Yes! I feel the same way. I never want to experience that control and abuse again. I get to keep my money instead of getting everything stolen from me & almost getting strangled to death.
Well spoken, down to earth, horrific story, she is so strong. I also respect how she recognized her privilege. Just love her heart and soul and sending her so much love. Incredibly powerful and helpful testimony .
Thank you! ❤ 😢 the part that always amazes me about all abuse stories...is the way they come in to begin with...its like a well thought of plan...win someoneover, isolate, threatening and then begin the verbal & physical breakdown of the survivor......its so sinister. I pray anyone going through this finds the strength to escape!
Please share this!! It's so important to get stories like this to reach as many people as possible so that we can bring abuse to light and create more awareness!! A loved one has been abused for years and is deep in denial. A story like this may be what it takes to wake an abuse victim out of their deep state of denial. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Leslie, for sharing your story. It helps people who have experienced any of this insanity (I have) to feel understood and validated. Thank you.
My ex-husband abused me for 8 years. The love bombing is real ! His dad abused his mother... really evil... to the point she was deaf for a while. abused him too. Thank you for sharing your story love ❤❤
It's like your antenna goes i the air crackles before it starts. The feeling stays around for a few days afterwards. It takes so much courage to get out. I can only recommend to pack money away in a place you can get it that he doesn't know about. Keep a set of extra keys available. Make copies of w2 forms, checking account numbers, savings and credit card numbers. Keep an exchange of clothes and for your children. I had $10 and two children the last time i ran. There are agencies that will help get back on your feet. When you get a lawyer, make sure they are on your side. Be prepared to fight for yourself. You can survive.
I never could imagine mental abuse very well when I was younger. Now I experienced first hand what shouting in your face every day, sometimes more times a day, without the possibility to have a normal conversation does to a person. How it feels to be humiliated in public by the man that told me how much he loved me and that I was "his everything". Where pity is concerned; I understood after a while, that he came himself from a far too large family of 13 children with an abusive, alcoholic father. Now, my own dad had a PHD in psychology, so I understood childhood trauma. It took me 15 years to realize, that this kind of abuse from a very young age, never goes away. He refused psychotherapy. He "didn't believe in it." I had to cut him loose, I lost 28 lbs in two months from all the stress, started to faint every now and again. Was agressive to my friends. Who understood, thank god. Now since a couple of months by myself. We're still in touch every now and again. And I do feel sorry for him still.
The way this was communicated in such an articulate way was like reading a book in one breath. I've never been through such an extreme, but I can so appreciate what she's talking about. I wish I could have such a lady in my friends circle.
I am so thankful that you've shared your story. It's breaking stigmas for certain. You have no idea how inspiring this truth could be for someone who needs to know... others have gotten through it. Actually, you're pretty amazing, you probably do know :)
I was abused in a relationship like this one. For 3 years. The first year was the most love I’d ever been in, or received. The last two years were me trying to get out. He would threaten to kill my animals and family. And he was capable of just about anything. I was 20 years old. The day I finally left. I had come home late from a friends birthday party. Every single possession on mine was in one giant heap in the front yard. All of my clothes, work uniforms, furniture. Every plate, glass in the home. All broken in the front yard and had paint thrown all over it. Every single thing I owned. I called all off the strong men in my life. The police. His parents. I knew this was not going to go down well. It didn’t. He went from rage. To love bombing/stalking. He would fill entire exercise books, front to back. In desperate apologies and begging for my forgiveness and begging me to come back. This persisted for 2 more years. Exercise books of his ramblings. Every day. I look back and I’m still proud and relieved to have survived him. He absolutely was capable of killing me. ❤
@@46safrowPlease contact the Police tell them everything.They deal with domestic abuse all the time and they can put you in touch with organisations that can help you. Abusers are good at making you believe that you can’t live without them . Believe me there is a better life out there just waiting for you to love yourself enough to make the right move. It won’t be easy but you can do it. If you stay with him things will only get worse. Sending love to you.
One thing we need to talk more about is emotional abuse. My X husband wasn't really into physical abuse. Eventhough he did put holes in the wall and busted many doors. It was the 18 years of emotional mind twisting that is hard for me to recover from.
Same…my dad was an emotional and mental verbal abuser and alcoholic my whole life…My dad used to make me stand in front of him while he screamed in my face when I was a little kid…all the men in my life were the same addiction issues and they all had mental issues and I dont drink use drugs or smoke but somehow managed to meet men that were the same as my dad…now I no longer date and I dont want to date and Im 52…just easier to be single
My ex NEVER hit or fysically abused me. But he threatened to. And that was nearly just as damaging, because you don't get the impuls to leave, soon enough. I don't think I would have stayed one minute longer, if he had been fysically abusing me. It's the game-playing, the doing exactly the opposite of what you ask of them, trying to make your life miserable, and my ex added stealing money from me to buy drugs and alcohol. I came from a small family and was raised with love, reason, logic and lots of literature. Discussing disagreements, the fun of respectful debating, offering your apologies when you overstept a line. I was 45 when I met my- now- ex. And I DO feel ashamed. And I WAS in denial. The only excuse I can make for myself, is that my dad, whom I had a very close relationship with, was deteriorating from Parkinson's disease and later on dying from it. It was the most horrendous thing and I don't have many siblings: ONE halfbrother who was dealing with HIS dying wife at that time, can't blame him for not being there. I believe on hindsight, that I needed my ex very much in those days and he helped me out, or his friends that had cars helped us out a lot, when it came to moving my father to a home with no stairs etc. What really stands out for me, is that the last thin layer of civilisation got completely stripped away after my father passed. As if he could smell my despair and loneliness, now that the most important man in my life was gone. The shouting in my face that made it impossible for me to even formulate a reply, which was of course exactly the idea. The frustration of those situations until I closed down completely and started to live "around" him. Doing my creative things at night, when he was asleep, passed out from the beers. Getting out of bed later and later, hoping he'd already was out of the house. Eventually sleeping in another room all together. Didn't want to be intimite with him anymore- yes guys, that's what happens, when your partner doesn't feel safe with you anymore. Oh, and what damaged me a lot also: the completely un- reliability of this man. That drove me nuts. I was used to people, keeping their promises. My parents, my friends, my collegues, you name it: when they said they would be somewhere, then they WERE, on time. Or else they'd call or text that it was going to get a bit later. When they lent some money, I got it back as agreed and vice versa. In my mind: like NORMAL people do. But my ex came and went as he pleased, said no when he ment yes and the other way around, and now that we're split up, so at least I can get my head straightened out, I realize that it was always about ONE thing, and ONE thing only: ATTENTION. Didn't matter if it was positive or negative. As long as all the attention was on HIM. He created unnecessary drama all the time and he LOVED every minute of it. He somehow got emotionally stuck at the age of 16 and still behaved like that at 50. First I thought: hm. This is weird. This man doesn't seem to learn anything, from his mistakes. You'd think, that when you once, at the age of 22, went through the drama and stress of getting two young women pregnant at the same time, as a man, you will make sure that NEVER happens again, and I'm not even mentioning the pain and hurt those girls went through. But no: in his 30's, it happened AGAIN. When I figured that out, I knew for sure: this guy has a pathological need for every kind of attention. Somehow, that was what it was all about. That's what can happen, when you come from a 13 children, disfunctional family where the father is an alcoholic and beats his wife in front of the young kids. Later, I also found out, that many of his sisters and brothers were really strange and disfunctional also. On the edge of pathological. For the first time I didn't have control over my own life or home anymore. That was also scary, when you think you can handle everything and other folks see you as a "strong person". Biggest mistake ever. I'm sorry this happened so late in my life. If I was 40 now, I still would have a future. But now I'm 61. I have no children or grandchildren. But I DO have two very, VERY dear friends, just like this lady had, and that makes ALL the difference in the world.
@@Andrea-ue2uwI always struggled with that question. When you are predestined, in a way, to fall for the "wrong" type of man, how are you going to get passed that? I mean: you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you're just not....attracted to, right? It would be the most logical thing, to say to yourself: let's stay away from guys that drink/use harddrugs. But then you're going to find out later, because they kept it from you- my ex did. When I met him, he drank - in a "normal" fashion. As soon as I was really attracted and involved, he turned out to be a real problematic drinker and used base-cocaine. So, in a way, you can't get away with trying to meet the "right" type of guy. It just doesn't work that way. I'm sorry, that the conclusion, in your case, must be: "I'd rather stay alone", when that's not what you really wanted.
I want to say I agree. I am a powerful woman successful in business and I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. The most dangerous time is when you leave so everyone should be very careful when they do that. It had been years of abuse and one thing that always stands out to me is this. When I had to go to family court and write out the last few incidents was the first time I realized I was a victim of Domestic abuse and I just sat there and cried. Sending warm and loving thoughts to all going through this💕
I was an advocate for and caseworker for women , men and children in DV for 29 years, this woman is amazing! It takes a survivor almost 10 to 12 times to leave her abuser if every time the survivor leaves they go to some sort of counseling when victimized.
Many years ago, I worked with a woman who had been in a DV shelter when she previously lived in another city. That shelter's #1 rule, and most common reason for kicking women out, was "Do not contact the abuser", and they also had a rule that if she went back to (usually) him, the shelter would not provide services to them for 6 months. They wanted their departure to be once and done, and they meant business. I say "usually him", because there was a fatal case in my city a while back involving a lesbian couple.
Thank you for telling your story. I was a widow and I Meg this man not that long after my husband died, I thought he was a nice kjbd man like my husband....but it wascan act...it took me 15 years to get away from him.. He took every ounce of self confidence I had....but I am free now and have been for the past 7 years. But I don't mix with people anymore, I keep myself to myself...I'm not really unfriendly, it's just that I cannot trust anyone at all anymore.....I am so pleased you took your courage with both hands and got yourself away ❤
Your story is almost identical to mine.....I didn't get out,I put my children first.I kept it a secret except from my daughter.Then I ran away no one knew why,I worked night duty for 5 years.I did choose me but I suffered because of it.Thankyou to my faith and God's goodness...
What a beautiful soul...and she has my late Mommy's name...She confirmed that I am on the right path, of just loving and supporting folks, without too many questions but with my actions, deeds and most important, prayer.
Thankyou for sharing this . I relate to all you’ve said. I’m awaiting a court date that started with a charge of assault and battery after family called police when hearing his attack on me. Police are fabulous and they have added charge of coercive control after hearing my statement. It is the wake up call I needed. I never thought I’d be so stupid!! That’s the hardest thing to come to terms with but I’m glad it was only 12 month relationship, like you, got pretend married, exactly like your situation under the pretence it was between us, special, no one else’s business, only prideful people marry in front of others etc etc etc . I’m praying I can be as confident as you are now and help others
I remember my ex husband used to say "look what you made me do now"! That was over 20 years ago and I never regret walking out the door one day with my sons while he was at work. X
Recognize the feeling of love from the policemen. When I was sick and had called an ambulance, the paramedics showed such empathy while my boyfriend cared more about the dash board in the ambulance. They gave him strange looks. And the voices she heard about "We love you and its great you love him.." That was Jesus and angels. The spirit realm. How touching they saw her love and told her its great but she had to choose.
I was married to an emotionally abusive narcassist. It is very difficult to admit when there was no physical evidence of this being true. Because I never shared any of this with anyone in my life I decided to plan my escape on my own. This did work but also infuriated him because he believed that I would be to afraid to actually walk away. The first place I went was my Mothers house only to be met with resistence. She said.... You made your bed so you lie in it....he doesn't beat you therefore he is NOT ABUSING YOU! I went back for another 5 years of abuse which I then finally escaped for good without a dime to my name because he had control over our money and accounts. My precious grandma gave me first and last month rent so that i could find an apartment seeing he would find me if i moved in with her. She was my saving grace 🙌🙏🙌
I am sorry you had to deal with this. I to was married to a narcissist. I didn’t realize what a narcissist was before I married him. After he kept me from my family & friends, things started to click for me. He also from day one, after the Wedding, even though my name was on a joint bank account, that I would NEVER WRITE A CHECK from that account, without PERMISSION from him. We had 2 Children. He wanted more. I saidI think this is enough for me. I made him get fixed 😂. I didn’t want him to be able to have anymore children. I did eventually leave him for a few years, the children and I, after speaking with an attorney. He told me to go to the Bank & withdraw XX amount of money & put in a different Bank. Which I did. I then let him know how much he would be giving me for child & spousal Support. I got a full time job, purchased a house and moved on.
My first wake up call was when my 16 year old babysitter (who witnessed my husband throwing a pan of hot lasagna at me but missed) said to me when I was dropping her off at her house “ God never intended for you to be treated like this”. That was all she said. I was shocked. It started me planning my escape. Long story short…we divorced an I loathe him now.
I’ve never been in any abusive relationship but I’ve learned a lot from this video , things I would of never of seen as red flags . With an accidental hair pull im crying I cannot imagine what you had to go through . ❤
I'm so sorry you went through all this grief and pain 💔 thank God you made it out God bless you 😇 and everyone been through this horrible behavior 💔💔😇 so so true men are abuse just like women 💜 so true
Same same same. I keep finding stories of this with so many of the details exactly the same. The negging, the breking walls, the romantic proposal, the strangling during sex, the rabid animal telling me I was going to be killed, my denial. I guess it's good to know there are others.
It is in the eyes, they don’t lie. I’m glad I was dealing with a wimp who was afraid of looking bad. I chose the mental hospital twice. Neither time did they give a damn. When I left it was a complete surprise, and he didn’t believe it. He thought I was completely cowed.
Your story was my story years back. Same MO from that ex. I lived 3 years of misery, being a DV. I fled abroad, planning my escape for a year. I am glad I was able to escape...so many dont. Put yourself first...thats a big lesson.
It is very important what she mentioned that her closest colleagues were mad at her and not him when finding out about her engagement. She said that’s that is “Brilliant PhD level abuse.” Because it created isolation between her and her closest peers.
I am a lifelong single woman and truly happy to be so. When I was very young, I never saw my future life as a married person. My parents never got along and were divorced. All three of my sisters were married and divorced. No one ever actually said it (possibly out of fear of reprisals from me), but it was implied that I was selfish and/or gay because I remained single. I never told them about failed relationships with men who tried to control me in one way or another. I got away from them all and continued to live MY way and forge my own path. It's true that abusive relationships can be disguised in so many ways and that anyone can fall prey to them regardless of age, education, income, race, color, you name it. I was lucky.
I always wonder about family that includes a lot of divorces and push their kids to get married. Does misery love company? Sounds like you have a good handle on how you wanted to live. Stay strong and do what you need to do for yourself and no one else!
@@deannarounds3295 . Thank you. It's good to hear from someone who understands what I'm talking about. I got along well with my parents, especially my mom, for a very long time, but over time however, they seemed to get annoyed with me as an adult, as though they were waiting for me to do something. I finally figured out what it was. GET MARRIED! I considered it a few times, but the men always revealed their true selves, and I walked. I read the handwriting on the wall.
@@deannarounds3295. Thank you for saying that. My life has always been my responsibility. I'm afraid that most women see themselves as incomplete without a man. I have never felt that way about myself. Women have been taught that being married is the ONLY way to personal fulfillment and that everyone will love you, you'll never be alone, and society will pat you on the head in approval, but none of this is guaranteed.
If a woman does not want children she doesn't need a man... I never really wished to have kids or get married when I was young. However the attitude of the society and my parents were completely different.... It was said so many times to me single older women are failures in life and if I want to be happy I need to find a man... This was suggested to me especially by my late mum. She married my dad from sheer desperation when she was 36 years old.. My dad is emotionally immature / very backward and a control freak. I know my mum never was happy with him... Never saw a loved up moment with them. He didn't beat her but he was often emotionally abusive and never had nice words for her.
@marthas.4456 . This was the same for my parents. I never ever saw them happy and/or affectionate with each other. I don't remember them celebrating each other's birthdays, no nights out, no gifts, no vacations together; nothing. Yet as I proceeded with my adult years, up came all this marriage stuff. Don't get me wrong. I think marriage is a good and necessary institution, but it was never a priority for me. It's one of those things that are good for society and other people, but not me.
I'm in an abusive relationship, he's got me convinced I am a snob, I've had to make myself very small for peace. I'm isolated from my family, financially exploited, scared and videos like this help me get the strength to leave. He broke my jaw and teeth and I lied for him. I'm embarrassed, I have a master's degree I've worked hard I want out and I'm trying to find my strength, these people are life and soul sucking. Thank you for this story.
Run, lady run. Have faith in yourself and leave. You are not alone. There are agencies to help you. Contact their helpline. Be discreet, be careful and get away fast. You can do it. Good Luck.
Could you contact a helpline for victims of sexual abuse? Perhaps they could help you make a plan and hopefully reduce the risks associated with leaving. Sending you support.
Jessica, please get your self-respect back and get help.You are an intelligent lady, start planning secretly to leave. Stay strong and safe.❤ from Germany
I hope you are okay. I hope he hasn't killed you. I pray that you can get out. Mine is abusing me with drugs. He spikes my food and trying to take full advantage of me sexually. He has broken and stolen my things. I think it's meth that he's drugging me with. Then I have rages and withdrawal. Nobody cares about me. I can imagine how you've been feeling. I hope you speak with a domestic abuse advocate. You need to get out. Be aware that many domestic abusers put spyware on your phone to track your location. Leave your device behind. It's the only way to be safe . If he finds you move again.
Thank you for your video. I'm glad you're doing well. Luckily I understand English (I‘m almost 59 and I live in Germany, there aren't that many confession videos here) so: After decades (parents + husband) I'm looking forward to freeing myself. I'm still stuck in it, it's hard to get out without help. Also because of living conditions, I have an adult child with special needs. Videos like this encourage me. 🫶 🙋🏻♀️💜
😢What a horrible monster. There is absolutely no excuse for any man to beat up a woman. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. He is nothing but a big bully. Thank God you are free from him. You deserve to be Loved and Happy. I Was brought up in a very violent home I lived in fear from age 3 I met my now husband when I was 35 he stuck by me when I had a mental breakdown he never criticised me or fussed over me. He could see how wounded I was and never forced anything on me he was so patient he never smothered me with love he would hold me when I needed that. I refused to marry him for eleven years until I Felt Icould trust him. I said yes the next time he asked me we have been together 37 years and he has never let me down. I love him and Iknow he loves me. I hope you find happiness love and contentment Sending Love to you
No car, no job, no friends, no family, no money, no education, no skills, no career, what I do have is: a disability, SS disability check in my husband’s name, expensive 10+ RX medications, doctor appointments, over the age of 50 , bad credit, marriage of 30 years, record of indecent exposure because I was afraid to speak of my abuse. You want me to pick homelessness, starvation, possibly be revictimise and medical neglect?! This was what my neighbor response to me when I asked her to leave her very abusive husband. I understand why some stay and meet their demise. I didn’t know what to say.
I got the very opposite from everyone, you made your bed, lye in it. It’s much harder to get away when there is no help. You did everything right, you are correct about how this works. But you give the idea that there is help out there. Sometimes that’s not true. The police, judge, family friends blamed me.
@maryhollenbach4966 Yes I just wrote a comment responding to this point. I think she was pretty lucky. But also when she reached out the abuse was undeniable and she most likely nearly lost her life. The only benefit was they couldn’t doubt the evidence. But you are right it can be very very difficult to be believed. But first you need to decide you are going to get out, no matter what it takes, with or without help. So all the reading you can online. I felt it was unsafe to trust another human being, so I got most of my info online. All about how to get out safely, all about how to create options for myself. Abusers are very good at looking innocent. . Wishing you success.
Scariest part would be realizing that either you leave or you’re choosing to be killed. It may not be today, it may not be some time down the road. But if you don’t leave, you’re choosing to be murdered.
8/24 my husband broke numerous bones and injured organs - 22 days hospital, reparative surgery, $550K medical debt. No real consequences for him, and now Im homeless in a very different city. I want to ask strangers for financial help because I cannot seem to get help anywhere in this new city - primarily because of my service dog and knowing I must survive. Life is $20 between today and death living in a 23 year old car. 66, disabled from injuries and loosing hope. BUT IM AN HIGHLY EDUCATED WOMAN AND HAVE A HIGH IQ. yet, DV is the underbelly of this culture. God have mercy for me and my service dog!
I knew it was starting and I did nothing. The day after we were married, he became fierce, defiant, angry and emotionally abusive. He started cutting off my friends, my family was already not taking to me, but nothing to do with him. He targeted me because I was alone with a child. He began controlling the phone, I knew what he was doing but I ignored it. I was an RN, I didn’t know how to leave. I was only working part time, I had nowhere to go, no more friends, no family that cared. I was trapped. Then he began punching holes in walls, throwing furniture, blocking my leaving the house, takin my keys and throwing me around. Still I stayed, there was much more he tried to kill me three times, once when I was pregnant. I don’t know why, but he left, and then left the country. I never would allow anyone to control me again. I survived. I found out others were aware, people at work. After he left and I was devastated, not because he left but because now I thought I have nobody, not even an abuser. I began to have friends at work who cared and watched who were relived he left and told me so. I began to regain my confidence, my family began to see and decided to heal the,selves too and we all came together as a family because of this. It o Is 30 years later,mi am still here.
My story is near indetical to yours. Mine was a day and a half before the wedding for the first brutal beating. The abuse was right off the bat. Food in the face guns to the head, etc. Listening to my son scream "He's killing her! She can't breathe! He's killing her!!!" Broke me. I wasshown where I would be buried in the crawl space daily! I was officially kidnapped, beaten, tortured, etc for days (wasn't the first time thought either.). I was also pregnant. Even leaving I was stalked, run of roads, murder for hire plots. Multiple lifetime protective orders........ I was told by his own colleagues and his own family, he was going to kill me. He was a former K-9 deputy sheriff and Sergeant in the Army Rangers as well. He got away WITH SO SO MUCH! I was also raised by a very very decorated officer and knew better! I still fell prey to his predatory evil soul! He was given 28 yrs. He'll see the BOP THIS MAY 2024! After 5.5 yrs! Tell me how?! How does this happen?! When he kidnapped me the last time, the first words out of his mouth when multiple swat teams came to take him (even made big time news. Not the flex I ever wanted! Lol!) was "Well....guessing the baby died then?!"
Oh my gosh! You should write a book ! So glad you survived. Praying you thrive next! You are strong & beautiful & loved! Best to you from here on in. Love from Australia
You have so much power, so much dept, so much compassion, so powerful ability to love, so much love to transmute into many! Please keep transmuting your love, your compassion to yourself and other members of the mother Earth. 💓🌍💖Very proud of you as a woman! Woman power! Love and 🫂 to you my dear sister ☀️💪🏻💗💓💝💖🤗💞
My father was a wife beater; he was beating my Mom from the beginning. She was pregnant with me just a couple weeks after their marriage. He was already beating her before I was born. I hated his guts because of his abuse of our Mother. Amazingly, Mom got strong, she made a stand after going to counseling. I was 15 when he stopped beating her.
Hi me too I'm a domestic abuse survivor my mam was too she s passed on since 2017 it's always better to leave in my mam's time in Ireland it was very difficult to leave it was a bit easier for me although it's always difficult I had the issue with the miniskirt too god bless
The first time I was able to get the cops here. I had a bloody lip n red n starting to bruise bruises all over my neck, 6 cops came n they didn't believe me. He said I was an invalid n after I showed them 6x exactly what happened, the guy cop then said he was gonna pretend to be my SO n went to pretend push me. I started bawling n said no I don't want to press charges. They were all gone in 30 seconds. This happens. They were the only ones that didn't believe me....n I hate myself for that...
He was initially so kind to me. Told me he was a Christian. I thought I had lucked out. Unfortunately it didn't last. Im in a string of abusive relationships 💔. They always say that their Christian. Then they come after me when I try setting boundaries. Every night i go to bed i wonder if ill wake up again. Hes definitely driving a wedge between me and my loved ones. Its a pattern that I am trying to break. He is a manipulator.. I don't know what to do. All i can do is pray.
What an abuser recognises, within a matter of minutes of meeting someone is, whether or not a person is an enabler, rescuer, people pleaser. This man figured this out about her during their conversation on the train ride. He knew he could manipulate her and systematically distroy what little bit of self worth she had. This enabler/rescuer type of personality is created in childhood as a coping mechanism, a survival skill for children who grew up in an emotionally bankrupt home an later on in adulthood attracts abusers, narcissists, bullies. Simple, end of story. This is about empaths whose great gift of caring becomes twisted into a harmful way of navigating through life trying to get their needs met in an unheathy way. So many people think they grew up in these happy homes, but the truth comes out in adulthood when they end up choosing a really bad type of relationship.
I can sum up the cause of denial in three words,: low self esteem . If you like yourself you treat yourself worthy of real love and not putting up with any abuse
I was lucky. I was 16 years old dating an 18-year-old guy. My father saw my boyfriend punch his own car, leaving a dent in a passenger door because he was mad at me. My dad did not confront my boyfriend, but later told me very quietly, "A young man who will do that to his car will hit a woman." That's all it took for me. I broke up with the guy. I wish all women had dads like mine.
When I look back at my X and ALL the abuse I remember being so in love and flattered with all the attention. I feel like a fool for falling for it. I now have X Ray vision and see it coming a mile away. I always tell my kids, abuse does not start with punch.. it starts with manipulation leading to what looks like love but is a cover for the evil.
Abusive partners know they are never going to stop abusing. It’s the victim who has to figure this out. I lived with a Jekyll and Hyde man. Took a few trips in an ambulance. I’ve had people say that I must like the abuse or I wouldn’t have stayed. People are stupid sometimes.
I was beaten and strangled by my older partner when I was 17. he was seeking someone young and impressionable. he wasnt a psychopathic manipulator like this ladys abyser. more brute force. this is awful. eventually I was able to get away and he went to prison
This is why I stay on my own and I am a 100 percent happier because of choosing me and my sons.
Yes! I feel the same way. I never want to experience that control and abuse again. I get to keep my money instead of getting everything stolen from me & almost getting strangled to death.
@@milliehummer4713❤
I CHOOSE ME, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!
Amazingly powerful. I’m sending to a friend. If she reads this comment. I’m here for you. You have a place to go. I am here for you. I love you G.
The first guy I lived with physically and mentally abused me. I live by myself and I am happy 😊 I love me ❤
I'm really sorry you went through that, and so happy to read you're doing well, now. Wishing you a happy, beautiful life.
That’s why I live by myself,you. And I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Well spoken, down to earth, horrific story, she is so strong. I also respect how she recognized her privilege. Just love her heart and soul and sending her so much love. Incredibly powerful and helpful testimony .
Thank you! ❤ 😢 the part that always amazes me about all abuse stories...is the way they come in to begin with...its like a well thought of plan...win someoneover, isolate, threatening and then begin the verbal & physical breakdown of the survivor......its so sinister. I pray anyone going through this finds the strength to escape!
And how they manipulate you to believe that you are the problem and if you were just more like them then they wouldn’t be mean.
It's like there's a secret playbook that only abusers have access to. They need to know that we know about it.
Thank you for saying you realize looking like you with your education helped your situation. I’m so happy for your peace and happiness.
I'm not sure what's meant by the way she looks? She looks like a normal quite attractive woman.
Please share this!! It's so important to get stories like this to reach as many people as possible so that we can bring abuse to light and create more awareness!! A loved one has been abused for years and is deep in denial. A story like this may be what it takes to wake an abuse victim out of their deep state of denial. Thank you for sharing.
Ma'am you are so brave to tell your story.
Thank you, Leslie, for sharing your story. It helps people who have experienced any of this insanity (I have) to feel understood and validated. Thank you.
My ex-husband abused me for 8 years. The love bombing is real ! His dad abused his mother... really evil... to the point she was deaf for a while. abused him too. Thank you for sharing your story love ❤❤
The cycle of abuse is very sad and dangerous. I’m glad you got out. 💚
It's like your antenna goes i the air crackles before it starts. The feeling stays around for a few days afterwards. It takes so much courage to get out. I can only recommend to pack money away in a place you can get it that he doesn't know about. Keep a set of extra keys available. Make copies of w2 forms, checking account numbers, savings and credit card numbers. Keep an exchange of clothes and for your children. I had $10 and two children the last time i ran. There are agencies that will help get back on your feet. When you get a lawyer, make sure they are on your side. Be prepared to fight for yourself. You can survive.
and never say a word to your abuser.
I endured verbal and psychological abuse. Five year hard marriage. Nearly had a breakdown. I and our two year old little boy left.
Im so so sorry you had to go through this horror. I do admire your courage and strength for leaving him.
97 hi😅t7@@SusanPetch-q3h
I never could imagine mental abuse very well when I was younger.
Now I experienced first hand what shouting in your face every day, sometimes more times a day, without the possibility to have a normal conversation does to a person. How it feels to be humiliated in public by the man that told me how much he loved me and that I was "his everything".
Where pity is concerned; I understood after a while, that he came himself from a far too large family of 13 children with an abusive, alcoholic father. Now, my own dad had a PHD in psychology, so I understood childhood trauma. It took me 15 years to realize, that this kind of abuse from a very young age, never goes away.
He refused psychotherapy. He "didn't believe in it."
I had to cut him loose, I lost 28 lbs in two months from all the stress, started to faint every now and again. Was agressive to my friends. Who understood, thank god.
Now since a couple of months by myself. We're still in touch every now and again.
And I do feel sorry for him still.
The way this was communicated in such an articulate way was like reading a book in one breath. I've never been through such an extreme, but I can so appreciate what she's talking about. I wish I could have such a lady in my friends circle.
You, my lady, are a champ! I’m proud of you for your glow up 🙌🏼
I am so thankful that you've shared your story. It's breaking stigmas for certain.
You have no idea how inspiring this truth could be for someone who needs to know... others have gotten through it.
Actually, you're pretty amazing, you probably do know :)
Leslie’s TEDtalk literally saved my life…
I was abused in a relationship like this one. For 3 years. The first year was the most love I’d ever been in, or received. The last two years were me trying to get out.
He would threaten to kill my animals and family.
And he was capable of just about anything.
I was 20 years old.
The day I finally left. I had come home late from a friends birthday party.
Every single possession on mine was in one giant heap in the front yard.
All of my clothes, work uniforms, furniture. Every plate, glass in the home.
All broken in the front yard and had paint thrown all over it.
Every single thing I owned.
I called all off the strong men in my life. The police. His parents.
I knew this was not going to go down well.
It didn’t. He went from rage. To love bombing/stalking. He would fill entire exercise books,
front to back. In desperate apologies and begging for my forgiveness and begging me to come back. This persisted for 2 more years. Exercise books of his ramblings. Every day.
I look back and I’m still proud and relieved to have survived him. He absolutely was capable of killing me. ❤
@@46safrowPlease contact the Police tell them everything.They deal with domestic abuse all the time and they can put you in touch with organisations that can help you. Abusers are good at making you believe that you can’t live without them . Believe me there is a better life out there just waiting for you to love yourself enough to make the right move. It won’t be easy but you can do it. If you stay with him things will only get worse. Sending love to you.
❤
💜
Thank God Leslie survived and she got help.
One thing we need to talk more about is emotional abuse. My X husband wasn't really into physical abuse. Eventhough he did put holes in the wall and busted many doors. It was the 18 years of emotional mind twisting that is hard for me to recover from.
Same…my dad was an emotional and mental verbal abuser and alcoholic my whole life…My dad used to make me stand in front of him while he screamed in my face when I was a little kid…all the men in my life were the same addiction issues and they all had mental issues and I dont drink use drugs or smoke but somehow managed to meet men that were the same as my dad…now I no longer date and I dont want to date and Im 52…just easier to be single
Yes, same - loads of emotional/psychological abuse. So much undermining and manipulation. I wish you the best in your recovery.
@@maryp4579 Thank you, U too
My ex NEVER hit or fysically abused me. But he threatened to. And that was nearly just as damaging, because you don't get the impuls to leave, soon enough. I don't think I would have stayed one minute longer, if he had been fysically abusing me. It's the game-playing, the doing exactly the opposite of what you ask of them, trying to make your life miserable, and my ex added stealing money from me to buy drugs and alcohol. I came from a small family and was raised with love, reason, logic and lots of literature. Discussing disagreements, the fun of respectful debating, offering your apologies when you overstept a line. I was 45 when I met my- now- ex. And I DO feel ashamed. And I WAS in denial. The only excuse I can make for myself, is that my dad, whom I had a very close relationship with, was deteriorating from Parkinson's disease and later on dying from it. It was the most horrendous thing and I don't have many siblings: ONE halfbrother who was dealing with HIS dying wife at that time, can't blame him for not being there. I believe on hindsight, that I needed my ex very much in those days and he helped me out, or his friends that had cars helped us out a lot, when it came to moving my father to a home with no stairs etc. What really stands out for me, is that the last thin layer of civilisation got completely stripped away after my father passed. As if he could smell my despair and loneliness, now that the most important man in my life was gone. The shouting in my face that made it impossible for me to even formulate a reply, which was of course exactly the idea. The frustration of those situations until I closed down completely and started to live "around" him. Doing my creative things at night, when he was asleep, passed out from the beers. Getting out of bed later and later, hoping he'd already was out of the house. Eventually sleeping in another room all together. Didn't want to be intimite with him anymore- yes guys, that's what happens, when your partner doesn't feel safe with you anymore.
Oh, and what damaged me a lot also: the completely un- reliability of this man. That drove me nuts. I was used to people, keeping their promises. My parents, my friends, my collegues, you name it: when they said they would be somewhere, then they WERE, on time. Or else they'd call or text that it was going to get a bit later. When they lent some money, I got it back as agreed and vice versa. In my mind: like NORMAL people do. But my ex came and went as he pleased, said no when he ment yes and the other way around, and now that we're split up, so at least I can get my head straightened out, I realize that it was always about ONE thing, and ONE thing only: ATTENTION.
Didn't matter if it was positive or negative. As long as all the attention was on HIM. He created unnecessary drama all the time and he LOVED every minute of it. He somehow got emotionally stuck at the age of 16 and still behaved like that at 50. First I thought: hm. This is weird. This man doesn't seem to learn anything, from his mistakes. You'd think, that when you once, at the age of 22, went through the drama and stress of getting two young women pregnant at the same time, as a man, you will make sure that NEVER happens again, and I'm not even mentioning the pain and hurt those girls went through. But no: in his 30's, it happened AGAIN. When I figured that out, I knew for sure: this guy has a pathological need for every kind of attention. Somehow, that was what it was all about. That's what can happen, when you come from a 13 children, disfunctional family where the father is an alcoholic and beats his wife in front of the young kids. Later, I also found out, that many of his sisters and brothers were really strange and disfunctional also. On the edge of pathological.
For the first time I didn't have control over my own life or home anymore. That was also scary, when you think you can handle everything and other folks see you as a "strong person".
Biggest mistake ever. I'm sorry this happened so late in my life. If I was 40 now, I still would have a future. But now I'm 61. I have no children or grandchildren.
But I DO have two very, VERY dear friends, just like this lady had, and that makes ALL the difference in the world.
@@Andrea-ue2uwI always struggled with that question. When you are predestined, in a way, to fall for the "wrong" type of man, how are you going to get passed that? I mean: you can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you're just not....attracted to, right? It would be the most logical thing, to say to yourself: let's stay away from guys that drink/use harddrugs. But then you're going to find out later, because they kept it from you- my ex did. When I met him, he drank - in a "normal" fashion. As soon as I was really attracted and involved, he turned out to be a real problematic drinker and used base-cocaine. So, in a way, you can't get away with trying to meet the "right" type of guy. It just doesn't work that way.
I'm sorry, that the conclusion, in your case, must be: "I'd rather stay alone", when that's not what you really wanted.
Living in an abusive situation + living in denial is like being "under a spell". Bewitched. And then, one day, you open up your eyes .
I want to say I agree. I am a powerful woman successful in business and I couldn’t believe it was happening to me. The most dangerous time is when you leave so everyone should be very careful when they do that. It had been years of abuse and one thing that always stands out to me is this. When I had to go to family court and write out the last few incidents was the first time I realized I was a victim of Domestic abuse and I just sat there and cried. Sending warm and loving thoughts to all going through this💕
I’m not sure why this video doesn’t have more views! Everything shared here is super impactful and things every human should hear!
"The FIRST person you've gotta tell the truth to, IS YOURSELF"
AMEN MY SISTER 🙏❤️🐬🙏
I was an advocate for and caseworker for women , men and children in DV for 29 years, this woman is amazing! It takes a survivor almost 10 to 12 times to leave her abuser if every time the survivor leaves they go to some sort of counseling when victimized.
Many years ago, I worked with a woman who had been in a DV shelter when she previously lived in another city. That shelter's #1 rule, and most common reason for kicking women out, was "Do not contact the abuser", and they also had a rule that if she went back to (usually) him, the shelter would not provide services to them for 6 months. They wanted their departure to be once and done, and they meant business.
I say "usually him", because there was a fatal case in my city a while back involving a lesbian couple.
Thank you for telling your story. I was a widow and I Meg this man not that long after my husband died, I thought he was a nice kjbd man like my husband....but it wascan act...it took me 15 years to get away from him..
He took every ounce of self confidence I had....but I am free now and have been for the past 7 years.
But I don't mix with people anymore, I keep myself to myself...I'm not really unfriendly, it's just that I cannot trust anyone at all anymore.....I am so pleased you took your courage with both hands and got yourself away ❤
Fantastic video and thank you for sharing.🙏
Your story is almost identical to mine.....I didn't get out,I put my children first.I kept it a secret except from my daughter.Then I ran away no one knew why,I worked night duty for 5 years.I did choose me but I suffered because of it.Thankyou to my faith and God's goodness...
Thank you, ive been out 15 months now and still struggle. Police weren't so great but I got out with just my clothes. I've been no contact since.
You took a very brave step. Kudos 🎉🎉🎉
What a beautiful soul...and she has my late Mommy's name...She confirmed that I am on the right path, of just loving and supporting folks, without too many questions but with my actions, deeds and most important, prayer.
Thankyou for sharing this . I relate to all you’ve said. I’m awaiting a court date that started with a charge of assault and battery after family called police when hearing his attack on me. Police are fabulous and they have added charge of coercive control after hearing my statement. It is the wake up call I needed. I never thought I’d be so stupid!! That’s the hardest thing to come to terms with but I’m glad it was only 12 month relationship, like you, got pretend married, exactly like your situation under the pretence it was between us, special, no one else’s business, only prideful people marry in front of others etc etc etc . I’m praying I can be as confident as you are now and help others
Wow "I'll be there in 20 min" made me burst out crying !
I know how you feel sister.
I remember my ex husband used to say "look what you made me do now"! That was over 20 years ago and I never regret walking out the door one day with my sons while he was at work. X
i love her so much, especially at the end when she says she was lucky and why
FANTASTIC she got out alive!!
Many.dont.
Recognize the feeling of love from the policemen. When I was sick and had called an ambulance, the paramedics showed such empathy while my boyfriend cared more about the dash board in the ambulance. They gave him strange looks. And the voices she heard about "We love you and its great you love him.." That was Jesus and angels. The spirit realm. How touching they saw her love and told her its great but she had to choose.
I was married to an emotionally abusive narcassist. It is very difficult to admit when there was no physical evidence of this being true. Because I never shared any of this with anyone in my life I decided to plan my escape on my own. This did work but also infuriated him because he believed that I would be to afraid to actually walk away. The first place I went was my Mothers house only to be met with resistence. She said....
You made your bed so you lie in it....he doesn't beat you therefore he is NOT ABUSING YOU! I went back for another 5 years of abuse which I then finally escaped for good without a dime to my name because he had control over our money and accounts. My precious grandma gave me first and last month rent so that i could find an apartment seeing he would find me if i moved in with her. She was my saving grace 🙌🙏🙌
I believe and I am glad you got away. Now do you.
I am sorry you had to deal with this. I to was married to a narcissist. I didn’t realize what a narcissist was before I married him. After he kept me from my family & friends, things started to click for me. He also from day one, after the Wedding, even though my name was on a joint bank account, that I would NEVER WRITE A CHECK from that account, without PERMISSION from him. We had 2 Children. He wanted more. I saidI think this is enough for me. I made him get fixed 😂. I didn’t want him to be able to have anymore children. I did eventually leave him for a few years, the children and I, after speaking with an attorney. He told me to go to the Bank & withdraw XX amount of money & put in a different Bank. Which I did. I then let him know how much he would be giving me for child & spousal Support. I got a full time job, purchased a house and moved on.
@@barbaradw9969 Did he pay? Usually, they go to great lengths to not do so.
@@sarah2.017 Yes.
😢I am glad that, you decided to get out of that situation. I know exactly what you went through 😢
My first wake up call was when my 16 year old babysitter (who witnessed my husband throwing a pan of hot lasagna at me but missed) said to me when I was dropping her off at her house “ God never intended for you to be treated like this”. That was all she said. I was shocked. It started me planning my escape. Long story short…we divorced an I loathe him now.
I’ve never been in any abusive relationship but I’ve learned a lot from this video , things I would of never of seen as red flags . With an accidental hair pull im crying I cannot imagine what you had to go through . ❤
Thank you for your story im also a domestic violence victim and i survived.
It it feels like a fairytale, it is not real. I know that now. Mine attracted me through pity as well too. Thank God you survived...
I'm so sorry you went through all this grief and pain 💔 thank God you made it out God bless you 😇 and everyone been through this horrible behavior 💔💔😇 so so true men are abuse just like women 💜 so true
What a pleasure listening to such a smart, articulate and brave woman ❤
This is a powerful video. Abuse can help at the drop of a dime. Never did I think I would be someone who could be in fear of their life.
I admire your courage of getting out of a bad marriage! Takes guts!
Same same same. I keep finding stories of this with so many of the details exactly the same. The negging, the breking walls, the romantic proposal, the strangling during sex, the rabid animal telling me I was going to be killed, my denial. I guess it's good to know there are others.
"The strangled during sex" is not common, it is aberrant, how could you stay with such a perverse person?
It is in the eyes, they don’t lie. I’m glad I was dealing with a wimp who was afraid of looking bad. I chose the mental hospital twice. Neither time did they give a damn. When I left it was a complete surprise, and he didn’t believe it. He thought I was completely cowed.
You are very courageous. Thank you for your story. You will help many people!
Your story was my story years back. Same MO from that ex. I lived 3 years of misery, being a DV. I fled abroad, planning my escape for a year. I am glad I was able to escape...so many dont. Put yourself first...thats a big lesson.
It is very important what she mentioned that her closest colleagues were mad at her and not him when finding out about her engagement. She said that’s that is “Brilliant PhD level abuse.”
Because it created isolation between her and her closest peers.
I love everything about you! and THANK YOU for sharing your story.
Thankyou, Leslie🙏
Thank you for sharing ❤
Thanks. For sharing. The red flags in abuse relationships are important points that you explained.
Been though this too. So happy to be single and LOVING IT!
I wish the judicial system would keep these domestic abusers in prison instead of letting them back out into society.
I didn't have a lot of physical abuse, but terrible emotional abuse . Yes I've been chocked and pinched .😢
I am a lifelong single woman and truly happy to be so. When I was very young, I never saw my future life as a married person. My parents never got along and were divorced. All three of my sisters were married and divorced. No one ever actually said it (possibly out of fear of reprisals from me), but it was implied that I was selfish and/or gay because I remained single. I never told them about failed relationships with men who tried to control me in one way or another. I got away from them all and continued to live MY way and forge my own path. It's true that abusive relationships can be disguised in so many ways and that anyone can fall prey to them regardless of age, education, income, race, color, you name it. I was lucky.
I always wonder about family that includes a lot of divorces and push their kids to get married. Does misery love company? Sounds like you have a good handle on how you wanted to live. Stay strong and do what you need to do for yourself and no one else!
@@deannarounds3295 . Thank you. It's good to hear from someone who understands what I'm talking about. I got along well with my parents, especially my mom, for a very long time, but over time however, they seemed to get annoyed with me as an adult, as though they were waiting for me to do something. I finally figured out what it was. GET MARRIED! I considered it a few times, but the men always revealed their true selves, and I walked. I read the handwriting on the wall.
@@deannarounds3295. Thank you for saying that. My life has always been my responsibility. I'm afraid that most women see themselves as incomplete without a man. I have never felt that way about myself. Women have been taught that being married is the ONLY way to personal fulfillment and that everyone will love you, you'll never be alone, and society will pat you on the head in approval, but none of this is guaranteed.
If a woman does not want children she doesn't need a man... I never really wished to have kids or get married when I was young. However the attitude of the society and my parents were completely different.... It was said so many times to me single older women are failures in life and if I want to be happy I need to find a man... This was suggested to me especially by my late mum. She married my dad from sheer desperation when she was 36 years old.. My dad is emotionally immature / very backward and a control freak. I know my mum never was happy with him... Never saw a loved up moment with them. He didn't beat her but he was often emotionally abusive and never had nice words for her.
@marthas.4456 . This was the same for my parents. I never ever saw them happy and/or affectionate with each other. I don't remember them celebrating each other's birthdays, no nights out, no gifts, no vacations together; nothing. Yet as I proceeded with my adult years, up came all this marriage stuff. Don't get me wrong. I think marriage is a good and necessary institution, but it was never a priority for me. It's one of those things that are good for society and other people, but not me.
I'm in an abusive relationship, he's got me convinced I am a snob, I've had to make myself very small for peace. I'm isolated from my family, financially exploited, scared and videos like this help me get the strength to leave. He broke my jaw and teeth and I lied for him. I'm embarrassed, I have a master's degree I've worked hard I want out and I'm trying to find my strength, these people are life and soul sucking. Thank you for this story.
Run, lady run. Have faith in yourself and leave. You are not alone. There are agencies to help you. Contact their helpline. Be discreet, be careful and get away fast. You can do it. Good Luck.
Could you contact a helpline for victims of sexual abuse? Perhaps they could help you make a plan and hopefully reduce the risks associated with leaving. Sending you support.
Jessica, please get your self-respect back and get help.You are an intelligent lady, start planning secretly to leave. Stay strong and safe.❤ from Germany
I hope you leave. Your family will be so, so grateful to have you back, and you deserve a happy life.
I hope you are okay. I hope he hasn't killed you. I pray that you can get out. Mine is abusing me with drugs. He spikes my food and trying to take full advantage of me sexually. He has broken and stolen my things. I think it's meth that he's drugging me with. Then I have rages and withdrawal. Nobody cares about me. I can imagine how you've been feeling. I hope you speak with a domestic abuse advocate. You need to get out. Be aware that many domestic abusers put spyware on your phone to track your location. Leave your device behind. It's the only way to be safe . If he finds you move again.
Wow, you are a great speaker. Thanks for sharing your story.
You just brought me out of my denial
You can do it ❤
Thank you for your video. I'm glad you're doing well. Luckily I understand English (I‘m almost 59 and I live in Germany, there aren't that many confession videos here) so: After decades (parents + husband) I'm looking forward to freeing myself. I'm still stuck in it, it's hard to get out without help. Also because of living conditions, I have an adult child with special needs. Videos like this encourage me. 🫶 🙋🏻♀️💜
Your Story is very much Like Mines. Always Check for their childhood Traumas .
😢What a horrible monster. There is absolutely no excuse for any man to beat up a woman. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. He is nothing but a big bully. Thank God you are free from him. You deserve to be Loved and Happy. I Was brought up in a very violent home I lived in fear from age 3 I met my now husband when I was 35 he stuck by me when I had a mental breakdown he never criticised me or fussed over me. He could see how wounded I was and never forced anything on me he was so patient he never smothered me with love he would hold me when I needed that. I refused to marry him for eleven years until I Felt Icould trust him. I said yes the next time he asked me we have been together 37 years and he has never let me down. I love him and Iknow he loves me. I hope you find happiness love and contentment Sending Love to you
No car, no job, no friends, no family, no money, no education, no skills, no career, what I do have is: a disability, SS disability check in my husband’s name, expensive 10+ RX medications, doctor appointments, over the age of 50 , bad credit, marriage of 30 years, record of indecent exposure because I was afraid to speak of my abuse. You want me to pick homelessness, starvation, possibly be revictimise and medical neglect?! This was what my neighbor response to me when I asked her to leave her very abusive husband. I understand why some stay and meet their demise. I didn’t know what to say.
I got the very opposite from everyone, you made your bed, lye in it. It’s much harder to get away when there is no help. You did everything right, you are correct about how this works. But you give the idea that there is help out there. Sometimes that’s not true. The police, judge, family friends blamed me.
So sorry to hear that - it is hard enough to go through when you have support. You are brave and I hope have found some peace.
@maryhollenbach4966
Yes I just wrote a comment responding to this point. I think she was pretty lucky. But also when she reached out the abuse was undeniable and she most likely nearly lost her life. The only benefit was they couldn’t doubt the evidence.
But you are right it can be very very difficult to be believed. But first you need to decide you are going to get out, no matter what it takes, with or without help. So all the reading you can online.
I felt it was unsafe to trust another human being, so I got most of my info online. All about how to get out safely, all about how to create options for myself. Abusers are very good at looking innocent. . Wishing you success.
Scariest part would be realizing that either you leave or you’re choosing to be killed. It may not be today, it may not be some time down the road. But if you don’t leave, you’re choosing to be murdered.
ABSOLUTELY YES, I had to sneak away from my abusive husband. I knew he would kill me while telling me it was my fault. You must choose you to live.
8/24 my husband broke numerous bones and injured organs - 22 days hospital, reparative surgery, $550K medical debt. No real consequences for him, and now Im homeless in a very different city. I want to ask strangers for financial help because I cannot seem to get help anywhere in this new city - primarily because of my service dog and knowing I must survive. Life is $20 between today and death living in a 23 year old car. 66, disabled from injuries and loosing hope. BUT IM AN HIGHLY EDUCATED WOMAN AND HAVE A HIGH IQ. yet, DV is the underbelly of this culture. God have mercy for me and my service dog!
@@nancybirsch4529sending you prayers for your well being and safety.
Sending you players too, you are so brave. Love and hugs to you and your loving dog❤
@@nancybirsch4529 I am going to be praying for you 🙏. I will light a candle 🕯️🙏💛💛💛💛. You're a real survivor. Hang in there! Stay safe.
I knew it was starting and I did nothing. The day after we were married, he became fierce, defiant, angry and emotionally abusive. He started cutting off my friends, my family was already not taking to me, but nothing to do with him. He targeted me because I was alone with a child. He began controlling the phone, I knew what he was doing but I ignored it. I was an RN, I didn’t know how to leave. I was only working part time, I had nowhere to go, no more friends, no family that cared. I was trapped. Then he began punching holes in walls, throwing furniture, blocking my leaving the house, takin my keys and throwing me around. Still I stayed, there was much more he tried to kill me three times, once when I was pregnant. I don’t know why, but he left, and then left the country. I never would allow anyone to control me again. I survived. I found out others were aware, people at work. After he left and I was devastated, not because he left but because now I thought I have nobody, not even an abuser. I began to have friends at work who cared and watched who were relived he left and told me so. I began to regain my confidence, my family began to see and decided to heal the,selves too and we all came together as a family because of this. It o
Is 30 years later,mi am still here.
She has a TED Talk called 'why doesn't she leave' and has written a book Crazy Love which are brilliant too.
Thank u sooo much for this... Much needed ❤❤❤🤗🙏
My story is near indetical to yours. Mine was a day and a half before the wedding for the first brutal beating. The abuse was right off the bat. Food in the face guns to the head, etc. Listening to my son scream "He's killing her! She can't breathe! He's killing her!!!" Broke me. I wasshown where I would be buried in the crawl space daily! I was officially kidnapped, beaten, tortured, etc for days (wasn't the first time thought either.). I was also pregnant. Even leaving I was stalked, run of roads, murder for hire plots. Multiple lifetime protective orders........ I was told by his own colleagues and his own family, he was going to kill me. He was a former K-9 deputy sheriff and Sergeant in the Army Rangers as well. He got away WITH SO SO MUCH! I was also raised by a very very decorated officer and knew better! I still fell prey to his predatory evil soul! He was given 28 yrs. He'll see the BOP THIS MAY 2024! After 5.5 yrs! Tell me how?! How does this happen?! When he kidnapped me the last time, the first words out of his mouth when multiple swat teams came to take him (even made big time news. Not the flex I ever wanted! Lol!) was "Well....guessing the baby died then?!"
Oh my gosh! You should write a book ! So glad you survived. Praying you thrive next! You are strong & beautiful & loved! Best to you from here on in. Love from Australia
so sorry
So good to read that you survived to share your story too. Hope you're still doing well.
Barely survived 12 years of this. 😢 3 years out.
You are amazing to share this story. Thank you for being genuine and a good model to many victims and survivors out there ❤😊
Thank you for sharing, I am also a victim of domestic abuse.
This is almost all entirely accurate to my story.
this is exactly my story too. how sad. meeting him 6 months after we married secretly and ignored all the red flags.
You are so incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing your story ❤
Fantastic video and presentation. You are so well spoken and beautiful. 😊
You have so much power, so much dept, so much compassion, so powerful ability to love, so much love to transmute into many! Please keep transmuting your love, your compassion to yourself and other members of the mother Earth. 💓🌍💖Very proud of you as a woman! Woman power! Love and 🫂 to you my dear sister ☀️💪🏻💗💓💝💖🤗💞
Mine did exactly the same thing, played victim. Put me on a pedestal.
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼😘❤️
My father was a wife beater; he was beating my Mom from the beginning. She was pregnant with me just a couple weeks after their marriage. He was already beating her before I was born. I hated his guts because of his abuse of our Mother. Amazingly, Mom got strong, she made a stand after going to counseling. I was 15 when he stopped beating her.
Hi me too I'm a domestic abuse survivor my mam was too she s passed on since 2017 it's always better to leave in my mam's time in Ireland it was very difficult to leave it was a bit easier for me although it's always difficult I had the issue with the miniskirt too god bless
The first time I was able to get the cops here. I had a bloody lip n red n starting to bruise bruises all over my neck, 6 cops came n they didn't believe me. He said I was an invalid n after I showed them 6x exactly what happened, the guy cop then said he was gonna pretend to be my SO n went to pretend push me. I started bawling n said no I don't want to press charges. They were all gone in 30 seconds. This happens. They were the only ones that didn't believe me....n I hate myself for that...
100 % AGREE ❤
Those men are Hollywood actors. Sweet at the beginning...
He was initially so kind to me. Told me he was a Christian. I thought I had lucked out. Unfortunately it didn't last. Im in a string of abusive relationships 💔. They always say that their Christian. Then they come after me when I try setting boundaries. Every night i go to bed i wonder if ill wake up again. Hes definitely driving a wedge between me and my loved ones. Its a pattern that I am trying to break. He is a manipulator.. I don't know what to do. All i can do is pray.
What an abuser recognises, within a matter of minutes of meeting someone is, whether or not a person is an enabler, rescuer, people pleaser. This man figured this out about her during their conversation on the train ride. He knew he could manipulate her and systematically distroy what little bit of self worth she had. This enabler/rescuer type of personality is created in childhood as a coping mechanism, a survival skill for children who grew up in an emotionally bankrupt home an later on in adulthood attracts abusers, narcissists, bullies. Simple, end of story. This is about empaths whose great gift of caring becomes twisted into a harmful way of navigating through life trying to get their needs met in an unheathy way. So many people think they grew up in these happy homes, but the truth comes out in adulthood when they end up choosing a really bad type of relationship.
You have just explained my entire life
The addiction of the empath to the narcissist.
This is the scariest thing I've ever watched
Me too!
Red flags:
-isolation
-difficult background
-fast moving relationship
--control issues
As you describe how it started it reminded me of when I met my ex
I can sum up the cause of denial in three words,: low self esteem .
If you like yourself you treat yourself worthy of real love and not putting up with any abuse
I was lucky. I was 16 years old dating an 18-year-old guy. My father saw my boyfriend punch his own car, leaving a dent in a passenger door because he was mad at me. My dad did not confront my boyfriend, but later told me very quietly, "A young man who will do that to his car will hit a woman." That's all it took for me. I broke up with the guy. I wish all women had dads like mine.
Excellent presentation! Thank you ❤
When I look back at my X and ALL the abuse I remember being so in love and flattered with all the attention. I feel like a fool for falling for it. I now have X Ray vision and see it coming a mile away. I always tell my kids, abuse does not start with punch.. it starts with manipulation leading to what looks like love but is a cover for the evil.
Demonic
Abusive partners know they are never going to stop abusing. It’s the victim who has to figure this out. I lived with a Jekyll and Hyde man. Took a few trips in an ambulance. I’ve had people say that I must like the abuse or I wouldn’t have stayed. People are stupid sometimes.
Strangers believed me, not family and friends 😢
I was beaten and strangled by my older partner when I was 17. he was seeking someone young and impressionable. he wasnt a psychopathic manipulator like this ladys abyser. more brute force. this is awful. eventually I was able to get away and he went to prison