucking ocean on a boat where they now live
She has no say in this each day. She wakes up and she's there. He got her pregnant and so for a time, she wakes up in the ocean on a boat, pregnant and with a guy she doesn't know or has any idea how she got there
That's fucking horrific. Yet it's supposedly romantic.
He is manipulating her and he is controlling everything that happens to her because she can't. With his daily videos explaining her amnesia and their relationship, that's the only reality she will ever know. What HE chooses to tell her
There's no one else around, she can't escape him, she can't return home
She has no power in that relationship. They're in the ocean for HIS job, he took her to essentially compliment his life and his dreams. That's fucked up. It's just fucked.
Thank you!!!!!! I appreciate this comment so much. My dad was in a motorcycle accident 2 years ago that left him with with impaired short term memory abilities. It's not something that should be taken so lightly as it affects his daily life and is upsetting to him. I've always hated the premise of 50 first dates, specifically for how they ended it. It always bothered me that he somehow manages to re-orient her every single day about their relationship. The fact that they have kids and she's had to wake up daily not knowing what the hell was going on sounds like a very difficult way to live. Not only would the pregnancies be difficult, but her kids would have to go through her never really knowing them. I think it's sad and unhealthy.
The worst part is how no one else sees it, granted they're on an island but there was people there that could've seen this and thought " this isn't right!" Instead of saying " there's no better kiss than the first!"
You're so wrong it's not even funny
So did any of that happen in real life or in Fiction?
@@BabyGirlTiny You want to explain how I'm wrong or - ?
I hate when people act like life is a movie. When me and my friend told each other we liked each other he said we shouldn’t date. I found out later he did this because he wanted our relationship to be complicated because it makes it more interesting. And during this time he kissed me and acted way too romantic. One time I was reading a book and he pushed my hair behind my ear lovingly. And when he kissed me (kissing is disgusting by the way) he said “oh right it’s your first kiss I have to make this good” (kissing is still disgusting) and then he told me he loved me. He said “I love you and everything... but your sarcasm.... I hate it” he literally said that.
When I told him I didn’t want to do dating stuff anymore he didn’t take me seriously. He still did dating stuff. He even got a little jealous when he found out I was friends with another guy. Suffice to say I haven’t hung out with him in a while. This was mostly me venting. But honestly people life is not a movie or a tv show. Behaviors like those seem entertaining in a movie but in real life it’s just annoying
THANK YOU
I LOVE that you brought up Overboard lol I was recently writing an essay about how good storytelling can make the audience forgive any absurd plot and root for abominable behavior. I absolutely love that movie even while knowing that it's insane at its core. Right up there with Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. It's all about presentation :D
yep...I was explaining Seven Brides to a friend (we were talking about old musicals and it was my favorite musical as a child..mostly for the dance choreography..actually really only for the choreography)...and I was like...holy shit...this movie is actually pretty fucked up...
but I still like the choreography of the Barn-Raising scene...so that's all I watch now...
The fact that good story telling can make people forgive or overlook toxic behavior is how abusers manipulate people into accepting the treatment. They are expert directors and know how to frame their behavior in a way that makes it unrecognizable except to those who actively analyze it or who are inclined to view things rather literally and logically.
Can we stop labeling and bringing up Summer and Clementine as "Manic Pixie dream girl" When they are complete opposite? it goes againts the movies message
summer was a manic pixie dream girl, at least in the main character's eyes before she became her own person with a mind, the movie does critic the manic pixie dream girl but you can still use summer as an example.
I know, they are good written characters
I disagree with your nice guy trope comparison of Groundhog Day. Phil doesn't win her over when he's trying to win her over and that's the point. He doesn't get the girl when that's his main focus. It's only when he stops trying, and starts focusing on bettering himself and the lives of those around him that he matures enough to have an adult relationship, and that's when the time loop ends.
Yup, that's the whole moral of the story. Once he sees the light and starts to better himself, for himself, not for personal gain. Once he helps others out of love and kidness and not for adulation, then the loop finally ends, and his life can resume. A better life too.
The Overlooked Best Friend trope annoys me to no end. When you're friends for someone that long you just don't (or rarely) catch feelings out of nowhere
IKR!
That trope has also given us "The Friend Zone". 🤮
When you say, "take off these heart-shaped glasses" at the beginning of the essay, before bringing up the first topic of "Creepy Love Lessons", it seems you missed an opportunity to put Kubrick's 'Lolita' as the video. Perfect ironic supplement to your narration.
👏hell👏 _y e a h_
I'm defence of 50 first days...words I've never though I write...they did fall in love the first time they met...she just forgot.
Yeah... I think they were married with a kid or something.
In defense of While You Were Sleeping, Sandra Bullock wasn't planning on lying to the family. Through happenstance, Sandra ends up going along with a misunderstanding to spare the feelings of the family who are going through a very tough time i.e. a son in a coma. She eventually tells the truth, very sweetly and apologizes. Her reasons for withholding the truth were compassionate. Also, While You Were Sleeping is one of the of greatest movies ever made. It's a very sweet & innocuous movie. Pick your battles wisely, ScreenPrism. :) P.S. your channel is awesome. :)
@Judy Mwanzo Um, sure. Sounds good. Have a great weekend. 😊
This is why "romcom" should be viewed for entertainment purpose only and not to be applied in real life... like a "sci-fi" movie... not real.
Hey! Many sci-fi movies/books are really deep and thougth-provoking.
@@DK-th5nt I agree there are movies like that, that's why they are enertaining...
At least sci-fi still has a potential to be real in the future
Oh my good ciencie fiction eben have rules ... and good fantasy too, not cus something is magic mean has no sense
Funny how romance is the one genre people seem to take life lessons from, yet its more unrealistic than nearly any genre that doesn't involve aliens or magic.
Jim and Pam in the office in season 3 when Jim was leaving his interview in New York Pam accepted the fact that she’ll be happy for him and Karen no matter what fully accepting the fact that they will still remain friends, this is the healthy relationship I want to have.
Why
I love the Office.
Here we go with Grease again. Why is it that everybody ignores the fact that Danny changed for her too? He stood up to his friends and even joined the track team to impress her. We know that both Sandy and Danny are going to realize that both of them thought that they needed to change for each other. I like to believe that after they got in the car and talked, they realized that they didn't have to. However some compromise is necessary for any relationship to thrive.
You guys should definitely do an analysis about the movie '16 candles'. I watched it recently and MANY aspects of it are incredibly disturbing.
Holy shit for sure.
I likeb that movie
I have a natural fear of romantic relationships since they often times are abusive unsatisfying boring or is going no where. Considering how bad most rom coms are at portraying happy couples despite how easy it actually is makes me concerned about the quality of the movie
I once complained about a guy being a stalker in a movie and my mom told me he was just being romantic... Epic bruh moment
At 8:44, I feel like that was an opportunity to talk about the normalization of physical abuse in romantic comedies when the woman slapping the man is seen as a comedic moment because there’s no way she could “actually hurt him”. Whereas, if it were the other way around, it would be seen for what it really is, abuse.
While that is true, it's because there is a very big difference between the possibility of the pain inflicted when the average woman slaps the average man versus the opposite. Plus, in the 90s it was normalized that the lead husband/boyfriend got to get one off on the girl if he was stressed/she "did something". And when that happened the girl would go flying across a room.
Bill Murray's attempts to manipulative his love interest didn't work though. He had to really become a better person to win her over. This doesn't work as an example of designated nice guys getting a pass for being creepy. He was clearly not depicted as a nice guy when he was being creepy. He was a jerk.
A lot of other good points though.
Perhaps, but he still had insider knowledge of her likes and dislikes that worked to his advantage.