Finally someone with a perspective that actually sees us picky eaters and not just the struggles for the parents. I’ve been pretty extreme with what I can manage to eat for as long as I remember, but I never got that freedom to just choose. My parents took me to a therapist once when I was like 6 for it, put the problem was that I didn’t have the words to communicate WHY I was having trouble eating. It wasn’t about the taste, even though that was all my parents seemed to think it was. It was always the texture overwhelming my sensory issues, and it still is. But when I couldn’t handle eating, my parents wouldn’t let me leave the table until I did. When we had cooking at school, everyone always mocked me or pointed it out that I was eating 90% of the time, which made everything all the more worse. Visiting people is always a nightmare because I have no idea what food might be served. I’m glad you’re spreading this message, so other kids might not have to deal with the same things I did, and might even be able to become ‘normal’ people again, whatever that might mean. At least that they won’t suffer as much as the rest of us.
Skycloud: Love your comment. My parents were worried about Anorexia when I was just Nine years old. They just couldn't grasp that I wouldn't eat meat, drink milk and many others. I believe the only thing that was disordered about my eating was the constant concern about what I wouldn't eat rather than working with what I would.
People who aren’t parents don’t understand. Kids waste a ton of food and money. Parents don’t want to make three different meals. It’s honestly ridiculous. Over analyzing this is another woke reasoning for a kid being a victim. I was a picky eater and my parents didn’t cater to me. And I’m glad they didn’t. Y’all need to realize you’re stressing your selves out for little to no reason.
@@JohnTheRevelator11 except that's YOUR opinion. Just because you don't relate to it doesn't make it non-true. There is science, research, and studies behind it. It isn't one size fits all. Glad it worked out that way for you and you are content with your results, but your theory doesn't apply to everybody. Most of this is coming from actual parents too. It does go deeper for some or many.
I live indonesia And here we have wierd food Like bat (paniki), we have like fermented rice that we roasted in bamboo(i think its chinese) And i dont like the smell and the visual and family keep saying like u gonna starve to death when u go to other place I mean i eat fried tofu, stir vege, fish, chicken, beef. Everyfood that not so complicated to make Just fry and some salt i can eat it
Let's not make it complicated. This very advice will apply to adults, they just have to apply the 5 P's to themselves (aka, you parent yourself). At the foundation, adults are simply grown children with tons more exp and the ability to parent themselves
"It's hard to eat, if you can't handle looking at your plate" YES! I've always been a compartmental eater myself I have to see what I am eating and understand it. Now thinking about life, this applies to my whole life, I always like to know what I am getting into, I like to have an understanding before I do something. I rarely eat at restaurants unless I know exactly what's in the food or it's something super simple that can't be screwed up. I always looked at it like a flaw, but maybe it's not. What an eye opening talk.
@@bkirstieyap, most likely something to do with lack of control ( of whats going on) and lack of safety in specific time in life ( childhood perhaps)....
I would love see this be applied to adults. My dad was a majorly picky eater, and it also limited what we would often eat for dinner, or where we could go for restaurants when I was growing up.
@Janet Slater, I guess you've allowed your dad to enjoy his "specialty" with pickishness, without asking yourself if you could just be fed up with it, and let him prepare and eat his choice of food so that you and the other members of the family could make their choice of what's on their plate. That would've taught him a lesson, instead of enjoying his family members' compliance with this tyranny. Your dad was a selfish person! No offense, but there are people who show charm on the outside, and other welcome treats of character, but once you get to know what's on the inside?!! Habitual role play in families is a burden at times, I'm from a family of 11. Mom did the cooking, traditional in the fifties. This changed of course. And last but not least... you could've prepared your own food, am I right?
@@devonseamoor I was a kid during a lot of this, so I didn't realy have much say or power. It also took my mom years to finally stand up to him, and say no. I also wouldn't exactly describe my dad as "charming" by any stretch of the imagination. He was just "there" and that was about it. Emotional neglect is a real thing.
My DH is also a very picky eater and he is vocal about it. I believe it tracks back to his childhood where every night his guardian (yup not raised by his parents) would serve the exact same meal. No joke, it’s 100% true. Pinto beans and tortillas. That’s it nothing else. He told me that he was so sick of eating the same dinner every day that he would refuse to eat and sometimes later sneak back into the kitchen to make a peanut and butter sandwich because he was so hungry. So for him being a picky eater gives him a sense of control when it comes to food, since he had no control over what he ate as a kid. I completely know why he is a picky eater, I just don’t know how to keep him feeling in control of his food choices while being flexible with what some of the other people in our household would like to eat.
@@devonseamoor I agree with this comment. My grandma made 2 dinners every night because my grandpa and her had such different food preferences. Absolutely ridiculous
You put words to something I have been experiencing for my entire life. I thought I was the only one who was a “picky eater” not for sensory reasons but because of the pressure. My diet has always been and continues to be one of my greatest shames. This video makes me feel less like a pathetic baby for being 24 years old and able to count the number of new foods I’ve tried in the last ten years on one hand.
Great talk! As a 60+ labeled picky in the 60s I welcome it! To me the bottom line is that kids are small and don’t know a lot but they still deserve respect as individuals! No cajoling no threats thank you. Offer healthy choices and leave it to them! Don’t mess up your relationship with them over a broccolini stem.
@@KatieKimball Thanks! I believe that my relationship with my mother was seriously damaged by our struggles over food. I hated dinner time. I felt a failure because I couldn’t/wouldn’t eat what she wanted me too. I bet she felt a failure as a mother but she would comment on what I ‘still hadn’t learned to eat’ every time we broke bread together. Such a waste. Of course it set the stage for so many other struggles. Get the message out there please!
@@bolarinwagidado1689 if you offer healthy choices they can’t go wrong. If there are hard boiled eggs bananas peanut butter cheese bread even a home made quick bread or cookies whatever they choose it’s going to be nutrition. Win win
Great job, Katie, love your dress, your shoes, your hair, your earrings, your engaging delivery, your speed/timing, your stage presence, your stage blocking, your emphatic gestures, your expression, your information, your clear organization, your memory aids, and your excellent and helpful reminders. Your many hours of preparation really paid off, congratulations!
I agree with all of this, and I also think we need to respect it when people just legit don’t like the taste of things. I have a lot of foods I don’t like and I’d like to see a more respectful, less pushy culture around what people eat. I’d like to see people respecting choices of not eating foods we don’t like the taste of, the same way we respect other dietary restrictions like being vegetarian/paleo/etc.
Absolutely! And then, there's the environmental effects. When I was a kid, my mom fed me peas from a can and I spit them out. Later, she tried vanilla ice milk (yes, it was a thing in the olden days) which I also rejected. So, the rest of my young life, I was told I dont like peas, I don't like vanilla ice cream. One day, I ate a raw, fresh pea accidentally put on my salad adn I was in love. Then....vanilla ice cream (not ice milk, which both my mother and mother-in-law preferred) and vanilla is my favorite flavor. Do the math here. ( But I will say that from that first bite ...until today. No olives. Ever. Please!)
Listening to this, I think my mom does pretty good, I don't remember her ever pressuring me to eat. She just makes something and has always told me and my sibs that this is what she made so we can eat it or stay hungry. She also has never made us eat food we genuinely don't like, she still makes them but we just don't have to eat them. She's never told us that we have to eat something.
I had dinner at a friend's place and her Mum was like that. She could see me eating really slowly and she told me I didn't have to finish it if I didn't like it or I was full. I was slow because of sensory processing issues but I really appreciated her attitude as I grew up in a family where I've sat at the table for so long after being told "you can't leave the table until you eat it" that the adults just gave up.
Learning later on in life that parents appreciate it immensely if you tell them these types of realisations. I usually mention them casually when my dad does something that reminds me of a childhood memory that I'm fond of. We had a pretty rocky father-son relationship (both more stubborn than the other) but dropping these small appreciations ment a lot to him and it has affected our relationship so much.
Yeah this is how kids grow up not being picky eaters. When you give them options they grow up picky and end up being too picky to try some awesome foods and flavors. Starts from baby ages.
I am 26 and still a picky eater. I wish someone taught me and my parents this, while growing up. Maybe things would have been different, I was (and still am) constantly mocked and guilt tripped about it by my family. It is hard to explain to non picky eaters this has to do with textures, smell, flavor….
The great news is that it's not too late to shift your palate and learn to work with, not against, the way your body wants to respond! My husband added new flavors in his 30s. :) See what you can do to adjust (IF that's what you want), and of course send this to your family so they can calm down about your preferences. :)
In other words, even at 26 yrs old, you are still not dealing with the core issues that make you a "picky eater" and therefore, working to move past it. What she is saying is it can be FIXED if you REALLY WANT to try, not just fall back on the same old "oh, I'm such a picky eater" thing. I also think it can be a cry for attention, regardless of age. 🤷🏼♀️ sorry
Food tastes different to me than normal people. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that people don't realize that I want NOTHING more in this world than to be able to eat all the foods they love. I woukd live to not be constantly embarrased in eating situations, on dates, family gatherings, etc. I hate this about myself and it truly takes more joy from my life than nearly any other issue.
I can endorse these ideas as I have always asked my kids to help prepare the meal so we can share the meal. Put the food on the table and let them choose. Let them decide how to arrange the dishes. Never serve a plate of food (how do you know how much they feel like eating). We used to say let’s make a farm with our veges. Then the kids would say these are my sheep (mashed potatoes) etc. Then they tell a story. I always have given my kids real utensils. Even when they played, I gave them real food so they had textures, smells etc. They cooked it for real with me. They never had plastic food to play with (how does that teach them about food). Children’s play is their work so give them opportunities to learn to explore food and food skills. At 2 my child used a rounded pate or butter knife and was encouraged to butter his own bread (sure it was messy but he was experiencing textures, visuals, motor skills.) Now he is 30 and loves cooking and dining out. He would rather whip up a quick meal from what is in the fridge than grab take out. He loves to be in the kitchen and good food is important to him. A final comment, let your kids experience food but also let them help with preparation and cleaning as well.
I'm currently doing these montessori practices with my children at home. And it's great! From food prep to clean up, my son is very involved in the process. It is messy, but I absolutely love it, and I love seeing how engaged he is, and how much he's learning in the process. He currently has foods that he doesn't eat, even if he helps prepare them, but I have noticed that he's at least willing to try. And allowing him the opportunity to follow his own cues, listen to his body on what smells/tastes/feels right or not has made mealtime not as stressful as it sounds for other families. You got me misty-eyed a bit talking about your now 30 year old son, because it makes me imagine (and further excited to see) the kind of man my boys will become :). My 7 month old is definitely taking his time with his introduction to solids. His brother dove in with finger foods from the start, but he seems to be more comfortable with purees. Looking forward to seeing how else his journey with food differs lol
@@DukeChubbyDun Something else that’s important is miniaturizing furniture. We put up a second clothing rail in his wardrobe about 1 m from the floor and got lots of little hangers so he could hang his own clothes. We played “let’s put all the things with “red” on together etc. His bed was low and his bookshelves were just two high so he could reach everything. All his toys were timber and natural fibres. It was such an enjoyable experience for both of is. I didn’t know it was Montessori, it was just my instinct and logic, but learnt later about Montessori and also brought in lots of ideas from The (Rudolf) Steiner philosophy.
@@DukeChubbyDun So great to hear this! You're noticing a lot about your kids which will serve you as a parent (and them) so well in many arenas of their growth. Less stressful mealtimes are a very common result of taking this approach! :)
My husband and I have a similar set up for our boys! My youngest is using a bassinet, but my older son has a low bed, he has full access to his clothes, so he's able to dress himself each day. The same for his shoes, his bookshelf, toy shelf, etc. He also has access to his drawer in the kitchen where his cups, bowls, etc are. I'm first generation American, and I was raised with a connection and understanding of my/my parents culture. Although I discovered montessori practices recently, I loved it because much of it was not too dissimilar to how my parents did things growing up back home, and how they raised me. I would guess that most others with 2nd and 3rd world backgrounds could probably see the overlap as well. I kind of just added some methods and a few new ideas from the montessori method when I became a parent. But what you said (or wrote 🙂) is key- instinct, logic, and I'll add observation is key to fostering an enjoyable learning environment for these little beings 😊 I'll have to check out the Steiner Philosophy 👍
I have this huge phobia of trying new foods, I am now 25 and I'm embarrassed by my pallet. Growing up food was beige and basic. Of course, I've carried on the same as I've got older. Tried new foods but instantly gag and spit them out, sticking to what I know has now caught up with me and health problems occur! I praise anyone giving new foods a go! We are all on a journey together ! Stay healthy and blessed ♥️
I like this video. I had issues with my family complaining about my eating growing up too and now I have two boys and they're learning how to eat. This video helps a lot thank you 💖🥰
This is so true. My eating habits changed after I got braces on, I start to avoid chewy or hard foods and picked those soft ones. Months after I have braces, it's not painful anymore to chew hard food, but I still avoid them because as the video says, my brain thinks hard food = pain.
I am guessing that happens to a lot of kids - it's like mini mouth trauma. My daughter is likely experiencing the same thing as she has convinced herself she doesn't like nuts after having oral appliances, but she used to love them. :( It's a tough road back!
I was a very picky eater growing up, and now I'm the most adventurous eater in my family. I did it by learning how to cook. With that said, any connection to a food makes it less daunting: picking it out yourself rather than having it given to you, for instance.
I probably have slight trauma towards veggies as i wouldn't eat them when i was younger, and the methods my parents used were not good one bit. And now i have certain ways to eat them, but if the opportunity comes to not have them, i will turn away. This is an awesome video because it shows how us "picky eaters" actually function and why we are like this. Texture and taste are a big part of eating for me, and even the visual side of it can affect my eating habits, sometimes i go days without eating something because the look of food doesn't seem appetizing. Its good to see a talk towards his topic, so that parents can actually understand why their children are not eating and what they can do to help.
You're a grown-up now. Eat whateverthehell you want. But please, eliminate all processed seed oils from your diet. They are rancid before they get to your kitchen.
please dont take the seed oils comment to heart. i understand how hard it is to eat even the things you like sometimes, and thats without diet culture fear mongering. most large studies show that seeds oils are not inflammatory, the majority of "proof" against seed oils are small studies and anecdotal evidence.
I may have waited too late to apply this to my children but I am definitely going to stop shying away from teaching them how to cook different foods. I'm willing to try anything at this point to keep my teenagers healthy.
Interesting and informative. I think when we have a "picky eater" we give up after awhile and just want them to eat SOMETHING. I, personally, need to work on the snacking in my family. Thanks for the tips, Katie!
Yes, 100% -- it's soooo stressful to worry that our kids aren't eating enough! But we can reset our thinking and take baby steps -- good goal with the snacking!
Weird, cuz back in the '60's, someone had to cook it, so that was our only option...whatever was put on the table. Between meals? If we asked, mom wd offer us an apple. That was it. No pop, candy, fast food, cookies, or chips on a regular basis. We all ate everything. I brought up my kids the same way, with same results.
Huh, that makes sense. I was a "picky eater" when I was little, but the types of meals where I was involved in the cooking I had no problems eating. I didn't have to help prepare all parts of the food, just being involved made me see what the foods actually were, what happened to them when they were cooked, and so on. The things I didn't like to eat despite being involved in the cooking are foods I still don't like, those were the "true" preferences. Also the things that hurt me in some way or another are foods I still don't like, like things that made me feel nauseous. Some more or less instant meals I had problems eating too, because they didn't really make sense to me because just hearing the ingredients without being involved in the cooking didn't make them sound appetising, like instant meatballs, sausages, pölsa, fish gratin that was pre-made to just put in the oven, beetroot salad coming in a plastic container, instant pyttipanna, etc.
Thanks God someone finally gets it! my dad used to yell at me for not eating the food on my plate, threatening to shove water and bread down my throat. Not only was I extremely fearful of him but I was also malnourished because I wasn't eating all the food on my plate, now that I've moved out I've started eating I've ealthy again but it's been really difficult. I found out later that I'm autistic and have arfid so no wonder why I malnourished.
Those are tough challenges and I'm SO glad to hear that you're able to work on your eating and got a dx! There's hope - there's healing - there's a good rel'ship with food for you soon!!
I watched this when my kids were little and tried to apply this thinking. I have one not picky eater and one picky eater. I tried to combine it with my mom’s advice to start with veggies for kids. My picky eater learned to eats nuts and seeds and vegetables and so those became familiar foods. He refuses to try new foods though. Even at school…they’ve tried offering him sugary cereals even and he refuses to try. That said, we’ve come a long way. After years of effort, we got him to eat Mac n cheese so we would have something universal. I think picky eating for him is also not about food. I think it is something else. But it’s the advice about reducing pressure that I think was the best advice we could have gotten. This is a great talk, with a lot of good stuff in it.
I was intubated for a long time after a premature birth and even had to do speech therapy because of the intubation. I know I struggled to eat as well. I'm glad I found this video. Thank you.
@@KatieKimball Thank you for your response,, I greatly appreciate it. Yes, definitely; food has played an interesting character in my life. I also have a condition that adds to complications in eating some foods (had the condition for 2/3 of my life). I guess it has been a lifelong learning experience of what I can or cannot eat while trying to keep a stable weight. I'm trying to expand my knowledge and understanding so I can help myself and hopefully help others in future. Knowing more about how the body works and exercises that can help issues like trouble swallowing are key to helping my body in my daily life.
I've just stumbled across this video as have been looking for tips for my 2.5 year old - hes gone from a baby who loved everything and would clear a plate within a couple of minutes to now eating very little. His "favourite" foods I can usually rely on to hopefully get him to eat something are becoming less and less. Its so disheartening to see him not eating, just complete refusal. Today hes had a small bowl of cereal, 1 slice of toast and 5 cherry tomatoes! But your video has put things into perspective for me!
So glad to add a new perspective!! Ages 2-5 is VERY normal for kids to start to test boundaries and have a lot of strong opinions, but it doesn't have to stay a problem if you stand firm on what you serve and don't "only" offer what the child loves best. Keep up the intentional efforts!
Love it!! I wish I had known all of this when my children were starting out! So interesting to realize how complicated eating is to learn. This sheds such insight on what kids are going through. Thank you!! :)
I want to say thank you for the video. I have taken custody of my great nephew, who is so picky. He eats less than 20 foods. He is eating more for dinner. I got him to eat something for breakfast, and I know have him eating peanut butter. We made a snack together, and he loves it! He is willing to try some mee foods too. I am going to be sticking to this plan.
God bless you for giving a home to your great nephew! The connection and love you'll give him may be the very thing he needs to release some control of what he eats. Stress = picky eating! Because you've reduced some of his stress, you'll probably see improvements and I'm tickled that you already are. Keep up the good work!
Loved this talk! I have been following Katie Kimball’s work for several years, and when I consistently implement her strategies, mealtime goes a lot smoother at my house…
My parents always held to the rule of you have to try one bite, and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. I was very picky about my food growing up and the only vegetable I would eat was raw carrots - so I always had carrots with my dinner. Now after growing up, my palette has changed and I enjoy a lot of different vegetables that I hated as a child. I highly doubt that would be the case had my parents forced me into eating things that (at the time) I didn't like. As long as your kid eats something nutritional and isn't deficient, let them eat what they are willing to eat.
Seriously awesome video. This makes so much sense! This will help lots with my oldest. She has a severe food allergy, some food sensitivities, she tastes certain flavors stronger than the average person, and if the texture is off, forget about it. We have changed our approach and it has helped. This video helped me see where I can make even more improvements.
I'm in my late 20s, and I can't handle many of the textures/taste of vegetable. I used to love them when I was young, but I just can't eat them without feeling sick. Salad is a big problem for me because my mouth associates the taste and texture of it with grass. And I've tried various salad dressing, but that does nothing. Most people think I need to get over it, but I can't when most of it is due to my sensory issues.
For sure! Not everyone needs to eat salad to be healthy. Can you eat cooked veggies? Or put them in smoothies? We want some veg for vitamins of course, but they certainly don't have to be raw.
Plants do have compounds to protect themselves from predators like humans. These compounds are lectins and oxylates. So if you don’t like veggies and salads, this could be why.
I'm an autistic person with severe food aversions and my mom never forced me to eat anything. If I stayed over at a relative's house she sent me with groceries to make my own food and got me to take vitamins religiously so I didn't develop any deficiencies. Parents see 'odd' behavior as a problem when really their need to 'fix' it is the cause of all the distress. Sometimes acceptance is the best solution for everyone.
I am late to this 'party' but can relate. When I was a child my parents were very concerned about my eating habits and actually considered having me assessed for Anorexia at NINE years old. I wouldn't eat meat at all...I still don't No potatoes, still don't No milk, still don't So, I have a super healthy vegan diet and am thin and active. Much more so than my two sisters who were never "picky eaters" So, I know that sometimes we come with preferences that are different from what is expected but that may in fact be beneficial.
@@Molly_K28 Amazing!!! I know very few people who seemed to arrive on a Vegan bend. Did your parents also try to persuade you to eat what you refused? My parents were so worried that something was "wrong" I still deal with individuals who seem to think I need dietary advice...from them. I'm patient though. I do realize that for the vast majority of people eating the way you and I do os actually a serious struggle.
It's nice to hear success stories while still in the 'picky eating trenches.' Very thoughtful talk, and best of luck to other caregivers looking to help their kids become preferenced (not picky) eaters!
I'm currently dealing with this at the moment, my daughter is 6 and I can count on 2 hands how many foods she'll eat. I love this perspective, and I'm going to start implementing these ideas at home, I'll be looking for some more resources by Katie Kimaball for sure!
I've always felt there's two kinds of kids when it comes to food, picky eaters, and those who will put anything in their mouths that can be technically called "food", I'm in the second category. Thank you for this in helping me understand picky eaters. I thought it was just them not wanting to try something new because they didn't like change. Maybe I was projecting that aspect of myself on them (I'm like that with clothing and living situations but I will try any kind of food, however when it comes to clothes, I wear the same type of outfit all the time like a cartoon character). I have a very mild form of autism and I try to be empathetic and I'm usually empathetic towards adults and other kids, but sometimes I just project myself onto others when I don't know and make assumptions. I feel bad when I'm wrong and I hurt someone's feelings, I still feel bad even after apologizing for hurting someone's feelings because I don't like being the cause of someone being sad, I want to make people's lives better. I guess learning these things is a part of growing up.
So well said! We all have assumptions at times that others think/behave like WE do, because our internal experience is often the only one we know. I'm so glad this talk helped you understand the inner world of others to increase your empathy! :)
@@KatieKimball I noticed when I was really little I'd always picture a story I read or heard as a familiar setting if I didn't see any pictures. Like maybe I'd picture their yard looking like mine or their grocery store looking like one of mine. They visited their grandma and pap and in my mind their grandma and pap's house looked like mine. Or maybe if streets had names shared with my town, I'd picture my town's version of that street. If I didn't do that, I imagined it being like something else familiar to me. Maybe I imagine them being in a cartoon I like for example. But if something was described, even a little, I could run with it with my imagination. I've learned as I got older to let my imagination do the work. It's weird how we have such big imaginations as a species but we so often imagine the rest of the world as what we know and understand. Or at least I do.
The most important thing that marks the beginning of a “picky eater’s” life is experiences. They might not try a food if they had a bad experience with it. Also, this talk leans into parents that spend a lot of time with their children and can observe their behaviors and whatnot. Then, what about those parents that rarely see their children because of work? They are tired and cook something simple just to check dinner off the list. Because of that, a child’s palate is limited to those meals. But, overall, this was a great and helpful Ted talk.
For sure, bad experiences goes under "pain" in the 5 Ps, a painful memory or bodily association. Parents who are super busy but wish to help expand their child's palate will find "quick/simple" meals that have more variety. Just because it might be difficult doesn't mean it's not worth it. A better relationship with food IS possible for any family structure, but it takes effort and intention.
Would like to add amother p.presentation.the same cucumbers tomato peppers & carrots that are presented as a smiley face or whatever usually goes faster!
So many good points here. In addition to helping with cooking, kids do great with assembly. Salad bars, taco bars, or homemade pizza give kids agency to assemble their own creations. And remember that toddlers, even your five year old, eat like snakes. One day they seem to eat twice their body weight, and then they don’t eat again the rest of the week. When a little one is gearing up for a growth spurt, they can really put it away!
Both very good reminders! I often recommend "build your own" bars to parents of picky eaters, as it gives everyone options about what to eat but also the unity of the family eating together (and the parents are making the choices about what is served).
I'm honestly proud to say that I have never been a strict "eat what I make or you won't eat at all" parent. I know there are some things I don't like, so why would I force my kids to eat stuff? My oldest isn't a "picky" eater but my daughter sure is. She only eats very specific things so I focus on making the "healthier" version. Like tacos, I use ground turkey and make my own seasoning, peanut butter and jelly I use the all natural ingredients and don't use white bread.
thank you for this! I'm gonna talk to my mom about this and ask her to teach me to cook more so I can feel more inclined. I'm a picky eater ESPECIALLY to spicy foods. For some reason even the smallest spice I taste. My dad always belittles me for it because to him it's pathetic. But I wanna eat spice I just don't know how- I think cooking with spice will help. I can cook a few things like cheesy mac(some might know it as beef-a-roni i think) and I add pepper in that and I never taste it unless I put too much and it sticks out but even then it never bothered me so I think the cooking will help me. Thank you so much I really didn't want to start being 18 as a picky eater letting my family down!!
Cooking definitely helps you widen your palate, and don't worry about being a supertaster - it's a real thing! Maybe you'll be a food connoisseur someday and invite your dad to your restaurant. ;)
I'm 49 and a picky eater. One of the worst for me is spices. I found out as I got older and would try spices that I was actually allergic to many of them. Anything in the ginger family, just even smelling them, causes my throat to close up. It's a really rare allergy and lucky me to have it. I have allergies to some of the others but not as bad as the ginger family. I'm also a supertaster as well as having other processing disorders. My daughter is so empathic she can feel the emotions food was cooked with, not to mention the feelings of the animals in meat. It makes it hard for her to eat anything she does not make herself. There are many reasons for food preferences and you'll figure it out.
Hey! I was like this. A good starter is siracha! Its spicy tomato sauce/ ketchup. Very yummy and an easy start! I started by tasting some of what someone else was eating. If I liked the look or smell, I wish you all the best on your journey! 🥰
There are some people who are more able to tolerate spicy foods than others. It means you have more receptors on your tongue. You can build up a tolerance over time. Your options are to start with a mild spice and work your way up to a hotter one (probably the best option), try foods from cultures that cook with spices (adding spice to a food that's not designed to be spicy won't always work the way you intend because of the ingredients involved), or if you're really impatient you could try adding hot sauce to everything. Your desire not to let your family down is exactly what the lady was talking about in the video. It's another form of Pressure. Also, your Dad belittling you really isn't okay. It's actually psychologically counter-productive. Positive reinforcement is a far more suitable method to change things in your life. Maybe set yourself a goal where you work towards a certain level of Scovilles (what they measure spiciness with) and, assuming you can get your Dad on board, he cheers you on and helps you positively reinforce the experiences instead of making you feel bad if you can't do something (which negatively impacts your experience of spiciness).
I’m so sorry to hear about your dads reaction to your eating struggles. I have suffered through that myself so I can relate. Your dad doesn’t seem to realize he’s actually hurting your relationship with him which is so precious and necessary. Whatever you do, if you ever decide to get married, be on the lookout for a man who constantly criticizes you. The reason for that is simple, many times women select their future spouse who are similar in behavior to their dad. Good or bad. You don’t want to spend your life with s man constantly on your case about any little thing. I noticed it lot of people mentioned hot sauce. That was great for soldiers who were in the Vietnam war. I don’t recommend it if you struggle with eating. If you take a bite of food doused with hot sauce and it really is hot, like Sriracha, you are liable to not finish your meal. I can’t eat really strong tasting food, hot sauce is one. If you want to try any kind of sauce, try it on something somewhat bland so you can get the whole experience. Too hot? Too strong? Sriracha overwhelming? I hope you won’t put so much pressure on yourself to “please your family” when it’s not about them. It’s about what you have to live with. My husband told me a funny story. When they were kids their dad had a bad habit of fixing Grape Nuts cereal (don’t know why they were called Grape Buts-no grapes here). He then doused them in hot water until they got soggy. I guess they were supposed to be an oatmeal substitute. Anyway my SIL kept saying she couldn’t eat them. My FIL insisted she eat them. She took one big bite and proceeded to puke all over. My MIL laughed so hard she almost wet herself. Dad never did that again!
I believe this, im going to try her strategy. Even recipes dont work. I l ow its sensory i just dont know how to go about it. I love this. I do think it’s the relationship with food.
Great place to start! It may take some time to unravel habits from childhood, but many people can work *with* their own sensitivities and find lots of food they can enjoy. Good luck! :)
Im all for helping kids with food sensitivities, and different physical issues with getting the food down and even sensory issues, I do not have patience with power trips or rudeness however, so I always did this with the kids with no physical barriers to eating. You get the same meal as everyone else if you haven't had it before you don't know that you don't like it. So here's what we are going to do you have to at least try everything on your plate gracefully with no mean comments or behaviors. If you really don't like something you don't have to eat it but I'm still not making an entirely different meal just for you after cooking this one for twenty minutes to an hour. With kids with food sensitivities you of course cater around avoiding problem foods. If it is a physical barrier problem you change the texture especially till you little one can say do the therapy or surgery (s) that allow typical function.with sensory stuff you can change some stuff but you also need to do desensitization therapy. But you can't just let kids eat chicken nuggets and tater tots forever, not only is the nutritional value incomplete it will start causing some stress and socialization issues. Yes kids are allowed to have preferences but they are not allowed to wind everyone else up over it every evening.
I'm with you on your bottom line philosophy, that we can't simply cater to kids and short order cook, and certainly no one should be eating chicken nuggets and mac and cheese all the time, or preferably never. There are some graceful ways to help kids build a good relationship with food and with their family.
Im a 53 year old picky eater and its all about the food for me. It makes me angry when someone thinks they can sneak an ingredient that I can't eat into a dish and then they think I'm going to be able to eat this.... Nope. If you put a food that I can't eat into a dish it turns out whole dish into a new food that I can't eat
It sounds like a nightmare trying to cook for you. I have a friend like you and I refuse to cook for him. Bring your MacDonald’s when you come over and you can sit at the kids table and eat it.
My children are both picky eaters. They must have gotten it from me but we are all different on why we are picky eaters: Texture, taste, and preferences on how you would like to eat. It’s not one size fits all
For sure - not one size fits all. Do you try making deconstructed meals? That's a great strategy when members of the family have different preferences.
Thank you so much for going through your experience and wanting to make life easier for others! I can't wait to see what my daily chaos turns into that I can share! 🌟💛✨️
If cooking with kids helps so much (it does), imagine how much it would help if you have them help out in a garden or at least grow some vegetables on your window bank - it would help a lot (saying from experience)
It can. That’s basically where I learned that it was more than picky eating for my daughter. She doesn’t even want to touch it. We’re in 10 years now. She doesn’t really care about food. And will go days without eating if you force her.
This was very informative but I think there is another issue of which parents should be aware. Many children have mild autistic traits, not enough to be diagnosed as autistic, but traits that are in their genes. There may be certain foods that children, as well as adults, cannot bear to have in their mouths...it's a tactile problem. As parents, we should keep these memories in mind as other issues come up into play. Perhaps your child becomes upset when you put her on the sand, or cannot bear to have a shirt pulled over her head. When you consolidate these observations, it may be the time to consult with a professional.
Absolutely - when you look at statistics on things like texture sensitivity and picky eating, kids on the autism spectrum are somewhere like 10x more likely to experience them than neuro-typical kids. The 3rd "P" of "processing" covers this trait, that sensory processing difficulties can make it very challenging for kids to approach food without fear. Getting professional help is a great idea when processing is an issue.
Hey just so you know, and I'm correcting you as kindly as I can, but there's not really such a thing as people having "mild autistic traits" in their genes. You either ARE or ARE NOT autistic. Any person with autism will feel things differently and have different sensory issues and comorbidities. That's why it's a spectrum. Every experiences things to some degree, but when it becomes a disorder it means it's affecting and impeding your daily life. Autism is a disorder, some more than others, but there is no "mild autism" just people who aren't affected as severely. I'd be considered in the past to be "mild autistic" or "high-functioning" bc I can drive and kinda work and kinda fit in and I'm smart, but both of these labels are harmful and inaccurate. My symptoms affect me to the point I am disabled. I can never work a normal job with normal hours, I get overwhelmed very easily, and I struggle with severe executive dysfunction. Also, I'm a very picky eater. It's mostly always texture that throws me off. Taste is second. Smell is third.
The veggies my 10-year old son is now able to eat are broccoli, sweet potatoes, carrots, and zuchinni squash (probably technically a fruit though). Took me a long time, but i'm glad we got to this point. Still working on introducing other types of veggies and hopefully beans. He's always like berries and apples, and occasionally bananas. His favorite foods tend to be meats (beef, chicken, pork).
I remember convincing a picky eater to try tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich and it was great when he liked it. He wouldn't eat any veggies in the 2 years I knew him and I was making the soup for a late night snack. I hope he continued to eat it when he got older.
Wow what a revolutionary idea! We should approach all parenting issues like this thinking outside the box and looking for the causes that might not be obvious behind children's behavior.
I have always thought of these ideas as obvious and logical. I have never thought of them as being “outside the box”. I just asked myself “What do I want my children to know: eg. knives are not toys, glass break, dinner doesn’t prepare itself, nor do dishes and brooms come to life as in Anastasia. It’s not for me to decide if how much food they can eat. A final point: our bodies reject food that we can’t tolerate so listen to our body.
Love this - it takes a lot more mental work to find the underlying causes to any behavior, but YES, a similar idea ("what is this behavior telling me about my child?") can be applied to non-food situations too!
This left me overwhelmed. My 16 year old son is autistic and can’t eat certain textures without gagging or vomiting (yes he is under specialty medical supervision - since age 5). There are only a couple of meals that him and my neurotypical 9 year old will both eat. She is “picky” Therefore different meals most nights. Then I hear this Ted Talk and here comes the parental guilt. Because I don’t have it in me to take all these steps. Kids don’t snack ✅. Other than that I gotta go through all this to figure out how to get her to eat? I’m a single mom with an insufficient support system who has aged twice as fast as my peers due to stress. I can’t fit anymore stress in. It’s already taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I’m making the nuggets.
I applaud you for even trying. You're already overwhelmed so you deserve appreciation for even trying one small step. Go look in the mirror and tell yourself (even if it feels silly) that you're a good mom and doing your best. Then maybe pick ONE tactic here to try. And remember, she says it can be a MINIMUM of 3 times before a child might come around to a new food. I have a 13-yr old with ADHD who has major issues surrounding food it's a struggle to get her to try anything new. She's hypersensitive to smells and textures. As a single mom myself, I think we need to support one another. No mom guilt allowed! 😉🥰
Ignore guilting people. May I suggest vitamin stickers from patch md. My child only eats one brand of chicken strips, pasta and (sometimes) pizza. That’s it. I did nurse him for a long time (years) because he refused food. It’s not because I did not know. He’s my fourth child. He’s the only one like this. The vitamin patch helps me keep my own will to live, lol.
Im a parent of 6 years old, 4 years old, struggling 😢. I hope i can overcome this. My kids dont want to eat. I hope after this they will have fun eating and be healthier
I went through this with my boys now five and seven. From turning their nose up at anything that wasn’t pancakes, chicken nuggets, hotdogs, or pizza to refusing to eat at meal time and the pantry for cereal bars afterwards. The approach I started recently has been to remove all snack food from the pantry and simply prepare them healthy balanced meals. I encourage them to try new things but I don’t police them. If they don’t eat, they go hungry until the next time I prepare a meal.
I still don't think it will work for my 11 year old. She doesn't eat meat, fruit or veggies. I don't know what to do. Do I just let her go hungry? She doesn't eat breakfast, eats her beefaroni or grilled cheese at school and then no supper. And if I changed her lunch, that would be 3 meals no food. She literally would not eat.
@@nevergoingtobehappy4112 she may need a blood test. Some blood deficiencies such as low b-12 can actually muck with appetite to the point that nothing is appetising.
I was labelled as a picky eater and to this day there are some textures I just can't stand. I was taught how to cook and well I'm now a chef, let me tell you the amount of products I won't eat because of the way of preparation is enormous. Food needs a good flavour good smell and a good texture for starters. So yeah if you want to say I'm picky I'll let you, I think I have high standards 🤷🏻♀️
Fantastic as alway! I found this very interesting and recognizes some things that might be helpful for us big humans especially those whoe have faced trauma.
We got over the short order cook thing pronto when we went with 'parents provide, children decide.' I don't even put it on our 4yo's plate any more unless she's sick and we don't want to share serving utensils (in which case I ask her what she wants and how much). This also cut down on our food waste considerably because she is much better about eating what she's chosen for herself. I simply put things on dishes in the middle of the table and call them all 'sharing plates'. I will always put out something I know she likes, but this also creates a safe space for me to make foods the rest of us like, regardless of her taste, and if she wants to try some, or not, it's ok with me either way.
Today for instance I made chicken coconut curry. It was no trouble to keep some chicken out of the sauce, it was no trouble to offer the rice without curry sauce, and no trouble to put a bottle of soya sauce on the table. It was very little extra work to put some slices of cucumber and some cherry tomatoes on a plate. Today she did not try the curry, but the yogurt convinced her to sit down with us and eat, which is how she noticed the colorful raw veggies that magically disappeared too.
@@Moondymon23 I LOVE the phrase, "parents provide, children decide!" Such a great ring, and it sounds like you've hit the child's agency and your boundaries just great!
This is excellent advice and highlights so many brilliant strategies that parents can use. This will benefit a huge number of people. However I do disagree with the title as I do believe that it is partly about the food for most children. I know children who are picky eaters that would rejects 9 out of 10 decent home cooked meals. But if you take them to McDonald's or give them ultra process cereal containing 30% sugar they will smash it down like a champion. UPF is crowding out real food in homes everywhere.
100%! Ultra processsed foods are killing us in many ways, picky eating included. In some ways, it's still not about the food - because the poor child's palate is being changed by UPF and they're conditioned to expect "sameness" from all foods. So YES it's related to the food, but it ends up in the child's physiology. It's both - something other than the food + the food itself.
My issue is the pressure and power. For some reason I have this sense of pride and not wanting be wrong. So if I try something that I haven’t liked this whole time and actually end up liking it, then I’ll end up feeling like I’ve lost some kind of game or bet to my parents and not wanting to admit I was wrong. I don’t know how to get over it, especially since I still live with them
I imagine that may have developed from a response to your parents’ approach to food power struggles. The fact that you are aware of this is amazing. Parent-child dynamics are hard to overcome, especially while living together, but not impossible. As you get older I hope you are able to put your own enjoyment and expansion of experiences above hanging on to old stances. Who is truly winning when you deny yourself pleasure and increased choices? Sometimes it really does come down to that question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I think your awareness means you are on the way to overcoming these limitations.
@@heatherowl thank you, just to be clear I’m not a minor(not saying you assumed it, just saying for clarity), but your reply is very helpful, I appreciate it
Awareness is HUGE! I think if you can shift your own mindset to an understanding of changing tastebuds and palate, that will go a long way. Ask your parents to list some foods they didn't like as kids but enjoy now...as a foundation for the conversation of food preferences shifting naturally, not something they were "right all along" about. You can be "right all along" that your tastebuds *will* change. ;)
I had a neighbor who had a daughter who was 7 who only ate little nibbles at a time. One day I saw her in shorts and marveled that she could even walk because her legs looked like sticks with a joint in the middle!! She was a walking skeleton!! 😮 At age 7!! I couldn’t help thinking that she must have some deep emotional stuff going on! Since her mom was The Boss, I suspected it was a way to try to gain control in her little life! …poor thing!! 😢
While I do agree with most of the points of the speaker, it is important to keep in mind that if this occurs before the child can speak it can be more difficult to determine which factors are at play. She doesn't address how important a full examination by a specialized doctor, speech therapist, and physical therapist before assuming it is just this. As the relative of a child who is now in their 20's, sometimes is can be both these factors AND the food. There was very little known about this problem in the place we lived. We were seen by a number of doctors who failed to recognize the seriousness of his condition until he was sick enough to require a feeding tube (to support him while he learned what textures and preferences he could tolerate). Please note if this condition persists, please take them to a specialist.
It's interesting to me that this seems to resonate with so many, and that's great. However, I have always been what's known as a picky eater and it simply comes down to taste and texture. It's always been that and most foods I didn't like as a child, I still don't like.
I’ve been picky for as long as I can remember (I’m a young teen btw) and so many people say things like “just try it” and what not, but the thing is, I can’t. I don’t want to eat it because I know I won’t like the texture. It’s almost always about texture, not taste. But it’s so embarrassing to visit people and the dinner they serve is something you don’t like. It’s not like I can just eat it anyways, I can’t. Such a problem not only for kids but teens and adults too.
This is so WISE to realize that your hang-up is texture - you're well on the way to a solution! Consider textures you DO find pleasing - if crunchy things, look for a way to prepare something new, maybe a veggie, in that same style. There's almost always a way to present a certain food in a new texture. So maybe start with one new thing...and see what happens? If you want to expand what you eat, even a little, you'll be motivated to figure out a way.
Guess I just never thought about it. Formula in the sippy cup, and finger foods on the high chair tray. As they got older, they ate what they got, I guess. The only thing I remember being a problem was Brussels Sprouts. One kid didn't like them, and we did the eat 4 and you can go. Wouldn't do it that way any more. We didn't snack much, so they were hungry at dinner time. One kid got the cookie habit, so he had a drawer for the cookies.
this woman should be in theatre if she isn't already. that absolutely isn't the point, but she's seriously good with her inflection and animation. she rlly feels like she's about to break into song in every other sentence lmao
@@KatieKimball HAHAHA i know my comment was off topic, but i wanted to say that i appreciate the actual content as well! i've always been a picky eater and what you said really made sense and has helped me and my health already!
This is amazing insight have been trying these solutions you suggested without even knowing what I am doing but it has been working tremendously. Thank you🥰 it all makes a lot of sense now.
This strategy has helped my family avoid many of the pitfalls you describe. We’re about a month into this approach but the kids have not yet expanded their diet beyond pasta, rice and bread. How long should we hold on?
Hi Shawn! Love that you tried strategies from my TEDx! It takes about 2 years for a baby human to learn to eat, so we need to keep in mind that if our kids got stuck on one of the steps, it may take months to unravel the bad habit and then many months or up to the full 2 years to completely "re-learn" to eat. Be patient, keep hope! I also have many more steps that I work on with my Picky Eating Playbook families to continue building a healthy environment for food. Are your kids helping in the kitchen yet? That can be a powerful tool too! But bottom line...keep holding on! :) Katie
Don't give them a choice. Fix a plate of food and they don't get anything else until they've finished it. They don't have to est it all in one sitting, but nothing else is coming until its gone.
@@KFrost-fx7dt that's a great way to give them a food-trauma and ensure they'll never tolerate that food for the rest of their lives. if my mom had ever tried that with me, i can guarantee it would have resulted in me throwing up all over the table or simply choosing to starve until she gave up. It certainly would not have taught me to like whatever food it was. my mom's rule was that I had to try ONE bite (because how can you know you don't like something if you've never tried it before?), and if I didn't like it then I could go fix myself something else to eat. She kept peanut butter and bread stocked so that I could always make myself a sandwich if I didn't want to eat whatever she cooked, with other options as I got old enough to use the microwave and such. Personally I think that's a fair compromise. She didn't have to make meals to cater exclusively to my tastes, and I learned how to be self-sufficient in terms of being able to feed myself.
@@TheGuindo Well your mom is probably why you are a picky eater. I'm talking about starting this in infancy, so they learn to like different foods at an early age. It's always kids who are served "kid food" who end up with food anxiety and issues. Kids also get anxiety from being made to finish their plate when it's too much. But there is no reason whatsoever that they can't eat what they're given. It's not a restaurant, the options are take it or leave it.
Good points all. I'd like to add that picky eating is also because of a faulty gut-brain connection. If the gut isn't 'clean', is leaky and not absorbing nutrients, this causes neurological issues such as sensory processing issues, ADHD etc. Most kids with these issues are picky eaters. Lastly, a little less drama in the presentation would be better.
Most definitely! Gut-brain connection and leaky gut would be under "pain" for sure, and gut healing and mineral balancing often helps picky eaters. Thanks for bringing that up!
What to do when you have a 13 month old who is fussy and hungry, but is refusing to eat whatever is offered, throwing food off the table. I understand that pressure is bad but as a mom the pressure is even more to feed nutritious organic food which itself is very expensive, making a meal which is time consuming and see your baby throwing everything away or either playing and at the end will remain fussy so either you have to make anything else or feed him milk ( which you aren't suppose to bcose now you are confusing meal time), in the end you are dealing with mess, a fussy baby and an alternative you need to figure out
@aimansonde1127 I invite you to join my No More Picky Eating Challenge that starts next week where we'll cover some steps more in depth. The good news - your child IS experiencing food when he plays with it and that will shorten the time to when he'll actually eat it. But I know it feels like *forever* to get there. It's so tough!
I enjoyed this talk. A lot of overlap with the My Little Eater podcast, which focuses on feeding babies and toddlers and how to avoid or deal with picky eating. If you're looking for more content with a similar perspective, you should listen to the podcast.
Finally someone with a perspective that actually sees us picky eaters and not just the struggles for the parents. I’ve been pretty extreme with what I can manage to eat for as long as I remember, but I never got that freedom to just choose. My parents took me to a therapist once when I was like 6 for it, put the problem was that I didn’t have the words to communicate WHY I was having trouble eating. It wasn’t about the taste, even though that was all my parents seemed to think it was. It was always the texture overwhelming my sensory issues, and it still is. But when I couldn’t handle eating, my parents wouldn’t let me leave the table until I did. When we had cooking at school, everyone always mocked me or pointed it out that I was eating 90% of the time, which made everything all the more worse. Visiting people is always a nightmare because I have no idea what food might be served. I’m glad you’re spreading this message, so other kids might not have to deal with the same things I did, and might even be able to become ‘normal’ people again, whatever that might mean. At least that they won’t suffer as much as the rest of us.
Skycloud:
Love your comment.
My parents were worried about Anorexia when I was just Nine years old.
They just couldn't grasp that I wouldn't eat meat, drink milk and many others.
I believe the only thing that was disordered about my eating was the constant concern about what I wouldn't eat rather than working with what I would.
People who aren’t parents don’t understand. Kids waste a ton of food and money. Parents don’t want to make three different meals. It’s honestly ridiculous.
Over analyzing this is another woke reasoning for a kid being a victim.
I was a picky eater and my parents didn’t cater to me. And I’m glad they didn’t. Y’all need to realize you’re stressing your selves out for little to no reason.
@@JohnTheRevelator11 except that's YOUR opinion. Just because you don't relate to it doesn't make it non-true. There is science, research, and studies behind it. It isn't one size fits all. Glad it worked out that way for you and you are content with your results, but your theory doesn't apply to everybody. Most of this is coming from actual parents too. It does go deeper for some or many.
I live indonesia
And here we have wierd food
Like bat (paniki), we have like fermented rice that we roasted in bamboo(i think its chinese)
And i dont like the smell and the visual and family keep saying like u gonna starve to death when u go to other place
I mean i eat fried tofu, stir vege, fish, chicken, beef. Everyfood that not so complicated to make
Just fry and some salt i can eat it
Shut up and eat your vegetables...
We talk about this only with children but we need to talk about this in adults to. It’s such a big problem that people don’t even acknowledge.
Grown up picky eaters - definitely exist!!
Let's not make it complicated. This very advice will apply to adults, they just have to apply the 5 P's to themselves (aka, you parent yourself).
At the foundation, adults are simply grown children with tons more exp and the ability to parent themselves
Well, they need to get over it.
@@yourlocalraven489not as easy as it seems.
I’m literally 18 and I’m just as picked as when I was 6
"It's hard to eat, if you can't handle looking at your plate" YES!
I've always been a compartmental eater myself I have to see what I am eating and understand it. Now thinking about life, this applies to my whole life, I always like to know what I am getting into, I like to have an understanding before I do something. I rarely eat at restaurants unless I know exactly what's in the food or it's something super simple that can't be screwed up.
I always looked at it like a flaw, but maybe it's not. What an eye opening talk.
Embrace what you've got and work with it instead of against it, yes!
this sounds like a deeper issue and has very little to do with food.
@@bkirstieyap, most likely something to do with lack of control ( of whats going on) and lack of safety in specific time in life ( childhood perhaps)....
I would love see this be applied to adults. My dad was a majorly picky eater, and it also limited what we would often eat for dinner, or where we could go for restaurants when I was growing up.
@Janet Slater, I guess you've allowed your dad to enjoy his "specialty" with pickishness, without asking yourself if you could just be fed up with it, and let
him prepare and eat his choice of food so that you and the other members of the family could make their choice of what's on their plate. That would've taught him a lesson, instead of enjoying his family members' compliance with this tyranny.
Your dad was a selfish person! No offense, but there are people who show charm on the outside, and other welcome treats of character, but once you get to know what's on the inside?!! Habitual role play in families is a burden at times, I'm from a family of 11. Mom did the cooking, traditional in the fifties. This changed of course. And last but not least... you could've prepared your own food, am I right?
@@devonseamoor I was a kid during a lot of this, so I didn't realy have much say or power. It also took my mom years to finally stand up to him, and say no. I also wouldn't exactly describe my dad as "charming" by any stretch of the imagination. He was just "there" and that was about it. Emotional neglect is a real thing.
My DH is also a very picky eater and he is vocal about it. I believe it tracks back to his childhood where every night his guardian (yup not raised by his parents) would serve the exact same meal. No joke, it’s 100% true. Pinto beans and tortillas. That’s it nothing else. He told me that he was so sick of eating the same dinner every day that he would refuse to eat and sometimes later sneak back into the kitchen to make a peanut and butter sandwich because he was so hungry.
So for him being a picky eater gives him a sense of control when it comes to food, since he had no control over what he ate as a kid.
I completely know why he is a picky eater, I just don’t know how to keep him feeling in control of his food choices while being flexible with what some of the other people in our household would like to eat.
@@devonseamoor I agree with this comment. My grandma made 2 dinners every night because my grandpa and her had such different food preferences. Absolutely ridiculous
I divorced a man like this. So glad I did. He was so controlling.
You put words to something I have been experiencing for my entire life. I thought I was the only one who was a “picky eater” not for sensory reasons but because of the pressure. My diet has always been and continues to be one of my greatest shames. This video makes me feel less like a pathetic baby for being 24 years old and able to count the number of new foods I’ve tried in the last ten years on one hand.
if you’re ashamed of it why don’t you work on fixing it
@@ihazotherchannelthis! Grown adults here using this video about kids to validate their unhealthy habits
Great talk! As a 60+ labeled picky in the 60s I welcome it! To me the bottom line is that kids are small and don’t know a lot but they still deserve respect as individuals! No cajoling no threats thank you. Offer healthy choices and leave it to them! Don’t mess up your relationship with them over a broccolini stem.
Jillian, this is my favorite quote of today! ;) "Don’t mess up your relationship with them over a broccolini stem." So on point!
@@KatieKimball Thanks! I believe that my relationship with my mother was seriously damaged by our struggles over food. I hated dinner time. I felt a failure because I couldn’t/wouldn’t eat what she wanted me too. I bet she felt a failure as a mother but she would comment on what I ‘still hadn’t learned to eat’ every time we broke bread together. Such a waste. Of course it set the stage for so many other struggles. Get the message out there please!
But growing children need food😅
@@bolarinwagidado1689 if you offer healthy choices they can’t go wrong. If there are hard boiled eggs bananas peanut butter cheese bread even a home made quick bread or cookies whatever they choose it’s going to be nutrition. Win win
Great job, Katie, love your dress, your shoes, your hair, your earrings, your engaging delivery, your speed/timing, your stage presence, your stage blocking, your emphatic gestures, your expression, your information, your clear organization, your memory aids, and your excellent and helpful reminders. Your many hours of preparation really paid off, congratulations!
Aw gee...that is a huge compliment, thank you, Beth!
Cooking with the kid is a really helpful trick. I've just started doing it with my 2yo girl & she starts to enjoy her mealtime. 😊
Yes but unfortunately not with my child .. good to hear it works for you..xxx
It's a long play! Takes time, and not magic. @@shamsahennadesigns6279
I agree with all of this, and I also think we need to respect it when people just legit don’t like the taste of things. I have a lot of foods I don’t like and I’d like to see a more respectful, less pushy culture around what people eat. I’d like to see people respecting choices of not eating foods we don’t like the taste of, the same way we respect other dietary restrictions like being vegetarian/paleo/etc.
Absolutely! And then, there's the environmental effects. When I was a kid, my mom fed me peas from a can and I spit them out. Later, she tried vanilla ice milk (yes, it was a thing in the olden days) which I also rejected. So, the rest of my young life, I was told I dont like peas, I don't like vanilla ice cream. One day, I ate a raw, fresh pea accidentally put on my salad adn I was in love. Then....vanilla ice cream (not ice milk, which both my mother and mother-in-law preferred) and vanilla is my favorite flavor. Do the math here. ( But I will say that from that first bite ...until today. No olives. Ever. Please!)
Great insights! I'll try these with my son!
Thank you so much for this!! I was/am THE picky eater. It was torture as a child to deal with meal time.
Listening to this, I think my mom does pretty good, I don't remember her ever pressuring me to eat. She just makes something and has always told me and my sibs that this is what she made so we can eat it or stay hungry. She also has never made us eat food we genuinely don't like, she still makes them but we just don't have to eat them. She's never told us that we have to eat something.
I had dinner at a friend's place and her Mum was like that. She could see me eating really slowly and she told me I didn't have to finish it if I didn't like it or I was full. I was slow because of sensory processing issues but I really appreciated her attitude as I grew up in a family where I've sat at the table for so long after being told "you can't leave the table until you eat it" that the adults just gave up.
My mom was like that as well she also never made us clean our plates
Learning later on in life that parents appreciate it immensely if you tell them these types of realisations. I usually mention them casually when my dad does something that reminds me of a childhood memory that I'm fond of. We had a pretty rocky father-son relationship (both more stubborn than the other) but dropping these small appreciations ment a lot to him and it has affected our relationship so much.
Yeah this is how kids grow up not being picky eaters. When you give them options they grow up picky and end up being too picky to try some awesome foods and flavors. Starts from baby ages.
I dont think i've ever been so directly understood by just a video...
I almost wanted to cry through this video. I feel so understood for struggles I couldn't understand myself 😭
I'm so happy to hear that! Hopefully now you have some ideas about what to dig into to build a great relationship with food now.
I am 26 and still a picky eater. I wish someone taught me and my parents this, while growing up. Maybe things would have been different, I was (and still am) constantly mocked and guilt tripped about it by my family. It is hard to explain to non picky eaters this has to do with textures, smell, flavor….
The great news is that it's not too late to shift your palate and learn to work with, not against, the way your body wants to respond! My husband added new flavors in his 30s. :) See what you can do to adjust (IF that's what you want), and of course send this to your family so they can calm down about your preferences. :)
In other words, even at 26 yrs old, you are still not dealing with the core issues that make you a "picky eater" and therefore, working to move past it. What she is saying is it can be FIXED if you REALLY WANT to try, not just fall back on the same old "oh, I'm such a picky eater" thing. I also think it can be a cry for attention, regardless of age. 🤷🏼♀️ sorry
@@SymphonySaysCry for attention lol you’ve not got a clue
@@SymphonySaysnice advice guy.. that’ll help him
Food tastes different to me than normal people. I think the thing that bothers me the most is that people don't realize that I want NOTHING more in this world than to be able to eat all the foods they love. I woukd live to not be constantly embarrased in eating situations, on dates, family gatherings, etc. I hate this about myself and it truly takes more joy from my life than nearly any other issue.
I can endorse these ideas as I have always asked my kids to help prepare the meal so we can share the meal. Put the food on the table and let them choose. Let them decide how to arrange the dishes. Never serve a plate of food (how do you know how much they feel like eating). We used to say let’s make a farm with our veges. Then the kids would say these are my sheep (mashed potatoes) etc. Then they tell a story. I always have given my kids real utensils. Even when they played, I gave them real food so they had textures, smells etc. They cooked it for real with me. They never had plastic food to play with (how does that teach them about food). Children’s play is their work so give them opportunities to learn to explore food and food skills. At 2 my child used a rounded pate or butter knife and was encouraged to butter his own bread (sure it was messy but he was experiencing textures, visuals, motor skills.) Now he is 30 and loves cooking and dining out. He would rather whip up a quick meal from what is in the fridge than grab take out. He loves to be in the kitchen and good food is important to him. A final comment, let your kids experience food but also let them help with preparation and cleaning as well.
I'm currently doing these montessori practices with my children at home. And it's great! From food prep to clean up, my son is very involved in the process. It is messy, but I absolutely love it, and I love seeing how engaged he is, and how much he's learning in the process. He currently has foods that he doesn't eat, even if he helps prepare them, but I have noticed that he's at least willing to try. And allowing him the opportunity to follow his own cues, listen to his body on what smells/tastes/feels right or not has made mealtime not as stressful as it sounds for other families.
You got me misty-eyed a bit talking about your now 30 year old son, because it makes me imagine (and further excited to see) the kind of man my boys will become :).
My 7 month old is definitely taking his time with his introduction to solids. His brother dove in with finger foods from the start, but he seems to be more comfortable with purees. Looking forward to seeing how else his journey with food differs lol
@@DukeChubbyDun Something else that’s important is miniaturizing furniture. We put up a second clothing rail in his wardrobe about 1 m from the floor and got lots of little hangers so he could hang his own clothes. We played “let’s put all the things with “red” on together etc. His bed was low and his bookshelves were just two high so he could reach everything. All his toys were timber and natural fibres. It was such an enjoyable experience for both of is. I didn’t know it was Montessori, it was just my instinct and logic, but learnt later about Montessori and also brought in lots of ideas from The (Rudolf) Steiner philosophy.
What a wonderful testimony to immersive food experiences and intuitive parenting! Fun to hear that at 30 your son still has those good habits. :)
@@DukeChubbyDun So great to hear this! You're noticing a lot about your kids which will serve you as a parent (and them) so well in many arenas of their growth. Less stressful mealtimes are a very common result of taking this approach! :)
My husband and I have a similar set up for our boys! My youngest is using a bassinet, but my older son has a low bed, he has full access to his clothes, so he's able to dress himself each day. The same for his shoes, his bookshelf, toy shelf, etc. He also has access to his drawer in the kitchen where his cups, bowls, etc are.
I'm first generation American, and I was raised with a connection and understanding of my/my parents culture. Although I discovered montessori practices recently, I loved it because much of it was not too dissimilar to how my parents did things growing up back home, and how they raised me. I would guess that most others with 2nd and 3rd world backgrounds could probably see the overlap as well.
I kind of just added some methods and a few new ideas from the montessori method when I became a parent.
But what you said (or wrote 🙂) is key- instinct, logic, and I'll add observation is key to fostering an enjoyable learning environment for these little beings 😊
I'll have to check out the Steiner Philosophy 👍
I have this huge phobia of trying new foods, I am now 25 and I'm embarrassed by my pallet. Growing up food was beige and basic. Of course, I've carried on the same as I've got older. Tried new foods but instantly gag and spit them out, sticking to what I know has now caught up with me and health problems occur! I praise anyone giving new foods a go! We are all on a journey together ! Stay healthy and blessed ♥️
Try to introduce basic staples even if it's something that is not prepared like huel/Soylent, peanuts, or plain vegetables
I like this video. I had issues with my family complaining about my eating growing up too and now I have two boys and they're learning how to eat. This video helps a lot thank you 💖🥰
This is so true. My eating habits changed after I got braces on, I start to avoid chewy or hard foods and picked those soft ones. Months after I have braces, it's not painful anymore to chew hard food, but I still avoid them because as the video says, my brain thinks hard food = pain.
I am guessing that happens to a lot of kids - it's like mini mouth trauma. My daughter is likely experiencing the same thing as she has convinced herself she doesn't like nuts after having oral appliances, but she used to love them. :( It's a tough road back!
I was a very picky eater growing up, and now I'm the most adventurous eater in my family. I did it by learning how to cook. With that said, any connection to a food makes it less daunting: picking it out yourself rather than having it given to you, for instance.
I love this real life success story!
Such a powerful and strong presentation
I probably have slight trauma towards veggies as i wouldn't eat them when i was younger, and the methods my parents used were not good one bit. And now i have certain ways to eat them, but if the opportunity comes to not have them, i will turn away. This is an awesome video because it shows how us "picky eaters" actually function and why we are like this. Texture and taste are a big part of eating for me, and even the visual side of it can affect my eating habits, sometimes i go days without eating something because the look of food doesn't seem appetizing. Its good to see a talk towards his topic, so that parents can actually understand why their children are not eating and what they can do to help.
You're a grown-up now. Eat whateverthehell you want.
But please, eliminate all processed seed oils from your diet. They are rancid before they get to your kitchen.
please dont take the seed oils comment to heart. i understand how hard it is to eat even the things you like sometimes, and thats without diet culture fear mongering. most large studies show that seeds oils are not inflammatory, the majority of "proof" against seed oils are small studies and anecdotal evidence.
I may have waited too late to apply this to my children but I am definitely going to stop shying away from teaching them how to cook different foods. I'm willing to try anything at this point to keep my teenagers healthy.
Interesting and informative. I think when we have a "picky eater" we give up after awhile and just want them to eat SOMETHING. I, personally, need to work on the snacking in my family. Thanks for the tips, Katie!
Yes, 100% -- it's soooo stressful to worry that our kids aren't eating enough! But we can reset our thinking and take baby steps -- good goal with the snacking!
Weird, cuz back in the '60's, someone had to cook it, so that was our only option...whatever was put on the table. Between meals? If we asked, mom wd offer us an apple. That was it. No pop, candy, fast food, cookies, or chips on a regular basis. We all ate everything. I brought up my kids the same way, with same results.
Sometimes we made a grazing plate on the weekend. The food was healthy and the kids could nibble on between playing.
Huh, that makes sense. I was a "picky eater" when I was little, but the types of meals where I was involved in the cooking I had no problems eating. I didn't have to help prepare all parts of the food, just being involved made me see what the foods actually were, what happened to them when they were cooked, and so on. The things I didn't like to eat despite being involved in the cooking are foods I still don't like, those were the "true" preferences. Also the things that hurt me in some way or another are foods I still don't like, like things that made me feel nauseous. Some more or less instant meals I had problems eating too, because they didn't really make sense to me because just hearing the ingredients without being involved in the cooking didn't make them sound appetising, like instant meatballs, sausages, pölsa, fish gratin that was pre-made to just put in the oven, beetroot salad coming in a plastic container, instant pyttipanna, etc.
It's so fascinating to look back and learn about our own childhoods! Love this!
Pyytipannu? Is that the Finnish cut potatos with some onions and ham?
@@SuomiMama Originally Swedish, but yes it’s the same
Thanks God someone finally gets it! my dad used to yell at me for not eating the food on my plate, threatening to shove water and bread down my throat. Not only was I extremely fearful of him but I was also malnourished because I wasn't eating all the food on my plate, now that I've moved out I've started eating I've ealthy again but it's been really difficult. I found out later that I'm autistic and have arfid so no wonder why I malnourished.
Those are tough challenges and I'm SO glad to hear that you're able to work on your eating and got a dx! There's hope - there's healing - there's a good rel'ship with food for you soon!!
This is such a fantastic talk! I wasn't expecting this perspective and it was SO interesting and inspiring.
My favorite thing is when people are surprised and learn something new! Thank you!
This made me cry but she is right
She’s a very engaging presenter! Super impressed by her skills! 🙌 👏
Loved it thank you for the tips
I watched this when my kids were little and tried to apply this thinking. I have one not picky eater and one picky eater. I tried to combine it with my mom’s advice to start with veggies for kids. My picky eater learned to eats nuts and seeds and vegetables and so those became familiar foods. He refuses to try new foods though. Even at school…they’ve tried offering him sugary cereals even and he refuses to try.
That said, we’ve come a long way. After years of effort, we got him to eat Mac n cheese so we would have something universal. I think picky eating for him is also not about food. I think it is something else. But it’s the advice about reducing pressure that I think was the best advice we could have gotten. This is a great talk, with a lot of good stuff in it.
I was intubated for a long time after a premature birth and even had to do speech therapy because of the intubation. I know I struggled to eat as well. I'm glad I found this video. Thank you.
I'm sure that experience was huge in your relationship with food!
@@KatieKimball Thank you for your response,, I greatly appreciate it. Yes, definitely; food has played an interesting character in my life. I also have a condition that adds to complications in eating some foods (had the condition for 2/3 of my life). I guess it has been a lifelong learning experience of what I can or cannot eat while trying to keep a stable weight. I'm trying to expand my knowledge and understanding so I can help myself and hopefully help others in future. Knowing more about how the body works and exercises that can help issues like trouble swallowing are key to helping my body in my daily life.
I've just stumbled across this video as have been looking for tips for my 2.5 year old - hes gone from a baby who loved everything and would clear a plate within a couple of minutes to now eating very little. His "favourite" foods I can usually rely on to hopefully get him to eat something are becoming less and less. Its so disheartening to see him not eating, just complete refusal. Today hes had a small bowl of cereal, 1 slice of toast and 5 cherry tomatoes! But your video has put things into perspective for me!
So glad to add a new perspective!! Ages 2-5 is VERY normal for kids to start to test boundaries and have a lot of strong opinions, but it doesn't have to stay a problem if you stand firm on what you serve and don't "only" offer what the child loves best. Keep up the intentional efforts!
Love it!! I wish I had known all of this when my children were starting out! So interesting to realize how complicated eating is to learn. This sheds such insight on what kids are going through. Thank you!! :)
I literally just left the same comment. Luckily I still have a 5 and 12 year old but wish I could have started much earlier w/ each of them !
I want to say thank you for the video. I have taken custody of my great nephew, who is so picky. He eats less than 20 foods. He is eating more for dinner. I got him to eat something for breakfast, and I know have him eating peanut butter. We made a snack together, and he loves it! He is willing to try some mee foods too. I am going to be sticking to this plan.
God bless you for giving a home to your great nephew! The connection and love you'll give him may be the very thing he needs to release some control of what he eats. Stress = picky eating! Because you've reduced some of his stress, you'll probably see improvements and I'm tickled that you already are. Keep up the good work!
Loved this talk! I have been following Katie Kimball’s work for several years, and when I consistently implement her strategies, mealtime goes a lot smoother at my house…
That's always what I love to hear! Same here...even I have to remember to be consistent! ;)
My parents always held to the rule of you have to try one bite, and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. I was very picky about my food growing up and the only vegetable I would eat was raw carrots - so I always had carrots with my dinner. Now after growing up, my palette has changed and I enjoy a lot of different vegetables that I hated as a child. I highly doubt that would be the case had my parents forced me into eating things that (at the time) I didn't like. As long as your kid eats something nutritional and isn't deficient, let them eat what they are willing to eat.
This is an incredible message delivered incredibly well. Thank you, Katie!!
Thank you!!
I've been labelled a picky eater all my life which left me with immensely low self-esteem.
That's so sad that it affected the way you feel about yourself! :( Do you see any of the 5 Ps in your history?
Please don't blame yourself. You may just have more discerning taste.
Your self esteem is yours. If it's low, build it up.
The power of vulnerability book/audiobook may be a good place to start your journey
Seriously awesome video. This makes so much sense! This will help lots with my oldest. She has a severe food allergy, some food sensitivities, she tastes certain flavors stronger than the average person, and if the texture is off, forget about it. We have changed our approach and it has helped. This video helped me see where I can make even more improvements.
So happy to help, Adrianna! Keep up the good work!
I'm in my late 20s, and I can't handle many of the textures/taste of vegetable. I used to love them when I was young, but I just can't eat them without feeling sick. Salad is a big problem for me because my mouth associates the taste and texture of it with grass. And I've tried various salad dressing, but that does nothing. Most people think I need to get over it, but I can't when most of it is due to my sensory issues.
For sure! Not everyone needs to eat salad to be healthy. Can you eat cooked veggies? Or put them in smoothies? We want some veg for vitamins of course, but they certainly don't have to be raw.
Plants do have compounds to protect themselves from predators like humans. These compounds are lectins and oxylates. So if you don’t like veggies and salads, this could be why.
I'm an autistic person with severe food aversions and my mom never forced me to eat anything. If I stayed over at a relative's house she sent me with groceries to make my own food and got me to take vitamins religiously so I didn't develop any deficiencies. Parents see 'odd' behavior as a problem when really their need to 'fix' it is the cause of all the distress. Sometimes acceptance is the best solution for everyone.
Good job, your mom! I'm sure you're grateful that she was wise and intentional in her parenting. :)
What are the vitamins you took, I need advice
@@sarahgumball8597 I usually take Women's Alive vitamins.
I am late to this 'party' but can relate.
When I was a child my parents were very concerned about my eating habits and actually considered having me assessed for Anorexia at NINE years old.
I wouldn't eat meat at all...I still don't
No potatoes, still don't
No milk, still don't
So, I have a super healthy vegan diet and am thin and active. Much more so than my two sisters who were never "picky eaters"
So, I know that sometimes we come with preferences that are different from what is expected but that may in fact be beneficial.
Sometimes kids just know what's healthy and what's not. I was the same, no animal products and my parents took forever to accept this.
@@Molly_K28
Amazing!!!
I know very few people who seemed to arrive on a Vegan bend.
Did your parents also try to persuade you to eat what you refused?
My parents were so worried that something was "wrong"
I still deal with individuals who seem to think I need dietary advice...from them.
I'm patient though. I do realize that for the vast majority of people eating the way you and I do os actually a serious struggle.
@@Molly_K28 Some vegan diets are worse than dairy and meat! Careful...
@@Jennifer-gr7hn all diets can be bad. Non vegan diets are generally worse
It's nice to hear success stories while still in the 'picky eating trenches.' Very thoughtful talk, and best of luck to other caregivers looking to help their kids become preferenced (not picky) eaters!
Thanks for sharing the MUCH needed Wisdom...
I'm currently dealing with this at the moment, my daughter is 6 and I can count on 2 hands how many foods she'll eat. I love this perspective, and I'm going to start implementing these ideas at home, I'll be looking for some more resources by Katie Kimaball for sure!
I've always felt there's two kinds of kids when it comes to food, picky eaters, and those who will put anything in their mouths that can be technically called "food", I'm in the second category. Thank you for this in helping me understand picky eaters. I thought it was just them not wanting to try something new because they didn't like change. Maybe I was projecting that aspect of myself on them (I'm like that with clothing and living situations but I will try any kind of food, however when it comes to clothes, I wear the same type of outfit all the time like a cartoon character). I have a very mild form of autism and I try to be empathetic and I'm usually empathetic towards adults and other kids, but sometimes I just project myself onto others when I don't know and make assumptions. I feel bad when I'm wrong and I hurt someone's feelings, I still feel bad even after apologizing for hurting someone's feelings because I don't like being the cause of someone being sad, I want to make people's lives better. I guess learning these things is a part of growing up.
So well said! We all have assumptions at times that others think/behave like WE do, because our internal experience is often the only one we know. I'm so glad this talk helped you understand the inner world of others to increase your empathy! :)
@@KatieKimball I noticed when I was really little I'd always picture a story I read or heard as a familiar setting if I didn't see any pictures. Like maybe I'd picture their yard looking like mine or their grocery store looking like one of mine. They visited their grandma and pap and in my mind their grandma and pap's house looked like mine. Or maybe if streets had names shared with my town, I'd picture my town's version of that street. If I didn't do that, I imagined it being like something else familiar to me. Maybe I imagine them being in a cartoon I like for example. But if something was described, even a little, I could run with it with my imagination. I've learned as I got older to let my imagination do the work. It's weird how we have such big imaginations as a species but we so often imagine the rest of the world as what we know and understand. Or at least I do.
The most important thing that marks the beginning of a “picky eater’s” life is experiences. They might not try a food if they had a bad experience with it.
Also, this talk leans into parents that spend a lot of time with their children and can observe their behaviors and whatnot. Then, what about those parents that rarely see their children because of work? They are tired and cook something simple just to check dinner off the list. Because of that, a child’s palate is limited to those meals.
But, overall, this was a great and helpful Ted talk.
so true. Such kids might have a progress if parents decide to work on picky eating but it will be very slow
For sure, bad experiences goes under "pain" in the 5 Ps, a painful memory or bodily association. Parents who are super busy but wish to help expand their child's palate will find "quick/simple" meals that have more variety. Just because it might be difficult doesn't mean it's not worth it. A better relationship with food IS possible for any family structure, but it takes effort and intention.
Would like to add amother p.presentation.the same cucumbers tomato peppers & carrots that are presented as a smiley face or whatever usually goes faster!
So many good points here. In addition to helping with cooking, kids do great with assembly. Salad bars, taco bars, or homemade pizza give kids agency to assemble their own creations. And remember that toddlers, even your five year old, eat like snakes. One day they seem to eat twice their body weight, and then they don’t eat again the rest of the week. When a little one is gearing up for a growth spurt, they can really put it away!
Both very good reminders! I often recommend "build your own" bars to parents of picky eaters, as it gives everyone options about what to eat but also the unity of the family eating together (and the parents are making the choices about what is served).
Yes! Nutrition for children adds up over weeks and months, as opposed to within a day :)
That is an extremely great point❕😃
She was very well-spoken also!!👍🏻
This honestly made me feel a lot better.
I'm honestly proud to say that I have never been a strict "eat what I make or you won't eat at all" parent. I know there are some things I don't like, so why would I force my kids to eat stuff? My oldest isn't a "picky" eater but my daughter sure is. She only eats very specific things so I focus on making the "healthier" version. Like tacos, I use ground turkey and make my own seasoning, peanut butter and jelly I use the all natural ingredients and don't use white bread.
The was wonderful thank you
Makes sense. I'll give it a try.
thank you for this! I'm gonna talk to my mom about this and ask her to teach me to cook more so I can feel more inclined. I'm a picky eater ESPECIALLY to spicy foods. For some reason even the smallest spice I taste. My dad always belittles me for it because to him it's pathetic. But I wanna eat spice I just don't know how- I think cooking with spice will help. I can cook a few things like cheesy mac(some might know it as beef-a-roni i think) and I add pepper in that and I never taste it unless I put too much and it sticks out but even then it never bothered me so I think the cooking will help me. Thank you so much I really didn't want to start being 18 as a picky eater letting my family down!!
Cooking definitely helps you widen your palate, and don't worry about being a supertaster - it's a real thing! Maybe you'll be a food connoisseur someday and invite your dad to your restaurant. ;)
I'm 49 and a picky eater. One of the worst for me is spices. I found out as I got older and would try spices that I was actually allergic to many of them. Anything in the ginger family, just even smelling them, causes my throat to close up. It's a really rare allergy and lucky me to have it. I have allergies to some of the others but not as bad as the ginger family. I'm also a supertaster as well as having other processing disorders. My daughter is so empathic she can feel the emotions food was cooked with, not to mention the feelings of the animals in meat. It makes it hard for her to eat anything she does not make herself. There are many reasons for food preferences and you'll figure it out.
Hey! I was like this. A good starter is siracha! Its spicy tomato sauce/ ketchup. Very yummy and an easy start! I started by tasting some of what someone else was eating. If I liked the look or smell, I wish you all the best on your journey! 🥰
There are some people who are more able to tolerate spicy foods than others. It means you have more receptors on your tongue. You can build up a tolerance over time. Your options are to start with a mild spice and work your way up to a hotter one (probably the best option), try foods from cultures that cook with spices (adding spice to a food that's not designed to be spicy won't always work the way you intend because of the ingredients involved), or if you're really impatient you could try adding hot sauce to everything. Your desire not to let your family down is exactly what the lady was talking about in the video. It's another form of Pressure. Also, your Dad belittling you really isn't okay. It's actually psychologically counter-productive. Positive reinforcement is a far more suitable method to change things in your life. Maybe set yourself a goal where you work towards a certain level of Scovilles (what they measure spiciness with) and, assuming you can get your Dad on board, he cheers you on and helps you positively reinforce the experiences instead of making you feel bad if you can't do something (which negatively impacts your experience of spiciness).
I’m so sorry to hear about your dads reaction to your eating struggles. I have suffered through that myself so I can relate. Your dad doesn’t seem to realize he’s actually hurting your relationship with him which is so precious and necessary. Whatever you do, if you ever decide to get married, be on the lookout for a man who constantly criticizes you. The reason for that is simple, many times women select their future spouse who are similar in behavior to their dad. Good or bad. You don’t want to spend your life with s man constantly on your case about any little thing. I noticed it lot of people mentioned hot sauce. That was great for soldiers who were in the Vietnam war. I don’t recommend it if you struggle with eating. If you take a bite of food doused with hot sauce and it really is hot, like Sriracha, you are liable to not finish your meal. I can’t eat really strong tasting food, hot sauce is one. If you want to try any kind of sauce, try it on something somewhat bland so you can get the whole experience. Too hot? Too strong? Sriracha overwhelming? I hope you won’t put so much pressure on yourself to “please your family” when it’s not about them. It’s about what you have to live with. My husband told me a funny story. When they were kids their dad had a bad habit of fixing Grape Nuts cereal (don’t know why they were called Grape Buts-no grapes here). He then doused them in hot water until they got soggy. I guess they were supposed to be an oatmeal substitute. Anyway my SIL kept saying she couldn’t eat them. My FIL insisted she eat them. She took one big bite and proceeded to puke all over. My MIL laughed so hard she almost wet herself. Dad never did that again!
I love this since I teach little ones. Very good Ted Talk. Thank you.
Great advice. Looking forward to learning more from Katie! Hope her advice works - I need it!!!
I believe this, im going to try her strategy. Even recipes dont work. I l ow its sensory i just dont know how to go about it. I love this. I do think it’s the relationship with food.
Great place to start! It may take some time to unravel habits from childhood, but many people can work *with* their own sensitivities and find lots of food they can enjoy. Good luck! :)
Im all for helping kids with food sensitivities, and different physical issues with getting the food down and even sensory issues, I do not have patience with power trips or rudeness however, so I always did this with the kids with no physical barriers to eating. You get the same meal as everyone else if you haven't had it before you don't know that you don't like it. So here's what we are going to do you have to at least try everything on your plate gracefully with no mean comments or behaviors. If you really don't like something you don't have to eat it but I'm still not making an entirely different meal just for you after cooking this one for twenty minutes to an hour. With kids with food sensitivities you of course cater around avoiding problem foods. If it is a physical barrier problem you change the texture especially till you little one can say do the therapy or surgery (s) that allow typical function.with sensory stuff you can change some stuff but you also need to do desensitization therapy. But you can't just let kids eat chicken nuggets and tater tots forever, not only is the nutritional value incomplete it will start causing some stress and socialization issues. Yes kids are allowed to have preferences but they are not allowed to wind everyone else up over it every evening.
I'm with you on your bottom line philosophy, that we can't simply cater to kids and short order cook, and certainly no one should be eating chicken nuggets and mac and cheese all the time, or preferably never. There are some graceful ways to help kids build a good relationship with food and with their family.
Thank you for this so much! I needed the push to find joy in cooking again and this helped!
Im a 53 year old picky eater and its all about the food for me. It makes me angry when someone thinks they can sneak an ingredient that I can't eat into a dish and then they think I'm going to be able to eat this.... Nope. If you put a food that I can't eat into a dish it turns out whole dish into a new food that I can't eat
It sounds like a nightmare trying to cook for you. I have a friend like you and I refuse to cook for him. Bring your MacDonald’s when you come over and you can sit at the kids table and eat it.
I love how she's wearing a green dress on a topic for food! Yes! 😍🥦🥬🥑🥝🍏
Oh funny, I didn't even do that intentionally but I also love how well it works!!
My children are both picky eaters. They must have gotten it from me but we are all different on why we are picky eaters: Texture, taste, and preferences on how you would like to eat. It’s not one size fits all
For sure - not one size fits all. Do you try making deconstructed meals? That's a great strategy when members of the family have different preferences.
Great talk! I love Katie's work and have referred many parents that struggle with picky eaters.
Thank you so much for going through your experience and wanting to make life easier for others! I can't wait to see what my daily chaos turns into that I can share! 🌟💛✨️
If cooking with kids helps so much (it does), imagine how much it would help if you have them help out in a garden or at least grow some vegetables on your window bank - it would help a lot (saying from experience)
Totally! Kids love growing their own food and often munch veggies right out there in the garden. Thanks for pointing that out!
@@KatieKimball yes! My parsley and basil rarely get from the window to the table :) and grandmas garden is better than anny playground
It can. That’s basically where I learned that it was more than picky eating for my daughter. She doesn’t even want to touch it. We’re in 10 years now. She doesn’t really care about food. And will go days without eating if you force her.
This was very informative but I think there is another issue of which parents should be aware. Many children have mild autistic traits, not enough to be diagnosed as autistic, but traits that are in their genes. There may be certain foods that children, as well as adults, cannot bear to have in their mouths...it's a tactile problem. As parents, we should keep these memories in mind as other issues come up into play. Perhaps your child becomes upset when you put her on the sand, or cannot bear to have a shirt pulled over her head. When you consolidate these observations, it may be the time to consult with a professional.
Absolutely - when you look at statistics on things like texture sensitivity and picky eating, kids on the autism spectrum are somewhere like 10x more likely to experience them than neuro-typical kids. The 3rd "P" of "processing" covers this trait, that sensory processing difficulties can make it very challenging for kids to approach food without fear. Getting professional help is a great idea when processing is an issue.
Hey just so you know, and I'm correcting you as kindly as I can, but there's not really such a thing as people having "mild autistic traits" in their genes. You either ARE or ARE NOT autistic. Any person with autism will feel things differently and have different sensory issues and comorbidities. That's why it's a spectrum. Every experiences things to some degree, but when it becomes a disorder it means it's affecting and impeding your daily life. Autism is a disorder, some more than others, but there is no "mild autism" just people who aren't affected as severely.
I'd be considered in the past to be "mild autistic" or "high-functioning" bc I can drive and kinda work and kinda fit in and I'm smart, but both of these labels are harmful and inaccurate. My symptoms affect me to the point I am disabled. I can never work a normal job with normal hours, I get overwhelmed very easily, and I struggle with severe executive dysfunction. Also, I'm a very picky eater. It's mostly always texture that throws me off. Taste is second. Smell is third.
Yeah. My grandma told me that my sensory and executive function problems might be an extremely mild case of autism.
The veggies my 10-year old son is now able to eat are broccoli, sweet potatoes, carrots, and zuchinni squash (probably technically a fruit though). Took me a long time, but i'm glad we got to this point. Still working on introducing other types of veggies and hopefully beans. He's always like berries and apples, and occasionally bananas. His favorite foods tend to be meats (beef, chicken, pork).
I remember convincing a picky eater to try tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich and it was great when he liked it. He wouldn't eat any veggies in the 2 years I knew him and I was making the soup for a late night snack. I hope he continued to eat it when he got older.
Wow what a revolutionary idea! We should approach all parenting issues like this thinking outside the box and looking for the causes that might not be obvious behind children's behavior.
I have always thought of these ideas as obvious and logical. I have never thought of them as being “outside the box”. I just asked myself “What do I want my children to know: eg. knives are not toys, glass break, dinner doesn’t prepare itself, nor do dishes and brooms come to life as in Anastasia. It’s not for me to decide if how much food they can eat. A final point: our bodies reject food that we can’t tolerate so listen to our body.
Love this - it takes a lot more mental work to find the underlying causes to any behavior, but YES, a similar idea ("what is this behavior telling me about my child?") can be applied to non-food situations too!
This left me overwhelmed. My 16 year old son is autistic and can’t eat certain textures without gagging or vomiting (yes he is under specialty medical supervision - since age 5). There are only a couple of meals that him and my neurotypical 9 year old will both eat. She is “picky” Therefore different meals most nights. Then I hear this Ted Talk and here comes the parental guilt. Because I don’t have it in me to take all these steps. Kids don’t snack ✅. Other than that I gotta go through all this to figure out how to get her to eat? I’m a single mom with an insufficient support system who has aged twice as fast as my peers due to stress. I can’t fit anymore stress in. It’s already taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I’m making the nuggets.
Same… I have kids that gag and vomit… they are also on the autism spectrum… so I let go of the guilt… and feed them what they will actually eat.
Obviously do whatever you want, but when your kids become obese, diabetic or anemic, don't blame anyone but yourself
I applaud you for even trying. You're already overwhelmed so you deserve appreciation for even trying one small step. Go look in the mirror and tell yourself (even if it feels silly) that you're a good mom and doing your best. Then maybe pick ONE tactic here to try. And remember, she says it can be a MINIMUM of 3 times before a child might come around to a new food. I have a 13-yr old with ADHD who has major issues surrounding food it's a struggle to get her to try anything new. She's hypersensitive to smells and textures. As a single mom myself, I think we need to support one another. No mom guilt allowed! 😉🥰
Ignore guilting people. May I suggest vitamin stickers from patch md. My child only eats one brand of chicken strips, pasta and (sometimes) pizza. That’s it. I did nurse him for a long time (years) because he refused food. It’s not because I did not know. He’s my fourth child. He’s the only one like this. The vitamin patch helps me keep my own will to live, lol.
Anyone else mesmerized by her amazing arms!??!? Lol! I think I picked up a few tips but now I want slim arm secrets!!
I just want my food to be made with love. Thats why I cook for myself
Im a parent of 6 years old, 4 years old, struggling 😢. I hope i can overcome this. My kids dont want to eat. I hope after this they will have fun eating and be healthier
This is a big part of the montessori/respectful parenting styles
I loooove Montessori! :)
This was fascinating
Wow that was a good talk! Thank you!
I would not really call it healthy, but of course putting pressure will only worsen it
I went through this with my boys now five and seven. From turning their nose up at anything that wasn’t pancakes, chicken nuggets, hotdogs, or pizza to refusing to eat at meal time and the pantry for cereal bars afterwards.
The approach I started recently has been to remove all snack food from the pantry and simply prepare them healthy balanced meals. I encourage them to try new things but I don’t police them. If they don’t eat, they go hungry until the next time I prepare a meal.
I had peanut butter and jelly in the cabinet. If you don't like dinner, you can make a sandwich. They'll be fine.
You set boundaries, they have choices - when done in love, a wonderful system! Well done!
I still don't think it will work for my 11 year old. She doesn't eat meat, fruit or veggies. I don't know what to do. Do I just let her go hungry? She doesn't eat breakfast, eats her beefaroni or grilled cheese at school and then no supper. And if I changed her lunch, that would be 3 meals no food. She literally would not eat.
@@nevergoingtobehappy4112 she may need a blood test. Some blood deficiencies such as low b-12 can actually muck with appetite to the point that nothing is appetising.
@@nevergoingtobehappy4112It would be fine if she went a day without food. I bet she’d change her mind if she actually got hjngry.
Great presentation and very informative...Thank you!
Awesome!! I appreciate this perspective and new mindset. Thank you.
I was labelled as a picky eater and to this day there are some textures I just can't stand. I was taught how to cook and well I'm now a chef, let me tell you the amount of products I won't eat because of the way of preparation is enormous. Food needs a good flavour good smell and a good texture for starters. So yeah if you want to say I'm picky I'll let you, I think I have high standards 🤷🏻♀️
I agree! Many "picky eaters" are really just food connoisseurs! :)
Fantastic as alway! I found this very interesting and recognizes some things that might be helpful for us big humans especially those whoe have faced trauma.
Our stress levels and trauma have a HUGE impact on eating, for sure!!
We got over the short order cook thing pronto when we went with 'parents provide, children decide.' I don't even put it on our 4yo's plate any more unless she's sick and we don't want to share serving utensils (in which case I ask her what she wants and how much). This also cut down on our food waste considerably because she is much better about eating what she's chosen for herself. I simply put things on dishes in the middle of the table and call them all 'sharing plates'. I will always put out something I know she likes, but this also creates a safe space for me to make foods the rest of us like, regardless of her taste, and if she wants to try some, or not, it's ok with me either way.
Today for instance I made chicken coconut curry. It was no trouble to keep some chicken out of the sauce, it was no trouble to offer the rice without curry sauce, and no trouble to put a bottle of soya sauce on the table. It was very little extra work to put some slices of cucumber and some cherry tomatoes on a plate. Today she did not try the curry, but the yogurt convinced her to sit down with us and eat, which is how she noticed the colorful raw veggies that magically disappeared too.
@@Moondymon23 I LOVE the phrase, "parents provide, children decide!" Such a great ring, and it sounds like you've hit the child's agency and your boundaries just great!
Love this! Every parent should watch this. 👌
This is excellent advice and highlights so many brilliant strategies that parents can use. This will benefit a huge number of people. However I do disagree with the title as I do believe that it is partly about the food for most children. I know children who are picky eaters that would rejects 9 out of 10 decent home cooked meals. But if you take them to McDonald's or give them ultra process cereal containing 30% sugar they will smash it down like a champion. UPF is crowding out real food in homes everywhere.
100%! Ultra processsed foods are killing us in many ways, picky eating included. In some ways, it's still not about the food - because the poor child's palate is being changed by UPF and they're conditioned to expect "sameness" from all foods. So YES it's related to the food, but it ends up in the child's physiology. It's both - something other than the food + the food itself.
My issue is the pressure and power. For some reason I have this sense of pride and not wanting be wrong. So if I try something that I haven’t liked this whole time and actually end up liking it, then I’ll end up feeling like I’ve lost some kind of game or bet to my parents and not wanting to admit I was wrong. I don’t know how to get over it, especially since I still live with them
I imagine that may have developed from a response to your parents’ approach to food power struggles. The fact that you are aware of this is amazing. Parent-child dynamics are hard to overcome, especially while living together, but not impossible. As you get older I hope you are able to put your own enjoyment and expansion of experiences above hanging on to old stances. Who is truly winning when you deny yourself pleasure and increased choices? Sometimes it really does come down to that question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? I think your awareness means you are on the way to overcoming these limitations.
@@heatherowl thank you, just to be clear I’m not a minor(not saying you assumed it, just saying for clarity), but your reply is very helpful, I appreciate it
Awareness is HUGE! I think if you can shift your own mindset to an understanding of changing tastebuds and palate, that will go a long way. Ask your parents to list some foods they didn't like as kids but enjoy now...as a foundation for the conversation of food preferences shifting naturally, not something they were "right all along" about. You can be "right all along" that your tastebuds *will* change. ;)
I had a neighbor who had a daughter who was 7 who only ate little nibbles at a time. One day I saw her in shorts and marveled that she could even walk because her legs looked like sticks with a joint in the middle!! She was a walking skeleton!! 😮 At age 7!! I couldn’t help thinking that she must have some deep emotional stuff going on! Since her mom was The Boss, I suspected it was a way to try to gain control in her little life!
…poor thing!! 😢
Power and control are big issues around food to be sure...
While I do agree with most of the points of the speaker, it is important to keep in mind that if this occurs before the child can speak it can be more difficult to determine which factors are at play. She doesn't address how important a full examination by a specialized doctor, speech therapist, and physical therapist before assuming it is just this. As the relative of a child who is now in their 20's, sometimes is can be both these factors AND the food. There was very little known about this problem in the place we lived. We were seen by a number of doctors who failed to recognize the seriousness of his condition until he was sick enough to require a feeding tube (to support him while he learned what textures and preferences he could tolerate). Please note if this condition persists, please take them to a specialist.
Good reminder! Parents can be detectives to an extent, but nothing beats a professional when serious problem feeding occurs.
It's interesting to me that this seems to resonate with so many, and that's great. However, I have always been what's known as a picky eater and it simply comes down to taste and texture. It's always been that and most foods I didn't like as a child, I still don't like.
I’ve been picky for as long as I can remember (I’m a young teen btw) and so many people say things like “just try it” and what not, but the thing is, I can’t. I don’t want to eat it because I know I won’t like the texture. It’s almost always about texture, not taste. But it’s so embarrassing to visit people and the dinner they serve is something you don’t like. It’s not like I can just eat it anyways, I can’t. Such a problem not only for kids but teens and adults too.
This is so WISE to realize that your hang-up is texture - you're well on the way to a solution! Consider textures you DO find pleasing - if crunchy things, look for a way to prepare something new, maybe a veggie, in that same style. There's almost always a way to present a certain food in a new texture. So maybe start with one new thing...and see what happens? If you want to expand what you eat, even a little, you'll be motivated to figure out a way.
Guess I just never thought about it. Formula in the sippy cup, and finger foods on the high chair tray. As they got older, they ate what they got, I guess. The only thing I remember being a problem was Brussels Sprouts. One kid didn't like them, and we did the eat 4 and you can go. Wouldn't do it that way any more. We didn't snack much, so they were hungry at dinner time. One kid got the cookie habit, so he had a drawer for the cookies.
Thank you 🙏
this woman should be in theatre if she isn't already. that absolutely isn't the point, but she's seriously good with her inflection and animation. she rlly feels like she's about to break into song in every other sentence lmao
LOL if only I had the talent to write a song about vegetables or something! ;)
@@KatieKimball HAHAHA i know my comment was off topic, but i wanted to say that i appreciate the actual content as well! i've always been a picky eater and what you said really made sense and has helped me and my health already!
This is amazing insight have been trying these solutions you suggested without even knowing what I am doing but it has been working tremendously. Thank you🥰 it all makes a lot of sense now.
This strategy has helped my family avoid many of the pitfalls you describe. We’re about a month into this approach but the kids have not yet expanded their diet beyond pasta, rice and bread. How long should we hold on?
Hi Shawn! Love that you tried strategies from my TEDx! It takes about 2 years for a baby human to learn to eat, so we need to keep in mind that if our kids got stuck on one of the steps, it may take months to unravel the bad habit and then many months or up to the full 2 years to completely "re-learn" to eat. Be patient, keep hope! I also have many more steps that I work on with my Picky Eating Playbook families to continue building a healthy environment for food. Are your kids helping in the kitchen yet? That can be a powerful tool too! But bottom line...keep holding on! :) Katie
Don't give them a choice. Fix a plate of food and they don't get anything else until they've finished it. They don't have to est it all in one sitting, but nothing else is coming until its gone.
@@KFrost-fx7dt that's a great way to give them a food-trauma and ensure they'll never tolerate that food for the rest of their lives. if my mom had ever tried that with me, i can guarantee it would have resulted in me throwing up all over the table or simply choosing to starve until she gave up. It certainly would not have taught me to like whatever food it was.
my mom's rule was that I had to try ONE bite (because how can you know you don't like something if you've never tried it before?), and if I didn't like it then I could go fix myself something else to eat. She kept peanut butter and bread stocked so that I could always make myself a sandwich if I didn't want to eat whatever she cooked, with other options as I got old enough to use the microwave and such. Personally I think that's a fair compromise. She didn't have to make meals to cater exclusively to my tastes, and I learned how to be self-sufficient in terms of being able to feed myself.
@@TheGuindo Well your mom is probably why you are a picky eater. I'm talking about starting this in infancy, so they learn to like different foods at an early age. It's always kids who are served "kid food" who end up with food anxiety and issues. Kids also get anxiety from being made to finish their plate when it's too much. But there is no reason whatsoever that they can't eat what they're given. It's not a restaurant, the options are take it or leave it.
@@KFrost-fx7dt That's abuse.
Good points all. I'd like to add that picky eating is also because of a faulty gut-brain connection. If the gut isn't 'clean', is leaky and not absorbing nutrients, this causes neurological issues such as sensory processing issues, ADHD etc. Most kids with these issues are picky eaters.
Lastly, a little less drama in the presentation would be better.
Most definitely! Gut-brain connection and leaky gut would be under "pain" for sure, and gut healing and mineral balancing often helps picky eaters. Thanks for bringing that up!
What to do when you have a 13 month old who is fussy and hungry, but is refusing to eat whatever is offered, throwing food off the table. I understand that pressure is bad but as a mom the pressure is even more to feed nutritious organic food which itself is very expensive, making a meal which is time consuming and see your baby throwing everything away or either playing and at the end will remain fussy so either you have to make anything else or feed him milk ( which you aren't suppose to bcose now you are confusing meal time), in the end you are dealing with mess, a fussy baby and an alternative you need to figure out
Save a little bit of every single thing you eat introduce them and literally go down the list and see what isn't isn't rejected
@aimansonde1127 I invite you to join my No More Picky Eating Challenge that starts next week where we'll cover some steps more in depth. The good news - your child IS experiencing food when he plays with it and that will shorten the time to when he'll actually eat it. But I know it feels like *forever* to get there. It's so tough!
I enjoyed this talk. A lot of overlap with the My Little Eater podcast, which focuses on feeding babies and toddlers and how to avoid or deal with picky eating. If you're looking for more content with a similar perspective, you should listen to the podcast.
Love that! I've had Edwena of My Little Eater on my podcast and been on hers too -- she's a genius at helping parents start off right!